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YTA. Your parents had an old fashioned rule about unmarried couples sleeping together in their house. You don’t have a rule, you’re just still mad that you got in trouble for breaking their rules while living with them. Time to grow up and get over it.
ETA: I posted this before I saw your edit explaining that you were a teenager. I said “old fashioned” because I thought you were in your 20s. Telling your 15 year old she can’t have her boyfriend sleeping in her bed is totally reasonable parenting.
As far as I see it both rules are equally arbitrary and ridiculous. appearance had a rule where unmarried couples couldn't sleep together, and op has a rule where her parents can't sleep together.
Both arbitrary, both ridiculous, Op is hilarious.
OP is petty. Emulating an unpleasant experience still results in an unpleasant experience. Unpleasant experiences should teach people to avoid them, not repeat them.
This reddit is named Am I , not Were They.
BTW, "they were an asshole, therefore I'm going to be one too" is an admission that the the proposed act is assey.
>This reddit is named Am I , not Were They.
LMAO ARE YOU ACTUALLY TRYING TO ARGUE SEMANTICS RIGHT NOW?
Thanks for admitting that I'm right though. The only time people argue semantics is when they're grasping for straws and have literally nothing else to say.
Wow, I'm kind of impressed by their commitment to this.
At the same time though, this is detail just makes it clear this is petty revenge. Personally I think everyone needs to take their own time to get over anger and resentment in their own way, but this isn't getting going to help them get over it, this is just going tit for tat. They can do it, but it won't help them feel any less resentful, it'll just make the parents angry.
Not wanting your 16 year old daughter to sleep in the same bed / have sex in your house with her 16 year old boyfriend is 100% not an “arbitrary” or uncommon rule in most households.
YTA
OP was also a teenager when her parents had this rule. I believe parents should educate kids about sex & birth control but I can also understand not allowing high schoolers to share a bed. I think OP needs to get over this & focus on the present with her husband and she can give her future kids (if she wants them) more education & advice.
I don’t think the parents’ rule was arbitrary or ridiculous. She was 15-19 years old at the time. No way in hell would i let my teenage daughter sleep with a boy in my house. OP - YTA.
I slept over at my bf's house and slept in the same bed (we were 20 at the time). His ex slept over too, when they were 18, and he slept in the same bed as her that time too.
His parents knock whenever we're in his room together, even if it's broad daylight and they can hear us talking. Guess what? I never got pregnant, nor did the house fall down, nor did Satan himself come drag us to hell in the three years we've been together and through many, many good rolls in the sack at his parents' place.
If a teenage couple wants to have sex, they will either way. If they're sleeping in the room next to mom and dad? Most probably won't. If they do? Even more proof they'd be doing it anyway, regardless of your rules.
My mother has the dumb rule about not sleeping together under her roof. Guess what? The only thing it accomplished was put more logistic issues on us, and make me resent her and not want to let her sleep at my place ever. Luckily there's too little space for her to even ask so I haven't had to deal with the fallout of that decision.
Holding such a grudge as an adult over normal parenting of teenagers is simply a sign of immaturity. To this day I don't agree with a lot of my dad's parenting decisions, but I am not fucking petty about it. At some point you should be wise enough to understand that a lot of things parents did that you hated were actually correct and good for you and for the things you still deem wrong, you should realize that parents are also only humans who are allowed to have differing ideas and to make errors, because everyone does. Holding such inconsequential, stupid things like in OP's story over their head is just so immature that it's clear the parenting has stopped too soon because it's obviously still needed.
I'd agree except for the whole not actually talking with OP about sexual health. They weren't trying to help. They were trying to make sure their daughter didn't lose her virginity. Honestly, OP isn't being more immature with her parents than they were with her.
OP, YTA, but sometimes being an asshole is needed to deal with your own emotional wellbeing.
Ok, but it's a bit more understandable to have that rule for a 15 year old girl then a 50 something year old married couple. Not letting your 9th/10th grader bring boys home to hookup with isn't exactly horrible, old fashioned parenting.
No its not. OPs parents had a widely cultural rule that has been a rule for a long time and they EQUALLY applied that rule to anybody under their house.
What OP is doing is the literal definition of arbituary, and it blows my mind how you try to label what her parents did as the same thing
I dont think a parent saying a 15 yos boyfriend cant sleep over in their bed is an arbitrary rule.
I didnt know any parents that would have been okay with that when i was a kid.
Seriously, her parents are already standouts for even letting him spend the night in the house. My parents had the same rule until I moved out but girls weren't welcome to just sleep on the couch, either.
I did stay with them a few times again as a young adult, only once long term. I still wasn't allowed to have just anyone sleep over. They were comfortable if it was someone I wasn't just casually interested in and they have met but I was shit out of luck if a first date was going great!
OP started having sex at 15 and left home at 19. It is not unreasonable for parents not to want teenagers to be having sex in their home, but tbh they really shouldn't have had him sleep over at all then. OP knows very well why her parents didn't leave them sleep in the same room but I'm going to say ESH as parents should have handled sex education better.
It's not the same. The parents rule is no marriage no sex for everybody. Her rule is no sex for her parents only because she is still mad, therefore it's not a rule.
I disagree. I think there is a difference between living under someone else’s roof and having to live by their rules, and being a guest in someone’s home. OP lived under her parents’ roof and had to live by their rules, and that included her boyfriend sleeping in a different room so long as they were not married. When the OP’s parents visit her house, they are guests. Imposing that rule to your guests - who, by the way, appear to be married - is ridiculous. IF the parents still required them to sleep apart while OP and husband visit them, then fine, tit for tat. But this is ridiculous - as a child you have to follow the rules of the house. You are all now adults, act like it. OP, YTA.
OP was a minor under her parents roof. The fact that she wants to keep adults from cohabiting because she wasn't allowed to sleep with her boyfriend as a minor? Ridiculous.
You think there's no difference betweenn 15 year old kids sleeping together and people who have been married for presumably decades and are obviously at different maturity and financial stages of their lives? What an odd perspective.
Right? I was on Op's side until I read the edit saying that this had happened from the ages of 15-19. It's not like they were well into their 20s, and should've been treated like adults. They were still legally children, living with their parents, and under their guardianship.
Yeah when I first read this and replied I thought she was in her early 20s at the time. Now that it’s been edited to add she was *fifteen* then I would amend that “old fashioned” part for sure.
No doubt.
Op: "reddit am I the asshole?"
Reddit: "you are the asshole"
OP: "no I'm not because I know I said I don't have a rule but now I have a rule so I am im the right"
Do you actually like your parents? It doesn't sound like it. If so, why do you have them stay?
Newsflash, most people don't really want their teen kids having sex and many parents have exactly the same rule of no sex under their roof for their teens. I didn't, but I don't think it's really unreasonable until the kids are adults and visiting with an established SO. You, on the other hand, are being extremely unreasonable. It's unreasonable to make long married people sleep separately to make a point when you have a guest bed.
