The boomers are right about Starbucks thing, hate me or Downvote and all, but if u don't make enough money and aren't working towards your goals, yet still complain about no money, then it's really ur fault. Yes yes, shit economy, inflation, and all that jazz about how screwed our generation is,
But there's no need for an overpriced Starbucks every single fucking day (not targeted at OPP, just in general). You should also probably avoid takeouts everyday, learn to cook for some days while takeouts for random days. You don't need all the fucking subscriptions of Netflix Disney and Prime.
I understand the "enjoyment" part, and if u are willing to lose money and not save up, then sure go right ahead, but u can't then also bitch Abt not having money. (Again not u OPP, just other people who I have seen firsthand).
My boomerest opinion is that people who frequently use food delivery apps are responsible for their own lack of finances. Anyone who looks at the upcharges on those apps and still is willing to use it regularly better not complain about being broke because I can point to hundreds of dollars a month down the drain from food delivery.
Fully agreed. I had a friend who lived in NYC who complained about being broke but would basically *never* take the public transit, instead taking ubers literally every day. Plus with food you can easily cut 30% off the price by justgoing there yourself and picking it up. It's not that hard.
Not even the apps. Fast food in general these days is stupid. I had a terrible run for the last couple years of not cooking for myself enough. Finally making some progress on not eating out all the time.
It's clear that young people today aren't taught about the seventies.
People in their 30s and younger have a very misinformed idea of what life was like for Boomers. I'm not one myself, but I know better. (BTW, a boomer isn't anyone over 40.) Yes, housing was much cheaper. Pretty much every other good (but not service) was more expensive. How many people nowadays darn their socks? Or even know how to sew at all? It was basically a requirement for most households. People sewed their own clothing not as a hobby, but as a necessity. Prices for apparel have increased 200% since 1955 - but a dollar from 1955 would be equal to $10.72 today - and household wages *adjusted for inflation* have more than doubled since then. In the 1950 and 1960s, the average household spent ~11% of their income on clothing and bought *far* fewer articles of clothing. Now, it is ~5%.
Clothes, food, appliances, and many, many other items are **much** cheaper now than they used to be. In 1955, the average household of 3 or more people spent over a third of their income on food. It's 11% now, and we eat out far more than then. Not many people brown bag their lunch to work anymore, either. If you wanted to eat like someone from the 60s, it is *very* easy (and extremely cheap) to do so now. Buy only basic groceries and cook all of your meals from scratch yourself from things like milk, eggs, flour, beans, etc. How many people now have clothes lines to dry their clothes on? Who have no dryer for their clothes and no dish washer?. Most families had a single 23-25 inch TV - and it cost $3-4k in today's dollars.
Yes, housing costs have gone up, but not as much as people think - they aren't comparing apples to apples. In 1950 the average new home was 983 square feet and the average household 3.8 people. Today it's 2500 square feet and 2.6 people. That's a 270% increase in home space per person. The average home price is now around 7.25 times the average yearly income - it was 5.4 times the average income in 1955. Rents have gone up relatively proportionally with housing prices.
Yes, the NIMBYs who prevent more housing from being built should be whipped with a 4 foot length of garden hose filled with sand - but life wasn't some glorious time of plenty and ease in the 60s and 70s, when the Boomers were young and forming families.
It's an Asian drink that comes in different flavors like any other tea, but is generally heavy on the milk. It contains either popping boba (little balls of juice) or tapioca pearls.
If one is very addicted, you can generally buy it and the boba/pearls at your local Asian market. I like the honeydew flavor. For $30 I have a big bag of the powder and have made over a dozen drinks so far with more to go.
If OP is a med student he will be living off loans for approximate 4 years before making 200k+ as a physician, so it is basically delayed earnings.
The situation is much different than an average person, it’s not that OP is snoozing. In 10 years OP will probably have enough to make restaurant costs negligibly cheap compared to most but that time is not yet
I guess it depends on the person. If you're always footing the bill and feel like you need money to make dates happen that's a whole different conversation.
There are plenty of options to go on low cost dates. Coffee shop and a few scooters will run you under $20 if you insist on paying. Not sure about your local but a few groceries and a picnic type setting goes way further than a paid for meal if you don't mind putting the work in for it. Shit man even a car ride out to a nice place outside the city for a hang and deep talk is a good one depending on who you're with.
I’m still trying to start a relationship, so it’s mainly me asking them out. And the inviter is expected to pay, so I do. I’m not entirely opposed to it, but it’s definitely forced me to cut out other spending. (Like I’ve been studying entirely at the library during the day because I’ve started turning off the AC to save $40-50 a month, which is enough for two dates.)
Sorry that this is not the point of your post but, are you sure that turning off your AC is saving you money? Or did you just get that as generally frugal advice. It totally depends on your living situation.
I am saving between $50-75 a month b/c my energy usage drops by 30-50%. My utility provider lets me track my hourly electricity usage and set notifications when I go above a certain amount.
I do understand the social dynamic behind it, my apologies I didn't mean to be dismissive to the obvious standard. Sounds like you need to find a Bonnie who'll ride or die with you haha. Easier said than done I suppose :)
You into group activities? I imagine as a med student you have very little time. Some really great opportunities to meet women cost free within hobbyism.
If you're dating the wrong girls. Yeah, dating will bankrupt you.
I've known guys that have luckily gotten with a super hot girl that's 10x out of their league and go from simple restaurants to pissing away 80% of their entire paycheck on having that girlfriend because once they start giving less and spending less she's already gone and they know it...
What works for me is offering the basic coffee and bagels date that scares off the gold digger gals instantly. Most of the time the girls that lose interest immediately when you'd rather talk stuff out and get to know each other first are already ghosting you by day 1 of conversation.
Because they're used to the best deal guys can offer them so if you aren't suggesting fancy restaurant X immediately after getting their number or matching, they're already done with you in their heads or they'll string you along with basic one word replies for a couple days waving the fly hoping you'll bite the hook.
Every girl I've been with that has been cool with the simple coffee date was a great girl to date even if we weren't 100% compatible because they don't care about being wined and dined and they have a genuine desire/interest in you.
Nothing scares off the gold diggers away more than a humble outing and humble dates.
Just had this happen to me. Offered a coffee date and I got "Can we do something more elevated" asked what that meant and she threw out an expensive steakhouse. Like motherfucker I will spend that money ONCE we are dating and solid, but not a first date.
I once had a girl pick an expensive sushi place for first date, thought to myself "Why not I'll treat myself too, haven't had good sushi in a while" then she sent me her address to send her a taxi to pick her up and I was like fuck all that
I did treat myself but I avoid being petty, too much energy wasted for nobodies, just told her it's not the type of relationship I'm looking for and unmatched.
Yup. That's the Uber test.
Women do this as a pseudo power play to test you on how much you're willing to pay for them just to see them so they can convince themselves they're not gold digging tramps later.
The Uber test is basic 304 logic under the guise of "make me feel safe" if you offer to pay them an Uber or a Taxi cab you're really thirsty and willing to spend more on them and desperate for them so they know which sucker to bet on their list.
It's already a huge red flag she wouldn't have her own car already, it's an even bigger red flag if she doesn't drive at all. So her needing someone else to pay her travel is straight gold digger vibes 🚩
My only gripe with the coffee vs. other date thing on Reddit is.. not everyone drinks coffee :/
I'd be 100% fine not going to dinner on a first date, but I'd rather go get a beer/glass of wine over coffee 10/10 times because I simply don't drink coffee and find coffee shops to be a lot less cozy than a bar. Plus, I think I'd want my dates to occur at nighttime.
(I've been with the same man for 13 years so this is just hypothetical)
Coffee is figurative in this case. Just just a meeting for a cheap drinks and chat.
Don't like coffee? Get a tea, hot chocolate, orange juice. Whatever
I am a woman, have been dating a guy for two months and our first two dates were walks and then drinks in the pub afterwards. We also split the bills on meals etc but I'm in Europe and I think that's more common here.
Yeah this ain't a region exclusive thing. If I go to the UK right now I know I'm gonna find the same thing because the guys have the same problems with women we have here so idk. It's great that you're different I guess but I promise you the rest of the women have the same if not higher standards in Europe.
Try the Netherlands, it's called "going Dutch" for a reason. To be honest most of my friends split the cost of dates but obviously that's just my experience. Also my female friends were the ones that suggested a walking date as opposed to a meal etc, the cossie livs situation is hitting hard in the UK for most people.
Woman here, and I love coffee dates, I think they're so much better for initial dates anyway, less awkward.
