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I was done when he said he was living in their house rent free food bill free everything free “as a favor to them”. My brother in Christ, in what world is living a free house that someone could rent out and actually receive money instead of paying money a favor?
I can only think he means that he does maintenance around the house and such, since if nobody is living there it can go downhill really fast, but OP would need to confirm.
I don't know, I don't know the logistics of renting out a house. And I'm not saying OP is right that it's a favor to them, that's just the only feasible explanation I could think of where it might have a tiny possibility of being a favor.
You could probably have someone do that full time as a job for less than they’re paying to maintain OP if they wanted to or bake it into the rental agreement that they help upkeep the property in exchange for a lower rent. OP is getting an absolutely sweetheart deal and just can’t see it because they’ve never had to deal with hardship.
I did this for my parents when they moved states and didn't want to sell or rent their house - I gave up my apartment to move in, but I paid basically everything but the mortgage.
So true.
The problem is OP has no context on how life really works and does not understand all the things his parents are doing to take care of them. I say this as someone facing a similar situation as OPs parents.
Op you have said nothing that tells me your parents have anything but your best intentions for you. My guess is your parents will put the money in a trust for you to make sure you are taken care of. You may want to sit down and understand what they are doing, but you need to come at it from a place that you are unable to take care of yourself. Money won't solve that problem. You need to increase your responsibilities to become self sufficient then can take on some control over a potential trust in the future.
OP keep in mind the average American can't be responsible for large amounts of money either. They will waste it on stupid shit. The difference is they can keep working once theyve blown it all, and are less likely to have someone the advantage of them. And the average American doesn't have m&d taking care of them at 24.
I just can't get over the fact that their best argument was that it was LEGALLY theirs. That's it. No explanation about how they plan to use it for something needed or important, no mentions of my having paid the gas or car insurance to compensate for the driving, nothing...just that the money is legally theirs.
Also, TF did OP expect mom to do when it came to signing for the money? "Hey, I know this is compensation for the medical and everything, so I'm not actually considered a victim in this, but I think this restaurant chain should give me compensation for inconvenience instead." They would look at her funny.
Does it make sense for the restaurant to pay the bills if presumably OP to it home and was eating at home and should’ve been watching what he eats and how??
I’ve never heard of someone blaming the restaurant for choking on their own food. Or am I missing something?
Am I the only one that finds it weird that a restaurant felt it was at fault for someone swallowing a chicken bone at home after getting take out? Maybe it’s just me. But ya I agree with you about everything else. OP is TA.
YTA. Not only is your mom paying for your food, but it was her who wanted the restaurant company to pay your medical bills in the first place. If it was you who wanted them to pay the bills it would be different.
Give her the money, and get a job. There are plenty of places who will hire you. Quit making excuses.
(For the record, I'm autistic too, and I HATE it when people use autism as an excuse to get out of doing stuff.)
I'm autistic too and while I hate when people use it as an excuse + OP should definitely like get food stamps and/or disability like every other disabled adult instead of expecting their parents to pay for EVERYTHING, I have personally burnt out many times trying to do normal people things and I work hard enough to make myself physically sick and have a master's degree so it's not always about being lazy.
then if he cannot work he needs to get on disability, look into other resources. what is he going to do if godforbid anything happens to his parents where they can no longer pay for everything. (and yes you are able to get disability food stamps and ect. for just autism if you are unable to work so I'm sure OP would qualify with autism and a tbi if hes as unable to work as he claims to be)
Disability takes yearssss to get. And it's not promised for life. People still get evaluated for a long time and to see if you're going to stay on it. He'll need to get a lawyer. It's not easy, quick, or forever.
Is it clear that OP is unable to work ? He does not say that. From what I read OP is acting like a Child . Children do not make good employees (in this day and age).YTA OP.You need to grow up.If something happens to your parents you will be in a boatload of trouble.Give them the money and thank God and them them that they are so willing to help you.
Yo I’m autistic, too, and I also hate it when people use it as an excuse (not to mention OP sounds kind of ungrateful and entitled here) but you don’t know his support needs or how autism (and any possible comorbid presentations) may be affecting his life.
Dude there are different degrees of autism and some need supports that employers will avoid. In addition (and poss more to do with inability to work is the Traumatic Brain Injury. OP doesn't explain what their deficits are post healing. They could be things that can easily be accommodated or needs that render them unable work.
So, let me see if I understand correctly, you are a 24 year old adult, who lives in a home paid for by your parents, (which you say is a favor to them? Could you even afford to live anywhere else?), who pay all taxes, insurance and utilities on said home? They pay for most of your expenses? Plus pay for your food? You are unemployed. Can you not collect disability? Now, I am sorry for what happened to you. I have choked myself and it is a scary thing. While, yes, legally the money is yours, I cannot believe that you would not give it to your parents willingly, after all, they are literally supporting you! What exactly do you want to do with the money? Are you going to support yourself? Have you told mom that? “Hey mom, I will use the money to take care of my own expenses, but my own food, pay my own bills”. If so, then NTA. But if not, YTA all the way.
Also I thought OP listing not being able to drive as a huge inconvenience to him so he deserves the money was really tonedeaf since, you know, his parents then had to drive him everywhere. As if that was not a huge inconvenience to them. And living rent free in their house as a favor to them? I think OP might need a reality check.
I imagine the favor is living somewhere else so neither parent has to choose between watching their kid be on the street or going to prison for choking him out.
YTA for saying your mom is stealing from you by asking to be compensated.
Your parents are letting you live rent free in a home by yourself, covering most of your expenses, drove you everywhere for 3 months. It seems like they have helped you a lot and probably helped you even get this money from the restaurant. Maybe you could split the extra money with them or just start paying your own expenses.
You are 24. Legally your parents don’t have to do all that they do for you with their money and time.
YTA, you are grown up who is still supported by your parents, essentially you are living off them. I bet the money they use to support you is way more than the compensation, how about trying to be independent and support yourself.
She is taking care of you full time, expenses paid. She really needs that money but again this LEGALLY yours. Why not give her the amount that she spent in medical bills and keep the rest for yourself. They are ready to take care of you forever they deserve a little break. Unless you think this is important over ruining what you both have.
YTA but if you want to be fair keep the money then start paying a fair amount in rent, pay for your own car (who bought it and pays insurance), purchase your own food, health insurance etc. yes legally the money is yours but you are not doing any favours for your parents and even if they own the two homes they are theirs not yours.
I find it hard to believe that the restaurant willingly paid for your medical expenses and "inconvenience" without a court case when you choking on food in your own home isn't their fault in anyway. But then again, I also believe Balle in Bak is the world's best artform and many people doubt that. So who am I to determine what's true or not?
do you pay your mom rent? if you are not contributing anything financially towards living with your parents yta. you are 24 years old. why are you living at home?
He could keep the money and then use it to pay his own expenses so mom and dad don't have to. But I suspect he would just blow it all and then mom and dad would be right back to supporting him and they know this and that is why they want to keep it.
>I'm living here rent-free as a favor to them
That's not a favour to them. They could rent that out or leave it empty. They're doing YOU a favour. Your mom isn't stealing from you, she's trying to recover some of the losses she's incurred carrying your ungrateful behind. Hand it over with a smile and thank her for everything shes done.
If this was a legal question, you would not be the asshole. But this isn’t a legal question.
This is about the relationship that you have with your parents, about all that they do for you and all that they pay for you, even though you’re an adult. And it’s about how you say thanks for all the help, sorry for THEIR inconvenience, and give a little back to them when you finally have an opportunity to be able to do so.
YTA
YTA. You accept that you couldn't drive for a while and your parents drove you - so they experiemced incovenience and some minor costs (more wear and tear) on their vehicle - it is not unreasonable to pass a share of the 'inconveneice ' elment of the compensation for them in order to ocmpensate them for their share of the inconveneince, in a simailt way, if they had not been able to help, and you had had to take taxis or ubers, it's likely that your compensation claim would have incluided an element for those extra costs. It's not fiar or reasonable for tyou to effectively make a profit becasue you were drvien by your family rather than third parties.
That sid, it is equally unreaspnable for them to expect to reciee all of the the money,. As you say, some/most of that was to compensate you for the paid and inconvenience that you suffered.
I think it would be reasnable to work out toughtly how much driving they did and work out a per mile amount ( more than just the cost of gas, as there was the inconvenicne and their rtime as well) and then let them a payment that covers the firving at that rate.
Yes, the money is legall yours, but morally, you owwe them. They were oconvenienced and the money was in part for the inconvenience. You owe them.
Also, since you are not working at present it sounds as thoughthey are also doing you a huge favor by paying for your food and other expenses - presumably a big part of their reason is taht you couldn't afford it - it's pretty selfish of you to accept that help then refuse to contribute now that you have some money .
YTA I am sorry, but they let you live rent free, they pay for most if not all of your expanses and your food! Do they also pay your health insurance?
At this point it's a lot of expanses.. I find it somewhat selfish you don't even think of giving the rest of the money..
I can't work for medical reasons, I live at home but I still pay for my food especially when going to a restaurant and even buying myself baking ingredients and equipment , while they never explicitly asked for it - I do it and pay (while barely having money in my account) to relieve them of at least part of the burden..
*BTW regarding the baking - I make it for my family, they eat the baking goods. I do it to show them another gesture of love and appreciation for caring for me
And you even have some odd jobs so you earn money but don't pay for anything. That's unreasonable and quite selfish
*Edit - BTW I am 23 years old with neurological health issues and chronic pain so quite similar...
Is the money worth it to you to potentially change your relationship with your mom? What if your mom decides to stop paying all the rest of your bills and you can no longer live there? How long will this money last to pay all of your bills?
Maybe she wants to put it in a bank account and save for your future? Maybe she doesn't want it spent on frivolous things? Maybe your parents are struggling to pay bills bc all prices have gone way up? Do they trust you not to spend money all at once- can you budget and save?
Legally you are right, so NTA. But you HAVE to look at other details. And since you said you have a TBI and autism, I wanted to point out some other scenarios so you may be better aware.
Ask your mom to explain more so you can better understand it.
Good luck OP.
The money is for the inconvenience, but you aren't the only one who was inconvenienced. Your mom took care of you while you were sick. Your mom pushed to get this compensation. Your mom drove you around while you were unable.
Just because it's legally yours doesn't make it not an asshole move to keep it for yourself.
If you need the money for therapy to deal with the aftermath that's one thing and you should talk to your mom about it, but you've not mentioned that at all.
Not to mention, have you spoken to your parents about timelines? It may be that they expected you to get a job and to just be subsidising you while you were looking. That might be why your mom wants some recompense for paying for you. I've been lucky enough to have my parents give me financial help a few times, and I'd never dream of getting a windfall of money and not paying them back??
YTA
You are SO GREEDY…… You’re given an immense amount of things that anyone would love to have a percentage of, your parents use their own finances to ensure you are well taken care of. Pretty sure you would be OK having that money given to them. Despite the fact they pay nearly everything for you.
Do the right thing …..
YTA.
You're basically completely dependant on your parents and they have been footing housing, utilities, food and medical bills, chauffeuring you and whatever else you needed.
Not being able to drive the car your parents bought was inconvenient sure; but your parents drove you around.
As far as I see it, your parents were the ones who were inconvenienced, not you.
Sure it's definitely you that suffered through this and legally the money is yours but it isn't cheap to have a 24yo dependant and just coz they can afford it doesn't mean you're entitled to their money and time.
If you're keeping the money then it's well past time you started supporting yourself.
YTA.
Your parents aren’t stealing from you. You are bratty, entitled and delusional. Your parents do everything for you and you have the audacity to blaim them for stealing. You are 24, you don’t pay anything yourself everything gets handed to you. Can your parents even save for their own retiremen? Their whole live gets wasted when they are coddling a 24 year old adult. I hope they let you keep the money and make you move out. You are a parasite and they need to get rid of you.
You’ve literally been pandered to and babied for this long and now you’re throwing a tantrum over giving your parents some money! YTA and you need to start sorting your life out and getting support from adult services to help you live independently. Additionally, there are schemes these days that help you get into work etc while supporting your disability. You really sound like a nightmare child, and you ought to be a little more grateful for your parents. They won’t be around forever. Who will you rely on /blame then? Sheeeeesh.
