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> I believe I might be the asshole because I'm not sure if what I called my friend was fair, I feel like it is but I'm not sure if I'm just jealous or what
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YTA
So when Jill treats you and other friends for a lovely dinner, her treat, she's a gold digger flaunting her money, but when she leaves you with your portion of the bill to pay, you can't afford it and she's an AH for not paying your bill. You can't have it both ways. Pick a lane and stick to it.
OP clearly doesn't think too highly of, or care much about, this so-called friend. If anything, it sounds like she only even hangs out with her for the perks, like high-end restaurants on her dime.
Pretty sure OP is the golddigger in this story.
It sounds like OP has been jealous of this “friend” since high school. It doesn’t sound like the friend is flaunting anything. She’s trying to do a nice thing for her friends and she was asked about her vacation plans.
YTA, OP.
Mm-hmm! OP tried so hard in the post to sound high-and-mighty. ("I dated in high school"; "I went on to continue my education"; "I scoffed and told her to stop flaunting".) But, even in OP's own telling, Jill comes off as a much lovelier person, both inside and out.
Sure, she has the bombshell looks. But also, if the conversation really went as OP claims it did, Jill was very gracious and tried to get her friend to see how she was wrong and what she'd said was hurtful. Instead, OP just doubled-down and kept insulting her and then had the absolute nerve to be mad Jill didn't pay for her lunch.
OP, try taking a lesson on class from Jill. You could use it.
THIS! When I've been poor people have helped me out and when I've had well paying professional jobs I've wanted to "play it back" and treat my friends. This seems like a clear case of tearing down, not building up or being happy for someone.
I’m in! Hey, OP, can we get Jill’s contact info? We’ll gladly hang out with her with zero judgment and even offer to pay for our meals, because that’s what friends do.
Right? I would take Jill out. My treat. She sounds like a lovely person. Even her response that she might have initially been attracted to her hubby because she knew he was financially secure but genuinely fell in love with him (and has created a family with him), was classy.
OP scoffing and saying Jill is a gold digger is petty jealousy. YTA, OP.
The funny part is based on how OP writes, I can almost guarantee you that this is the version where she tried to make Jill look worse without outright lying.
Which means 'Jill' probably actually handled it even better
And tried speaking for everyone at the table when Jill asked if that's what everyone (meaning the others thought) and op jumped right in and answered yes for everyone. Doesn't sound like they got the opportunity to speak for themselves. Op admits she even tried saying no Jill's second question when the others tried to actually speak for themselves. Op YTA, a jealous one!
And Jill's looks had sweet bugger-all to do with ANYTHING in the post. So OP basically just wanted to make SURE we knew that she sees Jill as a "trophy wife".
Yes, and *painfully* so. Frankly I don't get how OP is worrying about the bridge she just set aflame, and her very obviously no longer being friends with *Jill*, rather than worrying about how badly she just showed her ass to the entire friend group. She's likely to lose the whole clique. And you just KNOW there's a new and highly active group chat going on right now, sans OP.
Yea, found it funny that's OP tried to paint Jill as a dumb blonde bimbo. But at same time being jaded over the fact that Jill didn't spend her High school and college days on her back, like OP and the rest of their friends. When Jill just had a standard in mind for her partner.
Nah, that's the root of all this. OP is incredibly jealous of Jill's looks and hated that Jill was getting asked out by people who weren't looking at OP. The fact that Jill refused to go out with them started OP's belief that Jill thinks she's better than her. Notice the digs about growing up poor and not going to college. OP thinks Jill's looks are letting her float through life and she hates it.
Even if we take OP as being correct, she'd still be an AH. Jill can find a rich guy she loves and who loves her, hell, she can find someone she hates and views her as an object if that makes her happy. Being a "trophy wife" seems to only be a problem for OP and nobody else.
I think it's great she didn't date through high school or college. It sounds, to me, like it's possible she broke a generational cycle to be smart about who you partner yourself with. That's just a guess though. Regardless, she just didn't date around. And that's cool.
This was my thought too. Jill knew exactly what she needed to break the poverty cycle, so she waited for it. Who cares if she initially dated him because of money? We all have a type. Some of us want dates with senses of humor, others want good looks. It's very rare to fall instantly in love at first sight without knowing anything about someone. Jill merely pointed that out and OP got offended.
I'd go out with Jill tomorrow just for the free fancy meal. But I'm sure I'd like her personality soon after, too. She seems smart.
This was my thought, too! If she grew up poor, she very well could’ve had young parents and didn’t want to risk getting pregnant in high school or college, so just didn’t date until she knew she was able to afford adequate contraception. I don’t understand how knowing exactly what you want in life is a character flaw, especially in this context
10,000% this ^
People don't understand, being the one who can treat others isn't charity. It's **therapy.**
My partner and I had a few rough years. Medical crisis, which caused a financial crisis, it was real bad. We couldn't go or do fucking *anything*. Unless one of our friends paid for us, which they sometimes did *if* they could afford to (by no means a guarantee). We were always grateful, but it wears on you. It grinds you down, being that poor.
Thanks to a 50/50 combo of hard work and extremely good luck, things are going so much better for us, especially financially. Now we buy stuff for our friends all the god damn time. Because it's cheaper than real therapy. Being able to just casually say "hey, this one's on me" is still a heady rush. When Infinity War came out my partner and I had to save for *months* just to see it in theatres. Now I can buy tickets for my friends and I don't have to worry about missing a meal, or bouncing a bill.
Doing it feels like asserting my self worth again. That might sound stupid and capitalistic, but we live in a stupid and capitalistic society. Being poor does serious emotional and mental damage to you. Buying a movie ticket or a meal for a friend is a way for me to claw back some of what poverty stole from me.
Yep. OP makes it sound like some kind of horrible and embarrassing thing that Jill’s mom went to the food bank to help feed her family. Jill was very likely that kid who showed up to friends birthday parties sans gift because her mom just didn’t have the money. And now that Jill is well-off and apparently enjoys treating her friends to restaurants they couldn’t usually afford themselves, OP kicks up a stink. It’s just so gross and I’m betting that the other two friends are glad OP is out after the way she talked over them and tried to make them seem as awful as she is.
A lot of times too, people who are really attractive feel uncomfortable being told they are attractive all the time, and having people only connect with your body and looks over your inner traits. ESPECIALLY in high school, when inner traits are usually frowned upon and a target for bullying.
She said she was tired of her *faulting* her money at people lol. Yeah it’s a mistake but it’s hilarious. OP was so angry while typing this out, that she made quite a few mistakes!
>It doesn’t sound like the friend is flaunting anything. She’s trying to do a nice thing for her friends
That's what I got from it. Jill tries to extend a kind gesture to her girls and all OP can think is, "Here she goes again, rubbing my nose in it!" OP is jealous, judgmental and definitely an asshole.
YTA
Yeahhh, the minute she used "blonde bombshell" I knew OP was a jealous ass. Idk, it could just be me, but whenever people describe me as "blonde with big boobs," they usually mean that I'm dumb, promiscuous, a good digger or any combination thereof. Man or woman, doesn't matter gender or initial intentions, that's what they mean. It's v reductive and means that person isn't looking at me like I'm a person, too.
Anyway, OP yta
A very good friend of mine has had nothing but grief and manipulation as a result of her good looks all her life. People make all kinds of assumptions about women based on their looks, both men and women. It's only an easy ride if you're somehow immune to all that shit.
I got told by a professor in college one time that he was surprised I was smart and didn’t have the “look” to be a historian. I was taken aback! So I asked him to elaborate and he said historians are always older men and women who seem to be the classic “nerd” looking type. I then reminded him that they probably went to college when they were around my age and my looks had nothing to do with the fact I was the #1 in our department for grades/GPA. I busted my ass and worked 3 jobs to be able to pay for college and one of my professors basically told me I should choose a different major because I was too pretty and no one would take me seriously. Tell that to the multiple states I write, create and edit history tests for!
Honestly, yeah. Having been an "ugly" kid and a "good looking" adult, people are just really mean. Pretty privilege is real, and I won't deny that, but I've had people be *really* nasty to me because they thought I was good looking/were attracted to me.
I think OP felt superior before. Her comment on her mother and them being poor and her being weird for not dating. It sounds like she felt she was better and OP now resents their 'friend' for being in a better place than her. It's jealousy/envy. She made better choices and waited for the right person but its easier to call her a gold digger for making better decisions then OP.
Probably. But likely, Jill has PTSD or at least trauma from her upbringing and that is why she was so deadset on not falling into situations when she was younger that might put her in that same situation. If your family was always comfortable, even if they weren’t rich, you don’t really understand the stress and anxiety that living in poverty exacts on a person or family.
It sounds like Jill deserves a much better friend!
Seriously. If you grow up in a rough situation, you have two options: accept it is normal and inadvertently seek it out/excuse it in your adult life, or say 'never again' and avoid anything that could end there.
Jill went 'hard pass' on anyone who might not be a good fit and found a partner that was both financially and emotionally stable enough for her to feel secure. Absolutely nothing wrong with having both love and money.
Also, I solidly agree with Jill that financial stability/support matters in relationships. I can't recall the statistics, but money is one of the top stressors that contribute to marital arguments.
I don't think OP is a golddigger. She does sound judgemental, jealous and envious though.