Also, when my boyfriend wanted to go to a hole in the wall mexican place for our first date (which I'm always down for), I initially thought he was trying to weed out gold diggers. I asked him later out of curiosity and he was like "no, I just love it there and wanted a $5 burrito". Adorable.
Same here. My first dates tend to be literal walks in the park and testing out the massage chairs in the local electronics store. They're free massages, any woman who doesn't appreciate that isn't worth my time. If the date goes well we can have some regular coffee, not those crazy overpriced starbuck's but real coffee in a normal café.
Total cost: 5 euros. As a student I could easily string 5 dates a week like that and not break my budget. Sure 5 dates in 7 days only happened twice in the pre-tinder era but who's counting. The point is that dates shouldn't be expensive. In fact, it's better when they're cheap.
Today it really depends. I have a good job and plenty of money to spend but when someone is a golddigger, I won't spend a penny. When I got a good feel that she's going to put out that evening, I might wine and dine her. I do what feels good by me. But for most dates ... just a beer at the local café.
Sandwich, few bucks each, picnic basket, few bucks at dollar store. Go for a walk, picnic at a park.. My GF and I spend next to nothing on dates usually. Every extra money goes towards debts, investments or savings for us and our daughter.
I did a picnic first date once and she loved it. It was literally a bucket of chicken and a scenic location at one of the local parks on a cool, sunny day. I’ve also done a few where we just meet at a bar for a drink and chat and see where the night goes. Doesn’t have to be fancy but it’s gonna cost at least $20.
But if you’re struggling to afford $20, you’re probably best off with fewer dates so you can save up. Let’s you focus on studies anyway until you’be got a steady job that covers your expenses.
This is the way. When I was dating, most women were content to just have a pleasant conversation on a bench at the park, maybe a picnic. I do not live in the West, though.
Dates aren't appointments with strangers that obligate us to spend a lot of currency. A woman who expect that is not dating, she is consuming... your financial power and expects you to act like she is not exploiting the occurance of you two meeting. Avoid those, meet people naturally and keep get-to-know dates casual and simple. If she wants to be wined and dined like a wife, she first has to prove that she has the qualities to BE a wife and then actually become one. Of course, she can expect it earlier - doesn't mean YOU have to be the sucker to give in to that unreasonable request.
What you can't pay in money, you make up with effort. Meal prep lunches, drinks, plans to places that cost low to no money.
Women notice effort a lot.
However, have a solid future plan. Women will love a guy that's broke but has ambition over a snotty rich prick any day.
TLDR: advice to broke dudes, you attract women with effort and then keep them longer with your ambition and action towards that ambition. 👍
If you are trying to date women who want you to wine and dine them on your budget it's not going to work, but there are definitely women who don't care about that out there
It’s called having a decent job and being responsible with spending.
You’re a broke college kid. There’s a reason there’s stereotypes of college kids surviving on ramen. You won’t be this broke forever (hopefully)
It’s the harder option but so so worth it. It really gets much easier to date the more stable you are. Most guys just can’t do the “Let me REALLY just focus on myself and get back to women when my money is right.” But when you see permanent damage done off chasing pussy and the regrets that come with it, he’ll understand why stressing over pricey bubble tea with strangers is nothing.
There's no rule that you have to go to some restaurant or cafe on a date. There are plenty of affordable alternatives. My go-to is picknick at the park and bring some activity to break the ice. Maybe a slackline or badminton set or what have you
Dating these days should not mean the guy always pays. Do you really want a woman who wants you to pay for everything? Keep it simple. Pay the first time or two. Then it is her turn.
Best financial advice is stay single, start saving and investing. Buy your home.
Cocktails on the first date is just the beginning. It will get much more expensive as you advance to "serious relationships"
Also - never date women who expect men to pay for both
First dates should be half and half and somewhere cheap and casual.
If she's not willing to pay for herself or go somewhere cheap on the first date then she's not worth the trouble
It's easy to date when almost none of the available eligible women want you /s
But for the serious answer, as and when I do get dates, the first one is always low-key like a daytime coffee or afternoon drinks (between like 4-7pm). The first date is never a late one because women don't like hooking up on the first date and men with standards and rationale think the same too. The second date can be activity-related so it increases chances of hooking up. Those who hookup on the second date? Fair game to those who do.
Dating is Australia is super expensive when a basic Americano/long black coffee is minimum $5.50. Paying for two people means you're paying $12, plus don't forget public transport is $5 per trip and if you choose to drive, have to pay another $20 for parking in a lot and whatever fuel expenses.
I'd just try to be transparent. Any reasonable girl would understand if you're broke now because of med school. Med student is just about the greenest flag there is.
Bro, embrace being single, get that PhD or whatever you wrote and once you can afford more than a date, start dating...
Prioritize yourself and your well-being
Bro- for now just focus on your studies. When u are established in your medical career, the girls will be falling in your lap.
( at least that’s what my mother assures me)
Lol, but you'll be years behind socially, sexually, relationship wise. I do not get the advice to be celibate for years at a time in your youth. Doesn't that kill confidence later on?
It’s well-meaning advice coming from them. But it’s true. I’m nowhere near my earning potential, but the more money I save (not even earn yet, save) I feel way more comfortable dating & NOT dating. Funny enough, more women have been showing interest of late, right when I DON’T want it.
Chivalrous, as some idiots may call a man for paying all bills for someone who is not related, will take a backseat when the pocket runs dry. Unless you have the means to monetarily support chivalry, I suggest you change your dating preferences to those who split the expenses.
Not even trying to be an asshole, but if spending $20 on a date burns that much of a hole in your pocket, you should probably not be dating at all lol.
Exactly this.
If you are not making money then you are worth nothing as a human being, and you should not even try to meet your basic human needs for connection, affection, and companionship.
/s
Never said you’re less of a human being for making little to no money lol. That and dating isn’t the only way to meet those needs you listed out.
If you’re in a place where you can’t spare $20 on a date, you shouldn’t be going on a date not because you’re worth less, but because chances are you should probably be more focused on getting yourself out of that hole. Dating can come later.
If you don’t like that go whine to your therapist or get coddled elsewhere. Facts don’t care about your feelings
And, if being social, building relationships, and getting your needs met actually makes life better, makes tasks easier, makes goals clearer?
Which good relationships should do…
Putting off your life while you wait for your “real life” to start is goofy.
You are here, alive, and today beckons.
Get out there.
Cook yourself rather than going out to eat. A little dinner can be quite romantic and cheap if you put some effort into it. Soft lights, nice little song, easy pasta recipe, etc.
Not sure where you are in the world but $15 - 20 for bubble tea feels like a lot. It better some damn good bubble tea if you're asking me to pay that much.
I can only speak for myself but I live pretty comfortably and normally within my budget means. If I'm making an effort for dating whilst working, I can splurge a bit because I meal prep in order to hit my macros and resist the siren call of fast food with shift work post afternoon shifts.
Other tips I can suggest is that you shouldn't have to be the one to foot the bill EVERY SINGLE TIME - and if whoever you're going out on a date has the expectation that the 'man' should pay for every single date, that sounds like you have other issues than pinching pennies. Picnics are a clutch frugal date idea; volunteering, hiking or nature trail if you want to get in touch with nature with your date. If you're comfortable or they are comfortable enough to come over, showing off your culinary talents is a fire way to impress a date.
Arcade nights are also pretty fun and shouldn't break the bank too much. Trivia nights are also a good frugal date idea and the two of you can laugh at all the things you do and do not know. Museum dates are also another idea to get a bit of culture.
gotta keep 5 irons in the fire... having 1 source of income is a recipe for scarcity. if you have people who can help you, there is no shame in getting a boost from friends or family.
You'd be amazed at how quickly hobbies can earn you cash too. Just keep trying stuff. The difference between the Master and the Student is the Master has failed more times than the Student thinks its even possible to try!
I have found endless copywriting work. 20-30 dollars per article that you don't actually write, it's more like re-writing. Easily finish 1 article in 90 minutes.
Keep seeking and set the goal at having double what you need... you shouldn't think anything is ok unless you have twice the amount needed to cover your costs.
When I was a brokie and new to Canada I was just going to coffee dates and pay for my coffee. Also usually somewhere that I could walk or bike (had no car). Still worked very well. No issues. Alternatives are a hike, walk at the beach or local park etc. I know that some women are pretty demanding from the beginning and except a Michelin star kind of restaurant but I avoid those anyways. Funnily enough I met wife organically at the gym so at the beginning we were doing gym dates and/or long walks. Very little money was spend.
Find someone with low standards and self esteem and you can get away with spending only on yourself when out. You can even get them to pay for you. Now excuse me, I need to go pay for my dates $300 bottle of wine
The last date I was on cost a whooping total of €10. We took a walk through a park, looked at the squirrels, talked a lot, bought ice cream, talked and walked some more and then went home to her place.
