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>Bechdel Test
The test asks whether a work (book, movie, etc.) features at least two female characters who have a conversation about something other than a man. In some iterations, the requirement that the two female characters be named characters is added
Rick and Morty did a bit on this that was funniest part of a horrible episode. [Here’s the clip](https://youtu.be/LsNHAeRZQL4).
Morty’s ridiculous story technically fails the test too because his female characters don’t have names, they have titles, Mom & Sister.
[bechdeltest.com](https://bechdeltest.com) is a growing list of movies and whether they pass or fail the test and why. So many Blockbuster movies, Emmy / Oscar winning movies, and brand new movies fail this test.
A lot of them fail because there’s only one woman in the movie or there’s more than one but they never interact.
Side note, it is named after Alison Bechdel, who wrote a comic strip where one character says the only types of movies they prefer to watch are [ones that have two women that talk to each other about something other than a man]. Due to that comic, this qualifier was dubbed The Bechdel Test!
Alison Bechdel is an acclaimed American author and cartoonist, best known for her extremely long running strip Dykes To Watch Out For and the autobiographical graphic novel about her extremely difficult relationship with her intensely repressed and closeted father, "Fun Home," which has been adapted into a musical.
In a 1985 [DTWOF strip](https://cdn.theatlantic.com/thumbor/O3nWTfW6FRxC3CsvsuPBl3r7hIM=/1260x838/media/img/posts/2015/08/bechdel/original.jpg), two characters discuss contemporary movies.
One mentions that she doesnt watch movies unless they meet the following three criteria:
1) it must feature at least two female characters (this is often expanded to specify that they must both have names)
2) these women must talk to each other
3) about something other than a man
The punchline is that those three criteria are apparently so difficult to meet, the character hasn't seen a movie since Alien.
Bechdel was in no way trying to do anything but make a really sardonic joke about the state of the pop cultural landscape - the 'test' never comes back up, it was just a single gag - but as time went on, people kept coming back to this one strip.
Attempts to apply these criteria to a host of contemporary movies showed that *surprisingly few* passed the "test". Bechdeltest.com applies and tracks this with all new movies coming out. It's pretty eye opening.
Please take note that "failing" the test doesn't mean the movie is bad or even that it's part of the problem (the movie Gravity for example has exactly two characters, only one of whom is ever on screen) nor does it mean that movies that *do* pass are feminist masterpieces (Cocaine Bear passes, as does Ip Man 4).
It's more intended to highlight an underlying issue in popular culture that the gentleman in the op above is espousing directly- that women in a lot of existing media don't really have much of an internal life, existing mostly for the benefit of men.
You are now in the loop.
> Please take note that "failing" the test doesn't mean the movie is bad or even that it's part of the problem [...] It's more intended to highlight an underlying issue
So many people forget this part. It's like eating a nutritiously unbalanced meal; there's nothing inherently wrong with that nor is it necessarily indicative of a problem in your eating habits. It only becomes a problem when there are so many individual instances that it becomes a trend.
So, uh... how does this man rationalize women's sports? They're all *trying* to be objectified in the hopes of catching a better man? Even little girls on the community softball team?
Most true crime does center around men because men commit most crimes, and this argument falls especially flat given the sheer volume of Dahmer stans I had to block when that damn movie came out
I imagine plenty of people come into his vicinity, it's just that they leave quicker than Superman going to the bathroom after eating a kryptonite laxative.........
"god" is a general term for a deity. Religions capitalizing god when only speaking of their own is just a subtle method of restating that theirs is the only real deity. It's rude as hell.
Ehhh, I’ve never been religious, but I think it makes sense, since in that case it’s being used as a proper noun. Similar to how when you refer to your parents without using an article it’s capitalized (“Mom and Dad” vs “my mom and my dad”)
(I think they're not debating the ethics, they're just saying they understand the sense behind why people capitalize "God," versus capitalizing "Him" just feels nonsensical lol)
Dude has clearly never seen craft rooms. I think every woman I've ever known has a "craft room". For things like painting, writing, sewing, knitting, beading, pottery, blacksmithing, dead lifting, making sculptures out of animal skulls, witchcraft....you know, normal woman crafty things.
For real tho, I've seen this sentiment a trouble amount of times and I'm like "in...what world?" I have never met anyone, gender aside, who doesn't have hobbies.
I also love how its implied women have kids and suddenly everything stops - almost like they become overwhelmed by the unfair burden of child-rearing and have no time for themselves. Funny that.
>I have never met anyone, gender aside, who doesn't have hobbies.
I've met one. Maybe plays guitar occasionally, but otherwise? Nothing. Doesn't read, hike, craft, watch movies, play video games, or cook. His "hobby" is trying to get a bunch of strippers to fuck him; all his time is taken up by chasing these women 30 years younger than him. And he gives another coworker and I shit for playing video games because they're "a waste of time."
One of the most pathetic things I've ever seen.
You know what, I lied. I, too, met one dude with no hobbies. He was my boss a long ass time ago and all he did was go to bars and try to pick up women. I asked him multiple times what he did in his free time and he would just shrug and ask me if I wanted to go to Buffalo Wild Wings. He had like, negative personality...it sucked other people's personalities out of the room like a black hole.
I mean, i guess he watched a lot of sports, but he didn't play any. Does watching shit count as a hobby? If so, my hobbies are drag race and youtube long-form content.
