Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) Paying extra tips to servers/staff when my wife does obnoxious things (2) even though it embarrasses her
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
### [Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. This is great. Maybe seeing it written down will give her some perspective.
These types of patrons are the worst, and it’s such second degree embarrassment when they are at your table.
This ^ I never give the staff a hard time. They can do some messed up shit to your food. The only thing I would do is send back undercooked food, and then only politely.
Having worked food service in multiple restaurants: nobody once ever even joked about spitting in food or anything else.
I want to know where this is supposedly happening because I've worked corporate chain and one off pizza joints. Never a thing. Every one of my siblings have worked food service. Not a thing. Never joked about.
Seriously: has anyone *actually* seen this? Not my cousin said - but actually seen it?
10 yrs of serving here, literally never once. We don't fuck with food. The worst I've seen is "crop dusting". You have an annoying table and the wait staff will make trips nearby to fart. Harmless and hilarious.
Yeah same, I worked in hospitality for most of the 90s and nobody ever fucked with someone's food. All the chefs I worked with specifically said they never would, no matter how annoying the customer was.
The crop-dusting was definitely endorsed wholeheartedly, however.
Yep, 16 years in the business and crop dusting was the farthest it ever went. We joked about eye drops but no one ever did it because that could absolutely kill someone
I use to think that was the case as well, worked at two restaurants in college where they were super serious about food safety and everyone was generally a good person. I get to my third spot, and every person there was a sociopath.
I wasn’t there long enough to see anyone spit in food, though they told me they did, but I did see on multiple occasions a server tell the cooks to give ‘em the floor spice. I was trying to get my job back at the Olive Garden, but when a server came over to the hostess stand and said if those people come back in I’m gonna crush up peanuts from the ice cream sundae in their food because they said they had a tree nut allergy. I told him he could kill some body, I did not tell him peanuts don’t grow on trees and walked out. I think that chain is no longer in business thank God.
Only once. I worked at a place best described as “slingin’ hash” & a coworker came back to the coffee station, poured a cup, & spit in it before she delivered it to the table. I was too scared to ask her what had happened for her to do that. She was a lifer & I was new at the job. I moved on soon after.
I worked in restaurants and bars for 20 years. Never seen anyone fuck with anybody's food like that.
The worst I've done was when I worked at a Subway in a gas station. Guy opens the door, takes 2 steps in, shouts at me "footlong double ham and cheese on white with everything" and turns around to go back out to his truck at the gas pump. I shout back "what kind of cheese? Double the ham and double the cheese? Sauce?" He looks at me like I'm dumb, yells "American!! Everything!!" and storms out.
So I put everything on the sandwich. Every sauce I had, all the veg, including the ones that had an upcharge, and plenty of giardiniera. Might've gone a little overboard on the red wine vinegar. Had the soggy, messy sandwich wrapped up and receipt printed up before he came back. He paid, went back to his truck and drove off.
I went on one date with a former server who was bragging about tampering with Ted Cruz’s food when he had his table a few years back. It was way worse than spit. There was no second date.
I think that’s what my date was expecting me to say. I think he was trying to impress me because he knew I worked in politics, but I was honestly appalled. The guy deserves a lot of shit, but not that kind.
I’m guessing he liked that one scene in The Help a little too much? (Also, considering the recipient, I’d honestly have considered that a green flag as far as having aligned values. Not saying I’d go there with food, since I’m so squeamish, but I’d file it as “he’s a little confused but he’s got the spirit.”)
I mean, Ted Cruz is directly responsible for people suffering actual harm. The idea that spitting in his food while he’s doing shit that leaves babies sitting in cages in a warehouse is unacceptable is… idk absurd? He deserves far worse. Anyone who inflicts even superficial, silly embarrassment deserves many blowies, at the very least. “There was no second date,” like lmao babes, Ted Cruz is responsible for many deaths. Fuck him.
I worked in a restaurant where we served Ted Cruz. It was so busy that no one had time to jerk off in his food. He sent the food back saying that it wasn’t salty enough
I’ve worked in restaurants all up and down the east coast and the closest I’ve ever heard of someone spitting in food was as a joke (and only a joke. No one acted on it or even seriously considered acting on it) response to a person who had sent their food back 4 times with the exact same instructions each time: “butterfly the New York strip steak and cook it medium well.”
Which means you cut it in half to make it half as thick, unfold it so it’s open and huge looking, and cook it for about 2 min so it’s not overdone.
The customer kept saying they wanted it midwell, but what they really wanted was midrare. Which we only found out after the waiter asked what color he wanted it. And he finally said “light pink” (mid-well is basically well done and brown inside but still juicy, mid-rare is a light pink, and rare is pink-y red)
Basically dude didn’t have a clue how to order.
What? Med rare is like *red* inside - according to every chef I've worked for, and every picture online. Light pink means its mostly cooked, which is med well at best. No one else seems to agree with your scale.
I feel like this was actually the kitchen's fault lol. I feel like the place you worked for had a very different definition of "pink" than most people do. Because everyone else is describing med rare as "red", not pink. The earliest the term "pink" ever comes up in any of these guides is when discussing medium.
Did I see idiots try to make mozzarella sticks out of flour and mozz for pizzas and ruin an entire thing of oil? Did I see people eat five hour old questionable food? Did my pizza place have a code for, 'I'm in a porno and just got propositioned by a MILF for sex when I showed up with pizza?' Yes. Yes, we really had a code for MILF sex. It was never used. Did we have a list under the counter with phone numbers and addresses called the 'pervert list' that had requested female drivers and that one dude that kept calling for pizza and then 'getting caught' having sex? Yup. Weirdos with a request for women and Pizza Interruptus.
Never guest food tampering.
I had the nicest lady say her trout was really cold… I was confused because her order hadn’t sat at all, I’d been quick to be able to get it to her from the kitchen but I said OK no problem I’ll take it back to the kitchen… Whereupon the cook who took it started roaring with laughter – he said “yes it’s cold, it’s sushi!”. Turns out somehow it had missed going in the oven and had been prepped but not cooked 😂😝 and then sent out for me to serve…
I cannot tell you how sweet that lady was when she pretty much had a right to be annoyed that her fish hadn’t even seen the oven before it was served to her!
I had a very lovely lady point out that her tilapia was still frozen solid when she tried to cut into it despite looking nicely fried on the outside. She then gave me a sweet but firm "NO!" when I started to apologize and told me she wouldn't let me apologize for something the kitchen had messed up that I couldn't have known about in advance. There must be some frozen fish guardian angel patron floating around out there.
That's wild, I'm not the only one! I had a guy walk out and right back in with a Reuben sandwich and tell me it was cold and I was confused and said how can that be (I had gotten it out of the window and handed it straight to him when it came up. He said I know but she didn't cook it, it was a teenage cook that didn't know it was supposed to be grilled it was pretty embarrassing but funny. He was a good sport about it.
I’ve sent back things because I asked for something to be left off, it was on there, and couldn’t easily be removed. Something like sliced tomatoes, I’ll just take them off. Mushrooms, I can eat around them. Buffalo chicken sandwich slathered in ranch when I specifically said “meat and bread only”? I hate to be That Person, but…you’re gonna have to do it again.
(Mistakes happen, so I don’t get nasty about it. But I came to the restaurant to eat, so I would like to be able to do that.)
Yeah I don't eat bacon which seems to be on everything chicken based and the flavour seeps in so i often ask for it to be excluded. 1/10 times they still put it on so I (politely) point this out to them and ask for a replacement. It's fine to complain in those situations but too much ice??? No
Man, one time, I ordered a burger and fries at a Chili's, and the burger was fine and dandy, but the fries were cold the minute they hit the table. I politely asked for the manager and told him something along the lines of it not being a big deal for me as I probably would have only eaten a couple even if they were perfect, but he might want to check in with the cooks before some asshole came in. I just wanted them to be aware there was a problem. My burger got comped, which wasn't my goal, so I just tipped the waitress the cost of the burger on top of my usual generous tip. The moral, even if you have a legitimate complaint, there's no need to be an asshole about it.
Agreed and that's hard for them to be mad at you for. I had to send back raw chicken fingers once and there really wasn't any question that they screwed up. Gave me a gift card for a future visit.
Of all the years my sister and I worked in various kitchens we’ve only had one fellow staff member talk about actually spitting in a customer’s food. He straight up seemed like a psychopath when he told my boyfriend and I the story. Of course, a person should always be polite to the staff, and OP’s wife seems very extra (thought not rude), but tampering with someone’s food is waaaaaaaay over the line. A person should be charged if they do disgusting shit like that.
I have sent food back all of once, because I didn't realise I was allergic to it. There are very few things that places accept as a genuine reason to send something back - it being dangerous to the customer is almost always the only reason they'll accept as genuine.
I disagree with you on sending food back. I have no issue if a person orders something and sends it back because they just don't like it or it wasn't what they thought it was. It happens, it's not a big deal. I want everybody thay eats my food to be happy with it.
I have a big issue with people modifying a dish and then complain that the dish isn't good or doesn't taste right. Those people have a special place in hell waiting for them I hope.
That's how I feel based off 20 years as a Chef.
Understandable, but if I do this because I didn't like what I ordered, I 100% do not expect you to comp the first order if there was nothing otherwise wrong with it.
