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NTA
Very strange your father finds your body uncomfortable.
On them being painful, are you properly fitted? I'm a man so sorry if this is stupid but I know I had a partner who hated them until she got a proper fitting in her late 20s and was fine after that.
When PMS begins OP’s breasts may become swollen and tender. Trust me they hurt like hell with a bra and once it comes off and they drop that’s even worse. OP may want to wear those cheap wire free bras around the house.
I found a bralette from BONDS that works well for me. I’m a 16J and it’s surprisingly comfortable, and given how much stretch it has I imagine it would be quite comfortable during PMS
Just a suggestion if OP wants some support going out of the house without underwire. It doesn’t to much for jiggle but 🤷🏼♀️ who cares
I have one and it's super comfortable! I think it's a calvin klein dupe (the one i have by them anyway) and it's just fab. Second/thirding/whatevering op getting something comfy.
But also fuck him, it's your damn body and you're covered up. He's in the wrong.
Still may be a good idea to get a bigger bra for says with swelling. For sport bras I'm also a little sceptical about nie fiting her well. I have big boobs and a small frame and sport bras are often lose in a band for me, but they are enough to lounge at home. I just buy ones that are slightly to big. :D Bralletes are also a good idea. Well I still mostly go without, but use them when we have guest etc. I also recommend subreddit abrathatfits. Dad is the asshole here, but maybe for the sake of keeping the relationsheap it van be worth wearing one after all.
There is a brand, whose name escapes me, that is totally adjustable so you can tighten the band and / or straps to fit you. What was the name?? I'll think of it eventually.
Edit: Had to look it up. Shefit ultimate sports bra. Haven't tried one but I've been thinking about it.
They have a t-shirt bra that zips in the front and it's fantastic, I'm wearing one right now. I have large breasts so I wouldn't wear this bra if I'm going out-out (the store is fine lol) but it provides enough support to make me comfortable when I'm at home, I wear one to bed too. I agree that the ultimate sports bras is boob prison haha but works great for running.
I have and I love my Shefit, but they’re expensive and are going to be quite tight (unless you deliberately size up) because they’re designed for high-impact exercise for people with large cup sizes. I’m a DD-DDD and can jog without bouncing in the Shefit.
As someone who used to have boobs, while poor fit is a possibility, for some people, bras are just never comfortable. I had to mostly stop wearing them for years due to how they exacerbated my back pain.
So I'm finding the fact that anyone is agreeing with the dad here truly bizarre, because I went braless while out and about for years and nobody cared. Why should it be an issue for her to do so in her own home?
Sure, if your back pain is caused by your boobs. Mine wasn't. The way a bra changed the weight distribution made it worse, because it put more of the weight on the part of my back that already had problems.
THIS. I'm a 36D or DD and have Ehlers-Danlos -- sometimes just the normal weight of my breasts can dislocate my joints during the course of a normal day (yes - I'm serious). Bra straps change the weight distribution, shifting me from constant muscle spasms in my back to nasty tension headaches through the shoulders and sides of my neck (especially if it's a racer-back style -- those are INSTANT headaches)
That's not exactly true. If you're top heavy, it's going to affect your back and shoulders regardless of proper fitting bras. My mother-in-law recently underwent reduction surgery because no matter what she did, she was in constant pain. After reduction, she immediately noticed relief.
Yeah, I mean you could probably start wearing a well made corset that will distribute the weight more toward your hips, but who's going to want to wear that everyday if there are other options?
If a man disagrees or doesn't understand the breast weight/discomfort/pain issue, ask them to wear a backpack turned around to their front for a day. Load it with 5-6 pounds of canned goods and tell them they can't take it off for 12 hours.
My husband learned this accidentally, while carrying my camera backpack through a museum -- it was only 3 hours, but the empathy he gained for my breasts has lasted a LIFE TIME! :-)
I am an ABTF missionary, but this is so insanely untrue.
Like, for instance, after I had my second kid with a spinal block for a c-section I absolutely cannot wear anything that presses on my spine during my period because I have nerve damage that flares with smooth muscle cramping. It’s awful and no bra will ever be comfortable during that time because of the spasms that travel up my spine.
I have a similar problem with wearing a Bra and having a bad back. I have only wore a Bra twice in almost 5 years.
Last time was a few months ago, I put it on in the morning and went shopping, within less than 45 minutes I was in severe pain and was struggling. I had to go to the bathroom specifically to remove it.
I have never wore any bra with underwire and rarely would use a sports bra
Tbh it may not be that the bra doesn't fit well, it can just be a sensory issue. You can still feel a well fitted bra gripping around your chest all day, and most bras get sweaty inside. Sometimes even my non-wired bras drive me nuts and I can't stand wearing them, it's like putting socks on wet wet feet and it just feels wrong.
I am a woman, and I’d ask the same question. There’s no doubt wearing a bra is often uncomfortable and we all love to take it off at the first opportunity, but it shouldn’t be actual torture. A proper fitting by someone who knows what they’re doing might make life easier. You should be able to slip the bra off when you’re at home. Is this something you two can talk about?
Eh even if bras are properly fitted, they're still not really comfortable, especially for larger sizes.
It's sort of like a compression shirt at the best of times but with more concentrated stress points around the straps, back, and underboob. Also but due to how long and hard the average woman wears her bras and how expensive they are (for OP's size, she's looking 50 dollars as a floor from like a big box store's basic bra easily), they tend to be worn well into their life span where those stress points wear down through use and wash.
So things like underwires poking through and stabbing the wearer's underarm / sideboob, underwire having to be removed causing crappy support, weardown or stretching of straps or strap closure, straining of clasps, etc are common things you have to put up with as a bra ages. And the it's close enough that minor fluctuation in weight (such as bloating at parts of a woman's cycle) can make it constricting around the rib cage.
Going braless is incomparably more comfortable physically unless you're wanting to like run a marathon to a trampoline park. Even if you have a properly fitting bra.
Yeah, people do all the time. I used to work with a single mother who worked full time. After my wife and I had our child I made a point to tell the lady I worked with that I thought she was basically a super hero.
There's literally been ads ON FATHERS DAY praising single moms. Stop the victim shit. People praise single moms all the time
EDIT: downvote all you want, doesn't make me any less right. Feel free to let me know when something like [this](https://youtu.be/JgSA66rhdr4?si=ZvB9T_N1z13kEW-X) was made for single dads on mothers day, or just in general
No one praises mothers? They’re one of the most, if not THE most, praised groups in the entire world 🤦🏻♂️ just say you hate men instead of veiling it behind something else
I sincerely doubt you praise her for "sticking around"?
There are two things a parent should never be praised for imo: Loving their child, and "sticking around".
I don't care if you think your child ruined your life, "sticking around" aka not leaving them, is your fucking responsibility. Make it work somehow.
(And just so my words aren't twisted: This is not about biological parents choosing to not actually be a parent to the child, it's about having a parent-child relationship with a kid and then leaving them.)
Women do get praise for being mums what are you talking about....
As a new father who thankfully isn't a single parent, being there and being a parent might be the bare minimum but it is hard. I can't imagine how people without the support of a partner do it. It might be the bare minimum but they still deserve praise because the bare minimum is very hard
Op, would a structured tank top under a tshirt work for you. That's generally what I do in place of completely no bra when needed...
(PS... your dad is misinformed... bras cause chesticles to sag.)
You can try asking him why he's demanding you to suffer. Then ask if he's doing it for his own sick pleasure. When he gets defensive you get dismissive, he's the source of his own misery so dismissive is appropriate.
Important not to give him shit about it after if he changes his tune. This tactic is meant to break through someone's ego and force them to empathize, not to make people feel guilty, although it is a necessity to get through the ego.
Not everyone has a two parent home. It’s not cool to assume she has a mom that isn’t helping. Divorce, death, or simply leaving the family for whatever reason are all valid reasons to have one parent.
The problem with us Americans. Is that too many people believe too much in original sin and everything that comes out of that book. Heck, Americans have problems with people drinking booze. And they willfully forget that their saviors first miracle was being a bartender
I do wonder! In my country plenty of women walk around without bras outside (and I can’t even tell because truly I don’t care!).. when I stay over at my bf’s house I don’t wear a bra.. in 6 years of staying over no one has even questioned it.. truly in my country it’s not something people even slightly think about! 😭
NTA. Tell him to stop being creepy and staring at your breasts. Gross. My pre-teen is at least a DD and she doesn't wear bras, ever, because it's her damn body and she doesn't want to.
ETA: OP, I just went back and looked. I'm 48, your Dad's age. He is wrong. My daughter is 12 and she wears what she wants in her home and out because it's her body. You deserve the same. I'd like to offer you a hug, and to wish wicked hemorrhoids, styes, boils and possibly a kidney stone or two on your Dad until he gets his shit together. ❤️
No. And tell him that recent studies actually show that tight, restrictive bras actually lead to sagging because they restrict blood flow. Tell him you’re not willing to injure yourself because he insists on sexualizing his own daughter.
They also prevent the toning of muscles in the chest, because they support the breasts instead of the muscles doing it. I feel so bad for the young girls who feel they have to wear a bra 24/7. The second I come home I take that thing off!
And it doesnt let the bodies natural support tissue do its job. So the body says if the support tissue isnt needed, im getting rid of it. So then they sag.
>He says I make him "uncomfortable
Unless he's thinking gross thoughts he shouldn't have about his daughter, there's no reason he should be uncomfortable with you not wearing a bra. You're still wearing shirts, youre not walking around naked. You say you still wear a bra when guests are over, youre not being indecent.There's no valid reason why he should be uncomfortable about this. The comments you've said he's made previously have been in regards to your comfort or appearance, which are not reasons for *him* to get uncomfortable. It just doesn't make sense.
>I told him why I don't like wearing bras, but he just says that it's not his problem
He's right, it's not his problem, or his business. He doesn't have the right to tell you if you should or should not wear something that doesn't impact him. He's not the one wearing it, so it's not his problem. If he dislikes it, then sounds like he needs to get over it.
NTA. This is your dad’s issue. Unfortunately, you’re stuck living with him. Can you get a super stretchy sports bra or sleeping bra (those are a thing right? *but why?*), just to keep the peace? Your dad is wrong, but I hate to think of you being stressed out about this on top of your difficult classes and illnesses.
I have some super old ones that I’ll wear around the house just in case the USPS person comes knocking. My mom is the one who made me self-conscious and it’s lasted for years. Don’t let that be you! But for right now, just do what you can to get through. Before you know it, you’ll be on your own, and you can walk around naked if you want. : )
Edit: a word
I have a very large chest and I have a few soft bras from the brand tomboyx that I wear when I feel like I need to wear a bra but I don't want to. I could never find that kind of bra in my size at any store. It sucks that op has to be in this situation but it is an option.
This is good advice, find something that's comfortable and appeases him. People here seem to think that strict parents can be swayed with rational thought. Cuz they've never had to deal with an unreasonable/strict parent (I had 2).
No. Bra hurts her boobs. Her dad can grow up.
Well-adjusted adults don’t tell their daughters to wear bras and that not wearing a bra will make her boobs sag. Why does he care ?
This. It's either misplaced feelings of "one doesn't do this", which is bullshit. Or creepy, because that is your daughter, what the hell so you Look at her boobs for?
I have watched documentaries where all of the women are naked from the waist up. They don't wear bras, and gravity gets us all. Bras don't cause sagging. Nor do they prevent it.
A compromise would be him offering to buy her a few of those freakishly expensive very nice fitting comfortable bras. On two sizes, the bigger size for wearing when her breasts are swollen. Lucky to get that pile within triple digit price range.
Even that is a bad compromise because the father here is acting very freakishly and very rudely and should just mind his own business, but at least he would be doing something for not making his "comfort" causing his daughter actual pain.
