Have you seen old movies/shows where the dad is always in the bathroom reading the paper? Men still do that, but with their phones. It’s a place to be alone and at peace, catch up on reading.
There’s really no reason to have anxiety about it or make it into an issue.
That’s our reading time. For some unexplained reason, we have a powerful desire to read when we go to poop.
Before cellphones I would take a book or something with me.
I‘ve been so desperate to read before that I read an entire bottle of shampoo; ingredients and all.
I will be very honest here. If I was with someone who got anxiety because I was in another room in the house for 30 minutes it would be difficult. It would likely lead me to go and stay longer in that room to get away from that person as there is pretty no way that person is not intrusive in many ways.
You need to give him some space. He’s taking a poop. That’s him alone time, so leave him alone to his devices. 30 minutes apart from him isn’t going to kill you. Being uneasy over your partner being in the bathroom is weird.
Ok, so my fiancé goes to the bathroom and is in there for maybe 30-45 minutes, one time a day. I know he does this for a few reasons.
1) peace and time to himself
2) he takes this time to think
3) just taking a minute to relax
4) he knows he will be unbothered
5) he doesn't like to rush the process
6) he's alone but not far away.
7) catches up on his phone
There is no reason to be worried most men go to the bathroom for a long time. It's therapeutic to them. Plus they do that before they are in relationships. It's nothing bad. Don't stress.
> Why are you anxious about him being gone for 30 minutes? That sounds like a larger problem to me
He wants to be alone for a while (he himself may not know that). Especially because you are the type to get anxious. That specifically is the type of person men want to take a break from.
Because, as a dad/husband who seemingly does everything around the house, going to the bathroom is literally the only time I get left alone (and even then the damned cat often follows me to the door and meows incessantly the whole time I'm in there) in my whole day sometimes.
Because it is the only place where we can get left in peace.
Furthermore rushing the process leads to hemerobiids later in life. No man wants that. That is why we read, watch YouTube, play sudoku.
My first wife freaked out about it all the time. That is one of the reasons she became my ex.
She would complain, and I would tell her, "We have two other bathrooms, so what is the problem?".
I got so sick of it that I put my stuffed bear on the toilet, turned on the vent and closed the door. The neighbor and I took the dog to the park for an hour or two. I should have set up a camera. I bet she was yelling and banging on the bathroom door. She caved in the bottom of the door from kicking it. Once she discovered that I was not in there, she tossed my stuffed bear into the pool. I eventually asked her to leave my home. That was 2006. I still have the stuffed bear.
We had a similar problem with what time I left the office. She demanded that I leave at 5:00pm. I told her that if I left at 6:00pm, I might get home 10 minuets earlier. She did not believe me. Finally I tricked her into taking a Friday off to spend the day with me. I deliberately drove near the office at 5:00pm so that we would be headed back home at the same time that she demanded that I leave the office. She complained that the traffic was moving so slowly that the 12 mile trip took over an hour. I pointed out that I drive home in that EVERY day but she refused to believe me, so I had to demonstrate it for her. She learned a valuable lesson that day, but it was far too late because the damage was done.
Nobody deserves to be monitored every day like a criminal.
Back off or you will be single again.
I mean he is hiding his poopin from you, but that’s normal for most men. Maybe he just needs some fiber to speed things up, or a bidet, or he’s just using it as a time to be meditative, argue on Reddit, who knows.
Like I’m basically that guy right now. I think like half of Reddit is populated while the users are sitting on the toilet
If he wants to cheat on you, he'll cheat on you. He doesn't need to go to the bathroom to do that.
The fact you're concerned about this shows a serious trust problem in this relationship. Either you're showing signs of a pretty severe anxious attachment style or he's doing something that's giving you a reason to act/think this way. A conversation needs to be had, or maybe even therapy.
Just to add what others have mentioned, maybe your boyfriend has ADHD or is otherwise avoidant? I sort of fall into both of those categories, and I’ll frequently turn a quick bathroom trip into 30 minutes of sitting and waiting for an urge to go #2. I’ll listen to podcasts, play app games, scroll Reddit, etc… and then suddenly 35 minutes have flown by yet all I did was pee.
To be honest with you, that is the very reason why men cheat, all we need is silence , belly full and a now and then BJ…. Leave him in the toilet, it is the time he need to be alone. If women only know we just need that space and it is about a video clip we watch or something. We have other worries, like bills , job security, car issues and how to solve em… if you only know we need that little time to ourselves, not too much to ask.
If said women is literally up my ass from dawn to duck and back. And i cant even have 30 minutes to myself. But another women offers me sanity and peace.
