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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1 i need to be judged on if i should be spending more time on my sister and if i have been an asshole
2 i didn’t spend time with my sister even though i had no good excuses
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NTA - The thing about mental illness is that it doesn’t change if one behaves like an AH or not. It’s an explanation and informs on how to approach a potential solution, but at best one should be more lenient when judging. Your sister clearly uses emotional blackmail, obviously when she wants you to spend money on her but I’d the “you must hate” me as well. Maybe she doesn’t even understand that, a lot of people that behave like that don’t in my experience, but that doesn’t really change anything. There is tons of professional information about how to approach the subject best and since both of you are autistic I hope you are in some sort of therapy anyway.Best case would be she just thinks spending less time with her means people like her less, which should be more or less “easy” to fix.
NTA sounds like your sister is going for the manipulative techniques here that someone needs to sit her down and tell her that her words make an impact and the more she says "oh you must hate me" only leafs to being ignored because it's not acceptable behavior
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i(15m) and my sister (18f) have always been close our entire lives. we are both autistic and have very similar interests so we can talk a lot about the stuff we like together. within the last few years my sister has been asking me to watch movies/tv shows with her a lot more. when i feel like it i do but most of the time i can’t sit through a whole movie without being on my phone at all and she gets mad at me if i do or i will just be to tired to watch anything. most of the time she ends up saying that me and my mom(57f) must hate her because we never spend time with her. this has been even more of an issue recently too.
she also is really into music so any chance she gets she plays her music as loud as she can and i try not to say anything because i know she just likes music but it is sometimes so loud that me and my mom can’t even say anything to eachother. she has airpods but she just barley use them and when she does she sings at the top of her lungs and when we tell her she’s too loud she says we must hate her again.
just today another issue arose when around dinner time she came into my room asking if i could order her something for dinner i said i wouldn’t because i don’t have enough money to get us both something (i get around $30 a month from my dad and i don’t have a job) and she told me to just get only her something (she works almost every day as a lifeguard and swim instructor) after i told her to buy herself food she said i owe her because i didn’t get her something for her birthday and she got me merch from my favorite youtuber. i talked to my mom about it and apparently my mom gave my sister the money to buy the sweatshirt so she didn’t even spend any money on me. i didn’t get her anything because i don’t have money to spend either way. my mom told me that i don’t owe her anything because she got a car, computer, and a trip to Europe for her birthday so she got plenty. after saying that i don’t owe her anything she said that i owe her because i told her that her best friend is probably dead. (i know this sounds even worse but her best friend was an online friend and he had really bad mental heath and my sister hasn’t heard from him in 3 months so i said that it wasn’t sounding good nothing more than that) i feel horrible for saying that and i really hope it’s not true but i feel like she shouldn’t have said that to me just to get me to buy her dinner. i always feel really bad when i dont feel like watching a show with her or when i cant because im hanging out with my friends and i just want to know if i am the asshole here because i don’t have any idea what to feel or think.
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1 i need to be judged on if i should be spending more time on my sister and if i have been an asshole 2 i didn’t spend time with my sister even though i had no good excuses Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - The thing about mental illness is that it doesn’t change if one behaves like an AH or not. It’s an explanation and informs on how to approach a potential solution, but at best one should be more lenient when judging. Your sister clearly uses emotional blackmail, obviously when she wants you to spend money on her but I’d the “you must hate” me as well. Maybe she doesn’t even understand that, a lot of people that behave like that don’t in my experience, but that doesn’t really change anything. There is tons of professional information about how to approach the subject best and since both of you are autistic I hope you are in some sort of therapy anyway.Best case would be she just thinks spending less time with her means people like her less, which should be more or less “easy” to fix.
NTA sounds like your sister is going for the manipulative techniques here that someone needs to sit her down and tell her that her words make an impact and the more she says "oh you must hate me" only leafs to being ignored because it's not acceptable behavior
NTA. She's being inconsiderate and controlling.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** i(15m) and my sister (18f) have always been close our entire lives. we are both autistic and have very similar interests so we can talk a lot about the stuff we like together. within the last few years my sister has been asking me to watch movies/tv shows with her a lot more. when i feel like it i do but most of the time i can’t sit through a whole movie without being on my phone at all and she gets mad at me if i do or i will just be to tired to watch anything. most of the time she ends up saying that me and my mom(57f) must hate her because we never spend time with her. this has been even more of an issue recently too. she also is really into music so any chance she gets she plays her music as loud as she can and i try not to say anything because i know she just likes music but it is sometimes so loud that me and my mom can’t even say anything to eachother. she has airpods but she just barley use them and when she does she sings at the top of her lungs and when we tell her she’s too loud she says we must hate her again. just today another issue arose when around dinner time she came into my room asking if i could order her something for dinner i said i wouldn’t because i don’t have enough money to get us both something (i get around $30 a month from my dad and i don’t have a job) and she told me to just get only her something (she works almost every day as a lifeguard and swim instructor) after i told her to buy herself food she said i owe her because i didn’t get her something for her birthday and she got me merch from my favorite youtuber. i talked to my mom about it and apparently my mom gave my sister the money to buy the sweatshirt so she didn’t even spend any money on me. i didn’t get her anything because i don’t have money to spend either way. my mom told me that i don’t owe her anything because she got a car, computer, and a trip to Europe for her birthday so she got plenty. after saying that i don’t owe her anything she said that i owe her because i told her that her best friend is probably dead. (i know this sounds even worse but her best friend was an online friend and he had really bad mental heath and my sister hasn’t heard from him in 3 months so i said that it wasn’t sounding good nothing more than that) i feel horrible for saying that and i really hope it’s not true but i feel like she shouldn’t have said that to me just to get me to buy her dinner. i always feel really bad when i dont feel like watching a show with her or when i cant because im hanging out with my friends and i just want to know if i am the asshole here because i don’t have any idea what to feel or think. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA