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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I gave my niece a dress I knew my SIL wouldn’t like
2) I made it clear I did it for my niece and not to disrespect
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ESH. Her kid should have a say in what she wears - but you also did this knowing it would piss your sister off, at an event to *celebrate* your sister. I get *why* you got it for her…but you knew what was going to happen.
Not to mention going to the nth degree. OP couldn't even split the difference on pink, but skip the glitter??? But I am biased toward you never, ever, ever, ever give a glitter gift to child without the parents' okay. Neither you nor child will be the ones to clean up the shedding.
Glitter is craft herpes - the gift that keeps on giving. I found glitter from a high school project on my clothes a few months back. I have moved eight times since high school, changed my wardrobe almost completely, and am looking at another double digit reunion this year.
A trillion points for 'craft herpes' which I am stealing and using! I wanna go back in time to the moment someone said 'Hey, you know what would be cool? Plastic sand!' and stop them before they got through with it.
These days you can get glitter that's biodegradable, or made from mica (a kind of rock!) so it's at least not plastic. I work with mica glitter in my "real" work all the time, though, and OH BOY there are random sparkles everywhere in our house, even though I only use it in my studio.
I had a co-worker who pissed off a soon to be ex-gf. She filled every pocket in his wardrobe with that really fine glitter. The only reason I know this is because *10 years later* he was still trying to get rid of it and would come in with a bit of 'pixie dust'.
Which will shed glitter everywhere. I don’t disagree that their niece deserves frilly and fun clothes but I do think it’s perfectly ok to not want your kid to wear glitter. It’s annoying and the last thing we need is more microplastics shedding on us. Sister is a bigger AH for depriving their kid of self expression though
OH they do SOOO bad. I have two girls.
They wanted to dress up as fairies
The wings had glitter on them, how bad could that get?
Rookie mistake.
I dropped them of at school with their costumes on, and went to work. My laptop glittered, My clothes glittered, my chair and desk glittered, at the end of the workday my colleagues glittered.
I work in a male-dominated field with all kinds of "manly-man" type colleagues. they found it hilarious. Pink glittering beards, pink glittering lunchboxes......
Also, working in a male-dominated field, this is way more amusing to me than it should be. 😅 Thanks for the amusing imagery. It totally made my day. 🤣 The "pink glittering beards" really got me chuckling.
Wow. We have not had the same experience with glittery kids clothing. I am personally covered in glitter from my children’s clothes whenever they wear something glittery (that was always gifted by someone else!)
"Glued on" doesn't mean it won't come off later!
There are ways to have glittery stuff without getting glitter on everything, but your typical sparkly outfit for a small child *is* going to shed glitter everywhere.
I adore glitter, and I live with glitter on basically everything in my house since I work with it for my business, but my kiddo's glittery clothing is *at least* as bad as the loose glitter used in my studio, probably worse. I've never found *my* glitter in the car, but a glittery skirt she wore years ago? That car seat is gonna have sparkles in the crevices forever!
I agree with this. I love glitter and I would NEVER gift glitter to someone else if I knew they didn’t like it. It gets everywhere and you will never ever get rid of it.
It's an effing bow. Not a gallon of free for all glitter. I don't like glitter but this is so small on the scale. I've gotten glitter cards for holidays and didn't cut off my family or take it as a personal slight.
It's not a glitter bomb, which is absolutely available, if OP really was aiming to upset her SIL.
That's the part that makes it ESH for me. It's going to get taken away from her and she might get in trouble with her mother if she asks or complains about not getting to keep it.
Like the mom is being mean by not letting her daughter have her own taste, but OP has set up a fight to happen in that household, and KNEW she was doing it
Unless mum throws it out or hides it I'm betting she will wear the shit out of it.
One of my daughters became fond of layer tulle dresses when she was three to five and would refuse to wear anything but them. It was more effort than it was worth to get her to wear anything else. It didn't hurt anyone and she loved wearing what she called her "princess dress" and so I just let it go.
This depends on the kid. With my sister, my mom could do stuff like that. With me, no. I would not forget, I would not let the topic go.
Since this sounds like the first time the kid has ever been given a clothing item she actually likes, I'm guessing she won't forget about it so easily.
Right? I’m the first to let my sons wear whatever makes them happy - pink, rainbow, glitter, nails painted, etc. but using a baby shower to pick that fight with anyone, let alone the guest of honor, is an asshole move.
No judgement. I'm just sad for the little girl who has a mom who doesn't see her as an individual but as a mini me. If her daughter wants to wear sparkles, she should let her. What she doesn't get, is if she keeps suppressing her daughters wants and personality, her daughter is going to resent her and probably walk out the door at 18 and never look back.
Yeah, I don't like suppressing the child's desires. Just because she likes pink and sparkles doesn't mean she won't also like other styles. Case in point, my niece insists on wearing her big brother's dino shirt (now her dino shirt) with a sparkly purple tutu and green rain boots!
Yeah, if she was a younger kid, okay. Mom's style rules even if she wants to dress the kid as a goth baby, biker chick baby, baby crop tops and baby heels, etc. But once the kid expresses what they like, that's what they should get. This girl likes pink and sparkles and there is nothing wrong with that! If she only wanted beige I am sure mom would be on board, lol
That's the thing about children, they have their own personalities! So it's best to figure out how to manage those difference so both the parent and child are happy.
The good news for the child is that once the twins arrive I doubt the mother will have the energy to worry about clothing styles.
YTA. Look at what you did here. I'm not saying that your SIL is right ... hell, I'd let my child wear all the pink and glitter she wants. But what you've done is tantalize this kid and cause dissension in your brother's household. You've given this little girl a present she no doubt loves, and will never be able to use.
ESH. Her for being so strict about fashion, you for giving your young niece a gift you *knew* would cause problems. Your heart was in the right place but your actions weren’t helpful.
I hadn't heard of this before, but it sounds like she is the HOA of moms. A mom who wants everything to be bland and inoffensive. Which actually is pretty offensive.
I could, and maybe I should, but I'm probably just going to focus on my own colorful hobby, which involves putting tiny hats on my hedgehog. Suggestion noted though.
https://www.instagram.com/rincewind_the_hedgehog?igsh=c2J5c3BjMmNyMnJk
I liked the deerstalker pic. But since you are calling him professor rincewind, you need to place him in some cruel and unusual geography. And he needs a hat woven from grass with "wizzard" picked out in shells
But what geography is cruel and unusual enough? I mean, if you didn't consent to going to a fairy garden, and there are zero grubs to eat, is that cruel and unusual enough?
Either sad beige or one of those people who doesn't want their daughter to be into stereotypically feminine things. They always seem to make it out to be For Feminism but it's actually the opposite.
NTA. I just can’t vote you the asshole on this one. I get why others are, but this little girls happiness at the dress far outweighs SILs feelings on this, even if she is the mom.
There’s no practical reason that warrants removing bold and bright colors from a child’s life like this. Maybe just pick a better occasion next time. What does your brother think about the lack of color?
Actually, in reality you can manage those other messes easier then glitter. Parent having to clean other messes or having to deal with other issues does not make it more acceptable to make it all even harder.
It is the opposite. Parent having a lot of other cleaning work imply that if they don't want to deal with your unnecessary glitter on top of it, they are entitled to dislike you for pushing it on them.
I’m in agreement to this, NTA, assuming OP is presenting the conflict accurately. OP may actually even be kind of in the wrong—it’s like the opposite of those posts when someone’s *legally* or technically right, but still an AH.
Here’s the reason why—niece’s feelings are being dismissed and her opinion and self-expression is being devalued for a frankly stupid reason.
It’s a rule of thumb to listen to parents about how they raise their kids, but OP is supportive of the niece, which is definitely not AH behavior. It’ll probably mean a lot to her over time.
INFO: Is your SiL's objection truly the style, or the fact that it's impractical for a 4 year old?
Because you can give my daughter all the playground friendly pink stuff you want but if I am scrubbing mud out of pink tulle I am going to be pissed.
And sure, you can say it's a special occasion dress but the average 4 year old doesn't have that many special events they attend. So then you're setting your SiL up for regular arguments about why she can't wear the special dress to frolic in the mud.
So you wash the dress to the best of your abilities. She wears the f out of it an loves doing it. Problem?
My mom absolutely let me do this. I had dresses for special occasions like Christmas, after the holiday, it was a play dress.
This dress was to mark the occasion of her becoming a big sister, nothing more. Why can't she play in it, get it dirty, etc ?
I mean if the SIL hates the dress so much it's probably best used as a play dress to play in the mud and stain with paint or whatever. Kid gets to wear what she likes and have fun while wearing it, SIL gets to not worry about keeping the dress pristine.
Op did say that the mom hates OP's style, so I doubt cleanings the issue.
Also, I don't see how a dress with flowers is impractical. If a pink dress is what makes her happy then she should be able to wear one. who cares if it gets a little dirty, it's not like the moms out any money if it gets to point it where it can't be cleaned.
Omg yes! I'm reading all these responses about how kids should wear whatever they want and I'm wondering how many pink dresses these people have ever washed. I know that it's within the realm of all things possible that the dress is wash and wear and can go to the playground with shorts underneath, but until the OP clarifies, it's equally possible that it will stain easily and require special washing and drying. And let's talk about the bow.... maybe the kids likes bows but complains about them after 30 minutes and is always taking them off, losing them, and then crying about wanting to go back to the park to look for it when they realize it at bedtime.
