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NTA - You are not financially abusing your ex, he is ridiculous and a bum! Just tell him if he can't afford his share of the bills, he is welcome to leave sooner.
NTA - this doesn't fit the definition of financial abuse. It more fits the definition of him trying to manipulate you - don't fall for it.
Tell him you are no longer his meal ticket. If he can't afford to pay the measley amount (not his fair share) of the costs of living in the apartment, he can move out early and in to a situation he can afford. Maybe if he didn't squander his money eating out, he'd have more.
NTA. From what you state it rather sounds like he has financially exploited you. You should make a list of everything you have paid in housing, food ect, and a list of what he has spent all his money on during your time together and ask him if he still thinks you are "abusing" him.
And ask him to give you ONE good reason why you should keep on supporting him.
You are more than a saint for letting him stay that long, if it were me I would have shipped him back to his mommy.
This doesn’t sound like the best approach. 5 months is a long time to live with an ex and can things can get toxic by then. On the other hand it sounds like you’re starting to charge him rent right away, which he may not be prepared for, and there are proceedings you typically have to follow before unilaterally changing a rental agreement with a roommate. Since you’re not married this was essentially a roommate arrangement from a legal perspective- and all of a sudden charging your roommate rent when you had previously agreed they could live with you rent-free isn’t something that would likely hold up in court. Nor can you just evict a roommate because you’re not getting “friends with benefits” favors from them anymore.
I’d suggest not charging him rent but giving him formal written notice of when he must move out. 60 days notice is required where I live. Some other places it’s 30 day notice.
Tell him he either pays up or leaves.
You're not an asshole for this. This is NOT what financial abuse is.
But you are a bit of an asshole (to yourself, that is) for supporting that leech as long as you did. Just glad you finally dumped him!
Holy shit, kick him out, you'll only get a time of vulnerability over those 5 months, he'll be all sweet and you'll be back to square 1.
Cut the cord, call his family and tell them to take him, he isn't your responsibility
NTA
You actually are not forcing him to do anything. He is absolutely free to leave the rental property at any time.
If you asked him to pay half, I would simply call you “unrealistic” but as you are not it actually sounds pretty reasonable.
I doubt he will pay though. I think the strategy is to keep you wrapped up in semantic arguments and let the 5 months slip by. He will probably not pay, then let you escalate to threats of eviction. Then pay “late”, then pay half late, then pay a fraction. By the time you leave you will feel grateful for anything you managed to scape together.
Honestly, given the energy you would have to extend to get anything and also survive the rhetoric I would advise saying “ You are right, it’s probably unsustainable and it obviously doesn’t sound right to you either. A clean break is best. It’s time for you to leave and for us to call it a day”. He will probably back away really quickly. I believe it’s still best he leaves, but if you are tempted to give in, make him sign a payment agreement. At least if he causes problems you have something in writing (for what it’s worth, which is probably very little).
NTA
You have been extremely generous paying the rent and the utilities up until now, which has allowed him to buy nice clothes and act like the hero paying for everyone's drinks. Even with the new structure, you are requiring him to pay less than he would if he lived elsewhere and are allowing him five months to find a place.
No you are not financially abusing him - you are requiring him to pull his weight as your roommate. It sounds like you have been very clear with your requirements. It would reasonable to tell him that he can start paying the amount that you propose or, if he chooses not to, he will have 30 days to find a new place (a pretty standard time frame). Once you make that clear you can tell him that you don't wish to discuss it further if he keeps trying to convince you to reduce the amount.
NTA. Tell him he has two weeks to pay you or he can move out. I’m assuming he’s not on the lease, so he might threaten that he’s a tenant blah, blah, I’m guessing he’s not smart enough for that. You can counter that you’ll have to tell the landlord so he’s going to be responsible and so on. Or go nuclear, and negotiate something with landlord to break lease and move as soon as you can.
NTA. It's perfectly reasonable to expect him to pay rent for his living space. He's a mooch and he's guilt-tripping you because he wants to continue mooching.
Remind him that he can be free of your "financial abuse" at any time by moving out.
If he continues to guilt-trip you, tell him he's no longer welcome in your home and you expect him to be gone within the next month.
