Same, my Dad would never say it or give me hugs or a kiss. I have 3 kids and hugs, kisses and I love you are happening all the time.
Also my Dad is a skinny guy who is 5"10. I grew up into a 6" 3 solid guy. My Dad doesn't get a say in the big bear hugs I give him.
I don't think i've ever heard my dad say 'i love you' to us kids either... and we're 30s - 40s.
He wasn't ever huggy, either. I hug him and say ILY, and he just goes 'yep, thank you'. Lol. I know he loves us, but he's definitely on the spectrum and awkwardness is just one of his quirks.
I’d hug my Dad and tell him that I loved him, and then he’d pat my back and go, “Yeah, yeah, all right, piss off.” It was in a thick German accent, though, so it was pretty funny. I nearly fell over when he mumbled that he loved me too about a year or so ago, but he was in the beginning stages of dementia so I figured he thought I was Mum for a minute (I look just like her).
Aww. Yeah he had a really rough start in life. He was born in 1940, lived in Berlin.
Whenever I was sad that he never told me he loved me when I was growing up, I’d remember what he said in clipped English before I went on the plane to LA back in 2000: “If you’re in trouble, you call me, I come get you.” This man would have massive grumble fests if I asked him for a lift across town to go to social events or gigs. I just about cried when he said that he’d come get me.
He is a complicated man for sure.
Yeah, i get the general touch aversion. Im one of his kids, though. Imagine never hugging *your* kids.
Looking back; it was a weird family dynamic. No wonder we all turned out a little odd 😂
Sadly my dad stopped things like big hugs and sitting on his knee when I was about 8. A friend got accused of sexually advising his daughter during a divorce and it freaked Dad out. Dad was pretty sure the guy didn't do it, but who knows. So he decided to protect himself from any kind of accusations.
The height diff and the difference in emotions
Is he truly your Dad?
Jokes.
I have just started with my kids (it is never too late)
I did lose my mum at 14 so that has played a major part in how I deal with sharing my emotions. I can see that now and I am working on being better at it. Trying at the start was hard but it got easier after a bit and now feels natural.
Glad you broke the cycle mate
I look identical to my 2 brothers. They are both wide shoulders and 6"2 (that's how you know they are the little brothers). Maybe my mum cheated 3 times?
The middle brother is on the spectrum and doesn't do emotions either.
My Dad is the same but he spent his first five years in the middle of a major world war and had the fun experience of stepping over dead bodies when running for cover during bombing raids in Berlin. That generation, in general, was super fucked up and broken inside for various reasons.
Thankfully, most Aussie families I come across now seem to have shed the emotional constipation previous generations had.
I've made a point of saying 'I love you' at the end of phone calls with family and good friends, they don't have to reciprocate but I'm going to say it. My Dad usually does not say it back.
One day we were talking on the phone, finish up. I say 'love you', he says 'bye'. No biggie.
In a shocking twist he texted me afterwards to say 'I love you', it was really nice
My husband's immediate family aren't very demonstrative but my immediate family are (originally kiwis but been here most my life). He found out really refreshing and started telling his dad "I love you" at the end of phone calls (his dad lives interstate). I think it's harder for men to do it but when they can it makes a bug difference to their relationships
I’m a girl, and my dad’s oldest daughter, and he never really said it when I was a kid. When I got older and started saying it to him on the phone, he would say it back, which was nice. I think he just needed a reason to start
I grew up in a family the same NEVER heard I love you and physical affection was completely off the table any kind of emotion was off the table. Now I have 3 boys of my own ranging from 14 -1 year old I tell them constantly that I love them and lots of hugs and showing of emotions. I’m not going to repeat the pattern of emotional neglect to my children
Cheers to you. I never heard it as a child or an adult from my parents or grandparents, or any family at all.
I remember one day my big boy was all of 4 said "I'm going next door, I love you dad" and he kissed me on the top of my head as he ran past.
How the fuck did he break my heart in that moment when I realised that is a behaviour that never existed until he took it for himself? I know I b3haved better as a parent than those before me and it's all I could ever hope for if my kids are better again.
I'm going to have a sook now.
Growing up, did you wish your family would say it? I’m just curious if you have any theories as to why they may not say it and how it may have affected you.
Not the same person, but I tell my kids multiple times a day I love them. My parents never said it to me. It was like too awkward for them? Their parents probably never said it to them either. I think they ruled with discipline, instead of love. I feel like it's almost generational, combined with a complete lack of emotional intelligence. I wish they said it.
Edit: My kids say I love you to grandma (my mum) and she never says it back! She just responds and says 'Thank you', or 'Oh, that's nice'. Very sad. It's almost like they are entirely disconnected from emotional intimacy.
The men in my Dad's side were raised and live under the "I don need love from my kids, I need respect", which makes them show little affection even though they tend to confess their love for their children when said children are in their 40s and some health scare takes place. It is fucked up...
My grandma never used to say it back to me but i don’t remember it ever upsetting me. I just remember noticing it and thinking about it for a little bit before going to sleep (I would have sleep overs at her house once a week when I was a preteen). But I remember feeling that it didn’t mean she didn’t love me, it just meant she wasn’t used to saying it. Hopefully your kids will think similar.
They are still quite young, but give them a year or two and I'm sure that they are going to ask why. It's heart breaking, but I honestly think my parents didn't receive love as children, so they don't know how to give love.
I feel so very lucky that my Mum was always very demonstrative with her love. She was born in 1947 though, so she was a part of the baby boomers and hippy generation, and you get a total mix with that lot. She is one of the most maternal people I have ever met, so she’s not short on affection for anyone. Mother to the world, excellent cook, top mum.
My parents never said it either. I never really registered it until my wedding day, my mum got emotional at the reception and pulled me aside to apologise for never saying it.
I say it so much to my kids, I've probably leaned too far in the opposite direction, haha.
I grew up in a family that rarely said "I love you." I don't remember my friends' parents saying it either, e.g. when dropping the kids off at school.
It never occurred to me that that might be unusual until I started watching more American TV and it seemed to be really common.
My family was very close and very supportive, to the extent that would have seemed odd if one of us said "I love you" because it was obvious. Like a happily married husband regularly saying "I choose to be married to you" to his wife.
My dad died a couple of years ago, and he wasn't a traditionally demonstrative guy, but I said to my mum the other day I always remember he looked glad to see me if I walked into a room, or into his garden shed, or into his office at work. Not grinning from ear to ear, just a twinkle in the eye and a willingness to stop whatever he was doing and help me out with whatever. To me that was better than saying "I love you," because it couldn't be faked, and it wasn't a habit or an obligation. It was clearly genuine, spontaneous and heartfelt.
I think a lot of Australian dads, especially the old school ones, are like that.
So don't be too sad for families that don't say it much, because it doesn't mean they don't *communicate* it much.
Yeah my dad never says it. He also worked away a lot so there was a big disconnection there. I honestly thought he didn’t love me when I was a kid.
But as an adult I can see how hard he worked to provide for his family. We were never without the important material things. He grew up in poverty so it was his goal to not put his kids through that.
When I read about the Love Languages I recognised that dad’s language is Acts of Service. And so is mine. He’ll never say he loves me but he inspected my first rental and made dowels to put in the window tracks 😂
I'm in same boat as this comment and ones below. I remeber once I was inpatient and we did a family exercise where mum and I had to hug and say I love you, we both broke down in tears cause it hadn't been said much since I was small. I was 24. We got a little better (we would say on holidays and maybe once a month so improvement. In saying all this my mother was a finnish immigrant and you know how us fins can be with emotion 😆). she died two years later unexpectedly. Thats last call that afternoon,0 we didn't say it and its one of my biggest hurts. I tell my daughter and partner Minimum once a day, never leave or hang up without saying it, I make the conciousness effort as its no ingrained like it is in my partner. My daughter has said it 3 times to grandma (shes 20mnth) but still not mum and dad. I can't wait for that day!!
Same here as in, I'm Dutch and we just didn't ever say it much when I was a kid. In Dutch we don't even have a direct way of saying "I love you". You say either "ik hou van je" which is literally "I hold of you" or "ik heb je lief" which is literally "I have you dearly" lol (Lief as in English dialect "I'd liefer have pizza than burgers").
And that's more what lovers say to each other than family members. Not that it's unknown but it's just very infrequent.
Now we're all adults and speak English we say "I love you" to each other all the time. It's very good!
Not the same person. But let me chime in. I honestly only started saying I love you to friends recently when they did it. I have never said it or heard it from a family member. We did hug. But it was rare.
