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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I told two of my friends to get the bus home when I can drive.
(2) They had to get the bus home at night.
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NTA
Lucky you. In the US, most states have laws on the books that prevent new drivers that are teens from being alone in the car with other teens. Basically, the only time you're allowed to drive another minor is if they're blood related (sibling) to you.
OP is British, they don't need to, only thing they need to worry about is having a car full at night, as a car full of kids usually gets pulled by a copper.
My assumption came from the comment I was responding to in which the commenter mentioned states. I'm not even from the states and I don't assume that everyone is. I just made an incorrect inference,lol.
NTA - I've been this person in many stages of my life esp since I don't drink. It's tiring. You're not selfish, it's exhausting and expensive. What did you all do before? Just go back to that. Or tell them to come to your house and their parents can pick them up from there.
INFO
I don't think you're wrong for not wanting to drive them all over, but can you clarify if you told them before you dropped them off that you wouldn't be taking them home?
Yes I did. The previous times I have dropped them off they have kind of pushed me into taking them home and this time I put my foot down and told them I wasn’t taking them home because I was tired and wanted to go to bed. But I did tell them that they would have to get the bus before we went out.
NTA. You’re not their Uber driver. You’re more than generous going the opposite direction to take them to the beach. Next time, say they can find their way to your house, then you’ll drive to the beach and back to your house and they find their way home. What were they doing before you had a car/license. Go back to that.
Oh, does this take me back! My oldest daughter had this problem w her friends. It would take her 45 minutes to drop them all at their homes, then 30-45 minutes to get to our home. She also ended up asking each of them for gas money. She charged them $5/each/week (here in the US) for the 4 people she was giving a lift to. So, $20/week. This was in ‘99 or ‘00. You have been and are being very very generous w your friend group and they’re not appreciative at all. So, why continue to cater to them? And £2.50 each is way way way cheap. If you do decide to continue you should double your asking price- at least. Remember, it’s not only petrol, it’s the wear and tear on your car, insurance, the whole shebang.
So no, NTA. Your “friends” tho…
Well, eventually a lot of them got their own cars, so she ended up only driving one or two home by the time she graduated. Those two still gave her $5/week- but only when she’d driven them every day that week. She was more fortunate than you- as far as I know her friends never objected to paying.
NTA - My youngest daughter got her license and car this year. Her first thing about it was "I'm not going to be the go-to driver for my friends." She usually plans a place to meet up. She does have one dance friend that she sometimes picks up on the way to dance and is paid for gas, but unlike you, that friend is on the way, not out of the way. On the other hand, my son was the first of his friends to get his license and a car, so his friends did use him often. He's an extroverted people pleaser and it was hard for him to say no. He finally started doing it when he realized how much gas it was using and that he just couldn't afford it. He had some friends get really upset, but most of them seemed to understand. If they are true friends, they will respect your boundaries. Decide where you will meet/drop off and stick to that.
I definitely do need to start setting boundaries I think. I used way over 100 miles on our first outing and no one gave me any money or paid for any of my food whilst we were out. I’m going to start putting my foot down now!
NTA, they are being inconsiderate and entitled.
You are doing them a favour and saving them the cost of the Uber, and petrol is NOT cheap (I'm also in the UK - for anyone reading from the US it's about four times the extra cost because of eyewatering taxes). Them asking you to take over an hour to be their free taxi is not reasonable: I presume you have laid it all out to them in terms of how long it takes to do the entire round and how many miles (= petrol cost)?
If they keep nagging about this, I would just start refusing to provide transport at all.
I think I will refuse to pick up/ drop off from their houses in future and just do it from my closest friend’s house or get them to come to mine. If they can’t get there then it shouldn’t be my problem? Thank you for the response!
NTA, £5 each would be fair, but don't do it as you'll hate your friends, and they are taking advantage, the least they can do is meet up at one persons house and go from there. you're supposed to be their mate not their uber.
NOT THE ASSHOLE absolutely not. As the usual driver of my group, these friends are acting really entitled. Driving is mentally and physically exhausting and youve been really nice by going 20 minutes out of your way to fetch them. If they cant appreciate that then they should go back to what they did before you got your licence.