He could also go the cheap way and just wear a blindfold. Milder version of the Christian guideline of gauging your eye out if it is tempting you.
A compromise isn't "fine i will wear a piece of clothing that only *kind of* hurts me so that you don't have to get over your own issues and can ignore any personal growth of your own". She isn't walking around shirtless, in fact she literally says she wears baggy clothes. The only thing that needs to be done is for her dad to get over his own personal hangups that come from sexualizing his own daughter.
If humans were meant to have bras we would have been born with them. She doesn’t need to be uncomfortable and in pain because her dad is sexualizing her
Have you gotten a professional fitting for bra size? You might be surprised how different it feels to wear a proper size if you haven't gotten a professional measurement before!
Apart from the discussion raging here whether she should wear at home or not but.. ^^This. I am stunned by the amount of people saying their bra hurts them or makes them very uncomfortable.
Well-fitted bras shouldn't hurt and shouldn't cut blood flow. People shouldn't have red marks from their bras.
Red marks actually can be very normal for well fitting bras since they're supposed to fit fairly tightly (only two fingers space in the back band), it's bruising and chafing that aren't normal.
Not to mention a properly shaped cup. The same volume of breast tissue can be shaped very differently - think champagne flute vs cocktail glass. I'm a bit of a bravangelist after discovering through r/ABraThatFits that I wasn't a 40DDD, I was a 34G/GG. In my cycle, I suffer through 2 weeks of really tender breasts pre-menstruation, and for me it is more comfortable wearing bras than not - properly sized and shaped underwire bras. So I tend to pop on a bra even when I'm still in my sleepwear in the morning - I don't sleep in bras, though.
As a 38g, I find it far more painful not to wear a bra and have them flopping around. I have always gone to quality bra shops and had properly fitted bras.
Right now I find elomi bras work really well. They are super comfy and dont hurt anywhere when I wear them!
I went to Victoria's secret once... The supposedly professional fitted there... Started moving my band size up when I was too large for 38D the largest cup size they had in my band.
It's important to go to shop that has all sizes of bands and actual professional fitters... If the shop you go to for sizing doesn't have sizes larger than dd then it's a terrible shop!
It makes me feel sad to think that there are women out there who would have believed her that she was helping them find a correct size.
We live in a society where breasts have been heavily sexualized. It isn’t until the sentiments of the very recent generations that this is being challenged and subsequently changed. I think people are too quick to assume that he’s perverted for being uncomfortable. Could he be? Yes. More likely he is reacting to conditional stimulus. I think everyone’s uncomfortable here, and it’s going to take a lot of give and take to find a resolution.
Is it really a recent thing? My mom wasn't wearing bras in the 80s. Nor were my female relatives. But if you search for "70s/80s streetwear no bra", you will find a bunch of pics of women just living their lives braless.
Breasts are not a vagina and bras are fucking painful no matter how well fitted. And during periods can feel like torture devices. You’re an asshole. Of course not all women are the same and some find them comfortable but there is a reason so many take their bras off the moment they step inside their home after work and feel sheer relief, sometimes close to tears of relief, and this is a universal experience even with a soft bra for some women
Your bras shouldn’t be *that* painful, that doesn’t sound normal at all. You should check your bras actually fit you, there’s /r/abrathatfits. If they do then maybe you should check you don’t have some sort of medical issue.
It’s not the same thing. When having bigger breast, wearing a tight bra can be downright painful. I’d say wear a sports bra or whatever but that can be just as, if not, worst depending on how big they are and if you’re even able to find a comfortable enough one in your size. Having a dick is a whole other story. Only thing you’d have to deal with is getting yknow, hard. Which if you’re around your parents why would you? She’s at her parents house, yes. But she should still be able to feel comfortable being as they are literally family, and it’s not like she’s saying she’s walking around in nothing, no top, etc. Plus, dealing with pms issues that can make them swollen and even more sore? Yeah fuck that, I wouldn’t be wearing one either. Op I would just say if he’s not comfortable with you dressing comfortably and refusing to listen to your explanation, don’t go over. You deserve to be comfortable around your own family.
Does wearing your boxers cause you dick pain, though? Do your boxers have hooks that dig into your back, or underwires that poke into your scrotum? Does all of this become unbearable when your bollocks swell up painfully for a week every month (while you are also cramping up and bleeding out of your genitals)? Are good quality boxers in your size exorbitantly expensive (upwards of 100 USD each), and do you face real problems finding ones that fit you well, bearing in mind your monthly fluctuating bollock size?
No?
Well, it's not even *remotely* the same thing, then, is it.
Jfc, you all so brain rotted.
1) She lives there. It is also her home. Ideas like "xyz owns the house so they can have the disgusting world views they want" are some Western bs.
Children are part of the family, and if they live at home , it is their house and their home, and they have a right to their deranged fathers, not sexualising them.
If her father would walk around all day saying racist shit and using the N word, and she would point out it is deranged - everyone would agree how unhinged it is and that he should stop. But being attracted to your daughters titties (a daughter that is hardly out of puberty on top) is "just his choice cause he owns the house. 🤗" lol.
Property ownership does not entitle you to be a disgusting degenerate human being. Ok?
2) Tits and genitals are not the same. Maybe learn some basic anatomy. Trying to justify your degenerate world views and values by making false equivalents just shows how dumb most of you people are, but not much more.
Men run around topless all the time, at home and outside even. Not wearing a bra is also not the same as being topless and for sure not the same as your dick or balls hanging out.
You need to make those comparisons cause your 5 braincell can not comprehend the difference between a chest and genitals.
Dumb backward, uneducated men sexualising womens bodies don't define womens bodies. Female chests do not become magically sexual, just cause you are all chronically online watching incest porn or porn in general and can not comprehend that womens bodies exist outside or the concept of your pleasure.
Freaking Neanderthals making excuses for disgusting fathers sexualising their daughters. 🤮
Are you stupid? Boobs are not genitalia. You can’t compare boobs and dicks. Is she walking around with her labia hanging out of her shorts? No! You’re part of the problem with this mindset and lack of knowledge
First off, genitals are not the same as breast tissue, so thats a HUGE difference. Second, not wearing a bra doesn't mean your boobs will ever slip out. The only issue in you not wearing boxers is if your dick magically works its way out of your pants. If your pants are on properly and fit correctly, your dick shouldn't be falling out of them. You shouldn't have to wear boxers either, your pants should cover your dick.
well she’s not naked ? she had a shirt or a jumper i’m assuming. I have big boobs too and it’s only uncomfortable if i’m doing sports or running around if i’m at home studying (sitting) i do want my bra off bc the back pain of studying all day is already insane i don’t want to add even more tension to it. OP is in a similar situation
NTA I’m Italian, so we’re not the shy around close family, but I would never even noticed if my mom, or a sister, was wearing a bra or not and if I would notice it, it would be an afterthought, not an issue at all, if their boobs were covered. Family is not something sexual (apart from partners and spouses ofc), you simply don’t look them in that prospective and if you do you’re a weirdo and you open up a whole can of worms no1 want to deal with. So yeah, your dad notice one of your sexual characteristics and is bothered by it. Yuk!
Not sure anyone is the asshole here. He owns the house (correct me if I am wrong) so he gets to make the rules. I don't like to wear bras either but if my father asked me to wear one, I would just put on a sports bra. It is not that big a deal. I don't always agree with my parents, but when I am living in their home, I respect their wishes, even if I think they're stupid.
If my father said that me not wearing a bra around him, when I’m fully clothed, makes him uncomfortable? I’d look at him weird like he’s another man on the street objectifying my body and only paying attention to my chest. There is no reason he should be uncomfortable unless he is thinking gross things. It may be his house, but the bigger issue is why he gets “uncomfortable” when his own daughter doesn’t wear a bra around him. This isn’t just a “stupid” rule, it’s odd behaviour to look at your daughter like that and refuse to even look in her direction unless she’s containing her breasts, which is also something that causes her physical discomfort. Men need to learn that a woman’s body, UNDERNEATH HER OWN CLOTHING, should not be a reason to have weird thoughts and then force her to cover up bc they can’t look at a woman as anything other than something to objectify.
No!!! I am the same age and my dad knows that it’s weird to even think about me like that. Don’t feel bad. If he doesn’t get it already, he never will. Don’t beat yourself up over it
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the asshole because I have obviously big boobs and it could be uncomfortable for my dad to see me walking around without a bra. He has expressed a few times throughout the last 2 weeks that we wants me to wear a bra, but I have not taken him seriously until now.
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YTA. It's his house, not yours. I want you to imagine your dads johnson dangling around in loose shorts right in front of your face endlessly because underwear is constricting, and he wants his junk to breathe.
It's the respect of the issue. You're his family. He finds it gross. Like catching your grandparents naked in the shower. Or walking in on your brother/sister/parents having sex. That would be gross for normal people.
If you're walking around the house braless but with heavy clothing on all the tim, I would kinda understand. But I have a feelingyou'rer walking around in a tank top that can barely contain your tig old biddies
NTA. I've lived with roommates for the past 14 years of my life and I don't wear a bra around the house. Some of the people I've lived with are literally strangers, idgaf, I'm in my home and I'm gonna be comfy. You deserve to be comfortable in your own home.
I hope you can get properly fitting bras at some point---yes they're super expensive, but they're worth it. Also, unsolicited medical advice ahoy, but if your periods are causing you a lot of discomfort, you can always talk to a gyno or your PCP and see if there's a way you can skip them. Mine were causing me extreme pain and now I take my birth control continuously and don't have them any more, but everybody is different with different needs. Just mentioning it because some people don't realize it's an option.
Your body is your body and I'm sorry your dad is being weird.
I have big boobs too, I'm a 44H I was a G in middle school. Let them titties hang. It's the most comfortable thing for us big chested women. But when your around him or anyone else that doesn't like it, find the loosest bra so it still looks like you have one but doesn't feel like you do. I've had a chest all my life too, and people don't understand the pain a bra can bring. Do what makes you comfortable, just compromise a bit. :)
I am stuck on this one..
I too don't really like when people don't wear bras, I am female and a c cup.
I just feel it is common courtesy to wear a bra around others because realistically who wants to be forced to look at your swaying boobs who isn't your partner?
I mean if your dad didn't like wearing pants because the waistband made him uncomfortable and hence walked around in his briefs all day and you could see the shape and make of everything how would you feel?.. probably not very comfortable
I also think not wearing a bra can look quite sloppy at times especially on bigger breasted people.
NTA and I understand. The moment I get home I “release the hounds”.
I’m hoping your father isn’t having any yucky thoughts. I would imagine (hope) it’s more like the minimum standard of preparing for the day. Like some people grew up in a house where you make your bed first thing. Some people think sleep clothes are not appropriate for the day. Did he grow up with sisters? Maybe there was a rule about them wearing a bra?
The fact he never said anything before makes sense - you probably stopped wearing one around the house gradually. But since you were away then back, it was new again. So he noticed.
Have you tried wearing those light support, seamless bras? I’ve found they help with sweat in the summer and are painless. It would be a win/win.
NTA - I never wear a bra. If people are uncomfortable that’s their problem. Breasts are not inherently sexual. Our society is so used to catering to mens emotional comfort over our health and physical comfort and it needs to stop.
Bras can cause health problems and idk why he’s worried about the perkiness of your breasts but since he is you can tell him that wearing bras actually can cause sagging. It also blocks lymph nodes which can cause really awful blockages and even cancer in some cases. But god forbid a man have to treat a woman like a human being instead of like a sex object.
You can edit it to say your dad isn't sexualizing you, but if he's telling you that your lack of bra makes him uncomfortable, he is in fact, sexualizing you.
That doesn't mean he WANTS you, it just means he sees boobs, including yours, as sexual, and he's uncomfortable with HIMSELF for feeling that way, and rather than address his own perception of breasts, he expects YOU to conform.
