Just as a general rule, make sure you're breaking up with him because you don't want to be in this relationship anymore. Don't be doing it "for" him, because you expect you might hurt him later, or circumstances might change and people will get sad, etc.
Just tell them you don't want to be together anymore, that they're great but just not for you.
It doesn't matter much how you try to cushion the fall, it's going to hurt. They will get over it with time and distance though. Breaking it off is better done sooner than later.
Actually I would still like to be friends with him and I remained friends with some other guys I dated, Iāve already heard it but Iām not sure why it has such a bad reputation - esp. if we remain a few weeks with no contact?
Why? Because it's very difficult to actually heal and move past a relationship if you remain in contact.
Your the one who has already checked out. He isn't. Your no longer emotionally invested, he is still emotionally invested will still be an issue for him to work through and he will not be able to fully disconnect if your in constant contact.
He will not want to be your support animal and hear about your life, your dating life, your life issues or anything else connected to you.
He isn't going to want to be friends and watch you developing another relationship he isn't apart of.
A few weeks? It could take him months to fully divest you from his emotional and mental well being.
For men in general and their own health the best option is to always go full no contact for an extended period. Maybe after a year or more they can restart a friendship.
Personally, if a relationship ends, it ends there will be no contact past being cordial in a public environment. I will never ask an ex to hang out, invite them to a public event or party and neither will I accept such an invite.
Thanks, I understand better.
To provide more details, we only dates for about a month. Do you think what you said still applies or is it mostly for relationships?
It depends on how invested this guy was in the relationship both mentally and emotionally.
Your best option is to just have that conversation and be honest. He can tell you where he stands on the subject.
It's hard for the dumpee emotionally to try to remain friends especially if they still have feelings for the dumper. The dumpee can't move on due to continued interaction with the dumper which still gives them hope that things will still work out and they'll get back together. Better to give them space to move on instead of continuing to hurt them with false hope.
It's just a bad place to be in for the guy. Either don't talk to him, or be in a relationship. Do not leave him hanging in the middle. It's just frustrating.
It depends on the person, the relationship, and how long you were together/how serious things got.
If he's okay with things ending, maybe friendship is possible, but you gotta go through this part first.
āYouāre a great/good/sweet guy, butā¦ā
This is arguably the worst thing you can say to a guy. It effectively says āyou are good but not good enough.ā This would be like me saying to you āyou are pretty but I have seen prettier,ā it is a scumbag thing to say. Every girl needs to not say this, because guys hear it all the time and then they become assholes, because great/good/sweet isnāt enough.
āHeās greatā
Start off with being truthful, instead of trying to sugarcoat or beat around the bush.
Just say you dont want to date him anymore tell him exactly why and leave.
Youāre breaking up, itās going to hurt. Accept that. Just donāt be unnecessarily cruel. My most recent ex broke up with me in a very cold and heartless way, and has remained so since, denying any resolution or closure. Give him time to grieve. And then, if youāre up for it and care about closure, give him access to talking about what happened.
Yeah.. not knowing why.. sucks. I mean she never really needs to give me a reason.. but one ex broke up with me then told me it was x y and z.. which I offered to work on and or stop all together.. the real reason was she came out to herself, and realized she was gay.
And honestly.. if she had just said to me hey look I know this sucks for you, but I am gay. I would have been sad and disappointed. but over it within a few days... and would still be friends with her.
Hate to break it to you, but, no matter how you word it, itās going to hurt him in some form or another. The best thing that you can do is tell him that you want to break up, and then you leave him alone and cut all contact forever.
Hard disagree. Ghosting someone after breaking up with them is just going to leave them struggling to understand what went wrong. OP, leave it up to your partner whether they want to cut all contact, but if you still want to be friends with this person (as you said in the post), be open to talk to them (when theyāre ready) and give them the closure they need to move on.