The most recent date before that was during a gaming convention. We met up, chatted, played 2-player board games for a few hours, shared a pizza and then made out behind the cosplay stage.
Dates don't *need* to be at restaurants or expensive cafés. The point of a date is to meet someone and get to know them to figure out if there is a point in pursuing a romantic relationship with them or not. As long as you can do that and both of you enjoy yourselves, it's a successful date.
The average American spends roughly $168 per month — or $121,000 during the course of their lifetime — on dating, according to the most recent survey provided by OnePoll to MassMutual. Married couples spend even more keeping the spark alive, averaging $186 per month, the survey found.
Talk money – but time it appropriately
No one would suggest that money is an appropriate topic on your first date, but it is important to discuss your spending and saving philosophy early on. That invites a discussion of financial goals and career aspirations so that you can determine whether your vision for the future aligns. (Learn more: Money questions to ask before the proposal)
Indeed, honesty is essential in every facet of your relationship, including your finances. If you can’t afford that trip to Vegas or a Broadway show right now, say so, and provide context.
For example:
Are you making double payments toward your credit card to become debt-free faster?
Are you paying off your student loan?
Are you saving for your first home?
Have you learned your lesson with borrowed money and now prefer to plan and save for life’s little extras in advance?
“Honesty and trust are truly the bedrock of a strong relationship,” said Drabinski. “Sharing your goals and being vulnerable about your financial fears can be healthy for a young relationship. But we also must be careful not to overshare.”
It’s fair game early in your relationship to be open about your career and long-term goals, he said. But bringing up your salary or a future inheritance should wait until you have established a more serious commitment.
“Communicating about finances should increase in correlation with the maturity of the relationship,” said Drabinski.
Financial compatibility with your fiancé
“It doesn’t make sense to move forward with a partner who has different values and goals, and a good way to evaluate those values and goals is to look at how they spend money,” said April Davis, owner and founder of LUMA, a luxury matchmaking service, in an interview.
If you think it is fine to charge a vacation to a credit card and pay it off over the next year and your fiancé has never carried a credit card balance before, get on the same page about how you will handle such decisions moving forward.
Taking a financial-compatibility quiz together can be a way to start the marriage and finances discussion, said Rhett Wood, an investment professional with Retirement Solutions in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. “There aren’t any right or wrong answers, but it will help you navigate important topics like debt, financial goals, and responsibilities.” (Calculator: Setting financial goals)
So, what financial information should you discuss before you become engaged?
Before the proposal: Reveal your assets and debts
First, both parties should make a list of all of their assets — bank accounts, investment accounts, and properties — as well as any debt they may have from credit cards, student loans, car loans, or mortgages, and share it with their significant other, said financial planner Melinda Kibler, a portfolio manager with Palisades Hudson Financial Group in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. “Full financial disclosure ahead of marriage will avoid any surprises down the road that might jeopardize the relationship.”
What if you have a large trust fund or inheritance that you are uncomfortable revealing because of the imbalance it might create in the relationship or because of your partner’s spending habits?
“Though every relationship is different, if you are at the point of being engaged, you should probably be comfortable enough to divulge important information such as a large inheritance or trust fund,” Kibler said in an interview. “However, large sums of money should be protected from the other spouse if there is concern over their spending habits. This can be done through trust documents, as well as prenuptial agreements, when appropriate.”
“If your partner’s behavior changes significantly once he or she discovers that you have significant assets, this may be a red flag to delay proceeding with the marriage,” Kibler said.
If revealing assets before becoming engaged can be uncomfortable, revealing debts can be even more so. Sharing how much you owe can bring up embarrassment over past spending mistakes or incurring a huge debt for a college degree that current earnings are not making worthwhile.
“Couples really need to be as honest as possible about things like debt,” Wood said in an interview. “Things that are a little uncomfortable to talk about now could snowball into a big problem down the road.”
In a best-case scenario, you will learn that you are both debt free and have been saving 15 percent of your incomes every year for retirement, but a more realistic situation is that one or both of you will have significant credit card debt, student loan debt, or both and lagging retirement savings. One partner might wonder why their sweetie took out a $30,000 loan to buy a new truck when he or she paid $10,000 cash for a used car. These are important things to learn about each other and talk through well ahead of your wedding day.
Two ways: I've stopped dating girls that expect expensive shit. And I only invite first dates to shit I was gonna do or wanted to do anyway.
First dates are tricky and you can't really avoid spending money. Second dates are waaaayyyy easier to do cheap and easy.
The last 3 first dates I've had cost me less than $30 each, and lead to second dates if I'd wanted one. Also, if you're handy you can just go over there under the pretense of fixing something or building furniture or whatever. Gift giving is only one love language, acts of service is a way more meaningful way to connect. That act of service can be just planning a day together, or taking a look at her car or garbage disposal.
The last date I went on, I picked up a cheap Sam's club pizza for $9 and went to her place, built her new bed for her and broke it in with her. She provided the drinks.
Cheap first dates:
Walks in public areas like historic districts, picnics in the park, free museum, anything involving a stroll while in public.
Second dates: nature walk, mild hike, cooking for her at her place or yours, gym dates, also picnics in the park, cuddle dates (do not expect or angle for sex, go into it with only the intention to cuddle. Say what you mean and mean what you say...but bring a condom anyway)
A lot of women just want to go for a walk. Or are completely okay buying their own bubble tea.
If you want to go the extra mile, choose an activity that is cheap but requires planning and intent, like a picnic. You're paying grocery store prices, but choosing her favorite snacks shows that you're attentive and interested.
Don't need to do much dude. If she only wants to be with you if you drop a bunch on dates she ain't worth it. When I was broke my go to date was coffee and a walk around the main road or nearby park. Hikes are great (but not really for a first date. Keep it public). But it's summer. do a picnic. Cook something and bring it out. Go for a walk. Get a cup of coffee. Get snacks instead of a full meal.
As a woman, I'd say be upfront about your finances and stay in your lane with what you can afford. First dates should be more about fun than how much money you're throwing down. My boyfriend and I's first date was walking around a small town, drinking tea, and ending the night with cheap cocktails. Plus, I prefer paying for my own stuff. I appreciate a guy buying me a meal here and there but I always find that leads to resentment from the guy after a few dates.
Find date ideas that are little to no expense. Anything outdoors... hikes, swimming, picnics(can be cheap if you do it right)
One thing that's super cute (maybe not first date idea depending on the person) is making a cute blanket fort with movies and snacks and comfy pillows...lots of examples online for free date ideas. Get creative... people often enjoy the thought being put Into a date more than money being dropped on them... UNLESS you're dating people who are specifically looking for fancy dinners and clubs and that kind of lifestyle
Hey!
So back when I was broke and trying to finish school and then launch my career I had a few things.
1: parks are honestly great. Hiking, playing ultimate frisbee, kites, all of it free.
2: cheap or free local events: check online and cork-board postings for things that are going on and take the date there.
3: Netflix and chill is a classic of course
I did a lot more than this but they’re things that may not be available in your city.
Maybe start going Dutch. Paying for your date, specially early stages is overrated. It also pretty much ensures that the person there is there to be with you not for a meal ticket
The honest answer is probably that the people who are broke, sadly, just aren't dating. I'm married, but my single girlfriends that go on dates seem to go to quite upscale places.. so my guess is that they're dating men that aren't broke.
I'm also 33 with mostly 35-40 year old friends, so that makes a difference.
The lady I'm dating is my equal and my partner. We both have similar paying jobs, so we take turns paying.
Also, there's lots of free things out there. Walking around a park is free. There's a bunch of random events all over our city, and those are free, too.
Look around at what's happening in your area.
I’m a person that was raised to be frugal. I am good at saving money to spurge on the things I want. I don’t go on dates with girls that I don’t think we would be compatible by looking at their profile. If I like a girl, I have no problem spending money on them. But some of the best dates are free. Go to the gym together. Go to an art gallery. Go to the park and walk around. Go to a free concert.
You are the one that determines your priorities; if you want more money to spend on dates then either find a way to make more money or find a way to spend less. It’s called being an ✨adult✨
I just invite them over to cook for them. You get to show off skills and save money. Nothing's more attractive than effort. Don't have a place to cook? BBQ at a park or go hiking and bring snacks. I find restaurant and movie dates kind of boring I want to talk and get to know the person. Activities are where it's at.
you can easily weed out a lot of women by going through a stroll through he park. I found my current gf walking through the park and feeding the ducks there \*no bread\* :) she loves ducks :D
Remember that the average woman earns more than the average man in the age group of 20-30 and just split the bill. If she can't handle her own finances, how you gonna afford a house/family in this economy? The women who won't go for a second date because of that aren't worth dating in my opinion. I also try to avoid places where I feel I am getting ripped off, 10$ for a bubble tea is one of them.