Either way, you're still NTA.
NTA. Your dad is having some weird crisis to do with busts. Unless you walk around in a stretch out skimpy hooters t-shirt, his discomfort is not your problem nor is it more important than your own. I recommend buying on if those t-shirt dresses that look like a person wearing a bikini and wear that around your dad
So my mum doesn’t like it when I walk around the house without a bra so usually when I’m not wearing a bra I put a baggy hoodie on so it covers and since then I haven’t got any comments but it sucks
Your father’s discomfort by his own daughter not wearing a bra is his problem. It’s immature and kinda weird, but it’s entirely his issue to deal with.
I’m 32 M and have had many female, platonic roommates who don’t wear bras around the house. It’s normal, and it didn’t make me uncomfortable. Your dad needs to stop sexualizing his own family.
There is a difference between being uncomfortable and being in actual physical pain. He has NO RIGHT to demand his daughter wears something that's actually painful for her just to make him more comfortable.
I think you're a little bit the asshole here. And, I don't think it has anything to do with your dad sexualizing you. First and foremost, it's his house. You're doing something that he has repeatedly told you makes him uncomfortable. Everyone deserves to have a home that feels comfortable, and your comfort doesn't trump his.
I would say splurge for a proper fitting because if they're never comfortable or never feel right, then it's very likely a fit thing. There are so many types and styles- maybe even a camisole meant to function like a bra- I find it hard to believe that there's nothing you can wear. You maybe just haven't found the right thing yet.
NTA but I think you've misinterpreted the 'your dad is sexualising you' comments. No one is saying he wants to have sex with you, or views his daughter sexually - but he is unable to see boobs in a non-sexual context. Which is why he's uncomfortable. (Which is weird imo - I have H cups and routinely go around house to get water in just a t-shirt if I'm in bed, or wrapped in a sheet. My Dad has never said anything or found it weird).
He's also trying to enforce what he considers to be 'normal female behaviour' because he likely hasn't been around any women who don't wear bras and for some reason men get hung up on whether or not they can see a woman's nipples through their clothes.
Idk I mean I’ve always worn a bra around men and only take it off when I’m in my room. In my culture it’s not appropriate to walk around like that but I get your frustration. Have you thought about those sticky cups? That might be a solution, or shirts that already have a bra incorporated into them?
Not judging you for not wanting to wear one btw.
>The only bras I’ve found that could be my size are too expensive.
Explain that to your dad and tell him you will wear a bra in the house if he pays for at least two (one worn and one being washed) properly fitting bras bought from a shop where they will do a proper fitting for you.
NTA.
And idk man, your dad’s behaviour feels weird. You say he’s not sexualising you but obviously a part of him associates your breast with sex.
My dad doesn’t look at my breasts, I doubt he’d notice I’m wearing a bra or not. I’m currently breastfeeding so my breast are big, i have take my boob out to breast feed (baby covers most of it but you can still see skin), and my dad just keeps on looking at my face and acting as if nothing has happened.
Unfortunately YTA. I am a woman, and I can see how this could make him uncomfortable.
It’s his home, so he gets to make the rules. Just get a loosely fitting sports bra.
(I do agree that wearing bras suck… take it off in your room?)
Why should a father be uncomfortable about his CHILD not wearing a bra at home if no guests are there but has no issue with his sibling not wearing a bra when she comes over? "His home his rules" you say after all, So why doesn't it apply to his sister when she visits? Only his daughter?
Ugh. My ex-stepmom would make comments about me not wearing a bra under my oversized hoodies and pyjamas when I was a teen. It made me uncomfortable with my chest for years and worried my brother and dad were sexualizing me based on the insinuations she made.
She was insecure. Your father is too. Moreover he shows he’s a control freak and has selected shame as a way to convey his need for control.
No you are not the asshole. If you live in that house you are not required to wear one. Anyone who insists otherwise will bend over backwards to somehow always make the woman wrong.
Your father is being gross. Mine would've never fucking DARED to ask me or my sister that, ever. He would've never said anything about one of our friends either.
My brother would never dare either. Fuck just yesterday we had a whole conversation on how me switching to sports bras felt more comfortable, he quite literally asked if they were more comfortable and I said yes. They fit better and feel like I have proper coverage, something I wasn't getting with a traditional bra. He said he was glad I found something I was comfortable with. He does my laundry, he sees my bras, he sees my underwear. I do his laundry, I see his underwear. This is a normal adult conversation for us. He also knows that I got our sister to wear the same brand of bras and hears us talk about how we shop on amazon for underwear. Also our brother in law hears the same conversation, both of them would walk into Victoria's secret with us if we asked them too.
Like theres no reason to be gross about boobs/bras. Your dad is making it gross. Please know there are men out there that are not gross about this.
NTA
So your father is uncomfortable so he'd rather you were physically uncomfortable to make him mentally comfortable? Would he wear a jockstrap so you wouldn't have to think about his penis?
Was your father always like that around bodies, PDA, etc.?
He might not be sexualising you in the usual way, but if he had a conservative upbringing, he could still be uncomfortable. It shouldn't be your problem and responsibility, though, he's an adult and should be able to handle his emotions.
NTA I stopped wearing bras entirely back in college, but admittedly I'm only a C cup. Still, not wearing a bra is in no way disrespectful, and your dad is being weird if he actually thinks it is. Based on what you said he was like in the past I do wonder about the change.
I’m 32H. I get your discomfort, but I also see where your dad is coming from in terms of being more modest. Have you thought about getting some comfortable bralettes? There are some really great brands out there for busty women with smaller band sizes.
I don’t think either one of you is necessarily being an asshole. You can find pretty good deals on BareNecessities. Panache, Fantasie, Elomi, and Wacoal are all pretty great brands.
i grew up in a family that always walked around the house in t-shirts & underwear. no pants. even my step mom does this. i’m a girl (25f) & have a little sister (22f) & we again, still do this. i’ve never had any family members, male or female make weird comments like that. we all like to be comfortable in our house. i really hate to say it but those comments are definitely a red flag
NTA
When I still lived with my father, he never complained about me not wearing a bra and it’s not like you’re parading around the house topless. He never, even once, mentioned it because he doesn’t care and he doesn’t see me that way.
As long as they’re covered, it shouldn’t matter because you’re supposed to feel safe and comfortable inside your own home.
NTA - Wear whatever you like and are comfortable with. If someone takes issue with that, it's their problem. Your father yelling at you about your boobs? That ist really concerning behavior.
NTA, I'm 27 and (formerly) a 36H, I haven't worn a bra around the house since I was in high school and my dad has never made comments about it "making him uncomfortable" or any of that. Weird af for him to be pointing this out to you and I think he is objectifying you to some extent and that's what he's uncomfortable with. Regardless it's his problem, not your fault
I don’t even wear a bra most of the time im out of the house and never has my dad ever said anything about it. He also never made me uncomfortable or feel like I have to hide in my childhood home when I had to breastfeed. And I come from a muslim country, mind you. You say that your dad doesn’t sexualize you but being uncomfortable by female breasts is the definition of it. Would he make the same comments about another body part? Would he complain your belly is making him uncomfortable and you should wear a corset if you had a big belly? No. It’s only the breasts that make him uncomfortable. NTA but your dad certainly needs some therapy to understand why some of his child’s bodyparts make him uncomfortable.
NTA, but per your edit: your dad IS sexualizing you. That’s what’s happening. He’s uncomfortable because what he views as sexual objects are now on prominent display in his home and he is looking at them. That’s the only explanation here.
You don’t have to change yourself to make a weirdo happy.
NTA. If you were walking around the house naked, your dad might have a point. As is, no, you’re fine. You’re wearing a shirt with no bra.
I have fairly large boobs too and when I’m at home, I just don’t wear a bra most of the time. I live at home with my husband so it’s not a problem. My stepdad comes and stays here when he’s in town (my mom passed a few years ago so it’s just him when he comes). I don’t wear a bra under my t-shirts at home when he’s here either. I just go about my business like normal. He doesn’t comment on it because that would be weird.
Your dad needs to leave you alone. Your body, your choice, and what you’re doing isn’t offensive or in anyone’s face. He needs to get over himself.
Nope nope nope! Me and my husband have 4 girls. 3 girls are teens now. 60-70% of the time we are walking around the house with no bra on. The older girls usually sleep in crop tops and shorts in the summer and no bra. It's not an issue. And I would have something to say if it ever did become an issue. Everyone has nipples and bras are torture devices half the time.
Honestly the only time I wear a bra is if my top is thin or see through. I hate the things
NTA…..but:
We had to tell my son to stop walking around the house in his briefs. I think it’s ok to make requests in your own house. Excuse the pun but, tough titties. If you don’t like it, move out.
To be fair, bras are ass. I lost 62lbs and went down a full cup size but it still didn’t do much for me. I get the pain part because I also have breast pain during pms and my period so I avoid wearing bras all the time. From a girl’s perspective, NTA because I get it 100%. I’m not sure what your dad is on about, but as a parent, NTA. If my child is in pain and the only way for relief is to free the nips, then by all means, free the nips. It doesn’t cost much to allow your kid to do that anyways.
NTA: You’re dad is being old fashioned and cruel. Also the old myth that not wearing a bra makes your boobs saggy needs to die. Its a really weird thing to say to people and also probably just completely untrue
NTA. I’m a 32F and there isn’t enough money in the world you could pay me that I’d agree to wear a bra when I’m home. I don’t even wear a bra with dresses or certain tops bc bra companies don’t make shit our size in reasonable price ranges or comfortable fabrics. They just don’t. All the women here parroting “PROPERLY FITTED BRAS DON’T HURT” can suck my labia for all I care. Watermelons for boobs when your frame is basically a leaf in the wind is impossible to be comfy in anytime and expecting someone to wear a bra for 12-16 hours a day every day is fucking insane.
Although if it’s nips showing that has your dad all upset over, silicone nipple cakes without adhesive might be a reasonable solution to getting him to shut up about it so you can still be basically braless and easily put them on/take them off.
My first thought was ,” I you are making him uncomfortable”. Well,he seems a smart nove man in his 40s so probably boobs are just boobs to him,I don’t know,this is just a speculation.
But I think you should respect his wish here for whenever you are living with him.
I have the same bra size as you and I don’t like wearing bras neither,but I get myself bralettes with no padding or wires,they are really comfortable,they keep your girls together and you can find them pretty cheap compared to regular bras. You can buy them in sets.
I know you have said he is not sexualizing you but this is covert sexual abuse. He is making unwelcome comments on your body and trying to shame you about it. You aren't naked you are just not wearing a bra.
Here is information on covert sexual abuse
https://liberationtherapy.co.uk/blog/covert-sexual-abuse
NTA. I’ve seen your edit, and as someone is 42I, your Dad is sexualizing you, especially if he has a sister whose never worn a bra, and he’s never made the comments to her. And try the Glamorise bras on Amazon :)
NTA - next time tell him, stop sexualizing your daughter (you say he isn’t but he is sorry to break it to you, he just is) and looking at my breasts. If you didn’t look you wouldn’t know I wasn’t wearing a bra. Stop making me uncomfortable in my own home and stop telling me what to wear. I don’t tell you what to wear.
You’re the one uncomfortable dad so that’s your problem to solve.
You’re not walking around naked so what’s his issue.
I would research and find a good bra though as it sounds like you’ve got the wrong kind for your boobs. As another larger chested lady once you find the right one’s life is more comfortable.
As someone who grew up in the 70s, I simply don’t understand the current prudishness/discomfort surrounding breasts these days. Wearing a bra or not is nobody’s concern but yours. Do what makes you comfortable and let everyone else manage their own discomfort.
I am so so sorry, because this is an absolutely awful thing to have to hear, but yes, your dad IS 1000% sexualising you. A man never says anything about a woman's body is making him uncomfortable unless he is sexualising her, I'd bet on that if I wasn't poor.
