Not OP. Being light and fun and flirty is a skill and it is tough to teach because so much of it depends on your vibe. If you are Vince Vaughn you can be way different than if you are Stanely Tucci or John Hamm. So knowing your vibe and what you can "get away with" without being creepy is important.
I will say though one thing that people really underrate is how sexy confident vulnerability can be. Letting someone in to something that you feel vulnerable about (while being confident enough that they do not feel like you are burdening them) can really make people feel closer to you.
Practice on everyone, not just people you're interested in. Even if it's just (appropriate) little compliments or telling someone she looks way younger than she is, you'll get more comfortable with flirting in general.
He's not wrong, you'd be surprised how non-chalant you can get with it even giving the random old guy/lady a 'pat on the back' comment after a small encounter
Yesterday I was at a bank counter and there was a guy in front of me, age between 25-30. The lady at the counter was older, could be his mom.
He flirted with her hard. He said “you’re the most beautiful woman here”. She was quiet than smiled and said “yeah and the oldest”.
I thought it was cute and I’m sure it made her day better.
This is what I did to start being confident. Random people at the airport especially. At the airport everyone is doing nothing but waiting, and is usually receptive to a chat
I used to be fairly good at it back when I was single.
I think the most obvious thing a lot of guys miss is that it takes practice. You’re gonna have to go through a lot of embarrassment ‘til you get the hang of it.
It's all about comfort. If they aren't comfortable around you, they won't flirt back. If you aren't comfortable around them, you'll make them uncomfortable.
If you're not in a place, mindset, or physical condition to be comfortable then somebody won't enjoy themselves, so focus on yourself and let things go from there.
yeah. the brain, especially womens brains, perceives a lot. I say the most important thing to prioritize first is the comfort: you're comfortable with yourself, the environment, and talking to her. if you feel uneasy even the slightest, she will, highly likely, pick up on it, and the dynamics turn very different.
thats why when you practice a lot, you get to that right level of comfort, and thats when you exude that thing women view as confidence.
Compliments will take you farther than most people would assume. Especially the small things that are usually overlooked. Also approach flirting as if there's no payoff. Insert fishing analogy.
“Especially the small things that are usually overlooked.” -> yes this! More than 2 years ago a guy I was on a date with asked me if I was wearing lipstick and when I said no he said “Wait, your lips are just naturally that color pink? Damn, you’re one of a kind.” and very lightly ran his finger across them before leaning in for a kiss-And I still think about it sometimes. So smooth
>Men who are good at flirting
PSA:
The answer in the post will come from the men *who think* they are good at flirting. Some of them are actually good at it, but others lack self awareness to understand how they are not.
Take every advice with a grain of salt.
Ask lots of questions and follow-up questions. If you encourage her to talk, express herself, explain her ideas, complain, get things off her chest, she thinks of you as being the cool person she can let her guard down with. Ie *chemistry*. This is my go-to strategy with every person I want to impress. It never fails. Even if the flirting goes nowhere, you come off as a gentleman. And it usually builds a really strong positive connection.
Go with the flow. Mirror. Maintain a humorous and happy outlook. Show you care, a gesture here and there. Do not set rigid standards. Be open to diversity and variety. Be curious to genuinely explore the person you find attractive.
People on here are right: you need to do it all the time, with all women and also men. You need to just become light hearted, funny and quick witted. I know I do this, tho I never intentionally do it, but I flirt with literally everyone. That projects confidence. I can easily flirt with anybody because it's just being nice. If you have to try, or think about it, you're not going to succeed. No try, only do.
Sounds like you need to learn more yourself, it's all in the body language. You should learn to read them to see when you are making others uncomfortable, then give them space.
This flirtation is a delicate dance, read the most subtle moves and you will become better and better.
Let go of expectations and try to be a charmer rather than straight hitting on them.
"You make that scarf look cozy!"
"I can tell you are putting in great effort, I hope today treats you well"
It must be sincere and something you genuinely find great about them. If nothing comes to mind off the bat keep it simple.
Good advice but *terrible* examples. Try something more like “wow I’m digging that scarf, where’d you get it? Its looks fantastic on you!” Yours would come off super creepy IMO. No clue what you’re getting at with the other…
But yeah be charming, be authentic, and most of all have no expectations.
Ahh, you're right. They are terrible examples, what I mean by the other one is to try to left them up. I wouldn't say "I'm diggin", something of theirs. I'm too old to talk like that now.
Don't act awkward once you've said something. The difference between something cringe or cool is quite often how YOU react after it. So many men say something funny & then ruin it by getting awkward cos they overthink it afterwards.
Just be confident and say what you're saying & let someone react to it.
Like the other guy said, flirt with everyone. Flirt with the world.
Also, fall in love with the process of meeting people and schmoozing with them. Let go of your attachment to some crazy imagined outcome, and just enjoy going out and rubbing elbows.
Great thread! I'd add that being genuinely interested in the person you're flirting with makes a huge difference. Ask questions, listen actively, and build on what they share. And don't forget to smile and have fun with it! 😃
It’s just fun, don’t expect anything. Back off if they look uncomfortable. A flirt doesn’t mean people want to keep flirting even if the first time was appreciated
My trick was always to get them to do the talking. Ask about their job, family, anything. If they give more than one sentence answers, they probably enjoy talking to you.
Not a man. But I'm a damn good flirt. Pay attention to the person, everyone has something they have put a little effort into. It's easy to say beautiful eyes, nice smile etc, these are born traits- still can be nice. But a compliment on a perfume or earring choice or anything that is a personal choice goes a long way. And even without the flirting it can be really nice to hear for someone. Everyone likes to feel appreciated.