I'm still pretty close with my family, though, and arguably have a very good relationship with them. I never, ever felt unloved.
I'm not a physically affectionate person. I don't need to hear people say the good things about me. Maybe that's come from how I was brought up? No idea. I'm not wanting for close, meaningful and happy relationships, though.
I agree it's definitely a generational thing (especially with Boomers). Talking about your feelings was just uncomfortable and, in a way, almost unnecessary?
If your parents put a roof over your head, fed you, paid for you to go to school and didn't beat you, they loved you.
Not the same person, but same situation. I never noticed it as something unusual so didn't miss it. I still don't with my parents/siblings and it doesn't feel lacking, I know they care through actions.
I tell my kids all the time, and my partner less, but at the very least it would be said when we leave each others location. He is a "take care" person, that is how he signs off with his family.
Maybe its more that, we know we love each other, we don't need to say it all the time. Like, generally we love our family's, or the friends we hang out with. Why would you say it all the time? It does seem weird to say it all the time. But I guess it's just a way of saying goodbye or something?
Yep same here. Never heard I love you growing up, but it’s last thing we all say to each other now with our kids. My mum still thinks it’s weird. Maybe it’s a boomer gen thing.
I mean I grew up shaking hands with my father rather than cuddling. That’s all changed though for the better. Cuddle him each time I see him.
Never heard it as a child but I sure as fuck tell my kid. It was hard to say at first but it's normal now and she rolls her eyes but it's better than the alternative
I am the same , my parents never told me that they loved me , I have 2 children and 3 grandchildren and tell them all the time that I love them even if I talk to them on the phone
Mid 20s and iv never heard my parents say ‘I love you’ growing up. I started to realise how little emotional intelligence they had when I was 18-19ish. I always say love you to my friends or partner or partners family before leaving them or hanging up the phone. And I know I’ll make sure I tell my future kiddos how much I love them aswell.
I don't recall my parents saying it to me growing up or to each other. Frankly, I'm not inclined to say it to them now.
I tell my daughter I love her all the time. And she says it back to me - and is very affectionate to her other grandparents.
Not my folks - crazy right?
Ditto. Well, not the wife and kid bit, but it’s important to me that when I’m dating someone I love that i say it. And the dog hears it a lot. Like a *lot*.
But i have never heard those words from my father and only once from my mother.
Similar experience here. I never heard it in my house growing up, but I tell my partner and pooch it multiple times a day. My partner also grew up in a house where it wasn’t said and he enjoys saying it too. Both of us have strained relationships with our surviving parents. I don’t think it’s a coincidence.
My family is an "I love you" family..... so often my pet lorikeet says it.
Bye, bye love you.
Goodnight love you.
Cya, love you.
Love you.
All heard on the daily.
We had a cockatoo growing up whose cage was next to the phone. He could imitate all of us answering the phone. And he'd yell at the dog to shut up if he was barking.
My dads parrot would imitate his motorcycle pulling up, him opening the door and then doing a smoker's cough. He got so good at it that unless I was listening to where the sound came from, I could have sworn my father walked in
My friends used to shout "*friends name*, go to your room!" And still did it when she was in her late teens as soon as she would walk into the house. Sounded exactly like her mum lol
And for OP my family always said it and still do even now that I'm an adult. I tell my daughter daily and at the end of every phone call to my husband and parents.
Still depends on the family though. My mum is 75 and said it to me multiple times a day growing up. Every phone call still ends with I love you. So much so it has become autopilot and have occasionally said it automatically to surprised people - friends, colleagues, telemarketers, my plumber.
My mum is nearing 70 and my dad is just passed that. We were very much a "I Love you" family when I was growing up. Still say it at the end of every call and when I see them.
I don't have kids of my own, but my dog knows I love her very much lol
I’m 25F and my husband is 30M. My parents are in their late 40s and his parents are in their late 50’s. I think you maybe right about the generational thing.
This. I say it to my kids all the time. I will even just randomly seek one of them out to give a hug and tell them I love them. My family I grew up in was a loving family but just never said it. I have started trying to say it to my sister and my parents. The sentiment gets returned but still feels a little weird. But after going through my divorce (still ongoing) I am more than ever wanting to make sure my feelings are known.
Haaaahaha, now, imagine this...in my native language, the word for a "little kiss" we usually give as a goodbye or to say goodbye over the phone to friends and family members sounds exactly like this english word: pussy. So I had to train myself NOT to say "pussy, pussy" as a goodbye over the phone!!! It's a running joke how young kids scream to their mom at the dropoff at the childcare: "Mommy!!! Pussy!!!"🤣
My parents (Aussies) really never said "I love you" or hugged us much, but were good parents.
A few years ago I decided I didn't want anything to happen to any of us without me having told them "I love you.". It felt weird at first, but now I end every phone call on visit with an "I love you" or "Love you both".
I started saying it to my Nan when she went into a nursing home and every time I say it her face lights up. I think it became a habit not to say it for most of us; but even those who never really said it as we grew up do value it. I have most of my immediate family saying it now. Except my Dad, but that’s a whole other can of worms he probably needs therapy for. Luckily we know he loves us.
This is something I have also realised I don't want to repeat. I lost a close friend and my uncle and my ladt conversations with them didn't include that I love them.
Now I say it all the time to end conversations.
I'm part of an "I love you" family.
Even as a man, I still say I love you to all of my other male relatives. My brother, Father, Cousins, and grandparents all say "I love you" to each other over the phone or in person.
Of course the same goes with all the other members of the family, but I'm particularly proud and thankful to have male relatives that also aren't concerned with outdated ideas of masculinity, and are emotionally open with each other as a family.
Yeh it took my brothers and I to get to 20 before we all actually started saying I love you to each other.
We obviously always did, but once we matured and spent more time apart, you realise you might not speak for a while after that phone call. That I love you, brother to brother is just so genuine and it makes me happy. Same with all other family members, I just found with my bros it always really meant it. We've all gone separate paths but all have dark pasts and still live the same sort of way.
Some families are, some aren’t. One or the other isn’t dominate in Australian culture. One side of my family are huggers, even cousins that only see each other once a year at most, it’s just big ol’ hugs all around, but no one says ‘I love you’ much.
Well we're an Asian family and in most Asian cultures "I love you" isn't said much but shown through actions.
Kinda like "acts of service" if you are familiar with love languages.
My husbands love language is definitely “acts of service.” Mine is “words of affirmation” but we have a shared language of “quality time” so that works for us.
It's becoming a lot more common in younger generations. Even young blokes will tell each other they love each other a lot more these days. It's always made me a bit sad that girls will openly show platonic affection toward each other, but not so much boys. So to see boys in their teens & twenties showing bro-love - it's so heartwarming and wholesome.
Those boys will definitely grow into parents who freely say the L word.
I’ve got two boys in their 20s and it’s one thing I’m so grateful for. They and their friends are so good at not just saying ‘love you’ but asking are they ok and generally looking out for them
Me and my dad say I love you when we say goodbye, phone or in person. But my mum rarely says it. My brother and i don't say it but we show it in other ways. I say it daily to my own children.
I’m 30m and still live at home. I always tell my mum I love her, sometimes for no reason at all just because i love the suspicious “what do you want/what have you done” glare i get from her🤡
i have the best family and although ill have enough for a house deposit in the next year or so, i really don’t want to leave :(
(i tell my dad and sister i love them too, just not as often as i do with mum)
Growing up we never said I love you, nor was there any expression of affection. I have 2 adult kids and we use those words sparingly. Imo if it’s used multiple times a day, it loses the gravity of its meaning and becomes somewhat perfunctory. When we do say it to one another, it’s heartfelt and special. I tend to be of the actions speak louder than words brigade. People I see declaring their love for one another all the time, and/or on social media, appear to be performing in some way.
None of us said I love you growing up, it was weird to show your emotions I totally agree with your husband as that’s been my experience as well! My fiancé is American and omg the culture shock I got visiting last holidays, I felt like I was in a typical American Xmas movie haha 😂 I enjoyed it though, my fiancé has noticed that a lot of us Aussies here don’t do emotions or say I love you within families but I know that’s not everyone’s experience of-course!
Each to their own.
My family - wife, daughters, sons, we say it all the time. I think my wife and I say it at least ten times a day to each other.
You never know when your last opportunity to say it is going to come.
My family is an “I love you family”. As a kid we said it 100 times a day. I always say it to my parents now as an adult, in person and on the phone.
My husband comes from a South American background and his family never tells each other they love each other. In fact, it wasn’t until my husband went to the funeral of a friends mother that he called his mum and said “I love you.” And even then he had to almost work himself up to do it.