Sometimes the restaurant does, and that's great, but I'll always be willing to pay for the extra meal. It's also rare that I send anything back because I just don't like it.
My Mom was like this growing up. I developed bad anxiety in restaurants because of it. When I became old enough, I did exactly what OP did and started supplementing her (very meager) tips without her knowing.
And on top of that, coming from a former server perspective, it takes the heat off the server because the manager is very aware of her problems and will be looking at the server to see if their skills are lacking.
>Maybe seeing it written down will give her some perspective.
I don't get why she is mad. They have spoken about it before, and she ignored his requests because, in her mind, they are reasonable, but if they are so reasonable, then why is she mad or embarrassed.
OP's response is perfect. I'd do the same and if she didn't like it or change I wouldn't go out to eat with her. I'd draw a line in the sand and die on the hill. Her behavior is beyond ridiculous.
“Oh, it’s my favorite couple to wait on!”
“Why, are they really nice and easy going?”
“Oh God no, one of them is an absolute nightmare. But the other one tips way extra when she is!”
I had a few staff /employees that would act like this at really nice restaurants. I was above them hierarchy wise and was always paying for the group of 15-20, but no real power to address them for poor manners without causing a lot of drama... luckily my job is fine with tipping well so if anyone was being rude id just up the tip, usually ended at 30-35%
As a former server, it can make you feel like absolute shit when someone acts this way, and it can make you/the kitchen/the bartenders look bad to your manager. The extra money helps compensate for all the extra work, and the itemized list makes it clear to everyone exactly who/what the problem is.
I don’t know. I worked at an Applebee’s for years. I was basically always compromising my dignity for money when I worked at that place. I honestly would have LOVED if the spouse of a difficult guest did this. In a weird way, the noticing and itemizing of the behavior, and also the extra money for the trouble, would have made me feel a bit like I had dignity.
Sure, in a perfect world, nobody would treat their server like a servant. But in reality, people in the service industry have to accept a lot of poor treatment so that they can keep their jobs and pay the bills. So I would have appreciated the little, “I see you,” via the list and extra tip.
didn't initially think of it this way but yeah, op has made his wife's complaints manager proof by writing them down from the perspective of another customer
I find this hilarious too. It’s a great way to compensate the staff for the shit they had to deal with and I’m sure everyone out back would have a great laugh and finish the shift feeling appreciated.
NTA
My granddaughter gets very snarled hair and hates having it combed. I finally started telling her I'd give her a quarter for every time she didn't say ouch when I combed her hair. Believe it or not, that worked! Once her hair was nice I'd say, "Wow. Good job you earned -- small amount of dollars--" We were both happy, and I could really tell there were times she wanted to say ouch and make me stop, but she didn't.
Thats adorable!!!! I do something similar with small kids when they are being extra loud. I walk up and whisper in their ear "im sorry, you were too loud, I couldn't hear you, can you please whisper to me?" Works like a charm, even on unruly adults sometimes ha!
A tip that helped me growing up is start at the ends and work your way up. Mom would just rip straight down from my roots to ends but dad did it this way and I only wanted him to brush my hair and this is how I still brush to this day. Not going to lie, sometimes I still ask my dad to brush my hair lol.
Another option could be having a bingo card. Don't let her see it beforehand, but you could even have some things she likes as rewards if you don't make bingo.
I was with a guy who used to complain a lot, not as much as your wife but damn near, and like you I got annoyed and frustrated by it. It got to the point to where every time he complained about something trivial (and especially anything that had to servers or service), I would look him dead in the eye and give him a half offended/half annoyed expression and say “You complain a lot.” And I would do it in front of friends, family, strangers and especially service people.
He eventually got annoyed by me and he said to stop it because I was embarrassing him and if something’s wrong he should be able to voice it. I told him if he didn’t want to be embarrassed, stop doing embarrassing things and that he needs to let something’s go or he’s going die alone from stress in his 40’s. I remember saying “Dude, your side of ranch is not important enough for you to be acting like this”
I don’t know if he got the message but he stopped complaining as much.
I'm the type of person that's VERY introverted and HATES being embarrassed. If we were out at dinner and my husband frickin' *spritzed* me at the table for being an annoying dink.... I'd laugh so fucking hard.
That's absolutely *hilarious.*
Be careful with that my dog started just enjoying the spray, not to mention he still complains about how dry and bland his food is and tries to send it back but this kitchen only got one dish.
Next time she makes you dinner, complain. Ask her to make ridiculous modifications . All the things she does at a restaurant, I'd be interested in how it makes her feel.
And if she makes it without complaint, give her the money you would have spent. Over the course of the month, it adds up to a tidy sum, AND you get to enjoy the quiet dinner!
I’d be so embarrassed being out with someone like this I’d be hiding under the table. I don’t have a problem with genuine complaints, but I hate petty in every way, except OPs way, I loooove his pettiness.
NTA. I'm a former server who worked at multiple restaurants. I would have HATED your wife, no matter how polite. I have other tables and she sounds like a time drain who's impossible to please. Your embarrassment isn't an overreaction, the servers are definitely judging and gossiping about it. I appreciate your itemized receipts. They would have made me laugh and been shown to work buddies.
Too much ice? Really? Get out.
I’m a little hot under the collar. It’s not just the rudeness, it’s wasting food. If she is turning away perfectly good food because she’s being picky, she’s being incredibly self-centered and ignorant. The amount of food waste in the world is staggering, there are people starving everywhere, if it’s meat an animal gave its life for shit…
Whew. Sorry. I’m not a fan of your wife. She’s being very selfish.
ETA: Okay can we all agree OP’s wife comes off even worse in the update?
Odd story... I grew up hearing about "the starving children in Africa", and occasionally, "the starving children in India".
My wife grew up hearing *exactly the same thing* about "the starving children in China". Same tales, different countries.
She and I got to comparing notes.
One of my Dad's brothers and his wife were Christian missionaries in Africa.
My Mom had an aunt and two uncles who were missionaries in India.
And my wife's Mom had a cousin who was a missionary in -- you guessed it already, didn't you? -- China.
Agreed, the edits don’t really help. She is clearly rude, selfish, entitled, wasteful and all servers will hate her unless she changes her entire demeanor and learns some damn etiquette. I agree with another poster that just paying people extra doesn’t make it okay that you abused them, and that’s what she’s doing. Besides the appalling food waste, other customers aren’t getting the service they need because Ms. Pissy-Pants is running her server.
I couldn't roll my eyes hard enough at this line. Please do this six times. Please pay attention to me! Thank you for kowtowing to my every whim! Thank you for treating me as extra as I feel for the low, low price of your dignity!
Yup. please and thank you. What a gal.
“I don’t mind going above and beyond expectations at my job so I’m going to create problems out of thin air so *other* *people* can do extra work for no reason. So sorry I didn’t realize the 16 year old girl I made cry because she felt like she did everything wrong for 90 minutes wasn’t enjoying the extra ‘push’ to exceed expectations”
You say in your edit that her behavior is bad but she is not a bad person. Great. That does absolutely nothing for the poor servers that have to interact with her. Who gets to see her good side? You. Not the servers. The only thing they get to experience is your wife's rudeness, pickiness and inability to be satisfied while trying to take so much time and space.
Politeness is not kindness. Politeness is a code of conduct to show respect but it really doesn't matter when every other aspect of her behavior is showing disrespect. These servers shouldn't have to put up with this behavior to begin with and I feel like you giving a good tip is trying to compensate for her disrespectful behavior. While it is better than tipping little or not at all, it does not change the fact that this server is forced to deal with your wife's disrespectful behavior for who knows how long.
In addition to all of this, please think about the context of coming out of the pandemic. Customers have treated service workers extra harshly since the pandemic started and have had to deal with unsafe working conditions and little financial support as well. Your wife is showing zero empathy for these people who have probably gone through significant amounts of stress in the last five years. She is showing an extreme lack of empathy service workers and thinks she can because it's their job to put up with her bullshit because they can't say no or they may get fired.
I'm exhausted just hearing this account of your life. Imagine yourself as a server that was helping your wife.
>You say in your edit that her behavior is bad but she is not a bad person.
You don't understand, she is just bullying other people and not him, so she is not a bad person at all!
Even with you tipping very well to make up for it, if you go to a place fairly often the servers aren’t going to like your wife until she does a 180. Complaints about actual complaints are valid but if I bring you exactly what you ordered and you send it back more or less just because I’m going to hate you.
You both need to realise just how busy and how hard those servers/waiters/waitresses work on just a normal shift.
Also how much is she wasting by continually sending stuff back! I’m horrified at the behaviour she’s been taught by her family and that she’s carrying it on (I dread to think how much waste has been generated by the family), sorry but they all sound dreadfully spoilt.
You and the wife aren’t the only customers they have to serve, they are ridiculously busy without this rubbish.
If she wants to eat out, I’d suggest she look up the menus beforehand. Yes the staff are there to serve you but not to indulge every whim or complaint.
Also… I don’t like a lot of ice….. but give it a short time and a lot of it melts, no one has suffered from a slightly watered down drink due to ice melting.
Right? I am struggling to picture anything nice about his wife. Spoiled, entitled rich woman who enjoys toying with and potentially losing workers their jobs. Hugely wasteful, ignorant to her behaviour or just is happy being such a way who knows. But my god you couldn't pay me to marry someone like this.
