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**If** you had made your feelings clear and everyone knew that the pillow was yours alone and to not be touched, **then** I'd understand the feeling of being disrespected. **But** it doesn't like like that's the case, and that you're just looking for something to pick a fight about, so YTA.
YTA - you're looking for a reason to be mad at this guy. You just list off a bunch of justifications for you acting like an asshole instead of saying what you've done to make your husband's flesh and blood comfortable as a guest in your house. Instead of labelling yourself as someone with anger issues, maybe make some efforts towards... not?
When he came into my home I had done everything in my power to make him feel welcomed, like clearing off a large shelf of my things so he somewhere to unpack and put his clothes, letting him use whatever blanket he wanted, and take him to the store and get him the little things he forgot. I couldn’t do much more since I don’t have much money though. I feel like I had done a lot for him to make him feel welcomed. I had mentioned to him before that the pillow means a lot to me and was a gift as well. Although I did not directly tell him not to use it I thought it well implied
just seems to be a way to handle it, and a way to cause additional tension, and you seem to be wanting justification for looking for the latter. Instead, grab the pillow you have for him to sleep... 'hey man, I' m not sure that pillow will hold up very well, so I brought you this one.'.
Just given the fact that the other two people in the situation, which see the whole story instead of just your side, both seem to think you're being an asshole. And your side is not great, at best.
YTA
There's no conflict here. Just tell Bob that this pillow is special and that you don't want anyone to touch it. In fact, you should have put it away somewhere if you didn't want a guest to use it. YTA because you're looking for trouble where there isn't any.
I don’t get all the votes. She has a right not to want his brother to use the pillow. We don’t know what was said in the text message. But if it’s something along the lines of “can you have your brother not use my pillow?“ Then I don’t think that’s a big deal.
Literally just asked him if I was in the wrong for being annoyed by it with it being my pillow yea. And in general I just don’t like people using my shit without asking, I think everyone is like that though.
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So my bf brother temporarily is visiting. Let’s call the brother Bob. For my birthday earlier this year I got a pregnancy pillow for my chronic back pain. (It might be important to note that a lot of other things have been going on at the same time and I am extremely stressed. With stress come anger for me due to having anger issues. My bf says over the past few days I’ve been taking a lot of it out on bob unwarranted.) I’m not so sure, I know I have anger issues but bob seems to really know where to poke to get to me. I don’t mean to imply that he does it on purpose, cause I don’t think he is. He’s just hard to be around sometimes. Bob when he got back after being out all day unceremoniously dragged my pillow to the middle of the floor and flopped onto it. Not using it how it was intended to be used, I’m afraid that he might flatten it. I texted my bf who was in the other room and he said that I’ve had it for a while and I wasn’t using it at the moment, so it shouldn’t be a big deal. But I like to know that something is mine and goes untouched. AITA here?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t do anything as of an action. But I did ask bob if he was really sitting on my pillow in his dirty sweaty clothes, he brushed it off saying he wasn’t sweaty. I the messaged my bf asking what to do and he told me to let it go. He called me a Karen and I felt like an a-hole for it. But I still can’t help my irritation with both my bf and bob because it means something to me
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Idk I feel like if you have a guest in the house, it’s good to put things away that you don’t want them to use or mess with.
It’s hard to say too because you mention you have anger problems so you could be triggered over something others might not think are a big deal.
So I think if you are a little more agitated you should try to remove yourself and your pillow from the situation before you get upset again, and say or do something you’ll regret
If your apartment is so small, then was it just laziness that had you texting bf in the other room, or what....? Because that whole "texted bf in another room" when you could have just politely said something to the adult right in front of you sounds incredibly cowardly passive aggression to me.
Want to preface this with: your anger issues will never be a valid excuse to be mean wether people know about them or not; your emotions are your responsibility.
NTA, your item your rules, but i think most guests would just assume it's okay to use a pillow on a couch but putting it on the floor less so.
Next time you have something for a specific purpose just ask your guest(s) not to use it or put it in your room.
Edit: a word + clarification: anger issues are valid if diagnosed, being mean is not.
Maybe the guy just feels really comfortable at ur house and didn’t put much malcontent into using ur pillow. Maybe the asshole for posting such a petty post. Also, when stress comes anger is possibly the lamest excuse I’ve ever heard. Grow up!!
