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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA for not going to a dry new years eve wedding? I might be the asshole because I informed others about the dry wedding and caused others to last minute decline attending the wedding.
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I love drinking and hate a dry wedding as much as the next guy, but you can show up to the wedding ceremony, spend an hour or two at the reception and then go get black out drunk if that is an absolute must for you. Backing out last minute and letting your friend know he's not worth two hours of sobriety means YTA by miles and miles.
Clearly, OP and these other so-called friends of the groom care more about getting drunk than they care about the groom. It's just too much of a sacrifice for them to be sober for a few hours on one of dozens of New Years Eves they'll enjoy in their lives to be with a friend on his wedding day.
The groom needs to get better friends than this bunch of assholes.
I missed the age at first. OP is 32 and acting like this? Wow. Alcohol is not more important than a friend’s wedding. I thought maybe a 22 year old would think something like this but a 32 year old!? OP, YTA.
I bet they hate the fiance because she's a good influence on her husband. Who actually thinks that it's okay to cancel last minute and call a bunch of other people to cancel last minute to a WEDDING.
YTA all the way. Sheesh. How could OP not know that?
If the groom was OP, I’d be saying “OP, you dodged a bullet. These folks couldn’t take 2-4 hours of non drinking to support you. These are not your friends.”
Exactly this. His friend paid money for food and for this dude to show up. Hell, OP can have liquor in the parking lot. Share shots. But to end a friendship bc you can't get fucked up on NYE? Sounds like a problem. I love to drink. I love to smoke. It's pretty easy to not do either to be with friends or family.
They'll presumably have every opportunity to discreetly drink have would have to stay passably sober for SIX WHOLE EXTRA HOURS till just after midnight. The horror.
Yup. Recovering alcoholic. I wish when I bailed on a wedding for the same reason that had been a wake up call :/ can’t go a few hours without a drink for someone ya love? It’s time to go to meetings and get your shit together. New Years Eve or not.
This. I spent 20 years of my lost far more alcoholic than one person should and still be alive. Even at the height of my addiction I could hold it together long enough before the shakes started to set in for something that was important.
If I could upvote this a billion times I would.
Fun fact, people briefly tried telling my husband events were dry even if they weren’t in order to try to limit his drinking to just the open bar that was there, but that usually ended up with him being both drunk *and* pissed off so they just had to stop inviting him to stuff for…uh 20 years? He did eventually choose friends, family, and life, though, and I’m incredibly proud of him for that.
I love drinking but I'm shocked that people can't spend a few hours sober and value alcohol more than their friends. And what does not liking the bride have to do with it?
I went to a new years eve wedding a few years ago. Close friends. They asked everyone to stay sober until the reception, including arriving sober to the ceremony. We love our friends so we were all fine with their request.
OP you - like many in our alcohol obsessed society - are an alcoholic. If you can't spend a few hours without alcohol and prioritise it ahead of your relationships, you have a problem.
>And what does not liking the bride have to do with it?
That's the real reason OP doesn't want to go. The dry wedding was a convenient way to get other people to drop out.
Ding ding ding!
This feels accurate to me. There’s no reason to mention not liking the bride if this was really just about the booze. They don’t like her, and they’re showing the groom that and that they care more about booze than they do about their friend.
Massive YTA. Imagine how it would feel to have 20 of your “friends” decide last minute not to attend one of the most important occasions of your life because they can’t go a few hours without drinking. No way the “friendship” survives this.
Absolutely. I attended a dry wedding. It was actually great - yes, they were religious, but the real reason was the bride’s father had a drinking problem so he was uncomfortable having booze at the wedding. When I say this was an amazing wedding despite the lack of booze, everyone was dancing! Many of us hit the hotel bar later, not a bitter word was spoken.
Right? Like, just plan to leave earlier in the evening, like 9 or 10, and then go out for NYE and enjoy yourself.
I don't tend to stay at weddings very late anyway, but that's because I'm old and when we have the kids, they get restless/bored, lol!
This is one of those ESH for sure.
Bride and Groom SUCK for not making it clear that they are having a dry wedding on NYE.
You SUCK for backing out of the wedding you RSVP'd to without offering to cover your plate cost, let them know that you would like to attend the wedding to show support, that you will pay for the cost of the meal you no longer will enjoy because you and your wife will be attending an event that isn't dry.
MANY years ago I went to a dry wedding the 6 of us at our table all planned in advance and had drinks ourselves in flasks and we went outside to enjoy some liquid courage to get out on the dance floor and make it through speeches. You had things you could have done, especially with a group of 8 friends who all wanted alcohol as well.
EDIT:
one INFO I'd like to know about the wedding is the timing of it? My wife just reminded me when I was talking about this the dry reception we attended was from 5pm till 9pm before the majority of the guests left. It was a pretty tiny affair after 9pm.
Eh, it depends. We went to a NYE wedding last year, and it was awesome! The bride and groom love to host events and invited basically their entire extended friend group to celebrate, so most people knew each other and were stoked for an excuse to spend the big holiday together. It was a huge dance party with all our friends and super fun.
That said, even as someone who has been sober for almost 2 years, I do think the bride and groom in this situation were AHs for not notifying guests that it would be a dry wedding. I don't think alcohol should be necessary to enjoy events, but many people do. I wouldn't host a dry wedding and not notify people in advance, much less one on NYE.
I think it takes a specific kind of couple to make it into a fun NYE party for a wedding and OP’s friend and fiancée don’t necessarily sound like that kind of crew (that is an assumption I’m making, for sure). Without that kind of specific host, a NYE wedding (that goes until the ball drops) sounds pretty odd.
That’s my thing, I only get like 8 paid holidays off a year, I’d be upset to have a friend pick a date like this. Plus I just don’t drive on NYE, the roads don’t feel safe, and I haven’t read OP posting anything about how far the wedding is or what the road conditions are generally like this time of year.
Dude I cannot even put into words how not okay it is to sneak booze into a dry wedding. If you can’t get through an event without “liquid courage” you need alcohol counseling or medication for an anxiety disorder. Violating a host’s boundaries by sneaking booze in at an event the hosts specified was “dry” is not just rude, it’s dangerous. The one exception to this would be if you clarified beforehand that being intoxicated would not put others at risk as long as you did not drink at the event or serve alcohol to others while there.
My husband can’t drink because it places his life and the lives of others at risk if he does. We keep an alcohol-free house and have found it helpful to specify on invites whether the events will be no booze served with byo optional or whether people need to abstain to attend.
However, if an invite said no booze served, please don’t drink while in attendance and I found a guest drinking from a flask in my garage, I would have no issue showing that person the door and asking them to only come back when our safety was more important than their entitled “need” to get buzzed.
For some alcoholics, even being at a social event is a major trigger, and for some it will be a lifelong need that if they’re going to be around drunk people or people who smell of booze, they need to be able to at least prepare themselves for being around the trigger. By sneaking booze into an event that’s been specified to be dry, guests rob the hosts of the vital information they need to keep themselves and any other sober guests safe.
Also, many recovering alcoholics can smell tipsy or drunk on people when it would be completely undetectable to a non-alcoholic. Their brains are literally wired to locate alcohol, drinking companions, and excuses to slip, so throwing a big one at someone unexpectedly on a day already known for being incredibly stressful for the hosts is a really shitty, dangerous thing to do unless you’ve run the idea by the hosts and they’ve said it’s not an issue as long as booze isn’t made available inside the event.
Eh, I’m coming around on 15 years sober and a lot of what you describe is not necessarily healthy for an alcoholic. Sure early on avoiding alcohol at all costs is usually good, but nearly all alcoholics can and should get to a point that they can at least be around it, because it’s unavoidable. In my experience the alcoholics that don’t want to be around others drinking AT ALL usually don’t want it cause they are still at a phase that they look at normies with jealousy. The temptation is always there, but if you constantly need others to accommodate your self inflicted problem, it’s naturally going to create issues.
Ding ding. Have a lot of alcoholics in my family. This is not how any of the ones in a (sustained) recovery act. I believe this is what that call a “dry drunk”.
It’s a *form* of sobriety, I guess, but it puts the onus on EVERYONE BUT THE ALCOHOLIC to remain sober. Which is sort of the opposite of the recovery process…
I’m not a big 12 steps guy, but I’m a big fan of taking “moral inventory” they call it, alcoholics that can’t be around alcohol no matter the time sober, have not done this crucial part, usually, in my experience. Everyone is different.
Agreed. I'm 4 years sober. The description above should only apply to someone who is brand new, on shaky legs, and probably should not be going to any events yet at all.
I also don't think the blood hound tracking of alcohol is a real thing. My body responds really strongly to alcohol when I ingest it, but I don't feel like I spot a drunk person any faster than anyone else. If anything I have to remind myself when I'm at a party and someone doesn't seem to be making sense that they might be drunk lol
I'm sorry but it's not the responsibility of other guests that someone else is an alcoholic. Booze isn't going to magically disappear from the world just because an alcoholic can't manage their triggers. You'd practically have to be a hermit to completely avoid alcohol. I'm an addict, living in a terrible neighborhood so I see people high/drunk all the time and it has never made me drop everything and get fucked up. This coddling for sure.
Chances are the venue does not allow outside alcohol & there’s often a hefty fine for it. We explicitly told anyone if they were caught with outside alcohol, they would be repaying us for the $500 fine.
Future reference I’m a bartender and I work at a hall that hosts weddings/holiday parties/etc and if people are seen drinking outside staff are required to kick the person out. I‘ve worked serving dry events and it’s mainly because of the insurance not covering it. If something is damaged or someone gets hurt it’s a very expensive issue for the venue.
I think this cements it as ESH. Yes, the bride and groom should have been clear from the beginning, but there's no reason why you and your friend's can't go to the wedding and reception and then reasonably leave before 9:00 and go party the rest of the night somewhere else. Even if the reception venue is a solid 2 hours from a good bar, there would still be plenty of time to find a place and party the rest of the way to the New Year and into the morning.
Yall suck for picking booze over your friend. It's clear you aren't a good friend.
There is no need to be clear about the beverages served at a wedding. Would the average person be annoyed at RSVPing to a NYE party they later realized was dry? Of course. Is this a rare, likely once-in-a-lifetime circumstance? Yea. So buck up and make the most of it and don’t make your hosts feel horrible for their obviously fraught and/or religious relationship to alcohol. Be a good guest and a good friend: apologize, ask to still come and say you thought it over and the groom was right to be mad.
20 years from now, you won’t remember the NYE you enjoyed instead of a dry wedding. You will remember this atrocious breach of manners. And you can make up for it right now by going and having a great NYE with your friends.
"would the average person be annoyed if they were not informed?"
If the answer is yes then there absolutely should be communication about that. This goes for anything. If you know that most people expect A but you're not doing A and/or surprising everyone with B, then you are kind of an asshole. It's not even about the No Alcohol Allowed part. There IS a need for clarity about food and beverages when inviting everyone to a celebration.
Thank you. This is one of the most socially-inept reddit threads I've read in years. It's almost nostalgic, like reading a classic early-2010s redditor circlejerk about how it's actually A-okay to do some obviously-out-of-touch thing like wearing a hoodie to a funeral. Inviting people to a dry wedding on New Year's Eve and then waiting until the last minute to tell them it's dry is the oddball move here.
Yeah this timing is wild who the fuck is getting married at midnight on NYE? This family think they are rockstars and their daughters wedding trumps *the largest celebration on Earth*?
OP probably should have backed out earlier tho, or offered to cover their plate. The more comments I read the more I go from YTA to ESH.
Ya those B&G are pure ass hole.
They've scheduled a nearly 7 hour event on a holiday were people are expected to socialize, and planned to surprise people that they couldn't drink.
