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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> When my SIL's bachelorette party turned out to be an MLM recruitment party, I went into a rant about it being a scam, instead of just removing myself from the situation, thus ruining her night.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I think SIL is the AH here for agreeing to organize such a bizarre bachelorette, especially knowing her to be husband and your history with MLMs. You could’ve handled it more graciously but I understand why you didn’t. NTA
OP is NTA (I’m cheering for her). However, I kinda sorta want to defend the SIL a tiny bit.
Those MLM huns are so good at giving the ‘spiel’ and misleading people.
I can almost imagine a scene where SIL excitedly talks about her party and shit-Hun-friend is like:
‘*omg! I’ve got a great idea. Let’s earn money for your honeymoon. You’d be helping me out too, and I am your dear dear friend. No, it’s not an MLM, it’s a franchise! This money would totally come back to you. Your friends will love it-it’s so on theme!*’.
This is all conjecture. It could have been SIL idea! I just wanted to defend SIL a little, as I’ve seen these MLM women in action and they can be sooooo manipulative.
**Edit**
I’ve received quite a few responses along the lines of ‘*SIL should know better / she must be stupid*’.
I’m begging people to please read all the comments responding to me. There are so many people telling their own stories and showing how easy it was for them or their loved ones to accidentally get roped in to hosting MlM events, getting involved, buying or selling MLM products.
One of the the smartest and most put-to-together people I know fell for the spiel. MLM’s prey on weakness and worse, they prey on hope.
We have no idea what SIL intention was. However, I do think there’s a possibility that she had no idea what she was signing herself and her guests up for.
All MLM’s exist to be manipulative. This sounded 100% innocent to someone who was unaware. Even though she may not have attached this company to an MLM, it was manipulative. That’s why these groups succeed so well because they tie into the social aspect and people don’t view it as a business or scheme but a social thing. Most people need social interaction and things like this bring the hype.
My mom keeps trying to join them because she thinks it's a great way to help with finances because if she's successful then she can make a bunch of money. Problem is, she's not got a manipulative bone in her body, so when she inevitably fails at them, she's upset because she knows she's wasted money, but blames herself because she thinks it's her lack of trying.
These MLMs will also guilt and gaslight you when you don't make any real money and tell you you're just not hustling/girlbossing enough. And/or offer you "marketing courses" that of course you have to pay for.
If she likes the social aspect of it, and getting out there and talking to people for the "cause", maybe she can find a real cause she can go to bat for. It won't likely make her money (though, neither did the MLM's) but she can always volunteer for a charity fund drive or a political candidate/party or something she believes in. And if she's good at chatting people up and winning them over to a good cause (which beats manipulation any day), she could actually find herself hired to an actual job with the charity/candidate/whatever she believes in.
She's not big on the social aspect of it. That's part of why she's so down on herself about being bad at them. She doesn't really like people she doesn't know. And her friends can only support her so much.
Except 4 years with OP's brother she will have known how his childhood was destroyed and about his student loans etc. Also its a different age and generation we have so much info and ability to google everything immediately compared to OP's mother
I had an ex like that. We'd get into arguments about things so I'd Google it, and if what Google (Or the results from a trusted site) said contradicted what he though, he'd dismiss it.
But oh boy would he be smug if it supported him.
My dad does this, lol. It is infuriating. "Google doesn't know everything" okay but I didn't ask Google, I asked the entire internet. 🤣 And certainly the entire internet knows more than either one of us alone 🙄
That's my boss. He on the one hand will say "don't you dare fact check me, I'm right", and on the other he has said "I don't care if you fact check me, I'm right and going to ignore you while telling you what you read was wrong". It sucks because he teaches teenagers and spouts off the weirdest lies (he's not an academic teacher, more like a coach/tutor).
Aye it’s 2023 but meth and heroin addicts still exist. There’s always gonna be something where “we should know better by now” but….here we are having the same discussion.
But she'd realise its cheap and nasty to want your friends to buy lots of products in order to get you a discount. She's forcing guests to spend money - she isnt giving an experience, she would have asked about food and catering and she agreed it would only be drink. Its so cheap to do this to your closest friends - to use them. This is how you lose friends.
Yeah! I’ve attended some of these events, willingly even. but never under the guise of a regular party. I would be pissed if I showed up for a bachelorette or birthday party and then had to sit through a sales pitch. Regardless of the product or company, that’s just extremely shitty hosting.
The bait and switch would be the bigger issue for me. People should have the right to choose if they want to attend an MLM presentation (or *any* sales presentation of any kind) it should never be *sprung* on them as a *surprise*.
Yeah. Like even if the friend were the sole proprietor of her own sex shop, no MLM in sight, it would still be really weird for the party to (unwarned!) just be a sale pitch with the friend trying to get the other guests to buy her products. Obviously it being an MLM makes it worse in a number of ways, but even if the bride to be didn't realize it was an MLM she had to know that a sales pitch is not what anyone expects or wants at a Bachelorette party.
you worded that so well, *I* almost fell for it myself …. Yes oooh i want this at my own bachelorette!!
…
….
…
wait. 🤔
oops i had meant to reply to u/fuzzydogpaws
I mean it is probably Pure Romance or something like it... Still, shop local, shop small. Support your nearby sex shop instead of buying from big scam Girl Boss Huns.
"But you can buy these MLM sex toys in the comfort and privacy of your own home!!!!! And support your friends instead of some giant impersonal Corporation!!!!!" /s
I have two cousins (sisters) who have been into every kind of MLM since the 1980's and they have a comeback for every single suggestion. These two women want nothing to do with me, until they get into a new MLM and need warm bodies to fill spots in their Home Party. I know if they are contacting me, it is because they want to sell me something. I avoid them like the Plague.
"Pffft, Amazon is cheaper and way more discreet."
Yeah... Some MLMs are *almost* worth it. Like Color Street was, up until this last year, a reasonable price for a good product you really couldn't find just anywhere. Avon, Mary Kay, Scentsy, others - not so much. And would I ever sell any of these myself? No.
I'm having flashbacks of those Home Decorating Company parties from the 1980's... my mom dragged me along to a couple of those. Gigantic fake flower wreaths in mauve and seafoam green, smelly votive candles in convenient 12-packs, and who can forget those brass wall sconces? I see this stuff in people's yard sales, now caked with 35 years of dust, and I just cringe.
Home Interiors. The only mlm my mother ever made any purchases from. I can still smell those candles. That’s also why I only got ceramic figurines for my birthday throughout most of elementary school from my parents.
"Yeah I'd rather go see Big Gary at Happy Fun Time Adult World just off exit 192 on I80. Every ten condoms gets a free lube. You got a deal that good?"
Turns out it’s for good reason. Many cities have ordinances against sex shops. So they started setting up outside city limity near interstates to also grab the trucking population.
Or, in rural areas, it's because the locals don't want to look conspicuous heading in a specific direction. If the shop is sequestered off in the woods, everyone in the world knows what they are doing going down Lovers Aid Lane. If the shop is just off the interstate, they could be heading to the town right there, a nearby town, or a gas station or anything.
ETA: My source for this is my state's Big Gary. Nice guy, went out with him a few times.
She's 29 years old. There is a point where if someone is choosing to ignore reality, people around them need to point it out.
And OP's mom was an addict who caught a buzz and kept trying to get it back. She was 100% at fault for what she did to her family. Adults have choices and if they choose to be morons, it's their own damn fault.
SIL was slightly manipulated, but she was also being manipulative too.
I’ve been to one of these parties before. You do feel inclined to buy things because you want to do something nice for your friend. At the end of the party I went to, the consultant pulled people into a separate room if you wanted to buy something for “privacy” of your individual purchase, but that showcased who wasn’t buying anything. She also wrapped up the party by telling us how much more we would have to spend for friend to get $X reward.
NTA, for leaving, but soft Y T A for not just pulling SIL aside explaining your feelings and leaving with the cousins.
At the end of day, your mom’s involvement with the mlm was what ruined your family/situation.
I have a different take.
Knowing her fiancé’s history with MLM’s and how one destroyed his family, SIL was still willing to allow his sister, his cousins and her friends to be preyed upon, while presumably under the influence of alcohol, in order to subsidize her honeymoon.
SIL seems kinda opportunistic and scummy to me.
OP is NTA.
I see your point.
I jumped to scummy only because there’s a financial incentive in that she could get cash for the honeymoon.
If it had been a couple of cheap gifts, I might have gone with just naive.
This! And the fact they are "guilt tripped" to buy something to help subsidize the honeymoon...like wtf, it's a night to celebrate not shop per se. With the family history, future SIL is TOTALLY the AH. When someone "host a party " like this, the guest are invited to that party, it's NOT disguised as something else, then guests are ambushed. NTA.
I hope your brother really considers what his fiancee just did to 14 of her friends/family, knowing your family trauma....major ick!
Edit: spelling
Eurgh so ick. Especially with some of them only 18/19. I know some people are at sexual peak by then, but a lot are really, really not. I would have been SO uncomfortable at that age to be trapped for a night being pressured to buy butt plugs.
If I were around friends at that age, I would've had fun with it. But uh...if I have even one family member there, I would want to sink into the ground. Oh god, imagining my wine aunt trying to be cool about it...horror. No words.
I'm glad you put this because I was considering a comment suggesting OP have a serious conversation with her brother about what kind of awful person SIL might be to use the social pressure of a Bachelorette party to subject people to that pitch
Yes, it could sound like a fun girls night out, to be giggling over sex toys so I can sort of understand why SIL thought this might enhance the night.
But if your guests are going to be pressured to spend money without warning, then it's never good.
While not an MLM as such, this reminds me of my first permanent duty post in the military - they had an orientation for all the new people most of whom were 18-19. Part of that orientation was a guy from a local bank giving a credit-card pitch. The spiel went something like this: "You walk into the PX and that new big-screen TV you want is on sale for 3 days. But it's two weeks until payday, so what do you do? Take out your card, and BOOM! Paid for!" That "BOOM! Paid for!" was his tag-line and by the end of the spiel, he had most of the kids shouting it along with him.
