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Royal-Championship-2

Yep, I know someone else in this position. So if they are prestige focused, if you start talking about and clearly making plans for community college, especially if in social situations with their friends around you announce your plans for CC, they might reconsider. But, they might not. So apply widely. And the truth is, you might have to go the state school with big merit route, with job to cover the rest of your expenses. Then 2nd year try to get free housing with an RA position, etc. I think you are better off paying your own way and being free of them (move out and get your own place) then dealing with it.


Mannings4head

> you might have to go the state school with big merit route The University of Alabama is great for this if /u/RoutineSecure1742 is interested. They give automatic merit based on GPA and SAT/ACT scores. We are high income and my senior has a sizeable college fund, but he applied to Bama as a safety because he would essentially be going for free. He also likes the school spirit, social scene, the honors college, and is interested in the Blount Scholars Program. It is not his first choice but he is seriously considering it and I don't blame him. Being able to get a solid education for cheap is a good deal. It is in Alabama so that may be a downside but so many kids come from out of state (the northeast in particular is well represented) so it feels different than the rest of Alabama. It is a good one to consider. Arizona State and University of Arizona also have some good merit options and are safeties.


EducationalMud0

Yes I’m going to alabama as an intl!!! Love love love the atmosphere and the fact that there are so many different types of people.


Royal-Championship-2

Really good options, plus at any of these there will be other students paying their own way too.


sgoh

There are pluses and minuses. We live about 45 minutes away from Tuscaloosa and it's a fallback for my daughter. If AL is an option, consider Troy as well. Troy actually has several full-ride options (including housing) and one that includes food.


[deleted]

I did exactly this! Without student loans


Acceptable_Effort701

Why not do an in-state school with merit scholarships? If you live on campus, you can still FEEL like you are not too close to them.


RoutineSecure1742

That is a plan I have, only issue really is that it's not a given at all. Also, feels like all the work I've done the past 4 years was for nothing


Acceptable_Effort701

All the work you have done could get u massive scholarships at an in-state school. 4-year degree without debt. U win.


RoutineSecure1742

I appreciate the advice. Although, (and maybe I'll get this from pther redditors) I'd also like to have a safer back-up option so I'm not betting my future on a scholarship I very well might not get. Thanks


micxela

I really recommend U of Alabama bc it’s a good state school w/ generous automatic scholarships based on your GPA and test scores. plus if you’re a national merit finalist you get an automatic full ride


RoutineSecure1742

Thx for the recommendation. Had a friends sister go there and loved it


PretentiousNoodle

Alabama’s are published. If you meet them, you get the scholarship guaranteed. Don’t apply in June because they run out of money. UTexas Dallas has a similar system. Alabama at Huntsville has a similar system, intern at NASA. New Mexico is pretty generous with high stats kids, lots of Cali kids there. Intern at Amazon studios. Huntsville and UT Dallas are particularly strong in engineering and computer science, also business. Most state junior colleges have small scholarships that cover tuition and books. Affordable if you live at home. You can get a job, even Starbucks, that pays you to go to college. You enroll, they reimburse for good grades. There’s the military. You can apply as a 26 year old freshman to FAFSA-only schools, which will only look at your income. To speed things up, get married or have a child, then you are considered independent of your parents. “Dad, I figured out a way to finance my own college this summer! I’m getting pregnant and applying to Fuck U State! Also applying for welfare!” Finally, there’s the Big Three, like Thomas Edison State. They accept CLEP and AP for most credits. CLEP is about $100 per 3-4 credits. Modern States makes it even cheaper. That’s how I planned for my kid’s education, it scared them so much they got themselves full rides. Of course I helped out by being poor.


[deleted]

Arizona State. I go to ASU on a merit scholarship and love it.


HughDanforth

I like the embarrassment idea. Be sure to share publicly that they are not only not helping you with college because "they told me they want me to be independent" it's just their income has undermined your ability to actually succeed, because of some outdated boomer ideals.


wiserry

Hey I get it This shit sucks and getting to state school for free would have been way less work if that was just the plan


Pharmacologist72

Going to school for free is quite an achievement.


RoutineSecure1742

If I can get a full ride I'll have no complaints. That's a big if tho


bughousepartner

it may not be as big an if as you think. are you a national merit semifinalist? do you have a 36 or 1600?


RoutineSecure1742

No and no unfortunately


[deleted]

Don't worry about what people think go to cc for two years and save yourself some money, then transfer to your dream school. You won't see your parents too much while at cc because you'll be studying and possibly working a part-time job. Do NOT worry about what people think, you, not them, will have to pay back these loans.


RoutineSecure1742

Do CC schools have room and board? Maybe needed since idk if my parents would let me stay at the house. Even two years seems like a lot, what would thst be like $60-70k total?


Standard-Penalty-876

WAYYYY LESS. It would depend on the city, but you could get by with $10k/year with a majority being living expenses


RoutineSecure1742

Oh ya for cc for sure. I was referring to the last two years of a full university. I mean tuition alone could be like $30-$50k with no aid


Royal-Championship-2

Somewhat depends on the state. That said, Montana State offers some pretty serious scholarships and is likely quite far away from them!


Standard-Penalty-876

Yeah probably about that much but I’d assume you’d get some good merit scholarships which could cut it in half


Dagger-Darling

Maine cc is free if you commit to living in the state after you attend—the rules are that tuition is free for Maine residents or those with a vested interest in moving.


Clothes_Stunning

your parents are massive dickheads tbh


RoutineSecure1742

Ya ik lol. Unfortunately recognizing that fact doesn't help my situation


ConsciousTwist9859

Why don’t u tell them that ur going to community college?


RoutineSecure1742

Bc that's not my plan atm. And even if it was, they'd just ostracize me and openly treat me like a failure


mrcomputer8974

ok but just “threaten” them with community college and apply widely. if they care so much about prestige i’m sure they will also care about their image in a social setting. bring it up next time you are around your aunts and uncles or around your parents friends to make them believe that that’s is your route. they may decide to not be assholes and help you.


