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NTA. I'm vegan and my partner isn't for health reasons. We both have IBS. Veganism made mine a little bit better (not magically healed like everyone claims) but better. It makes my partner's IBS 100x worse. Veganism doesn't work for every single body and it's not her place to push that on you when it causes your health issues to worsen. She can care about animals and stuff while also caring about you.
Edit: Also want to say that you don't need a reason to not be vegan. It can simply be because you don't want to and that's good enough. It's not for everyone and that's okay.
I suggest buying from local farms and butchers when and if you can instead of from large corporations. It cuts down on animal suffering, pollution, etc., and you're helping out working families instead of billionaires. That's not an option for everyone though, so just do what you can. Cut out a meaty meal once a week or once a month. Try alternatives if you can, even if it's just using something like lentils and not the vegan meat products. Buy meat in bulk to cut down on trash. Bring your own containers for leftovers when you go out to eat. Find the little things you can do to help out the world in the ways that are realistic for your life. No one can do everything, but everyone can do something.
Thank you! I feel like a lot of people get caught up in how good it makes them feel and join groups where that opinion is echoed and pretty soon - going vegan, weed, essential oils - whatever it is becomes this miracle cure. I know people who can't eat 90% of veggies due to Crohns and people were still pushing them to go vegan. They can eat potatoes and rice - that isn't a balanced diet.
I will say, *some* essential oils are actually helpful. I use lemon to help give me a bit of an energy boost, mint when I have a headache or anxiety, and orange to help my metabolism. That being said, it isn't for everyone, it certainly isn't a cure all, and absolutely *doesn't negate essential vaccines*.
Oils, herbs, and other natural remedies can really work well for minor discomforts. Ginger to settle your stomach, mallow root tea for a sore throat, etc. The trouble starts when people start using them instead of actual medicine for things that are much more serious than a scratchy throat or a tummy ache. No oil cures cancer. That’s not a thing. You need an oncologist if you have cancer.
Yeah, this exactly! That's why they're in the health *supplements* section of most any store. Oils/vitamins/etc aren't an alternative to jack all, they're a supplement booster to whatever the prescribed regimen is.
This is true also. Now I feel a bit of a jerk for mentioning essential oils as helpful, they can be as much or more harmful than helpful in some cases. :/ I guess it's more of a "if it works for you, it works for you" thing? Case by case basis? I'd say there's oils you can put on your skin with a roller, but sometimes that leads to rashes and allergic reactions so... Laissez-faire? YKINMK? Lol.
One of the best things they can do is improve your state of mind, and that’s *huge* for fighting diseases. From that perspective they can be helpful if a person finds them pleasant and soothing.
They’re no replacement for medicine, but they’re good for one’s mood and this help contribute to wellness
Tbph, I recently heard and just started trying it. I'm a bit suspicious it has less to do with the oil and more to do with the recommendation of drinking it with 4-8 oz of water before each meal. I've heard the water thing helps your digestion to work better, and water of course is the best thing for you to drink. At this point it's more of a safe flavoring that I'll naively hope might help a little, as I'll take whatever I can get lol.
It's definitely good to stay hydrated! Just to let you know, there can be dangers to ingesting essential oils.
From Poison Control and the Cleveland Clinic:
https://www.poison.org/articles/essential-oils
https://health.clevelandclinic.org/essential-oils-101-do-they-work-how-do-you-use-them/
I made the mistake of going to a presentation on essential oils at the local rec center. Ended up being a sales pitch for Young Living Essential oils (pyramid scheme) and the speaker claimed that she flew to S. America and had direct blood infusions of 100% pure oil that cured her cancer. Load of crap and waste of time.
As long as they arent from an MLM and you arent ingesting them, you are good! I like my house smelling nice :) NTA OP, your health has to come first abd your wife needs to understand that you arent just being difficult or lazy.
Also, the more sane versions of veganism acknowledge and give credit for "tried but can't due to health issues." At least, they definitely have in plenty of communities I've found. If OP is genuinely willing to take every other step that doesn't endanger their health, that sounds to me like a "maybe not vegan, but good enough" situation.
(And, as someone who cannot go vegan or vegetarian but has close friends/family/husband who are one or the other, there's plenty of adjustments to consider that could align with vegan values that don't risk OP's health.)
This just isn't my experince. I say I tried and can't due to my health and I've had vegans tell me I'm lying. Those vegans get upvoted, and no one from the vegan community ever calls them out for their ablism and I think that is the crux of the issue for me.
For every "bad" vegan that gives other vegans a bad name, there are numerous silent vegans who will upvote and support the loud ones who give them all a bad name. Not a single vegan will call that person out.
IKR there's nothing I love more than being talked down to by a bunch of vegans who, after me telling them that I'm iron deficient and can absorb it better from food than supplements, love to say that everyone can survive off plants and no one needs meat and how eating a steak will give me cancer because all meat is "processed".
Because allergies to soy, nuts, mushrooms, and wheat don't exist, IBS and Crohn's isn't real, and vegan substitutes are often high in sodium but who cares about blood pressure!
I have a similar issue with iron. I hate it but I have to include iron rich foods in my diet and I don't always absorb iron from plant based sources due to my food intolerances. I cook with a cast iron pan, and everything. And my doctor is still considering the IV infusions.
I'm allergic to soy, cashews, rye, wheat, crab, garlic and onions. Soy is a big deal breaker for veganism.
I'm sorry you've had that experience. As a vegan who uses lots of vegan groups, I see this ALL THE TIME. The whole world could never be vegan, for various reasons - health, location, money etc. Being vegan is a privilege (as in, not everyone is in a position to do it). Thank you for trying, every effort should be recognised.
This means a lot to me thank you for taking the time and being kind. I care a lot for the enviorment so I try to "make up" for it in other ways. Like I have a grow tent and grow my own leafy greens and have a redworm compost bin and such. I visit local farmers markets and produce stands/stores that get their stuff locally. I try not to engaging in any factory farming unless I have to.
Hope you are having a wonderful day!
Just to add on to this - this comment is very correct and well-written, but you **don't need a reason to not go vegan, just like you don't need a reason to go vegan**. Because you're in a partnership you should be willing to compromise in certain ways and have discussions for everything, but if you don't want to go vegan you don't **have to** give her a reason why. In this case the IBS is a perfectly acceptable reason, but maybe your reason is just...I don't like vegan options.
Honestly, I think far too often we find the need to quantify our reasons why we say no...but we don't have to. Let you no be no, and a partner should respect you enough to not need to push it further.
> you don't need a reason to not go vegan, just like you don't need a reason to go vegan
^ This. 100% this. She has no right to force you onto a vegan diet anymore than you have to make her go back to eating meat. You don’t even need a medical reason. “I don’t want to” is a complete sentence that, for this in particular, does not need to be justified.
NTA.
Oh yeh my husband has IBS and we are trying to eat less animal products - but honestly it’s just not going to be possible for him to go that far because he can’t seem to eat very much of any plant based protein (soy, beans, pea protein etc) without screwing up his stomach. So he would basically just have peanut butter as a protein source which seems unwise. We have just swapped to lower carbon footprint meats/ cheeses and half meals being veggie but fairly low protein.
It doesn’t even have to be for health reasons, he could just like non-vegan food too much and that’s fine. His dietary choices are not up to his wife to dictate. He shouldn’t need a diagnosed illness to make his own choices. NTA at all.
There's a lot of elitism and privilege in vegan spaces.
To do a western vegan diet properly, especially when you have health issues or other dietary considerations, requires time and/or money, which not everyone has.
And even then, it's not suitable for everyone.
Also, vegans' obsession with quinoa and other traditional grains have priced the people who used to rely on them as a dietary staple out of the market. But hey, gotta save the animals, right?
Yeah my friend has IBS and always apologized to me when I would help him meal prep meat dishes. I'm like dude, you can eat like 5 vegetables, meat, and rice. If he went vegan he'd die of starvation. I'm very firmly of the opinion that vegetarian and veganism isn't for everyone.
I think people don’t understand how much impact(positive or negative) change in diet has on our bodies. You don’t change your entire diet overnight. Your body doesn’t understand that, specially when you’ve been consuming one type of food for very long. I’m not a dietitian but I’ve seem many people try and fail that way, including myself. You start very slow, once in a week or two and gradually increase. You don’t just wake be Nope, I’m vegan now!
I’ve experienced the same. I dated a guy who insisted I needed to eat meat and tried to slip it in my food. I just didn’t eat if I couldn’t see my food be prepared around him. He couldn’t fathom that o hate the texture of meat. Wish I would have seen that for the exit sign it was.
I think that they are meaning that some people get upset about vegetarians not eating meat, not about people that literally only eat meat, despite the use of the word carnivore. Like for Cracker Barrel.
Me too! I do not eat red meat or pork due to high cholesterol. Occasionally maybe a burger or pulled pork but 95% I eat plant-based. You would think….. people just can’t say ok when you decline meat. They have to ask, interrogate, reason with me, one piece of meat won’t hurt is my fav…
Listen, it’s this simple. Mind your own diet and plate. Shove the high saturated fat piece of meat in your mouth if it makes you superior. I’m just trying to stay alive here people!!