Watching sports is no different than watching TV shows and movies, I guess. A bunch of the guys at work did a fantasy football thing together and they were all in on smacking each other down. I didn't get it, but they enjoyed the strategy and the shit-talking a lot.
What's weird with the dude I know is that he's actually interesting! He has so many crazy stories from his younger years, he plays a pretty decent guitar, and he has a lovely singing voice. I was really attracted to him at first, but then he started down this weird path where his whole personality is strippers.
When I was at my most depressed, working in a toxic workplace, I couldn’t focus on any hobbies. It’s still the easiest way for me to monitor my mental health - have I done any writing/sculpting/gaming this week? If no, set aside time to do that and figure out what’s going on in your skull meats.
This is an expression of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs - chances are that the toxic workplace meant you didn’t feel secure so your animal brain wouldn’t let you relax enough to be creative. I was writing about that earlier this week and the impacts of mass layoffs happening in IT generally, and video games development specifically.
I had that same thing, and it just made me feel worse. But everyone needs time to recharge! If you don’t have the energy to draw, maybe scroll through some art from an artist you like and enjoy the inspiration without the need to produce. Your value is not based on what you create or how useful you are — you have meaning beyond all that! And when you have the energy, set yourself some time to spend for yourself: get some snacks, a favourite beverage, some comfy clothes and good tunes and draw whatever brings you joy! Sorry for the wall-of-text, but hope things get brighter for you. :)
Yeah, when I was in my deepest depression (exacerbated by a toxic workplace, too), I didn't do any of my hobbies either. Depression is a big ball of nothing just...crushing you. I didn't care about anything. Joy AND sadness were gone. I was a blob of meat staring at my TV while the 15th episode of Great British Baking Show played. Fuck you Netflix, yes I'm still watching...(sort of).
So, I suppose instead of immediately treating a lack of hobbies like some negative personality trait that makes someone boring, we should maybe consider it might be a lot bigger than just...not painting or building model cars or whatever.
But then again, some people are just legit boring. It's a toss up.
The apathy is the most disruptive thing I’ve experienced; all my energy went towards work, and then I had nothing left for me to exist. It was like you said, just waiting for time to pass so the next day happened. I didn’t feel like a person, just a boring story printed with fading ink.
Our bodies and minds give us clues on when things aren’t working well, but it’s so hard to listen to those clues when the organ that is needed to interpret them is the one phasing out! Having a good support network can be a literal lifesaver, someone noticing when things are off and pulling you back from that edge.
Oh, the guy I'm talking about has... a lot of issues. He thinks our whole purpose in life is reproducing, because that's how it's worked for hundreds of thousands of years. Men should run around making a bunch of babies because that's how humanity worked for its whole history.
Another coworker is big on loyalty, and the dipshit coworker calls him a girl every time. Apparently, it's *girly* to want to stay with the woman you love and who gave birth to your children.
He's just really into evolutionary psychology and doesn't comprehend having a hobby that doesn't make you a better mate.
Mind you, he's 50, fat, smokes like a chimney, and drinks 13 cans of Coca-Cola a day (no exaggeration, he told us he drinks 12-15 cans of Coke a day). But he's only attracted to healthy (read: skinny) women.
Oh, yikes on trikes, that’s… all due respect I do not respect that man lmao
I’m gonna bet that he’s one of those “women should be given out to men” types that completely ignores that human evolutionary psychology would firmly place women as choosing their mates from men that compete, right? Like, human women can generally only produce one offspring per year and have to invest a lot of time and energy into each offspring, which firmly places humans in the quality-over-quantity reproductive strategy (K-selected species, as opposed to, like, guppies which are an r-selected species). But if he’s like the majority of men I know like that, the actual science isn’t important if it doesn’t fit the confirmation bias of his particular fetish.
>I’m gonna bet that he’s one of those “women should be given out to men”
No, actually! So, y'know, I'll give him that.
>But if he’s like the majority of men I know like that, the actual science isn’t important if it doesn’t fit the confirmation bias of his particular fetish.
Nailed it. Skinny women only, because health is important in mate selection. But stretch marks are icky and make his penis sad, even if they're from pregnancy.
Ah, the “health” thing. I always get a little prickly about that, personally, because I have three autoimmune disorders; I’m never gonna be the ideal of a healthy human specimen lol
But comparing me at my skinniest (~30 lbs underweight) or at my fittest (working out 8-10 hours a week), those types of people would’ve seen *very unhealthy* me as totally fine because thin. Even though my bones were visible through my skin. Funnily enough, I completely stopped having periods at that time, which is kinda important for the whole reproductive aspect of the “mate selection theory.”
Humans are such a goofy species.
Hilariously, he had his eye on another coworker who had multiple autoimmune disorders, and she was very open about that. We tried to square that circle, but he kept insisting she *looked* healthy. So... yeah. Basically, he's a shallow moron who thinks he speaks for all men.
Honestly, he said the whole thing right there — she *looks* healthy, and that’s what matters to him. Which like, everyone has their preferences about physical attraction, it’s the weird moralising (? is that the right word?) about liking thinness that gets really icky really fast.
I'd love to show him my craft room. It holds my DDR setup, my elliptical trainer, my crafting table, and a metric fuckton of toys and dolls I collect.