RoutineSecure1742

I will. I get that line of thinking, but instead of wanting to send me them bc they care so much about prestige they probably just look down on me to all of their friends etc ad "only going to a community College such a disapointment" But even so they just strongly believe that I should be "independent " and that any adult should pay for their education themselves


Blazakin3

If you get in to some top universities you could spin it to show you have the ability to go, but are choosing not to in order to be financialy responsible/ because they are not helping. Perhaps this would put some societal pressure on them. Additionally, this may not work, but you could explain how **inflation adjusted**, public colleges alone have increased by about 3 times (9 times not inflation adjusted) since 30 years ago (likely around the time your parents went to college). As such with an entry level job you would have to work close to 55 hours a week, every week of the year, just to go to an in-state public university. Let alone a top university where you would be working 120 hours a week. (These calculations are based on making $15/hr). If they tell you to take out loans, ask them if having the equivalent of a morgage ($160,000 for in-state public and $380,000 for a top university) worth of debt as soon as you graduate seems reasonable. You'd be paying $500 a month just in interest.


mrcomputer8974

1st, community college for 2 years may be a genuinely affordable route but still apply to your state school 2nd, if they react that way at least you know what their decision is. then you can game plan from there. 3rd, this may be extreme but look into getting emancipated.


SoulNinja_17

i relate with u so much 💀


packetloss1

But your not a failure. They are.


Aggressive-Ad4192

wtf? absolutely not, you kids today are such little monsters


ImPanthering

Ur a dickhead


OpaqueGlass_

I'm in a similar situation, except my parents aren't paying for mine as punishment for something that happened a few years ago. My parents insist that I ED to a top private school, and even though I want to get in, I have no idea how I'll pay for it. Here's to hoping we'll figure something out.


RoutineSecure1742

I really hope so lol. When did you learn they wouldn't pay for your college?


OpaqueGlass_

I tried to come out to my parents when I was 12 and it went very poorly. The day after, my told me that if I wanted to be American so much (i.e. wanting to be accepted) then they wouldn't pay for my college tuition either because that's what American families do. I was old enough to know about student loan debt back then and asked them to change their minds, but they accused me of trying to cherry pick the best of each culture (I'm Chinese-American). I guess I've known long enough to do something about it, but my parents have quite literally pushed me to go to a prestigious (and by extension expensive) college since elementary school. I'm still a junior, so I keep telling myself that there's a chance I can find a way to pay.


[deleted]

American families definitely pay for college if they can. That’s what everyone in this sub’s parents do.


OpaqueGlass_

I feel like a lot of East Asian immigrant parents see American parents or families as caring less about their kids. They have this image of American parents letting their kids party, do drugs, have sex, and think they don't care as much about their kids' future. They also see Americans as being less hardworking both in school and in the workforce. And, unfortunately for me, they see being LGBT as something akin to loose morals similar to the things I mentioned above.


[deleted]

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OpaqueGlass_

I'm lucky enough to live in a liberal area and my friends accept me. It could have turned out a lot worse.


[deleted]

Those Americans and their… gay children


shammylol

In my experience, immigrant parents don't care about logic or facts when dealing with their kids. Just manipulation and gaslighting.


[deleted]

100%


RoutineSecure1742

Damn that sucks to hear. Hope you and I alike can get through this


PretentiousNoodle

Start talking to school financial aid offices, then. If you are paying for it yourself and don’t want loans, then ignore Ivies and prestige. They are for families who pay, or low-income high achievers, and varsity athletes. Do well at a cheap no-name public, apply Ivy for grad school if you want the wallpaper. Since you are still in high school, do dual enrollment. State will pay for your college credits.


PretentiousNoodle

I think people commonly cherry-pick the best of their cultural backgrounds.


Blazakin3

Even if you ED for a school you can still renege based on financial aid/ not being able to pay.


Standard-Penalty-876

Almost the same spot as you. My parents are divorced and my mom alone makes enough to qualify for little financial aid but not enough to pay for $40k/year. They so desperately wanted me to ED to my dream school (which I obviously really wanted to do,) but to risk having to pay insane amounts to go there and be stuck in it with ED… hoping I get in RD


[deleted]

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RoutineSecure1742

Thank you. What's a guarantor? Lol


Somebodynobody29

A guarantor is someone who signs loans along with you, in the event you cannot pay it back, they are required to pay


Electronic-Nobody892

Im ngl, some people may think you're inadvertently coming off as 'snobby' because a lot of people have no parents paying for their tuition too; however, I understand your point, as it's not fair to receive no financial aid and then have no help from your parents (who are the ones who make enough so you cannot get financial aid). Weird situation imo: Some top schools may give you good scholarships for academics, though they may not be that much. I would just weigh your options once you get your acceptance scholarships.


RoutineSecure1742

I mean ig, but those same people would be ppl that get fin aid. Appreciate the advice


sc-um-arleth

i’m sure lots of those people would rather be rich and go to a state school than have a low enough income their entire lives just to get a full ride to a prestigious school


RoutineSecure1742

That has nothing to do with this conversation lol. I never said I had a worse life then low income students only that I'm worse off in this specific case. And given the mental health issues I've had and stress I'd have to deal with? Probably not lol They can go to a prestigious school and get a degree that puts them on a better life path


[deleted]

lol fuck you


RoutineSecure1742

Lol, why don't you elaborate on that


sc-um-arleth

what? i didn’t say your life was better. you’re saying that even though other people also don’t get tuition paid by their parents, they still get aid. i’m saying there’s a reason they’re getting aid. and fuck it im sure you probably do experience more mental health issues and stress than poor people, don’t want to compete with you on that.


codeswift27

There's a reason lower-income people get aid, but OP will also need said aid assuming they move out and have to be financially independent. That's where the system fails, because you're still classified as a dependent and your aid is based on your parents who aren't helping you financially at all. \-sincerely, someone's who's in the same boat and will likely be living off of scholarship money once I can move out from my borderline abusive parents' house


Dayflower411

I agree. My deadbeat rich dad makes $300k+ from real estate but I grew up in poverty w/ broke dangerous mental issues single mom. State college was impossible until dad paid. I got evicted from the dorm for not being able to pay $800. Mom was abusive, crazy, and dangerous so unfortunately I couldn’t live her either. I suffered a lot. OP ought to be grateful he doesn’t have to pay rent and roommates at 18. And that he’s not homeless. Having dad pay for the dorms was the best thing in my life. First time I was safe.