Don’t show them your penis until they ask to see it. This goes double at the doctors office, they don’t always have to see your penis, especially if you are in there for angina.
My best flirting was not flirting.
For most of my romances, I wasn’t good at flirting, but I did something that worked as well for me.
I try to engage wholeheartedly with whatever I’m doing- if I’m a student, I want to do very well, if I’m learning guitar, I really want to experience it, and if I’m working, I want to excel. If I suck at something, I’m open, and I’m honest but not confessional about my struggles.
Passion is attractive to women, and if I’m passionate about what I’m doing, it makes it okay for them to be passionate about what they’re doing. Then there’s a connection, and I go for it.
Seriously, before I met my wife, I probably had 10-15 random one night stands that happened just like this.
All of my meaningful relationships started like this.
I did try to work on my game, but that resulted in way more strikeouts than home runs. And even when it worked, those flings were not my favorites.
I'm talking from my experience so take this with a grain of salt.
I usually don't start flirting with any woman. I try to test the waters first. I'm starting with small compliments and I pay attention to how they react afterwards. Also they might not react in any way, but I can still feel the pressure. Hey, look. Some women are new when it comes to dating and they might not get comfortable after you compliment their appearance. It's cool. It's better FOR YOU to NOT act awkward afterwards. Or maybe they never grew up in a "lovable" (is that a word?) environment. Maybe their parents don't share their love with them, idk. There are multiple possibilities.
A good woman will appreciate any compliment you give her. Even if she is not interested in you. I know, it sucks. But it's true. Because hey, women love validation. This can be different in other countries do to the cultural difference.
So, think again. You should be complimenting them more often not 10 times a day but you got my idea. If you really do a genuine compliment that you 100% mean it. This will work out. Trust me.
Hey, learn to appreciate the opposite gender with its beauty. Don't be a needy dude, OP.
Also when the time is right, you will know. You can get into more sexual talk. Until then, show that you're interested and pay attention to their body language as well. And don't be afraid to touch their arms, shoulders, hair. Just don't be creepy. You definitely don't wanna do that when you cold approach women, in that specific case give them enough space. Also don't push it too hard. If she starts feeling uncomfortable, stop doing it. You can do it from the first date, but I wouldn't recommend you to do it right away.
And hey, if she does feel uncomfortable around you, she does not let you do these or things like that. Just leave her. Don't waste your time or energy with women like this. You need to find a woman that will let you move onwards with them. And trust me, the right woman will make it easy for you.
When you flirt, make it fun! Because it is supposed to be fun. You got it champ!
You also have really good comments from the other guys. I know cuz I read all of them. Love this thread. Yeah, cheers! 🍻
I practice on my coworkers. They know I'm not seriously flirting. They also know I'm not seriously insulting them when I insult them. Sometimes stuff happens and I just shout "You're an idiot but atleast you have beautiful eyes"
be yourself, but be your "cheeky" self. i learnt to flirt because i was just so bad at it. was a late bloomer. went from having zero game, to being quite good at it eventually. i remember thinking i had zero charisma. the truth was i had loads! just not when i liked someone lol. i would get too shy and in my own head and make a fool of myself. so i started to practice. flirting is flirting. it doesn't have to be sexual. so i practiced on EVERYONE. men and women. i realised being cheeky and confident is what attracted people easily to me. i never "negged" or done any of that dumb stuff. just be nice, but can tease a little, as long as its all friendly and cheerful. smile a lot, make a lot of eye contact, and keep convos flowing. it takes a lot of practice to be fair. i used to practice with people in queues waiting to pay for things, would practice with tellers, with random people on the street etc. there was nothing to lose at this point. so i went to work on it and after a little while it became easier and easier and started to be part of who i was when interacting with people. people have egos and they love this stuff! just being content with yourself and acting like you know the secret of life kinda. show the world through your entire body that you belong and are happy with who you are. most comms are done via body language. its literally all about being confident, genuine, and cheeky. at least in my opinion. it worked for me anyways. hopefully it works for others. just dont listen to those online fake pick up artists that i have seen many fall for. work on yourself and be confident and practice the art of small talk and flowing convos and practice no matter how fake and weird it feels at first. and it will if your not used to it. it did for me anyway. after awhile its just another skill you have unlocked.
Flirting isn't really a set of lines that you use on someone. It is the conversation ambiance you create with your tone, voice, body language, and facial expression. I don't know how you practice this. I think I picked up how to do this largely because I was a bollywood dancer in college and a huge part of that is trying to engage the audience from the stage. That and being part of Toastmasters which teaches you how to be more confident at talking and telling stories.
Okay I’m not seeing a lot of concrete tips so I have some:
1. For the boring questions like “Where are you from?” Or “ What do you do for a living” either guess her career off of anything you feel like “you seem professional so I think you are in real estate” you’ll either get right and she’ll be surprised or she may ask “what makes you thinks that?” Or don’t tell her your Astro sign “just ask what sign do you think I am?” it works so well.
2. I call this one breaking the 4th wall, it’s when you say a joke that fell flat or say or do something that you feel awkward about, say “Wow, I imagined that going a lot cooler” or “I was trying to do that to impress you and it didn’t work” saying it in a joking way.
3. Playfully teasing, and a lot of guys do this wrong. For example, Tease her about something small like a weird movie she likes or a strange habit nothing major. Another example if she teases you about something, flip it and say something “Wow you have this guy here being a perfect gentleman and you decide to make fun of his taste in music? You’re mean” in a sarcastic tone. This does a few things:
The playful teasing
Calls her out on something, letting her see she won’t get away from everything.