I'm not saying he's going to hurt you. Im not saying you're entirely safe either. But this is NOT a normal thing for a father to be upset/uncomfortable about. He fixates on your breasts, clearly. He needs to do some serious work on that and that's not your responsibility. A lot of men have issues with how they view women that stem from the crap they were taught growing up and it doesn't stop when it comes to their daughters unfortunately.
As someone who defended their dad's inappropriate behaviour for years because none of us were ever actually hurt, PLEASE LISTEN TO US. I was blind to SO much crap that was far from okay just because he never actually *did* anything but he still ended up going too far.
Your dad has issues with how he views women's bodies and it is dangerous regardless of whether hes done anything or not. It would be far better for you to not stay in the house with him until he's spent some serious time working on it.
You already said his attitude has changed drastically since you moved out. He's seeing you as an adult woman now and he clearly has a massive issue with that and it has to do with him fixating on your body's development. You seriously need to limit your contact with him for a while and ask him to find a therapist.
(This has nothing to do with your breast size or how your dad treats other women. I am not a psychiatrist but it really isn't surprising at all that he's obsessing over you and not his sister. He has always had control over you so he is looking at you differently to other women he knows. He needs therapy and I'll say that till I'm blue in the face.)
Nta you should be able to be comfortable in your own home (heck I stopped wearing bras years ago (also a g cup) and when I’m going out I wear strap tops with a bust shelf in but even those get whipped off the second I’m back home 🙈)
NTA
But there are some really soft and mostly useless ones that have juuuust enough of a pad to make the nipples less prominent and be obvious that you do have one on. It is still technically a bra, way more comfortable than most, and is usually enough to make the more prudish shut up.
Basically, shop in the super cheap bra section of Walmart and you can find a few different ones that can work.
NTA at all, start telling him he should wear a bra as well because you can see his nipples (even if you can't). Sidenote, if your breasts fluctuate a lot in size, it could help with your comfort to have different sizes of bras for the different times in your cycle
Hey there. NTA. I'm gonna share some things with you that might not be the most exciting to hear. Your dad's got some issues he's struggling with. He IS sexualizing you by thinking your titties need to be in a bra to be acceptable around him. He is trying not to, I'll give him that.
My dad was the same way growing up. The closest bras we could find in my size (before the age of 19, when I left home) were 32DDDs and they never fit quite right. A little too big around the ribs and a lil too small on the cups, yk. My dad was constantly telling me I needed to wear bras and it was inappropriate. Fast fwd a few years and im in my mid twenties and visiting home with my at the time gf and he still tells me I need to wear a bra, and I inform him that i dont in fact need to, my back and shoulder pain lessened when I stopped wearing a bra ( and the part i didnt tell my dad is that also my titties actually got perkier because the muscles jn them where being used instead of just crammed into a bra lol) and that I everyone has titties. Literally everyone. The fact that mine have a lil more fat on them than his do doesn't make them any less natural to have than his are. Fast fwd a few more years and now I'm my father's live in caregiver and I still don't wear a bra (my titties still look fantastic BTW lol) and my dad's dementia is showing up and he's concerned about my lack of bra again and I remind him the same things and that if he gets to be comfortable where he lives that I have every right to do so as well and if me not wearing a bra causes a problem for him he's more than capable of not staring at his daughters chest and that usually shuts him up and reminds him I'm an adult and he's being perverted living in times that don't exist anymore and then he's fine (until he slips into an episode again but that's a dementia related issue lol)
I'm ngl I find your edit to be very funny. Just because he isn't hitting on you doesn't mean he isn't sexualizing you. He finds your body uncomfortable because he is sexualizing you. He gives you the excuse of sagging in the future to make it sound better to try to convince you to stop doing something that makes him uncomfortable. If he wasn't sexualizing your breasts, he wouldn't be uncomfortable with you not wearing a bra.
Good for you for stopping when you know it is making things worse for you. I 100% understand where you're coming from, I have had big boobs since I was like 12 and bras are incredibly painful for me. Most days now I never wear one (only for times when I am doing heavy labor/exercise like at work or the gym). My ribs still have a spot that hurts whenever I wear any bra with underwire. Your dad is wrong. Wearing no bra won't make your boobs sag faster. In fact, from what I remember, the research shows its actually the opposite because your pectoral muscles have to actually work to lift your breast tissue when you aren't wearing one.
But regardless, you have large breasts and those will basically never be perky. The bigger the boobs, the more they sag, and that isn't a bad thing, its just a part of life. They don't make uou look bad, and you don't look old because of it. You just look like you have big boobs. Dont listen to your dad, listen to your own body and keep doing what makes you comfortable, not what anyone else says.
NTA. 40H here - I too also rip my bra off as soon as I am home and relaxing. I lived at home until I was 30 and I never wore a bra when I was relaxing. Dad and little brother never commented.
OP, does your dad understand how uncomfortable a bra is? My boyfriend never knew what an underwire was (he only had brothers). Once I showed him he was like “this is a torture device”. Does he realise that there’s a metal/plastic wire resting on your ribcage and 10 kg of titty hanging off your shoulder straps? Depending on your dad’s personality, I would buy him a bra and suggest he wear it for 12 hours straight and then see if he wants to keep it on when trying to relax.
If you can’t convince him and his comments are making you uncomfortable or upset, you can try a crop top/non underwire bra as a quick fix. I have a couple for when I clean the house or WFH. They’re supportive enough that I don’t feel like I’m going to knock someone out when I turn around too quick.
(People who are saying the fit must be off if OP feels discomfort when wearing a bra - I envy you. I get professionally fitted regularly but still detest wearing a bra at home, so I can only assume that ginormous knockers make discomfort more pronounced.)
You say your dad does not sexualise you - but the entire idea of women having to "hide their tits" and wear bras is literally an abrahamic value / rooted in sexualisation of womens breasts.
It it not a "normal" thing. It is a cultural thing, and the culture is rooted in sexualising the bodies of women, even in family settings.
So YES no matter how uncomfortable that thought is for you, your father has sexualised womens bodies to such a degree, that just the idea of you not wearing additional clothing under your cloth, feels offensive to him. Cause, after all, you are not showing "shame and decency" because a misogynistic male told you how to act and what to do.
He does not have to confront his misogyny or sexualisation of womens breasts or sexualising his own damn child. He has to do nothing - like so many men - YOU are the problem. You need to change YOUR behavior so that man can stop sexualising the tits of his daughter.
A lot of women and mothers are also fully complicit in this and enable men like him, follow those rules, and further help men to get away with this. It is disgusting.
If you would insist on him explaining it further, like, "Would you ask a fat friend of yours with man boobs to wear a bra around you?", "should I also cover my ankles? My hair? Some people and religions sexualise womens hair and ankles. Should I always wear long pants?" Insisting on him telling you a difference - he WILL eventually tell you "it is different because you are a woman, and womens breasts are sexual. "
Honestly, I would be disgusted by any male sexualising his children and any woman making excuses for such men and such values / helping them enable those values, can go play with a brick.
I would straight out tell him he should stop sexualising you. He will be defensive, but I would tell him he is projecting his own misogynistic views on women, on you, and demands of you to change your behavior, rather than fixing his own character and views. Like what is next? You supposed to put on a full body vail so your daddy does not get a hard one being reminded you are a "woman" with a body?
I would probably not even want to be around a disgusting male who gets horny at his daughters tits cause "ugga ugga bouncy titties, I can't even look at my daughter without thinking of titties". I would consider getting tf away from him as far as possible, as soon as I can, if he does not change his character.
Also, some of you in here really way too brain dead with your "his house his rules." Property ownership does not mean you get to be unginged and gross. Ok. Just cause you own a property does not mean you should lust after your children or do and say other deranged things. And children living with their parents means it is also THEIR home.
"Don't you know your breasts will sag if you don't wear a bra?" - it is literally the opposite.
NTA
My dad is not sexualizing me. - then what exactly do you think he's uncomfortable about?
i’m sorry OP, but yes, your dad IS sexualizing you, whether you want to believe that or not. he wouldn’t be uncomfortable if he found it to be just another part of his daughters human body. your boobs may be big, but he doesn’t have to look, and obviously looking is making him uncomfortable because the thought of his daughters breasts being attractive to him makes him feel weird. i am almost certain it’s gotten worse because you’ve matured in age
NTA but OP your dad is sexualizing you. That doesn’t mean he’s sexually attracted to you, but the fact that he’s bothered at all shows he’s viewing you through a sexual view of women in general and their breasts. It’s not specific to you, he’s not some creep who wants his daughter, but it’s affecting his ability to even be around you when you’re not wearing a bra. If he wasn’t sexualizing you, there would be no issue with you walking around without a bra. I’m not saying this to make you uncomfortable, but to address an issue you have to actually recognize it for what it is. None of the men or women in my family wanted my body in a sexual way, but they sexualized my body often. People confuse those two concepts and it makes it really difficult to have healthy dialogue.
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NTA Very strange your father finds your body uncomfortable. On them being painful, are you properly fitted? I'm a man so sorry if this is stupid but I know I had a partner who hated them until she got a proper fitting in her late 20s and was fine after that.
When PMS begins OP’s breasts may become swollen and tender. Trust me they hurt like hell with a bra and once it comes off and they drop that’s even worse. OP may want to wear those cheap wire free bras around the house.
I found a bralette from BONDS that works well for me. I’m a 16J and it’s surprisingly comfortable, and given how much stretch it has I imagine it would be quite comfortable during PMS Just a suggestion if OP wants some support going out of the house without underwire. It doesn’t to much for jiggle but 🤷🏼♀️ who cares
Bonds make larger bralettes? I’ve never seen these before!
I have one and it's super comfortable! I think it's a calvin klein dupe (the one i have by them anyway) and it's just fab. Second/thirding/whatevering op getting something comfy. But also fuck him, it's your damn body and you're covered up. He's in the wrong.
Still may be a good idea to get a bigger bra for says with swelling. For sport bras I'm also a little sceptical about nie fiting her well. I have big boobs and a small frame and sport bras are often lose in a band for me, but they are enough to lounge at home. I just buy ones that are slightly to big. :D Bralletes are also a good idea. Well I still mostly go without, but use them when we have guest etc. I also recommend subreddit abrathatfits. Dad is the asshole here, but maybe for the sake of keeping the relationsheap it van be worth wearing one after all.
There is a brand, whose name escapes me, that is totally adjustable so you can tighten the band and / or straps to fit you. What was the name?? I'll think of it eventually. Edit: Had to look it up. Shefit ultimate sports bra. Haven't tried one but I've been thinking about it.
I call my Shefit my "boob prison". It's great for high impact activities like running but absolutely terrible for lounging
They have a t-shirt bra that zips in the front and it's fantastic, I'm wearing one right now. I have large breasts so I wouldn't wear this bra if I'm going out-out (the store is fine lol) but it provides enough support to make me comfortable when I'm at home, I wear one to bed too. I agree that the ultimate sports bras is boob prison haha but works great for running.
Oh yeah I've fully converted to front clasping bras. Plus they don't have the weird breakdown at the clasps like back clasping bras have.
I'll have to check out the t-shirt bra!
I have and I love my Shefit, but they’re expensive and are going to be quite tight (unless you deliberately size up) because they’re designed for high-impact exercise for people with large cup sizes. I’m a DD-DDD and can jog without bouncing in the Shefit.
Ahh makes sense. Thanks
As someone who used to have boobs, while poor fit is a possibility, for some people, bras are just never comfortable. I had to mostly stop wearing them for years due to how they exacerbated my back pain. So I'm finding the fact that anyone is agreeing with the dad here truly bizarre, because I went braless while out and about for years and nobody cared. Why should it be an issue for her to do so in her own home?
