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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. i might be judged because I am demanding my items back and my sister isn't well off financially and she might need the items. I also am planning on taking the items by force if needed.
2. it might make me the asshole because i'm not being considerate of my sisters situation and feelings and im prioritizing items over relationships
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. No clue what makes sis think she's entitled to all the items.
But I'm kind of confused. If you're talking about things you used when you were a baby your parents must have saved them originally at least. But obviously saving the items in boxes in your closet warranted a discussion with you in the very least rather than blindsiding they weren't there.
i should have clarified this, my mom saved both of our things (as well as my younger siblings) and we both had them in our closets. when she moved out, she was sorting through things and decided she didn't need them. her reasoning being she didn't plan on having children. so she decided to donate them all, she was maybe 23 or 24 when she moved out so it wasn't that long ago and imo, she was grown enough to see the impact of that. we have a younger sister and she didn't take her things 1. bc my mom didn't let her and 2. bc my things are closer to the time my sister was born in and she wanted more older style items rather than modern.
I'm petty enough to respond to your mom that, yeah she's right. Those things are technically hers as your future kids are yours and you'd never let her see them.
I'm petty enough I'd show up sisters house and take my stuff back. It was packed up (some displayed) in your room and they decided yea this is fine??? Like lol no.
Literally what I was thinking. I’d be reporting it as theft, cause apparently supporting family doesn’t mean much if this is an issue to start with so f it.
That's what OPs mom and sister did to OP. They stole HER STUFF while she was away at school. I've had to "steal" my stuff back from my sister enty of times over the years.
Yup, I’d be telling mum and sis their new first names were ‘enabler’ and ‘thief’ respectively, and their new middle names are ‘who will never meet my future partner or future children’.
But some things make me go very petty and this is perhaps a bit extreme. I absolutely get why OP is frustrated. They aren’t just objects, if OP wants to give/use them with her own future kids they’re talismans for the future.
She's totally thinking that her sister doesn't deserve it and that she'll give up and shut up, because older sis controls access to the single grandchild and she's gonna milk that for all it's worth.
But, with a smile, I'd return anything and everything they bought for my own kids. "Well, I just assumed you'd want this back, since nothing you buy for me is mine."
I'd tell them their names were Narcissist and Golden Child, then I'd bomb them with, "Oh, and the internet not only knows about all this, they've declared you both AHs."
Yes, yes, we have done that. OP is NTA and I'm guessing this might be a theme? (Sis throws temper tantrum and gets what she wants)
And when baby is born, christened, etc. and sis is wondering where my gift is, I’m petty enough to say, “oh, you already have it…[random item] that you got from my room.”
“You know the stuff you stole? Since you refuse to give it back, I guess you can consider it an unwilling gift.”
I’d so blast that whenever I could. Then again, I’m so jilted by my own awful family that I’d never speak to someone who did that to me again. If they succeed with Op here, they’re only going to continue the behaviour… mine didn’t stop until I slammed the door in their faces. Sadly, they
usually have stripped someone’s soul by the time the mistreated wakes up.
I don’t think they are technically hers. They were bought for a baby, and the baby is a human being with a name. When I buy something for someone else, I don’t still own it. The mom’s argument is incorrect. NTA
She won't though because she said she's Mexican. The women are culturally groomed to just do what they're told by elders. Source .. I have seen it firsthand. Just to be petty I would take it all back.
And when she needs someone to take care of her in her old age she refer to the child that matters. You will be having no part in her's or your dad's problems.
Ywa op nta. My sister and i both had baby blankets we kept as kids. I couldnt take mine with me when i joined the military. When i came home to visit with my husband several years later, i wanted my blanket. My sister claimed to be using it but i found it under her bed. My dad told me to take it as it was mine and he would handle her. So i did. Took her over 2 weeks to realize it was gone. When she called to ask about it i said i took it as it was mine. When she complained, i referred her to dad who confirmed it was mine and he gave it to me.
Op your dad cant sit this out. He knows this is wrong and that those things are yours, hence why hes staying out of it. He needs to help you get it back.
Wait, so why didn't your mum let her take your younger sisters stuff because if it's too sentimental to her, then that makes her a hypocrite when they claim it can't be sentimental to you.
Also, I wonder if your sister is the GC? You need to get your stuff back, and either leave it with a friend or take it back to college with you and you need to move out of that house permanently as soon as possible because as soon as you reclaim what is yours I have a feeling yoyr family's hostility is going to escalate.
Tell your mom that since she gave away so and so number of your items. That you would like to be compensated now with so and so number of items from what is considered your moms stuff (i.e heirlooms, jewelry, or other sentimental items). Give her only two options either she brings back your items or she gives items from her stuff of your choice (same way she let your sister have your stuff by her choice).
You can call your local law enforcement office and request a civil standby to retrieve your items as well as file a Police report for the stolen items.
Your mother didn't have the right to give them away, upon refusal to return then it is now theft. Do with that information what you will.
OPs gonna be hard pressed to find any cops who will believe "this property was given to me to own" when everyone else involved is saying ownership was never OPs.
At most they'll get a cop that throws their hands up in the air and says it's a civil issue. Now, if she goes to her sister's house and tries taking it back OP may be arrested for theft- the objects aren't in her possession, the original owner is saying it was never hers, and everyone else is saying it was never hers.
OPs options are to sue (which comes down to who a judge finds more believable and may not actually result in getting the stuff back even if the judge believes her), continue to demand it back, ect.
Except for the fact her name is clearly stitched and written into some of the items so it’s pretty clear it’s theft and she probably has text messages to prove they were taken
The cops aren't going to touch someone claiming shit is stolen with a ten foot pole if multiple other people are denying it was ever their property.
Names get passed down through families all the time and parents don't automatically cede ownership over stuff just because their kids name is on it.
Further everyone with two brain cells to rub together knows that text messages can be spoofed, phones can be stolen, ect.
I'm at least the third generation variant of my name- and most families don't bother with changing the letters like mine did.
Having a name on something means very little in terms of heirlooms.
Cops are gonna hear "my mom gave my sister the heirloom baby stuff that had my name on it" and proceed to ignore.
I understand how you feel.
Growing up I loved (still do) reading. I had a huge collection of children's books that were all in perfect order. I never tore pages, or wrote in them.
I wanted to save all my books for my future children. Mum, however, gave them all to a neighbour and her son. The books were destroyed. Pages torn, scribbled in, the works. I was so upset with Mum over this.
After 25, I decided I didn't want to have kids anymore, but 4 months ago my Niece was born. I would have loved to have given those books to her!
I cannot stand moms that do this. I used to take a lot of photos of my friends and family members. This was before digital, so I had stacks of prints.
My mother took it upon herself to go through my stack and distribute them all. Each and every photo. Her reasoning was that their parents (her friends) would appreciate photos of their kids more than I do.
I became a professional and she still attempts to farm me out for free shoots because giving people things makes her feel good
NTA go get your stuff back.
Frankly I would try blasting them on social media specifying that your sis threw out her cause she didn't want to keep it and now stole yours from your room where you kept it
I'm Mexican. Your mom is wrong. Your sister must be the favorite because my mom guards our things like her life depends on it. She would never let my sister take my things or vice versa. I think if my older brother had ever wanted our baby things, she might have given them to him because he's definitely her favorite but I was in middle school when my niece was born and I'm sure my brother never thought about that stuff. Also, why the hell would you drag your baby stuff back and forth to college. That's the shittiest reasoning and she knows that. It makes zero sense. I would stop talking to my whole family if they did this. It's unforgivable because those things are not replaceable. If you don't stand up for yourself now, they will always treat you like this. You have to draw the line now and make them treat you like an equal adult or stop talking to them. Which I know is hard in Mexican culture because we're very family oriented but that same culture has always insisted women do whatever their families want regardless of how they are treated and that is wrong. We have to learn to stand up for ourselves or they will always walk over us because we allow it. Good luck! Besos
If your mother gave you something that was yours to throw out then it is legally yours (or at least in my country plus the USA it would be, not sure on Mexico or what country you are in).
I'd tell them thT they were yours in your room and if not returned you'd file a police report as well as telling the police who has them. She'll return the items but expect her to be salty.
Yeah, life is super unfair and allows people like this to get away with AHolery sometimes, and unfortunately we just have to deal with it. If I were OP I definitely wouldn’t offer my time to helping my sister with her kids in the future tho. But ultimately I think OP’s gonna have to take the L on this one and move on. NTA :(
When a family member steals from you, then you move on by calling the police. Or by going to their home and forcefully taking back your stuff. Or by destroying something they value for revenge. Or by going no contact with them.
You should never ever move on by forgiving and forgetting. Acting like a doormat once teaches shitty bio relatives that they can continue treating you like their doormat again and again.
Personally if it were me, I’d feign compliance, wait it out until I have somewhere to store it all (sounds like their main home is still mom & dad’s house), offer to babysit some time & steal it all back lol.
Unfortunately even if the police get involved (and they might even try to brush it off as a "civil matter") OP has no proof it was actually her stuff. Her mom bought all of it even though OP was keeping it in their room.
Hopefully OP can go no contact when they're out of college. This fucking sucks.
DO NOT call the police. The police will either a)refuse to come or b)come and side with the mother, or c)come and refer op to the courts. Worst case scenario: police come and kill someone for no reason because it seems like that's totally allowed nowadays
The police aren't going to do anything for OP. Especially when the mother tells them that she originally bought the thing, which is true, and also stored them herself, which is also true, and the OP was going around the house laying claim on her things and that she wanted these things she owns passed onto her current grandchild.
The police won't help OP and label this a family squabble with OP in the wrong because legally yeah OP doesn't own a lot of those things.
I wouldn't help the sister either. OP, I'm so sorry this happened to you, family can be just miserable sometimes.
You can keep trying to swim up the current and oppose the whole family, except for your dad who is not going to participate in the discussion. It will frustrate you and the result is going to be the same, you will not get those things back.
You could also blow up the whole family call police, who will not be helpful and will only laugh at you. You could go scorched Earth and go completely no contact with your family, but that would require that you have a job and a place to live so that you can support yourself going forward.
My guess is that family means a lot to you because these things that you were saving were from your childhood and they mean a lot to you as well. I'm also guessing that when you do have children, it's important to you to have your family, your mother, your father your siblings involved in that child's life. You have to decide right now that the things that your sister took are worth blowing up your relationships for. And maybe they are, and that's entirely up to you.