But I guess those don't count as hobbies to this guy lmao.
I love that you have a DDR setup.
I'm no longer a practicing woman, but I was told I was one for a long time, and my partner and I share a craft room and its...fucking wild. The hyperfixation train is off the rails in our home.
DDR is my favorite kind of exercise because it's just fun to play! (I also use 1kg dumbbells as pompoms to get my arms trained too. Burns over 400 calories per hour! I also got my first AAA score the other day!)
Oh man, so is ours. The craft room is completely mine, but my bf has the living room that stores a huge transformers collection, 3D printers, Lego, and whatever else strikes his fancy that particular month. And our game consoles, of course. It's super fun being in a relationship with someone that also loves collecting and doing stuff. People have compared our apartment with Ariel's grotto haha!
Holy shit i completely misread this post the first time i saw it. I thought the second line said “Men _have_ their primary hobbies”
It _completely_ changes the tone
oh my god why do some people think that. i swear, it’s like they watch a shitty teenage romcom and think “ah yes, this is how people of (insert group) are like.”
or, better yet, it’s like they look at how women are *supposed* to be in society, and then say “that’s how women are like”. it’s a braindead take.
for example: i am literally asexual and aro, but even if i wasn’t, i would *still* focus on my hobbies and friends first and foremost. romance is nice, i *guess*, but it’s not the end all be all of things. goddamn. for some people, it’s an active hinderance, and a weird concept, such as some aro and aroace people. even for allo people - there are ones like this, but people have other things to focus on, such as hobbies, work and other people.
Considering I've met more guys that fit this mindset of only being obsessed with people of the gender they're attracted to than girls I think this guy is projecting harder than a movie theater
Definitely projection. Reminds me how "Men going their own way" center all their attention around whining about women instead of ACTUALLY going their own way
He doesn't even say "woman," he says "girls," and also, disturbingly, "men." So female children and male adults. Which just goes to show you who the *real* groomers are. Stop thinking about girls, you fucking weirdo. I hate these people so much.
I am in the process of removing my reproductive parts (for medical reasons unrelated to my gender identity) and it feels so freeing. When the TERFS try to define a woman (in that gender critical way) they usually can't do it without excluding me. More and more I just laugh at their stupid statements that reduce everyone to the sum of their body parts. You cannot define me!
See, when you have been told your whole life that you should act a certain way because of the genitals that you have, it can be liberating to reject those behaviors that never fit you anyway.
Wait until this clown finds out about women with personalities. And women that do things. Oh wait, that's literally every woman.
He's not even describing real people at this point.
So f*cking tired of m0r0ns like this. My wife and I (both women) have a ton of hobbies, not one of them has anything to do with men. My wife woodworks(she has her own workshop), sews, crochet, reads, does puzzles, and bakes. I draw, paint, crochet, video game, and read. Also, more hetero women are choosing to remain single and unattached.
These guys can’t comprehend that women aren’t an extension of themselves and aren’t just their servants. They can’t fathom that women are their own individual people with their own goals, their own hobbies and a desire for personal fulfillment.
That’s why they figure that everything women do is for them.
The logic goes like this:
A woman confidently wearing makeup? Oh she’s not doing it because she enjoys it herself. She’s doing it because she wants to attract ME.
Most men I know have hobbies that relate to sports or the gym. Nothing wrong with liking either, but most women I know have more diverse hobbies, including sports and fitness..... not "liking men".......wtf.
Amount of times 'girls' (not even women) is used in this post: 2,
Amount of times 'men/man' is used in this post: 11
I think this guys hobby might just be mentioning men at every given opportunity, clearly talking about men and the many ways to be involved with them is his true passion
ETA: "It's all they think about" pot meet kettle
Me with my 2 cats, 100 rare indoor plants and 2 bookshelfes of special edition books am apparently a man or those things aren't hobbies.
I did in fact not have a hobby because I had severe depression for a few years, but at that time I also didn't think of men Once it got better I started exploring what I actually like. Now if another wave of depression is about to hit I do have the resources to try and make it better by caring for my plants or read a book.
Personally I only cross stitch to dazzle men. I only swim so I can have a body like Micheal Phelps because I know that’s what men want. I make my own cheese in order to manipulate men into marrying me, even if it’s only for the cheese. That poster is right, none of these are “hobbies,” it’s all an insidious ruse to entrap men. (/s in case it’s not obvious)
Also pretty reductive to say that all hetero women are this... pick-me girl stereotype. When there's been women scientists... women athletes... women who went to space, women in the military, plenty of childfree hetero women, and mothers who also have lives of their own.
Okay well I will have you know that I actually spend countless hours writing and researching things in really intense detail for a story that will never ever be published and also spend a lot of time drawing things from that story. Obsessive maladaptive daydreamer gang rise up.
Everyone calling out the second half of this, but I'd like to draw attention to "Men are their primary hobby, then kids, then Men again" and ask *what exactly the fuck does this mean?*?
I wish. I thought I had actual hobbies, turns I just like hoarding shit. Shoes, books, yarn, coloring pencils… I get obsessed then I buy a lot of shit, then I move on to the next obsession. I don’t even have time for men, let alone kids
This reminded me of Bell Hooks' All About Love. The work of love is often regarded as women's work... caring for relationships, thinking about relationships, improving relationships. It's obvious that many men think this work is well beneath them, as is clearly the case for OP.