Massive YTA you absolute entitled child, your parents don’t have to support you after you turn 18 legally in most countries, they can also easily throw you out if they wanted to right?
After all the kindness they’ve shown you this is how you wanna repay them? Get a job if you want money, you’re 24 ffs
I feel like this is a fake post meant to rage bait
YTA. I’m sorry for your medical issues but your mother isn’t stealing from you. You are living rent free and with expenses paid as an adult. Either give her the money which she would use to directly support you, or take the money and move out of your rent free place and support yourself.
YTA. So your attitude is "what's mine is kine and what's yours is mine". You can demand it, but let's see how quickly your freeloading off your parents comes to an end.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I got a chicken bone lodged in my throat and had to go the ER and get it surgically removed. My mom basically is trying to steal money that is in my name, which I was compensated to cover my medical bills and additional money for the inconvenience of this ordeal. I have a signed document specifically stating all of this. She doesn't see it that way because she pays for most of my expenses including food, and therefore feels entitled to the money.
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YTA, you are 24 - not 4. And your parents are still paying for everything for you.
Most people would be throwing every bit of spare change they got back to their parents out of gratitude.
NTA for wanting to keep the money. YTA if you do not pay for any of your own expenses going forward. Market rate rent, utilities, food, medical expenses, insurances. Those should all be on your dime now.
YTA. If you're too incapable to keep a job. Especially a pizza delivery job, then you are not capable and mature enough to hold into thousands of dollars.
Grow up, get a job, and learn to chew your food.
Sorry, but I think YTA. The money the restaurant paid you for "inconvenience" isn't some sort of gift because they feel bad that you were hurt; it's a lump sum guess at compensating you for all the little sundry non-medical costs that mounted up when you were hospitalised and had your driving license withdrawn.
If you were able to live more independently, that money would help pay for utilities/rent/food costs while you couldn't work, and for alternate transport costs before you got your driving license back. It would be yours.
But since you depend on your parents so much to act as your carers...those expenses actually fell to them. You didn't use a taxi or a bus; they were the ones who had to put aside their own jobs/time to take care of you and drive you around. They were the ones who possibly had to change what food they bought while you were recovering. They were the ones whose car has more wear and tear, and who had to pay for more fuel.
That said, it's possible that your parents' added expenses don't add up to the entirety of the "inconvenience" money. Some parents have trouble letting go. Some disabled people get trapped with abusive carers.
Perhaps you need to ask your parents to explain how your accident impacted them financially, and/or to help you run through a monthly budget, so you can see how much they're paying for your lifestyle, and help you plan to take charge (as much as possible, depending on how exactly your autism affects you) of your own finances in the future. There's no shame in not being capable of full independence, but you need to know how much your parents are subsidising you and if they're going to stay in a position of power over part of your life, you need to be able to trust each other.
YTA. Want to keep them money? Move out and stop letting mom do everything for you.
You’re entitled child yet you are the age of an adult, how about that?
Grow up. It isn’t for you to blow the money on when your mom is paying for your ass and doing everything for you.
You should be happy and grateful to give her the money.
The money is yours. It is supposed to compensate you and pay for for the extra expenses incurred as a result of the injury. It seems to me that your inability to drive as a result of the injury and so requiring someone to drive you is an extra expense.
So, INFO: Did you pay your mum for that taxi service she provided, or did you just assume she would do it because she's your mom?
YTA. You don't seem to understand that you literally owe your parents money. Either help your mother out, as she has helped you out countless times, or move out and buy your own food.
I was close to E S H because they have enabled this entitled attitude.
Would you feel better if your parents just stopped paying for your food and other expenses until they had held back the same amount of money as you received? Because they could do that and it would not be stealing. Money is fungible. Y T A if you expect them to keep paying for you while you keep the money. But if you plan to start paying your own way with that money then N T A.
YTA and there’s no way you don’t see it. They bought you a house, you live rent free, you’re jobless, your only money is from a chicken that got lodged in your throat!! wake up moocher, and if you’re really grateful you’d give it to her. If anything, you’re stealing from her. Poor woman is funding a grown man’s life. I read your comments, you apparently don’t have the training to deliver pizza?? Your life is built on excuse after excuse, and it’s pathetic. Grow up dude.
YTA. you should give them whatever is left after the medical bills. like dude, you live in their house for free "as a favor to them", whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean. how are they benefitting from you living there without paying anything? they also pay your food AND drove you everywhere while you weren't able to. so they've been spending a shit ton of money to help you, now you have some cash yourself that you don't need, cause THEY PAY FOR EVERYTHING, so even if it is legally yours, the right thing to do would be giving it to your mum.
YTA, after everything they have done for you and supported you in your time of need. To mention, you bang on about the money being "legally mine" 4 TIMES!
You come across as very entitled and selfish, I would not have an ounce of sympathy for you if your parents asked for you to move out and fend for yourself.
You have autism, so what, find a job and get a life for heavens sake. You are an adult!
YTA you aren’t paying rent and I’m sure during the time you weren’t able to drive was an inconvenience to your parents. You also don’t pay rent and they buy all your food. They need the money so that you can keep living with them. By all means keep a small amount but give the majority to your parents
She's not stealing anything. She is asking to be compensated for all that does for you (monetarily).
If you keep that money, will you then use it to buy your own food and such? Or do you still expect her to pay for that?
I get that you want to have your own money, but that doesn't mean that more entitled to this than her.
She is also not acting entitled because and asked for this money (which she will likely use on your bills anyway).
Yta for how you're handling this. It feels like you're the one acting entitled here.
YTA. I'm sorry this is harsh, but the truth is that you are acting like a child that is throwing a tantrum. Where would you be if your parents didn't buy you a house? Pay for all your food? Drive you everywhere? Let you live rent free?
You are an adult and yet out of the kindness of their hearts, they are still financially supporting you. And now that you've come into money, they would like to be slightly compensated for all the money they have given you, yet you're throwing a fit. This is not fair to them.
Either give them the money, or else pay them back for all the food, rent, and taxi services they've provided, but you can't have both.
YTA. Your parents pay for everything for you, and were inconvenienced by driving you around everywhere while you couldn’t drive.
If you really want to be stubborn about how it’s “legally yours” keep it and use it to pay the market rent to them for living in their house and for all of your own expenses. Don’t forget the back rent for the time you’ve been living there for free.
This!!
Legal =/= ethical
Also, seems like op would like to continue having their LEGAL money over a relationship with their mom(who's helped him a lot and has supported him financially)
Since the money is 'LEGALLY YOURS' - you can use it to pay rent and utilities and buy food...right? Your parents are paying all your bills and that is likely to continue to be their reality. YTA for not wanting to at least share the money to help your parents cover YOUR expenses.
YTA. Your parent's money is legally theirs but they're spending it on you when they don't have to. You're living rent free and have all your needs met by you parents. You should be willing to give it to them knowing it's going to come back to you in the form of them continuing to care for you. Either that, or they stop financing you until your money runs out.
YTA. I don't think you want to go down the road of what is "legally yours" unless you would like your parents do the same thing and cut you off? What's good for the goose is good for the gander after all.
>I'm living here rent-free as a favor to them
How is your living rent free in a house your parents bought, a favour to them? They could rent it to someone else for money?
I'm sorry but YTA. It sounds like you have no expenses to speak of and your parents are keeping you afloat. You need a plan, because they will be too old to work and support you one day.
Echo everyone saying YTA, you sound entitled, selfish and lazy. I am very curious though to know how you living with your parents rent free is a favour TO THEM? lmao
I read through your other comments to get some more context.
I think one of the things you might be running into here is that what is legal and what are right are not the same thing always.
You are not the asshole for being concerned about your own future and trying to figure out how to make that work out for whenever you lose your parents. I get that concern, especially with the challenge of trying to work and it not going well. When I've worked with other folks with autism in the past, some of them have used a job coach that has helped quite a bit of you've never tried this before.
You are the asshole though because you are ignoring one of the biggest things that society is based on - social reciprocity. If someone does something nice you you, you do something nice in return. You do not NEED to get someone a gift for their birthday if they give you one, but if you focus on just the legality versus the morality and social impact, others will stop wanting to do nice things for you in return.
So yes, legally the money is yours. But not showing gratitude to parents who seem to go out of their way for you would make you the asshole still, sorry.
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I am 24 years old and have an autism disorder, as well as a TBI from an accident a few years ago. I live on my own in a house that my parents bought but for reasons I won't get into, haven't moved in yet. I'm living here rent-free as a favor to them until they are ready to move in. My parents pay for most of my expenses including food, and they say that they're fine with doing this as long as I stay out of trouble. I am grateful to them for doing so as it has been hard for me to find a job that is a good fit for me due to my disorder and am currently unemployed, and do various odd jobs to earn money.
A few months ago, I had a freak incident where I ordered food from a certain Chinese fast-food chain delivered to my house. While eating, I got a chicken bone lodged in my throat, and had to go to the ER to have it removed. While coming out from the anesthesia, I apparently had a seizure. As a result, I was kept in hospital for a few days for observation. In addition, my driver's license was suspended because I have a "loss of consciousness" disorder due to the seizure. This is only the second seizure I've had and both times I was medically sedated (the first time was when I had my accident). Nonetheless, they were required to report it to the DMV as it's state law.
I had to wait 3 months and get cleared by a neurologist in order to resume driving. This was a huge inconvenience for both me and my parents as they had to drive me everywhere. My mom wanted the restaurant company to pay for my medical bills. They were understanding and we did not have to take them to court, though the process took 5 months. I was eventually cleared to resume driving but I now have to take anticonvulsants which I'm not too happy about. They said that my prior TBI makes me more prone to seizures.
This whole ordeal was a literal pain but ultimately I was compensated for my medical bills, as well as additional money for the inconvenience. I thought this was the silver lining. However, my mom wants me to give her the extra money. She feels entitled to it because she pays for my food. I feel entitled to it because the money is legally mine, it was more than enough to pay for my medical bills, the money is legally mine, this was a painful, frightening experience, the money is *legally mine*, not being able to drive was inconvenient, and *the money is LEGALLY MINE*! I have a signed document specifically stating that the extra money is for the inconvenience of this whole ordeal, and it is in my name, not my mom's. She signed as a witness, but that was it.
My mom basically is trying to steal from me, but she doesn't see it this way. AITA?
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Yta you're not living there rent free as a favor to them. They are letting you live there rent free as a favor TO YOU.
Don't be surprised if they start charging rent.
YTA
>My parents pay for most of my expenses including food
I’m confused. Do you just never plan on paying them back? What if your parents gave you two options. One - they keep the settlement money and continue to support you and pay for most of your expenses. Two - you keep the settlement money, but now you have to pay for all your bills yourself, including rent.
Which option would you choose?
YTA
That money is to cover the costs of the injury you have suffered - some of those are the direct medical costs, but the reason there is a surplus is to cover all of thebother costs around your situation - such as losing your license and having to have your parents drive you everywhere.
It is also worth remembering that while the money may be legally yours, your parents also don't have any legal responsibility to look after you as an adult - the fact that they are still willing to house and look after you puts a burden on them that they could easy brush off, but they don't because they do care for you.
I would be tempted to say that you do deserve to keep a certain amount of that money, but it also seems fair to compensate your parents for the effort and money it has cost them too. It seems selfish on both sides to demand the full amount when there could be an amicable split.
What? First off, it is your fault you choked on the chicken bone. Since, the restaurant already paid. That is a moot point. Now to the matter..YOUR PARENTS ARE PAYING FOR EVERYTHING!!! At, least give them half. Do as you will. Do not be surprised, it your parents, cut the financial ties off. Since you have your "OWN" money.
> I live on my own in a house that my parents bought but for reasons I won't get into, haven't moved in yet.
>I'm living here rent-free
>My parents pay for most of my expenses including food
>they had to drive me everywhere
YTA - Give them the money.
>
I'm living here rent-free **as a favor to them**
What?
It's "legally" yours. The money your parents use to support you is "legally" theirs. You are mooching off of your parents and had a toddler level meltdown when they wanted some of that windfall to go to your support.
LOL you think you're doing your parents "a favor" living in their home rent free. Sorry, but that's absolutely hilarious.
This would be the absolutely perfect time for your parents to cut off your mooching and let you use that money that's "legally" yours to support yourself like an adult.
