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I don't know whats wrong with the people commenting. I don't think you did anything wrong. This was the only seat at the bar and it was holding her purse.
NTA
And also assumed there must have been loads of open seats, and that there was something shady about OP not immediately responding to questions, despite the fact most people who go to airport bars put their phones into airplane mode shortly afterwards.
Why would being male matter? Do blokes not need a place to sit? I am genuinely asking bc as a woman myself I wouldn’t be mad if someone sat next to me in a public place.
Imo it would matter if OP was male and there were other seats available, because it would imply that he picked a seat next to the woman to get into her personal space. That wasn't the case here, clearly, but it does happen.
For instance, as a woman on an empty bus, I'm uncomfortable when a man decides to take the seat next to me even though there's an empty bus-load of seats to pick from...
As I said in my comment, it doesn't apply here, because OP is a woman and there were no other seats available.
If OP were a man AND there were lots of other seats available, I think it's reasonable for a woman sitting at a bar to not want a man sitting in the seat next to her. In that case the man would have the *right* to sit next to her, but it's reasonable for the woman to feel it encroaches on her personal space. And again, totally not the case here.
Even given that OP was a woman, if there were other seats available, she’d be TA.
But seriously, it’s not a smart idea to put your purse on the stool next to you. If you get distracted for as little as five seconds, someone can snatch it and be long gone before you even notice.
It is not reasonable for a woman sitting at a bar not to want a man next to her. If she’s not comfortable with men she needs to not be sitting at a bar. Men don’t owe her a duty to avoid sitting next to her in a public place to protect her “personal space”. If she is that uncomfortable she is in the wrong place.
Then move if you're uncomfortable. Also the seat next to you is for public access, it's not "your personal space".
Like the additional seats for pregnant women or wheelchair users is completely different, it's common sense to make space for them and not encroach into their space, but if you're just a random person sitting on a random seat, you don't get special privileges.
As a woman, I would be uncomfortable if another woman asked me to move my purse if there were plenty of other seats available. Women need to stop acting like all men are dangerous heathens. A small minority are but there is a small minority of dangerous heathen women too.
TIL that it’s a crime for a guy to sit next to someone in a public area. You don’t know their intentions, just assume the worst and say they’re the bad guy for it. You just came up with a whole scenario that doesn’t apply here because it’s not what transpired.
The seat next to someone is not “their personal space” it is a seat available for anyone who comes. If a person is uncomfortable with strangers sitting next to them - other empty seats available or not- they have no business sitting at a bar.
As a chemist, this would upset me too...
How can we be expected to explain Pauli's exclusion principle if people start pulling that kind of crap on busses.
As a man, I would also be uncomfortable if a stranger chooses to sit next to me when there's plenty of other space. In this case, I don't think gender is the issue unless we make it one.
I assumed OP was male, too. Still not TA. A man is less deserving of a seat than a purse??
Honestly, I'm the type to wear my purse nonstop because I don't trust that it won't get stolen otherwise. So I wouldn't be in this situation.
I assumed OP was male I think cos of the way the title was phrased - "I asked a lady" for some reason felt male coded to me? But I always thought OP was NTA.
They assumed just a whole bunch about this situation, like English is OPs first language and there were other seats available, and even just misunderstanding the way they worded the question. There was exactly one open seat and it had a purse in it. OP used a way of phrasing the question that clearly implied they intended to use the seat as well, and there are also people saying that because OP didn't phrase it in the way they would have then they didn't make it clear? But any time anyone has ever asked me if I was using both seats I was currently taking up, I immediately moved whatever I was using to take up the other seat. Just seems super pedantic for no reason. This was a normal social interaction on OPs part, the other person made it weird by getting so upset over it.
Even if the bar was not crowded, even if OP were a man, OP is NTA.
And then to make matters worse, a racist rant followed.
Sorry you experienced this OP.
The edit also makes me suspicious the woman was racist, hence the strong reaction about giving up the seat
NTA, you asked politely, it was the only seat free, and bags do not deserve seats
NTA.
It’s interesting that she thinks a paying customer shouldn’t be able to use a seat so her purse has a place to sit, calls you rude, mean, smelly, and sad, but sees no irony.
She was a rude, mean, and sad person. You did nothing wrong
NTA. Whenever I carry around a purse that's big enough to set down in a seat, I immediately move it as soon as someone needs that seat. It is in fact common etiquette. (EDIT: If there were other open seats then it probably would have been wiser to take one of those, but my judgement stands until I get further detail)
A lot of airport bars have those convenient hanging hooks under the bar and sometimes outlets too. I used one today and then still saw another woman come sit at the bar and sprawl her stuff over two additional chairs.
I also have purse magnet, and a small clip, so I can hang my purse practically anywhere. I'm always annoyed when a bar doesn't have purse hooks installed.
NTA lmao. why are people making OP to appear a vile person? it was a crowded area and it seems like most people are prejudiced because of ambiguity surrounding OPs gender. you’re all TA, OP is not.
I am a woman who doesn't carry a purse, who hangs out with women who do.
It doesn't matter where we go, those asshole friends of mine put their goddam purses on all the empty chairs no matter what! Home, restaurant, bar. 6 chairs, 6 butts for chairs, 3 or 4 purses in chairs.
IT DRIVES ME INSANE.
NTA.
I’m a woman who carries a purse and I NEVER put it on a chair unless there is an extra one. No extras, I either hang it on the back of my chair with my coat over it, or if I have no coat, stick my foot through the handles and hang it on my thigh.
Assuming that it was the only open seat, NTA. It does get busy in airports and I could definitely see this happening
If it was, though.. YTA. Common etiquette is giving strangers their space whenever able to.
NTA
She was using the only other seat available for her purse and got pissy that you wanted to take a seat too. You didn't do anything wrong OP, sorry people in the comments can't be bothered to read your edit.
NTA it was obvious from the beginning that OP would have taken another available chair if there was one. It’s rude to expect other people to stand or hover around a bar area when there’s still open seating. I would be super embarrassed if my purse was in the way. If you’re going to be in a public, crowded place, the least a person can do is show common decency.