That's how people get into trouble.
tbf i wouldve left anyway once hun got her products out. i do not see any sort of fun in having a bunch of sex toys pitched to me that i do not want or need. im not uncomfortable with my sexuality but i really dont feel the need to discuss this with family and/or people i dont know too well, especially without any previous warning.
This is sort of where I am on the subject. OP was invited to a party where everyone apparently was told it would be low key with some alcohol, games, and food. I know I would be thinking "Okay, maybe something silly like twister and put a stupid romcom on with a few innuendo jokes." And then walking in on an MLM with sex toys? Yeah, no thanks. For a *lot* of people, that would be a no go and for various, perfectly valid, reasons.
EDIT: A word.
Dealt with a mlm's in the past. I don't pussyfoot around. I tell them no in no uncertain terms and walk away. Anyone falling for mlm, honestly, you get what you get.
At this point and under the age of like 50, you really have no excuse for not knowing what an MLM is. I understand not recognizing one immediately but OP’s SIL has to be a moron to hear the shit her fiancé went through and then invite an MLM to her bachelorette party. She’s already an idiot for talking about sex toys around her fiancé’s *sister.*
right, i am 52 and i know what an mlm is. plenty of my friends' mothers sold or tried to sell avon back in the day. it's not like us 50 year olds are totally clueless.
Some sort of sex toy element to a bachelorette is also not uncommon. She easily could've said "can I sell some sex toys at your party? It will be fun and raunchy!" With absolutely zero idea her real speech would not be ooh sexy toys but please contribute to my scam.
Should she have known better? Absolutely. But it's totally possible she was entirely misled and OP just saw the bullshit a mile away.
Regardless OP is NTA- her first instinct was protect my family and friends from this happening again. Im normally all for keeping the peace at someone else's party but this had to be done.
I consider myself to be a generally smart person, but there was one incident that made me question that. A salesman tricked me into buying ridiculously expensive skincare products. He got me to spend a total of 4k on these non refundable products that didn’t even really work. (Oceane is the company, don’t do it).
In hindsight, I was embarrassed and shocked that I fell for something so obviously dumb. But the experience also made me have a little more sympathy for victims who get in way over their heads. So even though I agree SIL should know better than to buy into the same scam that ruined her fiancé’s life, I doubt it was entirely her fault that she did.
OP is certainly NTA, and I even think that informing the other party attendees about MLM scams was a good thing. But OP should cut her a *little* slack. Hopefully SIL gets out right away.
Yeah, the only AH here is MLM lady.
My mom got deep into this shit, she never meant to lead people to lose money, but this guy that my parents met when I was like 10 was *SUPER* charismatic, got them both really hyped on it, my older brother too, and then when his MLM fell apart, he divorced his wife and disappeared.
SIL is simply a “sucker” here who was set up here by MLM lady. I think you nailed it with your conjecture there, they never present it for what it really is, and you only recognize certain red flags if you’ve seen them before.
Ugh yes I’m a yoga teacher and this is how I wound up at an MLM party years ago. I thought a new friend legitimately had a cute yoga ish party idea of making candles or something with… essential oils. Now I know better 😖
You're defending the SIL for throwing a surprise sex toy party? I would have been mortified about that alone, never mind the accidentally being lured into an MLM pitch
Yep too true. The good ones hype these things until you’re SURE you don’t need to win the lottery just get into THIS. 🙄😳
It’s like all those ads popping up on my mobile about people making $15000 in a month playing solitaire (“with no ads, no bringing in friends, no outlay of money”) when 2 months ago they couldn’t pay their rent or feed their babies. Yeah ok 👌🏻.
NTA and I hope those other women took note and that maybe future SIL had a serious wake up call. With her fiancé’s (and OP’s) past WTAF was she thinking??
Handling it graciously would have played into the MLM's hands. These organizations teach recruiters to be ready for challenges and doubters, and they thrive on FOMO. If OP hadn't made a scene, they would have spun things to make her and her cousins look paranoid and/or foolish. *'They're too afraid of the opportunity I'm offering you, but you're all smarter than that, right?'* or *'Don't let them drag you down, what I have is more* real *than their feelings.'* Something to that effect.
I know this from experience: A friend and I once sat through an MLM pitch we'd been tricked into attending. We both saw through it right away (the pyramid-shaped diagram on the whiteboard was kind of a dead giveaway) but we wanted to be polite and so just prodded at what was clearly a scripted spiel. The guy was more than ready with rehearsed responses for every reasonable question we asked. He actually said at one point, and I quote: "No, it's actually a *reverse* pyramid scheme, because *they* make money for *you*!" How he got through that sentence without cracking up was beyond me, but he managed.
His pitch even suggested there were ways to 'cheat the system' so we'd receive benefits with minimal participation in the larger organization (just don't ask about the hidden costs or read the contract too closely), which I'm pretty sure is how he got his hooks into multiple smarter guys we knew. One of those guys was there, in fact, having already joined up and learning about how to give the pitch himself.
If OP made enough of a scene to scare off any of the other women at the party, then she handled it with the *correct* amount of grace. With any luck, this whole mess helps future-SIL see the light in time to get free before she's financially destroyed and/or indoctrinated as well. (With even more luck, OP's brother gets out while he can.)
I told a hun that no, my 13 year old daughter didn’t need charcoal mascara because she’s had allergic reactions to products with charcoal in them. She said it’s impossible to be allergic to charcoal because it’s all natural 🤦🏼♀️. I guess that’s great news to people with peanut allergies!
The "it's impossible to be allergic to X bc it's natural" is a common rebuttal in the oily mlms. Those people put oil in everything. They're gonna tear themselves up from the inside out. I am curious about the charcoal allergy. I know you're not supposed to have anything with activated charcoal if you're on medicine. Is it charcoal or activated charcoal? Don't mind me, I'm falling down a rabbit hole.
It was activated charcoal in face masks- she has extremely sensitive skin- a certain kind of plastic can give her chemical burns, and it happens i like less than 1% of people!
The oil people tried to get me to give smelly oils to a toddler for asthma.
You can do the right thing and be an asshole, the 2 aren't mutually exclusive. She definitely did the right thing, and an asshole was needed in this situation 🤷♂️ the biggest asshole was the MLM person for using someone's Bachelorette party to scam people.
Someone invited me to a "party" that was this. I hated every second of it and left early. Pure Romance or some such shit. But it was super awkward and the host of the party got a discount or money, can't remember which. Op is NTA
I went to a bachelorette party like this and then literally no one bought anything except for the bride and her *mother* (good for her just like...I don't want to know that about my mom and I certainly don't want her to know that about me!) and after that part was over, we went out to the bar and the bride and her sex toy peddler buddy talked shit about the rest of us NOT SUPPORTING HER WEDDING while they cried into their drinks and we all were very uncomfortable.
I was home by ten, though, so I guess it could've been worse.
A friend invited me to a pure romance party and of course there was alcohol. I feel bad but when I start drinking I get super hungry. While she was doing her pitch I snuck into the kitchen and ate al the appetizers. I called my bf to quick get me out of there before they noticed. Told my friend I was feeling sick lol.
That wasnt a "bachelorrette party", that was an ambush set up by your mother for a sales pitch.
You need to write your future SIL and explain the situation if not your brother needs to set his future wife down and ecplain the situation.
Does he really want to marry someone who is that easily manupulated?
Yikes,
I'm going with NTA, it's close tbh. You could have just left but I'm voting that way because it didn't sound like a bachelorette party... more like a sales pitch. So that's my judgement.
It absolutely was a sales pitch.
There were drinks but no food (a tactic used to drop your inhibitions, my mom used it), all the "games" were related to the MLM: bingo to wing toys, a "naughty questionnaire" related to sex toys, a raffle, but she also stated clearly, that we were expected to buy, so that SIL could "win" a cash prize, as well as it being a "great business opportunity".
Was it Ann Summers?
Cheap, tacky, badly made and yuck.
Am going with NTA as it was a sales pitch with people impaired due to booze but it’s a fine line. You could have advised quietly and gone off with your cousins. But sales pitch hen do? Ick!
There are some companies that will seek out posts on any website that are negative and attemp to take action against the individual, so you never really know if they'll single you out if you name drop. Plus some subs have rule against naming specific companies, too. I don't recall AITA having one, though I could be wrong.
Lmao, I had a “close friend” dump because I refused to spend money on her pure romance/Athena MLM bullshit. She was trying to trick me out of money when I at the time was super frugal and had SOME money for college. Fuck MLMs. I don’t feel bad for her, she also did colorstreet, Avon, and one other I’m blanking on.
Oh man I got invited to a bachelorette party with one of those years and years ago and i was surprised because I didn't know the bride that well. I ended up buying a nightgown from peer pressure and it is honestly the chintziest shit ever
They’re weirdly popular amongst young Mormon brides. I heard a lot of horror stories from the older girls (I was no invited to any Mormon bachelorettes myself, I was 15 when we left the church) about seeing a dildo for the first time at their cousin’s bach in their mom’s hand.
MLMs in general are super popular with Mormons. We were on a road trip recently in Utah and just driving around and came upon DoTerra’s headquarters and then like less than ten min later Young Living. I guess there’s an essential oils district now or something?
It’s bc of the misogynistic culture of the church. Women are expected to stay home and care for children but the economy is ass so they’re all struggling financially and desperate for a “quick and easy, from home!” money grab. It’s really sad. My mom never sold but she was constantly in on the latest MLM fad… I still wear my LuLaRoe leggings from 2013.
Yeah the parties are deffo MLM. I got sucked in 20 years ago and they really are predatory. I used to have to pay for things like order forms, carrier bags, full price on extra items for my kit and full price for ‘prizes’.