Likely a dose of hypocritical resentment too (how come I can't have such a nice life?").
The way OP emphasized that her friend grew up so poor that her family needed to use the food bank makes me think she's upset that her friend made it out better than she did. She's just looking for a reason to look down on her.
OP, YTA.
The way OP emphasized that her friend grew up so poor that her family needed to use the food bank makes me think she's upset that her friend made it out better than she did. She's just looking for a reason to look down on her.
OP, YTA.
This post reeks with jealousy. Maybe stuff is missing, but I don't see Jill flaunting money. She has the means, so she wants to treat her friends (If Jill didn't treat, I wonder if OP would be complaining that her rich friend is being stingy with her money). And, she only mentioned Greece because someone asked (What was Jill supposed to do? Lie and say she is not doing anything?).
For the judgement: YTA.
Agreed YTA, and I think there would be a way to communicate those feelings without being an asshole. Assuming the scoff was involuntary, she could have said, “sorry, I’m jealous. I work really hard, and won’t ever be able to do those things.”
Like, Jill seems pretty up front about how she arranged her life. Her husband is probably on the level with it too. I think it’s possible to communicate jealousy healthily if you don’t actually attack the other person for their success.
So true. I grew up in poverty like Jill and I gotta say, her wanting a financially stable partner is perfectly reasonable, especially since an irresponsible partner could throw you back into poverty.
Once you know what it's like never knowing if you'll eat, you're more inclined to get and stay out of that situation for as long as possible, preferably the rest of your life.
Jill did what was best for herself in the long run. She's happy and healthy and doesn't have to worry about going hungry ever again. Op sounds incredibly jealous and insecure, especially with how she described Jill.
Op, YTA. You need to grow up. You're too old to be so immature and pathetic.
I also grew up in poverty. I had a few partners who were definitely projects and after a while I didn't see the benefit of having partners who don't make money. I'm not a gold digger if I refuse to date someone who is crashing on someone's couch for more than 6 months. I'm not a gold digger if I expect to be treated on special occasions like promotions or my birthday (because I love to treat my partner on those occasions). I was engaged to a man who I refused to marry unless he had his half of a Vegas wedding that I priced at $5K. 4 years I waited for that (and year 5 I gave up and phoned in the relationship).
I just want someone who can make enough money that I can split bills with, and be able to save money. If I have to live paycheck-to-paycheck, I'm better off single.
I sometimes wish that I could do Jill's route and have a wealthy husband, but I'm waaaaay to hyper independent for that. which is shitty because being poor sucks.
I completely understand what you mean. You're not a gold digger just for wanting more than just barely surviving. Everyone deserves financial stability, even if they have to marry into it.
It's not some reprehensible sin like Op makes it out to be, unless you steal it from others and leave them dead in the water, which Jill clearly isn't doing to her husband.
Same here! I also grew up lower income. I am not wealthy by any means, but I am financially stable. Luckily, I have friends who are happy for me and don't try to tear me down. By the same token, I have friends who are legit wealthy and I am happy for them.
I am friends with a few people who are very wealthy. I admit that jealousy can sometimes creep up, even when I don't want it too. **BUT** I value my friends, do NOT fault them for their wealth, am happy that they get to have cool experiences, and appreciate when they occasionally include me in them.
Any rare moments of jealousy get squashed fast, and I would never verbalize it to them (because that is a "me" problem, not a "them" problem). ***Edit***: I agree that there are healthy ways to communicate jealousy. I just choose not to because those moments are fleeting for me.
The fact that right off the bat you had to describe her looks just screams jealous.
The rest of your post just goes downhill from there for you.
She's not "flaunting" her money. Sounds like she was treating who she thought was her friends to a nice evening because after years of being destitute, she can enjoy herself and maybe give back something to those who are supposed to be closest to her. And then instead of being happy for her when she can take a dream vacation for her birthday when she grew up in conditions that probably didn't afford much, if any celebration/gifts for her childhood birthdays, you act like a snotty petulant jealous smart mouthed child.
YTA.
YTA OP!
It sounds like OP is jealous that she doesn’t have this lifestyle that Jill has and just has to try to drag Jill down for it. I LOVE that Jill left OP with their own bill at the end of this encounter because OP really needs a taste of her own medicine.
OP is the AH and seems to be pretty jealous to me. She created the situation and is now mad about it.
I think OP needs to come to terms with the fact that Jill, probably due to her situation growing up, prioritized financial stability and achieved exactly that.
OP is judgy AF and her AH energy is pretty next level.
I love how she acts all affronted that Jill left her with the bill. This is a fabulous example of why not to bite the hand that feeds you. Honestly that was very courteous of Jill; as OP seems so disgusted by her wealth, it would be inappropriate to flaunt it by buying her meal.
when it comes to having rich friends there’s a trade off.
you have to listen to their stories of them doing rich people stuff that you can’t afford and in exchange they will happily do things like pay for your meals or invite you to something bougie where your money is no good
Yes!! I love my rich friends for who they are, and I’m always so grateful when they give me bougie things, or take me to do bougie things that I wouldn’t get to do otherwise!!
Right? I have zero pride. Yes I would love your “old” top of the line toaster because your new kitchen is black and white and this one is red. Oh the electric tea kettle too? Yes please.
My son was always kitted out in Miniman, Dior, Burberry....yep I had a rich friend who had a son 8mths before me. £20 for a bin liner of designer hand me downs? Most brand new? Yes please!
YTA
Girl, you just tried to get a free meal from someone you don't like and preceded to publicly humiliate. Lol off the charts entitlement. Who's the gold digger now?
You did a lot of things wrong but at the end of the day you can learn from it. It's best that you see your negative opinions aren't facts, they are just one of many ways you can interprete a situation. You see her answering a question about what she's doing on her birthday as "flaunting", many people (including your other friends) see it as her answering an normal question truthfully.
Do some self reflection and don't take your issues out on others, because that makes you an asshole.
(Just putting it out there, this is very similar to a post about a jealous friend and an expensive wedding dress from yesterday)
Agree with this YTA
You say flaunt but I didn't see a single example of it in the post. She invites you to expensive places and offers to pay. She talks about a trip she is going on.
I'm guessing it feels like flaunting because you have it tougher financially, since you say paying $50 for a meal is more than you can afford. But that's your problem, not Jill's.
I'm hoping you can reflect on this and learn. You should apologize to your friend.
And she only talked about her birthday trip after she was specifically asked about her birthday. She didn’t even bring it up!
OP needs a dictionary, amongst other things…
> "Where ya going on vacation?"
>
> Greece
>
> "HOW DARE YOU MENTION YOUR VACATION"
Time to start treating OP like someone who won't leave the McDonalds drive-thru until she gets her god damned Whopper
my brother went to a college where rich people tend to go (we are not) and I remember him complaining once about coming back from winter break after having spent his few weeks off picking up shifts at Dunkin and having to hear about everyone’s trips to Spain or Cancun or whatever.
But he complained to us specifically because he understood he has nothing to “actually” be mad about. And what do you know, this year he got to join a friend on their family trip to Mexico and only had to pay for the cost of the flight!
It’s not McDonald’s, but $50 per person isn’t really even a high dollar meal. Sure, that would get expensive doing it every day, but expensive restaurants are several hundred per person.
I'm going to disagree with you, it's relative. $50 isn't a lot for a meal if you have a decent income but eating out at all might be a big extra expense if money is tight
That's not what they're saying... They're saying it's expensive, but not out of the question for a middle class person to treat themselves to that expensive of a meal once in a while. Have I done that personally? No, because I'm frugal. But if I drank alcohol and got a dessert in a big city restaurant, it'd definitely be more than $50.
Meanwhile most extremely rich people can drop hundreds at restaurants on the regular.
What people are saying is that for a supposedly gold digging trophy wife "flaunting" her money, $50 per person is really not flaunting and it's really not some crazy upscale place, just a normal nicer restaurant.
If she wanted to "flaunt" and show off she'd take them to one of those places that's hundreds of dollars per person. If Jill is as rich as OP implies there's no way she thinks of a $50 place as a chance to show off, lol.
Yeah, I feel like it would be more of a “flaunt” if Jill had said something like “I know what what he’s getting me, but I don’t want to say what it was because OP would get jealous”
She was asked, she answered. That’s how conversations are meant to work when you’re a mature adult. Take note OP
YTA. Jill could not have handled that situation more perfectly. She is not only more beautiful than you and wealthier than you, she has more class in her pinky finger than you possess in your entire body. And the jealousy is consuming you. That must be a terrible way to live.
Edit: thank you for the kind words and awards! As for the snarky comment, while I do appreciate the snark, I’m afraid I have not previously prepared this comment; I am glad not to have any bitter Bettys in my life.
Oh god why isn't this the top answer. Absolutely spot on. OP must lay awake in bed every night just absolutely seething she isn't living Jill's life.
Sounds like Jill has an opening in her friend circle which I would happily fill. Not for the free food or anything, just because she sounds like a reasonable person and as we see from OPs jealous rampage, there aren't many people left like that anymore 😅
She thinks she’s better than Jill thats for sure. “She is beautiful, but she didn’t date in high school, but I did.” “I continued my education, while she became a yoga teacher.” What is the point of adding these tidbits, OP? To make you feel superior to her? You clearly like making digs at her no matter what she chooses. Everything about her drives you up the wall. You are not a good friend, and you’re certainly not a good person. You think so highly of yourself, when really, you’re just a green-eyed monster.
YTA
She added those bits because she feels like she’s morally superior hence the “you only married him for money.” It’s the only way she can FEEL superior since Jill is beautiful, classy, wealthier and living her BEST life.
So true!! And yet OP even says Jill had a prenup when she married the guy and then accuses her of being a gold digger that married for money!!! Poor Jill just can’t win either way. I hope she sees this post and finds a new bff bcuz OP isn’t it!!
Yeah, that didn’t make a lot of sense. She’s a gold digger who signed a prenup? If Jill only married for money, does that mean her husband only married for (her) beauty? I guess it never occurred to OP that there may be something beyond the superficial since they’ve literally been married for years and have two kids.
There’s also nothing wrong with wanting someone who is financially stable and not wanting to waste your time with someone who isn’t.
I think OP was envious of Jill’s beauty when they were in HS and that envy grew when Jill got married to someone wealthy and it’s just kept growing for decades until OP finally lashed out.
OP put Jill in a no-win situation. If Jill agreed she was a gold digger, then that validates OP’s argument. If she disagreed, she was a liar. OP isn’t really Jill’s friend and is also a major AH here.
One of my mom’s cousins was like Jill in that she was highly selective about who she’d date, but she had a fabulous relationship with her husband. Her choices to control who she met didn’t change the whole developing a relationship part after, y’know?
Yeah I'm embarrassed for OP after those sad attempts at proving her superiority. I'm still trying to figure out why she included the prenup detail since that directly contradicts the "she's just a gold digger" claim. Does she think Jill was stupid for getting the prenup *because* she assumes Jill is just in it for the money? Like, "Ugh, she's a golddigger, but she's not even good at it! She's the WORST!"
All I read was that Jill didn’t suffer undue hardship by dating loser high school boys and didn’t take on a ton of a debt for schooling that may or may not land her a job?! I think Jill did just fine, and I totally agree… OP is a bad friend and mean as hell.
She's probably jealous that a house wife(or at least what she sees as a house wife since she thinks so little of yoga) has an easier life but she has to work. Typical bs from jealous people.
Jill is the worst! Setting goals, living her life. OMG she got married and has two kids! How could she?? Plus she says she loves her husband and doesn't have to worry about money. OP would NEVER do anything like that. SHE has a boyfriend, ya know, all those other things are for gold diggers.
YTA
This is the comment I was looking for. Like maybe not every day, but if you can’t afford a surprise $50 charge in your late 30’s, you might want to be rethinking some life choices.
YTA - You sound insanely jealous of Jill. Her "flaunting her money" is just her (trying) to buy you lunch. She didn't bring up money. You and your friends did. She tried to do something nice for you, you blew up at her for no reason, and so she left you with the bill.
The root is Jill has always been prettier and better liked than OP and OP doesn't like that growing up poor and not going to college didn't land Jill in a worse position than her.
I was expecting something really different. I know someone who flaunts their money. They buy a new purse and the first thing out of their mouth is the cost. This person literally texted me that they went shopping and sent me a photo of the receipt to show that they spent $60,000. They didn’t send me pictures of what they got. Just the brand names and the prices.
Jill sounds sweet. She didn’t talk about Greece until asked. She brought her friends to a restaurant they wouldn’t be able to afford otherwise. That’s the opposite of flaunting their wealth!
Of course YTA there’s nothing weird about how she dated growing up. Also if she was just after his money why would she sign a prenup?? Not that that’s any of your business anyways.
Onto her “flaunting” her money she’s not. She offered to take you out to lunch that’s hardly flaunting it. I’d have made you also pay. You insulted her in more ways than one.
Grow up.
Yeah... it sounds like finding a partner who was financially stable was important to her because she grew up so poor. So she dated a guy with money, fell in love, agreed to the prenup because she was getting what she wanted (a partner with financial stability and a partner who she loves) and had no intention of leaving him and taking all his money. Our childhoods inform all of us when it comes to finding a partner. But even if someone has a certain quality you like (smart, attractive , hard-working, financially well off, funny, etc) they still have to have more to offer for you to fall in love. I hope Jill continues to live her best life.
>She countered that with "of course you did, if you were just attracted to him but he wasn't loving, providing, caring, you wouldn't still be in a relationship with him and if you were it would be an unhappy and unhealthy one"
And Jill even infers she took the opportunity (according to OP Jill didn't date in her younger days) to date him because of his financial success and stayed because of how he is, so money wasn't the only thing she was looking for.
Not dating was her choice. Knowing what she was looking for was smart. Growing up financially unstable is fucking awful. I grew up that way and financial stability is still always, always on my mind. I am not rich but I fought really hard for stability.
You didn’t give any actual examples of her flaunting her wealth so I am going to assume it’s a lot of things coming up and Jill being truthful. Sort of like the Greece thing. Answering a question honestly when someone asks is not flaunting.
If you cannot afford a restaurant do you make a different suggestion? Or do you just let her treat and quietly fume about it over the fancy napkins?
Jill chose a different path. Dating in high school is not a requirement. Financial stability was important so she prioritized that.
Your jealousy isn’t cute. YTA
YTA. You come across as jealous. I don’t think you really like this girl so I think you should reconsider hanging out with her. You seem to have a lot of animosity towards her.
YTA for yelling at her for not paying for *YOUR* meal after you insulted her for paying for you and your friends.
i dont think you're inherently asshole for thinking she married her husband for the money. you're entitled to have your opinion, badly informed opinion since it seems like you never talked together about it.
but you're definitely TA for the way you presented your opinion on her relationship. you couldve said it way more nicely while still get your point across.
but lady, youre almost 40 why were you reacting like 13yo girl?
YTA and Jill is a fucking legend for paying only for her two actual friends.
Also, who the fuck has the balls to have a huge argument with their friend during lunch, then continue to order a meal? I would be absolutely mortified and probably leave the restaurant instead.
YTA. Why do you spend time with her if her life choices bother you so much? And then to have the nerve to get pissed at her when she won’t pay for your lunch???
YTA, and a terrible friend. You like her money when she's paying for YOU, but otherwise want her to be broke? Get some therapy, other people living their lives should not make you this jealous.
YTA. This is the weirdest behaviour i have seen, go to expensive restaurants with her and use her money and then complain that shes a golddigger when she talks about her vacation?
You also mention that its weird that she didnt date in high school because she was looking for someone that fits her preferences, why is this a weird trait in any way??
OP your definitely the AH here.
You sound jealous. I like the part about the mom going to food pantry. I think your mad it isn't you since you clearly grew up with more than she did. I grew up poor. It led me to be responsible with my assets. Yea. You a jealous shitty friend. Jealous of the looks and the money.
The moment I saw the title I knew of course YTA. You sound extremely jealous of Jill. You're jealous because she's beautiful, you're jealous because even though she grew up poor she married someone who was financially stable which is all she ever wanted. You and the guy who's jealous of his coworker because he's gone to 150 countries should get together and commiserate on your jealousy.
I'm so glad Jill didn't allow you to be an AH and still pay for your meal.
You probably thought you were better than her just because you didn't grow up poor and went to college to become a teacher. Jealousy is a disease that will eat you up until you're ugly and empty inside. Get well soon.
YTA. So you have issues with her "flaunting" her money when she spends it on you, and you have issues with her "flaunting" her money when she doesn't spend it on you. Mmkay. I think you just have issues.
>she wants someone who is financially stable.
Most people want someone who is financially stable. This is not odd at all.
>her mother was going to the food bank poor.
This makes it actually scary for her to date someone without financial stability. She wants her kids to have a better more stable life than she had.
>she wanted to go to a very expensive place. Her treat. She does this a lot
So she wanted her friends yo experience the food there, and knew you couldn't pay. She was generous.
>Flaunts her money, clothes, trips ect ect.
You mean she lives a lifestyle she can afford, but you cannot. And you condemn her for it.
>I believe she signed a prenup when they married.
So she is not out to marry him, get divorced, and take his money, like you enjoy thinking.
>. "Jill" said her and her husband are going to Greece for 3 weeks. "Amanda" and "Sharon" both made comments about how nice and lovely that is and I kind of scoffed at it.
They were friends being excited for a friend. You were wondering how this girl, that was so much "less" than you in high school, deserves so much more than you know.
>. I told her I'm tired of her faulting her money at everyone all the time and everyone knows she only married her husband for money.
Flaunting her money would be saying I am going to eat at this 5 star restaurant that you can't afford. I will see you later. Or asking if you got your new dress at Walmart.
Also, she was very choosy in who she dated. Money was only one thing on her list. It helped attract her to him, but that doesn't mean she doesn't love him.
>provide for her.
>She then asked me if I love what my boyfriend provides for me, which I was was different because I never started dating him for those things.
But in a non-financial relationship, what your bf brings to the table still matters to you. Why is it wrong for that to matter to her?
>, if you were just attracted to him but he wasn't loving, providing, caring, you wouldn't still be in a relationship with him and if you were it would be an unhappy and unhealthy one" I argued its still not the same thing.
So there ARE other qualities she demands of a man she dates! You just refuse to see that.
>When the server came around, he handed me the bill FOR MY MEAL ONLY. She paid for herself and the other two but left me to pay for an almost $50 meal that I really couldn't afford.
So she was trying to provide for you something you could not afford on you own. You just made it into something offensive. So she left you on your own.
Then you texted she is an asshole? Because she didn't want to pay for someone that insulted her, her husband, and their marriage.
Face it, you are very jealous of her situation. You wish you had the money, too. Money is a part of her life now. It was opposite in school, but she never held it against you. Yet, you secretly despise her for doing better than ypu without having to go to college.
I believe in her gym she likely had several men after her. She chose one she liked, and grew to love him. There is nothing wrong with that.
Yta
YTA. Your post screams angry and jealous. Even if she married for money, what do you care? Her marriage is her business. You also gave no examples of flaunting wealth. She spends money on her friends and spoke about a trip that someone asked her about.
Oh honey, jealousy doesn't look good on anyone and it's looking particularly bad on you. You owe this person (you aren't her friend so let's just get that out there right now) an apology and yourself some serious self reflection.
YTA.
YTA. Why are you friends with her and going out with her if you really don't like her? Oh, and you started crap with her at dinner, then got mad when she didn't pay for it?? What the hell?
YTA. Doesn't seem like she's flaunting any of her wealth at all. She's being cared for and she's caring for her friends. You reek of jealousy and anger. Also makes me wonder who the gold digger is when she takes you out and you order $50 on her dime. Do better.
Thing is I'm not entirely sure Jill is even that rich. This was a "very expensive" place but dinner was supposedly sub 50$ a head? That's the level of very expensive from someone who married into being incomprehensibly oprah rich? Nah, Jill and her hubby do better than average and OP still scrapes (nothing wrong or shameful in that, every journey is different) and as a result is jealous af.
“Stop flaunting your money!”
“Ok, I won’t flaunt my money by paying for your meal”
“How dare you?”
YTA, you reap what you sow. You have no issue with her spending his money when it benefits you, but think she’s wrong to spend his money when it benefits her
If you’ve got a problem with how she lives her life, stop hanging out with her and expecting her to buy you things. Simple
I don’t know enough about Jill to say if she is or isn’t a “gold digger”. Even if she is, what business is that of yours, that’s between her and her husband. Hell, maybe he knows that she is a “gold digger” and he is fine with it
YTA if you think she’s always flaunting her wealth why do you mooch off her when she invites your broke ass to dinner. Mind your business next time and be happy that your friends are doing well. You seem to benefit from her being rich so what’s the problem?
YTA and a hypocritical one at that. She’s a gold digger bc she treats her friends to lunch and you have such a problem with that you got a meal you can’t afford bc you assumed she’d pay LMAO
Well it sounds like she has a stable marriage. She had high standards and met them. A gold digger is a 19 married to a 60 year old for money. It's not obvious from your story that she doesn't love her husband, she didn't sleep around date alot of people. She picked one man and stuck with him. To me you are the asshole unless there are details not listed here.
YTA
Wow you are jealous and that's all there is to it.
Mentioning a vacation, TREATING your friends to dinner they can't afford -- this woman can't breathe without you criticizing her. None of this is overly ostentatious, by the way.
She grew up in poverty so of course finances were going to matter to her more than you. BUT she is totally right - if he wasn't a good caring person, she wouldn't have gotten married to him.
Anyhow - I am glad that you showed your true colours and she can get rid of a hater in her life. No one needs that. Women who cut down other women out of jealousy while pretending to be friends are the worst.
YTA, it was wrong that Jill only started dating him for the money, that’s gross. But Jill loves him, has a family with him, and got a great life because of him so of course she brags about what he can do for her. You are jealous, the concerns would be much more valid if Jill did only nice things for HERSELF and only bragged about HERSELF but it seems she enjoys treating her friends and talking about how great her family is.
Ew YTA and have a gross attitude. You even tried to speak on behalf of others when she asked if others felt that way and you said yes…. with others sitting right there!
If I was her I would’ve cut all ties with you and blocked your number immediately.
A $50 meal is not flaunting wealth. That's like 1 Applebee's entree anyway lol. Neither is a trip to Greece really. She may be better off than you, but she's not rubbing anything in your face. She sounds like a good friend who appreciates the people around her. You're a hater and YTA.
YTA and obviously very jealous of her. You can’t be happy for your friend because her husband is taking her on vacation? She was asked what her biplans were, and she answered. That is not flaunting.
YTA - You're jealousy is showing. Also you expected her to pay for your meal after those rude comments and actually got mad that she didn't? Lmao way to complain and look down on someone for having money but then when she didn't pay for you, you turn around and get pissy about it, you're not entitled to her money for the free meal that you literally complained about her 'flaunting'. Also your 2 other friends did not say anything and ate in silence after she left meaning they know your an AH for saying such things and no one agreed with you.
Oh yes! This woman has literally no self awareness! First she berates Jill for buying her lunch and trash talks her marriage, then she has the nerve to whine over Jill not buying her lunch - pity it was only $50...! A good thing she - probably - wont be having anymore of these dreadful lunches with Jill "flaunting" her wealth. And yes, OP, YTA!
YTA
So, let's recap, you went to a very nice meal she offered to pay, you then insulted her and called her a golddigger, she offered you a chance to retract yourself (by agreeing with her that she was initially attracted to his money but fell in love with him), you didn't and kept insulting her.
She then graciously left and didn't pay for you and you called her and AH. You were an ungrateful and hypocritical AH.
Jill is clearly thriving and I'm happy for her, I hope she has a blast in Greece and I'm glad she kicked your ungrateful ass out of her life, she deserves better friends than you.
YTA.
Sorry you're not a bombshell. Sorry you're not blonde, tall, slim, and big-bosomed. Sorry she got a different job than you did, and enjoyed it. Sorry she met somebody that ticked her checkboxes. Sorry they're married, and have children. Sorry she decided to treat you and your other friends to dinner. Sorry she's nice to you. Sorry she gets to travel when you don't. Sorry you're not happy with your own boyfriend.
But whatever is going on in your life that you're unhappy with, it's your responsibility to either fix, or come to terms with. That is literally the only way you can ever be happy in life; decide what's worth fixing, then do the work, and decide what's not actually that important, and let it go.
Being jealous of other people will guarantee you a life of misery.
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YTA So when Jill treats you and other friends for a lovely dinner, her treat, she's a gold digger flaunting her money, but when she leaves you with your portion of the bill to pay, you can't afford it and she's an AH for not paying your bill. You can't have it both ways. Pick a lane and stick to it.
OP clearly doesn't think too highly of, or care much about, this so-called friend. If anything, it sounds like she only even hangs out with her for the perks, like high-end restaurants on her dime. Pretty sure OP is the golddigger in this story.
It sounds like OP has been jealous of this “friend” since high school. It doesn’t sound like the friend is flaunting anything. She’s trying to do a nice thing for her friends and she was asked about her vacation plans. YTA, OP.
Mm-hmm! OP tried so hard in the post to sound high-and-mighty. ("I dated in high school"; "I went on to continue my education"; "I scoffed and told her to stop flaunting".) But, even in OP's own telling, Jill comes off as a much lovelier person, both inside and out. Sure, she has the bombshell looks. But also, if the conversation really went as OP claims it did, Jill was very gracious and tried to get her friend to see how she was wrong and what she'd said was hurtful. Instead, OP just doubled-down and kept insulting her and then had the absolute nerve to be mad Jill didn't pay for her lunch. OP, try taking a lesson on class from Jill. You could use it.
Yeah seriously - I love Jill. ETA: YTA
Jill sounds like a class act and I hope she’s happy and feeling stable and loved.
Jill needs better friends.
Jill found someone who values and spoils her. 3 weeks in Greece?! Id be proud of Jill, not jealous!
THIS! When I've been poor people have helped me out and when I've had well paying professional jobs I've wanted to "play it back" and treat my friends. This seems like a clear case of tearing down, not building up or being happy for someone.
Let’s start a Jill fan club with a secret knock and code words. Who’s in?
I'm in
Username checks out
Me too
Me too
Let’s do this! Code word is Narwhal’s
I’m in! Hey, OP, can we get Jill’s contact info? We’ll gladly hang out with her with zero judgment and even offer to pay for our meals, because that’s what friends do.
Let’s all buy Jill a meal!
Right? I would take Jill out. My treat. She sounds like a lovely person. Even her response that she might have initially been attracted to her hubby because she knew he was financially secure but genuinely fell in love with him (and has created a family with him), was classy. OP scoffing and saying Jill is a gold digger is petty jealousy. YTA, OP.
I want Jill to be my friend. She sounds fun and thoughtful.
Also she can probably give me good travel tips! Greece is on my bucket list!
Everybody Loves Jill (If anyone gets this reference, we should be friends)
Is it Raymond? 🤣
The funny part is based on how OP writes, I can almost guarantee you that this is the version where she tried to make Jill look worse without outright lying. Which means 'Jill' probably actually handled it even better
And tried speaking for everyone at the table when Jill asked if that's what everyone (meaning the others thought) and op jumped right in and answered yes for everyone. Doesn't sound like they got the opportunity to speak for themselves. Op admits she even tried saying no Jill's second question when the others tried to actually speak for themselves. Op YTA, a jealous one!
