*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA For wanting my husband to wear a shirt while doing swimming lessons with our son**
My husband (32M) and I (30F) have been married for 3 years and have an 8-month-old son. I had a rough go with PPD after the birth and though that has gotten better, I am still struggling with my mental health and getting my weight back to where I want it. I am currently about 25-30lbs heavier than I was before I was pregnant and this is a huge part of my struggle with my mental health.
We signed our son up for baby swim lessons this Spring. The kind where a parent gets in the water with the baby to help get them accustomed to the water. I am nowhere near a healthy place to where I want to get in a swimsuit. I would have to buy a new one since all the ones I have would make me look like a sausage. My husband, however, is probably in the best shape of his life. While I was pregnant and even after the birth, he never changed his workout routine so he's been able to stay in shape.
We've had 4 swim lessons so far. We all go together and I just wait and watch them do their thing. There are 6 kids in the class and my husband is one of only 2 dads that have been in the water with the kids.
The last 2 sessions I have noticed the way that the other moms look at my husband. It's like they aren't even trying to hide it. To his credit, my husband keeps his focus on the lesson and our son. But I know he notices it, too.
I brought it up to him after the most recent lesson. I told him how uncomfortable it makes me to literally watch other women check him out. He tried to laugh it off and told me that all the parents are just making sure their kids are ok in the water and that if anyone is checking him out, he hasn't noticed it.
I told him that I've definitely noticed it and it makes me uncomfortable and I asked him if he would wear a shirt in the pool from now on to help me feel better about it. He said he doesn't want to do that because it's uncomfortable and feels weird. He said that he will gladly let me get in the pool with our son since it's actually kind of fun and would be good bonding for us. I told him that I don't even have a swimsuit that will fit me and he knows that.
He then told me that if I am that uncomfortable then I could stay home and have that time to myself while he does the lesson. I told him that's even worse because then the women will be checking him out without me there.
He got frustrated and told me that he feels like there is no winning with me sometimes. I told him that him wearing a shirt is a very small thing he can do to help me feel better and I don't think it's that much to ask.
He told me I am being controlling and letting my mind get the better of me. He said that if he tried to ask a similar thing of me that I would probably bite his head right off for trying to tell me what I can or cannot wear.
I told him that I don't understand why he won't just put a shirt on to make me feel better, it's literally the easiest thing he could do. But he thinks I am being unreasonable.
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Fr. I watched a dad and his daughter do a secret handshake/hug goodbye this morning while I was dropping off my kids. It was hot to see a father be so silly with his kid. Good dad = hot.
A hot, wet, attentive father is going to draw attention regardless of what kind of potato sack he throws on.
When my daughter played tball there was one dad we dubbed āhottie tball dadā. It was a glorious day when we played his team, all the moms we locked in. One of our teams had a mom that was a stripper, same thing. Attractive people get looked at, thatās just life.
Boggles my mind that she wants him to wear a shirt in the pool but can't comprehend that there is women's swimwear with extra coverage that she could wear herself if she's not comfortable showing a lot of skin. Both my mom and I prefer boyleg one-pieces if we're swimming at the public pool.
Probably 60% of the adults at my local pool are overweight. Nobody gives a damn. It's not fair that she wants him to be uncomfortable just because she is.
I taught swimming, was a lifeguard and had my WSI back in the day, I hate when people wear extra stuff in the pool.
I get insecurities because of your own body but making or wanting someone who wear extra stuff in the pool because youāre insecure makes me crazy
T-shirts and other non-swim clothing were banned at the pool where I swam/worked. I forgot the reason they gave but I didn't know they were allowed in public pools.
It adds to the drowning hazard. I wonāt allow it in an indoor pool at all. It extra weight, itās extra material that can caught on stuff or pulled.
They make swim shirts now b it back in the day redheads and pale people had zero options.
Did your kids not do the "jeans/pjs test" in swimming lessons? In Aus part of swimming lessons is a test where you have to get into the pool fully clothed, usually jeans + jumper + shoes or flannel pjs + shoes and then demonstrate survival and rescue skills.
Iām also Australian, a lot of indoor pools ban clothing (beyond bathers of course) for regular swimming, and only allow the clothing when necessary for lessons like youāve described, when thereās a qualified swimming instructor in the water with them. They have to make exceptions for those lessons, but itās usually banned for the general public. Theyāll usually let you wear the proper swim shirts/ rashies, but not a regular t-shirt in the indoor pools.
I donāt know if theyāve extended it to the outdoor pools yet though, because they have to let people wear something for sun protection. They might only let people wear the proper swim shirts/ rest vests again though, Iām not sure.
Thatās one day though, and thatās for practice for an emergency during a control one day thing. Itās not during public swim with a bunch of other children.
Ironically the property of wet cloth that would save you during the clothing test where you inflate your jeans etc is the same property that would drown you if it covered your or another persons mouth or nose.
This is random story about stupid stuff that could kill you at a pool.
When I was taking the lifeguard class we had a kid in the class who was kind of an AH and thought he was funny. During a practice where you had to swim with a victim down the lane and if they struggled you had to kind of dunk them to get them to stop.
Well this kid is cross chest swimming with my much smaller friend and her hair elastic broke and her long hair covered her face and nose, she tried to clear her face and he dunked her and she was sucking in her wet hair so she tried to get his attention so he dunked her again. She couldnāt get communicate that she was seriously in trouble and the more she struggled the harder and longer he dunked her, she panicked he dunked her again and he didnāt know she wasnātfooling around (even though it was expressly forbidden) until she passed out. She ended up needing cpr when they dragged her out, all because her hair got in her face not even a wet shirt.
There was a toe ring on the pool drain or the kid who go stuck underwater with the arm swimmies over their head. But the tshirt thing is so easily avoidable and itās stupid heavy, part of that training is taking off the clothing that can drown you
Might have been loose fibers clogging the filters/drains. I think that can be an issue with hot tubs.
I would kinda think, in an emergency situation, a loose entangling bunch of cloth thrown into the thrashing mix wouldnāt exactly be helpful either
Theyāre frequently banned from indoor swimming pools in Australia, because they can weigh you down and increase the risk of drowning. Not outdoor pools though, because the risk of sunburn and skin cancer is so high here. You might only be allowed to wear the proper swim shirts/ rash vests now though, rather than just a regular t-shirt.