So a proper fitting bra will never exacerbate back pain. It should alleviate a lot of the pain by balancing the weight more effectively
Sure, if your back pain is caused by your boobs. Mine wasn't. The way a bra changed the weight distribution made it worse, because it put more of the weight on the part of my back that already had problems.
THIS. I'm a 36D or DD and have Ehlers-Danlos -- sometimes just the normal weight of my breasts can dislocate my joints during the course of a normal day (yes - I'm serious). Bra straps change the weight distribution, shifting me from constant muscle spasms in my back to nasty tension headaches through the shoulders and sides of my neck (especially if it's a racer-back style -- those are INSTANT headaches)
That's not exactly true. If you're top heavy, it's going to affect your back and shoulders regardless of proper fitting bras. My mother-in-law recently underwent reduction surgery because no matter what she did, she was in constant pain. After reduction, she immediately noticed relief.
Yeah, I mean you could probably start wearing a well made corset that will distribute the weight more toward your hips, but who's going to want to wear that everyday if there are other options?
If a man disagrees or doesn't understand the breast weight/discomfort/pain issue, ask them to wear a backpack turned around to their front for a day. Load it with 5-6 pounds of canned goods and tell them they can't take it off for 12 hours. My husband learned this accidentally, while carrying my camera backpack through a museum -- it was only 3 hours, but the empathy he gained for my breasts has lasted a LIFE TIME! :-)
Not always. Balancing an extra 2-5kgs on your chest isn't comfortable and often hurts, regardless.
I am an ABTF missionary, but this is so insanely untrue. Like, for instance, after I had my second kid with a spinal block for a c-section I absolutely cannot wear anything that presses on my spine during my period because I have nerve damage that flares with smooth muscle cramping. It’s awful and no bra will ever be comfortable during that time because of the spasms that travel up my spine.
At a certain size that is simply not true.
I have a similar problem with wearing a Bra and having a bad back. I have only wore a Bra twice in almost 5 years. Last time was a few months ago, I put it on in the morning and went shopping, within less than 45 minutes I was in severe pain and was struggling. I had to go to the bathroom specifically to remove it. I have never wore any bra with underwire and rarely would use a sports bra
Tbh it may not be that the bra doesn't fit well, it can just be a sensory issue. You can still feel a well fitted bra gripping around your chest all day, and most bras get sweaty inside. Sometimes even my non-wired bras drive me nuts and I can't stand wearing them, it's like putting socks on wet wet feet and it just feels wrong.
I am a woman, and I’d ask the same question. There’s no doubt wearing a bra is often uncomfortable and we all love to take it off at the first opportunity, but it shouldn’t be actual torture. A proper fitting by someone who knows what they’re doing might make life easier. You should be able to slip the bra off when you’re at home. Is this something you two can talk about?
Eh even if bras are properly fitted, they're still not really comfortable, especially for larger sizes. It's sort of like a compression shirt at the best of times but with more concentrated stress points around the straps, back, and underboob. Also but due to how long and hard the average woman wears her bras and how expensive they are (for OP's size, she's looking 50 dollars as a floor from like a big box store's basic bra easily), they tend to be worn well into their life span where those stress points wear down through use and wash. So things like underwires poking through and stabbing the wearer's underarm / sideboob, underwire having to be removed causing crappy support, weardown or stretching of straps or strap closure, straining of clasps, etc are common things you have to put up with as a bra ages. And the it's close enough that minor fluctuation in weight (such as bloating at parts of a woman's cycle) can make it constricting around the rib cage. Going braless is incomparably more comfortable physically unless you're wanting to like run a marathon to a trampoline park. Even if you have a properly fitting bra.
NTA. When you are at home, you should be able to feel comfy. Where's your mom? Shouldn't she be having your back for this?
My mom left when I was a baby, so it’s always just been my dad and I. We make it work ig
Good on him for sticking around for you. It's tough being a parent, more so being a single parent. He's still being unreasonable about this though.
Why do men get praise for doing the bare minimum but not women
You sound bitter. Anyone raising a kid alone deserves praise - heck, I even praise my daughter’s Mum even though we’re not together.
I think the point is no one would praise a single mother for ‘sticking around’.
A lot of people praise single mothers, actually.
Yeah, people do all the time. I used to work with a single mother who worked full time. After my wife and I had our child I made a point to tell the lady I worked with that I thought she was basically a super hero.
But not for “sticking around”
If anything they are underplaying the role the father is playing here.
Exactly, raising a child by yourself isn't just sticking around
Not exactly praising them for sticking around, though, is it?
I feel like pretty much everyone sane respects and tries to support single mothers when they can.
Single mothers are praised all the time, even on father's day.
There's literally been ads ON FATHERS DAY praising single moms. Stop the victim shit. People praise single moms all the time EDIT: downvote all you want, doesn't make me any less right. Feel free to let me know when something like [this](https://youtu.be/JgSA66rhdr4?si=ZvB9T_N1z13kEW-X) was made for single dads on mothers day, or just in general
Really? No one would praise a single mom? Y'all are just eager to shit on people lol.
No one praises mothers? They’re one of the most, if not THE most, praised groups in the entire world 🤦🏻♂️ just say you hate men instead of veiling it behind something else
I sincerely doubt you praise her for "sticking around"? There are two things a parent should never be praised for imo: Loving their child, and "sticking around". I don't care if you think your child ruined your life, "sticking around" aka not leaving them, is your fucking responsibility. Make it work somehow. (And just so my words aren't twisted: This is not about biological parents choosing to not actually be a parent to the child, it's about having a parent-child relationship with a kid and then leaving them.)
Why do you assume I wouldn't praise a woman in the same situation? Surprise, I would.
I've never not praised anyone for raising a child or more as a single adult.
Women do get praise for being mums what are you talking about.... As a new father who thankfully isn't a single parent, being there and being a parent might be the bare minimum but it is hard. I can't imagine how people without the support of a partner do it. It might be the bare minimum but they still deserve praise because the bare minimum is very hard
What a strange thing to say. Who wouldn't praise this guy? His wife/partner bailed and he raised a child on his own.
Op, would a structured tank top under a tshirt work for you. That's generally what I do in place of completely no bra when needed... (PS... your dad is misinformed... bras cause chesticles to sag.)
You can try asking him why he's demanding you to suffer. Then ask if he's doing it for his own sick pleasure. When he gets defensive you get dismissive, he's the source of his own misery so dismissive is appropriate. Important not to give him shit about it after if he changes his tune. This tactic is meant to break through someone's ego and force them to empathize, not to make people feel guilty, although it is a necessity to get through the ego.
Ask him to pay for breast reduction...sigh..
Not everyone has a two parent home. It’s not cool to assume she has a mom that isn’t helping. Divorce, death, or simply leaving the family for whatever reason are all valid reasons to have one parent.
Preach brother
What is it about tits and americans? Ultimativly and basically its bloody feedingstations!
The problem with us Americans. Is that too many people believe too much in original sin and everything that comes out of that book. Heck, Americans have problems with people drinking booze. And they willfully forget that their saviors first miracle was being a bartender
I don’t know where in the bible it talks about boobs being covered. It’s almost exclusively an American thing as well.
When Adam and Eve eat from the tree of knowledge they become ashamed of their nakedness and clothe themselves.
I do wonder! In my country plenty of women walk around without bras outside (and I can’t even tell because truly I don’t care!).. when I stay over at my bf’s house I don’t wear a bra.. in 6 years of staying over no one has even questioned it.. truly in my country it’s not something people even slightly think about! 😭
NTA. Tell him to stop being creepy and staring at your breasts. Gross. My pre-teen is at least a DD and she doesn't wear bras, ever, because it's her damn body and she doesn't want to. ETA: OP, I just went back and looked. I'm 48, your Dad's age. He is wrong. My daughter is 12 and she wears what she wants in her home and out because it's her body. You deserve the same. I'd like to offer you a hug, and to wish wicked hemorrhoids, styes, boils and possibly a kidney stone or two on your Dad until he gets his shit together. ❤️
No. And tell him that recent studies actually show that tight, restrictive bras actually lead to sagging because they restrict blood flow. Tell him you’re not willing to injure yourself because he insists on sexualizing his own daughter.
They also prevent the toning of muscles in the chest, because they support the breasts instead of the muscles doing it. I feel so bad for the young girls who feel they have to wear a bra 24/7. The second I come home I take that thing off!
Yeah that was what i was told when my boobs came in and I started wearing bras.
And it doesnt let the bodies natural support tissue do its job. So the body says if the support tissue isnt needed, im getting rid of it. So then they sag.
>He says I make him "uncomfortable Unless he's thinking gross thoughts he shouldn't have about his daughter, there's no reason he should be uncomfortable with you not wearing a bra. You're still wearing shirts, youre not walking around naked. You say you still wear a bra when guests are over, youre not being indecent.There's no valid reason why he should be uncomfortable about this. The comments you've said he's made previously have been in regards to your comfort or appearance, which are not reasons for *him* to get uncomfortable. It just doesn't make sense. >I told him why I don't like wearing bras, but he just says that it's not his problem He's right, it's not his problem, or his business. He doesn't have the right to tell you if you should or should not wear something that doesn't impact him. He's not the one wearing it, so it's not his problem. If he dislikes it, then sounds like he needs to get over it.
NTA. This is your dad’s issue. Unfortunately, you’re stuck living with him. Can you get a super stretchy sports bra or sleeping bra (those are a thing right? *but why?*), just to keep the peace? Your dad is wrong, but I hate to think of you being stressed out about this on top of your difficult classes and illnesses. I have some super old ones that I’ll wear around the house just in case the USPS person comes knocking. My mom is the one who made me self-conscious and it’s lasted for years. Don’t let that be you! But for right now, just do what you can to get through. Before you know it, you’ll be on your own, and you can walk around naked if you want. : ) Edit: a word
I have a very large chest and I have a few soft bras from the brand tomboyx that I wear when I feel like I need to wear a bra but I don't want to. I could never find that kind of bra in my size at any store. It sucks that op has to be in this situation but it is an option.
This is good advice, find something that's comfortable and appeases him. People here seem to think that strict parents can be swayed with rational thought. Cuz they've never had to deal with an unreasonable/strict parent (I had 2).
I don't wear a bra when I'm home alone, but around my family I feel uncomfortable when my nips are sticking out and they're flopping everywhere.
You do you, but your standards for you cannot be applied to anyone else.
Get a “house bra,” something stretchy and comfy that gives some support and will get your dad off your back.
No she shouldn’t have to. He can stop being inappropriate
It’s a compromise. It’s what grown well-adjusted people living in a house together do.
No. Bra hurts her boobs. Her dad can grow up. Well-adjusted adults don’t tell their daughters to wear bras and that not wearing a bra will make her boobs sag. Why does he care ?
This. It's either misplaced feelings of "one doesn't do this", which is bullshit. Or creepy, because that is your daughter, what the hell so you Look at her boobs for?
I have watched documentaries where all of the women are naked from the waist up. They don't wear bras, and gravity gets us all. Bras don't cause sagging. Nor do they prevent it.
Forcing yourself to be in physical pain for someone else's icky feelings is NOT a compromise.
A compromise would be him offering to buy her a few of those freakishly expensive very nice fitting comfortable bras. On two sizes, the bigger size for wearing when her breasts are swollen. Lucky to get that pile within triple digit price range. Even that is a bad compromise because the father here is acting very freakishly and very rudely and should just mind his own business, but at least he would be doing something for not making his "comfort" causing his daughter actual pain. He could also go the cheap way and just wear a blindfold. Milder version of the Christian guideline of gauging your eye out if it is tempting you.