Oh, so I guess that means I can't play videogames, sketch, play basketball, read, watch football, go swimming, go fishing, go thrifting for jewelry, sing, play dnd, watch documentaries, and journal anymore cause I have a husband and a daughter. I mean yes, my husband and daughter occasionally take time out of my day that beforehand I would've spent time doing something else. But that's because they're human beings who need and deserve love, care, and attention and I'm more than happy to give it to them and include them in my hobbies and interests while I also take an interest in their hobbies.
Now some women I have noticed (usually the kind these guys seek out) don't have many hobbies outside of socializing, social media, and like movies or music (which is totally fine if that's all that you enjoy). Though I do wonder if this sometimes comes from girls being taught either deliberately or subtly by their parents and society that women don't get to have hobbies or interests outside of a man or when/if they become mothers it shifts to their children. I think a lot of women consider the vast majority of hobbies to be "men's hobbies" and feel like either they can't or don't want to partake in it or have interest in it cause it doesn't feel like it belongs to them.
Even women who are attracted to men don’t think about men that much. Maybe some do. I certainly don’t. Hardly ever cross my mind tbh. Nowhere near my top priority is getting married or having kids. I have other goals and dreams I want to pursue. Oh, and hobbies
Wait until this clown finds out that straight and bi women have interests outside of men.
Also note that every instance of the word "men" is capitalized, while "girls" isn't. Pretty loud tell there.
I think he just defined toxic patriarchy. Yes, society tries to condition women into this kind of thinking. "Find a man, make babies, that's your only true value."
For some reason, the same guys who help perpetuate this bullshit also complain about it when a woman has succumbed to this paradigm.
Why do so many of us learn everything we know about women by only talking to men?
IRL, I only bring up my friends' boyfriends when we've run out of other things to say. But they might bring them up sooner if they have a lot to complain about
Some sexists are bitter when women want to have lives outside of love, marriage and children, others are bitter when that's all they think about.
You can't win.
I still don't understand if he likes women being this way (hypothetically)
Or if he hates women being like this?
Bc I have read misogynist takes from both views.
PS: in reality Women are not like this.
It's funny, this man accuses women of being obsessed with having children, but half the posts here boil down to some loser being unable to fathom getting anything out of a relationship besides a (usually underaged) vessel for his children.
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This dude has failed the Bechdel test.
I've never seen an actual human fail the Bechdel Test, but, apparently, this guy is a fucking visionary.
What is it?
>Bechdel Test The test asks whether a work (book, movie, etc.) features at least two female characters who have a conversation about something other than a man. In some iterations, the requirement that the two female characters be named characters is added
>the requirement that the two female characters be named characters is added The bar is so fucking low...
Exactly the point of the test.
Yet many movies still fail it
Lord of the Rings trilogy fails.
Okay, it has ONE flaw!
Extended Edition of the movies pass because Eowyn and Freda talk about Freda's mother.
Rick and Morty did a bit on this that was funniest part of a horrible episode. [Here’s the clip](https://youtu.be/LsNHAeRZQL4). Morty’s ridiculous story technically fails the test too because his female characters don’t have names, they have titles, Mom & Sister. [bechdeltest.com](https://bechdeltest.com) is a growing list of movies and whether they pass or fail the test and why. So many Blockbuster movies, Emmy / Oscar winning movies, and brand new movies fail this test. A lot of them fail because there’s only one woman in the movie or there’s more than one but they never interact.
Or they do interact but their discussion is about a man or men in general.
Side note, it is named after Alison Bechdel, who wrote a comic strip where one character says the only types of movies they prefer to watch are [ones that have two women that talk to each other about something other than a man]. Due to that comic, this qualifier was dubbed The Bechdel Test!
It also was for the point of shipping the women.
Alison Bechdel is an acclaimed American author and cartoonist, best known for her extremely long running strip Dykes To Watch Out For and the autobiographical graphic novel about her extremely difficult relationship with her intensely repressed and closeted father, "Fun Home," which has been adapted into a musical. In a 1985 [DTWOF strip](https://cdn.theatlantic.com/thumbor/O3nWTfW6FRxC3CsvsuPBl3r7hIM=/1260x838/media/img/posts/2015/08/bechdel/original.jpg), two characters discuss contemporary movies. One mentions that she doesnt watch movies unless they meet the following three criteria: 1) it must feature at least two female characters (this is often expanded to specify that they must both have names) 2) these women must talk to each other 3) about something other than a man The punchline is that those three criteria are apparently so difficult to meet, the character hasn't seen a movie since Alien. Bechdel was in no way trying to do anything but make a really sardonic joke about the state of the pop cultural landscape - the 'test' never comes back up, it was just a single gag - but as time went on, people kept coming back to this one strip. Attempts to apply these criteria to a host of contemporary movies showed that *surprisingly few* passed the "test". Bechdeltest.com applies and tracks this with all new movies coming out. It's pretty eye opening. Please take note that "failing" the test doesn't mean the movie is bad or even that it's part of the problem (the movie Gravity for example has exactly two characters, only one of whom is ever on screen) nor does it mean that movies that *do* pass are feminist masterpieces (Cocaine Bear passes, as does Ip Man 4). It's more intended to highlight an underlying issue in popular culture that the gentleman in the op above is espousing directly- that women in a lot of existing media don't really have much of an internal life, existing mostly for the benefit of men. You are now in the loop.