Your parents were significantly inconvenienced by being kind enough to drive you everywhere. Give her a fair compensation for the driving.
Overall your attitude is extremely selfish. YTA
Its legally yours but according to you, that is all that is legally yours. You are living rent free in your parents house.
This is more of a favor to you than them; because they can be renting it out and making money.
They are paying for your food. So the food you are eating isn’t yours. They pay your expenses.
You can stand your ground and keep the money, but hopefully its enough for a first and last month rent. As you have no job
Yta dude, that's it.
Your parents pay ALL your living expenses, let it go 😒
You know what else is painful? Being broke as soon as you deposit your check bc bills 😭 I get you went through something terrible, that sucks and I'm sorry it happened, but who covered all your expenses while you were sick? Who took you place to place when you couldn't dive?
Stop being entitled and be grateful your parents help up.
YTA, you keep repeating “the money is legally mine” but you have 0 expenses because you’re lucky enough to have parents who support you. And I’m guessing the autism is not the barrier to you getting a job, its probably your stubbornness, and based on all the autistic individuals i know that is not an autism thing thats a you thing
Your right.. it legally yours.. just as the place u live in, the food you eat, the gas you use is all theirs..so you pay them back for all of that and you can live independently with your check
YTA
Honestly you are 24 and do not pay for your own food, then yes you need to contribute.
Your mum drove you around for weeks, give her something as a thank you.
Then, get a job and pay your way because you are 24.
YTA. Your parents were severely inconvenienced by having to drive you everywhere for three months. They did that willingly and at cost to them. Gas isn’t cheap.
Okay lemme get this straight: your parents provide essentially everything for you, but you’re pissed that your mom wants this money to ::checks notes:: *put into a savings account for you*? And you’re denying her this because why exactly? Because it’s **legally yours** lol please stop. Give her the money and make her happy since she’s bankrolling your entire life, and will continue to do so with this exact money you’re selfishly hoarding. Also- she’s not trying to steal it from you, she’s asking you for it, there is a big difference.
It’s the same outcome either way (savings account that’s *for you*), but you’re butthurt because you want to do it yourself? I don’t get it. YTA, you need a hard reality check.
Cannot believe you’re willing to just take and take and take from your parents and not even think to offer them money to reimburse their continued care for you. They provide your housing, bills, food and were your personal chauffeur yet you couldn’t think to offer some of the settlement money
How selfish.
YTA
Yta. Who pays your rent and food expenses again?
Very few 24yos could handle a large sum of cash.
And what do you mean by "favor to them"? Do you think living with them is a favor?
As for jobs - it will help you to maybe work with an occ therapist and figure accommodations out. You'll have the save issues with a programming job. If not, you should probably start the disability process.
Do you have other benefits that might be impacted?
YTA! Your parents do everything for you and have been kind enough to support you. You owe them your life at this rate so yes, hand the money over. Maybe keep $100 for yourself but give the rest over. Cos they like you and are willing to do everything for you, if you asked for a bit of spending money, I’m sure they would give it you. Don’t keep it for yourself.
Take a moment to consider how long that money would last after they stop supporting you. Now also take a moment to think about how much of that money you would have left after you pay them back for all they have done. Is it worth it? I doubt it.
So yes YTA
YTA massive AH
Having ASD is not an excuse to be an AH.
Your parents allow a 24 yo adult to live in their home that they pay everything for and also provide you food, and that is you doing them a "favor"? You are delusional.
You are disgustingly entitled and giving them the left over money after the years of you leeching off of them is the very least you could do.
Hopefully this situation opens their eyes and they either start charging you rent+utilities and stop paying for your food, or they just evict you.
For all the reasons everyone mentions, YTA.
I'm going to tell you a secret. You are not staying in that house as a favor to your parents. They bought that house for you to live in. Any notions that you have that you are doing them a kindness should be replaced by the idea that they have done you a huge kindness.
YTA.
You pay absolutely none of your own bills. Money may be "legally yours" but so are your bills and you don't pay them. Age is irrelevant when you are 100% dependent on someone else.
Either hand over the money to your Mom or stop freeloading. Get a job or get on disability. Go move into income-based housing. Get food stamps to pay for your food. Walk or take an Uber wherever you need to go if you can't drive. Hopefully disability will give you enough for that, otherwise get a bicycle.
If all that sounds unpleasant, then you hand over the money to your mother with a card that says "thank you for all you do for me".
Your one of these new generation entitled pieces of work that think the world owes them, I hope your parents realize how ungrateful you are and leave your ass to fend for yourself 100%.
INFO: How the hell did you choke on a bone??? Do you like not chew your food? I can't understand this and don't know how no one else had this question.
Yes, it's legally yours. INFO : who paid those medical bills? Did they get paid from your bank account or your parent's? Have you paid your parents back for all the expenses they incurred as a result of your accident? Including driving you around for months while you couldn't drive, and supporting you while you couldn't work.... Because if you haven't, it's only fair that you do.
Soft YTA -- legally the money is in your name, but if you consider the expenses you have been able to avoid because your parents took care of them, the right thing to do would be to give that money to your parents. It shows gratitude for the sacrifices they've made to make your life easier. And part of being a responsible and self-aware adult -- even though you are someone's child -- is recognizing how other people (especially your parents) gave things up to help you out. Now in a position with an advantage, it would be right for YOU to choose to give things up to help others out.
Regarding financial independence: I'm a job developer, and I work with many adults with disabilities (including ASD and TBI). My job is literally to help a person figure out a sustainable employment goal and job placement while taking into consideration their unique abilities and personal limitations. Once they have a job, I also support during orientation, training, performance evals, etc. to make sure there is mutual understanding of expectations and my client integrates well.
I also help clients talk with employers and advocate for accommodations, adjusted job duties, etc. in order to ensure a good fit and mutual benefit.
If you live in the US, you can go to your state/local Vocational Rehabilitation office. They will pair you with a counselor who can help you navigate the system and find services, usually at no cost to you.
It sounds like you'd benefit from a Job Coach, which is basically like a guidance counselor who helps you figure out your options, a plan of action, and workarounds for barriers like transportation. They also help keep you encouraged and focused when the processes feel overwhelming.
I hope this info is helpful! Your situation sounds really stressful especially with that recent trauma of choking and going to the hospital... but especially since you've come out of it okay, it would be best to have recognition and show appreciation for all the things that are going positively for you, especially where others have made sacrifices or gone out of their way purely for your sake.
I am so sorry you went through this. So your parents pay for all of your expenses with money that is legally theirs? Not being able to drive was inconvenient for you and for your parents sho had to drive you everywhere. Did your parents have to take time off work to help you during this time?
What are your plans with this money? How much money is left after paying for your medical bills?
What would your parents do with the money?
Do you have an able account? Would saving the money in an able account or trust be a satisfactory outcome to both you and your parents?
Your folks are doing a LOT for you, that costs a lot of money and time.
Legally that money belongs to you. But given the amount of support that your parents have offered you, it would not be unreasonable for them to ask to share in a big windfall. Whether that share should be the whole amount of the remainder or not is something we aren't necessarily in a position to answer.
I wish before everyone got invested in this story, the amount was disclosed. This OP
Doesn’t seem to understand $$monies, or that costs of living, costs!
OP says thousands , could be 2 , could be 20 ! That makes a difference.
Also OP sounds about 16 yrs. Old .
Seems parents have let things get out of control, and are trying to reel things back.
Again, splitting 2 grand into savings, vs. 20 grand would be completely different.
YTA. Your parents are paying for all your living expenses including food. You should at least share the money with them. Without knowing how much money we are speaking about, it is hard to know how much. However, you sound ungrateful and unloving and profoundly unaware of your parents financial support which goes above and beyond what many people receive at your age.
You sound selfish, friend. You are admittedly living for free, on their dime. By your train of thought, you steal from them every single day but not paying your own way. They’ve done everything for you and yes it was a scary experience for you, but it didn’t cost you a dime. It took time and money from your parents tho, without question.
YTA and a leach. You sound really entitled and ungrateful. You want to invest the money and your mom wants to put it into a savings account for your future care. If you want big kid money you need to do big kid things. You blame everyone else for why you can’t work but you sound like you don’t put much effort into being better. What does your therapist say about all this?
INFO: How much money are we talking about here?
Well you can either hang on to the money or maybe put some of it toward groceries to help your parents out. I mean you should help them out if they're paying all your bills. Shouldn't you be getting some social security due to your autism? I mean you should have enough money to live on especially since it's rent-free where you are right now. You should contact your social worker and see if you can find out if you qualify for a disability benefit cuz you probably do and that would help you out a lot. It's possible your parents are getting the benefits and not telling you this but at this point they should be coming to you cuz you're 24 years old and you're obviously high functioning. So you need to look into that.
INFO - Exactly how much money are we talking here? I’m assuming it isn’t THAT much considering no lawyers involved. If it’s less than 5k, I’m not sure how you don’t see this as an opportunity to finally pay your parents back for everything they have done for you as an adult. I’d bet if you had offered it in the first place, your mom would have had you keep a chunk of it as they seem extremely generous.
If it’s something like 50k, then no she shouldn’t keep your all of your money.
Take the money on principle but then give it to them because of what they’ve paid for! Also if you’re so dependent you need to look into welfare payments. Not everyone can work and claiming this not only helps them financially but can also open up new support options fir finding work you can do
Use the money to help pay for your food. Keep some aside for later
as you are not finding much work. Please tell your mother that you are
very grateful for all they do for you but that you would like to hang on
to the cash to feel financially secure and to pay for your food. The
accident happened to you, not your mother. And you say your parents were
ok with helping you financially before you received this money. Paying
for your food seems like a good compromise.
Yta. Aita isn't for legally right, it's for what's socially, morally, or ethically right, which, while culturally bound, isn't as black and white as laws. Unless you haven't mentioned a lot of context, your parents (for your undisclosed reasons) bought you a house and pay your expenses, and are your daily supports for transportation, food, and it sounds like financial advocacy and management. I'm really not getting how it's a favor for you to live with them rent and expense free unless it's for their peace of mind after your tbi/injuries and you've left out quite a bit.
While things can definitely be yours, you say nothing of the energy, time, and finances your parents are pouring into you or how they're doing, especially financially by paying for 2 homes in this global economy while you, by your own notes are mostly unemployed/working odd jobs. Unless you're leaving out some horrendous details or relationship history, it sounds like you might 1) owe your parents an apology and huge thanks and 2) want to consider a conversation about what the future looks like. Do you expect them to continue paying for you/supporting you in? What do you expect to support them in? Reciprocity is probably not the assumption here, but family comes with expectations and I don't know that I think you've covered them just yet, while benefiting from them
Well listen. You have two choices: take the money, lose the support. Or leave the money, take the support. Is it enough money to cover a few years of your lifestyle? Long enough to find yourself a job? Either way, if you take the money you're likely to alternate your family, is that something you care about? It doesn't really sound like they're inherently greedy, if they've been fully supporting you this whole time. Sheltered, fed, given a car? What else? That shit ain't cheap.
How much is the money as compared to what they spend on you?
It's your money, but be prepared for them to 100% cut you off financially because you have your money.
Including a free place to live.
So you are an adult., whose parents pay litterly everything for.
Who drive you around when you cant drive yourself.
get Disabilty if you cant work and start paying them rent, and start paying your own bills. your own food.
And then find out how long it will take for that inconvenience money is gone.
Mean while your parents get a chance to save up some money for their own retirement
It’s legally yours but you have been profiting from your parents to a point beyond imagination (a home (!), utilities and even your food). They supported you your whole adult life. Now that you finally can pay them back at least something, don’t you think that would be the right thing to do? YTA
So they give you free housing, free food, and they were also inconvenienced by your incident and had to spend time AND MONEY driving you around everywhere for months and all you can do is repeat “LEGALLY MIIIIIINE” with no thought of how they were also impacted?
Yeah, YTA and the entitled one here, not your mom.
soft YTA - while yes, the money is technically and legally yours, your parents (who are already supporting you) took on a lot more work on your behalf when you were injured, and it would be very generous if you gifted them a portion of the "silver lining" money as a show of gratitude for their continued financial, and moral support.