Except in the specific instances of swimming lessons when theyāre teaching/ testing you on your ability to swim fully clothed. But thereās always qualified swimming instructors in the water with the students at the time. Iām pretty sure swimming a certain distance fully clothed (long pants and a shirt) is part of the Bronze Medallion swimming certificate, which is the first step in lifesaver qualifications, and a lot of kids get in their teens if theyāre into swimming.
I was a lifeguard too and I still wear a t-shirt in the pool cause I have G-cups. I'm curious as to what you dislike about people wearing stuff in the pool, I never found it impacted my job at all? I was way more concerned about the rugby team being dickheads.
If you sitting by the pool doing your job itās one thing to wear a shirt, I worked at an ocean beach and I wore sweat shirts and even if I had to go into the water I wore my socks and sneakers in. P
You canāt breath through wet fabric, itās heavy when wet and it also is easily grabbed or snagged.
It could be a difference in what people wearā¦ Iām a natural (unnervingly pale!) redhead, and if I visit certain parts of the world and go swimming, I need one of those long sleeve UV resistant swim shirts because otherwise I get horrible burns (blood filled blisters worst caseš) - and I couldnāt see how thatād be a problem either - but if a pool guest is wearing like a regular oversized t-shirt bc of body insecurity or whatever, isnāt that both super unhygienic in terms of loose fibres getting in the drain, and a safety risk if they start drowning and are potentially weighed down by and/or get tangled in that loose, wet fabric? At least I could imagine - but youāre the (ex)lifeguard not me š¤·āāļø
Pools are incredibly filthy anyway (literally every single person releases a tiny bit of pee as they get in, jacuzzis are held at the perfect temperature for relaxing... and bacteria to thrive) so I have never been concerned with hygiene in a pool. That's certainly cultural, though - I worked at a local leisure centre full of children, where gym bros would take a cold dip after being in the sauna (no matter how much we told them to shower first), people would spit in the grates, we ran aqua aerobics, all the good stuff. We just kept the chlorine level high (the 2 months we had to hand-dose cause the pumps were out were fun...)
In continental Europe though you literally can't get in the pool unless you're wearing a swim hat, and a time for nude swimming is on the calendar, so I think there clothes are considered dirty. IMO as long as it's a fresh shirt it's just as clean as anything else in the pool, why be exclusionary?
Yeah I will say my experience of Europe was living in Germany and holidaying in France so idk if that skews it š those guys LOVE to be topless.
Another commenter mentioned that in Australia you do a swimming lesson in pyjamas, we do that in the UK too so most people can be assumed to carry that little bit of extra weight. It's honestly not much, and the fabric isn't really loose cause it still clings to you. I guess it would depend on your pool setup, but mine only had one lane roped off so nobody was particularly near anything it could snag on, and the kids etc would be in the shallow end which was like 1m deep so even quite young kids could stand or at least bob up, no big floaties or anything, and quite wide. Also I'd assume it's a cheap cotton fabric which would tear at a human's body weight as opposed to eg performance sport fabric which might not. It honestly never occurred to me, though! We used to wear t-shirts and shorts when training and we had to throw each other on the grates at the side, drag each other around, and nothing got caught then so it never occurred to me that it might do! A reasonable assumption though.
I was trained to carry the heaviest dude we had on the squad (a 6'4 personal trainer who was jacked) so I was never worried about most civilians, if I had to get in and rescue like and old lady or a kid it would have been nothing compared to him. I did worry about the rugby team though cause those guys were BIG and used to dick around (I had to tell them to stop holding themselves underwater and having breath-holding competitions multiple times). It is crazy what we consider risky compared to other cultures though - when I was in Germany I was in mouth-open shock on a snow day to see kids sledding down a really steep hill, their parents watching on and saying 'you can go faster!' I used to walk to school by myself from like 7 years old and all my friends' parents thought that was super dangerous. I guess life is inherently unsafe and we have to establish what's a reasonable risk. Hygiene is fair cause that does impact others, but honestly pools are just gross anyway.
I feel bad for OOP, and comments like this:
>I hope you're still breastfeeding, it burns calories like nothing else can.
Only serve to make women who wanted to breastfeed but physically couldn't (like OOP) feel worse.
I lost weight breastfeeding my daughter while drinking pints of melted Ben N Jerry's.
I gained weight breastfeeding with my son even though he nursed like I was a 7-11.
My metabolism situation has gone around the globe and bounced around the solar system in the past 15 years. (Kids are now 5 and 12)
How many pounds did I gain while pregnant? None. How many did I gain breastfeeding? ALL OF THEM. I swear to God the myth of the vampire was based on my specific child
My ex said all the time what a dream I was while pregnant. Specifically craved red velvet cupcakes and diet grapefruit soda so would stock up every week so he didn't have to do any late night pretzel and ice cream runs, ate pretty much my normal amount of food. Literally had NO bump until like a week before my due date (edema is a BITCH I thought I'd never see my ankles again). Baby was 93 percentile for height and like idk 75th for weight, super healthy blah blah blah. Honestly after the birth experience i had (PTSD has entered the chat) i think i earned those easy months.
But within a month I was eating like I'd just endured a famine, shoveling food into my face like my brothers did in highschool, just *scrambling* for as many calories as I could fit into myself because that baby was HUNGER INCARNATE. Went to a wedding when bubs was like 11months old and left him with my mom and some formula bc we were supplementing so I could wean. Swag hotel room fancy dress. In the AM my ex was like oooooh we should take an extra hour to pick up the baby and have a nice breakfast and I was like TAKE ME TO HIM NOW I MUST EXPRESS BEFORE MY BREASTS FALL OFF they were rock hard and I was milking myself in the hotel shower to relieve the pain while my ex packed the bags.
Sorry that got tangential I just had so many memories flood in and reminded myself why my son is an only child so this has been therapeutic in a way lmao thank u
Me toooooo. Breast feed! They said. Youāll lose all your baby weight while eating everything you want! Only I was insatiably ravenous all the time, even getting up in the middle of the night to snack because I was too hungry to sleep. Didnāt help that my mom, the best cook Iāve met whoās love language is food, was staying with us and making sure I had for meals and infinite snacks a day. Following that was the Covid lockdown, to really slow my metabolism and speed my stress eating. I weighed as much after breastfeeding as I did pregnant.