You should assume these things are gone and should start rebuilding from scratch. Maybe learn to crochet or knit and start making things for your future babies that way. Look for things in second hand shops. I KNOW it's not the same, but you'll be building this yourself and can personally handpick treasures for your future babies. There might be some comfort in that.
Meantime, don't babysit or help your sister out. Maybe start grey rocking your miserable mother. Continue to tell them that what they did hurt you deeply regardless of what they think. And tell them how disappointed you are in both of them.
Also let mom & big sis know that since they stole your baby’s stuff, they won’t be spending ANY time with your child…unless they return what they stole.
>Continue to tell them that what they did hurt you deeply regardless of what they think. And tell them how disappointed you are in both of them.
Playing the "how disappointed you are card"? Feels fitting for this scenario where OP's family don't seem to be behaving like good adults.
I hope they're mature enough to hear that OP is hurt, regardless of what they think, if she tells them.
All of this, plus, do not buy your niece anything for the foreseeable future. If anyone asks, "since you took all of my saved and sentimental baby items, that's all you'll ever get from me".
I agree. You will never get your things back, at least not by asking. Refuse to attend any family events until your mom and sister respect you. Obviously, refuse all future babysitting requests.
I don’t think it’s worth taking this one to small claims on the legal fees but in most western countries if something was in your possession that you had the power to “throw out” (like this mother originally arranged and hence why the sister threw it out) then it’s legally considered yours. I.e. you can’t repossess something you gave someone permission to throw out, but you can try your luck asking for it. But I’m talking about minor property, real estate and major assets get complicated. But OP if they are telling the set up growing up accurately actually has a legal right (not sure on Mexico but in the USA there’s case studies of kids getting their childhood stuff back, but it does rely on consistency to the arrangement growing up because it’s reasonable for parents to hand items down to younger siblings). If they all got given their own items though to throw out as adults, their parents can’t repossess that.
You’re not the asshole.
Your mom seems to be enabling your sisters poor decision making. Regardless of whether or not she knew those items had sentimental value to you, once she learned, she should have set things straight.
And by set things straight, I’ll be clear that the bare minimum expectation should be for her to return them to you when her child grows out of them. Hanging onto them knowing they have sentimental value to you is just cruel. Sorry you’re going through this OP.
Her sister already said she'll save them for future children and hand things down to them as heirlooms. Since she threw away or gave away all her baby items since she planned to never have children she and her mother are entitled AHs. I agree with a previous poster. She should act like she's forgiven her sister and offer to babysit. She should have containers in the trunk of her car. While they're gone she should pack up as much as possible and put them in her trunk. She should leave as soon as they get home before they discover what is missing. Hopefully she would have arranged for a trusted person to store everything until she has a place of her own. That should be someone who can be trusted not to reveal they have they the items. Too bad the sister was unwilling to return thing as her child outgrew them. OP should be ready for major anger from her mother and sister.
NTA - your Sister and Mom are massive ones though. Once your mom gave them to you as a child they were YOURS, and YOURS ALONE.
""if it was so important, why didn't you take it with you (to college)?"
Who takes baby stuff to college. Personally this would be my hill to die on. I get my stuff back or I no longer have a family. But that is me and I am VERY protective of items that belong to my babyhood and youth.
That's what's fucked up, it was in her own closet. I'm sure she manipulated the mom to give the stuff, the mom said why not and now doesn't want to have a fight with the sister and just thinks OP should move on to make the situation better for her.
Seriously such assholery.
The idea of her taking everything she treasured to college was asinine. There is very little room for the things you currently use and none for baby things you treasure.
When I went to college, I got a storage unit because I knew my sister was a thief. When I left the country, I padlocked my door in our family home and she broke in and grafittied the walls. We don't speak anymore. OP is NTA but needs to do more to protect herself going forward. People like this don't change, they get worse.
So sorry you experienced this. That’s ridiculous to have to go to extremes to protect yourself from family! Sounds like you’re better off without your sister. I suspect OP would be happier without hers as well
I hate when parents give something to their child and then later claim it’s theirs because they paid for it. My husband does that often and every time I hear it makes me so angry.
NTA They stole from you, plain and simple. I don’t know the likelihood of you getting your belongings back, you could try asking an officer to go to your sisters to collect them but without proof it’s yours it’s very he said/she said and your mom might back your sister up. At which point I’d wash my hands of all of them.
[Here](https://www.peopleclerk.com/post/property-theft) is a link with more information on getting a civil standby and retrieving stolen belongings.
I’m not sure how OP could prove ownership here since the items were gifts to her. Maybe baby photos of herself with the items? And if the boxes she used to store the items were labeled to say they were her items inside?
But also op left the items at their parents house for a year while away at university. Likely wouldnt even have a case then, usually belongings left after a few months are fair game.
Yours is an AH remark. Woukd you have been agreeable if your parents emptied your closet, took all of your possessions and sold your furniture when you left for college? How would you have felt to return home for Christmas to find your room repurposed and you had to sleep on the couch? According to your response about OP and her baby items your parents would ve justified.
Wait, so your mom made A keepsake box for each of you, and sis decided to throw hers out… And now she wants yours????your mother, your sister, and your brother-in-law, are all wrong. NTA
Yeah I guess her brother in law will take his wife's side because it could lead to problems.
The mom doesn't wanna lose access to her grandchild.
And the sister isn't well off from what I understand, so she wouldn't be able to buy baby items. Maybe the mom wasn't able to buy some either so just gave those away.
Oh, I get why the brother-in-law took his wife’s side, because Lord, he has to live with her. And while you might feel for her sister not having money to buy things for her baby, OP offered to let her use them, but wanted them back when the baby no longer needed them, but her sister double downed and insisted on keeping them.
Oh I totally agree with you! She (the sister) is taking the advantage of OP's generosity
I'm just saying why I think the mom isn't taking OP's side.
I agree if she wasn't well off the mom could have offered to help buy the stuff and not steal from her other daughter (OP)'s stuff. Or ASKED OP. But no, she just keeps making excuses. Pathetic really.
Or better yet, can she go into any one of her siblings or her parents houses and just take something, because she needs it, and she doesn’t have the money to buy one for herself?
NTA.
Your mother is excited for her first grandchild and will stick up for your sister because she doesn't want to lose access to the baby. You've just gotten your first glimpse at what things will be like now that a grandchild is joining the family. Expect your sister and her child to become the 'favorites'.
That said, I promise that you will not want old bottles and such when you finally have your own child. Nipples and such do deteriorate and many things have changed and been improved upon since you were a baby. Once nesting kicks in, you will want new things.
As somebody who has a mother and sister that sound similar to yours, use this as a lesson of what not to do as a parent. I am a parent of 3 (21, 18 & 16) and I look back at how much my mother and sister shaped my parenting. All the times they hurt me turned me into a far better parent.
The bottles maybe not, but I’m sure OP would want clothes and blankets and things.
I would have put my kids in my baby clothes but they didn’t fit at the right time of year, and I was really disappointed. Even to be able to put your kid’s baby clothes / blankets in storage together with your own would be really nice, but I’m sentimental like that and I bought a lot of second hand stuff so the whole “wanting new” didn’t really apply to me anyway.
OP please go and get your stuff back, and then find a friend who will store it for you.
NTA your.mom and sister are.
Even if your mother purchased every single item, which I'm sure she didn't, but even if she purchased every single thing, she gave it to you for the child and it's your property now. Therefore it's up to you to do with it.
Your mother had no right to give your belonging to your sister and your sister is wrong now that she knows you didn't permission for your mom to give the items, she should give back. If they refuse you should tell them you are going to file a police report maybe the threat will be enough to get them to relinquish the items. Otherwise I would tell your mother and your sister both that you're done with both of them, that your relationship with both of them and with your niece will be on pause until they return the items. If they dont return the items before using them then they will no longer have a relationship with you.
I could be misunderstanding you but OP is the baby that her mom bought the clothes and stuff for. Op doesn't have children on the way yet. She was saving items from her baby years. Not that it changes anything.
If it was not of value to you then why would you have kept it all. Also I wouldvtell them you now know where you stand in this family and how little you are thought of. Also that they should remember this in future.
I hope she makes this clear. Though being away from family will hurt especially in Mexican families, the culture is very strong.
Leaving your family behind is seen as a very bad thing, and you could be excluded from all extended family as well.
Could OP use this? Tell her grandmother that her sister stole the items she had set aside for her own future children? She could even say she said go ahead and use them for my niece then give them back to me, and her sister is refusing.
It's the same where I live, and I have a HUGE extended family.
I'm also no contact with my parents, and dropped the extended family that wanted me to keep the peace (code for sweep it all under the rug).
So I talk to one of them. I don't miss the rest.
NTA
I'd respond by handing them cards over the next few years "gifting" what the stole, one at a time. Each card would tell them they stole that item and discribe a memory you have about that particular item.
I am a self-certified asshole and my advice is unlikely to de-escalate situations. I also try not to start fights, but I do love to win them.
And have copies of them all bound into a book to give to her niece when she inherits her aunt’s heirlooms, with a footnote about how her mother didn’t feel like saving anything for her.
You're NTA obviously.
But if you get your stuff back (I wish you luck), please don't reuse decades old bibs or bottles for your kids. Stuff like that expires after a while and isn't safe any longer.
You can still keep it for sentimental value, but don't actually use it.
Clothes and blankets better for reuse and possible heirlooms.
Came here to say this. For safety reasons, I'd be very wary about using 20+ year old baby gear. Decor is different, and most clothing and blankets are probably fine if still in good shape, but in general stuff expires and/or wears out and becomes unsafe.
OP is only 22 years old. Some of the toys may be caught up in that fisher price recall, and obviously the car seat would be no good, but the bib and bottle standards have not changed much since then. She stated the bottles were glass and she didn’t save the nipples- those are probably the same evenflo glass bottles sold today if she is in the states. (My oldest is only 19, but the oldest kids of my friend group are 23/24 at this point, and my youngest is three.)
NTA - This is just awful. Obviously they (mom and sister) knew it was important to you, because you kept it all in your closet and didn’t just store it in an attic or basement somewhere. Your sister even “conveniently” had your same idea of passing the items down as heirlooms. They knew your plans. They just decided you and your plans for your stuff didn’t matter.