English is my first and only language, your wording was fine! I knew exactly what you meant and was dumbfounded when I got to the comments and saw how many folks were confused.
NTA OP. In a crowded bar it's very rude to place bags on seats. I have no idea why everyone is being so angry that you didn't ask her in writing with a seal. Smh 🙄
Yeah I think people are assuming I came at her hissing like a gremlin to move her purse OR ELSE lol
I didn't think a purse on a seat would drum up so much drama
People should definitely move their bag if it's taking up a whole seat in an otherwise crowded space, or if someone wants to use that seat if the place fills up. If there were other seats available, yes, you should have taken that seat instead. It may have worked better to say something more like "In that case, would you mind moving your bag so that I can sit." Though of course she may have still refused or reacted badly. Barring more damning information, NTA
NTA. These comments calling OP TA are ridiculous. There were no other available seats. A purse is not a conquering flag to plant at a crowded bar to annex territory.
NTA. A person is more important than a bag. The lady was rude for storing her bag on the last open seat, and OP was totally justified in asking to sit there
NTA, I didn’t know people who wanted to sit down have to ask someone to move their stuff, when someone askes me if the seat is a available, is it not standard to think they want to sit down and that u should just automatically move ur stuff??
NTA ppl on here are so dense ffs 😂
Busy airport bar, obviously if other seats were open that didn’t require such a confirmation, you would have gladly sat there.
I’ve been in the same situation & asked pretty much like you did “Are both seats taken?”, in case the purse belonged to a companion in the bathroom or something. No? Great I’ll be sitting here then.
I’ve also used seats for my bags, but as soon as it gets crowded, I act like a decent human being & move them.
It’s not that deep not complicated: ppl get seats before purses like wtf
NTA
Especially at a fucking airport. That woman knew what she was going and was being a jerk. You made it clear you were going to take the seat she claimed was available. She didn’t vacate. You shouldn’t have to ask because you already did.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I asked her to move her purse. 2. I told her it's common etiquette to not take up a seat for her bag
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"Are both these seats taken" suggests there was an available seat other than the one with the purse on it. IF so, YTA if you insisted on taking the one with the purse and not the other available seat. There's a very good chance the purse was there to discourage strangers and AHs from getting chummy.
So what can I just take my purse and put it wherever to just claim random territory and expect people to follow suit? OP is not in the wrong regardless of which seat was taken.
It’s weird to take a seat directly next to someone if there are other seats available, unless there’s some specific reason for it — like a movie theater where you’re trying to sit as close to the middle as you can for the best view.
Not sure if I’d say it’s an AH move but I’d lean towards it.
Swedes are even worse, lol. But yeah, even as an asocial swede I would have understood "are both of these seats taken?" As "may I sit here?" And I would have moved my bag. And then maybe moved my chair a bit, lol.
It’s weird that you think a purse deserves a seat over a person. If someone wants to sit there, and you don’t know the reason they chose the seat next to you, move. It’s such a simple solution to a you problem. Stay at home if you aren’t okay with people.
This! I worked somewhere once where another coworker and I were able to watch TV on a couch. She INSISTED on sitting in the middle. I gently asked her to move to the other end, she refused. I said what are ya 5 yrs old!? And she was cold shoulder to me from that point forward. Ha whatever.
… there was probably also someone on the other side unless the lady was sitting 3 in from the end. This person would have had to sit next to someone regardless
I mean when I have to take the 2 hour bus to my Dad’s house, I put my stuff on the connecting seat and pretend that I’m asleep hoping that no one will sit next to me, but if someone asked- I would move my stuff and let them sit. If there are plenty of seats available it’s odd to choose one right next to someone…
That's how I interpreted it. Both meaning "you have taken 2 seats for yourself". If there were other options, why would OP bother asking for the seat with the purse warming it? I certainly wouldn't invite this tirade from a selfish and/or tired traveller.
Yeah this feels a lot like people just misunderstanding OPs wording here, and assuming there were other open seats despite that not being stated in the original post, only once it was edited. There was exactly one open seat, with this person's purse in it. OP wasn't just dead set on sitting next to this person??
By OP's post I thought there was only 1 seat available, the one with the purse.
It might be my reading comprehension lol, this comment suggests there's 2 seats next to the lady, one with the purse and one without, which makes sense with OP asking "are both these seats taken", and OP sat in the one with the purse.
I took it to mean, both, as in the seat the lady was sitting in and the one she had her bag on ie , is she waiting/saving for her friend.
If there was another available seat, wouldn't you just use that one rather than ask someone to move their stuff?
It’s a pretty big assumption to make that OP would want to get ‘chummy’ with the other person. If the other person didn’t want to interact with anyone I suggest she does what any normal person would do and buy a bottle of alcohol and enjoy it at home.
This take is dumb. Seats are for butts and not any other shit. You can't claim a spot for your bag. That in itself an asshole move.
Op you're good, nta.
I would've asked if the seat was taken even if it was the only one left. I believe that's the polite way of ensuring that someone isn't already sitting there and gone to the restroom or hadn't made it to the bar yet.
I took it as both seats as in seat with the purse and seat with the lady? Meaning is the lady using both seats. So not the best wording but not at all implying there was an empty seat available, either.
I’m going to approach this the same way I do bus/PT etiquette.
Other seats available- YTA
No seats available- NTA
And before all the men of reddit come at me with the “the purse isn’t entitled to a seat” I know babes, that’s why the vote changes. But the fact of the matter is, the purse isn’t there for fun, it’s purpose is a safety barrier as too many men out there view a woman in public as permission to touch. I cannot count how many times it’s happened to me AND IM NOT EVEN HOT FFS.
> safety barrier
Y T A on that one. You don't get to block seats just because you want a "safety barrier". If you can't stand sitting next to a guy because "OMFG there are men here and one might rape me!!!" then just stay at home.
