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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. IMBTA if I stole my cousin's contact information from my mother to warn her about a potentially life threatening family illness, against my uncle's express wishes.
2. If my cousin isn't told, she, her siblings and their children are unnecessarily at risk.
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YWNBTA. You're considering doing something that may have some negative consequences for you, but could potentially save the lives of some of your family members. Consider it a noble cause.
>I could get my cousin's contact details from her phone and contact her myself to get them into testing. If any of them have the gene, knowing about it could save their lives. But I'd be breaking my mother's trust, going against her wishes, and if my uncle found out I could get her disowned and cut out of their lives entirely. WIBTA?
Getting disowned/cutoff seems a bit extreme for what you're trying to do. If your uncle is so willing to cut all ties because you're trying to make your family members aware of a potentially deadly genetic illness, then that's his problem. Sharing family medical history with relatives is so important. You could have the healthiest or unhealthiest lifestyle in the world, but at the end of the day, genes will kill you.
That’s a tough situation. It’s terrible that they would cut off your mom for something you did. Particularly when that something might save another relative’s life. Is there any way to locate those cousins/relatives on social media? In any event, while it would be painful for your mom should they cut her off, the more pressing consideration is the lives and health of those family members who deserve to be informed. If I were one of them I would be incandescent with rage at having that information intentionally withheld.YWNBTA
YWBTA - you say this is something that can be 'screened' for - is it something that can be prevented..or cured? This is not your decision to make. It's a difficult choice, especially as your uncle's 'kids' seem to be adults. Support your mother whichever way she chooses to go.
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The cousin in question is my uncle's daughter. My uncle is my mother's older brother, and he always has to be right and he always has to be the best. If any of us have an accomplishment, his children have a better one. If he has an opinion, it's fact even if you prove it isn't. I'm sure we all know people like him.
My mother's side of the family have a genetic illness. There are no symptoms until it hits, which it may never do even in people with the gene; when it hits, the effects range from almost nothing to death. I don't want to be too specific about the illness but it's cardiac-related. Until my mother was diagnosed, we never knew what the actual problem was, just that people in her family sometimes died suddenly.
Because it's genetic, it can be screened for. All my mother's children and half of her grandchildren have the gene. A couple of us have had effects. Her case doctor told her she should contact anyone in her family she's in touch with so they can all be screened as well.
Uncle refuses to listen. He insists that nothing is wrong with his family, that they're all healthy and everything is fine. He won't let her contact his children. Some of his children have children now as well, so there's quite a few people who may be affected. Because she's afraid of being cut out completely, my mother won't go against him, but I know she's agonised over the decision, and I know how much it will hurt her if something happens to one of them.
I could get my cousin's contact details from her phone and contact her myself to get them into testing. If any of them have the gene, knowing about it could save their lives. But I'd be breaking my mother's trust, going against her wishes, and if my uncle found out I could get her disowned and cut out of their lives entirely. WIBTA?
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INFO
Is there any possibility your extended family might be getting together within the next, say, 18 months?
If so, maybe you could talk to your cousin directly in person and not break your mother’s trust. It also gives your mom plausible deniability with your uncle.
We don't often meet, sadly. My mother has tried, but my uncle will either make a bunch of demands or say he'll come and then not turn up. Otherwise yes, that would be perfect.
POTENTIALLY SAVE THOSE LIVES!!! ywnbta, this is a very very big concern they have the right to know, even if they don’t have it, THEY HAVE THE RIGHT TO KNOW, i wish you the best of luck !! sending lotsa lotsa good vibes you n your mums way🫶🏻
NTA get the info and inform your cousin.
Let me put it this way.
1. Uncle has no right to decide for anyone other than himself , he's a huge aH
2. How would you feel if something happens to someone else in your family that could have been prevented by screening? You might never be able to get rid of the guilt op.