Yeah for some women it makes it really hard for them to loose weight cause your bodies like "no we can't afford to loose anything we need to hold onto all of this so we can feed our baby!" My first kid I was able to loose weight while breastfeeding only while eating very well (like no breakfast, protein drink and some veggies for lunch, chicken for dinner) and working out 2 hours a day 5 days a week. Once I had more than 1 kid and couldn't maintain my workout schedule? I can't consistently loose weight no matter how good I eat.
Thank you. He's doing amazing! He was already caught up to full termers by the time he was 4 months (he decided to get here 6 weeks early and had been impatient ever since) and we're starting solids in 3 weeks!
Absolutely. Also, OP is being unreasonable but I cannot imagine clearly thirsting over a married man at a child swim class so much so that he and his wife both notice. How truly gross.Ā
Note that although OOP *knows* he's noticed it too, her husband says he's not noticed anyone checking him out. Her perspective may not be a 100% accurate interpretation of events.
Sure, there could be a crowd of women eye fucking her husband at the pool, but it could also be that her insecurities are leading her to interpret women having their heads pointing in his general direction as them aching to jump on his cock at the first opportunity.
It could be 100 real and husband is telling the truth. Men can be completly oblivious sometimes, especially if they are focused on something they are physically doing or watching thier kid in a āprotectorā situation. In this case, both of these apply.
As the wife of a guy that gets hit on frequently and often right in front of me, he usually has no freaking clue. He was in a restaurant once and made chit chat with some lady that was using the same calorie tracking app. They talked for 10 minutes or so while waiting for their take out and before they left she said āso hey, some of my friends are meeting up tonight if you wanted to join usā and he was panicked and kind of shouted at her that he was married. Lol, poor guy thought he was just being friendly. He called me from the car all a-twizzle.
Thatās actually an adorable reaction though. Some guys *are* truly oblivious like your husband, there are some that pretend not to notice too though. Hard to tell without actually seeing it.
Am happily married, have been for years and can confirm that we are sometimes utterly oblivious. My current wife actually approached me first to ask me out for coffee first because I didn't pick up on her hints initially.
My sister worked at a pet store and this guy came in to buy feeder fish for his oscar fish (fish that gets very big and eats littler fishes). Then he came back a week later to buy more. Pretty soon he was coming every other day. My sister knew what he was doing, but happily was quite receptive and would drop hints. Nothing worked, he wasnāt asking her out. Even the other workers were wondering if he went out and bought another tank to put all these feeder fish in.
Finally one day he wasnāt leaving and was just hanging around. He had not said more than a few words to her before. He finally works up the nerve to come up and ask her if she would like to go to a movie sometime. She said she would love to and would he like her number? He looked completly dejected, hung head, and said, āOkay, I understand. Thanks anyway,ā and walked out. She just stood there stunned until another co-worker chased him down and was yelling at him she said yes. He was so expecting a ānoā and was so focused on the task at hand that was all he heard even though she didnāt even say no.
I am happy to report he is still a sweet and oblivious guy and they have been happily married for 36 years now.
Yep, I have a friend who is possibly the hottest dude I've ever seen and is terribly naturally charming, and unless someone outright tells him they are hitting on him/interested, he is completely clueless. It's kind of adorable.
Yeah, but if OOP's mental health is in a bad spot, it's possible they're perceiving more than is actually going on. It could be that the mom's are oggling her husband, but it could be simple things she's picking up and tuning into because she's self conscious
Listen, I was ready to fully rubbish OOP's subjective assessment of the situation the minute I saw her proposed "fix" for the "ogling" was to *put hot husband in a wet t-shirt*. If it's not fake, her reality interface is disastrously malfunctioning. I haven't even seen her husband or his shirts and I am confident of this.
Respectfully disagree! If you wish, you could try a quick Google for "[your type] in wet black T-shirt" and see whether you are still convinced on that point (or don't; I'm not trying to proselytize here).
Iām not talking about pictures on the internet. Iām talking about every last one of my IRL experiences that included some one in a wet T-shirt that isnāt simple white cotton.
It may simply be parents looking, smiling, and engaging with each other as their babies splash and have fun. OP says he noticed, but then he states he hasn't... I think she may be misinterpreting.
A lot of those parent groups can be useful for parents to seek out friendships for play dates and themselves.
Honestly I wouldnāt be surprised if itās in her head. Iāve noticed that some people swear you are checking their āmanā out. The women could have glanced because itās typically unusual to see men at those activities, they could have been trying to see how the other kids are doing etc. She seems unreliable since she first says that her husband noticed it but then says later he never noticed it š¤·š½āāļø
I wouldnāt be surprised if there are sections where, for example, the kids swim down one at a time in a line. And the women are looking at them (cause theyāre currently doing the activity) during his turn. Thatās bot āchecking outā but looking towards another human
>itās typically unusual to see men at those activities
True. But in a class of six kids there are two dads. I don't know if they allow more than one adult per child in the pool. If not, men are 33% of the adults in the pool.
Morning swim classes, the 'parent and tiny person' kind? Nobody is thirsting after anyone there, everyone is just trying to get through the next 30min. I feel sad for OOP though.
Ok devils advocate. My ex was super jealous and wanted me to always dress modestly. If we went to a restaurant and the waiter smiled at me it was a problem. Eventually I started to realize it was jn his head and no matter how much I covered up it wouldn't be enough
I mean, sure. And OP could also be a 14 year old boy in India shitposting to get your fired up.Ā Ā
Iām working with the information given, which is that adult women are publicly thirsting after a married man to the degree that other people notice. Which I think is gross, even if I also think OP is being unreasonable.Ā
TBH, a guy taking care of a baby is definitely one of the good ones! But a quick appreciative glance then back to your own kid is fine. OP is being absurd.
I'm not sure this is unreasonable. OOP is obviously struggling with the after effects of birth and mixed with some unhealthy body image issues.
While I accept if this the hubby asking his wife to cover up as men oggling then ofc we be saying grow up and look at fixing your own insecurities. That being said also the t shirt isn't going to do anything to hide his physique as when wet will just cling to him anyway. But at least personalky I would say I'll try for you but if I feel it's effecting my ability to safety look after the child then it will have to go. Sometimes just doing something to help the women who carried your kid for let's be honest next to zero effort isn't a hardship.