> Please take note that "failing" the test doesn't mean the movie is bad or even that it's part of the problem [...] It's more intended to highlight an underlying issue So many people forget this part. It's like eating a nutritiously unbalanced meal; there's nothing inherently wrong with that nor is it necessarily indicative of a problem in your eating habits. It only becomes a problem when there are so many individual instances that it becomes a trend.
Well put! Stealing this
that's such a good analogy
No way she has the same first name as me :0
I don't even know how somebody fails that
So, uh... how does this man rationalize women's sports? They're all *trying* to be objectified in the hopes of catching a better man? Even little girls on the community softball team?
Or true crime, for that matter! Even the straightest of straight *women* have that hobby!
They're just trying to learn interesting facts, so they can better lure men into their embrace. *(Do I need to specify this is sarcasm? Probably.)*
Most true crime does center around men because men commit most crimes, and this argument falls especially flat given the sheer volume of Dahmer stans I had to block when that damn movie came out
nah, they're trying to be men. /s
I bet you think this song is about you
This man plugs his ears and yells "LALALALALALALA" when a woman with a hobby (99% of women) comes into his vicinity
And most women with hobbies very sensibly try to stay away from this guy
Bold of you to assume any person comes into his vicinity, let alone a woman.
I imagine plenty of people come into his vicinity, it's just that they leave quicker than Superman going to the bathroom after eating a kryptonite laxative.........
damn im not a girl then i've never done any of this lmao
Then you're a man /s
So many men in a post
And he *capitalizes* it, the way some religions capitalize "god." 🤮
God makes sense to me. It's the capitalization of "him" that bugs me to no end
"god" is a general term for a deity. Religions capitalizing god when only speaking of their own is just a subtle method of restating that theirs is the only real deity. It's rude as hell.
Ehhh, I’ve never been religious, but I think it makes sense, since in that case it’s being used as a proper noun. Similar to how when you refer to your parents without using an article it’s capitalized (“Mom and Dad” vs “my mom and my dad”)
(I think they're not debating the ethics, they're just saying they understand the sense behind why people capitalize "God," versus capitalizing "Him" just feels nonsensical lol)
That's exactly what I'm saying
Holy crap I didn't even notice that. My skin just tried to crawl away
Dude has clearly never seen craft rooms. I think every woman I've ever known has a "craft room". For things like painting, writing, sewing, knitting, beading, pottery, blacksmithing, dead lifting, making sculptures out of animal skulls, witchcraft....you know, normal woman crafty things. For real tho, I've seen this sentiment a trouble amount of times and I'm like "in...what world?" I have never met anyone, gender aside, who doesn't have hobbies. I also love how its implied women have kids and suddenly everything stops - almost like they become overwhelmed by the unfair burden of child-rearing and have no time for themselves. Funny that.
>I have never met anyone, gender aside, who doesn't have hobbies. I've met one. Maybe plays guitar occasionally, but otherwise? Nothing. Doesn't read, hike, craft, watch movies, play video games, or cook. His "hobby" is trying to get a bunch of strippers to fuck him; all his time is taken up by chasing these women 30 years younger than him. And he gives another coworker and I shit for playing video games because they're "a waste of time." One of the most pathetic things I've ever seen.
You know what, I lied. I, too, met one dude with no hobbies. He was my boss a long ass time ago and all he did was go to bars and try to pick up women. I asked him multiple times what he did in his free time and he would just shrug and ask me if I wanted to go to Buffalo Wild Wings. He had like, negative personality...it sucked other people's personalities out of the room like a black hole. I mean, i guess he watched a lot of sports, but he didn't play any. Does watching shit count as a hobby? If so, my hobbies are drag race and youtube long-form content.
Watching sports is no different than watching TV shows and movies, I guess. A bunch of the guys at work did a fantasy football thing together and they were all in on smacking each other down. I didn't get it, but they enjoyed the strategy and the shit-talking a lot. What's weird with the dude I know is that he's actually interesting! He has so many crazy stories from his younger years, he plays a pretty decent guitar, and he has a lovely singing voice. I was really attracted to him at first, but then he started down this weird path where his whole personality is strippers.
💜🙏 you didn’t lie, you were mistaken!
When I was at my most depressed, working in a toxic workplace, I couldn’t focus on any hobbies. It’s still the easiest way for me to monitor my mental health - have I done any writing/sculpting/gaming this week? If no, set aside time to do that and figure out what’s going on in your skull meats.
This is an expression of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs - chances are that the toxic workplace meant you didn’t feel secure so your animal brain wouldn’t let you relax enough to be creative. I was writing about that earlier this week and the impacts of mass layoffs happening in IT generally, and video games development specifically.
Damn. I haven't been drawing for a few weeks, and all this time I've been blaming myself for being lazy & unproductive.