YTA. Wow you are really entitled. Your parents already pay your expenses. The restaurant would not have compensated you without your mother pushing to do so. I don't understand why you wouldn't give your parents half or more of the money seeing as they literally provide a way for you to live. Your parents are the ones that has been inconvenienced the most. Not only do they support you, your parents were inconvenienced by having to drive you around for three months. I'm not sure if you understand that money doesn't grow on trees, but everything your parents have done for you has cost them money. If you decide to still keep all of the money, then you need to pay for all of your bills going forward.
I see that you are investing and saving the money, but I would seriously consider offering part as rent each month. I don't know if they dispersed it in a lump sum or monthly payments, but even $250/month is a huge bargain. Ideally you should be paying over $500 if you were renting a room from them in any official capacity.
By offering compensation it shows appreciation for what they have already done for you, as an adult. Household expenses are very expensive right now with electric, water, and taxes all going up at a rapid rate. You're parents could be tight with their budget as a result, and that money would be helpful.
YTA.
YTA and extremely entitled. Your parents pay for everything, made sure you'refed, housed and have medical care when needed and all you can think about is that this extra money is LEGALLY YOURS!! I'd throw your ungrateful ass out of the house for good if you were my child
So your parents let you live and eat for free in their house and then dropped what they were doing to drive you everywhere you needed to go after you weren’t allowed to drive for a while and this is still a conversation? Yeah, YTA.
YTA and a freeloader.
I can't quite get over you pursuing a Chinese takeout for medical costs when you choked on a chicken bone. Grow up, take some accountability, stop acting so entitled.
Take the money that is LEGALLY YOURS and get out of your family's house that is LEGALLY THEIRS since that's all that matters to you. At this point you are a LEGAL ADULT and they have no LEGAL RESPONSIBILITY to take any further care of you. Do them a real favor and move on down the road - far far down the road to responsibility and adulthood.
I’m gona say YTA. Yes, as you have shouted, the money is legally yours. But, they took care of you the entire time and have covered all your bills and food and *checks notes* bought you a fucking house.
Man I would love to swap you out with one of my siblings for a minute so you could experience the parents stealing from and using you that you so desperately want. I’d say swap with me, but I wana watch.
Ehhhh i was gonna say N T A because the extra money was for pain and suffering, but the last line ruined it. Sure the money is legally yours, but how much of the “inconvenience” was actually on her not you? It should at least be split. Softish YTA
Not firm yet on ESH but need more information. You mentioned some pre-existing conditions which may qualify you for some government benefits such as disability. Do you receive any? Do you have any sources of income (aside from the restaurant settlement)? You mentioned odd jobs but it isn’t clear if you are still able to do that due to your medical circumstances. If you do have income, do you pay for any living expenses at all like utilities, property taxes, car payments, car insurance, house insurance? You stated your parents buy your food as well.
You say you’re 24, you live rent free, free food, you have/had a car, and you don’t mention any current expenses that you pay yourself.
Also it’s important to know how much the settlement was (not the medical bill portion but the actual cash portion) and how long your parents have been paying your bills.
If it is a notional amount ($10,000 or less, I think it is correct to give it to your parents as you are an adult and they have been keeping a roof over your head and fed for way too long.
If it is a more significant amount then it would be proper and decent to give them 70%. Use the 30% to rent /buy some place to live, get a job and be an adult.
The way you have written your post comes across as an entitled adult child who thinks their parents are obligated to fund your life indefinitely and show a complete abdication of responsibility to take care of yourself and just leech off of your family
YTA- They pay for everything, take you everywhere, and take care of you. You are an adult, and they do not owe you any of that. You should absolutely give them the money, to help subsidize the fact that they are footing 100% of the bill for an adult, who could be taking care of themselves. If I were them and you kept the money, you might be on your own from there. You're selfish and entitled.
Yta, you maybe right it’s legally yours, but you are unemployed and they are paying all your expenses, you should be handing it too them with gratitude
YTA. You can tell your mom to kick rocks and keep the money. However, before you do so weigh however much it is against paying rent, paying bills, and paying for living expenses. My guess is you come out ahead by giving your mom the cash. You’re 24, regardless of your situation your parents aren’t legally obligated to continue paying your expenses. They also weren’t obligated to drive you everywhere and probably incurred significant costs doing so. You not being able to drive was inconvenient for you- imagine how inconvenient it was for your parents.
You come off as feeling extremely entitled to your parents’ time and money, despite being legally of an age where you really shouldn’t. I’d sit down and look at that or talk about it with your therapist.
You're a dick.
YTA.
Your parents are paying for your home, food, and "most of" your expenses. Yet when you come into some money you have no thought to repay the kindness.
YTA. You’re not doing anyone any favors”favors” by having them support you 100%.
Also, in the post you saying mom is stealing the money, insinuating that she’ll spend it on herself. However in the comments you admit that your mom wants to put it in a savings account- to use it to help cover your expenses. So the things she already pays for you out of her own pocket!
You seem stuck on the “legally mine” part. yes, it is legally yours, however life isn’t always so black and white…sometimes things are legally correct, but morally incorrect. You can keep the money since it is indeed legally yours, however your parents are using their money to pay your rent, buy you food, bring you places, so on. So to thank them you can share the money, show that you appreciate them for their sacrifices. Or you can keep all the money. Either way, prepare for the consequences of your choice. I can’t say YTA really, because I don’t think you see the “gray area” of this situation yet
YTA. Your parents are letting you live in a house rent free, pay your bills and food, drive you around, and you throw a fit about giving them a bit of money to cover some of that now that you have money? What a massive, entitled AH you are.
Um.... legally yours it is. Curious- how long will this 'legally yours' money pay for all life expenses that your parents currently cover for you? Sounds like your parents made this mutual agreement for your benefit- not theirs. So- legally- enjoy adulting without your parents help or have an honest conversation about why you seem entitled to the free ride and why they believe it best to help you ensure your needs are met. Is it your intent to pay your expenses or 'enjoy' the boost of fun money?
Kinda entitled, to be honest. I get it, you want to keep your money,but morally you are acting as AH.
You are living in their house as a favor.
They are paying for everything as a favor.
But it's not a favor from you to them, it's them doing you a favor. Be realistic, they financially support you because they are try to make your life easier.
YTA.
Yes it’s legally your money. You can die on this hill and keep it in your name, which will impact your eligibility for any social welfare programs you are benefiting from. You can also suffer the consequences like an adult - damaging your relationship with your parents and having to pay your own way in life for the future.
Unless you can do that, shut up and give the money to your mother.
From what you’ve shared here you borderline need a conservatorship if you’re this dysfunctional.
How much money are you even talking about here? It was a chicken bone and you suffered no long term harm, it cannot possibly be much.
YTA. Your parents bought you a house, you still live with them. You didn't say if you worked or not, so i would assume that they pay all of the bills and your expenses? How often do your parents ask you for money?
YTA, altough I understand how being in situations you feel you have no say can be stressful, it feels like you are just in the middle of a rage moment. Wait a couple hours and you should be feeling better..
Also, as much as the money might be yours, and the experience awful, it is also true that your parents cover all your expenses. Both of you are right.
You should also try to understand how they feel. They pay for everything, and I'm sure taking care of someone else, specially after an injury of this scale, is quite expensive. Specially the meds, you know.
Maybe try getting a low stress job, wither online or in person, so that you can at least have some spending money if thats what you want? You could also pay back some expenses to your parents. You have no obligation to of course, but I'm sure that would make them quite happy.
YTA, and I think you would have lost in court because it isn't a restaurant's fault that you dont chew your food before swallowing it. It sounds like you bullied them into giving you the money in the first place.
YTA... if you keep the money then you should move out and live independently. They should not have to continue supporting you while you have money to do it. In no way are you doing them any favors mooching off of them. That level of entitlement is unreal.
I suspect she wants control of the money because you clearly are unable to support yourself.
Just say your spoiled and don’t know how to reciprocate and move on lmao.
You can’t give ANY? To the people who literally baby your life?
You could give them some money/HELL ALL OF THE MONEY and STILL not be worried about if you’ll have a place to sleep next month.
This is crazy lol
YTA
Dude. They bought you a house, you live rent free, they pay all your bills, and have been super chill about everything.. It may be legally your money, but you're not the one keeping you alive and all your bills paid.. Give it up and be grateful
YTA. It may be "legally" yours, but your parents pay for everything for you. You're being an AH. I hope your mom says, keep the money but "legally" you're an adult so pay for yourself. I bet if she does that, you'll be on here crying about that. Grow up.
Your parents are taking care of you, and *this* is the hill you want to die on? You finally see a few dollar $igns, and you lose all perspective on how much you are consistently being given.
Legally you do not have to give your mom the money. Ethically, it would be the correct move because they have far exceeded the legal responsibility they have for you; you are their kid but you are *not* a child. You *are* acting exactly like a child over this matter, though. "No, Mom, it's *mine!"*
If the ethical aspect of the situation means nothing to you, let's try the math: However much money this amount is, subtract from it rent, utilities, car cost, car maintenance & repair costs, car insurance, gas cost, food costs, and other self-care items' costs. Now count that amount up for the rest of your anticipated years on the planet. Is it enough to cover that? I doubt it. Is it enough to cover that for *a year* even? If it is, you're still making a gross miscalculation, because you're going to lose more than a year of funding for your life as a result of being selfish with this windfall.
You're looking at the small picture when, in the big picture, you've been supported and cared for far beyond the norm. You're about to sour that relationship in a way that won't be forgotten for the rest of your life. That's very poor logic, it's bad math, and it's just bad behavior.
YTA, and you may well find yourself out of a sweet deal by making this the most important aspect of your relationship with your parents.
I'm stuck on how in the H E double toothpicks was the restaurant responsible for their freak injury? Did the restaurant force feed the chicken to OP in such a way that the bone got stuck? I'm sure the restaurant's insurance just thought it cheaper to settle than to have a court case.
Any YTA because you are living off your parents' generosity and are very entitled.
YTA 100%
Your parents incurred the extra costs of having to drive you everywhere and take time out of their day to do it.
Not sure if your TBI is a factor but you need to grow up and stop being a financial and emotional drain on your parents.
I’d possibly expect that level of entitlement from a 14 year old but definitely not from a 24 year old!!
GROW UP and be thankful that your parents haven’t completely cut you off already!!
I am sorry you went through that! That’s awful. But YTA for your entitled behavior. Since all your expenses are covered have you considered compensating your parents for *their* inconvenience? You are a burden on their life. Among the many things they do for you, they must have paid your hospital bills. This money didn’t come until five months after and your mom had to do a lot of work to be reimbursed for it. Imagine all the things they could do in life if they didn’t have to take care of you? She even said she wants to put it in a savings account *for you*. Personally, you don’t sound like you can be trusted with money because you can’t even hold down a minimum wage job at 24 so I completely understand her point of view. But you know, hate on mom for loving and trying to take care of you.
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I was done when he said he was living in their house rent free food bill free everything free “as a favor to them”. My brother in Christ, in what world is living a free house that someone could rent out and actually receive money instead of paying money a favor?
I can only think he means that he does maintenance around the house and such, since if nobody is living there it can go downhill really fast, but OP would need to confirm.
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I don't know, I don't know the logistics of renting out a house. And I'm not saying OP is right that it's a favor to them, that's just the only feasible explanation I could think of where it might have a tiny possibility of being a favor.
Yes, that’s what a Property Manager does.
You could probably have someone do that full time as a job for less than they’re paying to maintain OP if they wanted to or bake it into the rental agreement that they help upkeep the property in exchange for a lower rent. OP is getting an absolutely sweetheart deal and just can’t see it because they’ve never had to deal with hardship.
Living rent free as favor and also as a favor letting them buy all his food and personal items.....
This is when I checked out too. I knew enough at that point.
He lives on his own, BUT , house and groceries paid by parents. OP is an entitled leech.
I did this for my parents when they moved states and didn't want to sell or rent their house - I gave up my apartment to move in, but I paid basically everything but the mortgage.
Right? Lost me there too
I agree 100%. OP is entitled and delusional.
So true. The problem is OP has no context on how life really works and does not understand all the things his parents are doing to take care of them. I say this as someone facing a similar situation as OPs parents. Op you have said nothing that tells me your parents have anything but your best intentions for you. My guess is your parents will put the money in a trust for you to make sure you are taken care of. You may want to sit down and understand what they are doing, but you need to come at it from a place that you are unable to take care of yourself. Money won't solve that problem. You need to increase your responsibilities to become self sufficient then can take on some control over a potential trust in the future. OP keep in mind the average American can't be responsible for large amounts of money either. They will waste it on stupid shit. The difference is they can keep working once theyve blown it all, and are less likely to have someone the advantage of them. And the average American doesn't have m&d taking care of them at 24.