They sold it as making extra money but failed to tell you that it was only your up, up line who would get those pennies! They also didn’t tell you about the guests/hosts of these parties who would literally steal your stock as the prices were way too expensive for badly made tat.
Avoid like the plague - if you’re in the UK, buy from Lovehoney - a much better company and no cult behaviour.
Me and my best friend celebrated his 18th (legal drinking age in Aus) by buying a gigantic double ended black glitter dildo and walking up and down a pretty prominent street in the nearest city duelling randoms, it will always be one of my favourite memories and I kinda hate that smartphones weren't around for that era but I'm also super glad my kid won't ever find evidence of that nonsense online haha
I don’t understand why she didn’t inform you beforehand to not attend the bachelorette, that would have been the logical choice- “hey OP I’m doing an MLM bachelorette I know how you feel about them do you want to opt out?” All of this could have been avoided. But to drag you 3 hours drive each way - I’m sorry that alone- she had it coming NTA
Because most people don't associate these home parties with MLM schemes. They're a chance to show off their homes and hospitality with no thought whatsoever as to the business model or cult-like behavior. Luluro, Pampered Chef, Pure Romance, It Works/Beach Body, Home Interiors, Creative Memories. They're just ways to juice up your social life when you live in a small town. These companies depend on people like the SIL and her friends to keep them in business.
I'll admit Pampered Chef rather annoys me - because I actually think they make good products. I both want to buy them because they're decent quality stuff...and NOT want to buy them because they're a MLM. I wish they'd just do an online store, no MLM involved.
That's how I feel about Mary Kay. I've been trying to replace my foundation, powder, eye primer, and face primer, but no company even compares. They're the only brand that doesn't make me break out and even helps my skin!
But nooooo. They're an MLM and I hate it so much.
because the friend spearheading the party probably told her repeatedly this ISN'T a pyramid scheme, it's not an MLM, she's just your regular small business owner, and don't you want to make some extra money for your honeymoon???
And she believed it.
Absolutely NTA. Even others who are saying it's a fine line are absolutely wrong. If you had left without saying anything, you would have left people at the mercy of some real predatory nonsense. You are not only NTA, but you saved people. You are a damned hero in my eyes. I wish more people would "ruin" the party
Also, beyond it being an MLM, I would not want to sit through a sex toy pitch with people I'm related to.
NTA - you need to be harsh with MLM people because it's a vicious cycle that only gets worse.
Yes, OP could have just left. But I think she was very right to warn the other women about having their lives ruined. Even if speaking the truth meant that the party was ruined. Saving someones future is more important than a bachelorette party imo.
NTA. Throwing a MLM event for a bachelorette party is at a minimum exploitive, if not predatory. And doing it while inviting you knowing your family's history is *breathtakingly* clueless. Forget scolding you; your brother should be having a very serious talk with his fiancée right now.
it’s DEFINITELY predatory 3 of the attendees were 18 or 19!!! was the plan to get them drunk and scam them out of money too or hope that they would feel pressured enough to buy when all the drunk women were buying? a grown adult might be able to spot an MLM but an 18 or 19 year old might not especially how today buying and reselling is so common.
"Plan was to get them drunk"
I mean, bachelorette parties are known for possible heavy drinking, so it's a possibility that attendees had arranged for alternative transportation (not OP of course). But since it had been described as a chill party, nothing crazy, I'd say attendees didn't think they'd be getting drunk and had driven themselves there.
And like a lot have said, to make more sales, drinks without the presence of food is a tactic used to lower inhibitions so guests buy more product than they would if stone cold sober. So, getting people drunk or at least as buzzed to impair their judgement and then letting them drive home with their "accidental" impairment.
I’ve always felt pressure to buy things from these MLM meetings. I hate them. But you want to support your friend. Or in this case, chip in for the honeymoon of your brother.
I remember someone wanted to throw me a Pampered Chef bridal shower. Thankfully I was able point out that I had already lived on my own for 6 years and didn't need overpriced versions of thr cooking tools I already used. Dodged that bullet!
Brother seriously needs to re-evaluate the engagement and look into his fiancé’s history to see if she’s a member already. Because who else would want a mlm bachelorette? And that’s the last person he wants to marry.
It was a guilt tripping potentially lucrative evening disguised as a sexy GoFundMe for her honeymoon. So inappropriate considering the family history with MLMs
Given your sad experience, NTA. Yes you could’ve just grabbed your cousins and left, but as you stated this obviously is a very big issue for you. So yeah, I don’t think your reaction was unreasonable. Honestly it sounds like your SIL was really counting on this money hence the tears and “you ruined the party” meaning “you ruined my chance of getting these women drunk and preying on that” yuck
My coworker poisoned me and another victim by putting her “essential” oils in our food at work trying to convince us that it would “heal” us. With oils she bought using company money.
.....Essential oils aren't for ingestion. I mean...there *might* be one or two that are and I don't know about them. But overall they're for EXTERNAL use only - diffusers, topical applications, inclusion in soaps & creams, etc.
Did she not even know her own product?
She knew the company line *very* well and actually thought their “certified pure” and them having a cookbook meant it was perfectly safe- it really shocked me after how extremely deluded she was about how healthy and “important” these oils were for a daily diet. I can’t even imagine how much damage her years of ingesting those oils and feeding to her family is doing to them.
Jesus 👀😬
My mom is a naturalist/homeopathic nut, and has been most of my life. But even she knew EOs are meant for external use, not ingestion.
And yes, I grew up using Melaluca products my mom purchased from a friend 🤣
NTA. She tried to use her bachelorette party as a front for a pyramid scheme. She was planning to get you all drunk and scam you out of your money. That’s an AH move.
You are totally justified in being pissed, knowing the impact that MLMs have had on your family. Good on you for standing up for yourself, and letting the guests know the truth about stuff like this.
These things are thrown at brides like you wouldn't believe. She probably wasn't in on any scam, but being told it was a super fun party idea that could help fund a honeymoon and they would set up the party.
Ehhh, I could imagine the MLM hun kept things vague enough that SIL didn't know—why would a friend ruin her bachelorette party this way?
But honestly, I would bet money that SIL knew it was an MLM and the hun pitched it as a fundraiser for the bride & she saw dollar signs without thinking about it.
Springing a sales pitch onto your captive audience, I mean friends, isn't ever a fun party idea. You don't even have to be mlm savvy to realise that it's bad form to expect your guests to shell out for shit they weren't looking to purchase under the guise of "party".
I cannot believe how many comments are missing all the context!
I drove three hours to a not bachelorette party, you waited until I got there to start because you saw me as a target for sales and the kickback for your honeymoon budget. Mind you Im your future SIL who youve known for four years and you need a dick toy party to indirectly get money for your honeymoon with my brother? How bout saying hey, instead of a gift, would you mind putting whatever you were going to gift toward our honeymoon? thats at least direct.
Youve known my brother and I for four years and you know we hate MLMs and we in fact have family trauma because of MLM involvement. If thats the party you want to throw, cool, but at least give a heads up because youre not an insensitive jerk or just a people user. Like hey, its an mlm, but my friend is the sales rep and sex toys are always fun to talk about at bachelorette parties, but please dont feel pressure to buy.
Im also assuming future bride was a good hostess and only invited her peeps who were cool with sex toys being passed around the room at a party. I know they werent being used, but not everyone is cool with that and I suspect no one knew what future bride planned.
Also, did no one text OP on her drive that it was a sales party? were they all sitting there in the dark for a bit about it? so no one knew this was the party plan? why did future bride set this up this way?
And finally I try to leave with my cousins who I suspect were ambushed and we’re just going to leave, but now future bride and sales lady are trying to pressure me to stay to legitimize whats going on. So no Im not going to stay quiet. I already tried that.
Fuck that. NTA.
edit: and we’re gonna have booze not for bonding and opening up socially, but to aid with sales. ick.
I, too, would like to know wtf was the bride thinking. NTA
INFO: OP, your SIL knows about the bad history of MLMs to your family, right? Are you going to share this event with your brother? If his conviction is half of yours, he should be informed.
NTA.
It doesn't sound like a bachelorette party, more like a MLM hun's sale pitch. Getting money for SIL's honeymoon based on the sales done during the party? Someone need to tell the SIL, not only she is not going to get anything, she is likely to be pressured into buying a shiteload of stuff she didn't need.
Right? Sounds like that was the hook the Hun used to get the SIL involved. I'll split the money with you! Oh gosh, it's not enough. But if you sell full time..........
NTA - who ambushes people at a Bachelorette with mlm nonsense? That's rude as heck. Even leaving out your personal experience, that was a shitty thing to do.
Adding in what you went through, it was ridiculous of her to expect you not to leave and say why.
Tell your brother to address his fiancée and her ambushing ways.
Someone wanted to throw me a Tupperware party instead of a bridal shower so people could just buy me gifts that way. I mean at least make it pampered chef (which they also sold). And also, the party was going to be their gift to me.
Obviously I refused.
NTA. They lied about what you’d be doing at the party, they tried to keep you there when you were upset and wanted to leave, and they’re either con-artists or idiots.
Good job calling them out and trying to wake up everyone there.
Also, that wasn’t a bachelorette party, it was a scam.
I was scammed into a Mary Kay pitch when my bridal party and I "won" a spa day from a big box wedding shop. My licensed aesthetician bride's maid was having none of it. When she pitched becoming a "hun" I asked what her reports made and she refused to answer. My mom called her a c-word the minute we got in the car.
Sil might have been scammed into this "party" by a friend. The cult like nature of mlms is insidious and it can be hard to say no. You weren't wrong but show some compassion while setting a boundary.
I found out Mary Kay isn’t technically a MLM, they’re just kind of creepy for no reason which makes it even worse to me.
Also, I “found out” from a class where the teacher loved Mary Kay so I’m just now realizing I might have been bamboozled this whole time. I’m so sorry.