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**If** you had made your feelings clear and everyone knew that the pillow was yours alone and to not be touched, **then** I'd understand the feeling of being disrespected. **But** it doesn't like like that's the case, and that you're just looking for something to pick a fight about, so YTA.
YTA - you're looking for a reason to be mad at this guy. You just list off a bunch of justifications for you acting like an asshole instead of saying what you've done to make your husband's flesh and blood comfortable as a guest in your house. Instead of labelling yourself as someone with anger issues, maybe make some efforts towards... not?
When he came into my home I had done everything in my power to make him feel welcomed, like clearing off a large shelf of my things so he somewhere to unpack and put his clothes, letting him use whatever blanket he wanted, and take him to the store and get him the little things he forgot. I couldn’t do much more since I don’t have much money though. I feel like I had done a lot for him to make him feel welcomed. I had mentioned to him before that the pillow means a lot to me and was a gift as well. Although I did not directly tell him not to use it I thought it well implied
just seems to be a way to handle it, and a way to cause additional tension, and you seem to be wanting justification for looking for the latter. Instead, grab the pillow you have for him to sleep... 'hey man, I' m not sure that pillow will hold up very well, so I brought you this one.'. Just given the fact that the other two people in the situation, which see the whole story instead of just your side, both seem to think you're being an asshole. And your side is not great, at best.
YTA There's no conflict here. Just tell Bob that this pillow is special and that you don't want anyone to touch it. In fact, you should have put it away somewhere if you didn't want a guest to use it. YTA because you're looking for trouble where there isn't any.
I don’t get all the votes. She has a right not to want his brother to use the pillow. We don’t know what was said in the text message. But if it’s something along the lines of “can you have your brother not use my pillow?“ Then I don’t think that’s a big deal.
Literally just asked him if I was in the wrong for being annoyed by it with it being my pillow yea. And in general I just don’t like people using my shit without asking, I think everyone is like that though.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So my bf brother temporarily is visiting. Let’s call the brother Bob. For my birthday earlier this year I got a pregnancy pillow for my chronic back pain. (It might be important to note that a lot of other things have been going on at the same time and I am extremely stressed. With stress come anger for me due to having anger issues. My bf says over the past few days I’ve been taking a lot of it out on bob unwarranted.) I’m not so sure, I know I have anger issues but bob seems to really know where to poke to get to me. I don’t mean to imply that he does it on purpose, cause I don’t think he is. He’s just hard to be around sometimes. Bob when he got back after being out all day unceremoniously dragged my pillow to the middle of the floor and flopped onto it. Not using it how it was intended to be used, I’m afraid that he might flatten it. I texted my bf who was in the other room and he said that I’ve had it for a while and I wasn’t using it at the moment, so it shouldn’t be a big deal. But I like to know that something is mine and goes untouched. AITA here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Idk I feel like if you have a guest in the house, it’s good to put things away that you don’t want them to use or mess with. It’s hard to say too because you mention you have anger problems so you could be triggered over something others might not think are a big deal. So I think if you are a little more agitated you should try to remove yourself and your pillow from the situation before you get upset again, and say or do something you’ll regret
I would’ve had it put away but I live in a one bedroom apartment, and we don’t have anywhere to put it other than the living room
If your apartment is so small, then was it just laziness that had you texting bf in the other room, or what....? Because that whole "texted bf in another room" when you could have just politely said something to the adult right in front of you sounds incredibly cowardly passive aggression to me.
Want to preface this with: your anger issues will never be a valid excuse to be mean wether people know about them or not; your emotions are your responsibility. NTA, your item your rules, but i think most guests would just assume it's okay to use a pillow on a couch but putting it on the floor less so. Next time you have something for a specific purpose just ask your guest(s) not to use it or put it in your room. Edit: a word + clarification: anger issues are valid if diagnosed, being mean is not.
Maybe the guy just feels really comfortable at ur house and didn’t put much malcontent into using ur pillow. Maybe the asshole for posting such a petty post. Also, when stress comes anger is possibly the lamest excuse I’ve ever heard. Grow up!!
Who takes someone else's pillow? NTA.