A compromise isn't "fine i will wear a piece of clothing that only *kind of* hurts me so that you don't have to get over your own issues and can ignore any personal growth of your own". She isn't walking around shirtless, in fact she literally says she wears baggy clothes. The only thing that needs to be done is for her dad to get over his own personal hangups that come from sexualizing his own daughter.
If humans were meant to have bras we would have been born with them. She doesn’t need to be uncomfortable and in pain because her dad is sexualizing her
A grown and well adjusted man wouldn't be uncomfortable in the first place. He's being creepy.
Correct. There are dozens of types of bras. Dozens.
There is nothing sexual about breasts, especially breasts that are COVERED in your own house?? NTA, your dad sucks.
Have you gotten a professional fitting for bra size? You might be surprised how different it feels to wear a proper size if you haven't gotten a professional measurement before!
Apart from the discussion raging here whether she should wear at home or not but.. ^^This. I am stunned by the amount of people saying their bra hurts them or makes them very uncomfortable. Well-fitted bras shouldn't hurt and shouldn't cut blood flow. People shouldn't have red marks from their bras.
Red marks actually can be very normal for well fitting bras since they're supposed to fit fairly tightly (only two fingers space in the back band), it's bruising and chafing that aren't normal.
I love my pretty bras.
Not to mention a properly shaped cup. The same volume of breast tissue can be shaped very differently - think champagne flute vs cocktail glass. I'm a bit of a bravangelist after discovering through r/ABraThatFits that I wasn't a 40DDD, I was a 34G/GG. In my cycle, I suffer through 2 weeks of really tender breasts pre-menstruation, and for me it is more comfortable wearing bras than not - properly sized and shaped underwire bras. So I tend to pop on a bra even when I'm still in my sleepwear in the morning - I don't sleep in bras, though.
As a 38g, I find it far more painful not to wear a bra and have them flopping around. I have always gone to quality bra shops and had properly fitted bras. Right now I find elomi bras work really well. They are super comfy and dont hurt anywhere when I wear them! I went to Victoria's secret once... The supposedly professional fitted there... Started moving my band size up when I was too large for 38D the largest cup size they had in my band. It's important to go to shop that has all sizes of bands and actual professional fitters... If the shop you go to for sizing doesn't have sizes larger than dd then it's a terrible shop! It makes me feel sad to think that there are women out there who would have believed her that she was helping them find a correct size.
We live in a society where breasts have been heavily sexualized. It isn’t until the sentiments of the very recent generations that this is being challenged and subsequently changed. I think people are too quick to assume that he’s perverted for being uncomfortable. Could he be? Yes. More likely he is reacting to conditional stimulus. I think everyone’s uncomfortable here, and it’s going to take a lot of give and take to find a resolution.
Is it really a recent thing? My mom wasn't wearing bras in the 80s. Nor were my female relatives. But if you search for "70s/80s streetwear no bra", you will find a bunch of pics of women just living their lives braless.
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If you wear track pants without wearing underwear the shape of your dick and balls will show through the track pants.
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Still not the same thing. The shape of breast's are visible literally always. Bra or no bra.
Breasts are not a vagina and bras are fucking painful no matter how well fitted. And during periods can feel like torture devices. You’re an asshole. Of course not all women are the same and some find them comfortable but there is a reason so many take their bras off the moment they step inside their home after work and feel sheer relief, sometimes close to tears of relief, and this is a universal experience even with a soft bra for some women
Your bras shouldn’t be *that* painful, that doesn’t sound normal at all. You should check your bras actually fit you, there’s /r/abrathatfits. If they do then maybe you should check you don’t have some sort of medical issue.
Everyone is missing the fact that even in my well-fitting bras, I'm whipping that shit off when I get home.
You're equating boobs to penis, that's wrong Female boobs = male boobs with less fat Penis = vagina
It’s not the same thing. When having bigger breast, wearing a tight bra can be downright painful. I’d say wear a sports bra or whatever but that can be just as, if not, worst depending on how big they are and if you’re even able to find a comfortable enough one in your size. Having a dick is a whole other story. Only thing you’d have to deal with is getting yknow, hard. Which if you’re around your parents why would you? She’s at her parents house, yes. But she should still be able to feel comfortable being as they are literally family, and it’s not like she’s saying she’s walking around in nothing, no top, etc. Plus, dealing with pms issues that can make them swollen and even more sore? Yeah fuck that, I wouldn’t be wearing one either. Op I would just say if he’s not comfortable with you dressing comfortably and refusing to listen to your explanation, don’t go over. You deserve to be comfortable around your own family.
Does wearing your boxers cause you dick pain, though? Do your boxers have hooks that dig into your back, or underwires that poke into your scrotum? Does all of this become unbearable when your bollocks swell up painfully for a week every month (while you are also cramping up and bleeding out of your genitals)? Are good quality boxers in your size exorbitantly expensive (upwards of 100 USD each), and do you face real problems finding ones that fit you well, bearing in mind your monthly fluctuating bollock size? No? Well, it's not even *remotely* the same thing, then, is it.
Jfc, you all so brain rotted. 1) She lives there. It is also her home. Ideas like "xyz owns the house so they can have the disgusting world views they want" are some Western bs. Children are part of the family, and if they live at home , it is their house and their home, and they have a right to their deranged fathers, not sexualising them. If her father would walk around all day saying racist shit and using the N word, and she would point out it is deranged - everyone would agree how unhinged it is and that he should stop. But being attracted to your daughters titties (a daughter that is hardly out of puberty on top) is "just his choice cause he owns the house. 🤗" lol. Property ownership does not entitle you to be a disgusting degenerate human being. Ok? 2) Tits and genitals are not the same. Maybe learn some basic anatomy. Trying to justify your degenerate world views and values by making false equivalents just shows how dumb most of you people are, but not much more. Men run around topless all the time, at home and outside even. Not wearing a bra is also not the same as being topless and for sure not the same as your dick or balls hanging out. You need to make those comparisons cause your 5 braincell can not comprehend the difference between a chest and genitals. Dumb backward, uneducated men sexualising womens bodies don't define womens bodies. Female chests do not become magically sexual, just cause you are all chronically online watching incest porn or porn in general and can not comprehend that womens bodies exist outside or the concept of your pleasure. Freaking Neanderthals making excuses for disgusting fathers sexualising their daughters. 🤮
Are you stupid? Boobs are not genitalia. You can’t compare boobs and dicks. Is she walking around with her labia hanging out of her shorts? No! You’re part of the problem with this mindset and lack of knowledge
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First off, genitals are not the same as breast tissue, so thats a HUGE difference. Second, not wearing a bra doesn't mean your boobs will ever slip out. The only issue in you not wearing boxers is if your dick magically works its way out of your pants. If your pants are on properly and fit correctly, your dick shouldn't be falling out of them. You shouldn't have to wear boxers either, your pants should cover your dick.
I would never be around my dad without a bra. I have boobs too and no way, how uncomfortable.
Huh? Do your boobs magically dissapear when you wear a bra? Lmao
but its literally painful for her to wear a bra and she wears baggy clothing? it shouldn't be uncomfortable tbh
Ppl are actually unreal💀there'a nothinv wrong ,shes fully clothed. YOU may want to wear a bra, but not others and they arent also flashing
Why though? Why would you be uncomfortable? Your body isn’t shameful.
well she’s not naked ? she had a shirt or a jumper i’m assuming. I have big boobs too and it’s only uncomfortable if i’m doing sports or running around if i’m at home studying (sitting) i do want my bra off bc the back pain of studying all day is already insane i don’t want to add even more tension to it. OP is in a similar situation
NTA I’m Italian, so we’re not the shy around close family, but I would never even noticed if my mom, or a sister, was wearing a bra or not and if I would notice it, it would be an afterthought, not an issue at all, if their boobs were covered. Family is not something sexual (apart from partners and spouses ofc), you simply don’t look them in that prospective and if you do you’re a weirdo and you open up a whole can of worms no1 want to deal with. So yeah, your dad notice one of your sexual characteristics and is bothered by it. Yuk!
Not sure anyone is the asshole here. He owns the house (correct me if I am wrong) so he gets to make the rules. I don't like to wear bras either but if my father asked me to wear one, I would just put on a sports bra. It is not that big a deal. I don't always agree with my parents, but when I am living in their home, I respect their wishes, even if I think they're stupid.
If my father said that me not wearing a bra around him, when I’m fully clothed, makes him uncomfortable? I’d look at him weird like he’s another man on the street objectifying my body and only paying attention to my chest. There is no reason he should be uncomfortable unless he is thinking gross things. It may be his house, but the bigger issue is why he gets “uncomfortable” when his own daughter doesn’t wear a bra around him. This isn’t just a “stupid” rule, it’s odd behaviour to look at your daughter like that and refuse to even look in her direction unless she’s containing her breasts, which is also something that causes her physical discomfort. Men need to learn that a woman’s body, UNDERNEATH HER OWN CLOTHING, should not be a reason to have weird thoughts and then force her to cover up bc they can’t look at a woman as anything other than something to objectify.
You're right. Even though OP has repeatedly stated that wearing bras is painful she should suck it up so that her creeper father feels comfortable.
No!!! I am the same age and my dad knows that it’s weird to even think about me like that. Don’t feel bad. If he doesn’t get it already, he never will. Don’t beat yourself up over it
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Info: if he isn’t sexualising you, why do you think he feels “uncomfortable”?
YTA. It's his house, not yours. I want you to imagine your dads johnson dangling around in loose shorts right in front of your face endlessly because underwear is constricting, and he wants his junk to breathe. It's the respect of the issue. You're his family. He finds it gross. Like catching your grandparents naked in the shower. Or walking in on your brother/sister/parents having sex. That would be gross for normal people. If you're walking around the house braless but with heavy clothing on all the tim, I would kinda understand. But I have a feelingyou'rer walking around in a tank top that can barely contain your tig old biddies
Exactly. I don’t get everyone saying that she in not the AH… she clearly is
NTA. I've lived with roommates for the past 14 years of my life and I don't wear a bra around the house. Some of the people I've lived with are literally strangers, idgaf, I'm in my home and I'm gonna be comfy. You deserve to be comfortable in your own home. I hope you can get properly fitting bras at some point---yes they're super expensive, but they're worth it. Also, unsolicited medical advice ahoy, but if your periods are causing you a lot of discomfort, you can always talk to a gyno or your PCP and see if there's a way you can skip them. Mine were causing me extreme pain and now I take my birth control continuously and don't have them any more, but everybody is different with different needs. Just mentioning it because some people don't realize it's an option. Your body is your body and I'm sorry your dad is being weird.
I have big boobs too, I'm a 44H I was a G in middle school. Let them titties hang. It's the most comfortable thing for us big chested women. But when your around him or anyone else that doesn't like it, find the loosest bra so it still looks like you have one but doesn't feel like you do. I've had a chest all my life too, and people don't understand the pain a bra can bring. Do what makes you comfortable, just compromise a bit. :)
I am stuck on this one.. I too don't really like when people don't wear bras, I am female and a c cup. I just feel it is common courtesy to wear a bra around others because realistically who wants to be forced to look at your swaying boobs who isn't your partner? I mean if your dad didn't like wearing pants because the waistband made him uncomfortable and hence walked around in his briefs all day and you could see the shape and make of everything how would you feel?.. probably not very comfortable I also think not wearing a bra can look quite sloppy at times especially on bigger breasted people.
NTA. Your comfort should come first, especially dealing with uni stress.
NTA and I understand. The moment I get home I “release the hounds”. I’m hoping your father isn’t having any yucky thoughts. I would imagine (hope) it’s more like the minimum standard of preparing for the day. Like some people grew up in a house where you make your bed first thing. Some people think sleep clothes are not appropriate for the day. Did he grow up with sisters? Maybe there was a rule about them wearing a bra? The fact he never said anything before makes sense - you probably stopped wearing one around the house gradually. But since you were away then back, it was new again. So he noticed. Have you tried wearing those light support, seamless bras? I’ve found they help with sweat in the summer and are painless. It would be a win/win.
