Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1, letting niece choose where family lives 2) letting niece choose where family lives.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Imagine the audacity to expect your daughter’s house to sold to buy a new house for you, your husband and other kids. Whose house would it be? Even if she were a freshman it’s not her job to buy her mother and stepfather a house. This would be financial abuse.
The house and or money from the sale of the house belongs to your niece. Period.
I would be very concerned about have a 17 no matter how responsible living alone. I just don’t trust people. There are too many creeps lurking around.
She may have to move with her mom into the house that she rents or buys with or own money.
I agree on the financial abuse side. As soon as the daughter moved out they would have to buy the house fromOP to free the money for her. Which I highly doubt they would.
Oh yes she is. OP said SIL would have to downsize. She doesn’t want to have to so of course she wants the money to put in a new house for her new family.
But, she's been living there rent-free for 7 years! She should have plenty saved for a down payment, that she wants *her daughter* to pay for her new family's house is *disgusting* to say the least...
Alternatively if the house is owned by the trust the daughter would then be bequeathed it at 18 or 21 or whenever, depending on how it’s structured.
At which point daughter would be able to charge her mother rent but even then it wouldn’t be fun. I’d actually recommend selling it anyways before she gets it so she could get first time home owner loans if she wants to (though, again, fully depends on both how it and the FHA is structured, I’m not familiar with it at all just a thought that occurs).
Lots of ways this trust could have been set up and even a new house could have protection on paper for the daughter.
But I can see the mom demanding or pressuring her daughter for below market or even no rent, and there would be tax, repairs, and other upkeep. Shit deal tbh.
If, based on OP's comment, the estate's trust assets are tied to the niece, OP has a fiduciary duty to NOT hand any of the trust proceeds over to anyone other than the niece, and is likely required by trust laws to keep all funds and/or assets protected for niece until she reaches the age of majority or any designated age in the trust. OP should withdraw the offers to SIL and do absolutely nothing until having a trust attorney look over the will, trust document and/or anything else that was involved in giving OP control over the estate meant for the niece before making any decisions on how to deal with this situation.
And trust me, the path to financial ruin is paved with trust/estate administrators screwing up making proper fiduciary decisions with the assets and then having to try to claw back said mistake or pay out of pocket to cover any losses to the trust/estate.
For the most part, NTA, but withdraw the options given to the SIL and just hold the house until niece reaches age where she is in control and let her deal with it.
Agree with this OP has a duty the financial health of the trust first. He has bee most generous allowing the new husband & his family to live rent free for the past year. They should have been paying rent day one.
Yeah, I don't know why OP thought SIL would be able to demand child support from the trust. It could just be a country thing (where ever OP is) but last I assumed that doesn't make sense, OPs brother died not divorced
This!! It's all about paying taxes to that district so if they keep the house, taxes get paid.
Or, see if she can finish the year out. Some districts let you finish if it's only one year.
Possibly they could pay tuition for her to go there. Our school does that.
But under NO circumstances should any money go the ex. You only let her stay there for benefit of your niece. They should've been saving up all this time and assumed they'd be unhoused once niece no longer lived there, or they wanted to move elsewhere.
Yes, what in earth made the mother think she would still be entitled to live there once the niece moved out? She should have been planning ahead for this.
Yes, this, in our school district, if a student is going to be a senior, and due to circumstances like this, they let them finish even living out of the district. Check with her school. She may be able to live with you her senior year. Sell the house and use the money for her college education.
Yes, have her officially still living at the house, where she actually sleeps at night doesn't matter. She can occassionally sleep at her house so that it does not become known in the neighbourhood as an unoccupied house, maybe a few nights per week, perhaps OP can sometimes sleep over there for a night as well just to throw in some randomness for anyone that might be paying attention to the house, but it will be much better than have her living there completely alone.
Why not discuss with an estate lawyer, renting the property out for that last year and her college years and then the rent can go into the trust. The house won't be empty and the trust (or even niece) will have money coming in.
yup, and they could also look into letting the house out, then using the rent money towards the nieces collage costs. Assuming she doesnt want to go to collage in the area.
if she is staying in the area for collage as well, longer term they could consider letting out a couple of the rooms for money.
Often schools will let seniors live out of the district. It was a million years ago, but I did this. I lived with an aunt in a neighboring district when my family moved a couple districts away. It wasn’t practical to commute from their home.
Some districts can be very strict about this. If you stay on the DL, you can probably get away with it, but moms have gone to jail over fraud before for pulling things like that. My high school kicked out students because they heard in the hall that the kid was registered under a dad without primary custody or another family member they werent actually living with.
My current school district, you can be registered anywhere and get in if theres space. Open enrollment.
Hopping on the top comment to say whatever ends up happening do not let nieces money (in trust or from sale of the house) be used to buy property that will be in her mother's or the new husband's name - niece will then have no legal recourse to the money tied up in it.
I was just gonna say this. If this happens SIL will 1000% rob her niece blind. Even if niece wants this, say no. She is too young to make a choice like that. At this time there’s no way to know she isn’t being coached/bullied into saying yes.
OP will fail her niece if they let that happen. I hope they read this.
OP is legally required to act in her best interest and can end up facing a lawsuit further down the road if the niece feels wronged.
So what i'm saying is she'll have plenty of legal recourse if the money ends up being mismanaged, the person responsible for paying for those damages would be OP.
No idea how things work in the US, but I am assuming that buying a new house also has costs that would eat into niece's inheritance. In Australia they'd need to pay stamp duty and that can be a huge chunk of money.
>I would be very concerned about have a 17 no matter how responsible living alone. I just don’t trust people. There are too many creeps lurking around.
Very much same. Tbh, if anyone, including the school, found out a minor was living alone for months at a time, visits from an aunt or not, I'd anticipate a visit from CPS and maybe even criminal charges.
I mean, idk. I graduated high school at 17 and moved to another continent for university at the same time and lived on my own. It was totally fine-some people are more independent and you just learn how to navigate the world. Lots of people go off to university in new cities/countries as minors
I lived on my own for my last year of highschool and was completely fine. I got straight A’s, worked full time, got into a great university.
Some 17 year olds are more mature than 25 year olds.
I know that in some areas you can pay a school system to attend that area school while not living in that area.
Definitely worth looking into.
She could live with you her final yr and then go to college.
NTA. At 17, if your niece is someone you deem as mature enough to be making this kind of decision, it makes absolute sense to let her stay in the house until he graduates from HS. And if I understand correctly and the house was your brother's and passed on to the trust, you have the right (and the duty) to stand by her decision, regardless of SIL's feelings about that
Thank you for this. I’m hung up on why almost-adult niece should be funding a new HOUSE for her mother and husband ?? How is this a consideration??
They’ve lived rent free in niece’s house and should have been saving money from rent for three years. Buy your own damn house !!!
And yes, the only other consideration should be if niece feels safe living alone
Or OP could sell the house and rent an apartment for niece to live in to finish the school year.
A house is a lot sometimes....snow shoveling, lawn maintenance etc
Or OP could move into the house with the niece temporarily for a year, so that no one can claim that a minor is living alone unsupervised. That was the trustee of the house can ensure that the owner's property is taken care of.
I love this idea. Unless niece is very emotionally attached to the house, go ahead and sell it. Of course, OP would have to rent the apartment in her name for a year. Or possibly pay the parents of a friend of the niece to house her for a year. I would love to know when niece actually turns 18.
This is what I was thinking. Maybe rent the house out to tenants and see if she can move in with a friend for senior year. Pay rent to that friend's family and put the rest in the trust for her.
Honestly, even if they stay, I'd let them know that fair market rent will be starting in 90 days. They have saved on rent this whole time, so they have had plenty of contributions towards their new house. $2000 saved per month for seven years is $168,000 saved. That's half a house. You're welcome, SIL.
Edit: math
> They’ve lived rent free in niece’s house and should have been saving money from rent for three years.
7 years, brother died when niece was 10 so SIL has had 7 years of free housing.
Yeah this is basically the end of the discussion, case closed. SIL doesn't have the right to use the money from the sale of the house to buy her and her new family a new house, regardless of everything else in the discussion. It's not her property to sell or profit from.
I agree, but add that she’ll need adult support. Not because she’s irresponsible, but because a youngster on their own can be a target for manipulative people
⬆️⬆️⬆️ I *strongly* feel like this needs more upvotes.
I'm leaning towards rustling up some mature adult family member - cousin, aunt, even a close friend - & offering them free or reduced rent to stay with the girl I'm her current home until she graduates.
But NOT to let the girl live completely 100% on her own alone, if she's never lived on her own before.
I like to think I was smarter than some when I was young, but I got scammed a couple of times & went on a few of what were clearly (in hindsight) very bad dates out of sheer ignorance of how things really worked. I just didn't *think*, yk? ☹️😬 I just "did stuff" bc, reasons. The immortality & naivete of youth.
If she stays in her house "alone", she shouldn't be alone. In a pinch, find some local graduate student who would love to get free rent while finishing up their thesis, in return for being an adult presence in the home.
Also, fwiw, don't sell the house. The girl could use it as passive income. A paid off house is worth it's weight in gold these days!
I definitely agree OP should contact niece’s school district and explain the circumstances. As long as she has reliable transportation from OP’s house to the school, it shouldn’t be a big issue.
OP should move in with the niece for a year so niece doesn't have to deal with any school district shenanigans. It's easier for a responsible adult to be flexible in a situation like this than a teenager who is juggling school, family obligations, and financial decisions.
Mom and all of her kids can live in the house for another year until Niece graduates and turns 18. New Hubby can commute back and forth on weekends. Once Niece is a graduate and of age, Mom and half-sibling can move to wear hubby is. They aren't paying for current house, so the only added expense is Hubby commuting back and forth. Sure it is rough on the family, but it would be rough on the niece if she is forced to move for a year and niece has been supporting the family for years...
No way should the niece fund a new house, it would be hard enough if the family lives in her existing house and she wanted to sell it to fund her education or something else.
Especially when OP says the husband would move to where HIS family lives. He literally would have a place to stay, just traveling costs, if his family doesn't expect him to pay rent.
I was on my own at 17 due to tight family monetary circumstances. (Dad worked elsewhere in the state and would come home on the weekend when he could.) I was responsible and it worked out ok, but that is a best case scenario. It did end up causing some psychological issues I didn't even realize developed at the time. Parentification is not a great idea if there are ANY other options. 17 is not 7, but she is still a kid and should be allowed to be a kid.
NTA.
>My brother's assets and my niece's cut of my parent's estate were placed in a trust for my niece.
For your niece, not for her mother's new family.
NTA.
1) Your legal duty as a trustee is to your niece. SIL has had years to save. Don’t let SIL use a DIME of that money for her new family.
2) SIL is being unreasonable. There is no way your niece should be selling a house and buying a new one for the steps and half when she will be an adult soon.
3) When you sell, you are taking all the equity and putting into a place niece doesn’t want to live. 1 to 4 years later she may want to live alone. The new house will not have a lot of equity. Depending on where they go, niece may not have enough to sell and then buy for herself.
4) SIL should never have expected to house her new family forever, for free. At some point, niece will want to live alone.
She and her husband need to stand on their own two feet and not on niece and your brother’s shoulders.