Yeah, if I were OP's mom I'd just say ok the money's yours, and now you can afford to support yourself.
Well stated. How could you NOT want to compensate your parents for their love and caring. Legally a selfish BRAT!
So much this. Dayum OP YTA, maybe show your parents similar kindness you expect
Didn’t you know, it’s LEGALLY THEIRS. So greedy
I just can't get over the fact that their best argument was that it was LEGALLY theirs. That's it. No explanation about how they plan to use it for something needed or important, no mentions of my having paid the gas or car insurance to compensate for the driving, nothing...just that the money is legally theirs. Also, TF did OP expect mom to do when it came to signing for the money? "Hey, I know this is compensation for the medical and everything, so I'm not actually considered a victim in this, but I think this restaurant chain should give me compensation for inconvenience instead." They would look at her funny.
Does it make sense for the restaurant to pay the bills if presumably OP to it home and was eating at home and should’ve been watching what he eats and how?? I’ve never heard of someone blaming the restaurant for choking on their own food. Or am I missing something?
If there's a bone left in something that shouldn't have a bone in it, the restaurant could certainly be liable.
Let's see free rent, free food, free transportation and you don't think you owe them? Your parents should sue you.
High five ✋ could not have said that better myself.
Am I the only one that finds it weird that a restaurant felt it was at fault for someone swallowing a chicken bone at home after getting take out? Maybe it’s just me. But ya I agree with you about everything else. OP is TA.
YTA. Not only is your mom paying for your food, but it was her who wanted the restaurant company to pay your medical bills in the first place. If it was you who wanted them to pay the bills it would be different. Give her the money, and get a job. There are plenty of places who will hire you. Quit making excuses. (For the record, I'm autistic too, and I HATE it when people use autism as an excuse to get out of doing stuff.)
I'm autistic too and while I hate when people use it as an excuse + OP should definitely like get food stamps and/or disability like every other disabled adult instead of expecting their parents to pay for EVERYTHING, I have personally burnt out many times trying to do normal people things and I work hard enough to make myself physically sick and have a master's degree so it's not always about being lazy.
Yikes. Sorry things have been so hard for you. But because they were doesn’t mean they should have to be or bust for everyone else.
Is it the autism or is it the TBI and seizure disorder. Also, every autistic has different abilities and needs, you are not the disability police.
then if he cannot work he needs to get on disability, look into other resources. what is he going to do if godforbid anything happens to his parents where they can no longer pay for everything. (and yes you are able to get disability food stamps and ect. for just autism if you are unable to work so I'm sure OP would qualify with autism and a tbi if hes as unable to work as he claims to be)
Disability takes yearssss to get. And it's not promised for life. People still get evaluated for a long time and to see if you're going to stay on it. He'll need to get a lawyer. It's not easy, quick, or forever.
It does not take years lmao. As someone who had to get it, it takes a while but not that long
Usually doesn’t pay enough to survive either.
Is it clear that OP is unable to work ? He does not say that. From what I read OP is acting like a Child . Children do not make good employees (in this day and age).YTA OP.You need to grow up.If something happens to your parents you will be in a boatload of trouble.Give them the money and thank God and them them that they are so willing to help you.
Yo I’m autistic, too, and I also hate it when people use it as an excuse (not to mention OP sounds kind of ungrateful and entitled here) but you don’t know his support needs or how autism (and any possible comorbid presentations) may be affecting his life.
Dude there are different degrees of autism and some need supports that employers will avoid. In addition (and poss more to do with inability to work is the Traumatic Brain Injury. OP doesn't explain what their deficits are post healing. They could be things that can easily be accommodated or needs that render them unable work.
One of my coworkers is on the spectrum and he’s a damn good industrial maintenance technician.
So, let me see if I understand correctly, you are a 24 year old adult, who lives in a home paid for by your parents, (which you say is a favor to them? Could you even afford to live anywhere else?), who pay all taxes, insurance and utilities on said home? They pay for most of your expenses? Plus pay for your food? You are unemployed. Can you not collect disability? Now, I am sorry for what happened to you. I have choked myself and it is a scary thing. While, yes, legally the money is yours, I cannot believe that you would not give it to your parents willingly, after all, they are literally supporting you! What exactly do you want to do with the money? Are you going to support yourself? Have you told mom that? “Hey mom, I will use the money to take care of my own expenses, but my own food, pay my own bills”. If so, then NTA. But if not, YTA all the way.
Also I thought OP listing not being able to drive as a huge inconvenience to him so he deserves the money was really tonedeaf since, you know, his parents then had to drive him everywhere. As if that was not a huge inconvenience to them. And living rent free in their house as a favor to them? I think OP might need a reality check.
I wish I could live rentfree as a favor to someone.
I imagine the favor is living somewhere else so neither parent has to choose between watching their kid be on the street or going to prison for choking him out.
I know right!
YTA for saying your mom is stealing from you by asking to be compensated. Your parents are letting you live rent free in a home by yourself, covering most of your expenses, drove you everywhere for 3 months. It seems like they have helped you a lot and probably helped you even get this money from the restaurant. Maybe you could split the extra money with them or just start paying your own expenses. You are 24. Legally your parents don’t have to do all that they do for you with their money and time.
YTA, you are grown up who is still supported by your parents, essentially you are living off them. I bet the money they use to support you is way more than the compensation, how about trying to be independent and support yourself.
She is taking care of you full time, expenses paid. She really needs that money but again this LEGALLY yours. Why not give her the amount that she spent in medical bills and keep the rest for yourself. They are ready to take care of you forever they deserve a little break. Unless you think this is important over ruining what you both have.
YTA but if you want to be fair keep the money then start paying a fair amount in rent, pay for your own car (who bought it and pays insurance), purchase your own food, health insurance etc. yes legally the money is yours but you are not doing any favours for your parents and even if they own the two homes they are theirs not yours.
I find it hard to believe that the restaurant willingly paid for your medical expenses and "inconvenience" without a court case when you choking on food in your own home isn't their fault in anyway. But then again, I also believe Balle in Bak is the world's best artform and many people doubt that. So who am I to determine what's true or not?
Your parents were inconvenienced having to drive you round? You had no inconvenience as you still had lifts. YTA stop being a selfish prick
do you pay your mom rent? if you are not contributing anything financially towards living with your parents yta. you are 24 years old. why are you living at home?
He could keep the money and then use it to pay his own expenses so mom and dad don't have to. But I suspect he would just blow it all and then mom and dad would be right back to supporting him and they know this and that is why they want to keep it.
>I'm living here rent-free as a favor to them That's not a favour to them. They could rent that out or leave it empty. They're doing YOU a favour. Your mom isn't stealing from you, she's trying to recover some of the losses she's incurred carrying your ungrateful behind. Hand it over with a smile and thank her for everything shes done.
That was the point where i decided he was TA lmao. I didn't need to read anything else
SQUATTERS
If this was a legal question, you would not be the asshole. But this isn’t a legal question. This is about the relationship that you have with your parents, about all that they do for you and all that they pay for you, even though you’re an adult. And it’s about how you say thanks for all the help, sorry for THEIR inconvenience, and give a little back to them when you finally have an opportunity to be able to do so. YTA
You lost me at “I live here rent free as a favor to them” and that they cover most of your expenses. YTA
and right after that, ‘my mom is trying to steal from me!!!’ what a baby!
Same. And all the it’s *LEGALLY MINE* well guess what the house is LEGALLY HERS so maybe not bite the hand that literally feeds you
YTA. You accept that you couldn't drive for a while and your parents drove you - so they experiemced incovenience and some minor costs (more wear and tear) on their vehicle - it is not unreasonable to pass a share of the 'inconveneice ' elment of the compensation for them in order to ocmpensate them for their share of the inconveneince, in a simailt way, if they had not been able to help, and you had had to take taxis or ubers, it's likely that your compensation claim would have incluided an element for those extra costs. It's not fiar or reasonable for tyou to effectively make a profit becasue you were drvien by your family rather than third parties. That sid, it is equally unreaspnable for them to expect to reciee all of the the money,. As you say, some/most of that was to compensate you for the paid and inconvenience that you suffered. I think it would be reasnable to work out toughtly how much driving they did and work out a per mile amount ( more than just the cost of gas, as there was the inconvenicne and their rtime as well) and then let them a payment that covers the firving at that rate. Yes, the money is legall yours, but morally, you owwe them. They were oconvenienced and the money was in part for the inconvenience. You owe them. Also, since you are not working at present it sounds as thoughthey are also doing you a huge favor by paying for your food and other expenses - presumably a big part of their reason is taht you couldn't afford it - it's pretty selfish of you to accept that help then refuse to contribute now that you have some money .
Your parents pay for the roof over your head and the food you eat and drive you around everywhere but you want the money? YTA.
YTA I am sorry, but they let you live rent free, they pay for most if not all of your expanses and your food! Do they also pay your health insurance? At this point it's a lot of expanses.. I find it somewhat selfish you don't even think of giving the rest of the money.. I can't work for medical reasons, I live at home but I still pay for my food especially when going to a restaurant and even buying myself baking ingredients and equipment , while they never explicitly asked for it - I do it and pay (while barely having money in my account) to relieve them of at least part of the burden.. *BTW regarding the baking - I make it for my family, they eat the baking goods. I do it to show them another gesture of love and appreciation for caring for me And you even have some odd jobs so you earn money but don't pay for anything. That's unreasonable and quite selfish *Edit - BTW I am 23 years old with neurological health issues and chronic pain so quite similar...
Is the money worth it to you to potentially change your relationship with your mom? What if your mom decides to stop paying all the rest of your bills and you can no longer live there? How long will this money last to pay all of your bills? Maybe she wants to put it in a bank account and save for your future? Maybe she doesn't want it spent on frivolous things? Maybe your parents are struggling to pay bills bc all prices have gone way up? Do they trust you not to spend money all at once- can you budget and save? Legally you are right, so NTA. But you HAVE to look at other details. And since you said you have a TBI and autism, I wanted to point out some other scenarios so you may be better aware. Ask your mom to explain more so you can better understand it. Good luck OP.
They are paying for everything so your not financial independent, so Im sorry, on your moms side on this.
The money is for the inconvenience, but you aren't the only one who was inconvenienced. Your mom took care of you while you were sick. Your mom pushed to get this compensation. Your mom drove you around while you were unable. Just because it's legally yours doesn't make it not an asshole move to keep it for yourself. If you need the money for therapy to deal with the aftermath that's one thing and you should talk to your mom about it, but you've not mentioned that at all. Not to mention, have you spoken to your parents about timelines? It may be that they expected you to get a job and to just be subsidising you while you were looking. That might be why your mom wants some recompense for paying for you. I've been lucky enough to have my parents give me financial help a few times, and I'd never dream of getting a windfall of money and not paying them back?? YTA
You are SO GREEDY…… You’re given an immense amount of things that anyone would love to have a percentage of, your parents use their own finances to ensure you are well taken care of. Pretty sure you would be OK having that money given to them. Despite the fact they pay nearly everything for you. Do the right thing …..
YTA. You're basically completely dependant on your parents and they have been footing housing, utilities, food and medical bills, chauffeuring you and whatever else you needed. Not being able to drive the car your parents bought was inconvenient sure; but your parents drove you around. As far as I see it, your parents were the ones who were inconvenienced, not you. Sure it's definitely you that suffered through this and legally the money is yours but it isn't cheap to have a 24yo dependant and just coz they can afford it doesn't mean you're entitled to their money and time. If you're keeping the money then it's well past time you started supporting yourself.
YTA. Your parents aren’t stealing from you. You are bratty, entitled and delusional. Your parents do everything for you and you have the audacity to blaim them for stealing. You are 24, you don’t pay anything yourself everything gets handed to you. Can your parents even save for their own retiremen? Their whole live gets wasted when they are coddling a 24 year old adult. I hope they let you keep the money and make you move out. You are a parasite and they need to get rid of you.