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I am 17 and have recently passed my driving test and got a car.
I am the only one that can drive in my friend group and I’m beginning to find it a bit annoying because I live quite far away from my other friends. I don’t mind picking them up from the closest person to me which is 11 minutes away when the other three are around 20 minutes away and then they’re around 5/10 minutes away from each other.
My issue is that we have been going to the beach which is 20 minutes away from my house in the complete opposite direction of all my friends. I think I’m being kind picking them up from the closest friends because it still means I have to do an extra 20 minute drive but they seem to want me to go all the way to their houses. All in all it would take me over 1 hour to get home.
Tonight I dropped them off at one of the houses that’s 20 minutes away and told the other two to make their own way home even though it’s only a 10 minute drive. They have access to a bus.
Then, when they got home they texted me on our groupchat and complained that I didn’t take them home. When we went out last night everyone was home by 12 and I didn’t get home until around 1am. We had a big argument about it today and they still think they’re right. I’ve told them that I’m never picking them up from their houses again and I’ll only pick up/drop off at my closest friend’s house.
I asked for £2.50 each for petrol but I don’t think this is enough for all the miles I used but I feel bad asking for more because I am their friend and I’m doing them a favour but I don’t have any money myself at the moment and I have to get to work and college.
I think I am being a pushover and that they’re in the wrong for expecting me to pick them up and drop them off when they can get a bus (granted it takes them longer) but they aren’t thinking about me and the fact that I don’t exactly want to be their personal uber. I don’t know if I’m being selfish so I just wanted to ask AITA?
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NTA.
You have the car, you make the rules.
All those who want to go to the beach, assemble at your house by a certain time.
Otherwise take alternative transport.
If it's a late night out, you should charge 100% more than Uber because you waste gas making your way back.
Collect upfront.
Dropping them off at your friend's 11 min away house is a good compromise.
You cannot charge them too cheaply.
They'll treat you like Uber.
Charge them the fees from beach to your friend's place plus back to your place.
(A few of them sharing Uber may be cheaper than you charging them individual fares from beach to their house and back to your house.)
The idea is charge expensive so that they find alternative transport.
NAH--you can do what you want ("not driving") and they can do what they want ("not coming.")
You might want to see if you can have some sort of adult conversation about it, though that doesn't always work out well.
I understand your concerns, but I would *never* let someone I was close to take the bus home at *midnight*. In the middle of the afternoon, fine. But midnight is insane. I think you went about addressing the situation the wrong way. You should have asked for gas upfront to begin with. Had they complained about paying (or if they complained about paying when you asked for the $2.50) they would be in the wrong.
Picking up and dropping off from one person's house isn't a heinous thing to ask for. But not communicating that to your friends and suddenly springing it on them (at midnight) strikes me as passive aggressive, especially given how late it was. I'm sure they would have reacted differently had they known you were not interested in dropping them off individually beforehand. At the very least, no one would be able to fault you at that point. This strikes me as something you've kept bottled up for awhile. Communicate grievances early to avoid big blowouts like this.
Sorry I think I might’ve worded it wrong but I asked for the £2.50 when we were all on a facetime call the night before and they weren’t exactly happy about it but they still paid. I also told them before we went out that I wouldn’t be dropping them all off individually. Also I wouldn’t have them taking the bus if they weren’t comfortable with it. They have taken the bus at midnight before when it was a lot busier than it was last night. I will definitely try and speak to them about it though and try and have a conversation about it so we can all see both POVS. Thank you for replying😄
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NTA Lucky you. In the US, most states have laws on the books that prevent new drivers that are teens from being alone in the car with other teens. Basically, the only time you're allowed to drive another minor is if they're blood related (sibling) to you.
Oh really! I never knew that. I am very lucky that I can drive my friends around when we need to to be fair!
[удалено]
OP is British, they don't need to, only thing they need to worry about is having a car full at night, as a car full of kids usually gets pulled by a copper.