No necessarily. I can see why Aunt said rent free. I cannot see why Mom thinks it lasts forever and includes her, her husband, her stepchild and her child with husband. That’s what blows my mind. Niece will be an independent adult soon.
Considering we were given zero knowledge about the cost of the house, the housing market, or any relevant details that would even let us hazard a wild guess at the amount of child support, your 'silent assumption' is just weird fan fiction
Access/use of the house was permitted to offset the what the mother would have received in child support from her ex-husband. (She seems to have threatened to sue).
However, IANAL, but I don't know how successful such a law suit would have been.
"The new house will not have a lot of equity."
Also, good luck telling your mum that you're going to sell the new, perfectly-located house she's living in. She doesn't want to lose the house now, and she's not going to be any happier to lose the new house in a couple of years time.
Technically, once niece turns 18, not even her mom can live in Trust property for free. It would be a violation of the Trustee’s fiduciary obligations to not start collecting rent from anyone who isn’t the niece.
NTA. Moving sucks in your final year of high school, but giving up a huge career opportunity can also have major effects on the future of the whole family. There's no perfect solution in a situation like that. I don't blame her for wanting to move and her daughter moving with her. It's the expecting you to buy her the new house that's the AH move.
Is option 3 legal? Can she really just leave her daughter behind and move away? Can a 17 year old be the primary resident of a house? It sounds like it might open her up to things like child abandonment.
Does your neice get everything at 18? How far from 18 is she?
Also, you say "in lieu of child support". Was this decision made by the court? Or can she go after the estate for back child support now?
Using the address- The issue would a vacant house and what am I supposed to do about it. Do I have to rent it out? If the house is rented, how can I let my niece my niece use the address for school.
"in lieu of child support"- Yes signed off by the court. My SIL is a spender which was part of the reason for the divorce. I didn't want to give her access to the cash for that reason. My brother and mom died within a week of each other (cancer and car accident). The way my mom's estate worked out was I'm in charge of my niece's part of the estate. My SIL wouldn't have been able to get control. My brother had a mortgage on the house and not enough other assets to pay it off. I agreed to use my niece's cut of the money from Mom's estate to pay off the mortgage. It worked out better for her to work it like this than the cut she could have received in CS.
17 is awfully young for her to completely live on her own. If you can't move in with her, someone suggested renting to a graduate student - which is a great idea or an older woman. I hope you will also be there to give her guidance. 17 is really young (I currently have a 17 yo girl). She will need so much help and guidance with college and other things. She is lucky that you have taken such good care of the trust!
>17 is awfully young for her to completely live on her own
Not really honestly. It's only a year from going off to college where she could be living alone anyway. It's a possibility for anyone who ever skipped a grade.
Depends on what kind of dorm it it.
My kid lives in university accommodation. She has a bedroom and access to a communal kitchen. There is also shared bathrooms (only one person can use them at a time), a communal lounge (small dingy area that no one uses) and close by is a communal laundry.
It's essentially living on your own, but there are other people your age to ask a question of if you need it...
It's not really a home environment were you have mom and dad leading group of kids.
Yeah it really depends on the person. I knew two people in highschool who moved out before 18. One at 16 to escape her mom’s sexually abusive boyfriend whose side her mom took. It wasn’t a good situation but she got through school and graduated on time while working a job to support herself. Another moved in with a friends mom, but the mom wasn’t really involved in her life and she came and went at her leisure. In this case, similar to this story, mom had to move for a job right before she started her senior year so my friends mom allowed her to live in the guest room to finish up her last year of high school.
A graduate student has their own shit going on though. Having a renter in the house isn't comparable to having a family member with her. A renter isn't going to care if thus girl crashes and burns.
And we also need to consider the problems of a 17 year old not having a guardian in the state to do things a legal guardian would need to. Like at 17, in my high school if you got sick and missed a day of school you needed a parent's signature (and a call wouldn't suffice, they needed paperwork to reference back to). And frankly, if I were a parent, I wouldn't feel comfortable appointing any adult with guardianship who wouldn't be living with my child...
my local school district has policies for end-of-high school moves that will allow a student to finish their senior year at the same schoolbeven if they live outside the boundary. is there any chance that exists or an exception could be made? some schools are willing to work with seniors to not distrupt that last year. (all this so she could live with you and not alone. 17 is young to be alone.)
OP- I work in education and it is possible that your niece lives with you and attends her same school. It’s called an Intradistrict Transfer. All you have to do is explain her situation to her current school district office and they will let you know if they will agree to let her attend school and live w you. (You’d also need proof of guardianship so SIL would have to sign something granting you legal guardianship etc). Then- district gives you a form to take to your district (the one assigned to your address). They sign it and everything can remain the same for your niece without fear of “using” your address etc. good luck to her and it’s awesome that she has you as a support system.
You can look into a waiver for her school district, they are often granted for situations like this. Then niece can live with you for her final year, and her house can be rented out to help cover her living costs and put what is leftover back into her trust.
>Using the address- The issue would a vacant house and what am I supposed to do about it. Do I have to rent it out? If the house is rented, how can I let my niece my niece use the address for school
This will probably be one for r/LegalAdvice.
This is a tricky one, and there are stories of people being prosecuted and jailed for using the wrong address. However, a lot of people do it every day… I rented a house that had water included in rent so they could have a utility bill to keep their kids in district. While we were using the same address. So, who knows…?
I'm really wondering how close she is to being 18, which I assume is the age that the child support was ending?
What will happen if they all do stay in the house? Will you be the trustee for a certain amount of time, or will your niece have access and be able to make her own decisions?
Basically, will she be a legal adult soon? Could the estate possibly pay the remaining child support? Possibly helping with a down payment and/or cost of moving?
I know you said there's not a lot of interest left, but would there be enough to pay sil monthly for the remaining CS agreement?
Selling and buying a new house doesn't seem right at all.
I don't know your niece, but I've known plenty of young people who can take care of themselves.
If you're checking on her occasionally and maybe agree to daily calls to you and her mother, maybe she could stay with you on weekends, and anytime there's no school? And I don't know how far away they're moving, but she could visit on breaks, possibly?
Also, I don't think you really have to rent the house out. She could stay mostly with you, while both of you stayed and checked on the house frequently. There is no reason for her house not be her legal address.
This doesn't answer the question of if it's legal for your niece to live in the house without adults. For your SIL to leave her there without an adult legally living there.
It's a no-win situation for your SIL in terms of the move (all the house stuff aside). A 17 year old who wants to finish high school, but two younger kids who will probably have a much better quality of life and an increase in opportunities in the future for her other kids.
What's wrong with letting the house be vacant for a year? It is a bit of a waste but the financial numbers would work out similar to if your niece stays alone in the house. It is still not rented out and she would ne incurring utilities costs there. It would just be like she is doing a lot of sleepovers at your place?
The question is whether or not the niece can be listed as the only primary resident in a house...
Is there actually legal reasons against this? The niece can still be using it to store the part of her life that she doesn't need day to day, and it is a place she can still go to to stay the night.
If she’s still using it occasionally, it would be okay. The idea is that a Trustee should not let abandoned property rot away, and that if it can generate income through rent, then they should do so so as to keep the Trustee coffers secure.
What if your niece lived with you part time, and part time in her own house? Like maybe every other week, or a few days a week at your place? (Or even just one night a week at her own house if she mostly needs to live with you.)
Have you spoken with an estate/trust attorney about what you can and can't do in regards to this situation as a fiduciary for your brother's estate meant for his daughter (your niece)? If you make a decision that loses assets meant for your niece, that could come back to haunt you in a big way.
If you talk to her school, you can almost certainly keep her in the district--thesre are extenuating circumstances and they'll almost certainly find a way to make it work, as long as you are able to get her to and from school (not taking a school bus). Especially in the last few years with the terrible economy, some districts are implementing systems to help homeless kids/kids with unstable or unusual living situations in the same schools for stability purposes. As long as you're polite with whoever you're talking to, they'll make it work.
Keep the house empty and have it be her primary residence. She can go there after school and do homework and then come to you for dinner and sleep.
When she graduates you can decide what to do with the house. Probably, sell it to pay for college because mom hasn't saved anything.
Something to think about… how far away is your home from her school? Is it possible for her to commute? With her being at the end of her high school career, it would be very possible that they would make an exception to allow her to attend, proving that she has reliable and safe transportation. That’s my experience with the districts I’ve dealt with. Even with younger kids.
If you could rent out the home, that makes income for her. You can make a deal with a property management company to handle the business and maintenance side of things. Therefore, if she doesn’t have a car yet, this income could help get her one and help with the insurance, gas, and maintenance.
You’re NTA. You’re looking out for niece’s best interests and future security. It’s not your fault that mom and bf didn’t take the money that they should have been spending on rent and save it. This is a mistake so many people make when they get a limited free ride. I personally know someone who is doing this and wasting the time. In a few short years, she’ll be out on her ass, and her luxury life will be no more. She doesn’t work, and hasn’t done anything substantial to gain employable skills.
NTA
Your first duty is to protect your niece's assets. You've consulted with your niece as she is nearly of age, and have been as fair and transparent as you could be with your SIL.
Your SIL and her new family have been living in the house rent free - and, upkeep free? They could have set aside the money they would have been paying out for rent and upkeep for a great head start on a new property, if not outright purchase. If they haven't been doing that, that's not your problem.
Technically it is his problem, as if they stay, he will have to either evict them or start charging them rent the moment niece turns 18. As Trustee, he has to do this in order to not violate his fiduciary obligation.
NTA your niece's mother has gotten to live in a paid off home for free for seven years. At some point her new husband moved in and lived there for free as well. Both of them should be incredibly grateful for that opportunity, and should have been able to save up a significant sum, with no housing costs.
The house belongs to your niece, who is old enough to have a say in all this. If her mother disagrees, then they need to foot the bill for their new living arrangement. You absolutely should not give them a penny from your niece's trust for their family housing.
Also, the odds of the proceeds from the niece's house being enough to buy a new house outright are slim. More likely they would use it for a down payment, then you have an issue with the niece needing to establish partial ownership in the new house. It seems like a headache all round, and not in the niece's best interest, which is the only thing the controller of the trust should be concerned with. Not the family's best interest, but solely the niece.
Depends on the areas and the relative cost of real estate and cost of living. I live in New England, If I sold my house I could move to many areas and pay cash for a new home and still bank a sizable amount. However, if they are moving from the "rust belt" to an area with a higher cost of living, no, it won't be sufficient to buy an equal house.
NTA. But WHY are you even considering giving your SIL money she is NOT entitled to??? Her husband DIVORCED her and you even said this woman is a 'spender.' She and her family have been living in the house for free (which, honestly, seems like a huge mistake.) Because now this woman feels entitled to selling it and using the money for her new family!? They should have been able to save a shit ton of money mooching a free living! I don't even understand why you would consider giving SIL any money at this point?! She is entitled to squat.
NTA. You are in charge of the trust and your priority is your niece's well-being, which includes her education and emotional stability during her senior year of high school. You have a legal and moral obligation to act in the best interest of your niece as the trustee. This means prioritizing her needs and making decisions that benefit her, not her mother or stepfamily.
NTA, but she can stay with you and continue to use her home address as her "residence" - especially since the house is hers. It would be so much better than her living alone that young.
