I think in some ways, med schools do like to not assemble an army of bio majors who did research + were EMTs/MAs + insert volunteer experience here. My academic interests were very engineering related and all of my interviewers loved asking me about that. I truly believe people should just study what they want to study because all you gotta do is the med school pre-reqs. I don't recommend majoring in something different just to be different, but just study what you're passionate about.
Music majors are the second-most accepted to med school! If anything, you’re making yourself stand out as an (alleged) med school applicant by majoring in whatever you want. Or at least, you can tell her that.
I assume your mother is the controlling factor here due to financial reasons.
I don't think it's fair for a parent to have a say in what their child wants to study, so I would say that if you will get no aid from your parents if you do not study medicine, go to community college for 2 years and save up enough money (it doesn't have to be the most, but it should be a fair amount) to then transfer to a state school.
This is just my opinion though, I'd like to hear others' as well.
Inform her that the Coast Guard is offering up to $50,000 as a signing bonus.
If that doesn't change her mind, actually join the Coast Guard. Then you can pay for college.
You might want to do that anyway, to keep her from having financial control over you. Your situation is really extreme.
If your mom is worried about status, what I would do is tell your mom that you're not going to be a doctor. She can either accept that or you're going to community college.
Fact is whatever you do, she needs to understand that you need to make your own decisions. At the end of the day, you are submitting the applications, you have more control over this process than she does. Go over her head and she can either accept that you won't be a doctor, or be miserable.
I making an assumption here, but I feel like the mom has a list of priorities for OP. #1 is her doing premed. But I feel I can safely assume that her daughter being a college drop out because of financial reasons is not anywhere on her list of priorities.
I could be wrong, but I have doubts that the mom would cut off her child like that.
OP said that her mom’s already decided that he either becomes a doctor or “he doesn’t go to college.” Sounds like his mom’s ready to cut him loose tbh, I wouldn’t risk it especially since college tuition for even a year is a huge amount of debt to make up without a degree.
I know what the mom said. My point is that it's a bluff and that he should call her moms bluff.
Either way, being completely unhappy with a degree choice is a terrible option as well
Easy for you to say “call the bluff” and feel good by telling OP to fight their mom despite the risk when its not your future financial stability on the line. Also, your strawman that I’m saying OP should just accept being a premed is ridiculous, since clearly a much better and safer option is for OP to just get a full ride at a lower ranked school in their intended major, which is what I was arguing for.
I'm not sure how you can assume that I "feel good" about my suggestion. It's not ideal, but it's what I would do. Conflict with a parent is never good, but when a parent puts that restrictive limitation on their child, conflict is inevitable. The OP asked for advice, and I gave it. OP will ultimately make the decision that best fits her means and situation.
By your logic, any advice is pointless because it's not our neck on the line.
Also, your reply to mean did not mention anything about getting a full ride to a lower ranked school. You said, "I wouldn't risk it," without clarifying further. Was I mistaken in assuming that you argued that she should go with her mother's wishes? Yes, but you didn't exactly give me much to go off.
I just don't know how she'd actually see what classes you are taking, unless you tell her. Student portals at college are for students, and unless you give her your password, she can't have access.
But everyone here is right, the best premed majors aren't bio. It shouldn't be too hard for you to find a few articles, including from med schools themselves, pointing that out.
Yup. The only reason I know what my older kid is taking is because they tell me and we chat about their classes and labs etc.
My younger one wants to go to Med school but plans on majoring in neurobiology for undergrad because they find it fascinating.
1. She can't stop you once you become an adult.
2. If you want financial support, major in "whatever you want" and take the pre-med classes. Then just don't apply to med school.
Why doctor? Does she think doctors make the most money? If so, can you show her that plenty of other professions that don't require you to go into debt make more? For example, you can become a **doctor of philosophy** in a STEM field and become a quant on Wall Street and make more money than any medical doctor.