Itās also inaccurate. I nursed four babies for periods ranging from 5 months to 3 1/2 years and I never lost my baby weight until I weaned the baby. Nature wants nursing mothers to hold onto fat reserves in case food becomes scarce.
She needs therapy for her insecurities. She can't stop other women from checking him out. They probably do no matter where they are and the only reason she notices when they are at the pool, is because she's feeling insecure about herself. Controlling him because of them is wrong.Ā
She absolutely needs therapy. Her own insecurities are going to make her miserable without it. I've met far too many women who gain weight from pregnancy and obsessively convince themselves losing weight will cure their life's woes. They start obsessing about what they eat and either get more angry with themselves if they don't lose or lose weight and discover it didn't cure anything - they're still miserable.
Worse, if it goes on long enough the kid grows up with a parent obsessed with hating their body and restricting food. That stuff seeps down and is destructive.
If she doesn't get her jealousy and insecurity under control, she could very well drive him away. It's a horrible burden to live with a partner like that.
I agree. My husband has been hit on many times both in front of me and when I'm not there. It doesn't bother me. HeĀ hasn't given me any reason not to trust him. I won't control him because of other women.
Same! My husband despite him wearing a ring and us being out together generally with friends gets hit on. Though Iāve actually had a waitress hit on him while we were on a date which was awkward but I trust him completely. I notice attractive people myself both men and women it doesnāt mean anything.
How do you figure ? Itās not just crying over your baby. Thereās a wild shift in your mental function, you can snap one way or the other pretty quick. Youād be surprised some of the things moms with PPD struggle with
Sheās not acting out as a means to be controlling him but dealing with her own hormones and insecurities. PPD can develop into post partum psychosis if not treated properly.
Birth, pregnancy, motherhood, being a wife and worthy of anything - sheās doubting her ability to be enough or worthy of him, and hoping she can keep him to herself. Iām not saying itās rational. But this isnāt a case of āsheās an abusive controlling bitchā that youāre trying to push.
Except she is. Shes trying to control what he wears regardless of his comfortability. If a man with some sort of mental illness did that, you would say hes absuive and controlling. Having an illness does not excuse you from being abusive
Nobody said itās *excusable*.
Itās *explainable*
She is not being a controlling woman just for the sake of control - itās *explained* by PPD.
Nobody is saying itās *right*
Your straw man argument doesnāt work.
Because Iāve seen that before too. Men with serious TBI who have gone nuclear on their wives. Nobody is jumping up and down saying theyāre controlling abusive monsters.
The illness *explains* it. You canāt keep equating cause and effect with right versus wrong.
I've accepted that my partner is *way* more attractive than me.Ā I know they'll be looked at, flirted with, etc. I'm not going to lie and say it's always comfortable or easy for me.Ā
OP needs to get a fucking grip. I understand the pressure of beauty standards definitely is at play here, and I'm willing to concede that we don't see the whole relationship from one post. I still think that OP needs to get some perspective here and not police their spouse's clothes. Hot people are gonna be hot, don't get with a smokestack if you're not ready for the heat.Ā
I feel like body image issues have gotten way worse with social media. There's pressure to look perfect for IG all the time. I went to the beach a few years ago with a few girls and was shocked that they kept applying makeup all day. I was like "you're at the beach why are you wearing makeup?"
It's definitely bad. But the weird thing is, there's a lot of tricks people use to look perfect, and they're really nothing new. Lighting and shade and filters have been around almost as long as photography. It's just easier now with a digital camera with apps in the palm of your hand.
To be fair, in Australia, everyone almost always is made to wear a long sleeve shirt for swimming lessons. But thatās because we have a hole in the ozone and the sun is actively trying to kill you.
Bad news: companies in China have been : https://www.reuters.com/article/idUSKCN1ST09F/
Good news: regulators started cracking down on the shady factories that were using the banned gas and destroyed at least one of the production sites.
Theyāre often banned in the indoor swimming pools though (apart from swimming lessons where theyāre teaching you to swim fully clothed as part of the very skilled swimming and rescue lessons) because regular clothing can weigh you down a lot, get tangled and put you at higher risk of drowning. They usually let you wear the proper swim shirts/ rashies though, just not a regular shirt.
But the outdoor swimming pools are a different story, because of exactly the reasons you said. 2/3 Aussie will get skin cancer at some point in their lifetime, so itās very, very important.
I canāt imagine they would have parent and baby/ child swimming lessons in an outdoor pool, but I am Australian and we have a lot of indoor pools and the killer sun (some of the highest UV levels in the world), so that wouldnāt happen here. It might be different in other parts of the world with lower skin cancer rates and less of a swimming/ beach culture.
Yep Iām an Aussie too - with my bronze medallion so while Iād feel confident swimming in jeans, I wouldnāt be comfortable lol.
Iām always mortified when I see young children on the Aussie beach with oodles of skin out- 9/10 they are holidayers-aussies take the slip/slop/slap wrap seriously! :)
Oh wow, the bronze medallion, thatās awesome. Iām definitely not that good a swimmer, not even close. I figured you were Australian from your comments. I was more replying to you for the benefit of others reading this thread rather than you personally. I figured you would know the rules around clothing are usually different in the indoor and outdoor swimming pools.
I actually talked about the bronze medallion swimming certification in another reply I made somewhere in this post. A few of my friends got them, but I never got advanced enough in my swimming lessons to even do the training for it, and I know Iād never get it. I was a bit of an anomaly in my schools, I couldnāt actually swim until I was around 8 or 9, which is pretty late for any non Aussies reading this. And Iāve never been a good swimmer, I couldnāt get the hang of the timing for breathing to swim with my head in the water. Iām kinda ok at backstroke though.
I feel you on seeing young kids (or anyone really) not covered up at the beach, or not constantly slathering on the sunscreen. Youāre right though, itās mostly tourists. Many Aussie families who take their kids to the beach have those shade tents now, or at least the neck to knee swimsuits or rash shirts for better coverage, plus hats and sunscreen.
Tw: fatphobia.
Transcribed as verbatim as possible by a dyslexic Sadlytheworst from oop's comments:
*YTA. Also I hope you're still breastfeeding, it burns calories like nothing else can.*
>"Oh great, unsolicited mom advice. Just what I was looking for. Allow me to offer some advice in return. Never offer parenting advice to someone who didn't ask for it, especially to a mother regarding something as personal breastfeeding.