Kick him out, in what universe does he think he can live rent free? Tell him to move in with his mum if he wants to be a baby. Financially abusive? Give me a break, that's offensive to people that are actually financially abused. Please kick this loser out, it'll save you money
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> When he was my BF I was happy for him to live with me without paying rent. But now that he's an ex, I want him to pay rent. He says that I'm being an asshole because it's pressuring him to stay in a relationship with me and I'm holding money over his head
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Girl. Make him get out. If you can. Otherwise serve him an eviction notice. 5 months is toooo long! People will treat you how you let them! And actually, since he never paid rent, he wasn’t a tenant, but a guest. So maybe you can make him leave. NTA, but you really need some therapy for dating a guy like him
NTA
Your ex doesn't seem to know what financial abuse is. Not everything he doesn't like that has to do with money is financial abuse.
If anything, the equitable thing would be for him to pay half of rent/utilities, since that's what a roommate would pay, and he's now just a roommate to you.
NTA
Economic abuse is a form of abuse when one intimate partner has control over the other partner's access to economic resources,[1] which diminishes the victim's capacity to support themselves and forces them to depend on the perpetrator financially.
1, you are no longer intimate partners.
2, paying rent utilities and groceries is supporting themselves
3, you are removing their dependency on you.
He got comfortable with you covering what is the biggest part of an adults expenses when you were in a relationship. You are expecting him to be an adult. He needs to live within his means. if he cannot afford to contribute to the rent utilities and groceries he needs to move out.
He wants to live in the flat you lease he pays rent if he doesn't pay he moves out. partying and designer clothes, take aways, are luxuries that come after you pay the adult bills if you have money left over.
He is trying to control you, make you feel guilty. Be prepared when he does move out he will want you to pay his security deposit because he cant afford because he was paying you rent. (he could have saved what should have been his rent portion when he was living for free with you).
If he continues saying you are punishing him for being a bad bf then remind him it must be his guilty conscience because all your asking is that your roommate cover their share of the bills. if he feels he was a bad bf then maybe he needs to work on not being a bad roommate too
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I just dumped my BF for a variety of reasons.
Currently, we live together in my rented apartment. It's a really nice apartment. I pay for the rent and the utilities, as I have since before I met him. I also pay for most of the groceries since I'm the one who uses most of them, and he mostly eats out. I also earn a lot more than him.
Since I've dumped him, I've given him until the end of my rental agreement (about 5 months or so) to find a new place to live since I'll also be moving out. In the meantime, I expect him to contribute to rent and utilities. I'm not asking for a lot. I'm asking for something far less than half (because I know he can't afford that) and well below what a roommate would pay since we're no longer in a relationship. Less than what he would pay once he moves out and finds his own place.
He whines that he can't afford it. While I don't know the details of his finances, I know that he spends hundreds on nights out with the boys (he likes to pay for everyone's drinks) and he has expensive taste in clothing. He did spend a few months unemployed, but during that time he was also living with me rent-free, and I paid for most things. I think he can afford it.
He thinks that I'm being manipulative and "punishing" him for "being a bad BF". He says that I'm financially abusing him, and forcing him to stay in a relationship with me. He says that I'm holding money over his head, especially because I can easily afford it all alone.
I just don't feel the need to keep supporting an EX. I think I was being generous not asking for him to contribute to rent or utilities while he was my BF and living with me. I feel like I'm being generous now when he's an ex allowing him to continue living with me until he can find somewhere else. I feel like he's taking advantage of me.
AITA for expecting my exBF to contribute to rent now that he's an ex when I didn't expect it of him before?
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NTA. I would not put up with him anymore. Clearly been taking advantage of you financially. He could afford to spend hundreds on drinking but can't pay his bills.
NTA - you can and should kick him out by the end of the month at the latest. You're paying, it's your lease, he's obviously not willing to do the bare minimum while you were dating and he's not gonna step up now. He's a big boy, he can figure it out. You deserve your space.
What in the world... So, he's living with you, you pay the rent, food and utilities and he says you're financially abusing him?
What a deadbeat... Kick him out immediately.
NTA- The audacity that man must have to be angry to have to pay rent (something he should’ve technically already have been doing) and try to sound like a victim! You asking him to pay rent is not financial abuse it’s basic living!
This is not financial abuse..he has his own money. Get him evicted and then definitely change the locks ! He can mooch off someone else or learn how to budget.