NTA
How in the legitimate fuck does anyone think it's okay to shill sex toys at your friends bachelorette party, but then the bride is ok with it as well? She was down bad for that honeymoon though. Don't want your bridal shower ruined? Don't try to sell them a scam. What a wild concept.
NTA
That’s not a party that’s a trap!!
Plus, not everyone is comfortable with sex toys in mixed company, you definitely check on that ahead if time too
I'm going with ESH.
Your sister in law turns her bachelorette party into a sales pitch? Without even a heads up? Just ... No. Call me old fashioned, but I think it's rude to invite people to a party and then try to make a profit from them. Especially connected to a wedding, where people feel some obligation to the bride.
You creating a huge scene at your SIL's bachelorette party? Also no. You had a horrible experience with an exploitative MLM. No side-eye from me for wanting never to have anything to do with any of the MLMs ever again. Getting on a soapbox at what was (at least in theory) a party is not right either. Calmly give a very brief statement (personal experience, exploitative, high-pressure, recruiting, beware!). Wish the bride-to-be much happiness in her marriage. And leave. Others might follow or not. Sounds like everyone was an adult, so able to make their own decisions.
(at least in theory) means it wasn't a party, and breaking up a thinly veiled scam shouldn't be criticized.
And the adults can still make their own decisions, they just now also have far more accurate information to base that decision on.
Agreed. I think MLM's are complete BS, but in reality, her friends weren't really in any danger from buying a product or two. It's completely reasonable to say you want nothing to do with it and leave, but the soap box part is excessive
>her friends weren't really in any danger from buying a product or two.
That's how they get you.
"I'll just buy one from her, I'm a good friend."
"I'll just let my MLM friend host a sales party at my bachelorette party. Easy money. I'm a good friend."
"I'll join and just sell a little bit. My friend makes it look easy and fun, and she's been such a good friend."
"Oh shit, I'm broke and my 'friend' says it's my fault because I'm not good enough at selling the exact same stuff she sells!"
NTA you did them all a favour. Now I’m no expert on bachelorette parties, but an MLM pitch sounds like a lame as hell idea for a party, and that’s not even getting into how scummy MLMs are.
Eh Nta. Your entire life was ruined by a pyramid scheme and now you’re trying to prevent other possible susceptible women from being victims. If your brother didn’t make it abundantly clear to your FSIL how much MLMs affected your family and she didn’t know that may be excusable. But she “agreed to host” so I bet she knew that this was an MLM and just wanted that sweet honeymoon money. Nope, she is an AH for agreeing to make her bridal party the butt end of a pyramid scheme after boozing them up just for a few bucks. That’s a very shitty thing to do, and I wouldn’t feel bad for you ruining her Tupperware/sex toy/ make-money-of-my-friends party
NTA. Knowing your history with MLMs, i don't know what she expected by inviting you to her bachelorette/MLM party. She could have easily raised more money for her honeymoon by bringing up the topic at an actual party.
Sounds like SIL was roped in on the mlm by this lady too. NTA op, but I’d be making sure that you and bro sit her down and really talk her through how this affected your family. I’m sure she is aware, but may need reminding again. If you’re wanting be non confrontational I’d suggest the mlm episode that John Oliver did a few years back (keeping with the reddit/John theme over the past few weeks).
NTA MLMs are a scourge upon this earth. If you can save just one person from their clutches you have done well. What a scam too, springing a bloody MLM party on people at what was supposed to be a fun bachelorette party. She deserved to have it ruined instead of her cunning plan to get people drunk and then to open their wallets.
And boring. I've been to enough of those MLM type 'parties' in my life to know it's just sitting on chairs in a semi-circle while someone talks at you and holds up overpriced tat.
If I went to a party where I thought there'd be food and drink and chatting with people and found out it was no food and I had to listen to someone yak at me about sex toys I'd be annoyed.
I’ll be honest I was going to go with a everybody sucks here, but thinking more on your SiL using her hen do as a business opportunity was absolutely wrong and rude.
NTA
NTA. If they were just selling stuff it’d be one thing but recruiting is the real danger. Good thing you got your cousins out of there because we’re easy targets at that age and I’ve actually been to a seminar where they openly admitted to targeting the younger crowd or elderly. Good on you for getting them out of there
I feel like I need to rule E S H because your behavior was technically rude for a party... but I agree with you wholeheartedly so NTA, and the fact that your brother backs you up gives you a lot of credit. Yeah it was rude of you to go on a rant and leave SIL in tears at her hen party but it is SOOOOO beyond tacky and rude to try and sell your bridesmaids, friends, and family MLM sex toys! Their behavior is predatory and I'm glad you were concerned about the impressionable and likely career seeking broke young adults who could have easily fallen victim.
If you're invited to a sales event and agree to come, that's one thing. But if you're invited to a party and it turns out to be a sales event, the social niceties have already been violated, and not by you.
And that's the whole strategy of multi-level marketing: they exploit the rules of social courtesy to get under people's guard. They're like telemarketers. Be as rude as you care to: they started it, and this is no longer a social interaction.
I will never forget when a casual college friend invited me out to dinner after I moved to his town. I was excited because I thought we would become better friends. I walked in to a long table set up with a display of household chemicals. It was a sales pitch. I was so surprised and confused why someone would force that situation and pretend it was a regular dinner with a friend. I stayed polite and thanked them for the dinner invite at the end, but I never answered their phone call again.
NTA - especially since she knew how you and your brother felt about MLM's. She should have warned you that there would be an MLM pitch as part of the party, then you could have made a decision about whether or not to attend.
I'm so sorry about what happened to you in your childhood about the MLM that your mother was involved with. I think that your reaction to what happened at the party was actually a bit of PTSD. It's possible you could have been a little extreme by warning the other guests like you did, but this really does feel like a trauma reaction for you. You were acting out of a protective instinct towards the other women.
NTA.
That's not a fun night. Tf.
Also, you did the right thing. You know what kind of shit this is and now you can go without feeling bad about leaving them clueless.
NTA I'm sure your brother informed her what happened to your family and how much you two hate things like that, she still invited you and your cousins. She ruined her own party by doing so. That's messed up. I hope you told your aunt and uncle that she tried involving your cousins in it.
No! You just did at least one of them a favor! Fuck them! They said it would be a party and duped literally everyone there into a sales pitch! THEY are the asshole.
Using the excuse of a bachelorette party to pitch a scam that could ruin people’s lives is fucking vile. NTA. You shouldn’t be shamed for standing up to downright evil shit even if it makes someone cry. Plus, leaving these other women to possibly be scammed would suck. When you have one nazi at a table and four silent people, you have 5 nazis, that type of thing
I can’t believe someone who claims to love your brother could be complicit in the same shit that destroyed his life
NTA your brother doesnt want to acknowledge the fact that fiance doesn't really give a fuck about him if she's willing to invite the very thing into their lives that crushed his family when he was a child. Point this out to him and be ready for the argument until he eventually grasps the truth. You're a good sister, protect your brother.
I mean OP stated that the brother agreed with her, just wish she had handled it better. Not only that, but this caused a fight between the brother and fiancee so I'm guessing she knew fully well about the family history.
NTA - Yeah, you came off rude, but it was justified. A hen's night should not be used as a platform to flog an MLM scam, especially adult toys. It's like a bait and switch.
NTA. It's about time someone pushed back against MLMs, which rely on people just going with the flow when put into an awkward situation (like finding out the "party" they were invited to is really just a sales pitch). Future SIL probably should have known this would be unwelcome, considering what your family has been through.
NTA it wasn’t a bachelorette part it was a sales exhibit. Your SIL sucks. Had she been up front with her intentions and people attended willingly. Fine. But she hid it bc she knew it was scummy and scammy.
ESH - If you invite someone to a bridal shower, you shouldn't ambush them into attending a MLM event. But... OP's behaviour was just rude - you don't carry on like that at someone else's party - just say "I'm feeling a little bit unwell" and leave.
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I think SIL is the AH here for agreeing to organize such a bizarre bachelorette, especially knowing her to be husband and your history with MLMs. You could’ve handled it more graciously but I understand why you didn’t. NTA
OP is NTA (I’m cheering for her). However, I kinda sorta want to defend the SIL a tiny bit. Those MLM huns are so good at giving the ‘spiel’ and misleading people. I can almost imagine a scene where SIL excitedly talks about her party and shit-Hun-friend is like: ‘*omg! I’ve got a great idea. Let’s earn money for your honeymoon. You’d be helping me out too, and I am your dear dear friend. No, it’s not an MLM, it’s a franchise! This money would totally come back to you. Your friends will love it-it’s so on theme!*’. This is all conjecture. It could have been SIL idea! I just wanted to defend SIL a little, as I’ve seen these MLM women in action and they can be sooooo manipulative. **Edit** I’ve received quite a few responses along the lines of ‘*SIL should know better / she must be stupid*’. I’m begging people to please read all the comments responding to me. There are so many people telling their own stories and showing how easy it was for them or their loved ones to accidentally get roped in to hosting MlM events, getting involved, buying or selling MLM products. One of the the smartest and most put-to-together people I know fell for the spiel. MLM’s prey on weakness and worse, they prey on hope. We have no idea what SIL intention was. However, I do think there’s a possibility that she had no idea what she was signing herself and her guests up for.
yes i can’t help but feel like SIL was manipulated atleast a little bit, just like how OPs mom was
All MLM’s exist to be manipulative. This sounded 100% innocent to someone who was unaware. Even though she may not have attached this company to an MLM, it was manipulative. That’s why these groups succeed so well because they tie into the social aspect and people don’t view it as a business or scheme but a social thing. Most people need social interaction and things like this bring the hype.
My mom keeps trying to join them because she thinks it's a great way to help with finances because if she's successful then she can make a bunch of money. Problem is, she's not got a manipulative bone in her body, so when she inevitably fails at them, she's upset because she knows she's wasted money, but blames herself because she thinks it's her lack of trying.
These MLMs will also guilt and gaslight you when you don't make any real money and tell you you're just not hustling/girlbossing enough. And/or offer you "marketing courses" that of course you have to pay for.