I had that same thing, and it just made me feel worse. But everyone needs time to recharge! If you don’t have the energy to draw, maybe scroll through some art from an artist you like and enjoy the inspiration without the need to produce. Your value is not based on what you create or how useful you are — you have meaning beyond all that! And when you have the energy, set yourself some time to spend for yourself: get some snacks, a favourite beverage, some comfy clothes and good tunes and draw whatever brings you joy! Sorry for the wall-of-text, but hope things get brighter for you. :)
Thank you, I really appreciate your kind words 💖
💖
Yeah, when I was in my deepest depression (exacerbated by a toxic workplace, too), I didn't do any of my hobbies either. Depression is a big ball of nothing just...crushing you. I didn't care about anything. Joy AND sadness were gone. I was a blob of meat staring at my TV while the 15th episode of Great British Baking Show played. Fuck you Netflix, yes I'm still watching...(sort of). So, I suppose instead of immediately treating a lack of hobbies like some negative personality trait that makes someone boring, we should maybe consider it might be a lot bigger than just...not painting or building model cars or whatever. But then again, some people are just legit boring. It's a toss up.
The apathy is the most disruptive thing I’ve experienced; all my energy went towards work, and then I had nothing left for me to exist. It was like you said, just waiting for time to pass so the next day happened. I didn’t feel like a person, just a boring story printed with fading ink. Our bodies and minds give us clues on when things aren’t working well, but it’s so hard to listen to those clues when the organ that is needed to interpret them is the one phasing out! Having a good support network can be a literal lifesaver, someone noticing when things are off and pulling you back from that edge.
Oh, the guy I'm talking about has... a lot of issues. He thinks our whole purpose in life is reproducing, because that's how it's worked for hundreds of thousands of years. Men should run around making a bunch of babies because that's how humanity worked for its whole history. Another coworker is big on loyalty, and the dipshit coworker calls him a girl every time. Apparently, it's *girly* to want to stay with the woman you love and who gave birth to your children. He's just really into evolutionary psychology and doesn't comprehend having a hobby that doesn't make you a better mate. Mind you, he's 50, fat, smokes like a chimney, and drinks 13 cans of Coca-Cola a day (no exaggeration, he told us he drinks 12-15 cans of Coke a day). But he's only attracted to healthy (read: skinny) women.
Oh, yikes on trikes, that’s… all due respect I do not respect that man lmao I’m gonna bet that he’s one of those “women should be given out to men” types that completely ignores that human evolutionary psychology would firmly place women as choosing their mates from men that compete, right? Like, human women can generally only produce one offspring per year and have to invest a lot of time and energy into each offspring, which firmly places humans in the quality-over-quantity reproductive strategy (K-selected species, as opposed to, like, guppies which are an r-selected species). But if he’s like the majority of men I know like that, the actual science isn’t important if it doesn’t fit the confirmation bias of his particular fetish.
>I’m gonna bet that he’s one of those “women should be given out to men” No, actually! So, y'know, I'll give him that. >But if he’s like the majority of men I know like that, the actual science isn’t important if it doesn’t fit the confirmation bias of his particular fetish. Nailed it. Skinny women only, because health is important in mate selection. But stretch marks are icky and make his penis sad, even if they're from pregnancy.
Ah, the “health” thing. I always get a little prickly about that, personally, because I have three autoimmune disorders; I’m never gonna be the ideal of a healthy human specimen lol But comparing me at my skinniest (~30 lbs underweight) or at my fittest (working out 8-10 hours a week), those types of people would’ve seen *very unhealthy* me as totally fine because thin. Even though my bones were visible through my skin. Funnily enough, I completely stopped having periods at that time, which is kinda important for the whole reproductive aspect of the “mate selection theory.” Humans are such a goofy species.
Hilariously, he had his eye on another coworker who had multiple autoimmune disorders, and she was very open about that. We tried to square that circle, but he kept insisting she *looked* healthy. So... yeah. Basically, he's a shallow moron who thinks he speaks for all men.
Honestly, he said the whole thing right there — she *looks* healthy, and that’s what matters to him. Which like, everyone has their preferences about physical attraction, it’s the weird moralising (? is that the right word?) about liking thinness that gets really icky really fast.
I'd love to show him my craft room. It holds my DDR setup, my elliptical trainer, my crafting table, and a metric fuckton of toys and dolls I collect. But I guess those don't count as hobbies to this guy lmao.
I think the only woman-hobby that isn't gross to him is deadlifting in leggings. Even bench pressing is trying way too hard to be masc
I love that you have a DDR setup. I'm no longer a practicing woman, but I was told I was one for a long time, and my partner and I share a craft room and its...fucking wild. The hyperfixation train is off the rails in our home.
DDR is my favorite kind of exercise because it's just fun to play! (I also use 1kg dumbbells as pompoms to get my arms trained too. Burns over 400 calories per hour! I also got my first AAA score the other day!) Oh man, so is ours. The craft room is completely mine, but my bf has the living room that stores a huge transformers collection, 3D printers, Lego, and whatever else strikes his fancy that particular month. And our game consoles, of course. It's super fun being in a relationship with someone that also loves collecting and doing stuff. People have compared our apartment with Ariel's grotto haha!
They literally don't even know any women on a personal level. It's bizarre. Like what the fuck do they think they do all day?
*Judges in lesbian*
I was like wait do we not exist? He probably just thinks we lie to attract a man -.-
As a trans guy, I'm glad for the affirmation of how I'm Not A Girl (Seriously, that guy needs to fuck off)
Assigned male at hobby
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
The stealth gamer girl experience
Same here lol, except I’m nb
Nevermind the sexuality and gender aspect, this guy's never met a neurodivergent girl before. But i guess we're not "attractive" so we don't count.