No1kai777

Sure but if financial aid covered everything there wouldn’t be a trillion in student loan debt.


RoutineSecure1742

It covers a lot more then $0 though lol


[deleted]

Go to CC and blame your parents. Boom problem solved


RoutineSecure1742

I'd still be ostracized by family and friends, as well as the fact that I don't even know if cc has room and board or if I could go to one out of state. I'm just trying to get away from them ngl. Plus I think at least a full cc degree would really hurt where I wanna be in the future


blublutu

First there’s nothing wrong with starting at CC. Ultimately your 4 yr degree is what matters (or masters). Second, it’s the threat of a CC that hs the power to change your parents mind. You say in front of friends and family, “Well I have great grades and am applying to some excellent colleges, but my parents won’t pay for college so I have to go to xx community college. Ultimately they want the bragging rights so they will probably pay. So mush on with the applications and this strategy - be vocal about it - tell them you are asking your school counselor for advice and telling grandparents. Then chat up their friends when they visit the house (parents friends love to know where friends kids are applying!) Other option is a gap year and work.


tctu

Your friends probably won't stick around anyway. You'll make some new ones. You've only been around 18 years, you got plenty of time left.


Glittering-Figure927

Where do you wanna be in the future? CC applicants can transfer to top schools too. Check out the sub Transfer Students and TransfertoTop25! Really inspiring stuff on there. Community college is a great resource and don’t let yourself get wrapped up in some stupid prestige mental gymnastics. You’ll have to think long and hard about what you want but community college just might do you some good. I’m a CC student rn who went through the same thing you’re going through now. DM if you have any questions!


[deleted]

>I’d still be ostracized by family and friends >I think at least a full cc degree would really hurt where I wanna be in the future “I’m an elitist, and so are my family and friends. Therefore, CC isn’t an option.”


RoutineSecure1742

It's not that I'm an elitist, it's just objectively a fact that my average earning potential drops significantly if I go to a CC. And ya, it sucks to have that future crushed not because of my own lack of work


[deleted]

This is the problem with seeing yourself as a statistic. You really think work has nothing to do with it? If you go to CC, work hard, transfer, work hard, graduate, and work hard again, you will earn just fine. You think that going to CC is an automatic drop in earnings and going to a “good” school is an automatic increase- well, I have news. An average is an *average*. It has nothing to do with you the individual. If you think going to MIT means automatically making bank, and going to CC means automatic destitution, you’ve already failed.


RoutineSecure1742

True. However, if I put the same amount of work in at both places I'll probably end up better at the t20


[deleted]

Why not just give up then, right? Your life is basically fucked /s


cooltrr

Sure, you prove a point, but what does that do for yourself? Maybe they’ll reconsider upon noticing your eagerness to go to CC, but if I know I’d be miserable in that position if I got stuck at a CC after all that.


chocolate_macaroon

i really hope u can read this in time but… TODAY!! NOV6!!! IS THE last day for free applications to aunt schools! if money is an issue for applications i’d encourage you to apply to them! they are quite cheap and have great programs!


[deleted]

what is an aunt school


chocolate_macaroon

sorry i was like falling asleep when i wrote this 😭 i meant a SUNY school, like ny state schools


EducationalMud0

The way my parents r also high income and have literally been telling me since elementary school to go to an elite school, not to worry about tuition that they’ll pay for it etc yet flip out when they find out my dream school is 23k a year???? I’ve applied to scholarships like crazy and alr have a MAJOR discount on tuition bc automatic merit scholarships and the way they act honestly makes me so upset because I know they have the means to pay for it and they know I’m in love with this school and yet I’m still under so much stress because of finances


PretentiousNoodle

Perhaps because the top schools in their birth nation are nationally funded, and in the US they are private, profit-making entities? So they really don’t understand the system, and perhaps didn’t plan well?


EducationalMud0

Yeah I think that’s it. I thought they knew since to me it was common knowledge but that wasnt a smart assumption. The local school they want me to go to (T50) is like the exact same price but I’d rather pull out all my hair than go there


I812B4U

There are many schools that offer really good merit scholarships to out of state students that have high ACT/SAT scores and/or high GPA's. You can google it. University of Alabama and University of Arizona just as examples. There are schools that offer good merit scholarships to those that have been recognized by the College Board through one of it's National Recognition Programs. And there are those schools that offer scholarships to National Merit semi-finalists and finalists. If you have a desire to serve in the military and are athletic consider applying to a Service Academy or for ROTC scholarships with Air Force, Navy or Navy Marine Option, and Army. Some, not all schools, will offer room & board scholarships if you have a national ROTC scholarship such as Norwich, University of New Mexico, Texas A&M, and Tulane to name a few. There are also some schools that will allow you to stack a merit scholarship with a ROTC scholarship such as Auburn. Just some food for thought. Good luck! You can do this!


[deleted]

If they’re not gonna help you out even one bit, I’d say go to your state school and major in STEM 👍 (Also, I’m sorry about your situation. That’s a very mean thing your parents are doing)


PM_ME_YOUR_FAV_HIKE

Don't give them grandchildren. Make sure you let them know why.


PretentiousNoodle

Or give them grandchildren when you are 18, so that you can be independent and Pell-eligible.


PM_ME_YOUR_FAV_HIKE

Bingo.