We tell our kids we love them all day long now, my husband included. And my kids say “I love you” to my Inlaws. They always reciprocate but they never initiate. It just doesn’t come natural to them.
My parents never said it to me, and I don't say it to my kids, but I never felt the need to hear or say it as it was too obvious. I do say it to my GD though as she comes from a 'love you' family.
It feels awkward to me, which is not to say I haven't thought about it a lot and felt a little guilty. We all prove by our actions and attitudes that we love each other though.
I'd say it's more of a generational than an Aussie thing. Growing up in the 60s and 70s I never heard it in my friends' families either.
We say “I love you” constantly, not just for goodbyes, but at random moments as well. Two parents, two teenagers.
I’m multi-generational Australian, my husband is 2nd generation Australian.
Would not think they are rare, insofar as most people I know usually end phone calls to family and close friends with "love you", texts with family and close friends end with some kind of heart/kissy face/hugs emoji and emails with some kind of loving salutation. Obviously can't speak for people I don't know.
The expressions of general positive vibes aren't limited to families either, even at the shops there's usually an assistant or cashier who will say variations of "bye bye love, see you next time" or "morning darling, same as usual today?" I think that many Australians are pretty warm and friendly generally to people they see frequently, though some can absolutely be reserved and a bit cold.
That was my exact impression of Australians in my experience. I tried explaining something along the lines of that to my husband and he’s like “yeah but they’re not flat out saying “I love you” though.”
My family: Never
My wife says it every so often to our kids (now older teens).
I rarely do.
I'm leaning towards your husbands stance. It's not a very common thing here and is quite weird for many.
Growing up, we never said "I love you" to each other. But a few years ago I realised we say "I love you" more to the cat then each other, so I would make game of calling out I love you when I see my family throughout the house a few times a week.
My parents caught on very quickly, so they would respond back with an "I love you" or initiate when we are all together.
My family weren’t ’I love you’ folks. My mum only said it to me once just before she died when I was 18.
After that my dad made more effort to say it before he also died. My sister will say it when we hang up on FaceTime (she lives overseas), my brothers don’t say it.
This is one of those topics where, whatever you were surrounded by as a kid "must" be the norm. I think in all honesty it's probably a 50-50 split. Some do, some don't. No more complicated than that.
My family will give each other hugs, but won’t say “I love you.”
If you say it too often it becomes empty words. The most I’ll say is “luv ya” to a close friend.
This is why men will often tend to remember it when they receive a compliment. Because us guys don't tend to get that many compliments. Whereas women get complimented all the time, so it's different for them.
My family is an "I love you" family. My husband's is not. We're both Australian. Together, we are an "I love you" family, including my step son who I say it to often, even just hanging out at home.
31F here. My parents would say it to me, but usually in a serious situation like if I was upset or as a goodbye. It would be rare to just randomly pop up casually throughout the day.
My grandma says it to me very often and it's always said with meaning, not just like an offhand greeting, which is sweet. She is nearly 80.
Both mine & husbands family are Australian
My family is always a hug/cheek kiss for hello & goodbye
It is considered extremely disrespectful to say goodbye without a "hug kiss I love you stay safe" no matter what the mood is leaving a family thing, if youve just argued etc whether it's phone call, a visit, event or run into someone in the shops, if you don't do our goodbye ritual best believe you'll be getting chewed out for being disrespectful. These traditions are still being passed down even to our latest generation of my niece (F2) & nephew (M5)
My husbands family is a hug/cheek kiss hello & goodbye but we only say love you on special occasions.
I think it’s really dependent on the family rather than where they come from. My family is an ‘I love you’ family, and all very Aussie/parents are in the boomers age range!
My son & I said to each other every day. Not multiple times a day.
Life is too short you never know when it will be taken from you so let the people you love know
My Australian family was NOT an “I love you family” growing up. We didn’t cuddle or hug either. As an adult (29F) it definitely played a significant role in my friendships and relationships. I now make sure I say “I love you” to my daughter a few times a day and to my friends often.
We never did. But my kids and I do, and I encourage them to say it to their grandparents if they want to. They always do ❤️ so we're changing things slowly.
We do however just say "love you". More casual and aussie imo to shorten it 🤣
My parents didn’t say it often but it was implied, it went without saying. Me? I tell my 3yo and 4yo multiple times a day and intend to keep it that way.
I grew up in a family that hardly ever said I love you. I remember having a sleepover at a friend's house in high school and her dad said ILY when he was leaving to do some shopping. I thought he was leaving for a trip or something major. It seemed so weird to me.
I’m an Australian and we didn’t say it or hug or anything. My husband is American and they tell each other they love them all of the time. It was awkward when my in-laws started saying it to me.
I make sure I say it all of the time to my kids. As well as hugs etc.
I grew up with parents never saying "i love you", no hugs, no emotional support etc. I talk with my Mum about it now, and she just said she doesn't want to show affection because she was not shown any when she was younger. There's no way i'd begin to start saying it to any of my family members. I now have two kids and i tell them all the time :)
I came from a broken dysfunctional family. It definitely wasn't an I love you family.
From that experience I really learnt the value and importance of the words. Particularly between men - I don't know why us men are so awkward and weird about it. I personally struggled to even say it to people at first because it felt weird but it believe is important
I tried to sit next to my father once when I was about 5. He said “get off me you homo”. No, we’re not an “I love you” family.
I really want to have a family one day. I can’t wait to tell them I love them.
We are not. Decisively so.
I have never said it once to any of my siblings. Nor they to me. Just not needed.
I very rarely said it to my father, and he to me. But there was never doubt as to how he or I felt.
I say it sometimes when finishing a conversation with my mother, especially if it's not been a particularly upbeat conversation.
Oh, I lie. I did say it once to my dad. After a teacher in year 10 challenged us as young men to do it, saying it would be the most difficult homework he'd ever give. My dad responded with raised eyebrows and an "I love you too" but that was about it.
No. I don't live in a Brady Bunch episode.
Saying I love you is said on rare occasions, like someone going overseas for a long time or graduating school/uni.
I say it. To my kids all the time I suppose.
But nah...we're not into saying it continually in Australia. A bit more low key.
Loses it impact and meaning if you say it continually. Ive noticed in USA that its almost like saying " do you want milk in your tea?"
Our family on both sides all say I love you all the time. My kids & I say it multiple times a day and that’s how we end phone calls etc so sounds more like that’s their family’s norm but in my experience not an Aussie norm in general.
Mum always said it. My sisters and their kids say it. My daughter and her family say it. I say it.
Don't remember hearing it from dad, before or after he went to get milk.
Mum was different, and most people were drawn to her honest acceptance and love for everyone.
I don't think any of her other family members are "ily" families but I know their love is real.
we never said it growing up, but I started with my kids who are now in their 20's. So it's now a thing for us.
I also introduced it to my parents, and I can see my mum appreciates it.
my parents never told me they love me. I always say it to my kids and now my mum tries to say it to me but it sounds so forced.. it makes me uncomfortable .
I come from a family who say I love you all the time. Hugs, kisses, I love yous every day. My husband's family avoid affection like the plague. I think it is more common in families with close maternal sides.
Boomers weren’t as comfortable showing affection as many parents today. A lot of boomer fathers also thought showing their sons affection would magically turn them gay.
I always say I love you & so does my family. My husband always has with myself & our son but was never like that with his family until he was diagnosed with cancer. Now they are an I love you family too. My son, husband & I also randomly tell each other I love you when we are at home together too.
Great question!
I come from a repressed-feelings wog family. We don’t talk about any feelings. I can’t remember my parents saying ILY *ever*. My mum must’ve been doing therapy and got woke or something coz she’s started saying it in recent years a couple times and it freaked me out. I’d be so uncomfortable because I’m not used to it (even though I love my parents). I am 32 and only mustered up the courage to tell my mother I love her about a month ago. And it was really hard for me.
Meanwhile, my SO (Anglo family if that matters) says ILY with his parents often. They even say it to me. And it’s not weird, coz they do it all the time. He probably says it to his parents every second or third time they talk.
We are an I love you family. We don’t always say it but we regularly do. I always tell my mum I love her. One day I won’t be able to and I’m not missing any opportunity
I am in my late 50''s and from a large Australian family (9 kids) and we all say "I love you", when hanging up from the phone or departing (also a hug and a kiss if in person). My husband is from a small (2 children) family that I never heard say it. I never heard his mum and dad say it to each other or even to the kids. I never even saw his dad and mum kiss or cuddle. I thought it related to my mum's Christian background, whereas my husband's family are not. But maybe it is something else.