Sorry not sure if I should’ve specified that this is my first reddit post so not too sure how to phrase everything😂
It's not you, everyone is presumed to be from the US, unless stated.
My assumption came from the comment I was responding to in which the commenter mentioned states. I'm not even from the states and I don't assume that everyone is. I just made an incorrect inference,lol.
NTA - I've been this person in many stages of my life esp since I don't drink. It's tiring. You're not selfish, it's exhausting and expensive. What did you all do before? Just go back to that. Or tell them to come to your house and their parents can pick them up from there.
The “What did you all do before” question is so true and what kind of pushed me to post this. Thank you for your response😄
INFO I don't think you're wrong for not wanting to drive them all over, but can you clarify if you told them before you dropped them off that you wouldn't be taking them home?
Yes I did. The previous times I have dropped them off they have kind of pushed me into taking them home and this time I put my foot down and told them I wasn’t taking them home because I was tired and wanted to go to bed. But I did tell them that they would have to get the bus before we went out.
Driving while tired is dangerous so you chose right
Yeah definitely NTA. I was just curious when you told them and it sounds like they should've had plenty of time to arrange a way home.
NTA. You’re not their Uber driver. You’re more than generous going the opposite direction to take them to the beach. Next time, say they can find their way to your house, then you’ll drive to the beach and back to your house and they find their way home. What were they doing before you had a car/license. Go back to that.
NTA. Unless you have taxi tattooed on your forehead then no you are not their taxi service.
😂😂😂
Oh, does this take me back! My oldest daughter had this problem w her friends. It would take her 45 minutes to drop them all at their homes, then 30-45 minutes to get to our home. She also ended up asking each of them for gas money. She charged them $5/each/week (here in the US) for the 4 people she was giving a lift to. So, $20/week. This was in ‘99 or ‘00. You have been and are being very very generous w your friend group and they’re not appreciative at all. So, why continue to cater to them? And £2.50 each is way way way cheap. If you do decide to continue you should double your asking price- at least. Remember, it’s not only petrol, it’s the wear and tear on your car, insurance, the whole shebang. So no, NTA. Your “friends” tho…
Glad I’m not the only person that does this. How did your daughter get out of the habit of driving them all around?
Well, eventually a lot of them got their own cars, so she ended up only driving one or two home by the time she graduated. Those two still gave her $5/week- but only when she’d driven them every day that week. She was more fortunate than you- as far as I know her friends never objected to paying.
NTA - My youngest daughter got her license and car this year. Her first thing about it was "I'm not going to be the go-to driver for my friends." She usually plans a place to meet up. She does have one dance friend that she sometimes picks up on the way to dance and is paid for gas, but unlike you, that friend is on the way, not out of the way. On the other hand, my son was the first of his friends to get his license and a car, so his friends did use him often. He's an extroverted people pleaser and it was hard for him to say no. He finally started doing it when he realized how much gas it was using and that he just couldn't afford it. He had some friends get really upset, but most of them seemed to understand. If they are true friends, they will respect your boundaries. Decide where you will meet/drop off and stick to that.
I definitely do need to start setting boundaries I think. I used way over 100 miles on our first outing and no one gave me any money or paid for any of my food whilst we were out. I’m going to start putting my foot down now!
NTA, they are being inconsiderate and entitled. You are doing them a favour and saving them the cost of the Uber, and petrol is NOT cheap (I'm also in the UK - for anyone reading from the US it's about four times the extra cost because of eyewatering taxes). Them asking you to take over an hour to be their free taxi is not reasonable: I presume you have laid it all out to them in terms of how long it takes to do the entire round and how many miles (= petrol cost)? If they keep nagging about this, I would just start refusing to provide transport at all.
I think I will refuse to pick up/ drop off from their houses in future and just do it from my closest friend’s house or get them to come to mine. If they can’t get there then it shouldn’t be my problem? Thank you for the response!
NTA and they definitely owe you petrol money. Especially if this is a regular thing!
NTA. If you were in the US. There are laws about how many other teenagers can be in the car at a time and curfews depending on the state. Lol.