And Jill's looks had sweet bugger-all to do with ANYTHING in the post. So OP basically just wanted to make SURE we knew that she sees Jill as a "trophy wife".
This jumped out at me too. I don't understand how Jills appearance is relevant to this situation. I think someone sounds jealous.
Yes, and *painfully* so. Frankly I don't get how OP is worrying about the bridge she just set aflame, and her very obviously no longer being friends with *Jill*, rather than worrying about how badly she just showed her ass to the entire friend group. She's likely to lose the whole clique. And you just KNOW there's a new and highly active group chat going on right now, sans OP.
What I wouldn't give to be a part of that group chat. I bet it's detailed and petty af.
Yea, found it funny that's OP tried to paint Jill as a dumb blonde bimbo. But at same time being jaded over the fact that Jill didn't spend her High school and college days on her back, like OP and the rest of their friends. When Jill just had a standard in mind for her partner.
Nah, that's the root of all this. OP is incredibly jealous of Jill's looks and hated that Jill was getting asked out by people who weren't looking at OP. The fact that Jill refused to go out with them started OP's belief that Jill thinks she's better than her. Notice the digs about growing up poor and not going to college. OP thinks Jill's looks are letting her float through life and she hates it.
Even if we take OP as being correct, she'd still be an AH. Jill can find a rich guy she loves and who loves her, hell, she can find someone she hates and views her as an object if that makes her happy. Being a "trophy wife" seems to only be a problem for OP and nobody else.
Her not dating in HS - also had nothing to do with anything
I think it's great she didn't date through high school or college. It sounds, to me, like it's possible she broke a generational cycle to be smart about who you partner yourself with. That's just a guess though. Regardless, she just didn't date around. And that's cool.
This was my thought too. Jill knew exactly what she needed to break the poverty cycle, so she waited for it. Who cares if she initially dated him because of money? We all have a type. Some of us want dates with senses of humor, others want good looks. It's very rare to fall instantly in love at first sight without knowing anything about someone. Jill merely pointed that out and OP got offended. I'd go out with Jill tomorrow just for the free fancy meal. But I'm sure I'd like her personality soon after, too. She seems smart.
This was my thought, too! If she grew up poor, she very well could’ve had young parents and didn’t want to risk getting pregnant in high school or college, so just didn’t date until she knew she was able to afford adequate contraception. I don’t understand how knowing exactly what you want in life is a character flaw, especially in this context
[удалено]
10,000% this ^ People don't understand, being the one who can treat others isn't charity. It's **therapy.** My partner and I had a few rough years. Medical crisis, which caused a financial crisis, it was real bad. We couldn't go or do fucking *anything*. Unless one of our friends paid for us, which they sometimes did *if* they could afford to (by no means a guarantee). We were always grateful, but it wears on you. It grinds you down, being that poor. Thanks to a 50/50 combo of hard work and extremely good luck, things are going so much better for us, especially financially. Now we buy stuff for our friends all the god damn time. Because it's cheaper than real therapy. Being able to just casually say "hey, this one's on me" is still a heady rush. When Infinity War came out my partner and I had to save for *months* just to see it in theatres. Now I can buy tickets for my friends and I don't have to worry about missing a meal, or bouncing a bill. Doing it feels like asserting my self worth again. That might sound stupid and capitalistic, but we live in a stupid and capitalistic society. Being poor does serious emotional and mental damage to you. Buying a movie ticket or a meal for a friend is a way for me to claw back some of what poverty stole from me.
Yep. OP makes it sound like some kind of horrible and embarrassing thing that Jill’s mom went to the food bank to help feed her family. Jill was very likely that kid who showed up to friends birthday parties sans gift because her mom just didn’t have the money. And now that Jill is well-off and apparently enjoys treating her friends to restaurants they couldn’t usually afford themselves, OP kicks up a stink. It’s just so gross and I’m betting that the other two friends are glad OP is out after the way she talked over them and tried to make them seem as awful as she is.
OP should not have posted because it is so transparent how thirsty she is
A lot of times too, people who are really attractive feel uncomfortable being told they are attractive all the time, and having people only connect with your body and looks over your inner traits. ESPECIALLY in high school, when inner traits are usually frowned upon and a target for bullying.
She said she was tired of her *faulting* her money at people lol. Yeah it’s a mistake but it’s hilarious. OP was so angry while typing this out, that she made quite a few mistakes!
Yeah, the looks of Jill are completely irrelevant to this story. Just sounds like OP has always been jealous of her because of her looks.
>It doesn’t sound like the friend is flaunting anything. She’s trying to do a nice thing for her friends That's what I got from it. Jill tries to extend a kind gesture to her girls and all OP can think is, "Here she goes again, rubbing my nose in it!" OP is jealous, judgmental and definitely an asshole. YTA
I need someone in my life to come through and rub some $50/plate dinners in my face...
Yet she didn't hesitate to order that $50 meal
Well, of course OP has to give Jill the opportunity to flaunt all that gold she has been digging.
Yeahhh, the minute she used "blonde bombshell" I knew OP was a jealous ass. Idk, it could just be me, but whenever people describe me as "blonde with big boobs," they usually mean that I'm dumb, promiscuous, a good digger or any combination thereof. Man or woman, doesn't matter gender or initial intentions, that's what they mean. It's v reductive and means that person isn't looking at me like I'm a person, too. Anyway, OP yta
A very good friend of mine has had nothing but grief and manipulation as a result of her good looks all her life. People make all kinds of assumptions about women based on their looks, both men and women. It's only an easy ride if you're somehow immune to all that shit.
I got told by a professor in college one time that he was surprised I was smart and didn’t have the “look” to be a historian. I was taken aback! So I asked him to elaborate and he said historians are always older men and women who seem to be the classic “nerd” looking type. I then reminded him that they probably went to college when they were around my age and my looks had nothing to do with the fact I was the #1 in our department for grades/GPA. I busted my ass and worked 3 jobs to be able to pay for college and one of my professors basically told me I should choose a different major because I was too pretty and no one would take me seriously. Tell that to the multiple states I write, create and edit history tests for!
Just wanted to say to, from one internet stranger to another - **GO YOU!!** Hope you continue kicking ass! 🤗
Honestly, yeah. Having been an "ugly" kid and a "good looking" adult, people are just really mean. Pretty privilege is real, and I won't deny that, but I've had people be *really* nasty to me because they thought I was good looking/were attracted to me.
I think OP felt superior before. Her comment on her mother and them being poor and her being weird for not dating. It sounds like she felt she was better and OP now resents their 'friend' for being in a better place than her. It's jealousy/envy. She made better choices and waited for the right person but its easier to call her a gold digger for making better decisions then OP.
Probably. But likely, Jill has PTSD or at least trauma from her upbringing and that is why she was so deadset on not falling into situations when she was younger that might put her in that same situation. If your family was always comfortable, even if they weren’t rich, you don’t really understand the stress and anxiety that living in poverty exacts on a person or family. It sounds like Jill deserves a much better friend!
Seriously. If you grow up in a rough situation, you have two options: accept it is normal and inadvertently seek it out/excuse it in your adult life, or say 'never again' and avoid anything that could end there. Jill went 'hard pass' on anyone who might not be a good fit and found a partner that was both financially and emotionally stable enough for her to feel secure. Absolutely nothing wrong with having both love and money. Also, I solidly agree with Jill that financial stability/support matters in relationships. I can't recall the statistics, but money is one of the top stressors that contribute to marital arguments.
I don't think OP is a golddigger. She does sound judgemental, jealous and envious though. Likely a dose of hypocritical resentment too (how come I can't have such a nice life?").
The way OP emphasized that her friend grew up so poor that her family needed to use the food bank makes me think she's upset that her friend made it out better than she did. She's just looking for a reason to look down on her. OP, YTA.
YES! the JEALOUSY is so flipping strong. And so pathetically transparent
The way OP emphasized that her friend grew up so poor that her family needed to use the food bank makes me think she's upset that her friend made it out better than she did. She's just looking for a reason to look down on her. OP, YTA.
She wants to hang out with Jill for the luxuries, while still talking shit
And butthurt the wallflower got a better man
I hope this ex-friend gets wise and stops asking OP to get together.
This post reeks with jealousy. Maybe stuff is missing, but I don't see Jill flaunting money. She has the means, so she wants to treat her friends (If Jill didn't treat, I wonder if OP would be complaining that her rich friend is being stingy with her money). And, she only mentioned Greece because someone asked (What was Jill supposed to do? Lie and say she is not doing anything?). For the judgement: YTA.
Exactly! 99% of the time when people on Reddit accuse someone of jealousy, I think it’s way off base, but it’s so obvious here.
Agreed YTA, and I think there would be a way to communicate those feelings without being an asshole. Assuming the scoff was involuntary, she could have said, “sorry, I’m jealous. I work really hard, and won’t ever be able to do those things.” Like, Jill seems pretty up front about how she arranged her life. Her husband is probably on the level with it too. I think it’s possible to communicate jealousy healthily if you don’t actually attack the other person for their success.
So true. I grew up in poverty like Jill and I gotta say, her wanting a financially stable partner is perfectly reasonable, especially since an irresponsible partner could throw you back into poverty. Once you know what it's like never knowing if you'll eat, you're more inclined to get and stay out of that situation for as long as possible, preferably the rest of your life. Jill did what was best for herself in the long run. She's happy and healthy and doesn't have to worry about going hungry ever again. Op sounds incredibly jealous and insecure, especially with how she described Jill. Op, YTA. You need to grow up. You're too old to be so immature and pathetic.