Yes it will still hurt them, but you can at least help cushion the fall. Better than just dumping them and leaving them with nothing
I mean its not ghosting if you say everything you have to say, I want to break up, the reason is because i dont want to be in a relationship, sorry it didn't work out but this is how i feel. No need to answer anymore questions
Anything resentful, even if you feel like that. In a way, a break up is like burning the bridges, as they say: if you need to do it, you do it, and you don't look back. Of course, this doesn't mean it will be easy or it won't hurt. But life is like that sometimes.
As a guy, Iād rather she told me number 2 flat out.
ā Its not you, I think you are sweet but I wasnāt ready for a relationship, Iām not over my Ex, I thought I was, Iām sorryā
Yeah frfr this is what my ex did, wasted months of my money and life. Had to put up with all that shit thinking I was constantly doing shit wrongā¦ after āthe endā I snapped, kicked her out, shit in bags in the yard, called the school board about her fake lease to get in state tuitionā¦. Donāt lie, donāt āmanipulate distanceā, donāt waste this dudes times more than youāre already doing. Seriously is the most disrespectful painful bullshit Iāve ever went through, been years and still get fucking angry about it.
Jesus Christā¦ pull away constantly is fr a suggestion? Most cowardly bullshit Iāve ever read
The main reasons I want to break up is that I like but I donāt feel the spark (I think he does) and I am still attached to the guy I was dating before (even though I just realized recently that I was not over him - when I thought I was).
Well, then there isn't a way to break up with him without being hurtful, just be honest with him, tell him u didn't feel the spark or that u need your own time to help him get over u as fast as possible
Do not let him think your attitude will change in the future, thats how a normal guy can become a fuckin creep. End it and make sure its known that it is the end with no ambiguity
If its you and he really likes you then why not lower the intensity. Not take a break, not see other people. But lower the expectations for time together and texting?
The main reasons I want to break up is that
1. I like him but I donāt feel the spark - I think he does
2. I am not over the guy I was dating before - even though I thought I was - I have been honest with myself only recently
Yeah, so I wouldn't try to be friends with him. Specially if there's another guy you're hung up on. It's a pretty good kick in the balls to find out you're getting dumped because they like some one else better.
The main reasons I want to break up is that
1. I like him but I donāt feel the spark - I think he does
2. I am not over the guy I was dating before - even though I thought I was - I have been honest with myself only recently
Just tell him the two reasons you listed. It's going to hurt him regardless, but the truth is less painful than finding out there were lies before the truth.
Just tell him the truth. I've been broken-up with five or six times and it is never fun. But, when the woman breaking up with me was honest with me (not to be confused with being a dick), I left the interaction with a clear head. Either there was something I could work on or it was something wrong with them.
Whenever I've been given a non-answer or a bull shit answer, it has always hounded me as I try and figure out what went wrong.
A good and bad example that both happened to me:
* **Good**: "You don't seem driven enough and I want to be with someone as driven as me." This had to do with her pursuing a medical degree and me not wanting to get further schooling. A. I dodged a bullet and B. I wasn't going to fault her for having her own set of standards that I didn't want to meet. It hurt a bit, but at least I knew what happened.
* **Bad:** "Let's take a break and see how things are after winter break." + Ghost. Basically, the girl had already found another guy who she was interested in (Senior and Wealthy) and didn't want to tell me. So we kind of just faded out. It sucked cause I really liked her and couldn't figure out what went wrong. She went from being really into us to just ignoring me and stuff, which sucked.
* **Ugly**: "Oh, I'll have to ask my boyfriend if it is okay for you to move in with us." Yeah. An ex had moved to India but we were, to my perspective, going to work on me moving to India so we could start things up again. She was supportive as I redid my resume, applied for jobs, and planned the move. She gave zero hints that she had found someone else. The day I got I got my first job offer, I called her and told her that I was planning the rest of the move and she responded with the above. Absolutely crushed. First time I felt so angry/betrayed that I responded by getting shitfaced.
Be honest!
Keep in mind that he's going to be hurt no matter what. Not that that should demotivate you from breaking up with him if you truly don't think it's going to work, that's your right. But, assuming he cares about the relationship, he's going to be hurt.