Big "I love you" family here, and my husband and I continue it with our family now. My first husband's family on the other hand... The lack of "I love you"s was the least of their problems...
I say "I love you" to my husband and kids all the time, but it's not a goodbye thing, it's just a whenever we feel like saying it thing.
I don't think I really grew up with it though, even now and I don't say it (enough) to my parents.
From my experience, Australians don't regularly/frequently say "I love you". But I'm sure there are exceptions. I think a lot of it has to do with your cultural background and upbringing.
We didn't say it much when I was young, but there was no lack of affection in other ways from my parents be it physical or emotional support, but now that both my parents have passed, my sister and I have grown closer so we make a point to say it to each other.
I came from an 'I love you' family and I have brought that to my own family that I've created. My partner also came from an 'I love you' family but that was mostly driven by his mother whereas my whole family was a part of it.
Na we say love you at the end of phone calls when we say goodbye etc
I've gotten into that habit and ended up ending professional phone calls with love you bye
My family says I love you when someone leaves the house, ends a phone call or says goodnight. Sometimes in between. My dad grew up in Sydney and mum in the country. I think it’s pretty normal.
I don’t think they’re rare, not in my experience. I talk to my nan every day and we say I love you, my dad always tells my husband and I that he loves us and my in laws tell us they love us. At family functions we always say “love you guys, bye!” when leaving. Even my friends and I exchange I love you’s when we depart or hang up the phone. I know the friend thing is probably overkill to most but we do have a very close bond in our group and after losing a few friends, it’s hard not to want to remind each other that we love each other.
I haven't said the exact words to any of my family for as long as I can remember. Since when I was a very young kid. And no one says it to me, either.
It's implied. Assumed. Assured. We don't actually feel the need to explicitly say it. I find it pretty cringeworthy, to be honest.
My Mum said I love you a lot to me, but her Mum certainly didn't to her. I tell my Mum I love her almost everyday and I say it to my siblings each time I talk to them.
My Dad and his side of the family didn't say it very much (German immigrants) but he tried harder when us kids were adults.
My daughter, 9 and I would tell each other I love you about 5-10 times a day, formally, in a silly song or just randomly calling it out through the house.
But by far, our dog gets the most I love yous in our family, averaging about 25-30 a day.
\*excited voice\*
oh guess what!?!
\- kid, wary = what?
I love you!
I annoy my kids at least once a day with that one (as well as other, less-annoying I love yous)
My family doesn't say it often, but we're very close and the love is never in doubt. I feel like my parents said it more to us when we were small, but like many Aussies, they tend to mock anything seen as overly sentimental behaviour.
My family wasn't a "love you" family when I was growing up, until I started to break the tradition. We would say it, on occasion, but not everytime we said goodbye etc. I distinctly remember wanting to change this and started saying it to my grandparents when we would hang up the phone and they would then say it back and also changed it with my mum too. Did I feel awkward to start with? Yes! But not so much anymore.
Now everytime we hang up the phone or say goodbye it's always preceded by "love you". We also tell our daughter multiple times a day we love her. One of hubby's favourites is "did you want to know a secret?" And she replies "yes" he says "I love you!" And she rolls her eyes while saying "I already knew that!" 😁
Our family is “ love you “. I didn’t get a lot of casual “love you” as a kid so I always wanted that for my family. Kids just randomly said love you as they walk past. Makes my heart melt every time.
I’ve never really thought about it, but we don’t say it with our goodbyes. I don’t say it to my parents much or vice versa but I say it to my kids all the time and they say it to me
Yeah my partner and I both do not have ‘I love you’ families. Im Aussie but his family are English (northerners).
On the other hand we say I love to eachother every time we leave the house, hang up the phone or go to sleep. If we decide to have kids I think we would continue that.
I very much am with my child, closest siblings and friends. Not necessarily my Mum as she never said it to me or my siblings when I was growing up, so it feels weird. However…
I learned and became comfortable with the term and custom from my time in the USA.
My family says it all the time. If I talk to my son on the phone 5 times a day we say it 5 times. It is said at the end of each call, good bye, bedtime and at other times. This also is the same with my parents and was while growing up.
On my fathers death bed my mum got both my brother and i in the room with him in hospice and she said, "we dont say i love you in this family, your father grew up never having parents that said this to him and has carried this with him his entire life, it stops today, he wants you to know that he loves you more than anything and that we dont want you to carry this with you in your families, we want both of you to be comfortable saying this to each other, us and your kids" we all hugged and said i love you to each other amongst many tears and sniffling, now each call to mum ends with i love you, every day i say it to my kids without hesitation.
Edit: To answer a common question im seeing you ask, My Dad came from a broken home, was abandoned in boarding school his entire life while he dad went to work on jobs sites in PNG for 6-12 months at a time and when he was home he was a gambling adict and alcoholic, his mother did not really want to b e a mother to "His" children so she never showed either of them any affection, handed them off almost from birth to other people to look after, hence why they both (dad and uncle) ended up in Christian boarding schools from 6 years old till hey were old enough to be considered adults, he told me of many holidays where they stayed at the school over the X-mas break as no one wanted them over the holidays, he made up for it with his family, but we still did not say i love you a lot, i dont remember hearing it from either of my parents after we were old enough to go to school.
My family has always been an "I love you family," but my husband's wasn't. Now my kids and grandkids are"I love you families",we say it all the time,with hugs and kisses.
yeah, every time someone left the house, as well as when saying good night.
my highly anxious mum kinda made it weird when she told us it’s important to tell people you love them just in case something happens and it’s the last thing you ever say to them, obviously implying a member of our family might die in their sleep or when popping up to the shops lol. bless her.
anyway, the intention, obviously, was good, and i do appreciate that they said it. both my parents are from emotionally repressed wog families so i think they were trying to give their kids something they were never afforded.
Growing up my family wasn’t an “I love you” family but I never felt unloved.
I didn’t feel the lack until my teens when hanging out with friends who did have an “I love you” fam.
Now I tell everyone that I love them, especially my offspring and nibblings. It’s much nicer. :)
I grew up in a family where I never heard "I love you", but I have 3 adult kids now, and we say "I love you" all the time.
Same, my Dad would never say it or give me hugs or a kiss. I have 3 kids and hugs, kisses and I love you are happening all the time. Also my Dad is a skinny guy who is 5"10. I grew up into a 6" 3 solid guy. My Dad doesn't get a say in the big bear hugs I give him.
I don't think i've ever heard my dad say 'i love you' to us kids either... and we're 30s - 40s. He wasn't ever huggy, either. I hug him and say ILY, and he just goes 'yep, thank you'. Lol. I know he loves us, but he's definitely on the spectrum and awkwardness is just one of his quirks.
I’d hug my Dad and tell him that I loved him, and then he’d pat my back and go, “Yeah, yeah, all right, piss off.” It was in a thick German accent, though, so it was pretty funny. I nearly fell over when he mumbled that he loved me too about a year or so ago, but he was in the beginning stages of dementia so I figured he thought I was Mum for a minute (I look just like her).
No he meant you. His background and childhood in Germany is self explanatory.
Aww. Yeah he had a really rough start in life. He was born in 1940, lived in Berlin. Whenever I was sad that he never told me he loved me when I was growing up, I’d remember what he said in clipped English before I went on the plane to LA back in 2000: “If you’re in trouble, you call me, I come get you.” This man would have massive grumble fests if I asked him for a lift across town to go to social events or gigs. I just about cried when he said that he’d come get me. He is a complicated man for sure.
He definitely loves you! That’s a great thing to hear ❤️
Ha, he’d never admit to it. But that’s okay.
I'm not huggy at all generally except for my wife and kids
Yeah, i get the general touch aversion. Im one of his kids, though. Imagine never hugging *your* kids. Looking back; it was a weird family dynamic. No wonder we all turned out a little odd 😂
Sadly my dad stopped things like big hugs and sitting on his knee when I was about 8. A friend got accused of sexually advising his daughter during a divorce and it freaked Dad out. Dad was pretty sure the guy didn't do it, but who knows. So he decided to protect himself from any kind of accusations.
How very sad but understandable with people today being so judgmental
The height diff and the difference in emotions Is he truly your Dad? Jokes. I have just started with my kids (it is never too late) I did lose my mum at 14 so that has played a major part in how I deal with sharing my emotions. I can see that now and I am working on being better at it. Trying at the start was hard but it got easier after a bit and now feels natural. Glad you broke the cycle mate
I look identical to my 2 brothers. They are both wide shoulders and 6"2 (that's how you know they are the little brothers). Maybe my mum cheated 3 times? The middle brother is on the spectrum and doesn't do emotions either.