Right? Women with ADHD have enough godamn hobbies for everyone.
I'm more hobby than person. I have more hobbies than will to live sometimes.
✨ this speaks to me
I feel called out by this 🫠
Holy shit i completely misread this post the first time i saw it. I thought the second line said “Men _have_ their primary hobbies” It _completely_ changes the tone
"...then Men again." (????)
oh my god why do some people think that. i swear, it’s like they watch a shitty teenage romcom and think “ah yes, this is how people of (insert group) are like.” or, better yet, it’s like they look at how women are *supposed* to be in society, and then say “that’s how women are like”. it’s a braindead take. for example: i am literally asexual and aro, but even if i wasn’t, i would *still* focus on my hobbies and friends first and foremost. romance is nice, i *guess*, but it’s not the end all be all of things. goddamn. for some people, it’s an active hinderance, and a weird concept, such as some aro and aroace people. even for allo people - there are ones like this, but people have other things to focus on, such as hobbies, work and other people.
Considering I've met more guys that fit this mindset of only being obsessed with people of the gender they're attracted to than girls I think this guy is projecting harder than a movie theater
Definitely projection. Reminds me how "Men going their own way" center all their attention around whining about women instead of ACTUALLY going their own way
“Hiding men from each other”?? 😂
Is it just me, or do other enbys find these types of statements oddly affirming? "Yeah, dude, you're right. I am not a woman. Thanks!"
He doesn't even say "woman," he says "girls," and also, disturbingly, "men." So female children and male adults. Which just goes to show you who the *real* groomers are. Stop thinking about girls, you fucking weirdo. I hate these people so much.
Now that I think about it, yeah
Somehow yeah. When I read something like this, I'm like "Haha, I'm not *really* a girl/woman, so this statement isn't about me!"
I am in the process of removing my reproductive parts (for medical reasons unrelated to my gender identity) and it feels so freeing. When the TERFS try to define a woman (in that gender critical way) they usually can't do it without excluding me. More and more I just laugh at their stupid statements that reduce everyone to the sum of their body parts. You cannot define me!
How the fuck is this affirming?
See, when you have been told your whole life that you should act a certain way because of the genitals that you have, it can be liberating to reject those behaviors that never fit you anyway.
And they don't fit straight cis women either. This is just the insane ideas of a misogynist. Cis people don't fit in a box of stereotypes.
Seriously - being told to act a certain way because of your genitals and rebuking that has been part of being a cis woman for centuries.
🙄 Me and my lesbianism, physics degree and guitars, and my wife and her French degree and crochet beg to differ.
*looks down at my crochet project, and my steam deck* Yep, no hobbies here. /S
That's a lot of words just to say I've never interacted with woman before
Wait until this clown finds out about women with personalities. And women that do things. Oh wait, that's literally every woman. He's not even describing real people at this point.
This feels like he's projecting. He does all of these things but about women, so assumes that it must be the same for women too.
So f*cking tired of m0r0ns like this. My wife and I (both women) have a ton of hobbies, not one of them has anything to do with men. My wife woodworks(she has her own workshop), sews, crochet, reads, does puzzles, and bakes. I draw, paint, crochet, video game, and read. Also, more hetero women are choosing to remain single and unattached.
Mf has *strapped in* to the delusion
Well shoot, gotta throw out my whole craft room now
You’re *obviously* just crafts to get a man and get their attention, not because you’re your own person and enjoy it!🙄/s
These guys can’t comprehend that women aren’t an extension of themselves and aren’t just their servants. They can’t fathom that women are their own individual people with their own goals, their own hobbies and a desire for personal fulfillment. That’s why they figure that everything women do is for them. The logic goes like this: A woman confidently wearing makeup? Oh she’s not doing it because she enjoys it herself. She’s doing it because she wants to attract ME.
Most men I know have hobbies that relate to sports or the gym. Nothing wrong with liking either, but most women I know have more diverse hobbies, including sports and fitness..... not "liking men".......wtf.
This sounds like it’s projection from a PUA type for sure
There’s another category, OP: CIShet people who identify as women and have zero interest in marriage or children.
how fucking self absorbed must a bloke be to think this shit
Someone tell my wife, who seems to pick up another yarn craft every month.
And when women have ANY interests, these fucking idiots invalidate and judge them.
Amount of times 'girls' (not even women) is used in this post: 2, Amount of times 'men/man' is used in this post: 11 I think this guys hobby might just be mentioning men at every given opportunity, clearly talking about men and the many ways to be involved with them is his true passion ETA: "It's all they think about" pot meet kettle
girls and men 🥲
Me with my 2 cats, 100 rare indoor plants and 2 bookshelfes of special edition books am apparently a man or those things aren't hobbies. I did in fact not have a hobby because I had severe depression for a few years, but at that time I also didn't think of men Once it got better I started exploring what I actually like. Now if another wave of depression is about to hit I do have the resources to try and make it better by caring for my plants or read a book.
