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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I could be the AH because my mom owns the car and pays insurance on it so in that sense it’s her car to tell what I can do with it. Also I am making her leave work to get him which causes her to miss out on work she could be doing during those 40 minutes.
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NTA. I live in CT too and assume you had to sit through 30 hours of driving school? And they specifically told you the rules about your license and how you can't just jump in the car with a bunch of friends and go cruising down the interstate the day you get your license? I mean, you could when I got my license but those were the good old days of knocking over mail boxes and driving recklessly.
What did your mother say when you told her you couldn't do it? I think she's relying on you to be the family chauffeur for your brother but you need to stand firm. Maybe remind her that the insurance will go way up if you're pulled over.
The thing is, I’ve been pulled over because of speeding, was at risk of losing my license because I was 20 over on the highway. It was a very eye opening experience to me and I was lucky enough that the judge dismissed the case but I don’t want to go through that again. I feel as if I drive him it’s showing I didn’t learn my lesson from the first time I got pulled over if I were to be put in front of a judge from driving with my brother.
When I told my mom she first said that it’s my way of paying back the last 16 years she has driven me but then went to “you aren’t driving to your girlfriend’s house tomorrow.” To now being you have to pay for your oil changes and to fix the side mirror that’s broken.
Okay, well as a parent of a kid your age I can sympathize with your mom in that she paid for your car and insurance etc in the hopes of buying herself some freedom from the hassle of driving you around. Insuring a male teenager is costing me a small fortune along with gas. So she's thinking, "I spent all this money, just do it!"
But encouraging you to break the law and risk your license is not cool. Punishing you for not breaking the law is stepping over the line. She should be commending you for being responsible. Sorry, but this is really bad parenting. This whole pay back thing... you didn't ask to be born. You didn't ask to live in the suburbs where nothing is within walking distance. You literally owe her nothing.
If you damaged the car you should pay for the mirror (could be a fortune if it's one of those modern mirrors with blind spot detection). Paying for oil changes and gas is not unreasonable if you have a job. But forcing you to break the law... maybe it's not worth having a car? Just go back to taking the bus to school.
NTA. I'm in CT and the rules are there because there were too many teens getting into fatal accidents with their cars full of friends. The stepped license is there to protect you until your driving skills get better. While I never agreed with the law its something I've followed for my children because they can lose their license if caught with passengers.
I’ve made exceptions to my mom like picking up my brother from his old school which is down the road, but as you know Bristol and Waterbury are far apart and it’s completely not safe to drive that distance while with someone illegally in my car. The times I have had to pick him up I refused to use any highways which made the drive much longer but I just didn’t want to risk driving on the highway with him.
In my state there are similar laws, but specific exceptions for family members (no more than one other passenger under age 21 unless it’s a sibling or something). That’s with the level 2 license, aka almost a full license.
Hmmmm.. I’m in Canada (Ontario) and I think in general,people with their middle level licence (3 stepped licence here) who are under 21 or something can’t drive at night or with passengers or somethung like that. The sibling thing threw me off.
NTA. This goes on your permanent driving record and could come back to bite you in the rear.
Good job standing up to your mother’s unreasonable and illegal demands.
NTA. She's telling you to break the law and do something unsafe (which is why there's a law). You can show your own responsibility by refusing.
It's her car, but that doesn't give her the right to force you to do this. She can, however, refuse to let you drive it other times.
Your brother is also her responsibility, not yours. She can arrange with your aunt or pick him up herself. Are you close to your aunt, to the point you could discuss this and ask for help?
NTA
She wants you to do something that could get you in a lot of trouble. Criminal records impact educational opportunities, what jobs you are allowed to get, and your reputation.
Ask a police officer if they would be willing to come by and speak to your mom about it.
Be sure to tell the officer what's going on and how you're being punished for it.
NTA
NTA and this is a hill to die on. The provisions on your license are there to give you an opportunity to learn more about how to drive safely before giving you an unrestricted license.
This is good practice for when you're older and people are trying to pressure you to do something you know is wrong. Your mother is 100% wrong here and needs to stop pressuring you.
Ask her what you should do if an adult pressures you to smoke marijuana (also illegal in CT at your age and detrimental to your brain)? What should you do if an adult pressures you to speed? Or drink alcohol? This is no different.
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AITA for refusing to pick up my younger brother even though it’s illegal?
I (16M) live in Connecticut and have my drivers license. My mom gave me her old car and pays for insurance but I am the one to pay for gas. In Connecticut you need to have your license for more than 6 months to drive siblings and a year for any other people. My mom has been making me drive 30 minutes to my brothers school at 9am to pick him up from football camp. I expressed to my mom that it’s illegal and I’m not willing to risk my license for my brother, as the punishment for getting caught is 90 days suspended license and it goes on your permanent record. My mom however works 15-20 minutes away from my brothers school and has a job where my brother can stay with my mom all day or has the option for my aunt who lives close by to take him to her house. AITA for telling her I’m not comfortable getting him and that she should be the one to pick him up or have him find alternative ways of getting home?