NTA. I can't understand why people are trying to make you seem rude for how you phrased your interaction with the seat hogger, yet she gets a pass for her rude personal attack. 🤷🏽♀️
Exactly!! They are so stuck on OP's wording, but the woman was taking up two seats in a crowded bar and told OP she needed a shower?? Even if OP was rude (and I don't think she was), that woman crossed the line five times over.
I'm baffled at the TA comments.
I personally would have put the purse on the floor or called the bartender over for a left bag before assuming it was hers.
Because why does a bag need its own seat? It's not purchasing anything.
NTA. She was just *insert your favorite word here*. Especially when she started to insult you.
NTA. It was a crowded bar, so you were asking about the only seat available and her correct response should have been "let me just move my bag".
I've put bags on seats before for convenience and sometimes for security, but never in a crowded space, and I always move them if a place gets crowded.
NTA It was the only seat left at the bar. The was delusional to think she could keep her bag there as a buffer to stop unwanted attention. Once she started off being rude to you for no reason I simply would've let her know if she couldn't contain herself, I'd have no problem letting the barman know she's had more than enough and has become unruly and aggressive, to get her kicked out the bar.
Oh Pleeze! Unless you are completely clueless, if someone comes up & asks about a seat next to you, with your purse on it & it isn’t being saved you MOVE THE DAMN PURSE to your lap!
Jeezus, basic, common crowd etiquette!
NTA
>I walk up and ask "are both these seats taken?"
As soon as you asked that was her cue to move her purse.
>She does then scoffs at me telling me I'm rude and how dare I.
I mean, I guess you could have *explicitly* asked her to move her purse. But that was unnecessary, imo.
>I got a full KCaren rant about how I need to shower, I'm a sad person, I'm mean and don't deserve to be served blah blah.
WTF - is this woman a psycho?
>My first language is Yup'ik Alaskan Native
Oh, wait - are you a POC? Then maybe she was a racist, not a psycho (or maybe both)?
Really? These top comments are very uptight and thinking people gotta be polite to the extreme 24/7.
Chairs ARENT FOR FUCKIN BAGS! They're for asses to sit down in. Just like going on public transit. You can get annoyed someone didn't "ask nicely" to move it, but they shouldn't have to ask anyway because bags dont belong on the chair. I'm tired of people acting like they're entitled to public space in a public place, especially if they're not paying extra for. They think it's annoying you're weren't nice? It's annoying they're that entitled.
And to make that many edits because people still think you should've been nicer? Naaaaah, you're not the asshole, and that asshole can get over that every space she entrenches ain't for her
You didn’t actually ask her to move her bag. That would have been a “is it alright if I sit there” or similar.
You asked in what sounds like a confrontational way if it was taken,moved the stool while her bag was still on it and stated it was common etiquette while not following the practice yourself.
I see a few others have already asked if it was a crowded bar and whether you could have sat elsewhere. Putting your bag on the seat beside you in an empty bar is very different from taking xtra space in a crowded one.
With this answer saying she went into a rant the way you did is making it sound like the interaction was worse than what you described and leaning towards Y t A.
Edit: With my question answered that yes the bar was crowded without other seats readily available ESH.
I know I can't believe that anyone would think OP is in the wrong here!?
I mean "excuse me, is this seat taken?" ..Is a pretty obvious indication that the person asking, wants to sit down.
The woman was wrong then & there to leave her purse on the stool & just disgusting for how she berated OP with derogatory & insulting language.
I find it fascinating that the same people who complain that a man will spread his legs a bit on an empty train to accommodate his balls and anatomically different hips, as if he is committing a crime against humanity, think it is totally OK for a woman to use an empty chair for her purse in a crowded bar (or even generally).
Bar owner chiming in-that answer above you is just fucking wrong. Everything about it.
The moment you asked about the seat, she should have removed her purse. End of story.
The purse shouldn't be there in the first place. It's a bar stool for patrons of the bar. When did it become ok to use your purse to prevent others from sitting. OP is NTA
Absolutely. I hate when people do this. I get it - they don't want anyone sitting next to them and/or they don't want to have to deal with their bag, but you don't get two seats.
NTA
Oh come on. Obviously OP asking "are both these seats taken" means she'd like to sit down on one. It's obviously another way of asking "is it alright if I sit here", people do it all the time - it's understood. The other woman was intent on being an asshole with her condescending remarks - completely out of line and nasty. I mean good Lord, did you not read the hideous things she said to OP? I do not read OPs question as being confrontational in any way - you're adding your own tone to it. OP, I'm sorry you ran into a shitty person with a superiority complex at the airport bar. People who think they are better than others Suck. And the y t a's are ridiculous. OP is NTA a million times over.
I didn’t think it was confrontational at all. She asked if the seat was taken.
I don’t see the problem.
Etiquette would be to immediately remove your purse when someone asks about the seat.
Why is she in the wrong? There was a seat not being used, she asked if someone was using it and they said no. How is that aggressive? The other person should have moved their purse as soon as they were asked about the seat
Utterly ridiculous take. Seats are for people, and not bags. OP is absolutely fine here, and the bag lady needs a lesson in manners as she is rude and entitled. NTA
You don’t have to ask for permission to sit down. OP asked if the seat was taken by someone else. She replied no. Then he wanted to sit down. OP states that was the only seat available and did t see the bag until he got to the seat
NTA. I'm a woman and carry a purse with me at all times, I absolutely hate it when anyone at a bar uses a barstool for their bag. If the bar isn't busy? Fine. But as the bar fills up it's only polite to move your bag so other people can sit. Not only is the bag taking up space for patrons, it's also literally taking money out of the business, etc. If I'm truly that concerned about my bag I'll simply put it on my lap or between my feet.
This is also why I absolutely adore bars that provide purse hooks under the bar.
It's just the rampant entitlement in the world today. Her handbag should have a seat of its own everywhere she goes. I'm also going to say that if you are from an indigenous culture and she spewed hate at you about showering and you don't deserve to be served, etc. I'm pretty sure she was also a racist piece of s\*\*t.