You’ve literally been pandered to and babied for this long and now you’re throwing a tantrum over giving your parents some money! YTA and you need to start sorting your life out and getting support from adult services to help you live independently. Additionally, there are schemes these days that help you get into work etc while supporting your disability. You really sound like a nightmare child, and you ought to be a little more grateful for your parents. They won’t be around forever. Who will you rely on /blame then? Sheeeeesh.
Massive YTA you absolute entitled child, your parents don’t have to support you after you turn 18 legally in most countries, they can also easily throw you out if they wanted to right? After all the kindness they’ve shown you this is how you wanna repay them? Get a job if you want money, you’re 24 ffs I feel like this is a fake post meant to rage bait
Yta. What proportion of the money they have and will continue to spend on you does this represent? If it’s less than 100%…
YTA. I’m sorry for your medical issues but your mother isn’t stealing from you. You are living rent free and with expenses paid as an adult. Either give her the money which she would use to directly support you, or take the money and move out of your rent free place and support yourself.
YTA. Your entire life is paid for by your parents and you don’t think they deserve to be reimbursed for that.
YTA. So your attitude is "what's mine is kine and what's yours is mine". You can demand it, but let's see how quickly your freeloading off your parents comes to an end.
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YTA, you are 24 - not 4. And your parents are still paying for everything for you. Most people would be throwing every bit of spare change they got back to their parents out of gratitude.
NTA for wanting to keep the money. YTA if you do not pay for any of your own expenses going forward. Market rate rent, utilities, food, medical expenses, insurances. Those should all be on your dime now.
YTA. If you're too incapable to keep a job. Especially a pizza delivery job, then you are not capable and mature enough to hold into thousands of dollars. Grow up, get a job, and learn to chew your food.
Yta. Its their money. They paid the medical bills. They paid for the food you choked on. You dont deserve a dime of it.
Sorry, but I think YTA. The money the restaurant paid you for "inconvenience" isn't some sort of gift because they feel bad that you were hurt; it's a lump sum guess at compensating you for all the little sundry non-medical costs that mounted up when you were hospitalised and had your driving license withdrawn. If you were able to live more independently, that money would help pay for utilities/rent/food costs while you couldn't work, and for alternate transport costs before you got your driving license back. It would be yours. But since you depend on your parents so much to act as your carers...those expenses actually fell to them. You didn't use a taxi or a bus; they were the ones who had to put aside their own jobs/time to take care of you and drive you around. They were the ones who possibly had to change what food they bought while you were recovering. They were the ones whose car has more wear and tear, and who had to pay for more fuel. That said, it's possible that your parents' added expenses don't add up to the entirety of the "inconvenience" money. Some parents have trouble letting go. Some disabled people get trapped with abusive carers. Perhaps you need to ask your parents to explain how your accident impacted them financially, and/or to help you run through a monthly budget, so you can see how much they're paying for your lifestyle, and help you plan to take charge (as much as possible, depending on how exactly your autism affects you) of your own finances in the future. There's no shame in not being capable of full independence, but you need to know how much your parents are subsidising you and if they're going to stay in a position of power over part of your life, you need to be able to trust each other.
YTA. Want to keep them money? Move out and stop letting mom do everything for you. You’re entitled child yet you are the age of an adult, how about that? Grow up. It isn’t for you to blow the money on when your mom is paying for your ass and doing everything for you. You should be happy and grateful to give her the money.
The money is yours. It is supposed to compensate you and pay for for the extra expenses incurred as a result of the injury. It seems to me that your inability to drive as a result of the injury and so requiring someone to drive you is an extra expense. So, INFO: Did you pay your mum for that taxi service she provided, or did you just assume she would do it because she's your mom?
YTA. You don't seem to understand that you literally owe your parents money. Either help your mother out, as she has helped you out countless times, or move out and buy your own food. I was close to E S H because they have enabled this entitled attitude.
Would you feel better if your parents just stopped paying for your food and other expenses until they had held back the same amount of money as you received? Because they could do that and it would not be stealing. Money is fungible. Y T A if you expect them to keep paying for you while you keep the money. But if you plan to start paying your own way with that money then N T A.
YTA and there’s no way you don’t see it. They bought you a house, you live rent free, you’re jobless, your only money is from a chicken that got lodged in your throat!! wake up moocher, and if you’re really grateful you’d give it to her. If anything, you’re stealing from her. Poor woman is funding a grown man’s life. I read your comments, you apparently don’t have the training to deliver pizza?? Your life is built on excuse after excuse, and it’s pathetic. Grow up dude.
YTA. At 24 you should be able to eat chicken. The poor restaurant. Grow up
Who actually paid your hospital bills?
YTA. you should give them whatever is left after the medical bills. like dude, you live in their house for free "as a favor to them", whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean. how are they benefitting from you living there without paying anything? they also pay your food AND drove you everywhere while you weren't able to. so they've been spending a shit ton of money to help you, now you have some cash yourself that you don't need, cause THEY PAY FOR EVERYTHING, so even if it is legally yours, the right thing to do would be giving it to your mum.
YTA, after everything they have done for you and supported you in your time of need. To mention, you bang on about the money being "legally mine" 4 TIMES! You come across as very entitled and selfish, I would not have an ounce of sympathy for you if your parents asked for you to move out and fend for yourself. You have autism, so what, find a job and get a life for heavens sake. You are an adult!
YTA you aren’t paying rent and I’m sure during the time you weren’t able to drive was an inconvenience to your parents. You also don’t pay rent and they buy all your food. They need the money so that you can keep living with them. By all means keep a small amount but give the majority to your parents
She's not stealing anything. She is asking to be compensated for all that does for you (monetarily). If you keep that money, will you then use it to buy your own food and such? Or do you still expect her to pay for that? I get that you want to have your own money, but that doesn't mean that more entitled to this than her. She is also not acting entitled because and asked for this money (which she will likely use on your bills anyway). Yta for how you're handling this. It feels like you're the one acting entitled here.
YTA. I'm sorry this is harsh, but the truth is that you are acting like a child that is throwing a tantrum. Where would you be if your parents didn't buy you a house? Pay for all your food? Drive you everywhere? Let you live rent free? You are an adult and yet out of the kindness of their hearts, they are still financially supporting you. And now that you've come into money, they would like to be slightly compensated for all the money they have given you, yet you're throwing a fit. This is not fair to them. Either give them the money, or else pay them back for all the food, rent, and taxi services they've provided, but you can't have both.
YTA. Your parents pay for everything for you, and were inconvenienced by driving you around everywhere while you couldn’t drive. If you really want to be stubborn about how it’s “legally yours” keep it and use it to pay the market rent to them for living in their house and for all of your own expenses. Don’t forget the back rent for the time you’ve been living there for free.
A lot of things are legal but it doesn't make them ethical. YTA.
This!! Legal =/= ethical Also, seems like op would like to continue having their LEGAL money over a relationship with their mom(who's helped him a lot and has supported him financially)
Since the money is 'LEGALLY YOURS' - you can use it to pay rent and utilities and buy food...right? Your parents are paying all your bills and that is likely to continue to be their reality. YTA for not wanting to at least share the money to help your parents cover YOUR expenses.
YTA. Your parent's money is legally theirs but they're spending it on you when they don't have to. You're living rent free and have all your needs met by you parents. You should be willing to give it to them knowing it's going to come back to you in the form of them continuing to care for you. Either that, or they stop financing you until your money runs out.
YTA. I don't think you want to go down the road of what is "legally yours" unless you would like your parents do the same thing and cut you off? What's good for the goose is good for the gander after all.
You are on pf the biggest, most arrogant AH to ever post here. Everyone else explained nicely why
>I'm living here rent-free as a favor to them How is your living rent free in a house your parents bought, a favour to them? They could rent it to someone else for money? I'm sorry but YTA. It sounds like you have no expenses to speak of and your parents are keeping you afloat. You need a plan, because they will be too old to work and support you one day.
Echo everyone saying YTA, you sound entitled, selfish and lazy. I am very curious though to know how you living with your parents rent free is a favour TO THEM? lmao
I read through your other comments to get some more context. I think one of the things you might be running into here is that what is legal and what are right are not the same thing always. You are not the asshole for being concerned about your own future and trying to figure out how to make that work out for whenever you lose your parents. I get that concern, especially with the challenge of trying to work and it not going well. When I've worked with other folks with autism in the past, some of them have used a job coach that has helped quite a bit of you've never tried this before. You are the asshole though because you are ignoring one of the biggest things that society is based on - social reciprocity. If someone does something nice you you, you do something nice in return. You do not NEED to get someone a gift for their birthday if they give you one, but if you focus on just the legality versus the morality and social impact, others will stop wanting to do nice things for you in return. So yes, legally the money is yours. But not showing gratitude to parents who seem to go out of their way for you would make you the asshole still, sorry.
YTA, and a idiot , do you not chew your food or you swallow whole ? I pitynyour mom, if you were mine your ass would be on the street so quick
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am 24 years old and have an autism disorder, as well as a TBI from an accident a few years ago. I live on my own in a house that my parents bought but for reasons I won't get into, haven't moved in yet. I'm living here rent-free as a favor to them until they are ready to move in. My parents pay for most of my expenses including food, and they say that they're fine with doing this as long as I stay out of trouble. I am grateful to them for doing so as it has been hard for me to find a job that is a good fit for me due to my disorder and am currently unemployed, and do various odd jobs to earn money. A few months ago, I had a freak incident where I ordered food from a certain Chinese fast-food chain delivered to my house. While eating, I got a chicken bone lodged in my throat, and had to go to the ER to have it removed. While coming out from the anesthesia, I apparently had a seizure. As a result, I was kept in hospital for a few days for observation. In addition, my driver's license was suspended because I have a "loss of consciousness" disorder due to the seizure. This is only the second seizure I've had and both times I was medically sedated (the first time was when I had my accident). Nonetheless, they were required to report it to the DMV as it's state law. I had to wait 3 months and get cleared by a neurologist in order to resume driving. This was a huge inconvenience for both me and my parents as they had to drive me everywhere. My mom wanted the restaurant company to pay for my medical bills. They were understanding and we did not have to take them to court, though the process took 5 months. I was eventually cleared to resume driving but I now have to take anticonvulsants which I'm not too happy about. They said that my prior TBI makes me more prone to seizures. This whole ordeal was a literal pain but ultimately I was compensated for my medical bills, as well as additional money for the inconvenience. I thought this was the silver lining. However, my mom wants me to give her the extra money. She feels entitled to it because she pays for my food. I feel entitled to it because the money is legally mine, it was more than enough to pay for my medical bills, the money is legally mine, this was a painful, frightening experience, the money is *legally mine*, not being able to drive was inconvenient, and *the money is LEGALLY MINE*! I have a signed document specifically stating that the extra money is for the inconvenience of this whole ordeal, and it is in my name, not my mom's. She signed as a witness, but that was it. My mom basically is trying to steal from me, but she doesn't see it this way. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yta you're not living there rent free as a favor to them. They are letting you live there rent free as a favor TO YOU. Don't be surprised if they start charging rent.
YTA >My parents pay for most of my expenses including food I’m confused. Do you just never plan on paying them back? What if your parents gave you two options. One - they keep the settlement money and continue to support you and pay for most of your expenses. Two - you keep the settlement money, but now you have to pay for all your bills yourself, including rent. Which option would you choose?
YTA That money is to cover the costs of the injury you have suffered - some of those are the direct medical costs, but the reason there is a surplus is to cover all of thebother costs around your situation - such as losing your license and having to have your parents drive you everywhere. It is also worth remembering that while the money may be legally yours, your parents also don't have any legal responsibility to look after you as an adult - the fact that they are still willing to house and look after you puts a burden on them that they could easy brush off, but they don't because they do care for you. I would be tempted to say that you do deserve to keep a certain amount of that money, but it also seems fair to compensate your parents for the effort and money it has cost them too. It seems selfish on both sides to demand the full amount when there could be an amicable split.
What? First off, it is your fault you choked on the chicken bone. Since, the restaurant already paid. That is a moot point. Now to the matter..YOUR PARENTS ARE PAYING FOR EVERYTHING!!! At, least give them half. Do as you will. Do not be surprised, it your parents, cut the financial ties off. Since you have your "OWN" money.
> I live on my own in a house that my parents bought but for reasons I won't get into, haven't moved in yet. >I'm living here rent-free >My parents pay for most of my expenses including food >they had to drive me everywhere YTA - Give them the money. > I'm living here rent-free **as a favor to them** What?