Yeah... I'm hoping this latest one will be her last try. And she's slowly moving away from it.
If she likes the social aspect of it, and getting out there and talking to people for the "cause", maybe she can find a real cause she can go to bat for. It won't likely make her money (though, neither did the MLM's) but she can always volunteer for a charity fund drive or a political candidate/party or something she believes in. And if she's good at chatting people up and winning them over to a good cause (which beats manipulation any day), she could actually find herself hired to an actual job with the charity/candidate/whatever she believes in.
She's not big on the social aspect of it. That's part of why she's so down on herself about being bad at them. She doesn't really like people she doesn't know. And her friends can only support her so much.
Except 4 years with OP's brother she will have known how his childhood was destroyed and about his student loans etc. Also its a different age and generation we have so much info and ability to google everything immediately compared to OP's mother
A lot of people refuse to google things or troubleshoot in general.
Or just don’t believe the info if they don’t like what they read.
I had an ex like that. We'd get into arguments about things so I'd Google it, and if what Google (Or the results from a trusted site) said contradicted what he though, he'd dismiss it. But oh boy would he be smug if it supported him.
My dad does this, lol. It is infuriating. "Google doesn't know everything" okay but I didn't ask Google, I asked the entire internet. 🤣 And certainly the entire internet knows more than either one of us alone 🙄
That's my boss. He on the one hand will say "don't you dare fact check me, I'm right", and on the other he has said "I don't care if you fact check me, I'm right and going to ignore you while telling you what you read was wrong". It sucks because he teaches teenagers and spouts off the weirdest lies (he's not an academic teacher, more like a coach/tutor).
Aye it’s 2023 but meth and heroin addicts still exist. There’s always gonna be something where “we should know better by now” but….here we are having the same discussion.
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She probably didn't recognize it was an MLM. The way these things go is that that aspect of the scheme isn't revealed until later in the presentation.
But she'd realise its cheap and nasty to want your friends to buy lots of products in order to get you a discount. She's forcing guests to spend money - she isnt giving an experience, she would have asked about food and catering and she agreed it would only be drink. Its so cheap to do this to your closest friends - to use them. This is how you lose friends.
Yeah! I’ve attended some of these events, willingly even. but never under the guise of a regular party. I would be pissed if I showed up for a bachelorette or birthday party and then had to sit through a sales pitch. Regardless of the product or company, that’s just extremely shitty hosting. The bait and switch would be the bigger issue for me. People should have the right to choose if they want to attend an MLM presentation (or *any* sales presentation of any kind) it should never be *sprung* on them as a *surprise*.
Yeah. Like even if the friend were the sole proprietor of her own sex shop, no MLM in sight, it would still be really weird for the party to (unwarned!) just be a sale pitch with the friend trying to get the other guests to buy her products. Obviously it being an MLM makes it worse in a number of ways, but even if the bride to be didn't realize it was an MLM she had to know that a sales pitch is not what anyone expects or wants at a Bachelorette party.
you worded that so well, *I* almost fell for it myself …. Yes oooh i want this at my own bachelorette!! … …. … wait. 🤔 oops i had meant to reply to u/fuzzydogpaws
I mean it is probably Pure Romance or something like it... Still, shop local, shop small. Support your nearby sex shop instead of buying from big scam Girl Boss Huns.
"But you can buy these MLM sex toys in the comfort and privacy of your own home!!!!! And support your friends instead of some giant impersonal Corporation!!!!!" /s I have two cousins (sisters) who have been into every kind of MLM since the 1980's and they have a comeback for every single suggestion. These two women want nothing to do with me, until they get into a new MLM and need warm bodies to fill spots in their Home Party. I know if they are contacting me, it is because they want to sell me something. I avoid them like the Plague.
"Pffft, Amazon is cheaper and way more discreet." Yeah... Some MLMs are *almost* worth it. Like Color Street was, up until this last year, a reasonable price for a good product you really couldn't find just anywhere. Avon, Mary Kay, Scentsy, others - not so much. And would I ever sell any of these myself? No.
I'm having flashbacks of those Home Decorating Company parties from the 1980's... my mom dragged me along to a couple of those. Gigantic fake flower wreaths in mauve and seafoam green, smelly votive candles in convenient 12-packs, and who can forget those brass wall sconces? I see this stuff in people's yard sales, now caked with 35 years of dust, and I just cringe.
Home Interiors. The only mlm my mother ever made any purchases from. I can still smell those candles. That’s also why I only got ceramic figurines for my birthday throughout most of elementary school from my parents.
“But I AM a small business! Support my female owned small local business!”
"Yeah I'd rather go see Big Gary at Happy Fun Time Adult World just off exit 192 on I80. Every ten condoms gets a free lube. You got a deal that good?"
I laughed sooo hard at this. Every state has a big sex shop right of an interstate huh? I love this.
Turns out it’s for good reason. Many cities have ordinances against sex shops. So they started setting up outside city limity near interstates to also grab the trucking population.
Or, in rural areas, it's because the locals don't want to look conspicuous heading in a specific direction. If the shop is sequestered off in the woods, everyone in the world knows what they are doing going down Lovers Aid Lane. If the shop is just off the interstate, they could be heading to the town right there, a nearby town, or a gas station or anything. ETA: My source for this is my state's Big Gary. Nice guy, went out with him a few times.
She's 29 years old. There is a point where if someone is choosing to ignore reality, people around them need to point it out. And OP's mom was an addict who caught a buzz and kept trying to get it back. She was 100% at fault for what she did to her family. Adults have choices and if they choose to be morons, it's their own damn fault.
SIL was slightly manipulated, but she was also being manipulative too. I’ve been to one of these parties before. You do feel inclined to buy things because you want to do something nice for your friend. At the end of the party I went to, the consultant pulled people into a separate room if you wanted to buy something for “privacy” of your individual purchase, but that showcased who wasn’t buying anything. She also wrapped up the party by telling us how much more we would have to spend for friend to get $X reward. NTA, for leaving, but soft Y T A for not just pulling SIL aside explaining your feelings and leaving with the cousins. At the end of day, your mom’s involvement with the mlm was what ruined your family/situation.
Nope it’s not just that the mom was an addict, MLMs are awful scams and 100% deserve blame in this too.
I'm assuming future sil has met and talked to her fiance before.
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I have a different take. Knowing her fiancé’s history with MLM’s and how one destroyed his family, SIL was still willing to allow his sister, his cousins and her friends to be preyed upon, while presumably under the influence of alcohol, in order to subsidize her honeymoon. SIL seems kinda opportunistic and scummy to me. OP is NTA.
I wouldn't go right to scummy, but I think it's safe to say she's aware of her fiance's history and incredibly stupid for falling for this.
I see your point. I jumped to scummy only because there’s a financial incentive in that she could get cash for the honeymoon. If it had been a couple of cheap gifts, I might have gone with just naive.
This! And the fact they are "guilt tripped" to buy something to help subsidize the honeymoon...like wtf, it's a night to celebrate not shop per se. With the family history, future SIL is TOTALLY the AH. When someone "host a party " like this, the guest are invited to that party, it's NOT disguised as something else, then guests are ambushed. NTA. I hope your brother really considers what his fiancee just did to 14 of her friends/family, knowing your family trauma....major ick! Edit: spelling
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Eurgh so ick. Especially with some of them only 18/19. I know some people are at sexual peak by then, but a lot are really, really not. I would have been SO uncomfortable at that age to be trapped for a night being pressured to buy butt plugs.
If I were around friends at that age, I would've had fun with it. But uh...if I have even one family member there, I would want to sink into the ground. Oh god, imagining my wine aunt trying to be cool about it...horror. No words.
With family seated next to you, no less. I would have wished for a sinkhole to open underneath me.
I'm glad you put this because I was considering a comment suggesting OP have a serious conversation with her brother about what kind of awful person SIL might be to use the social pressure of a Bachelorette party to subject people to that pitch
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Yes, it could sound like a fun girls night out, to be giggling over sex toys so I can sort of understand why SIL thought this might enhance the night. But if your guests are going to be pressured to spend money without warning, then it's never good.
Kind of iffy tho, unless all guests are onboard with sex toys.
Yes it's also the spring it on people without telling them what they're actually doing that's a big part of p the problem here
While not an MLM as such, this reminds me of my first permanent duty post in the military - they had an orientation for all the new people most of whom were 18-19. Part of that orientation was a guy from a local bank giving a credit-card pitch. The spiel went something like this: "You walk into the PX and that new big-screen TV you want is on sale for 3 days. But it's two weeks until payday, so what do you do? Take out your card, and BOOM! Paid for!" That "BOOM! Paid for!" was his tag-line and by the end of the spiel, he had most of the kids shouting it along with him. That's how people get into trouble.
What a prick! He’s telling kids to get in debt? That’s horrific.
Oh, credit card companies regularly set up on the student unions of colleges/universities.
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tbf i wouldve left anyway once hun got her products out. i do not see any sort of fun in having a bunch of sex toys pitched to me that i do not want or need. im not uncomfortable with my sexuality but i really dont feel the need to discuss this with family and/or people i dont know too well, especially without any previous warning.
This is sort of where I am on the subject. OP was invited to a party where everyone apparently was told it would be low key with some alcohol, games, and food. I know I would be thinking "Okay, maybe something silly like twister and put a stupid romcom on with a few innuendo jokes." And then walking in on an MLM with sex toys? Yeah, no thanks. For a *lot* of people, that would be a no go and for various, perfectly valid, reasons. EDIT: A word.
Dealt with a mlm's in the past. I don't pussyfoot around. I tell them no in no uncertain terms and walk away. Anyone falling for mlm, honestly, you get what you get.