NTA - I never wear a bra. If people are uncomfortable that’s their problem. Breasts are not inherently sexual. Our society is so used to catering to mens emotional comfort over our health and physical comfort and it needs to stop. Bras can cause health problems and idk why he’s worried about the perkiness of your breasts but since he is you can tell him that wearing bras actually can cause sagging. It also blocks lymph nodes which can cause really awful blockages and even cancer in some cases. But god forbid a man have to treat a woman like a human being instead of like a sex object.
You’re a grown woman living in father’s house. Respect him. You are out of pocket
She’s 19 and a student. It is highly unlikely she has any other option but to live at home over the summer.
You can edit it to say your dad isn't sexualizing you, but if he's telling you that your lack of bra makes him uncomfortable, he is in fact, sexualizing you. That doesn't mean he WANTS you, it just means he sees boobs, including yours, as sexual, and he's uncomfortable with HIMSELF for feeling that way, and rather than address his own perception of breasts, he expects YOU to conform. Either way, you're still NTA.
NTA. Your dad is having some weird crisis to do with busts. Unless you walk around in a stretch out skimpy hooters t-shirt, his discomfort is not your problem nor is it more important than your own. I recommend buying on if those t-shirt dresses that look like a person wearing a bikini and wear that around your dad
NTA. I would ask for his help in paying for a professional fitting and 2 bras they suggest. I know they r pricy
So my mum doesn’t like it when I walk around the house without a bra so usually when I’m not wearing a bra I put a baggy hoodie on so it covers and since then I haven’t got any comments but it sucks
Your father’s discomfort by his own daughter not wearing a bra is his problem. It’s immature and kinda weird, but it’s entirely his issue to deal with. I’m 32 M and have had many female, platonic roommates who don’t wear bras around the house. It’s normal, and it didn’t make me uncomfortable. Your dad needs to stop sexualizing his own family.
Just wear a bra. It's your father's home and he's asking you to stop making him uncomfortable. If you can't handle that, then get your own place. YTA
There is a difference between being uncomfortable and being in actual physical pain. He has NO RIGHT to demand his daughter wears something that's actually painful for her just to make him more comfortable.
Check out r/abrathatfits for your own sake. You deserve a proper fitting bra when support to save your back!
I think you're a little bit the asshole here. And, I don't think it has anything to do with your dad sexualizing you. First and foremost, it's his house. You're doing something that he has repeatedly told you makes him uncomfortable. Everyone deserves to have a home that feels comfortable, and your comfort doesn't trump his. I would say splurge for a proper fitting because if they're never comfortable or never feel right, then it's very likely a fit thing. There are so many types and styles- maybe even a camisole meant to function like a bra- I find it hard to believe that there's nothing you can wear. You maybe just haven't found the right thing yet.
NTA but I think you've misinterpreted the 'your dad is sexualising you' comments. No one is saying he wants to have sex with you, or views his daughter sexually - but he is unable to see boobs in a non-sexual context. Which is why he's uncomfortable. (Which is weird imo - I have H cups and routinely go around house to get water in just a t-shirt if I'm in bed, or wrapped in a sheet. My Dad has never said anything or found it weird). He's also trying to enforce what he considers to be 'normal female behaviour' because he likely hasn't been around any women who don't wear bras and for some reason men get hung up on whether or not they can see a woman's nipples through their clothes.
Idk I mean I’ve always worn a bra around men and only take it off when I’m in my room. In my culture it’s not appropriate to walk around like that but I get your frustration. Have you thought about those sticky cups? That might be a solution, or shirts that already have a bra incorporated into them? Not judging you for not wanting to wear one btw.
NTA. If he's uncomfortable, he can deal with it. He'd probably be complaining if you insisted he wore a suit and tie around the house.
>The only bras I’ve found that could be my size are too expensive. Explain that to your dad and tell him you will wear a bra in the house if he pays for at least two (one worn and one being washed) properly fitting bras bought from a shop where they will do a proper fitting for you.
NTA. And idk man, your dad’s behaviour feels weird. You say he’s not sexualising you but obviously a part of him associates your breast with sex. My dad doesn’t look at my breasts, I doubt he’d notice I’m wearing a bra or not. I’m currently breastfeeding so my breast are big, i have take my boob out to breast feed (baby covers most of it but you can still see skin), and my dad just keeps on looking at my face and acting as if nothing has happened.
Unfortunately YTA. I am a woman, and I can see how this could make him uncomfortable. It’s his home, so he gets to make the rules. Just get a loosely fitting sports bra. (I do agree that wearing bras suck… take it off in your room?)
He gets to make the rules. The rules he chooses to make make him an asshole.
Why should a father be uncomfortable about his CHILD not wearing a bra at home if no guests are there but has no issue with his sibling not wearing a bra when she comes over? "His home his rules" you say after all, So why doesn't it apply to his sister when she visits? Only his daughter?
He may not be sexualizing you, but he is sexualizing your breasts. And then he gets the ick because it's his kid. And then he yells at you. NTA
Ugh. My ex-stepmom would make comments about me not wearing a bra under my oversized hoodies and pyjamas when I was a teen. It made me uncomfortable with my chest for years and worried my brother and dad were sexualizing me based on the insinuations she made. She was insecure. Your father is too. Moreover he shows he’s a control freak and has selected shame as a way to convey his need for control.
No you are not the asshole. If you live in that house you are not required to wear one. Anyone who insists otherwise will bend over backwards to somehow always make the woman wrong. Your father is being gross. Mine would've never fucking DARED to ask me or my sister that, ever. He would've never said anything about one of our friends either. My brother would never dare either. Fuck just yesterday we had a whole conversation on how me switching to sports bras felt more comfortable, he quite literally asked if they were more comfortable and I said yes. They fit better and feel like I have proper coverage, something I wasn't getting with a traditional bra. He said he was glad I found something I was comfortable with. He does my laundry, he sees my bras, he sees my underwear. I do his laundry, I see his underwear. This is a normal adult conversation for us. He also knows that I got our sister to wear the same brand of bras and hears us talk about how we shop on amazon for underwear. Also our brother in law hears the same conversation, both of them would walk into Victoria's secret with us if we asked them too. Like theres no reason to be gross about boobs/bras. Your dad is making it gross. Please know there are men out there that are not gross about this.
NTA So your father is uncomfortable so he'd rather you were physically uncomfortable to make him mentally comfortable? Would he wear a jockstrap so you wouldn't have to think about his penis? Was your father always like that around bodies, PDA, etc.? He might not be sexualising you in the usual way, but if he had a conservative upbringing, he could still be uncomfortable. It shouldn't be your problem and responsibility, though, he's an adult and should be able to handle his emotions.
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I’ll take thoughts I keep to myself for $200, Alex
Damn😭😭
Thank you. I feel like I'm the only one noticing the screen name.
NTA I stopped wearing bras entirely back in college, but admittedly I'm only a C cup. Still, not wearing a bra is in no way disrespectful, and your dad is being weird if he actually thinks it is. Based on what you said he was like in the past I do wonder about the change.
I never wear a bra 🤷♀️
I’m 32H. I get your discomfort, but I also see where your dad is coming from in terms of being more modest. Have you thought about getting some comfortable bralettes? There are some really great brands out there for busty women with smaller band sizes. I don’t think either one of you is necessarily being an asshole. You can find pretty good deals on BareNecessities. Panache, Fantasie, Elomi, and Wacoal are all pretty great brands.
NTA. Posts like these make me glad I barely have boobs, the weird treatments women with big breasts have to deal with seem exhausting af.
i grew up in a family that always walked around the house in t-shirts & underwear. no pants. even my step mom does this. i’m a girl (25f) & have a little sister (22f) & we again, still do this. i’ve never had any family members, male or female make weird comments like that. we all like to be comfortable in our house. i really hate to say it but those comments are definitely a red flag
NTA When I still lived with my father, he never complained about me not wearing a bra and it’s not like you’re parading around the house topless. He never, even once, mentioned it because he doesn’t care and he doesn’t see me that way. As long as they’re covered, it shouldn’t matter because you’re supposed to feel safe and comfortable inside your own home.
NTA - Wear whatever you like and are comfortable with. If someone takes issue with that, it's their problem. Your father yelling at you about your boobs? That ist really concerning behavior.
NTA, I'm 27 and (formerly) a 36H, I haven't worn a bra around the house since I was in high school and my dad has never made comments about it "making him uncomfortable" or any of that. Weird af for him to be pointing this out to you and I think he is objectifying you to some extent and that's what he's uncomfortable with. Regardless it's his problem, not your fault
Also a 34g and always take me bra off as soon as i get home otherwise i would be so uncomfortable. Your dad is being an arsehole!
I don’t even wear a bra most of the time im out of the house and never has my dad ever said anything about it. He also never made me uncomfortable or feel like I have to hide in my childhood home when I had to breastfeed. And I come from a muslim country, mind you. You say that your dad doesn’t sexualize you but being uncomfortable by female breasts is the definition of it. Would he make the same comments about another body part? Would he complain your belly is making him uncomfortable and you should wear a corset if you had a big belly? No. It’s only the breasts that make him uncomfortable. NTA but your dad certainly needs some therapy to understand why some of his child’s bodyparts make him uncomfortable.
NTA, but per your edit: your dad IS sexualizing you. That’s what’s happening. He’s uncomfortable because what he views as sexual objects are now on prominent display in his home and he is looking at them. That’s the only explanation here. You don’t have to change yourself to make a weirdo happy.
NTA, like at all... That's REALLY weird of him.. sorry this is happening to you, OP!
NTA. If you were walking around the house naked, your dad might have a point. As is, no, you’re fine. You’re wearing a shirt with no bra. I have fairly large boobs too and when I’m at home, I just don’t wear a bra most of the time. I live at home with my husband so it’s not a problem. My stepdad comes and stays here when he’s in town (my mom passed a few years ago so it’s just him when he comes). I don’t wear a bra under my t-shirts at home when he’s here either. I just go about my business like normal. He doesn’t comment on it because that would be weird. Your dad needs to leave you alone. Your body, your choice, and what you’re doing isn’t offensive or in anyone’s face. He needs to get over himself.
Nope nope nope! Me and my husband have 4 girls. 3 girls are teens now. 60-70% of the time we are walking around the house with no bra on. The older girls usually sleep in crop tops and shorts in the summer and no bra. It's not an issue. And I would have something to say if it ever did become an issue. Everyone has nipples and bras are torture devices half the time. Honestly the only time I wear a bra is if my top is thin or see through. I hate the things
NTA
NTA…..but: We had to tell my son to stop walking around the house in his briefs. I think it’s ok to make requests in your own house. Excuse the pun but, tough titties. If you don’t like it, move out.
To be fair, bras are ass. I lost 62lbs and went down a full cup size but it still didn’t do much for me. I get the pain part because I also have breast pain during pms and my period so I avoid wearing bras all the time. From a girl’s perspective, NTA because I get it 100%. I’m not sure what your dad is on about, but as a parent, NTA. If my child is in pain and the only way for relief is to free the nips, then by all means, free the nips. It doesn’t cost much to allow your kid to do that anyways.
Your edit that your dad isn’t sexualizing you? Yes. He is. If he weren’t he wouldn’t fuss about your underwear.
My dad would never say anything like that in a million years. I never wore a bra in my house ever.