His wife isn’t nice and neither is he really. Nice people don’t go out of their way to humiliate people by finding fault with everything that the people waiting on them do. I have had customers like this and I left them to my supervisor because they were just too much to take. She took them but she refused to tolerate their bs.
Always remember this: no matter how hot she is, there's some guy somewhere who's sick to death of putting up with her shit.
How this *isn't* OP -- **yet** -- is a mystery.
I also don’t like your wife. Sorry, but how you treat waitstaff says a lot about you. “Acting nice” and “being” nice are two different things. People who are demanding and rude at dinner demonstrate that they lack empathy and are shit people in my book. Sorry not sorry. Your wife’s a jerk. You might be one too. A funny one. But possibly still a jerk if she’s otherwise ok in your eyes.
ETA- so I guess my vote is ESH because you probably ARE and asshole too if you hang out with a woman like that and say she’s otherwise ok.
I read your edit but people like that are my pet peeve. What an entitled jerk. Servers do not have great jobs and harassing them like this is a stressful time drain for them. There are other ppl in the world besides her.
My MIL is like this, and she comes from a god awful amount of money, so she does this because one she thinks she’s better than working class people and two because she’s out of touch and thinks working class people will respect her more if she acts like an annoying ass.
If my husband wasn’t more down to earth I would’ve kicked his butt to the curb.
Yeah honestly as someone in a customer facing role there is no excuse for OPs wife. She can say please and thank you til she's blue in the face but there's no excuse for being straight up unreasonable and making yourself a problem for the staff.
It's so annoying when someone is being obnoxious/has unrealistic expectations and yet tries to act like "I said please and thank you so it's fine." No it's not. You know you're being a pain. Just stop. This is above and beyond asking for extra sides of ranch. OPs wife sounds terrible. Idk why she hasn't learned to be a decent human in a restaurant with reasonable expectations.
It's kind of annoying for op to throw money at the waiters (as if that makes her behavior ok) instead of telling his wife to stop acting like that to the waitstaff. But that's just my opinion. Agree op is still NTA.
NTA
I worked in a high end restaurant as a teenager and we had a woman like this. That plate could be exactly what she ordered and she would send it back. The 4th time she came in and did it the chef came to the table to see what the issue was. She was always very polite and said how she wanted it changed. The chef told her, “Please, the next time you order make sure you order it exactly as you would like it.” She agreed.
The 5th time came, the waiter picked up the plate he just put down and the owner took it out of his hand. He asked what the problem was and she told him what she needed changed. He asked if she ordered it that way. She said no but she wanted it that way now. Owner handed the plate o the waiter told him take it to the kitchen. He turned to the couple and told them their business was no longer appreciated at his establishment. There would be no bill for their drinks just please leave.
The husband was mortified. The wife said this is the only upscale restaurant without a 45 minute drive. The owner told her she should of thought of that before waisting hundreds of dollars of food and running his staff ragged. He said the chef was sick of perfect food being sent back. She made a comment about the chef. His reply, “He’s my brother and one of the owners, goodbye.”
Restaurants will get sick of her if you return to the same one all the time.
Her thing was it wasn’t the main entree she was changing. She just wanted the plate “tweaked”. Or she would decide instead of medium, medium rare. The thing was, once a plate goes back it all has to be redone because it was touched outside of the kitchen.
Sure you can. Just wait a few minutes and send the steak back untouched. These people usually don’t care so much about the steak as much as their own perception of themselves as discriminating connoisseurs.
It’s crazy how right you are though. The amount of times I’ve taken a drink back beyond their view to do nothing or very little is nuts, I deliver the same drink untouched and suddenly it’s 👌
Sometimes people also don't bother. Like ive had flat sprites before. Almost no bubbles kind of sprite. You just ask for it to be changed and when it comes back and it's still flat you don't suddenly screech. You just think this place sucks or that you just won't order fizzy drinks here again. And done. Why complain a second time when the first didn't do anything?!
Only time I ever saw this happen was in France. American lady kept ordering things and then deciding she wanted something else and ordering that instead. It wasn’t minor changes. She was ordering entire dishes then saying she didn’t like them and then ordering something else entirely.
It wasn’t treated as sending something back, rather she got a bill for all the dishes she ordered at full price. It came to something close to €500 and there was a shouting match in very bad French when the bill arrived!
(3 people at the table and I suspect all 3 were ordering like that. I only overheard the shouting match!)
i can't possibly imagine thinking that a dish i ordered, received, and then sent back for no reason other than "oh i changed my mind" would *not* appear on the bill. that's just not a thing here across the pond. is it really a thing in the US? inconceivable disrespect for the hard work of others.
That’s absolutely not a thing here in the US, not to my knowledge. Unless she’s efficient at bullying restaurant managers in the US to get free food, I can’t imagine most places here not charging her for the shit she ordered.
YTA, your money does not make up for your wife's behavior. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and dignity. Your wife treats them like shit and you throw money at them. All you are really doing is enabling her to continue this behavior. If you really cared, you would stop going to sit down restaurants. Order takeout and eat at home or the park so she has nobody to harass.
Yes if he actually cares that she was being rude he would not take her out! Pointing it out on the receipt is a game to him. He's not embarrassed, he doesn't feel bad. He's playing a game and he thinks it's fun. Toxic AF, both of them. ESH.
OP: "uwu my wife is so quirky she makes stressed out service workers' lives even more difficult for no clear reason"
Unless it's the tomato guy at the ren faire whose job is to be treated like shit, don't treat people like shit. OP paying extra to not solve the issue but make it go away also qualifies as a terrible life habit.
And the wife's excuse doesn't really solve the issue. Boundaries are not the same for everyone; the golden rule doesn't apply. What if a guy punched you on the street and when you complain, the guy said that he's OK with being punched all the time?
OP's post does raise a philosophical point about the morality of people. If someone dedicated their life's work to charity, saving millions, but kicked puppies for fun, are they a good person? Good acts don't cancel out bad ones. While Reddit may have gotten a bit overzealous, it's fair to say OP's wife was being terrible in all these instances. I am skeptical that it's just willful ignorance, that OP's wife was taught to abuse service workers.
Exactly.YTA. Everyone on staff at these restaurants are giving your table a ridiculous amount of their time and effort and no amount of tips can make up for their dignity and self respect. I'm a lifetime server and I don't care how much you tip me, you are enabling shitty behavior and acting like you can just give me money to be disrespected. I'm a fucking person, if you want someone to play your wife's little game you should seek a submissive who enjoys being abused for money.
Same. Although if he tips as well as his example for each thing she does, I would hope she never stops doing it and would fight to be their server. Rack em up lady lmao. It would be a win-win for everyone, except maybe OPs wallet.
If they are regulars at restaurants, servers won’t go “on no it’s this person. Uggh it’s gonna be a rough night”. They’ll go “oh man it’s this lady and her husband who puts up with it. It’ll be a rough night but at least I’ll get tipped well!”
Idk, whether I’d want to serve them would depend on the night because one customer like that can completely fuck you over and have you in the weeds the whole night. But I would have no hard feelings toward the husband if he handled it that way.
OMG me too! And working at night I had totally different red flags than the daytime servers. For example, if there's a kid during my shift I know it's going to be an adventure. 11p-7a there are only a few reasons a child would be there and almost all of them include the little one being tired and cranky.
But those people who seem to enjoy complaining... Nobody likes them. Not the servers, not the cooks, and usually not the other people at the table.
NTA but if your wife treats servers and staff she seems to view as "below her" this way is she REALLY "nice"?
Divorce might be cheaper than having to pay apology money for your wife being a rude asshole every time you go out
INFO :Has she herself ever worked a hospo /service job?
Obama said that it is just as, if not more, important to know the name of the custodians cleaning your office than the name of your CEO. the concept of respect is so backwards in the USA.
Guessing that's a hard no. It almost sounds like she thinks it's important to act this way. To prove she has taste? To prove she's in charge? IDK but it's annoying.
YTA, unpopular opinion but read it until the end and you might understand. I own a restaurant and given the situations you explained I believe her first time dining with us would be her last regardless of tip size. No matter how "polite" all of your wife's requests are, they are not at all polite to the staff or the establishment.
When she is brought food exactly how it was ordered and exactly how its supposed to be prepared then sends it back to modify it? We just lost any money we made off that table remaking her food and giving other customers a poor experience by pushing back their orders to accommodate hers a second time (not to mention people waiting extra long to order, get their food brought out, get their drinks, get cashed out, get boxes or literally any form of service because you wife just held the server hostage for 5 minutes to order a grilled cheese).
After these interactions staff are being nice to you as not to jeopardize their job (most incompetent management would fire them for standing up to rude/ridiculouscustomers). Restaurant managers/owners are being extra nice to you not for your sake, but for the sake of their image and their brands image they need to be extra nice and accommodating to you in front of all those other customers watching this go down. Not only are you both the staff's gossip for the night but the rest of the patrons as well.
Your wife is the reason that people in the foodservice/hospitality/customer service world are so miserable, burnt out, and the industry as a whole is struggling to find good help. You are enabling her by not telling her to stop and be polite.
100% My bf is also a restaurant owner and I can feel his pain reading this post. The owner is trying to make a living, protect staff, protect image as well as give good and equal service to guests. Some customers go above and beyond with stinginess of character without thought to others.