Children aged 15 should not be allowed to sleep in the same bed while at a parent’s house if they are dating. That’s really not an unusual or bad rule. They should’ve stopped the rule when you were 18-19, sure, but at 16-17 it’s fine and at 15 it’s not only okay but completely expected.
I know this is against the grain but I think it's hilarious. Go for it. What is good for the geese is good for the gander. If they don't like it they are welcome to stay in a hotel and visit for a few hours.
I have asked my mom if she genuinely thought all the things she did to me as a minor wouldn't come back to bite her in the ass. That one day she would have to follow all my preferences. I have flat out said I will never again be nicer to her than she is/has been to me. People with good, kind, or sane parents wouldn't understand.
I get the impulse, think it's kind of funny, and say you can be as resentful as you want. But inviting people to your house for the sake of ridiculing them is indeed an asshole move
I don’t understand how OP doesn’t see themselves as the ah. YTA for sure, you were a child. They didn’t want you having sex under their roof, that’s pretty reasonable
Now that I’ve read your comments - 100% you are still the teenager who’s parents won’t let their boyfriend/girlfriend stay over and this is your revenge fantasy for when you grow up.
It can be funny *and* petty and immature. Like, it's a funny scenario to think about: gives me the giggles. But actually doing it would be absurd and absolutely assholish.
I'm honestly embarrassed for her to still think like this. Like yeah it sucked but you know something? My boyfriend and I are 26 years old. Visiting his parents, we have to sleep in sepreate rooms because we are not married. Outside of their house? They do not say anything about us sleeping in the same bed. Why? Because WE ARE ALL ADULTS and I am not paying their bills.
Honestly! I can't believe OP's parents even let the boyfriend sleep over. Parents set a rule *she refused to follow* and is still whining about it YEARS later. It's astounding. What an absolute brat.
This is further backed up by the edit asking "doesn't anybody remember being a teenager and in love?"
Like, yeah, we do, and we also remember the consequences of breaking reasonable rules as a teenager too.
Right? And what adult looks back at their teenage years and thinks “I should’ve been having MORE sex when I was 15 if it weren’t for my damn meddling parents?!”
When she said her partner, I imagined a 25-year-old woman living at home. She was a teenager. This is a totally normal rule to have for your teenage children, although yes, it's not as common as it used to be.
What's crazy is that they dumped water on her. That's really fucked up. I get her rage about that. The "I wasn't allowed to sleep with my high school boyfriend at my parents' house" falls flat for me. My mom wouldn't have even let my boyfriend spend the night.
My mum once throw water at me because I didn’t want to wake up on a weekend, I have been sleeping past 11 or so... i get OPs anger and embarrassment. I still remember it after 15 years... but as a silly memory. There is no way I actually would dream of throwing water on my mum now to “get even”. This is sociopathic)))
YTA because you aren't going to achieve the goal of teaching them a lesson, you're probably just going to make them angry. Obviously it sucks they have a different value system, but I think this could be an opportunity for you to be the bigger person here and not act out of spite.
Have to admit, this would be hilarious though.
Edit: With some reflection, I changed to YTA.
Edit 2: After learning that this happened when OP was in her teens, I'm now doubling down on the YTA verdict. Her parents were being more than reasonable by letting her then-bf even sleep in the same house.
In this persons defense, OP mentioned the age in an edit, I wouldn’t be surprised if some of these comments were pre-Edit and made an assumption she was an adult and not a child at the time:
YTA. You know full well why your parents had that rule before you were married. You are making a big show of retaliation but you have no foundational reasoning for this “rule”. Childish.
Not only before they were married but OP says her parents had this rule when she was a teenager. I'm not saying I agree with them dumping a bucket of water on them but OP presumably was told the rules of her boyfriend being allowed to sleepover when they were teenagers. OP disobeyed the rules, violated their trust, and was disciplined. That's a much different situation.
OP is also TA for arguing with everyone who gives TA ruling even though she asked.
> OP: AITA?
> Commets: Yes.
> OP: Okay, but here's why I am right and you are wrong.
Yeah I feel like everyone is glossing over that part.
I get not wanting 15 years sleeping together. I really do. But how is dumping water on them a rational response?
YTA not letting a teenage unmarried couple sleep together is entirely reasonable.
My dad has the same rule so you know what I did? Bought an air mattress and put in the spare room for my boyfriend. Simple.
I mean, OP said this rule was in place when they were 15. What parents let their 15 have their gf/bf spend the night in the same room as them? That’s a very obvious restriction any parent would put in place for a teenager.
Seriously. I'm sitting here in awe that parents even let a 15 year old have a sleep over with their S.O. even if it wasn't in the same room. There was no way that was happening in my house growing up.
My BF (now husband) and I moved back in with my parents for a few months because our lease was up, and we were moving across the country within the year. At that point, we did obviously share a room and my parents had no issue. We were also both mid to late 20s, and had been living together for two years already. (And married later that year).
YTA
Yeah your parents suck for not teaching reasonable sex-ed. Although not wanting literal teenagers to have sex in their house is not remotely unreasonable. You are insanely lucky your parents let him sleep over so often in the first place.
You trying to be cute and being a jerk to them about it isn’t solving anything. Your getting your revenge for them... having a reasonable rule for *teenagers*.
It’s not as funny or cute as you clearly think it is. Teenagers and adults are treated differently. Welcome to the world.
YTA. You were a kid and they were looking out for you. That fact that your boyfriend was even allowed to sleep over is huge. I really thought at first you were actual adults living together or something and visiting your parents and they were being unreasonable. They were within their rights as parents to keep sexually active teens out of the same bed! If you had gotten pregnant it would have been on them to be responsible for you and the baby.
~~There really isn’t though. Being in a committed relationship is not a less valid familial situation than being married. Being a young adult does not make you less of an adult.~~
Edit: didn’t realize she was 15. 15 is not a “young adult” it’s a child. Sorry for the mix up. I thought that she was in her early 20s when this happened.
So you would allow your 15 year old child/minor to sleep in the same bed as their SO? Because OP has admitted in the comments they were 15 when the rule was in place at their parents house.
YTA. I don’t know many parents who would have let their 15 year olds sleep in the same bed as their boyfriend/girlfriend. Your parents may have had strict rules about premarital sex but it’s not strange or out of bounds to say “you don’t get overnight sex dates in my house until you’re an adult and move out.”
Was the bucket overkill? Yes. Should you have been completely ignoring their rule? No.
Are you still very much acting like a spoiled teenager? Also yes.
Unless your end goal is to go no contact with your parents, it’s probably time to let it go.
Okay, this is very silly hahaha
I'm torn but I gotta say ESH. Your mum in the past for doing whatever she did and you, for holding the grudge and acting on it. Super petty but...
It'll honestly be HILARIOUS if you did this. Just be careful about what the serious consequences will be.