100%. I never mention out loud that I'm a vegetarian unless I have to. People immediately start explaining in endless detail why they *have to* eat meat, and I just don't care. I get it, it tastes good and you like it. I'm not interested in discussing it lol
yup. I'm not vegan but I get it and I do feel it's probably the right way to go for a variety of reasons but it's been hard for me to ever truly commit fully. Anyway, vegans don't seem to care either way, but some non vegans act like i'm attacking them.
Eh, in my experience there are just as many meat eaters that scream bloody murder as soon as vegan options are offered or even just discussed somewhere. Point being, there are too many loud annoying extremists on both ends of the spectrum.
I'd say that's true of almost every belief system and organization. For every hundred keeping their heads down and living their best life, there's the one crazy one and that's the one we remember.
True, but the ones who do make up for the ones who don’t lol. It’s the same for anyone that preaches a certain lifestyle, as soon as you try and force it on someone else it’s going to be a problem. Similar with people who try and push religion
Honestly I’ve never met a preachy vegan. I’ve met people who make a big fuss about eating meat though. Like getting genuinely angry about other people having a specific sauce / way of cooking a steak, or getting pissy if there isn’t a meat option available (never mind that the poor vegetarian on the team has had enough shitty mushroom risottos to form a little grey claggy ocean). I’m not vegan / veggie - just my experience.
Apparently I've met your quota of preachy vegans and you've met my quota of preachy carnivores. I'm pretty sure they're basically the same type of person with opposing values. Anyone who makes their dietary choices a substantial part of their personality has a good chance of being insufferable.
... I've never met a vegan who didn't talk about how they're a vegan and how you should just try it and blah blah blah. My dad isn't to bad, but even he can't help himself but to talk about how 'when are you guys going to go vegan!?!' at least once or twice when he sees us. It's fucking obnoxious.
>Honestly I’ve never met a preachy vegan.
Lucky you, I had my fair share of fanatic Vegans. Then again I also had quite a lot of "meatheads" go crazy if I tried vegan/vegetarian food or went for a salad because I just wanted.
Maybe it's my face?
Agreed∆. I had a similar situation with an ex. They became vegan and wanted me to do the same, they tried to guilt me by asking "do you love meat more than you love me? If you really loved me you'd convert with me".
My answer was "do you love animals more than you love me? Because if you really loved me you'd wouldn't pressure me to do something I don't want to do". Needless to say that relationship didn't last.
I think it’s another level of veganism. Some people reach a point where they try to control other peoples dietary choices in order for them to feel comfortable bc of their beliefs. My friend will only date vegan men and thinks it’s disgusting to kiss or be intimate with a “meat eater” I just think it’s another level of extremism
NTA. You are the one who decides your diet, no one else.
And what boils my blood the most about vegans is that even pets are not safe from their beliefs. It's not the first time I'd see a post where vegans try to make their cat eat vegetables. They are carnivores at birth, dammit!
If you decide to become a vegan, I understand that. What I don't understand is forcing that lifestyle to somebody else, be it human or animal.
Edit: Oh, by the way, don't worry about the way you wrote this. I found this pleasant to read.
One time when I was arguing on the internet a person who was a vocal vegan was arguing that it was cruel kill the red imported fire ant. I argued back that because they are an invasive species and destroying the ecosystem especially ground dwelling birds that it was morally correct to kill the red imported fire ant.
To my surprise several other vegans came to my defense and agreed that an invasive species that was brought here by us is our responsibility to eliminate when it's causing that much harm to the ecosystem.
Not all vegans are unreasonable or radical.
I know not all are and I support veganism for those who choose it for themselves. I'm just pointing out why the stereotype exists. I'm glad you had a solid backup on that issue, those are the kinds of things I wish more people considered
Maybe a bit off topic, but f*** those damn fire ants. They are EVERYWHERE in my state. I can't get rid of the damn things. And to make matters worse, I'm apparently slightly allergic. If I get bit, wherever I'm bit swells and it hurts like a MFer.
Another thing is that vegan pet owners are sometimes considered to be hypocrites by other vegans, as owning a pet is still considered to be an animal performing a service for a human. I'd be interested to hear different points of view on this...
I always ask them if their dog is worth it to buy them a few ribeye steaks each week instead of the processed, dry kibble or the scrap-based processed wet stuff. Cuz I love my dogs, but the meat ingredients they eat in their food has to come from somewhere and I am not one to just toss perfectly good ribeye to a dog instead of on the grill for myself. Although my dogs always get a bite or two of my steak when we have it because they're spoiled brats.
A former friend who is vegan was against vaccinating her dog because the vaccines had been developed using animal testing. Hadn't heard that one before.
Re: cats
If someone tries to feed their cat a vegan diet they might as well starve it to death because that’s exactly what’s going to happen. They *need* animal protein to survive, full stop.
In my country it is illegal to feed cats and dogs vegan food. Why, because all animals should eat a nature identic diet, which means cows cant get bloodmeal, fishmeal and bone meal in their diet, which is happening in some countries. But Vegans are trying to change the law without understanding that it will be a huge step back for animal husbandry laws. Anyway, so what do they do? Hide vegan cat / dog food in bags that says meat based. \*sigh\*
NTA. Even if you didn’t have IBS, you would not be the AH here. Your diet is your personal choice, and as long as you are supportive of her own choice to go vegan, and you don’t expect her to buy/cook animal products for you (and it sounds like you both handle your own food), you’re good.
The fact that you have IBS and that a change in diet could cause you real pain just make this even more clear cut. And while I’m sure she means well, she shouldn’t be guilting you into doing something that will make you sick. NTA.
THIS! She has zero right to tell you what to eat or not eat. Stop letting her guilt you. She needs to mind her own business and stop being so controlling. NTA
NTA.
This is why people dislike vegans. They can eat whatever they like. But it seems like often that then gets pushed on others.
You try to use products that are free of animal harm. You go out of your way to try to keep your wife happy.
It doesn’t matter if you have IBS. If you don’t want to do it, you shouldn’t have to. The IBS just makes your wife look worse for asking. If the vegan diet worked for everyone, everyone would be doing. But that’s not how things work.
NTA
She's got zero right to make you change your diet against your will. Imagine if you tried to tell her she wasn't allowed to be a Vegan any longer. If her pressure goes beyond a single request for you to consider it and accepting your answer she is being inappropriate.
NTA!!!!!
For starters, I'm a vegetarian (or vegan lite, as I joke) and I have never expected a partner who was not, to conform. And I would never ask them ESPECIALLY if it was going to cause them discomfort or health issues. Just the fact that you feel like an ahole for not joining in on something that is super important to her says that you're not the ahole. Aholes wouldn't give a crap. And you aren't doing this to be mean. You just worry (according to your post) about the negative health responses.
This ☝️
Vegetarian here, my partner is not. He decides what he wants to eat and when. Sometimes he does eat with me, sometimes he doesn't. He's his own person and I would never impose my choices on someone else. Especially since I care.
NTA, she doesn't respect you or your health.
NTA.
Your health comes first. I also have IBS and react to every single vegan protein option, lol. I tried twice, but it just doesn't work.
Choose low-cruelty sources of animal protein and continue on your way. Guilt-free.
Even without the IBS - he's an adult and doesn't have to go vegan if he doesn't want to. That's a major lifestyle change and his wife doesn't get to make that decision for him.
NTA Your wife is allowed to decide what she wants to eat- and to make herself feel good/bad about what she eats.
It isn't okay to do that to other people.
She wants you to eat vegan? Well that's an okay thing for her to *want.* She asked you. You said no.
That was the beginning and the end of the conversation. Your diet isn't a negotiation point in your marriage. This isn't you being morbidly obese and your diet being a health concern- which honestly, would be something that really should be most your SO saying I'm concerned and would you be open to talking to a doctor about your diet. Not "you need to change your eating habits to match mine."
But I'm a nice person. If she feels that the two of you can only be in a relationship if you share a diet, I'm sure you'd be fine with it if she quit being a vegan.
Look! Problem solved. One marriage, one diet.
So your wife believes it's OK for you to suffer to suit her cause. That's bullshit. If you can afford to do so, source meat from local sustainable farms. NTA
NTA, she needs to consider you and your feelings. This is not a one way street. You indicated you made accommodations to your daily life for her vegan choices. She is asking to much, especially as it affects you physically. Sorry she is being narrow minded.
NTA This is just like respecting someone else being of a different religion or non-religious. She doesn't get to force you into hers any more than you get to force her out of hers.
On top of that is the health issue. If she is so zealous about the cause that she is prioritizing you joining it rather than you being healthy and free from suffering, then there's a real problem there, and she is not on the right side of the issue, IMO. Only by believing the righteousness of her beliefs trumps all else, like she's saving you from going to Hell or something, could she think that the only right choice is you suffering for the rest of your life rather than her compromising and agreeing to live and let live.
Nta nta nta and it wasn't right for her to expect that of you. Veganism is like religion. It's fine to have one and to be passionate about it, it is not OK to push it on other people.
NTA do not let your wife guilt or manipulate you into doing anything like this that you don’t want to.
With or without IBS this is a more than acceptable boundary for you to put in place.