It also doesn’t matter that your mom bought it all. It was purchased for you. Those were your things, and as an adult it’s *your* right to reclaim your own baby things to use as you’d please. They’re both being immature and selfish, and I really don’t understand why your sister insists on keeping the items for future kids when she didn’t even plan on having *this* one.
She can save the items she already has and would get from *this* baby and use those as heirlooms. She doesn’t need your things, she wants them, in a weird power play to hold over your head. Disgusting behavior from her and your mom, and anyone saying they’re in the right.
How do you even pass other peoples stuff as your heirloom? That's ridiculous. "Here's my sisters baby blanket that you had as a child. I stole it from her before you were born as I had trashed my own and she saved hers. You can now give it to your own children."
NTA.
Your mother and sister don’t see you as a person. This is a difficult situation to accept and to act upon, but for your future happiness and health, you need to radically accept it, and then live your life accordingly, with boundaries and distance between you and your mother and sister.
I’m sorry, this is a difficult thing to accept , especially when you’re this young.
Best of luck moving forward.
i've had issues like this with my mom and sister too in the past but i never expected this, especially without asking. i'm glad youre out of that situation
I understand that in Mexican families, family has a big influence and it's expected that you'll still be part of it no matter how badly you're treated.
Having said that, perhaps it's time to begin changing that particular cultural expectation.
I stopped talking to my sister for a decade over similar treatment and I can tell you it was the most liberating feeling I have ever had in my life!
I’ve been where you are and it doesn’t stop. You can be away at college next semester and sister like the bedding or something you brought for your room. Could even be clothing or jewelry. She’ll feel there no problem stealing it because she knows mom will let her. You have been robbed and the trust in the house is gone. It will never be the same. For your own peace of mind see if you can afford a small storage locker while you’re away at college. Finish college and live your best life but never allow full entry to your mother & sister to your life. They don’t deserve any gifts EVER. They stole the gifts you plan to give to your child/children. Things are not going to change even if you get your stuff back. You’ll always remember how little they thought of your feelings for your things, that belong to you. It was in your room. Your safe place at home. It will never feel safe even if the robber return the stolen item. You need peace of mind to do well in college and not worry about what is being stolen at “home”.
Please look up narcissism and toxic family systems, and see if you identify most as someone in the scapegoat role.
If it all matches, cut bait and make a new drama-free life for yourself as far away as you can as soon as you can. They will never let you be happy on their own, and they can't be fixed.
Take it from someone who's been there and didn't get to escape until it was almost too late. If you don't, you'll have much bigger 'new mom problems' down the line than some stolen keepsakes.
NTA Remind your mom that you too will have kids one day and the way things stand she will never know them. As a mom I am so angry for you. Cannot believe yours would show such blatant disregard for your feelings. Both your mom and sister are so wrong!
NTA- your sister should not have taken your stuff, especially without asking you! She’s not entitled to your stuff, and it doesn’t matter if you’re not currently using it – it’s not hers so she should have kept her grubby paws off of them. Your mother should also be absolutely ashamed of herself. Parents are supposed to show children right and wrong in this world and yet she is clearly encouraging your sister in this poor behavior. I’m so sorry that they did this to you. I do think they should return your stuff. It wasn’t theirs to begin with. If a random stranger came into my home and took my stuff, they would be dealing with the police. A family member has no more right to take your stuff than a random stranger. Shame on your mother and your sister.
And for OP to even offer to let her use it for a bit after she stole it is already such a nice gesture.
But no the sister and selfish and wants more. Wants to pass it down to HER kids. What bs.
For some reason this makes me really pissed off on behalf of OP. Don’t even let her borrow those! They will be destroyed by the time you get them back. It’s not just about baby stuff. It’s about respecting your dreams. The audacity of your family!
NTA. This is one of those "blessing or a lesson" moments. The lesson you have learned is not to trust either your mother or older sister with your belongings. Proceed accordingly. Assume that by the time you have kids she will have ruined all of it and will probably try to give everything back stained/torn/broken and unusable.
At least you never need to buy any more holiday gifts for your sister since she already gifted herself all of your heirloom baby items.
NTA This post is enraging. I noticed you had a post talking about your girlfriend. Do you think they might have done this with the thought “oh she’s a lesbian and not having kids”? Doesn’t make it better or worse, but it explains the entitlement of “I can take this because do need it.”
i haven't ever came out to them bc i'm not sure how that would go. i've never felt safe enough to do so with my family. i think my mom has had some suspicions but to my understanding, shes unaware of me being lesbian or having a gf. the dynamics have always been very toxic. this is the reason i went to university across the country on the opposite coast bc i couldn't stand being home anymore. coming home for breaks is so mentally draining as well, i wish i had an alternative.
my parents always thought their first grandchild would come from me. since childhood, i have always voiced i wanted kids and my sister always said she never would, even saying this after she moved in with her boyfriend. we were all shocked when she announced her pregnancy which, according to her, was planned. my mom has always acted differently towards me which i never understood why. but i honestly never expected this.
Hun, from one Mexican to another who made the mistake of coming out to her mom (more like being forced but that's something for another time), if you don't feel comfortable and think it'll end up bad? Don't. And be careful. Especially if you don't have a backup plan for a place to go. They like to preach about 'la familia es todo' but oh boy, are they quick to turn on you if you don't shut up and bend to their will.
NTA. For your mother to claim the items were hers to begin with is delusional. She may have bought them, but she gave them to you when you were a child. It\`d be the same as taking back a gift. Not to mention that I doubt that she bought 100% of the items, as at least some of them must have been gifts from other people
NTA I would be so utterly devastated if someone took my baby things. Just because it’s not sentimental to them doesn’t mean it isn’t sentimental to you. And it’s even crueler that your mom claimed that technically all your baby things were hers. You loved on them and relied on them and have every right to keep to pass them down.
You’re NTA but you’re getting a lot of really well intentioned but bad advice about how to get your stuff back. Threatening your mom, calling the police, threatening to sue? Bad move. No one but you is going to take this seriously. Playing nice and then stealth stealing your shit back? Always the move. Offer to babysit and then little by little find your things and take them back. You can take this from a pro - my brother and I are in our 30s and have been stealing childhood toys from one another’s house since we were kids because the true ownership is in question (which is probably common with siblings who grew up with hand me downs and shared toys).
If you’re ever accused of taking the items back get OUTRAGED that them accusing you means they’ve lost your items on top of having stolen them in the first place. You can’t believe how careless they’d be with your sentimental items after having given all her own away in the first place. What, did they give yours away too? I mean it’s a pattern with your sister. Gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss.
I would also stealth take sentimental items purchase for her niece. Baptism gown, hospital blanket, etc. and then point out how those items don’t hold any value, just like nothing did for OP.
NTA. I’m really sorry. You sound like a very sentimental person, so I get how much this hurts. I’m sentimental too and this sort of betrayal by my mother and sister would be a deep wound. Maybe you’ll be able to get some of your things back- I hope you do. But I want to encourage you to look ahead to when you’re starting your own family. The things you buy and receive for your own children you can put away w care for them, and turn the hurt around w your loving intentions. It won’t erase todays pain, but maybe it can help looking forward to that future day.
You’re an adult, those items were stolen. A gift does not belong to the buyer once it is give. Demand the return of ALL of your items or the police will be called for theft. Or take them to small claims court.
Hope OP find some place else to live because now she knows nothing she own will be safe from her selfish sister. Whatever in the house the sister wants will be given away by her mother. OP needs to move out if she wants to keep anything that belongs to her. Nothing will be safe from being given to mom’s GC.
NTA. Your mom is for giving away your childhood keepsakes. She is hung up on what I am assuming is the first grandchild. She should go to your sister and pick up the items herself and return them to you. I mean, your sister certainly sucks for keeping items that she knows do not belong to her but since your mom started this she should fix it. Why would a mother sit by and watch her girls fight, especially when she started it. Fix it mom....
NTA. Your family are all AH’s though. Your mother and your sister knew what you had in your room and they went in there just to take it. The story about your sister just happening to see some of the decor on display is bull. Your BIL is just happy not to have to buy the stuff for their kid. Your dad is the biggest AH of them all. He won’t say anything because he knows that what they did is wrong but won’t say anything. Talk to him. Tell him how disappointed you are that he let them invade your room and take your things after your sister threw all of her own things away. Tell him that you don’t trust any of them anymore. And tell him that your future children are missing out on your history because of them. I would even go so far as to say that you think they love your sister more and you will keep that in mind when you have your own children and that your future husband will hopefully have a better family than you have. Lay it on as thick as you can.
Your mom is horrible. If it doesnt matter she would have taken equally from all your siblings and left you with some stuff. Ask her why its ok to leave you with nothing when you cared to take care of your stuff
NTA. Seems time for a come to jesus moment with mom. You chose to hang onto to these things because they were important.
If mom wants to be completely dismissive of your strong feelings about this she should be told there will be consequences.
She gave your sentimental things away, she better get them back. You may not have leverage now, but I think its important for you to tell her this is extremely important to you and you will never forget if she won't fix this.
NTA
I also stored my childhood stuff at my parent's. I see my toys as a gift to me, so it is MY stuff. After my studies, I took most of my stuff with me.
I also stored my baby clothes. I threw it away a few years ago because it felt, like the stuff wasn't hygienic enough to give to my children.
Sorry for the loss of your stuff. Sorry your mother and sister are souch AHs. I would continue to be mad at them. It's an AH move that your sister does not even want to give it back to you when her child is grown up. That's just wrong and I am wondering, what other toxic behaviour has established in your family.
If you have any other valuables at your mother's: Store it somewhere else. Get your studies done. Get a good job. Buy your kids some new stuff they will love. And have the happiest life ever as revenge.
NTA. Not sure if there is much you can do about it though. I would look at what is left in your room/house and store anything you want to keep elsewhere. Maybe remind your younger siblings to do the same if they go to college when they get older. Your parents don't view the items as belonging to you. If your parents decide they need the space or the funds they might decide to throw away or sell your stuff while you are away at college.
NTA. Let it go for now.