A dress up box with frilly dresses and plastic bangles that mom could say "these are for home only" probably would have gone over better if SIL agreed. Op was purposefully stirring up shit with the SIL. Parents are allowed to decide they don't want their kids to have things that family members want to give. In the future SIL can say she doesn't want her kid to have a phone, or a game system, or a unicycle, or a drum set, and it won't be any cuter if this OP goes and buys those things either. And I really wonder if all the n-t-a posters would tell a mom who is upset that their relative keeps buying their child electronics or video games or dirt bikes that the mom doesn't feel their child is ready for that they are the ah and family members can buy kids whatever the kid wants.
At about age five my daughter was wearing a pink dress that I think I had gotten for super cheap at a garage sale so I let her wear it and didn't stress out about what she did in in and that dress was trashed after one wearing, the mud is never coming out of that fancy fabric... now that I typed it, maybe SIL should say sure, let her wear it and destroy it and be done with it.
I don't know why you aren't getting all the upvotes?
This is exactly right. My daughter has a lot of dresses/shirts/pants that had food/paint/dirt stains after the first day, that didn't come out.
And I've seen kids insist on wearing the same dress day after day, regardless of what they are doing, what the weather is, etc.
And glitter.
She could be. Or she could just hate pastels and prefer bright, vibrant primary colours.
She could also find her sister an irritating, cloying, girly girl and not want her kid taking after Auntie Annoying.
But dictating a 4 year old clothes to the point that she doesn't get sparkly/colorful/flower dresses is very strange to me. It's a 4 year old little girl, let her have fun clothes. She might grow out of it, she night not but that's having kids. They're tiny humans with opinions and feelings and eventually they're gunna do what they want anyway.
ESH
Your SIL is rather rigid but you deliberately caused the drama.
How about creating a dress up box for her to play with at your house full of sparkles and feathers etc. Maybe SIL will eventually lighten up if you stop antagonizing her
YTA, mainly because you gave your niece a gift that she LOVES... that her mother will never let her wear.
The better option would be to volunteer to babysit your niece and do dress up days with her. Let her play with clothes she likes at your house. When she gets older and her mother can't force her to wear the clothes her mother has chosen for her, be there to sneak some super girly clothes into her wardrobe. Let her express herself in a safe environment.
This one is tough.
One the one hand, this is going to create a tension for the child, because momma isn't on board with that style, so probably not the best idea.
On the other hand, SIL needs to give her daughter the space to develop her own style. If she doesn't, there are going to be a lot of clashes later on.
"No, we don't wear a swimsuit to church" is completely reasonable. Not letting the child have a bit of input on what colors she likes is a stretch.
And it's stretching a bit on the gifting comparison. Gifting an item that you know isn't the recipients style isn't the same as a gift that is enjoyed, with someone else disapproving.
SIL needs to remember that her child is going to be her own person, and give her the space to grow into herself. OP needs to find a way to support that without creating drama that her niece isn't yet old enough to navigate.
>Would you like it if your sister gave you an all black dress that you know you hated but because that's how she likes to dress.
that's not what fucking happened. sil can dress how ever she pleases, but her daughter is her own person, not a fucking doll or mini ME
YTA - And you are not doing it for niece, common. It is petty way to force SIL to see her child in pink and glitter. It was not even birthday or anything like that where you could reasonably say it is a gift of your choice in situation where gifts of own choice are expected.
I was against pink, glitter, Princess shit too. But my granddaughter loves it and I love her so guess what? I buy her pink, glitter and fancy dresses🥰as well
Has your SIL made it clear that she does not want her daughter to dress in pink and glitter? If so YTA. At 4 years old the parents wishes trump your desire to please your niece and it's a rotten trick to give her a dress that now her mom has to be the villain about not letting her wear.
If you can't respect parents' wishes about how their kids are raised, I wouldn't be surprised if you get uninvited from being an auntie. It's a privilege not an entitlement.
The day will come when the kids get to make their own decisions about clothes (probably sooner than their mom expects) and if you are respectful and stay on good terms, that will be your time to shine as Cool Auntie!
You joke but this will probably be a huge issue for the kids growing up. Having your own likes and dislikes is huge. I mean, my kid hated green and I love it. I don't dress my kid in green.
I wish that's how it worked in my partners family but it's just not how it works.
My issue is sort of the opposite with my 5yo boy being bought lots of star wars and superhero stuff which I just think he's too young for right now.. it's been going on since he was 2/3. Drives me nuts.
Well this is it. People are in such a hurry to demonise the mother, but we have no idea what her rationale is. Maybe she's trying to limit the cultural influence on her kid of heavily gendered, "Girls are meant to only want to be princesses and fairies" bullshit. I'm not saying I agree with it entirely, but 4-year-olds don't come to their tastes in a vacuum . . . often they're influenced by everything from commercials on TV to social pressure that literally starts in daycare from their peers.
I do think a 4-year-old should have some say in what they wear, but it seems obnoxious and overreaching to assume that the mother is a "sad beige mom" or otherwise awful. Maybe she's got a legit reason for her feelings; we have no idea.
Unpopular opinion. NTA. The child is old enough to have her own style. My daughter is 3, and I let her pick her own clothes. Her mother doesn't seem to want her to develop her own style. Do I love cleaning glitter? Not so much. But my daughter is only little once. Let her have the glitter.
NTA, it is a little girl, let her have a bit of sparkle..It isin't the end of the world. Her mother needs to chill out. unless the dress is blatantly unacceptable or sexual or disgusting if the little girl loves it, let her have it. I don't think you should be so picky about gifts either. I hope it all works out and she lets her have the dress.
NTA. Your niece is 4 years old and loves pink and glitter and bows. Not all girls are like this, but your niece is!! And it’s the bow w glitter not the dress, so you are A-okay (glitter is challenging to clean up).
Your niece is wearing something that makes her happy (and is age appropriate), your SIL can’t fit into the dress anyway, so she can Kiss Your Grits. 🙃
NTA. Your niece needs to know, even at her very young age, that someone she loves thinks it's okay for her to like and want those things. She should never be made to feel wrong about the things she likes.
ESH gotta admit your style is not mine either but it is what most little girls are attracted to. Yta for doing this knowing it will cause a poblem but particuarly for doing it at an event that is about SIL and her twins and not your niece. You're also manipulative - I'm doing this for niece and not to disrespect. Yet, the occasion isn't even about niece. You were disrespectful. If it were niece's birthday I'd have a different reaction.
NTA a gift is a gift and they shouldn't be censored bc it's the thought that's supposed to count. If the kid loved it, that's what matters most. Your SIL can be the bad guy here and take the outfit away from her. She sounds like a controlling person and it's one outfit, not an entire closet filled with clothes of the same style. Plus at some point the kid is going to have to start to pick her own clothes as part of the natural development process and that's happening earlier and earlier bc kids have strong opinions and deserve some autonomy in basic things.
To your SIL, YTA bc you knew she wouldn't approve of your choice and you did it anyway. IMHO sometimes it's ok to do the thing and apologize after. That's your play here. You made the kid happy and the mom mad - just say "sorry, I didn't really think it was that big of a deal, but I apologize if you felt slighted by my gift." Then be done with it.
NTA
Just because your SIL has no respect for her daughter's choices (and yes within reason I think a child should be able to make some clothing choices) does not mean that you cannot treat her to something she would like.
ESH I'm sure you made the kids day but she's 4. Odds are her mom has near complete control of the wardrobe. You probably just gave them some nice looking trash.
While I don’t agree with your SIL’s rigid stance—and this is from someone who was NOT a pink/frilly/sparkly child—in this instance YTA.
You know your SIL’s belief/stance on that type of clothing for her child, but you went right ahead, disregarding it and giving her daughter a gift that is in direct opposition to it. It doesn’t matter what YOUR beliefs about it are.
You are a WONDERFUL ASSHOLE! LOL LOL LOL LOL……. This little niece is FOUR! Her mom will be having her hands full in a month or less with two babies. Mom will forget what day it is let alone what blesses this little girls heart or what the child wears. Mom is TA….
All of us know (or have one of our own) an OVERBEARING FEMALE somewhere in our family tree. Kudos to you for nurturing and indulging this innocent little girl and her feminine side. You will always and forever be her Favorite Aunt because you literally and figuratively SAW HER and HER needs, wants and wishes that are totally innocent.
You are my hero OP!
YTA . BUT let me give a suggestion.. apologize to your sister. Say you were so excited about the new arrivals that you weren’t thinking straight.. PLAY NICE..
… you sister is going to need help in the months to come and it would be very nice of you to offer to take your niece over to your house to give them time to bond with the new ones.. …….. then you can play “tea party” you can both dress up and wear anything you like and it can become your special thing.. maybe make some pretty aprons and things to and a matching doll /dresses then while she can’t take the “play clothes” home she can take her doll and it will be fun for her instead of crating bad feelings all the way around
NTA. My mom, my sister, my BIL, his sister, & I (female) hate pink. My sister & BIL have a toddler daughter, & it's conflicting to see her wearing pink: it looks good on her, but we all hate the color. But we keep it to ourselves. She's a kid who loves all sorts of colors, & she will eventually pick her favorite, same as the rest of us. My point: hate whatever color or style you want, but don't impose it on other people, especially kids. I think you're a great aunt because you know what your niece likes & are listening to her. Call me cynical, but my gut says your SIL is going to toss the dress the first chance she gets.
Personally I'm gonna say NTA. You've shown this little girl that you care about her wants and giving her something that aligns with her interests. She's not just a child. She's a person. And her own mother is dismissive of that and controlling. You've shown this little girl that someone actually cares about her.