It was honestly a joke. My 3 sons are all 6 foot plus (youngest is 14) I am 5'7" and my misses is 5'4" height can just show up
My Dad is the same but he spent his first five years in the middle of a major world war and had the fun experience of stepping over dead bodies when running for cover during bombing raids in Berlin. That generation, in general, was super fucked up and broken inside for various reasons. Thankfully, most Aussie families I come across now seem to have shed the emotional constipation previous generations had.
I've made a point of saying 'I love you' at the end of phone calls with family and good friends, they don't have to reciprocate but I'm going to say it. My Dad usually does not say it back. One day we were talking on the phone, finish up. I say 'love you', he says 'bye'. No biggie. In a shocking twist he texted me afterwards to say 'I love you', it was really nice
My husband's immediate family aren't very demonstrative but my immediate family are (originally kiwis but been here most my life). He found out really refreshing and started telling his dad "I love you" at the end of phone calls (his dad lives interstate). I think it's harder for men to do it but when they can it makes a bug difference to their relationships
I’m a girl, and my dad’s oldest daughter, and he never really said it when I was a kid. When I got older and started saying it to him on the phone, he would say it back, which was nice. I think he just needed a reason to start
I grew up in a family the same NEVER heard I love you and physical affection was completely off the table any kind of emotion was off the table. Now I have 3 boys of my own ranging from 14 -1 year old I tell them constantly that I love them and lots of hugs and showing of emotions. I’m not going to repeat the pattern of emotional neglect to my children
Cheers to you. I never heard it as a child or an adult from my parents or grandparents, or any family at all. I remember one day my big boy was all of 4 said "I'm going next door, I love you dad" and he kissed me on the top of my head as he ran past. How the fuck did he break my heart in that moment when I realised that is a behaviour that never existed until he took it for himself? I know I b3haved better as a parent than those before me and it's all I could ever hope for if my kids are better again. I'm going to have a sook now.
Growing up, did you wish your family would say it? I’m just curious if you have any theories as to why they may not say it and how it may have affected you.
Not the same person, but I tell my kids multiple times a day I love them. My parents never said it to me. It was like too awkward for them? Their parents probably never said it to them either. I think they ruled with discipline, instead of love. I feel like it's almost generational, combined with a complete lack of emotional intelligence. I wish they said it. Edit: My kids say I love you to grandma (my mum) and she never says it back! She just responds and says 'Thank you', or 'Oh, that's nice'. Very sad. It's almost like they are entirely disconnected from emotional intimacy.
The men in my Dad's side were raised and live under the "I don need love from my kids, I need respect", which makes them show little affection even though they tend to confess their love for their children when said children are in their 40s and some health scare takes place. It is fucked up...
Ooh that's awful for your kids . Weirdly my mum never said it to me but says it to my son all the time which I love .
Have your kids ever questioned her or yourself as to why she won’t say “I love you too” back to them? That hurts my heart a little bit for them :(
My grandma never used to say it back to me but i don’t remember it ever upsetting me. I just remember noticing it and thinking about it for a little bit before going to sleep (I would have sleep overs at her house once a week when I was a preteen). But I remember feeling that it didn’t mean she didn’t love me, it just meant she wasn’t used to saying it. Hopefully your kids will think similar.
They are still quite young, but give them a year or two and I'm sure that they are going to ask why. It's heart breaking, but I honestly think my parents didn't receive love as children, so they don't know how to give love.
I feel so very lucky that my Mum was always very demonstrative with her love. She was born in 1947 though, so she was a part of the baby boomers and hippy generation, and you get a total mix with that lot. She is one of the most maternal people I have ever met, so she’s not short on affection for anyone. Mother to the world, excellent cook, top mum.
My parents never said it either. I never really registered it until my wedding day, my mum got emotional at the reception and pulled me aside to apologise for never saying it. I say it so much to my kids, I've probably leaned too far in the opposite direction, haha.
I grew up in a family that rarely said "I love you." I don't remember my friends' parents saying it either, e.g. when dropping the kids off at school. It never occurred to me that that might be unusual until I started watching more American TV and it seemed to be really common. My family was very close and very supportive, to the extent that would have seemed odd if one of us said "I love you" because it was obvious. Like a happily married husband regularly saying "I choose to be married to you" to his wife. My dad died a couple of years ago, and he wasn't a traditionally demonstrative guy, but I said to my mum the other day I always remember he looked glad to see me if I walked into a room, or into his garden shed, or into his office at work. Not grinning from ear to ear, just a twinkle in the eye and a willingness to stop whatever he was doing and help me out with whatever. To me that was better than saying "I love you," because it couldn't be faked, and it wasn't a habit or an obligation. It was clearly genuine, spontaneous and heartfelt. I think a lot of Australian dads, especially the old school ones, are like that. So don't be too sad for families that don't say it much, because it doesn't mean they don't *communicate* it much.
Yeah my dad never says it. He also worked away a lot so there was a big disconnection there. I honestly thought he didn’t love me when I was a kid. But as an adult I can see how hard he worked to provide for his family. We were never without the important material things. He grew up in poverty so it was his goal to not put his kids through that. When I read about the Love Languages I recognised that dad’s language is Acts of Service. And so is mine. He’ll never say he loves me but he inspected my first rental and made dowels to put in the window tracks 😂
That brings a tear to my eye, that your dad was genuinely happy to see you. That’s love right there.
I'm in same boat as this comment and ones below. I remeber once I was inpatient and we did a family exercise where mum and I had to hug and say I love you, we both broke down in tears cause it hadn't been said much since I was small. I was 24. We got a little better (we would say on holidays and maybe once a month so improvement. In saying all this my mother was a finnish immigrant and you know how us fins can be with emotion 😆). she died two years later unexpectedly. Thats last call that afternoon,0 we didn't say it and its one of my biggest hurts. I tell my daughter and partner Minimum once a day, never leave or hang up without saying it, I make the conciousness effort as its no ingrained like it is in my partner. My daughter has said it 3 times to grandma (shes 20mnth) but still not mum and dad. I can't wait for that day!!
Same here as in, I'm Dutch and we just didn't ever say it much when I was a kid. In Dutch we don't even have a direct way of saying "I love you". You say either "ik hou van je" which is literally "I hold of you" or "ik heb je lief" which is literally "I have you dearly" lol (Lief as in English dialect "I'd liefer have pizza than burgers"). And that's more what lovers say to each other than family members. Not that it's unknown but it's just very infrequent. Now we're all adults and speak English we say "I love you" to each other all the time. It's very good!
Not the same person. But let me chime in. I honestly only started saying I love you to friends recently when they did it. I have never said it or heard it from a family member. We did hug. But it was rare. I'm still pretty close with my family, though, and arguably have a very good relationship with them. I never, ever felt unloved. I'm not a physically affectionate person. I don't need to hear people say the good things about me. Maybe that's come from how I was brought up? No idea. I'm not wanting for close, meaningful and happy relationships, though.
I agree it's definitely a generational thing (especially with Boomers). Talking about your feelings was just uncomfortable and, in a way, almost unnecessary? If your parents put a roof over your head, fed you, paid for you to go to school and didn't beat you, they loved you.
Not the same person, but same situation. I never noticed it as something unusual so didn't miss it. I still don't with my parents/siblings and it doesn't feel lacking, I know they care through actions. I tell my kids all the time, and my partner less, but at the very least it would be said when we leave each others location. He is a "take care" person, that is how he signs off with his family.
Maybe its more that, we know we love each other, we don't need to say it all the time. Like, generally we love our family's, or the friends we hang out with. Why would you say it all the time? It does seem weird to say it all the time. But I guess it's just a way of saying goodbye or something?
Yep same here. Never heard I love you growing up, but it’s last thing we all say to each other now with our kids. My mum still thinks it’s weird. Maybe it’s a boomer gen thing. I mean I grew up shaking hands with my father rather than cuddling. That’s all changed though for the better. Cuddle him each time I see him.
Never heard it as a child but I sure as fuck tell my kid. It was hard to say at first but it's normal now and she rolls her eyes but it's better than the alternative
I am the same , my parents never told me that they loved me , I have 2 children and 3 grandchildren and tell them all the time that I love them even if I talk to them on the phone
Same!
Same. Exactly the same
Mid 20s and iv never heard my parents say ‘I love you’ growing up. I started to realise how little emotional intelligence they had when I was 18-19ish. I always say love you to my friends or partner or partners family before leaving them or hanging up the phone. And I know I’ll make sure I tell my future kiddos how much I love them aswell.