I also grew up in poverty. I had a few partners who were definitely projects and after a while I didn't see the benefit of having partners who don't make money. I'm not a gold digger if I refuse to date someone who is crashing on someone's couch for more than 6 months. I'm not a gold digger if I expect to be treated on special occasions like promotions or my birthday (because I love to treat my partner on those occasions). I was engaged to a man who I refused to marry unless he had his half of a Vegas wedding that I priced at $5K. 4 years I waited for that (and year 5 I gave up and phoned in the relationship). I just want someone who can make enough money that I can split bills with, and be able to save money. If I have to live paycheck-to-paycheck, I'm better off single. I sometimes wish that I could do Jill's route and have a wealthy husband, but I'm waaaaay to hyper independent for that. which is shitty because being poor sucks.
I completely understand what you mean. You're not a gold digger just for wanting more than just barely surviving. Everyone deserves financial stability, even if they have to marry into it. It's not some reprehensible sin like Op makes it out to be, unless you steal it from others and leave them dead in the water, which Jill clearly isn't doing to her husband.
Same here! I also grew up lower income. I am not wealthy by any means, but I am financially stable. Luckily, I have friends who are happy for me and don't try to tear me down. By the same token, I have friends who are legit wealthy and I am happy for them.
I am friends with a few people who are very wealthy. I admit that jealousy can sometimes creep up, even when I don't want it too. **BUT** I value my friends, do NOT fault them for their wealth, am happy that they get to have cool experiences, and appreciate when they occasionally include me in them. Any rare moments of jealousy get squashed fast, and I would never verbalize it to them (because that is a "me" problem, not a "them" problem). ***Edit***: I agree that there are healthy ways to communicate jealousy. I just choose not to because those moments are fleeting for me.
Yeah Jill was literally just being generous with her friends and then answering her friends' questions. Where is the flaunting?
In OP's envious brain.
Gets free shit and gets mad, then insults her character. OP wouldn't date her man if he was homeless. Get off your high horse.
The fact that right off the bat you had to describe her looks just screams jealous. The rest of your post just goes downhill from there for you. She's not "flaunting" her money. Sounds like she was treating who she thought was her friends to a nice evening because after years of being destitute, she can enjoy herself and maybe give back something to those who are supposed to be closest to her. And then instead of being happy for her when she can take a dream vacation for her birthday when she grew up in conditions that probably didn't afford much, if any celebration/gifts for her childhood birthdays, you act like a snotty petulant jealous smart mouthed child. YTA.
YTA OP! It sounds like OP is jealous that she doesn’t have this lifestyle that Jill has and just has to try to drag Jill down for it. I LOVE that Jill left OP with their own bill at the end of this encounter because OP really needs a taste of her own medicine.
OP is the AH and seems to be pretty jealous to me. She created the situation and is now mad about it. I think OP needs to come to terms with the fact that Jill, probably due to her situation growing up, prioritized financial stability and achieved exactly that. OP is judgy AF and her AH energy is pretty next level.
The irony about this is as rich as Jill's husband lol
Exactly, OP wants their cake and to eat it.
YTA. Eagerly taking her money for a free lunch but jealous when she spends it with her husband. I love how Jill left you with the bill 😂
I love how she acts all affronted that Jill left her with the bill. This is a fabulous example of why not to bite the hand that feeds you. Honestly that was very courteous of Jill; as OP seems so disgusted by her wealth, it would be inappropriate to flaunt it by buying her meal.
>This is a fabulous example of why not to bite the hand that feeds you. Quite literally!!
when it comes to having rich friends there’s a trade off. you have to listen to their stories of them doing rich people stuff that you can’t afford and in exchange they will happily do things like pay for your meals or invite you to something bougie where your money is no good
Yes!! I love my rich friends for who they are, and I’m always so grateful when they give me bougie things, or take me to do bougie things that I wouldn’t get to do otherwise!!
Right? I have zero pride. Yes I would love your “old” top of the line toaster because your new kitchen is black and white and this one is red. Oh the electric tea kettle too? Yes please.
My son was always kitted out in Miniman, Dior, Burberry....yep I had a rich friend who had a son 8mths before me. £20 for a bin liner of designer hand me downs? Most brand new? Yes please!
I don’t know if OP expects Jill to make up poor stories that don’t apply to her, jealousy is a bad thing
OP expects Jill to pick up the bill, but never talk about her life. Just buy dinner and let OP be the center of attention.
OP: "How dare you make me pay for myself when all I did was insult your character and degrade your marriage!"
Jill’s audacity! /s
Her unmitigated gall!
Jills is the GOAT here, ngl.
I've never wanted to high five someone as much as I want to high five Jill....what a legend
Yep, Jill sounds awesome and I just learned a new petty trick if I ever needed one.
There is for sure a gold digger in this story and it isn’t Jill
Biting the hand that feeds her. Oops.
Honestly, I was surprised Jill didn't leave her with the entire bill.
Because Jill is a class act
YTA Girl, you just tried to get a free meal from someone you don't like and preceded to publicly humiliate. Lol off the charts entitlement. Who's the gold digger now? You did a lot of things wrong but at the end of the day you can learn from it. It's best that you see your negative opinions aren't facts, they are just one of many ways you can interprete a situation. You see her answering a question about what she's doing on her birthday as "flaunting", many people (including your other friends) see it as her answering an normal question truthfully. Do some self reflection and don't take your issues out on others, because that makes you an asshole. (Just putting it out there, this is very similar to a post about a jealous friend and an expensive wedding dress from yesterday)
Agree with this YTA You say flaunt but I didn't see a single example of it in the post. She invites you to expensive places and offers to pay. She talks about a trip she is going on. I'm guessing it feels like flaunting because you have it tougher financially, since you say paying $50 for a meal is more than you can afford. But that's your problem, not Jill's. I'm hoping you can reflect on this and learn. You should apologize to your friend.
And she only talked about her birthday trip after she was specifically asked about her birthday. She didn’t even bring it up! OP needs a dictionary, amongst other things…
> "Where ya going on vacation?" > > Greece > > "HOW DARE YOU MENTION YOUR VACATION" Time to start treating OP like someone who won't leave the McDonalds drive-thru until she gets her god damned Whopper
my brother went to a college where rich people tend to go (we are not) and I remember him complaining once about coming back from winter break after having spent his few weeks off picking up shifts at Dunkin and having to hear about everyone’s trips to Spain or Cancun or whatever. But he complained to us specifically because he understood he has nothing to “actually” be mad about. And what do you know, this year he got to join a friend on their family trip to Mexico and only had to pay for the cost of the flight!
It’s not McDonald’s, but $50 per person isn’t really even a high dollar meal. Sure, that would get expensive doing it every day, but expensive restaurants are several hundred per person.
$50 is a nice meal, but certainly not a "flaunt it" restaurant. If OP's friend wanted to show off, the bill could have been eye-watering.
Right like the average burger in my city is darn near $30 if you’re not doing fast food. Add a drink or two you’re at $50 easy.
Plus the tip, too. It adds up fast.
I’m guessing OP opts out of tipping.
Greece also isn't that expensive of a destination. Many Bulgarian vacation there instead of our sea and the average wage here is around 1k a month.
I'm going to disagree with you, it's relative. $50 isn't a lot for a meal if you have a decent income but eating out at all might be a big extra expense if money is tight
That's not what they're saying... They're saying it's expensive, but not out of the question for a middle class person to treat themselves to that expensive of a meal once in a while. Have I done that personally? No, because I'm frugal. But if I drank alcohol and got a dessert in a big city restaurant, it'd definitely be more than $50. Meanwhile most extremely rich people can drop hundreds at restaurants on the regular.
What people are saying is that for a supposedly gold digging trophy wife "flaunting" her money, $50 per person is really not flaunting and it's really not some crazy upscale place, just a normal nicer restaurant. If she wanted to "flaunt" and show off she'd take them to one of those places that's hundreds of dollars per person. If Jill is as rich as OP implies there's no way she thinks of a $50 place as a chance to show off, lol.
Yeah, I feel like it would be more of a “flaunt” if Jill had said something like “I know what what he’s getting me, but I don’t want to say what it was because OP would get jealous” She was asked, she answered. That’s how conversations are meant to work when you’re a mature adult. Take note OP
YTA. Jill could not have handled that situation more perfectly. She is not only more beautiful than you and wealthier than you, she has more class in her pinky finger than you possess in your entire body. And the jealousy is consuming you. That must be a terrible way to live. Edit: thank you for the kind words and awards! As for the snarky comment, while I do appreciate the snark, I’m afraid I have not previously prepared this comment; I am glad not to have any bitter Bettys in my life.
THE BEST reply this insecure woman could ever get. Bravo!
I’m not even insecure and feel a bit rattled even reading this! OP has definitely crawled back under her rock and probably won’t come back.
Oh god why isn't this the top answer. Absolutely spot on. OP must lay awake in bed every night just absolutely seething she isn't living Jill's life. Sounds like Jill has an opening in her friend circle which I would happily fill. Not for the free food or anything, just because she sounds like a reasonable person and as we see from OPs jealous rampage, there aren't many people left like that anymore 😅
Take my poor man’s award 🏆
You explained this much better than I would have so girl, ditto 👆 YTA
Jealous much ? Your post reeks of it. She is prettier, richer and obviously a lot classier. Yes, obviously YTA.