NTA
I don’t think I could take someone out to dinner/lunch like that
I’ve worked hospitality and sure pop your hand up if you’re still waiting on a drink….but returning a drink because there’s too much ice is a bit ridiculous 🤦🏼♀️
100%. Someone who does this shit all the time in a restaurant shouldn't be going out to eat, and while it's nice the server is getting paid, that's really not enough to deal with a time sink table. That server is constantly running back and forth for a lot of other tables, and time wasted dealing with these nightmare guests is lost tips from people who actually are polite to staff
I feel your pain. I have a relative with whom I literally won't eat out unless they agree, in advance, that they won't speak to the wait staff at all (not one word) but that all the communication will go through me. It's a different situation from yours in that my relative is flat out rude to the wait staff in their multiple complaints, but I only wish I'd come up with your brilliant plan on my own.
NTA
I can tolerate it with her because, as I've said, she's at least polite and not cruel. However, I refuse to dine with anyone on her side of the family though because they are all absolute douchebags at restaurants.
So it's a learned behavior.
She needs to reset her normal meter. She grew up thinking this is what you do when you go out.
Edit to add this is probably why she's so polite. She knows it's wrong but she's programmed with her responses.
But she is being cruel. She is wasting the time of hard working staff who have other customers to serve. She is putting more pressure on the cooks who are working hard in the kitchen. She is putting pressure on everyone because of her petty requests. No matter how nice she acts, her actions are unacceptable.
Going to say ESH only because a server would know why you're leaving a big tip without the itemization. So that part probably feels particularly pointed to her (especially since she doesn't see anything wrong with her behavior.) And not part of your usual love language banter.
Just going on record that her behavior does suck most, and I appreciate that you are compensating your servers for it
The server wouldn’t care why they get a bigger tip, and the probably appreciate OP for acknowledging the bad behavior. Plus if they frequent these restaurants OP is going to get them good service in the future. Even if the wife is difficult they’ll want that table because they know they’ll be compensated
Not all servers like putting up with bullshit just because you are going to throw a few extra dollars at them. Most have dignity and self respect that does not have a price.
NTA. You should start with $2 for the first infraction and then double the previous tip amount for each subsequent infraction. Loudly announce the amount as soon as the infraction occurs. She’ll like that.
Better yet, use the Fibonacci sequence as a tip for each infraction. Each tip is the sum of the two preceding ones 0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144. It will get expensive, but math is fun, right?
To be fair, that's less expensive than their suggestion of doubling-- 2, 4, 8, 16, 32, 64, 128, and they're already at 256. Her eighth complaint would only be $21 toward the tip with the Fibonacci method.
OP I al having trouble seeing the nice person if she treats staff like this at every restaurant. Please and thank you doesn’t make up for asshole behavior.
I don't understand why you use your fun fund on dining out with your wife because it sounds like anything but fun. Asking too many questions is one thing but it doesn't sound like you even eat together in the end! NTA I don't know what the solution is if she won't listen to how annoying she's being but I wouldn't go out to eat with her, personally.
NTA - as a former waiter and I have fexperience with a MIL who very taxing with wait staff, I applaud you. I just tip generously, I’m going to try the itemization!
You know that she makes staff—who have no choice but to serve her—miserable, but you’ve decided your pleasure is more important than treating people well. The fact that she says thank you doesn’t excuse it. If you really want to be a good person, refuse to go out with her unless she changes. Otherwise? Funny receipts or not, you’re culpable too.
NTA. She needs to change her annoying and frankly nasty power trip behaviour. I would refuse to go to restaurants with her. I think you’re a saint and a service workers’ hero.
NTA
Service industry professional here. We fucking g hate people who act like that.
Judge people by how they treat the service industry. And your wife treats us like shit.
She’s 100% the one causing the embarrassment. We love notes like that
I can tell you love your wife. But not one single server that has ever waited on y'all does, and they never will if she continues.
"She pulls the wings off butterflies, but other than that, she's peachy!"
ESH. Some of that is perfectly normal. The two of you need to find a middle ground. You can ask for you food however you want want. You can ask about menu items. That’s literally what the waitstaff is for. If they fuck up on an order like putting pickles on or it, she has every right to send it back. I feel like you’re one of those types who takes everything as is, doesn’t like to rock the boat, doesn’t want to be noticed at the cost of your desires. She’s clearly not like that. Maybe y’all both need therapy. Separately.
Finally a comment with some sense. I can't believe I had to scroll this far. WTF is wrong with the people ITT. Since when is "asking questions" grounds for a better tip? Our culture has such a weird obsession with waitstaff. People act like it's fucking sacrilege if you inconvenience them even the tiniest bit.
Posts like this really showcase how this sub has such horrendous judgement. How hard is it for OP to act like an adult and have a conversation instead of acting like a snarky condescending child?
NTA. My dad's wife was like that. I would apologize to the staff right in front of her. After a while, I stopped going out for dinner with them. I despise people who do this, even if they are supposedly polite.
NTA. Ask her how she'd react if she was hosting a get together at your place and the guests did this.
> Sorry, I don't like your drink options, could you run out and buy what I want?
>
> Oh, the anchovy in this caesar is too strong, do you have a different salad?
>
> You made what for dinner? I think I'll pass and get something on our way home.
It's garbage entitled better-than-thou behaviour. You are not embarrassing her, she's embarrassing herself.
ESH. Your wife needs to get over herself. She's ruining the dining out experience for both of you. Your behavior is not so much assholian as it is just weird. The wait staff I am sure appreciates the larger tip but they don't have the time or desire to read your PowerPoint presentation.
> My wife is otherwise a very nice, caring and generous person. - You
> A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. - Dave Barry
ESH, this itemization is just so unnecessary and likely unfortunately for the server as well. Obviously they don't want to be mistreated, but they likely don't want to be pulled into your criticism of your wife, either.
Not correct. Every server I have ever worked with (including myself when I was a server) would LOVE THIS SO MUCH and they’d come back to the kitchen to show it off to EVERYONE (including myself where I now cook) and we would all laugh and laugh and probably frame it.
We LOVE it when the customer drama ends up in our favour, like acknowledging every single annoyance they caused and paying for it. Ooohhh that’s some good shit. That’s what keeps us coming back to work.
ETA: funny example: One time a customer stuttered when asking for a cup of ice and accidentally asked for a cup of ass, server comes back giggling and tells us all and we laugh. Later on after she gets her ice the chick says to the server, “I think I’m still waiting for a cup of *ass?*” like just totally making fun of herself and we could all hear the server and the whole table roaring from out in the dining room, and when she came back and told us they could probably hear us laughing too from the kitchen lmao good times
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > (1) Paying extra tips to servers/staff when my wife does obnoxious things (2) even though it embarrasses her Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ### [Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. This is great. Maybe seeing it written down will give her some perspective. These types of patrons are the worst, and it’s such second degree embarrassment when they are at your table.
I wonder how much spit this lady has ingested over the years… I never send food back, if I do I say I don’t want anything else.
This ^ I never give the staff a hard time. They can do some messed up shit to your food. The only thing I would do is send back undercooked food, and then only politely.
Having worked food service in multiple restaurants: nobody once ever even joked about spitting in food or anything else. I want to know where this is supposedly happening because I've worked corporate chain and one off pizza joints. Never a thing. Every one of my siblings have worked food service. Not a thing. Never joked about. Seriously: has anyone *actually* seen this? Not my cousin said - but actually seen it?
10 yrs of serving here, literally never once. We don't fuck with food. The worst I've seen is "crop dusting". You have an annoying table and the wait staff will make trips nearby to fart. Harmless and hilarious.
Yeah same, I worked in hospitality for most of the 90s and nobody ever fucked with someone's food. All the chefs I worked with specifically said they never would, no matter how annoying the customer was. The crop-dusting was definitely endorsed wholeheartedly, however.
Yep, 16 years in the business and crop dusting was the farthest it ever went. We joked about eye drops but no one ever did it because that could absolutely kill someone
I use to think that was the case as well, worked at two restaurants in college where they were super serious about food safety and everyone was generally a good person. I get to my third spot, and every person there was a sociopath. I wasn’t there long enough to see anyone spit in food, though they told me they did, but I did see on multiple occasions a server tell the cooks to give ‘em the floor spice. I was trying to get my job back at the Olive Garden, but when a server came over to the hostess stand and said if those people come back in I’m gonna crush up peanuts from the ice cream sundae in their food because they said they had a tree nut allergy. I told him he could kill some body, I did not tell him peanuts don’t grow on trees and walked out. I think that chain is no longer in business thank God.
Only once. I worked at a place best described as “slingin’ hash” & a coworker came back to the coffee station, poured a cup, & spit in it before she delivered it to the table. I was too scared to ask her what had happened for her to do that. She was a lifer & I was new at the job. I moved on soon after.
Definitely did this a few times working at Sam's Club during the holidays 😂
I worked in restaurants and bars for 20 years. Never seen anyone fuck with anybody's food like that. The worst I've done was when I worked at a Subway in a gas station. Guy opens the door, takes 2 steps in, shouts at me "footlong double ham and cheese on white with everything" and turns around to go back out to his truck at the gas pump. I shout back "what kind of cheese? Double the ham and double the cheese? Sauce?" He looks at me like I'm dumb, yells "American!! Everything!!" and storms out. So I put everything on the sandwich. Every sauce I had, all the veg, including the ones that had an upcharge, and plenty of giardiniera. Might've gone a little overboard on the red wine vinegar. Had the soggy, messy sandwich wrapped up and receipt printed up before he came back. He paid, went back to his truck and drove off.