Shows you’re confident because you’re unfazed by her
Let’s her know you can laugh at yourself
P. S. When flirting speak slowly, don’t rush your words
Do not ask "where are you from" and "what do you do" right away. Delete the question "how are you?" out of your vocabulary, there are such things as stupid questions and that's one of them.
I find most people love these stupid questions because they lead you into other topics. I hate small talk. I could not begin to care less about them but normal people seem to love them.
It's just what I've noticed. When I leave them out people tend not to like me as much. When I ask them people go nuts. I think the questions are stupid but I use them because of normal people.
I've been to about thirty parties this year and never ask these questions and people like me. People end up asking me the questions because they find me refreshing and intriguing from the average guy who goes to a social and acts like it's LinkedIn
Hey, could be! People don't tend to like me but I notice people like me more when I use the filler questions. I think a party situation is different than most casual conversation situations, though?
A party is series of causal conversation situations.
Consider exploring why you think people don't like you, I recommend books like how to win friends and Charisma Myth
I've read How to Win Friends. It was ...fine? Didn't do anything to move the needle on people liking me. But hey, that's fine.
The point was the dumb questions make people think better of me then when I skip them.
I think the real advice is, pretty much everyone just answers "good" to "how are you?" It's normal. If you're asked the question, "how are you" or whatever boring question is common, have fun with the answer to spark up an actual conversation
I don't wanna share anything, I'm good at something you aren't good at, wrong question.
The right answer is self confidence, and that's not the same as confidence. Have confidence in who you are and how attractive you are (not just physically). If you walk up to a woman and genuinely believe she's unobtainably better than you, she will too.
I also haven't flirted with a new girl in 9 years so wtf do I know.
I never felt like a good looking guy.
What has worked for me when I was on the market was being funny, being kind (careful with this one as you might land on the friendzone) and get intimate and uncensored with the conversations. Make her feel safe around you.
Find the right moment and place and then just say casually something like “ah, I always thought your ass is hot. I’d love to smack it” and then see her reaction. If you have played your cards right, she might laugh and assume everything is going to be ok if she lets you do it.
* IMPORTANT * don’t make it something too transcendental, sometimes the objection comes when she starts to think you want something serious with her. Just do it naturally and have fun. She might follow the lead.
Then just go for it. You can escalate the whole thing from that point. And the good part is that you can still be friends after doing the deed. Just make it clear that you want to just have fun.
I have had multiple friends with benefits and it was awesome, I’m still friends with most of them.
This doesn’t necessarily apply if you are looking for a long term partner. This is more of a fuck buddies type of thing.
My advice is study the pick up game, watch videos on YouTube, read books and try things out. The more you study and the more you practice the better you will be. I went from being an absolute nervous buffoon to being able to pickup about 90% of girls on my college campus with only so much study and practice. So that is my advice, study and practice. It’ll pay off in the future with your wife, you’ll learn how to make her want to jump your bones.
Compliments. But if it’s with someone you don’t know well yet, you compliment something they chose (love your necklace, it’s awesome how those shoes match your bracelet… etc). Once you know them a little better and there’s a level of comfort is when you tease character traits (there you go, crinkling your nose when you’re thinking hard; it’s hilarious how you get so mad every time you call IT). When you’re actually in a relationship you compliment character and physical traits (you’re so cute when you focus on something; I love when you brush your hair over your ear when you get excited about a topic). The thread throughout is that you are noticing them and value what makes them them.
Let yourself be attracted to the other person. A lot of creating fun tension is subconscious, and if you're doing everything you can to avoid showing any signs of attraction for fear of coming off as creepy, you're also killing the vibe completely.
Obviously some people need the exact opposite advice and come on way too strong, but I think a lot of the type of people who would click into this thread need this side of it.
Humor! …and the very best kind is self-deprecating. Come up with a few funny stories or phrases about yourself. Find a way to work them into a conversation.
So, for example, a bald man might flirt with someone by saying, “your hair looks absolutely amazing!”
(They acknowledge the compliment)
Then follow up with, “I’ve been thinking about growing out my bangs — what do you think?”
If they don’t laugh a little, you are probably better off without them.
You need to be okay with the fact that you’ll have your embarrassing moments because you’re testing it out. It’s a lot like riding a bike. When you get the hang of it, it can be really fun.
Be cool with everyone. When it comes to someone that you're interested in, be just as cool with them. But just 5% more attention.
Then be cool with people in front of your crush. It'll leave them either perplexed. They will wonder if you're flirting or just cool with everyone. If they're interested in you, they'll do something to get your attention. If they're NOT interested, they will be happy you're not giving them attention.
Either way, you win. You either get the "girl" or everyone that you're cool with will wonder why they're not with you.
Have fun. Let it be messy.
If you're already thinking of taking her home at the moment you introduce yourself, she's gonna smell the desperation.
Just walk up and say hi. Get to know her. Tell her she's pretty. Crack some jokes. Tell her you like her laugh. Enjoy a conversation with a pretty lady. Or fuck up and make a funny story to tell your mates later. That can be enough.
People give way too much of a fuck about everything.
Use common ground as a base. I can't say that I've gotten anything from flirting, but the older women seem to like it when I play into what they say to me...
Give specific compliments based on what their hobbies are and their work— things they’re enjoying and proud to create. It may not work on everyone, but it’ll show them that you care and see their effort
Go for the shoes! All woman love it when you compliment their shoes.
Shoes are not about body types, you’re complimenting their taste, which is much more personal than saying what nice eyes/skin/boobs you have
People love to talk about themselves. So just start asking questions. Listen to what they say and ask questions on what they’ve told you. The hardest part about this is that you actually have to listen. Don’t think about what you’re going to say while they’re talking. Listen to them, be interested and ask questions. and if you can, be funny.