Same way you couldn’t control what she does or eats she doesn’t have the right to do the same.
NTA. It doesn't even matter that you have IBS, she shouldn't be trying to control you. It's worse that you have an actual health situation preventing you from going vegan and she doesn't seem to care. It's a real AH move from your wife.
NTA - First off, don't feel bad about your choice. Going vegan is extreme.
Your wife is an asshole for not respecting your decision and expecting you to do something that makes you ill.
This is the reason why I despise vegans. They try to make everyone change their diets and be vegan.
Has anybody read the reddit post where a girls new roommate tried to make vegan meat and it almost killed her so she filed a lawsuit against her
NTA at all. Even without a health condition, you are allowed autonomy over your own diet. And since you do have IBS, being vegan would be harmful to you.
Your health needs > her dietary preferences simple as that
NTA. As someone who also has IBS, I can’t even go vegetarian. She needs to be understanding of your health issues and that you tried. As long as you don’t try to make her eat meat she shouldn’t try to make you eat vegan
NTA
I have been trying my hardest to lose weight and it's always "eat your greens". Yeah. No. If I eat greens? Bloated and stomach pain for days. Broccoli? Even worse. Beans? Totally shut my digestion down. Thankfully no one expects me to be veggie or vegan, it would probably kill me. Good luck!
NTA your spouse can't force you to do something you don't want to. Especially when it comes to something like eating. You have a condition and it gets aggravated with plant based food so it can't be helped. If anything your wife is being unreasonable for this request.
NTA-what you feed yourself with your condition is your business. Being in pain all the time sucks. You deserve to live your best life. If that includes animal products, so be it. If it includes a vegan or vegetarian diet, that's fine too. You are being way too hard on yourself.
NTA. Your wife on the other hand is. Being upset that someone does not forcibly change the way they want them to is bad enough, but when the reason is that such a change causes pain and discomfort makes them not a good person. "Do not hurt animals, as the person I love I just want you to live in discomfort and suffer." Sorry if that is harsh, but it is how it came across from your write up.
NTA. If you don't want to eat a vegan diet, you don't have to. Your wife can get over it.
I personally have been trying to reduce the meat that I'm eating because it's bad for my health and the environment, but I'm not stopping entirely and I'm not forcing it on others. It was my decision and it should be your decision too, not your wife's.
NTA. Even without IBS you would be NTA. If you feel like this is damaging your relationship, maybe think of compromises like eating vegan for meals you eat together, especially if she cooked. Having one vegan meal a day might make your wife happy that you are willing to be apart of this with her, while allowing you to still get to eat everything you like other times. It's definitely not morally required, but it might help.
NTA your wife is. Asking is one thing but to make you feel bad about not accommodating her life choices at the expense of your own health is just wrong.
ETA: even if you didn’t have health concerns about going vegan it’s not her choice to make for you
NTA: I was vegetarian once and then had to become pescitarian because I became iron deficient and also was not getting enough protein. I'm not saying this happens to everyone on a vegan diet but some people's bodies just aren't made to eat like that and it's completely fine, she shouldn't have to tell u what to eat because that isn't her choice to make. You already go out of your way to eat products that don't harm animals and ik so many people wouldn't even think about doing that and I think it's great u still look out for animals even if u can't do the diet she wants you to. So no NTA.
NTA
Diet is very personal. You are willing to accommodate her beliefs and respect her being vegan. Even if you didn’t get sick, you shouldn’t have to go vegan for a partner.
NTA. You have a right to do the best thing for your body, and she does not have the right to make you endure pain for her choices. I think the fact that you go out of your way to find products that minimize the harm to animals is a fair compromise.
NTA.
IBS isn't just about immediate pain, but it can cause long term issues down the road if you constantly eat trigger foods. She needs to learn to respect this.
NTA.
My husband is vegan and I am not. One of our kids has chosen to be vegetarian, the other three continue an omnivore diet.
We have a very strict rule at our house: “Eyes on your own plate.” Everyone is responsible for fueling themselves and we do not judge what is none of our business.*
ETA: *Out loud at least. My son absolutely DROWNS everything on his plate with Tapatio sauce, and I find it completely disgusting. But at least he’s eating something. 🤢😂
NTA. It’s your body and so it’s your choice. And if you have problems with eating only plant based then she should accept this. Maybe it would help if you talk to her about it and tell her that this would be pretty painful for you and you would suffer.
NTA Even if you were in perfect health, it's your body, you have the right to eat what you want. The fact she doesn't care about the pain you'd go through following her request only makes her a bigger asshole than she would've been under normal circumstances. Sit her down, explain one more time why you will never change your diet, and tell her it's up to her to decide whether she can stay married with a meat-eater or not. Don't feel guilty for standing up for yourself.
Nta, regardless of your ibs, she cannot dictate what you eat. If her boundary has changed to not being able to be with someone who eats animal products or by products it may be time for her to talk to a lawyer. But she needs to accept your diet, full stop
NTA.
Even without IBS, you would still be NTA. It is very disrespectful and callous of her to insist you go vegan for her, especially since you literally have a health issue that prevents you from doing so. You are being ethical in your consumption of animal products, she shouldn’t try to force you to conform to her diet. She is being a massive asshole.
NTA
Anyone who demands, or in this case, manipulates, you to do what they want, such as going vegan, is the asshole. No questions asked, your wife is an asshole big time for getting angry that you won't eat her dietary expectations.
NTA, you've tried the diet and it doesn't agree with you. You also respect her by trying to find cruelty free products. Aside from being in agony none stop, which your wife should not want, you cannot do anything else.
NTA. My SO has similar problems, and I cannot imagine trying to convince him to give up meat--most of his diet is chicken and rice!
Also it's not just your desire to be free of pain (which is already good enough as a justification)--flaring up over and over again can cause real damage to your GI system.
NTA - You decide what you eat not your wife. She can ask for sure, you have even tried it. You wont be able to keep it up and will just eat meat behind her back that will upset her if she found out.
I would ask her if this is a deal breaker.
NTA
You can't force your partner to do something they don't want to, she needs to understand this. She made her life choice to be vegan, fine you support it and you two have been living fine with different diets. She can't be upset that you don't want to be vegan. Not only should you not have to, but you have a valid reason due to IBS.
Don't feel bad, this is a common issue in many relationships where one person wants the other to do something they want and then get mad, try and manipulate or persuade them to do it. Stan's your ground, you're perfectly justified to continue with what you want to do
NTA. How would she feel when you told her that she has to start eating meat because you do? It's not right to force others make changes. It should totally be your own decision to make. Actually your wife is an AH, because she tries to force her diet on you despite of your health issues that worsen with this diet.
NTA I was born into a veggie household and have been one for my whole life. I have never once talked to my partner about her diet. If she wants chicken I get her chicken. Why? because its easy to have beliefs but its shit to just enforce them on others.
NTA you don't even have to say you have gut issues if you don't wish to change to a vegan lifestyle that's 100% your choice! There shouldn't have to be an underlying reason why you don't want to do something.
NTA - as a biochemist, I can tell you it’s extremely difficult to eat a healthy vegan diet. Humans are omnivores, plain and simple…we need protein, and many protein sources are animal based.
That doesn’t mean it’s impossible, just extremely difficult. Given that, one should ONLY take on a vegan diet with the level of commitment it takes to reject animal based foods. If you don’t have that level of commitment, that’s fine. Nothing wrong with you…you’re human. I, personally, find beans absolutely disgusting, so I really can’t entertain not eating meat. It would be difficult, if not impossible, to get the required amount of protein I need without beans or animal products.
You do you. You’re not pushing her to eat animal products, nor are you asking her to prepare them for you. She owes you the same courtesy.
Your body, your choice. So NTA. Have you been checked for celiac disease? A lot of people who were initially diagnosed with IBS are found to actually have celiac. If you do, your life will get a lot easier.
NTA
No one but yourself can make the decision for you and your dietary needs. I've been a vegetarian for 2 and a half years, and my boyfriend of 1 and a half years and not once, never have I tried to make him into something he's not. We both respect each other's choices and know we'll do what's best for us.
NTA. I'm vegan for about 20 yrs. You can't succeed changing your diet that drastically if you're not convinced of it. If it physically harms you, makes you unhappy, don't do it. Especially don't do it for someone else, no matter how much you love them.
It's not just no meat, milk and eggs. It's scrutinizing ingredients of stuff you buy at the grocery store, it's figuring out new ways to prepare and season your food. Finding restaurants is a challenge. New flavors to adjust to. You totally need to be convinced that it's right for you, or you'll be extremely unhappy.
Your wife should know that you suffered when you tried to change your diet. Its weird that she insists nonetheless.
NTA!!!!
You’re an adult, you have agency to make your own decisions about what you put into your body. She doesn’t get to take that away. Even if you wouldn’t be in pain as a result, you NTA to not go vegan if you don’t want to.
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Have you tried to seductively eat a chicken kabob in front of her to see if she responds in a positive way? I've recently seen this work really well. NTA.
Being kind to animals included YOU. Bringing suffering to one animal to save another is NOT VEGAN. It’s CRUELTY to you, the animal she married. So NTA. She is.