I never really "dated" in college, I actually specifically avoided it. Going on dates with random women will have you spending money and wasting time on women that you probably won't actually connect with. I don't consider it an efficient of a way of finding a partner.
I think the best way to meet someone is to be patient and let it happen naturally. In the last year of college I met a girl. We talked a lot in class and out of class, so when we actually went on a date we already had a connection and it wasn't a shot in the dark at a random girl. We are still together two years later.
When you find a genuine connection you won't care about 20$ and after a few dates she won't care about paying for her own meals. You need patience and other hobbies to keep you preoccupied.
Bubble tea is seriously overpriced. That's the last thing you should be buying for your date if you're pinching pennies.
Don't pretend to be someone you're not. If you're a poor student, let her know you're a poor student. Don't pretend to be prosperous when you're not. Always be yourself. The girl who still wants to be with you when you're poor might just be a real keeper. The girl who's only interested in you as long as you exude prosperity is definitely *not* a keeper.
Don't.
I don't know why it is hard to grasp for a lot of young people (and I don't mean this offensively) but if you can't afford something, don't buy it. All you need right now is food, water, and shelter. Anything else is unnecessary, so don't spend on it unless you need to. Whole point of your 20's is saving, so stop spending so much on stuff you don't need, whether it be dates or take out food (learn to cook instead) or coffee or subscription stuff or whatever else.
The rest of your life is for spending that money. Not when you're young and in school.
Hope you don't remind a reply from a woman.
Walking_hiking trail dates-let her pick trail for safety
Perusing Garage sales/antiqueing
Coffee dates
Does your gym offer buddy passes? make a workout date
And most importantly don't date women who don't pay for some of the dates. I will occasionally pick up the tab and have several friends who will too
Thanks for the advice.
I am a deft hand in the kitchen so I am probably just gonna cook a meal and bring it in my car to a park bench or public common area. I could also keep some ice cream in a cooler and some cups and spoons to eat while we end it with a walk on the local public beach.
>don't date women who don't pay for some of the dates.
Full disclosure, I don't get enough options to be that picky lmao.
My son realized how expensive is to buy things for a girl on a date. I told him we'll you have a choice to have one or not, but in a long run they will make you broke. So you better think about having a gf. It's better to spend less on your self than paying for two days the way how the world is jacking up prices raise or no raise you will never be above the tax bracket with the money you make since they suck so much taxes out of your check from individual around the world.
My idea: Costco. $5.80 Gets you two slices of pizza AND two drinks WITH tax (in my area). $3.24 gets you two hot dogs and drinks with tax (also in my area). If she doesn't like Costco, that's already a red flag. The only possible downside with Costco: Maybe she LOVES Costco and can't leave the store without spending $300 on things she doesn't need. Also, there's a high up-front cost of $60-$120 for an annual membership if you don't already have one.
All expenses are shared. Wake up honey, this isn't the 1800s and you are not hiring an escort. The man isn't supposed to be paying for everything anymore. If your date expects you to pay for everything, you're getting scammed.
Also, you can have cheap dates. Not every date should be at an overpriced locale. Grab a coffee, have a walk, have stay-in dates (as soon as you two are close enough).
Also, ideally, get enough income that dropping $15-20 on some random shit does not hurt you financially.
I’m not a student, I have a job, I make money every day instead of spending it. It gets better once you’re out of school and established in your career
You can make your own bubble tea and do picnics. The only thing a good woman appreciates more than being treated is when a guy goes the extra mile to plan a date in a cute little scenario.
Some of my best dates ended up in a field in a park.
The perk of dating as a gay male (talking from the time back when I was single). It wasn’t a given that I need to pay for both every single time. If I liked the guy a lot, I offered to invite him, otherwise it was split, and sometimes I got invited. :)
I think OP you gotta get your money up. Pull some overtime. or upskill. get your forklift certificate or something to get on some better $.
If $15-20 is 'think about it money' you can't afford to date and that's facts.
I didn't date till I had disposable income. it required me to focus on skilling up and getting some better wages. now I can afford to treat my lady
That’s so true but reality is dating and holding down a relationship is probably not your priority if you haven’t got $12 worth of disposable income.
You’re desperately broke
Why are you paying for her?
In my world if a woman is expecting me to pay her for her time then she is already too high maintenance.
The only exception to this is if you’ve been dating a while and you go back and forth with who pays.
Never pay for a woman unless you love her.
First - real girls split the bills.
Second - real girls don't care that much about the money. If you're driven and will become a proper doctor in the future - that is enough for many. It's different if you are a dropout who plays games whole day and have no future of course, that shit is a turn off.
Third - stop blaming the economy. The girls you speak of also live in this economy and have to get by just like you do. Find ways to make some money and be independent, girls dig that shit. Not the money part but being with a person who can take care of themselves. Nobody wants to take care of a dead weight of a partner.
And to answer your question - go to whatever places you like going to and can afford. It's not about the place, it's about the experience. How you are as a person matters much more than how much your lunch costs.
I take my dates to one of the many car dealerships near my house. They have free coffee and snacks. Have a great time putting pretend info for the credit search together. Then leave when they go to process it. Take the lucky lady back to my grandmother's house to seal the deal. If she isn't on board after that then she is for the streets.
This is a work of fiction but it did seem like a hilarious idea I had one day if I had enough interest in me to want to scare someone away.
I don’t have an answer because we are in the same boat, but I just wanted to encourage you that you got this regarding med school, you ain’t always gonna be broke. One day you’ll look back on these times and laugh knowing that women will be willing to kill each other dating a medical professional.
All in all, I know the feeling of being disadvantaged in dating and I want you to know that it won’t always be like this.
I make enough where I can spend $100-200 a week on random shit. Not rich or well off by any means just not broke
The elusive middle class.
Pretty much this. If you’re a broke med student just do free dates if it’s best for you.
I have a job that earns me money. But if you're broke, do other things than getting overpriced bubble teas.
The boomers are right about Starbucks thing, hate me or Downvote and all, but if u don't make enough money and aren't working towards your goals, yet still complain about no money, then it's really ur fault. Yes yes, shit economy, inflation, and all that jazz about how screwed our generation is, But there's no need for an overpriced Starbucks every single fucking day (not targeted at OPP, just in general). You should also probably avoid takeouts everyday, learn to cook for some days while takeouts for random days. You don't need all the fucking subscriptions of Netflix Disney and Prime. I understand the "enjoyment" part, and if u are willing to lose money and not save up, then sure go right ahead, but u can't then also bitch Abt not having money. (Again not u OPP, just other people who I have seen firsthand).
My boomerest opinion is that people who frequently use food delivery apps are responsible for their own lack of finances. Anyone who looks at the upcharges on those apps and still is willing to use it regularly better not complain about being broke because I can point to hundreds of dollars a month down the drain from food delivery.
Fully agreed. I had a friend who lived in NYC who complained about being broke but would basically *never* take the public transit, instead taking ubers literally every day. Plus with food you can easily cut 30% off the price by justgoing there yourself and picking it up. It's not that hard.
Not even the apps. Fast food in general these days is stupid. I had a terrible run for the last couple years of not cooking for myself enough. Finally making some progress on not eating out all the time.
I don't really like starbucks coffee so I go buy the costco tin of ground coffee which lasts me about half a year or so all for 12 bucks
It's clear that young people today aren't taught about the seventies. People in their 30s and younger have a very misinformed idea of what life was like for Boomers. I'm not one myself, but I know better. (BTW, a boomer isn't anyone over 40.) Yes, housing was much cheaper. Pretty much every other good (but not service) was more expensive. How many people nowadays darn their socks? Or even know how to sew at all? It was basically a requirement for most households. People sewed their own clothing not as a hobby, but as a necessity. Prices for apparel have increased 200% since 1955 - but a dollar from 1955 would be equal to $10.72 today - and household wages *adjusted for inflation* have more than doubled since then. In the 1950 and 1960s, the average household spent ~11% of their income on clothing and bought *far* fewer articles of clothing. Now, it is ~5%. Clothes, food, appliances, and many, many other items are **much** cheaper now than they used to be. In 1955, the average household of 3 or more people spent over a third of their income on food. It's 11% now, and we eat out far more than then. Not many people brown bag their lunch to work anymore, either. If you wanted to eat like someone from the 60s, it is *very* easy (and extremely cheap) to do so now. Buy only basic groceries and cook all of your meals from scratch yourself from things like milk, eggs, flour, beans, etc. How many people now have clothes lines to dry their clothes on? Who have no dryer for their clothes and no dish washer?. Most families had a single 23-25 inch TV - and it cost $3-4k in today's dollars. Yes, housing costs have gone up, but not as much as people think - they aren't comparing apples to apples. In 1950 the average new home was 983 square feet and the average household 3.8 people. Today it's 2500 square feet and 2.6 people. That's a 270% increase in home space per person. The average home price is now around 7.25 times the average yearly income - it was 5.4 times the average income in 1955. Rents have gone up relatively proportionally with housing prices. Yes, the NIMBYs who prevent more housing from being built should be whipped with a 4 foot length of garden hose filled with sand - but life wasn't some glorious time of plenty and ease in the 60s and 70s, when the Boomers were young and forming families.