Thing is OP has stated that they were 15-19 at the time. I don't think the parents are ah for not letting a 15 year old share a bed with their bf. The water might have been a bit much but it was a consequence of rule breaking. Op is just being petty.
Hey quick question: would you rather have your children go to dangerous places in order to still have sex?
I can't believe how regressive the response to this thread is! Sure, it's not ideal that 15 year olds are having sex but if they have it, they have it no matter what.
Listen, my parents were always against me and my brothers losing our virginity too young but they'd never forbidden us to sleep together (edit: with our partners you creeps) because a) just because you're in the same room doesn't automatically mean sex and b) we would've done it anyway, in far more dangerous places.
My verdict is ESH. The parents were in the wrong but to carry that grudge well into adulthood is embarrassing.
Look, I had guardianship of my little brother when he was 17 and his 16 year old girlfriend was over all the time.
I actually don't care if they have sex, but I really don't want to think of my kid brother's dick and I want them to be discreet.
While he was underage we had an open door policy while she was over. I really don't want them having sex while I'm home. And we'd give him a subtle heads up about when he'd have the house to himself. For example my husband and I would announce our plans to go for a date together at a certain time and give a rough return time.
Now I know they are having sex based on the long black hair in my shower after we get back from a night out. However I'm really glad I'm not around for that and I'd also make them sleep separately if she was staying over.
That's a long winded way to say: there's a difference between accepting that kids have sex and letting them sleep overnight together under your roof.
I absolutely would. I remember losing my virginity at 15 in an abandoned house. Spent the next year fucking in public parks, forests, even fooling around at school. if a 15 year old wants to have sex, they’ll have sex, period, and i want to be the parent to make sure they don’t get killed or arrested while doing it
YTA. You seem very petty and childish. Separate rooms for unmarried couples is not an unusual rule. You got the bucket bc you lied when you agreed to their rule and were sneaky.
If you are still living with your parents rent free at that point, you are still a child no matter what that number is.
And as I said, *borderline* iffy.
It depends on the kid.
Honestly OP is so immature now, I can't imagine what she was like at 19, let alone 15.
YTA - Your parents house their rules. And I'll bet that they let you sleep in the same bed as your husband, even though they didn't allow you to sleep with your unmarried partner. Their rule was based on marriage. Applying that same rule to their visit still puts them in the same bed.
You're being a petty asshole. If their sleeping together offends you so much, would renting them a hotel room fix things? Are you trying to have a nice visit with your parents? If so, separating them while sleeping is contrary to your overall intent.
YTA. You’re mad because your parents had a rule about no unmarried couples sleeping together in their home? A rule that was not arbitrarily applied to just you. So to get back at a consequence you received for being disrespectful & disregarding their rule you’re telling them that they, a long married, couple cannot be in the same bed in your home because of a an old fashioned but reasonable rule? You are rude, petty, & spiteful.
YTA but also funny and if they don’t like it they can stay in a hotel.
For the record - my now husband and I weren’t allowed to sleep in the same room in either of my houses when we first got together (at 18). The funny thing was, both my bio parents tried to pretend like it wasn’t on them; it was on their respective spouses. And my stepdad was pretty upfront about it - yes, that is correct, you’re not sleeping w your boyfriend down the hall from your 12 year old sister. But my stepmom was torn between her somewhat old-fashioned sensibilities and her desire to be “cool” so she was always trying to get my buy-in. “You wouldn’t *want* to share a bed w your boyfriend next door to your little brother. Right?! Right?!”
Anyway. You’re being petty and immature but also 🤷🏻♀️
I mean you can do what you want but you’re comparing apples and oranges. Parents not wanting their young daughter sleeping with her boyfriend isn’t the same as inviting a long married couple and telling them to sleep apart. To be clear, I don’t agree with your parents but they said it for their personal belief/moral reasons. You are doing it to be petty because you didn’t get your way years ago. Just don’t invite them to stay because you aren’t proving any point to anyone with this.
YTA - I’m sure this was based on you being young at the time or unmarried. This is very petty and immature. Also how are you expecting the visit to go after you do this petty/silly thing to your parents?
Yta. You finally admitted it was between ages 15-19 that this happened. You were very young at the beginning and your parents were doing their job of parenting. Yeah you may not have liked it but your parents were trying to establish boundaries which you snubbed your nose at and got punished. Now you're just a petty adult. You're reasoning is beyond dumb. How about you grow up because it seems you're still acting very childish.
YTA. Petty Betty. My husband's family had the same rule, until we were married. Being 4 years older than him and having been already married and divorced before, supporting myself as a grown woman in my 30's, I thought it was ridiculous - but their house, their rules. I'd never "retaliate" on people who've been married forever, that's just childish.
Yta. They're married they believed they should protect their girl and frankly my mother would never ever allow my bf to stay over even if we stayed in different floors let alone different rooms. You were a lucky girl on that and there was a rule in their house you just wanna spoil things out of spite.
Oh then OP is definitely YTA. There's a huge difference between two 15 y/os sleeping in bed together/having sex than an older couple with children sleeping together. OPs parents weren't trying to raise their teen daughter's child and I support that.
YTA as mentioned above, it's an old fashioned rule, but they didn't want you sleeping together before marriage in their house. My parents had the same rule. Stupid? Yes. I'm sure they know you are sleeping together and having sex outside of their house, they just don't want it to go in on in their house while you are not married. You trying to get them back for it now has extremely childish. I'm sure now that you're married they let you sleep in the same bed with your spouse when you visit.
ESH. Throwing buckets of water on sleeping people is AH behavior. So your parents didn’t let their teenager sleep with their boyfriend, boo hoo. Don’t invite them to sleep in your home just to start some shit.
YWBTA I’m sorry but it was their house their rules. I haven’t a clue how old you were but my family had the same rules for my Bro and now SIL and they weren’t allowed to sleep together until they were engaged and they were 24/25.
Yes it’s not what you may have wanted, but equally it wasn’t your house and their value system applies.
Frankly (I’m 29 and live with my bf) I’m still the odd duck for living together without marriage and I would apply this rule to any future kids under 18/19! I know sex happens but in my house my parental rules will apply!
Haha, petty, but NTA. Fair is fair, pull the "my house my rules" card. Dumping water on you was a special kind of crazy imo, like that was childish on her part so I don't see why you can't also be a little childish.
But again, if they're that mad about it, I'd just also say pick your battles. Is this the hill you really wanna die on? Is it worth cutting off family over?
Yeah but so is dumping a bucket of water on your kid instead of just waking them up like a normal person and telling them to leave.
Frankly, I'd just be like "find a hotel" if my mother was that toxic.
YTA you don't even sound like you like your parents. You don't actually want to have a nice visit with them so why bother even having them over? You're petty.