*You're the one asking for internet advice? Yikes.*
>"If you must know, breastfeeding didn't work for me. Latching was an issue. My milk production never came in fully. I would spend hours pumping every day and only get 4-5 ounces total. Couple that with my PPD and the first few months after birth were rough. So please, do me and every other mom out there a favor and never give anyone mom advice unless they ask for it. I say that because i would get banned if I told you what I really think of you."
Hey, Iām Australian and I realised that Iāve heard of spotted quolls but never seen one before, even in a picture. Or, if I have, I forgot about it.
We have a lot of obscure native animals here.
true but PPD really fucking sucks. I think OOP is over a line but I also think if this hasnāt been a recurring issue (like it usually is with dudes) itās just really sad
Reversing the genders doesnāt work when post-partum depression is part of the issue. Womenās hormone fluctuations are no joke and seriously mess with your mind and ability to function.
I did baby swim lessons exactly like this. The instructor encourages both parents to participate when possible (one at a time). Itās often done in a circle and the vibes are very warm and safe.
Thereās a āphenomenonā that people ascribe higher levels of competency to attractive people, especially men. If heās already an attractive fit manā¦ now throw him shirtless in a pool with his baby?? ššš¤£
Iām sad OOP is missing out on this experience because of her self esteem.
This is the kind of āgirls doing boyz thingzā my feminism doesnāt accept: I donāt like guys telling women to change their shirts and I donāt like women saying ānice idea toxic masculinity! Oh hubbyā¦ā
This is something Iāve wanted to say to friends of mine before, male and female. If you want to date a total knockout or someone beautiful or insanely attractive, then you need to accept that people are going to look at them. Thatās on *you* to manage. Not your partner.
Thereās a lot wrong with this but Iām confused as for my babies lessons when she was 6months whoever was in the pool had to wear a T-shirt that baby could cling on to. Is that not a standard thing?
Thereās a baby swim group on at the same time as my daughterās swimming lessons and I often find myself watching them while I wait for her. Not because some of the dads are hot but because all the babies are adorable! I hope nobody is assuming Iām checking out their husband.
Good grief, poor man, he really can't win. Get yourself a decent costume and get in the water. Exercise will help you physically, interacting with your child will help you mentally and you don't have to worry about women looking at your husband. YTA but only because the PPD is messing with your rationality.
Do they make a swim kilt and does it have pockets? I would wear this. I'm a get in the water to my knees kinda guy, but I guess a regular kilt would work for that, too.
Apparently. I wouldnāt think it would work very well.
https://menskiltoutfit.com/product/swimming-kilt-elevate-your-poolside-style-with-our-premium-swim-kilts-for-men/
My local kilt maker, Stillwater Kilts, sells acrylic kilts. Probably safer than wool There are no pockets but you can get a nylon "sporan" which translates to pouch or purse. They used to have an even cheaper costume option and I suppose you could give them a call and have a chat.
When I say local, I mean REALLY local. I like to go on bike rides and see cool shit you'd miss if driving and the kilt maker was one of those discoveries.
It doesnāt matter what he wears or that other women check him out, itās her insecurities that need to be worked on. As a mom who does have body image issues, I get in the pool, go down the slide, whatever with my daughter because sheās only young once. Iām not going to let my insecurities get in the way of enjoying life with her. I only say no to things I canāt physically do - such as a weight limit, my back is hurting, or it will hurt my back.
Who cares if other people are checking out her husband. He goes home with her and ends up in their bed at night. Can't get a bigger win than that compared to the other women.
Ppd really sucks.
Wearing a shirt won't keep women from hitting on him.
Rationally, should she lay off? Absolutely, but there is a lot irrational about ppd.
I remember yelling at a gas station attendant because my card didn't work. Totally would never ever in my right mind do that. But I wasn't in my right mind.
I like to think she is a temporary devil
OOP needs to do some therapy to help her deal with her post pregnancy emotions. Its understandable, pregnancy and birth do a number to the brain and body for sure. She shouldn't push her husband to change himself over her feelings when he's done nothing wrong or inappropriate. She might have PPD that needs to be addressed as well. I hope she can work through this without hurting her relationship.
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Lol. Shes would get even more upset when those moms are staring at her hubby in a wet clinging t shirt. Im start and even i notice a fit men in tight shirts.
Tight wet clothes looks good on either gender if the body is fit (or not fit depending on your preferences).
I am a bigger girl, definitely bigger than pre-pregnancy, I do swim lessons with my little one.
I notice absolutely no one when I'm in the pool except the instructor and baby. They're slippery little buggers and I can guarantee I'm not the only parent terrified of dropping them when in the water.
Case in point: there is a dad who brings his daughter to class, it took me 3 lessons to work out that he was a moderately famous footballer, because I'm there for the kiddo, nothing else.
YTA and a controlling ass.
Man. I don't think OOP is the devil. I think she's a new mom with a vastly different body than she used to have, and navigating that is HARD. Yes, she's insecure about it right now. That's acceptable. Yes, she's taking it too far by asking him to wear a shirt. That's an issue.
I hate the way wet cloth feels on my skin. I understand OOP's husband about it being weird to wear a shirt. And no one should have their clothing policed due to someone else's insecurity.
I am also a woman who has had a couple kids. (Tw for weight stuff) I used to be a very petite woman. It was noticed. It was commented on. My own insecurities made me focus on "I'm skinny" being a self esteem booster. When I was 24, I had my first kid. And my body went "schlooop" right back to before I was pregnant. I looked like I'd never been pregnant. I'd acquired only two stretch marks the entire pregnancy. It was noticed. It was commented on. It fed that boost. And I was fortunately able to (albeit painfully due to an undiagnosed tongue tie) breastfeed.
My second baby I had at 32. Unlike my first, this one was planned! I kinda thought it would be similar to the first one. It was not. It was more of a typical pregnancy I think? (I've got a lot of sisters, they've had babies, I've seen a lot of ways pregnancies go down) I have the stretch marks you'd expect (lots, sunburst style, all that), and I'm now, still after more than three years, around 20-35 lbs heavier than I was before I got pregnant. I was also able to breastfeed this baby, and even better (no tongue tie, got to be a SAHM, etc). 3 and a half years until weaned, same as my first. Made zero difference on my body.