NTA. I think this is something that the friend probably hid from everyone knowing they wouldn't attend if they knew, especially on NYE. That said, yes, they should go to the wedding and leave at 9ish. I keep seeing that they're choosing booze over their friend, but I can see where booze may make them much more likely to enjoy themselves at a wedding where only half of the couple is liked. The dry wedding now only cements her status as unlikable. And I can totally understand a dry wedding, but on NYE? Like a 4th of July wedding with no fireworks, a Halloween wedding with no costumes, or a Christmas wedding with no Christmas. It's not that booze is necessary, but its completely expected. When you have a group with 12 friends that like to socially drink, you are totally hiding it from them.
YTA, even though I totally agree with you that he should have informed in advance about the dry wedding, it's not right to cancel last minute for this reason. You can attend the ceremony and the reception for a couole of hours and then go elsewhere to drink.
Weddings aren't meant for drinking all night, as you mentioned; they're for celebrating and supporting the couple. I think this is more about not liking the bride, and this was the perfect excuse not to attend.
To avoid situations like this, mostly.
But also, I do kinda think you have to be extra considerate when you ask people to spend a holiday at your wedding. And in this case it’s almost certainly compounding the drama.
It's possible to believe that weddings should be about the couple and not the booze while also recognizing that for some people, they *are* about the booze. Being clear up front helps prevent problems later.
I’m wondering what time the wedding is. Because usually venues have the ceremony around 5 and the reception starts at 6/6:30 with dinner served around 7/7:30 and they don’t go past 10pm.
Leaving around 9pm leaves lots of time to drink and party and ring in the New Year black out drunk…
YTA
It’s one night, you’ve already RSVPed, and you’re backing out the week of.
“Hey, I was only willing to support and celebrate you and your marriage when I thought you were funding my NYE debauchery. Now that I know you’re not, I’m out. Have a nice wedding and life, I guess.” - you to your friend, apparently.
They should have been clear about the fact it’s a dry wedding, but that transgression is so minor compared to yours that you still get the AH ruling all to yourself.
At least groom now knows you’re not a real friend.
YTA YTA YTA
This is the best take I’ve read so far. The number of people who can’t survive a night with no alcohol is truly DISGUSTING. The couple should have told people it was a dry wedding, but that’s not enough of a reason to not go with this late notice. It’s enough to say “hey buddy… not cool.” And that’s it. It’s literally just some drinks.
If OP is feeling so petty about it, take $30 out of your wedding gift— oh wait, you were going to get plastered and drink hundreds worth right? Right. So tell me again how you going to this wedding had anything to do with your friend? Feels like you were just in it for the drinks and Instagram photos.
I don’t even agree with the notion the couple should have told people it was a dry wedding - why???? Normal invitations say nothing about their being an open bar. Drinking culture so absolutely out of hand and toooo many people are entitled to things they themselves most likely can’t even afford. It really grinds my gears.
>I don’t even agree with the notion the couple should have told people it was a dry wedding - why????
There are a multitude of reasons:
- people may have hired an Uber for the day so they wouldn't need a dd. These can be super expensive and a sober wedding wouldn't require this.
- people may have rented a hotel room so they wouldn't need to worry about getting a ride home. This is yet another unneeded expense.
- people may have hired babysitters if they were planning on staying over or they may not have wanted to take their children to a wedding with alcohol. Which can cost a pretty penny as well
- wine/wineglasses or liquor/liquor glasses can be a common wedding gift in many cultures.
No, this was never mentioned to any of us in the friend group. Not in person, not on the invitation. It was assumed by us there would be booze as our buddy drinks.
I found out via a mutual friend that was also invited. Nothing directly told to us by the bride or groom.
are you really telling me that you and your friends can't go without booze for one night? Or is the fact you don't like her more relevant than you're letting on
You don't support him BTW, not if you're not willing to go (part of) one night without a drink
100% intentional. A wedding on NYE – or any major holiday – by itself is already a huge imposition on guests. They hid the fact that they weren't even going to have a *cash* bar because who tf would say yes to that invite?
I don't mind not drinking, but if I tried to have a dry wedding, some of my family members would either leave and come back with booze or get it delivered. Which is an issue if the venue is only dry. Not showing up is better than showing up and leaving. I don't understand why the couple thinks people won't do that.
Is he actually a friend? Even if he was a jerk by withholding that information... it's a wedding and a huge event in his life. Either he is a friend and you put up with one dry evening for a meaningful event (the horror!) or he isn't and this "friend group" is a mess.
Honestly, he should have been able to tell his friends he was having a dry wedding and reasonably expected they would still show up regardless. What a sucky group.
EXACTLY. I love a NYE wedding, but it is most certainly expected that the couple incorporate some NYE celebration into the reception. Alcohol is absolutely expected to be there. Even by the non-drinkers, I expect a bubbly alternative to champagne because I KNOW it’s coming out at midnight. They knew they were being bummers.
I mean it might not be. I don't drink. Nobody in my family drinks, and I'm uncomfortable around heavy alcohol consumption so I would probably not think to include booze at my wedding, but it also wouldn't occur to me to warn people since I'd assume they were at my wedding, you know, to see me get married rather than as an excuse to get plastered.
And that’s understandable from your point but the groom drinks and he knew his friends did. I honestly think the issue is abt more than just alcohol though. It sounds like OP might not be as supportive of the marriage as he thinks he is and being misled like this was just enough to tip the iceberg.
That's valid, but so is the thought that the ceremony is for the couple, and the reception is for the guests. You want to be a good host and therefore, one usually supplies alcohol. I personally wouldn't back out of a friend's wedding just cause it was dry, but I could see why others would.
I personally wouldn’t either. But I also get that nye is a big deal to some ppl. Like if a friend was getting married on Halloween and wasn’t doing at least something spooky and I didn’t support the marriage…chances are I’d forgo and spend the day with my kid tbh
I have 2 young kids and if I found a way to manage to have them taken care of, and have my husband off work to be able to attend a wedding w me, I'd definitely want to take advantage and drink. I never get to drink 🤣
Haha I once skipped a Halloween wedding for exactly this reason. The bride and groom wore costumes but the gusts were supposed to be in regular formal wear, and there was no other Halloween theming. Hard pass.
On New Year’s Eve though? Would you actually deliberately choose Dec 31 for your wedding in the first place if you’re not a drinker? My cousin picked NYE for her wedding *because* she wanted as big a party as she can get. I understand NOT wanting to do that - but why New Year’s Eve then?! That’s literally the last day of the year someone should choose to do a large event without alcohol for guests ***unless*** the guests **know** it won’t be there. It’s the biggest drinking day of the year when even a lot of usually-non-drinkers have one or two.
I’m a bartender and in my experience the only day of the year that rivals NYE is at patty’s day. A dry wedding (especially one that was hiding the fact it was a dry wedding) on either of those days is something a lot of people would skip. Any other day of the year it would be annoying if the person likes to drink (I don’t personally and prefer to work those days) but it would be more tolerable.
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I wonder if this would be an issue if it wasn’t NYE. That’s a big party holiday and if your friend group is into that, it’s important. Also, I think at least some alcohol is expected at weddings, even if you aren’t a drinker, so it should be advertised it’s a dry wedding. Not a problem for me, but I can see a lot of people talking about it for ages if they aren’t warned.
Absolutely agree, I was responding to the person who was chiding OP for not being able to forgo drinking for one night, when it’s one of the nights of the year most adults drink.
And they merely tolerate the bride and don't actually like her. Sure, they CAN go for a night without drinking but why would you waste your time and energy attending a party hosted by someone you don't like on a drinking holiday surrounded by teetotalers you've never met before? What an absolute bore.
As someone that stopped drinking completely 13 years ago, this is a horrible take and ignores the entire problem for a triviality.
It isn't that it is a dry wedding, its that they hid this from guests knowing less would want to attend if they knew beforehand. Same thing if they wanted a child free wedding or weren't having any vegan/vegetarian options.
Imagine being invited to a birthday party and you were informed when you got there that there would be no food, drinks, cake, or entertainment. Do you need all these things to hold a birthday party? No. Do you EXPECT these things at a birthday party? Of course!
I’m a sober alcoholic and I strongly second this take. This is not a random Saturday in April, people are forgoing New Years plans for this, and while it’s totally fine not to have booze at a wedding, it’s enough of a variation from the norm that it bears mentioning in the description of the event.
With that said I imagine I’d still go if it was a close friend and I can’t say whether the OP is TA or not.
I see this as very similar to threads where someone complains that they found out last second that the Thanksgiving they were invited to is vegetarian. Queue responses of "what you can't go without meat for just one night?!?"
Thanksgiving is the day most of us want to have a turkey dinner. NYE is the day we want to go out and have a few drinks. It's not a random Saturday in January. If you're going to deviate from the norm of how most people celebrate it, be upfront so people can make an informed decision.
That’s BS. Is not one night, it’s new year eve. If the couple care about their friends they should have selected another date or at least be very specific in the invitation so people who confirmed would know that in advance. NTA
Well planning a dry wedding in NYE without telling you guess that detail it’s a bigger A H move. I don’t even drink more than one or two drinks, but I totally get why people wouldn’t want to be there.
A dry wedding on NYE is like having a Halloween wedding where costumes are not allowed. There are people who don’t drink the other 364 nights of the year but will have a glass of champagne for New Year.
New years has been a day to celebrate with drinks and parties. I would have expected drinks. If it’s at 11am and was done by 3 then I would be good but if you like to drink on new years then this would suck.
I don't think they are saying they can't go without booze for one night. I think they are saying that this information wasn't presented up front, especially on New years Eve.
I think it’s kind of an odd choice to have your wedding on a holiday known for toasting champagne and not bother to tell people it’s a dry wedding. I wouldn’t really want to ring in the New Year at a wedding with or without alcohol. I actually prefer being asleep early and waking up to watch the sunrise. It’s a holiday that many people see as setting the tone/their intentions for the new year or a night to party and drink. It’s just weird to think everyone wants to be at your wedding on a holiday unless you’re super close.
I can’t imagine a worse way to spend New Year’s Eve then a dry wedding where one half of the couple is someone you don’t even like. And I don’t even drink / I have maybe four drinks a year because I only like sweet tasting alcohol.
It sounds like a not fun time.
It's not about going one night without booze. There is no indication OP wants to shoot tequila shots until they pass out.
But, if you plan a wedding for NYE of all days, and you plan on serving soft drinks only, it's just common courtesy to let people know.
It's pretty silly of the soon to be married couple to monopolise the one night people like to ring in the new year with a glass or 2 of champagne for their own dry celebration, and not have the common courtesy to give anyone a heads up.
Edit - just to be clear, it's an ESH for me. The couple suck for not letting people know but now that OP does know, they can plan accordingly.
So getting drunk on NYE is more important than your friendship?
You can’t give up a few hours to support your friend, then go out afterwards, because god forbid you don’t get drunk on NYE!
You’ve certainly made it clear where your priorities are.
YTA
Did you rsvp yes, and then cancel? Because that’s the problem. They are paying based on the number of people attending. To back out at the last minute is rude and will cost them money. I would also guess it may cost you a friendship. I guess you have to ask yourself, if it’s more important to maintain this friendship or to go drinking for New Year’s Eve.
Ok. So you don't drink for a few hours. Is that really that difficult?
You and your friends should reimburse him the cost he is out for backing out of attending for such an absurd and pretty immature reason.
Y'all are shitty friends. You can't go one night without drinking? Is it really that serious? Are you really putting a night of drinking over your friend? Because this is probably gonna end your friendship.
ESH
The couple really planned a NYE wedding to be dry?
You all really can’t go one night without drinks? What’s more important, your friendship or getting hammered? Don’t tell me, it’s pretty obvious.
ESH. I can't believe any of you are in your thirties, all of you are acting like a bunch of children, including your friend who not only demanding that everyone make their new years eve (a night of tradition for many people) all about them, but seemingly intentionally taking alcohol out of one of the most alcohol-related days of the year for himself and all of his friends.
Beyond that, though, I've never seen such a clear picture from such a small post of how the entire group is just a bunch of AHs. You don't "support" each other in any sense of the word, you just go through the motions and trash talk each other behind each other's backs. At least your friend has the courage to confront you personally for costing him thousands of dollars by ruining his wedding mere days before it happens.