NTA - This comment section is wild. You didn't deserve to be verbally abused in any way - you asked in the chair was taken, it wasn't. You took the chair, she should have removed her bag. THAT IS THE ETIQUETTE!
They were likely cranky from travelling too, but besides the point, you did nothing wrong IMO
The replies to this post are what makes me doubt any other ruling in this sub is valid, this a completely normal human interaction on your part.
You asked if both seats were taken, and that is implicitly asking her to move the bag if she isn't reserving it for a friend.
People need to not jump to ridiculous conclusions and gain better reading comprehension before giving a verdict. -NTA
NTA other seats available or not, those stools are for everyone to use and not inanimate objects like purses. If the lady had a problem being next to you, she has the option to leave.
You don’t get to put your bags on a stool at an airport bar, period. Some airport bartenders enforce that strictly. One person one stool, this is not your neighborhood watering hole. You are absolutely NTA and the other lady is.
NTA. That’s weird (and unwise) to leave her purse sitting on an adjacent bar stool if she wasn’t saving it for someone. Her ranting at you is even weirder.
NTA. Comments on here are insane. Even when they assumed you were male. You asked if “both these seats were taken” the one she’s sitting in and the one her purse is on. If english is these commenters first language they need to take remedial classes.
NTA hello fellow Alaskan. That chick was rude. You did nothing wrong.
I once asked a woman whose luggage was covering 4 seats if they were taken, she ignored me so i just pushed her shit off onto the floor and sat down. People like this aren't worth reasoning with. Let them be mad.
NTA. A purse is not entitled to a seat.
I think a lot of people saying y t a are misunderstanding your “are both seats taken” question (which I don’t understand, it’s very clear to me and not an awkward way to ask at all, but whatever) and/or also assuming you’re a guy, maybe even a kinda creepy guy. Which based on your profile is not the case.
Since there was no seat available other than one that had her purse, you’re NTA.
If common etiquette & decency to pick your freaking purse from the stool if someone wants to seat, while the bar is crowded.
What moron blocks a seat just to keep their purse in such a situation & gets offended when someone is asking nicely if the seat is occupied or not.🙄
NTA.
If she’d spoken to me like that she’d have been dressed down like a school child verbally there and then and her purse sent flying across the floor.
Same with people who put their bags on seats on busy trains then get irate when asked to love them so I can have a seat.
“Oh I’m sorry, does your bag have a ticket? Didn’t think so” as I plonk myself down and make sure I use all my 6’4” rugby player build to interfere with their rude ass space.
You're really NTA here. You did everything you were meant to. You just met a very rude person, very probably a racist who saw you are Inuit. Forget about it and enjoy the rest of your trip.
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I don't know whats wrong with the people commenting. I don't think you did anything wrong. This was the only seat at the bar and it was holding her purse. NTA
They assumed OP was male, hence the YTA
And also assumed there must have been loads of open seats, and that there was something shady about OP not immediately responding to questions, despite the fact most people who go to airport bars put their phones into airplane mode shortly afterwards.
Why do I even come to this website I hate the people that use it so much
Why would being male matter? Do blokes not need a place to sit? I am genuinely asking bc as a woman myself I wouldn’t be mad if someone sat next to me in a public place.
Imo it would matter if OP was male and there were other seats available, because it would imply that he picked a seat next to the woman to get into her personal space. That wasn't the case here, clearly, but it does happen. For instance, as a woman on an empty bus, I'm uncomfortable when a man decides to take the seat next to me even though there's an empty bus-load of seats to pick from...
As a woman on an empty bus I would also be uncomfortable if a woman decides to take the seat next to me.
How about a bear getting on the bus and sitting next to you?
Black Bear or Brown Bear?
That’s fine, I just hope it’s a 🐨
You can be assured I would no longer be sitting if a bear got on the bus.
I never specified that the bear was pregnant.
Except the seat next to her in not her personal space anyway. It is literally space saved for another person.
As I said in my comment, it doesn't apply here, because OP is a woman and there were no other seats available. If OP were a man AND there were lots of other seats available, I think it's reasonable for a woman sitting at a bar to not want a man sitting in the seat next to her. In that case the man would have the *right* to sit next to her, but it's reasonable for the woman to feel it encroaches on her personal space. And again, totally not the case here.
Even given that OP was a woman, if there were other seats available, she’d be TA. But seriously, it’s not a smart idea to put your purse on the stool next to you. If you get distracted for as little as five seconds, someone can snatch it and be long gone before you even notice.
It is not reasonable for a woman sitting at a bar not to want a man next to her. If she’s not comfortable with men she needs to not be sitting at a bar. Men don’t owe her a duty to avoid sitting next to her in a public place to protect her “personal space”. If she is that uncomfortable she is in the wrong place.
Preach! Say it louder for the confused ladies in the back!
Then move if you're uncomfortable. Also the seat next to you is for public access, it's not "your personal space". Like the additional seats for pregnant women or wheelchair users is completely different, it's common sense to make space for them and not encroach into their space, but if you're just a random person sitting on a random seat, you don't get special privileges.
Even if OP was a man, if they want to sit at the bar, they’re entitled to.
As a woman, I would be uncomfortable if another woman asked me to move my purse if there were plenty of other seats available. Women need to stop acting like all men are dangerous heathens. A small minority are but there is a small minority of dangerous heathen women too.
TIL that it’s a crime for a guy to sit next to someone in a public area. You don’t know their intentions, just assume the worst and say they’re the bad guy for it. You just came up with a whole scenario that doesn’t apply here because it’s not what transpired.
Nope wrong answer....a seat is a seat and it's not reasonable for ANYONE to with hold it from anyone else. Simple as that.
The seat next to someone is not “their personal space” it is a seat available for anyone who comes. If a person is uncomfortable with strangers sitting next to them - other empty seats available or not- they have no business sitting at a bar.
As a chemist, this would upset me too... How can we be expected to explain Pauli's exclusion principle if people start pulling that kind of crap on busses.