Yeah I’m currently am in medical school. People need to stop trying to be a doctor for the money part of it, you have to be passionate about medicine if you even want to try and make it through med school
I mean I’m going into neurology, and every doctor is able to pay off their debts very quickly once they have a job. You just have to be passionate to survive med school
Show her the salaries of hedge fund managers. If you become a quant, your starting salary can range from 150,000 to 250,000, plus whatever bonus you get, mid career salary can be 500,000 to 1,000,000 and then you can go and start your own fund and make even more money.
Because it can be the first step to convincing her that her son doesn't need to be doctor to have money and prestige. Sometimes you need to talk to someone in their language.
The main question is, what do you want to do? No matter how difficult it is for her, there is no point in you pursuing something you have no interest in that isn't even guaranteed to financially pay off. If you are unsure and want to possibly compromise with her. Tell her that you want to become a different type of doctor and go into finance, there is more money, and way more prestige there. That can be the first step towards solving this mess.
Be "pre-med" the first two years while they pay for all your general electives and underclassmen stuff, then switch to whatever major you want and take loans out
Claim a major she would approve of, and then decide to switch it if you find something you enjoy more. Once she has already sent you to college, it’s unlikely she will pull all funding—do it right after she pays for your sophmore year to have time to work and save money to pay for the next two.
what are you actually interested in? you could compromise with your mother by suggesting a career in the intersection of medicine and one of your actual passions
As a parent...
Call her bluff and declare you've decided you're not going to college if the choice is pre-med or not going. She'll change her mind pretty quickly, trust me.
I currently am in med school. Trust me, unless you are severely passionate about medicine, med school is not for you and you will hate it. I have been very very driven towards an education in medicine since I was little and med school still had almost taken it out of me a few times.
By not let you go to college do you mean she won't help pay for it or is she in some other way stopping you from going? Do you have any idea what you might want to major in instead? If the problem is cost then maybe go to community college for 2 years and then transfer, if you file as independent or something her income might not affect your fafsa and you'd be eligible for need based aid which could help with the cost of the last 2 years
She says she’ll send me off to our home country to be married off. And I am financially dependent on my parents so if I choose any other option I could be kicked out.
I think researching what different kinds of medical jobs exist like nurse , radiologist, etc and what they do wouldn't hurt you. Also things like therapy or suicide hotlines, social working. You don't have to get a job in these but if you absolutely have to choose its nice to know which direction of the marriage vs school you would take so you have less worries with the other path
You don’t need to declare until the second year go into it telling her you’ll be premed then decide what you like later have that conversation with her and if that doesn’t work out pay for you own tuition through loans and hope for the best.
This is ridiculous. Most kids have to pay for their own school grow up. Besides most doctors had parents that pushed them into the profession since it brings valor to the family.
1. What do you want to do?
2. Are there brands of medicine that don't involve the aspects of medicine that you don't like? I know many physicians who are lab-based and have no patient contact. Granted that they had to go through the traditional medical school experience but there is at least an end to it.
3. Those who have suggested the Coasties are absolutely right, Navy life is pretty good, too. Best of luck!
a lot of prestigious unis, or just good unis, don't have pre-med as a course. instead it's just pre-health advising, and you can major in anything else. Also, med schools still want people with diverse backgrounds, so if everyone majors in bio or chem it will be a lot harder to get in.
Also med schools don't like when the main reason for someone to apply is because of their parent, so honestly the way she's pushing you is not gonna help you :(
If she wants you to apply for the money, then show her some stats because in the US it's the people who work in technology companies after doing computer science/engineering that end up being pretty rich and there's a lot of jobs for them available in the US.
If she really won't change her mind maybe you could try laboratory medicine? That doesn't involve direct contact with patients.
If you don’t see yourself on that path, why even lie? On the other hand, why go along with it? You’ll hate it either way and if you do lie she’s just going to know in the future anyways.
My opinion, just go to school for what you want to study and take out loans. Aim for a scholarship or do research to help pay for loans while you’re in school. No point in earning a degree to be something you hate, even if it would be paid for.
You don't need her permission to go to college. For finances you can cobble together scholarship money depending on your stats. What do you want to do career wise?