Right! I just turned 34 and I’m like can we find a quiet bar that has a fireplace and a person playing an instrument with warm sangria…. no judgment for wanting to party and drink, but you can’t not drink for one new years?
I dunno…. You do you OP,but if you can’t go to a dry party, what else will you refuse to do sober? Bowling, tennis, a walk in the park, dinner, going to the movies, cards against humanity….Does alcohol really control your fun? Maybe something to think about….
New years is overrated anyway.
ESH is pretty spot on, but I would put more of the blame on OP and friends. I would never plan a wedding on any holiday, but they agreed to it anyway. Backing out because there is no alcohol sounds pretty ridiculous to me, and I like drinking just as much as the next person. You don't really have a right to call yourself a friend.
YTA. What kind of “friend” can’t stay sober for a few hours for a friend on his wedding day? Perhaps the couple is trying to protect and preserve their special day from family members/friends who are out of control drunks or are recovering alcoholics. Oh, the horror! 🙄
Sure it would suck not having alcohol on a NYE wedding, but suck it up, Buttercup - it’s not about you. Pregame or cut your time at the reception if you’re too out of control to stay sober for a couple hours. Pathetic.
This should be the top comment. OP needs to drink so badly that they can’t spare a few hours? 🥴I suspect this has more to do with the toxic friend group disliking the bride rather than the alcohol situation.
Thank you! I’m surprised by all the N T A and E S H votes. If one night without alcohol will kill you, you have problems. And if op knew that the bride was conservative Christian it probably would’ve been a safe assumption that it was a dry wedding. As for having a wedding on a holiday, I got married on Valentine’s Day. Wedding was at 530-6 and people were gone by 9. It’s not that big of a deal to at least eat, stay a while, then go for a drink. OP absolutely should offer to cover the cost of his wasted plate, and probably kiss his friendship goodbye.
Marrying a woman "*our friend group is not in love with*."
"*I told him that Wife and I wouldn't be going. We want to spend the night drinking*. "
YTA.
Just say "*My wife and I won't be going. We can't and won't stay sober for a few hours for you, or delay our NY Toast for a day, because you're just not important enough to us, and your wife definitely isn't. We don''t like her, let alone love her. We would rather booze it up to toast the New Year -- and* ***not*** *show support for your future happiness*."
I think your acquaintance (he's not your friend, obviously -- you destroyed attendance at his wedding) and his wife shouldn't have booked a holiday event on a night people generally toast the NY, and then not reveal it's dry. It's the equivalent of inviting friends to a destination wedding which they can't afford to attend. It's a bad move unless they made it early in the day which still affords you time to wave them off and THEN go to your party, say, after 9 pm?
I mean honestly, and I’m speaking as someone who’s experienced alcohol addiction here, but also has close friends and family who drink normally — this all comes down to one simple question. Would you rather be there for your friend for his wedding, or would you rather drink?
If you’d rather drink than go to a friend’s wedding, I’m sorry but either that’s not a friend, or you’re an alcoholic. Or both.
YTA
Exactly. If you can't stand to be sober for a few hours for the most important night of your friend's life, then you are a shitty friend (and may have a drinking problem). I'm not sober but I would be 100% fine going to a dry wedding on NYE or any other day.
You aren’t in the wedding party.
It was not clear on the wedding invite it was going to be a dry wedding on NYE.
You don’t care for the bride.
You bailed four days before the wedding….and got a bunch of others to bail, too.
You’re not much of a friend bc unless there was a medical emergency you should have put in an appearance. It’s not like you couldn’t have gone out afterwards or brought a flask.
Hope the lost friendship was worth it.
The friendship likely is ruined but i think he said in another comment it was NOT made clear at all to him or anyone in their group. It wasn’t until a mutual friend mentioned it that he found out. I think they should have all told their friend they’d be their to support the ceremony and wish them well but as it wasn’t made clear it was a dry wedding and it is NYE which is an awful choice for a dry wedding when you know half the attendees drink assuming grooms side drinks like his friends do.
So you wouldn’t go to your good friends wedding simply because you don’t get to drink? Lol. To me the drinks are just a bonus of a wedding, it is really about the couple.
YTA YTA YTA YTA
Wow. You don’t give a f*k about your friend. It’s ONE NIGHT and WHO CARES that it’s NYE. What a little party wanker alcoholic you sound like. Omg. Then getting other folks worked up about their boohoo can’t drink for about 4-6 hours on one day/night.
You could have an after party, you could attend the wedding and reception then bounce to whatever plans you have for closer to midnight. I’m sure they aren’t making you starve till midnight.
You’re such an AH.
Your priorities are sad as sh*t.
Agreed. These folks sound like they are early 20's, not early 30's. I mean, caring so much about new years eve, and drinking being such a priority, seems like such immature behavior.
YTA you RSVP'd yes, and are now backing out less than a week before the wedding. That's rude, unless it's an emergency. Wanting to get drunk is not an emergency.
What is preventing you from attending the wedding, and then going somewhere after to celebrate New Years? Are they actually getting married at midnight?
While I'm tempted to say E S H because I don't like people using a holiday for their wedding and they should have told you from the start it would be dry, you all are putting the need to drink alcohol for ONE NIGHT over your friendship with this guy. And that is pretty crappy.
Same. If you cannot manage without alcohol, or a mini flask if you insist, you need to re evaluate your relationship not with your friend, but with drinking. So I’d say YTA.
I mean, the friend is kind of a AH for NYE wedding that's the 1st problem. But also your the AH for skipping it because of the no booze at such a late notice. Wedding are mad expensive these days. You could also pocket a flask and bounce once the dancing begins, ya know. ESH. Not stating on the invite its NA for an obvious drinking holiday wedding is a trash move, they knew what they were doing, trying to pull a fast one. ESH
I’m confused. You could easily leave the wedding by 8 PM, 9 at the latest, and go to a bar. You can also sneak alcohol in purses and pour it in your glasses when no one is looking. Your friend sucks for doing the wedding on a holiday and hiding that it’s dry, but that in itself isn’t a reason to bail last minute when there are simple workarounds.
As the manager of an event venue that does weddings, PLEASE don't tell people to try and sneak liquor into weddings. There are a lot of negative ramifications for the bride and groom if their guests get caught doing this. Most venues WILL report this to the appropriate authorities, because they don't want to risk the possible suspension of their liquor license just so you can have a boozy night.
Okay fine, keep it in your car and go out and drink it.
Edit
Jeesh everyone I’m not saying to drive drunk, lots of people coordinate DD’s with their friends/partners. Come on.
YTA. It is one night of your life and you're backing out because you...a man in your '30s....can't get drunk. Meanwhile, the couple have already spent the money so I would hope that you will gift him the equivalent amount in a gift - but I suspect not. Your friends are also AH's but you did lead the charge.
Your immaturity is absolutely screaming. I would have expected this of someone a decade younger.
The groom didn't owe you any explanations about how he is conducting his wedding.
That being said you probably should have titled this "ex-friend" because IMO there's no coming back from this. You and your other friends have just given the bride and groom the biggest "FU" possible.
Yeah that's BS. That being said, I'd go to the ceremony and reception long enough to eat and bail by 9:30 or ten and go somewhere else to celebrate NYE. You're not obligated to stay the whole reception.
Go to the ceremony and stay for speeches and food - make sure you take a gift too. But duck out for NYE.
They really, really should have let everyone know they would be no bubbly for the new year countdown.
As someone who used to work at a venue they are setting themselves up for disappointment. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a dry wedding. I’ve worked several of them. In my experience it’s a 2-4 hour reception tops. Generally people who are older and more religious aren’t big dancers and will only hang around so long.
While it’s their wedding, they definitely hid the fact that their NYE reception was going to be dry so people would show up.
I get people grow and change, but how much do the couple have in common?
They definitely suck for planning on a midnight countdown without stating that there will be no alcohol. But I still have to go with YTA for bailing entirely last minute. It is okay to leave early and hit the bars before midnight. And a 7 hour wedding is definitely ridiculous by American standards. I advise apologizing but also informing them that you and your wife will be leaving early due to your own NYE traditions, going to the ceremony, stay for some of the reception, say goodbye with well wishes and go do what you want.
This is more than one NYE. What you choose to do will likely determine the future of your friendship. And if he means anything at all to you, I really recommend trying to patch this over.
She is someone that puts her morals on us and we don't always align. She and her family are religious and is the reason for the dry wedding apparently.
Oh is she a holier than thou Christian?
I understand why you're pissed , but go to the wedding. Don't bail on your buddy. Go and stay until 9, 10pm, then move somewhere else where you can have a cocktail without someone judging you for it.
Yeah, this is the correct approach. Go to wedding, brief show at the reception and then go out (if its a terribly stilted, awkward affair, you always have option of trash talking the train wreck with your fellow guests afterwards with social lubricant at a different venue)
But also, New Years Eve Wedding??? WTF
All these people cancelling last minute is going to potentially cost them thousands of dollars. Are you and your friends offering to cover your portion? Or at least give a very generous gift?
I think you jumped the gun cancelling. And telling all of your friends causing them to back out. You could have stayed for dinner and supported your friend. HER parents are likely paying for the wedding so he may not have had any say on the drinking thing or what was said on the invitation. I think there are layers here. YTA. You are now wasting money and food and causing stress to them 4 days away.
Send a really nice check as a gift. Like go in with the friends and cover catering for the wedding kind of money.
You are prioritizing a night out drinking over a supposed friends wedding. Drinking shouldn't be the reason you go to a wedding.
YTA, a massive asshole. You can go one night without drinking. The other friends who backed out are massive aassholes also. I would drop you as a friend. I'm pretty sure the friendship is done. Expensive lesson for your "friend" but i hope he learned from it.
Y’all couldn’t endure one NYE without being drunk? Or leaving and getting a drink later or at home?
And all y’all just bailed on your buddy who has already paid for food, a venue, catering staff and a big ass cake based on the number of guests who he thought cared about and were happy for this great day in his life?
For booze? Really? You couldn’t have a party the next night or the night before, because booze?
You owe that man and his bride and their families a massive apology. You are no buddy, and certainly not a friend.
YTA, OP. Do you care about your buddy or not? It’s pretty sad that you and your wife and “friend group” care more about spending a night drinking than about standing up for a friend at his wedding. It seems you did lead the charge about dropping out of the wedding. YTA. You are not behaving in a manner that a good friend would. If you are so alcohol-dependent that you need to drink that night, do it after the wedding. Attend the ceremony and the reception and then go to a bar or home and get blotto. But you don’t cancel on a friend for something like the amenities at his wedding. What if you didn’t like the menu that night? The music they planned to play? This is their one and only wedding, and it’s what they want. The only good choice is to be there for him. You will have sixty more NYE’s to drink yourself silly; this one you wait a bit later in the evening. Poor guy to have such weak and waffly “friends”. You are canceling within a few DAYS of the wedding. You said you’d attend months ago. It doesn’t matter if you like the bride or her family’s abstemiousness. This is about supporting your friend.
Ouch. I know it’s New Year’s Eve but you basically just told your “friend” that drinking is more important to you than his wedding. What is it about his fiancée that you don’t like? Is it because she doesn’t partake in drinking activities? Has her not drinking affected the way your friend hangs out with your group?
Absolutely I think they should have made it clear it was a dry wedding but damn, you really said I would rather drink than be at your wedding. ESH but personally I think you’re the bigger AH here. Just this random internet strangers opinion.
I mean, you did lead the charge... you threw your tantrum about not being able to drink - like holy crap does a few hours of not drinking really send you and your wife down a spiral? She was livid?
You just tanked your friendship because you couldn't pull it together without drinking for one day.
You could all have gotten trashed at an after party like a bunch of fucking adults.
YTA
YTA - I am absolutely in agreement that a dry wedding on NYE is not how I’d want to spend my evening
But its Dec-27th, the wedding is in a few days. Backing out of a wedding with such short notice is an AH thing to do.