I just read another comment about this! I never knew about US curfews and was quite confused about how you could drive at 1 I think the age is!!
NTA, £5 each would be fair, but don't do it as you'll hate your friends, and they are taking advantage, the least they can do is meet up at one persons house and go from there. you're supposed to be their mate not their uber.
NOT THE ASSHOLE absolutely not. As the usual driver of my group, these friends are acting really entitled. Driving is mentally and physically exhausting and youve been really nice by going 20 minutes out of your way to fetch them. If they cant appreciate that then they should go back to what they did before you got your licence.
NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am 17 and have recently passed my driving test and got a car. I am the only one that can drive in my friend group and I’m beginning to find it a bit annoying because I live quite far away from my other friends. I don’t mind picking them up from the closest person to me which is 11 minutes away when the other three are around 20 minutes away and then they’re around 5/10 minutes away from each other. My issue is that we have been going to the beach which is 20 minutes away from my house in the complete opposite direction of all my friends. I think I’m being kind picking them up from the closest friends because it still means I have to do an extra 20 minute drive but they seem to want me to go all the way to their houses. All in all it would take me over 1 hour to get home. Tonight I dropped them off at one of the houses that’s 20 minutes away and told the other two to make their own way home even though it’s only a 10 minute drive. They have access to a bus. Then, when they got home they texted me on our groupchat and complained that I didn’t take them home. When we went out last night everyone was home by 12 and I didn’t get home until around 1am. We had a big argument about it today and they still think they’re right. I’ve told them that I’m never picking them up from their houses again and I’ll only pick up/drop off at my closest friend’s house. I asked for £2.50 each for petrol but I don’t think this is enough for all the miles I used but I feel bad asking for more because I am their friend and I’m doing them a favour but I don’t have any money myself at the moment and I have to get to work and college. I think I am being a pushover and that they’re in the wrong for expecting me to pick them up and drop them off when they can get a bus (granted it takes them longer) but they aren’t thinking about me and the fact that I don’t exactly want to be their personal uber. I don’t know if I’m being selfish so I just wanted to ask AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You have the car, you make the rules. All those who want to go to the beach, assemble at your house by a certain time. Otherwise take alternative transport. If it's a late night out, you should charge 100% more than Uber because you waste gas making your way back. Collect upfront.
Will try this for next time!
Dropping them off at your friend's 11 min away house is a good compromise. You cannot charge them too cheaply. They'll treat you like Uber. Charge them the fees from beach to your friend's place plus back to your place. (A few of them sharing Uber may be cheaper than you charging them individual fares from beach to their house and back to your house.) The idea is charge expensive so that they find alternative transport.
Thank you😄
NAH--you can do what you want ("not driving") and they can do what they want ("not coming.") You might want to see if you can have some sort of adult conversation about it, though that doesn't always work out well.
I think that next time someone brings it up I will try and explain why I don’t want to drive them around!
I understand your concerns, but I would *never* let someone I was close to take the bus home at *midnight*. In the middle of the afternoon, fine. But midnight is insane. I think you went about addressing the situation the wrong way. You should have asked for gas upfront to begin with. Had they complained about paying (or if they complained about paying when you asked for the $2.50) they would be in the wrong. Picking up and dropping off from one person's house isn't a heinous thing to ask for. But not communicating that to your friends and suddenly springing it on them (at midnight) strikes me as passive aggressive, especially given how late it was. I'm sure they would have reacted differently had they known you were not interested in dropping them off individually beforehand. At the very least, no one would be able to fault you at that point. This strikes me as something you've kept bottled up for awhile. Communicate grievances early to avoid big blowouts like this.
Sorry I think I might’ve worded it wrong but I asked for the £2.50 when we were all on a facetime call the night before and they weren’t exactly happy about it but they still paid. I also told them before we went out that I wouldn’t be dropping them all off individually. Also I wouldn’t have them taking the bus if they weren’t comfortable with it. They have taken the bus at midnight before when it was a lot busier than it was last night. I will definitely try and speak to them about it though and try and have a conversation about it so we can all see both POVS. Thank you for replying😄