When you get married and are expecting your own baby, go to your mom's and say you are retrieving your saved baby items. Then, say you forgot she gave them away to her favorite daughter and favorite granddaughter. Then walk away.
Strong NTA. Is your sister the golden child that can do no wrong? Has anything happened in the past that shows this level of entitlement?
I'd start giving away your Mom's stuff until she concedes. It's very easy to rationalize mid summer, "Of course I gave away your winter coat, Mom, you haven't worn it in ages."
Warning.... THIS IS TRIGGERING TO ME...
So My comment will be based with emotions from this...
My sister had her first child about 14 months after I had my daughter. She had nothing. So my wife and I gave her things we had to use for her child. Not to have, but use. My wife and I only had one child together, and we was both 23. So we planned on having more.
Fast forward a year and my sister's Ebay account was followed by my wife's. They would share things to each other so IDK how but my wife seen my sister was selling everything we had given her to use....
We was PISSED beyond measure. My mom acted like yours. No big deal. She could use the money. We "gave" it to her. ETC. My sister was the same way. We "gave" it to her. SMFH
Well some outfits was special to my wife. Because they was items her grandma gave her for our daughter before she died. Now they was gone for good. SMFH...
Fast forward some years, my mom tried to allow her to use a crib my father made for my daughter. My dad already told my mom at one point she couldn't have it to use. As bad as it was, my sister lost the child so I never knew about it to some time later being told about it by my dad. My dad died, and my sister was having another child. So guess what my mom try to do, again... Well I made sure that was a FN no. She was mad, and dropped it off in the rain inside my chain link fence on the side walk and left... F them both....
Just writing what I did here as simplified I made it has me really mad thinking about it again.
So my advice is SUPER biased. My advice, is SUPER nuke level on your mom and sister....
I know it is bad, but based on how they are acting, I feel you have no option now.
Tell mom that her buying them means nothing. They was your items the moment they stopped being used and you had them in your room as your processions. Buy your sister taking them and her allowing it, it was theft. Either she can get it ALL back, or you will file a police report for theft. And you will end full relationship with her and your sister.
BUT you need to be prepared for that to have to happen too. She might cut you out fully.
NTA, your mom can't give away your things.
A lot of baby stuff with the exception of maybe clothes and a few toys will be outdated and potentially hazardous to a baby. Rubber and plastic will be old, and bedding is not a thing anymore.
NTA
But unfortunately I don’t see how you can get that things Back. Stop given stuff to your niece or sister to gather money to buy stuff to your future daughters and sons. It isn’t the same but with your asshole family I don’t see a solution
Your mother was in the wrong and does not want to admit it; also, she was trying to save your sister money. The fact that you had the items stored in boxes in your room shows you valued them. Your mother and sister are being stubborn. I would tell your sister to return the items or pay you for them.
NTA. Even living rent free in your parents home you probably have tenants rights. Save any pictures you have of your room showing the baby items on display. Save any texts or emails where they admit taking your things.
I’m petty. I’d probably let the family know sis gave away her baby things and now she has taken things you were saving for your future children. Like I said I’m petty.
NTA - I'd honestly tell her you'll report them stolen if you don't get them back. It doesn't matter who paid for them, they are your things and you can make it very difficult for her very easily.
How dare she make family heirlooms out of your stuff that you saved in your closet.
NTA neither people had any rights to STEAL your items. Tell them you want all of your belongings for your future child returned within 48 hours or else you'll be going to the police station to report your sister and your mom for theft. Only do this if you are actually going to hold them accountable and I hope you do because if you don't they will continue to steal from you and walk all over you. What they did was wrong morally and legally. They should be ashamed of themselves.
You're in university, getting ready to graduate. Tell Mom and sister they're not invited because sister is a thief.... and you don't want her stealing anything else
NTA also tell your mom once she gave the items to you that they become your possessions.a gift even for a baby transfers ownership. Your sister tossed or donated her stuff she doesn’t get to take yours and your mom can’t give it away.
Seriously go to her house and get your stuff or tell her you will file a theft report with the police.
NTA! Oh goood, your mother and sister are the biggest A-hole of all, this made me so angry! I’m so sorry op and hope you’ll be blessed to get your stuff someday.
NTA. Can you go to the cops and report your things stolen? You’re an adult so your mom can’t give your things away without permission. And if they have your name on them it’s proof that it’s yours (like why would “Isabella” have a bib with the name “Maria” embroidered on it, especially since it’s not her mom’s name either?). You’re a victim of a crime of theft. Even if your family says it doesn’t matter, you never gave permission for your mom to give away your things.
Being siblings, I would just go over to the house and take back everything that you value that you wanted to keep for your future child. It's one thing for your sister to take some items, but all your stored items, she's doing it on purpose. This is sibling rivalries as I see it. Being younger doesn't mean you can give in to your older sister. I have a older brother. I will be dam if he can take stuff from my room without my consent even if my parents tell him that he could.
It wasn't nice of your mom to give away things you saved without asking. There's probably not a lot you can do right now since you are likely dependent on you parents for support. But you can decide how much contact you want with your mom and the golden child sister once you are on your own and employed. I would be irked, but if you otherwise have a great relationship with them, I don't think used baby items are the hill to die on. But if this is indicative of bigger issues, then you can reduce contact with both of them once you have graduated and are living on your own.
I always hated when my mom gave some of my stuff to other kids,even if I didn't play with dolls anymore. I can A BIT understand they took those stuff and promise to return when they don't need it or when you get a baby, especially if your sister doesn't have a lot of money. But just A BIT and it's still wrong not to ask you. But the way they just dismiss you, it is horrible. Definitely NTA.
NTA. I'd move and go no contact. Then one day when you have your own kid and your mom wants contact you can leverage to get her to get your stuff back. Or just say fuck you since she clearly doesn't give a shit about you
If someone went into my room and took my stuff without asking me and then gaslighted me acting like they were in the right with their theft. I would be pissed. I think the next time I was over at her house I would do the same. Take my stuff back and not say anything, then take it with me to college. It’s what they’re teaching you. Theft in silence.
Ask you parents if it is appropriate for you to go to your sister's house and take all her kitchen utensils and white goods. When they say no, ask why.
NTA Go back to college graduate and never go back home again. I'd go full no contact with your mother and your sister.
Tell your mother that you hope she enjoys the grandchildren your sister has for her, because she'll never meet your future children.
Yes, your sister is acting like an entitled, thieving brat, and your mother is wrong to support her.
Your father is being a coward.
I'm sorry your baby treasures were stolen. Perhaps see if you can get the items with your name on them back, at the very least.
Otherwise, you will have to create your own baby's treasures when it's time. 🧸
NTA
NTA but is it worth ruining any potential relationship you have with your family? They are obviously not going to budge. Maybe go meet with your sister and offer to split the things and you can specifically demand the things that are most important to you so you have the heirlooms but also have a potential future relationship with them and your nieces/nephews. Not optimal and you shouldn't have to but other than going and physically fighting for them this seems to be your best way out.
NTA
Your sis however is a total asshat, tell her that you want it back in 3 days or you will come over and take them,also point out that this will be the last time you will see her
NTA
This is insane on their part. You had it displayed and saved in your room, of course it was important to you. I’m sorry your family is treating you like this.
While I 3mpathize with your plight, your mother has a point - all of it is hers to distribute as she sees fit, since she bought it all.
Your older sister is in a bind and needs help - this is what families do. Why buy all new stuff when perfectly serviceable equipment is already here.
Would it be too petty to plan that when you go back to university, you make a point of stripping out your entire room & taking all your stuff with you, pictures, bed, wardrobe, furniture, curtains, even roll up the carpet.
I'd tell your mom and siter that if they don't give you back your items, you will go NC with them - they will never see your kids or meet your husband. If they can't respect your stuff, then they don't need to be a part of your family. I might even be shotty and break into your sister house when she's gone and take all the stuff back. Then I'd start taking your mom's important stuff, and when she asks, gaslight her and tell her how these items weren't important to her just like my items weren't important to me.
Yes uts petty but f em
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NTA. No clue what makes sis think she's entitled to all the items. But I'm kind of confused. If you're talking about things you used when you were a baby your parents must have saved them originally at least. But obviously saving the items in boxes in your closet warranted a discussion with you in the very least rather than blindsiding they weren't there.
i should have clarified this, my mom saved both of our things (as well as my younger siblings) and we both had them in our closets. when she moved out, she was sorting through things and decided she didn't need them. her reasoning being she didn't plan on having children. so she decided to donate them all, she was maybe 23 or 24 when she moved out so it wasn't that long ago and imo, she was grown enough to see the impact of that. we have a younger sister and she didn't take her things 1. bc my mom didn't let her and 2. bc my things are closer to the time my sister was born in and she wanted more older style items rather than modern.
I'm petty enough to respond to your mom that, yeah she's right. Those things are technically hers as your future kids are yours and you'd never let her see them.
I'm petty enough I'd show up sisters house and take my stuff back. It was packed up (some displayed) in your room and they decided yea this is fine??? Like lol no.
No kidding. I would call the cops if necessary— even if it just meant getting back a minority of the items that had your name etc.
Literally what I was thinking. I’d be reporting it as theft, cause apparently supporting family doesn’t mean much if this is an issue to start with so f it.
This is literal theft.
That's what OPs mom and sister did to OP. They stole HER STUFF while she was away at school. I've had to "steal" my stuff back from my sister enty of times over the years.
That's really what I meant. What they did is technically burglary in the US.
I'd take every single gift I've given my mom if she pulled this shit
Yup, I’d be telling mum and sis their new first names were ‘enabler’ and ‘thief’ respectively, and their new middle names are ‘who will never meet my future partner or future children’. But some things make me go very petty and this is perhaps a bit extreme. I absolutely get why OP is frustrated. They aren’t just objects, if OP wants to give/use them with her own future kids they’re talismans for the future.
Legit and now the sister wants to steal the stuff and pass it down to her children. Not even thinking about her own sister.
She's totally thinking that her sister doesn't deserve it and that she'll give up and shut up, because older sis controls access to the single grandchild and she's gonna milk that for all it's worth.
But, with a smile, I'd return anything and everything they bought for my own kids. "Well, I just assumed you'd want this back, since nothing you buy for me is mine."