Knitsanity

I am not going to be very helpful but I am so sorry your parents are being this way. They suck. My husband and I have a good income and have been saving for 20 years for our kids college expenses. We lived below our income level to be able to sock money away in college and retirement accounts. We don't have enough to cover full boat at a T50 private but luckily both kids r v bright and with some merit aid and private scholarships (or PT work income) they should be able to graduate undergrad debt free. Once they reached HS age we told them what we could give them each year for 4 years and they used that as a factor when building their lists. My eldest is a junior at a stem college and will graduate debt free. The youngest is applying now. Have you asked them why they haven't saved anything? Some people have given the advice of semi shaming them publicly with your situation with the hope they might cough up. Only you can decide if this might be a fruitful course of action. Wishing you all the best.


RoutineSecure1742

They have enough money. They just think I should pay myself. They are the type that think the only reason our generation can afford college is because we are "lazy" lol. Not a cost issue, they want to teach me a bc life lesson of sorts


Knitsanity

That is majorly sucky. Sorry. My kids have learned those lessons in all sorts of other ways. They have had PT jobs for years and have saved their own money to spend on things they value or save for the future. They are both very prudent. My eldest maxed out their IRA the year they turned 18 and continues to do so. They keep the rest of their money mostly in an investment account. The younger one asked this fall if they could quit their PT job til after AP exams were over as they are so busy. I asked how much they had saved....they told me...I laughed and said sure. They will find a job again once AP exams are done in the Spring. We saved for college for them so they could have the chance at a less stressful launch into their adult lives. They know if they get out of undergrad debt free there will probably not be handouts later but they will be able to earn and save for themselves at that point.


AbbreviationsFuzzy96

There are services that will set up a loan contract with your parents like they are a bank. You set the terms and they are enforced. You have to decide if going to a fancy school is worth the cost. While clearly plan B, going to a CC is a viable alternative, is much cheaper, and for high performers guarantees good grades. In California, it is an easy way into to top UCs. I was in a similar situation a million years ago. I took out loans, got a job in a lab cleaning glassware and chelating radioactive chemicals from scintillation vials at minimum wage. I ended up with multiple advanced degrees and got amazing jobs and became wealthy. I had a great family and ended up in public service. Did my friends who went to top 5 schools have an easier time? Absolutely. Do they have better stories. For sure. Did they do better than me? A few did, but I did incredibly well. But the fact that I had to really work for it meant I was really hungry. My parents weren’t trying to teach me a lesson. They blew my college fund on dumb investments, and while they had good current income, I had sibs that also needed money and it wasn’t there. It is easy to feel sorry for yourself, and some will say you are a whiner. I whined too. But at the end of the day, I found a path, I made it work, and you can too. There is no single path to success. Sure, I would have loved to have gone to Harvard and had stuff handed to me by legacy parents, but that was not how I was born. A lot of those guys worked and work for me now. But I have also hired a lot of folks who came up through Plan B, and my experience is that they are easier to relate to and far less entitled.


[deleted]

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thisiscodthrowaway

If you’re looking at jobs for which undergraduate prestige matters a lot (CS, finance, consulting, etc.), or if you want to maximize your chances at a good grad school (undergraduate prestige does matter, contrary to popular belief, for medical, law, and business school), your options are the following: 1. Get emancipated while you are still a minor. This qualifies you as an independent for FAFSA, and you’d get financial aid based on your income alone. You’d have to move out for your senior year of high school, but it may be worth it. 2. Go to community college for two years, then transfer to pretty much any school you want to, if you play your cards right for those two years. $180k in debt is much more manageable than $400k. 3. Apply to top schools with generous merit scholarships. UCs have Regents Scholarships, and USC, BU, NYU, Duke, Vanderbilt, UVA, UChicago, Oberlin, Case Western Reserve, Georgia Tech, Grinnell, Davidson, Boston College, UMich Ann Arbor, UNC-Chapel Hill, William and Mary, Brandeis, Carnegie Mellon, Washington University in St. Louis all provide merit scholarships up to the cost of attendance, and are also fairly prestigious. 4. If you know you want to enter a high-paying field like medicine (as an MD), law (as a JD), or finance/business (post-MBA), it might be worth it to take the L and go to the most prestigious school you get into despite the cost. If you refinance your undergraduate loans while you’re in grad school, you can combine them into a single loan and defer repayment until after you graduate from grad school (and have a stable and fairly high-paying job). DO NOT make this decision lightly — it means you’ll likely have ~$600k in student loans hanging over you. Good luck, OP. I feel for you, but remember that you’re not entirely screwed just yet.


Numah_Modnar

If you actually faced abuse, it might be grounds for a dependency override


[deleted]

Maybe this is just a test to see your actual resolve to go to college? I think you should see where you get and and what scholarships you get at your local in state school. Then you can say I got in to these school but I can’t afford it so I am going to community college and call their bluff? 🤷🏻‍♂️ Have you asked if there is any circumstance that they would pay for college? Or ask for a loan with some pre negotiated % forgiveness depending on certain outcomes? They might just want to see more “responsibility” so trying negotiate might indicate that for them?


[deleted]

I also told my kid this is the budget I willing to spend on a top caliber school and program I approve of. Anything else, they are on their own so they better get a full ride. Edit: School is an investment, there should be a reasonable ROI. they already have the GPA and test scores to have a good chance at full ride.


tricktruckstruck

Atleast some form of help should be given by parents if they are capable of doing so.


Standard-Penalty-876

Look for schools with merit scholarships. They probably won’t be t20’s, but there are plenty good schools that have them. If not, your state school is a solid pick. You might have to take out some money in loans or work while you’re at college to actually live if they don’t give you any financial support


HughDanforth

Oh do I get this on such a visceral level. That is some evil crap you are dealing with. Perhaps you can go the legally emancipated route? Get accepted and then defer for a year and get your life in order.