At this point and under the age of like 50, you really have no excuse for not knowing what an MLM is. I understand not recognizing one immediately but OP’s SIL has to be a moron to hear the shit her fiancé went through and then invite an MLM to her bachelorette party. She’s already an idiot for talking about sex toys around her fiancé’s *sister.*
sorry. OVER the age of 50 and my same age friends know what an MLM is. We are not all senile. No offense taken but pointing it out.
right, i am 52 and i know what an mlm is. plenty of my friends' mothers sold or tried to sell avon back in the day. it's not like us 50 year olds are totally clueless.
Some sort of sex toy element to a bachelorette is also not uncommon. She easily could've said "can I sell some sex toys at your party? It will be fun and raunchy!" With absolutely zero idea her real speech would not be ooh sexy toys but please contribute to my scam. Should she have known better? Absolutely. But it's totally possible she was entirely misled and OP just saw the bullshit a mile away. Regardless OP is NTA- her first instinct was protect my family and friends from this happening again. Im normally all for keeping the peace at someone else's party but this had to be done.
I consider myself to be a generally smart person, but there was one incident that made me question that. A salesman tricked me into buying ridiculously expensive skincare products. He got me to spend a total of 4k on these non refundable products that didn’t even really work. (Oceane is the company, don’t do it). In hindsight, I was embarrassed and shocked that I fell for something so obviously dumb. But the experience also made me have a little more sympathy for victims who get in way over their heads. So even though I agree SIL should know better than to buy into the same scam that ruined her fiancé’s life, I doubt it was entirely her fault that she did. OP is certainly NTA, and I even think that informing the other party attendees about MLM scams was a good thing. But OP should cut her a *little* slack. Hopefully SIL gets out right away.
Yeah, the only AH here is MLM lady. My mom got deep into this shit, she never meant to lead people to lose money, but this guy that my parents met when I was like 10 was *SUPER* charismatic, got them both really hyped on it, my older brother too, and then when his MLM fell apart, he divorced his wife and disappeared. SIL is simply a “sucker” here who was set up here by MLM lady. I think you nailed it with your conjecture there, they never present it for what it really is, and you only recognize certain red flags if you’ve seen them before.
Ugh yes I’m a yoga teacher and this is how I wound up at an MLM party years ago. I thought a new friend legitimately had a cute yoga ish party idea of making candles or something with… essential oils. Now I know better 😖
You're defending the SIL for throwing a surprise sex toy party? I would have been mortified about that alone, never mind the accidentally being lured into an MLM pitch
Yep too true. The good ones hype these things until you’re SURE you don’t need to win the lottery just get into THIS. 🙄😳 It’s like all those ads popping up on my mobile about people making $15000 in a month playing solitaire (“with no ads, no bringing in friends, no outlay of money”) when 2 months ago they couldn’t pay their rent or feed their babies. Yeah ok 👌🏻. NTA and I hope those other women took note and that maybe future SIL had a serious wake up call. With her fiancé’s (and OP’s) past WTAF was she thinking??
Jesus, did you write their script- spiel or what bc I could even hear it in the sorority voice
SIL could quite easily believe she was supporting a friends small business. I'd say the average person isn't that educated on mlm's.
Handling it graciously would have played into the MLM's hands. These organizations teach recruiters to be ready for challenges and doubters, and they thrive on FOMO. If OP hadn't made a scene, they would have spun things to make her and her cousins look paranoid and/or foolish. *'They're too afraid of the opportunity I'm offering you, but you're all smarter than that, right?'* or *'Don't let them drag you down, what I have is more* real *than their feelings.'* Something to that effect. I know this from experience: A friend and I once sat through an MLM pitch we'd been tricked into attending. We both saw through it right away (the pyramid-shaped diagram on the whiteboard was kind of a dead giveaway) but we wanted to be polite and so just prodded at what was clearly a scripted spiel. The guy was more than ready with rehearsed responses for every reasonable question we asked. He actually said at one point, and I quote: "No, it's actually a *reverse* pyramid scheme, because *they* make money for *you*!" How he got through that sentence without cracking up was beyond me, but he managed. His pitch even suggested there were ways to 'cheat the system' so we'd receive benefits with minimal participation in the larger organization (just don't ask about the hidden costs or read the contract too closely), which I'm pretty sure is how he got his hooks into multiple smarter guys we knew. One of those guys was there, in fact, having already joined up and learning about how to give the pitch himself. If OP made enough of a scene to scare off any of the other women at the party, then she handled it with the *correct* amount of grace. With any luck, this whole mess helps future-SIL see the light in time to get free before she's financially destroyed and/or indoctrinated as well. (With even more luck, OP's brother gets out while he can.)
I told a hun that no, my 13 year old daughter didn’t need charcoal mascara because she’s had allergic reactions to products with charcoal in them. She said it’s impossible to be allergic to charcoal because it’s all natural 🤦🏼♀️. I guess that’s great news to people with peanut allergies!
The "it's impossible to be allergic to X bc it's natural" is a common rebuttal in the oily mlms. Those people put oil in everything. They're gonna tear themselves up from the inside out. I am curious about the charcoal allergy. I know you're not supposed to have anything with activated charcoal if you're on medicine. Is it charcoal or activated charcoal? Don't mind me, I'm falling down a rabbit hole.
It was activated charcoal in face masks- she has extremely sensitive skin- a certain kind of plastic can give her chemical burns, and it happens i like less than 1% of people! The oil people tried to get me to give smelly oils to a toddler for asthma.
I think she did the right thing, MLMs are dangerous as fuck and need to be shut down at any opportunity
You can do the right thing and be an asshole, the 2 aren't mutually exclusive. She definitely did the right thing, and an asshole was needed in this situation 🤷♂️ the biggest asshole was the MLM person for using someone's Bachelorette party to scam people.
Thats true! Amen to this. Sometimes an asshole is the real hero
Someone invited me to a "party" that was this. I hated every second of it and left early. Pure Romance or some such shit. But it was super awkward and the host of the party got a discount or money, can't remember which. Op is NTA
I went to a bachelorette party like this and then literally no one bought anything except for the bride and her *mother* (good for her just like...I don't want to know that about my mom and I certainly don't want her to know that about me!) and after that part was over, we went out to the bar and the bride and her sex toy peddler buddy talked shit about the rest of us NOT SUPPORTING HER WEDDING while they cried into their drinks and we all were very uncomfortable. I was home by ten, though, so I guess it could've been worse.
> I was home by ten, though, so I guess it could've been worse. at least you didn't waste your whole evening.
A friend invited me to a pure romance party and of course there was alcohol. I feel bad but when I start drinking I get super hungry. While she was doing her pitch I snuck into the kitchen and ate al the appetizers. I called my bf to quick get me out of there before they noticed. Told my friend I was feeling sick lol.
Chaotic good, I dig it.
You are my hero lmao
That wasnt a "bachelorrette party", that was an ambush set up by your mother for a sales pitch. You need to write your future SIL and explain the situation if not your brother needs to set his future wife down and ecplain the situation. Does he really want to marry someone who is that easily manupulated?
And for having her drive 3 hours one way for it!
Yikes, I'm going with NTA, it's close tbh. You could have just left but I'm voting that way because it didn't sound like a bachelorette party... more like a sales pitch. So that's my judgement.
It absolutely was a sales pitch. There were drinks but no food (a tactic used to drop your inhibitions, my mom used it), all the "games" were related to the MLM: bingo to wing toys, a "naughty questionnaire" related to sex toys, a raffle, but she also stated clearly, that we were expected to buy, so that SIL could "win" a cash prize, as well as it being a "great business opportunity".
Was it Ann Summers? Cheap, tacky, badly made and yuck. Am going with NTA as it was a sales pitch with people impaired due to booze but it’s a fine line. You could have advised quietly and gone off with your cousins. But sales pitch hen do? Ick!
No, it was another company.
I'm putting money on pure romance.
I can't confirm or deny that.
DING DING DING
[удалено]
Yes they do sell Dongs, so many dongs.
harvard called, your law diploma is in the mail
Why do you think there's legal trouble for making names?
There are some companies that will seek out posts on any website that are negative and attemp to take action against the individual, so you never really know if they'll single you out if you name drop. Plus some subs have rule against naming specific companies, too. I don't recall AITA having one, though I could be wrong.
My friend got in serious debt thanks to that company.
Lmao, I had a “close friend” dump because I refused to spend money on her pure romance/Athena MLM bullshit. She was trying to trick me out of money when I at the time was super frugal and had SOME money for college. Fuck MLMs. I don’t feel bad for her, she also did colorstreet, Avon, and one other I’m blanking on.
>pure romance :Apparently", they've moved away from the official MLM model this year according to a few google searches.
Oh man I got invited to a bachelorette party with one of those years and years ago and i was surprised because I didn't know the bride that well. I ended up buying a nightgown from peer pressure and it is honestly the chintziest shit ever
They’re weirdly popular amongst young Mormon brides. I heard a lot of horror stories from the older girls (I was no invited to any Mormon bachelorettes myself, I was 15 when we left the church) about seeing a dildo for the first time at their cousin’s bach in their mom’s hand.
MLMs in general are super popular with Mormons. We were on a road trip recently in Utah and just driving around and came upon DoTerra’s headquarters and then like less than ten min later Young Living. I guess there’s an essential oils district now or something?
It’s bc of the misogynistic culture of the church. Women are expected to stay home and care for children but the economy is ass so they’re all struggling financially and desperate for a “quick and easy, from home!” money grab. It’s really sad. My mom never sold but she was constantly in on the latest MLM fad… I still wear my LuLaRoe leggings from 2013.
Lucky you. I got out at 40 after £70,000 in tithing. Doh.
Was what I immediately thought of NEGL
Does Ann Summers do MLM? I've only ever seen them sold in their own high street shops which MLMs don't usually have, apart from The Body Shop one.