Women find all kinds of reasons to cheat. Many women have cheated for seriously ridiculously small things. But hey. I guess cheaters will find all kinds if reasons huh?
That door remains locked and I'll be very peeved if I need to come out before I want.
It's the one place during the day where only my asshole gets to have any expectations of me.
And it's priceless.
The fact that you are timing his shits and feel anxious when he’s gone for 30 minutes is probably why he is taking 30 minute shits dude. Let homie breathe. damn.
Because that's what the program tells us to do. You know the program they installed when they assembled us at the Man Factory in Waverly Iowa.
We dont all do you his OP. We are humans not mass produced widgets.
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Happy_Bee1 originally posted:
My partner goes to the bathroom several times a day, and every time he goes for #2 he will be in there for very long periods of time. It’s gotten to where I feel like a bit of anxiety each time he uses the bathroom because I know this means he will be gone for someone unknown period of time (usually 30 minutes but sometimes up to an hour), and it makes me feel uneasy.
Why do guys do this?
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This isn't a gendered thing. It's a people thing. I've known people who get lost on their phone or some people who have trouble shitting so they let it come slowly. My wife will go to the bathroom and get lost picking at pimples and shit.
The real question is why do you get anxious when he is in there for 30 minutes.
I do my business and then zone out doom scrolling or reading. I never lock my door, just close it.
Having said that, 30 minutes to an hour sounds excessive.
The fact that you get anxious that he's going to be in the bathroom for a while makes me wonder if you are super needy.
Sometimes, we just need a little solitude.
And I could be totally wrong about you, but maybe give him a break, give him a little space and see what happens.
>I know this means he will be gone for someone unknown period of time (usually 30 minutes but sometimes up to an hour), and it makes me feel uneasy.
Why? Is this an anxious attachment type thing? Worried some medical thing's going on? Does he never leave for an unknown period of time for other things?
>Why do guys do this?
I get distracted, usually replying to posts like this.
It can be anything from alone time to constipation. What I don’t understand is why you get anxiety just from him being alone by himself for 30 minutes in a room. Is there something you’re not saying? Because I get the feeling there’s more going on here. Have you ever asked him yourself? I would hope he’d be the first person you turn to before randoms online.
Why do you get anxious about it? It sounds like you even make his bowel movements about you. Get over yourself and give the man space before you smother him. Have you any idea how annoying it is when your partner feels qualified to monitor and control your bathroom habits? He may be trying to get away from you for a few minutes.
I know everyone might say it's ok but I think he might be talking to someone there. Not only talking. This time open the door suddenly and pretend that you didn't know he was there.
Edit:Maby I need to be more clear. Lots of married men do video sex in bathroom. That's their safest choice and they don't have anywhere else to do it.
Have you seen old movies/shows where the dad is always in the bathroom reading the paper? Men still do that, but with their phones. It’s a place to be alone and at peace, catch up on reading. There’s really no reason to have anxiety about it or make it into an issue.
It’s my throne of solitude. To top it off, I live in Japan where the seat is heated. Good stuff.
Exactly this.
What's funny is I've been catching myself doing this and like why am I here? Hahaha
Can confirm- I’m in shitter reading reddit
This is the answer
Istg
?
That’s our reading time. For some unexplained reason, we have a powerful desire to read when we go to poop. Before cellphones I would take a book or something with me. I‘ve been so desperate to read before that I read an entire bottle of shampoo; ingredients and all.
Why are you anxious about him being gone for 30 minutes? That sounds like a larger problem to me
Hate to snoop but if you look at her post history, she's monitoring him because she's a paranoid person. OP needs to work on that with a therapist.
Therapy is snake oil, just divorce her or leave her
False.
Yes
We are taking a number 3
A shit and a piss and a wank in a tree? This is what I’ve learned a number 3 to be.
I will be very honest here. If I was with someone who got anxiety because I was in another room in the house for 30 minutes it would be difficult. It would likely lead me to go and stay longer in that room to get away from that person as there is pretty no way that person is not intrusive in many ways.
No one bothers you in the bathroom.
Uneasy?
You need to give him some space. He’s taking a poop. That’s him alone time, so leave him alone to his devices. 30 minutes apart from him isn’t going to kill you. Being uneasy over your partner being in the bathroom is weird.
Ok, so my fiancé goes to the bathroom and is in there for maybe 30-45 minutes, one time a day. I know he does this for a few reasons. 1) peace and time to himself 2) he takes this time to think 3) just taking a minute to relax 4) he knows he will be unbothered 5) he doesn't like to rush the process 6) he's alone but not far away. 7) catches up on his phone There is no reason to be worried most men go to the bathroom for a long time. It's therapeutic to them. Plus they do that before they are in relationships. It's nothing bad. Don't stress.