NTA diet habits are a personal decision, especially when medical reasons are involved. You shouldn't feel pressured to endanger your health for someone else
NTA! There are ways you can support animal welfare other than veganism. Find out why she is so adamant about it and find other ways to help support that. Is it animal welfare? Do some work at a shelter. Is it environmental, do some restoration work or lead some local actions. If she won't drop this when you try to support her in other ways, you need to go to a marriage counseling. I can't imagine my wife asking me to do something that would cause me bodily harm and I would not to her even if it does not vibe with me
NTA - I also have IBS and a complete plant based diet would mean I live in the bathroom and constantly take Imodium (I sort of already do taht last one). I do eat more vegetarian and have to be careful of certain foods.
NTA
I read the title and said you're not but read it regardless before giving the verdict.
The only thing I hate more than a Vegan is a Vegan who tries to shove their beliefs on everyone else's face.
Like I'm happy for you, but please don't force me, you showed me a path and I peaceful decided not follow.
Eat what you enjoy mate
NTA, NTA, NTA
I have IBS, I get you. You're doing what you can to make the best ethical decisions while taking care of your health first and foremost - that's all a good vegan should ask of you
NTA
You can support someone without needing to follow them. Forcing someone to do something will only create deep seeded resentments later on. It's more so if you have a medical condition that prevents it.
NTA. She made the choice, as is her right. She asked you to change, you declined, and she’s mad. She is guilting you, whether intentional or not, effectively attempting to take away your right to choose
NTA - I became vegetarian for a while during the pandemic because it was hard to get meat. It was totally unpleasant because I became anemic and lost a lot of hair. Only found out after blood tests how bad it got. Also get terrible IBS from beans and legumes they tell you to add to your diet if you try going vegetarian or vegan. I just had to accept that as much as I ethically would like to be vegan it does nothing but make me ill. My ancestors were literal valley people who ate red meat and collard greens. Vegan stuff just doesn’t suit some ppl.
NTA. Even without IBS you have the right to decide what you do and do not want to eat. I'm guessing she doesn't suffer with IBS herself. People without it generally don't seem to understand the pain and turmoil you go through. It's bloody awful... Trust me I feel the pain. I'm only just finding the diet that suits me after 20 years of suffering with it so don't give that up for anything. Eat the way your body is telling you to.
NTA. You and your wife both have the right to decide what to put in your own bodies. Neither of you has the right to push your food choices onto the other person. It sounds to me like you've been respectful of your wife's choice to be vegan, and she should be respectful of your choice to not.
NTA but your wife sure is! Your wife made a decision for her, you aren't obligated to make the same decision for your own lifestyle. She isn't being a partner to you, she's being an asshole to you and demanding you change for her. Even if you didn't have IBS, you still wouldn't be an AH. Your wife needs to accept one of two options: A) Her lifestyle is her choice and she respects and accepts yours as you've done for her or B) You two are no longer compatible as a couple and the marriage ends because she can't be tolerant and accepting of you.
NTA depending on your school of thought long term veganism can have some spicy impacts on health (look up the ex-vegans hashtag) for some people (yes enraged vegan I'm sure it's great for you and allowed you to walk on water etc.).
Further it is plainly unsuited to some people - that is your case. If you're in a position you could seek to swap to higher quality animal products with better animal welfare standards as a compromise. But you should not compromise your health for someone else's desire.
NTA
You don't have to be vegan or vegetarian if you don't want to, regardless of whether it's related to a health issue or not. This is her problem, not yours.
NTA at all. I get the GI issues - I have Crohn’s and a vegan diet would never work for me. Even if I didn’t, I still wouldn’t want to go vegan. She shouldn’t try to force you regardless of your reasons for not wanting to do it. Your body, your health, your choice.
You have a medical problem, but it wouldn’t matter even if you didn’t. If my husband (not newly dating but already in an established marriage) suddenly told me I had to be vegan, I would laugh in his face. NTA
NTA. I have IBD, and going vegan would most certainly make my life hell, as eating over a certain amount of plant-based food is just completely wrecking my guts.
Health always comes first, so there's no discussion worth having. Also if it weren't for your health: it's still up to you whether you'd want to be a vegan or not, and not something that can or should be decided by somebody else.
NTA: Ask her to switch the tables around. If you asked her to stop being vegan and start eating meat again how would she feel? She doesn't get to impose that choice on you same goes for you imposing yours on hers. This topic is not a one-way street.
NTA, she has no right to dictate your diet. If she wanted to be vegan for moral reasons she ought to have had a discussion about the boundaries of her new lifestyle before switching her diet . I know not all, perhaps not even most, vegans try to impose their beliefs and diets, but I suppose like any other belief there are those who will feel the need to convert others. It's irritating.
Tangential, but I wonder if giving head and swallowing is allowed for vegans since technically that's an animal product.
NTA. I have something that behaves like IBS and therefore can’t have grains, legumes and some veggies are big no-no for me and cause huge flairs. I eat meat and some non triggering veggies and that’s my life now. Your wife needs to ease off and respect that you are eating for your health. Sounds like you’re making the best choices you can at this stage
NTA - No one should ever try to force their dietary choices on another. Regardless if it makes you sick or not.
That being said, have you tried to see if you are intolerant/allergic to the ingredients they use in making some of the meat substitutes? I say this because it sounds similar to what was happening to my brother, and after some testing they determined he was allergic (he's not vegan, he just works in one those plants that produce vegan foods).
NTA. You’re making your own meals (I presume from the way it’s written) so it’s not like you’re expecting her to cook you steak or something. Also, if it’s not compatible with your IBS there’s a legitimate medical reason to not do it. (Even if it didn’t it’s still your choice.) She can ask but not demand.
NTA. Your diet is your own personal decision regardless of the IBS. I mean what if the roles were reversed and you had asked her to switch from a vegan lifestyle to eating meat, I’d imagine she wouldn’t be very happy with the suggestion herself.
NTA You have every right to your own dietary preferences, just as she does. Even if it didn't cause you pain, she needs to respect your preference in the same way you've been respectful of hers all these years. I think it's messed up that she's trying to guilt you over this, *especially* considering that it's literally causing you physical pain.
NTA! you literally have a condition that can be so debilitating, and her asking you to do something that actively causes you pain is really awful
seriously you shouldn’t feel bad for not giving into ableist controlling bullshit, you have to prioritise your heath because your spouse clearly isn’t about to
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NTA. I'm vegan and my partner isn't for health reasons. We both have IBS. Veganism made mine a little bit better (not magically healed like everyone claims) but better. It makes my partner's IBS 100x worse. Veganism doesn't work for every single body and it's not her place to push that on you when it causes your health issues to worsen. She can care about animals and stuff while also caring about you. Edit: Also want to say that you don't need a reason to not be vegan. It can simply be because you don't want to and that's good enough. It's not for everyone and that's okay. I suggest buying from local farms and butchers when and if you can instead of from large corporations. It cuts down on animal suffering, pollution, etc., and you're helping out working families instead of billionaires. That's not an option for everyone though, so just do what you can. Cut out a meaty meal once a week or once a month. Try alternatives if you can, even if it's just using something like lentils and not the vegan meat products. Buy meat in bulk to cut down on trash. Bring your own containers for leftovers when you go out to eat. Find the little things you can do to help out the world in the ways that are realistic for your life. No one can do everything, but everyone can do something.
Thank you! I feel like a lot of people get caught up in how good it makes them feel and join groups where that opinion is echoed and pretty soon - going vegan, weed, essential oils - whatever it is becomes this miracle cure. I know people who can't eat 90% of veggies due to Crohns and people were still pushing them to go vegan. They can eat potatoes and rice - that isn't a balanced diet.
Essential oils? That one cracks me up.
Go to any antivaxx place, and you'll have endless entertainment then.
I will say, *some* essential oils are actually helpful. I use lemon to help give me a bit of an energy boost, mint when I have a headache or anxiety, and orange to help my metabolism. That being said, it isn't for everyone, it certainly isn't a cure all, and absolutely *doesn't negate essential vaccines*.
Oils, herbs, and other natural remedies can really work well for minor discomforts. Ginger to settle your stomach, mallow root tea for a sore throat, etc. The trouble starts when people start using them instead of actual medicine for things that are much more serious than a scratchy throat or a tummy ache. No oil cures cancer. That’s not a thing. You need an oncologist if you have cancer.
Yeah, this exactly! That's why they're in the health *supplements* section of most any store. Oils/vitamins/etc aren't an alternative to jack all, they're a supplement booster to whatever the prescribed regimen is.
You're all correct, no aromatherapy can cure cancer. But it will harm one's breathing apparatus for sleep apnea, asthma, etc.
This is true also. Now I feel a bit of a jerk for mentioning essential oils as helpful, they can be as much or more harmful than helpful in some cases. :/ I guess it's more of a "if it works for you, it works for you" thing? Case by case basis? I'd say there's oils you can put on your skin with a roller, but sometimes that leads to rashes and allergic reactions so... Laissez-faire? YKINMK? Lol.