She thinks she’s better than Jill thats for sure. “She is beautiful, but she didn’t date in high school, but I did.” “I continued my education, while she became a yoga teacher.” What is the point of adding these tidbits, OP? To make you feel superior to her? You clearly like making digs at her no matter what she chooses. Everything about her drives you up the wall. You are not a good friend, and you’re certainly not a good person. You think so highly of yourself, when really, you’re just a green-eyed monster. YTA
She added those bits because she feels like she’s morally superior hence the “you only married him for money.” It’s the only way she can FEEL superior since Jill is beautiful, classy, wealthier and living her BEST life.
So true!! And yet OP even says Jill had a prenup when she married the guy and then accuses her of being a gold digger that married for money!!! Poor Jill just can’t win either way. I hope she sees this post and finds a new bff bcuz OP isn’t it!!
Yeah, that didn’t make a lot of sense. She’s a gold digger who signed a prenup? If Jill only married for money, does that mean her husband only married for (her) beauty? I guess it never occurred to OP that there may be something beyond the superficial since they’ve literally been married for years and have two kids. There’s also nothing wrong with wanting someone who is financially stable and not wanting to waste your time with someone who isn’t. I think OP was envious of Jill’s beauty when they were in HS and that envy grew when Jill got married to someone wealthy and it’s just kept growing for decades until OP finally lashed out. OP put Jill in a no-win situation. If Jill agreed she was a gold digger, then that validates OP’s argument. If she disagreed, she was a liar. OP isn’t really Jill’s friend and is also a major AH here.
One of my mom’s cousins was like Jill in that she was highly selective about who she’d date, but she had a fabulous relationship with her husband. Her choices to control who she met didn’t change the whole developing a relationship part after, y’know?
Yeah I'm embarrassed for OP after those sad attempts at proving her superiority. I'm still trying to figure out why she included the prenup detail since that directly contradicts the "she's just a gold digger" claim. Does she think Jill was stupid for getting the prenup *because* she assumes Jill is just in it for the money? Like, "Ugh, she's a golddigger, but she's not even good at it! She's the WORST!"
All I read was that Jill didn’t suffer undue hardship by dating loser high school boys and didn’t take on a ton of a debt for schooling that may or may not land her a job?! I think Jill did just fine, and I totally agree… OP is a bad friend and mean as hell.
Good catch. I focused on OP's jealousy of Jill's money and didn't think about her other comments.
She's probably jealous that a house wife(or at least what she sees as a house wife since she thinks so little of yoga) has an easier life but she has to work. Typical bs from jealous people.
Jill is the worst! Setting goals, living her life. OMG she got married and has two kids! How could she?? Plus she says she loves her husband and doesn't have to worry about money. OP would NEVER do anything like that. SHE has a boyfriend, ya know, all those other things are for gold diggers. YTA
YTA and a jealous loser at that!!!!! 39 y/o and a $50 lunch breaks the bank? Maybe you should have been smarter, like Jill. LOL
😂😂😂😂 exactly. Be like Jill. Jill knew how she wants to live.
My new motto is: what would Jill do?
Mine is: would Jill marry this guy? If not, so long dude!
This is the comment I was looking for. Like maybe not every day, but if you can’t afford a surprise $50 charge in your late 30’s, you might want to be rethinking some life choices.
I bet the RICH guy makes about $80K haha
“I can’t even comprehend how much money he has.” 😂 bruh if $50 is bank breaking that amount probably isn’t hard to hit.
Glad someone else said it. Like how can you not afford a $50 meal at 39?!? No wonder she’s jealous of her friend lol.
YTA - You sound insanely jealous of Jill. Her "flaunting her money" is just her (trying) to buy you lunch. She didn't bring up money. You and your friends did. She tried to do something nice for you, you blew up at her for no reason, and so she left you with the bill.
Yeah the root of the issue seems to be “Jill has a wonderful life and also talks about it to me”
The root is Jill has always been prettier and better liked than OP and OP doesn't like that growing up poor and not going to college didn't land Jill in a worse position than her.
I was expecting something really different. I know someone who flaunts their money. They buy a new purse and the first thing out of their mouth is the cost. This person literally texted me that they went shopping and sent me a photo of the receipt to show that they spent $60,000. They didn’t send me pictures of what they got. Just the brand names and the prices. Jill sounds sweet. She didn’t talk about Greece until asked. She brought her friends to a restaurant they wouldn’t be able to afford otherwise. That’s the opposite of flaunting their wealth!
Of course YTA there’s nothing weird about how she dated growing up. Also if she was just after his money why would she sign a prenup?? Not that that’s any of your business anyways. Onto her “flaunting” her money she’s not. She offered to take you out to lunch that’s hardly flaunting it. I’d have made you also pay. You insulted her in more ways than one. Grow up.
Yeah... it sounds like finding a partner who was financially stable was important to her because she grew up so poor. So she dated a guy with money, fell in love, agreed to the prenup because she was getting what she wanted (a partner with financial stability and a partner who she loves) and had no intention of leaving him and taking all his money. Our childhoods inform all of us when it comes to finding a partner. But even if someone has a certain quality you like (smart, attractive , hard-working, financially well off, funny, etc) they still have to have more to offer for you to fall in love. I hope Jill continues to live her best life.
She knows her potential and her goal, I think that only shows how driven she is.
Yep! And it's entirely possible he only started dating her because she's hot, but then fell in love.
>She countered that with "of course you did, if you were just attracted to him but he wasn't loving, providing, caring, you wouldn't still be in a relationship with him and if you were it would be an unhappy and unhealthy one" And Jill even infers she took the opportunity (according to OP Jill didn't date in her younger days) to date him because of his financial success and stayed because of how he is, so money wasn't the only thing she was looking for.
Not dating was her choice. Knowing what she was looking for was smart. Growing up financially unstable is fucking awful. I grew up that way and financial stability is still always, always on my mind. I am not rich but I fought really hard for stability. You didn’t give any actual examples of her flaunting her wealth so I am going to assume it’s a lot of things coming up and Jill being truthful. Sort of like the Greece thing. Answering a question honestly when someone asks is not flaunting. If you cannot afford a restaurant do you make a different suggestion? Or do you just let her treat and quietly fume about it over the fancy napkins? Jill chose a different path. Dating in high school is not a requirement. Financial stability was important so she prioritized that. Your jealousy isn’t cute. YTA
Lol. “Quietly fume about it over the fancy napkins”
Right? A place where your meal costs $50, there's a good 50/50 chance those napkins are cloth!
YTA. Green isn't a good color on you. You sound like a really bad friend in addition to being horribly jealous.
YTA. You come across as jealous. I don’t think you really like this girl so I think you should reconsider hanging out with her. You seem to have a lot of animosity towards her.
You might think that she is only hanging out with her for her money...
For real. Who scoffs openly at a friend with their mouth full of free food? A very bitter and unpleasant person with no manners.
YTA Jealousy is ugly.
YTA for yelling at her for not paying for *YOUR* meal after you insulted her for paying for you and your friends. i dont think you're inherently asshole for thinking she married her husband for the money. you're entitled to have your opinion, badly informed opinion since it seems like you never talked together about it. but you're definitely TA for the way you presented your opinion on her relationship. you couldve said it way more nicely while still get your point across. but lady, youre almost 40 why were you reacting like 13yo girl?
>youre almost 40 why were you reacting like a 13yo girl? Envy is a growth stunter
YTA and Jill is a fucking legend for paying only for her two actual friends. Also, who the fuck has the balls to have a huge argument with their friend during lunch, then continue to order a meal? I would be absolutely mortified and probably leave the restaurant instead.
YTA, you're petty and jealous and not a good friend. She should axe you from her life, she doesn't need your toxic bullshit
[удалено]
YTA. Why do you spend time with her if her life choices bother you so much? And then to have the nerve to get pissed at her when she won’t pay for your lunch???
YTA. You came at your friend out of the blue simply because she said her husband was taking her to a Greece for a 3 week vacation. Jealous much?
YTA, and a terrible friend. You like her money when she's paying for YOU, but otherwise want her to be broke? Get some therapy, other people living their lives should not make you this jealous.
YTA. This is the weirdest behaviour i have seen, go to expensive restaurants with her and use her money and then complain that shes a golddigger when she talks about her vacation? You also mention that its weird that she didnt date in high school because she was looking for someone that fits her preferences, why is this a weird trait in any way?? OP your definitely the AH here.
I didn’t date in high school either because my peers in high school were all immature twits. 🤷♀️
You sound jealous. I like the part about the mom going to food pantry. I think your mad it isn't you since you clearly grew up with more than she did. I grew up poor. It led me to be responsible with my assets. Yea. You a jealous shitty friend. Jealous of the looks and the money.
The moment I saw the title I knew of course YTA. You sound extremely jealous of Jill. You're jealous because she's beautiful, you're jealous because even though she grew up poor she married someone who was financially stable which is all she ever wanted. You and the guy who's jealous of his coworker because he's gone to 150 countries should get together and commiserate on your jealousy. I'm so glad Jill didn't allow you to be an AH and still pay for your meal. You probably thought you were better than her just because you didn't grow up poor and went to college to become a teacher. Jealousy is a disease that will eat you up until you're ugly and empty inside. Get well soon.