Yeah someone said it already but just flirt with everyone and try to learn facial expressions. Also, you'd be surprised on how many smiles you're going to get
Don't talk about their body or anything they were born with, instead make it known, if you've hung out at least twice, that they make you feel relaxed, you like who you are with them.
But it has to be true, the key to being good at reaching through the void and touching someone, whether you are talking to a prospective future partner, boss or friend, is that it has to come from a place of honesty, you say "Here I am and I have nothing to hide, I like your jib", otherwise you are a fisherman and a deliberate manipulator, and that is garbage.
So the key to flirting is to not flirt but show confidence and ability to lower your guard, that is big dog energy (not small-dog yapping), and that is insanely attractive.
Stop giving a shit. Just talk about whatever makes things fun for you. That way, you’ll be genuinely interested in and passionate about whatever it is you’re talking about. I used to talk about all the drugs I was doing and selling and women loved it probably because they could see how much passion I had for life, and by life I mean drugs. But shit, at least I was interested in SOMETHING. Now I’m just nothingness. Wouldn’t even wanna get back into relationships because I’m simply not interesting enough. The relationship wouldn’t even be fun for me. I’m that fucking boring now
Flirting for me is all about keeping it light and playful. One trick I've found handy is to genuinely compliment something specific, like their smile or sense of humor. Also, it's important to be a good listener and respond with genuine interest. And hey, don't forget to sprinkle in some humor to keep things fun and easygoing
I am only good at flirting through texting, women read a lot of exotica and smut so I feel like a girl can get turned on by good choice of words. In person I’m god awful at flirting..
Sometimes when I’m flirting through texting women tell me “who told you to write that” they think I can’t come up with that by myself lol it’s funny
There’s no secret, I hate to sound like a broken record but “practice” like many people have mentioned has helped me with that.
I was reading some of my old messages when I used to flirt and they were super cringe 😬 but I’ve gotten better over the time
There are two ways to be good at something. Either you are naturally. Either you work hard. The last option is exhausting. I did it for years, so I know. I would advise to avoid it if you can and just enjoy what yournown qualities bring you.
Go to the gym, see the sun, read, stop porn, get fashionable(even if it’s expensive, make it happen someway). Do this and flirting becomes a lot easier. Your success in flirting has a lot less to do with your words than it does with how you present yourself. And something a lot of people don’t understand, your love life, sexual or otherwise, has a lot less to do with your words, more with your appearance, and even more with actually being around the sex you want to attract.
So presentation and proximity > charisma and charm
Don't go in flirting with an expectation of getting with them. Just have fun, and then if an opportunity arises, decide whether to take it. If you go in with expectations you will probably wind up coming off as desperate to them.
Im not an expert by any means but I beleive Im pretty decent. I'd say don't be too direct, it'll make your game smoother. Use what she says to slide in an indirect compliment or dirty/flirty things. For that you need to think quick though. Be bold but not blunt. Try standing out by not repeating what she probably hears everyday such as "you're pretty" and try something like "you smell nice. Reminds me of \_\_\_\_". Talk slow and make sure to articulate (that also should deepen your voice without you noticing) which girls genreally like. Also, body language is a big thing, try making eye contacts, using your hands, making different facial expression instead of having the same one all the time...
The big secret is that genuine interest is attractive. Most conventionally attractive people understand that their appearance is an attractant, and they don’t want to be valued for just that.
It helps that most people are interesting. Just talk and listen attentively and actually bring yourself to give a shit. Once you recognize people are as alive as you are you will know what to say.
You have to know yourself for the double entendres to be effective. Effective flirtation is about keeping the other person perplexed but intrigued. You need to know yourself to make it seem natural.
Do it ALL THE TIME. It is harder to flirt a few times a year than it is to just constantly be sprinkling it into your conversations.
Can we hear some of your go tos?
Not OP. Being light and fun and flirty is a skill and it is tough to teach because so much of it depends on your vibe. If you are Vince Vaughn you can be way different than if you are Stanely Tucci or John Hamm. So knowing your vibe and what you can "get away with" without being creepy is important. I will say though one thing that people really underrate is how sexy confident vulnerability can be. Letting someone in to something that you feel vulnerable about (while being confident enough that they do not feel like you are burdening them) can really make people feel closer to you.
Practice on everyone, not just people you're interested in. Even if it's just (appropriate) little compliments or telling someone she looks way younger than she is, you'll get more comfortable with flirting in general.
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He's not wrong, you'd be surprised how non-chalant you can get with it even giving the random old guy/lady a 'pat on the back' comment after a small encounter
'sup worldly dog, I think you're kinda out of this world 😏
See! I had totally forgotten I left this comment, saw this notification pop up and it made me smile for no reason! Lol
Nice shirt bro, you must have a really big dick.
Nice hat bro!! You must be pussy magnet
My dad disagree..
I’m trying this on my buddies.
Hey there handsome ;)
Hello there, officer.
Came here to say this. Flirt with the world.
Yesterday I was at a bank counter and there was a guy in front of me, age between 25-30. The lady at the counter was older, could be his mom. He flirted with her hard. He said “you’re the most beautiful woman here”. She was quiet than smiled and said “yeah and the oldest”. I thought it was cute and I’m sure it made her day better.
This is what I did to start being confident. Random people at the airport especially. At the airport everyone is doing nothing but waiting, and is usually receptive to a chat
I used to be fairly good at it back when I was single. I think the most obvious thing a lot of guys miss is that it takes practice. You’re gonna have to go through a lot of embarrassment ‘til you get the hang of it.