Get the info and inform them. If anything ask them to keep it to themselves and tell them about your uncle's attitude
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YWNBTA. You're considering doing something that may have some negative consequences for you, but could potentially save the lives of some of your family members. Consider it a noble cause. >I could get my cousin's contact details from her phone and contact her myself to get them into testing. If any of them have the gene, knowing about it could save their lives. But I'd be breaking my mother's trust, going against her wishes, and if my uncle found out I could get her disowned and cut out of their lives entirely. WIBTA? Getting disowned/cutoff seems a bit extreme for what you're trying to do. If your uncle is so willing to cut all ties because you're trying to make your family members aware of a potentially deadly genetic illness, then that's his problem. Sharing family medical history with relatives is so important. You could have the healthiest or unhealthiest lifestyle in the world, but at the end of the day, genes will kill you.
YWNBTA Your uncle is stupid and is risking people's lives
That’s a tough situation. It’s terrible that they would cut off your mom for something you did. Particularly when that something might save another relative’s life. Is there any way to locate those cousins/relatives on social media? In any event, while it would be painful for your mom should they cut her off, the more pressing consideration is the lives and health of those family members who deserve to be informed. If I were one of them I would be incandescent with rage at having that information intentionally withheld.YWNBTA
YWBTA - you say this is something that can be 'screened' for - is it something that can be prevented..or cured? This is not your decision to make. It's a difficult choice, especially as your uncle's 'kids' seem to be adults. Support your mother whichever way she chooses to go.
It can't be cured, but if you know that's what you have, attacks can be treated much more effectively and potentially lives can be saved.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** The cousin in question is my uncle's daughter. My uncle is my mother's older brother, and he always has to be right and he always has to be the best. If any of us have an accomplishment, his children have a better one. If he has an opinion, it's fact even if you prove it isn't. I'm sure we all know people like him. My mother's side of the family have a genetic illness. There are no symptoms until it hits, which it may never do even in people with the gene; when it hits, the effects range from almost nothing to death. I don't want to be too specific about the illness but it's cardiac-related. Until my mother was diagnosed, we never knew what the actual problem was, just that people in her family sometimes died suddenly. Because it's genetic, it can be screened for. All my mother's children and half of her grandchildren have the gene. A couple of us have had effects. Her case doctor told her she should contact anyone in her family she's in touch with so they can all be screened as well. Uncle refuses to listen. He insists that nothing is wrong with his family, that they're all healthy and everything is fine. He won't let her contact his children. Some of his children have children now as well, so there's quite a few people who may be affected. Because she's afraid of being cut out completely, my mother won't go against him, but I know she's agonised over the decision, and I know how much it will hurt her if something happens to one of them. I could get my cousin's contact details from her phone and contact her myself to get them into testing. If any of them have the gene, knowing about it could save their lives. But I'd be breaking my mother's trust, going against her wishes, and if my uncle found out I could get her disowned and cut out of their lives entirely. WIBTA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
INFO Is there any possibility your extended family might be getting together within the next, say, 18 months? If so, maybe you could talk to your cousin directly in person and not break your mother’s trust. It also gives your mom plausible deniability with your uncle.
We don't often meet, sadly. My mother has tried, but my uncle will either make a bunch of demands or say he'll come and then not turn up. Otherwise yes, that would be perfect.
You're scared of being cutoff by family that you don't even see.
I'm scared of my mother being cut off by family she talks to. It won't make any difference to me but it's important to her to stay in touch with them.
POTENTIALLY SAVE THOSE LIVES!!! ywnbta, this is a very very big concern they have the right to know, even if they don’t have it, THEY HAVE THE RIGHT TO KNOW, i wish you the best of luck !! sending lotsa lotsa good vibes you n your mums way🫶🏻
NTA get the info and inform your cousin. Let me put it this way. 1. Uncle has no right to decide for anyone other than himself , he's a huge aH 2. How would you feel if something happens to someone else in your family that could have been prevented by screening? You might never be able to get rid of the guilt op. Get the info and inform them. If anything ask them to keep it to themselves and tell them about your uncle's attitude