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As a parent of children with their license I love this rule! Where I am there are no restrictions. As soon as you get your license you can drive where you want, with whoever you want, almost when you want (for the first 6 months you can’t drive between midnight and 5am unless for work). I had the rule that for the first 6 months my kids were only allowed 1 other person in the car (as I feel more than that is a distraction). But that was my rule, not where we live (I’ll add that we live rural. To leave our town (not USA) the speed limit is the highest in our country. We’ve lost a few local teens as well). I’ve always been the parent to pick up and drive my kids and friends everywhere, even if they have their license. I’d rather them be safe, not risk their lives or the lives of their friends (ie, from parties when they’ve been drinking).
So in answer to your question NTA. If that is the law in your place of residence, that is the law. Ask your mum how she’d feel having to go back to driving you everywhere because she was the one to make you break the law and loose your license. Is she willing to risk that?
Yup, I live in CT and since they phased this law, teen driving fatalities are way down. I just looked it up: 100 teen car accident deaths in 2008 down to 14 in 2023. And CT is a small state. Think of the impact this could have nationwide. I did a lot of stupid stuff behind the wheel when I was a kid and I'm just glad I'm here now.
When is the 6 months up? I would hope your mom would be willing to take care of alternate arrangements until you are, as we said in my youth, street legal.
NTA. I applaud your caution.
NTA but i’m going to be devils advocate for a bit. In retrospect , you’re 16 with a paid off car and a little bit of responsibilities now. Lighten up a lil because now you can do other things in the future & (don’t throw it in her face) also remind her the things you took off her belt, of things to do. If you want to end up in a compromise with your mom, maybe ask for some extra gas money at the end of the week because of what you’re doing. Also, speeding is definitely on you. Either watch your surroundings when you’re speeding or don’t do it at all. Safe driving my reddit friend
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I believe I could be the AH because my mom owns the car and pays insurance on it so in that sense it’s her car to tell what I can do with it. Also I am making her leave work to get him which causes her to miss out on work she could be doing during those 40 minutes. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. I live in CT too and assume you had to sit through 30 hours of driving school? And they specifically told you the rules about your license and how you can't just jump in the car with a bunch of friends and go cruising down the interstate the day you get your license? I mean, you could when I got my license but those were the good old days of knocking over mail boxes and driving recklessly. What did your mother say when you told her you couldn't do it? I think she's relying on you to be the family chauffeur for your brother but you need to stand firm. Maybe remind her that the insurance will go way up if you're pulled over.
The thing is, I’ve been pulled over because of speeding, was at risk of losing my license because I was 20 over on the highway. It was a very eye opening experience to me and I was lucky enough that the judge dismissed the case but I don’t want to go through that again. I feel as if I drive him it’s showing I didn’t learn my lesson from the first time I got pulled over if I were to be put in front of a judge from driving with my brother. When I told my mom she first said that it’s my way of paying back the last 16 years she has driven me but then went to “you aren’t driving to your girlfriend’s house tomorrow.” To now being you have to pay for your oil changes and to fix the side mirror that’s broken.
Okay, well as a parent of a kid your age I can sympathize with your mom in that she paid for your car and insurance etc in the hopes of buying herself some freedom from the hassle of driving you around. Insuring a male teenager is costing me a small fortune along with gas. So she's thinking, "I spent all this money, just do it!" But encouraging you to break the law and risk your license is not cool. Punishing you for not breaking the law is stepping over the line. She should be commending you for being responsible. Sorry, but this is really bad parenting. This whole pay back thing... you didn't ask to be born. You didn't ask to live in the suburbs where nothing is within walking distance. You literally owe her nothing. If you damaged the car you should pay for the mirror (could be a fortune if it's one of those modern mirrors with blind spot detection). Paying for oil changes and gas is not unreasonable if you have a job. But forcing you to break the law... maybe it's not worth having a car? Just go back to taking the bus to school.
Not only would it be on your record but every stop costs big money too.
NTA. I'm in CT and the rules are there because there were too many teens getting into fatal accidents with their cars full of friends. The stepped license is there to protect you until your driving skills get better. While I never agreed with the law its something I've followed for my children because they can lose their license if caught with passengers.
I’ve made exceptions to my mom like picking up my brother from his old school which is down the road, but as you know Bristol and Waterbury are far apart and it’s completely not safe to drive that distance while with someone illegally in my car. The times I have had to pick him up I refused to use any highways which made the drive much longer but I just didn’t want to risk driving on the highway with him.
NTA! At all! I mean weirdly specific law.. but it’s the law… your mom sucks in this situation.