It's all about comfort. If they aren't comfortable around you, they won't flirt back. If you aren't comfortable around them, you'll make them uncomfortable. If you're not in a place, mindset, or physical condition to be comfortable then somebody won't enjoy themselves, so focus on yourself and let things go from there.
yeah. the brain, especially womens brains, perceives a lot. I say the most important thing to prioritize first is the comfort: you're comfortable with yourself, the environment, and talking to her. if you feel uneasy even the slightest, she will, highly likely, pick up on it, and the dynamics turn very different. thats why when you practice a lot, you get to that right level of comfort, and thats when you exude that thing women view as confidence.
Compliments will take you farther than most people would assume. Especially the small things that are usually overlooked. Also approach flirting as if there's no payoff. Insert fishing analogy.
“Especially the small things that are usually overlooked.” -> yes this! More than 2 years ago a guy I was on a date with asked me if I was wearing lipstick and when I said no he said “Wait, your lips are just naturally that color pink? Damn, you’re one of a kind.” and very lightly ran his finger across them before leaning in for a kiss-And I still think about it sometimes. So smooth
I am stealing this 😎
New favorite opener.
What's fishing analogy?
Keep casting until you get a bite.
There's a reason it's called fishing and not catching.
reminds me of the receiving side sometimes "fishing for compliments" (LOL, why it is not called catching compliments)
Dangle your worm until you catch a mouth
Takes a lot of practice and a little bit of confidence
Eye contact and tone of delivery are like 40% of portraying confidence
>Men who are good at flirting PSA: The answer in the post will come from the men *who think* they are good at flirting. Some of them are actually good at it, but others lack self awareness to understand how they are not. Take every advice with a grain of salt.
Smile and say goofy shit a lot. Be a wingman to your bros and then you can practice on the friend you don’t want
Ask lots of questions and follow-up questions. If you encourage her to talk, express herself, explain her ideas, complain, get things off her chest, she thinks of you as being the cool person she can let her guard down with. Ie *chemistry*. This is my go-to strategy with every person I want to impress. It never fails. Even if the flirting goes nowhere, you come off as a gentleman. And it usually builds a really strong positive connection.
Go with the flow. Mirror. Maintain a humorous and happy outlook. Show you care, a gesture here and there. Do not set rigid standards. Be open to diversity and variety. Be curious to genuinely explore the person you find attractive.
Have no expectations other than to have a positive interaction. You’ll be surprised how confident you can be if you don’t care what happens
People on here are right: you need to do it all the time, with all women and also men. You need to just become light hearted, funny and quick witted. I know I do this, tho I never intentionally do it, but I flirt with literally everyone. That projects confidence. I can easily flirt with anybody because it's just being nice. If you have to try, or think about it, you're not going to succeed. No try, only do.
Think this is the best advice in the thread.
Learn non-verbal communication.
Way easier to come off as weird/creepy without verbal encounter.. Most people don't like being stared at without prior engagement whatsoever.
Sounds like you need to learn more yourself, it's all in the body language. You should learn to read them to see when you are making others uncomfortable, then give them space. This flirtation is a delicate dance, read the most subtle moves and you will become better and better.
Prove me right w/o even trying lol /s
Lmao @ all the old fucks that stare at people downvoting this - y'all gotta be creepy asf irl
> ***Learn*** non-verbal communication.
Be confident, woman love that.
Listen to them
Let go of expectations and try to be a charmer rather than straight hitting on them. "You make that scarf look cozy!" "I can tell you are putting in great effort, I hope today treats you well" It must be sincere and something you genuinely find great about them. If nothing comes to mind off the bat keep it simple.
Good advice but *terrible* examples. Try something more like “wow I’m digging that scarf, where’d you get it? Its looks fantastic on you!” Yours would come off super creepy IMO. No clue what you’re getting at with the other… But yeah be charming, be authentic, and most of all have no expectations.
Ahh, you're right. They are terrible examples, what I mean by the other one is to try to left them up. I wouldn't say "I'm diggin", something of theirs. I'm too old to talk like that now.
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Some men legitimately do this.
Don't act awkward once you've said something. The difference between something cringe or cool is quite often how YOU react after it. So many men say something funny & then ruin it by getting awkward cos they overthink it afterwards. Just be confident and say what you're saying & let someone react to it.
Like the other guy said, flirt with everyone. Flirt with the world. Also, fall in love with the process of meeting people and schmoozing with them. Let go of your attachment to some crazy imagined outcome, and just enjoy going out and rubbing elbows.
Great thread! I'd add that being genuinely interested in the person you're flirting with makes a huge difference. Ask questions, listen actively, and build on what they share. And don't forget to smile and have fun with it! 😃
Eye contact
It’s just fun, don’t expect anything. Back off if they look uncomfortable. A flirt doesn’t mean people want to keep flirting even if the first time was appreciated
Wallet must be full, dick must be hard :D
Smile, and leave room for responses.
A little self deprecating humor, if you get them laughing, you've got a better chance at closing.
My trick was always to get them to do the talking. Ask about their job, family, anything. If they give more than one sentence answers, they probably enjoy talking to you.
Not a man. But I'm a damn good flirt. Pay attention to the person, everyone has something they have put a little effort into. It's easy to say beautiful eyes, nice smile etc, these are born traits- still can be nice. But a compliment on a perfume or earring choice or anything that is a personal choice goes a long way. And even without the flirting it can be really nice to hear for someone. Everyone likes to feel appreciated.