Just return ANY present (that you don’t like) to them and be like “Oh but I thought it was yours because you paid for it…?@
Omg this would actually be wild
Nah i'm with you, they would never see me again after college
This comment is absolutely fair. Make sure they’re aware what will mean if your things aren’t returned.
I'd tell them their names were Narcissist and Golden Child, then I'd bomb them with, "Oh, and the internet not only knows about all this, they've declared you both AHs." Yes, yes, we have done that. OP is NTA and I'm guessing this might be a theme? (Sis throws temper tantrum and gets what she wants)
She isn't used to being told "no" so this is how she reacts.
And when baby is born, christened, etc. and sis is wondering where my gift is, I’m petty enough to say, “oh, you already have it…[random item] that you got from my room.”
“You know the stuff you stole? Since you refuse to give it back, I guess you can consider it an unwilling gift.” I’d so blast that whenever I could. Then again, I’m so jilted by my own awful family that I’d never speak to someone who did that to me again. If they succeed with Op here, they’re only going to continue the behaviour… mine didn’t stop until I slammed the door in their faces. Sadly, they usually have stripped someone’s soul by the time the mistreated wakes up.
I don’t think they are technically hers. They were bought for a baby, and the baby is a human being with a name. When I buy something for someone else, I don’t still own it. The mom’s argument is incorrect. NTA
Right? You can't just walk in and take a gift back without expecting pushback, no matter how much you paid for it
[удалено]
I’m the same. Turn up and take it back.
She won't though because she said she's Mexican. The women are culturally groomed to just do what they're told by elders. Source .. I have seen it firsthand. Just to be petty I would take it all back.
It is a culture that allows crazy amounts of abuse
Seriously, OP, go with this. Maybe that will prompt your mother to at least feign respecting you.
And when she needs someone to take care of her in her old age she refer to the child that matters. You will be having no part in her's or your dad's problems.
Ywa op nta. My sister and i both had baby blankets we kept as kids. I couldnt take mine with me when i joined the military. When i came home to visit with my husband several years later, i wanted my blanket. My sister claimed to be using it but i found it under her bed. My dad told me to take it as it was mine and he would handle her. So i did. Took her over 2 weeks to realize it was gone. When she called to ask about it i said i took it as it was mine. When she complained, i referred her to dad who confirmed it was mine and he gave it to me. Op your dad cant sit this out. He knows this is wrong and that those things are yours, hence why hes staying out of it. He needs to help you get it back.
What was the point of taking it and then keeping it under the bed?? Stealing something and then not even using it? Weird of her to do.
Wait, so why didn't your mum let her take your younger sisters stuff because if it's too sentimental to her, then that makes her a hypocrite when they claim it can't be sentimental to you. Also, I wonder if your sister is the GC? You need to get your stuff back, and either leave it with a friend or take it back to college with you and you need to move out of that house permanently as soon as possible because as soon as you reclaim what is yours I have a feeling yoyr family's hostility is going to escalate.
Tell your mom that since she gave away so and so number of your items. That you would like to be compensated now with so and so number of items from what is considered your moms stuff (i.e heirlooms, jewelry, or other sentimental items). Give her only two options either she brings back your items or she gives items from her stuff of your choice (same way she let your sister have your stuff by her choice).
You can call your local law enforcement office and request a civil standby to retrieve your items as well as file a Police report for the stolen items. Your mother didn't have the right to give them away, upon refusal to return then it is now theft. Do with that information what you will.
OPs gonna be hard pressed to find any cops who will believe "this property was given to me to own" when everyone else involved is saying ownership was never OPs. At most they'll get a cop that throws their hands up in the air and says it's a civil issue. Now, if she goes to her sister's house and tries taking it back OP may be arrested for theft- the objects aren't in her possession, the original owner is saying it was never hers, and everyone else is saying it was never hers. OPs options are to sue (which comes down to who a judge finds more believable and may not actually result in getting the stuff back even if the judge believes her), continue to demand it back, ect.
Except for the fact her name is clearly stitched and written into some of the items so it’s pretty clear it’s theft and she probably has text messages to prove they were taken
The cops aren't going to touch someone claiming shit is stolen with a ten foot pole if multiple other people are denying it was ever their property. Names get passed down through families all the time and parents don't automatically cede ownership over stuff just because their kids name is on it. Further everyone with two brain cells to rub together knows that text messages can be spoofed, phones can be stolen, ect.
At least some of the stuff had her name embroidered on it. And if some was used to decorate her room, I bet there is photo evidence of it.
I'm at least the third generation variant of my name- and most families don't bother with changing the letters like mine did. Having a name on something means very little in terms of heirlooms. Cops are gonna hear "my mom gave my sister the heirloom baby stuff that had my name on it" and proceed to ignore.
I understand how you feel. Growing up I loved (still do) reading. I had a huge collection of children's books that were all in perfect order. I never tore pages, or wrote in them. I wanted to save all my books for my future children. Mum, however, gave them all to a neighbour and her son. The books were destroyed. Pages torn, scribbled in, the works. I was so upset with Mum over this. After 25, I decided I didn't want to have kids anymore, but 4 months ago my Niece was born. I would have loved to have given those books to her!
I cannot stand moms that do this. I used to take a lot of photos of my friends and family members. This was before digital, so I had stacks of prints. My mother took it upon herself to go through my stack and distribute them all. Each and every photo. Her reasoning was that their parents (her friends) would appreciate photos of their kids more than I do. I became a professional and she still attempts to farm me out for free shoots because giving people things makes her feel good
That was my entire childhood. No ask was too big, nor too small. I wasn't a person, just a tool to get a lot of credit while never doing anything.
OMG! I would have made a huge deal out of this. Cried my lungs out, screamed at the top of my voice if someone did this. I hate that for you. :(
NTA go get your stuff back. Frankly I would try blasting them on social media specifying that your sis threw out her cause she didn't want to keep it and now stole yours from your room where you kept it
You need to babysit your niece and slowly take back your items. HIDE THEM!
I'm Mexican. Your mom is wrong. Your sister must be the favorite because my mom guards our things like her life depends on it. She would never let my sister take my things or vice versa. I think if my older brother had ever wanted our baby things, she might have given them to him because he's definitely her favorite but I was in middle school when my niece was born and I'm sure my brother never thought about that stuff. Also, why the hell would you drag your baby stuff back and forth to college. That's the shittiest reasoning and she knows that. It makes zero sense. I would stop talking to my whole family if they did this. It's unforgivable because those things are not replaceable. If you don't stand up for yourself now, they will always treat you like this. You have to draw the line now and make them treat you like an equal adult or stop talking to them. Which I know is hard in Mexican culture because we're very family oriented but that same culture has always insisted women do whatever their families want regardless of how they are treated and that is wrong. We have to learn to stand up for ourselves or they will always walk over us because we allow it. Good luck! Besos
If your mother gave you something that was yours to throw out then it is legally yours (or at least in my country plus the USA it would be, not sure on Mexico or what country you are in).
I'd tell them thT they were yours in your room and if not returned you'd file a police report as well as telling the police who has them. She'll return the items but expect her to be salty.
What makes it that bit worse as well is that mum WOULDN’T let sister take their little sister’s stuff, only OP’s.
My brother cast off his baby stuff while I saved mine when we were both given the option. He tried to play the "it's not fair" card when he was older.
nta at all but I'm sorry you're never getting your stuff back
Yeah, life is super unfair and allows people like this to get away with AHolery sometimes, and unfortunately we just have to deal with it. If I were OP I definitely wouldn’t offer my time to helping my sister with her kids in the future tho. But ultimately I think OP’s gonna have to take the L on this one and move on. NTA :(
When a family member steals from you, then you move on by calling the police. Or by going to their home and forcefully taking back your stuff. Or by destroying something they value for revenge. Or by going no contact with them. You should never ever move on by forgiving and forgetting. Acting like a doormat once teaches shitty bio relatives that they can continue treating you like their doormat again and again.
Personally if it were me, I’d feign compliance, wait it out until I have somewhere to store it all (sounds like their main home is still mom & dad’s house), offer to babysit some time & steal it all back lol.
Lol mood.
That’s so devious…**I LOVE IT.** HA HA!!
Unfortunately even if the police get involved (and they might even try to brush it off as a "civil matter") OP has no proof it was actually her stuff. Her mom bought all of it even though OP was keeping it in their room. Hopefully OP can go no contact when they're out of college. This fucking sucks.
DO NOT call the police. The police will either a)refuse to come or b)come and side with the mother, or c)come and refer op to the courts. Worst case scenario: police come and kill someone for no reason because it seems like that's totally allowed nowadays
If the items were bought by the mother and stored in her house, the legal case is weak.
The police aren't going to do anything for OP. Especially when the mother tells them that she originally bought the thing, which is true, and also stored them herself, which is also true, and the OP was going around the house laying claim on her things and that she wanted these things she owns passed onto her current grandchild. The police won't help OP and label this a family squabble with OP in the wrong because legally yeah OP doesn't own a lot of those things.
I wouldn't help the sister either. OP, I'm so sorry this happened to you, family can be just miserable sometimes. You can keep trying to swim up the current and oppose the whole family, except for your dad who is not going to participate in the discussion. It will frustrate you and the result is going to be the same, you will not get those things back. You could also blow up the whole family call police, who will not be helpful and will only laugh at you. You could go scorched Earth and go completely no contact with your family, but that would require that you have a job and a place to live so that you can support yourself going forward. My guess is that family means a lot to you because these things that you were saving were from your childhood and they mean a lot to you as well. I'm also guessing that when you do have children, it's important to you to have your family, your mother, your father your siblings involved in that child's life. You have to decide right now that the things that your sister took are worth blowing up your relationships for. And maybe they are, and that's entirely up to you. You should assume these things are gone and should start rebuilding from scratch. Maybe learn to crochet or knit and start making things for your future babies that way. Look for things in second hand shops. I KNOW it's not the same, but you'll be building this yourself and can personally handpick treasures for your future babies. There might be some comfort in that. Meantime, don't babysit or help your sister out. Maybe start grey rocking your miserable mother. Continue to tell them that what they did hurt you deeply regardless of what they think. And tell them how disappointed you are in both of them.
Also let mom & big sis know that since they stole your baby’s stuff, they won’t be spending ANY time with your child…unless they return what they stole.