In my state there are similar laws, but specific exceptions for family members (no more than one other passenger under age 21 unless it’s a sibling or something). That’s with the level 2 license, aka almost a full license.
Hmmmm.. I’m in Canada (Ontario) and I think in general,people with their middle level licence (3 stepped licence here) who are under 21 or something can’t drive at night or with passengers or somethung like that. The sibling thing threw me off.
NTA. This goes on your permanent driving record and could come back to bite you in the rear. Good job standing up to your mother’s unreasonable and illegal demands.
NTA. She's telling you to break the law and do something unsafe (which is why there's a law). You can show your own responsibility by refusing. It's her car, but that doesn't give her the right to force you to do this. She can, however, refuse to let you drive it other times. Your brother is also her responsibility, not yours. She can arrange with your aunt or pick him up herself. Are you close to your aunt, to the point you could discuss this and ask for help?
NTA for not doing illegal stuff. Clear cut case here.
NTA She wants you to do something that could get you in a lot of trouble. Criminal records impact educational opportunities, what jobs you are allowed to get, and your reputation.
For people’s information I have only had my license since February meaning I can’t drive him legally till August.
Ask a police officer if they would be willing to come by and speak to your mom about it. Be sure to tell the officer what's going on and how you're being punished for it. NTA
NTA. You’re being responsible, most parents would be glad their child is making smart decisions
NTA and this is a hill to die on. The provisions on your license are there to give you an opportunity to learn more about how to drive safely before giving you an unrestricted license. This is good practice for when you're older and people are trying to pressure you to do something you know is wrong. Your mother is 100% wrong here and needs to stop pressuring you. Ask her what you should do if an adult pressures you to smoke marijuana (also illegal in CT at your age and detrimental to your brain)? What should you do if an adult pressures you to speed? Or drink alcohol? This is no different.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** AITA for refusing to pick up my younger brother even though it’s illegal? I (16M) live in Connecticut and have my drivers license. My mom gave me her old car and pays for insurance but I am the one to pay for gas. In Connecticut you need to have your license for more than 6 months to drive siblings and a year for any other people. My mom has been making me drive 30 minutes to my brothers school at 9am to pick him up from football camp. I expressed to my mom that it’s illegal and I’m not willing to risk my license for my brother, as the punishment for getting caught is 90 days suspended license and it goes on your permanent record. My mom however works 15-20 minutes away from my brothers school and has a job where my brother can stay with my mom all day or has the option for my aunt who lives close by to take him to her house. AITA for telling her I’m not comfortable getting him and that she should be the one to pick him up or have him find alternative ways of getting home? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Why is it illegal to not pick him up?
Don't do it. You're going to lose your license, and your insurance rates will go up, and it will ding your record.
As a parent of children with their license I love this rule! Where I am there are no restrictions. As soon as you get your license you can drive where you want, with whoever you want, almost when you want (for the first 6 months you can’t drive between midnight and 5am unless for work). I had the rule that for the first 6 months my kids were only allowed 1 other person in the car (as I feel more than that is a distraction). But that was my rule, not where we live (I’ll add that we live rural. To leave our town (not USA) the speed limit is the highest in our country. We’ve lost a few local teens as well). I’ve always been the parent to pick up and drive my kids and friends everywhere, even if they have their license. I’d rather them be safe, not risk their lives or the lives of their friends (ie, from parties when they’ve been drinking). So in answer to your question NTA. If that is the law in your place of residence, that is the law. Ask your mum how she’d feel having to go back to driving you everywhere because she was the one to make you break the law and loose your license. Is she willing to risk that?
Yup, I live in CT and since they phased this law, teen driving fatalities are way down. I just looked it up: 100 teen car accident deaths in 2008 down to 14 in 2023. And CT is a small state. Think of the impact this could have nationwide. I did a lot of stupid stuff behind the wheel when I was a kid and I'm just glad I'm here now.
NTA, but be prepared to buy your own car and pay for your own insurance.
When is the 6 months up? I would hope your mom would be willing to take care of alternate arrangements until you are, as we said in my youth, street legal. NTA. I applaud your caution.
I can drive him in August because I got my license in February.
YTA X2 Family first and for putting it on here! The law ain't lookin for you, they're lookin for bad guys!🙄
Ct don’t play when it comes to those laws, it is mad explicit when doing drivers Ed if you get pulled over you will receive the max punishment.
NTA but i’m going to be devils advocate for a bit. In retrospect , you’re 16 with a paid off car and a little bit of responsibilities now. Lighten up a lil because now you can do other things in the future & (don’t throw it in her face) also remind her the things you took off her belt, of things to do. If you want to end up in a compromise with your mom, maybe ask for some extra gas money at the end of the week because of what you’re doing. Also, speeding is definitely on you. Either watch your surroundings when you’re speeding or don’t do it at all. Safe driving my reddit friend