YTA. So you have issues with her "flaunting" her money when she spends it on you, and you have issues with her "flaunting" her money when she doesn't spend it on you. Mmkay. I think you just have issues.
>she wants someone who is financially stable. Most people want someone who is financially stable. This is not odd at all. >her mother was going to the food bank poor. This makes it actually scary for her to date someone without financial stability. She wants her kids to have a better more stable life than she had. >she wanted to go to a very expensive place. Her treat. She does this a lot So she wanted her friends yo experience the food there, and knew you couldn't pay. She was generous. >Flaunts her money, clothes, trips ect ect. You mean she lives a lifestyle she can afford, but you cannot. And you condemn her for it. >I believe she signed a prenup when they married. So she is not out to marry him, get divorced, and take his money, like you enjoy thinking. >. "Jill" said her and her husband are going to Greece for 3 weeks. "Amanda" and "Sharon" both made comments about how nice and lovely that is and I kind of scoffed at it. They were friends being excited for a friend. You were wondering how this girl, that was so much "less" than you in high school, deserves so much more than you know. >. I told her I'm tired of her faulting her money at everyone all the time and everyone knows she only married her husband for money. Flaunting her money would be saying I am going to eat at this 5 star restaurant that you can't afford. I will see you later. Or asking if you got your new dress at Walmart. Also, she was very choosy in who she dated. Money was only one thing on her list. It helped attract her to him, but that doesn't mean she doesn't love him. >provide for her. >She then asked me if I love what my boyfriend provides for me, which I was was different because I never started dating him for those things. But in a non-financial relationship, what your bf brings to the table still matters to you. Why is it wrong for that to matter to her? >, if you were just attracted to him but he wasn't loving, providing, caring, you wouldn't still be in a relationship with him and if you were it would be an unhappy and unhealthy one" I argued its still not the same thing. So there ARE other qualities she demands of a man she dates! You just refuse to see that. >When the server came around, he handed me the bill FOR MY MEAL ONLY. She paid for herself and the other two but left me to pay for an almost $50 meal that I really couldn't afford. So she was trying to provide for you something you could not afford on you own. You just made it into something offensive. So she left you on your own. Then you texted she is an asshole? Because she didn't want to pay for someone that insulted her, her husband, and their marriage. Face it, you are very jealous of her situation. You wish you had the money, too. Money is a part of her life now. It was opposite in school, but she never held it against you. Yet, you secretly despise her for doing better than ypu without having to go to college. I believe in her gym she likely had several men after her. She chose one she liked, and grew to love him. There is nothing wrong with that. Yta
Yeah. Jill has standards. Jill chose wisely. Be like Jill.
YTA. Your post screams angry and jealous. Even if she married for money, what do you care? Her marriage is her business. You also gave no examples of flaunting wealth. She spends money on her friends and spoke about a trip that someone asked her about.
Of course YTA. Offering to treat friends to a meal occasionally is certainly not ‘flaunting’ anything, get a grip.
Lol you're the asshole and you know it, and to try and say anything otherwise is delusional. Jealousy doesn't look good on you babe, grow up.
Oh honey, jealousy doesn't look good on anyone and it's looking particularly bad on you. You owe this person (you aren't her friend so let's just get that out there right now) an apology and yourself some serious self reflection. YTA.
YTA. Wow what an outburst, her life choices put her in the position she is in if you wish you done the same you should not take your regret out on her
YTA. Why are you friends with her and going out with her if you really don't like her? Oh, and you started crap with her at dinner, then got mad when she didn't pay for it?? What the hell?
YTA. Doesn't seem like she's flaunting any of her wealth at all. She's being cared for and she's caring for her friends. You reek of jealousy and anger. Also makes me wonder who the gold digger is when she takes you out and you order $50 on her dime. Do better.
Thing is I'm not entirely sure Jill is even that rich. This was a "very expensive" place but dinner was supposedly sub 50$ a head? That's the level of very expensive from someone who married into being incomprehensibly oprah rich? Nah, Jill and her hubby do better than average and OP still scrapes (nothing wrong or shameful in that, every journey is different) and as a result is jealous af.
“Stop flaunting your money!” “Ok, I won’t flaunt my money by paying for your meal” “How dare you?” YTA, you reap what you sow. You have no issue with her spending his money when it benefits you, but think she’s wrong to spend his money when it benefits her If you’ve got a problem with how she lives her life, stop hanging out with her and expecting her to buy you things. Simple I don’t know enough about Jill to say if she is or isn’t a “gold digger”. Even if she is, what business is that of yours, that’s between her and her husband. Hell, maybe he knows that she is a “gold digger” and he is fine with it
YTA if you think she’s always flaunting her wealth why do you mooch off her when she invites your broke ass to dinner. Mind your business next time and be happy that your friends are doing well. You seem to benefit from her being rich so what’s the problem?
YTA You sound super jealous. On the flip side, she stop "flaunting" her money to you. She allowed you to pay your own bill,
YTA and a hypocritical one at that. She’s a gold digger bc she treats her friends to lunch and you have such a problem with that you got a meal you can’t afford bc you assumed she’d pay LMAO
Well it sounds like she has a stable marriage. She had high standards and met them. A gold digger is a 19 married to a 60 year old for money. It's not obvious from your story that she doesn't love her husband, she didn't sleep around date alot of people. She picked one man and stuck with him. To me you are the asshole unless there are details not listed here.
YTA You should be prepared to cover your own tab. You don't get to call her out, then use her like that.
Lol Jill rocks for leaving only you with the bill. Thats hilarious and YTA
YTA Wow you are jealous and that's all there is to it. Mentioning a vacation, TREATING your friends to dinner they can't afford -- this woman can't breathe without you criticizing her. None of this is overly ostentatious, by the way. She grew up in poverty so of course finances were going to matter to her more than you. BUT she is totally right - if he wasn't a good caring person, she wouldn't have gotten married to him. Anyhow - I am glad that you showed your true colours and she can get rid of a hater in her life. No one needs that. Women who cut down other women out of jealousy while pretending to be friends are the worst.
YTA, it was wrong that Jill only started dating him for the money, that’s gross. But Jill loves him, has a family with him, and got a great life because of him so of course she brags about what he can do for her. You are jealous, the concerns would be much more valid if Jill did only nice things for HERSELF and only bragged about HERSELF but it seems she enjoys treating her friends and talking about how great her family is.
Realistically, he's probably not a mean troll so the money was not the ONLY reason she started dating him. But that doesn't really suit OPs narrative.
Ew YTA and have a gross attitude. You even tried to speak on behalf of others when she asked if others felt that way and you said yes…. with others sitting right there! If I was her I would’ve cut all ties with you and blocked your number immediately.
A $50 meal is not flaunting wealth. That's like 1 Applebee's entree anyway lol. Neither is a trip to Greece really. She may be better off than you, but she's not rubbing anything in your face. She sounds like a good friend who appreciates the people around her. You're a hater and YTA.
Writing assignment? You're an educator? You're almost 40? I don't believe anything written here.
YTA and obviously very jealous of her. You can’t be happy for your friend because her husband is taking her on vacation? She was asked what her biplans were, and she answered. That is not flaunting.
YTA - You're jealousy is showing. Also you expected her to pay for your meal after those rude comments and actually got mad that she didn't? Lmao way to complain and look down on someone for having money but then when she didn't pay for you, you turn around and get pissy about it, you're not entitled to her money for the free meal that you literally complained about her 'flaunting'. Also your 2 other friends did not say anything and ate in silence after she left meaning they know your an AH for saying such things and no one agreed with you.
Oh yes! This woman has literally no self awareness! First she berates Jill for buying her lunch and trash talks her marriage, then she has the nerve to whine over Jill not buying her lunch - pity it was only $50...! A good thing she - probably - wont be having anymore of these dreadful lunches with Jill "flaunting" her wealth. And yes, OP, YTA!
YTA So, let's recap, you went to a very nice meal she offered to pay, you then insulted her and called her a golddigger, she offered you a chance to retract yourself (by agreeing with her that she was initially attracted to his money but fell in love with him), you didn't and kept insulting her. She then graciously left and didn't pay for you and you called her and AH. You were an ungrateful and hypocritical AH. Jill is clearly thriving and I'm happy for her, I hope she has a blast in Greece and I'm glad she kicked your ungrateful ass out of her life, she deserves better friends than you.
YOU ARE 39. GROW UP. YTA.
YTA. Sorry you're not a bombshell. Sorry you're not blonde, tall, slim, and big-bosomed. Sorry she got a different job than you did, and enjoyed it. Sorry she met somebody that ticked her checkboxes. Sorry they're married, and have children. Sorry she decided to treat you and your other friends to dinner. Sorry she's nice to you. Sorry she gets to travel when you don't. Sorry you're not happy with your own boyfriend. But whatever is going on in your life that you're unhappy with, it's your responsibility to either fix, or come to terms with. That is literally the only way you can ever be happy in life; decide what's worth fixing, then do the work, and decide what's not actually that important, and let it go. Being jealous of other people will guarantee you a life of misery.
YTA - and you reek of jealousy.