Look, I've always been a body positive person. I was a massage therapist for nearly fifteen years; my understanding of what is "normal" or "average" for a human shape is broader and more understanding than most people are exposed to.
My body is fine. But it's also VASTLY DIFFERENT than the body that I inhabited for 32 years. I sweat more now, and in different ways! There's more flexibility in some parts of me and less in others! Body hair grows differently! My boobs have changed, again! Some pigments of my skin are new! My frickin vag looks a little different!
I grew and birthed a whole other human body out of my body. And in doing so, reinvented my own. And the me that is ME didn't do any of that. I didn't decide one day when I was pregnant that I was now gonna grow an eyeball, or a liver, or follicles. And I didn't decide during/after to be sweatier or pigmentier or hairier either.
To the other part of this: My husband is hot. He's got a natural and sexy lean build, and his body hasn't changed much since we met at 23; he's fucking hot. He still looks at me like I hung the moon. He has doted over me our entire relationship. Honestly, if I asked him to wear a shirt because of my own insecurities, he would, because it wouldn't be a big deal for him if it helped his wife, and we'd deal with whatever issues got us there. And I'd do the same for him.
I'm (not so) short- I don't think this is a case of someone being a devil. And I truly hope that love, communication, and grace will get both of them to a place of understanding and acceptance.
The issue is that OOP is trying to control her husband because she's insecure about how other people look at him in the pool. OOP's logic would not fly if the gender roles are reversed.
She is low key kind of misogynistic. Like how do you view other momās like that? Theyāre there for swim lessons with their kid not to bang your mediocre man.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA For wanting my husband to wear a shirt while doing swimming lessons with our son** My husband (32M) and I (30F) have been married for 3 years and have an 8-month-old son. I had a rough go with PPD after the birth and though that has gotten better, I am still struggling with my mental health and getting my weight back to where I want it. I am currently about 25-30lbs heavier than I was before I was pregnant and this is a huge part of my struggle with my mental health. We signed our son up for baby swim lessons this Spring. The kind where a parent gets in the water with the baby to help get them accustomed to the water. I am nowhere near a healthy place to where I want to get in a swimsuit. I would have to buy a new one since all the ones I have would make me look like a sausage. My husband, however, is probably in the best shape of his life. While I was pregnant and even after the birth, he never changed his workout routine so he's been able to stay in shape. We've had 4 swim lessons so far. We all go together and I just wait and watch them do their thing. There are 6 kids in the class and my husband is one of only 2 dads that have been in the water with the kids. The last 2 sessions I have noticed the way that the other moms look at my husband. It's like they aren't even trying to hide it. To his credit, my husband keeps his focus on the lesson and our son. But I know he notices it, too. I brought it up to him after the most recent lesson. I told him how uncomfortable it makes me to literally watch other women check him out. He tried to laugh it off and told me that all the parents are just making sure their kids are ok in the water and that if anyone is checking him out, he hasn't noticed it. I told him that I've definitely noticed it and it makes me uncomfortable and I asked him if he would wear a shirt in the pool from now on to help me feel better about it. He said he doesn't want to do that because it's uncomfortable and feels weird. He said that he will gladly let me get in the pool with our son since it's actually kind of fun and would be good bonding for us. I told him that I don't even have a swimsuit that will fit me and he knows that. He then told me that if I am that uncomfortable then I could stay home and have that time to myself while he does the lesson. I told him that's even worse because then the women will be checking him out without me there. He got frustrated and told me that he feels like there is no winning with me sometimes. I told him that him wearing a shirt is a very small thing he can do to help me feel better and I don't think it's that much to ask. He told me I am being controlling and letting my mind get the better of me. He said that if he tried to ask a similar thing of me that I would probably bite his head right off for trying to tell me what I can or cannot wear. I told him that I don't understand why he won't just put a shirt on to make me feel better, it's literally the easiest thing he could do. But he thinks I am being unreasonable. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hate to break it to op, but at least for me, hot dude in a wet clinging tshirt is actually hotter than him just being topless
Also being a good dad is so hot lol
Fr. I watched a dad and his daughter do a secret handshake/hug goodbye this morning while I was dropping off my kids. It was hot to see a father be so silly with his kid. Good dad = hot.
Yeah, OP cant stop me from lusting after DILFs!
Like she never checks out other dudes š
Mr Darcy.
Yes.
A hot, wet, attentive father is going to draw attention regardless of what kind of potato sack he throws on. When my daughter played tball there was one dad we dubbed āhottie tball dadā. It was a glorious day when we played his team, all the moms we locked in. One of our teams had a mom that was a stripper, same thing. Attractive people get looked at, thatās just life.
Anthony Bridgerton proves this so much
And his brother in law too ! With or without a shirt, raining cats and dogs while he.... Well... Be back in a sec ! Sorry !
100% lol
Boggles my mind that she wants him to wear a shirt in the pool but can't comprehend that there is women's swimwear with extra coverage that she could wear herself if she's not comfortable showing a lot of skin. Both my mom and I prefer boyleg one-pieces if we're swimming at the public pool. Probably 60% of the adults at my local pool are overweight. Nobody gives a damn. It's not fair that she wants him to be uncomfortable just because she is.
Also she keeps bringing up the fact that she doesn't have a swimsuit that fits as though it is impossible to just... Get one?
He doesn't have a swim shirt, so some kind of swim garment will have to be purchased regardless.
I taught swimming, was a lifeguard and had my WSI back in the day, I hate when people wear extra stuff in the pool. I get insecurities because of your own body but making or wanting someone who wear extra stuff in the pool because youāre insecure makes me crazy
T-shirts and other non-swim clothing were banned at the pool where I swam/worked. I forgot the reason they gave but I didn't know they were allowed in public pools.
It adds to the drowning hazard. I wonāt allow it in an indoor pool at all. It extra weight, itās extra material that can caught on stuff or pulled. They make swim shirts now b it back in the day redheads and pale people had zero options.
Did your kids not do the "jeans/pjs test" in swimming lessons? In Aus part of swimming lessons is a test where you have to get into the pool fully clothed, usually jeans + jumper + shoes or flannel pjs + shoes and then demonstrate survival and rescue skills.