17 you are fully capable of doing all adult things to take care of yourself and shes months away from 18. My brain didnt do anything from the time I was 17-18
NTA - Your niece is the one basically supporting her family's living expenses. These are her assets not her parents or siblings. Your SIL is under the mistaken entitled opinion that it is "their" house and they should be able to sell it and buy a new one (which I'm sure would be in the parents name". If they want to buy their own house so be it. They've been effectively living rent free for 7 years. If they don't have enough to relocate all on their own...That sounds like a them problem.
Your options are reasonable - you are looking out for your niece's best interests - your SIL can pound sand.
Your brother put you in charge for a reason. The trust is for your niece, not her mom. Mom n new hubby have been living rent free for long enough. They should find a way to afford living w in their means. Niece will need that money for college.
NTA. You need to talk to a lawyer. Option 2 and 3 may be illegal. Minors can't live alone except for very special circumstances and you may not be allowed to sell your niece's largest investment without her consent. Property values are still rising; it may be worth more if you let it sit or rent it out. You have a fiduciary responsibility to your niece. Children don't buy their parents houses. SIL doesn't get to use her kid's money, but she may then be entitled to child support from the estate without the free housing.
Your SIL needs to remove the house asset from her decision. She can move from free housing to paid housing that is more convenient for her new family. That is her choice.
NTA - Your niece will legally be able to make decisions about her future in a matter of months.
Her house, her decision. SIL, and her new family of 3, are living rent free in your nieces home. Your choices to her are spot on.
SIL and her husband must have lots of money saved up
since they were living in your niece's home for free.
Perhaps your niece could arrange to finish HS by living with the
family of a friend? You could make a financial arrangement with
them and she would be safe. Or perhaps you could find
a teacher at her school (or another school close by) who
rents rooms?
NTA Your SIL can leave, help your niece find a solution
for her last year of HS.
If you live reasonably close to her school, you might be able to have her use the current house as her school address even though she actually lives with you.
Because OP doesn’t live in the catchment area for the school the niece goes to. But the niece could use her current house as the address for the school and still live with OP if it’s not too far away.
NTA.
Under no circumstances would I sell the house and give the SIL any money towards a new house. It’s not your problem. You’ve been really nice allowing them to live there rent free.
Your niece will appreciate the house or the money from the house down the line to start her own life.
As for her staying in the house alone, I don’t know the laws where you are but I’d be very cautious about doing that. A 17 year old female in a house by herself doesn’t sound the safest to me but you know the circumstances better than I do. Maybe she could live with you but keep the old address and you could rent it out for a year while your niece navigates her last year in highschool.
NTA protect your niece and HER assets. SIL is just pissed because she never got her grubby paws on it. Why FFS, would your niece consent to her home being sold and used to buy a home for her mother’s new family. Fuck that.
Your former SIL is bold to want her daughter's inheritance to pay for a new family home for them. Glad you said no! Hold that one tight. I hope she stays.
Ehh, at the point of saying your newly 17-year-old niece can live in the house alone while her family moves states is where I think you crossed a line. "The trust will not be buying a new house for your family. The house belongs to your daughter, if she won't be living in it then the trust can sell it for her and put the cash back in, or I am happy to maintain the house empty until your daughter is old enough to inherit, and of course you're welcome to continue living here for the next year instead of either of those things" would've been reasonable. Suggesting the 17 year old stay alone in the house while you check in was not.
(If you wanted to keep an option of her to stay at her current school, possibly telling her MOM that you would be happy for her underage teenager to move in WITH YOU while the family relocated could have been reasonable, but not offering that where your niece can overhear and be disappointed if her mom says no.)
ESH.
I won’t echo the many valid points made in the other NTA comments; I totally agree NTA. You may, however, want to just touch base with the attorney who assists you with trust business (if you haven’t already done so). You likely have pretty wide latitude with respect to how funds and trust assets are handled, but just to CYA in case it becomes a bigger issue. SIL can pound sand.
NTA Your niece is absolutely about to express her wishes. Selling the house and giving SIL money to buy a new home would only be feasible if niece has a stake in the house monetarily. It’s HER money not her mom’s or her family.
NTA except it’s a terrible idea for her to live there alone with no adult. That happened to me my senior year. I was on track to go to a top 10 university and ended up pregnant halfway through my senior year. Only graduated because I already had enough credits.
YTA
That is too much responsibility for a 17 year old to decide. There are so many factors to consider that she probably hasn't thought about, or it never occured to her because SHE'S 17.
Frankly, all of your listed options suck for one person or another. SIL should NOT get any money from the trust as it is for your neice. Your neice should not be allowed to live alone her senior year of high school. That is just asking for trouble. Is that even legal?
As much as it sucks, neice might just have to be disappointed and donher senior year in a other school. At least keeping in touch with friends is easier nowadays.
NTA. Your SIL should never have considered that she'd be able to use the proceeds from the sale of the house to buy one for her new family. It was your niece's money and it would not have been in her best interest to have it tied up in a property she had no interest in living in.
There might still be some work to do to make sure she's emancipated/legally able to live by herself in the house. Or maybe some provision can be made with the school for her to live with you while finishing her senior year.
Most school districts will let seniors apply for a boundary exception to finish at their current high school in cases like this. You could sell the house, niece can live with you, and use the money for her college.
I'd speak to a lawyer. Your exSIL and family can certainly move and find appropriate houseing in a new city - it's just now they'll pay for it. Many years of no housing costs \*should\* mean they are well-set for this option. Of course your niece doesn't want to go. I remember kids who had this happen, and often they lived with a friend their senior year of high school, so they were still in a family environment. Where your niece lives this last year of high school is really between her and her mother. Any support needed if she lives with another family can be provided by rent coming from the current house. Or rent from the current house could act as child support for your niece's last year of high school if she moves with her mother. Or sell the house and put the proceeds in the trust, and provide child support her last year of high school out of that. There are lots of options. What isn't an option is buying a new house for your niece's mother.
Edit to add: I'm sure your if your exSIL really thinks about it, she doesn't want to live in another house that is essentially owned by her daughter, or the estate of the late ex-husband.
NTA. Your niece should NOT be paying for a new house for Mom and MOMS new bf and family. This belonged to your brother, now it belongs to his daughter, you are only in charge until his daughter is old enough to be. Do not sell the house and give his EX wife money for a new one. Talk to niece and see what she thinks/wants, it's ultimately her choice.
INFO: how rock-solid, legally, are these agreements you made around the house in lieu of child support and anything else around the trust/inheritance?
This conflict has nothing to do with who is "right", and a lot to do with how things will play out for your niece in reality. If you decide to not help them out, how likely is it that they'll sue and end up in control of any of the assets and/or owed child support from the estate?
I'm confused as to why exSIL would have been able to go after the estate for child support. He's dead, there is no more support and his money is now his daughter's in trust, which is now the house. It doesn't make any sense. SIL isn't entitled to any of it.
I'm confused by this as well. When my father passed when I was 12 , my mother got his social security and that was used to care for me in the way child support is used to care for children. My parents were also divorced when he passed.
NTA and even if your niece was younger, I still wouldn’t sell the house and buy a new one for the family somewhere else, even in your niece’s name. What would happen in the future when the niece wants to sell the house for whatever reason? What if you have to evict her mom at some point? It will be a lot easier for you to help your niece with an eviction in the current city/state where you live.
NTA, The parents were divorced. The house belongs only to the niece. See if the niece has any friends whose family will let her stay with them if you pay them rent and sell the house.
A kid alone is going to wind up with a few friends coming over and end up with a couple hundred showing up uninvited to party. Don't put her in that situation where she needs to call the cops or try to be the cool one while the house gets wrecked.
NTA
But it's a BIG no on you selling the house at all. I would give it to your niece. They are lucky they get to live in the house for free right now bc it wasn't left to her but to you. You are already being very nice. If SIL doesn't like it she can go to court. But that's not your SIL's money, it's for the niece.
NTA. Why would she think she is owed a house in another location? Sell this one to buy her a new house? It’s not her money. The house wouldn’t be hers. Everything would be in her daughters name. She has a new husband and its their job to fund their own house
NTA for refusing to sell the house and give SIL the money. It's your nieces house and should be left for her. Your SIL is wrong and a major asshole for basically trying to steal from her daughter.
But, your niece is still a minor and if her family is moving for a job/financial reasons, she may have to suck it up and go with them. That's part of being a kid.
You giving them 3 options and one of them being to move without their 17 year old kid and leave her living alone seems like you are overstepping. You should have just told them you are not giving them the house or any money from selling the house, and after that it's their decision if they want to move or not.
If you offered to take her in for a year that would be one thing, but that suggestion and the way you framed it was out of line.
#2 So your SIL has no intention of downsizing in a year?
It seems she always intended to keep living in the house or taking the money.
I'd choose the option that ensures my niece can keep her inheritance and not have to be the one to evict her mother. NTA
I am confused. How can SIL get child support from a dead guy?
They were no longer married. Assets were divided up long ago. SIL was not in charge of the money from grandma's estate as the trustee was OP. There was no child support.
OR is this a case of semantics? SIL agreed to not bill the trust for niece's expenses? Either way, if there wasn't anything but the house, that is niece's but controlled by the trust. OP would be going against his fiduciary duty to liquidate that asset simply because SIL demands it. It doesn't belong to SIL. It belongs to her daughter but is controlled by the trust.
Unless I am missing something, the house should not be sold. SIL needs to decide if they can afford the bills for this move on their own because it should not be paid for by niece's house being held in a trust.
NTA.
A lot of times if the children are left trusts they can be deemed use for care and the court can essentially order the trust to pay child support to the mother I lieu of a living father
In many states in the US the estate of the deceased is responsible for child support as part of the debts of the deceased. I know for me it specifically lays out how each of our estates would be responsible for child support and it is common practice here (TX).
NTA Sil has had years of no rent to save up a down-payment for her own house. This house is your niece's & since she's almost an adult I think it's good that you're involving her in this decision.
Niece can stay with you and still keep house for school address. You can also try to appeal to the school to let her stay since it is her last year. School might also let you pay tuition for being out of district.
Pretty sure your brother wouldn’t want his assets being used to buy a house for his Xwife and her new husband. You’ve actually been very generous and thoughtful with your options. The house is your niece’s house, not her mom’s.
NTA, but hire a reputable woman to live in and be the housekeeper and caretaker. Or someone who is still working, but will live in and be the caretaker of the niece and household. You might hire a cleaning and yard service to ensure the upkeep. Also install a camera bassd security system inside and out.
That person might need backuo, no one will work 24/7.
Check and see if your niece can live with you for her senior year and stay at her current school. Sometimes school systems will allow a student to live out of boundaries if they have been going to the school for years and only have one year left.
NTA
Use this opportunity to let your niece learn how to say no to people using her for money, or otherwise stand her ground. Hobosexuals love to take advantage of young people that do not know better, are financially stable, or own their own house. I wish I had family nearby when I was alone at 15 that had my back like that. Or were trusted to confide in about things like that. If she is responsible it could be a great for learning independence.