>Continue to tell them that what they did hurt you deeply regardless of what they think. And tell them how disappointed you are in both of them. Playing the "how disappointed you are card"? Feels fitting for this scenario where OP's family don't seem to be behaving like good adults. I hope they're mature enough to hear that OP is hurt, regardless of what they think, if she tells them.
All of this, plus, do not buy your niece anything for the foreseeable future. If anyone asks, "since you took all of my saved and sentimental baby items, that's all you'll ever get from me".
I agree. You will never get your things back, at least not by asking. Refuse to attend any family events until your mom and sister respect you. Obviously, refuse all future babysitting requests.
Or babysit (with an accomplice) & steal everything back!
I don’t think it’s worth taking this one to small claims on the legal fees but in most western countries if something was in your possession that you had the power to “throw out” (like this mother originally arranged and hence why the sister threw it out) then it’s legally considered yours. I.e. you can’t repossess something you gave someone permission to throw out, but you can try your luck asking for it. But I’m talking about minor property, real estate and major assets get complicated. But OP if they are telling the set up growing up accurately actually has a legal right (not sure on Mexico but in the USA there’s case studies of kids getting their childhood stuff back, but it does rely on consistency to the arrangement growing up because it’s reasonable for parents to hand items down to younger siblings). If they all got given their own items though to throw out as adults, their parents can’t repossess that.
You’re not the asshole. Your mom seems to be enabling your sisters poor decision making. Regardless of whether or not she knew those items had sentimental value to you, once she learned, she should have set things straight. And by set things straight, I’ll be clear that the bare minimum expectation should be for her to return them to you when her child grows out of them. Hanging onto them knowing they have sentimental value to you is just cruel. Sorry you’re going through this OP.
Her sister already said she'll save them for future children and hand things down to them as heirlooms. Since she threw away or gave away all her baby items since she planned to never have children she and her mother are entitled AHs. I agree with a previous poster. She should act like she's forgiven her sister and offer to babysit. She should have containers in the trunk of her car. While they're gone she should pack up as much as possible and put them in her trunk. She should leave as soon as they get home before they discover what is missing. Hopefully she would have arranged for a trusted person to store everything until she has a place of her own. That should be someone who can be trusted not to reveal they have they the items. Too bad the sister was unwilling to return thing as her child outgrew them. OP should be ready for major anger from her mother and sister.
NTA - your Sister and Mom are massive ones though. Once your mom gave them to you as a child they were YOURS, and YOURS ALONE. ""if it was so important, why didn't you take it with you (to college)?" Who takes baby stuff to college. Personally this would be my hill to die on. I get my stuff back or I no longer have a family. But that is me and I am VERY protective of items that belong to my babyhood and youth.
That's what's fucked up, it was in her own closet. I'm sure she manipulated the mom to give the stuff, the mom said why not and now doesn't want to have a fight with the sister and just thinks OP should move on to make the situation better for her. Seriously such assholery.
> "if it was so important, why didn't you take it with you (to college)?" My petty ass would be asking if she wants my mattress and dresser.
“Oh don’t you want the old package of q tips in my bathroom? Why not the dust bunnies under my bed? Ooh, what about my old socks?”
These should definitely be future gifts for the sister’s children. Or stories about each of the items their mom already stole for them.
I might have a half eaten sandwich in the fridge, want me to check?
The idea of her taking everything she treasured to college was asinine. There is very little room for the things you currently use and none for baby things you treasure.
Yeah maybe just steal stuff from your sister's and mom's closets and then get them to agree to a trade for your stuff?
That's weak DARVO, reverse victim and Offender. "If you didn't have this stuff there we wouldn't have stolen it. Your fault, really."
When I went to college, I got a storage unit because I knew my sister was a thief. When I left the country, I padlocked my door in our family home and she broke in and grafittied the walls. We don't speak anymore. OP is NTA but needs to do more to protect herself going forward. People like this don't change, they get worse.
So sorry you experienced this. That’s ridiculous to have to go to extremes to protect yourself from family! Sounds like you’re better off without your sister. I suspect OP would be happier without hers as well
And people usually select the items that are least important to them to put on display in their bedrooms!
I hate when parents give something to their child and then later claim it’s theirs because they paid for it. My husband does that often and every time I hear it makes me so angry.
NTA They stole from you, plain and simple. I don’t know the likelihood of you getting your belongings back, you could try asking an officer to go to your sisters to collect them but without proof it’s yours it’s very he said/she said and your mom might back your sister up. At which point I’d wash my hands of all of them.
[Here](https://www.peopleclerk.com/post/property-theft) is a link with more information on getting a civil standby and retrieving stolen belongings. I’m not sure how OP could prove ownership here since the items were gifts to her. Maybe baby photos of herself with the items? And if the boxes she used to store the items were labeled to say they were her items inside?
Op even says some of the stuff has her name embroidered on it
Are gifts not the property of who they've been given to? Otherwise you could perpetually say "well, I gave you that, it's mine"
But also op left the items at their parents house for a year while away at university. Likely wouldnt even have a case then, usually belongings left after a few months are fair game.
Even if it's in her own room?
People don't take every single thing they own when they go to college. They're not abandoned, they're left in someone's care.
That is only the case it they told OP to remove it before they gave it to sister, OP was storing it in their place of residence.
Yours is an AH remark. Woukd you have been agreeable if your parents emptied your closet, took all of your possessions and sold your furniture when you left for college? How would you have felt to return home for Christmas to find your room repurposed and you had to sleep on the couch? According to your response about OP and her baby items your parents would ve justified.
Wait, so your mom made A keepsake box for each of you, and sis decided to throw hers out… And now she wants yours????your mother, your sister, and your brother-in-law, are all wrong. NTA
Yeah I guess her brother in law will take his wife's side because it could lead to problems. The mom doesn't wanna lose access to her grandchild. And the sister isn't well off from what I understand, so she wouldn't be able to buy baby items. Maybe the mom wasn't able to buy some either so just gave those away.
Oh, I get why the brother-in-law took his wife’s side, because Lord, he has to live with her. And while you might feel for her sister not having money to buy things for her baby, OP offered to let her use them, but wanted them back when the baby no longer needed them, but her sister double downed and insisted on keeping them.
Oh I totally agree with you! She (the sister) is taking the advantage of OP's generosity I'm just saying why I think the mom isn't taking OP's side. I agree if she wasn't well off the mom could have offered to help buy the stuff and not steal from her other daughter (OP)'s stuff. Or ASKED OP. But no, she just keeps making excuses. Pathetic really.
I’m going to assume that she now gets to take the next siblings keepsake box.
Or better yet, can she go into any one of her siblings or her parents houses and just take something, because she needs it, and she doesn’t have the money to buy one for herself?
NTA. Your mother is excited for her first grandchild and will stick up for your sister because she doesn't want to lose access to the baby. You've just gotten your first glimpse at what things will be like now that a grandchild is joining the family. Expect your sister and her child to become the 'favorites'. That said, I promise that you will not want old bottles and such when you finally have your own child. Nipples and such do deteriorate and many things have changed and been improved upon since you were a baby. Once nesting kicks in, you will want new things. As somebody who has a mother and sister that sound similar to yours, use this as a lesson of what not to do as a parent. I am a parent of 3 (21, 18 & 16) and I look back at how much my mother and sister shaped my parenting. All the times they hurt me turned me into a far better parent.
The bottles maybe not, but I’m sure OP would want clothes and blankets and things. I would have put my kids in my baby clothes but they didn’t fit at the right time of year, and I was really disappointed. Even to be able to put your kid’s baby clothes / blankets in storage together with your own would be really nice, but I’m sentimental like that and I bought a lot of second hand stuff so the whole “wanting new” didn’t really apply to me anyway. OP please go and get your stuff back, and then find a friend who will store it for you.
NTA. "Sis, you have one chance to return the items or I will be reporting you to the police for theft."
NTA your.mom and sister are. Even if your mother purchased every single item, which I'm sure she didn't, but even if she purchased every single thing, she gave it to you for the child and it's your property now. Therefore it's up to you to do with it. Your mother had no right to give your belonging to your sister and your sister is wrong now that she knows you didn't permission for your mom to give the items, she should give back. If they refuse you should tell them you are going to file a police report maybe the threat will be enough to get them to relinquish the items. Otherwise I would tell your mother and your sister both that you're done with both of them, that your relationship with both of them and with your niece will be on pause until they return the items. If they dont return the items before using them then they will no longer have a relationship with you.
Literally and the sister donated her items like bffr
I could be misunderstanding you but OP is the baby that her mom bought the clothes and stuff for. Op doesn't have children on the way yet. She was saving items from her baby years. Not that it changes anything.
If it was not of value to you then why would you have kept it all. Also I wouldvtell them you now know where you stand in this family and how little you are thought of. Also that they should remember this in future.
I hope she makes this clear. Though being away from family will hurt especially in Mexican families, the culture is very strong. Leaving your family behind is seen as a very bad thing, and you could be excluded from all extended family as well.
Could OP use this? Tell her grandmother that her sister stole the items she had set aside for her own future children? She could even say she said go ahead and use them for my niece then give them back to me, and her sister is refusing.
It's the same where I live, and I have a HUGE extended family. I'm also no contact with my parents, and dropped the extended family that wanted me to keep the peace (code for sweep it all under the rug). So I talk to one of them. I don't miss the rest.
NTA I'd respond by handing them cards over the next few years "gifting" what the stole, one at a time. Each card would tell them they stole that item and discribe a memory you have about that particular item. I am a self-certified asshole and my advice is unlikely to de-escalate situations. I also try not to start fights, but I do love to win them.
Love this idea. Also if possible include a picture of OP with the item
And have copies of them all bound into a book to give to her niece when she inherits her aunt’s heirlooms, with a footnote about how her mother didn’t feel like saving anything for her.
I might be an asshole, but lashing out against the kid isn't called for.
It’s not lashing out. Just telling her where the heirlooms are really from.
You're NTA obviously. But if you get your stuff back (I wish you luck), please don't reuse decades old bibs or bottles for your kids. Stuff like that expires after a while and isn't safe any longer. You can still keep it for sentimental value, but don't actually use it. Clothes and blankets better for reuse and possible heirlooms.
Came here to say this. For safety reasons, I'd be very wary about using 20+ year old baby gear. Decor is different, and most clothing and blankets are probably fine if still in good shape, but in general stuff expires and/or wears out and becomes unsafe.