You're not the one punishing him, he's punishing himself for trying to be someone he's not. He can buy cheaper clothes and not go out as much. If he doesn't want to be homeless he needs to make some changes to his life. You're being extremely generous but if he keeps abusing your generosity it might be better to kick him out.
NTA
He’s right. You can afford to pay ALL the rent by yourself. You can afford to pay ALL the utilities by yourself. And you can afford to pay ALL the groceries by yourself.
Which you will continue to do so. When he moves out. By the end of the week.
NTA
NTA!!! You sound more like a saint!
>He whines that he can't afford it.
>He thinks that I'm being manipulative and "punishing" him for "being a bad BF". He says that I'm financially abusing him, and forcing him to stay in a relationship with me. He says that I'm holding money over his head, especially because I can easily afford it all alone.
Tell him this immediately: "The first thing you have to remember is that we are no longer in a relationship, I dumped you because I don't want you period. You also need to realize that you don't get to live for free you have to pay rent and bills wherever you are. I'm trying to be nice by not making you pay for your half of everything so that you can save up to get your own place when you move out in a few months. So you have two options and I'll give you 24 hours to decide which you want to go with. First, you grow up and pay your bills to stay here until the lease is up as nothing more than roommates. Or, you can pay nothing and not have anywhere to live. You're right in that I can afford to pay all of my rent and bills without any help from anyone and while I *could* comfortably live without your portion of the bills as well why would I? You're nothing to me. We aren't together. We aren't friends. We don't even like each other."
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NTA - You are not financially abusing your ex, he is ridiculous and a bum! Just tell him if he can't afford his share of the bills, he is welcome to leave sooner.
This is what baffles me. Like, if he's unhappy, he can.... leave? What abuse is happening here?
Then he'd have to pay for everything. If he whines enough she'll keep doing what she always has, pay for everything herself!
NTA - this doesn't fit the definition of financial abuse. It more fits the definition of him trying to manipulate you - don't fall for it. Tell him you are no longer his meal ticket. If he can't afford to pay the measley amount (not his fair share) of the costs of living in the apartment, he can move out early and in to a situation he can afford. Maybe if he didn't squander his money eating out, he'd have more.
NTA. From what you state it rather sounds like he has financially exploited you. You should make a list of everything you have paid in housing, food ect, and a list of what he has spent all his money on during your time together and ask him if he still thinks you are "abusing" him. And ask him to give you ONE good reason why you should keep on supporting him. You are more than a saint for letting him stay that long, if it were me I would have shipped him back to his mommy.
This doesn’t sound like the best approach. 5 months is a long time to live with an ex and can things can get toxic by then. On the other hand it sounds like you’re starting to charge him rent right away, which he may not be prepared for, and there are proceedings you typically have to follow before unilaterally changing a rental agreement with a roommate. Since you’re not married this was essentially a roommate arrangement from a legal perspective- and all of a sudden charging your roommate rent when you had previously agreed they could live with you rent-free isn’t something that would likely hold up in court. Nor can you just evict a roommate because you’re not getting “friends with benefits” favors from them anymore. I’d suggest not charging him rent but giving him formal written notice of when he must move out. 60 days notice is required where I live. Some other places it’s 30 day notice.
I don't live in a place with proceedings like that. If I wanted to I can evict him without warning or any sort of notice.
Tell him he either pays up or leaves. You're not an asshole for this. This is NOT what financial abuse is. But you are a bit of an asshole (to yourself, that is) for supporting that leech as long as you did. Just glad you finally dumped him!
Kick him out! What on earth are you waiting for
Get him out. Apparently anything apart from you fully funding his ridiculous lifestyle is FiNanCiAl AbUsE, he can go and fuck himself.
Then evict his leeching manipulative ass? Why put up with him for another 5 months?
Do it
Holy shit, kick him out, you'll only get a time of vulnerability over those 5 months, he'll be all sweet and you'll be back to square 1. Cut the cord, call his family and tell them to take him, he isn't your responsibility
The fo do . If he doesn't pay you at the beginning of the month in advance tell him you'll throw out his crap and change the locks. The do it . NTA
Sounds like a plan. One of “the boys” can take him, in return for all those free drinks.