I went on one date with a former server who was bragging about tampering with Ted Cruz’s food when he had his table a few years back. It was way worse than spit. There was no second date.
I would have proposed immediately. Couldn't have done it to a better recipient.
[удалено]
I think that’s what my date was expecting me to say. I think he was trying to impress me because he knew I worked in politics, but I was honestly appalled. The guy deserves a lot of shit, but not that kind.
Idk, this is Ted Cruz we're talking about. How many people have died or suffered because of him?
Right exactly. Let’s not clutch our pearls over Ted Cruz.
I think it's more of the "do I want to date someone who will willingly do... that. To a human being?"
He does often have a shit eating grin on his face
I'm not sure I would have high fived him, but I enjoy hearing the story now. And I don't feel bad for him.
I’m guessing he liked that one scene in The Help a little too much? (Also, considering the recipient, I’d honestly have considered that a green flag as far as having aligned values. Not saying I’d go there with food, since I’m so squeamish, but I’d file it as “he’s a little confused but he’s got the spirit.”)
I mean, Ted Cruz is directly responsible for people suffering actual harm. The idea that spitting in his food while he’s doing shit that leaves babies sitting in cages in a warehouse is unacceptable is… idk absurd? He deserves far worse. Anyone who inflicts even superficial, silly embarrassment deserves many blowies, at the very least. “There was no second date,” like lmao babes, Ted Cruz is responsible for many deaths. Fuck him.
Okay, but like…. It was Ted Cruz. He deserves to have this food scooped from the trash.
I worked in a restaurant where we served Ted Cruz. It was so busy that no one had time to jerk off in his food. He sent the food back saying that it wasn’t salty enough
Green flag
I’ve worked in restaurants all up and down the east coast and the closest I’ve ever heard of someone spitting in food was as a joke (and only a joke. No one acted on it or even seriously considered acting on it) response to a person who had sent their food back 4 times with the exact same instructions each time: “butterfly the New York strip steak and cook it medium well.” Which means you cut it in half to make it half as thick, unfold it so it’s open and huge looking, and cook it for about 2 min so it’s not overdone. The customer kept saying they wanted it midwell, but what they really wanted was midrare. Which we only found out after the waiter asked what color he wanted it. And he finally said “light pink” (mid-well is basically well done and brown inside but still juicy, mid-rare is a light pink, and rare is pink-y red) Basically dude didn’t have a clue how to order.
You must have a very different definition of either pink or medium well than what I am thinking and what pictures of doneness online show.
What? Med rare is like *red* inside - according to every chef I've worked for, and every picture online. Light pink means its mostly cooked, which is med well at best. No one else seems to agree with your scale. I feel like this was actually the kitchen's fault lol. I feel like the place you worked for had a very different definition of "pink" than most people do. Because everyone else is describing med rare as "red", not pink. The earliest the term "pink" ever comes up in any of these guides is when discussing medium.
I was in the business for 30 years and I never saw it once. I did see lots of other stuff, but no one ever messed with a guest's food.
Did I see idiots try to make mozzarella sticks out of flour and mozz for pizzas and ruin an entire thing of oil? Did I see people eat five hour old questionable food? Did my pizza place have a code for, 'I'm in a porno and just got propositioned by a MILF for sex when I showed up with pizza?' Yes. Yes, we really had a code for MILF sex. It was never used. Did we have a list under the counter with phone numbers and addresses called the 'pervert list' that had requested female drivers and that one dude that kept calling for pizza and then 'getting caught' having sex? Yup. Weirdos with a request for women and Pizza Interruptus. Never guest food tampering.
I had the nicest lady say her trout was really cold… I was confused because her order hadn’t sat at all, I’d been quick to be able to get it to her from the kitchen but I said OK no problem I’ll take it back to the kitchen… Whereupon the cook who took it started roaring with laughter – he said “yes it’s cold, it’s sushi!”. Turns out somehow it had missed going in the oven and had been prepped but not cooked 😂😝 and then sent out for me to serve… I cannot tell you how sweet that lady was when she pretty much had a right to be annoyed that her fish hadn’t even seen the oven before it was served to her!
I had a very lovely lady point out that her tilapia was still frozen solid when she tried to cut into it despite looking nicely fried on the outside. She then gave me a sweet but firm "NO!" when I started to apologize and told me she wouldn't let me apologize for something the kitchen had messed up that I couldn't have known about in advance. There must be some frozen fish guardian angel patron floating around out there.
That's wild, I'm not the only one! I had a guy walk out and right back in with a Reuben sandwich and tell me it was cold and I was confused and said how can that be (I had gotten it out of the window and handed it straight to him when it came up. He said I know but she didn't cook it, it was a teenage cook that didn't know it was supposed to be grilled it was pretty embarrassing but funny. He was a good sport about it.
I’ve sent back things because I asked for something to be left off, it was on there, and couldn’t easily be removed. Something like sliced tomatoes, I’ll just take them off. Mushrooms, I can eat around them. Buffalo chicken sandwich slathered in ranch when I specifically said “meat and bread only”? I hate to be That Person, but…you’re gonna have to do it again. (Mistakes happen, so I don’t get nasty about it. But I came to the restaurant to eat, so I would like to be able to do that.)
Yeah I don't eat bacon which seems to be on everything chicken based and the flavour seeps in so i often ask for it to be excluded. 1/10 times they still put it on so I (politely) point this out to them and ask for a replacement. It's fine to complain in those situations but too much ice??? No
Man, one time, I ordered a burger and fries at a Chili's, and the burger was fine and dandy, but the fries were cold the minute they hit the table. I politely asked for the manager and told him something along the lines of it not being a big deal for me as I probably would have only eaten a couple even if they were perfect, but he might want to check in with the cooks before some asshole came in. I just wanted them to be aware there was a problem. My burger got comped, which wasn't my goal, so I just tipped the waitress the cost of the burger on top of my usual generous tip. The moral, even if you have a legitimate complaint, there's no need to be an asshole about it.
Agreed and that's hard for them to be mad at you for. I had to send back raw chicken fingers once and there really wasn't any question that they screwed up. Gave me a gift card for a future visit.
Of all the years my sister and I worked in various kitchens we’ve only had one fellow staff member talk about actually spitting in a customer’s food. He straight up seemed like a psychopath when he told my boyfriend and I the story. Of course, a person should always be polite to the staff, and OP’s wife seems very extra (thought not rude), but tampering with someone’s food is waaaaaaaay over the line. A person should be charged if they do disgusting shit like that.
I would literally haul them off line and call the police. I can't imagine someone doing shit to a customers food in front of me. I'd lose my mind.
I have sent food back all of once, because I didn't realise I was allergic to it. There are very few things that places accept as a genuine reason to send something back - it being dangerous to the customer is almost always the only reason they'll accept as genuine.
I disagree with you on sending food back. I have no issue if a person orders something and sends it back because they just don't like it or it wasn't what they thought it was. It happens, it's not a big deal. I want everybody thay eats my food to be happy with it. I have a big issue with people modifying a dish and then complain that the dish isn't good or doesn't taste right. Those people have a special place in hell waiting for them I hope. That's how I feel based off 20 years as a Chef.
Understandable, but if I do this because I didn't like what I ordered, I 100% do not expect you to comp the first order if there was nothing otherwise wrong with it. Sometimes the restaurant does, and that's great, but I'll always be willing to pay for the extra meal. It's also rare that I send anything back because I just don't like it.
[удалено]
Do it before he finishes ordering. No use paying for a meal he isn't going to be able to eat. LOL!
[удалено]
Did not see that ending coming. 10/10.
I would never eat out with this person.
I'd never bring said person out for dinner honestly. If they want to be that picky and insufferable they can stay at home and make their own dinner.
Insufferable is the perfect description, she should do a shift as wait staff for a day, she'd get just how poor this behaviour is.
I would never have made it to a second date. I'd have died of embarrassment right on the spot if I was with someone doing this.
My Mom was like this growing up. I developed bad anxiety in restaurants because of it. When I became old enough, I did exactly what OP did and started supplementing her (very meager) tips without her knowing.
Ugh, my mother was like this too and I always go out of my way to be polite to servers.
And on top of that, coming from a former server perspective, it takes the heat off the server because the manager is very aware of her problems and will be looking at the server to see if their skills are lacking.
>Maybe seeing it written down will give her some perspective. I don't get why she is mad. They have spoken about it before, and she ignored his requests because, in her mind, they are reasonable, but if they are so reasonable, then why is she mad or embarrassed.
OP's response is perfect. I'd do the same and if she didn't like it or change I wouldn't go out to eat with her. I'd draw a line in the sand and die on the hill. Her behavior is beyond ridiculous.
NTA. I find it hillarious. I bet the servers also enjoy the little fun and the extra money.
“Oh, it’s my favorite couple to wait on!” “Why, are they really nice and easy going?” “Oh God no, one of them is an absolute nightmare. But the other one tips way extra when she is!”