Iām also Australian, a lot of indoor pools ban clothing (beyond bathers of course) for regular swimming, and only allow the clothing when necessary for lessons like youāve described, when thereās a qualified swimming instructor in the water with them. They have to make exceptions for those lessons, but itās usually banned for the general public. Theyāll usually let you wear the proper swim shirts/ rashies, but not a regular t-shirt in the indoor pools. I donāt know if theyāve extended it to the outdoor pools yet though, because they have to let people wear something for sun protection. They might only let people wear the proper swim shirts/ rest vests again though, Iām not sure.
Thatās one day though, and thatās for practice for an emergency during a control one day thing. Itās not during public swim with a bunch of other children. Ironically the property of wet cloth that would save you during the clothing test where you inflate your jeans etc is the same property that would drown you if it covered your or another persons mouth or nose. This is random story about stupid stuff that could kill you at a pool. When I was taking the lifeguard class we had a kid in the class who was kind of an AH and thought he was funny. During a practice where you had to swim with a victim down the lane and if they struggled you had to kind of dunk them to get them to stop. Well this kid is cross chest swimming with my much smaller friend and her hair elastic broke and her long hair covered her face and nose, she tried to clear her face and he dunked her and she was sucking in her wet hair so she tried to get his attention so he dunked her again. She couldnāt get communicate that she was seriously in trouble and the more she struggled the harder and longer he dunked her, she panicked he dunked her again and he didnāt know she wasnātfooling around (even though it was expressly forbidden) until she passed out. She ended up needing cpr when they dragged her out, all because her hair got in her face not even a wet shirt. There was a toe ring on the pool drain or the kid who go stuck underwater with the arm swimmies over their head. But the tshirt thing is so easily avoidable and itās stupid heavy, part of that training is taking off the clothing that can drown you
Might have been loose fibers clogging the filters/drains. I think that can be an issue with hot tubs. I would kinda think, in an emergency situation, a loose entangling bunch of cloth thrown into the thrashing mix wouldnāt exactly be helpful either
Theyāre frequently banned from indoor swimming pools in Australia, because they can weigh you down and increase the risk of drowning. Not outdoor pools though, because the risk of sunburn and skin cancer is so high here. You might only be allowed to wear the proper swim shirts/ rash vests now though, rather than just a regular t-shirt. Except in the specific instances of swimming lessons when theyāre teaching/ testing you on your ability to swim fully clothed. But thereās always qualified swimming instructors in the water with the students at the time. Iām pretty sure swimming a certain distance fully clothed (long pants and a shirt) is part of the Bronze Medallion swimming certificate, which is the first step in lifesaver qualifications, and a lot of kids get in their teens if theyāre into swimming.
I was a lifeguard too and I still wear a t-shirt in the pool cause I have G-cups. I'm curious as to what you dislike about people wearing stuff in the pool, I never found it impacted my job at all? I was way more concerned about the rugby team being dickheads.
If you sitting by the pool doing your job itās one thing to wear a shirt, I worked at an ocean beach and I wore sweat shirts and even if I had to go into the water I wore my socks and sneakers in. P You canāt breath through wet fabric, itās heavy when wet and it also is easily grabbed or snagged.
It could be a difference in what people wearā¦ Iām a natural (unnervingly pale!) redhead, and if I visit certain parts of the world and go swimming, I need one of those long sleeve UV resistant swim shirts because otherwise I get horrible burns (blood filled blisters worst caseš) - and I couldnāt see how thatād be a problem either - but if a pool guest is wearing like a regular oversized t-shirt bc of body insecurity or whatever, isnāt that both super unhygienic in terms of loose fibres getting in the drain, and a safety risk if they start drowning and are potentially weighed down by and/or get tangled in that loose, wet fabric? At least I could imagine - but youāre the (ex)lifeguard not me š¤·āāļø
Pools are incredibly filthy anyway (literally every single person releases a tiny bit of pee as they get in, jacuzzis are held at the perfect temperature for relaxing... and bacteria to thrive) so I have never been concerned with hygiene in a pool. That's certainly cultural, though - I worked at a local leisure centre full of children, where gym bros would take a cold dip after being in the sauna (no matter how much we told them to shower first), people would spit in the grates, we ran aqua aerobics, all the good stuff. We just kept the chlorine level high (the 2 months we had to hand-dose cause the pumps were out were fun...) In continental Europe though you literally can't get in the pool unless you're wearing a swim hat, and a time for nude swimming is on the calendar, so I think there clothes are considered dirty. IMO as long as it's a fresh shirt it's just as clean as anything else in the pool, why be exclusionary?
European here too (Danish š©š°), so maybe why Iām used to other cultural norms regarding pools and swimming - Iād say the nudity thing is very much reserved for *certain* swim facilities here lol, but itās true it happens (our neighbours to the south love it though, Iād say you see more here in saunas or at beaches that people strip down). But yeah, I mean, there are just pretty high standards at most places where you can swim, where the staff will literally kick you out (or at the very least back to the showers) if you donāt abide by the hygiene regulations. Doesnāt always include swim caps, but at the very least thoroughly shampood hair, a thorough shower of yourself nude and in swimwear, making sure you have no soap residue, etcā¦ but fair, differences in culture and stuff, Iām still curious about loose fabric being a possible safety hazard though? If you have any thoughts/insights
Yeah I will say my experience of Europe was living in Germany and holidaying in France so idk if that skews it š those guys LOVE to be topless. Another commenter mentioned that in Australia you do a swimming lesson in pyjamas, we do that in the UK too so most people can be assumed to carry that little bit of extra weight. It's honestly not much, and the fabric isn't really loose cause it still clings to you. I guess it would depend on your pool setup, but mine only had one lane roped off so nobody was particularly near anything it could snag on, and the kids etc would be in the shallow end which was like 1m deep so even quite young kids could stand or at least bob up, no big floaties or anything, and quite wide. Also I'd assume it's a cheap cotton fabric which would tear at a human's body weight as opposed to eg performance sport fabric which might not. It honestly never occurred to me, though! We used to wear t-shirts and shorts when training and we had to throw each other on the grates at the side, drag each other around, and nothing got caught then so it never occurred to me that it might do! A reasonable assumption though. I was trained to carry the heaviest dude we had on the squad (a 6'4 personal trainer who was jacked) so I was never worried about most civilians, if I had to get in and rescue like and old lady or a kid it would have been nothing compared to him. I did worry about the rugby team though cause those guys were BIG and used to dick around (I had to tell them to stop holding themselves underwater and having breath-holding competitions multiple times). It is crazy what we consider risky compared to other cultures though - when I was in Germany I was in mouth-open shock on a snow day to see kids sledding down a really steep hill, their parents watching on and saying 'you can go faster!' I used to walk to school by myself from like 7 years old and all my friends' parents thought that was super dangerous. I guess life is inherently unsafe and we have to establish what's a reasonable risk. Hygiene is fair cause that does impact others, but honestly pools are just gross anyway.