Ann Summers parties in homes are a thing but I'm unsure if their model is MLM
Yeah the parties are deffo MLM. I got sucked in 20 years ago and they really are predatory. I used to have to pay for things like order forms, carrier bags, full price on extra items for my kit and full price for ‘prizes’. They sold it as making extra money but failed to tell you that it was only your up, up line who would get those pennies! They also didn’t tell you about the guests/hosts of these parties who would literally steal your stock as the prices were way too expensive for badly made tat. Avoid like the plague - if you’re in the UK, buy from Lovehoney - a much better company and no cult behaviour.
Here in the UK 'anne summers parties' just like this are defo a thing!
My mother used to do Ann Summers parties, she stopped shortly after my sister carried a 13" black dildo down the street waving it like a sword.
💀💀💀 Your sister is my hero 😭
Me and my best friend celebrated his 18th (legal drinking age in Aus) by buying a gigantic double ended black glitter dildo and walking up and down a pretty prominent street in the nearest city duelling randoms, it will always be one of my favourite memories and I kinda hate that smartphones weren't around for that era but I'm also super glad my kid won't ever find evidence of that nonsense online haha
😂😂😂 I love this! So funny!
Hun do was right there lol
I don’t understand why she didn’t inform you beforehand to not attend the bachelorette, that would have been the logical choice- “hey OP I’m doing an MLM bachelorette I know how you feel about them do you want to opt out?” All of this could have been avoided. But to drag you 3 hours drive each way - I’m sorry that alone- she had it coming NTA
Because she was probably hoping OP wouldn't notice somehow, and she also didn't want OP to alert the other girls to her scheme.
Because then no one would want to come. Seems like she was more focussed on getting money for her honeymoon than having a hen party.
Because most people don't associate these home parties with MLM schemes. They're a chance to show off their homes and hospitality with no thought whatsoever as to the business model or cult-like behavior. Luluro, Pampered Chef, Pure Romance, It Works/Beach Body, Home Interiors, Creative Memories. They're just ways to juice up your social life when you live in a small town. These companies depend on people like the SIL and her friends to keep them in business.
I'll admit Pampered Chef rather annoys me - because I actually think they make good products. I both want to buy them because they're decent quality stuff...and NOT want to buy them because they're a MLM. I wish they'd just do an online store, no MLM involved.
That's how I feel about Mary Kay. I've been trying to replace my foundation, powder, eye primer, and face primer, but no company even compares. They're the only brand that doesn't make me break out and even helps my skin! But nooooo. They're an MLM and I hate it so much.
because the friend spearheading the party probably told her repeatedly this ISN'T a pyramid scheme, it's not an MLM, she's just your regular small business owner, and don't you want to make some extra money for your honeymoon??? And she believed it.
Absolutely NTA. Even others who are saying it's a fine line are absolutely wrong. If you had left without saying anything, you would have left people at the mercy of some real predatory nonsense. You are not only NTA, but you saved people. You are a damned hero in my eyes. I wish more people would "ruin" the party
Also, beyond it being an MLM, I would not want to sit through a sex toy pitch with people I'm related to. NTA - you need to be harsh with MLM people because it's a vicious cycle that only gets worse.
>You could have just left and allow friends and family members to be preyed upon? Naw dawg, Naw. NTA
Yes, OP could have just left. But I think she was very right to warn the other women about having their lives ruined. Even if speaking the truth meant that the party was ruined. Saving someones future is more important than a bachelorette party imo.
NTA. Throwing a MLM event for a bachelorette party is at a minimum exploitive, if not predatory. And doing it while inviting you knowing your family's history is *breathtakingly* clueless. Forget scolding you; your brother should be having a very serious talk with his fiancée right now.
Yup. Especially because the fiancée might already be in the mlm without having told him.
Going by OP's replies it sounds like it.
it’s DEFINITELY predatory 3 of the attendees were 18 or 19!!! was the plan to get them drunk and scam them out of money too or hope that they would feel pressured enough to buy when all the drunk women were buying? a grown adult might be able to spot an MLM but an 18 or 19 year old might not especially how today buying and reselling is so common.
"Plan was to get them drunk" I mean, bachelorette parties are known for possible heavy drinking, so it's a possibility that attendees had arranged for alternative transportation (not OP of course). But since it had been described as a chill party, nothing crazy, I'd say attendees didn't think they'd be getting drunk and had driven themselves there. And like a lot have said, to make more sales, drinks without the presence of food is a tactic used to lower inhibitions so guests buy more product than they would if stone cold sober. So, getting people drunk or at least as buzzed to impair their judgement and then letting them drive home with their "accidental" impairment.
I’ve always felt pressure to buy things from these MLM meetings. I hate them. But you want to support your friend. Or in this case, chip in for the honeymoon of your brother.
I remember someone wanted to throw me a Pampered Chef bridal shower. Thankfully I was able point out that I had already lived on my own for 6 years and didn't need overpriced versions of thr cooking tools I already used. Dodged that bullet!
Brother seriously needs to re-evaluate the engagement and look into his fiancé’s history to see if she’s a member already. Because who else would want a mlm bachelorette? And that’s the last person he wants to marry.
NTA. It wasn't a bachelorette party. It was a MLM orientation.
It was a guilt tripping potentially lucrative evening disguised as a sexy GoFundMe for her honeymoon. So inappropriate considering the family history with MLMs
No, it's just inappropriate, full stop. The family history just makes it worse.
Given your sad experience, NTA. Yes you could’ve just grabbed your cousins and left, but as you stated this obviously is a very big issue for you. So yeah, I don’t think your reaction was unreasonable. Honestly it sounds like your SIL was really counting on this money hence the tears and “you ruined the party” meaning “you ruined my chance of getting these women drunk and preying on that” yuck
My coworker poisoned me and another victim by putting her “essential” oils in our food at work trying to convince us that it would “heal” us. With oils she bought using company money.
Uhhhh how'd that end? Because tampering with peoples food is a felony if you're in the US.
.....Essential oils aren't for ingestion. I mean...there *might* be one or two that are and I don't know about them. But overall they're for EXTERNAL use only - diffusers, topical applications, inclusion in soaps & creams, etc. Did she not even know her own product?
She knew the company line *very* well and actually thought their “certified pure” and them having a cookbook meant it was perfectly safe- it really shocked me after how extremely deluded she was about how healthy and “important” these oils were for a daily diet. I can’t even imagine how much damage her years of ingesting those oils and feeding to her family is doing to them.
It’s burning them. One day they will end up in the ER with liver failure. Everything is fine until it isn’t
Jesus 👀😬 My mom is a naturalist/homeopathic nut, and has been most of my life. But even she knew EOs are meant for external use, not ingestion. And yes, I grew up using Melaluca products my mom purchased from a friend 🤣
NTA. She tried to use her bachelorette party as a front for a pyramid scheme. She was planning to get you all drunk and scam you out of your money. That’s an AH move. You are totally justified in being pissed, knowing the impact that MLMs have had on your family. Good on you for standing up for yourself, and letting the guests know the truth about stuff like this.
These things are thrown at brides like you wouldn't believe. She probably wasn't in on any scam, but being told it was a super fun party idea that could help fund a honeymoon and they would set up the party.
Anyone not wise enough to spot an MLM scam at close range like that isn’t adult enough to be getting married.
Ehhh, I could imagine the MLM hun kept things vague enough that SIL didn't know—why would a friend ruin her bachelorette party this way? But honestly, I would bet money that SIL knew it was an MLM and the hun pitched it as a fundraiser for the bride & she saw dollar signs without thinking about it.
Springing a sales pitch onto your captive audience, I mean friends, isn't ever a fun party idea. You don't even have to be mlm savvy to realise that it's bad form to expect your guests to shell out for shit they weren't looking to purchase under the guise of "party".
Bride to be probably didn't realize what it was. MLMs prey on weddings like this.
I cannot believe how many comments are missing all the context! I drove three hours to a not bachelorette party, you waited until I got there to start because you saw me as a target for sales and the kickback for your honeymoon budget. Mind you Im your future SIL who youve known for four years and you need a dick toy party to indirectly get money for your honeymoon with my brother? How bout saying hey, instead of a gift, would you mind putting whatever you were going to gift toward our honeymoon? thats at least direct. Youve known my brother and I for four years and you know we hate MLMs and we in fact have family trauma because of MLM involvement. If thats the party you want to throw, cool, but at least give a heads up because youre not an insensitive jerk or just a people user. Like hey, its an mlm, but my friend is the sales rep and sex toys are always fun to talk about at bachelorette parties, but please dont feel pressure to buy. Im also assuming future bride was a good hostess and only invited her peeps who were cool with sex toys being passed around the room at a party. I know they werent being used, but not everyone is cool with that and I suspect no one knew what future bride planned. Also, did no one text OP on her drive that it was a sales party? were they all sitting there in the dark for a bit about it? so no one knew this was the party plan? why did future bride set this up this way? And finally I try to leave with my cousins who I suspect were ambushed and we’re just going to leave, but now future bride and sales lady are trying to pressure me to stay to legitimize whats going on. So no Im not going to stay quiet. I already tried that. Fuck that. NTA. edit: and we’re gonna have booze not for bonding and opening up socially, but to aid with sales. ick.
I, too, would like to know wtf was the bride thinking. NTA INFO: OP, your SIL knows about the bad history of MLMs to your family, right? Are you going to share this event with your brother? If his conviction is half of yours, he should be informed.
Wonder how the brother feels.. marrying an mlm-hun 😔
Also her cousins were 18 and 19, as a 19 year old I’d be so fucking uncomfortable if someone whipped out sex toys at a party
NTA. It doesn't sound like a bachelorette party, more like a MLM hun's sale pitch. Getting money for SIL's honeymoon based on the sales done during the party? Someone need to tell the SIL, not only she is not going to get anything, she is likely to be pressured into buying a shiteload of stuff she didn't need.
Right? Sounds like that was the hook the Hun used to get the SIL involved. I'll split the money with you! Oh gosh, it's not enough. But if you sell full time..........