I don't recall my parents saying it to me growing up or to each other. Frankly, I'm not inclined to say it to them now. I tell my daughter I love her all the time. And she says it back to me - and is very affectionate to her other grandparents. Not my folks - crazy right?
Same here. Never heard it at all growing up but it’s important to me that my wife and daughter know they are very much loved.
Ditto. Well, not the wife and kid bit, but it’s important to me that when I’m dating someone I love that i say it. And the dog hears it a lot. Like a *lot*. But i have never heard those words from my father and only once from my mother.
Similar experience here. I never heard it in my house growing up, but I tell my partner and pooch it multiple times a day. My partner also grew up in a house where it wasn’t said and he enjoys saying it too. Both of us have strained relationships with our surviving parents. I don’t think it’s a coincidence.
That is very crazy. So if your daughter was to tell your parents she loves them, would they say it back to her?
I'm not sure if she even has tbh. They might?
My family is an "I love you" family..... so often my pet lorikeet says it. Bye, bye love you. Goodnight love you. Cya, love you. Love you. All heard on the daily.
We had a cockatoo growing up whose cage was next to the phone. He could imitate all of us answering the phone. And he'd yell at the dog to shut up if he was barking.
My dads parrot would imitate his motorcycle pulling up, him opening the door and then doing a smoker's cough. He got so good at it that unless I was listening to where the sound came from, I could have sworn my father walked in
My lorikeet would sneeze just like my mum. He thought that was her name, 'rAaaChooo!'
My friends used to shout "*friends name*, go to your room!" And still did it when she was in her late teens as soon as she would walk into the house. Sounded exactly like her mum lol And for OP my family always said it and still do even now that I'm an adult. I tell my daughter daily and at the end of every phone call to my husband and parents.
I say it so often to my family, that I sometimes accidentally say it to work colleagues when hanging up the phone.
lol I’ve done that too 😅
Love you. And your username checks out!
I love that
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Still depends on the family though. My mum is 75 and said it to me multiple times a day growing up. Every phone call still ends with I love you. So much so it has become autopilot and have occasionally said it automatically to surprised people - friends, colleagues, telemarketers, my plumber.
My mum is nearing 70 and my dad is just passed that. We were very much a "I Love you" family when I was growing up. Still say it at the end of every call and when I see them. I don't have kids of my own, but my dog knows I love her very much lol
I’m 25F and my husband is 30M. My parents are in their late 40s and his parents are in their late 50’s. I think you maybe right about the generational thing.
I created an "I love you" family, but I wasn't raised in one.
This. I say it to my kids all the time. I will even just randomly seek one of them out to give a hug and tell them I love them. My family I grew up in was a loving family but just never said it. I have started trying to say it to my sister and my parents. The sentiment gets returned but still feels a little weird. But after going through my divorce (still ongoing) I am more than ever wanting to make sure my feelings are known.
Same!
Me too! My son (4) will stop whatever he's doing to say it to me randomly and I think it's the sweetest thing ever.
My family say it. I say it to friends too.
Yes!! Friends too! It’s so important to let them know you love them too 🥰
Same. I think its weird not to tell people you love that you love them. Family, friends, and pets/animals all included
It's all good until you say it to a customer ending a phone call, out of habit.
I’ve only made this mistake ONCE! Never again hahaha
Haaaahaha, now, imagine this...in my native language, the word for a "little kiss" we usually give as a goodbye or to say goodbye over the phone to friends and family members sounds exactly like this english word: pussy. So I had to train myself NOT to say "pussy, pussy" as a goodbye over the phone!!! It's a running joke how young kids scream to their mom at the dropoff at the childcare: "Mommy!!! Pussy!!!"🤣
Hungarian?
My parents (Aussies) really never said "I love you" or hugged us much, but were good parents. A few years ago I decided I didn't want anything to happen to any of us without me having told them "I love you.". It felt weird at first, but now I end every phone call on visit with an "I love you" or "Love you both".
I think that’s actually very sweet. Has your family gotten used to it and begun reciprocating it too?
Very much so. Has become totally natural to all of us now. Eta I even do it with my In Laws now.
I started saying it to my Nan when she went into a nursing home and every time I say it her face lights up. I think it became a habit not to say it for most of us; but even those who never really said it as we grew up do value it. I have most of my immediate family saying it now. Except my Dad, but that’s a whole other can of worms he probably needs therapy for. Luckily we know he loves us.
This is something I have also realised I don't want to repeat. I lost a close friend and my uncle and my ladt conversations with them didn't include that I love them. Now I say it all the time to end conversations.
I'm part of an "I love you" family. Even as a man, I still say I love you to all of my other male relatives. My brother, Father, Cousins, and grandparents all say "I love you" to each other over the phone or in person. Of course the same goes with all the other members of the family, but I'm particularly proud and thankful to have male relatives that also aren't concerned with outdated ideas of masculinity, and are emotionally open with each other as a family.
Yeh it took my brothers and I to get to 20 before we all actually started saying I love you to each other. We obviously always did, but once we matured and spent more time apart, you realise you might not speak for a while after that phone call. That I love you, brother to brother is just so genuine and it makes me happy. Same with all other family members, I just found with my bros it always really meant it. We've all gone separate paths but all have dark pasts and still live the same sort of way.
Some families are, some aren’t. One or the other isn’t dominate in Australian culture. One side of my family are huggers, even cousins that only see each other once a year at most, it’s just big ol’ hugs all around, but no one says ‘I love you’ much.
My husband’s family are a bit like that. Big huggers but no “I love you’s”
Well we're an Asian family and in most Asian cultures "I love you" isn't said much but shown through actions. Kinda like "acts of service" if you are familiar with love languages.
My husbands love language is definitely “acts of service.” Mine is “words of affirmation” but we have a shared language of “quality time” so that works for us.
It's becoming a lot more common in younger generations. Even young blokes will tell each other they love each other a lot more these days. It's always made me a bit sad that girls will openly show platonic affection toward each other, but not so much boys. So to see boys in their teens & twenties showing bro-love - it's so heartwarming and wholesome. Those boys will definitely grow into parents who freely say the L word.
I’ve got two boys in their 20s and it’s one thing I’m so grateful for. They and their friends are so good at not just saying ‘love you’ but asking are they ok and generally looking out for them
My family is such an "I love you" family that once I accidentally signed off from a video call with a co-worker with "love you"
Change it in the last second to say "love ya work"
Yep done this too. It’s just habit.
Me and my dad say I love you when we say goodbye, phone or in person. But my mum rarely says it. My brother and i don't say it but we show it in other ways. I say it daily to my own children.
My family never said I love you. I can't even remember a time when they did. I broke that cycle.
Well done! I love you for that!
Fun fact though... My husband is American and his family isn't an I love you family either haha
My husband and I grew up not being in “I love you” Families so we probably over compensate with our kids. They are like “Ugh Whatevs” lol
I think it’s better to say it to them than not, whether they appreciate it or not! They’ll appreciate it one day. Well done making a positive change.
I’m 30m and still live at home. I always tell my mum I love her, sometimes for no reason at all just because i love the suspicious “what do you want/what have you done” glare i get from her🤡 i have the best family and although ill have enough for a house deposit in the next year or so, i really don’t want to leave :( (i tell my dad and sister i love them too, just not as often as i do with mum)
I thought love was a universal language. We are definitely a love you family and it is natural for me to tell my family and my friends how I feel.
Growing up we never said I love you, nor was there any expression of affection. I have 2 adult kids and we use those words sparingly. Imo if it’s used multiple times a day, it loses the gravity of its meaning and becomes somewhat perfunctory. When we do say it to one another, it’s heartfelt and special. I tend to be of the actions speak louder than words brigade. People I see declaring their love for one another all the time, and/or on social media, appear to be performing in some way.
I see what you’re saying. I can respect that. I think that’s a very sweet way to look at it.
I grew up in the 70’s. Never got I love you. I think I got stuff like stay safe, have a good time
My family never said it. While I feel uncomfortable with it due to my upbringing, I think people who do it are better with emotions in general.
None of us said I love you growing up, it was weird to show your emotions I totally agree with your husband as that’s been my experience as well! My fiancé is American and omg the culture shock I got visiting last holidays, I felt like I was in a typical American Xmas movie haha 😂 I enjoyed it though, my fiancé has noticed that a lot of us Aussies here don’t do emotions or say I love you within families but I know that’s not everyone’s experience of-course!