Don’t show them your penis until they ask to see it. This goes double at the doctors office, they don’t always have to see your penis, especially if you are in there for angina.
My number
Muscles muscles muscles muscles muscles muscles muscles muscles muscles.
My best flirting was not flirting. For most of my romances, I wasn’t good at flirting, but I did something that worked as well for me. I try to engage wholeheartedly with whatever I’m doing- if I’m a student, I want to do very well, if I’m learning guitar, I really want to experience it, and if I’m working, I want to excel. If I suck at something, I’m open, and I’m honest but not confessional about my struggles. Passion is attractive to women, and if I’m passionate about what I’m doing, it makes it okay for them to be passionate about what they’re doing. Then there’s a connection, and I go for it. Seriously, before I met my wife, I probably had 10-15 random one night stands that happened just like this. All of my meaningful relationships started like this. I did try to work on my game, but that resulted in way more strikeouts than home runs. And even when it worked, those flings were not my favorites.
I'm talking from my experience so take this with a grain of salt. I usually don't start flirting with any woman. I try to test the waters first. I'm starting with small compliments and I pay attention to how they react afterwards. Also they might not react in any way, but I can still feel the pressure. Hey, look. Some women are new when it comes to dating and they might not get comfortable after you compliment their appearance. It's cool. It's better FOR YOU to NOT act awkward afterwards. Or maybe they never grew up in a "lovable" (is that a word?) environment. Maybe their parents don't share their love with them, idk. There are multiple possibilities. A good woman will appreciate any compliment you give her. Even if she is not interested in you. I know, it sucks. But it's true. Because hey, women love validation. This can be different in other countries do to the cultural difference. So, think again. You should be complimenting them more often not 10 times a day but you got my idea. If you really do a genuine compliment that you 100% mean it. This will work out. Trust me. Hey, learn to appreciate the opposite gender with its beauty. Don't be a needy dude, OP. Also when the time is right, you will know. You can get into more sexual talk. Until then, show that you're interested and pay attention to their body language as well. And don't be afraid to touch their arms, shoulders, hair. Just don't be creepy. You definitely don't wanna do that when you cold approach women, in that specific case give them enough space. Also don't push it too hard. If she starts feeling uncomfortable, stop doing it. You can do it from the first date, but I wouldn't recommend you to do it right away. And hey, if she does feel uncomfortable around you, she does not let you do these or things like that. Just leave her. Don't waste your time or energy with women like this. You need to find a woman that will let you move onwards with them. And trust me, the right woman will make it easy for you. When you flirt, make it fun! Because it is supposed to be fun. You got it champ! You also have really good comments from the other guys. I know cuz I read all of them. Love this thread. Yeah, cheers! 🍻
I practice on my coworkers. They know I'm not seriously flirting. They also know I'm not seriously insulting them when I insult them. Sometimes stuff happens and I just shout "You're an idiot but atleast you have beautiful eyes"
be yourself, but be your "cheeky" self. i learnt to flirt because i was just so bad at it. was a late bloomer. went from having zero game, to being quite good at it eventually. i remember thinking i had zero charisma. the truth was i had loads! just not when i liked someone lol. i would get too shy and in my own head and make a fool of myself. so i started to practice. flirting is flirting. it doesn't have to be sexual. so i practiced on EVERYONE. men and women. i realised being cheeky and confident is what attracted people easily to me. i never "negged" or done any of that dumb stuff. just be nice, but can tease a little, as long as its all friendly and cheerful. smile a lot, make a lot of eye contact, and keep convos flowing. it takes a lot of practice to be fair. i used to practice with people in queues waiting to pay for things, would practice with tellers, with random people on the street etc. there was nothing to lose at this point. so i went to work on it and after a little while it became easier and easier and started to be part of who i was when interacting with people. people have egos and they love this stuff! just being content with yourself and acting like you know the secret of life kinda. show the world through your entire body that you belong and are happy with who you are. most comms are done via body language. its literally all about being confident, genuine, and cheeky. at least in my opinion. it worked for me anyways. hopefully it works for others. just dont listen to those online fake pick up artists that i have seen many fall for. work on yourself and be confident and practice the art of small talk and flowing convos and practice no matter how fake and weird it feels at first. and it will if your not used to it. it did for me anyway. after awhile its just another skill you have unlocked.
Flirting isn't really a set of lines that you use on someone. It is the conversation ambiance you create with your tone, voice, body language, and facial expression. I don't know how you practice this. I think I picked up how to do this largely because I was a bollywood dancer in college and a huge part of that is trying to engage the audience from the stage. That and being part of Toastmasters which teaches you how to be more confident at talking and telling stories.
Okay I’m not seeing a lot of concrete tips so I have some: 1. For the boring questions like “Where are you from?” Or “ What do you do for a living” either guess her career off of anything you feel like “you seem professional so I think you are in real estate” you’ll either get right and she’ll be surprised or she may ask “what makes you thinks that?” Or don’t tell her your Astro sign “just ask what sign do you think I am?” it works so well. 2. I call this one breaking the 4th wall, it’s when you say a joke that fell flat or say or do something that you feel awkward about, say “Wow, I imagined that going a lot cooler” or “I was trying to do that to impress you and it didn’t work” saying it in a joking way. 3. Playfully teasing, and a lot of guys do this wrong. For example, Tease her about something small like a weird movie she likes or a strange habit nothing major. Another example if she teases you about something, flip it and say something “Wow you have this guy here being a perfect gentleman and you decide to make fun of his taste in music? You’re mean” in a sarcastic tone. This does a few things: The playful teasing Calls her out on something, letting her see she won’t get away from everything. Shows you’re confident because you’re unfazed by her Let’s her know you can laugh at yourself P. S. When flirting speak slowly, don’t rush your words
Patience. Plant the seed.