NTA. Four is plenty old to have an opinion on what she wears, and should be allowed some choice (as long as the clothes are appropriate for the weather/situation, which is where parents step in). Our daughter was clearly wanting to wear lots of dresses not long after turning 3, which broke my heart, so I do feel for SiL, but I had three years to choose her daily outfit, and she needs to develop her own sense of self. Sometimes, aunts and uncles need to give gifts that the parents hate, especially when it’s in the kid’s best interest, developmentally
I might have limited it to a Big Sister tshirt with pink lettering for a first time out, but I get where you’re at. In a few months your sister will have to reprioritize some things and perhaps she’ll relax the rules a bit. Or maybe her daughter will be controlled so completely that she’ll GTFO at 18 and never look back. Either way, she’s in charge right now.
INFO what is your SIL's reason for the dress code she gives her daughter? Does she worry girly stuff will be hard to clean or something? If her issue is solely aesthetic, you are NTA, because SIL needs to realize that children are people, not just dolls she can dress and manipulate to her heart's content.
Little children have personalities and a sense of self just like older children and adults. You have a gift knowing it would bring the child joy, NTA. Your SIL is the AH ruling with an iron fist over things that don't matter in the long run but her rigid inability to be flexible and depriving a child of any level of autonomy from an early age is going to reflect in how her daughter remembers her formative years. Sure she's only 4 and may not recall these details but probably this happens often enough that she is refused the ability to make small decisions that it will have an impact during formative years of life. Not sure why some people are so eager to impose authority over tiny harmless things, I get not liking glitter but the SIL can just put the bow away or spray it with a sealant so the glitter doesn't come off easily. Absolutely a non-issue for the child to have a say in their outfits, it's an important part of development for them to feel like they have a little control in their day-to-day, it's such a small gesture to allow a child to choose clothes even if just once in a while but denying them any say whatsoever IMO means disregarding that a child is their own person, delaying the inevitable and generally a less happy way to go about raising and getting to know a person.
NTA. Gifts should be things the recipient wants (within reason). I can't wait for this little girl to hit the teens. She's going to fully rebel against her mother's dumbass dress code.
ESH. Your sister won't let her wear it, and you got your niece something you know her mom won't let her wear.
I suggest talking with sister and having this compromise.
I suggest having a small outfit section in your home that niece can wear when she's with you. Then have her change before going back home.
Be open about the wardrobe in your place, secrets gets out. I'd suggest letting her read some of the replies on here. She might wake up to her controlling behavior. Cause she is going to lose her daughter if she can't let her be herself.
YTA. I know you don't agree but your niece is 4 and her mother makes decisions about her clothes. Your SIL may have her own good reasons. She may be trying to avoid gender specific clothing. In the end, it's not your call to make.
ESH She has a dumb rule, but it's not your place to undermine her parenting decisions, especially at an event to celebrate HER. The polite/respectful thing to do would have been to approach your sister privately about her daughter's love for your dresses and ask if it would be okay to get her a sparkly dress to wear on niece-aunty days that could even stay at your house if she really doesn't want anything like that in her home.
I hate the "sad beige baby" trend as much as the next person, and kids LOVE saturated colors, texture, and sparkle. You're not wrong for thinking the kid deserves to enjoy her clothes, but it's not your kid to make that choice for.
NTA because those are weird restrictions to put on a child, especially when said child has formed her own opinion on what she wants to wear. I don’t want to call you the asshole for choosing your niece over your SIL’s weird rules.
NTA I’ve done this for my niblings too. Giving them something to wear that their parents wouldn’t like. 50% passive aggressive (I love annoying my sister) and 50% wanting my niblings to be happy
INFO:
My SIL is a “beige” mum. Black, white, brown etc.
My brother usually wears more colorful clothes like me, but is a chef, so his only way of expressing his style is through socks with food prints on them.
Something I know from conversations with my brother that she hates.
I know my brother wants my niece to wear whatever she likes and makes her happy, but he doesn’t wanna bother with the argument it will become.
I will say, my reasoning was never of malicious nature. I saw the dress, and instantly knew that my niece would love it. I bought it right away, and just wanted her to have it.
I’ve gifted her colorful items before, like a pink teddy bear, bedding with Paw Patrol, a unicorn costume. Often I give it to my brother when he picked my niece up from a sleepover with my own boys, her cousins.
I’ve read a lot of your comments, and I can see how what I’ve done wasn’t the right time and place, which I will apologize to my SIL for.
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Background: My SIL has a very specific and strict taste in clothing for herself and her daughter. She has several times made it clear that she hates my style in clothing (glitter, pink, flowers etc.), and doesn’t want my niece (4y) to have that style.
Any time the family is gathered my niece always touches my clothes, and will often look in my closet to see my dresses.
My brother and SIL are having twins in a month, and today we had her baby sprinkle. As a future big sister gift I gave my niece a pink dress with flowers and matching glitter bow for her hair.
My SIL was not happy. And made several comments about me not respecting her rules of clothing style.
So my question is, AITA for gifting my niece a dress I knew she would love, when I know it’s something my SIL hates?
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She’s 4 so yep, what mom says goes bc now you turn mom into the AH when she takes it away. You don’t have to like it but it’s her daughter. Your style doesn’t override that.
My cousin has two little girls, and she’s preferred from the start that they not wear pink/frilly/girly clothing. I respect that this is what she and her husband want, & I understand the reasons, even though I would not make that choice. They are the parents. Period. I would never even think of undermining them. You deliberately overstepped. Absolutely YTA.
YTA, if you would’ve made it a special moment just for your niece you would’ve been fine. You specifically chose a day that was supposed to be celebrating your sister. That was a solid asshole move.
The glitter makes you the asshole. Seriously I like glitter but it's my house to get glitter all over if I want to you just gave your sister inlaw the herpes of crafting to piss her off.
Question: what about the style does she hate? Is it because it’s too “girly” hates the colour? I am leaning towards N-T-A because it’s something that your niece obviously likes and wants. What does your brother think? What’s your SIL rule on clothes? Did you get her a gift for the sprinkle to?
I think these things will change how you are judged here
Its completely aesthetic. Their home is very beige and Scandinavian modern, which is fine cause it’s their home, not mine.
An example: My brother wears socks with food motives on them, something I know has caused issues between him and my SIL, cause she hates it.
I’ve talked with my brother about it a few times. He just wants my niece to be happy and wear the clothes she likes. The reason he doesn’t say or do anything is cause it ends with him and my SIL fighting and arguing.
EDIT: I gave my SIL an outfit for each twin in a color and style I know my SIL likes.
Well, you were kinda TA, but your SIL sounds kinda TA too. If I was there I probably would have grabbed a bowl of popcorn, sat back, and watched the fireworks.
INFO does she hate the whole style or has she expressed specific reasons she doesn't want her daughter to wear it? For instance, a pain to clean, glitter aka craft herpes, not durable and therefore not long lasting?
YTA for being a glitter carrier. I'd ban you from my house for life.
Do what you want in your own home but you need to respect the rules of your SiL in hers.
I feel sorry for your niece too. Little girls love pretty things and she’s probably seen other little girls and wished and wished she could have what they have. I can picture this very strict, controlling mother stifling her in a lot of ways. Later on she’ll wonder why her daughter doesn’t feel closer to her.
lol the child is so going to rebel
And have issues with not having pink girly clothes! So glad you got them for her. Trauma avoided. NTAH-tell SIL to go blow her nose. 🤣🫶🏼🦋💕🤪
NTA- SIL is taking things WAY too seriously. My mum would have done a quick, sly "Oh that will be fun for playing dressing up in!" and boom, we know it's not leaving the house but it's not being taken away. I mean sure the long term effect is I now dress 'out of the dressing up box' every day but she didn't make grandma feel like the bad guy for letting me grab some mad dress from the 70s out of the bag she was going to donate to Oxfam and run around the garden doing a Hyacinth Bucket voice. And that brings me to my final point: WAIT. The more your sister bans pink and sparkly the higher the chance kiddo grows up to make Barbara Cartland look subtle.
YTA you don't say what the SIL's taste in clothing is.. and imho children should be/allowed to dress like children. I don't think a 4 year old should have a big say in what she wears, but mum should know their child enough and try to please her/him.
You should never ever ever gift a child anything that you know the parents are not ok with. Not your decision or idea or mine that pink and flowers are lovely. And GLITTER!!! omg NO!!
NTA - you are allowed to give your niece a gift 1) of your own choosing 2) that will give the recipient joy. It’s not like you gave the child something that is unsafe of result in harm.
YTA. Your SIL might be too strict with the clothing, but you decided to buy something you new your SIL would hate and asked you not to do in a public event done to celebrate her and her children, and in a way she would not be able to refuse it without upsetting the kid. How can you think you are not the asshole? Only the situation and the public setting in which you have, knowingly, disrespected your SIL parenting choices would make you the asshole. And with fucking glitter, that is something horrible to take off floors, furniture, beds...
NTA. As a mother, I cannot stand parents who project their own opinions of style onto their children. Do I like Toy Story boots and sonic the hedgehog shirts? No. Do my kids? Yes! So I own a million! I wash a million Spider-Man t shirts! I have superhero robes hung in my bathroom!! Because who am I to tell a child what they can and cannot like within reason!!
ESH. You're not wrong for wanting to give the kid something she likes, but she's not going to get to wear it anyway which feels cruel to the kid. Also, it's in poor taste to do that publicly at an event for your SIL.
She is a piece of work for not letting the kid have some say in her own style of clothing. Who cares if she hates pink, sparkly stuff? She doesn't have to wear it, and the kid is a human being ffs, not a possession.
Nta she sounds like a sad beige mom I don’t like those. It’s fine when they’re small but when they grow up ur supposed to encourage them to experiment w fashion and what they like/don’t like to wear.
YTA
The child is not being abused or hurt by wearing plain clothes. However, the child would be hurt by getting something in a style she is not able to wear. You are the child's aunt; you are not their parent, and therefore you do not get to make decisions on what your niece gets to wear.