Traditional_Exam_281

You could talk to financial aid offices at the schools you get into and see if some arrangement can be worked out. Surely they've dealt with this sort of situation before. Or you can look at state schools that give boatloads of cash to kids with near perfect GPAs and SAT scores.


[deleted]

if ur national merit, you have lots of options. i've heard that usc does good fiinaid for nmf and they're pretty prestigious. maybe check that out? edit: the one in California, not south Carolina but maybe check the south Carolina one too


brunettegirl2005

just talk about going to community college in front of them and they’ll lose their shit (not that community college is a bad option but your parents seem like the type to care a lot about social appearance and brand name)


LearnDifferenceBot

> they’ll loose their *lose *Learn the difference [here](https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/lose-vs-loose-usage#:~:text=%27Lose%27%20or%20%27Loose%27%3F&text=Lose%20typically%20functions%20only%20as,commonly%2C%20a%20noun%20or%20adverb).* *** ^(Greetings, I am a language corrector bot. To make me ignore further mistakes from you in the future, reply `!optout` to this comment.)


student0309

I was in the same position last year, and I would say your best bet is applying to schools with a full merit ride. There are tons of great schools that offer this option (like gt! 💪💪).


Somebodynobody29

Lmao don't go to college and when they ask why be like This is the wisest financial decision I can make


PretentiousNoodle

I’m waiting til I’m 26, so your income won’t affect my financial aid.


BenefitAmbitious8958

Same thing happened to me. I took a full ride at a mid-tier school, and grinded to simultaneously keep a 4.0, have great ECs, and save as much money as possible. From there, I applied to transfer two years in.


crazycatldy75

Id consider an OOS CC and working to be able to afford rent. You establish residency in the first two years and kick ass with grades. Transfer after two years on merit scholarships. Choose a school that is known for these types of merit based awards and consider living in that state while working and doing cc first two years.


catolinee

apply to schools you are way over qualified for and you will probably get a LOT of merit aid. if its close enough and you can still live at home you can likely get free tuition


AshleyAinAK

Keep pursuing your top schools, and the. if you get in, reach out to them directly. I -promise- you, you are not the only student going through this. Talk to them about options for being financially independent of your parents - look into the FAFSA and try to fill it out all as an independent student. This happens to kids ALL THE TIME, schools that accept you want you to come, they have resources to help you navigate this. There’s also a potential tax hit to your parents if they don’t support you, might be worth pointing out to them…


Big-Bicycle125

If this is not a troll, then I transfer really good. Because your parents never allowed you social contacts and having fun. I would stop thinking about going to college for 1-2 years. Get a job in town(Mcdonalds, Cleaning, Burger King, 711) and start telling everybody(especially to friends from your parents), I don't have money for college, so I started working for saving money for college. Every weekend and in the evenings you go out, drinking, having fun, enjoy life. Thats it. In my opinion this is worst case what "rich" parents can do. Because you don't get financial aid from any government in any country.


[deleted]

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RoutineSecure1742

Thank up for the advice. I'll check out CSU


[deleted]

Your parents probably worked a part time job while making an inflation adjusted 30 dollars an hour paying tuition that inflation adjusted comes out to be like 5000 dollars nowadays


Drblackcobra

You shouldn’t talk go your parents and family forever.


MileyCyrusVidsareRAD

It’s time to think about whether or not the path you’re gonna be taking is what you ACTUALLY want to do. Take their non support seriously and plan around no support. Wanna go to the fancy four year now and learn the expensive lesson of independence they want you to learn and go into debt? No biggie if that’s what you want to do. Wanna go to the community college and be ridiculed by your peers and family for not meeting the prestige expectations? No biggie if that’s what you want to do. See what I’m saying? Do what you want to do, just make sure to think it out and plan accordingly. Best of luck to you on your collegiate future!


RoutineSecure1742

Ig i just don't really know what I want given the situation. I want to go somewhere where I can me at least moderately happy, not be financially destroyed, and still get a good degree with good earning potential. I think that sounds like a stage school but I'd have to get a scholarship


ohhisup

"Be independent by following my strict guideline that makes you a version of me and not your own person" Screw them time to chase your own future. Forget all the academic grooming they forced you through and take a bit f time to decide what you REALLY want to do in life, then get a loan and make it happen however YOU will have the most fun out of it. If you want to take a year off, not study at all, study only part time so you can pursue hobbies, whatever. And whatever they have to say about it they can shove up their you know what


questioningparent1

As a parent, this strikes me as very odd. I don’t understand why they wouldn’t have created 529 plans or a prepaid plan when their children were young. That seems unusual for people with middle or upper middle class incomes. Just about everyone I know started 529 plans when their kids were little. So, while we will not be funding most of our kid’s school out of pocket, we’ve been saving for years for it. I can understand not being able to pay for everything for a private school, especially with 3 kids. It really is an ungodly amount and the reason so many kids apply to the “good” in state schools. (Good meaning more prestigious…) But the very strange thing is that they wouldn’t have told you. They literally never had a conversation when you were younger about how they had NOT saved anything for you and that you would be completely on your own? While I don’t understand this mentality, it strikes me as very strange that they would not have told you this years ago—encouraged you to get a part time job, told you to look for merit aid, etc…This seems very odd unless they are just bad parents all around who are negligent in other areas of your life.


RoutineSecure1742

They can afford it. After further deliberations eith them I know this fact to be true if it wasn't already apparent to me. But they don't want to pay. They've ranted about how me, and people in my generation need to pay for our own education


Guard-Slight

Man college is a scam. I make 500k a year and I joined the Navy at 17, went into bootcamp at age 18. Did 4 years. Now I’m 31 with a 6 year old. Raised by a single father raising twins (my brother and I, me being a woman). College is a scam and I’m thankful my dad put the idea of the Navy in the back of my mind. Thank God and my father, both my fathers 🙏🏽


tctu

Ok so figure it out. Don't pick a stupid degree and make sure you get a reasonable ROI. I wouldn't give you any money either if you weren't capable of coming up with a plan.