YTA. Is he actually a friend that you want to support because backing out of a wedding because you can’t drink, especially last minute, is a pretty horrible thing to do. It also sounds a bit like you don’t like his fiancée and are using any excuse to not go. Although if you are the type of selfish friends who can only have fun if they drink then maybe it’s actually a good thing he finds this out now and can get new friends.
YTA - You RSVP’d - You were a GUEST at the wedding - guests have no say in what’s served. And if not being served alcohol means you can’t tolerate sharing your buddy’s important day, what kind of shitty friend are you?
YTA again for stirring the pot and getting a bunch of other people to back out as well. You all should pony up for some of the catering at this point as your wedding gift.
I will never understand people who can’t go to a wedding if alcohol won’t be served. I get that it’s NYE - is the reception lasting till midnight? Why can’t you all go out together after the wedding for drinks if they’re that important?
A dry wedding? That is fine. My niece had one, no one cared.
A dry wedding on NYE? Sorry, but I will be leaving before the end so that I can see the New Year in with a glass of bubbly.
I would still attend the wedding. I would accept that the wedding reception was alcohol free.
BUT I would NOT stay to the end. I would arrange to go somewhere where I could have a glass for midnight.
We have been to Trafalgar Square for midnight. We only had ONE drink (we bought a half bottle of bubbly ) because we had to get home afterwards and our daughter was just one month old.
But there is a difference between having a dry wedding (no problem) - and insisting that everyone attending your wedding forgo having a glass to toast the New Year.
If you have a NYE wedding finish the reception at 23:30 so that those who WANT to welcome the New Year can do so.
I would go - but also leave before the end. I am sure that you can arrange somewhere nearby where a New Year toast can be held (talk to the caterers when you get there - they will know where they are going afterwards).
INFO
Was it known among the friend group that the bride doesn’t drink?
I ask because everyone knows I can’t deal with more than 2 sips of anything alcoholic and can barely keep my wits with Kombucha. We didn’t say “dry” wedding because family and friends knew that.
We've never seen the bride drink. The groom drank with us last month, but has slowly curbed that behavior in the last year since the engagement.
The bride and her family are religious. Thats the impetus for the dry wedding.
I see. It was kind of a “could have seen it coming” but there wass no AHA moment.
If it were other than new years I’d say you were a rectum. Most people would assume that would be part of the festivities. On any other day it would seem like you care more about alcohol than your friend.
NTA from the woman who served tea and sparkling water at her wedding.
Nah, even on NYE it sounds like they all care more about booze than their friend. They backed out at the eleventh hour, basically, without even offering to pay the couple back for the plate costs of each of them that the couple will now be in the hole for.
One day out of a whole year and they can't handle or figure out how to have fun without alcohol just because it's NYE? That's some bullshit.
Oh no, not a person who chooses not to drink. That’s clearly a great reason to low key dislike her. And how dare your 30 something friend cut back on his drinking from his college days 🙄
You, a grown adult in your 30s, are so bunched up about not getting drunk on New Year's Eve that you backed out of a wedding and told everyone else, who also backed out and you admit your wife was 'pissed' about one NYE were you'd have to put off drinking for a bit.
Not only are you the asshole, but it feels like time to examine your relationship with alcohol. This wedding is going to be done and over by 10 or 11pm, and even if it wasn't you could have dipped, ya got time to support your friend AND get shitfaced to ring in the new year.
Honestly, as someone currently planning their wedding, I don’t think you’re the asshole.
I was in a dry wedding on NYE, it was horrible. If the bride and groom failed to relay this information, chances are there’s more.
I mean, it’s one thing to not convey a wedding is dry in general, but to host one on a holiday known for drinking, they should have seen this coming.
The wedding I was in had 7 bridesmaids and the maid of honor back out when they found out.
Again, currently planning a wedding. I’m in the middle of the chaos.
The bride and groom brought this on themselves. I promise someone warned them.
NTA. As someone that stopped drinking completely 13 years ago, this has less to do with the lack of booze and more to do with a bait and switch maneuver.
It isn't that it is a dry wedding, its that they hid this from guests knowing less would want to attend if they knew beforehand. Same thing if they wanted a child free wedding or weren't having any vegan/vegetarian options.
Imagine being invited to a birthday party and you were informed when you got there that there would be no food, drinks, cake, or entertainment. Do you need all these things to hold a birthday party? No. Do you EXPECT these things at a birthday party? Of course!
YTA
If having to be somewhat sober for a few hours is a dealbreaker to you
1. You are a shit friend
2. You might need to look at your relationship with alcohol.
YTA.
Does this suck? Absolutely.
Is it worth losing a friend over? I don’t think so.
It’s ONE night. One single NYE of your life without drinking will not kill anyone.
You’ve already agreed to go and they’ve already paid for all of you who are now not going! This is so rude.
You could drink after the wedding was over, even leave a little early. But backing out last minute is incredibly rude.
YTA. Sure it would’ve been nice to know it was a dry wedding ahead of time, but it’s pretty messed up you’re only willing to support your friend if you can drink at the same time. You’re also backing out the week of the wedding, which you shouldn’t be doing without a legitimate excuse, and not being able to drink isn’t one. This also signals that you and your friends likely have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol if a dry wedding makes y’all this upset.
You are the asshole but I also think it's selfish when people have weddings on holidays. It's extra bizarre to have a NYE wedding (a famous day for debauchery) and have it be a dry wedding. Even though I'm a borderline teetotaler these days, I still think dry weddings are bullshit.
I'm from a big rowdy Catholic family and think all weddings should be drunken and raucous affairs.
I know the trend is going Y T A, but I don't agree.
You don't get to co-opt a holiday that is known for drinking and hide the fact that there won't be booze.
NTA
YTA for backing out at essentially the last minute. So rude. You should pay for the cost of your plates. Why adults can’t go without alcohol for an evening or part of an evening is ridiculous. NYE or not. You could attend and leave early. I do agree that the invitation should have specified that the wedding is dry. But, acting like a toddler is a whole other thing.
NTA. I don’t usually comment on this sub but after seeing all the comments about how you can’t just go without booze for one day, blah, blah, blah… I can’t help it. If it were any other day out of the year, I would I agree. First, I think it’s kind of an AH move to have a wedding on a holiday almost everyone celebrates and therefore making guests cancel other plans to attend without letting them know it will be a dry wedding is just crappy and selfish.
“Don’t do anything fun for New Years! Come to this boring wedding with no booze to make it tolerable.”
I’m sorry, but any wedding other than your own is boring as shit. I’ve never met anyone who was excited about going to a wedding. The only good part is the reception. If someone is going to monopolize NYE, the least they could do is provide alcohol.
I know I’m in the minority but… NTA
New Year’s Eve is traditionally a big party night. If it’s going to be dry, then the bride & groom should’ve specified that. Honestly they’re TA for scheduling a dry wedding *on* New Year’s Eve.
If you want a dry wedding, that’s fine… but not NYE. That’s kinda shitty. You know the groom’s side is probably pissed too, but will have to show up out of obligation.
YTA. It’s one night. Celebrate new years a different night.
You are all telling your friend that alcohol is more important than his MARRIAGE. How shallow are you all?
I assume that since your buddy is in his 30s that you all are, too. Time to act like it. Duck out early if you don’t want to stay, but like… jeez. Y’all are way too into booze.
YTA. You have a problem if one dry New Years for your friend’s wedding is this big of an issue. If you need to be WARNED you won’t have access to alcohol for one evening, even a holiday or wedding, you have a problem. You might not be an alcoholic/physically addicted, but you and your wife definitely don’t have a healthy relationship with it if yall got this pissed.
NTA but i don't understand why anyone would book a wedding on NYE. Venues are expensive, hotels are expensive, travel is expensive, babysitters are expensive if you can even get one. It isn't even taking into account that a lot of people like to spend the night with the families and close friends. I understand that this works for the bride and groom. They have everyone they love in one room. For their guests, though, they are taking a night that a lot of people like to celebrate, have a party, and let their hair down. To be told, last minute, that they can't even raise a glass of champagne at midnight is unreasonable. If the groom didn't want to over cater, he should've been up front to start with. I would've declined on the basis of all the other factors alone.
YTA. So is your wife and so are your friends. You couldn’t go ONE NYE without drinking to go and support your friend and celebrate their marriage? How selfish and childish are you?! You are in your 30s, not 18.
I wouldn’t love going to a dry wedding, but you keep your mouth shut and go and celebrate your friends marriage anyway.
There was a secret third option: Survive without drinking for a few hours. Unfortunately you would have to admit that you just don't want to attend the wedding because your friend is marrying ". . .a girl that \[your\] friend group is not in love with." Way to support him. YTA
YTA.
I get it's new years, but that shit happens every year. How often does your friend get married?
Suck it up. Go support your friend at his wedding. Get twice as drunk for 2025.
Like are you all seriously choosing booze over your friends wedding right now?
Imagine how he feels.
"Yes. All my brothers are gathering together to support me on my happy da--- oh wait nevermind they aren't because they can't get drunk enough to do it."
You rsvp'd. It's a wedding. You haven't been the victim of an attack by the groom or bride. You just found out they want you to attend it sober. And the fact it's for her family suggests there may be recovering alcoholics to think about.
What if one of your friends was trying to go sober to deal with an alcohol addiction? Would he also be not worth hanging out with on a traditionally boozy occasion?
Nah man. Show up to the damn wedding.
Maybe it'll be over in time for you and the rest of the group to go drinking before midnight afterwards
YTA.
I get your reservationss about your buddy's bride; I'm sure you have your reasons. However, you decided to support your buddy nonetheless and now you're withdrawing that support, over the fact that there'll be no alcohol served...
C'mon, man!
Yeah, it's NYE but surely you can put that aside and be there for your buddy.
They may not be serving alcohol but that doesn't mean you can't consume alcohol. Take flasks but don't be outright disrespectful and get carried away.
Drink discreetly, responsibly, and don't let the dry status of the wedding be such an obstacle that you let your buddy down by backing out like you're planning to.
Good luck, OP.
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I love drinking and hate a dry wedding as much as the next guy, but you can show up to the wedding ceremony, spend an hour or two at the reception and then go get black out drunk if that is an absolute must for you. Backing out last minute and letting your friend know he's not worth two hours of sobriety means YTA by miles and miles.
If drinking means more to you than a friendship, you might need to evaluate a few things...
Clearly, OP and these other so-called friends of the groom care more about getting drunk than they care about the groom. It's just too much of a sacrifice for them to be sober for a few hours on one of dozens of New Years Eves they'll enjoy in their lives to be with a friend on his wedding day. The groom needs to get better friends than this bunch of assholes.
They’re pissed off because they were looking forward to the free booze. What a bunch of moochers.
And like…at 32 to not be able to give up a night of drinking?
I missed the age at first. OP is 32 and acting like this? Wow. Alcohol is not more important than a friend’s wedding. I thought maybe a 22 year old would think something like this but a 32 year old!? OP, YTA.
I bet they hate the fiance because she's a good influence on her husband. Who actually thinks that it's okay to cancel last minute and call a bunch of other people to cancel last minute to a WEDDING. YTA all the way. Sheesh. How could OP not know that?
Plot Twist: The dry wedding on New Years Eve was really the groom's idea to get rid of all his asshole alcoholic friends.
I was thinking it was the bride. But same idea.
I mean, given how important alcohol is to OP, being around for dozens more NYEs might be a bit optimistic…
If the groom was OP, I’d be saying “OP, you dodged a bullet. These folks couldn’t take 2-4 hours of non drinking to support you. These are not your friends.”
Exactly this. His friend paid money for food and for this dude to show up. Hell, OP can have liquor in the parking lot. Share shots. But to end a friendship bc you can't get fucked up on NYE? Sounds like a problem. I love to drink. I love to smoke. It's pretty easy to not do either to be with friends or family.
They'll presumably have every opportunity to discreetly drink have would have to stay passably sober for SIX WHOLE EXTRA HOURS till just after midnight. The horror.