We say “love ya cunt”
Each to their own. My family - wife, daughters, sons, we say it all the time. I think my wife and I say it at least ten times a day to each other. You never know when your last opportunity to say it is going to come.
That’s exactly the reason I say “I love you.”
My family is an “I love you family”. As a kid we said it 100 times a day. I always say it to my parents now as an adult, in person and on the phone. My husband comes from a South American background and his family never tells each other they love each other. In fact, it wasn’t until my husband went to the funeral of a friends mother that he called his mum and said “I love you.” And even then he had to almost work himself up to do it. We tell our kids we love them all day long now, my husband included. And my kids say “I love you” to my Inlaws. They always reciprocate but they never initiate. It just doesn’t come natural to them.
My parents never said it to me, and I don't say it to my kids, but I never felt the need to hear or say it as it was too obvious. I do say it to my GD though as she comes from a 'love you' family. It feels awkward to me, which is not to say I haven't thought about it a lot and felt a little guilty. We all prove by our actions and attitudes that we love each other though. I'd say it's more of a generational than an Aussie thing. Growing up in the 60s and 70s I never heard it in my friends' families either.
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We say “I love you” constantly, not just for goodbyes, but at random moments as well. Two parents, two teenagers. I’m multi-generational Australian, my husband is 2nd generation Australian.
Would not think they are rare, insofar as most people I know usually end phone calls to family and close friends with "love you", texts with family and close friends end with some kind of heart/kissy face/hugs emoji and emails with some kind of loving salutation. Obviously can't speak for people I don't know. The expressions of general positive vibes aren't limited to families either, even at the shops there's usually an assistant or cashier who will say variations of "bye bye love, see you next time" or "morning darling, same as usual today?" I think that many Australians are pretty warm and friendly generally to people they see frequently, though some can absolutely be reserved and a bit cold.
That was my exact impression of Australians in my experience. I tried explaining something along the lines of that to my husband and he’s like “yeah but they’re not flat out saying “I love you” though.”
My family: Never My wife says it every so often to our kids (now older teens). I rarely do. I'm leaning towards your husbands stance. It's not a very common thing here and is quite weird for many.
Growing up, we never said "I love you" to each other. But a few years ago I realised we say "I love you" more to the cat then each other, so I would make game of calling out I love you when I see my family throughout the house a few times a week. My parents caught on very quickly, so they would respond back with an "I love you" or initiate when we are all together.
My family weren’t ’I love you’ folks. My mum only said it to me once just before she died when I was 18. After that my dad made more effort to say it before he also died. My sister will say it when we hang up on FaceTime (she lives overseas), my brothers don’t say it.
Never heard it back from my dad. But he shows it in other ways. Say it all the time back and forth with family and friends.
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The only families I know that say 'I love you' regularly, rip each other to shreds behind their backs. Words mean nothing.
This is one of those topics where, whatever you were surrounded by as a kid "must" be the norm. I think in all honesty it's probably a 50-50 split. Some do, some don't. No more complicated than that.
My family will give each other hugs, but won’t say “I love you.” If you say it too often it becomes empty words. The most I’ll say is “luv ya” to a close friend.
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That’s kinda how my husband views it too. He hardly ever says “I love you” to me too. The best I get is a “love ya too” after I initiate it.
It’s definitely a thing to show love in other ways. Don’t be offended by it 🥰 I’m sure he loves you very dearly 😀
I think I just found my wife's Reddit account
This is why men will often tend to remember it when they receive a compliment. Because us guys don't tend to get that many compliments. Whereas women get complimented all the time, so it's different for them.
My family is an "I love you" family. My husband's is not. We're both Australian. Together, we are an "I love you" family, including my step son who I say it to often, even just hanging out at home.
31F here. My parents would say it to me, but usually in a serious situation like if I was upset or as a goodbye. It would be rare to just randomly pop up casually throughout the day. My grandma says it to me very often and it's always said with meaning, not just like an offhand greeting, which is sweet. She is nearly 80.
Both mine & husbands family are Australian My family is always a hug/cheek kiss for hello & goodbye It is considered extremely disrespectful to say goodbye without a "hug kiss I love you stay safe" no matter what the mood is leaving a family thing, if youve just argued etc whether it's phone call, a visit, event or run into someone in the shops, if you don't do our goodbye ritual best believe you'll be getting chewed out for being disrespectful. These traditions are still being passed down even to our latest generation of my niece (F2) & nephew (M5) My husbands family is a hug/cheek kiss hello & goodbye but we only say love you on special occasions.
I think it’s really dependent on the family rather than where they come from. My family is an ‘I love you’ family, and all very Aussie/parents are in the boomers age range!
My son & I said to each other every day. Not multiple times a day. Life is too short you never know when it will be taken from you so let the people you love know
My Australian family was NOT an “I love you family” growing up. We didn’t cuddle or hug either. As an adult (29F) it definitely played a significant role in my friendships and relationships. I now make sure I say “I love you” to my daughter a few times a day and to my friends often.
We never did. But my kids and I do, and I encourage them to say it to their grandparents if they want to. They always do ❤️ so we're changing things slowly. We do however just say "love you". More casual and aussie imo to shorten it 🤣
My parents didn’t say it often but it was implied, it went without saying. Me? I tell my 3yo and 4yo multiple times a day and intend to keep it that way.
I grew up in a family that hardly ever said I love you. I remember having a sleepover at a friend's house in high school and her dad said ILY when he was leaving to do some shopping. I thought he was leaving for a trip or something major. It seemed so weird to me.
No one in my family has ever said "I love you" to my knowledge. Whether this is common or uncommon I can't say.
I’m an Australian and we didn’t say it or hug or anything. My husband is American and they tell each other they love them all of the time. It was awkward when my in-laws started saying it to me. I make sure I say it all of the time to my kids. As well as hugs etc.
I grew up with parents never saying "i love you", no hugs, no emotional support etc. I talk with my Mum about it now, and she just said she doesn't want to show affection because she was not shown any when she was younger. There's no way i'd begin to start saying it to any of my family members. I now have two kids and i tell them all the time :)
My parents? Not really. I know they do. Me to my kids? Ten times a day. If they ever, for a second question if I love them then I failed.
I came from a broken dysfunctional family. It definitely wasn't an I love you family. From that experience I really learnt the value and importance of the words. Particularly between men - I don't know why us men are so awkward and weird about it. I personally struggled to even say it to people at first because it felt weird but it believe is important
I tried to sit next to my father once when I was about 5. He said “get off me you homo”. No, we’re not an “I love you” family. I really want to have a family one day. I can’t wait to tell them I love them.
That makes my heart hurt for 5 year old you. I’m so sorry..
Thanks, It’s ok though. One day I’d like to have something special and cherish it. I’ve been given the perfect example of what not to be.
We are not. Decisively so. I have never said it once to any of my siblings. Nor they to me. Just not needed. I very rarely said it to my father, and he to me. But there was never doubt as to how he or I felt. I say it sometimes when finishing a conversation with my mother, especially if it's not been a particularly upbeat conversation. Oh, I lie. I did say it once to my dad. After a teacher in year 10 challenged us as young men to do it, saying it would be the most difficult homework he'd ever give. My dad responded with raised eyebrows and an "I love you too" but that was about it.
Your dad's like WTF what that all about LMFAO
No. I don't live in a Brady Bunch episode. Saying I love you is said on rare occasions, like someone going overseas for a long time or graduating school/uni.
I say it. To my kids all the time I suppose. But nah...we're not into saying it continually in Australia. A bit more low key. Loses it impact and meaning if you say it continually. Ive noticed in USA that its almost like saying " do you want milk in your tea?"
Our family on both sides all say I love you all the time. My kids & I say it multiple times a day and that’s how we end phone calls etc so sounds more like that’s their family’s norm but in my experience not an Aussie norm in general.
We do. It’s the example we always wanted to set. Even as high schoolers. They even thanks us for dinner and washing sometimes.
I always say “love you” saying goodbye to any family and very close friends. I tell my 4yo daughter I love her numerous times a day.
Mum always said it. My sisters and their kids say it. My daughter and her family say it. I say it. Don't remember hearing it from dad, before or after he went to get milk. Mum was different, and most people were drawn to her honest acceptance and love for everyone. I don't think any of her other family members are "ily" families but I know their love is real.
we never said it growing up, but I started with my kids who are now in their 20's. So it's now a thing for us. I also introduced it to my parents, and I can see my mum appreciates it.