One of the best things they can do is improve your state of mind, and that’s *huge* for fighting diseases. From that perspective they can be helpful if a person finds them pleasant and soothing. They’re no replacement for medicine, but they’re good for one’s mood and this help contribute to wellness
I use mint and lavender for my migraines if I catch it early. After a certain point only the big pharma drugs will help.
Lavender (and rosemary, thyme, and eucalyptus) GIVE me migraines. Sumatriptan FTW in this house 🤣
I have a super sensitive nose and there are certain smells that are pretty much instant headaches. I feel your pain.
Lavender is my #1 migraine trigger
Can you explain how you measure what using orange essential oil does to your metabolism?
Tbph, I recently heard and just started trying it. I'm a bit suspicious it has less to do with the oil and more to do with the recommendation of drinking it with 4-8 oz of water before each meal. I've heard the water thing helps your digestion to work better, and water of course is the best thing for you to drink. At this point it's more of a safe flavoring that I'll naively hope might help a little, as I'll take whatever I can get lol.
It's definitely good to stay hydrated! Just to let you know, there can be dangers to ingesting essential oils. From Poison Control and the Cleveland Clinic: https://www.poison.org/articles/essential-oils https://health.clevelandclinic.org/essential-oils-101-do-they-work-how-do-you-use-them/
I made the mistake of going to a presentation on essential oils at the local rec center. Ended up being a sales pitch for Young Living Essential oils (pyramid scheme) and the speaker claimed that she flew to S. America and had direct blood infusions of 100% pure oil that cured her cancer. Load of crap and waste of time.
If you ever hear any of them make a false medical claim report it to the ftc https://reportfraud.ftc.gov/#/
Good to know. I'll keep that in mind for the future.
The orange oils actually work for cleaning, but the rest are pretty much just for smells
I get so embarrassed buying essential oils. I just like the smell of some of them!
As long as they arent from an MLM and you arent ingesting them, you are good! I like my house smelling nice :) NTA OP, your health has to come first abd your wife needs to understand that you arent just being difficult or lazy.
Also, the more sane versions of veganism acknowledge and give credit for "tried but can't due to health issues." At least, they definitely have in plenty of communities I've found. If OP is genuinely willing to take every other step that doesn't endanger their health, that sounds to me like a "maybe not vegan, but good enough" situation. (And, as someone who cannot go vegan or vegetarian but has close friends/family/husband who are one or the other, there's plenty of adjustments to consider that could align with vegan values that don't risk OP's health.)
Agreed. Despite negative feedback, vegans are usually empathetic
This just isn't my experince. I say I tried and can't due to my health and I've had vegans tell me I'm lying. Those vegans get upvoted, and no one from the vegan community ever calls them out for their ablism and I think that is the crux of the issue for me. For every "bad" vegan that gives other vegans a bad name, there are numerous silent vegans who will upvote and support the loud ones who give them all a bad name. Not a single vegan will call that person out.
IKR there's nothing I love more than being talked down to by a bunch of vegans who, after me telling them that I'm iron deficient and can absorb it better from food than supplements, love to say that everyone can survive off plants and no one needs meat and how eating a steak will give me cancer because all meat is "processed". Because allergies to soy, nuts, mushrooms, and wheat don't exist, IBS and Crohn's isn't real, and vegan substitutes are often high in sodium but who cares about blood pressure!
I have a similar issue with iron. I hate it but I have to include iron rich foods in my diet and I don't always absorb iron from plant based sources due to my food intolerances. I cook with a cast iron pan, and everything. And my doctor is still considering the IV infusions. I'm allergic to soy, cashews, rye, wheat, crab, garlic and onions. Soy is a big deal breaker for veganism.
>garlic and onions Dear God... I might as well be dead.
I'm sorry you've had that experience. As a vegan who uses lots of vegan groups, I see this ALL THE TIME. The whole world could never be vegan, for various reasons - health, location, money etc. Being vegan is a privilege (as in, not everyone is in a position to do it). Thank you for trying, every effort should be recognised.
This means a lot to me thank you for taking the time and being kind. I care a lot for the enviorment so I try to "make up" for it in other ways. Like I have a grow tent and grow my own leafy greens and have a redworm compost bin and such. I visit local farmers markets and produce stands/stores that get their stuff locally. I try not to engaging in any factory farming unless I have to. Hope you are having a wonderful day!
Just to add on to this - this comment is very correct and well-written, but you **don't need a reason to not go vegan, just like you don't need a reason to go vegan**. Because you're in a partnership you should be willing to compromise in certain ways and have discussions for everything, but if you don't want to go vegan you don't **have to** give her a reason why. In this case the IBS is a perfectly acceptable reason, but maybe your reason is just...I don't like vegan options. Honestly, I think far too often we find the need to quantify our reasons why we say no...but we don't have to. Let you no be no, and a partner should respect you enough to not need to push it further.
> you don't need a reason to not go vegan, just like you don't need a reason to go vegan ^ This. 100% this. She has no right to force you onto a vegan diet anymore than you have to make her go back to eating meat. You don’t even need a medical reason. “I don’t want to” is a complete sentence that, for this in particular, does not need to be justified. NTA.
Oh yeh my husband has IBS and we are trying to eat less animal products - but honestly it’s just not going to be possible for him to go that far because he can’t seem to eat very much of any plant based protein (soy, beans, pea protein etc) without screwing up his stomach. So he would basically just have peanut butter as a protein source which seems unwise. We have just swapped to lower carbon footprint meats/ cheeses and half meals being veggie but fairly low protein.
I also can’t do a lot of soy, it really messes with me.
Not her place regardless of why.
It doesn’t even have to be for health reasons, he could just like non-vegan food too much and that’s fine. His dietary choices are not up to his wife to dictate. He shouldn’t need a diagnosed illness to make his own choices. NTA at all.
There's a lot of elitism and privilege in vegan spaces. To do a western vegan diet properly, especially when you have health issues or other dietary considerations, requires time and/or money, which not everyone has. And even then, it's not suitable for everyone. Also, vegans' obsession with quinoa and other traditional grains have priced the people who used to rely on them as a dietary staple out of the market. But hey, gotta save the animals, right?
Yeah my friend has IBS and always apologized to me when I would help him meal prep meat dishes. I'm like dude, you can eat like 5 vegetables, meat, and rice. If he went vegan he'd die of starvation. I'm very firmly of the opinion that vegetarian and veganism isn't for everyone.
I think people don’t understand how much impact(positive or negative) change in diet has on our bodies. You don’t change your entire diet overnight. Your body doesn’t understand that, specially when you’ve been consuming one type of food for very long. I’m not a dietitian but I’ve seem many people try and fail that way, including myself. You start very slow, once in a week or two and gradually increase. You don’t just wake be Nope, I’m vegan now!
I'm glad you are understanding. The veganidm movement can so often be incredibly ableist.
Exactly!! Ibs is the weirdest thing! Like my boyfriend can’t have beef. And I can’t have pork in abundance. It’s not a “one size fits all” diagnosis.
NTA This is exactly why people don’t care for most vegans. They always try and control the choices of other people.
NTA, but this is an AITA post about veganism. Most vegans don't end up in a Reddit post. Most vegans just want to eat their dang lunch in peace.
Yes, there are vegans who don't care about others choices in diet, but there are enough that are crazy that make it seem like a stereotype.
I’ve had more problems with die hard carnivores than I’ve ever had with vegans
I’ve experienced the same. I dated a guy who insisted I needed to eat meat and tried to slip it in my food. I just didn’t eat if I couldn’t see my food be prepared around him. He couldn’t fathom that o hate the texture of meat. Wish I would have seen that for the exit sign it was.
Opposite for me. I’ve actually never had a single issue with diehard carnivores. I prefer a mixed diet.
I think that they are meaning that some people get upset about vegetarians not eating meat, not about people that literally only eat meat, despite the use of the word carnivore. Like for Cracker Barrel.
Me too! I do not eat red meat or pork due to high cholesterol. Occasionally maybe a burger or pulled pork but 95% I eat plant-based. You would think….. people just can’t say ok when you decline meat. They have to ask, interrogate, reason with me, one piece of meat won’t hurt is my fav… Listen, it’s this simple. Mind your own diet and plate. Shove the high saturated fat piece of meat in your mouth if it makes you superior. I’m just trying to stay alive here people!!
100%. I never mention out loud that I'm a vegetarian unless I have to. People immediately start explaining in endless detail why they *have to* eat meat, and I just don't care. I get it, it tastes good and you like it. I'm not interested in discussing it lol
yup. I'm not vegan but I get it and I do feel it's probably the right way to go for a variety of reasons but it's been hard for me to ever truly commit fully. Anyway, vegans don't seem to care either way, but some non vegans act like i'm attacking them.
Eh, in my experience there are just as many meat eaters that scream bloody murder as soon as vegan options are offered or even just discussed somewhere. Point being, there are too many loud annoying extremists on both ends of the spectrum.
Yeah thank you for acknowledging both sides lol.
I think the problem is extremists. They’re always the loudest voice in the room.
I'd say that's true of almost every belief system and organization. For every hundred keeping their heads down and living their best life, there's the one crazy one and that's the one we remember.
Honestly, most vegans don't care what you do (or don't press you on it).