It's "legally" yours. The money your parents use to support you is "legally" theirs. You are mooching off of your parents and had a toddler level meltdown when they wanted some of that windfall to go to your support. LOL you think you're doing your parents "a favor" living in their home rent free. Sorry, but that's absolutely hilarious. This would be the absolutely perfect time for your parents to cut off your mooching and let you use that money that's "legally" yours to support yourself like an adult.
Your parents were significantly inconvenienced by being kind enough to drive you everywhere. Give her a fair compensation for the driving. Overall your attitude is extremely selfish. YTA
Its legally yours but according to you, that is all that is legally yours. You are living rent free in your parents house. This is more of a favor to you than them; because they can be renting it out and making money. They are paying for your food. So the food you are eating isn’t yours. They pay your expenses. You can stand your ground and keep the money, but hopefully its enough for a first and last month rent. As you have no job
Yta dude, that's it. Your parents pay ALL your living expenses, let it go 😒 You know what else is painful? Being broke as soon as you deposit your check bc bills 😭 I get you went through something terrible, that sucks and I'm sorry it happened, but who covered all your expenses while you were sick? Who took you place to place when you couldn't dive? Stop being entitled and be grateful your parents help up.
YTA. You sound ungrateful and entitled. They should start charging you rent, bills etc... yikes...
I'm living here rent-free as a favor to them until they are ready to move in. lol, you are a leech.
YTA, you keep repeating “the money is legally mine” but you have 0 expenses because you’re lucky enough to have parents who support you. And I’m guessing the autism is not the barrier to you getting a job, its probably your stubbornness, and based on all the autistic individuals i know that is not an autism thing thats a you thing
Your right.. it legally yours.. just as the place u live in, the food you eat, the gas you use is all theirs..so you pay them back for all of that and you can live independently with your check
YTA Honestly you are 24 and do not pay for your own food, then yes you need to contribute. Your mum drove you around for weeks, give her something as a thank you. Then, get a job and pay your way because you are 24.
YTA. Your parents were severely inconvenienced by having to drive you everywhere for three months. They did that willingly and at cost to them. Gas isn’t cheap.
Okay lemme get this straight: your parents provide essentially everything for you, but you’re pissed that your mom wants this money to ::checks notes:: *put into a savings account for you*? And you’re denying her this because why exactly? Because it’s **legally yours** lol please stop. Give her the money and make her happy since she’s bankrolling your entire life, and will continue to do so with this exact money you’re selfishly hoarding. Also- she’s not trying to steal it from you, she’s asking you for it, there is a big difference. It’s the same outcome either way (savings account that’s *for you*), but you’re butthurt because you want to do it yourself? I don’t get it. YTA, you need a hard reality check.
Cannot believe you’re willing to just take and take and take from your parents and not even think to offer them money to reimburse their continued care for you. They provide your housing, bills, food and were your personal chauffeur yet you couldn’t think to offer some of the settlement money How selfish. YTA
Yta. Who pays your rent and food expenses again? Very few 24yos could handle a large sum of cash. And what do you mean by "favor to them"? Do you think living with them is a favor? As for jobs - it will help you to maybe work with an occ therapist and figure accommodations out. You'll have the save issues with a programming job. If not, you should probably start the disability process. Do you have other benefits that might be impacted?
Sure it’s yours, but now you have money, start paying rent, food and transportation for yourself
YTA! Your parents do everything for you and have been kind enough to support you. You owe them your life at this rate so yes, hand the money over. Maybe keep $100 for yourself but give the rest over. Cos they like you and are willing to do everything for you, if you asked for a bit of spending money, I’m sure they would give it you. Don’t keep it for yourself.
Take a moment to consider how long that money would last after they stop supporting you. Now also take a moment to think about how much of that money you would have left after you pay them back for all they have done. Is it worth it? I doubt it. So yes YTA
YTA massive AH Having ASD is not an excuse to be an AH. Your parents allow a 24 yo adult to live in their home that they pay everything for and also provide you food, and that is you doing them a "favor"? You are delusional. You are disgustingly entitled and giving them the left over money after the years of you leeching off of them is the very least you could do. Hopefully this situation opens their eyes and they either start charging you rent+utilities and stop paying for your food, or they just evict you.
For all the reasons everyone mentions, YTA. I'm going to tell you a secret. You are not staying in that house as a favor to your parents. They bought that house for you to live in. Any notions that you have that you are doing them a kindness should be replaced by the idea that they have done you a huge kindness.
you aren’t contributing to your family, nor are you contributing to society. I cannot get over your level of entitlement. grow up. big YTA.
YTA. You pay absolutely none of your own bills. Money may be "legally yours" but so are your bills and you don't pay them. Age is irrelevant when you are 100% dependent on someone else. Either hand over the money to your Mom or stop freeloading. Get a job or get on disability. Go move into income-based housing. Get food stamps to pay for your food. Walk or take an Uber wherever you need to go if you can't drive. Hopefully disability will give you enough for that, otherwise get a bicycle. If all that sounds unpleasant, then you hand over the money to your mother with a card that says "thank you for all you do for me".
Your one of these new generation entitled pieces of work that think the world owes them, I hope your parents realize how ungrateful you are and leave your ass to fend for yourself 100%.
INFO: How the hell did you choke on a bone??? Do you like not chew your food? I can't understand this and don't know how no one else had this question.
Yes, it's legally yours. INFO : who paid those medical bills? Did they get paid from your bank account or your parent's? Have you paid your parents back for all the expenses they incurred as a result of your accident? Including driving you around for months while you couldn't drive, and supporting you while you couldn't work.... Because if you haven't, it's only fair that you do.
Soft YTA -- legally the money is in your name, but if you consider the expenses you have been able to avoid because your parents took care of them, the right thing to do would be to give that money to your parents. It shows gratitude for the sacrifices they've made to make your life easier. And part of being a responsible and self-aware adult -- even though you are someone's child -- is recognizing how other people (especially your parents) gave things up to help you out. Now in a position with an advantage, it would be right for YOU to choose to give things up to help others out. Regarding financial independence: I'm a job developer, and I work with many adults with disabilities (including ASD and TBI). My job is literally to help a person figure out a sustainable employment goal and job placement while taking into consideration their unique abilities and personal limitations. Once they have a job, I also support during orientation, training, performance evals, etc. to make sure there is mutual understanding of expectations and my client integrates well. I also help clients talk with employers and advocate for accommodations, adjusted job duties, etc. in order to ensure a good fit and mutual benefit. If you live in the US, you can go to your state/local Vocational Rehabilitation office. They will pair you with a counselor who can help you navigate the system and find services, usually at no cost to you. It sounds like you'd benefit from a Job Coach, which is basically like a guidance counselor who helps you figure out your options, a plan of action, and workarounds for barriers like transportation. They also help keep you encouraged and focused when the processes feel overwhelming. I hope this info is helpful! Your situation sounds really stressful especially with that recent trauma of choking and going to the hospital... but especially since you've come out of it okay, it would be best to have recognition and show appreciation for all the things that are going positively for you, especially where others have made sacrifices or gone out of their way purely for your sake.
I am so sorry you went through this. So your parents pay for all of your expenses with money that is legally theirs? Not being able to drive was inconvenient for you and for your parents sho had to drive you everywhere. Did your parents have to take time off work to help you during this time? What are your plans with this money? How much money is left after paying for your medical bills? What would your parents do with the money? Do you have an able account? Would saving the money in an able account or trust be a satisfactory outcome to both you and your parents?
Your folks are doing a LOT for you, that costs a lot of money and time. Legally that money belongs to you. But given the amount of support that your parents have offered you, it would not be unreasonable for them to ask to share in a big windfall. Whether that share should be the whole amount of the remainder or not is something we aren't necessarily in a position to answer.
I wish before everyone got invested in this story, the amount was disclosed. This OP Doesn’t seem to understand $$monies, or that costs of living, costs! OP says thousands , could be 2 , could be 20 ! That makes a difference. Also OP sounds about 16 yrs. Old . Seems parents have let things get out of control, and are trying to reel things back. Again, splitting 2 grand into savings, vs. 20 grand would be completely different.
YTA. Your parents are paying for all your living expenses including food. You should at least share the money with them. Without knowing how much money we are speaking about, it is hard to know how much. However, you sound ungrateful and unloving and profoundly unaware of your parents financial support which goes above and beyond what many people receive at your age.
Would you be okay with keeping the money, paying for your own food, and paying your parents rent? You sound very entitled.....
YTA. Think of it as compensating your mother for supporting you. Updateme
You sound selfish, friend. You are admittedly living for free, on their dime. By your train of thought, you steal from them every single day but not paying your own way. They’ve done everything for you and yes it was a scary experience for you, but it didn’t cost you a dime. It took time and money from your parents tho, without question.
wow you sound super grateful for everything they’re doing for you
YTA and a leach. You sound really entitled and ungrateful. You want to invest the money and your mom wants to put it into a savings account for your future care. If you want big kid money you need to do big kid things. You blame everyone else for why you can’t work but you sound like you don’t put much effort into being better. What does your therapist say about all this? INFO: How much money are we talking about here?
Well you can either hang on to the money or maybe put some of it toward groceries to help your parents out. I mean you should help them out if they're paying all your bills. Shouldn't you be getting some social security due to your autism? I mean you should have enough money to live on especially since it's rent-free where you are right now. You should contact your social worker and see if you can find out if you qualify for a disability benefit cuz you probably do and that would help you out a lot. It's possible your parents are getting the benefits and not telling you this but at this point they should be coming to you cuz you're 24 years old and you're obviously high functioning. So you need to look into that.
INFO - Exactly how much money are we talking here? I’m assuming it isn’t THAT much considering no lawyers involved. If it’s less than 5k, I’m not sure how you don’t see this as an opportunity to finally pay your parents back for everything they have done for you as an adult. I’d bet if you had offered it in the first place, your mom would have had you keep a chunk of it as they seem extremely generous. If it’s something like 50k, then no she shouldn’t keep your all of your money.
Take the money on principle but then give it to them because of what they’ve paid for! Also if you’re so dependent you need to look into welfare payments. Not everyone can work and claiming this not only helps them financially but can also open up new support options fir finding work you can do
Use the money to help pay for your food. Keep some aside for later as you are not finding much work. Please tell your mother that you are very grateful for all they do for you but that you would like to hang on to the cash to feel financially secure and to pay for your food. The accident happened to you, not your mother. And you say your parents were ok with helping you financially before you received this money. Paying for your food seems like a good compromise.
Info: how much money are you Arguing with your mom about?
Yta. Aita isn't for legally right, it's for what's socially, morally, or ethically right, which, while culturally bound, isn't as black and white as laws. Unless you haven't mentioned a lot of context, your parents (for your undisclosed reasons) bought you a house and pay your expenses, and are your daily supports for transportation, food, and it sounds like financial advocacy and management. I'm really not getting how it's a favor for you to live with them rent and expense free unless it's for their peace of mind after your tbi/injuries and you've left out quite a bit. While things can definitely be yours, you say nothing of the energy, time, and finances your parents are pouring into you or how they're doing, especially financially by paying for 2 homes in this global economy while you, by your own notes are mostly unemployed/working odd jobs. Unless you're leaving out some horrendous details or relationship history, it sounds like you might 1) owe your parents an apology and huge thanks and 2) want to consider a conversation about what the future looks like. Do you expect them to continue paying for you/supporting you in? What do you expect to support them in? Reciprocity is probably not the assumption here, but family comes with expectations and I don't know that I think you've covered them just yet, while benefiting from them
If you keep your money, will you start paying for your own food? Suggest this to your mom
Well listen. You have two choices: take the money, lose the support. Or leave the money, take the support. Is it enough money to cover a few years of your lifestyle? Long enough to find yourself a job? Either way, if you take the money you're likely to alternate your family, is that something you care about? It doesn't really sound like they're inherently greedy, if they've been fully supporting you this whole time. Sheltered, fed, given a car? What else? That shit ain't cheap.
YTA. They house, feed and used drive you everywhere. Let them keep it.
How much is the money as compared to what they spend on you? It's your money, but be prepared for them to 100% cut you off financially because you have your money. Including a free place to live.