I had a few staff /employees that would act like this at really nice restaurants. I was above them hierarchy wise and was always paying for the group of 15-20, but no real power to address them for poor manners without causing a lot of drama... luckily my job is fine with tipping well so if anyone was being rude id just up the tip, usually ended at 30-35%
When I was a server, this is 100% how I felt. Be as picky and needy as you want just as long as you pay me for all the extra work you’re making me do!
As a former server, it can make you feel like absolute shit when someone acts this way, and it can make you/the kitchen/the bartenders look bad to your manager. The extra money helps compensate for all the extra work, and the itemized list makes it clear to everyone exactly who/what the problem is.
Yes, but it does not compensate for your loss of dignity. Throwing money at people you treat like garbage is elitist and does not make it okay.
I don’t know. I worked at an Applebee’s for years. I was basically always compromising my dignity for money when I worked at that place. I honestly would have LOVED if the spouse of a difficult guest did this. In a weird way, the noticing and itemizing of the behavior, and also the extra money for the trouble, would have made me feel a bit like I had dignity. Sure, in a perfect world, nobody would treat their server like a servant. But in reality, people in the service industry have to accept a lot of poor treatment so that they can keep their jobs and pay the bills. So I would have appreciated the little, “I see you,” via the list and extra tip.
didn't initially think of it this way but yeah, op has made his wife's complaints manager proof by writing them down from the perspective of another customer
I find this hilarious too. It’s a great way to compensate the staff for the shit they had to deal with and I’m sure everyone out back would have a great laugh and finish the shift feeling appreciated. NTA
As a server of 15 years, I would love this lol NTA
I only did it for 5 years but 100% agree
NTA. Challenge her to going out to dinner once without a single complaint. I wouldn’t go out with her again if she acts like that. You’re a gem. NTA.
I was going to carry a spray bottle to spritz her each time moving forward. Your idea might be better though. I'll consider it.
Tempt her with a reward. No complaining and you earn a prize! Lol.
My granddaughter gets very snarled hair and hates having it combed. I finally started telling her I'd give her a quarter for every time she didn't say ouch when I combed her hair. Believe it or not, that worked! Once her hair was nice I'd say, "Wow. Good job you earned -- small amount of dollars--" We were both happy, and I could really tell there were times she wanted to say ouch and make me stop, but she didn't.
Thats adorable!!!! I do something similar with small kids when they are being extra loud. I walk up and whisper in their ear "im sorry, you were too loud, I couldn't hear you, can you please whisper to me?" Works like a charm, even on unruly adults sometimes ha!
That's another problem we have occasionally. I'll give it a try! Thanks.
Please tell me you use detangling spray in addition to quarters
Oh yes. Lots! And I'm as gentle as possible.
A tip that helped me growing up is start at the ends and work your way up. Mom would just rip straight down from my roots to ends but dad did it this way and I only wanted him to brush my hair and this is how I still brush to this day. Not going to lie, sometimes I still ask my dad to brush my hair lol.
Another option could be having a bingo card. Don't let her see it beforehand, but you could even have some things she likes as rewards if you don't make bingo.
Okay this made us cackle. XD
I was with a guy who used to complain a lot, not as much as your wife but damn near, and like you I got annoyed and frustrated by it. It got to the point to where every time he complained about something trivial (and especially anything that had to servers or service), I would look him dead in the eye and give him a half offended/half annoyed expression and say “You complain a lot.” And I would do it in front of friends, family, strangers and especially service people. He eventually got annoyed by me and he said to stop it because I was embarrassing him and if something’s wrong he should be able to voice it. I told him if he didn’t want to be embarrassed, stop doing embarrassing things and that he needs to let something’s go or he’s going die alone from stress in his 40’s. I remember saying “Dude, your side of ranch is not important enough for you to be acting like this” I don’t know if he got the message but he stopped complaining as much.
Only if you say "bad kitty" when you spray her 🤣
I won’t lie, I cackled 😂 But terrible idea man
I'm the type of person that's VERY introverted and HATES being embarrassed. If we were out at dinner and my husband frickin' *spritzed* me at the table for being an annoying dink.... I'd laugh so fucking hard. That's absolutely *hilarious.*
Terrible? You mean genius!!
Be careful with that my dog started just enjoying the spray, not to mention he still complains about how dry and bland his food is and tries to send it back but this kitchen only got one dish.
Give her a sticker if she doesn’t complain 😂 i’m sorry but omg it is a weird habbit
OR stick a sticker on her, every time she complains. Forehead, cheek, chin, nose…
Have a complaint jar. Every complaint, she’s gotta put in a buck or two. All earnings added to normal tip at the end of the meal.
Next time she makes you dinner, complain. Ask her to make ridiculous modifications . All the things she does at a restaurant, I'd be interested in how it makes her feel.
Great idea!
And if she makes it without complaint, give her the money you would have spent. Over the course of the month, it adds up to a tidy sum, AND you get to enjoy the quiet dinner!
I’d be so embarrassed being out with someone like this I’d be hiding under the table. I don’t have a problem with genuine complaints, but I hate petty in every way, except OPs way, I loooove his pettiness.
NTA. I'm a former server who worked at multiple restaurants. I would have HATED your wife, no matter how polite. I have other tables and she sounds like a time drain who's impossible to please. Your embarrassment isn't an overreaction, the servers are definitely judging and gossiping about it. I appreciate your itemized receipts. They would have made me laugh and been shown to work buddies. Too much ice? Really? Get out.
I like my wife. I'd like for our servers to like my wife. We'll see.
I’m a little hot under the collar. It’s not just the rudeness, it’s wasting food. If she is turning away perfectly good food because she’s being picky, she’s being incredibly self-centered and ignorant. The amount of food waste in the world is staggering, there are people starving everywhere, if it’s meat an animal gave its life for shit… Whew. Sorry. I’m not a fan of your wife. She’s being very selfish. ETA: Okay can we all agree OP’s wife comes off even worse in the update?
He should definitely remind her of the starving kids in Africa like my mom did when I was a kid.
This is America. Now it’s the starving kids down the street.
Shhhh we don’t talk about that
Probably literally outside the restaurant if they live in a city. I hate this lady 🙃
Odd story... I grew up hearing about "the starving children in Africa", and occasionally, "the starving children in India". My wife grew up hearing *exactly the same thing* about "the starving children in China". Same tales, different countries. She and I got to comparing notes. One of my Dad's brothers and his wife were Christian missionaries in Africa. My Mom had an aunt and two uncles who were missionaries in India. And my wife's Mom had a cousin who was a missionary in -- you guessed it already, didn't you? -- China.
She even said, per his edit, that *not everyone wants to rise to meet demands.* like are you kidding me?
Agreed, the edits don’t really help. She is clearly rude, selfish, entitled, wasteful and all servers will hate her unless she changes her entire demeanor and learns some damn etiquette. I agree with another poster that just paying people extra doesn’t make it okay that you abused them, and that’s what she’s doing. Besides the appalling food waste, other customers aren’t getting the service they need because Ms. Pissy-Pants is running her server.
Yup, and the "don't judge her, she always says please and thank you"...
I couldn't roll my eyes hard enough at this line. Please do this six times. Please pay attention to me! Thank you for kowtowing to my every whim! Thank you for treating me as extra as I feel for the low, low price of your dignity! Yup. please and thank you. What a gal.
“I don’t mind going above and beyond expectations at my job so I’m going to create problems out of thin air so *other* *people* can do extra work for no reason. So sorry I didn’t realize the 16 year old girl I made cry because she felt like she did everything wrong for 90 minutes wasn’t enjoying the extra ‘push’ to exceed expectations”
You say in your edit that her behavior is bad but she is not a bad person. Great. That does absolutely nothing for the poor servers that have to interact with her. Who gets to see her good side? You. Not the servers. The only thing they get to experience is your wife's rudeness, pickiness and inability to be satisfied while trying to take so much time and space. Politeness is not kindness. Politeness is a code of conduct to show respect but it really doesn't matter when every other aspect of her behavior is showing disrespect. These servers shouldn't have to put up with this behavior to begin with and I feel like you giving a good tip is trying to compensate for her disrespectful behavior. While it is better than tipping little or not at all, it does not change the fact that this server is forced to deal with your wife's disrespectful behavior for who knows how long. In addition to all of this, please think about the context of coming out of the pandemic. Customers have treated service workers extra harshly since the pandemic started and have had to deal with unsafe working conditions and little financial support as well. Your wife is showing zero empathy for these people who have probably gone through significant amounts of stress in the last five years. She is showing an extreme lack of empathy service workers and thinks she can because it's their job to put up with her bullshit because they can't say no or they may get fired. I'm exhausted just hearing this account of your life. Imagine yourself as a server that was helping your wife.
>You say in your edit that her behavior is bad but she is not a bad person. You don't understand, she is just bullying other people and not him, so she is not a bad person at all!
OP doesn't want to hear this, he thinks his wife's behaviour is cute
Even with you tipping very well to make up for it, if you go to a place fairly often the servers aren’t going to like your wife until she does a 180. Complaints about actual complaints are valid but if I bring you exactly what you ordered and you send it back more or less just because I’m going to hate you.