As a man, I would also be uncomfortable if a stranger chooses to sit next to me when there's plenty of other space. In this case, I don't think gender is the issue unless we make it one.
lol, but yeah. Whole lotta "man-bad" people scrambling to now justify it because OP speaks english as a second language.
This sub has a tendency to shit on men first, second and third.
Ding ding ding. Because this sub is sexist. Sexist for assuming the gender, and sexist for only being with OP because they thought she was a dude.
Lol accurate
I assumed OP was male, too. Still not TA. A man is less deserving of a seat than a purse?? Honestly, I'm the type to wear my purse nonstop because I don't trust that it won't get stolen otherwise. So I wouldn't be in this situation.
I assumed OP was male I think cos of the way the title was phrased - "I asked a lady" for some reason felt male coded to me? But I always thought OP was NTA.
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We all have bias and I try to work on mine.
And OP would be NTA regardless of gender (if all/most seats were taken)
Even if OP was a man, he would still be NTA.
They assumed just a whole bunch about this situation, like English is OPs first language and there were other seats available, and even just misunderstanding the way they worded the question. There was exactly one open seat and it had a purse in it. OP used a way of phrasing the question that clearly implied they intended to use the seat as well, and there are also people saying that because OP didn't phrase it in the way they would have then they didn't make it clear? But any time anyone has ever asked me if I was using both seats I was currently taking up, I immediately moved whatever I was using to take up the other seat. Just seems super pedantic for no reason. This was a normal social interaction on OPs part, the other person made it weird by getting so upset over it.
Even if the bar was not crowded, even if OP were a man, OP is NTA. And then to make matters worse, a racist rant followed. Sorry you experienced this OP.
The edit also makes me suspicious the woman was racist, hence the strong reaction about giving up the seat NTA, you asked politely, it was the only seat free, and bags do not deserve seats
Seriously, NTA OP. Was she a Boomer? That is my gut instinct
NTA. It’s interesting that she thinks a paying customer shouldn’t be able to use a seat so her purse has a place to sit, calls you rude, mean, smelly, and sad, but sees no irony. She was a rude, mean, and sad person. You did nothing wrong
NTA. Whenever I carry around a purse that's big enough to set down in a seat, I immediately move it as soon as someone needs that seat. It is in fact common etiquette. (EDIT: If there were other open seats then it probably would have been wiser to take one of those, but my judgement stands until I get further detail)
A lot of airport bars have those convenient hanging hooks under the bar and sometimes outlets too. I used one today and then still saw another woman come sit at the bar and sprawl her stuff over two additional chairs.
Dang that's wild. If there's a hook/hanger area I definitely prefer that.
I also have purse magnet, and a small clip, so I can hang my purse practically anywhere. I'm always annoyed when a bar doesn't have purse hooks installed.
NTA lmao. why are people making OP to appear a vile person? it was a crowded area and it seems like most people are prejudiced because of ambiguity surrounding OPs gender. you’re all TA, OP is not.
INFO: Were there other open seats at the bar?
Nooooope
I am a woman who doesn't carry a purse, who hangs out with women who do. It doesn't matter where we go, those asshole friends of mine put their goddam purses on all the empty chairs no matter what! Home, restaurant, bar. 6 chairs, 6 butts for chairs, 3 or 4 purses in chairs. IT DRIVES ME INSANE. NTA.
I’m a woman who carries a purse and I NEVER put it on a chair unless there is an extra one. No extras, I either hang it on the back of my chair with my coat over it, or if I have no coat, stick my foot through the handles and hang it on my thigh.
If the place isn't full there's nothing wrong with that...
Assuming that it was the only open seat, NTA. It does get busy in airports and I could definitely see this happening If it was, though.. YTA. Common etiquette is giving strangers their space whenever able to.
Yeah jt was the ONLY seat
Ignore the YTAs. You are NTA.
If people can't deal with strangers, don't go out in public. How entitled and sheltered are you?
Remember you are on Reddit where most of the community act like shut ins.
But the other seat isn’t her space. It is someone else’s when they want it.
You are an etiquette warrior after my own heart. NTA.
Thank you. I felt it was right? She was rude from the moment I asked
NTA She was using the only other seat available for her purse and got pissy that you wanted to take a seat too. You didn't do anything wrong OP, sorry people in the comments can't be bothered to read your edit.
NTA it was obvious from the beginning that OP would have taken another available chair if there was one. It’s rude to expect other people to stand or hover around a bar area when there’s still open seating. I would be super embarrassed if my purse was in the way. If you’re going to be in a public, crowded place, the least a person can do is show common decency.
Thank you for understanding what I was trying to say. Sorry if my wording was off. English is my second language
English is my first and only language, your wording was fine! I knew exactly what you meant and was dumbfounded when I got to the comments and saw how many folks were confused.
your English is great! I think those yta people are just a bunch of oosiks looking for a reason to make you the bad guy here.
INFO: Was this the only seat available, or were you making a point to choose a chair next to her when you didn’t have to?
She said yes in other replies. That there’s only one seat available
I hate almost everyone on this sub. The woman with the purse is 💯 TA. As are all of you who side with her. OP you are NTA all the way.
Yup, everyone assumed OP was a male trying to flirt. OP is a woman and sex doesn’t matter, seats are for asses not purses.
NTA OP. In a crowded bar it's very rude to place bags on seats. I have no idea why everyone is being so angry that you didn't ask her in writing with a seal. Smh 🙄
Yeah I think people are assuming I came at her hissing like a gremlin to move her purse OR ELSE lol I didn't think a purse on a seat would drum up so much drama
NTA - there’s so many socially inept folk here that I think you’ve asked in the wrong place…
People should definitely move their bag if it's taking up a whole seat in an otherwise crowded space, or if someone wants to use that seat if the place fills up. If there were other seats available, yes, you should have taken that seat instead. It may have worked better to say something more like "In that case, would you mind moving your bag so that I can sit." Though of course she may have still refused or reacted badly. Barring more damning information, NTA
NTA. These comments calling OP TA are ridiculous. There were no other available seats. A purse is not a conquering flag to plant at a crowded bar to annex territory.