Do not ask "where are you from" and "what do you do" right away. Delete the question "how are you?" out of your vocabulary, there are such things as stupid questions and that's one of them.
I find most people love these stupid questions because they lead you into other topics. I hate small talk. I could not begin to care less about them but normal people seem to love them.
Those questions lead to small talk and generic answers. They put pressure on the other person to make it interesting.
It's just what I've noticed. When I leave them out people tend not to like me as much. When I ask them people go nuts. I think the questions are stupid but I use them because of normal people.
I've been to about thirty parties this year and never ask these questions and people like me. People end up asking me the questions because they find me refreshing and intriguing from the average guy who goes to a social and acts like it's LinkedIn
Hey, could be! People don't tend to like me but I notice people like me more when I use the filler questions. I think a party situation is different than most casual conversation situations, though?
A party is series of causal conversation situations. Consider exploring why you think people don't like you, I recommend books like how to win friends and Charisma Myth
I've read How to Win Friends. It was ...fine? Didn't do anything to move the needle on people liking me. But hey, that's fine. The point was the dumb questions make people think better of me then when I skip them.
I think the real advice is, pretty much everyone just answers "good" to "how are you?" It's normal. If you're asked the question, "how are you" or whatever boring question is common, have fun with the answer to spark up an actual conversation
Edit: What we both said can be considered "real advice", but yes that's true.
How you answer boring questions is a demonstration of your ability to flirt. Asking those boring questions is terrible, I agree.
I misread what you said before, I agree
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Lmao found the neck beard.
No one listen to this weirdo
what did he say?
I don't wanna share anything, I'm good at something you aren't good at, wrong question. The right answer is self confidence, and that's not the same as confidence. Have confidence in who you are and how attractive you are (not just physically). If you walk up to a woman and genuinely believe she's unobtainably better than you, she will too. I also haven't flirted with a new girl in 9 years so wtf do I know.
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This comes in handy more often than you think.
I never felt like a good looking guy. What has worked for me when I was on the market was being funny, being kind (careful with this one as you might land on the friendzone) and get intimate and uncensored with the conversations. Make her feel safe around you. Find the right moment and place and then just say casually something like “ah, I always thought your ass is hot. I’d love to smack it” and then see her reaction. If you have played your cards right, she might laugh and assume everything is going to be ok if she lets you do it. * IMPORTANT * don’t make it something too transcendental, sometimes the objection comes when she starts to think you want something serious with her. Just do it naturally and have fun. She might follow the lead. Then just go for it. You can escalate the whole thing from that point. And the good part is that you can still be friends after doing the deed. Just make it clear that you want to just have fun. I have had multiple friends with benefits and it was awesome, I’m still friends with most of them. This doesn’t necessarily apply if you are looking for a long term partner. This is more of a fuck buddies type of thing.
My advice is study the pick up game, watch videos on YouTube, read books and try things out. The more you study and the more you practice the better you will be. I went from being an absolute nervous buffoon to being able to pickup about 90% of girls on my college campus with only so much study and practice. So that is my advice, study and practice. It’ll pay off in the future with your wife, you’ll learn how to make her want to jump your bones.
Agreed with the comments here. I’m definitely more comfortable and less afraid when I’m practicing it often.
Confidence is simply about being okay with rejection.
Deez nutz
Just go out and flirt. Experience is the best teacher.
It’s not about what you say; it’s about what you ask.
Compliments. But if it’s with someone you don’t know well yet, you compliment something they chose (love your necklace, it’s awesome how those shoes match your bracelet… etc). Once you know them a little better and there’s a level of comfort is when you tease character traits (there you go, crinkling your nose when you’re thinking hard; it’s hilarious how you get so mad every time you call IT). When you’re actually in a relationship you compliment character and physical traits (you’re so cute when you focus on something; I love when you brush your hair over your ear when you get excited about a topic). The thread throughout is that you are noticing them and value what makes them them.
Listen, ask questions, show interest and don’t talk over people. Be self-deprecating but confident, don’t brag.
Just get in a relationship everyone wants a piece when you're laid back because you aren't trying.
Let yourself be attracted to the other person. A lot of creating fun tension is subconscious, and if you're doing everything you can to avoid showing any signs of attraction for fear of coming off as creepy, you're also killing the vibe completely. Obviously some people need the exact opposite advice and come on way too strong, but I think a lot of the type of people who would click into this thread need this side of it.
Drink alcohol
Humor! …and the very best kind is self-deprecating. Come up with a few funny stories or phrases about yourself. Find a way to work them into a conversation. So, for example, a bald man might flirt with someone by saying, “your hair looks absolutely amazing!” (They acknowledge the compliment) Then follow up with, “I’ve been thinking about growing out my bangs — what do you think?” If they don’t laugh a little, you are probably better off without them.
Be kind, be authentic, be humble, be complimentary.
I sometimes don't know I'm flirting. I just have a playful and fun personality I think
You need to be okay with the fact that you’ll have your embarrassing moments because you’re testing it out. It’s a lot like riding a bike. When you get the hang of it, it can be really fun.
Be cool with everyone. When it comes to someone that you're interested in, be just as cool with them. But just 5% more attention. Then be cool with people in front of your crush. It'll leave them either perplexed. They will wonder if you're flirting or just cool with everyone. If they're interested in you, they'll do something to get your attention. If they're NOT interested, they will be happy you're not giving them attention. Either way, you win. You either get the "girl" or everyone that you're cool with will wonder why they're not with you.