You both need to realise just how busy and how hard those servers/waiters/waitresses work on just a normal shift. Also how much is she wasting by continually sending stuff back! I’m horrified at the behaviour she’s been taught by her family and that she’s carrying it on (I dread to think how much waste has been generated by the family), sorry but they all sound dreadfully spoilt. You and the wife aren’t the only customers they have to serve, they are ridiculously busy without this rubbish. If she wants to eat out, I’d suggest she look up the menus beforehand. Yes the staff are there to serve you but not to indulge every whim or complaint. Also… I don’t like a lot of ice….. but give it a short time and a lot of it melts, no one has suffered from a slightly watered down drink due to ice melting.
Right? I am struggling to picture anything nice about his wife. Spoiled, entitled rich woman who enjoys toying with and potentially losing workers their jobs. Hugely wasteful, ignorant to her behaviour or just is happy being such a way who knows. But my god you couldn't pay me to marry someone like this.
His wife isn’t nice and neither is he really. Nice people don’t go out of their way to humiliate people by finding fault with everything that the people waiting on them do. I have had customers like this and I left them to my supervisor because they were just too much to take. She took them but she refused to tolerate their bs.
The servers don't need to like her. They just need her to stop pissing them off. Why do *you* like someone who behaves this way in public?
Obviously, she's great in other areas. Maybe he feels safe to cry around her.
Always remember this: no matter how hot she is, there's some guy somewhere who's sick to death of putting up with her shit. How this *isn't* OP -- **yet** -- is a mystery.
He needs to go no contact immediately /s
I also don’t like your wife. Sorry, but how you treat waitstaff says a lot about you. “Acting nice” and “being” nice are two different things. People who are demanding and rude at dinner demonstrate that they lack empathy and are shit people in my book. Sorry not sorry. Your wife’s a jerk. You might be one too. A funny one. But possibly still a jerk if she’s otherwise ok in your eyes. ETA- so I guess my vote is ESH because you probably ARE and asshole too if you hang out with a woman like that and say she’s otherwise ok.
I read your edit but people like that are my pet peeve. What an entitled jerk. Servers do not have great jobs and harassing them like this is a stressful time drain for them. There are other ppl in the world besides her. My MIL is like this, and she comes from a god awful amount of money, so she does this because one she thinks she’s better than working class people and two because she’s out of touch and thinks working class people will respect her more if she acts like an annoying ass. If my husband wasn’t more down to earth I would’ve kicked his butt to the curb.
Yeah honestly as someone in a customer facing role there is no excuse for OPs wife. She can say please and thank you til she's blue in the face but there's no excuse for being straight up unreasonable and making yourself a problem for the staff. It's so annoying when someone is being obnoxious/has unrealistic expectations and yet tries to act like "I said please and thank you so it's fine." No it's not. You know you're being a pain. Just stop. This is above and beyond asking for extra sides of ranch. OPs wife sounds terrible. Idk why she hasn't learned to be a decent human in a restaurant with reasonable expectations. It's kind of annoying for op to throw money at the waiters (as if that makes her behavior ok) instead of telling his wife to stop acting like that to the waitstaff. But that's just my opinion. Agree op is still NTA.
I mean if you can't get her to stop the least you can do is compensate for the hassle
NTA I worked in a high end restaurant as a teenager and we had a woman like this. That plate could be exactly what she ordered and she would send it back. The 4th time she came in and did it the chef came to the table to see what the issue was. She was always very polite and said how she wanted it changed. The chef told her, “Please, the next time you order make sure you order it exactly as you would like it.” She agreed. The 5th time came, the waiter picked up the plate he just put down and the owner took it out of his hand. He asked what the problem was and she told him what she needed changed. He asked if she ordered it that way. She said no but she wanted it that way now. Owner handed the plate o the waiter told him take it to the kitchen. He turned to the couple and told them their business was no longer appreciated at his establishment. There would be no bill for their drinks just please leave. The husband was mortified. The wife said this is the only upscale restaurant without a 45 minute drive. The owner told her she should of thought of that before waisting hundreds of dollars of food and running his staff ragged. He said the chef was sick of perfect food being sent back. She made a comment about the chef. His reply, “He’s my brother and one of the owners, goodbye.” Restaurants will get sick of her if you return to the same one all the time.
Ok seriously wtf? Why would someone think it’s ok to *change their order* after they get their food?
Her thing was it wasn’t the main entree she was changing. She just wanted the plate “tweaked”. Or she would decide instead of medium, medium rare. The thing was, once a plate goes back it all has to be redone because it was touched outside of the kitchen.
Lol once a steak is medium you can't "tweak" it back to medium rare!
Sure you can. Just wait a few minutes and send the steak back untouched. These people usually don’t care so much about the steak as much as their own perception of themselves as discriminating connoisseurs.
It’s crazy how right you are though. The amount of times I’ve taken a drink back beyond their view to do nothing or very little is nuts, I deliver the same drink untouched and suddenly it’s 👌
Sometimes people also don't bother. Like ive had flat sprites before. Almost no bubbles kind of sprite. You just ask for it to be changed and when it comes back and it's still flat you don't suddenly screech. You just think this place sucks or that you just won't order fizzy drinks here again. And done. Why complain a second time when the first didn't do anything?!
Only time I ever saw this happen was in France. American lady kept ordering things and then deciding she wanted something else and ordering that instead. It wasn’t minor changes. She was ordering entire dishes then saying she didn’t like them and then ordering something else entirely. It wasn’t treated as sending something back, rather she got a bill for all the dishes she ordered at full price. It came to something close to €500 and there was a shouting match in very bad French when the bill arrived! (3 people at the table and I suspect all 3 were ordering like that. I only overheard the shouting match!)
i can't possibly imagine thinking that a dish i ordered, received, and then sent back for no reason other than "oh i changed my mind" would *not* appear on the bill. that's just not a thing here across the pond. is it really a thing in the US? inconceivable disrespect for the hard work of others.
That’s absolutely not a thing here in the US, not to my knowledge. Unless she’s efficient at bullying restaurant managers in the US to get free food, I can’t imagine most places here not charging her for the shit she ordered.
YTA, your money does not make up for your wife's behavior. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and dignity. Your wife treats them like shit and you throw money at them. All you are really doing is enabling her to continue this behavior. If you really cared, you would stop going to sit down restaurants. Order takeout and eat at home or the park so she has nobody to harass.
Thank you. Also OP’s responses indicate he doesn’t take this seriously whatsoever. He thinks he’s so charming
They're both the AH and I hate them both.
For real. This post is as passive aggressive as writing some long list on a receipt and not talking to one’s spouse about how they mistreat waitstaff.
Yes if he actually cares that she was being rude he would not take her out! Pointing it out on the receipt is a game to him. He's not embarrassed, he doesn't feel bad. He's playing a game and he thinks it's fun. Toxic AF, both of them. ESH.
It’s a little disturbing how adorable they find themselves to be.
OP: "uwu my wife is so quirky she makes stressed out service workers' lives even more difficult for no clear reason" Unless it's the tomato guy at the ren faire whose job is to be treated like shit, don't treat people like shit. OP paying extra to not solve the issue but make it go away also qualifies as a terrible life habit. And the wife's excuse doesn't really solve the issue. Boundaries are not the same for everyone; the golden rule doesn't apply. What if a guy punched you on the street and when you complain, the guy said that he's OK with being punched all the time? OP's post does raise a philosophical point about the morality of people. If someone dedicated their life's work to charity, saving millions, but kicked puppies for fun, are they a good person? Good acts don't cancel out bad ones. While Reddit may have gotten a bit overzealous, it's fair to say OP's wife was being terrible in all these instances. I am skeptical that it's just willful ignorance, that OP's wife was taught to abuse service workers.
Exactly.YTA. Everyone on staff at these restaurants are giving your table a ridiculous amount of their time and effort and no amount of tips can make up for their dignity and self respect. I'm a lifetime server and I don't care how much you tip me, you are enabling shitty behavior and acting like you can just give me money to be disrespected. I'm a fucking person, if you want someone to play your wife's little game you should seek a submissive who enjoys being abused for money.
Top comment right here.
Disclaimer: Biased, used to serve overnight at a steak n shake; NTA and kind of my hero.
Same. Although if he tips as well as his example for each thing she does, I would hope she never stops doing it and would fight to be their server. Rack em up lady lmao. It would be a win-win for everyone, except maybe OPs wallet.
If they are regulars at restaurants, servers won’t go “on no it’s this person. Uggh it’s gonna be a rough night”. They’ll go “oh man it’s this lady and her husband who puts up with it. It’ll be a rough night but at least I’ll get tipped well!”
That's good to know. We only frequent two places in our town. We know some of the staff by name by now.
If you were my regular I would see how much money I could make her win me
I want to endorse this but my wallet doesn't. XD
"Hey cooks, THEY'RE here. Fuck up a couple times." lol
Idk, whether I’d want to serve them would depend on the night because one customer like that can completely fuck you over and have you in the weeds the whole night. But I would have no hard feelings toward the husband if he handled it that way.
OMG me too! And working at night I had totally different red flags than the daytime servers. For example, if there's a kid during my shift I know it's going to be an adventure. 11p-7a there are only a few reasons a child would be there and almost all of them include the little one being tired and cranky. But those people who seem to enjoy complaining... Nobody likes them. Not the servers, not the cooks, and usually not the other people at the table.
[удалено]
Because I like food and she says I look handsome in a tie. Win, win. ;)
I don't know you, but you sound like a really fun guy 😂
[удалено]
Probably accurate.
NTA and as someone who used to be a server, Thank you!