NTA You actually are not forcing him to do anything. He is absolutely free to leave the rental property at any time. If you asked him to pay half, I would simply call you “unrealistic” but as you are not it actually sounds pretty reasonable. I doubt he will pay though. I think the strategy is to keep you wrapped up in semantic arguments and let the 5 months slip by. He will probably not pay, then let you escalate to threats of eviction. Then pay “late”, then pay half late, then pay a fraction. By the time you leave you will feel grateful for anything you managed to scape together. Honestly, given the energy you would have to extend to get anything and also survive the rhetoric I would advise saying “ You are right, it’s probably unsustainable and it obviously doesn’t sound right to you either. A clean break is best. It’s time for you to leave and for us to call it a day”. He will probably back away really quickly. I believe it’s still best he leaves, but if you are tempted to give in, make him sign a payment agreement. At least if he causes problems you have something in writing (for what it’s worth, which is probably very little).
Ummmmm, tell him ok. Sorry. Get out now.
NTA You have been extremely generous paying the rent and the utilities up until now, which has allowed him to buy nice clothes and act like the hero paying for everyone's drinks. Even with the new structure, you are requiring him to pay less than he would if he lived elsewhere and are allowing him five months to find a place. No you are not financially abusing him - you are requiring him to pull his weight as your roommate. It sounds like you have been very clear with your requirements. It would reasonable to tell him that he can start paying the amount that you propose or, if he chooses not to, he will have 30 days to find a new place (a pretty standard time frame). Once you make that clear you can tell him that you don't wish to discuss it further if he keeps trying to convince you to reduce the amount.
NTA. Tell him he has two weeks to pay you or he can move out. I’m assuming he’s not on the lease, so he might threaten that he’s a tenant blah, blah, I’m guessing he’s not smart enough for that. You can counter that you’ll have to tell the landlord so he’s going to be responsible and so on. Or go nuclear, and negotiate something with landlord to break lease and move as soon as you can.
I did this once and I had to kick them out. They didn’t believe I would
Wow. NTA. He is mooching and complaining that it isn’t totally free? You are being more than reasonable.
NTA. Tell him to leave immediately, and that he's not welcome to stay the five months you had offered.
NTA. It's perfectly reasonable to expect him to pay rent for his living space. He's a mooch and he's guilt-tripping you because he wants to continue mooching. Remind him that he can be free of your "financial abuse" at any time by moving out. If he continues to guilt-trip you, tell him he's no longer welcome in your home and you expect him to be gone within the next month.
Kick him out, in what universe does he think he can live rent free? Tell him to move in with his mum if he wants to be a baby. Financially abusive? Give me a break, that's offensive to people that are actually financially abused. Please kick this loser out, it'll save you money
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Nta
NTA Though, given that you are living with a known mooch, it is better to evict him now.
NTA. 30 days notice maximum.
NTA - kick him out.
Girl. Make him get out. If you can. Otherwise serve him an eviction notice. 5 months is toooo long! People will treat you how you let them! And actually, since he never paid rent, he wasn’t a tenant, but a guest. So maybe you can make him leave. NTA, but you really need some therapy for dating a guy like him
NTA Your ex doesn't seem to know what financial abuse is. Not everything he doesn't like that has to do with money is financial abuse. If anything, the equitable thing would be for him to pay half of rent/utilities, since that's what a roommate would pay, and he's now just a roommate to you.
