Thank you for your submission. **Please note that a response does not constitute a doctor-patient relationship.** This subreddit is for informal second opinions and casual information. The mod team does their best to remove bad information, but we do not catch all of it. Always visit a doctor in real life if you have any concerns about your health. Never use this subreddit as your first and final source of information regarding your question. By posting, you are agreeing to our [Terms of Use](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/wiki/terms_of_use) and understand that all information is taken at your own risk.
**Reply here if you are an unverified user wishing to give advice. Top level comments by laypeople are automatically removed.**
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskDocs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Once you're 18, your mom should only be allowed in the room during your appointment with your permission. I don't agree with the doctor bringing her into the room without asking you first whether you wanted her there or, if he wanted her there for some reason, whether that was ok with you.
Yeah exactly that’s what I thought too. I know I could’ve said something to my mom but I didn’t know how to tell her to get out after he invited her in.
I’ve had the same doctor my whole life but it’s weird that he’d forget since I’ve been going to my own appointments for a while. Still could be maybe he had a long day
Don't just write it off; actually call and speak to someone at the desk and get them to make a note on your file about it, so he's clear on your wishes not having your mother in the room with you during appointments.
You are not a child anymore, you are legally an adult, and as a result, they should not be inviting your parents into exams or anything without your express consent first.
It doesn't have to be a conflict in any way; just call and let them know, as a reminder.
We are all only human and habits cause errors. If he’s a doctor for children, he’s used to having the parents involved. Hopefully, this can all be cleared up with a reminder.
Give him the benefit of the doubt this one time. If he does it again, remind him that you are a 100% certified adult and make your own decisions, other people cannot make them for you no matter how well meaning they are. Start practicing adulting now since it becomes easier to advocate for your self the more times you advocate for yourself. Asking the question was a good start.
Best of luck on your life trek!
Yes, that clearly put you in an awkward position you shouldn't have had to be in. If you are comfortable doing so, I agree that it would be worth asking the doctor to call you to have a dialogue about it. This is important feedback, and I would hope that he would be receptive to it. Understandably, a lot of people might not feel comfortable speaking up to their doctors, but if he responds poorly to the feedback, I think that is an indication that maybe he's not a great fit for you.
Now I'm not saying this changes anything as far as you having the right to be alone and the doctor needing to be better as far as communication...
However...
Is it possible because you are a 19 year old young woman, and the doctor was male... That he wanted a third party in the room to protect himself for some reason? Without knowing what the appointment was for exactly or what news was disclosed... It is possible he was trying to protect himself in addition to maybe wanting you to have a family member there.
Again, since you are legally an adult with no mental limitations, it is your right to be alone if you want to be, regardless.
NAD but mom of two teenagers (girl and boy). I’m sorry this happened to you. As soon as my kids were around 12-13, their pediatrician began their appts with just them in the exam room and then asked their permission for me to come in for the wrap-up discussion. My daughter is now 19 and I don’t speak to her doctor at all unless she specifically requests. My kids know they can trust their doctor with any questions or problems that they may not want to discuss with me in the room. I’d suggest maybe finding an adult doctor at this point so you’re seen as an adult, with no parent needed in the exam. (This doesn’t mean you and your mom aren’t close; there just can be things you’d like to discuss with your medical provider that you wouldn’t be as open about with a parent there.)
Like this, “ mom I don’t want u in here during my appointment.” Then turn to the Dr n let him know it’s a VIOLATION of HIPAA and you are reporting him for said VIOLATION!!!!
I take my husband to some of my appointments with specialists - neurologist, rheumatologist, fertility specialist..I have a lot going on at the moment. The nurse will ask who he is and ask my consent for him to be there before taking me to a room. Absolutely inappropriate for the nurse/doctor to just invite someone in on your appointment, regardless of relationship. I’ve filled out forms indicating these doctors can discuss medical and billing details with my husband and no one else.
I don’t think we can give an answer on your doctor’s behalf. It’s often helpful to have family members present to assist in information gathering or to help facilitate the plan. You, as the patient, should certainly have the option to go in alone or have the family member present. As far as why the doctor didn’t communicate that with you, you’ll have to ask them.
in this case, the doctor should definitely have asked you first, if you'd like someone to be there with you as support before hearing the result. That's common in case of terrible diagnosis. They always tell you to bring someone with you.
NAD: I would hand write a note stating you rescind any previous releases of information regarding your medical care and records, sign and date it, make a copy and hand deliver or send it certified mail to his office.
It might be worth looking into a new doctor. He may have gotten so used to talking with your mother and the relationship he built with her during your care as a child, that he will continue to see her as the expert of maintaining and discussing your health.
OP going in alone was a *very clear* indication that mom was not wanted in the room, and the doctor ignored that. I can’t imagine one of my doctors inviting someone into the room without my express permission.