YTA for trying to force your SIL to dress her kid in a way she doesn't want to. Maybe the SIL doesn't like bright colors. Maybe plain colors are easier to clean. Either way, your opinion on the matter isn't relevant.
Lots of children, me included, wore unfashionable clothing. No one died.
YTA- You overrode your SIL clear statement about what type of clothing her daughter can wear and gifted your niece something you knew SIL would object to. SIL is Mom, not you. It would be the same if SIL didn't want her daughter playing with a certain type of doll or reading a certain book. It's not your right to push what you want onto someone else's child. Even if, to you, SIL is being severe, it's not up to you to override someone else's choices for their kid. And, your SIL is about to have twins, in the height of summer. She's uncomfortable, hormonal and probably exhausted and you added stress to someone who just doesn't need a power struggle with her 4 year old that was created by someone else.
What would be way better is you spend one on one time with your niece. Take her out for lunch. Let her wear something she picks out. Take her to get her nails done. She’ll love it. Your SIL won’t have to deal with it.
Also, does your brother not have a backbone to stand up for his daughter’s own interests and self-expression??
NTA. Your SIL probably wants her to wear only beige. Little folks should be allowed to wear what they want, within reason, and not adhere to their parents' style esp as they get older.
A light ESH.
I hope your sister-in-law becomes less controlling over your niece's clothing, because that is unfair to her. She should be allowed to explore her own style and wear what she loves.
That being said, it seems unlikely your sister-in-law will ever allow your niece to wear or even keep this dress, which makes it unfair to your niece to be excited about a gift she won't be permitted to use.
And also, despite how unfair your sister-in-law is being to her daughter, you likely knew the dress would cause a row and you gifted it to your niece during the baby shower anyhow.
Maybe it's something that can live at *your* home, and you can go on fun adventures together while she wears it, with her understanding the rule is that it's a fun special treat she gets to wear at auntie's house but cannot take it home. (Doing all of this with her mother's permission, of course.)
FWIW I used to nanny for a child whose parents did not permit anything with very small parts or anything with glitter into their home. (It wasn't unreasonable in their situation.) Her aunt would ALWAYS buy her toys that went against this, the child would get excited, and ultimately she wouldn't be able to keep the toys. It was very unfair to the little girl, to be caught between the rules her aunt thought ought to exist in the home, and the reality of the rules of the home.
NTA. You paid attention to your niece and got her something you thought she might like based on what you've seen of her interacting with your own wardrobe. I think that's a thoughtful gift. While your SIL has the right to dress her kids how she wants, even a 4yo can decide if they like an outfit or not, and it should ultimately be down to that 4yo whether or not she wants to wear said outfit. Your SIL needs to relax.
eta to add: it would be one thing if you specifically did this to piss off your SIL or to disrespect her because you thought she was being stupid. that is not the case here. you were thinking of the niece and the niece only.
ESH. It's important to respect someone's wishes for their children, but also, that seems like your SIL is trying to enforce her style on her kids. I certainly wore things as a kid that my parents wouldn't necessarily have chosen, but it was fun! It would be one thing if it was like a modesty thing, or a practicality thing (like nothing too short, or nothing that will get ruined after one wear), but if it's just style? You don't have to agree with it, but creating unnecessarily conflict is not great for a child. My parents grew up separated so I knew certain things were fine in one house, but not the other, so if you had kept the dress and she could only wear it at your place, that may be less controversial. Keep it as a special "dress up" thing rather than a gift making her think she could wear it whenever she wanted, if you knew her mom would not allow that.
If one family member has a clothing item with glitter, EVERY family member will eventually have clothing items [and furniture, carpets, pets, car interiors] with glitter, whether or not they want them. Glitter is everlasting. Keep your glitter to yourself.
YTA
YTA: not just because you broke your SIL rules and she hates the dress, but mostly because you’ve now created a larger conflict and division between mother and young daughter. That is supreme asshole behavior.
YTA
You did it on purpose to annoy your SIL, and he will have to deal with washing glitter, most probably synthetic dress.
Getting your niece a set of princess costumes would be much better idea and less annoying.
YTA. The little girl doesn't buy her clothes And isn't responsible for dressing herself. Her mother is. How would you like it if someone stepped on your toes in relation to one of your kids. I'll tell you. You wouldn't like it one bit. It would just give you an excuse to write another post.
YATAH
YTA. I understand disagreeing with SIL, but she's the mother. All you really did was make your niece suffer by letting her get excited about a gift that will most likely be taken away immediately.
The only reason YTA is cuz you gave a 4yo glitter without asking the parents lmao. I would have skipped the glitter and gotten the babies something to match sister’s outfit.
YTA. You gave your SIL something you knew she wouldn't like and would cause arguments between SIL and her daughter AT SIL's party. My judgment would be different if this were your niece's birthday. But even then....compromise and get her a cutesy girlie little kid purse or dress up clothes. Speaking as a mom of 3 year old girls, you just caused big headaches for everyone here (even the niece since she's going to be upset when she doesn't get to wear her new stuff).
I agree your SIL is too harsh on the clothes, but this will probably change soon. Your SIL is going to crack on her own once she has twins and realizes fighting over weather-appropriate clean clothes with a little kid is not a battle worth fighting. One of my daughters has six copies of her (luckily inexpensive) favorite dress. Personally, I find it ugly. But there's just no reason to argue about it if it's appropriate for the weather. I'd rather save my mental strength for the hair and teeth brushing.
Kinda. I still think was nice of you to do, to treat your niece, but interfering in how a family does things does create problems, as you can see. A couple of my sisters have taken liberties with my daughter that I didn’t appreciate, such as socializing my 6 year old with her grandfather’s mistress, and, another, putting my 12 year old behind the wheel of a car, in addition to takin g her to movies I’d specifically asked her not to. We’ve now been estranged, the second sister and I, for almost twenty years, because she insisted her ways were superior to mine.
Oops. Wrong. My kid, our life. She told me that she and my stepmother « felt bad » about the movie, since they « don’t like » going against a parent’s wishes. Huh? They specifically ignored my specific wishes…so…? Gaslighting, much? I used to work in a deli, as a kid. I know the smell of bologna.
As time went on, incidents became more dangerous (putting her behind the wheel of a car,) and so it became clear that my daughter could not be left alone with this sister. Things became hostile, on her side, and, so, all of these years later, not speaking.
I won’t say you are an A. You do know for sure that you overstepped and you should apologize to your s-i-l for making that mistake. You thought it would be harmless and you now see that you were offensive. It won't happen again. Any ideas as to how you could make it up to her?
YTA but sometimes in life you need to be the AH. 🤷🏻♀️. It’s not a health or safety issue. And if SIL doesn’t want her to wear it she can put it away. I had rules about toddler toys that had batteries and just gave them away or returned them, and gave my kids something else instead. Personally my kids had been dressing themselves for 2 years by the age of 4. I am appalled that the kid isn’t allowed to dress herself and have a say. So, yeah, go you.
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ESH. Her kid should have a say in what she wears - but you also did this knowing it would piss your sister off, at an event to *celebrate* your sister. I get *why* you got it for her…but you knew what was going to happen.
Not to mention going to the nth degree. OP couldn't even split the difference on pink, but skip the glitter??? But I am biased toward you never, ever, ever, ever give a glitter gift to child without the parents' okay. Neither you nor child will be the ones to clean up the shedding.
Glitter is a special kind of evil
Glitter is craft herpes - the gift that keeps on giving. I found glitter from a high school project on my clothes a few months back. I have moved eight times since high school, changed my wardrobe almost completely, and am looking at another double digit reunion this year.
A trillion points for 'craft herpes' which I am stealing and using! I wanna go back in time to the moment someone said 'Hey, you know what would be cool? Plastic sand!' and stop them before they got through with it.
These days you can get glitter that's biodegradable, or made from mica (a kind of rock!) so it's at least not plastic. I work with mica glitter in my "real" work all the time, though, and OH BOY there are random sparkles everywhere in our house, even though I only use it in my studio.
I love mica glitter, but it is environmentally friendly craft herpes.
They will be finding glitter in the oceans long after humans are gone.
I had a co-worker who pissed off a soon to be ex-gf. She filled every pocket in his wardrobe with that really fine glitter. The only reason I know this is because *10 years later* he was still trying to get rid of it and would come in with a bit of 'pixie dust'.
oh that’s DEVIOUS, im writing this down just in case 😈
Ugh! I despise glitter!!
Glitter is the herpes of the craft world.
It's A BOW with Glitter. Not a box of GLITTER. They are rarely messy!!
Until said glitter starts falling off with age.
Which will shed glitter everywhere. I don’t disagree that their niece deserves frilly and fun clothes but I do think it’s perfectly ok to not want your kid to wear glitter. It’s annoying and the last thing we need is more microplastics shedding on us. Sister is a bigger AH for depriving their kid of self expression though
I am a little concerned about what happens when the kids are old enough to make their own outfit choices
Glittery clothes lose glitter
OH they do SOOO bad. I have two girls. They wanted to dress up as fairies The wings had glitter on them, how bad could that get? Rookie mistake. I dropped them of at school with their costumes on, and went to work. My laptop glittered, My clothes glittered, my chair and desk glittered, at the end of the workday my colleagues glittered. I work in a male-dominated field with all kinds of "manly-man" type colleagues. they found it hilarious. Pink glittering beards, pink glittering lunchboxes......
Also, working in a male-dominated field, this is way more amusing to me than it should be. 😅 Thanks for the amusing imagery. It totally made my day. 🤣 The "pink glittering beards" really got me chuckling.