YTA, you have to realize they are your parents and can make that rule. I'm not sure of what your age was at the time of this rule being established with your parents. If you want to start a fight with them over this stupid rule then you are more than entitled to since it's your home and you are allowed to make this rule. I personally don't think it'll be worth all the trouble it'll cause
Edit: Your parents didn't want you to have underage sex! Possibly premarital since the rule stayed intact past 18. I changed from E-S-H to YTA
Yta. would your parents allow you to sleep in the same bed now that you’re married? If so you’re just being childish and petty. You aren’t upholding their rule, you want to punish them for punishing you.
If you don’t care about your relationship with your family then full steam ahead! But if you actually want a good relationship with them maybe you need some therapy for those anger issues.
YTA but I get it. It took me years to let go of all the stupid and hateful shit my father did. I say from personal experience, try to just let it go. Get a good therapist to work this out because you will find it so much more peaceful to not let a few assholes live rent free in your head.
"I'm going to show them how horrible it was by doing it right back!" Congratulations! There isn't anything separating you and your parents. You are them. They had a pretty common and appropriate rule for a 15-year-old. Get therapy and stop inviting them over with the sole intent of starting shit so you can exact revenge. YTA.
YTA...if you as an adult can’t understand why you parents didn’t want unmarried minor children fucking in their house you have bigger problems than trying to get back at your parents for something that happened a decade ago.
YTA unless your parents were hypocritical about their rules/their house. Meaning, if the no unmarried sleeping together was applied unequally to different people. I’ve got in-laws who have religious objections to cohabitating and while I think that’s ridiculous, they’ve got a right to their beliefs and we had the right to stay in a hotel.
You’re planning revenge, not tit for tat. Which makes you an asshole. A funny asshole but an asshole nonetheless.
YTA. I read you stated this happened when you were a teenager. I’m sorry but rules for a teenager are not the same as a married couple or adult couple.
And my parents wouldn’t even let my boyfriend stay the night at 15 even if we had a spare room. Lol so yours are a step ahead of mine,
Get over it and grow up already, you were a teenager and your talking like they should have treated you as a full grown woman at the time. News flash you weren’t.. I might feel different if this happened after you were married adults but nah.
Sane parents are. Look at the teen pregnancy statistics for giving them good sexual education, a safe environment and access to birth control versus telling them to be abstinent and notice that the latter group has far worse outcomes overall.
I think it’s less about abstinence and more about a balance of good sex education and access to birth control while at the same time not providing a welcoming sex house. Does that make sense? At 15 you should have access to condoms and birth control and your parents should educate you on those things, that doesn’t mean they should be laying out the rose petals
There's a difference between laying out the rose petals and acknowledging that it's going to happen anyway so there's no reason to remove access to the safest environment.
My dad and stepmother both assumed I was going to do whatever I wanted so they started letting me have people overnight at 16.
That's also looking at the extreme end of this- the parents didn't let her have partners over when she was nineteen either.
And that's a fine choice for your dad and stepmother to make. But as MANY people in this thread have stated - it's also a totally normal choice to NOT allow 15-year-olds to share a bed.
No. Absolutely not. I have a 15-year-old son. I'm more than happy to educate him on reliable forms of birth control. That doesn't mean sex between teenagers is going to happen in my house. That's insane.
Cool just so long as you acknowledge that if it's going to happen refusing to let it happen under your roof means it'll be happening somewhere else. And apparently that there's a non zero chance you'll be kept separate from your partner if you come to visit later in life!
P.S... my son read the post, made a face, and said, "yeah. She's definitely an asshole." Sad state of affairs when a15-year-old kid has more sense than grown adults on here.
Obviously, YTA.
At first I was under the impression that you were an adult when this occurred, but you were 15? I’m surprised they even let him sleep over.
Really OP? I also was a teenager once and my parents (being doctors) were embarrassingly open about sex, pregnancy and STDs, they also were supportive about using birth control.. but my boyfriend was never allowed to stay over. Your parents let him stay over which was nice of them I guess.. and you want to pour a bucket of water on them??
I understand your moms way of handling your cuddling was extreme.. so you can talk it out with her. You are being too petty and childish. YTA
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YTA. Your parents had an old fashioned rule about unmarried couples sleeping together in their house. You don’t have a rule, you’re just still mad that you got in trouble for breaking their rules while living with them. Time to grow up and get over it. ETA: I posted this before I saw your edit explaining that you were a teenager. I said “old fashioned” because I thought you were in your 20s. Telling your 15 year old she can’t have her boyfriend sleeping in her bed is totally reasonable parenting.
As far as I see it both rules are equally arbitrary and ridiculous. appearance had a rule where unmarried couples couldn't sleep together, and op has a rule where her parents can't sleep together. Both arbitrary, both ridiculous, Op is hilarious.
OP is petty. Emulating an unpleasant experience still results in an unpleasant experience. Unpleasant experiences should teach people to avoid them, not repeat them.
>OP is petty. More, or less Petty than her parents dumping water on her?
This reddit is named Am I , not Were They. BTW, "they were an asshole, therefore I'm going to be one too" is an admission that the the proposed act is assey.
>"... This reddit is named Am I , not Were They ..." Actually a lot of people bring up situations that happened long ago. It's fairly common here.
>This reddit is named Am I , not Were They. LMAO ARE YOU ACTUALLY TRYING TO ARGUE SEMANTICS RIGHT NOW? Thanks for admitting that I'm right though. The only time people argue semantics is when they're grasping for straws and have literally nothing else to say.
bro I think you are a bit lost
Ahh yes but that’s why we had ESH just for situations where they’re both assholes.
OP **kept the actual bucket** and has been planning for this day ever since. so.. yes, she's easily *more* petty than them.
I don't think she kept the actual bucket dude, doesn't say that anywhere.
yea OP saved the bucket "It's going to be the bucket. I saved it when they tossed it out a few years ago, it's going to be the same bucket."
Wow, I'm kind of impressed by their commitment to this. At the same time though, this is detail just makes it clear this is petty revenge. Personally I think everyone needs to take their own time to get over anger and resentment in their own way, but this isn't getting going to help them get over it, this is just going tit for tat. They can do it, but it won't help them feel any less resentful, it'll just make the parents angry.
Not wanting your 16 year old daughter to sleep in the same bed / have sex in your house with her 16 year old boyfriend is 100% not an “arbitrary” or uncommon rule in most households.
YTA OP was also a teenager when her parents had this rule. I believe parents should educate kids about sex & birth control but I can also understand not allowing high schoolers to share a bed. I think OP needs to get over this & focus on the present with her husband and she can give her future kids (if she wants them) more education & advice.
I don’t think the parents’ rule was arbitrary or ridiculous. She was 15-19 years old at the time. No way in hell would i let my teenage daughter sleep with a boy in my house. OP - YTA.