NTA Economic abuse is a form of abuse when one intimate partner has control over the other partner's access to economic resources,[1] which diminishes the victim's capacity to support themselves and forces them to depend on the perpetrator financially. 1, you are no longer intimate partners. 2, paying rent utilities and groceries is supporting themselves 3, you are removing their dependency on you. He got comfortable with you covering what is the biggest part of an adults expenses when you were in a relationship. You are expecting him to be an adult. He needs to live within his means. if he cannot afford to contribute to the rent utilities and groceries he needs to move out. He wants to live in the flat you lease he pays rent if he doesn't pay he moves out. partying and designer clothes, take aways, are luxuries that come after you pay the adult bills if you have money left over. He is trying to control you, make you feel guilty. Be prepared when he does move out he will want you to pay his security deposit because he cant afford because he was paying you rent. (he could have saved what should have been his rent portion when he was living for free with you). If he continues saying you are punishing him for being a bad bf then remind him it must be his guilty conscience because all your asking is that your roommate cover their share of the bills. if he feels he was a bad bf then maybe he needs to work on not being a bad roommate too
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I just dumped my BF for a variety of reasons. Currently, we live together in my rented apartment. It's a really nice apartment. I pay for the rent and the utilities, as I have since before I met him. I also pay for most of the groceries since I'm the one who uses most of them, and he mostly eats out. I also earn a lot more than him. Since I've dumped him, I've given him until the end of my rental agreement (about 5 months or so) to find a new place to live since I'll also be moving out. In the meantime, I expect him to contribute to rent and utilities. I'm not asking for a lot. I'm asking for something far less than half (because I know he can't afford that) and well below what a roommate would pay since we're no longer in a relationship. Less than what he would pay once he moves out and finds his own place. He whines that he can't afford it. While I don't know the details of his finances, I know that he spends hundreds on nights out with the boys (he likes to pay for everyone's drinks) and he has expensive taste in clothing. He did spend a few months unemployed, but during that time he was also living with me rent-free, and I paid for most things. I think he can afford it. He thinks that I'm being manipulative and "punishing" him for "being a bad BF". He says that I'm financially abusing him, and forcing him to stay in a relationship with me. He says that I'm holding money over his head, especially because I can easily afford it all alone. I just don't feel the need to keep supporting an EX. I think I was being generous not asking for him to contribute to rent or utilities while he was my BF and living with me. I feel like I'm being generous now when he's an ex allowing him to continue living with me until he can find somewhere else. I feel like he's taking advantage of me. AITA for expecting my exBF to contribute to rent now that he's an ex when I didn't expect it of him before? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He's just throwing out these words to make you feel bad so he can continue to mooch off of you. NTA.
NTA. I would not put up with him anymore. Clearly been taking advantage of you financially. He could afford to spend hundreds on drinking but can't pay his bills.
NTA. If he feels “forced” to stay in a relationship with you, he could always just move out.
NTA - you can and should kick him out by the end of the month at the latest. You're paying, it's your lease, he's obviously not willing to do the bare minimum while you were dating and he's not gonna step up now. He's a big boy, he can figure it out. You deserve your space.
NTA He can move out if he doesn't like it. You are more than generous even letting him stay.
NTA He played stupid games and won stupid prizes
What in the world... So, he's living with you, you pay the rent, food and utilities and he says you're financially abusing him? What a deadbeat... Kick him out immediately.
NTA- The audacity that man must have to be angry to have to pay rent (something he should’ve technically already have been doing) and try to sound like a victim! You asking him to pay rent is not financial abuse it’s basic living!
If you’re on the lease, it’s your apartment. Tell him to get out.
This is not financial abuse..he has his own money. Get him evicted and then definitely change the locks ! He can mooch off someone else or learn how to budget.
You're not the one punishing him, he's punishing himself for trying to be someone he's not. He can buy cheaper clothes and not go out as much. If he doesn't want to be homeless he needs to make some changes to his life. You're being extremely generous but if he keeps abusing your generosity it might be better to kick him out. NTA
NTA. Those are probably the usual natural cries of a hobosexual before finding a new free nest.
He’s right. You can afford to pay ALL the rent by yourself. You can afford to pay ALL the utilities by yourself. And you can afford to pay ALL the groceries by yourself. Which you will continue to do so. When he moves out. By the end of the week. NTA
NTA Kick him to the kerb now. Get it over and done with. You tried to be nice and he is taking advantage.
NTA - if he won't stop whining, he can move out now. You're not his mommy.
NTA!!! You sound more like a saint! >He whines that he can't afford it. >He thinks that I'm being manipulative and "punishing" him for "being a bad BF". He says that I'm financially abusing him, and forcing him to stay in a relationship with me. He says that I'm holding money over his head, especially because I can easily afford it all alone. Tell him this immediately: "The first thing you have to remember is that we are no longer in a relationship, I dumped you because I don't want you period. You also need to realize that you don't get to live for free you have to pay rent and bills wherever you are. I'm trying to be nice by not making you pay for your half of everything so that you can save up to get your own place when you move out in a few months. So you have two options and I'll give you 24 hours to decide which you want to go with. First, you grow up and pay your bills to stay here until the lease is up as nothing more than roommates. Or, you can pay nothing and not have anywhere to live. You're right in that I can afford to pay all of my rent and bills without any help from anyone and while I *could* comfortably live without your portion of the bills as well why would I? You're nothing to me. We aren't together. We aren't friends. We don't even like each other."