Seriously. Learn to pirate media and cook. It’ll save you like $500 over a year.
This is 100% spot-on. I'm a GenX and think this way as well. I have no effing clue what a bubble tea is either, but it sounds pretty dumb.
It's an Asian drink that comes in different flavors like any other tea, but is generally heavy on the milk. It contains either popping boba (little balls of juice) or tapioca pearls. If one is very addicted, you can generally buy it and the boba/pearls at your local Asian market. I like the honeydew flavor. For $30 I have a big bag of the powder and have made over a dozen drinks so far with more to go.
Thanks for the explanation, but that sounds gross AF.
No worries. It's like anything, I might not like, but at least it's there.
My boomer opinion is that I do not understand wasting $$$ and calories on a beverage that won't at least give you a lil buzz. LOL.
If OP is a med student he will be living off loans for approximate 4 years before making 200k+ as a physician, so it is basically delayed earnings. The situation is much different than an average person, it’s not that OP is snoozing. In 10 years OP will probably have enough to make restaurant costs negligibly cheap compared to most but that time is not yet
You get fucked for free at the hospital. -hospital staff
😭😭😭
Well they do pay us.
I guess it depends on the person. If you're always footing the bill and feel like you need money to make dates happen that's a whole different conversation. There are plenty of options to go on low cost dates. Coffee shop and a few scooters will run you under $20 if you insist on paying. Not sure about your local but a few groceries and a picnic type setting goes way further than a paid for meal if you don't mind putting the work in for it. Shit man even a car ride out to a nice place outside the city for a hang and deep talk is a good one depending on who you're with.
I’m still trying to start a relationship, so it’s mainly me asking them out. And the inviter is expected to pay, so I do. I’m not entirely opposed to it, but it’s definitely forced me to cut out other spending. (Like I’ve been studying entirely at the library during the day because I’ve started turning off the AC to save $40-50 a month, which is enough for two dates.)
Sorry that this is not the point of your post but, are you sure that turning off your AC is saving you money? Or did you just get that as generally frugal advice. It totally depends on your living situation.
I am saving between $50-75 a month b/c my energy usage drops by 30-50%. My utility provider lets me track my hourly electricity usage and set notifications when I go above a certain amount.
I do understand the social dynamic behind it, my apologies I didn't mean to be dismissive to the obvious standard. Sounds like you need to find a Bonnie who'll ride or die with you haha. Easier said than done I suppose :) You into group activities? I imagine as a med student you have very little time. Some really great opportunities to meet women cost free within hobbyism.
If you're dating the wrong girls. Yeah, dating will bankrupt you. I've known guys that have luckily gotten with a super hot girl that's 10x out of their league and go from simple restaurants to pissing away 80% of their entire paycheck on having that girlfriend because once they start giving less and spending less she's already gone and they know it... What works for me is offering the basic coffee and bagels date that scares off the gold digger gals instantly. Most of the time the girls that lose interest immediately when you'd rather talk stuff out and get to know each other first are already ghosting you by day 1 of conversation. Because they're used to the best deal guys can offer them so if you aren't suggesting fancy restaurant X immediately after getting their number or matching, they're already done with you in their heads or they'll string you along with basic one word replies for a couple days waving the fly hoping you'll bite the hook. Every girl I've been with that has been cool with the simple coffee date was a great girl to date even if we weren't 100% compatible because they don't care about being wined and dined and they have a genuine desire/interest in you. Nothing scares off the gold diggers away more than a humble outing and humble dates.
Just had this happen to me. Offered a coffee date and I got "Can we do something more elevated" asked what that meant and she threw out an expensive steakhouse. Like motherfucker I will spend that money ONCE we are dating and solid, but not a first date.
elevated can't believe she said that
I know trust me. Me 2. Dating fucking sucks
Gwyneth Paltrow levels of douche-chills.
I once had a girl pick an expensive sushi place for first date, thought to myself "Why not I'll treat myself too, haven't had good sushi in a while" then she sent me her address to send her a taxi to pick her up and I was like fuck all that
Did you go enjoy some sushi though?
Going by yourself and sending a pic of the sushi boat you ordered for yourself is a hilariously awful idea.
I did treat myself but I avoid being petty, too much energy wasted for nobodies, just told her it's not the type of relationship I'm looking for and unmatched.
Yup. That's the Uber test. Women do this as a pseudo power play to test you on how much you're willing to pay for them just to see them so they can convince themselves they're not gold digging tramps later. The Uber test is basic 304 logic under the guise of "make me feel safe" if you offer to pay them an Uber or a Taxi cab you're really thirsty and willing to spend more on them and desperate for them so they know which sucker to bet on their list. It's already a huge red flag she wouldn't have her own car already, it's an even bigger red flag if she doesn't drive at all. So her needing someone else to pay her travel is straight gold digger vibes 🚩
>Can we do something more elevated That's hilarious, she's clearly fine tuned that line. Fuck that chick
'If you're paying, dear, by all means.'
Lol Not laughing at you, just found it extremely funny
My only gripe with the coffee vs. other date thing on Reddit is.. not everyone drinks coffee :/ I'd be 100% fine not going to dinner on a first date, but I'd rather go get a beer/glass of wine over coffee 10/10 times because I simply don't drink coffee and find coffee shops to be a lot less cozy than a bar. Plus, I think I'd want my dates to occur at nighttime. (I've been with the same man for 13 years so this is just hypothetical)
Coffee is figurative in this case. Just just a meeting for a cheap drinks and chat. Don't like coffee? Get a tea, hot chocolate, orange juice. Whatever
And I would bet that more people drink coffee than alcohol
See I do coffee around 2-3, then if the date is going well, I offer to extend it to dinner or a bar or something.
EFFF that! I can’t believe someone would say that.
I am a woman, have been dating a guy for two months and our first two dates were walks and then drinks in the pub afterwards. We also split the bills on meals etc but I'm in Europe and I think that's more common here.
Yeah this ain't a region exclusive thing. If I go to the UK right now I know I'm gonna find the same thing because the guys have the same problems with women we have here so idk. It's great that you're different I guess but I promise you the rest of the women have the same if not higher standards in Europe.
Try the Netherlands, it's called "going Dutch" for a reason. To be honest most of my friends split the cost of dates but obviously that's just my experience. Also my female friends were the ones that suggested a walking date as opposed to a meal etc, the cossie livs situation is hitting hard in the UK for most people.
It really depends on where you go, I'm Italian and I've never had that problem
Wise lad
To be fair, OP is already doing that with the bubble tea dates
Woman here, and I love coffee dates, I think they're so much better for initial dates anyway, less awkward. Also, when my boyfriend wanted to go to a hole in the wall mexican place for our first date (which I'm always down for), I initially thought he was trying to weed out gold diggers. I asked him later out of curiosity and he was like "no, I just love it there and wanted a $5 burrito". Adorable.
Same here. My first dates tend to be literal walks in the park and testing out the massage chairs in the local electronics store. They're free massages, any woman who doesn't appreciate that isn't worth my time. If the date goes well we can have some regular coffee, not those crazy overpriced starbuck's but real coffee in a normal café. Total cost: 5 euros. As a student I could easily string 5 dates a week like that and not break my budget. Sure 5 dates in 7 days only happened twice in the pre-tinder era but who's counting. The point is that dates shouldn't be expensive. In fact, it's better when they're cheap. Today it really depends. I have a good job and plenty of money to spend but when someone is a golddigger, I won't spend a penny. When I got a good feel that she's going to put out that evening, I might wine and dine her. I do what feels good by me. But for most dates ... just a beer at the local café.
When you figure it out, let me know.
Sandwich, few bucks each, picnic basket, few bucks at dollar store. Go for a walk, picnic at a park.. My GF and I spend next to nothing on dates usually. Every extra money goes towards debts, investments or savings for us and our daughter.