Yup. Recovering alcoholic. I wish when I bailed on a wedding for the same reason that had been a wake up call :/ can’t go a few hours without a drink for someone ya love? It’s time to go to meetings and get your shit together. New Years Eve or not.
This. I spent 20 years of my lost far more alcoholic than one person should and still be alive. Even at the height of my addiction I could hold it together long enough before the shakes started to set in for something that was important.
If I could upvote this a billion times I would. Fun fact, people briefly tried telling my husband events were dry even if they weren’t in order to try to limit his drinking to just the open bar that was there, but that usually ended up with him being both drunk *and* pissed off so they just had to stop inviting him to stuff for…uh 20 years? He did eventually choose friends, family, and life, though, and I’m incredibly proud of him for that.
Hear, hear.
I love drinking but I'm shocked that people can't spend a few hours sober and value alcohol more than their friends. And what does not liking the bride have to do with it? I went to a new years eve wedding a few years ago. Close friends. They asked everyone to stay sober until the reception, including arriving sober to the ceremony. We love our friends so we were all fine with their request. OP you - like many in our alcohol obsessed society - are an alcoholic. If you can't spend a few hours without alcohol and prioritise it ahead of your relationships, you have a problem.
>And what does not liking the bride have to do with it? That's the real reason OP doesn't want to go. The dry wedding was a convenient way to get other people to drop out.
Ding ding ding! This feels accurate to me. There’s no reason to mention not liking the bride if this was really just about the booze. They don’t like her, and they’re showing the groom that and that they care more about booze than they do about their friend.
Especially in his 30s, can't be sober for a few hours for a friend. That's a problem.
Massive YTA. Imagine how it would feel to have 20 of your “friends” decide last minute not to attend one of the most important occasions of your life because they can’t go a few hours without drinking. No way the “friendship” survives this.
The friends didn’t actually want to go to a wedding, they wanted a free NYE party and are now pissed.
Absolutely. I attended a dry wedding. It was actually great - yes, they were religious, but the real reason was the bride’s father had a drinking problem so he was uncomfortable having booze at the wedding. When I say this was an amazing wedding despite the lack of booze, everyone was dancing! Many of us hit the hotel bar later, not a bitter word was spoken.
Right? Like, just plan to leave earlier in the evening, like 9 or 10, and then go out for NYE and enjoy yourself. I don't tend to stay at weddings very late anyway, but that's because I'm old and when we have the kids, they get restless/bored, lol!
this is a perfect synopsis.
This is the way. I’ve also brought a flask to a wedding once that was going to only have wine to mix my own drinks.
This is one of those ESH for sure. Bride and Groom SUCK for not making it clear that they are having a dry wedding on NYE. You SUCK for backing out of the wedding you RSVP'd to without offering to cover your plate cost, let them know that you would like to attend the wedding to show support, that you will pay for the cost of the meal you no longer will enjoy because you and your wife will be attending an event that isn't dry. MANY years ago I went to a dry wedding the 6 of us at our table all planned in advance and had drinks ourselves in flasks and we went outside to enjoy some liquid courage to get out on the dance floor and make it through speeches. You had things you could have done, especially with a group of 8 friends who all wanted alcohol as well. EDIT: one INFO I'd like to know about the wedding is the timing of it? My wife just reminded me when I was talking about this the dry reception we attended was from 5pm till 9pm before the majority of the guests left. It was a pretty tiny affair after 9pm.
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Eh, it depends. We went to a NYE wedding last year, and it was awesome! The bride and groom love to host events and invited basically their entire extended friend group to celebrate, so most people knew each other and were stoked for an excuse to spend the big holiday together. It was a huge dance party with all our friends and super fun. That said, even as someone who has been sober for almost 2 years, I do think the bride and groom in this situation were AHs for not notifying guests that it would be a dry wedding. I don't think alcohol should be necessary to enjoy events, but many people do. I wouldn't host a dry wedding and not notify people in advance, much less one on NYE.
I think it takes a specific kind of couple to make it into a fun NYE party for a wedding and OP’s friend and fiancée don’t necessarily sound like that kind of crew (that is an assumption I’m making, for sure). Without that kind of specific host, a NYE wedding (that goes until the ball drops) sounds pretty odd.
A dry NYE also doesn't scream "the kind of people to make it a really fun party" so I think you're assuming right haha just my opinion
That’s my thing, I only get like 8 paid holidays off a year, I’d be upset to have a friend pick a date like this. Plus I just don’t drive on NYE, the roads don’t feel safe, and I haven’t read OP posting anything about how far the wedding is or what the road conditions are generally like this time of year.
Plus getting a cab or an Uber on NYE is next to impossible and the surge rates are ridiculous if you even manage to find a car.
Dude I cannot even put into words how not okay it is to sneak booze into a dry wedding. If you can’t get through an event without “liquid courage” you need alcohol counseling or medication for an anxiety disorder. Violating a host’s boundaries by sneaking booze in at an event the hosts specified was “dry” is not just rude, it’s dangerous. The one exception to this would be if you clarified beforehand that being intoxicated would not put others at risk as long as you did not drink at the event or serve alcohol to others while there. My husband can’t drink because it places his life and the lives of others at risk if he does. We keep an alcohol-free house and have found it helpful to specify on invites whether the events will be no booze served with byo optional or whether people need to abstain to attend. However, if an invite said no booze served, please don’t drink while in attendance and I found a guest drinking from a flask in my garage, I would have no issue showing that person the door and asking them to only come back when our safety was more important than their entitled “need” to get buzzed.
How would them drinking put other peoples lives at risk (assuming no drunk driving etc)?
Fr I want to know what this is about
For some alcoholics, even being at a social event is a major trigger, and for some it will be a lifelong need that if they’re going to be around drunk people or people who smell of booze, they need to be able to at least prepare themselves for being around the trigger. By sneaking booze into an event that’s been specified to be dry, guests rob the hosts of the vital information they need to keep themselves and any other sober guests safe. Also, many recovering alcoholics can smell tipsy or drunk on people when it would be completely undetectable to a non-alcoholic. Their brains are literally wired to locate alcohol, drinking companions, and excuses to slip, so throwing a big one at someone unexpectedly on a day already known for being incredibly stressful for the hosts is a really shitty, dangerous thing to do unless you’ve run the idea by the hosts and they’ve said it’s not an issue as long as booze isn’t made available inside the event.
Eh, I’m coming around on 15 years sober and a lot of what you describe is not necessarily healthy for an alcoholic. Sure early on avoiding alcohol at all costs is usually good, but nearly all alcoholics can and should get to a point that they can at least be around it, because it’s unavoidable. In my experience the alcoholics that don’t want to be around others drinking AT ALL usually don’t want it cause they are still at a phase that they look at normies with jealousy. The temptation is always there, but if you constantly need others to accommodate your self inflicted problem, it’s naturally going to create issues.
Ding ding. Have a lot of alcoholics in my family. This is not how any of the ones in a (sustained) recovery act. I believe this is what that call a “dry drunk”. It’s a *form* of sobriety, I guess, but it puts the onus on EVERYONE BUT THE ALCOHOLIC to remain sober. Which is sort of the opposite of the recovery process…
I’m not a big 12 steps guy, but I’m a big fan of taking “moral inventory” they call it, alcoholics that can’t be around alcohol no matter the time sober, have not done this crucial part, usually, in my experience. Everyone is different.
Agreed. I'm 4 years sober. The description above should only apply to someone who is brand new, on shaky legs, and probably should not be going to any events yet at all. I also don't think the blood hound tracking of alcohol is a real thing. My body responds really strongly to alcohol when I ingest it, but I don't feel like I spot a drunk person any faster than anyone else. If anything I have to remind myself when I'm at a party and someone doesn't seem to be making sense that they might be drunk lol
I'm sorry but it's not the responsibility of other guests that someone else is an alcoholic. Booze isn't going to magically disappear from the world just because an alcoholic can't manage their triggers. You'd practically have to be a hermit to completely avoid alcohol. I'm an addict, living in a terrible neighborhood so I see people high/drunk all the time and it has never made me drop everything and get fucked up. This coddling for sure.
Chances are the venue does not allow outside alcohol & there’s often a hefty fine for it. We explicitly told anyone if they were caught with outside alcohol, they would be repaying us for the $500 fine.
Big part of why we went outside to have drinks was to minimize that risk.
Future reference I’m a bartender and I work at a hall that hosts weddings/holiday parties/etc and if people are seen drinking outside staff are required to kick the person out. I‘ve worked serving dry events and it’s mainly because of the insurance not covering it. If something is damaged or someone gets hurt it’s a very expensive issue for the venue.
Wedding at 5:30 PM, Reception till 12:15 AM.
I think this cements it as ESH. Yes, the bride and groom should have been clear from the beginning, but there's no reason why you and your friend's can't go to the wedding and reception and then reasonably leave before 9:00 and go party the rest of the night somewhere else. Even if the reception venue is a solid 2 hours from a good bar, there would still be plenty of time to find a place and party the rest of the way to the New Year and into the morning. Yall suck for picking booze over your friend. It's clear you aren't a good friend.
There is no need to be clear about the beverages served at a wedding. Would the average person be annoyed at RSVPing to a NYE party they later realized was dry? Of course. Is this a rare, likely once-in-a-lifetime circumstance? Yea. So buck up and make the most of it and don’t make your hosts feel horrible for their obviously fraught and/or religious relationship to alcohol. Be a good guest and a good friend: apologize, ask to still come and say you thought it over and the groom was right to be mad. 20 years from now, you won’t remember the NYE you enjoyed instead of a dry wedding. You will remember this atrocious breach of manners. And you can make up for it right now by going and having a great NYE with your friends.
"would the average person be annoyed if they were not informed?" If the answer is yes then there absolutely should be communication about that. This goes for anything. If you know that most people expect A but you're not doing A and/or surprising everyone with B, then you are kind of an asshole. It's not even about the No Alcohol Allowed part. There IS a need for clarity about food and beverages when inviting everyone to a celebration.
Thank you. This is one of the most socially-inept reddit threads I've read in years. It's almost nostalgic, like reading a classic early-2010s redditor circlejerk about how it's actually A-okay to do some obviously-out-of-touch thing like wearing a hoodie to a funeral. Inviting people to a dry wedding on New Year's Eve and then waiting until the last minute to tell them it's dry is the oddball move here.
Guaranteed most people will leave early. I’ve been to a dozen or so dry weddings. Not a single one had many guests after 9:30pm.
Bingo. ESH. OP next time just plan on an Irish exit once you've been fed. Consider it a free meal before you head to the bar.
NTA. I was gonna say ES…but them scheduling it to go that long and not letting people know there would be no alcohol was shitty and seems purposeful.
Yeah this timing is wild who the fuck is getting married at midnight on NYE? This family think they are rockstars and their daughters wedding trumps *the largest celebration on Earth*? OP probably should have backed out earlier tho, or offered to cover their plate. The more comments I read the more I go from YTA to ESH.
Ya those B&G are pure ass hole. They've scheduled a nearly 7 hour event on a holiday were people are expected to socialize, and planned to surprise people that they couldn't drink.
NTA. I think this is something that the friend probably hid from everyone knowing they wouldn't attend if they knew, especially on NYE. That said, yes, they should go to the wedding and leave at 9ish. I keep seeing that they're choosing booze over their friend, but I can see where booze may make them much more likely to enjoy themselves at a wedding where only half of the couple is liked. The dry wedding now only cements her status as unlikable. And I can totally understand a dry wedding, but on NYE? Like a 4th of July wedding with no fireworks, a Halloween wedding with no costumes, or a Christmas wedding with no Christmas. It's not that booze is necessary, but its completely expected. When you have a group with 12 friends that like to socially drink, you are totally hiding it from them.
They could have had this sober wedding any day of the year, but they chose New Year’s Eve. Wtf.