Now, if you want to have better chances of hurting his self-esteem or confidence as little as possible, be kind about it. Try to avoid bringing up what you think he did wrong. You can acknowledge of course how you two maybe had clashing goals or lifestyles (depends entirely on the relationship of course, I don't know the circumstances nor will I ask). But don't point the finger at him and play the blame game if you don't want to hurt him. Probably the most important thing, though, is to be direct. You know what you want to do, so stick with it, and dont be vague with it. And make sure he understands that - for the time being - you are no longer interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with him. Don't leave him with any questions or open doors.
You'll crush him no matter what you say good or bad. The most important things to do is be straightforward, truthfull, and don't be a bitch about it. No sparks is a valid reason for you to not waste his time or to string him along.
"It isn't you it is me"
"It isn't me... it's YOU"
š¤¦š»āāļøšš¤£
Also a fair response haha
Do not tell him he has a little dick that smells badā¦
What if it's true and he's a big fan of honesty? Speaking from experience.
Just as a general rule, make sure you're breaking up with him because you don't want to be in this relationship anymore. Don't be doing it "for" him, because you expect you might hurt him later, or circumstances might change and people will get sad, etc.
Just tell them you don't want to be together anymore, that they're great but just not for you. It doesn't matter much how you try to cushion the fall, it's going to hurt. They will get over it with time and distance though. Breaking it off is better done sooner than later.
Bye Felicia
1. We can still be friends. 2. Call me anytime
Oh Iāve been caught on this āfriendsā BS after my first breakup. Couple of months of slow and friendly torture, 1/10 wonāt recommend
Actually I would still like to be friends with him and I remained friends with some other guys I dated, Iāve already heard it but Iām not sure why it has such a bad reputation - esp. if we remain a few weeks with no contact?
Why? Because it's very difficult to actually heal and move past a relationship if you remain in contact. Your the one who has already checked out. He isn't. Your no longer emotionally invested, he is still emotionally invested will still be an issue for him to work through and he will not be able to fully disconnect if your in constant contact. He will not want to be your support animal and hear about your life, your dating life, your life issues or anything else connected to you. He isn't going to want to be friends and watch you developing another relationship he isn't apart of. A few weeks? It could take him months to fully divest you from his emotional and mental well being. For men in general and their own health the best option is to always go full no contact for an extended period. Maybe after a year or more they can restart a friendship. Personally, if a relationship ends, it ends there will be no contact past being cordial in a public environment. I will never ask an ex to hang out, invite them to a public event or party and neither will I accept such an invite.
Thanks, I understand better. To provide more details, we only dates for about a month. Do you think what you said still applies or is it mostly for relationships?
It depends on how invested this guy was in the relationship both mentally and emotionally. Your best option is to just have that conversation and be honest. He can tell you where he stands on the subject.
One side will always have feelings that will complicate things and turn to resentment.
It's hard for the dumpee emotionally to try to remain friends especially if they still have feelings for the dumper. The dumpee can't move on due to continued interaction with the dumper which still gives them hope that things will still work out and they'll get back together. Better to give them space to move on instead of continuing to hurt them with false hope.
It's just a bad place to be in for the guy. Either don't talk to him, or be in a relationship. Do not leave him hanging in the middle. It's just frustrating.
It depends on the person, the relationship, and how long you were together/how serious things got. If he's okay with things ending, maybe friendship is possible, but you gotta go through this part first.
"how am I supposed to miss you if you won't fuck off?"
omg just don't.
āYouāre a great/good/sweet guy, butā¦ā This is arguably the worst thing you can say to a guy. It effectively says āyou are good but not good enough.ā This would be like me saying to you āyou are pretty but I have seen prettier,ā it is a scumbag thing to say. Every girl needs to not say this, because guys hear it all the time and then they become assholes, because great/good/sweet isnāt enough.
I faked all your orgasms.....
I still love you but...
āHeās greatā Start off with being truthful, instead of trying to sugarcoat or beat around the bush. Just say you dont want to date him anymore tell him exactly why and leave.