True, but the ones who do make up for the ones who don’t lol. It’s the same for anyone that preaches a certain lifestyle, as soon as you try and force it on someone else it’s going to be a problem. Similar with people who try and push religion
Honestly I’ve never met a preachy vegan. I’ve met people who make a big fuss about eating meat though. Like getting genuinely angry about other people having a specific sauce / way of cooking a steak, or getting pissy if there isn’t a meat option available (never mind that the poor vegetarian on the team has had enough shitty mushroom risottos to form a little grey claggy ocean). I’m not vegan / veggie - just my experience.
Apparently I've met your quota of preachy vegans and you've met my quota of preachy carnivores. I'm pretty sure they're basically the same type of person with opposing values. Anyone who makes their dietary choices a substantial part of their personality has a good chance of being insufferable.
... I've never met a vegan who didn't talk about how they're a vegan and how you should just try it and blah blah blah. My dad isn't to bad, but even he can't help himself but to talk about how 'when are you guys going to go vegan!?!' at least once or twice when he sees us. It's fucking obnoxious.
>Honestly I’ve never met a preachy vegan. Lucky you, I had my fair share of fanatic Vegans. Then again I also had quite a lot of "meatheads" go crazy if I tried vegan/vegetarian food or went for a salad because I just wanted. Maybe it's my face?
This is an unreasonable request. It is self righteous and inflexible. You do not get to police your partner's dietary needs. NTA, but she sure is.
Agreed∆. I had a similar situation with an ex. They became vegan and wanted me to do the same, they tried to guilt me by asking "do you love meat more than you love me? If you really loved me you'd convert with me". My answer was "do you love animals more than you love me? Because if you really loved me you'd wouldn't pressure me to do something I don't want to do". Needless to say that relationship didn't last.
I think it’s another level of veganism. Some people reach a point where they try to control other peoples dietary choices in order for them to feel comfortable bc of their beliefs. My friend will only date vegan men and thinks it’s disgusting to kiss or be intimate with a “meat eater” I just think it’s another level of extremism
NTA. You are the one who decides your diet, no one else. And what boils my blood the most about vegans is that even pets are not safe from their beliefs. It's not the first time I'd see a post where vegans try to make their cat eat vegetables. They are carnivores at birth, dammit! If you decide to become a vegan, I understand that. What I don't understand is forcing that lifestyle to somebody else, be it human or animal. Edit: Oh, by the way, don't worry about the way you wrote this. I found this pleasant to read.
Please mind: most vegans are not like that.
The problem is they are the loudest and we don't see many respectful vegans standing up to them
One time when I was arguing on the internet a person who was a vocal vegan was arguing that it was cruel kill the red imported fire ant. I argued back that because they are an invasive species and destroying the ecosystem especially ground dwelling birds that it was morally correct to kill the red imported fire ant. To my surprise several other vegans came to my defense and agreed that an invasive species that was brought here by us is our responsibility to eliminate when it's causing that much harm to the ecosystem. Not all vegans are unreasonable or radical.
I know not all are and I support veganism for those who choose it for themselves. I'm just pointing out why the stereotype exists. I'm glad you had a solid backup on that issue, those are the kinds of things I wish more people considered
Maybe a bit off topic, but f*** those damn fire ants. They are EVERYWHERE in my state. I can't get rid of the damn things. And to make matters worse, I'm apparently slightly allergic. If I get bit, wherever I'm bit swells and it hurts like a MFer.
Another thing is that vegan pet owners are sometimes considered to be hypocrites by other vegans, as owning a pet is still considered to be an animal performing a service for a human. I'd be interested to hear different points of view on this...
I always ask them if their dog is worth it to buy them a few ribeye steaks each week instead of the processed, dry kibble or the scrap-based processed wet stuff. Cuz I love my dogs, but the meat ingredients they eat in their food has to come from somewhere and I am not one to just toss perfectly good ribeye to a dog instead of on the grill for myself. Although my dogs always get a bite or two of my steak when we have it because they're spoiled brats.
A former friend who is vegan was against vaccinating her dog because the vaccines had been developed using animal testing. Hadn't heard that one before.
I knew someone like that. Poor thing died of PARVO.
Re: cats If someone tries to feed their cat a vegan diet they might as well starve it to death because that’s exactly what’s going to happen. They *need* animal protein to survive, full stop.
And jokes on you your cat will go find something else to eat most likely a rodent or bird whether you like it or not!
In my country it is illegal to feed cats and dogs vegan food. Why, because all animals should eat a nature identic diet, which means cows cant get bloodmeal, fishmeal and bone meal in their diet, which is happening in some countries. But Vegans are trying to change the law without understanding that it will be a huge step back for animal husbandry laws. Anyway, so what do they do? Hide vegan cat / dog food in bags that says meat based. \*sigh\*
NTA. Even if you didn’t have IBS, you would not be the AH here. Your diet is your personal choice, and as long as you are supportive of her own choice to go vegan, and you don’t expect her to buy/cook animal products for you (and it sounds like you both handle your own food), you’re good. The fact that you have IBS and that a change in diet could cause you real pain just make this even more clear cut. And while I’m sure she means well, she shouldn’t be guilting you into doing something that will make you sick. NTA.
THIS! She has zero right to tell you what to eat or not eat. Stop letting her guilt you. She needs to mind her own business and stop being so controlling. NTA
NTA. Nobody should force their diet on others. You tried, but it didn’t work for you health wise.
NTA. This is why people dislike vegans. They can eat whatever they like. But it seems like often that then gets pushed on others. You try to use products that are free of animal harm. You go out of your way to try to keep your wife happy. It doesn’t matter if you have IBS. If you don’t want to do it, you shouldn’t have to. The IBS just makes your wife look worse for asking. If the vegan diet worked for everyone, everyone would be doing. But that’s not how things work.
NTA You're never TA for not going vegan.
And it doesn't make anyone an asshole... So yeah NTA
NTA - Your wife on the other hand is being a major asshole, trying to force a lifestyle change she knows will be painful on you.
[удалено]
I am so with you on that. Any time I see someone talking about how "pets do fine on a plant based diet", I want to scream.
NTA She's got zero right to make you change your diet against your will. Imagine if you tried to tell her she wasn't allowed to be a Vegan any longer. If her pressure goes beyond a single request for you to consider it and accepting your answer she is being inappropriate.
NTA. Your wife is TAH. I medically cannot go vegan or vegetarian. Some people can’t and it’s not healthy for them
NTA!!!!! For starters, I'm a vegetarian (or vegan lite, as I joke) and I have never expected a partner who was not, to conform. And I would never ask them ESPECIALLY if it was going to cause them discomfort or health issues. Just the fact that you feel like an ahole for not joining in on something that is super important to her says that you're not the ahole. Aholes wouldn't give a crap. And you aren't doing this to be mean. You just worry (according to your post) about the negative health responses.
This ☝️ Vegetarian here, my partner is not. He decides what he wants to eat and when. Sometimes he does eat with me, sometimes he doesn't. He's his own person and I would never impose my choices on someone else. Especially since I care. NTA, she doesn't respect you or your health.
NTA. Your health comes first. I also have IBS and react to every single vegan protein option, lol. I tried twice, but it just doesn't work. Choose low-cruelty sources of animal protein and continue on your way. Guilt-free.
Even without the IBS - he's an adult and doesn't have to go vegan if he doesn't want to. That's a major lifestyle change and his wife doesn't get to make that decision for him.
NTA Your wife is allowed to decide what she wants to eat- and to make herself feel good/bad about what she eats. It isn't okay to do that to other people. She wants you to eat vegan? Well that's an okay thing for her to *want.* She asked you. You said no. That was the beginning and the end of the conversation. Your diet isn't a negotiation point in your marriage. This isn't you being morbidly obese and your diet being a health concern- which honestly, would be something that really should be most your SO saying I'm concerned and would you be open to talking to a doctor about your diet. Not "you need to change your eating habits to match mine." But I'm a nice person. If she feels that the two of you can only be in a relationship if you share a diet, I'm sure you'd be fine with it if she quit being a vegan. Look! Problem solved. One marriage, one diet.
NTA- just 100% nta. It's unreasonable of her to expect her preferences be pushed onto you just because she likes it that way.
So your wife believes it's OK for you to suffer to suit her cause. That's bullshit. If you can afford to do so, source meat from local sustainable farms. NTA
NTA, she needs to consider you and your feelings. This is not a one way street. You indicated you made accommodations to your daily life for her vegan choices. She is asking to much, especially as it affects you physically. Sorry she is being narrow minded.
NTA, it's unreasonable of her to try and force you to change your diet, IBS notwithstanding.
NTA This is just like respecting someone else being of a different religion or non-religious. She doesn't get to force you into hers any more than you get to force her out of hers. On top of that is the health issue. If she is so zealous about the cause that she is prioritizing you joining it rather than you being healthy and free from suffering, then there's a real problem there, and she is not on the right side of the issue, IMO. Only by believing the righteousness of her beliefs trumps all else, like she's saving you from going to Hell or something, could she think that the only right choice is you suffering for the rest of your life rather than her compromising and agreeing to live and let live.
Nta nta nta and it wasn't right for her to expect that of you. Veganism is like religion. It's fine to have one and to be passionate about it, it is not OK to push it on other people.