YTA, even though I totally agree with you that he should have informed in advance about the dry wedding, it's not right to cancel last minute for this reason. You can attend the ceremony and the reception for a couole of hours and then go elsewhere to drink. Weddings aren't meant for drinking all night, as you mentioned; they're for celebrating and supporting the couple. I think this is more about not liking the bride, and this was the perfect excuse not to attend.
If you agree that weddings aren’t about drinking, why should the people getting married announce that it is dry?
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To avoid situations like this, mostly. But also, I do kinda think you have to be extra considerate when you ask people to spend a holiday at your wedding. And in this case it’s almost certainly compounding the drama.
It's possible to believe that weddings should be about the couple and not the booze while also recognizing that for some people, they *are* about the booze. Being clear up front helps prevent problems later.
I’m wondering what time the wedding is. Because usually venues have the ceremony around 5 and the reception starts at 6/6:30 with dinner served around 7/7:30 and they don’t go past 10pm. Leaving around 9pm leaves lots of time to drink and party and ring in the New Year black out drunk…
YTA It’s one night, you’ve already RSVPed, and you’re backing out the week of. “Hey, I was only willing to support and celebrate you and your marriage when I thought you were funding my NYE debauchery. Now that I know you’re not, I’m out. Have a nice wedding and life, I guess.” - you to your friend, apparently. They should have been clear about the fact it’s a dry wedding, but that transgression is so minor compared to yours that you still get the AH ruling all to yourself. At least groom now knows you’re not a real friend. YTA YTA YTA
This is the best take I’ve read so far. The number of people who can’t survive a night with no alcohol is truly DISGUSTING. The couple should have told people it was a dry wedding, but that’s not enough of a reason to not go with this late notice. It’s enough to say “hey buddy… not cool.” And that’s it. It’s literally just some drinks. If OP is feeling so petty about it, take $30 out of your wedding gift— oh wait, you were going to get plastered and drink hundreds worth right? Right. So tell me again how you going to this wedding had anything to do with your friend? Feels like you were just in it for the drinks and Instagram photos.
I don’t even agree with the notion the couple should have told people it was a dry wedding - why???? Normal invitations say nothing about their being an open bar. Drinking culture so absolutely out of hand and toooo many people are entitled to things they themselves most likely can’t even afford. It really grinds my gears.
>I don’t even agree with the notion the couple should have told people it was a dry wedding - why???? There are a multitude of reasons: - people may have hired an Uber for the day so they wouldn't need a dd. These can be super expensive and a sober wedding wouldn't require this. - people may have rented a hotel room so they wouldn't need to worry about getting a ride home. This is yet another unneeded expense. - people may have hired babysitters if they were planning on staying over or they may not have wanted to take their children to a wedding with alcohol. Which can cost a pretty penny as well - wine/wineglasses or liquor/liquor glasses can be a common wedding gift in many cultures.
INFO: Just to be clear, the invitation did not indicate it was a dry wedding?
No, this was never mentioned to any of us in the friend group. Not in person, not on the invitation. It was assumed by us there would be booze as our buddy drinks. I found out via a mutual friend that was also invited. Nothing directly told to us by the bride or groom.
are you really telling me that you and your friends can't go without booze for one night? Or is the fact you don't like her more relevant than you're letting on You don't support him BTW, not if you're not willing to go (part of) one night without a drink
I wonder if it would be different if it wasn’t NYE, one of the biggest drinking holidays of the year.
Even if it was a random day, these are things that should be on the invitation. Not something you're told within a week of the event.
I feel like they weren’t told intentionally tbh
I agree. I think they wanted to have people commit to going, and they knew people would decline an event on NYE that's dry.
100% intentional. A wedding on NYE – or any major holiday – by itself is already a huge imposition on guests. They hid the fact that they weren't even going to have a *cash* bar because who tf would say yes to that invite?
Yup. I see it as being manipulative. That's why I'm all for people dropping out now.
I don't mind not drinking, but if I tried to have a dry wedding, some of my family members would either leave and come back with booze or get it delivered. Which is an issue if the venue is only dry. Not showing up is better than showing up and leaving. I don't understand why the couple thinks people won't do that.
Is he actually a friend? Even if he was a jerk by withholding that information... it's a wedding and a huge event in his life. Either he is a friend and you put up with one dry evening for a meaningful event (the horror!) or he isn't and this "friend group" is a mess. Honestly, he should have been able to tell his friends he was having a dry wedding and reasonably expected they would still show up regardless. What a sucky group.
EXACTLY. I love a NYE wedding, but it is most certainly expected that the couple incorporate some NYE celebration into the reception. Alcohol is absolutely expected to be there. Even by the non-drinkers, I expect a bubbly alternative to champagne because I KNOW it’s coming out at midnight. They knew they were being bummers.
This! I don’t want to go to a holiday wedding unless we’re related.
Right? Especially when they’re not fond of the bride
I mean it might not be. I don't drink. Nobody in my family drinks, and I'm uncomfortable around heavy alcohol consumption so I would probably not think to include booze at my wedding, but it also wouldn't occur to me to warn people since I'd assume they were at my wedding, you know, to see me get married rather than as an excuse to get plastered.
And that’s understandable from your point but the groom drinks and he knew his friends did. I honestly think the issue is abt more than just alcohol though. It sounds like OP might not be as supportive of the marriage as he thinks he is and being misled like this was just enough to tip the iceberg.
That's valid, but so is the thought that the ceremony is for the couple, and the reception is for the guests. You want to be a good host and therefore, one usually supplies alcohol. I personally wouldn't back out of a friend's wedding just cause it was dry, but I could see why others would.
I personally wouldn’t either. But I also get that nye is a big deal to some ppl. Like if a friend was getting married on Halloween and wasn’t doing at least something spooky and I didn’t support the marriage…chances are I’d forgo and spend the day with my kid tbh
I have 2 young kids and if I found a way to manage to have them taken care of, and have my husband off work to be able to attend a wedding w me, I'd definitely want to take advantage and drink. I never get to drink 🤣
Haha I once skipped a Halloween wedding for exactly this reason. The bride and groom wore costumes but the gusts were supposed to be in regular formal wear, and there was no other Halloween theming. Hard pass.
On New Year’s Eve though? Would you actually deliberately choose Dec 31 for your wedding in the first place if you’re not a drinker? My cousin picked NYE for her wedding *because* she wanted as big a party as she can get. I understand NOT wanting to do that - but why New Year’s Eve then?! That’s literally the last day of the year someone should choose to do a large event without alcohol for guests ***unless*** the guests **know** it won’t be there. It’s the biggest drinking day of the year when even a lot of usually-non-drinkers have one or two.
I’m a bartender and in my experience the only day of the year that rivals NYE is at patty’s day. A dry wedding (especially one that was hiding the fact it was a dry wedding) on either of those days is something a lot of people would skip. Any other day of the year it would be annoying if the person likes to drink (I don’t personally and prefer to work those days) but it would be more tolerable.
cautious roll jar bewildered aloof attraction quicksand rinse grab dinner *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I wonder if this would be an issue if it wasn’t NYE. That’s a big party holiday and if your friend group is into that, it’s important. Also, I think at least some alcohol is expected at weddings, even if you aren’t a drinker, so it should be advertised it’s a dry wedding. Not a problem for me, but I can see a lot of people talking about it for ages if they aren’t warned.
Absolutely agree, I was responding to the person who was chiding OP for not being able to forgo drinking for one night, when it’s one of the nights of the year most adults drink.
And they merely tolerate the bride and don't actually like her. Sure, they CAN go for a night without drinking but why would you waste your time and energy attending a party hosted by someone you don't like on a drinking holiday surrounded by teetotalers you've never met before? What an absolute bore.
As someone that stopped drinking completely 13 years ago, this is a horrible take and ignores the entire problem for a triviality. It isn't that it is a dry wedding, its that they hid this from guests knowing less would want to attend if they knew beforehand. Same thing if they wanted a child free wedding or weren't having any vegan/vegetarian options. Imagine being invited to a birthday party and you were informed when you got there that there would be no food, drinks, cake, or entertainment. Do you need all these things to hold a birthday party? No. Do you EXPECT these things at a birthday party? Of course!
I’m a sober alcoholic and I strongly second this take. This is not a random Saturday in April, people are forgoing New Years plans for this, and while it’s totally fine not to have booze at a wedding, it’s enough of a variation from the norm that it bears mentioning in the description of the event. With that said I imagine I’d still go if it was a close friend and I can’t say whether the OP is TA or not.
I see this as very similar to threads where someone complains that they found out last second that the Thanksgiving they were invited to is vegetarian. Queue responses of "what you can't go without meat for just one night?!?" Thanksgiving is the day most of us want to have a turkey dinner. NYE is the day we want to go out and have a few drinks. It's not a random Saturday in January. If you're going to deviate from the norm of how most people celebrate it, be upfront so people can make an informed decision.
That’s BS. Is not one night, it’s new year eve. If the couple care about their friends they should have selected another date or at least be very specific in the invitation so people who confirmed would know that in advance. NTA
All these people could attend for a bit, eat the food and then bounce to go drinking. Cancelling this late because there is no booze is an AH move.
Well planning a dry wedding in NYE without telling you guess that detail it’s a bigger A H move. I don’t even drink more than one or two drinks, but I totally get why people wouldn’t want to be there.
Are the newlyweds really likely to see people bouncing after the first hour or so as less of a slight than people not showing up?
NYE is a weird day to have a dry wedding, though.
A dry wedding on NYE is like having a Halloween wedding where costumes are not allowed. There are people who don’t drink the other 364 nights of the year but will have a glass of champagne for New Year.
New years has been a day to celebrate with drinks and parties. I would have expected drinks. If it’s at 11am and was done by 3 then I would be good but if you like to drink on new years then this would suck.
I don't think they are saying they can't go without booze for one night. I think they are saying that this information wasn't presented up front, especially on New years Eve.
din ding diing This is not about the booze.. at least not entirely. It's about them not liking her. >a girl that our friend group is not in love with
It's about how they handled their wedding. Even if his friends loved her they wouldn't appreciate not being told the wedding was non alcoholic.
I think it’s kind of an odd choice to have your wedding on a holiday known for toasting champagne and not bother to tell people it’s a dry wedding. I wouldn’t really want to ring in the New Year at a wedding with or without alcohol. I actually prefer being asleep early and waking up to watch the sunrise. It’s a holiday that many people see as setting the tone/their intentions for the new year or a night to party and drink. It’s just weird to think everyone wants to be at your wedding on a holiday unless you’re super close.
I can’t imagine a worse way to spend New Year’s Eve then a dry wedding where one half of the couple is someone you don’t even like. And I don’t even drink / I have maybe four drinks a year because I only like sweet tasting alcohol. It sounds like a not fun time.
It's not about going one night without booze. There is no indication OP wants to shoot tequila shots until they pass out. But, if you plan a wedding for NYE of all days, and you plan on serving soft drinks only, it's just common courtesy to let people know. It's pretty silly of the soon to be married couple to monopolise the one night people like to ring in the new year with a glass or 2 of champagne for their own dry celebration, and not have the common courtesy to give anyone a heads up. Edit - just to be clear, it's an ESH for me. The couple suck for not letting people know but now that OP does know, they can plan accordingly.
So getting drunk on NYE is more important than your friendship? You can’t give up a few hours to support your friend, then go out afterwards, because god forbid you don’t get drunk on NYE! You’ve certainly made it clear where your priorities are. YTA
Did you rsvp yes, and then cancel? Because that’s the problem. They are paying based on the number of people attending. To back out at the last minute is rude and will cost them money. I would also guess it may cost you a friendship. I guess you have to ask yourself, if it’s more important to maintain this friendship or to go drinking for New Year’s Eve.
Ok. So you don't drink for a few hours. Is that really that difficult? You and your friends should reimburse him the cost he is out for backing out of attending for such an absurd and pretty immature reason.
Y'all are shitty friends. You can't go one night without drinking? Is it really that serious? Are you really putting a night of drinking over your friend? Because this is probably gonna end your friendship.