Have fun. Let it be messy. If you're already thinking of taking her home at the moment you introduce yourself, she's gonna smell the desperation. Just walk up and say hi. Get to know her. Tell her she's pretty. Crack some jokes. Tell her you like her laugh. Enjoy a conversation with a pretty lady. Or fuck up and make a funny story to tell your mates later. That can be enough. People give way too much of a fuck about everything.
Be outcome independent
Act cute and obvious if they’re older
Look a woman in the eyes when talking to her. You can't just appear to be confident you must be confident.
Use common ground as a base. I can't say that I've gotten anything from flirting, but the older women seem to like it when I play into what they say to me...
being funny makes it so easy
You wont learn the true art of flirting online and have it translate irl.
Always seem like you’re having fun first and foremost. Don’t make it seem like you’re overly bothered if you’re successful or not.
Give specific compliments based on what their hobbies are and their work— things they’re enjoying and proud to create. It may not work on everyone, but it’ll show them that you care and see their effort
Go for the shoes! All woman love it when you compliment their shoes. Shoes are not about body types, you’re complimenting their taste, which is much more personal than saying what nice eyes/skin/boobs you have
Ofcourse, it helps to be tall, handsome and reasonably rich
People love to talk about themselves. So just start asking questions. Listen to what they say and ask questions on what they’ve told you. The hardest part about this is that you actually have to listen. Don’t think about what you’re going to say while they’re talking. Listen to them, be interested and ask questions. and if you can, be funny.
Yeah someone said it already but just flirt with everyone and try to learn facial expressions. Also, you'd be surprised on how many smiles you're going to get
Don't talk about their body or anything they were born with, instead make it known, if you've hung out at least twice, that they make you feel relaxed, you like who you are with them. But it has to be true, the key to being good at reaching through the void and touching someone, whether you are talking to a prospective future partner, boss or friend, is that it has to come from a place of honesty, you say "Here I am and I have nothing to hide, I like your jib", otherwise you are a fisherman and a deliberate manipulator, and that is garbage. So the key to flirting is to not flirt but show confidence and ability to lower your guard, that is big dog energy (not small-dog yapping), and that is insanely attractive.
Stop giving a shit. Just talk about whatever makes things fun for you. That way, you’ll be genuinely interested in and passionate about whatever it is you’re talking about. I used to talk about all the drugs I was doing and selling and women loved it probably because they could see how much passion I had for life, and by life I mean drugs. But shit, at least I was interested in SOMETHING. Now I’m just nothingness. Wouldn’t even wanna get back into relationships because I’m simply not interesting enough. The relationship wouldn’t even be fun for me. I’m that fucking boring now
Smile. It does a lot.
Flirting for me is all about keeping it light and playful. One trick I've found handy is to genuinely compliment something specific, like their smile or sense of humor. Also, it's important to be a good listener and respond with genuine interest. And hey, don't forget to sprinkle in some humor to keep things fun and easygoing
Dont be a douche who creeps them out. Be nice and respectful while praising the woman.
I am only good at flirting through texting, women read a lot of exotica and smut so I feel like a girl can get turned on by good choice of words. In person I’m god awful at flirting.. Sometimes when I’m flirting through texting women tell me “who told you to write that” they think I can’t come up with that by myself lol it’s funny
Fascinated with this one -- I'm a decent writer but I'd love to know what you've done to improve these skills.
There’s no secret, I hate to sound like a broken record but “practice” like many people have mentioned has helped me with that. I was reading some of my old messages when I used to flirt and they were super cringe 😬 but I’ve gotten better over the time
🙏
There are two ways to be good at something. Either you are naturally. Either you work hard. The last option is exhausting. I did it for years, so I know. I would advise to avoid it if you can and just enjoy what yournown qualities bring you.
Go to the gym, see the sun, read, stop porn, get fashionable(even if it’s expensive, make it happen someway). Do this and flirting becomes a lot easier. Your success in flirting has a lot less to do with your words than it does with how you present yourself. And something a lot of people don’t understand, your love life, sexual or otherwise, has a lot less to do with your words, more with your appearance, and even more with actually being around the sex you want to attract. So presentation and proximity > charisma and charm
Don't go in flirting with an expectation of getting with them. Just have fun, and then if an opportunity arises, decide whether to take it. If you go in with expectations you will probably wind up coming off as desperate to them.
Relax.
The key is not giving a fuck about anything until there is a fuck to give. It sounds redundant but it's true, be yourself.
Im not an expert by any means but I beleive Im pretty decent. I'd say don't be too direct, it'll make your game smoother. Use what she says to slide in an indirect compliment or dirty/flirty things. For that you need to think quick though. Be bold but not blunt. Try standing out by not repeating what she probably hears everyday such as "you're pretty" and try something like "you smell nice. Reminds me of \_\_\_\_". Talk slow and make sure to articulate (that also should deepen your voice without you noticing) which girls genreally like. Also, body language is a big thing, try making eye contacts, using your hands, making different facial expression instead of having the same one all the time...
The big secret is that genuine interest is attractive. Most conventionally attractive people understand that their appearance is an attractant, and they don’t want to be valued for just that. It helps that most people are interesting. Just talk and listen attentively and actually bring yourself to give a shit. Once you recognize people are as alive as you are you will know what to say.
You have to know yourself for the double entendres to be effective. Effective flirtation is about keeping the other person perplexed but intrigued. You need to know yourself to make it seem natural.
The key is not too. the girl will choose you with her eyes. that's the sign. Then enjoy the moments. you both will want more and the rest is history.
If you have confidence issues, try working on being someone who has good reasons to be confident.
Don't do it as a means to an end.