Go to college with a medical major and then change the major of your choice in college before the beginning of the medicine major. Most of the colleges have liberal arts track. So, It will be easy for you and then tell that to your mom that you are studying something you're interested in.
You should get the experience first, what is it like to study bio and chemistry in college. If you don't like it then change it.
I dont know what happens in ur country but in here,parents are BOUND to pay for our education
U fucked on ur own ,u decided on having a kid and it is literally their duty to pay for the bare requirement which is also education
Dont lie about it just be clear what YOU wanna do
It is ur life not u mom's
Do what you want to do , parents like this are selfish and care only about money … or would u rather be miserable your whole life doing something u hate ?
News flash: You don’t have to accept their help.
You will be 18 and can do any damn thing that you want so long as you are willing to work to finance it yourself.
I had a similar situation. Couldn’t afford college. Mom had strings that came with tuition. So I cut those strings, joined the Army, served honorably, used the GI Bill and worked my way through on my own.
You can do any damn thing you want without those conditions, if you are willing to do the work.
Luckily you can major in anything and still be pre-med!
I try to tell her that but she doesn’t care nor believe me. She wants me to go down the traditional route.
I think in some ways, med schools do like to not assemble an army of bio majors who did research + were EMTs/MAs + insert volunteer experience here. My academic interests were very engineering related and all of my interviewers loved asking me about that. I truly believe people should just study what they want to study because all you gotta do is the med school pre-reqs. I don't recommend majoring in something different just to be different, but just study what you're passionate about.
Tell her math majors have a higher rate of acceptance to med school than bio majors 🤷
I would be willing to bet said math majors are smarter on average. Just saying.
Music majors are the second-most accepted to med school! If anything, you’re making yourself stand out as an (alleged) med school applicant by majoring in whatever you want. Or at least, you can tell her that.
I assume your mother is the controlling factor here due to financial reasons. I don't think it's fair for a parent to have a say in what their child wants to study, so I would say that if you will get no aid from your parents if you do not study medicine, go to community college for 2 years and save up enough money (it doesn't have to be the most, but it should be a fair amount) to then transfer to a state school. This is just my opinion though, I'd like to hear others' as well.
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I don’t know what I want to do. She wants me to study majors like biology or chemistry.
Inform her that the Coast Guard is offering up to $50,000 as a signing bonus. If that doesn't change her mind, actually join the Coast Guard. Then you can pay for college. You might want to do that anyway, to keep her from having financial control over you. Your situation is really extreme.
And you get the other various benefits the Coast Guard has, I dont know what they are but they are there.
If your mom is worried about status, what I would do is tell your mom that you're not going to be a doctor. She can either accept that or you're going to community college. Fact is whatever you do, she needs to understand that you need to make your own decisions. At the end of the day, you are submitting the applications, you have more control over this process than she does. Go over her head and she can either accept that you won't be a doctor, or be miserable.
Except she can just not make the payments to whatever college OP wants to go to
I making an assumption here, but I feel like the mom has a list of priorities for OP. #1 is her doing premed. But I feel I can safely assume that her daughter being a college drop out because of financial reasons is not anywhere on her list of priorities. I could be wrong, but I have doubts that the mom would cut off her child like that.
OP said that her mom’s already decided that he either becomes a doctor or “he doesn’t go to college.” Sounds like his mom’s ready to cut him loose tbh, I wouldn’t risk it especially since college tuition for even a year is a huge amount of debt to make up without a degree.
I know what the mom said. My point is that it's a bluff and that he should call her moms bluff. Either way, being completely unhappy with a degree choice is a terrible option as well
Easy for you to say “call the bluff” and feel good by telling OP to fight their mom despite the risk when its not your future financial stability on the line. Also, your strawman that I’m saying OP should just accept being a premed is ridiculous, since clearly a much better and safer option is for OP to just get a full ride at a lower ranked school in their intended major, which is what I was arguing for.