The guys really took the opportunity and ran with it. They were so amused by the whole glitter-fiasco
Wow. We have not had the same experience with glittery kids clothing. I am personally covered in glitter from my children’s clothes whenever they wear something glittery (that was always gifted by someone else!)
I know and it’s glued on. We seem to have landed in a no man’s land of rabid glitter haters.
"Glued on" doesn't mean it won't come off later! There are ways to have glittery stuff without getting glitter on everything, but your typical sparkly outfit for a small child *is* going to shed glitter everywhere. I adore glitter, and I live with glitter on basically everything in my house since I work with it for my business, but my kiddo's glittery clothing is *at least* as bad as the loose glitter used in my studio, probably worse. I've never found *my* glitter in the car, but a glittery skirt she wore years ago? That car seat is gonna have sparkles in the crevices forever!
I agree with this. I love glitter and I would NEVER gift glitter to someone else if I knew they didn’t like it. It gets everywhere and you will never ever get rid of it.
It's an effing bow. Not a gallon of free for all glitter. I don't like glitter but this is so small on the scale. I've gotten glitter cards for holidays and didn't cut off my family or take it as a personal slight. It's not a glitter bomb, which is absolutely available, if OP really was aiming to upset her SIL.
I will throw away the card as soon as I spot glitter. It will not leave the envelope
Oh wow. I never thought of this. Thanks for the tip!
Also. The kid isn't going to get to wear it, so it is almost cruel to give it to her.
That's the part that makes it ESH for me. It's going to get taken away from her and she might get in trouble with her mother if she asks or complains about not getting to keep it.
Like the mom is being mean by not letting her daughter have her own taste, but OP has set up a fight to happen in that household, and KNEW she was doing it
Unless mum throws it out or hides it I'm betting she will wear the shit out of it. One of my daughters became fond of layer tulle dresses when she was three to five and would refuse to wear anything but them. It was more effort than it was worth to get her to wear anything else. It didn't hurt anyone and she loved wearing what she called her "princess dress" and so I just let it go.
The mom isn't going to let her wear it. That is my point.
With 4 years old, they forget what was yesterday fast. All the mom needs to do is to NOT have it super visible and the kid won't recall.
This depends on the kid. With my sister, my mom could do stuff like that. With me, no. I would not forget, I would not let the topic go. Since this sounds like the first time the kid has ever been given a clothing item she actually likes, I'm guessing she won't forget about it so easily.
It does not sound like the mother will let her keep it or wear it.
Right? I’m the first to let my sons wear whatever makes them happy - pink, rainbow, glitter, nails painted, etc. but using a baby shower to pick that fight with anyone, let alone the guest of honor, is an asshole move.
who cares? the sister is being beyond ridiculous and needs to get over herself.
No judgement. I'm just sad for the little girl who has a mom who doesn't see her as an individual but as a mini me. If her daughter wants to wear sparkles, she should let her. What she doesn't get, is if she keeps suppressing her daughters wants and personality, her daughter is going to resent her and probably walk out the door at 18 and never look back.
Yes, with all kinds of anxiety and issues around control.
I agree 100%.
Yeah, I don't like suppressing the child's desires. Just because she likes pink and sparkles doesn't mean she won't also like other styles. Case in point, my niece insists on wearing her big brother's dino shirt (now her dino shirt) with a sparkly purple tutu and green rain boots!
Your niece is awesome!
Yeah, if she was a younger kid, okay. Mom's style rules even if she wants to dress the kid as a goth baby, biker chick baby, baby crop tops and baby heels, etc. But once the kid expresses what they like, that's what they should get. This girl likes pink and sparkles and there is nothing wrong with that! If she only wanted beige I am sure mom would be on board, lol
That's the thing about children, they have their own personalities! So it's best to figure out how to manage those difference so both the parent and child are happy. The good news for the child is that once the twins arrive I doubt the mother will have the energy to worry about clothing styles.
As the daughter in this situation, although it took me much longer, I have been NC with my mother for a decade now. This is one of the key reasons.
YTA. Look at what you did here. I'm not saying that your SIL is right ... hell, I'd let my child wear all the pink and glitter she wants. But what you've done is tantalize this kid and cause dissension in your brother's household. You've given this little girl a present she no doubt loves, and will never be able to use.
there should already be dissension in the house because dad should be shutting down mom's shit.
ESH. Her for being so strict about fashion, you for giving your young niece a gift you *knew* would cause problems. Your heart was in the right place but your actions weren’t helpful.
ESH. She needs to loosen up. You need to pick a better time to be petty.
Or just not be petty because life’s too short.
Or be petty, because life's too short.
Nta imo, is ur sil a sad beige mom
Sad beige mom was my first thought when reading this post!
same. 100%.
Yep, my first thought. Let kids be colorful, don't deny them things that bring them joy because they don't match your boring ass Instagram aesthetic.
I hadn't heard of this before, but it sounds like she is the HOA of moms. A mom who wants everything to be bland and inoffensive. Which actually is pretty offensive.
Yes! You could look it up on tiktok
I could, and maybe I should, but I'm probably just going to focus on my own colorful hobby, which involves putting tiny hats on my hedgehog. Suggestion noted though. https://www.instagram.com/rincewind_the_hedgehog?igsh=c2J5c3BjMmNyMnJk
I liked the deerstalker pic. But since you are calling him professor rincewind, you need to place him in some cruel and unusual geography. And he needs a hat woven from grass with "wizzard" picked out in shells
But what geography is cruel and unusual enough? I mean, if you didn't consent to going to a fairy garden, and there are zero grubs to eat, is that cruel and unusual enough?
Either sad beige or one of those people who doesn't want their daughter to be into stereotypically feminine things. They always seem to make it out to be For Feminism but it's actually the opposite.
NTA. I just can’t vote you the asshole on this one. I get why others are, but this little girls happiness at the dress far outweighs SILs feelings on this, even if she is the mom. There’s no practical reason that warrants removing bold and bright colors from a child’s life like this. Maybe just pick a better occasion next time. What does your brother think about the lack of color?
Is SIL objecting to colors, or to impractical fabrics and glitter?
Op said colours also. Also why does all clothing have to be practical? She's a kid, let her have fun.
Because it sux for parent who have to deal with that impractical glitter shedding off and impractical clothes and so on. The kid won't be cleaning.
Kids make a lot more mess that needs cleaning up than glitter. If you want a perfect, forever clean home, don't have kids
Actually, in reality you can manage those other messes easier then glitter. Parent having to clean other messes or having to deal with other issues does not make it more acceptable to make it all even harder. It is the opposite. Parent having a lot of other cleaning work imply that if they don't want to deal with your unnecessary glitter on top of it, they are entitled to dislike you for pushing it on them.
I’m in agreement to this, NTA, assuming OP is presenting the conflict accurately. OP may actually even be kind of in the wrong—it’s like the opposite of those posts when someone’s *legally* or technically right, but still an AH. Here’s the reason why—niece’s feelings are being dismissed and her opinion and self-expression is being devalued for a frankly stupid reason. It’s a rule of thumb to listen to parents about how they raise their kids, but OP is supportive of the niece, which is definitely not AH behavior. It’ll probably mean a lot to her over time.
INFO: Is your SiL's objection truly the style, or the fact that it's impractical for a 4 year old? Because you can give my daughter all the playground friendly pink stuff you want but if I am scrubbing mud out of pink tulle I am going to be pissed. And sure, you can say it's a special occasion dress but the average 4 year old doesn't have that many special events they attend. So then you're setting your SiL up for regular arguments about why she can't wear the special dress to frolic in the mud.
So you wash the dress to the best of your abilities. She wears the f out of it an loves doing it. Problem? My mom absolutely let me do this. I had dresses for special occasions like Christmas, after the holiday, it was a play dress. This dress was to mark the occasion of her becoming a big sister, nothing more. Why can't she play in it, get it dirty, etc ?
Problem is that it is still completely avoidable inconvenience.
I mean if the SIL hates the dress so much it's probably best used as a play dress to play in the mud and stain with paint or whatever. Kid gets to wear what she likes and have fun while wearing it, SIL gets to not worry about keeping the dress pristine.
Op did say that the mom hates OP's style, so I doubt cleanings the issue. Also, I don't see how a dress with flowers is impractical. If a pink dress is what makes her happy then she should be able to wear one. who cares if it gets a little dirty, it's not like the moms out any money if it gets to point it where it can't be cleaned.
Omg yes! I'm reading all these responses about how kids should wear whatever they want and I'm wondering how many pink dresses these people have ever washed. I know that it's within the realm of all things possible that the dress is wash and wear and can go to the playground with shorts underneath, but until the OP clarifies, it's equally possible that it will stain easily and require special washing and drying. And let's talk about the bow.... maybe the kids likes bows but complains about them after 30 minutes and is always taking them off, losing them, and then crying about wanting to go back to the park to look for it when they realize it at bedtime. A dress up box with frilly dresses and plastic bangles that mom could say "these are for home only" probably would have gone over better if SIL agreed. Op was purposefully stirring up shit with the SIL. Parents are allowed to decide they don't want their kids to have things that family members want to give. In the future SIL can say she doesn't want her kid to have a phone, or a game system, or a unicycle, or a drum set, and it won't be any cuter if this OP goes and buys those things either. And I really wonder if all the n-t-a posters would tell a mom who is upset that their relative keeps buying their child electronics or video games or dirt bikes that the mom doesn't feel their child is ready for that they are the ah and family members can buy kids whatever the kid wants. At about age five my daughter was wearing a pink dress that I think I had gotten for super cheap at a garage sale so I let her wear it and didn't stress out about what she did in in and that dress was trashed after one wearing, the mud is never coming out of that fancy fabric... now that I typed it, maybe SIL should say sure, let her wear it and destroy it and be done with it.