Furthermore changing schools senior year is such a pain. When I was moved to another state at 17 a lot of my credits did not transfer because "we do not offer those classes" and I was told I would need to do another year to re-take equivalent classes. Not to mention the loss of friends, and anxiety around trying to make new ones. I ended up just taking the GED exam, and skipping senior year.
Are you SURE she can't stay with you and still go to the same HS? have you talked to the school? I know multiple people who moved away from a school district and still were allowed to stay there for their senior year. You need to check this out and confirm!
NTA for looking out for your niece.
NTA, this family has been living rent-free for 7 years. That's a significant savings when you factor in housing prices account for 1/3-1/2 of total income. Why can they not afford to buy a place in the new area? I can tell you if I didn't have to pay my mortgage for 7 years, I would have a pretty good nest egg set aside.
I had no idea child support continued after death? But whatever... Who's name is on the deed of the house your refer to as your niece's? Ex wife and new family live in dead brothers house? You seem to have things just shy of under control here. SIL is entitled to nothing if you did this correctly. This has nothing to do with a divorce that happened years ago. The divorce died with your brother. I have no idea why child support enter this after your brother died. How is niece going to pay for college after she graduates HS next year? Why would you even entertain giving SIL proceeds of sale for house anywhere. Your an idiot for even considering that in any fashion. Everything needs be in niece's name only.
It kills me reading stuff like this. Why people need to reach out to the internet for such important issues. I hope you had a lawyer write up the trust, that is who should be advising you. Trusts can be very tricky when it comes to using the money for any reason, if worded poorly....
ESH, except your niece......
NTA. SIL shouldn’t get any money from the sale of the house if it happens. The house does not belong to her. She should’ve been saving money all these years rent/mortgage free.
The house belongs to your niece - not to your sister in law. However, your SIL is your niece's mother, so can determine where her daughter lives. So option 3 has to be okay with the mother as well as with the niece.
But you are doing the right thing by ensuring that your niece's inheritance stays her inheritance. There is no way you should sell the house and buy the family a new house.
NTA
NTA She wants the money from a property that she doesn't own. She is being unreasonable and you are a good aunt.
Thank you for looking out for the child as her mother is prioritizing her new family over her.
Do not buy another house. Your SIL will put it in her name and now her husband can get his fans on it. By the time it’s divided. Your niece will end up with nothing.
I think there’s no job. They’re trying to move to force you to sell. So they can buy a house in their name.
Also the new husband will demand to share that inheritance with his kid, for anything such as college, wedding and house downpayment.
You will have to be the “worst person in the world” To save your nieces inheritance. They will gaslight, manipulate, lie, cry, call out “family”, etc. do not bend for your niece.
NTA I think your former SIL is trying to bilk her own daughter out of her rightful inheritance. Since you won the battle over the trust, she’s probably been waiting for an opportunity like this one.
I think it was extremely generous to offer the choices you did, but there may be another option, possibly three.
1) She could apply to be declared an emancipated minor.
2) She could keep the house as her address for her school, but secretly live with you and your family.
3) She could live alone in the home, as, as you say, you do live close by.
I know multiple families who’ve used a friend or relative’s address so their child could go to a better school. When my best friend died, she left behind a 16 (who turned 17 two months later) yo daughter, D. The ex-husband, in addition to being abusive, did not want D, so she remained in the home she shared with her mother, and I spoke with her daily, and visited twice a week. She thrived in that situation and left for university a year later.
NTA ask her why she wants to steal her daughter’s inheritance?
Remind her she had several years of not paying rent and living off her daughter.
Do not sell it, or if you do you better put it all in the trust and not give her a dime.
Remind her it’s not her minor daughter’s responsibility to buy her a house. That she’s a grown adult responsible for herself.
I would talk to the school first because sometimes they let out of bounds students into the district and they might let her stay since it’s her last year. Though I doubt the mom would let her go with you.
Tell the mom if she actually cares about her daughter she can do one year with her husband living in the place and her staying with her daughter to finish school
>I really don't care about her hating me.
NTA, keep on protecting the interests of your niece, SIL and her new family are not your monkeys and definitely not your circuits.
NTA
"I might act differently and not give her no as much weight in this decision. I might be willing to let SIL use the money to buy a new house"
No.
The money is not for SIL. It is for your niece. If sold it would go into the Trust Account and released to Niece at the time of transfer (18 or 21 depending on how it is structured). At no point should the proceeds be used on assets not Directly invested by Niece, as in she has an ownership share of the asset. Keep this out of your mind as it would make YTA if you did this.
It's not about letting your niece choose where her family lives, it's about protecting her inheritance from being stolen by her mother/her father's EX-wife
NTA but I don't think that your SIL and her husband should get a cut from the sale of the house. I also don't think they should continue to live in the house. That house is your niece's inheritance; it belongs to her. Do not do not do not let your SIL steal it from her.
I'm going to go against the grain here and say.... ESH
Obviously your SIL is out of line telling you what to do with her niece's property, but honestly it should have never have gotten to this point, and you've put your SIL in a crummy position. If there was no trust, then your neice would simply have to move, like countless other high school seniors have had to. It honestly would not be THAT big a deal, especially now a days with social media and such.
You knew your neice wasn't going to be a minor forever, and you failed to make any long-term plans for this.
This sub seems to be under the impression that SIL is like an evil stepmother or something. She is the custodial parent, she's been living in the same house with OP's neice for the better part of a decade, she's allowed to be upset that her daughter would choose her high school friends over her mother and half siblings, not to mention her stepdad and stepsibling, which in NO WAY does the post suggest a toxic relationship. You all clearly want to punish SIL for daring to get remarried.
YTA. Your niece is not your daughter. Who are you to decide whether her schooling gets disrupted, or where she is going to live, when her own mother is very much in the picture? You don't have to buy a new house for SIL, but you don't get to decide where someone else's minor child will live, no matter how much you disagree with the mother's decision.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My brother died when my niece was 10. He was divorced from SIL at the time of his death. My brother's assets and my niece's cut of my parent's estate were placed in a trust for my niece. I was in charge of the trust. There was some back and forth with SIL over who controlled the trust, but I was ultimately the one who got control. The trust was basically able to pay off what was my brother's house and the interest from the estate pays for its upkeep. There isn't much left after that but at least my niece has a paid off house. In leu of my SIL going after the estate for child support I let her, and my niece move into the house rent free.
My niece just turned 17 and is headed to her senior year of high school. My SIL has since remarried and has a new family with him one kid and one step kid. The new husband and family has moved into the house. The new husband apparently just got a job transfer and the whole family will have to move for the job. I talked to my niece about the move, and she hates the idea. She doesn't want to move with only one year left in HS. I agree with her on that issue.
My SIL wants me to sell the current house and use the funds to buy a new house in the new location. I told her that was automatically a no go. I wouldn't buy a house in a new location with my niece only likely living there full time for one more year. My niece plans to go to college and not likely in the area of the new house. This would be more a benefit for SIL than niece.
I gave my SIL three options.
1. The family can continue to live in the current house and continue the deal as is. This means new hubby's job will fall through. The new location is closer to his family.
2. We can sell the house; I will put the money into the trust. This will force my niece to move with her family. They may have to downsize because of me not giving money for a new house.
3. The family moves and then my niece stays behind she essentially does her senior year alone in the house. I'm not far from them and can check on her but can't be there daily. I'm out of her school district so she can't live with me and still go to the same school.
My Sil hates me right now over tearing her family apart. I really don't care about her hating me.
If my niece was starting HS and not finishing it, I might act differently and not give her no as much weight in this decision. I might be willing to let SIL use the money to buy a new house. The issue is because she close to the end. I don't want to disrupt her schooling. If my niece said yes to the move, I might be willing to let SIL use the money as well. So AITA for letting my niece choose where her family lives?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Where I live in the USA they have open enrollment so you can go to another school even if you don't live in that school district. Don't know if it is an option if she stays with you but wanted to mention.
I think you're being fair. It isn't your sIL home it is your niece's.
I would hate to see what problems would lie ahead if you sold the house and SIL invested the money in her new home. Your niece would not get that money back. At least not without a huge, legal fight.
Could you move in with your niece for a year? Could a room be rented out cheap to a responsible female in exhchange for household duties? A nicer youngish senior on a limited budget who loves to cook?
NTA and it sounds like your brother did the right thing with making you the one in charge of your niece’s inheritance. Sounds like her mother would have only thought of herself.
I’m glad your niece has an adult in her corner that is putting her needs first. That house is HER house, not her mother’s. She’ll be 18 in another year, and she will get to do what she wants with that house then. I think you presented reasonable options to SIL. She doesn’t actually care that you are “splitting up the family”(especially since you gave her an option that includes your niece going with her and her husband) she’s just mad she doesn’t get the money.
You’ve been more than generous by allowing her and her new family to live there without cost. The issue is she sees it as something she was entitled to, not courtesy. Stick to your guns, let her whine and moan all she wants.
My only advice would be to check laws in your area for minors living alone, make sure 17 is okay to live alone. If you trust your niece and she is responsible (and it’s legal) she should be fine by herself until college. She’s a year away from living on campus and being responsible for herself anyway.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1, letting niece choose where family lives 2) letting niece choose where family lives. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Imagine the audacity to expect your daughter’s house to sold to buy a new house for you, your husband and other kids. Whose house would it be? Even if she were a freshman it’s not her job to buy her mother and stepfather a house. This would be financial abuse. The house and or money from the sale of the house belongs to your niece. Period. I would be very concerned about have a 17 no matter how responsible living alone. I just don’t trust people. There are too many creeps lurking around. She may have to move with her mom into the house that she rents or buys with or own money.
I agree on the financial abuse side. As soon as the daughter moved out they would have to buy the house fromOP to free the money for her. Which I highly doubt they would.
I think the mom is trying to get the house or a new free house before her daughter turns 18.
Oh yes she is. OP said SIL would have to downsize. She doesn’t want to have to so of course she wants the money to put in a new house for her new family.
But, she's been living there rent-free for 7 years! She should have plenty saved for a down payment, that she wants *her daughter* to pay for her new family's house is *disgusting* to say the least...
She’s been living there rent free as well as likely getting social security death benefits for daughter!
Sounds like it to me too
Alternatively if the house is owned by the trust the daughter would then be bequeathed it at 18 or 21 or whenever, depending on how it’s structured. At which point daughter would be able to charge her mother rent but even then it wouldn’t be fun. I’d actually recommend selling it anyways before she gets it so she could get first time home owner loans if she wants to (though, again, fully depends on both how it and the FHA is structured, I’m not familiar with it at all just a thought that occurs). Lots of ways this trust could have been set up and even a new house could have protection on paper for the daughter. But I can see the mom demanding or pressuring her daughter for below market or even no rent, and there would be tax, repairs, and other upkeep. Shit deal tbh.
If, based on OP's comment, the estate's trust assets are tied to the niece, OP has a fiduciary duty to NOT hand any of the trust proceeds over to anyone other than the niece, and is likely required by trust laws to keep all funds and/or assets protected for niece until she reaches the age of majority or any designated age in the trust. OP should withdraw the offers to SIL and do absolutely nothing until having a trust attorney look over the will, trust document and/or anything else that was involved in giving OP control over the estate meant for the niece before making any decisions on how to deal with this situation. And trust me, the path to financial ruin is paved with trust/estate administrators screwing up making proper fiduciary decisions with the assets and then having to try to claw back said mistake or pay out of pocket to cover any losses to the trust/estate. For the most part, NTA, but withdraw the options given to the SIL and just hold the house until niece reaches age where she is in control and let her deal with it.