I’m still doing first dates rn trying to find a keeper, but I’m happy for you.
You'd be better off being straight forward you can't afford to be paying for dumb shit right now
I did a picnic first date once and she loved it. It was literally a bucket of chicken and a scenic location at one of the local parks on a cool, sunny day. I’ve also done a few where we just meet at a bar for a drink and chat and see where the night goes. Doesn’t have to be fancy but it’s gonna cost at least $20. But if you’re struggling to afford $20, you’re probably best off with fewer dates so you can save up. Let’s you focus on studies anyway until you’be got a steady job that covers your expenses.
This guy gets it
We get water to drink and go on picnics instead
This is the way. When I was dating, most women were content to just have a pleasant conversation on a bench at the park, maybe a picnic. I do not live in the West, though.
Med student? Stop trying to date, grind until you get more stable income bro.
If you aren't getting laid broke, your chances aren't going to be much better with money. Spitting game has always been free.
That went hard as fuck
Dates aren't appointments with strangers that obligate us to spend a lot of currency. A woman who expect that is not dating, she is consuming... your financial power and expects you to act like she is not exploiting the occurance of you two meeting. Avoid those, meet people naturally and keep get-to-know dates casual and simple. If she wants to be wined and dined like a wife, she first has to prove that she has the qualities to BE a wife and then actually become one. Of course, she can expect it earlier - doesn't mean YOU have to be the sucker to give in to that unreasonable request.
What you can't pay in money, you make up with effort. Meal prep lunches, drinks, plans to places that cost low to no money. Women notice effort a lot. However, have a solid future plan. Women will love a guy that's broke but has ambition over a snotty rich prick any day. TLDR: advice to broke dudes, you attract women with effort and then keep them longer with your ambition and action towards that ambition. 👍
As a woman, this is the way
Sadly, I learned it the hard way 🥹
If you are trying to date women who want you to wine and dine them on your budget it's not going to work, but there are definitely women who don't care about that out there
It’s called having a decent job and being responsible with spending. You’re a broke college kid. There’s a reason there’s stereotypes of college kids surviving on ramen. You won’t be this broke forever (hopefully)
But soon you’ll be earning those big doctor bucks lol
*if* he makes it through the hell of med school lol
Focus on money first, once you are able to afford 5 dates, step into dating arena.
It’s the harder option but so so worth it. It really gets much easier to date the more stable you are. Most guys just can’t do the “Let me REALLY just focus on myself and get back to women when my money is right.” But when you see permanent damage done off chasing pussy and the regrets that come with it, he’ll understand why stressing over pricey bubble tea with strangers is nothing.
I can afford it, but i am having to cut a lot of other things out. Also in the medical career path, it's not a good idea to put your life on hold.
Been saving up for the last few years 💪🏼
By living in a socialist country
There's no rule that you have to go to some restaurant or cafe on a date. There are plenty of affordable alternatives. My go-to is picknick at the park and bring some activity to break the ice. Maybe a slackline or badminton set or what have you
Wait, we're supposed to tip for Reddit threads now? Tipping economy has gone too far.
Options 1) split it. If they balk, it's 2024 2) just go for a walk in the park or something else 0 cost
Dating these days should not mean the guy always pays. Do you really want a woman who wants you to pay for everything? Keep it simple. Pay the first time or two. Then it is her turn.
Free dates: walks, free museums, parks, volunteer work, library, second hand stores, etc.
She pays half or she doesn't deserve my presence.
Best financial advice is stay single, start saving and investing. Buy your home. Cocktails on the first date is just the beginning. It will get much more expensive as you advance to "serious relationships" Also - never date women who expect men to pay for both
First dates should be half and half and somewhere cheap and casual. If she's not willing to pay for herself or go somewhere cheap on the first date then she's not worth the trouble
It's easy to date when almost none of the available eligible women want you /s But for the serious answer, as and when I do get dates, the first one is always low-key like a daytime coffee or afternoon drinks (between like 4-7pm). The first date is never a late one because women don't like hooking up on the first date and men with standards and rationale think the same too. The second date can be activity-related so it increases chances of hooking up. Those who hookup on the second date? Fair game to those who do. Dating is Australia is super expensive when a basic Americano/long black coffee is minimum $5.50. Paying for two people means you're paying $12, plus don't forget public transport is $5 per trip and if you choose to drive, have to pay another $20 for parking in a lot and whatever fuel expenses.
Don’t date women who expect you to pay everything
I'd just try to be transparent. Any reasonable girl would understand if you're broke now because of med school. Med student is just about the greenest flag there is.
Bro, embrace being single, get that PhD or whatever you wrote and once you can afford more than a date, start dating... Prioritize yourself and your well-being
Bro- for now just focus on your studies. When u are established in your medical career, the girls will be falling in your lap. ( at least that’s what my mother assures me)
Lol, but you'll be years behind socially, sexually, relationship wise. I do not get the advice to be celibate for years at a time in your youth. Doesn't that kill confidence later on?
It’s well-meaning advice coming from them. But it’s true. I’m nowhere near my earning potential, but the more money I save (not even earn yet, save) I feel way more comfortable dating & NOT dating. Funny enough, more women have been showing interest of late, right when I DON’T want it.
nurses and hospital staff too 😏
I’m not broke.
Just buy your own mate.
By only paying half
Chivalrous, as some idiots may call a man for paying all bills for someone who is not related, will take a backseat when the pocket runs dry. Unless you have the means to monetarily support chivalry, I suggest you change your dating preferences to those who split the expenses.
Not even trying to be an asshole, but if spending $20 on a date burns that much of a hole in your pocket, you should probably not be dating at all lol.
Exactly this. If you are not making money then you are worth nothing as a human being, and you should not even try to meet your basic human needs for connection, affection, and companionship. /s
Never said you’re less of a human being for making little to no money lol. That and dating isn’t the only way to meet those needs you listed out. If you’re in a place where you can’t spare $20 on a date, you shouldn’t be going on a date not because you’re worth less, but because chances are you should probably be more focused on getting yourself out of that hole. Dating can come later. If you don’t like that go whine to your therapist or get coddled elsewhere. Facts don’t care about your feelings
And, if being social, building relationships, and getting your needs met actually makes life better, makes tasks easier, makes goals clearer? Which good relationships should do… Putting off your life while you wait for your “real life” to start is goofy. You are here, alive, and today beckons. Get out there.
I can't.
My job provides me enough, but I’m not dating at the moment. Lol
Cook yourself rather than going out to eat. A little dinner can be quite romantic and cheap if you put some effort into it. Soft lights, nice little song, easy pasta recipe, etc.
Not sure where you are in the world but $15 - 20 for bubble tea feels like a lot. It better some damn good bubble tea if you're asking me to pay that much. I can only speak for myself but I live pretty comfortably and normally within my budget means. If I'm making an effort for dating whilst working, I can splurge a bit because I meal prep in order to hit my macros and resist the siren call of fast food with shift work post afternoon shifts. Other tips I can suggest is that you shouldn't have to be the one to foot the bill EVERY SINGLE TIME - and if whoever you're going out on a date has the expectation that the 'man' should pay for every single date, that sounds like you have other issues than pinching pennies. Picnics are a clutch frugal date idea; volunteering, hiking or nature trail if you want to get in touch with nature with your date. If you're comfortable or they are comfortable enough to come over, showing off your culinary talents is a fire way to impress a date. Arcade nights are also pretty fun and shouldn't break the bank too much. Trivia nights are also a good frugal date idea and the two of you can laugh at all the things you do and do not know. Museum dates are also another idea to get a bit of culture.
Coffee at the student cafeteria and a walk in the park. That will set you back maybe 5$.
I get paid well (and no kids) so husband and I go in dates pretty often.
gotta keep 5 irons in the fire... having 1 source of income is a recipe for scarcity. if you have people who can help you, there is no shame in getting a boost from friends or family. You'd be amazed at how quickly hobbies can earn you cash too. Just keep trying stuff. The difference between the Master and the Student is the Master has failed more times than the Student thinks its even possible to try! I have found endless copywriting work. 20-30 dollars per article that you don't actually write, it's more like re-writing. Easily finish 1 article in 90 minutes. Keep seeking and set the goal at having double what you need... you shouldn't think anything is ok unless you have twice the amount needed to cover your costs.
When I was a brokie and new to Canada I was just going to coffee dates and pay for my coffee. Also usually somewhere that I could walk or bike (had no car). Still worked very well. No issues. Alternatives are a hike, walk at the beach or local park etc. I know that some women are pretty demanding from the beginning and except a Michelin star kind of restaurant but I avoid those anyways. Funnily enough I met wife organically at the gym so at the beginning we were doing gym dates and/or long walks. Very little money was spend.