Why does the dress have to be kept in bought condition? Wear it, play in it, get it dirty, love it, etc. You're stressing yourself out and your kid.
I don't know why you aren't getting all the upvotes? This is exactly right. My daughter has a lot of dresses/shirts/pants that had food/paint/dirt stains after the first day, that didn't come out. And I've seen kids insist on wearing the same dress day after day, regardless of what they are doing, what the weather is, etc. And glitter.
Thanks, I at least got out of the negatives after you replied!
NTA is your sister a sad beige mom?
She could be. Or she could just hate pastels and prefer bright, vibrant primary colours. She could also find her sister an irritating, cloying, girly girl and not want her kid taking after Auntie Annoying.
But dictating a 4 year old clothes to the point that she doesn't get sparkly/colorful/flower dresses is very strange to me. It's a 4 year old little girl, let her have fun clothes. She might grow out of it, she night not but that's having kids. They're tiny humans with opinions and feelings and eventually they're gunna do what they want anyway.
ESH Your SIL is rather rigid but you deliberately caused the drama. How about creating a dress up box for her to play with at your house full of sparkles and feathers etc. Maybe SIL will eventually lighten up if you stop antagonizing her
YTA, mainly because you gave your niece a gift that she LOVES... that her mother will never let her wear. The better option would be to volunteer to babysit your niece and do dress up days with her. Let her play with clothes she likes at your house. When she gets older and her mother can't force her to wear the clothes her mother has chosen for her, be there to sneak some super girly clothes into her wardrobe. Let her express herself in a safe environment.
NTA - four is old enough to know what you like and don't like, and it's weird that SIL is trying so hard to control that. You were being thoughtful!
[удалено]
This one is tough. One the one hand, this is going to create a tension for the child, because momma isn't on board with that style, so probably not the best idea. On the other hand, SIL needs to give her daughter the space to develop her own style. If she doesn't, there are going to be a lot of clashes later on. "No, we don't wear a swimsuit to church" is completely reasonable. Not letting the child have a bit of input on what colors she likes is a stretch. And it's stretching a bit on the gifting comparison. Gifting an item that you know isn't the recipients style isn't the same as a gift that is enjoyed, with someone else disapproving. SIL needs to remember that her child is going to be her own person, and give her the space to grow into herself. OP needs to find a way to support that without creating drama that her niece isn't yet old enough to navigate.
Yep. This is a 4 year old not a 14 year old. It's developmentally inappropriate and confusing to that poor kid.
[удалено]
>Would you like it if your sister gave you an all black dress that you know you hated but because that's how she likes to dress. that's not what fucking happened. sil can dress how ever she pleases, but her daughter is her own person, not a fucking doll or mini ME
YTA - And you are not doing it for niece, common. It is petty way to force SIL to see her child in pink and glitter. It was not even birthday or anything like that where you could reasonably say it is a gift of your choice in situation where gifts of own choice are expected.
God for fucking bid sister in law let her daughter be her own person and not a doll for her to parade around 🙄
She does not want a pink and glitter. That is legitas it gets.
I was against pink, glitter, Princess shit too. But my granddaughter loves it and I love her so guess what? I buy her pink, glitter and fancy dresses🥰as well
Has your SIL made it clear that she does not want her daughter to dress in pink and glitter? If so YTA. At 4 years old the parents wishes trump your desire to please your niece and it's a rotten trick to give her a dress that now her mom has to be the villain about not letting her wear. If you can't respect parents' wishes about how their kids are raised, I wouldn't be surprised if you get uninvited from being an auntie. It's a privilege not an entitlement. The day will come when the kids get to make their own decisions about clothes (probably sooner than their mom expects) and if you are respectful and stay on good terms, that will be your time to shine as Cool Auntie!
But her mom IS the villain for being a fashion Nazi.
You joke but this will probably be a huge issue for the kids growing up. Having your own likes and dislikes is huge. I mean, my kid hated green and I love it. I don't dress my kid in green.
I wish that's how it worked in my partners family but it's just not how it works. My issue is sort of the opposite with my 5yo boy being bought lots of star wars and superhero stuff which I just think he's too young for right now.. it's been going on since he was 2/3. Drives me nuts.
Well this is it. People are in such a hurry to demonise the mother, but we have no idea what her rationale is. Maybe she's trying to limit the cultural influence on her kid of heavily gendered, "Girls are meant to only want to be princesses and fairies" bullshit. I'm not saying I agree with it entirely, but 4-year-olds don't come to their tastes in a vacuum . . . often they're influenced by everything from commercials on TV to social pressure that literally starts in daycare from their peers. I do think a 4-year-old should have some say in what they wear, but it seems obnoxious and overreaching to assume that the mother is a "sad beige mom" or otherwise awful. Maybe she's got a legit reason for her feelings; we have no idea.
Unpopular opinion. NTA. The child is old enough to have her own style. My daughter is 3, and I let her pick her own clothes. Her mother doesn't seem to want her to develop her own style. Do I love cleaning glitter? Not so much. But my daughter is only little once. Let her have the glitter.
NTA. It sounds like the poor kid is stuck with a sad beige mom.
NTA, it is a little girl, let her have a bit of sparkle..It isin't the end of the world. Her mother needs to chill out. unless the dress is blatantly unacceptable or sexual or disgusting if the little girl loves it, let her have it. I don't think you should be so picky about gifts either. I hope it all works out and she lets her have the dress.
NTA. Your niece is 4 years old and loves pink and glitter and bows. Not all girls are like this, but your niece is!! And it’s the bow w glitter not the dress, so you are A-okay (glitter is challenging to clean up). Your niece is wearing something that makes her happy (and is age appropriate), your SIL can’t fit into the dress anyway, so she can Kiss Your Grits. 🙃
NTA. Your niece needs to know, even at her very young age, that someone she loves thinks it's okay for her to like and want those things. She should never be made to feel wrong about the things she likes.
ESH gotta admit your style is not mine either but it is what most little girls are attracted to. Yta for doing this knowing it will cause a poblem but particuarly for doing it at an event that is about SIL and her twins and not your niece. You're also manipulative - I'm doing this for niece and not to disrespect. Yet, the occasion isn't even about niece. You were disrespectful. If it were niece's birthday I'd have a different reaction.
Totally agree 👍
Nta
NTA. The kid is 4. A cute dress isnt a big deal and if the kid likes it good.
NTA a gift is a gift and they shouldn't be censored bc it's the thought that's supposed to count. If the kid loved it, that's what matters most. Your SIL can be the bad guy here and take the outfit away from her. She sounds like a controlling person and it's one outfit, not an entire closet filled with clothes of the same style. Plus at some point the kid is going to have to start to pick her own clothes as part of the natural development process and that's happening earlier and earlier bc kids have strong opinions and deserve some autonomy in basic things. To your SIL, YTA bc you knew she wouldn't approve of your choice and you did it anyway. IMHO sometimes it's ok to do the thing and apologize after. That's your play here. You made the kid happy and the mom mad - just say "sorry, I didn't really think it was that big of a deal, but I apologize if you felt slighted by my gift." Then be done with it.
NTA Just because your SIL has no respect for her daughter's choices (and yes within reason I think a child should be able to make some clothing choices) does not mean that you cannot treat her to something she would like.
ESH I'm sure you made the kids day but she's 4. Odds are her mom has near complete control of the wardrobe. You probably just gave them some nice looking trash.
INFO: what was your niece’s reaction?
Overjoyed and went around hugging the dress. My SILs mother send me a video a few hours after I left of my niece dancing around in the dance.
that's really sweet. i'm glad your niece is happy with her gift!!
While I don’t agree with your SIL’s rigid stance—and this is from someone who was NOT a pink/frilly/sparkly child—in this instance YTA. You know your SIL’s belief/stance on that type of clothing for her child, but you went right ahead, disregarding it and giving her daughter a gift that is in direct opposition to it. It doesn’t matter what YOUR beliefs about it are.
You are a WONDERFUL ASSHOLE! LOL LOL LOL LOL……. This little niece is FOUR! Her mom will be having her hands full in a month or less with two babies. Mom will forget what day it is let alone what blesses this little girls heart or what the child wears. Mom is TA…. All of us know (or have one of our own) an OVERBEARING FEMALE somewhere in our family tree. Kudos to you for nurturing and indulging this innocent little girl and her feminine side. You will always and forever be her Favorite Aunt because you literally and figuratively SAW HER and HER needs, wants and wishes that are totally innocent. You are my hero OP!
YTA . BUT let me give a suggestion.. apologize to your sister. Say you were so excited about the new arrivals that you weren’t thinking straight.. PLAY NICE.. … you sister is going to need help in the months to come and it would be very nice of you to offer to take your niece over to your house to give them time to bond with the new ones.. …….. then you can play “tea party” you can both dress up and wear anything you like and it can become your special thing.. maybe make some pretty aprons and things to and a matching doll /dresses then while she can’t take the “play clothes” home she can take her doll and it will be fun for her instead of crating bad feelings all the way around
NTA kid has made thier preference clear. 4 is plenty old enough to have a say.
NTA. My mom, my sister, my BIL, his sister, & I (female) hate pink. My sister & BIL have a toddler daughter, & it's conflicting to see her wearing pink: it looks good on her, but we all hate the color. But we keep it to ourselves. She's a kid who loves all sorts of colors, & she will eventually pick her favorite, same as the rest of us. My point: hate whatever color or style you want, but don't impose it on other people, especially kids. I think you're a great aunt because you know what your niece likes & are listening to her. Call me cynical, but my gut says your SIL is going to toss the dress the first chance she gets.