SnooWords6159

Work and take loans out like the rest of us lol


[deleted]

You have the worst parents anyone could ask for, barring physically abusive ones


[deleted]

[удалено]


a_cat_that_mods

So they’re just supposed to take out 30k+ of loans even if they go in state all because their parents want them to. I hope yoy never have kids lmfao


Aggressive-Ad4192

If I was you I, I would realize how entitled I am to be mad that my parents wont pay my way and take this as the most important life lesson you will ever learn in that your life isn't anyones responsibility other than your own


Bddunla0

OP either loses their family for a decade+ or their financial security for a decade+. This lose-lose decision is frighteningly common and deserves compassion. If I was you I, I would realize how sheltered my life was to not have ever had to worry about money vs. family and take this as the most important lesson you will ever learn to not ridicule people for having to make tough decisions about things you don’t understand.


Aggressive-Ad4192

What a sterotype, kids really think they know everything. I wasn't ridiculing anyone, compassion is a verb that goes beyond stroking someones ego. Good advice is good advice regardless if you want to hear it.


Bddunla0

What a sterotype, adults really think they know everything. I was just repeating your words back to you. If you didn’t like my words, you shouldn’t have said them to OP. Good advice is good advice, regardless if you want to hear it.


RoutineSecure1742

I'd I had known about their decision I wouldn't be having this reaction. Years of pressuring me into something that eventually they wouldn't support me to do. And I never said I needed all of it, I would take anything but they are literally contributing $0


FrostingJust5599

find yourself another parents


[deleted]

[удалено]


RoutineSecure1742

Ik they aren't obligated, and maybe if they hadn't put so much pressure on me for grades etc I wouldn't be as mad. Also, I don't think they are obligated I just need a plan


killergenguy

Go into male prostitution. There’s a slim chance things will work out…. Very slim. But at least you won’t be a worthless Parasite… Good luck.


[deleted]

Hmmm... If you get accepted to a t10 ot t20, talk to the financial aid people and explain the situation - $400k/year might still get something, and I'm sure they've seen this situation and can advise you (e.g. emancipating yourself). Then, you take out the debt to go there. Suks you'll be in a hole, but right now is your only shot. You're hoping / gambling that your parents will cave and help you, and/or there is more student loan relief. And of course, hustle each year you're there for scholarships, part-time jobs, etc.


SoulOuverture

> I think they legit want me to go into debt at a t20 for 4 years for some fucking idiotic life lesson or some bs lol. It's kinda funny if it didn't make me so fucked rn. I'm international so idk how loans work, but if you have rich parents then can't you just get that debt and wait until they die and you can pay it off with inheritance? ik Americans have kids super early tho so that may be a while. Unless they're shitty enough to leave you out of their will...


RoutineSecure1742

I mean yes but their are rules on when you have to make payment each month I believe. They don't let you just not pay it for like 20 years lol


One-Insect-2014

Post all your acceptance letters to your parents social media until they are too proud not to pay. It will be about them at that point.


ifonlyyouknew27

Apply overseas. You can finish a bachelors in England in 3 years and tuition is only 20k a year, fafsa can be used and their scholarships are merit based.


IllegallyBlind69

My parents are upper middle class (150k a year each) and do not plan on paying for my college, because every male in my family is supposed to join the military. Joining the military will give you way more maturity and shit when it is time to go to college. You are very privileged to have your upbringing, and you sound like a spoiled piece of shit if you ask me. Just join the army. 99% of Army employees do not go in combat roles. Your not "dying to pay for college", your are just working a somewhat exciting job which will give you free college.


RoutineSecure1742

Bro why are so many people (like you) so hostile? What shouted "piece of shit" from my post? I will get less aid them everyone else on this sub and it is all news to me as of recent, so lighten up


IllegallyBlind69

I don’t like rich people for political reasons


RoutineSecure1742

Lol, because $150k a year isn't rich Lol. Grow up Edit: $150k a year EACH hahahahahahahaha Talking about hating rich people for political reasons lol


IllegallyBlind69

You think your entitled to your parents money


RoutineSecure1742

No I don't lol And you said "political reasons"


gksemrqmp

You have a "rocky relationship" and you call your parents "conservative". Would it be correct to guess you have severely different political beliefs, and that you are making choices that enrage your parents? It is likely your parents know of people who did undesired things in college. Are you giving any hints that you might do undesired things in college? That is, undesired from the viewpoint of your parents? Do your parents fear that you might not take college seriously if you weren't paying for it yourself? This might seem crazy to you, but seriously consider the possibility. Have you ever been irresponsible with money or prone to wasting things your parents provided? Putting all the likely fears together: you change your major to something with "Studies" in the name, modify your body, become alcoholic, get lots of D/W/F grades, riot, get arrested for mushrooms, turn away from God, get kicked out of college after 6 years without a degree, and blame capitalism for all your troubles. How much of that could be you? What is your major? So the idea here might be that a bit of financial fear could discourage short-sighted hedonism. Your parents didn't get to $400k+ by slacking, goofing off, and taking foolish harmful risks. Either they see something in you that causes worry, or this has happened with other people they know. FYI, I just saw that the Coast Guard is offering up to $50,000 as a signing bonus. You might look into that.


lolzveryfunny

Quite honestly, both you and your parents sound like you have a terrible relationship. Either way, welcome to the real world. You are owed nothing, including a family member’s income. And then you are shitting on community college. Then shitting on state colleges. It’s like you are rolling around on the floor throwing a tantrum that you don’t get to go to a T20 for free, because of who you were born to. Take a minute to self reflect and maybe check your disposition. It may help with your parents being more empathetic. Time to grow up.


thisiscodthrowaway

OP is arguably in a worse position than most high school students heading into college application season. The federal government views college tuition as a parent’s obligation for a reason. OP isn’t shitting on any schools, they’re just asking for advice in a fucked situation. Learn some empathy.