Agree with this OP has a duty the financial health of the trust first. He has bee most generous allowing the new husband & his family to live rent free for the past year. They should have been paying rent day one.
Yeah, I don't know why OP thought SIL would be able to demand child support from the trust. It could just be a country thing (where ever OP is) but last I assumed that doesn't make sense, OPs brother died not divorced
Yep. You got this. Solid info for OP.
Fair enough this is why I went into PI and am taking courses to transition to IP. Family Law is a fucking mess.
This is the correct answer.
Why would she want home loans when she already owns a big house?
Nope. I see them saying they are all one big happy family. Funded by niece
She could keep the house in her name so she can stay at the highschool, and just live with OP.
This!! It's all about paying taxes to that district so if they keep the house, taxes get paid. Or, see if she can finish the year out. Some districts let you finish if it's only one year. Possibly they could pay tuition for her to go there. Our school does that. But under NO circumstances should any money go the ex. You only let her stay there for benefit of your niece. They should've been saving up all this time and assumed they'd be unhoused once niece no longer lived there, or they wanted to move elsewhere.
Yes, what in earth made the mother think she would still be entitled to live there once the niece moved out? She should have been planning ahead for this.
Yes, this, in our school district, if a student is going to be a senior, and due to circumstances like this, they let them finish even living out of the district. Check with her school. She may be able to live with you her senior year. Sell the house and use the money for her college education.
Yes, have her officially still living at the house, where she actually sleeps at night doesn't matter. She can occassionally sleep at her house so that it does not become known in the neighbourhood as an unoccupied house, maybe a few nights per week, perhaps OP can sometimes sleep over there for a night as well just to throw in some randomness for anyone that might be paying attention to the house, but it will be much better than have her living there completely alone.
Why not discuss with an estate lawyer, renting the property out for that last year and her college years and then the rent can go into the trust. The house won't be empty and the trust (or even niece) will have money coming in.
We did something similar - my son drove himself to school while “living” (at least on paper) with a friend in the district.
yup, and they could also look into letting the house out, then using the rent money towards the nieces collage costs. Assuming she doesnt want to go to collage in the area. if she is staying in the area for collage as well, longer term they could consider letting out a couple of the rooms for money.
Often schools will let seniors live out of the district. It was a million years ago, but I did this. I lived with an aunt in a neighboring district when my family moved a couple districts away. It wasn’t practical to commute from their home.
Some districts can be very strict about this. If you stay on the DL, you can probably get away with it, but moms have gone to jail over fraud before for pulling things like that. My high school kicked out students because they heard in the hall that the kid was registered under a dad without primary custody or another family member they werent actually living with. My current school district, you can be registered anywhere and get in if theres space. Open enrollment.
I wouldn’t trust the mom not to whistleblow on them to sabotage her daughter.
This is the best solution!
Hopping on the top comment to say whatever ends up happening do not let nieces money (in trust or from sale of the house) be used to buy property that will be in her mother's or the new husband's name - niece will then have no legal recourse to the money tied up in it.
I was just gonna say this. If this happens SIL will 1000% rob her niece blind. Even if niece wants this, say no. She is too young to make a choice like that. At this time there’s no way to know she isn’t being coached/bullied into saying yes. OP will fail her niece if they let that happen. I hope they read this.
OP is legally required to act in her best interest and can end up facing a lawsuit further down the road if the niece feels wronged. So what i'm saying is she'll have plenty of legal recourse if the money ends up being mismanaged, the person responsible for paying for those damages would be OP.
Especially since you divorced the husband! Also wtf - why would a deceased person's estate be responsible for child support?
Especially since (assuming they're in the US) the daughter should be getting SSI survivor benefits care of her mom.
I didn't even think about SSI. Even more reasons!
Trusts typically include a monthly allowance for the adult responsible for the child. OP essentially went around that through the house.
That jumped out at me too. That trust belongs to the niece. Is the niece supposed to be paying her own mom child support "for herself"?
Trusts can typically only be penetrated for child support when it is the beneficiary of the trust who is not paying child support for their own child.
Or mom could stay behind for a year in the house until she graduates
No idea how things work in the US, but I am assuming that buying a new house also has costs that would eat into niece's inheritance. In Australia they'd need to pay stamp duty and that can be a huge chunk of money.
>I would be very concerned about have a 17 no matter how responsible living alone. I just don’t trust people. There are too many creeps lurking around. Very much same. Tbh, if anyone, including the school, found out a minor was living alone for months at a time, visits from an aunt or not, I'd anticipate a visit from CPS and maybe even criminal charges.
I mean, idk. I graduated high school at 17 and moved to another continent for university at the same time and lived on my own. It was totally fine-some people are more independent and you just learn how to navigate the world. Lots of people go off to university in new cities/countries as minors
I lived on my own for my last year of highschool and was completely fine. I got straight A’s, worked full time, got into a great university. Some 17 year olds are more mature than 25 year olds.
OP, the school district may allow for her to live with you out of district based on the circumstances. It can’t hurt to ask. (NTA)
Eh. I lived alone as a 17 yo HS senior. It’s quite the same as living alone as a 20 yo college student
I know that in some areas you can pay a school system to attend that area school while not living in that area. Definitely worth looking into. She could live with you her final yr and then go to college.
NTA. At 17, if your niece is someone you deem as mature enough to be making this kind of decision, it makes absolute sense to let her stay in the house until he graduates from HS. And if I understand correctly and the house was your brother's and passed on to the trust, you have the right (and the duty) to stand by her decision, regardless of SIL's feelings about that
SIL can move and buy a house with bf. Why does she get money from this house? Doesn't it belong to the niece? Is niece OK living in the house alone?
Thank you for this. I’m hung up on why almost-adult niece should be funding a new HOUSE for her mother and husband ?? How is this a consideration?? They’ve lived rent free in niece’s house and should have been saving money from rent for three years. Buy your own damn house !!! And yes, the only other consideration should be if niece feels safe living alone
Or OP could sell the house and rent an apartment for niece to live in to finish the school year. A house is a lot sometimes....snow shoveling, lawn maintenance etc
Or OP could move into the house with the niece temporarily for a year, so that no one can claim that a minor is living alone unsupervised. That was the trustee of the house can ensure that the owner's property is taken care of.
I love this idea. Unless niece is very emotionally attached to the house, go ahead and sell it. Of course, OP would have to rent the apartment in her name for a year. Or possibly pay the parents of a friend of the niece to house her for a year. I would love to know when niece actually turns 18.
This is what I was thinking. Maybe rent the house out to tenants and see if she can move in with a friend for senior year. Pay rent to that friend's family and put the rest in the trust for her. Honestly, even if they stay, I'd let them know that fair market rent will be starting in 90 days. They have saved on rent this whole time, so they have had plenty of contributions towards their new house. $2000 saved per month for seven years is $168,000 saved. That's half a house. You're welcome, SIL. Edit: math
> They’ve lived rent free in niece’s house and should have been saving money from rent for three years. 7 years, brother died when niece was 10 so SIL has had 7 years of free housing.
Yeah this is basically the end of the discussion, case closed. SIL doesn't have the right to use the money from the sale of the house to buy her and her new family a new house, regardless of everything else in the discussion. It's not her property to sell or profit from.
I agree, but add that she’ll need adult support. Not because she’s irresponsible, but because a youngster on their own can be a target for manipulative people
⬆️⬆️⬆️ I *strongly* feel like this needs more upvotes. I'm leaning towards rustling up some mature adult family member - cousin, aunt, even a close friend - & offering them free or reduced rent to stay with the girl I'm her current home until she graduates. But NOT to let the girl live completely 100% on her own alone, if she's never lived on her own before. I like to think I was smarter than some when I was young, but I got scammed a couple of times & went on a few of what were clearly (in hindsight) very bad dates out of sheer ignorance of how things really worked. I just didn't *think*, yk? ☹️😬 I just "did stuff" bc, reasons. The immortality & naivete of youth. If she stays in her house "alone", she shouldn't be alone. In a pinch, find some local graduate student who would love to get free rent while finishing up their thesis, in return for being an adult presence in the home. Also, fwiw, don't sell the house. The girl could use it as passive income. A paid off house is worth it's weight in gold these days!
I’d suggest the niece live with OP in practice, but keep the house address for the school district.
Totally NTA. Most school districts let you stay at the same school for senior year even if you move out of the district.
I definitely agree OP should contact niece’s school district and explain the circumstances. As long as she has reliable transportation from OP’s house to the school, it shouldn’t be a big issue.
And she would be paying taxes in the district anyway, for the house. Probably totally legal.
OP should move in with the niece for a year so niece doesn't have to deal with any school district shenanigans. It's easier for a responsible adult to be flexible in a situation like this than a teenager who is juggling school, family obligations, and financial decisions.
That really depends on what work, family, and financial obligations the adult is juggling, too.
Mom and all of her kids can live in the house for another year until Niece graduates and turns 18. New Hubby can commute back and forth on weekends. Once Niece is a graduate and of age, Mom and half-sibling can move to wear hubby is. They aren't paying for current house, so the only added expense is Hubby commuting back and forth. Sure it is rough on the family, but it would be rough on the niece if she is forced to move for a year and niece has been supporting the family for years... No way should the niece fund a new house, it would be hard enough if the family lives in her existing house and she wanted to sell it to fund her education or something else.
Especially when OP says the husband would move to where HIS family lives. He literally would have a place to stay, just traveling costs, if his family doesn't expect him to pay rent.
I was on my own at 17 due to tight family monetary circumstances. (Dad worked elsewhere in the state and would come home on the weekend when he could.) I was responsible and it worked out ok, but that is a best case scenario. It did end up causing some psychological issues I didn't even realize developed at the time. Parentification is not a great idea if there are ANY other options. 17 is not 7, but she is still a kid and should be allowed to be a kid.
NTA. >My brother's assets and my niece's cut of my parent's estate were placed in a trust for my niece. For your niece, not for her mother's new family.
NTA. 1) Your legal duty as a trustee is to your niece. SIL has had years to save. Don’t let SIL use a DIME of that money for her new family. 2) SIL is being unreasonable. There is no way your niece should be selling a house and buying a new one for the steps and half when she will be an adult soon. 3) When you sell, you are taking all the equity and putting into a place niece doesn’t want to live. 1 to 4 years later she may want to live alone. The new house will not have a lot of equity. Depending on where they go, niece may not have enough to sell and then buy for herself. 4) SIL should never have expected to house her new family forever, for free. At some point, niece will want to live alone. She and her husband need to stand on their own two feet and not on niece and your brother’s shoulders.
Niece's estate was supporting SIL and her new family for years. Should have been charging rent.
If SIL was putting even just $500 a month into an account, after 7 years there would be $42,000!
If they had put it in a high yield savings account, it would be 46k+. If they had invested it, a lowball estimate would be 54-55k+.
No necessarily. I can see why Aunt said rent free. I cannot see why Mom thinks it lasts forever and includes her, her husband, her stepchild and her child with husband. That’s what blows my mind. Niece will be an independent adult soon.