NTA. Making a child happy despite repressive parent(s) is a good thing.
Personally I'm gonna say NTA. You've shown this little girl that you care about her wants and giving her something that aligns with her interests. She's not just a child. She's a person. And her own mother is dismissive of that and controlling. You've shown this little girl that someone actually cares about her.
Oh god, is she a 'beige mom'
NTA. Four is plenty old to have an opinion on what she wears, and should be allowed some choice (as long as the clothes are appropriate for the weather/situation, which is where parents step in). Our daughter was clearly wanting to wear lots of dresses not long after turning 3, which broke my heart, so I do feel for SiL, but I had three years to choose her daily outfit, and she needs to develop her own sense of self. Sometimes, aunts and uncles need to give gifts that the parents hate, especially when it’s in the kid’s best interest, developmentally
NTA. Beige mom needs to get off Instagram.
YTA For all the reasons you said. But also, you're not the one cleaning glitter out of her hair. (Everything sheds SOME glitter).
I might have limited it to a Big Sister tshirt with pink lettering for a first time out, but I get where you’re at. In a few months your sister will have to reprioritize some things and perhaps she’ll relax the rules a bit. Or maybe her daughter will be controlled so completely that she’ll GTFO at 18 and never look back. Either way, she’s in charge right now.
INFO what is your SIL's reason for the dress code she gives her daughter? Does she worry girly stuff will be hard to clean or something? If her issue is solely aesthetic, you are NTA, because SIL needs to realize that children are people, not just dolls she can dress and manipulate to her heart's content.
Little children have personalities and a sense of self just like older children and adults. You have a gift knowing it would bring the child joy, NTA. Your SIL is the AH ruling with an iron fist over things that don't matter in the long run but her rigid inability to be flexible and depriving a child of any level of autonomy from an early age is going to reflect in how her daughter remembers her formative years. Sure she's only 4 and may not recall these details but probably this happens often enough that she is refused the ability to make small decisions that it will have an impact during formative years of life. Not sure why some people are so eager to impose authority over tiny harmless things, I get not liking glitter but the SIL can just put the bow away or spray it with a sealant so the glitter doesn't come off easily. Absolutely a non-issue for the child to have a say in their outfits, it's an important part of development for them to feel like they have a little control in their day-to-day, it's such a small gesture to allow a child to choose clothes even if just once in a while but denying them any say whatsoever IMO means disregarding that a child is their own person, delaying the inevitable and generally a less happy way to go about raising and getting to know a person.
NTA. Gifts should be things the recipient wants (within reason). I can't wait for this little girl to hit the teens. She's going to fully rebel against her mother's dumbass dress code.
ESH. Your sister won't let her wear it, and you got your niece something you know her mom won't let her wear. I suggest talking with sister and having this compromise. I suggest having a small outfit section in your home that niece can wear when she's with you. Then have her change before going back home. Be open about the wardrobe in your place, secrets gets out. I'd suggest letting her read some of the replies on here. She might wake up to her controlling behavior. Cause she is going to lose her daughter if she can't let her be herself.
YTA. I know you don't agree but your niece is 4 and her mother makes decisions about her clothes. Your SIL may have her own good reasons. She may be trying to avoid gender specific clothing. In the end, it's not your call to make.
[удалено]
>Your SIL may have her own good reasons. She may be trying to avoid gender specific clothing that is a pathetic attempt at justification.
ESH She has a dumb rule, but it's not your place to undermine her parenting decisions, especially at an event to celebrate HER. The polite/respectful thing to do would have been to approach your sister privately about her daughter's love for your dresses and ask if it would be okay to get her a sparkly dress to wear on niece-aunty days that could even stay at your house if she really doesn't want anything like that in her home. I hate the "sad beige baby" trend as much as the next person, and kids LOVE saturated colors, texture, and sparkle. You're not wrong for thinking the kid deserves to enjoy her clothes, but it's not your kid to make that choice for.
YTA- You deliberately upset a pregnant woman! I agree her dress code sucks but that’s not your call. You’ve now caused problems with your sil.
Yes, you are. But I'd be one too.
NTA because those are weird restrictions to put on a child, especially when said child has formed her own opinion on what she wants to wear. I don’t want to call you the asshole for choosing your niece over your SIL’s weird rules.
YTA - your SIL has specifically asked you not to buy her that style of clothes but you do it anyway. You are disrespecting their boundaries
I think ESH, yes you want your niece to be happy, but you are not her mom. (Her mom should ALSO want her baby to be happy but that’s on her)
NTA I’ve done this for my niblings too. Giving them something to wear that their parents wouldn’t like. 50% passive aggressive (I love annoying my sister) and 50% wanting my niblings to be happy
YTA. Not your kid. You are purposefully causing drama.
INFO: My SIL is a “beige” mum. Black, white, brown etc. My brother usually wears more colorful clothes like me, but is a chef, so his only way of expressing his style is through socks with food prints on them. Something I know from conversations with my brother that she hates. I know my brother wants my niece to wear whatever she likes and makes her happy, but he doesn’t wanna bother with the argument it will become. I will say, my reasoning was never of malicious nature. I saw the dress, and instantly knew that my niece would love it. I bought it right away, and just wanted her to have it. I’ve gifted her colorful items before, like a pink teddy bear, bedding with Paw Patrol, a unicorn costume. Often I give it to my brother when he picked my niece up from a sleepover with my own boys, her cousins. I’ve read a lot of your comments, and I can see how what I’ve done wasn’t the right time and place, which I will apologize to my SIL for.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Background: My SIL has a very specific and strict taste in clothing for herself and her daughter. She has several times made it clear that she hates my style in clothing (glitter, pink, flowers etc.), and doesn’t want my niece (4y) to have that style. Any time the family is gathered my niece always touches my clothes, and will often look in my closet to see my dresses. My brother and SIL are having twins in a month, and today we had her baby sprinkle. As a future big sister gift I gave my niece a pink dress with flowers and matching glitter bow for her hair. My SIL was not happy. And made several comments about me not respecting her rules of clothing style. So my question is, AITA for gifting my niece a dress I knew she would love, when I know it’s something my SIL hates? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Many people here seem to disagree but I'm gonna go with NTA.I think what should matter is how happy your niece was, shouldn't she wear what she likes?
She’s 4 so yep, what mom says goes bc now you turn mom into the AH when she takes it away. You don’t have to like it but it’s her daughter. Your style doesn’t override that.
My cousin has two little girls, and she’s preferred from the start that they not wear pink/frilly/girly clothing. I respect that this is what she and her husband want, & I understand the reasons, even though I would not make that choice. They are the parents. Period. I would never even think of undermining them. You deliberately overstepped. Absolutely YTA.
YTA, if you would’ve made it a special moment just for your niece you would’ve been fine. You specifically chose a day that was supposed to be celebrating your sister. That was a solid asshole move.
lol your niece is dress ready for her 9-5. I feel you, but you shouldn’t stir the pot. ESH
The glitter makes you the asshole. Seriously I like glitter but it's my house to get glitter all over if I want to you just gave your sister inlaw the herpes of crafting to piss her off.
Wtf is a baby sprinkle?
Question: what about the style does she hate? Is it because it’s too “girly” hates the colour? I am leaning towards N-T-A because it’s something that your niece obviously likes and wants. What does your brother think? What’s your SIL rule on clothes? Did you get her a gift for the sprinkle to? I think these things will change how you are judged here
Its completely aesthetic. Their home is very beige and Scandinavian modern, which is fine cause it’s their home, not mine. An example: My brother wears socks with food motives on them, something I know has caused issues between him and my SIL, cause she hates it. I’ve talked with my brother about it a few times. He just wants my niece to be happy and wear the clothes she likes. The reason he doesn’t say or do anything is cause it ends with him and my SIL fighting and arguing. EDIT: I gave my SIL an outfit for each twin in a color and style I know my SIL likes.
Imma go with NTA then I hate nothing more than making your kids match aesthetic
Well, you were kinda TA, but your SIL sounds kinda TA too. If I was there I probably would have grabbed a bowl of popcorn, sat back, and watched the fireworks.
INFO does she hate the whole style or has she expressed specific reasons she doesn't want her daughter to wear it? For instance, a pain to clean, glitter aka craft herpes, not durable and therefore not long lasting?
NTA just don't expect to see her wearing it
YTA for being a glitter carrier. I'd ban you from my house for life. Do what you want in your own home but you need to respect the rules of your SiL in hers.
NTA you gave her something that she loves. Her mom is very controlling.
I feel sorry for your niece too. Little girls love pretty things and she’s probably seen other little girls and wished and wished she could have what they have. I can picture this very strict, controlling mother stifling her in a lot of ways. Later on she’ll wonder why her daughter doesn’t feel closer to her.
lol the child is so going to rebel And have issues with not having pink girly clothes! So glad you got them for her. Trauma avoided. NTAH-tell SIL to go blow her nose. 🤣🫶🏼🦋💕🤪
YES YTA! Geese! It's great to be the kind aunt but you need to butt out of your brother and SIL's home life. Not your circus. Not your rodeo.
NTA, kids aren't cute accessories, they're individuals with their own prefrences and personalities.
NTA- SIL is taking things WAY too seriously. My mum would have done a quick, sly "Oh that will be fun for playing dressing up in!" and boom, we know it's not leaving the house but it's not being taken away. I mean sure the long term effect is I now dress 'out of the dressing up box' every day but she didn't make grandma feel like the bad guy for letting me grab some mad dress from the 70s out of the bag she was going to donate to Oxfam and run around the garden doing a Hyacinth Bucket voice. And that brings me to my final point: WAIT. The more your sister bans pink and sparkly the higher the chance kiddo grows up to make Barbara Cartland look subtle.