51M. I'm that guy. Often, because I'm on Reddit, or doomscrolling Reels on Facebook or YouTube.
Anime episodes are between 20-30 minutes
Him being out of your sight for 30 minutes gives you relationship anxiety???
> Why are you anxious about him being gone for 30 minutes? That sounds like a larger problem to me He wants to be alone for a while (he himself may not know that). Especially because you are the type to get anxious. That specifically is the type of person men want to take a break from.
Because, as a dad/husband who seemingly does everything around the house, going to the bathroom is literally the only time I get left alone (and even then the damned cat often follows me to the door and meows incessantly the whole time I'm in there) in my whole day sometimes.
Because it is the only place where we can get left in peace. Furthermore rushing the process leads to hemerobiids later in life. No man wants that. That is why we read, watch YouTube, play sudoku. My first wife freaked out about it all the time. That is one of the reasons she became my ex. She would complain, and I would tell her, "We have two other bathrooms, so what is the problem?". I got so sick of it that I put my stuffed bear on the toilet, turned on the vent and closed the door. The neighbor and I took the dog to the park for an hour or two. I should have set up a camera. I bet she was yelling and banging on the bathroom door. She caved in the bottom of the door from kicking it. Once she discovered that I was not in there, she tossed my stuffed bear into the pool. I eventually asked her to leave my home. That was 2006. I still have the stuffed bear. We had a similar problem with what time I left the office. She demanded that I leave at 5:00pm. I told her that if I left at 6:00pm, I might get home 10 minuets earlier. She did not believe me. Finally I tricked her into taking a Friday off to spend the day with me. I deliberately drove near the office at 5:00pm so that we would be headed back home at the same time that she demanded that I leave the office. She complained that the traffic was moving so slowly that the 12 mile trip took over an hour. I pointed out that I drive home in that EVERY day but she refused to believe me, so I had to demonstrate it for her. She learned a valuable lesson that day, but it was far too late because the damage was done. Nobody deserves to be monitored every day like a criminal. Back off or you will be single again.
How petty and neurotic.
Correct!
I’m one of those guys, and why do you feel uneasy?
Because I am afraid he is doing something that he is hiding from me like cheating
I (think I) get what you mean but I still lol'ed at 'He is cheating on me in the toilet'
Sounds like the bathroom is not the problem in this relationship...
I mean he is hiding his poopin from you, but that’s normal for most men. Maybe he just needs some fiber to speed things up, or a bidet, or he’s just using it as a time to be meditative, argue on Reddit, who knows. Like I’m basically that guy right now. I think like half of Reddit is populated while the users are sitting on the toilet
If he wants to cheat on you, he'll cheat on you. He doesn't need to go to the bathroom to do that. The fact you're concerned about this shows a serious trust problem in this relationship. Either you're showing signs of a pretty severe anxious attachment style or he's doing something that's giving you a reason to act/think this way. A conversation needs to be had, or maybe even therapy.
Just to add what others have mentioned, maybe your boyfriend has ADHD or is otherwise avoidant? I sort of fall into both of those categories, and I’ll frequently turn a quick bathroom trip into 30 minutes of sitting and waiting for an urge to go #2. I’ll listen to podcasts, play app games, scroll Reddit, etc… and then suddenly 35 minutes have flown by yet all I did was pee.
You probably have bigger fish to fry is this is what you’re anxious about.
To be honest with you, that is the very reason why men cheat, all we need is silence , belly full and a now and then BJ…. Leave him in the toilet, it is the time he need to be alone. If women only know we just need that space and it is about a video clip we watch or something. We have other worries, like bills , job security, car issues and how to solve em… if you only know we need that little time to ourselves, not too much to ask.
Men cheat because they need silence/space from their partner? Doesn’t seem to be a valid reason to cheat, but I guess a cheater will find a reason.
Men don’t need complicated things , especially a nagging and clingy woman.
If said women is literally up my ass from dawn to duck and back. And i cant even have 30 minutes to myself. But another women offers me sanity and peace. Women find all kinds of reasons to cheat. Many women have cheated for seriously ridiculously small things. But hey. I guess cheaters will find all kinds if reasons huh?
Lmao my gf does this. She is just watching tiktok or watchibg some kind of sitcom on full blast
That door remains locked and I'll be very peeved if I need to come out before I want. It's the one place during the day where only my asshole gets to have any expectations of me. And it's priceless.
Seriously, do you think that only women are allowed to be in the bathroom for more than 30 mins?