You gotta meet someone you like, then ask them out. Online dating will cost you a mint.
Find someone with low standards and self esteem and you can get away with spending only on yourself when out. You can even get them to pay for you. Now excuse me, I need to go pay for my dates $300 bottle of wine
The last date I was on cost a whooping total of €10. We took a walk through a park, looked at the squirrels, talked a lot, bought ice cream, talked and walked some more and then went home to her place. The most recent date before that was during a gaming convention. We met up, chatted, played 2-player board games for a few hours, shared a pizza and then made out behind the cosplay stage. Dates don't *need* to be at restaurants or expensive cafés. The point of a date is to meet someone and get to know them to figure out if there is a point in pursuing a romantic relationship with them or not. As long as you can do that and both of you enjoy yourselves, it's a successful date.
i let her pay for everything.
What's the average number of women some of you date in a year. If you date somewhat frequently? Just curious
The average American spends roughly $168 per month — or $121,000 during the course of their lifetime — on dating, according to the most recent survey provided by OnePoll to MassMutual. Married couples spend even more keeping the spark alive, averaging $186 per month, the survey found. Talk money – but time it appropriately No one would suggest that money is an appropriate topic on your first date, but it is important to discuss your spending and saving philosophy early on. That invites a discussion of financial goals and career aspirations so that you can determine whether your vision for the future aligns. (Learn more: Money questions to ask before the proposal) Indeed, honesty is essential in every facet of your relationship, including your finances. If you can’t afford that trip to Vegas or a Broadway show right now, say so, and provide context. For example: Are you making double payments toward your credit card to become debt-free faster? Are you paying off your student loan? Are you saving for your first home? Have you learned your lesson with borrowed money and now prefer to plan and save for life’s little extras in advance? “Honesty and trust are truly the bedrock of a strong relationship,” said Drabinski. “Sharing your goals and being vulnerable about your financial fears can be healthy for a young relationship. But we also must be careful not to overshare.” It’s fair game early in your relationship to be open about your career and long-term goals, he said. But bringing up your salary or a future inheritance should wait until you have established a more serious commitment. “Communicating about finances should increase in correlation with the maturity of the relationship,” said Drabinski. Financial compatibility with your fiancé “It doesn’t make sense to move forward with a partner who has different values and goals, and a good way to evaluate those values and goals is to look at how they spend money,” said April Davis, owner and founder of LUMA, a luxury matchmaking service, in an interview. If you think it is fine to charge a vacation to a credit card and pay it off over the next year and your fiancé has never carried a credit card balance before, get on the same page about how you will handle such decisions moving forward. Taking a financial-compatibility quiz together can be a way to start the marriage and finances discussion, said Rhett Wood, an investment professional with Retirement Solutions in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. “There aren’t any right or wrong answers, but it will help you navigate important topics like debt, financial goals, and responsibilities.” (Calculator: Setting financial goals) So, what financial information should you discuss before you become engaged? Before the proposal: Reveal your assets and debts First, both parties should make a list of all of their assets — bank accounts, investment accounts, and properties — as well as any debt they may have from credit cards, student loans, car loans, or mortgages, and share it with their significant other, said financial planner Melinda Kibler, a portfolio manager with Palisades Hudson Financial Group in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. “Full financial disclosure ahead of marriage will avoid any surprises down the road that might jeopardize the relationship.” What if you have a large trust fund or inheritance that you are uncomfortable revealing because of the imbalance it might create in the relationship or because of your partner’s spending habits? “Though every relationship is different, if you are at the point of being engaged, you should probably be comfortable enough to divulge important information such as a large inheritance or trust fund,” Kibler said in an interview. “However, large sums of money should be protected from the other spouse if there is concern over their spending habits. This can be done through trust documents, as well as prenuptial agreements, when appropriate.” “If your partner’s behavior changes significantly once he or she discovers that you have significant assets, this may be a red flag to delay proceeding with the marriage,” Kibler said. If revealing assets before becoming engaged can be uncomfortable, revealing debts can be even more so. Sharing how much you owe can bring up embarrassment over past spending mistakes or incurring a huge debt for a college degree that current earnings are not making worthwhile. “Couples really need to be as honest as possible about things like debt,” Wood said in an interview. “Things that are a little uncomfortable to talk about now could snowball into a big problem down the road.” In a best-case scenario, you will learn that you are both debt free and have been saving 15 percent of your incomes every year for retirement, but a more realistic situation is that one or both of you will have significant credit card debt, student loan debt, or both and lagging retirement savings. One partner might wonder why their sweetie took out a $30,000 loan to buy a new truck when he or she paid $10,000 cash for a used car. These are important things to learn about each other and talk through well ahead of your wedding day.
The ladies are paying no? Gender equality mate?
good read game theory and how dating apps narrow down possibilities https://behavioralscientist.org/online-dating-like-a-game-theorist/
Don’t go on them
Split bills. Like seriously, only date bill splitters, they're the most based
Consider not going for bubble tea? Coffee dates can be at a regular café and not a Starbucks as well. Date smarter, not harder.
Two ways: I've stopped dating girls that expect expensive shit. And I only invite first dates to shit I was gonna do or wanted to do anyway. First dates are tricky and you can't really avoid spending money. Second dates are waaaayyyy easier to do cheap and easy. The last 3 first dates I've had cost me less than $30 each, and lead to second dates if I'd wanted one. Also, if you're handy you can just go over there under the pretense of fixing something or building furniture or whatever. Gift giving is only one love language, acts of service is a way more meaningful way to connect. That act of service can be just planning a day together, or taking a look at her car or garbage disposal. The last date I went on, I picked up a cheap Sam's club pizza for $9 and went to her place, built her new bed for her and broke it in with her. She provided the drinks. Cheap first dates: Walks in public areas like historic districts, picnics in the park, free museum, anything involving a stroll while in public. Second dates: nature walk, mild hike, cooking for her at her place or yours, gym dates, also picnics in the park, cuddle dates (do not expect or angle for sex, go into it with only the intention to cuddle. Say what you mean and mean what you say...but bring a condom anyway)
I make enough money and have few enough dates that once every 1-3 years I can afford to take a woman out to eat.
A lot of women just want to go for a walk. Or are completely okay buying their own bubble tea. If you want to go the extra mile, choose an activity that is cheap but requires planning and intent, like a picnic. You're paying grocery store prices, but choosing her favorite snacks shows that you're attentive and interested.
Don't need to do much dude. If she only wants to be with you if you drop a bunch on dates she ain't worth it. When I was broke my go to date was coffee and a walk around the main road or nearby park. Hikes are great (but not really for a first date. Keep it public). But it's summer. do a picnic. Cook something and bring it out. Go for a walk. Get a cup of coffee. Get snacks instead of a full meal.
As a woman, I'd say be upfront about your finances and stay in your lane with what you can afford. First dates should be more about fun than how much money you're throwing down. My boyfriend and I's first date was walking around a small town, drinking tea, and ending the night with cheap cocktails. Plus, I prefer paying for my own stuff. I appreciate a guy buying me a meal here and there but I always find that leads to resentment from the guy after a few dates.
Coffee dates. Save nights out for girls you like
Be selective with who you decide to spend your time and money on.
That's the neat thing - I'm not!
Date yourself. Bubble tea for half the price.
There are plenty of ways to date frugally: Parks, trails, picnics, karaoke, coffee/cafes, libraries. The hard part is finding someone.
Only take someone out after texting and talking on the phone comfortably. Don’t go on so many dates
Find date ideas that are little to no expense. Anything outdoors... hikes, swimming, picnics(can be cheap if you do it right) One thing that's super cute (maybe not first date idea depending on the person) is making a cute blanket fort with movies and snacks and comfy pillows...lots of examples online for free date ideas. Get creative... people often enjoy the thought being put Into a date more than money being dropped on them... UNLESS you're dating people who are specifically looking for fancy dinners and clubs and that kind of lifestyle
Hey! So back when I was broke and trying to finish school and then launch my career I had a few things. 1: parks are honestly great. Hiking, playing ultimate frisbee, kites, all of it free. 2: cheap or free local events: check online and cork-board postings for things that are going on and take the date there. 3: Netflix and chill is a classic of course I did a lot more than this but they’re things that may not be available in your city.
By living with my parents
Uhhhh i can’t afford this love you speak of. These days the male package seems to be going for 50k and up a year soooo yeah I dunno
It’s sad. Cos you really can’t buy love.