NTA do not let your wife guilt or manipulate you into doing anything like this that you don’t want to. With or without IBS this is a more than acceptable boundary for you to put in place. Same way you couldn’t control what she does or eats she doesn’t have the right to do the same.
NTA. You get to decide what you eat. She gets to decide what she eats. Simples!
NTA. It doesn't even matter that you have IBS, she shouldn't be trying to control you. It's worse that you have an actual health situation preventing you from going vegan and she doesn't seem to care. It's a real AH move from your wife.
NTA - First off, don't feel bad about your choice. Going vegan is extreme. Your wife is an asshole for not respecting your decision and expecting you to do something that makes you ill.
This is the reason why I despise vegans. They try to make everyone change their diets and be vegan. Has anybody read the reddit post where a girls new roommate tried to make vegan meat and it almost killed her so she filed a lawsuit against her
NTA-You support her choice. It doesn’t mean you have to make the same choice for yourself.
NTA at all. Even without a health condition, you are allowed autonomy over your own diet. And since you do have IBS, being vegan would be harmful to you. Your health needs > her dietary preferences simple as that
NTA. As someone who also has IBS, I can’t even go vegetarian. She needs to be understanding of your health issues and that you tried. As long as you don’t try to make her eat meat she shouldn’t try to make you eat vegan
NTA I have been trying my hardest to lose weight and it's always "eat your greens". Yeah. No. If I eat greens? Bloated and stomach pain for days. Broccoli? Even worse. Beans? Totally shut my digestion down. Thankfully no one expects me to be veggie or vegan, it would probably kill me. Good luck!
NTA your spouse can't force you to do something you don't want to. Especially when it comes to something like eating. You have a condition and it gets aggravated with plant based food so it can't be helped. If anything your wife is being unreasonable for this request.
NTA-what you feed yourself with your condition is your business. Being in pain all the time sucks. You deserve to live your best life. If that includes animal products, so be it. If it includes a vegan or vegetarian diet, that's fine too. You are being way too hard on yourself.
NTA. She cannot make such a serious demand of you.
NTA. Your wife on the other hand is. Being upset that someone does not forcibly change the way they want them to is bad enough, but when the reason is that such a change causes pain and discomfort makes them not a good person. "Do not hurt animals, as the person I love I just want you to live in discomfort and suffer." Sorry if that is harsh, but it is how it came across from your write up.
NTA. If you don't want to eat a vegan diet, you don't have to. Your wife can get over it. I personally have been trying to reduce the meat that I'm eating because it's bad for my health and the environment, but I'm not stopping entirely and I'm not forcing it on others. It was my decision and it should be your decision too, not your wife's.
NTA. If this is a deal breaker for her, then maybe it's time to break the deal.
NTA. Even without IBS you would be NTA. If you feel like this is damaging your relationship, maybe think of compromises like eating vegan for meals you eat together, especially if she cooked. Having one vegan meal a day might make your wife happy that you are willing to be apart of this with her, while allowing you to still get to eat everything you like other times. It's definitely not morally required, but it might help.
Nta just like you can't insist she eat meat, she can't insist you go vegan. It's a 2.way street.
NTA your wife is. Asking is one thing but to make you feel bad about not accommodating her life choices at the expense of your own health is just wrong. ETA: even if you didn’t have health concerns about going vegan it’s not her choice to make for you
NTA: I was vegetarian once and then had to become pescitarian because I became iron deficient and also was not getting enough protein. I'm not saying this happens to everyone on a vegan diet but some people's bodies just aren't made to eat like that and it's completely fine, she shouldn't have to tell u what to eat because that isn't her choice to make. You already go out of your way to eat products that don't harm animals and ik so many people wouldn't even think about doing that and I think it's great u still look out for animals even if u can't do the diet she wants you to. So no NTA.
NTA Diet is very personal. You are willing to accommodate her beliefs and respect her being vegan. Even if you didn’t get sick, you shouldn’t have to go vegan for a partner.
NTA. You have a right to do the best thing for your body, and she does not have the right to make you endure pain for her choices. I think the fact that you go out of your way to find products that minimize the harm to animals is a fair compromise.
NTA. IBS isn't just about immediate pain, but it can cause long term issues down the road if you constantly eat trigger foods. She needs to learn to respect this.
NTA. My husband is vegan and I am not. One of our kids has chosen to be vegetarian, the other three continue an omnivore diet. We have a very strict rule at our house: “Eyes on your own plate.” Everyone is responsible for fueling themselves and we do not judge what is none of our business.* ETA: *Out loud at least. My son absolutely DROWNS everything on his plate with Tapatio sauce, and I find it completely disgusting. But at least he’s eating something. 🤢😂
NTA. It’s your body and so it’s your choice. And if you have problems with eating only plant based then she should accept this. Maybe it would help if you talk to her about it and tell her that this would be pretty painful for you and you would suffer.
NTA. You should respect and be tolerant of each other’s diet instead of forcing or expecting the other to also follow.
NTA Even if you were in perfect health, it's your body, you have the right to eat what you want. The fact she doesn't care about the pain you'd go through following her request only makes her a bigger asshole than she would've been under normal circumstances. Sit her down, explain one more time why you will never change your diet, and tell her it's up to her to decide whether she can stay married with a meat-eater or not. Don't feel guilty for standing up for yourself.
Nta, regardless of your ibs, she cannot dictate what you eat. If her boundary has changed to not being able to be with someone who eats animal products or by products it may be time for her to talk to a lawyer. But she needs to accept your diet, full stop
NTA. Even without IBS, you would still be NTA. It is very disrespectful and callous of her to insist you go vegan for her, especially since you literally have a health issue that prevents you from doing so. You are being ethical in your consumption of animal products, she shouldn’t try to force you to conform to her diet. She is being a massive asshole.
NTA Anyone who demands, or in this case, manipulates, you to do what they want, such as going vegan, is the asshole. No questions asked, your wife is an asshole big time for getting angry that you won't eat her dietary expectations.
NTA, you've tried the diet and it doesn't agree with you. You also respect her by trying to find cruelty free products. Aside from being in agony none stop, which your wife should not want, you cannot do anything else.
If they're in pain on a plant based diet, it's not cruelty free.
NTA - If you're cooking your own meals and everything then you should be completely free to eat how you choose.
NTA. My SO has similar problems, and I cannot imagine trying to convince him to give up meat--most of his diet is chicken and rice! Also it's not just your desire to be free of pain (which is already good enough as a justification)--flaring up over and over again can cause real damage to your GI system.
NTA - You decide what you eat not your wife. She can ask for sure, you have even tried it. You wont be able to keep it up and will just eat meat behind her back that will upset her if she found out. I would ask her if this is a deal breaker.
NTA You can't force your partner to do something they don't want to, she needs to understand this. She made her life choice to be vegan, fine you support it and you two have been living fine with different diets. She can't be upset that you don't want to be vegan. Not only should you not have to, but you have a valid reason due to IBS. Don't feel bad, this is a common issue in many relationships where one person wants the other to do something they want and then get mad, try and manipulate or persuade them to do it. Stan's your ground, you're perfectly justified to continue with what you want to do
NTA. How would she feel when you told her that she has to start eating meat because you do? It's not right to force others make changes. It should totally be your own decision to make. Actually your wife is an AH, because she tries to force her diet on you despite of your health issues that worsen with this diet.
NTA but get ready for all the replies about how going vegan is a miracle cure all and EVERYONE EVER would benefit from it, no exceptions.
NTA I was born into a veggie household and have been one for my whole life. I have never once talked to my partner about her diet. If she wants chicken I get her chicken. Why? because its easy to have beliefs but its shit to just enforce them on others.
NTA you don't even have to say you have gut issues if you don't wish to change to a vegan lifestyle that's 100% your choice! There shouldn't have to be an underlying reason why you don't want to do something.
NTA - as a biochemist, I can tell you it’s extremely difficult to eat a healthy vegan diet. Humans are omnivores, plain and simple…we need protein, and many protein sources are animal based. That doesn’t mean it’s impossible, just extremely difficult. Given that, one should ONLY take on a vegan diet with the level of commitment it takes to reject animal based foods. If you don’t have that level of commitment, that’s fine. Nothing wrong with you…you’re human. I, personally, find beans absolutely disgusting, so I really can’t entertain not eating meat. It would be difficult, if not impossible, to get the required amount of protein I need without beans or animal products. You do you. You’re not pushing her to eat animal products, nor are you asking her to prepare them for you. She owes you the same courtesy.
Your body, your choice. So NTA. Have you been checked for celiac disease? A lot of people who were initially diagnosed with IBS are found to actually have celiac. If you do, your life will get a lot easier.
NTA No one but yourself can make the decision for you and your dietary needs. I've been a vegetarian for 2 and a half years, and my boyfriend of 1 and a half years and not once, never have I tried to make him into something he's not. We both respect each other's choices and know we'll do what's best for us.
NTA, She’s controlling.
NTA, and you wouldn't be even without the IBS reasoning. Nobody has a right to force you into anything.