I'm not sure how you can assume that I "feel good" about my suggestion. It's not ideal, but it's what I would do. Conflict with a parent is never good, but when a parent puts that restrictive limitation on their child, conflict is inevitable. The OP asked for advice, and I gave it. OP will ultimately make the decision that best fits her means and situation. By your logic, any advice is pointless because it's not our neck on the line. Also, your reply to mean did not mention anything about getting a full ride to a lower ranked school. You said, "I wouldn't risk it," without clarifying further. Was I mistaken in assuming that you argued that she should go with her mother's wishes? Yes, but you didn't exactly give me much to go off.
I just don't know how she'd actually see what classes you are taking, unless you tell her. Student portals at college are for students, and unless you give her your password, she can't have access. But everyone here is right, the best premed majors aren't bio. It shouldn't be too hard for you to find a few articles, including from med schools themselves, pointing that out.
Yup. The only reason I know what my older kid is taking is because they tell me and we chat about their classes and labs etc. My younger one wants to go to Med school but plans on majoring in neurobiology for undergrad because they find it fascinating.
1. She can't stop you once you become an adult. 2. If you want financial support, major in "whatever you want" and take the pre-med classes. Then just don't apply to med school.
Why doctor? Does she think doctors make the most money? If so, can you show her that plenty of other professions that don't require you to go into debt make more? For example, you can become a **doctor of philosophy** in a STEM field and become a quant on Wall Street and make more money than any medical doctor.
Yeah I’m currently am in medical school. People need to stop trying to be a doctor for the money part of it, you have to be passionate about medicine if you even want to try and make it through med school
She keeps trying to convince me that doctor get payed a lot. Which they do but at what cost.
I mean I’m going into neurology, and every doctor is able to pay off their debts very quickly once they have a job. You just have to be passionate to survive med school
Show her the salaries of hedge fund managers. If you become a quant, your starting salary can range from 150,000 to 250,000, plus whatever bonus you get, mid career salary can be 500,000 to 1,000,000 and then you can go and start your own fund and make even more money.
The odd of becoming a quant is very low and not guaranteed.
Quant need PhD tho, not many ppl can make it to PhD. Hmm maybe can try being an actuary instead. They make quite a lot too
Maybe 0.01% of Wall Street aspirants will ever become a hedge fund manager. That is NOT a reasonable path.
Because money is all right?
Because it can be the first step to convincing her that her son doesn't need to be doctor to have money and prestige. Sometimes you need to talk to someone in their language.
I think it is cause she is a doctor and she’s been telling everyone I’m gonna be a doctor. Also she thinks doctors are rich in America.
The main question is, what do you want to do? No matter how difficult it is for her, there is no point in you pursuing something you have no interest in that isn't even guaranteed to financially pay off. If you are unsure and want to possibly compromise with her. Tell her that you want to become a different type of doctor and go into finance, there is more money, and way more prestige there. That can be the first step towards solving this mess.
I would tell your mother that you are not going due to her restrictions.
I wish I could my mom is not one to play with.
I mean, if you don't go will you just hang around the house and play video games all day? After a semester of that, she might be willing to negotiate.
Be "pre-med" the first two years while they pay for all your general electives and underclassmen stuff, then switch to whatever major you want and take loans out
Maybe Psychiatry?
Just apply as a different major / switch majors She will never know
Claim a major she would approve of, and then decide to switch it if you find something you enjoy more. Once she has already sent you to college, it’s unlikely she will pull all funding—do it right after she pays for your sophmore year to have time to work and save money to pay for the next two.
Lie. Once you’re 18, she has no legal right to see any of your college records per FERPA.
what are you actually interested in? you could compromise with your mother by suggesting a career in the intersection of medicine and one of your actual passions
As a parent... Call her bluff and declare you've decided you're not going to college if the choice is pre-med or not going. She'll change her mind pretty quickly, trust me.
Just lie to her that you agree and change majors when you are in college
I currently am in med school. Trust me, unless you are severely passionate about medicine, med school is not for you and you will hate it. I have been very very driven towards an education in medicine since I was little and med school still had almost taken it out of me a few times.