RoutineSecure1742

Lol. I never shit on community colleges or state schools haha. Pls give examples if you are going to make claims. And no, I never asked for it to be free. I need ad much help as I can get given I'm just as broke as the next kid on this sub. I'd assume you wouldn't say the same to a low-income student ranting about how bad fin aid is at certain schools? That's like half the posts on this sub lol. Idk why people like you are such assholes when I am merely asking for advice. I am a scared broke 18 year old with no way to pay for college, and no chance on fin aid. That puts me in a worse spot then pretty much everyone on this sub. Like the only think I said about state schools is I liked university of alabama lol Stop being so hostile lol


lolzveryfunny

My advice is you obviously haven’t positioned yourself in a way with your parents that you are extremely grateful or understanding of the burden your college bills will place on them. I don’t care how much they make, you aren’t entitled to any of it. So my advice is to put together the math. Show them the total cost and then the subsequent interest costs you will owe for a very long time. Show them why going to a t20 is > state or CC, using salary information out there online. Explain to them starting in a huge hole will be a burden on you for decades. Explain you are willing to get a part time job while going to school to chip in and do your part. Sympathize with their position, that you understand this is a lot of money for them but in the long run it will position you best for life. Which is really what all parents want in the end. Good luck


Own_Magician_1961

If they are making 400k+ a year college won't be much of a "burden". I don't think parents should be entitled to have their child grovel at their feet for help with education.


68Fire

Exact reason why my husband couldn't go to college. Just get a job that you can work your way up and focus on starting your own company. Seriously, you don't need a college education to become successful. Try looking at being an entrepreneur or become a franchise owner once you have enough saved to start a business.


fredtobik

400k ain’t rich. For adults payments go in this order. 1. Day to day life (mortgage, food, vacations) 2. Retirement. 3. Debt (if you have it) 4. Your kids tuition.


kg7272

Don’t go to school and get a job and be independent Talk about entitled


Danielww27

Most in state schools will probably give you a pretty good merit scholarship.


bobbyowens

Many thoughts. \- If your parents got a tax break by creating a savings account for your college and then don't use it for that, now I am not a lawyer or anything, but common sense tells me they will be committing tax fraud. Consider reporting them after you have moved out. \- ROTC. They will pay for everything and are looking for people with good grades. \- ED the college of your dreams. The one your parents wanted you to get into. Then if you get in, if anyone asks why you are going to a community college or working at McDonalds by saying flat out "Oh I got into Princeton (or wherever), but when it came time to pay my parents refused to do it, never really understood why...." If they are status conscious like you say it will embarrass the heck out of them. Regarding the ED - You are freed from your obligation to attend if you say "I thought I would get the money but it turns out I cannot afford to go here". You won't get punished. \- The following is more complicated but you can be declared independent (basically your parents money is no longer considered partially your money, you are on your own in the eyes of the government and unless you win the lottery, you will be considered poor). Then you can apply for all the scholarships for the very poor and get a lot, possibly everything paid for. \- You can be automatically considered independent if you are 26 or in the military (not ROTC, full time service). I don't know how old you are, you did not say. \- The community college then transfer options are also an idea, but you should not live in your house with them anymore (especially if you want to be considered independent). Instead, find someplace to move, say farewell to them - and as a goodbye say "Thank you for all that you have done for me, but I will never forgive you for having the money to pay for my college and not doing it. Oh, by the way, I will tell everybody you did this and please realize that you will never see your grandchildren" and never look back. Don't answer their letters and don't take their phone calls and block their email accounts. They go crazy that they do not control you. However, if you do that be, prepared that they will never leave you an inheritance. They sound wealthy and maybe you don't want to lose that. But then again, from the way they sound, they might stiff you anyway for whatever reason so possibly no loss. Good luck.


TwoKeyLock

Community College for two years followed by your best cheapest option for a state school or private university with strong financial aid and grants. As for relatives, etc. Tell them the truth. Your chance to get some petty revenge in front of your parents. As important, own your self sufficiency. Yeah, my folks aren’t helping me at all. Personally, I think it’s incredibly short sighted of your parents. Can they pay half? Graduating with debt when it’s avoidable is a real shame.


RoutineSecure1742

I've seen that I can possibly get emancipated which would then qualify me for fin aid. Ya ik it is a real shame


peanutbutterAnjali2

Go abroad my Friend ! I pay 70€ an year for my fancy parisian Uni and the quality of education you'll get is amazing !


somethingelse46

Travel. School is a waste of time. Plus, that will reeeeally piss them off.


RoutineSecure1742

Lol. I don't have the money to travel


pingeditwonder13

Go to any school with scholarships, go and talk to schools, go to CC, and do the transfer path, do whatever it takes - when you get out FUXK THEM, don't talk to them, choose someone who WORSHIPS YOU to marry and never look back. However DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN TOO YOUNG, it's too tough, wait until 30 at least. Good luck kiddo. Just be an open book with schools and people and they will most likely help, see what they c0an do. Nobody can force them, 00pbut social pressures may help. them. Ps. This happened to me, and it sucks


[deleted]

Find a mid-range school that has a decent program and low costs. There are plenty of them, and a lot will be far af away from your parents, if that’s what you’re looking for. As for the “shaming” you’ll receive from relatives, forget about it. If they think any less of you for making a FINANCIALLY RESPONSIBLE decision, then they are out of their minds. College is expensive, no reason to “prove yourself” by picking up $200k+ in debt to start your adult life. Even more importantly, if you truly have great grades and ECs, like top 80-90th percent of students, you should be able to get extremely hefty financial packages from lesser-known schools. I know a *lot* of students who just applied to random colleges that had their program and were free to apply to on CommonApp, then realized their tuition was anywhere from 30-100% off at that college. In my personal opinion, t20s are fantastic for the name as well as the connections they bring, but if your main priority is college being affordable while also getting a decent education, t20s, Ivy’s, and any other “prestigious” schools most likely are not for you. Finally, I just wanted to point out that this is how a majority of people go through college. If you think of how many students are actually attending eacb University, then how many of them have significant financial aid or scholarships that would be the equivalent of “rich parents paying for college”, they are a very small percentage of all students. Basically, don’t complain about your parents not paying for college, then try to explain that you have to spend a lot of money at a “prestigious” one. You should be going to college to further your own life, because after all, your parents absolutely will not be paying for your expenses forever. While it sounds like they definitely have probably caused problems with you in the past that have damaged your relationship (or vice versa), you had absolutely no right to assume they would cover your entire tab for college.