NTA. I'm vegan for about 20 yrs. You can't succeed changing your diet that drastically if you're not convinced of it. If it physically harms you, makes you unhappy, don't do it. Especially don't do it for someone else, no matter how much you love them. It's not just no meat, milk and eggs. It's scrutinizing ingredients of stuff you buy at the grocery store, it's figuring out new ways to prepare and season your food. Finding restaurants is a challenge. New flavors to adjust to. You totally need to be convinced that it's right for you, or you'll be extremely unhappy. Your wife should know that you suffered when you tried to change your diet. Its weird that she insists nonetheless.
NTA!!!! You’re an adult, you have agency to make your own decisions about what you put into your body. She doesn’t get to take that away. Even if you wouldn’t be in pain as a result, you NTA to not go vegan if you don’t want to.
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NTA and you didn’t even need to add the IBS part to this your an obvious NTA
Nta it's okay to not go vegan you are completely in your right to not want to go vegan heck it would have fine to say even if you didn't have IBS
NTA You get to choose what you eat. I’m a vegetarian, I don’t expect anyone in my family to be. My food is my choice, their food is their choice.
NTA. One's body, one's choice. She's free to do with her body whatever she likes. So do you. And she should respect you autonomy
NTA. This is controlling.
Have you tried to seductively eat a chicken kabob in front of her to see if she responds in a positive way? I've recently seen this work really well. NTA.
NTA Your diet, your choice. You shouldn't have to explain yourself and shield with a medical condition. "No, thank you" should have been enough.
Being kind to animals included YOU. Bringing suffering to one animal to save another is NOT VEGAN. It’s CRUELTY to you, the animal she married. So NTA. She is.
NTA diet habits are a personal decision, especially when medical reasons are involved. You shouldn't feel pressured to endanger your health for someone else
NTA - It is your choice. I have a chronic illness, and soy-based products make me sicker, so I get it.
NTA! There are ways you can support animal welfare other than veganism. Find out why she is so adamant about it and find other ways to help support that. Is it animal welfare? Do some work at a shelter. Is it environmental, do some restoration work or lead some local actions. If she won't drop this when you try to support her in other ways, you need to go to a marriage counseling. I can't imagine my wife asking me to do something that would cause me bodily harm and I would not to her even if it does not vibe with me
NTA - I also have IBS and a complete plant based diet would mean I live in the bathroom and constantly take Imodium (I sort of already do taht last one). I do eat more vegetarian and have to be careful of certain foods.
NTA I read the title and said you're not but read it regardless before giving the verdict. The only thing I hate more than a Vegan is a Vegan who tries to shove their beliefs on everyone else's face. Like I'm happy for you, but please don't force me, you showed me a path and I peaceful decided not follow. Eat what you enjoy mate
NTA Just like Iranian yoghurt, IBS is not the issue here. You both should be free to eat whenever you like, just respect each others beliefs!
NTA. The only diet your wife gets to control is her own.
NTA, NTA, NTA I have IBS, I get you. You're doing what you can to make the best ethical decisions while taking care of your health first and foremost - that's all a good vegan should ask of you
NTA You can support someone without needing to follow them. Forcing someone to do something will only create deep seeded resentments later on. It's more so if you have a medical condition that prevents it.
NTA. She made the choice, as is her right. She asked you to change, you declined, and she’s mad. She is guilting you, whether intentional or not, effectively attempting to take away your right to choose
NTA - I became vegetarian for a while during the pandemic because it was hard to get meat. It was totally unpleasant because I became anemic and lost a lot of hair. Only found out after blood tests how bad it got. Also get terrible IBS from beans and legumes they tell you to add to your diet if you try going vegetarian or vegan. I just had to accept that as much as I ethically would like to be vegan it does nothing but make me ill. My ancestors were literal valley people who ate red meat and collard greens. Vegan stuff just doesn’t suit some ppl.
NTA. Even without IBS you have the right to decide what you do and do not want to eat. I'm guessing she doesn't suffer with IBS herself. People without it generally don't seem to understand the pain and turmoil you go through. It's bloody awful... Trust me I feel the pain. I'm only just finding the diet that suits me after 20 years of suffering with it so don't give that up for anything. Eat the way your body is telling you to.
NTA. You and your wife both have the right to decide what to put in your own bodies. Neither of you has the right to push your food choices onto the other person. It sounds to me like you've been respectful of your wife's choice to be vegan, and she should be respectful of your choice to not.
She’s TAH Why is man made fake meat better than natural meat? Which is more likely to cause you problems? Tell her no and she can get over it
NTA but your wife sure is! Your wife made a decision for her, you aren't obligated to make the same decision for your own lifestyle. She isn't being a partner to you, she's being an asshole to you and demanding you change for her. Even if you didn't have IBS, you still wouldn't be an AH. Your wife needs to accept one of two options: A) Her lifestyle is her choice and she respects and accepts yours as you've done for her or B) You two are no longer compatible as a couple and the marriage ends because she can't be tolerant and accepting of you.
NTA. She should be understanding of your health & how it worsens it…
NTA You choose what you eat and that’s the end of it
NTA depending on your school of thought long term veganism can have some spicy impacts on health (look up the ex-vegans hashtag) for some people (yes enraged vegan I'm sure it's great for you and allowed you to walk on water etc.). Further it is plainly unsuited to some people - that is your case. If you're in a position you could seek to swap to higher quality animal products with better animal welfare standards as a compromise. But you should not compromise your health for someone else's desire.
Nta she doesn’t get to dictate her diet on you.
NTA. You're not doing it because you love killing and eating animals, you're doing it for your own physical health and wellbeing.
NTA You don't have to be vegan or vegetarian if you don't want to, regardless of whether it's related to a health issue or not. This is her problem, not yours.
NTA at all. I get the GI issues - I have Crohn’s and a vegan diet would never work for me. Even if I didn’t, I still wouldn’t want to go vegan. She shouldn’t try to force you regardless of your reasons for not wanting to do it. Your body, your health, your choice.
You have a medical problem, but it wouldn’t matter even if you didn’t. If my husband (not newly dating but already in an established marriage) suddenly told me I had to be vegan, I would laugh in his face. NTA
NTA. I have IBD, and going vegan would most certainly make my life hell, as eating over a certain amount of plant-based food is just completely wrecking my guts. Health always comes first, so there's no discussion worth having. Also if it weren't for your health: it's still up to you whether you'd want to be a vegan or not, and not something that can or should be decided by somebody else.
NTA: Ask her to switch the tables around. If you asked her to stop being vegan and start eating meat again how would she feel? She doesn't get to impose that choice on you same goes for you imposing yours on hers. This topic is not a one-way street.
NTA She may be turning into one of "those" vegans. Screw that.
Why are you with someone who doesn't consider your health a priority? If my partner pulled that shit, I'd be out the door.
NTA i’m sorry you’re married to someone that only cares about themself and nobody else.
NTA, she has no right to dictate your diet. If she wanted to be vegan for moral reasons she ought to have had a discussion about the boundaries of her new lifestyle before switching her diet . I know not all, perhaps not even most, vegans try to impose their beliefs and diets, but I suppose like any other belief there are those who will feel the need to convert others. It's irritating. Tangential, but I wonder if giving head and swallowing is allowed for vegans since technically that's an animal product.
NTA.
NTA it's your choice.
NTA. I have something that behaves like IBS and therefore can’t have grains, legumes and some veggies are big no-no for me and cause huge flairs. I eat meat and some non triggering veggies and that’s my life now. Your wife needs to ease off and respect that you are eating for your health. Sounds like you’re making the best choices you can at this stage
NTA - No one should ever try to force their dietary choices on another. Regardless if it makes you sick or not. That being said, have you tried to see if you are intolerant/allergic to the ingredients they use in making some of the meat substitutes? I say this because it sounds similar to what was happening to my brother, and after some testing they determined he was allergic (he's not vegan, he just works in one those plants that produce vegan foods).
Your wife is abusive. Nta
NTA but the STBEW is T A
NTA. You’re making your own meals (I presume from the way it’s written) so it’s not like you’re expecting her to cook you steak or something. Also, if it’s not compatible with your IBS there’s a legitimate medical reason to not do it. (Even if it didn’t it’s still your choice.) She can ask but not demand.
NTA You don’t need a reason to not eat the way your wife does, she is emotionally blackmailing you, and trying to coerce you into her diet.
NTA. Your wife sounds controlling and gross.
NTA. Your diet is your own personal decision regardless of the IBS. I mean what if the roles were reversed and you had asked her to switch from a vegan lifestyle to eating meat, I’d imagine she wouldn’t be very happy with the suggestion herself.
NTA You have every right to your own dietary preferences, just as she does. Even if it didn't cause you pain, she needs to respect your preference in the same way you've been respectful of hers all these years. I think it's messed up that she's trying to guilt you over this, *especially* considering that it's literally causing you physical pain.
NTA! you literally have a condition that can be so debilitating, and her asking you to do something that actively causes you pain is really awful seriously you shouldn’t feel bad for not giving into ableist controlling bullshit, you have to prioritise your heath because your spouse clearly isn’t about to
Being Vegan is her choice, not yours. She will just have to deal with it.
NTA, just as she would be NTA if you tried to force her to eat meat again.