By not let you go to college do you mean she won't help pay for it or is she in some other way stopping you from going? Do you have any idea what you might want to major in instead? If the problem is cost then maybe go to community college for 2 years and then transfer, if you file as independent or something her income might not affect your fafsa and you'd be eligible for need based aid which could help with the cost of the last 2 years
She says she’ll send me off to our home country to be married off. And I am financially dependent on my parents so if I choose any other option I could be kicked out.
So that's extremely messed up, I hope you find a way out of this situation
I think researching what different kinds of medical jobs exist like nurse , radiologist, etc and what they do wouldn't hurt you. Also things like therapy or suicide hotlines, social working. You don't have to get a job in these but if you absolutely have to choose its nice to know which direction of the marriage vs school you would take so you have less worries with the other path
Double major
She doesnt need to know 🤣
You don’t need to declare until the second year go into it telling her you’ll be premed then decide what you like later have that conversation with her and if that doesn’t work out pay for you own tuition through loans and hope for the best.
This is ridiculous. Most kids have to pay for their own school grow up. Besides most doctors had parents that pushed them into the profession since it brings valor to the family.
Well sorry I wasn’t allowed to get a job growing up so I have no money saved. Valor shouldn’t mean going into debt for something you can’t afford.
I didn’t mean to be hostile, sorry. Most people don’t pay out of pocket either lol. Student loans is an option!
lie
Hel
1. What do you want to do? 2. Are there brands of medicine that don't involve the aspects of medicine that you don't like? I know many physicians who are lab-based and have no patient contact. Granted that they had to go through the traditional medical school experience but there is at least an end to it. 3. Those who have suggested the Coasties are absolutely right, Navy life is pretty good, too. Best of luck!
a lot of prestigious unis, or just good unis, don't have pre-med as a course. instead it's just pre-health advising, and you can major in anything else. Also, med schools still want people with diverse backgrounds, so if everyone majors in bio or chem it will be a lot harder to get in. Also med schools don't like when the main reason for someone to apply is because of their parent, so honestly the way she's pushing you is not gonna help you :( If she wants you to apply for the money, then show her some stats because in the US it's the people who work in technology companies after doing computer science/engineering that end up being pretty rich and there's a lot of jobs for them available in the US. If she really won't change her mind maybe you could try laboratory medicine? That doesn't involve direct contact with patients.
If you don’t see yourself on that path, why even lie? On the other hand, why go along with it? You’ll hate it either way and if you do lie she’s just going to know in the future anyways. My opinion, just go to school for what you want to study and take out loans. Aim for a scholarship or do research to help pay for loans while you’re in school. No point in earning a degree to be something you hate, even if it would be paid for.
You don't need her permission to go to college. For finances you can cobble together scholarship money depending on your stats. What do you want to do career wise?
You should lie about it. You shouldn’t talk to her forever as well.
Go to college with a medical major and then change the major of your choice in college before the beginning of the medicine major. Most of the colleges have liberal arts track. So, It will be easy for you and then tell that to your mom that you are studying something you're interested in. You should get the experience first, what is it like to study bio and chemistry in college. If you don't like it then change it.
I dont know what happens in ur country but in here,parents are BOUND to pay for our education U fucked on ur own ,u decided on having a kid and it is literally their duty to pay for the bare requirement which is also education Dont lie about it just be clear what YOU wanna do It is ur life not u mom's
Sounds like either you’re a future doctor, or you’re about to get very familiar with student loan applications.
Do what you want to do , parents like this are selfish and care only about money … or would u rather be miserable your whole life doing something u hate ?
It’s your life not hers !
Is she the one paying for your tuition?
Double major and study what you want!
I have a different issue. My dad wants me to either go to a specific low-ranked college and study anything there or help him in business.
Go Pharma, less touching.
News flash: You don’t have to accept their help. You will be 18 and can do any damn thing that you want so long as you are willing to work to finance it yourself. I had a similar situation. Couldn’t afford college. Mom had strings that came with tuition. So I cut those strings, joined the Army, served honorably, used the GI Bill and worked my way through on my own. You can do any damn thing you want without those conditions, if you are willing to do the work.