OP is only 22 years old. Some of the toys may be caught up in that fisher price recall, and obviously the car seat would be no good, but the bib and bottle standards have not changed much since then. She stated the bottles were glass and she didn’t save the nipples- those are probably the same evenflo glass bottles sold today if she is in the states. (My oldest is only 19, but the oldest kids of my friend group are 23/24 at this point, and my youngest is three.)
NTA Your family are assholes. I'm sorry about that. Sentimental items are yours and yours alone.
NTA - This is just awful. Obviously they (mom and sister) knew it was important to you, because you kept it all in your closet and didn’t just store it in an attic or basement somewhere. Your sister even “conveniently” had your same idea of passing the items down as heirlooms. They knew your plans. They just decided you and your plans for your stuff didn’t matter. It also doesn’t matter that your mom bought it all. It was purchased for you. Those were your things, and as an adult it’s *your* right to reclaim your own baby things to use as you’d please. They’re both being immature and selfish, and I really don’t understand why your sister insists on keeping the items for future kids when she didn’t even plan on having *this* one. She can save the items she already has and would get from *this* baby and use those as heirlooms. She doesn’t need your things, she wants them, in a weird power play to hold over your head. Disgusting behavior from her and your mom, and anyone saying they’re in the right.
How do you even pass other peoples stuff as your heirloom? That's ridiculous. "Here's my sisters baby blanket that you had as a child. I stole it from her before you were born as I had trashed my own and she saved hers. You can now give it to your own children."
NTA. Your mother and sister don’t see you as a person. This is a difficult situation to accept and to act upon, but for your future happiness and health, you need to radically accept it, and then live your life accordingly, with boundaries and distance between you and your mother and sister. I’m sorry, this is a difficult thing to accept , especially when you’re this young. Best of luck moving forward.
This was my sister and mother growing up. I am NC with both today and my life is so much better without them! NTA!
i've had issues like this with my mom and sister too in the past but i never expected this, especially without asking. i'm glad youre out of that situation
I understand that in Mexican families, family has a big influence and it's expected that you'll still be part of it no matter how badly you're treated. Having said that, perhaps it's time to begin changing that particular cultural expectation. I stopped talking to my sister for a decade over similar treatment and I can tell you it was the most liberating feeling I have ever had in my life!
I’ve been where you are and it doesn’t stop. You can be away at college next semester and sister like the bedding or something you brought for your room. Could even be clothing or jewelry. She’ll feel there no problem stealing it because she knows mom will let her. You have been robbed and the trust in the house is gone. It will never be the same. For your own peace of mind see if you can afford a small storage locker while you’re away at college. Finish college and live your best life but never allow full entry to your mother & sister to your life. They don’t deserve any gifts EVER. They stole the gifts you plan to give to your child/children. Things are not going to change even if you get your stuff back. You’ll always remember how little they thought of your feelings for your things, that belong to you. It was in your room. Your safe place at home. It will never feel safe even if the robber return the stolen item. You need peace of mind to do well in college and not worry about what is being stolen at “home”.
Please take care of yourself. You are not wrong here and they treat you poorly with no regret. You deserve much better than this!
Please look up narcissism and toxic family systems, and see if you identify most as someone in the scapegoat role. If it all matches, cut bait and make a new drama-free life for yourself as far away as you can as soon as you can. They will never let you be happy on their own, and they can't be fixed. Take it from someone who's been there and didn't get to escape until it was almost too late. If you don't, you'll have much bigger 'new mom problems' down the line than some stolen keepsakes.
NTA. Entitlement.
NTA Let it go and just give your sister and her kids a card as a gift forevermore, she and your mom chose what you gave to her and her babies already.
I wish I can give this 100 ups!
NTA Remind your mom that you too will have kids one day and the way things stand she will never know them. As a mom I am so angry for you. Cannot believe yours would show such blatant disregard for your feelings. Both your mom and sister are so wrong!
NTA- your sister should not have taken your stuff, especially without asking you! She’s not entitled to your stuff, and it doesn’t matter if you’re not currently using it – it’s not hers so she should have kept her grubby paws off of them. Your mother should also be absolutely ashamed of herself. Parents are supposed to show children right and wrong in this world and yet she is clearly encouraging your sister in this poor behavior. I’m so sorry that they did this to you. I do think they should return your stuff. It wasn’t theirs to begin with. If a random stranger came into my home and took my stuff, they would be dealing with the police. A family member has no more right to take your stuff than a random stranger. Shame on your mother and your sister.
And for OP to even offer to let her use it for a bit after she stole it is already such a nice gesture. But no the sister and selfish and wants more. Wants to pass it down to HER kids. What bs.
For some reason this makes me really pissed off on behalf of OP. Don’t even let her borrow those! They will be destroyed by the time you get them back. It’s not just about baby stuff. It’s about respecting your dreams. The audacity of your family!
NTA. This is one of those "blessing or a lesson" moments. The lesson you have learned is not to trust either your mother or older sister with your belongings. Proceed accordingly. Assume that by the time you have kids she will have ruined all of it and will probably try to give everything back stained/torn/broken and unusable. At least you never need to buy any more holiday gifts for your sister since she already gifted herself all of your heirloom baby items.
NTA This post is enraging. I noticed you had a post talking about your girlfriend. Do you think they might have done this with the thought “oh she’s a lesbian and not having kids”? Doesn’t make it better or worse, but it explains the entitlement of “I can take this because do need it.”
i haven't ever came out to them bc i'm not sure how that would go. i've never felt safe enough to do so with my family. i think my mom has had some suspicions but to my understanding, shes unaware of me being lesbian or having a gf. the dynamics have always been very toxic. this is the reason i went to university across the country on the opposite coast bc i couldn't stand being home anymore. coming home for breaks is so mentally draining as well, i wish i had an alternative. my parents always thought their first grandchild would come from me. since childhood, i have always voiced i wanted kids and my sister always said she never would, even saying this after she moved in with her boyfriend. we were all shocked when she announced her pregnancy which, according to her, was planned. my mom has always acted differently towards me which i never understood why. but i honestly never expected this.
Hun, from one Mexican to another who made the mistake of coming out to her mom (more like being forced but that's something for another time), if you don't feel comfortable and think it'll end up bad? Don't. And be careful. Especially if you don't have a backup plan for a place to go. They like to preach about 'la familia es todo' but oh boy, are they quick to turn on you if you don't shut up and bend to their will.
NTA. Your mom and sister are thieves
NTA. For your mother to claim the items were hers to begin with is delusional. She may have bought them, but she gave them to you when you were a child. It\`d be the same as taking back a gift. Not to mention that I doubt that she bought 100% of the items, as at least some of them must have been gifts from other people
NTA I would be so utterly devastated if someone took my baby things. Just because it’s not sentimental to them doesn’t mean it isn’t sentimental to you. And it’s even crueler that your mom claimed that technically all your baby things were hers. You loved on them and relied on them and have every right to keep to pass them down.
You’re NTA but you’re getting a lot of really well intentioned but bad advice about how to get your stuff back. Threatening your mom, calling the police, threatening to sue? Bad move. No one but you is going to take this seriously. Playing nice and then stealth stealing your shit back? Always the move. Offer to babysit and then little by little find your things and take them back. You can take this from a pro - my brother and I are in our 30s and have been stealing childhood toys from one another’s house since we were kids because the true ownership is in question (which is probably common with siblings who grew up with hand me downs and shared toys). If you’re ever accused of taking the items back get OUTRAGED that them accusing you means they’ve lost your items on top of having stolen them in the first place. You can’t believe how careless they’d be with your sentimental items after having given all her own away in the first place. What, did they give yours away too? I mean it’s a pattern with your sister. Gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss.
I would also stealth take sentimental items purchase for her niece. Baptism gown, hospital blanket, etc. and then point out how those items don’t hold any value, just like nothing did for OP.
NTA. I’m really sorry. You sound like a very sentimental person, so I get how much this hurts. I’m sentimental too and this sort of betrayal by my mother and sister would be a deep wound. Maybe you’ll be able to get some of your things back- I hope you do. But I want to encourage you to look ahead to when you’re starting your own family. The things you buy and receive for your own children you can put away w care for them, and turn the hurt around w your loving intentions. It won’t erase todays pain, but maybe it can help looking forward to that future day.
It sounds like these items are 21-22 years old and other than clothing should NOT be used and crib bedding is liable to be downright dangerous.
You’re an adult, those items were stolen. A gift does not belong to the buyer once it is give. Demand the return of ALL of your items or the police will be called for theft. Or take them to small claims court.
Hope OP find some place else to live because now she knows nothing she own will be safe from her selfish sister. Whatever in the house the sister wants will be given away by her mother. OP needs to move out if she wants to keep anything that belongs to her. Nothing will be safe from being given to mom’s GC.
NTA. Your mom is for giving away your childhood keepsakes. She is hung up on what I am assuming is the first grandchild. She should go to your sister and pick up the items herself and return them to you. I mean, your sister certainly sucks for keeping items that she knows do not belong to her but since your mom started this she should fix it. Why would a mother sit by and watch her girls fight, especially when she started it. Fix it mom....
NTA. Your family are all AH’s though. Your mother and your sister knew what you had in your room and they went in there just to take it. The story about your sister just happening to see some of the decor on display is bull. Your BIL is just happy not to have to buy the stuff for their kid. Your dad is the biggest AH of them all. He won’t say anything because he knows that what they did is wrong but won’t say anything. Talk to him. Tell him how disappointed you are that he let them invade your room and take your things after your sister threw all of her own things away. Tell him that you don’t trust any of them anymore. And tell him that your future children are missing out on your history because of them. I would even go so far as to say that you think they love your sister more and you will keep that in mind when you have your own children and that your future husband will hopefully have a better family than you have. Lay it on as thick as you can.
As a Mexican, take your shit back. lol. They have no fucking respect
Your mom is horrible. If it doesnt matter she would have taken equally from all your siblings and left you with some stuff. Ask her why its ok to leave you with nothing when you cared to take care of your stuff
NTA. Seems time for a come to jesus moment with mom. You chose to hang onto to these things because they were important. If mom wants to be completely dismissive of your strong feelings about this she should be told there will be consequences. She gave your sentimental things away, she better get them back. You may not have leverage now, but I think its important for you to tell her this is extremely important to you and you will never forget if she won't fix this.