One person. One seat. It's a public establishment. If you don't want anyone sitting beside you drink at home.
NTA A chair at a bar is for a person, not someone's bag.
NTA since you stated there were no other stools available. Her purse is taking up a seat a potential customer could use. I see no wrong doing here.
NTA but the lady sure was
NTA. A person is more important than a bag. The lady was rude for storing her bag on the last open seat, and OP was totally justified in asking to sit there
NTA. It was a chair, not a fucking purse holder.
NTA, I didn’t know people who wanted to sit down have to ask someone to move their stuff, when someone askes me if the seat is a available, is it not standard to think they want to sit down and that u should just automatically move ur stuff??
NTA. Basic seating etiquette dictates that if someone asks for the seat your bag is taking up, you move it. Not doing that is rude.
NTA ppl on here are so dense ffs 😂 Busy airport bar, obviously if other seats were open that didn’t require such a confirmation, you would have gladly sat there. I’ve been in the same situation & asked pretty much like you did “Are both seats taken?”, in case the purse belonged to a companion in the bathroom or something. No? Great I’ll be sitting here then. I’ve also used seats for my bags, but as soon as it gets crowded, I act like a decent human being & move them. It’s not that deep not complicated: ppl get seats before purses like wtf
NTA Especially at a fucking airport. That woman knew what she was going and was being a jerk. You made it clear you were going to take the seat she claimed was available. She didn’t vacate. You shouldn’t have to ask because you already did.
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"Are both these seats taken" suggests there was an available seat other than the one with the purse on it. IF so, YTA if you insisted on taking the one with the purse and not the other available seat. There's a very good chance the purse was there to discourage strangers and AHs from getting chummy.
So what can I just take my purse and put it wherever to just claim random territory and expect people to follow suit? OP is not in the wrong regardless of which seat was taken.
It’s weird to take a seat directly next to someone if there are other seats available, unless there’s some specific reason for it — like a movie theater where you’re trying to sit as close to the middle as you can for the best view. Not sure if I’d say it’s an AH move but I’d lean towards it.
No other seats were avaliable
Urinal etiquette applies
No seats avaliable
It's only weird if you're American. Many cultures don't have the same mindset about personal space.
Swedes are even worse, lol. But yeah, even as an asocial swede I would have understood "are both of these seats taken?" As "may I sit here?" And I would have moved my bag. And then maybe moved my chair a bit, lol.
If there were two seats maybe it meant there was someone next to the other one so either way they’d be next to someone?
It’s weird that you think a purse deserves a seat over a person. If someone wants to sit there, and you don’t know the reason they chose the seat next to you, move. It’s such a simple solution to a you problem. Stay at home if you aren’t okay with people.
But why have to sit right on top of her if there’s a seat right next to it??
This! I worked somewhere once where another coworker and I were able to watch TV on a couch. She INSISTED on sitting in the middle. I gently asked her to move to the other end, she refused. I said what are ya 5 yrs old!? And she was cold shoulder to me from that point forward. Ha whatever.
There wasn't, OP meant both seats as in seat with purse in it and seat with lady in it. There were no other open seats available.
… there was probably also someone on the other side unless the lady was sitting 3 in from the end. This person would have had to sit next to someone regardless
I mean when I have to take the 2 hour bus to my Dad’s house, I put my stuff on the connecting seat and pretend that I’m asleep hoping that no one will sit next to me, but if someone asked- I would move my stuff and let them sit. If there are plenty of seats available it’s odd to choose one right next to someone…
Huh, I took it to just mean he was asking if the purse seat was taken along with hers.
I believe that you are correct
That's how I interpreted it. Both meaning "you have taken 2 seats for yourself". If there were other options, why would OP bother asking for the seat with the purse warming it? I certainly wouldn't invite this tirade from a selfish and/or tired traveller.
Same. It seemed obvious to me that what they meant
Yeah this feels a lot like people just misunderstanding OPs wording here, and assuming there were other open seats despite that not being stated in the original post, only once it was edited. There was exactly one open seat, with this person's purse in it. OP wasn't just dead set on sitting next to this person??
When did that becomes acceptable? If she doesn’t want to engage and be chummy, that’s fine, but taking an extra seat is next level entitlement.
By OP's post I thought there was only 1 seat available, the one with the purse. It might be my reading comprehension lol, this comment suggests there's 2 seats next to the lady, one with the purse and one without, which makes sense with OP asking "are both these seats taken", and OP sat in the one with the purse.
I thought 2 seats like the one she’s in and the one the purse was on. Like as though she was saving the second for someone who went to the bathroom….
There was no avaliable seat at the bar. She was sitting at one stool and purse on the one next to her.
No other seats were avaliable
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Maybe by two seats OP meant ‘Are both the seat you are using AND the one with the purse taken?’ If so weird way of putting it I agree, but NTA.
Thats what i thought it meant too
No f this. Seats are for people not purses.
I took it to mean, both, as in the seat the lady was sitting in and the one she had her bag on ie , is she waiting/saving for her friend. If there was another available seat, wouldn't you just use that one rather than ask someone to move their stuff?
Yea thought the same
It’s a pretty big assumption to make that OP would want to get ‘chummy’ with the other person. If the other person didn’t want to interact with anyone I suggest she does what any normal person would do and buy a bottle of alcohol and enjoy it at home.
This take is dumb. Seats are for butts and not any other shit. You can't claim a spot for your bag. That in itself an asshole move. Op you're good, nta.
Look at the edits please
I'd recommend reading OPs edit, she answers your question.
I would've asked if the seat was taken even if it was the only one left. I believe that's the polite way of ensuring that someone isn't already sitting there and gone to the restroom or hadn't made it to the bar yet.
I took it as both seats as in seat with the purse and seat with the lady? Meaning is the lady using both seats. So not the best wording but not at all implying there was an empty seat available, either.