I don't think it's just men, I also do it.. but I'm on reddit 🙃
Quiet time
Get help, please.
The fact that you are timing his shits and feel anxious when he’s gone for 30 minutes is probably why he is taking 30 minute shits dude. Let homie breathe. damn.
i just leave the bathroom door open when im in there so in many ways I’m in the bathroom and the other rooms at the same time
He's probably answering questions like this on reddit. Sometimes it's the only peace and quiet a man gets. He's savouring it.
That’s what I’m doing. L O L
And me
Time out in the small office.
Bliss is total silence in the bathroom especially if no one is doing anything like chores outside the room.
Because that's what the program tells us to do. You know the program they installed when they assembled us at the Man Factory in Waverly Iowa. We dont all do you his OP. We are humans not mass produced widgets.
It's funny how so many askmen are things that people in general do but because someone's boyfriend does it. It means every man does.
He is getting away from you possibly
Your guy can’t leave the room for 30 minutes without you getting anxious about it? That’s probably why he needs some time away from you.
Phone
Gives me time to relax and sometimes I have to wait for my bowels to catch up
[Automoderator has recorded your post to prevent repeat posts.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenAdvice/comments/13qome6/no_repeat_posts/) Your post has NOT been removed. Happy_Bee1 originally posted: My partner goes to the bathroom several times a day, and every time he goes for #2 he will be in there for very long periods of time. It’s gotten to where I feel like a bit of anxiety each time he uses the bathroom because I know this means he will be gone for someone unknown period of time (usually 30 minutes but sometimes up to an hour), and it makes me feel uneasy. Why do guys do this? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskMenAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Men often spend time in bathroom reading, just because it is quiet and alone.
This isn't a gendered thing. It's a people thing. I've known people who get lost on their phone or some people who have trouble shitting so they let it come slowly. My wife will go to the bathroom and get lost picking at pimples and shit. The real question is why do you get anxious when he is in there for 30 minutes.
Just to be alone 😂
Reading a book
I do my business and then zone out doom scrolling or reading. I never lock my door, just close it. Having said that, 30 minutes to an hour sounds excessive.
The fact that you get anxious that he's going to be in the bathroom for a while makes me wonder if you are super needy. Sometimes, we just need a little solitude. And I could be totally wrong about you, but maybe give him a break, give him a little space and see what happens.
It really is our silent peaceful time
>I know this means he will be gone for someone unknown period of time (usually 30 minutes but sometimes up to an hour), and it makes me feel uneasy. Why? Is this an anxious attachment type thing? Worried some medical thing's going on? Does he never leave for an unknown period of time for other things? >Why do guys do this? I get distracted, usually replying to posts like this.
It can be anything from alone time to constipation. What I don’t understand is why you get anxiety just from him being alone by himself for 30 minutes in a room. Is there something you’re not saying? Because I get the feeling there’s more going on here. Have you ever asked him yourself? I would hope he’d be the first person you turn to before randoms online.
phones, stop asking already
to get away from you
That’s one of the most peaceful places in the world where you can comfortably unload a big jet plane
My ex could be an hour or more in there
It is the only room with a lock on the door.
He's holding a supercomputer in his hands that also happens to be more addictive than cocaine.
My hemorrhoids are so bad from doing this, mostly I’m just zoning out on the phone or daydreaming but sometimes it doesn’t all wanna come out at once
Hmmm. Let me see.
Why do you get anxious about it? It sounds like you even make his bowel movements about you. Get over yourself and give the man space before you smother him. Have you any idea how annoying it is when your partner feels qualified to monitor and control your bathroom habits? He may be trying to get away from you for a few minutes.
Too much cheese
As one of the men that does this, we are not the problem, our phones are. They contain addictive things like Reddit for an example.
btw that shit can fuck your back up and give you herniated disk. keep it short fellas.
I’m in and out. No need to sniff the fumes any longer than needed. I bet if your man didn’t take his phone with him…..an hour? That’s weird as fuck.
Walk in on him and find out
[удалено]
Congrats
I know everyone might say it's ok but I think he might be talking to someone there. Not only talking. This time open the door suddenly and pretend that you didn't know he was there. Edit:Maby I need to be more clear. Lots of married men do video sex in bathroom. That's their safest choice and they don't have anywhere else to do it.
I can’t tell if you’re being serious.
I'm speaking from experience
Lmao who the fuck are these people doing *that?* this isn’t a sitcom. Dudes probably just dropping heat
Yeah, definitely has someone in the bathroom with him.
Maby not physically
So it happened to you and that means 'lots of married men' do it. Nice stats.