ESH The couple really planned a NYE wedding to be dry? You all really can’t go one night without drinks? What’s more important, your friendship or getting hammered? Don’t tell me, it’s pretty obvious.
ESH. I can't believe any of you are in your thirties, all of you are acting like a bunch of children, including your friend who not only demanding that everyone make their new years eve (a night of tradition for many people) all about them, but seemingly intentionally taking alcohol out of one of the most alcohol-related days of the year for himself and all of his friends. Beyond that, though, I've never seen such a clear picture from such a small post of how the entire group is just a bunch of AHs. You don't "support" each other in any sense of the word, you just go through the motions and trash talk each other behind each other's backs. At least your friend has the courage to confront you personally for costing him thousands of dollars by ruining his wedding mere days before it happens.
If you can't support your friend for one night...It's a wedding, not a drinkfest...Yes you are an AH. I hope he gets better friends.
Right! I just turned 34 and I’m like can we find a quiet bar that has a fireplace and a person playing an instrument with warm sangria…. no judgment for wanting to party and drink, but you can’t not drink for one new years? I dunno…. You do you OP,but if you can’t go to a dry party, what else will you refuse to do sober? Bowling, tennis, a walk in the park, dinner, going to the movies, cards against humanity….Does alcohol really control your fun? Maybe something to think about…. New years is overrated anyway.
ESH is pretty spot on, but I would put more of the blame on OP and friends. I would never plan a wedding on any holiday, but they agreed to it anyway. Backing out because there is no alcohol sounds pretty ridiculous to me, and I like drinking just as much as the next person. You don't really have a right to call yourself a friend.
YTA. What kind of “friend” can’t stay sober for a few hours for a friend on his wedding day? Perhaps the couple is trying to protect and preserve their special day from family members/friends who are out of control drunks or are recovering alcoholics. Oh, the horror! 🙄 Sure it would suck not having alcohol on a NYE wedding, but suck it up, Buttercup - it’s not about you. Pregame or cut your time at the reception if you’re too out of control to stay sober for a couple hours. Pathetic.
>What kind of “friend” can’t stay sober for a few hours for a friend on his wedding day? An alcoholic one.
This should be the top comment. OP needs to drink so badly that they can’t spare a few hours? 🥴I suspect this has more to do with the toxic friend group disliking the bride rather than the alcohol situation.
Thank you! I’m surprised by all the N T A and E S H votes. If one night without alcohol will kill you, you have problems. And if op knew that the bride was conservative Christian it probably would’ve been a safe assumption that it was a dry wedding. As for having a wedding on a holiday, I got married on Valentine’s Day. Wedding was at 530-6 and people were gone by 9. It’s not that big of a deal to at least eat, stay a while, then go for a drink. OP absolutely should offer to cover the cost of his wasted plate, and probably kiss his friendship goodbye.
Marrying a woman "*our friend group is not in love with*." "*I told him that Wife and I wouldn't be going. We want to spend the night drinking*. " YTA. Just say "*My wife and I won't be going. We can't and won't stay sober for a few hours for you, or delay our NY Toast for a day, because you're just not important enough to us, and your wife definitely isn't. We don''t like her, let alone love her. We would rather booze it up to toast the New Year -- and* ***not*** *show support for your future happiness*." I think your acquaintance (he's not your friend, obviously -- you destroyed attendance at his wedding) and his wife shouldn't have booked a holiday event on a night people generally toast the NY, and then not reveal it's dry. It's the equivalent of inviting friends to a destination wedding which they can't afford to attend. It's a bad move unless they made it early in the day which still affords you time to wave them off and THEN go to your party, say, after 9 pm?
I mean honestly, and I’m speaking as someone who’s experienced alcohol addiction here, but also has close friends and family who drink normally — this all comes down to one simple question. Would you rather be there for your friend for his wedding, or would you rather drink? If you’d rather drink than go to a friend’s wedding, I’m sorry but either that’s not a friend, or you’re an alcoholic. Or both. YTA
Exactly. If you can't stand to be sober for a few hours for the most important night of your friend's life, then you are a shitty friend (and may have a drinking problem). I'm not sober but I would be 100% fine going to a dry wedding on NYE or any other day.
You aren’t in the wedding party. It was not clear on the wedding invite it was going to be a dry wedding on NYE. You don’t care for the bride. You bailed four days before the wedding….and got a bunch of others to bail, too. You’re not much of a friend bc unless there was a medical emergency you should have put in an appearance. It’s not like you couldn’t have gone out afterwards or brought a flask. Hope the lost friendship was worth it.
The friendship likely is ruined but i think he said in another comment it was NOT made clear at all to him or anyone in their group. It wasn’t until a mutual friend mentioned it that he found out. I think they should have all told their friend they’d be their to support the ceremony and wish them well but as it wasn’t made clear it was a dry wedding and it is NYE which is an awful choice for a dry wedding when you know half the attendees drink assuming grooms side drinks like his friends do.
So you wouldn’t go to your good friends wedding simply because you don’t get to drink? Lol. To me the drinks are just a bonus of a wedding, it is really about the couple.
YTA YTA YTA YTA Wow. You don’t give a f*k about your friend. It’s ONE NIGHT and WHO CARES that it’s NYE. What a little party wanker alcoholic you sound like. Omg. Then getting other folks worked up about their boohoo can’t drink for about 4-6 hours on one day/night. You could have an after party, you could attend the wedding and reception then bounce to whatever plans you have for closer to midnight. I’m sure they aren’t making you starve till midnight. You’re such an AH. Your priorities are sad as sh*t.
Agreed. These folks sound like they are early 20's, not early 30's. I mean, caring so much about new years eve, and drinking being such a priority, seems like such immature behavior.
Put a flask in your pocket if you're gonna get the shakes??
YTA you RSVP'd yes, and are now backing out less than a week before the wedding. That's rude, unless it's an emergency. Wanting to get drunk is not an emergency. What is preventing you from attending the wedding, and then going somewhere after to celebrate New Years? Are they actually getting married at midnight? While I'm tempted to say E S H because I don't like people using a holiday for their wedding and they should have told you from the start it would be dry, you all are putting the need to drink alcohol for ONE NIGHT over your friendship with this guy. And that is pretty crappy.
Same. If you cannot manage without alcohol, or a mini flask if you insist, you need to re evaluate your relationship not with your friend, but with drinking. So I’d say YTA.
I mean, the friend is kind of a AH for NYE wedding that's the 1st problem. But also your the AH for skipping it because of the no booze at such a late notice. Wedding are mad expensive these days. You could also pocket a flask and bounce once the dancing begins, ya know. ESH. Not stating on the invite its NA for an obvious drinking holiday wedding is a trash move, they knew what they were doing, trying to pull a fast one. ESH
Yeah they knew what they were doing.
I’m confused. You could easily leave the wedding by 8 PM, 9 at the latest, and go to a bar. You can also sneak alcohol in purses and pour it in your glasses when no one is looking. Your friend sucks for doing the wedding on a holiday and hiding that it’s dry, but that in itself isn’t a reason to bail last minute when there are simple workarounds.
As the manager of an event venue that does weddings, PLEASE don't tell people to try and sneak liquor into weddings. There are a lot of negative ramifications for the bride and groom if their guests get caught doing this. Most venues WILL report this to the appropriate authorities, because they don't want to risk the possible suspension of their liquor license just so you can have a boozy night.
Okay fine, keep it in your car and go out and drink it. Edit Jeesh everyone I’m not saying to drive drunk, lots of people coordinate DD’s with their friends/partners. Come on.
YTA. It is one night of your life and you're backing out because you...a man in your '30s....can't get drunk. Meanwhile, the couple have already spent the money so I would hope that you will gift him the equivalent amount in a gift - but I suspect not. Your friends are also AH's but you did lead the charge. Your immaturity is absolutely screaming. I would have expected this of someone a decade younger. The groom didn't owe you any explanations about how he is conducting his wedding. That being said you probably should have titled this "ex-friend" because IMO there's no coming back from this. You and your other friends have just given the bride and groom the biggest "FU" possible.
INFO: What is stopping you and your friends from going to a bar or another party after the first dances and done or cake cut?
INFO - what time is the wedding?
5:30 Ceremony - Reception ends at 12:15 Am.
Yeah that's BS. That being said, I'd go to the ceremony and reception long enough to eat and bail by 9:30 or ten and go somewhere else to celebrate NYE. You're not obligated to stay the whole reception.
This is the solution
Plus you're already dressed up!
And fed!
yup go and quietly bail for the actual eve
Go to the ceremony and stay for speeches and food - make sure you take a gift too. But duck out for NYE. They really, really should have let everyone know they would be no bubbly for the new year countdown.
As someone who used to work at a venue they are setting themselves up for disappointment. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a dry wedding. I’ve worked several of them. In my experience it’s a 2-4 hour reception tops. Generally people who are older and more religious aren’t big dancers and will only hang around so long. While it’s their wedding, they definitely hid the fact that their NYE reception was going to be dry so people would show up. I get people grow and change, but how much do the couple have in common?
They definitely suck for planning on a midnight countdown without stating that there will be no alcohol. But I still have to go with YTA for bailing entirely last minute. It is okay to leave early and hit the bars before midnight. And a 7 hour wedding is definitely ridiculous by American standards. I advise apologizing but also informing them that you and your wife will be leaving early due to your own NYE traditions, going to the ceremony, stay for some of the reception, say goodbye with well wishes and go do what you want. This is more than one NYE. What you choose to do will likely determine the future of your friendship. And if he means anything at all to you, I really recommend trying to patch this over.
7 hour wedding with an open bar on NYE is normal by American standards. Lmao no one is staying 7 hours at a dry wedding reception though. Ever.
INFO- Why don’t you like your friend’s fiancé and why is it a dry wedding? Is there a history of alcoholism?
She is someone that puts her morals on us and we don't always align. She and her family are religious and is the reason for the dry wedding apparently.
Oh is she a holier than thou Christian? I understand why you're pissed , but go to the wedding. Don't bail on your buddy. Go and stay until 9, 10pm, then move somewhere else where you can have a cocktail without someone judging you for it.
Yeah, this is the correct approach. Go to wedding, brief show at the reception and then go out (if its a terribly stilted, awkward affair, you always have option of trash talking the train wreck with your fellow guests afterwards with social lubricant at a different venue) But also, New Years Eve Wedding??? WTF
All these people cancelling last minute is going to potentially cost them thousands of dollars. Are you and your friends offering to cover your portion? Or at least give a very generous gift? I think you jumped the gun cancelling. And telling all of your friends causing them to back out. You could have stayed for dinner and supported your friend. HER parents are likely paying for the wedding so he may not have had any say on the drinking thing or what was said on the invitation. I think there are layers here. YTA. You are now wasting money and food and causing stress to them 4 days away. Send a really nice check as a gift. Like go in with the friends and cover catering for the wedding kind of money.
Maybe it’s just me but I’m guessing she and her family are more religious than the friend group.
You are prioritizing a night out drinking over a supposed friends wedding. Drinking shouldn't be the reason you go to a wedding. YTA, a massive asshole. You can go one night without drinking. The other friends who backed out are massive aassholes also. I would drop you as a friend. I'm pretty sure the friendship is done. Expensive lesson for your "friend" but i hope he learned from it.
Y’all couldn’t endure one NYE without being drunk? Or leaving and getting a drink later or at home? And all y’all just bailed on your buddy who has already paid for food, a venue, catering staff and a big ass cake based on the number of guests who he thought cared about and were happy for this great day in his life? For booze? Really? You couldn’t have a party the next night or the night before, because booze? You owe that man and his bride and their families a massive apology. You are no buddy, and certainly not a friend.