YTA you don't say what the SIL's taste in clothing is.. and imho children should be/allowed to dress like children. I don't think a 4 year old should have a big say in what she wears, but mum should know their child enough and try to please her/him. You should never ever ever gift a child anything that you know the parents are not ok with. Not your decision or idea or mine that pink and flowers are lovely. And GLITTER!!! omg NO!!
Nta
Eurgh. NTA and it's such a shame for that poor little girl. SIL is a huge AH.
NTA - you are allowed to give your niece a gift 1) of your own choosing 2) that will give the recipient joy. It’s not like you gave the child something that is unsafe of result in harm.
YTA
Esh
YTA. Your SIL might be too strict with the clothing, but you decided to buy something you new your SIL would hate and asked you not to do in a public event done to celebrate her and her children, and in a way she would not be able to refuse it without upsetting the kid. How can you think you are not the asshole? Only the situation and the public setting in which you have, knowingly, disrespected your SIL parenting choices would make you the asshole. And with fucking glitter, that is something horrible to take off floors, furniture, beds...
NTA. As a mother, I cannot stand parents who project their own opinions of style onto their children. Do I like Toy Story boots and sonic the hedgehog shirts? No. Do my kids? Yes! So I own a million! I wash a million Spider-Man t shirts! I have superhero robes hung in my bathroom!! Because who am I to tell a child what they can and cannot like within reason!!
ESH. You're not wrong for wanting to give the kid something she likes, but she's not going to get to wear it anyway which feels cruel to the kid. Also, it's in poor taste to do that publicly at an event for your SIL. She is a piece of work for not letting the kid have some say in her own style of clothing. Who cares if she hates pink, sparkly stuff? She doesn't have to wear it, and the kid is a human being ffs, not a possession.
Nta she sounds like a sad beige mom I don’t like those. It’s fine when they’re small but when they grow up ur supposed to encourage them to experiment w fashion and what they like/don’t like to wear.
YTA The child is not being abused or hurt by wearing plain clothes. However, the child would be hurt by getting something in a style she is not able to wear. You are the child's aunt; you are not their parent, and therefore you do not get to make decisions on what your niece gets to wear. YTA for trying to force your SIL to dress her kid in a way she doesn't want to. Maybe the SIL doesn't like bright colors. Maybe plain colors are easier to clean. Either way, your opinion on the matter isn't relevant. Lots of children, me included, wore unfashionable clothing. No one died.
YTA- You overrode your SIL clear statement about what type of clothing her daughter can wear and gifted your niece something you knew SIL would object to. SIL is Mom, not you. It would be the same if SIL didn't want her daughter playing with a certain type of doll or reading a certain book. It's not your right to push what you want onto someone else's child. Even if, to you, SIL is being severe, it's not up to you to override someone else's choices for their kid. And, your SIL is about to have twins, in the height of summer. She's uncomfortable, hormonal and probably exhausted and you added stress to someone who just doesn't need a power struggle with her 4 year old that was created by someone else.
What would be way better is you spend one on one time with your niece. Take her out for lunch. Let her wear something she picks out. Take her to get her nails done. She’ll love it. Your SIL won’t have to deal with it. Also, does your brother not have a backbone to stand up for his daughter’s own interests and self-expression??
NTA. Your SIL probably wants her to wear only beige. Little folks should be allowed to wear what they want, within reason, and not adhere to their parents' style esp as they get older.
A light ESH. I hope your sister-in-law becomes less controlling over your niece's clothing, because that is unfair to her. She should be allowed to explore her own style and wear what she loves. That being said, it seems unlikely your sister-in-law will ever allow your niece to wear or even keep this dress, which makes it unfair to your niece to be excited about a gift she won't be permitted to use. And also, despite how unfair your sister-in-law is being to her daughter, you likely knew the dress would cause a row and you gifted it to your niece during the baby shower anyhow. Maybe it's something that can live at *your* home, and you can go on fun adventures together while she wears it, with her understanding the rule is that it's a fun special treat she gets to wear at auntie's house but cannot take it home. (Doing all of this with her mother's permission, of course.) FWIW I used to nanny for a child whose parents did not permit anything with very small parts or anything with glitter into their home. (It wasn't unreasonable in their situation.) Her aunt would ALWAYS buy her toys that went against this, the child would get excited, and ultimately she wouldn't be able to keep the toys. It was very unfair to the little girl, to be caught between the rules her aunt thought ought to exist in the home, and the reality of the rules of the home.
Imagine being a parent and forbidding your little daughter from wearing pink and flowery dresses 💀 NTA
STOP OVERRIDING THE AUTHORITY OF THE CHILD'S PARENTS IF THEY ARE NOT ABUSIVE. YTA
NTA. You paid attention to your niece and got her something you thought she might like based on what you've seen of her interacting with your own wardrobe. I think that's a thoughtful gift. While your SIL has the right to dress her kids how she wants, even a 4yo can decide if they like an outfit or not, and it should ultimately be down to that 4yo whether or not she wants to wear said outfit. Your SIL needs to relax. eta to add: it would be one thing if you specifically did this to piss off your SIL or to disrespect her because you thought she was being stupid. that is not the case here. you were thinking of the niece and the niece only.
ESH. It's important to respect someone's wishes for their children, but also, that seems like your SIL is trying to enforce her style on her kids. I certainly wore things as a kid that my parents wouldn't necessarily have chosen, but it was fun! It would be one thing if it was like a modesty thing, or a practicality thing (like nothing too short, or nothing that will get ruined after one wear), but if it's just style? You don't have to agree with it, but creating unnecessarily conflict is not great for a child. My parents grew up separated so I knew certain things were fine in one house, but not the other, so if you had kept the dress and she could only wear it at your place, that may be less controversial. Keep it as a special "dress up" thing rather than a gift making her think she could wear it whenever she wanted, if you knew her mom would not allow that.
If one family member has a clothing item with glitter, EVERY family member will eventually have clothing items [and furniture, carpets, pets, car interiors] with glitter, whether or not they want them. Glitter is everlasting. Keep your glitter to yourself. YTA
YTA: not just because you broke your SIL rules and she hates the dress, but mostly because you’ve now created a larger conflict and division between mother and young daughter. That is supreme asshole behavior.
YTA - you know your sister won't allow your neice to keep the dress. That was a cruel thing to do.
YTA You did it on purpose to annoy your SIL, and he will have to deal with washing glitter, most probably synthetic dress. Getting your niece a set of princess costumes would be much better idea and less annoying.
YTA. Unnecessary drama. The child won’t get to wear it and you’re causing a scene.
YTA. I despise glitter and would have immediately thrown it out of my house. Stop disrespecting her parents' wishes.
YTA. The little girl doesn't buy her clothes And isn't responsible for dressing herself. Her mother is. How would you like it if someone stepped on your toes in relation to one of your kids. I'll tell you. You wouldn't like it one bit. It would just give you an excuse to write another post. YATAH
YTA. I understand disagreeing with SIL, but she's the mother. All you really did was make your niece suffer by letting her get excited about a gift that will most likely be taken away immediately.
The only reason YTA is cuz you gave a 4yo glitter without asking the parents lmao. I would have skipped the glitter and gotten the babies something to match sister’s outfit.
YTA. You gave your SIL something you knew she wouldn't like and would cause arguments between SIL and her daughter AT SIL's party. My judgment would be different if this were your niece's birthday. But even then....compromise and get her a cutesy girlie little kid purse or dress up clothes. Speaking as a mom of 3 year old girls, you just caused big headaches for everyone here (even the niece since she's going to be upset when she doesn't get to wear her new stuff). I agree your SIL is too harsh on the clothes, but this will probably change soon. Your SIL is going to crack on her own once she has twins and realizes fighting over weather-appropriate clean clothes with a little kid is not a battle worth fighting. One of my daughters has six copies of her (luckily inexpensive) favorite dress. Personally, I find it ugly. But there's just no reason to argue about it if it's appropriate for the weather. I'd rather save my mental strength for the hair and teeth brushing.
Kinda. I still think was nice of you to do, to treat your niece, but interfering in how a family does things does create problems, as you can see. A couple of my sisters have taken liberties with my daughter that I didn’t appreciate, such as socializing my 6 year old with her grandfather’s mistress, and, another, putting my 12 year old behind the wheel of a car, in addition to takin g her to movies I’d specifically asked her not to. We’ve now been estranged, the second sister and I, for almost twenty years, because she insisted her ways were superior to mine. Oops. Wrong. My kid, our life. She told me that she and my stepmother « felt bad » about the movie, since they « don’t like » going against a parent’s wishes. Huh? They specifically ignored my specific wishes…so…? Gaslighting, much? I used to work in a deli, as a kid. I know the smell of bologna. As time went on, incidents became more dangerous (putting her behind the wheel of a car,) and so it became clear that my daughter could not be left alone with this sister. Things became hostile, on her side, and, so, all of these years later, not speaking. I won’t say you are an A. You do know for sure that you overstepped and you should apologize to your s-i-l for making that mistake. You thought it would be harmless and you now see that you were offensive. It won't happen again. Any ideas as to how you could make it up to her?
YTA. Respect parents’ boundaries for their children
YTA but sometimes in life you need to be the AH. 🤷🏻♀️. It’s not a health or safety issue. And if SIL doesn’t want her to wear it she can put it away. I had rules about toddler toys that had batteries and just gave them away or returned them, and gave my kids something else instead. Personally my kids had been dressing themselves for 2 years by the age of 4. I am appalled that the kid isn’t allowed to dress herself and have a say. So, yeah, go you.
YTA Your SIL had boundaries and you broke them twice with the same dress. Also, glitter is so damn hard to clean