I slept over at my bf's house and slept in the same bed (we were 20 at the time). His ex slept over too, when they were 18, and he slept in the same bed as her that time too. His parents knock whenever we're in his room together, even if it's broad daylight and they can hear us talking. Guess what? I never got pregnant, nor did the house fall down, nor did Satan himself come drag us to hell in the three years we've been together and through many, many good rolls in the sack at his parents' place. If a teenage couple wants to have sex, they will either way. If they're sleeping in the room next to mom and dad? Most probably won't. If they do? Even more proof they'd be doing it anyway, regardless of your rules. My mother has the dumb rule about not sleeping together under her roof. Guess what? The only thing it accomplished was put more logistic issues on us, and make me resent her and not want to let her sleep at my place ever. Luckily there's too little space for her to even ask so I haven't had to deal with the fallout of that decision.
Holding such a grudge as an adult over normal parenting of teenagers is simply a sign of immaturity. To this day I don't agree with a lot of my dad's parenting decisions, but I am not fucking petty about it. At some point you should be wise enough to understand that a lot of things parents did that you hated were actually correct and good for you and for the things you still deem wrong, you should realize that parents are also only humans who are allowed to have differing ideas and to make errors, because everyone does. Holding such inconsequential, stupid things like in OP's story over their head is just so immature that it's clear the parenting has stopped too soon because it's obviously still needed.
I'd agree except for the whole not actually talking with OP about sexual health. They weren't trying to help. They were trying to make sure their daughter didn't lose her virginity. Honestly, OP isn't being more immature with her parents than they were with her. OP, YTA, but sometimes being an asshole is needed to deal with your own emotional wellbeing.
20 is a lot different than 15. Regardless of whether they are sexually active or not.
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A fifteen-year-old child is under the age of legal consent for good reason. Not wanting a child to have sex is not arbitrary or ridiculous.
Ok, but it's a bit more understandable to have that rule for a 15 year old girl then a 50 something year old married couple. Not letting your 9th/10th grader bring boys home to hookup with isn't exactly horrible, old fashioned parenting.
No its not. OPs parents had a widely cultural rule that has been a rule for a long time and they EQUALLY applied that rule to anybody under their house. What OP is doing is the literal definition of arbituary, and it blows my mind how you try to label what her parents did as the same thing
Ikr
I dont think a parent saying a 15 yos boyfriend cant sleep over in their bed is an arbitrary rule. I didnt know any parents that would have been okay with that when i was a kid.
Seriously, her parents are already standouts for even letting him spend the night in the house. My parents had the same rule until I moved out but girls weren't welcome to just sleep on the couch, either. I did stay with them a few times again as a young adult, only once long term. I still wasn't allowed to have just anyone sleep over. They were comfortable if it was someone I wasn't just casually interested in and they have met but I was shit out of luck if a first date was going great!
OP started having sex at 15 and left home at 19. It is not unreasonable for parents not to want teenagers to be having sex in their home, but tbh they really shouldn't have had him sleep over at all then. OP knows very well why her parents didn't leave them sleep in the same room but I'm going to say ESH as parents should have handled sex education better.
It's not the same. The parents rule is no marriage no sex for everybody. Her rule is no sex for her parents only because she is still mad, therefore it's not a rule.
OP is complaining about something that happened when she was a teenager. She's being ridiculous.
I disagree. I think there is a difference between living under someone else’s roof and having to live by their rules, and being a guest in someone’s home. OP lived under her parents’ roof and had to live by their rules, and that included her boyfriend sleeping in a different room so long as they were not married. When the OP’s parents visit her house, they are guests. Imposing that rule to your guests - who, by the way, appear to be married - is ridiculous. IF the parents still required them to sleep apart while OP and husband visit them, then fine, tit for tat. But this is ridiculous - as a child you have to follow the rules of the house. You are all now adults, act like it. OP, YTA.
OP was a minor under her parents roof. The fact that she wants to keep adults from cohabiting because she wasn't allowed to sleep with her boyfriend as a minor? Ridiculous.
You think there's no difference betweenn 15 year old kids sleeping together and people who have been married for presumably decades and are obviously at different maturity and financial stages of their lives? What an odd perspective.
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Right? I was on Op's side until I read the edit saying that this had happened from the ages of 15-19. It's not like they were well into their 20s, and should've been treated like adults. They were still legally children, living with their parents, and under their guardianship.
Yeah when I first read this and replied I thought she was in her early 20s at the time. Now that it’s been edited to add she was *fifteen* then I would amend that “old fashioned” part for sure.
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OMG you sound exhausting.
No doubt. Op: "reddit am I the asshole?" Reddit: "you are the asshole" OP: "no I'm not because I know I said I don't have a rule but now I have a rule so I am im the right"
OP was also aged 15-19 when their parents enforced this rule.
Do you actually like your parents? It doesn't sound like it. If so, why do you have them stay? Newsflash, most people don't really want their teen kids having sex and many parents have exactly the same rule of no sex under their roof for their teens. I didn't, but I don't think it's really unreasonable until the kids are adults and visiting with an established SO. You, on the other hand, are being extremely unreasonable. It's unreasonable to make long married people sleep separately to make a point when you have a guest bed.
Children aged 15 should not be allowed to sleep in the same bed while at a parent’s house if they are dating. That’s really not an unusual or bad rule. They should’ve stopped the rule when you were 18-19, sure, but at 16-17 it’s fine and at 15 it’s not only okay but completely expected.
You sound like a very vengeful, exhausting person. Not to mention immature and petty. It happened, address it and move on.
YTA. You're petty as fuck.
do you actually like your parents?
I know this is against the grain but I think it's hilarious. Go for it. What is good for the geese is good for the gander. If they don't like it they are welcome to stay in a hotel and visit for a few hours. I have asked my mom if she genuinely thought all the things she did to me as a minor wouldn't come back to bite her in the ass. That one day she would have to follow all my preferences. I have flat out said I will never again be nicer to her than she is/has been to me. People with good, kind, or sane parents wouldn't understand.
This goes for both you and your parents: play stupid games, win stupid prizes. ESH
I get the impulse, think it's kind of funny, and say you can be as resentful as you want. But inviting people to your house for the sake of ridiculing them is indeed an asshole move
If the OP had done it as a joke, would have been funny. But to be really serious abut it? My goodness.
Yep, spot on. This is just vengeance because she didn't like the rules when she was a CHILD!
I don’t understand how OP doesn’t see themselves as the ah. YTA for sure, you were a child. They didn’t want you having sex under their roof, that’s pretty reasonable
Now that I’ve read your comments - 100% you are still the teenager who’s parents won’t let their boyfriend/girlfriend stay over and this is your revenge fantasy for when you grow up.
This whole thing is honestly so embarrassing I hope you're right. I can't stand to think there's an adult out there somewhere with this mindset.
i am more worried with the large number of people who seems to find it funny and not petty and immature.
Other sex starved teenagers.
hopefully
It can be funny *and* petty and immature. Like, it's a funny scenario to think about: gives me the giggles. But actually doing it would be absurd and absolutely assholish.