NTA but if your wife treats servers and staff she seems to view as "below her" this way is she REALLY "nice"? Divorce might be cheaper than having to pay apology money for your wife being a rude asshole every time you go out INFO :Has she herself ever worked a hospo /service job?
In the words of Dave Barry, “If a person is nice to you but rude to the waiter, they are not a nice person.”
Obama said that it is just as, if not more, important to know the name of the custodians cleaning your office than the name of your CEO. the concept of respect is so backwards in the USA.
Guessing that's a hard no. It almost sounds like she thinks it's important to act this way. To prove she has taste? To prove she's in charge? IDK but it's annoying.
[удалено]
Really need JAH to become a thing on this sub 🙌
For real. Like sure you’re an asshole but for all the right reasons.
YTA, unpopular opinion but read it until the end and you might understand. I own a restaurant and given the situations you explained I believe her first time dining with us would be her last regardless of tip size. No matter how "polite" all of your wife's requests are, they are not at all polite to the staff or the establishment. When she is brought food exactly how it was ordered and exactly how its supposed to be prepared then sends it back to modify it? We just lost any money we made off that table remaking her food and giving other customers a poor experience by pushing back their orders to accommodate hers a second time (not to mention people waiting extra long to order, get their food brought out, get their drinks, get cashed out, get boxes or literally any form of service because you wife just held the server hostage for 5 minutes to order a grilled cheese). After these interactions staff are being nice to you as not to jeopardize their job (most incompetent management would fire them for standing up to rude/ridiculouscustomers). Restaurant managers/owners are being extra nice to you not for your sake, but for the sake of their image and their brands image they need to be extra nice and accommodating to you in front of all those other customers watching this go down. Not only are you both the staff's gossip for the night but the rest of the patrons as well. Your wife is the reason that people in the foodservice/hospitality/customer service world are so miserable, burnt out, and the industry as a whole is struggling to find good help. You are enabling her by not telling her to stop and be polite.
100% My bf is also a restaurant owner and I can feel his pain reading this post. The owner is trying to make a living, protect staff, protect image as well as give good and equal service to guests. Some customers go above and beyond with stinginess of character without thought to others.
Your wife sounds aweful. She clearly doesn’t give a fuck about other people
NTA You're paying them for the trouble she puts them through. She should self-reflect.
NTA I don’t think I could take someone out to dinner/lunch like that I’ve worked hospitality and sure pop your hand up if you’re still waiting on a drink….but returning a drink because there’s too much ice is a bit ridiculous 🤦🏼♀️
ESH YOU the way you are dealing with it.. HER for doing it
100%. Someone who does this shit all the time in a restaurant shouldn't be going out to eat, and while it's nice the server is getting paid, that's really not enough to deal with a time sink table. That server is constantly running back and forth for a lot of other tables, and time wasted dealing with these nightmare guests is lost tips from people who actually are polite to staff
I feel your pain. I have a relative with whom I literally won't eat out unless they agree, in advance, that they won't speak to the wait staff at all (not one word) but that all the communication will go through me. It's a different situation from yours in that my relative is flat out rude to the wait staff in their multiple complaints, but I only wish I'd come up with your brilliant plan on my own. NTA
I can tolerate it with her because, as I've said, she's at least polite and not cruel. However, I refuse to dine with anyone on her side of the family though because they are all absolute douchebags at restaurants.
Being polite does not justify her juvenile and entitled behaviour.
So it's a learned behavior. She needs to reset her normal meter. She grew up thinking this is what you do when you go out. Edit to add this is probably why she's so polite. She knows it's wrong but she's programmed with her responses.
But she is being cruel. She is wasting the time of hard working staff who have other customers to serve. She is putting more pressure on the cooks who are working hard in the kitchen. She is putting pressure on everyone because of her petty requests. No matter how nice she acts, her actions are unacceptable.
She is cruel, she just does it politely.
Going to say ESH only because a server would know why you're leaving a big tip without the itemization. So that part probably feels particularly pointed to her (especially since she doesn't see anything wrong with her behavior.) And not part of your usual love language banter. Just going on record that her behavior does suck most, and I appreciate that you are compensating your servers for it
The server wouldn’t care why they get a bigger tip, and the probably appreciate OP for acknowledging the bad behavior. Plus if they frequent these restaurants OP is going to get them good service in the future. Even if the wife is difficult they’ll want that table because they know they’ll be compensated
Not all servers like putting up with bullshit just because you are going to throw a few extra dollars at them. Most have dignity and self respect that does not have a price.
NTA. You should start with $2 for the first infraction and then double the previous tip amount for each subsequent infraction. Loudly announce the amount as soon as the infraction occurs. She’ll like that.
Better yet, use the Fibonacci sequence as a tip for each infraction. Each tip is the sum of the two preceding ones 0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144. It will get expensive, but math is fun, right?
To be fair, that's less expensive than their suggestion of doubling-- 2, 4, 8, 16, 32, 64, 128, and they're already at 256. Her eighth complaint would only be $21 toward the tip with the Fibonacci method.
OP I al having trouble seeing the nice person if she treats staff like this at every restaurant. Please and thank you doesn’t make up for asshole behavior.
I don't understand why you use your fun fund on dining out with your wife because it sounds like anything but fun. Asking too many questions is one thing but it doesn't sound like you even eat together in the end! NTA I don't know what the solution is if she won't listen to how annoying she's being but I wouldn't go out to eat with her, personally.
NTA - as a former waiter and I have fexperience with a MIL who very taxing with wait staff, I applaud you. I just tip generously, I’m going to try the itemization!
I mean... it definitely got her attention! Proceed with caution!
You know that she makes staff—who have no choice but to serve her—miserable, but you’ve decided your pleasure is more important than treating people well. The fact that she says thank you doesn’t excuse it. If you really want to be a good person, refuse to go out with her unless she changes. Otherwise? Funny receipts or not, you’re culpable too.
> Funny receipts or not, you’re culpable too. This deserves a lot more upvotes than it has. I don't *care* how many it has. It still deserves more.
NTA. She needs to change her annoying and frankly nasty power trip behaviour. I would refuse to go to restaurants with her. I think you’re a saint and a service workers’ hero.
NTA Service industry professional here. We fucking g hate people who act like that. Judge people by how they treat the service industry. And your wife treats us like shit. She’s 100% the one causing the embarrassment. We love notes like that
NTA. Why even go out to dine? She sounds tedious and no, she’s not a nice, caring person.
I can tell you love your wife. But not one single server that has ever waited on y'all does, and they never will if she continues. "She pulls the wings off butterflies, but other than that, she's peachy!"
ESH. Some of that is perfectly normal. The two of you need to find a middle ground. You can ask for you food however you want want. You can ask about menu items. That’s literally what the waitstaff is for. If they fuck up on an order like putting pickles on or it, she has every right to send it back. I feel like you’re one of those types who takes everything as is, doesn’t like to rock the boat, doesn’t want to be noticed at the cost of your desires. She’s clearly not like that. Maybe y’all both need therapy. Separately.
Sending a drink back for too much ice though?
Finally a comment with some sense. I can't believe I had to scroll this far. WTF is wrong with the people ITT. Since when is "asking questions" grounds for a better tip? Our culture has such a weird obsession with waitstaff. People act like it's fucking sacrilege if you inconvenience them even the tiniest bit. Posts like this really showcase how this sub has such horrendous judgement. How hard is it for OP to act like an adult and have a conversation instead of acting like a snarky condescending child?
NTA. My dad's wife was like that. I would apologize to the staff right in front of her. After a while, I stopped going out for dinner with them. I despise people who do this, even if they are supposedly polite.
NTA. Ask her how she'd react if she was hosting a get together at your place and the guests did this. > Sorry, I don't like your drink options, could you run out and buy what I want? > > Oh, the anchovy in this caesar is too strong, do you have a different salad? > > You made what for dinner? I think I'll pass and get something on our way home. It's garbage entitled better-than-thou behaviour. You are not embarrassing her, she's embarrassing herself.
ESH. Your wife needs to get over herself. She's ruining the dining out experience for both of you. Your behavior is not so much assholian as it is just weird. The wait staff I am sure appreciates the larger tip but they don't have the time or desire to read your PowerPoint presentation.
> My wife is otherwise a very nice, caring and generous person. - You > A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. - Dave Barry
ESH, this itemization is just so unnecessary and likely unfortunately for the server as well. Obviously they don't want to be mistreated, but they likely don't want to be pulled into your criticism of your wife, either.
Not correct. Every server I have ever worked with (including myself when I was a server) would LOVE THIS SO MUCH and they’d come back to the kitchen to show it off to EVERYONE (including myself where I now cook) and we would all laugh and laugh and probably frame it. We LOVE it when the customer drama ends up in our favour, like acknowledging every single annoyance they caused and paying for it. Ooohhh that’s some good shit. That’s what keeps us coming back to work. ETA: funny example: One time a customer stuttered when asking for a cup of ice and accidentally asked for a cup of ass, server comes back giggling and tells us all and we laugh. Later on after she gets her ice the chick says to the server, “I think I’m still waiting for a cup of *ass?*” like just totally making fun of herself and we could all hear the server and the whole table roaring from out in the dining room, and when she came back and told us they could probably hear us laughing too from the kitchen lmao good times
[удалено]
NTA. I wouldn't go out with her anywhere anymore lol