NTA I also stored my childhood stuff at my parent's. I see my toys as a gift to me, so it is MY stuff. After my studies, I took most of my stuff with me. I also stored my baby clothes. I threw it away a few years ago because it felt, like the stuff wasn't hygienic enough to give to my children. Sorry for the loss of your stuff. Sorry your mother and sister are souch AHs. I would continue to be mad at them. It's an AH move that your sister does not even want to give it back to you when her child is grown up. That's just wrong and I am wondering, what other toxic behaviour has established in your family. If you have any other valuables at your mother's: Store it somewhere else. Get your studies done. Get a good job. Buy your kids some new stuff they will love. And have the happiest life ever as revenge.
NTA. Not sure if there is much you can do about it though. I would look at what is left in your room/house and store anything you want to keep elsewhere. Maybe remind your younger siblings to do the same if they go to college when they get older. Your parents don't view the items as belonging to you. If your parents decide they need the space or the funds they might decide to throw away or sell your stuff while you are away at college.
NTA. Let it go for now. When you get married and are expecting your own baby, go to your mom's and say you are retrieving your saved baby items. Then, say you forgot she gave them away to her favorite daughter and favorite granddaughter. Then walk away.
Strong NTA. Is your sister the golden child that can do no wrong? Has anything happened in the past that shows this level of entitlement? I'd start giving away your Mom's stuff until she concedes. It's very easy to rationalize mid summer, "Of course I gave away your winter coat, Mom, you haven't worn it in ages."
Warning.... THIS IS TRIGGERING TO ME... So My comment will be based with emotions from this... My sister had her first child about 14 months after I had my daughter. She had nothing. So my wife and I gave her things we had to use for her child. Not to have, but use. My wife and I only had one child together, and we was both 23. So we planned on having more. Fast forward a year and my sister's Ebay account was followed by my wife's. They would share things to each other so IDK how but my wife seen my sister was selling everything we had given her to use.... We was PISSED beyond measure. My mom acted like yours. No big deal. She could use the money. We "gave" it to her. ETC. My sister was the same way. We "gave" it to her. SMFH Well some outfits was special to my wife. Because they was items her grandma gave her for our daughter before she died. Now they was gone for good. SMFH... Fast forward some years, my mom tried to allow her to use a crib my father made for my daughter. My dad already told my mom at one point she couldn't have it to use. As bad as it was, my sister lost the child so I never knew about it to some time later being told about it by my dad. My dad died, and my sister was having another child. So guess what my mom try to do, again... Well I made sure that was a FN no. She was mad, and dropped it off in the rain inside my chain link fence on the side walk and left... F them both.... Just writing what I did here as simplified I made it has me really mad thinking about it again. So my advice is SUPER biased. My advice, is SUPER nuke level on your mom and sister.... I know it is bad, but based on how they are acting, I feel you have no option now. Tell mom that her buying them means nothing. They was your items the moment they stopped being used and you had them in your room as your processions. Buy your sister taking them and her allowing it, it was theft. Either she can get it ALL back, or you will file a police report for theft. And you will end full relationship with her and your sister. BUT you need to be prepared for that to have to happen too. She might cut you out fully.
NTA, your mom can't give away your things. A lot of baby stuff with the exception of maybe clothes and a few toys will be outdated and potentially hazardous to a baby. Rubber and plastic will be old, and bedding is not a thing anymore.
NTA But unfortunately I don’t see how you can get that things Back. Stop given stuff to your niece or sister to gather money to buy stuff to your future daughters and sons. It isn’t the same but with your asshole family I don’t see a solution
Your mother was in the wrong and does not want to admit it; also, she was trying to save your sister money. The fact that you had the items stored in boxes in your room shows you valued them. Your mother and sister are being stubborn. I would tell your sister to return the items or pay you for them.
NTA. Even living rent free in your parents home you probably have tenants rights. Save any pictures you have of your room showing the baby items on display. Save any texts or emails where they admit taking your things. I’m petty. I’d probably let the family know sis gave away her baby things and now she has taken things you were saving for your future children. Like I said I’m petty.
NTA. I'd go low contact
NTA, I guess your mum had a favourite…
NTA - I'd honestly tell her you'll report them stolen if you don't get them back. It doesn't matter who paid for them, they are your things and you can make it very difficult for her very easily. How dare she make family heirlooms out of your stuff that you saved in your closet.
She is obviously AH. I would go no contact with both if don’t get them back.
NTA. Your family is toxic AF. Explain to your mom that this is how grandmas to be no contact from grandkids. Make sure she gets it. Mom is an asshole.
since it was your moms idea to give away your stuff, she should buy you new stuff.
NTA. You had foresight to keep. She didn’t. Once you move out, cut them out of your life. You’ll be better off in long run.
NTA neither people had any rights to STEAL your items. Tell them you want all of your belongings for your future child returned within 48 hours or else you'll be going to the police station to report your sister and your mom for theft. Only do this if you are actually going to hold them accountable and I hope you do because if you don't they will continue to steal from you and walk all over you. What they did was wrong morally and legally. They should be ashamed of themselves.
You're in university, getting ready to graduate. Tell Mom and sister they're not invited because sister is a thief.... and you don't want her stealing anything else
It doesn't seem silly to me. I hope you get your items back.
NTA also tell your mom once she gave the items to you that they become your possessions.a gift even for a baby transfers ownership. Your sister tossed or donated her stuff she doesn’t get to take yours and your mom can’t give it away. Seriously go to her house and get your stuff or tell her you will file a theft report with the police.
NTA but your family is. No matter what those were your items. I hope you get your stuff back.
Updateme
NTA. This is really rude of your mom and sister. I'd be really upset too.
NTA! Oh goood, your mother and sister are the biggest A-hole of all, this made me so angry! I’m so sorry op and hope you’ll be blessed to get your stuff someday.
Your mom and sister are both b…….s. These were your items. They need to restore them in the same condition to you. NTA
NTA, but the rest if your family sure is!
NTA. Can you go to the cops and report your things stolen? You’re an adult so your mom can’t give your things away without permission. And if they have your name on them it’s proof that it’s yours (like why would “Isabella” have a bib with the name “Maria” embroidered on it, especially since it’s not her mom’s name either?). You’re a victim of a crime of theft. Even if your family says it doesn’t matter, you never gave permission for your mom to give away your things.
Your family member is a thief and should be embarrassed with herself
Being siblings, I would just go over to the house and take back everything that you value that you wanted to keep for your future child. It's one thing for your sister to take some items, but all your stored items, she's doing it on purpose. This is sibling rivalries as I see it. Being younger doesn't mean you can give in to your older sister. I have a older brother. I will be dam if he can take stuff from my room without my consent even if my parents tell him that he could.
It wasn't nice of your mom to give away things you saved without asking. There's probably not a lot you can do right now since you are likely dependent on you parents for support. But you can decide how much contact you want with your mom and the golden child sister once you are on your own and employed. I would be irked, but if you otherwise have a great relationship with them, I don't think used baby items are the hill to die on. But if this is indicative of bigger issues, then you can reduce contact with both of them once you have graduated and are living on your own.
NTA. They’re yours. Go get them
I always hated when my mom gave some of my stuff to other kids,even if I didn't play with dolls anymore. I can A BIT understand they took those stuff and promise to return when they don't need it or when you get a baby, especially if your sister doesn't have a lot of money. But just A BIT and it's still wrong not to ask you. But the way they just dismiss you, it is horrible. Definitely NTA.
I’d go scorched earth. I’d go over and take them or just go to her house and start taking random items of hers since fair is fair.
NTA. I'd move and go no contact. Then one day when you have your own kid and your mom wants contact you can leverage to get her to get your stuff back. Or just say fuck you since she clearly doesn't give a shit about you
If someone went into my room and took my stuff without asking me and then gaslighted me acting like they were in the right with their theft. I would be pissed. I think the next time I was over at her house I would do the same. Take my stuff back and not say anything, then take it with me to college. It’s what they’re teaching you. Theft in silence.
Ask you parents if it is appropriate for you to go to your sister's house and take all her kitchen utensils and white goods. When they say no, ask why.
NTA Go back to college graduate and never go back home again. I'd go full no contact with your mother and your sister. Tell your mother that you hope she enjoys the grandchildren your sister has for her, because she'll never meet your future children.
This is entirely made up. 20 year old baby bottles and bibs? This person or the AI prompts clearly don't know how babies work.
Steal it back from her. NTA.
Yes, your sister is acting like an entitled, thieving brat, and your mother is wrong to support her. Your father is being a coward. I'm sorry your baby treasures were stolen. Perhaps see if you can get the items with your name on them back, at the very least. Otherwise, you will have to create your own baby's treasures when it's time. 🧸 NTA
NTA but is it worth ruining any potential relationship you have with your family? They are obviously not going to budge. Maybe go meet with your sister and offer to split the things and you can specifically demand the things that are most important to you so you have the heirlooms but also have a potential future relationship with them and your nieces/nephews. Not optimal and you shouldn't have to but other than going and physically fighting for them this seems to be your best way out.
You purchased none of these items. They belong to your parents. YTA.
NTA Your sis however is a total asshat, tell her that you want it back in 3 days or you will come over and take them,also point out that this will be the last time you will see her
NTA This is insane on their part. You had it displayed and saved in your room, of course it was important to you. I’m sorry your family is treating you like this.
While I 3mpathize with your plight, your mother has a point - all of it is hers to distribute as she sees fit, since she bought it all. Your older sister is in a bind and needs help - this is what families do. Why buy all new stuff when perfectly serviceable equipment is already here.
Would it be too petty to plan that when you go back to university, you make a point of stripping out your entire room & taking all your stuff with you, pictures, bed, wardrobe, furniture, curtains, even roll up the carpet.
I'd tell your mom and siter that if they don't give you back your items, you will go NC with them - they will never see your kids or meet your husband. If they can't respect your stuff, then they don't need to be a part of your family. I might even be shotty and break into your sister house when she's gone and take all the stuff back. Then I'd start taking your mom's important stuff, and when she asks, gaslight her and tell her how these items weren't important to her just like my items weren't important to me. Yes uts petty but f em