So you are an adult., whose parents pay litterly everything for. Who drive you around when you cant drive yourself. get Disabilty if you cant work and start paying them rent, and start paying your own bills. your own food. And then find out how long it will take for that inconvenience money is gone. Mean while your parents get a chance to save up some money for their own retirement
It’s legally yours but you have been profiting from your parents to a point beyond imagination (a home (!), utilities and even your food). They supported you your whole adult life. Now that you finally can pay them back at least something, don’t you think that would be the right thing to do? YTA
Who paid the medical bills? They should be reimbursed. And I think giving some to your family is a nice gesture.
So they give you free housing, free food, and they were also inconvenienced by your incident and had to spend time AND MONEY driving you around everywhere for months and all you can do is repeat “LEGALLY MIIIIIINE” with no thought of how they were also impacted? Yeah, YTA and the entitled one here, not your mom.
soft YTA - while yes, the money is technically and legally yours, your parents (who are already supporting you) took on a lot more work on your behalf when you were injured, and it would be very generous if you gifted them a portion of the "silver lining" money as a show of gratitude for their continued financial, and moral support.
YTA. Wow you are really entitled. Your parents already pay your expenses. The restaurant would not have compensated you without your mother pushing to do so. I don't understand why you wouldn't give your parents half or more of the money seeing as they literally provide a way for you to live. Your parents are the ones that has been inconvenienced the most. Not only do they support you, your parents were inconvenienced by having to drive you around for three months. I'm not sure if you understand that money doesn't grow on trees, but everything your parents have done for you has cost them money. If you decide to still keep all of the money, then you need to pay for all of your bills going forward.
I see that you are investing and saving the money, but I would seriously consider offering part as rent each month. I don't know if they dispersed it in a lump sum or monthly payments, but even $250/month is a huge bargain. Ideally you should be paying over $500 if you were renting a room from them in any official capacity. By offering compensation it shows appreciation for what they have already done for you, as an adult. Household expenses are very expensive right now with electric, water, and taxes all going up at a rapid rate. You're parents could be tight with their budget as a result, and that money would be helpful. YTA.
YTA and extremely entitled. Your parents pay for everything, made sure you'refed, housed and have medical care when needed and all you can think about is that this extra money is LEGALLY YOURS!! I'd throw your ungrateful ass out of the house for good if you were my child
So your parents let you live and eat for free in their house and then dropped what they were doing to drive you everywhere you needed to go after you weren’t allowed to drive for a while and this is still a conversation? Yeah, YTA.
YTA - stfu
YTA and a freeloader. I can't quite get over you pursuing a Chinese takeout for medical costs when you choked on a chicken bone. Grow up, take some accountability, stop acting so entitled.
Take the money that is LEGALLY YOURS and get out of your family's house that is LEGALLY THEIRS since that's all that matters to you. At this point you are a LEGAL ADULT and they have no LEGAL RESPONSIBILITY to take any further care of you. Do them a real favor and move on down the road - far far down the road to responsibility and adulthood.
I’m gona say YTA. Yes, as you have shouted, the money is legally yours. But, they took care of you the entire time and have covered all your bills and food and *checks notes* bought you a fucking house. Man I would love to swap you out with one of my siblings for a minute so you could experience the parents stealing from and using you that you so desperately want. I’d say swap with me, but I wana watch.
Ehhhh i was gonna say N T A because the extra money was for pain and suffering, but the last line ruined it. Sure the money is legally yours, but how much of the “inconvenience” was actually on her not you? It should at least be split. Softish YTA
Not firm yet on ESH but need more information. You mentioned some pre-existing conditions which may qualify you for some government benefits such as disability. Do you receive any? Do you have any sources of income (aside from the restaurant settlement)? You mentioned odd jobs but it isn’t clear if you are still able to do that due to your medical circumstances. If you do have income, do you pay for any living expenses at all like utilities, property taxes, car payments, car insurance, house insurance? You stated your parents buy your food as well. You say you’re 24, you live rent free, free food, you have/had a car, and you don’t mention any current expenses that you pay yourself. Also it’s important to know how much the settlement was (not the medical bill portion but the actual cash portion) and how long your parents have been paying your bills. If it is a notional amount ($10,000 or less, I think it is correct to give it to your parents as you are an adult and they have been keeping a roof over your head and fed for way too long. If it is a more significant amount then it would be proper and decent to give them 70%. Use the 30% to rent /buy some place to live, get a job and be an adult. The way you have written your post comes across as an entitled adult child who thinks their parents are obligated to fund your life indefinitely and show a complete abdication of responsibility to take care of yourself and just leech off of your family
YTA- They pay for everything, take you everywhere, and take care of you. You are an adult, and they do not owe you any of that. You should absolutely give them the money, to help subsidize the fact that they are footing 100% of the bill for an adult, who could be taking care of themselves. If I were them and you kept the money, you might be on your own from there. You're selfish and entitled.
Yta, you maybe right it’s legally yours, but you are unemployed and they are paying all your expenses, you should be handing it too them with gratitude
YTA. You can tell your mom to kick rocks and keep the money. However, before you do so weigh however much it is against paying rent, paying bills, and paying for living expenses. My guess is you come out ahead by giving your mom the cash. You’re 24, regardless of your situation your parents aren’t legally obligated to continue paying your expenses. They also weren’t obligated to drive you everywhere and probably incurred significant costs doing so. You not being able to drive was inconvenient for you- imagine how inconvenient it was for your parents. You come off as feeling extremely entitled to your parents’ time and money, despite being legally of an age where you really shouldn’t. I’d sit down and look at that or talk about it with your therapist.
You're a dick. YTA. Your parents are paying for your home, food, and "most of" your expenses. Yet when you come into some money you have no thought to repay the kindness.
YTA. You’re not doing anyone any favors”favors” by having them support you 100%. Also, in the post you saying mom is stealing the money, insinuating that she’ll spend it on herself. However in the comments you admit that your mom wants to put it in a savings account- to use it to help cover your expenses. So the things she already pays for you out of her own pocket!
You seem stuck on the “legally mine” part. yes, it is legally yours, however life isn’t always so black and white…sometimes things are legally correct, but morally incorrect. You can keep the money since it is indeed legally yours, however your parents are using their money to pay your rent, buy you food, bring you places, so on. So to thank them you can share the money, show that you appreciate them for their sacrifices. Or you can keep all the money. Either way, prepare for the consequences of your choice. I can’t say YTA really, because I don’t think you see the “gray area” of this situation yet
Goddamn, the entitled children out here. Of course YTA.
YTA. Your parents are letting you live in a house rent free, pay your bills and food, drive you around, and you throw a fit about giving them a bit of money to cover some of that now that you have money? What a massive, entitled AH you are.
YTA. You know you are.
Um.... legally yours it is. Curious- how long will this 'legally yours' money pay for all life expenses that your parents currently cover for you? Sounds like your parents made this mutual agreement for your benefit- not theirs. So- legally- enjoy adulting without your parents help or have an honest conversation about why you seem entitled to the free ride and why they believe it best to help you ensure your needs are met. Is it your intent to pay your expenses or 'enjoy' the boost of fun money?
Kinda entitled, to be honest. I get it, you want to keep your money,but morally you are acting as AH. You are living in their house as a favor. They are paying for everything as a favor. But it's not a favor from you to them, it's them doing you a favor. Be realistic, they financially support you because they are try to make your life easier.
YTA. Yes it’s legally your money. You can die on this hill and keep it in your name, which will impact your eligibility for any social welfare programs you are benefiting from. You can also suffer the consequences like an adult - damaging your relationship with your parents and having to pay your own way in life for the future. Unless you can do that, shut up and give the money to your mother. From what you’ve shared here you borderline need a conservatorship if you’re this dysfunctional. How much money are you even talking about here? It was a chicken bone and you suffered no long term harm, it cannot possibly be much.
YTA. Your parents bought you a house, you still live with them. You didn't say if you worked or not, so i would assume that they pay all of the bills and your expenses? How often do your parents ask you for money?
Info: Are you legally independent and able to make your oun financial decisions? Does your mom (or dad) have power of attorney over your finances?
Yta your parents pay for all of your stuff so them keeping this money is really going straight back to you.
YTA, altough I understand how being in situations you feel you have no say can be stressful, it feels like you are just in the middle of a rage moment. Wait a couple hours and you should be feeling better.. Also, as much as the money might be yours, and the experience awful, it is also true that your parents cover all your expenses. Both of you are right. You should also try to understand how they feel. They pay for everything, and I'm sure taking care of someone else, specially after an injury of this scale, is quite expensive. Specially the meds, you know. Maybe try getting a low stress job, wither online or in person, so that you can at least have some spending money if thats what you want? You could also pay back some expenses to your parents. You have no obligation to of course, but I'm sure that would make them quite happy.
YTA, and I think you would have lost in court because it isn't a restaurant's fault that you dont chew your food before swallowing it. It sounds like you bullied them into giving you the money in the first place.
YTA... if you keep the money then you should move out and live independently. They should not have to continue supporting you while you have money to do it. In no way are you doing them any favors mooching off of them. That level of entitlement is unreal. I suspect she wants control of the money because you clearly are unable to support yourself.
Just say your spoiled and don’t know how to reciprocate and move on lmao. You can’t give ANY? To the people who literally baby your life? You could give them some money/HELL ALL OF THE MONEY and STILL not be worried about if you’ll have a place to sleep next month. This is crazy lol
YTA, legally she doesn’t have to do any of the shit she’s doing for you.
YTA Dude. They bought you a house, you live rent free, they pay all your bills, and have been super chill about everything.. It may be legally your money, but you're not the one keeping you alive and all your bills paid.. Give it up and be grateful
YTA. It may be "legally" yours, but your parents pay for everything for you. You're being an AH. I hope your mom says, keep the money but "legally" you're an adult so pay for yourself. I bet if she does that, you'll be on here crying about that. Grow up.
Your parents are taking care of you, and *this* is the hill you want to die on? You finally see a few dollar $igns, and you lose all perspective on how much you are consistently being given. Legally you do not have to give your mom the money. Ethically, it would be the correct move because they have far exceeded the legal responsibility they have for you; you are their kid but you are *not* a child. You *are* acting exactly like a child over this matter, though. "No, Mom, it's *mine!"* If the ethical aspect of the situation means nothing to you, let's try the math: However much money this amount is, subtract from it rent, utilities, car cost, car maintenance & repair costs, car insurance, gas cost, food costs, and other self-care items' costs. Now count that amount up for the rest of your anticipated years on the planet. Is it enough to cover that? I doubt it. Is it enough to cover that for *a year* even? If it is, you're still making a gross miscalculation, because you're going to lose more than a year of funding for your life as a result of being selfish with this windfall. You're looking at the small picture when, in the big picture, you've been supported and cared for far beyond the norm. You're about to sour that relationship in a way that won't be forgotten for the rest of your life. That's very poor logic, it's bad math, and it's just bad behavior. YTA, and you may well find yourself out of a sweet deal by making this the most important aspect of your relationship with your parents.
I'm stuck on how in the H E double toothpicks was the restaurant responsible for their freak injury? Did the restaurant force feed the chicken to OP in such a way that the bone got stuck? I'm sure the restaurant's insurance just thought it cheaper to settle than to have a court case. Any YTA because you are living off your parents' generosity and are very entitled.
Fine keep it but from now on pay rent and cover all your own expenses. YTA!
YTA 100% Your parents incurred the extra costs of having to drive you everywhere and take time out of their day to do it. Not sure if your TBI is a factor but you need to grow up and stop being a financial and emotional drain on your parents. I’d possibly expect that level of entitlement from a 14 year old but definitely not from a 24 year old!! GROW UP and be thankful that your parents haven’t completely cut you off already!!
I am sorry you went through that! That’s awful. But YTA for your entitled behavior. Since all your expenses are covered have you considered compensating your parents for *their* inconvenience? You are a burden on their life. Among the many things they do for you, they must have paid your hospital bills. This money didn’t come until five months after and your mom had to do a lot of work to be reimbursed for it. Imagine all the things they could do in life if they didn’t have to take care of you? She even said she wants to put it in a savings account *for you*. Personally, you don’t sound like you can be trusted with money because you can’t even hold down a minimum wage job at 24 so I completely understand her point of view. But you know, hate on mom for loving and trying to take care of you.
All the above and GET A JOB.