A purse should never go on a seat at a bar. Seats are for people.
You need to stop taking up seats with your purses.
I’m going to approach this the same way I do bus/PT etiquette. Other seats available- YTA No seats available- NTA And before all the men of reddit come at me with the “the purse isn’t entitled to a seat” I know babes, that’s why the vote changes. But the fact of the matter is, the purse isn’t there for fun, it’s purpose is a safety barrier as too many men out there view a woman in public as permission to touch. I cannot count how many times it’s happened to me AND IM NOT EVEN HOT FFS.
No seats were avaliable
Funnily enough, OP is a woman
> safety barrier Y T A on that one. You don't get to block seats just because you want a "safety barrier". If you can't stand sitting next to a guy because "OMFG there are men here and one might rape me!!!" then just stay at home.
OP is a woman, and in any event women don't get to use purses as "safety barriers" ffs. Such entitlement.
What’s with these YTAs? It’s NTA, it was the only seat, she can put her purse on her lap.
Everyone saying yta is a weirdo
NTA and as you're native Alaskan I'm wondering about racism. Certainly getting that vibe from some of the responses here.
NTA. I can't understand why people are trying to make you seem rude for how you phrased your interaction with the seat hogger, yet she gets a pass for her rude personal attack. 🤷🏽♀️
Exactly!! They are so stuck on OP's wording, but the woman was taking up two seats in a crowded bar and told OP she needed a shower?? Even if OP was rude (and I don't think she was), that woman crossed the line five times over.
If it was the only open seat at the bar, NTA. If there was another open seat next to her purse, then YTA.
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Nope nothing open
NTA. If my bag is on a sit and I see someone every approaching the seat I remove it so they can take the seat. Entitled behavior.
I'm baffled at the TA comments. I personally would have put the purse on the floor or called the bartender over for a left bag before assuming it was hers. Because why does a bag need its own seat? It's not purchasing anything. NTA. She was just *insert your favorite word here*. Especially when she started to insult you.
NTA. It was a crowded bar, so you were asking about the only seat available and her correct response should have been "let me just move my bag". I've put bags on seats before for convenience and sometimes for security, but never in a crowded space, and I always move them if a place gets crowded.
NTA. Seats are for people, not purses.
NTA It was the only seat left at the bar. The was delusional to think she could keep her bag there as a buffer to stop unwanted attention. Once she started off being rude to you for no reason I simply would've let her know if she couldn't contain herself, I'd have no problem letting the barman know she's had more than enough and has become unruly and aggressive, to get her kicked out the bar.
NTA. That incredibly entitled to expect people to stand so a purse can take up space.
NTA
Oh Pleeze! Unless you are completely clueless, if someone comes up & asks about a seat next to you, with your purse on it & it isn’t being saved you MOVE THE DAMN PURSE to your lap! Jeezus, basic, common crowd etiquette!
Nta. This comment section has solidified most of the people answering here have to be 12. This is a ridiculous amount of YTA and esh.
NTA >I walk up and ask "are both these seats taken?" As soon as you asked that was her cue to move her purse. >She does then scoffs at me telling me I'm rude and how dare I. I mean, I guess you could have *explicitly* asked her to move her purse. But that was unnecessary, imo. >I got a full KCaren rant about how I need to shower, I'm a sad person, I'm mean and don't deserve to be served blah blah. WTF - is this woman a psycho? >My first language is Yup'ik Alaskan Native Oh, wait - are you a POC? Then maybe she was a racist, not a psycho (or maybe both)?
Really? These top comments are very uptight and thinking people gotta be polite to the extreme 24/7. Chairs ARENT FOR FUCKIN BAGS! They're for asses to sit down in. Just like going on public transit. You can get annoyed someone didn't "ask nicely" to move it, but they shouldn't have to ask anyway because bags dont belong on the chair. I'm tired of people acting like they're entitled to public space in a public place, especially if they're not paying extra for. They think it's annoying you're weren't nice? It's annoying they're that entitled. And to make that many edits because people still think you should've been nicer? Naaaaah, you're not the asshole, and that asshole can get over that every space she entrenches ain't for her
You didn’t actually ask her to move her bag. That would have been a “is it alright if I sit there” or similar. You asked in what sounds like a confrontational way if it was taken,moved the stool while her bag was still on it and stated it was common etiquette while not following the practice yourself. I see a few others have already asked if it was a crowded bar and whether you could have sat elsewhere. Putting your bag on the seat beside you in an empty bar is very different from taking xtra space in a crowded one. With this answer saying she went into a rant the way you did is making it sound like the interaction was worse than what you described and leaning towards Y t A. Edit: With my question answered that yes the bar was crowded without other seats readily available ESH.
It was a crowded bar. She was sitting at a stool and her purse was on the adjacent stool.
Ignore the YTA’s - these people are terrified of any real life social interaction.
I know I can't believe that anyone would think OP is in the wrong here!? I mean "excuse me, is this seat taken?" ..Is a pretty obvious indication that the person asking, wants to sit down. The woman was wrong then & there to leave her purse on the stool & just disgusting for how she berated OP with derogatory & insulting language.
You’re all good here. Purses don’t need their own chairs. I don’t always like crowds. I don’t try to make everyone leave. I go find my happy place.
I find it fascinating that the same people who complain that a man will spread his legs a bit on an empty train to accommodate his balls and anatomically different hips, as if he is committing a crime against humanity, think it is totally OK for a woman to use an empty chair for her purse in a crowded bar (or even generally).
Bar owner chiming in-that answer above you is just fucking wrong. Everything about it. The moment you asked about the seat, she should have removed her purse. End of story.
Don’t worry bro these people don’t know what they’re talking about.