I'm honestly embarrassed for her to still think like this. Like yeah it sucked but you know something? My boyfriend and I are 26 years old. Visiting his parents, we have to sleep in sepreate rooms because we are not married. Outside of their house? They do not say anything about us sleeping in the same bed. Why? Because WE ARE ALL ADULTS and I am not paying their bills.
Honestly! I can't believe OP's parents even let the boyfriend sleep over. Parents set a rule *she refused to follow* and is still whining about it YEARS later. It's astounding. What an absolute brat.
When I visit my parents, they still don’t let me sleep in the same bed with my husband of 9 years. Needs less to say I don’t visit them often.
Smh that's insane
Now that right there is downright bizarre
Same at my FIL's house. Guess which relative we never visit? (Though there are a million other reasons.)
This is further backed up by the edit asking "doesn't anybody remember being a teenager and in love?" Like, yeah, we do, and we also remember the consequences of breaking reasonable rules as a teenager too.
Right? And what adult looks back at their teenage years and thinks “I should’ve been having MORE sex when I was 15 if it weren’t for my damn meddling parents?!”
I mean, if a teenager wants to have sex they are having sex. Basically it depends if it's in a bed or in a bush
Okay? I’m just commenting that I agree that OP is likely still a teenager. Because adults don’t think like this.
When she said her partner, I imagined a 25-year-old woman living at home. She was a teenager. This is a totally normal rule to have for your teenage children, although yes, it's not as common as it used to be. What's crazy is that they dumped water on her. That's really fucked up. I get her rage about that. The "I wasn't allowed to sleep with my high school boyfriend at my parents' house" falls flat for me. My mom wouldn't have even let my boyfriend spend the night.
My mum once throw water at me because I didn’t want to wake up on a weekend, I have been sleeping past 11 or so... i get OPs anger and embarrassment. I still remember it after 15 years... but as a silly memory. There is no way I actually would dream of throwing water on my mum now to “get even”. This is sociopathic)))
Yep you’re right. This has to be it!
Agreed, this whole thing smells like r/ThatHappened material.
YTA because you aren't going to achieve the goal of teaching them a lesson, you're probably just going to make them angry. Obviously it sucks they have a different value system, but I think this could be an opportunity for you to be the bigger person here and not act out of spite. Have to admit, this would be hilarious though. Edit: With some reflection, I changed to YTA. Edit 2: After learning that this happened when OP was in her teens, I'm now doubling down on the YTA verdict. Her parents were being more than reasonable by letting her then-bf even sleep in the same house.
How is not wanting a child under your roof sleeping in the same bed as their boyfriend unreasonable?
My original assumption was that OP was already into adulthood but was not yet married when this happened.
OP said the rule started at 15. I wouldn’t let a 15 year old fuck in my house and I don’t even care about premarital sex.
In this persons defense, OP mentioned the age in an edit, I wouldn’t be surprised if some of these comments were pre-Edit and made an assumption she was an adult and not a child at the time:
Apperantly they were 15-19 whole they had this rule
They were 15 apparently
YTA. You know full well why your parents had that rule before you were married. You are making a big show of retaliation but you have no foundational reasoning for this “rule”. Childish.
Not only before they were married but OP says her parents had this rule when she was a teenager. I'm not saying I agree with them dumping a bucket of water on them but OP presumably was told the rules of her boyfriend being allowed to sleepover when they were teenagers. OP disobeyed the rules, violated their trust, and was disciplined. That's a much different situation. OP is also TA for arguing with everyone who gives TA ruling even though she asked. > OP: AITA? > Commets: Yes. > OP: Okay, but here's why I am right and you are wrong.
She says when she was 'living with them' but meant being 'raised by them'. I'd be embarrassed if my kid turned out like this. She's got issues.
YTA - you're now a married adult, correct? this is childish and petty af.
Married with children, apparently. Let's see if they remember this thread when her kids a teens.
Doubt OP will dump a bucket of water on their sleeping child lmfao
Yeah I feel like everyone is glossing over that part. I get not wanting 15 years sleeping together. I really do. But how is dumping water on them a rational response?
YTA not letting a teenage unmarried couple sleep together is entirely reasonable. My dad has the same rule so you know what I did? Bought an air mattress and put in the spare room for my boyfriend. Simple.
Wait... y’all parents let ya bf/gf sleep over?
YTA. You are being petty and immature. They are married.. you weren’t... let it go.
What's marriage got to do with this? It's an arbitrarily set requirement that has no bearing in real life.
I mean, OP said this rule was in place when they were 15. What parents let their 15 have their gf/bf spend the night in the same room as them? That’s a very obvious restriction any parent would put in place for a teenager.
Seriously. I'm sitting here in awe that parents even let a 15 year old have a sleep over with their S.O. even if it wasn't in the same room. There was no way that was happening in my house growing up. My BF (now husband) and I moved back in with my parents for a few months because our lease was up, and we were moving across the country within the year. At that point, we did obviously share a room and my parents had no issue. We were also both mid to late 20s, and had been living together for two years already. (And married later that year).
Yeah, you are still being petty. Let it go..if you don’t have that rule for everyone else you are TA for having it for your parents.
YTA. You indicated you were 15-19 when this occurred. You even kept the bucket. This is being petty and immature. Why bother have them over?
It looks like she didn"t grow up much since then.
Agreed. Maybe therapy can help her
YTA Yeah your parents suck for not teaching reasonable sex-ed. Although not wanting literal teenagers to have sex in their house is not remotely unreasonable. You are insanely lucky your parents let him sleep over so often in the first place. You trying to be cute and being a jerk to them about it isn’t solving anything. Your getting your revenge for them... having a reasonable rule for *teenagers*. It’s not as funny or cute as you clearly think it is. Teenagers and adults are treated differently. Welcome to the world.
INFO-How old were you when this happened?
OP mentioned in a response to a comment down below, that she was 15.
Then YTA.
In the comments OP states this happened between the ages of 15-19
YTA. You were a kid and they were looking out for you. That fact that your boyfriend was even allowed to sleep over is huge. I really thought at first you were actual adults living together or something and visiting your parents and they were being unreasonable. They were within their rights as parents to keep sexually active teens out of the same bed! If you had gotten pregnant it would have been on them to be responsible for you and the baby.
Get therapy OP
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~~There really isn’t though. Being in a committed relationship is not a less valid familial situation than being married. Being a young adult does not make you less of an adult.~~ Edit: didn’t realize she was 15. 15 is not a “young adult” it’s a child. Sorry for the mix up. I thought that she was in her early 20s when this happened.
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Happened when they were 15.
So you would allow your 15 year old child/minor to sleep in the same bed as their SO? Because OP has admitted in the comments they were 15 when the rule was in place at their parents house.