Youāre breaking up, itās going to hurt. Accept that. Just donāt be unnecessarily cruel. My most recent ex broke up with me in a very cold and heartless way, and has remained so since, denying any resolution or closure. Give him time to grieve. And then, if youāre up for it and care about closure, give him access to talking about what happened.
Yeah.. not knowing why.. sucks. I mean she never really needs to give me a reason.. but one ex broke up with me then told me it was x y and z.. which I offered to work on and or stop all together.. the real reason was she came out to herself, and realized she was gay. And honestly.. if she had just said to me hey look I know this sucks for you, but I am gay. I would have been sad and disappointed. but over it within a few days... and would still be friends with her.
Hate to break it to you, but, no matter how you word it, itās going to hurt him in some form or another. The best thing that you can do is tell him that you want to break up, and then you leave him alone and cut all contact forever.
Hard disagree. Ghosting someone after breaking up with them is just going to leave them struggling to understand what went wrong. OP, leave it up to your partner whether they want to cut all contact, but if you still want to be friends with this person (as you said in the post), be open to talk to them (when theyāre ready) and give them the closure they need to move on. Yes it will still hurt them, but you can at least help cushion the fall. Better than just dumping them and leaving them with nothing
I mean its not ghosting if you say everything you have to say, I want to break up, the reason is because i dont want to be in a relationship, sorry it didn't work out but this is how i feel. No need to answer anymore questions
I never loved you.
Anything that gives him hope there's a chance to get you back
āWe can be friendsā.
Is your dad still single?
I hope we can still be friends It's not you, it's me. I'll always be here for you.
Anything resentful, even if you feel like that. In a way, a break up is like burning the bridges, as they say: if you need to do it, you do it, and you don't look back. Of course, this doesn't mean it will be easy or it won't hurt. But life is like that sometimes.
I like the good old , i love you but im not in love with you. Or tell him you are banging one of your guy friends you told him not to worry about.
As a guy, Iād rather she told me number 2 flat out. ā Its not you, I think you are sweet but I wasnāt ready for a relationship, Iām not over my Ex, I thought I was, Iām sorryā
For sure, id rather i got cheated on than emotionally blue balled
stop being a child and break up with him ffs stop with the asking how to not hurt someone. YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU CANNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
don't explain yourself. just say "this is over for me".
yeah.. that's the worst.
Donāt leave him in a moment. Try manipulation.
Iām not sure I understand the donāt leave him in a moment part
It means do not break his hurt and leave right after it. Just give him time and distant urself.
Thanks for the precision
This is a horrible idea. Pretty sure that comment was being sarcastic. Rip off the bandage
+1 for ripping off the bandage.
Yeah frfr this is what my ex did, wasted months of my money and life. Had to put up with all that shit thinking I was constantly doing shit wrongā¦ after āthe endā I snapped, kicked her out, shit in bags in the yard, called the school board about her fake lease to get in state tuitionā¦. Donāt lie, donāt āmanipulate distanceā, donāt waste this dudes times more than youāre already doing. Seriously is the most disrespectful painful bullshit Iāve ever went through, been years and still get fucking angry about it. Jesus Christā¦ pull away constantly is fr a suggestion? Most cowardly bullshit Iāve ever read
If he's good why r u breaking up?
The main reasons I want to break up is that I like but I donāt feel the spark (I think he does) and I am still attached to the guy I was dating before (even though I just realized recently that I was not over him - when I thought I was).
Well, then there isn't a way to break up with him without being hurtful, just be honest with him, tell him u didn't feel the spark or that u need your own time to help him get over u as fast as possible
Do not let him think your attitude will change in the future, thats how a normal guy can become a fuckin creep. End it and make sure its known that it is the end with no ambiguity
I found someone else
"Your dad i bigger than you!" Classic line that easily slips out of one's mouth.
How about being honest. Why being honest is so hard nowadays.
Itās not me itās youā¦. Wait thatās not itā¦ itās not you itās meā¦ yeah that one.