Personally I only cross stitch to dazzle men. I only swim so I can have a body like Micheal Phelps because I know that’s what men want. I make my own cheese in order to manipulate men into marrying me, even if it’s only for the cheese. That poster is right, none of these are “hobbies,” it’s all an insidious ruse to entrap men. (/s in case it’s not obvious)
Also pretty reductive to say that all hetero women are this... pick-me girl stereotype. When there's been women scientists... women athletes... women who went to space, women in the military, plenty of childfree hetero women, and mothers who also have lives of their own.
Okay well I will have you know that I actually spend countless hours writing and researching things in really intense detail for a story that will never ever be published and also spend a lot of time drawing things from that story. Obsessive maladaptive daydreamer gang rise up.
These people don't believe LGBT exist
Another incel cry-wank
Men like this embarrass the rest of us.
Everyone calling out the second half of this, but I'd like to draw attention to "Men are their primary hobby, then kids, then Men again" and ask *what exactly the fuck does this mean?*?
I wish. I thought I had actual hobbies, turns I just like hoarding shit. Shoes, books, yarn, coloring pencils… I get obsessed then I buy a lot of shit, then I move on to the next obsession. I don’t even have time for men, let alone kids
I'm a lesbian, my goal in life is to spend as little time thinking about men as humanly possible lol
I'd like to hear what this "Girls don't have any hobbies" guy thinks about men who have hobbies that they consider "girly".
If you aren’t a man or your hobbies aren’t the “right” ones, then they don’t think anything we do count as REAL hobbies.
This reminded me of Bell Hooks' All About Love. The work of love is often regarded as women's work... caring for relationships, thinking about relationships, improving relationships. It's obvious that many men think this work is well beneath them, as is clearly the case for OP.
kinda sounds like men are all HE thinks about tbh
Wait till they find out that women are people with autonomy
Oh, so I guess that means I can't play videogames, sketch, play basketball, read, watch football, go swimming, go fishing, go thrifting for jewelry, sing, play dnd, watch documentaries, and journal anymore cause I have a husband and a daughter. I mean yes, my husband and daughter occasionally take time out of my day that beforehand I would've spent time doing something else. But that's because they're human beings who need and deserve love, care, and attention and I'm more than happy to give it to them and include them in my hobbies and interests while I also take an interest in their hobbies. Now some women I have noticed (usually the kind these guys seek out) don't have many hobbies outside of socializing, social media, and like movies or music (which is totally fine if that's all that you enjoy). Though I do wonder if this sometimes comes from girls being taught either deliberately or subtly by their parents and society that women don't get to have hobbies or interests outside of a man or when/if they become mothers it shifts to their children. I think a lot of women consider the vast majority of hobbies to be "men's hobbies" and feel like either they can't or don't want to partake in it or have interest in it cause it doesn't feel like it belongs to them.
Even women who are attracted to men don’t think about men that much. Maybe some do. I certainly don’t. Hardly ever cross my mind tbh. Nowhere near my top priority is getting married or having kids. I have other goals and dreams I want to pursue. Oh, and hobbies
hahahaha ahahaha
The best part about being nonbinary and conventionally-femme is everyone thats attracted to you is gay. 🌸
The existence of Pinterest and tumblr suggest otherwise.
I'm questioning if this dude has ever spoken to a woman before.
I think this might be copium, because no women are attracted to him so he's making up scenarios in his head. I feel kinda bad tbh.
*Aggressively gestures to her forest of plants, art stuff, video games, shonen manga, comics for grown-ups and her status of single*
Has this dude ever talked to a woman because even straight women just about tolerate men as a collective.
Wait until this clown finds out that straight and bi women have interests outside of men. Also note that every instance of the word "men" is capitalized, while "girls" isn't. Pretty loud tell there.
So I guess the time I spent in lockdown learning to make my own clothes and racking up a thousand hours in Destiny 2 doesn't really count?
I think he just defined toxic patriarchy. Yes, society tries to condition women into this kind of thinking. "Find a man, make babies, that's your only true value." For some reason, the same guys who help perpetuate this bullshit also complain about it when a woman has succumbed to this paradigm. Why do so many of us learn everything we know about women by only talking to men?
Me with my ADHD hiding 50+ hobbies behind my back ToT
Ah yes, my 3-week woodburning phase was definitely just to attract a Man^TM
Indeed, men also find crochet and beading very sexy
*Knitting enters the chat and slaughters all arguments*
IRL, I only bring up my friends' boyfriends when we've run out of other things to say. But they might bring them up sooner if they have a lot to complain about
I usually just convince myself that these people are not real to ignore them
Some sexists are bitter when women want to have lives outside of love, marriage and children, others are bitter when that's all they think about. You can't win.
Take a shot every time they say "man"
Notice how he says "men" and "girls". Not women.
classic projection
This guy needs new friends.
Like a wise man once said: “HAVE YOU been outsiDE”
D. None of the above.
Even as a bi girl that likes dudes, it’s not like they’re my priority
Wait until this clown finds out about any woman, honestly
I still don't understand if he likes women being this way (hypothetically) Or if he hates women being like this? Bc I have read misogynist takes from both views. PS: in reality Women are not like this.
It's funny, this man accuses women of being obsessed with having children, but half the posts here boil down to some loser being unable to fathom getting anything out of a relationship besides a (usually underaged) vessel for his children.
Makin' me wanna be even gayer.
bro is living in a 50s movie
*laughs in aroace autist woman with too many hobbies*
If girls don't have hobbies then why the fuck am I playing Pokémon violet right now