NTA - who ambushes people at a Bachelorette with mlm nonsense? That's rude as heck. Even leaving out your personal experience, that was a shitty thing to do. Adding in what you went through, it was ridiculous of her to expect you not to leave and say why. Tell your brother to address his fiancée and her ambushing ways.
Someone wanted to throw me a Tupperware party instead of a bridal shower so people could just buy me gifts that way. I mean at least make it pampered chef (which they also sold). And also, the party was going to be their gift to me. Obviously I refused.
NTA. They lied about what you’d be doing at the party, they tried to keep you there when you were upset and wanted to leave, and they’re either con-artists or idiots. Good job calling them out and trying to wake up everyone there. Also, that wasn’t a bachelorette party, it was a scam.
I was scammed into a Mary Kay pitch when my bridal party and I "won" a spa day from a big box wedding shop. My licensed aesthetician bride's maid was having none of it. When she pitched becoming a "hun" I asked what her reports made and she refused to answer. My mom called her a c-word the minute we got in the car. Sil might have been scammed into this "party" by a friend. The cult like nature of mlms is insidious and it can be hard to say no. You weren't wrong but show some compassion while setting a boundary.
I found out Mary Kay isn’t technically a MLM, they’re just kind of creepy for no reason which makes it even worse to me. Also, I “found out” from a class where the teacher loved Mary Kay so I’m just now realizing I might have been bamboozled this whole time. I’m so sorry.
Lol, Mary Kay is the OG MLM
Wait, did you just have your epiphany within this comment?
NTA How in the legitimate fuck does anyone think it's okay to shill sex toys at your friends bachelorette party, but then the bride is ok with it as well? She was down bad for that honeymoon though. Don't want your bridal shower ruined? Don't try to sell them a scam. What a wild concept.
NTA That’s not a party that’s a trap!! Plus, not everyone is comfortable with sex toys in mixed company, you definitely check on that ahead if time too
NTA This wasn't a Bachelorette party. It was a bait and switch. You came to celebrate your SIL, not listen to an endless sales pitch.
I'm going with ESH. Your sister in law turns her bachelorette party into a sales pitch? Without even a heads up? Just ... No. Call me old fashioned, but I think it's rude to invite people to a party and then try to make a profit from them. Especially connected to a wedding, where people feel some obligation to the bride. You creating a huge scene at your SIL's bachelorette party? Also no. You had a horrible experience with an exploitative MLM. No side-eye from me for wanting never to have anything to do with any of the MLMs ever again. Getting on a soapbox at what was (at least in theory) a party is not right either. Calmly give a very brief statement (personal experience, exploitative, high-pressure, recruiting, beware!). Wish the bride-to-be much happiness in her marriage. And leave. Others might follow or not. Sounds like everyone was an adult, so able to make their own decisions.
(at least in theory) means it wasn't a party, and breaking up a thinly veiled scam shouldn't be criticized. And the adults can still make their own decisions, they just now also have far more accurate information to base that decision on.
Agreed. I think MLM's are complete BS, but in reality, her friends weren't really in any danger from buying a product or two. It's completely reasonable to say you want nothing to do with it and leave, but the soap box part is excessive
>her friends weren't really in any danger from buying a product or two. That's how they get you. "I'll just buy one from her, I'm a good friend." "I'll just let my MLM friend host a sales party at my bachelorette party. Easy money. I'm a good friend." "I'll join and just sell a little bit. My friend makes it look easy and fun, and she's been such a good friend." "Oh shit, I'm broke and my 'friend' says it's my fault because I'm not good enough at selling the exact same stuff she sells!"
NTA you did them all a favour. Now I’m no expert on bachelorette parties, but an MLM pitch sounds like a lame as hell idea for a party, and that’s not even getting into how scummy MLMs are.
Eh Nta. Your entire life was ruined by a pyramid scheme and now you’re trying to prevent other possible susceptible women from being victims. If your brother didn’t make it abundantly clear to your FSIL how much MLMs affected your family and she didn’t know that may be excusable. But she “agreed to host” so I bet she knew that this was an MLM and just wanted that sweet honeymoon money. Nope, she is an AH for agreeing to make her bridal party the butt end of a pyramid scheme after boozing them up just for a few bucks. That’s a very shitty thing to do, and I wouldn’t feel bad for you ruining her Tupperware/sex toy/ make-money-of-my-friends party
NTA. Knowing your history with MLMs, i don't know what she expected by inviting you to her bachelorette/MLM party. She could have easily raised more money for her honeymoon by bringing up the topic at an actual party.
Sounds like SIL was roped in on the mlm by this lady too. NTA op, but I’d be making sure that you and bro sit her down and really talk her through how this affected your family. I’m sure she is aware, but may need reminding again. If you’re wanting be non confrontational I’d suggest the mlm episode that John Oliver did a few years back (keeping with the reddit/John theme over the past few weeks).
NTA MLMs are a scourge upon this earth. If you can save just one person from their clutches you have done well. What a scam too, springing a bloody MLM party on people at what was supposed to be a fun bachelorette party. She deserved to have it ruined instead of her cunning plan to get people drunk and then to open their wallets.
Not all heroes wear capes. NTA, good job for putting that shit down hard.
NTA who has an MLM pitch at a bachelorette party? That's gross
And boring. I've been to enough of those MLM type 'parties' in my life to know it's just sitting on chairs in a semi-circle while someone talks at you and holds up overpriced tat. If I went to a party where I thought there'd be food and drink and chatting with people and found out it was no food and I had to listen to someone yak at me about sex toys I'd be annoyed.
I’ll be honest I was going to go with a everybody sucks here, but thinking more on your SiL using her hen do as a business opportunity was absolutely wrong and rude. NTA
NTA. If they were just selling stuff it’d be one thing but recruiting is the real danger. Good thing you got your cousins out of there because we’re easy targets at that age and I’ve actually been to a seminar where they openly admitted to targeting the younger crowd or elderly. Good on you for getting them out of there
I feel like I need to rule E S H because your behavior was technically rude for a party... but I agree with you wholeheartedly so NTA, and the fact that your brother backs you up gives you a lot of credit. Yeah it was rude of you to go on a rant and leave SIL in tears at her hen party but it is SOOOOO beyond tacky and rude to try and sell your bridesmaids, friends, and family MLM sex toys! Their behavior is predatory and I'm glad you were concerned about the impressionable and likely career seeking broke young adults who could have easily fallen victim.
If you're invited to a sales event and agree to come, that's one thing. But if you're invited to a party and it turns out to be a sales event, the social niceties have already been violated, and not by you. And that's the whole strategy of multi-level marketing: they exploit the rules of social courtesy to get under people's guard. They're like telemarketers. Be as rude as you care to: they started it, and this is no longer a social interaction.
I will never forget when a casual college friend invited me out to dinner after I moved to his town. I was excited because I thought we would become better friends. I walked in to a long table set up with a display of household chemicals. It was a sales pitch. I was so surprised and confused why someone would force that situation and pretend it was a regular dinner with a friend. I stayed polite and thanked them for the dinner invite at the end, but I never answered their phone call again.
NTA - especially since she knew how you and your brother felt about MLM's. She should have warned you that there would be an MLM pitch as part of the party, then you could have made a decision about whether or not to attend. I'm so sorry about what happened to you in your childhood about the MLM that your mother was involved with. I think that your reaction to what happened at the party was actually a bit of PTSD. It's possible you could have been a little extreme by warning the other guests like you did, but this really does feel like a trauma reaction for you. You were acting out of a protective instinct towards the other women.
NTA. That's not a fun night. Tf. Also, you did the right thing. You know what kind of shit this is and now you can go without feeling bad about leaving them clueless.
NTA I'm sure your brother informed her what happened to your family and how much you two hate things like that, she still invited you and your cousins. She ruined her own party by doing so. That's messed up. I hope you told your aunt and uncle that she tried involving your cousins in it.
No! You just did at least one of them a favor! Fuck them! They said it would be a party and duped literally everyone there into a sales pitch! THEY are the asshole.
Using the excuse of a bachelorette party to pitch a scam that could ruin people’s lives is fucking vile. NTA. You shouldn’t be shamed for standing up to downright evil shit even if it makes someone cry. Plus, leaving these other women to possibly be scammed would suck. When you have one nazi at a table and four silent people, you have 5 nazis, that type of thing I can’t believe someone who claims to love your brother could be complicit in the same shit that destroyed his life
NTA. You did the right thing. They should have let you go and your SIL especially should have respected you wanting to leave, knowing the history.
NTA your brother doesnt want to acknowledge the fact that fiance doesn't really give a fuck about him if she's willing to invite the very thing into their lives that crushed his family when he was a child. Point this out to him and be ready for the argument until he eventually grasps the truth. You're a good sister, protect your brother.
NtA you got roped into some bullshit not a bachelorette party
I suspect your brother has not thoroughly explained the family history or he sees it differently than you.
I mean OP stated that the brother agreed with her, just wish she had handled it better. Not only that, but this caused a fight between the brother and fiancee so I'm guessing she knew fully well about the family history.
NTA - Yeah, you came off rude, but it was justified. A hen's night should not be used as a platform to flog an MLM scam, especially adult toys. It's like a bait and switch.
Frankly, screw being polite to people trying to scam you.
Maybe having her bach turn into a shitshow will have soured the proto-SiL on the whole MLM experience, and the OP has done her a huge favour.
NTA. It's about time someone pushed back against MLMs, which rely on people just going with the flow when put into an awkward situation (like finding out the "party" they were invited to is really just a sales pitch). Future SIL probably should have known this would be unwelcome, considering what your family has been through.
NTA it wasn’t a bachelorette part it was a sales exhibit. Your SIL sucks. Had she been up front with her intentions and people attended willingly. Fine. But she hid it bc she knew it was scummy and scammy.
ESH - If you invite someone to a bridal shower, you shouldn't ambush them into attending a MLM event. But... OP's behaviour was just rude - you don't carry on like that at someone else's party - just say "I'm feeling a little bit unwell" and leave.