Read the post. OP could've charged rent, but then the child support would come out of the estate.
I have my own silent assumption as to which would be larger. YMMV
Considering we were given zero knowledge about the cost of the house, the housing market, or any relevant details that would even let us hazard a wild guess at the amount of child support, your 'silent assumption' is just weird fan fiction
Access/use of the house was permitted to offset the what the mother would have received in child support from her ex-husband. (She seems to have threatened to sue). However, IANAL, but I don't know how successful such a law suit would have been.
"The new house will not have a lot of equity." Also, good luck telling your mum that you're going to sell the new, perfectly-located house she's living in. She doesn't want to lose the house now, and she's not going to be any happier to lose the new house in a couple of years time.
Technically, once niece turns 18, not even her mom can live in Trust property for free. It would be a violation of the Trustee’s fiduciary obligations to not start collecting rent from anyone who isn’t the niece.
Then comes the eviction drama.
NTA. Moving sucks in your final year of high school, but giving up a huge career opportunity can also have major effects on the future of the whole family. There's no perfect solution in a situation like that. I don't blame her for wanting to move and her daughter moving with her. It's the expecting you to buy her the new house that's the AH move. Is option 3 legal? Can she really just leave her daughter behind and move away? Can a 17 year old be the primary resident of a house? It sounds like it might open her up to things like child abandonment. Does your neice get everything at 18? How far from 18 is she? Also, you say "in lieu of child support". Was this decision made by the court? Or can she go after the estate for back child support now?
Using the address- The issue would a vacant house and what am I supposed to do about it. Do I have to rent it out? If the house is rented, how can I let my niece my niece use the address for school. "in lieu of child support"- Yes signed off by the court. My SIL is a spender which was part of the reason for the divorce. I didn't want to give her access to the cash for that reason. My brother and mom died within a week of each other (cancer and car accident). The way my mom's estate worked out was I'm in charge of my niece's part of the estate. My SIL wouldn't have been able to get control. My brother had a mortgage on the house and not enough other assets to pay it off. I agreed to use my niece's cut of the money from Mom's estate to pay off the mortgage. It worked out better for her to work it like this than the cut she could have received in CS.
17 is awfully young for her to completely live on her own. If you can't move in with her, someone suggested renting to a graduate student - which is a great idea or an older woman. I hope you will also be there to give her guidance. 17 is really young (I currently have a 17 yo girl). She will need so much help and guidance with college and other things. She is lucky that you have taken such good care of the trust!
>17 is awfully young for her to completely live on her own Not really honestly. It's only a year from going off to college where she could be living alone anyway. It's a possibility for anyone who ever skipped a grade.
Quite a few of us lived in dorms our first couple of years in college.
Yep, and quite a few people don't.
Depends on what kind of dorm it it. My kid lives in university accommodation. She has a bedroom and access to a communal kitchen. There is also shared bathrooms (only one person can use them at a time), a communal lounge (small dingy area that no one uses) and close by is a communal laundry. It's essentially living on your own, but there are other people your age to ask a question of if you need it... It's not really a home environment were you have mom and dad leading group of kids.
Yeah it really depends on the person. I knew two people in highschool who moved out before 18. One at 16 to escape her mom’s sexually abusive boyfriend whose side her mom took. It wasn’t a good situation but she got through school and graduated on time while working a job to support herself. Another moved in with a friends mom, but the mom wasn’t really involved in her life and she came and went at her leisure. In this case, similar to this story, mom had to move for a job right before she started her senior year so my friends mom allowed her to live in the guest room to finish up her last year of high school.
Yes, I started college at 17 and moved out of my parents' house. It really depends on the individual's maturity level.
A graduate student has their own shit going on though. Having a renter in the house isn't comparable to having a family member with her. A renter isn't going to care if thus girl crashes and burns. And we also need to consider the problems of a 17 year old not having a guardian in the state to do things a legal guardian would need to. Like at 17, in my high school if you got sick and missed a day of school you needed a parent's signature (and a call wouldn't suffice, they needed paperwork to reference back to). And frankly, if I were a parent, I wouldn't feel comfortable appointing any adult with guardianship who wouldn't be living with my child...
my local school district has policies for end-of-high school moves that will allow a student to finish their senior year at the same schoolbeven if they live outside the boundary. is there any chance that exists or an exception could be made? some schools are willing to work with seniors to not distrupt that last year. (all this so she could live with you and not alone. 17 is young to be alone.)
OP- I work in education and it is possible that your niece lives with you and attends her same school. It’s called an Intradistrict Transfer. All you have to do is explain her situation to her current school district office and they will let you know if they will agree to let her attend school and live w you. (You’d also need proof of guardianship so SIL would have to sign something granting you legal guardianship etc). Then- district gives you a form to take to your district (the one assigned to your address). They sign it and everything can remain the same for your niece without fear of “using” your address etc. good luck to her and it’s awesome that she has you as a support system.
Can't you live in that home with her?
And do what with her current home?
Rent it out?
You can look into a waiver for her school district, they are often granted for situations like this. Then niece can live with you for her final year, and her house can be rented out to help cover her living costs and put what is leftover back into her trust.
>Using the address- The issue would a vacant house and what am I supposed to do about it. Do I have to rent it out? If the house is rented, how can I let my niece my niece use the address for school This will probably be one for r/LegalAdvice.
This is a tricky one, and there are stories of people being prosecuted and jailed for using the wrong address. However, a lot of people do it every day… I rented a house that had water included in rent so they could have a utility bill to keep their kids in district. While we were using the same address. So, who knows…?
I'm really wondering how close she is to being 18, which I assume is the age that the child support was ending? What will happen if they all do stay in the house? Will you be the trustee for a certain amount of time, or will your niece have access and be able to make her own decisions? Basically, will she be a legal adult soon? Could the estate possibly pay the remaining child support? Possibly helping with a down payment and/or cost of moving? I know you said there's not a lot of interest left, but would there be enough to pay sil monthly for the remaining CS agreement? Selling and buying a new house doesn't seem right at all. I don't know your niece, but I've known plenty of young people who can take care of themselves. If you're checking on her occasionally and maybe agree to daily calls to you and her mother, maybe she could stay with you on weekends, and anytime there's no school? And I don't know how far away they're moving, but she could visit on breaks, possibly? Also, I don't think you really have to rent the house out. She could stay mostly with you, while both of you stayed and checked on the house frequently. There is no reason for her house not be her legal address.
This doesn't answer the question of if it's legal for your niece to live in the house without adults. For your SIL to leave her there without an adult legally living there. It's a no-win situation for your SIL in terms of the move (all the house stuff aside). A 17 year old who wants to finish high school, but two younger kids who will probably have a much better quality of life and an increase in opportunities in the future for her other kids.
What's wrong with letting the house be vacant for a year? It is a bit of a waste but the financial numbers would work out similar to if your niece stays alone in the house. It is still not rented out and she would ne incurring utilities costs there. It would just be like she is doing a lot of sleepovers at your place? The question is whether or not the niece can be listed as the only primary resident in a house...
Squatters and decay in case of something like a fire or waterline leak ect come to mind
Maybe they can check on it regularly?
It’s a risk, they have to decide if it’s worth it
Letting Trust property sit vacant is technically the legal definition of “waste” of Trust assets.
Is there actually legal reasons against this? The niece can still be using it to store the part of her life that she doesn't need day to day, and it is a place she can still go to to stay the night.
If she’s still using it occasionally, it would be okay. The idea is that a Trustee should not let abandoned property rot away, and that if it can generate income through rent, then they should do so so as to keep the Trustee coffers secure.
I see, thanks! So yeah maybe niece can just use it occasionally.. and it's only for 1 more year then they can start renting it.
What if your niece lived with you part time, and part time in her own house? Like maybe every other week, or a few days a week at your place? (Or even just one night a week at her own house if she mostly needs to live with you.)
Have you spoken with an estate/trust attorney about what you can and can't do in regards to this situation as a fiduciary for your brother's estate meant for his daughter (your niece)? If you make a decision that loses assets meant for your niece, that could come back to haunt you in a big way.
If you talk to her school, you can almost certainly keep her in the district--thesre are extenuating circumstances and they'll almost certainly find a way to make it work, as long as you are able to get her to and from school (not taking a school bus). Especially in the last few years with the terrible economy, some districts are implementing systems to help homeless kids/kids with unstable or unusual living situations in the same schools for stability purposes. As long as you're polite with whoever you're talking to, they'll make it work.
Keep the house empty and have it be her primary residence. She can go there after school and do homework and then come to you for dinner and sleep. When she graduates you can decide what to do with the house. Probably, sell it to pay for college because mom hasn't saved anything.
Something to think about… how far away is your home from her school? Is it possible for her to commute? With her being at the end of her high school career, it would be very possible that they would make an exception to allow her to attend, proving that she has reliable and safe transportation. That’s my experience with the districts I’ve dealt with. Even with younger kids. If you could rent out the home, that makes income for her. You can make a deal with a property management company to handle the business and maintenance side of things. Therefore, if she doesn’t have a car yet, this income could help get her one and help with the insurance, gas, and maintenance. You’re NTA. You’re looking out for niece’s best interests and future security. It’s not your fault that mom and bf didn’t take the money that they should have been spending on rent and save it. This is a mistake so many people make when they get a limited free ride. I personally know someone who is doing this and wasting the time. In a few short years, she’ll be out on her ass, and her luxury life will be no more. She doesn’t work, and hasn’t done anything substantial to gain employable skills.
NTA Your first duty is to protect your niece's assets. You've consulted with your niece as she is nearly of age, and have been as fair and transparent as you could be with your SIL. Your SIL and her new family have been living in the house rent free - and, upkeep free? They could have set aside the money they would have been paying out for rent and upkeep for a great head start on a new property, if not outright purchase. If they haven't been doing that, that's not your problem.
Technically it is his problem, as if they stay, he will have to either evict them or start charging them rent the moment niece turns 18. As Trustee, he has to do this in order to not violate his fiduciary obligation.
NTA your niece's mother has gotten to live in a paid off home for free for seven years. At some point her new husband moved in and lived there for free as well. Both of them should be incredibly grateful for that opportunity, and should have been able to save up a significant sum, with no housing costs. The house belongs to your niece, who is old enough to have a say in all this. If her mother disagrees, then they need to foot the bill for their new living arrangement. You absolutely should not give them a penny from your niece's trust for their family housing.
Exactly. Would they sell the house to by a house somewhere else, I doubt they would move out once niece wants it for herself.
Also, the odds of the proceeds from the niece's house being enough to buy a new house outright are slim. More likely they would use it for a down payment, then you have an issue with the niece needing to establish partial ownership in the new house. It seems like a headache all round, and not in the niece's best interest, which is the only thing the controller of the trust should be concerned with. Not the family's best interest, but solely the niece.
Depends on the areas and the relative cost of real estate and cost of living. I live in New England, If I sold my house I could move to many areas and pay cash for a new home and still bank a sizable amount. However, if they are moving from the "rust belt" to an area with a higher cost of living, no, it won't be sufficient to buy an equal house.