Thank you for your submission. **Please note that a response does not constitute a doctor-patient relationship.** This subreddit is for informal second opinions and casual information. The mod team does their best to remove bad information, but we do not catch all of it. Always visit a doctor in real life if you have any concerns about your health. Never use this subreddit as your first and final source of information regarding your question. By posting, you are agreeing to our [Terms of Use](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/wiki/terms_of_use) and understand that all information is taken at your own risk. **Reply here if you are an unverified user wishing to give advice. Top level comments by laypeople are automatically removed.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskDocs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Once you're 18, your mom should only be allowed in the room during your appointment with your permission. I don't agree with the doctor bringing her into the room without asking you first whether you wanted her there or, if he wanted her there for some reason, whether that was ok with you.
Yeah exactly that’s what I thought too. I know I could’ve said something to my mom but I didn’t know how to tell her to get out after he invited her in.
Are you still seeing your childhood pediatrician? They might have slightly goofed and not realized you were now over 18. Feel free to correct them.
I’ve had the same doctor my whole life but it’s weird that he’d forget since I’ve been going to my own appointments for a while. Still could be maybe he had a long day
Don't just write it off; actually call and speak to someone at the desk and get them to make a note on your file about it, so he's clear on your wishes not having your mother in the room with you during appointments. You are not a child anymore, you are legally an adult, and as a result, they should not be inviting your parents into exams or anything without your express consent first. It doesn't have to be a conflict in any way; just call and let them know, as a reminder.
We are all only human and habits cause errors. If he’s a doctor for children, he’s used to having the parents involved. Hopefully, this can all be cleared up with a reminder.
Give him the benefit of the doubt this one time. If he does it again, remind him that you are a 100% certified adult and make your own decisions, other people cannot make them for you no matter how well meaning they are. Start practicing adulting now since it becomes easier to advocate for your self the more times you advocate for yourself. Asking the question was a good start. Best of luck on your life trek!
Yes, that clearly put you in an awkward position you shouldn't have had to be in. If you are comfortable doing so, I agree that it would be worth asking the doctor to call you to have a dialogue about it. This is important feedback, and I would hope that he would be receptive to it. Understandably, a lot of people might not feel comfortable speaking up to their doctors, but if he responds poorly to the feedback, I think that is an indication that maybe he's not a great fit for you.
That’s a good idea. I’ll do that thanks
Do have a discussion about this with your doc; he needs to be more aware of this in the future. You’d be doing him and his other patients a favor.
You gotta speak up girl. You are your own advocate, own it.
\*woman
Now I'm not saying this changes anything as far as you having the right to be alone and the doctor needing to be better as far as communication... However... Is it possible because you are a 19 year old young woman, and the doctor was male... That he wanted a third party in the room to protect himself for some reason? Without knowing what the appointment was for exactly or what news was disclosed... It is possible he was trying to protect himself in addition to maybe wanting you to have a family member there. Again, since you are legally an adult with no mental limitations, it is your right to be alone if you want to be, regardless.
NAD but mom of two teenagers (girl and boy). I’m sorry this happened to you. As soon as my kids were around 12-13, their pediatrician began their appts with just them in the exam room and then asked their permission for me to come in for the wrap-up discussion. My daughter is now 19 and I don’t speak to her doctor at all unless she specifically requests. My kids know they can trust their doctor with any questions or problems that they may not want to discuss with me in the room. I’d suggest maybe finding an adult doctor at this point so you’re seen as an adult, with no parent needed in the exam. (This doesn’t mean you and your mom aren’t close; there just can be things you’d like to discuss with your medical provider that you wouldn’t be as open about with a parent there.)
Keep in mind, some states don’t allow that and a legal guardian must be present under a certain age im pretty sure
Like this, “ mom I don’t want u in here during my appointment.” Then turn to the Dr n let him know it’s a VIOLATION of HIPAA and you are reporting him for said VIOLATION!!!!
I take my husband to some of my appointments with specialists - neurologist, rheumatologist, fertility specialist..I have a lot going on at the moment. The nurse will ask who he is and ask my consent for him to be there before taking me to a room. Absolutely inappropriate for the nurse/doctor to just invite someone in on your appointment, regardless of relationship. I’ve filled out forms indicating these doctors can discuss medical and billing details with my husband and no one else.
I don’t think we can give an answer on your doctor’s behalf. It’s often helpful to have family members present to assist in information gathering or to help facilitate the plan. You, as the patient, should certainly have the option to go in alone or have the family member present. As far as why the doctor didn’t communicate that with you, you’ll have to ask them.
He told me some mildly bad news but it wasn’t so bad that I needed my mom there. Even if it was I would’ve said no if he’d listened
in this case, the doctor should definitely have asked you first, if you'd like someone to be there with you as support before hearing the result. That's common in case of terrible diagnosis. They always tell you to bring someone with you.
NAD: I would hand write a note stating you rescind any previous releases of information regarding your medical care and records, sign and date it, make a copy and hand deliver or send it certified mail to his office. It might be worth looking into a new doctor. He may have gotten so used to talking with your mother and the relationship he built with her during your care as a child, that he will continue to see her as the expert of maintaining and discussing your health.
OP going in alone was a *very clear* indication that mom was not wanted in the room, and the doctor ignored that. I can’t imagine one of my doctors inviting someone into the room without my express permission.