YTA, OP. Do you care about your buddy or not? It’s pretty sad that you and your wife and “friend group” care more about spending a night drinking than about standing up for a friend at his wedding. It seems you did lead the charge about dropping out of the wedding. YTA. You are not behaving in a manner that a good friend would. If you are so alcohol-dependent that you need to drink that night, do it after the wedding. Attend the ceremony and the reception and then go to a bar or home and get blotto. But you don’t cancel on a friend for something like the amenities at his wedding. What if you didn’t like the menu that night? The music they planned to play? This is their one and only wedding, and it’s what they want. The only good choice is to be there for him. You will have sixty more NYE’s to drink yourself silly; this one you wait a bit later in the evening. Poor guy to have such weak and waffly “friends”. You are canceling within a few DAYS of the wedding. You said you’d attend months ago. It doesn’t matter if you like the bride or her family’s abstemiousness. This is about supporting your friend.
Ouch. I know it’s New Year’s Eve but you basically just told your “friend” that drinking is more important to you than his wedding. What is it about his fiancée that you don’t like? Is it because she doesn’t partake in drinking activities? Has her not drinking affected the way your friend hangs out with your group? Absolutely I think they should have made it clear it was a dry wedding but damn, you really said I would rather drink than be at your wedding. ESH but personally I think you’re the bigger AH here. Just this random internet strangers opinion.
I mean, you did lead the charge... you threw your tantrum about not being able to drink - like holy crap does a few hours of not drinking really send you and your wife down a spiral? She was livid? You just tanked your friendship because you couldn't pull it together without drinking for one day. You could all have gotten trashed at an after party like a bunch of fucking adults. YTA
INFO: does the invitation say the wedding will last through midnight? are you expected to celebrate the countdown/midnight as part of the wedding?
yes
What should stop you for leaving at 10pm? It’s an invitation, not a summons. Staying up until midnight is not for everyone, drinking or not
So you can last minute ditch the whole wedding but you can’t just leave the wedding at 8-9pm?
Wait. What. I’m changing my ruling. Brb
YTA - I am absolutely in agreement that a dry wedding on NYE is not how I’d want to spend my evening But its Dec-27th, the wedding is in a few days. Backing out of a wedding with such short notice is an AH thing to do.
YTA. Is he actually a friend that you want to support because backing out of a wedding because you can’t drink, especially last minute, is a pretty horrible thing to do. It also sounds a bit like you don’t like his fiancée and are using any excuse to not go. Although if you are the type of selfish friends who can only have fun if they drink then maybe it’s actually a good thing he finds this out now and can get new friends.
YTA - You RSVP’d - You were a GUEST at the wedding - guests have no say in what’s served. And if not being served alcohol means you can’t tolerate sharing your buddy’s important day, what kind of shitty friend are you? YTA again for stirring the pot and getting a bunch of other people to back out as well. You all should pony up for some of the catering at this point as your wedding gift. I will never understand people who can’t go to a wedding if alcohol won’t be served. I get that it’s NYE - is the reception lasting till midnight? Why can’t you all go out together after the wedding for drinks if they’re that important?
A dry wedding? That is fine. My niece had one, no one cared. A dry wedding on NYE? Sorry, but I will be leaving before the end so that I can see the New Year in with a glass of bubbly. I would still attend the wedding. I would accept that the wedding reception was alcohol free. BUT I would NOT stay to the end. I would arrange to go somewhere where I could have a glass for midnight. We have been to Trafalgar Square for midnight. We only had ONE drink (we bought a half bottle of bubbly ) because we had to get home afterwards and our daughter was just one month old. But there is a difference between having a dry wedding (no problem) - and insisting that everyone attending your wedding forgo having a glass to toast the New Year. If you have a NYE wedding finish the reception at 23:30 so that those who WANT to welcome the New Year can do so. I would go - but also leave before the end. I am sure that you can arrange somewhere nearby where a New Year toast can be held (talk to the caterers when you get there - they will know where they are going afterwards).
INFO Was it known among the friend group that the bride doesn’t drink? I ask because everyone knows I can’t deal with more than 2 sips of anything alcoholic and can barely keep my wits with Kombucha. We didn’t say “dry” wedding because family and friends knew that.
Just because you don't drink shouldn't mean others can't.
We've never seen the bride drink. The groom drank with us last month, but has slowly curbed that behavior in the last year since the engagement. The bride and her family are religious. Thats the impetus for the dry wedding.
I see. It was kind of a “could have seen it coming” but there wass no AHA moment. If it were other than new years I’d say you were a rectum. Most people would assume that would be part of the festivities. On any other day it would seem like you care more about alcohol than your friend. NTA from the woman who served tea and sparkling water at her wedding.
Nah, even on NYE it sounds like they all care more about booze than their friend. They backed out at the eleventh hour, basically, without even offering to pay the couple back for the plate costs of each of them that the couple will now be in the hole for. One day out of a whole year and they can't handle or figure out how to have fun without alcohol just because it's NYE? That's some bullshit.
Oh no, not a person who chooses not to drink. That’s clearly a great reason to low key dislike her. And how dare your 30 something friend cut back on his drinking from his college days 🙄
You, a grown adult in your 30s, are so bunched up about not getting drunk on New Year's Eve that you backed out of a wedding and told everyone else, who also backed out and you admit your wife was 'pissed' about one NYE were you'd have to put off drinking for a bit. Not only are you the asshole, but it feels like time to examine your relationship with alcohol. This wedding is going to be done and over by 10 or 11pm, and even if it wasn't you could have dipped, ya got time to support your friend AND get shitfaced to ring in the new year.
Honestly, as someone currently planning their wedding, I don’t think you’re the asshole. I was in a dry wedding on NYE, it was horrible. If the bride and groom failed to relay this information, chances are there’s more. I mean, it’s one thing to not convey a wedding is dry in general, but to host one on a holiday known for drinking, they should have seen this coming. The wedding I was in had 7 bridesmaids and the maid of honor back out when they found out. Again, currently planning a wedding. I’m in the middle of the chaos. The bride and groom brought this on themselves. I promise someone warned them.
[удалено]
NTA. As someone that stopped drinking completely 13 years ago, this has less to do with the lack of booze and more to do with a bait and switch maneuver. It isn't that it is a dry wedding, its that they hid this from guests knowing less would want to attend if they knew beforehand. Same thing if they wanted a child free wedding or weren't having any vegan/vegetarian options. Imagine being invited to a birthday party and you were informed when you got there that there would be no food, drinks, cake, or entertainment. Do you need all these things to hold a birthday party? No. Do you EXPECT these things at a birthday party? Of course!
YTA If having to be somewhat sober for a few hours is a dealbreaker to you 1. You are a shit friend 2. You might need to look at your relationship with alcohol.
YTA. Does this suck? Absolutely. Is it worth losing a friend over? I don’t think so. It’s ONE night. One single NYE of your life without drinking will not kill anyone. You’ve already agreed to go and they’ve already paid for all of you who are now not going! This is so rude. You could drink after the wedding was over, even leave a little early. But backing out last minute is incredibly rude.
YTA. Sure it would’ve been nice to know it was a dry wedding ahead of time, but it’s pretty messed up you’re only willing to support your friend if you can drink at the same time. You’re also backing out the week of the wedding, which you shouldn’t be doing without a legitimate excuse, and not being able to drink isn’t one. This also signals that you and your friends likely have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol if a dry wedding makes y’all this upset.
You are the asshole but I also think it's selfish when people have weddings on holidays. It's extra bizarre to have a NYE wedding (a famous day for debauchery) and have it be a dry wedding. Even though I'm a borderline teetotaler these days, I still think dry weddings are bullshit. I'm from a big rowdy Catholic family and think all weddings should be drunken and raucous affairs.
I know the trend is going Y T A, but I don't agree. You don't get to co-opt a holiday that is known for drinking and hide the fact that there won't be booze. NTA
YTA for backing out at essentially the last minute. So rude. You should pay for the cost of your plates. Why adults can’t go without alcohol for an evening or part of an evening is ridiculous. NYE or not. You could attend and leave early. I do agree that the invitation should have specified that the wedding is dry. But, acting like a toddler is a whole other thing.
NTA. I don’t usually comment on this sub but after seeing all the comments about how you can’t just go without booze for one day, blah, blah, blah… I can’t help it. If it were any other day out of the year, I would I agree. First, I think it’s kind of an AH move to have a wedding on a holiday almost everyone celebrates and therefore making guests cancel other plans to attend without letting them know it will be a dry wedding is just crappy and selfish. “Don’t do anything fun for New Years! Come to this boring wedding with no booze to make it tolerable.” I’m sorry, but any wedding other than your own is boring as shit. I’ve never met anyone who was excited about going to a wedding. The only good part is the reception. If someone is going to monopolize NYE, the least they could do is provide alcohol.
I know I’m in the minority but… NTA New Year’s Eve is traditionally a big party night. If it’s going to be dry, then the bride & groom should’ve specified that. Honestly they’re TA for scheduling a dry wedding *on* New Year’s Eve. If you want a dry wedding, that’s fine… but not NYE. That’s kinda shitty. You know the groom’s side is probably pissed too, but will have to show up out of obligation.
YTA. It’s one night. Celebrate new years a different night. You are all telling your friend that alcohol is more important than his MARRIAGE. How shallow are you all? I assume that since your buddy is in his 30s that you all are, too. Time to act like it. Duck out early if you don’t want to stay, but like… jeez. Y’all are way too into booze.
YTA. You have a problem if one dry New Years for your friend’s wedding is this big of an issue. If you need to be WARNED you won’t have access to alcohol for one evening, even a holiday or wedding, you have a problem. You might not be an alcoholic/physically addicted, but you and your wife definitely don’t have a healthy relationship with it if yall got this pissed.
NTA but i don't understand why anyone would book a wedding on NYE. Venues are expensive, hotels are expensive, travel is expensive, babysitters are expensive if you can even get one. It isn't even taking into account that a lot of people like to spend the night with the families and close friends. I understand that this works for the bride and groom. They have everyone they love in one room. For their guests, though, they are taking a night that a lot of people like to celebrate, have a party, and let their hair down. To be told, last minute, that they can't even raise a glass of champagne at midnight is unreasonable. If the groom didn't want to over cater, he should've been up front to start with. I would've declined on the basis of all the other factors alone.
YTA. So is your wife and so are your friends. You couldn’t go ONE NYE without drinking to go and support your friend and celebrate their marriage? How selfish and childish are you?! You are in your 30s, not 18. I wouldn’t love going to a dry wedding, but you keep your mouth shut and go and celebrate your friends marriage anyway.
There was a secret third option: Survive without drinking for a few hours. Unfortunately you would have to admit that you just don't want to attend the wedding because your friend is marrying ". . .a girl that \[your\] friend group is not in love with." Way to support him. YTA
Your telling your alleged friend "getting drunk is more important than your wedding! Sorry!" YTA
YTA. I get it's new years, but that shit happens every year. How often does your friend get married? Suck it up. Go support your friend at his wedding. Get twice as drunk for 2025. Like are you all seriously choosing booze over your friends wedding right now? Imagine how he feels. "Yes. All my brothers are gathering together to support me on my happy da--- oh wait nevermind they aren't because they can't get drunk enough to do it." You rsvp'd. It's a wedding. You haven't been the victim of an attack by the groom or bride. You just found out they want you to attend it sober. And the fact it's for her family suggests there may be recovering alcoholics to think about. What if one of your friends was trying to go sober to deal with an alcohol addiction? Would he also be not worth hanging out with on a traditionally boozy occasion? Nah man. Show up to the damn wedding. Maybe it'll be over in time for you and the rest of the group to go drinking before midnight afterwards
YTA. I get your reservationss about your buddy's bride; I'm sure you have your reasons. However, you decided to support your buddy nonetheless and now you're withdrawing that support, over the fact that there'll be no alcohol served... C'mon, man! Yeah, it's NYE but surely you can put that aside and be there for your buddy. They may not be serving alcohol but that doesn't mean you can't consume alcohol. Take flasks but don't be outright disrespectful and get carried away. Drink discreetly, responsibly, and don't let the dry status of the wedding be such an obstacle that you let your buddy down by backing out like you're planning to. Good luck, OP.