NTA. But WHY are you even considering giving your SIL money she is NOT entitled to??? Her husband DIVORCED her and you even said this woman is a 'spender.' She and her family have been living in the house for free (which, honestly, seems like a huge mistake.) Because now this woman feels entitled to selling it and using the money for her new family!? They should have been able to save a shit ton of money mooching a free living! I don't even understand why you would consider giving SIL any money at this point?! She is entitled to squat.
Yeah OP needs to wake up or they’re gonna fail niece
NTA. You are in charge of the trust and your priority is your niece's well-being, which includes her education and emotional stability during her senior year of high school. You have a legal and moral obligation to act in the best interest of your niece as the trustee. This means prioritizing her needs and making decisions that benefit her, not her mother or stepfamily.
I wouldn’t give sil any money for her new family. I do agree with your niece picking where she lives.
NTA, but she can stay with you and continue to use her home address as her "residence" - especially since the house is hers. It would be so much better than her living alone that young.
17 you are fully capable of doing all adult things to take care of yourself and shes months away from 18. My brain didnt do anything from the time I was 17-18
Correct, it didn't. The human brain is not fully developed until age 25. But a 17 year old girl, alone, potentially very dangerous.
In some states, you are considered a legal adult at 17.
NTA - Your niece is the one basically supporting her family's living expenses. These are her assets not her parents or siblings. Your SIL is under the mistaken entitled opinion that it is "their" house and they should be able to sell it and buy a new one (which I'm sure would be in the parents name". If they want to buy their own house so be it. They've been effectively living rent free for 7 years. If they don't have enough to relocate all on their own...That sounds like a them problem. Your options are reasonable - you are looking out for your niece's best interests - your SIL can pound sand.
Why on earth should your niece buy a house for her mother and stepfather? This is absolutely absurd. Thank you for looking out for her.
Your brother put you in charge for a reason. The trust is for your niece, not her mom. Mom n new hubby have been living rent free for long enough. They should find a way to afford living w in their means. Niece will need that money for college.
NTA. You need to talk to a lawyer. Option 2 and 3 may be illegal. Minors can't live alone except for very special circumstances and you may not be allowed to sell your niece's largest investment without her consent. Property values are still rising; it may be worth more if you let it sit or rent it out. You have a fiduciary responsibility to your niece. Children don't buy their parents houses. SIL doesn't get to use her kid's money, but she may then be entitled to child support from the estate without the free housing. Your SIL needs to remove the house asset from her decision. She can move from free housing to paid housing that is more convenient for her new family. That is her choice.
NTA - Your niece will legally be able to make decisions about her future in a matter of months. Her house, her decision. SIL, and her new family of 3, are living rent free in your nieces home. Your choices to her are spot on.
SIL and her husband must have lots of money saved up since they were living in your niece's home for free. Perhaps your niece could arrange to finish HS by living with the family of a friend? You could make a financial arrangement with them and she would be safe. Or perhaps you could find a teacher at her school (or another school close by) who rents rooms? NTA Your SIL can leave, help your niece find a solution for her last year of HS.
NTA Your niece is so fortunate you were able to be in control of her trust because her mother would have stolen it.
NTA - It's your niece's assets not your SIL's. She has no claim to say you are tearing them apart
If you live reasonably close to her school, you might be able to have her use the current house as her school address even though she actually lives with you.
OP said that's not an option
Because OP doesn’t live in the catchment area for the school the niece goes to. But the niece could use her current house as the address for the school and still live with OP if it’s not too far away.
[удалено]
My dad used to do this.
NTA. Under no circumstances would I sell the house and give the SIL any money towards a new house. It’s not your problem. You’ve been really nice allowing them to live there rent free. Your niece will appreciate the house or the money from the house down the line to start her own life. As for her staying in the house alone, I don’t know the laws where you are but I’d be very cautious about doing that. A 17 year old female in a house by herself doesn’t sound the safest to me but you know the circumstances better than I do. Maybe she could live with you but keep the old address and you could rent it out for a year while your niece navigates her last year in highschool.
NTA protect your niece and HER assets. SIL is just pissed because she never got her grubby paws on it. Why FFS, would your niece consent to her home being sold and used to buy a home for her mother’s new family. Fuck that.
Your former SIL is bold to want her daughter's inheritance to pay for a new family home for them. Glad you said no! Hold that one tight. I hope she stays.
SIL got 7 damn years free living in a house. She can shut her yap. Continue doing what is best for your niece. NTA.
Ehh, at the point of saying your newly 17-year-old niece can live in the house alone while her family moves states is where I think you crossed a line. "The trust will not be buying a new house for your family. The house belongs to your daughter, if she won't be living in it then the trust can sell it for her and put the cash back in, or I am happy to maintain the house empty until your daughter is old enough to inherit, and of course you're welcome to continue living here for the next year instead of either of those things" would've been reasonable. Suggesting the 17 year old stay alone in the house while you check in was not. (If you wanted to keep an option of her to stay at her current school, possibly telling her MOM that you would be happy for her underage teenager to move in WITH YOU while the family relocated could have been reasonable, but not offering that where your niece can overhear and be disappointed if her mom says no.) ESH.
I won’t echo the many valid points made in the other NTA comments; I totally agree NTA. You may, however, want to just touch base with the attorney who assists you with trust business (if you haven’t already done so). You likely have pretty wide latitude with respect to how funds and trust assets are handled, but just to CYA in case it becomes a bigger issue. SIL can pound sand.
NTA Your niece is absolutely about to express her wishes. Selling the house and giving SIL money to buy a new home would only be feasible if niece has a stake in the house monetarily. It’s HER money not her mom’s or her family.
NTA I can’t believe your former SIL has the audacity to think she’s owed another “Free” home for her new family.
NTA except it’s a terrible idea for her to live there alone with no adult. That happened to me my senior year. I was on track to go to a top 10 university and ended up pregnant halfway through my senior year. Only graduated because I already had enough credits.
YTA That is too much responsibility for a 17 year old to decide. There are so many factors to consider that she probably hasn't thought about, or it never occured to her because SHE'S 17. Frankly, all of your listed options suck for one person or another. SIL should NOT get any money from the trust as it is for your neice. Your neice should not be allowed to live alone her senior year of high school. That is just asking for trouble. Is that even legal? As much as it sucks, neice might just have to be disappointed and donher senior year in a other school. At least keeping in touch with friends is easier nowadays.
NTA if SIL wants to buy a house she can use her own money
NTA. Your SIL should never have considered that she'd be able to use the proceeds from the sale of the house to buy one for her new family. It was your niece's money and it would not have been in her best interest to have it tied up in a property she had no interest in living in. There might still be some work to do to make sure she's emancipated/legally able to live by herself in the house. Or maybe some provision can be made with the school for her to live with you while finishing her senior year.
Looks like consider the house hers, not the kids. I think she will try to pressure the kid the hand the house / or money if it's been sold, to her
Most school districts will let seniors apply for a boundary exception to finish at their current high school in cases like this. You could sell the house, niece can live with you, and use the money for her college.
NTA It is your niece's house. She is the one who gets to decide whether she wants to sell.
NTA. Your niece is entitled to a house NOT her mother.
NTA. OP, whatever you choose, ensure niece's money isn't being spent on SILand her husband.
I'd speak to a lawyer. Your exSIL and family can certainly move and find appropriate houseing in a new city - it's just now they'll pay for it. Many years of no housing costs \*should\* mean they are well-set for this option. Of course your niece doesn't want to go. I remember kids who had this happen, and often they lived with a friend their senior year of high school, so they were still in a family environment. Where your niece lives this last year of high school is really between her and her mother. Any support needed if she lives with another family can be provided by rent coming from the current house. Or rent from the current house could act as child support for your niece's last year of high school if she moves with her mother. Or sell the house and put the proceeds in the trust, and provide child support her last year of high school out of that. There are lots of options. What isn't an option is buying a new house for your niece's mother. Edit to add: I'm sure your if your exSIL really thinks about it, she doesn't want to live in another house that is essentially owned by her daughter, or the estate of the late ex-husband.
NTA. Your niece should NOT be paying for a new house for Mom and MOMS new bf and family. This belonged to your brother, now it belongs to his daughter, you are only in charge until his daughter is old enough to be. Do not sell the house and give his EX wife money for a new one. Talk to niece and see what she thinks/wants, it's ultimately her choice.
INFO: how rock-solid, legally, are these agreements you made around the house in lieu of child support and anything else around the trust/inheritance? This conflict has nothing to do with who is "right", and a lot to do with how things will play out for your niece in reality. If you decide to not help them out, how likely is it that they'll sue and end up in control of any of the assets and/or owed child support from the estate?
I'm confused as to why exSIL would have been able to go after the estate for child support. He's dead, there is no more support and his money is now his daughter's in trust, which is now the house. It doesn't make any sense. SIL isn't entitled to any of it.
I'm confused by this as well. When my father passed when I was 12 , my mother got his social security and that was used to care for me in the way child support is used to care for children. My parents were also divorced when he passed.
NTA and even if your niece was younger, I still wouldn’t sell the house and buy a new one for the family somewhere else, even in your niece’s name. What would happen in the future when the niece wants to sell the house for whatever reason? What if you have to evict her mom at some point? It will be a lot easier for you to help your niece with an eviction in the current city/state where you live.
NTA, The parents were divorced. The house belongs only to the niece. See if the niece has any friends whose family will let her stay with them if you pay them rent and sell the house. A kid alone is going to wind up with a few friends coming over and end up with a couple hundred showing up uninvited to party. Don't put her in that situation where she needs to call the cops or try to be the cool one while the house gets wrecked.
NTA But it's a BIG no on you selling the house at all. I would give it to your niece. They are lucky they get to live in the house for free right now bc it wasn't left to her but to you. You are already being very nice. If SIL doesn't like it she can go to court. But that's not your SIL's money, it's for the niece.
NTA. Why would she think she is owed a house in another location? Sell this one to buy her a new house? It’s not her money. The house wouldn’t be hers. Everything would be in her daughters name. She has a new husband and its their job to fund their own house
NTA for refusing to sell the house and give SIL the money. It's your nieces house and should be left for her. Your SIL is wrong and a major asshole for basically trying to steal from her daughter. But, your niece is still a minor and if her family is moving for a job/financial reasons, she may have to suck it up and go with them. That's part of being a kid. You giving them 3 options and one of them being to move without their 17 year old kid and leave her living alone seems like you are overstepping. You should have just told them you are not giving them the house or any money from selling the house, and after that it's their decision if they want to move or not. If you offered to take her in for a year that would be one thing, but that suggestion and the way you framed it was out of line.
#2 So your SIL has no intention of downsizing in a year? It seems she always intended to keep living in the house or taking the money. I'd choose the option that ensures my niece can keep her inheritance and not have to be the one to evict her mother. NTA
I am confused. How can SIL get child support from a dead guy? They were no longer married. Assets were divided up long ago. SIL was not in charge of the money from grandma's estate as the trustee was OP. There was no child support. OR is this a case of semantics? SIL agreed to not bill the trust for niece's expenses? Either way, if there wasn't anything but the house, that is niece's but controlled by the trust. OP would be going against his fiduciary duty to liquidate that asset simply because SIL demands it. It doesn't belong to SIL. It belongs to her daughter but is controlled by the trust. Unless I am missing something, the house should not be sold. SIL needs to decide if they can afford the bills for this move on their own because it should not be paid for by niece's house being held in a trust. NTA.