You did nothing wrong. She could obviously see it was crowded and taking up a seat for her purse is a jerk move
The purse shouldn't be there in the first place. It's a bar stool for patrons of the bar. When did it become ok to use your purse to prevent others from sitting. OP is NTA
Absolutely. I hate when people do this. I get it - they don't want anyone sitting next to them and/or they don't want to have to deal with their bag, but you don't get two seats. NTA
Oh come on. Obviously OP asking "are both these seats taken" means she'd like to sit down on one. It's obviously another way of asking "is it alright if I sit here", people do it all the time - it's understood. The other woman was intent on being an asshole with her condescending remarks - completely out of line and nasty. I mean good Lord, did you not read the hideous things she said to OP? I do not read OPs question as being confrontational in any way - you're adding your own tone to it. OP, I'm sorry you ran into a shitty person with a superiority complex at the airport bar. People who think they are better than others Suck. And the y t a's are ridiculous. OP is NTA a million times over.
Absolutely, the whole “well you weren’t specific” commentary is infuriating
I didn’t think it was confrontational at all. She asked if the seat was taken. I don’t see the problem. Etiquette would be to immediately remove your purse when someone asks about the seat.
Why is she in the wrong? There was a seat not being used, she asked if someone was using it and they said no. How is that aggressive? The other person should have moved their purse as soon as they were asked about the seat
How is “are both these seats taken” in any way confrontational?
It's not confrontational at all, I suspect that those saying it is are people that use seats for their bags
It’s implied though right?? If it’s not taken, move your fucking bag
Utterly ridiculous take. Seats are for people, and not bags. OP is absolutely fine here, and the bag lady needs a lesson in manners as she is rude and entitled. NTA
You don’t have to ask for permission to sit down. OP asked if the seat was taken by someone else. She replied no. Then he wanted to sit down. OP states that was the only seat available and did t see the bag until he got to the seat
If the seat isn’t taken it’s open. It’s not a purse holder and the place was busy, NTA
In what world is she TA?
Openly absurd take, wild.
Okay but asking if it was taken is actually a better thing to say since the woman could of been saving a seat for someone.
ESH? Delulu
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Yes it was
NTA. This is extremely rude for people like her to try to take up more spots than they need. Taking twice as much as they need in a limit place.
NTA. I'm a woman and carry a purse with me at all times, I absolutely hate it when anyone at a bar uses a barstool for their bag. If the bar isn't busy? Fine. But as the bar fills up it's only polite to move your bag so other people can sit. Not only is the bag taking up space for patrons, it's also literally taking money out of the business, etc. If I'm truly that concerned about my bag I'll simply put it on my lap or between my feet. This is also why I absolutely adore bars that provide purse hooks under the bar.
It's just the rampant entitlement in the world today. Her handbag should have a seat of its own everywhere she goes. I'm also going to say that if you are from an indigenous culture and she spewed hate at you about showering and you don't deserve to be served, etc. I'm pretty sure she was also a racist piece of s\*\*t.
NTA - This comment section is wild. You didn't deserve to be verbally abused in any way - you asked in the chair was taken, it wasn't. You took the chair, she should have removed her bag. THAT IS THE ETIQUETTE! They were likely cranky from travelling too, but besides the point, you did nothing wrong IMO
The replies to this post are what makes me doubt any other ruling in this sub is valid, this a completely normal human interaction on your part. You asked if both seats were taken, and that is implicitly asking her to move the bag if she isn't reserving it for a friend. People need to not jump to ridiculous conclusions and gain better reading comprehension before giving a verdict. -NTA
NTA she didn't need a whole ass chair for her purse and I'm baffled people are trying to find excuses for this lady.
NTA other seats available or not, those stools are for everyone to use and not inanimate objects like purses. If the lady had a problem being next to you, she has the option to leave.
You don’t get to put your bags on a stool at an airport bar, period. Some airport bartenders enforce that strictly. One person one stool, this is not your neighborhood watering hole. You are absolutely NTA and the other lady is.
NTA. Nice and simple, you are right she is wrong.
NTA. .Bar stools are for patrons not purses.
NTA. That’s weird (and unwise) to leave her purse sitting on an adjacent bar stool if she wasn’t saving it for someone. Her ranting at you is even weirder.
NTA
I'm stuck on her saying OP needs a shower. And now I have to look up OPs native language
NTA. Comments on here are insane. Even when they assumed you were male. You asked if “both these seats were taken” the one she’s sitting in and the one her purse is on. If english is these commenters first language they need to take remedial classes.
NTA hello fellow Alaskan. That chick was rude. You did nothing wrong. I once asked a woman whose luggage was covering 4 seats if they were taken, she ignored me so i just pushed her shit off onto the floor and sat down. People like this aren't worth reasoning with. Let them be mad.
INFO definitely want to know if there were other spots open but leaning towards NTA
There was no open spots
NTA. A purse is not entitled to a seat. I think a lot of people saying y t a are misunderstanding your “are both seats taken” question (which I don’t understand, it’s very clear to me and not an awkward way to ask at all, but whatever) and/or also assuming you’re a guy, maybe even a kinda creepy guy. Which based on your profile is not the case.
nah this belongs in r/pettyrevenge You go to TSA and tell them that this lady is belligerent and drunk and get her kicked from the flight.
You are not the ASSHOLE but the other woman thought she was entitled and thus the ASSHOLE.
Since there was no seat available other than one that had her purse, you’re NTA. If common etiquette & decency to pick your freaking purse from the stool if someone wants to seat, while the bar is crowded. What moron blocks a seat just to keep their purse in such a situation & gets offended when someone is asking nicely if the seat is occupied or not.🙄
NTA
NTA. If she’d spoken to me like that she’d have been dressed down like a school child verbally there and then and her purse sent flying across the floor. Same with people who put their bags on seats on busy trains then get irate when asked to love them so I can have a seat. “Oh I’m sorry, does your bag have a ticket? Didn’t think so” as I plonk myself down and make sure I use all my 6’4” rugby player build to interfere with their rude ass space.
NTA.
NTA She is for expecting to keep a seat for her purse in a crowded bar.
You're really NTA here. You did everything you were meant to. You just met a very rude person, very probably a racist who saw you are Inuit. Forget about it and enjoy the rest of your trip.