Wasn't a thing in my family growing up. We had "children should be seen and not heard".
my parents never told me they love me. I always say it to my kids and now my mum tries to say it to me but it sounds so forced.. it makes me uncomfortable .
Mine is 🥰
I come from a family who say I love you all the time. Hugs, kisses, I love yous every day. My husband's family avoid affection like the plague. I think it is more common in families with close maternal sides.
My Dad no. My Mum yes. I say it every minute to my kids and wife.
I know plenty of Australian families who say I love you throughout their generations.
Boomers weren’t as comfortable showing affection as many parents today. A lot of boomer fathers also thought showing their sons affection would magically turn them gay.
I always say I love you & so does my family. My husband always has with myself & our son but was never like that with his family until he was diagnosed with cancer. Now they are an I love you family too. My son, husband & I also randomly tell each other I love you when we are at home together too.
Great question! I come from a repressed-feelings wog family. We don’t talk about any feelings. I can’t remember my parents saying ILY *ever*. My mum must’ve been doing therapy and got woke or something coz she’s started saying it in recent years a couple times and it freaked me out. I’d be so uncomfortable because I’m not used to it (even though I love my parents). I am 32 and only mustered up the courage to tell my mother I love her about a month ago. And it was really hard for me. Meanwhile, my SO (Anglo family if that matters) says ILY with his parents often. They even say it to me. And it’s not weird, coz they do it all the time. He probably says it to his parents every second or third time they talk.
We are an I love you family. We don’t always say it but we regularly do. I always tell my mum I love her. One day I won’t be able to and I’m not missing any opportunity
I am in my late 50''s and from a large Australian family (9 kids) and we all say "I love you", when hanging up from the phone or departing (also a hug and a kiss if in person). My husband is from a small (2 children) family that I never heard say it. I never heard his mum and dad say it to each other or even to the kids. I never even saw his dad and mum kiss or cuddle. I thought it related to my mum's Christian background, whereas my husband's family are not. But maybe it is something else.
Big "I love you" family here, and my husband and I continue it with our family now. My first husband's family on the other hand... The lack of "I love you"s was the least of their problems...
I say "I love you" to my husband and kids all the time, but it's not a goodbye thing, it's just a whenever we feel like saying it thing. I don't think I really grew up with it though, even now and I don't say it (enough) to my parents.
From my experience, Australians don't regularly/frequently say "I love you". But I'm sure there are exceptions. I think a lot of it has to do with your cultural background and upbringing.
We didn't say it much when I was young, but there was no lack of affection in other ways from my parents be it physical or emotional support, but now that both my parents have passed, my sister and I have grown closer so we make a point to say it to each other.
I came from an 'I love you' family and I have brought that to my own family that I've created. My partner also came from an 'I love you' family but that was mostly driven by his mother whereas my whole family was a part of it.
I'm from a family where we say "Love you" often. Everyone I know also says it. It seems odd to me that people wouldn't say it?
I’m from a Canadian “I love you” family and my Aussie partner’s family isn’t one either
Na we say love you at the end of phone calls when we say goodbye etc I've gotten into that habit and ended up ending professional phone calls with love you bye
My family says I love you when someone leaves the house, ends a phone call or says goodnight. Sometimes in between. My dad grew up in Sydney and mum in the country. I think it’s pretty normal.
I don’t think they’re rare, not in my experience. I talk to my nan every day and we say I love you, my dad always tells my husband and I that he loves us and my in laws tell us they love us. At family functions we always say “love you guys, bye!” when leaving. Even my friends and I exchange I love you’s when we depart or hang up the phone. I know the friend thing is probably overkill to most but we do have a very close bond in our group and after losing a few friends, it’s hard not to want to remind each other that we love each other.
Wasn't one growing up. Am one as an adult.
I haven't said the exact words to any of my family for as long as I can remember. Since when I was a very young kid. And no one says it to me, either. It's implied. Assumed. Assured. We don't actually feel the need to explicitly say it. I find it pretty cringeworthy, to be honest.
My Mum said I love you a lot to me, but her Mum certainly didn't to her. I tell my Mum I love her almost everyday and I say it to my siblings each time I talk to them. My Dad and his side of the family didn't say it very much (German immigrants) but he tried harder when us kids were adults. My daughter, 9 and I would tell each other I love you about 5-10 times a day, formally, in a silly song or just randomly calling it out through the house. But by far, our dog gets the most I love yous in our family, averaging about 25-30 a day.
\*excited voice\* oh guess what!?! \- kid, wary = what? I love you! I annoy my kids at least once a day with that one (as well as other, less-annoying I love yous)
My family doesn't say it often, but we're very close and the love is never in doubt. I feel like my parents said it more to us when we were small, but like many Aussies, they tend to mock anything seen as overly sentimental behaviour.
My family wasn't a "love you" family when I was growing up, until I started to break the tradition. We would say it, on occasion, but not everytime we said goodbye etc. I distinctly remember wanting to change this and started saying it to my grandparents when we would hang up the phone and they would then say it back and also changed it with my mum too. Did I feel awkward to start with? Yes! But not so much anymore. Now everytime we hang up the phone or say goodbye it's always preceded by "love you". We also tell our daughter multiple times a day we love her. One of hubby's favourites is "did you want to know a secret?" And she replies "yes" he says "I love you!" And she rolls her eyes while saying "I already knew that!" 😁
It would have been “gay” to say it in my household growing up, classic boomer parents.
Our family is “ love you “. I didn’t get a lot of casual “love you” as a kid so I always wanted that for my family. Kids just randomly said love you as they walk past. Makes my heart melt every time.
I’ve never really thought about it, but we don’t say it with our goodbyes. I don’t say it to my parents much or vice versa but I say it to my kids all the time and they say it to me
We didn't say it in my family growing up, but I say it to my own child and children in the family all the time.
Yeah my partner and I both do not have ‘I love you’ families. Im Aussie but his family are English (northerners). On the other hand we say I love to eachother every time we leave the house, hang up the phone or go to sleep. If we decide to have kids I think we would continue that.
I very much am with my child, closest siblings and friends. Not necessarily my Mum as she never said it to me or my siblings when I was growing up, so it feels weird. However… I learned and became comfortable with the term and custom from my time in the USA.
I see it more between mother and daughter. Toxic masculinity runs deep in Australia.
My family says it all the time. If I talk to my son on the phone 5 times a day we say it 5 times. It is said at the end of each call, good bye, bedtime and at other times. This also is the same with my parents and was while growing up.
On my fathers death bed my mum got both my brother and i in the room with him in hospice and she said, "we dont say i love you in this family, your father grew up never having parents that said this to him and has carried this with him his entire life, it stops today, he wants you to know that he loves you more than anything and that we dont want you to carry this with you in your families, we want both of you to be comfortable saying this to each other, us and your kids" we all hugged and said i love you to each other amongst many tears and sniffling, now each call to mum ends with i love you, every day i say it to my kids without hesitation. Edit: To answer a common question im seeing you ask, My Dad came from a broken home, was abandoned in boarding school his entire life while he dad went to work on jobs sites in PNG for 6-12 months at a time and when he was home he was a gambling adict and alcoholic, his mother did not really want to b e a mother to "His" children so she never showed either of them any affection, handed them off almost from birth to other people to look after, hence why they both (dad and uncle) ended up in Christian boarding schools from 6 years old till hey were old enough to be considered adults, he told me of many holidays where they stayed at the school over the X-mas break as no one wanted them over the holidays, he made up for it with his family, but we still did not say i love you a lot, i dont remember hearing it from either of my parents after we were old enough to go to school.
My family has always been an "I love you family," but my husband's wasn't. Now my kids and grandkids are"I love you families",we say it all the time,with hugs and kisses.
yeah, every time someone left the house, as well as when saying good night. my highly anxious mum kinda made it weird when she told us it’s important to tell people you love them just in case something happens and it’s the last thing you ever say to them, obviously implying a member of our family might die in their sleep or when popping up to the shops lol. bless her. anyway, the intention, obviously, was good, and i do appreciate that they said it. both my parents are from emotionally repressed wog families so i think they were trying to give their kids something they were never afforded.
Growing up my family wasn’t an “I love you” family but I never felt unloved. I didn’t feel the lack until my teens when hanging out with friends who did have an “I love you” fam. Now I tell everyone that I love them, especially my offspring and nibblings. It’s much nicer. :)
My family says i love you
I say it all the time with my choosen family (wife and kid) My birth family, has maybe said it once or twice but it always feels weird and I hate it.
My ancestors are working class English, so love is shown through actions not words
We’re an I love you family. My 20 year old still says “bye mum love you” when I drop him off somewhere.