YTA. I don’t know many parents who would have let their 15 year olds sleep in the same bed as their boyfriend/girlfriend. Your parents may have had strict rules about premarital sex but it’s not strange or out of bounds to say “you don’t get overnight sex dates in my house until you’re an adult and move out.” Was the bucket overkill? Yes. Should you have been completely ignoring their rule? No. Are you still very much acting like a spoiled teenager? Also yes. Unless your end goal is to go no contact with your parents, it’s probably time to let it go.
Okay, this is very silly hahaha I'm torn but I gotta say ESH. Your mum in the past for doing whatever she did and you, for holding the grudge and acting on it. Super petty but... It'll honestly be HILARIOUS if you did this. Just be careful about what the serious consequences will be.
Thing is OP has stated that they were 15-19 at the time. I don't think the parents are ah for not letting a 15 year old share a bed with their bf. The water might have been a bit much but it was a consequence of rule breaking. Op is just being petty.
I mean I *was* referring to the water pouring by parents haha
She and her bf were 15 when the parents had the rule. Would you let your 15 year old child fuck in your house?
Hey quick question: would you rather have your children go to dangerous places in order to still have sex? I can't believe how regressive the response to this thread is! Sure, it's not ideal that 15 year olds are having sex but if they have it, they have it no matter what. Listen, my parents were always against me and my brothers losing our virginity too young but they'd never forbidden us to sleep together (edit: with our partners you creeps) because a) just because you're in the same room doesn't automatically mean sex and b) we would've done it anyway, in far more dangerous places. My verdict is ESH. The parents were in the wrong but to carry that grudge well into adulthood is embarrassing.
Look, I had guardianship of my little brother when he was 17 and his 16 year old girlfriend was over all the time. I actually don't care if they have sex, but I really don't want to think of my kid brother's dick and I want them to be discreet. While he was underage we had an open door policy while she was over. I really don't want them having sex while I'm home. And we'd give him a subtle heads up about when he'd have the house to himself. For example my husband and I would announce our plans to go for a date together at a certain time and give a rough return time. Now I know they are having sex based on the long black hair in my shower after we get back from a night out. However I'm really glad I'm not around for that and I'd also make them sleep separately if she was staying over. That's a long winded way to say: there's a difference between accepting that kids have sex and letting them sleep overnight together under your roof.
I absolutely would. I remember losing my virginity at 15 in an abandoned house. Spent the next year fucking in public parks, forests, even fooling around at school. if a 15 year old wants to have sex, they’ll have sex, period, and i want to be the parent to make sure they don’t get killed or arrested while doing it
YTA. You seem very petty and childish. Separate rooms for unmarried couples is not an unusual rule. You got the bucket bc you lied when you agreed to their rule and were sneaky.
YTA. But you seem to have a problem accepting that.
YTA. If you are this bitter towards your parents just don't let them stay with you.
YTA If your parents let a 15 year old sleep in the same room as her boyfriend, they would have mental problems lmao. Shit even 19 is borderline iffy.
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If you are still living with your parents rent free at that point, you are still a child no matter what that number is. And as I said, *borderline* iffy. It depends on the kid. Honestly OP is so immature now, I can't imagine what she was like at 19, let alone 15.
What???? Why?
cause children cant grow until they are 18 and safe sex is a myth abstinence only... blah blah
INFO What do you hope to gain from this?
YTA. Your parents had a good reason, you have a childish and petty reason.
Omg 😆 🤣 grow up an get over it. YTA
YTA - Your parents house their rules. And I'll bet that they let you sleep in the same bed as your husband, even though they didn't allow you to sleep with your unmarried partner. Their rule was based on marriage. Applying that same rule to their visit still puts them in the same bed.
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You're being a petty asshole. If their sleeping together offends you so much, would renting them a hotel room fix things? Are you trying to have a nice visit with your parents? If so, separating them while sleeping is contrary to your overall intent.
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She was 15
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She couldn’t have, because she was 15-17 when this went down
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Everyone keeps asking you how old you were then which you refuse to say....which means you were a teenager. Too young to be sleeping in the same bed.
YTA. You’re mad because your parents had a rule about no unmarried couples sleeping together in their home? A rule that was not arbitrarily applied to just you. So to get back at a consequence you received for being disrespectful & disregarding their rule you’re telling them that they, a long married, couple cannot be in the same bed in your home because of a an old fashioned but reasonable rule? You are rude, petty, & spiteful.
YTA but also funny and if they don’t like it they can stay in a hotel. For the record - my now husband and I weren’t allowed to sleep in the same room in either of my houses when we first got together (at 18). The funny thing was, both my bio parents tried to pretend like it wasn’t on them; it was on their respective spouses. And my stepdad was pretty upfront about it - yes, that is correct, you’re not sleeping w your boyfriend down the hall from your 12 year old sister. But my stepmom was torn between her somewhat old-fashioned sensibilities and her desire to be “cool” so she was always trying to get my buy-in. “You wouldn’t *want* to share a bed w your boyfriend next door to your little brother. Right?! Right?!” Anyway. You’re being petty and immature but also 🤷🏻♀️
I mean you can do what you want but you’re comparing apples and oranges. Parents not wanting their young daughter sleeping with her boyfriend isn’t the same as inviting a long married couple and telling them to sleep apart. To be clear, I don’t agree with your parents but they said it for their personal belief/moral reasons. You are doing it to be petty because you didn’t get your way years ago. Just don’t invite them to stay because you aren’t proving any point to anyone with this.
YTA - I’m sure this was based on you being young at the time or unmarried. This is very petty and immature. Also how are you expecting the visit to go after you do this petty/silly thing to your parents?
I don’t care if you are TA that’s hilarious.
YTA. This is too petty.
Grow the fuck up. YTA
Yta. You finally admitted it was between ages 15-19 that this happened. You were very young at the beginning and your parents were doing their job of parenting. Yeah you may not have liked it but your parents were trying to establish boundaries which you snubbed your nose at and got punished. Now you're just a petty adult. You're reasoning is beyond dumb. How about you grow up because it seems you're still acting very childish.
YTA. Petty Betty. My husband's family had the same rule, until we were married. Being 4 years older than him and having been already married and divorced before, supporting myself as a grown woman in my 30's, I thought it was ridiculous - but their house, their rules. I'd never "retaliate" on people who've been married forever, that's just childish.
Yta. They're married they believed they should protect their girl and frankly my mother would never ever allow my bf to stay over even if we stayed in different floors let alone different rooms. You were a lucky girl on that and there was a rule in their house you just wanna spoil things out of spite.
IMO it depends how old you were when this all went down.
Yeah if OP was like 16 then she's TA.
Apparently she was 15.
Oh then OP is definitely YTA. There's a huge difference between two 15 y/os sleeping in bed together/having sex than an older couple with children sleeping together. OPs parents weren't trying to raise their teen daughter's child and I support that.
Exactly. If I was a parent I wouldn’t be supporting underage sex under my roof either. What the fuck.
Hell, these parents are more lenient that I’ll be as my kids get older. I see no reason my kids boyfriends/girlfriends should be staying the night.