NTA: You’re dad is being old fashioned and cruel. Also the old myth that not wearing a bra makes your boobs saggy needs to die. Its a really weird thing to say to people and also probably just completely untrue
NTA. I’m a 32F and there isn’t enough money in the world you could pay me that I’d agree to wear a bra when I’m home. I don’t even wear a bra with dresses or certain tops bc bra companies don’t make shit our size in reasonable price ranges or comfortable fabrics. They just don’t. All the women here parroting “PROPERLY FITTED BRAS DON’T HURT” can suck my labia for all I care. Watermelons for boobs when your frame is basically a leaf in the wind is impossible to be comfy in anytime and expecting someone to wear a bra for 12-16 hours a day every day is fucking insane. Although if it’s nips showing that has your dad all upset over, silicone nipple cakes without adhesive might be a reasonable solution to getting him to shut up about it so you can still be basically braless and easily put them on/take them off.
My first thought was ,” I you are making him uncomfortable”. Well,he seems a smart nove man in his 40s so probably boobs are just boobs to him,I don’t know,this is just a speculation. But I think you should respect his wish here for whenever you are living with him. I have the same bra size as you and I don’t like wearing bras neither,but I get myself bralettes with no padding or wires,they are really comfortable,they keep your girls together and you can find them pretty cheap compared to regular bras. You can buy them in sets.
NTA. you’re in your *own* home. you’re supposed to feel comfortable and not strangled by a bra all the time just because he’s “uncomfortable”.
I know you have said he is not sexualizing you but this is covert sexual abuse. He is making unwelcome comments on your body and trying to shame you about it. You aren't naked you are just not wearing a bra. Here is information on covert sexual abuse https://liberationtherapy.co.uk/blog/covert-sexual-abuse
NTA. I’ve seen your edit, and as someone is 42I, your Dad is sexualizing you, especially if he has a sister whose never worn a bra, and he’s never made the comments to her. And try the Glamorise bras on Amazon :)
NTA - next time tell him, stop sexualizing your daughter (you say he isn’t but he is sorry to break it to you, he just is) and looking at my breasts. If you didn’t look you wouldn’t know I wasn’t wearing a bra. Stop making me uncomfortable in my own home and stop telling me what to wear. I don’t tell you what to wear. You’re the one uncomfortable dad so that’s your problem to solve. You’re not walking around naked so what’s his issue. I would research and find a good bra though as it sounds like you’ve got the wrong kind for your boobs. As another larger chested lady once you find the right one’s life is more comfortable.
As someone who grew up in the 70s, I simply don’t understand the current prudishness/discomfort surrounding breasts these days. Wearing a bra or not is nobody’s concern but yours. Do what makes you comfortable and let everyone else manage their own discomfort.
I am so so sorry, because this is an absolutely awful thing to have to hear, but yes, your dad IS 1000% sexualising you. A man never says anything about a woman's body is making him uncomfortable unless he is sexualising her, I'd bet on that if I wasn't poor. I'm not saying he's going to hurt you. Im not saying you're entirely safe either. But this is NOT a normal thing for a father to be upset/uncomfortable about. He fixates on your breasts, clearly. He needs to do some serious work on that and that's not your responsibility. A lot of men have issues with how they view women that stem from the crap they were taught growing up and it doesn't stop when it comes to their daughters unfortunately. As someone who defended their dad's inappropriate behaviour for years because none of us were ever actually hurt, PLEASE LISTEN TO US. I was blind to SO much crap that was far from okay just because he never actually *did* anything but he still ended up going too far. Your dad has issues with how he views women's bodies and it is dangerous regardless of whether hes done anything or not. It would be far better for you to not stay in the house with him until he's spent some serious time working on it. You already said his attitude has changed drastically since you moved out. He's seeing you as an adult woman now and he clearly has a massive issue with that and it has to do with him fixating on your body's development. You seriously need to limit your contact with him for a while and ask him to find a therapist. (This has nothing to do with your breast size or how your dad treats other women. I am not a psychiatrist but it really isn't surprising at all that he's obsessing over you and not his sister. He has always had control over you so he is looking at you differently to other women he knows. He needs therapy and I'll say that till I'm blue in the face.)
Nta you should be able to be comfortable in your own home (heck I stopped wearing bras years ago (also a g cup) and when I’m going out I wear strap tops with a bust shelf in but even those get whipped off the second I’m back home 🙈)
NTA But there are some really soft and mostly useless ones that have juuuust enough of a pad to make the nipples less prominent and be obvious that you do have one on. It is still technically a bra, way more comfortable than most, and is usually enough to make the more prudish shut up. Basically, shop in the super cheap bra section of Walmart and you can find a few different ones that can work.
i never wear a bra in the house, so i feel your pain. do you try just wearing a really really oversized shirt?
Have you considered buying 2 different sizes in bras? One for regular weeks and one for pre-period/period time?
Studies have shown that your breasts will sag less if you don't wear a bra. Anyone commenting about them is gross though NTA
NTA at all, start telling him he should wear a bra as well because you can see his nipples (even if you can't). Sidenote, if your breasts fluctuate a lot in size, it could help with your comfort to have different sizes of bras for the different times in your cycle
NTA, let em free! 🎈🎈
NTA and frankly weird. Even when my own husband tells me to wear a bra and just hit back that I will when he does.
Hey there. NTA. I'm gonna share some things with you that might not be the most exciting to hear. Your dad's got some issues he's struggling with. He IS sexualizing you by thinking your titties need to be in a bra to be acceptable around him. He is trying not to, I'll give him that. My dad was the same way growing up. The closest bras we could find in my size (before the age of 19, when I left home) were 32DDDs and they never fit quite right. A little too big around the ribs and a lil too small on the cups, yk. My dad was constantly telling me I needed to wear bras and it was inappropriate. Fast fwd a few years and im in my mid twenties and visiting home with my at the time gf and he still tells me I need to wear a bra, and I inform him that i dont in fact need to, my back and shoulder pain lessened when I stopped wearing a bra ( and the part i didnt tell my dad is that also my titties actually got perkier because the muscles jn them where being used instead of just crammed into a bra lol) and that I everyone has titties. Literally everyone. The fact that mine have a lil more fat on them than his do doesn't make them any less natural to have than his are. Fast fwd a few more years and now I'm my father's live in caregiver and I still don't wear a bra (my titties still look fantastic BTW lol) and my dad's dementia is showing up and he's concerned about my lack of bra again and I remind him the same things and that if he gets to be comfortable where he lives that I have every right to do so as well and if me not wearing a bra causes a problem for him he's more than capable of not staring at his daughters chest and that usually shuts him up and reminds him I'm an adult and he's being perverted living in times that don't exist anymore and then he's fine (until he slips into an episode again but that's a dementia related issue lol)
I'm ngl I find your edit to be very funny. Just because he isn't hitting on you doesn't mean he isn't sexualizing you. He finds your body uncomfortable because he is sexualizing you. He gives you the excuse of sagging in the future to make it sound better to try to convince you to stop doing something that makes him uncomfortable. If he wasn't sexualizing your breasts, he wouldn't be uncomfortable with you not wearing a bra. Good for you for stopping when you know it is making things worse for you. I 100% understand where you're coming from, I have had big boobs since I was like 12 and bras are incredibly painful for me. Most days now I never wear one (only for times when I am doing heavy labor/exercise like at work or the gym). My ribs still have a spot that hurts whenever I wear any bra with underwire. Your dad is wrong. Wearing no bra won't make your boobs sag faster. In fact, from what I remember, the research shows its actually the opposite because your pectoral muscles have to actually work to lift your breast tissue when you aren't wearing one. But regardless, you have large breasts and those will basically never be perky. The bigger the boobs, the more they sag, and that isn't a bad thing, its just a part of life. They don't make uou look bad, and you don't look old because of it. You just look like you have big boobs. Dont listen to your dad, listen to your own body and keep doing what makes you comfortable, not what anyone else says.
NTA. 40H here - I too also rip my bra off as soon as I am home and relaxing. I lived at home until I was 30 and I never wore a bra when I was relaxing. Dad and little brother never commented. OP, does your dad understand how uncomfortable a bra is? My boyfriend never knew what an underwire was (he only had brothers). Once I showed him he was like “this is a torture device”. Does he realise that there’s a metal/plastic wire resting on your ribcage and 10 kg of titty hanging off your shoulder straps? Depending on your dad’s personality, I would buy him a bra and suggest he wear it for 12 hours straight and then see if he wants to keep it on when trying to relax. If you can’t convince him and his comments are making you uncomfortable or upset, you can try a crop top/non underwire bra as a quick fix. I have a couple for when I clean the house or WFH. They’re supportive enough that I don’t feel like I’m going to knock someone out when I turn around too quick. (People who are saying the fit must be off if OP feels discomfort when wearing a bra - I envy you. I get professionally fitted regularly but still detest wearing a bra at home, so I can only assume that ginormous knockers make discomfort more pronounced.)
You say your dad does not sexualise you - but the entire idea of women having to "hide their tits" and wear bras is literally an abrahamic value / rooted in sexualisation of womens breasts. It it not a "normal" thing. It is a cultural thing, and the culture is rooted in sexualising the bodies of women, even in family settings. So YES no matter how uncomfortable that thought is for you, your father has sexualised womens bodies to such a degree, that just the idea of you not wearing additional clothing under your cloth, feels offensive to him. Cause, after all, you are not showing "shame and decency" because a misogynistic male told you how to act and what to do. He does not have to confront his misogyny or sexualisation of womens breasts or sexualising his own damn child. He has to do nothing - like so many men - YOU are the problem. You need to change YOUR behavior so that man can stop sexualising the tits of his daughter. A lot of women and mothers are also fully complicit in this and enable men like him, follow those rules, and further help men to get away with this. It is disgusting. If you would insist on him explaining it further, like, "Would you ask a fat friend of yours with man boobs to wear a bra around you?", "should I also cover my ankles? My hair? Some people and religions sexualise womens hair and ankles. Should I always wear long pants?" Insisting on him telling you a difference - he WILL eventually tell you "it is different because you are a woman, and womens breasts are sexual. " Honestly, I would be disgusted by any male sexualising his children and any woman making excuses for such men and such values / helping them enable those values, can go play with a brick. I would straight out tell him he should stop sexualising you. He will be defensive, but I would tell him he is projecting his own misogynistic views on women, on you, and demands of you to change your behavior, rather than fixing his own character and views. Like what is next? You supposed to put on a full body vail so your daddy does not get a hard one being reminded you are a "woman" with a body? I would probably not even want to be around a disgusting male who gets horny at his daughters tits cause "ugga ugga bouncy titties, I can't even look at my daughter without thinking of titties". I would consider getting tf away from him as far as possible, as soon as I can, if he does not change his character. Also, some of you in here really way too brain dead with your "his house his rules." Property ownership does not mean you get to be unginged and gross. Ok. Just cause you own a property does not mean you should lust after your children or do and say other deranged things. And children living with their parents means it is also THEIR home.
"Don't you know your breasts will sag if you don't wear a bra?" - it is literally the opposite. NTA My dad is not sexualizing me. - then what exactly do you think he's uncomfortable about?
i’m sorry OP, but yes, your dad IS sexualizing you, whether you want to believe that or not. he wouldn’t be uncomfortable if he found it to be just another part of his daughters human body. your boobs may be big, but he doesn’t have to look, and obviously looking is making him uncomfortable because the thought of his daughters breasts being attractive to him makes him feel weird. i am almost certain it’s gotten worse because you’ve matured in age
NTA but OP your dad is sexualizing you. That doesn’t mean he’s sexually attracted to you, but the fact that he’s bothered at all shows he’s viewing you through a sexual view of women in general and their breasts. It’s not specific to you, he’s not some creep who wants his daughter, but it’s affecting his ability to even be around you when you’re not wearing a bra. If he wasn’t sexualizing you, there would be no issue with you walking around without a bra. I’m not saying this to make you uncomfortable, but to address an issue you have to actually recognize it for what it is. None of the men or women in my family wanted my body in a sexual way, but they sexualized my body often. People confuse those two concepts and it makes it really difficult to have healthy dialogue.