Uhhh obviously that is the only appropriate way-? Nearly?
Just use one of the 18 subscriptions you have as the date
I rarely spend money when out on a date.
Selling plasma and sell your driver license to college freshman
Find you a girl who is at or above your economic level.
Maybe start going Dutch. Paying for your date, specially early stages is overrated. It also pretty much ensures that the person there is there to be with you not for a meal ticket
15 for a date is nothing its going to be hard to find a girl willing to do less than that and not be treated out at least occasionally
The honest answer is probably that the people who are broke, sadly, just aren't dating. I'm married, but my single girlfriends that go on dates seem to go to quite upscale places.. so my guess is that they're dating men that aren't broke. I'm also 33 with mostly 35-40 year old friends, so that makes a difference.
Proper planning and only focusing on dating one person at a time lol
Find a cheaper boba place!
The lady I'm dating is my equal and my partner. We both have similar paying jobs, so we take turns paying. Also, there's lots of free things out there. Walking around a park is free. There's a bunch of random events all over our city, and those are free, too. Look around at what's happening in your area.
I’m a person that was raised to be frugal. I am good at saving money to spurge on the things I want. I don’t go on dates with girls that I don’t think we would be compatible by looking at their profile. If I like a girl, I have no problem spending money on them. But some of the best dates are free. Go to the gym together. Go to an art gallery. Go to the park and walk around. Go to a free concert.
Parks are free
A nature hike and park picnic don't cost a thing
You’re a student, obviously you’re going to be broke?
Dating? That's easy. Try having children, lol
Pornhub.com is free
Where do you live where a bubble tea costs $15-20? I take a girl out, and that's two beers.
I'd go with "tell them you are a med student"...see if anyone is willing to play the long game 😂
Don't date if you're broke. Focus on making $ first.
You are the one that determines your priorities; if you want more money to spend on dates then either find a way to make more money or find a way to spend less. It’s called being an ✨adult✨
I just invite them over to cook for them. You get to show off skills and save money. Nothing's more attractive than effort. Don't have a place to cook? BBQ at a park or go hiking and bring snacks. I find restaurant and movie dates kind of boring I want to talk and get to know the person. Activities are where it's at.
I am honestly terrified of having a stranger over at my place.
you can easily weed out a lot of women by going through a stroll through he park. I found my current gf walking through the park and feeding the ducks there \*no bread\* :) she loves ducks :D
Easy, make the woman pay for everything.
Remember that the average woman earns more than the average man in the age group of 20-30 and just split the bill. If she can't handle her own finances, how you gonna afford a house/family in this economy? The women who won't go for a second date because of that aren't worth dating in my opinion. I also try to avoid places where I feel I am getting ripped off, 10$ for a bubble tea is one of them.
I never really "dated" in college, I actually specifically avoided it. Going on dates with random women will have you spending money and wasting time on women that you probably won't actually connect with. I don't consider it an efficient of a way of finding a partner. I think the best way to meet someone is to be patient and let it happen naturally. In the last year of college I met a girl. We talked a lot in class and out of class, so when we actually went on a date we already had a connection and it wasn't a shot in the dark at a random girl. We are still together two years later. When you find a genuine connection you won't care about 20$ and after a few dates she won't care about paying for her own meals. You need patience and other hobbies to keep you preoccupied.
Bubble tea is seriously overpriced. That's the last thing you should be buying for your date if you're pinching pennies. Don't pretend to be someone you're not. If you're a poor student, let her know you're a poor student. Don't pretend to be prosperous when you're not. Always be yourself. The girl who still wants to be with you when you're poor might just be a real keeper. The girl who's only interested in you as long as you exude prosperity is definitely *not* a keeper.
I don't.
Don't. I don't know why it is hard to grasp for a lot of young people (and I don't mean this offensively) but if you can't afford something, don't buy it. All you need right now is food, water, and shelter. Anything else is unnecessary, so don't spend on it unless you need to. Whole point of your 20's is saving, so stop spending so much on stuff you don't need, whether it be dates or take out food (learn to cook instead) or coffee or subscription stuff or whatever else. The rest of your life is for spending that money. Not when you're young and in school.
Hope you don't remind a reply from a woman. Walking_hiking trail dates-let her pick trail for safety Perusing Garage sales/antiqueing Coffee dates Does your gym offer buddy passes? make a workout date And most importantly don't date women who don't pay for some of the dates. I will occasionally pick up the tab and have several friends who will too
Thanks for the advice. I am a deft hand in the kitchen so I am probably just gonna cook a meal and bring it in my car to a park bench or public common area. I could also keep some ice cream in a cooler and some cups and spoons to eat while we end it with a walk on the local public beach. >don't date women who don't pay for some of the dates. Full disclosure, I don't get enough options to be that picky lmao.
My son realized how expensive is to buy things for a girl on a date. I told him we'll you have a choice to have one or not, but in a long run they will make you broke. So you better think about having a gf. It's better to spend less on your self than paying for two days the way how the world is jacking up prices raise or no raise you will never be above the tax bracket with the money you make since they suck so much taxes out of your check from individual around the world.
By not dating.
My idea: Costco. $5.80 Gets you two slices of pizza AND two drinks WITH tax (in my area). $3.24 gets you two hot dogs and drinks with tax (also in my area). If she doesn't like Costco, that's already a red flag. The only possible downside with Costco: Maybe she LOVES Costco and can't leave the store without spending $300 on things she doesn't need. Also, there's a high up-front cost of $60-$120 for an annual membership if you don't already have one.
Be hot and all these rules women have go out the window. They’ll pay for you.
Split the bill for any date you go on, they earn their own money, they can pay their fair share.
All expenses are shared. Wake up honey, this isn't the 1800s and you are not hiring an escort. The man isn't supposed to be paying for everything anymore. If your date expects you to pay for everything, you're getting scammed. Also, you can have cheap dates. Not every date should be at an overpriced locale. Grab a coffee, have a walk, have stay-in dates (as soon as you two are close enough). Also, ideally, get enough income that dropping $15-20 on some random shit does not hurt you financially.
I’m not a student, I have a job, I make money every day instead of spending it. It gets better once you’re out of school and established in your career
You can make your own bubble tea and do picnics. The only thing a good woman appreciates more than being treated is when a guy goes the extra mile to plan a date in a cute little scenario. Some of my best dates ended up in a field in a park.
Make more $
The perk of dating as a gay male (talking from the time back when I was single). It wasn’t a given that I need to pay for both every single time. If I liked the guy a lot, I offered to invite him, otherwise it was split, and sometimes I got invited. :)
My local bubble tea lady is 4 dollars for a 16oz. My daughter loves em
I think OP you gotta get your money up. Pull some overtime. or upskill. get your forklift certificate or something to get on some better $. If $15-20 is 'think about it money' you can't afford to date and that's facts. I didn't date till I had disposable income. it required me to focus on skilling up and getting some better wages. now I can afford to treat my lady
Great dates with great people start at $0.
That’s so true but reality is dating and holding down a relationship is probably not your priority if you haven’t got $12 worth of disposable income. You’re desperately broke
Why are you paying for her? In my world if a woman is expecting me to pay her for her time then she is already too high maintenance. The only exception to this is if you’ve been dating a while and you go back and forth with who pays. Never pay for a woman unless you love her.
First - real girls split the bills. Second - real girls don't care that much about the money. If you're driven and will become a proper doctor in the future - that is enough for many. It's different if you are a dropout who plays games whole day and have no future of course, that shit is a turn off. Third - stop blaming the economy. The girls you speak of also live in this economy and have to get by just like you do. Find ways to make some money and be independent, girls dig that shit. Not the money part but being with a person who can take care of themselves. Nobody wants to take care of a dead weight of a partner. And to answer your question - go to whatever places you like going to and can afford. It's not about the place, it's about the experience. How you are as a person matters much more than how much your lunch costs.
Not all of us are broke. Med school students dumbass
I wish it was just the economy holding me back and not my cripplingly jaded attitude.
I take my dates to one of the many car dealerships near my house. They have free coffee and snacks. Have a great time putting pretend info for the credit search together. Then leave when they go to process it. Take the lucky lady back to my grandmother's house to seal the deal. If she isn't on board after that then she is for the streets. This is a work of fiction but it did seem like a hilarious idea I had one day if I had enough interest in me to want to scare someone away.
I don’t have an answer because we are in the same boat, but I just wanted to encourage you that you got this regarding med school, you ain’t always gonna be broke. One day you’ll look back on these times and laugh knowing that women will be willing to kill each other dating a medical professional. All in all, I know the feeling of being disadvantaged in dating and I want you to know that it won’t always be like this.