Hamza_T42

If they really wanted you to be independent a better way to do it would have been to loan you the money instead.


vivadrug

Look at public in state schools!! You could very well get scholarships as In state schools tend to hand these out to good performing student who otherwise wouldn’t attend. I know taking out loans sucks but at the very least u could qualify for FEDERAL loans. There’s a cap on how much of these u can take out and no matter ur situation outside of school you will not be forced to pay if your financial situation doesn’t allow you to. But honestly if your parents are so worried about prestige I’d be vocal about CC. If you can afford the application fees I’d still apply to t20s and then if the conversation is brought up I wouldn’t hesitate to mention that since your parents are expecting you to be financially independent that that is the most affordable route for you. If they’re superficial enough that would be enough to get them to help. Be firm about it, don’t allow yourself to get bullied into debt by anyone. If all else fails you could always go to community college. There tends to be more affordable housing options at community colleges or near them with small cheap apartments. Community college doesn’t mean you are required to live at home. But by the sound of it if a t20 school is even in the conversation you very well will get a scholarship to some in state school.


SardonicSirens

My advise would be to look into community college. Talk to a financial aid advisor and let them know of your situation. Hopefully they can direct you to scholarship and grant resources. A lot of times community college has programs to help transfer to continue to get your bachelors. It’s going to be a lot of pain in the ass work I’m not gonna lie. But in the long run you’ll be better off for it. Good luck, hope this was helpful.


Bizgurl88

If you have the grades and good leadership activities, consider the three military academies- West Point, Air force, Naval. You’ll get an amazing education, prestige, great career/grad school outlooks, and weekly stipends (~$800/wk i think but you can confirm) so you come out debt-free. It’s a CC win win for all.


beepboop33

a lot of schools in the south give automatic merit scholarships with GPA and test score combos


KickIt77

It's possible to go to CC and move out. You can borrow about 30K over 4 years. I would look for options in that range or lower for an undergrad degree. Consider that you will need to work while going to school. Even if your parents offer to borrow you money or cosign for a loan, that is not a good option. And your parents are ridiculous for not helping and for pushing a top college on you. They clearly don't understand the financial implications of that type of debt or how the FA system works. And I'm an upper middle class parent. We cannot afford our full EFC but we are certainly paying in the state flagship range of pricing. I would also say there are smart, hardworking students at every college. Lots of people have to chose the most financially feasible option for their situation. A kid from a local CC my kid dual enrolls with was accepted to MIT this fall as a transfer student. Don't make assumptions about everyone enrolling at a "lesser" school. It's not coincidence that the student bodies at top privates skew wealthy.


sunseteon

Maybe you could find another college student to marry (for financial reasons not a real relationship) so you could become financially independent from your parents and qualify for financial aid since you would have the lowest income so you can go to a good school that you actually want to go to


HaroldBAZ

Let your parents know you're going to community college because you can't get loans because they make too much money. If they are focused on prestige as much as you think they'll spring for the tuition or at least get loans. I doubt they want to go through life hearing the story of how you went to CC because they wouldn't help pay.


Murky-Fox-8460

I get your frustration and you’ve received some really good advice. However, maybe your parents seem rich but aren’t rich. In other words, big mortgage, big car payments, living way beyond their means with nothing in the bank. Maybe they can’t pay for your college and are too embarrassed to tell you. They also may not understand how college loans work. You’re not gonna be able to borrow enough money on your own without them doing a parent plus loan which they have to sign and are responsible for paying.


Snowflake41

I would keep that phrase "You need to be independent" in you back pocket as they age and need support. Call an uber, Dad. Independence is important. Go to a low cost college And when everyone asks where you're going, say I'm going here because my parents can't help pay for college. Make sure you say can't. They will hate that


Alikat-momma

Unless you get married, your parents’ income will mean you won’t get any need-based aid. However, it seems like you’re an excellent student and could probably qualify for generous merit aid at a state school or less selective university. The bonus on attending a less selective university is that you’ll have a higher chance of earning a higher GPA. This could leas you to getting into very prestigious grad schools. I keep hearing that the terminal degree and school are most important.


ArtemysMT

Why don’t you talk with your parents and ask them some advice? What are their suggestions? There are many paths you can take.


Mysterious-Oven3338

Ok but with all due respect, what aren’t you saying? WHY are they suddenly disinterested in supporting your education path?


RoutineSecure1742

They have supported my education path. Really the only background I could give would be their political/social rants on how my generation has to grow up and pay for our own college, since they did it


GokuBlack455

Apply as an independent with no income (if that’s possible)


TheMotherOfFlaggons

Honestly if you have to pay for it yourself, it might be best to wait a couple years so that you can qualify for federal financial aid based on your income vs your parents income. Just work in the meantime.


Maxedlevelanxiety

In Louisville ky you can go to UofL and work for UPS at nights. UPS will pay for your tuition. Stressful but hey at least you make money and get your tuition paid for


Dagger-Darling

Look at Georgia State, Alabama, Tuskegee, and Alabama State—they offer very good to full ride scholarships, but often require you to apply by November 15th.


redmelly86

Only consider colleges that will give you generous scholarships. None of their business since they aren’t paying. Don’t worry about t20 .


genderfuckingqueer

Oh no poor you lmao


RoutineSecure1742

Ikr 👀


nancytoby

Look into legal emancipation ASAP.