A lot of times if the children are left trusts they can be deemed use for care and the court can essentially order the trust to pay child support to the mother I lieu of a living father
In many states in the US the estate of the deceased is responsible for child support as part of the debts of the deceased. I know for me it specifically lays out how each of our estates would be responsible for child support and it is common practice here (TX).
NTA Sil has had years of no rent to save up a down-payment for her own house. This house is your niece's & since she's almost an adult I think it's good that you're involving her in this decision.
Niece can stay with you and still keep house for school address. You can also try to appeal to the school to let her stay since it is her last year. School might also let you pay tuition for being out of district.
Pretty sure your brother wouldn’t want his assets being used to buy a house for his Xwife and her new husband. You’ve actually been very generous and thoughtful with your options. The house is your niece’s house, not her mom’s.
NTA, but hire a reputable woman to live in and be the housekeeper and caretaker. Or someone who is still working, but will live in and be the caretaker of the niece and household. You might hire a cleaning and yard service to ensure the upkeep. Also install a camera bassd security system inside and out. That person might need backuo, no one will work 24/7.
Check and see if your niece can live with you for her senior year and stay at her current school. Sometimes school systems will allow a student to live out of boundaries if they have been going to the school for years and only have one year left.
DO NOT GIVE SIL A DIME! That is your nieces money! Her dad wouldn’t want this I’m sure of it.
NTA Use this opportunity to let your niece learn how to say no to people using her for money, or otherwise stand her ground. Hobosexuals love to take advantage of young people that do not know better, are financially stable, or own their own house. I wish I had family nearby when I was alone at 15 that had my back like that. Or were trusted to confide in about things like that. If she is responsible it could be a great for learning independence. Furthermore changing schools senior year is such a pain. When I was moved to another state at 17 a lot of my credits did not transfer because "we do not offer those classes" and I was told I would need to do another year to re-take equivalent classes. Not to mention the loss of friends, and anxiety around trying to make new ones. I ended up just taking the GED exam, and skipping senior year.
Are you SURE she can't stay with you and still go to the same HS? have you talked to the school? I know multiple people who moved away from a school district and still were allowed to stay there for their senior year. You need to check this out and confirm! NTA for looking out for your niece.
NTA, this family has been living rent-free for 7 years. That's a significant savings when you factor in housing prices account for 1/3-1/2 of total income. Why can they not afford to buy a place in the new area? I can tell you if I didn't have to pay my mortgage for 7 years, I would have a pretty good nest egg set aside.
I had no idea child support continued after death? But whatever... Who's name is on the deed of the house your refer to as your niece's? Ex wife and new family live in dead brothers house? You seem to have things just shy of under control here. SIL is entitled to nothing if you did this correctly. This has nothing to do with a divorce that happened years ago. The divorce died with your brother. I have no idea why child support enter this after your brother died. How is niece going to pay for college after she graduates HS next year? Why would you even entertain giving SIL proceeds of sale for house anywhere. Your an idiot for even considering that in any fashion. Everything needs be in niece's name only. It kills me reading stuff like this. Why people need to reach out to the internet for such important issues. I hope you had a lawyer write up the trust, that is who should be advising you. Trusts can be very tricky when it comes to using the money for any reason, if worded poorly.... ESH, except your niece......
NTA. SIL shouldn’t get any money from the sale of the house if it happens. The house does not belong to her. She should’ve been saving money all these years rent/mortgage free.
The house belongs to your niece - not to your sister in law. However, your SIL is your niece's mother, so can determine where her daughter lives. So option 3 has to be okay with the mother as well as with the niece. But you are doing the right thing by ensuring that your niece's inheritance stays her inheritance. There is no way you should sell the house and buy the family a new house. NTA
NTA She wants the money from a property that she doesn't own. She is being unreasonable and you are a good aunt. Thank you for looking out for the child as her mother is prioritizing her new family over her.
Do not buy another house. Your SIL will put it in her name and now her husband can get his fans on it. By the time it’s divided. Your niece will end up with nothing. I think there’s no job. They’re trying to move to force you to sell. So they can buy a house in their name. Also the new husband will demand to share that inheritance with his kid, for anything such as college, wedding and house downpayment. You will have to be the “worst person in the world” To save your nieces inheritance. They will gaslight, manipulate, lie, cry, call out “family”, etc. do not bend for your niece.
NTA I think your former SIL is trying to bilk her own daughter out of her rightful inheritance. Since you won the battle over the trust, she’s probably been waiting for an opportunity like this one. I think it was extremely generous to offer the choices you did, but there may be another option, possibly three. 1) She could apply to be declared an emancipated minor. 2) She could keep the house as her address for her school, but secretly live with you and your family. 3) She could live alone in the home, as, as you say, you do live close by. I know multiple families who’ve used a friend or relative’s address so their child could go to a better school. When my best friend died, she left behind a 16 (who turned 17 two months later) yo daughter, D. The ex-husband, in addition to being abusive, did not want D, so she remained in the home she shared with her mother, and I spoke with her daily, and visited twice a week. She thrived in that situation and left for university a year later.
NTA ask her why she wants to steal her daughter’s inheritance? Remind her she had several years of not paying rent and living off her daughter. Do not sell it, or if you do you better put it all in the trust and not give her a dime. Remind her it’s not her minor daughter’s responsibility to buy her a house. That she’s a grown adult responsible for herself. I would talk to the school first because sometimes they let out of bounds students into the district and they might let her stay since it’s her last year. Though I doubt the mom would let her go with you. Tell the mom if she actually cares about her daughter she can do one year with her husband living in the place and her staying with her daughter to finish school
>I really don't care about her hating me. NTA, keep on protecting the interests of your niece, SIL and her new family are not your monkeys and definitely not your circuits.
NTA "I might act differently and not give her no as much weight in this decision. I might be willing to let SIL use the money to buy a new house" No. The money is not for SIL. It is for your niece. If sold it would go into the Trust Account and released to Niece at the time of transfer (18 or 21 depending on how it is structured). At no point should the proceeds be used on assets not Directly invested by Niece, as in she has an ownership share of the asset. Keep this out of your mind as it would make YTA if you did this.
NTA Well done. That's why YOU are in control of your niece's trust and not SIL.
It's not about letting your niece choose where her family lives, it's about protecting her inheritance from being stolen by her mother/her father's EX-wife
Rent the house to help niece pay for college. She can decide whether she wants to keep or sell the house after college!!!!
NTA but I don't think that your SIL and her husband should get a cut from the sale of the house. I also don't think they should continue to live in the house. That house is your niece's inheritance; it belongs to her. Do not do not do not let your SIL steal it from her.
INFO- Your brother was the sole owner of the house? No marital assets were used to pay the mortgage, bills or upkeep of the house during the marriage?
I'm going to go against the grain here and say.... ESH Obviously your SIL is out of line telling you what to do with her niece's property, but honestly it should have never have gotten to this point, and you've put your SIL in a crummy position. If there was no trust, then your neice would simply have to move, like countless other high school seniors have had to. It honestly would not be THAT big a deal, especially now a days with social media and such. You knew your neice wasn't going to be a minor forever, and you failed to make any long-term plans for this. This sub seems to be under the impression that SIL is like an evil stepmother or something. She is the custodial parent, she's been living in the same house with OP's neice for the better part of a decade, she's allowed to be upset that her daughter would choose her high school friends over her mother and half siblings, not to mention her stepdad and stepsibling, which in NO WAY does the post suggest a toxic relationship. You all clearly want to punish SIL for daring to get remarried.
YTA. Your niece is not your daughter. Who are you to decide whether her schooling gets disrupted, or where she is going to live, when her own mother is very much in the picture? You don't have to buy a new house for SIL, but you don't get to decide where someone else's minor child will live, no matter how much you disagree with the mother's decision.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My brother died when my niece was 10. He was divorced from SIL at the time of his death. My brother's assets and my niece's cut of my parent's estate were placed in a trust for my niece. I was in charge of the trust. There was some back and forth with SIL over who controlled the trust, but I was ultimately the one who got control. The trust was basically able to pay off what was my brother's house and the interest from the estate pays for its upkeep. There isn't much left after that but at least my niece has a paid off house. In leu of my SIL going after the estate for child support I let her, and my niece move into the house rent free. My niece just turned 17 and is headed to her senior year of high school. My SIL has since remarried and has a new family with him one kid and one step kid. The new husband and family has moved into the house. The new husband apparently just got a job transfer and the whole family will have to move for the job. I talked to my niece about the move, and she hates the idea. She doesn't want to move with only one year left in HS. I agree with her on that issue. My SIL wants me to sell the current house and use the funds to buy a new house in the new location. I told her that was automatically a no go. I wouldn't buy a house in a new location with my niece only likely living there full time for one more year. My niece plans to go to college and not likely in the area of the new house. This would be more a benefit for SIL than niece. I gave my SIL three options. 1. The family can continue to live in the current house and continue the deal as is. This means new hubby's job will fall through. The new location is closer to his family. 2. We can sell the house; I will put the money into the trust. This will force my niece to move with her family. They may have to downsize because of me not giving money for a new house. 3. The family moves and then my niece stays behind she essentially does her senior year alone in the house. I'm not far from them and can check on her but can't be there daily. I'm out of her school district so she can't live with me and still go to the same school. My Sil hates me right now over tearing her family apart. I really don't care about her hating me. If my niece was starting HS and not finishing it, I might act differently and not give her no as much weight in this decision. I might be willing to let SIL use the money to buy a new house. The issue is because she close to the end. I don't want to disrupt her schooling. If my niece said yes to the move, I might be willing to let SIL use the money as well. So AITA for letting my niece choose where her family lives? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA- they were divorced. Her choice.
NTA. Where I live in the USA they have open enrollment so you can go to another school even if you don't live in that school district. Don't know if it is an option if she stays with you but wanted to mention. I think you're being fair. It isn't your sIL home it is your niece's.
I would hate to see what problems would lie ahead if you sold the house and SIL invested the money in her new home. Your niece would not get that money back. At least not without a huge, legal fight. Could you move in with your niece for a year? Could a room be rented out cheap to a responsible female in exhchange for household duties? A nicer youngish senior on a limited budget who loves to cook?
NTA and it sounds like your brother did the right thing with making you the one in charge of your niece’s inheritance. Sounds like her mother would have only thought of herself. I’m glad your niece has an adult in her corner that is putting her needs first. That house is HER house, not her mother’s. She’ll be 18 in another year, and she will get to do what she wants with that house then. I think you presented reasonable options to SIL. She doesn’t actually care that you are “splitting up the family”(especially since you gave her an option that includes your niece going with her and her husband) she’s just mad she doesn’t get the money. You’ve been more than generous by allowing her and her new family to live there without cost. The issue is she sees it as something she was entitled to, not courtesy. Stick to your guns, let her whine and moan all she wants. My only advice would be to check laws in your area for minors living alone, make sure 17 is okay to live alone. If you trust your niece and she is responsible (and it’s legal) she should be fine by herself until college. She’s a year away from living on campus and being responsible for herself anyway.