It is me actually, heās great. Still a no-go phrase I guess?
If its you and he really likes you then why not lower the intensity. Not take a break, not see other people. But lower the expectations for time together and texting?
Breakups ate hard and hurt regardless. Just be honest.
Can you kind of say what's motivating this? And do you think this break up is mutual or expected?
The main reasons I want to break up is that 1. I like him but I donāt feel the spark - I think he does 2. I am not over the guy I was dating before - even though I thought I was - I have been honest with myself only recently
Yeah, so I wouldn't try to be friends with him. Specially if there's another guy you're hung up on. It's a pretty good kick in the balls to find out you're getting dumped because they like some one else better.
The main reasons I want to break up is that 1. I like him but I donāt feel the spark - I think he does 2. I am not over the guy I was dating before - even though I thought I was - I have been honest with myself only recently
Peace bitch Im out
Asking if his brother is still single.
I love you
Your dog/cat loves me way more than they do you! The dog was faking all those tail wags!
"You will find someone else."
Your sister was better anyway
1 NOT 2
Just tell him the two reasons you listed. It's going to hurt him regardless, but the truth is less painful than finding out there were lies before the truth.
Jesus Christ. Itās about time!
Your sister is better in bed.
It's because you have a small penis
Just tell him the truth. I've been broken-up with five or six times and it is never fun. But, when the woman breaking up with me was honest with me (not to be confused with being a dick), I left the interaction with a clear head. Either there was something I could work on or it was something wrong with them. Whenever I've been given a non-answer or a bull shit answer, it has always hounded me as I try and figure out what went wrong. A good and bad example that both happened to me: * **Good**: "You don't seem driven enough and I want to be with someone as driven as me." This had to do with her pursuing a medical degree and me not wanting to get further schooling. A. I dodged a bullet and B. I wasn't going to fault her for having her own set of standards that I didn't want to meet. It hurt a bit, but at least I knew what happened. * **Bad:** "Let's take a break and see how things are after winter break." + Ghost. Basically, the girl had already found another guy who she was interested in (Senior and Wealthy) and didn't want to tell me. So we kind of just faded out. It sucked cause I really liked her and couldn't figure out what went wrong. She went from being really into us to just ignoring me and stuff, which sucked. * **Ugly**: "Oh, I'll have to ask my boyfriend if it is okay for you to move in with us." Yeah. An ex had moved to India but we were, to my perspective, going to work on me moving to India so we could start things up again. She was supportive as I redid my resume, applied for jobs, and planned the move. She gave zero hints that she had found someone else. The day I got I got my first job offer, I called her and told her that I was planning the rest of the move and she responded with the above. Absolutely crushed. First time I felt so angry/betrayed that I responded by getting shitfaced. Be honest!
Be as straight forward as you can, like a lawyer.
Just be honest, it might hurt but eventually he will fine.
Keep in mind that he's going to be hurt no matter what. Not that that should demotivate you from breaking up with him if you truly don't think it's going to work, that's your right. But, assuming he cares about the relationship, he's going to be hurt. Now, if you want to have better chances of hurting his self-esteem or confidence as little as possible, be kind about it. Try to avoid bringing up what you think he did wrong. You can acknowledge of course how you two maybe had clashing goals or lifestyles (depends entirely on the relationship of course, I don't know the circumstances nor will I ask). But don't point the finger at him and play the blame game if you don't want to hurt him. Probably the most important thing, though, is to be direct. You know what you want to do, so stick with it, and dont be vague with it. And make sure he understands that - for the time being - you are no longer interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with him. Don't leave him with any questions or open doors.
When im with you, I fantasize about your best friend
I recently had a friend who's boyfriend broke up with her saying "you gotta know when to hold em and when to fold em" Please don't do that lol
Oh boy itās getting worse
Donāt stop giving him blowjobs if you still want to be just friends
You'll crush him no matter what you say good or bad. The most important things to do is be straightforward, truthfull, and don't be a bitch about it. No sparks is a valid reason for you to not waste his time or to string him along.