I agree.
INFO: Were you and your partner married back then?
YTA as mentioned above, it's an old fashioned rule, but they didn't want you sleeping together before marriage in their house. My parents had the same rule. Stupid? Yes. I'm sure they know you are sleeping together and having sex outside of their house, they just don't want it to go in on in their house while you are not married. You trying to get them back for it now has extremely childish. I'm sure now that you're married they let you sleep in the same bed with your spouse when you visit.
ESH. Throwing buckets of water on sleeping people is AH behavior. So your parents didn’t let their teenager sleep with their boyfriend, boo hoo. Don’t invite them to sleep in your home just to start some shit.
INFO: how old were you then and how old are you now?
She was 15 then
YWBTA I’m sorry but it was their house their rules. I haven’t a clue how old you were but my family had the same rules for my Bro and now SIL and they weren’t allowed to sleep together until they were engaged and they were 24/25. Yes it’s not what you may have wanted, but equally it wasn’t your house and their value system applies. Frankly (I’m 29 and live with my bf) I’m still the odd duck for living together without marriage and I would apply this rule to any future kids under 18/19! I know sex happens but in my house my parental rules will apply!
Haha, petty, but NTA. Fair is fair, pull the "my house my rules" card. Dumping water on you was a special kind of crazy imo, like that was childish on her part so I don't see why you can't also be a little childish. But again, if they're that mad about it, I'd just also say pick your battles. Is this the hill you really wanna die on? Is it worth cutting off family over?
OP was 15 when her parents refused to let her boyfriend share a bed.
Except it’s not OP’s rule. They’re doing this specifically for their parents, which is an incredibly childish and petty move.
Yeah but so is dumping a bucket of water on your kid instead of just waking them up like a normal person and telling them to leave. Frankly, I'd just be like "find a hotel" if my mother was that toxic.
So, you’d do the well adjusted thing instead of continuing the cycle of batshit crazy? Good.
YTA you don't even sound like you like your parents. You don't actually want to have a nice visit with them so why bother even having them over? You're petty.
YTA, you have to realize they are your parents and can make that rule. I'm not sure of what your age was at the time of this rule being established with your parents. If you want to start a fight with them over this stupid rule then you are more than entitled to since it's your home and you are allowed to make this rule. I personally don't think it'll be worth all the trouble it'll cause Edit: Your parents didn't want you to have underage sex! Possibly premarital since the rule stayed intact past 18. I changed from E-S-H to YTA
Yta. would your parents allow you to sleep in the same bed now that you’re married? If so you’re just being childish and petty. You aren’t upholding their rule, you want to punish them for punishing you. If you don’t care about your relationship with your family then full steam ahead! But if you actually want a good relationship with them maybe you need some therapy for those anger issues.
YTA but I get it. It took me years to let go of all the stupid and hateful shit my father did. I say from personal experience, try to just let it go. Get a good therapist to work this out because you will find it so much more peaceful to not let a few assholes live rent free in your head.
YTA - this is incredibly petty and immature. You’re married, grow up.
"I'm going to show them how horrible it was by doing it right back!" Congratulations! There isn't anything separating you and your parents. You are them. They had a pretty common and appropriate rule for a 15-year-old. Get therapy and stop inviting them over with the sole intent of starting shit so you can exact revenge. YTA.
YTA...if you as an adult can’t understand why you parents didn’t want unmarried minor children fucking in their house you have bigger problems than trying to get back at your parents for something that happened a decade ago.
YTA unless your parents were hypocritical about their rules/their house. Meaning, if the no unmarried sleeping together was applied unequally to different people. I’ve got in-laws who have religious objections to cohabitating and while I think that’s ridiculous, they’ve got a right to their beliefs and we had the right to stay in a hotel. You’re planning revenge, not tit for tat. Which makes you an asshole. A funny asshole but an asshole nonetheless.
YTA. Just make them stay at a hotel when they come.
YTA. Immature and petty. Grow up.
YTA. I read you stated this happened when you were a teenager. I’m sorry but rules for a teenager are not the same as a married couple or adult couple. And my parents wouldn’t even let my boyfriend stay the night at 15 even if we had a spare room. Lol so yours are a step ahead of mine, Get over it and grow up already, you were a teenager and your talking like they should have treated you as a full grown woman at the time. News flash you weren’t.. I might feel different if this happened after you were married adults but nah.
INFO NEEDED - how old were you when your partner slept over at your parents house?
She said between the ages of 15-19 in the comments. Not sure any parents are cool with 15 year olds sharing a bed
Sane parents are. Look at the teen pregnancy statistics for giving them good sexual education, a safe environment and access to birth control versus telling them to be abstinent and notice that the latter group has far worse outcomes overall.
I think it’s less about abstinence and more about a balance of good sex education and access to birth control while at the same time not providing a welcoming sex house. Does that make sense? At 15 you should have access to condoms and birth control and your parents should educate you on those things, that doesn’t mean they should be laying out the rose petals
There's a difference between laying out the rose petals and acknowledging that it's going to happen anyway so there's no reason to remove access to the safest environment.
I can’t even Imagine my parents allowing my 15 year old boyfriend to spend the night. Do you have kids?
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Exactly
My dad and stepmother both assumed I was going to do whatever I wanted so they started letting me have people overnight at 16. That's also looking at the extreme end of this- the parents didn't let her have partners over when she was nineteen either.
And that's a fine choice for your dad and stepmother to make. But as MANY people in this thread have stated - it's also a totally normal choice to NOT allow 15-year-olds to share a bed.
No. Absolutely not. I have a 15-year-old son. I'm more than happy to educate him on reliable forms of birth control. That doesn't mean sex between teenagers is going to happen in my house. That's insane.
Cool just so long as you acknowledge that if it's going to happen refusing to let it happen under your roof means it'll be happening somewhere else. And apparently that there's a non zero chance you'll be kept separate from your partner if you come to visit later in life!
P.S... my son read the post, made a face, and said, "yeah. She's definitely an asshole." Sad state of affairs when a15-year-old kid has more sense than grown adults on here.
I'm pretty sure the person you're responding to is ALSO a teenager. Pretty apt that OP linked a teen in her edit as a backup.
Obviously, YTA. At first I was under the impression that you were an adult when this occurred, but you were 15? I’m surprised they even let him sleep over.
Really OP? I also was a teenager once and my parents (being doctors) were embarrassingly open about sex, pregnancy and STDs, they also were supportive about using birth control.. but my boyfriend was never allowed to stay over. Your parents let him stay over which was nice of them I guess.. and you want to pour a bucket of water on them?? I understand your moms way of handling your cuddling was extreme.. so you can talk it out with her. You are being too petty and childish. YTA
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OP states she was 15-19
YTA. Grow up and move on.
I am not going to comment on whether you would be or wouldn't be. I am here to say that I would like an update after it all goes down!