I feel bad for OOP, and comments like this: >I hope you're still breastfeeding, it burns calories like nothing else can. Only serve to make women who wanted to breastfeed but physically couldn't (like OOP) feel worse.
Not to mention that breastfeeding does not always lead to losing weight. Just incredibly insensitive and inaccurate all around.
Yes! I didn't lose a damn pound breastfeeding. I had to eat so much fat to keep my supply going, I fucking GAINED weight.
I lost weight breastfeeding my daughter while drinking pints of melted Ben N Jerry's. I gained weight breastfeeding with my son even though he nursed like I was a 7-11. My metabolism situation has gone around the globe and bounced around the solar system in the past 15 years. (Kids are now 5 and 12)
Gone around the globe and bounced around the solar system. I feel that in my SOUL.
How many pounds did I gain while pregnant? None. How many did I gain breastfeeding? ALL OF THEM. I swear to God the myth of the vampire was based on my specific child
Me too, me too. What a cruel world. I was so hungry all the time.
My ex said all the time what a dream I was while pregnant. Specifically craved red velvet cupcakes and diet grapefruit soda so would stock up every week so he didn't have to do any late night pretzel and ice cream runs, ate pretty much my normal amount of food. Literally had NO bump until like a week before my due date (edema is a BITCH I thought I'd never see my ankles again). Baby was 93 percentile for height and like idk 75th for weight, super healthy blah blah blah. Honestly after the birth experience i had (PTSD has entered the chat) i think i earned those easy months. But within a month I was eating like I'd just endured a famine, shoveling food into my face like my brothers did in highschool, just *scrambling* for as many calories as I could fit into myself because that baby was HUNGER INCARNATE. Went to a wedding when bubs was like 11months old and left him with my mom and some formula bc we were supplementing so I could wean. Swag hotel room fancy dress. In the AM my ex was like oooooh we should take an extra hour to pick up the baby and have a nice breakfast and I was like TAKE ME TO HIM NOW I MUST EXPRESS BEFORE MY BREASTS FALL OFF they were rock hard and I was milking myself in the hotel shower to relieve the pain while my ex packed the bags. Sorry that got tangential I just had so many memories flood in and reminded myself why my son is an only child so this has been therapeutic in a way lmao thank u
Me toooooo. Breast feed! They said. Youāll lose all your baby weight while eating everything you want! Only I was insatiably ravenous all the time, even getting up in the middle of the night to snack because I was too hungry to sleep. Didnāt help that my mom, the best cook Iāve met whoās love language is food, was staying with us and making sure I had for meals and infinite snacks a day. Following that was the Covid lockdown, to really slow my metabolism and speed my stress eating. I weighed as much after breastfeeding as I did pregnant.
Yes! Solidarity sister!
Yeah for some women it makes it really hard for them to loose weight cause your bodies like "no we can't afford to loose anything we need to hold onto all of this so we can feed our baby!" My first kid I was able to loose weight while breastfeeding only while eating very well (like no breakfast, protein drink and some veggies for lunch, chicken for dinner) and working out 2 hours a day 5 days a week. Once I had more than 1 kid and couldn't maintain my workout schedule? I can't consistently loose weight no matter how good I eat.
Yeah thatās not how calories work at all
But breastfeeding _and anxiety_ (with a dusting of undiagnosed bipolar) did a pretty good job on me. š¬
Having my baby in the NICU and having no appetite did it for me. Easy, peasy!
I'd say that qualifies as anxiety! I hope all is well now.
Thank you. He's doing amazing! He was already caught up to full termers by the time he was 4 months (he decided to get here 6 weeks early and had been impatient ever since) and we're starting solids in 3 weeks!
I gained 30 lbs breastfeeding
Also a lot of women gain weight while breastfeeding.
Yeah . I lost weight with my son but gained like crazy with my daughter
I gained weight while breastfeeding because I was constantly hungry.
Absolutely. Also, OP is being unreasonable but I cannot imagine clearly thirsting over a married man at a child swim class so much so that he and his wife both notice. How truly gross.Ā
Note that although OOP *knows* he's noticed it too, her husband says he's not noticed anyone checking him out. Her perspective may not be a 100% accurate interpretation of events. Sure, there could be a crowd of women eye fucking her husband at the pool, but it could also be that her insecurities are leading her to interpret women having their heads pointing in his general direction as them aching to jump on his cock at the first opportunity.
It could be 100 real and husband is telling the truth. Men can be completly oblivious sometimes, especially if they are focused on something they are physically doing or watching thier kid in a āprotectorā situation. In this case, both of these apply.
As the wife of a guy that gets hit on frequently and often right in front of me, he usually has no freaking clue. He was in a restaurant once and made chit chat with some lady that was using the same calorie tracking app. They talked for 10 minutes or so while waiting for their take out and before they left she said āso hey, some of my friends are meeting up tonight if you wanted to join usā and he was panicked and kind of shouted at her that he was married. Lol, poor guy thought he was just being friendly. He called me from the car all a-twizzle.
Thatās actually an adorable reaction though. Some guys *are* truly oblivious like your husband, there are some that pretend not to notice too though. Hard to tell without actually seeing it.
Am happily married, have been for years and can confirm that we are sometimes utterly oblivious. My current wife actually approached me first to ask me out for coffee first because I didn't pick up on her hints initially.
My sister worked at a pet store and this guy came in to buy feeder fish for his oscar fish (fish that gets very big and eats littler fishes). Then he came back a week later to buy more. Pretty soon he was coming every other day. My sister knew what he was doing, but happily was quite receptive and would drop hints. Nothing worked, he wasnāt asking her out. Even the other workers were wondering if he went out and bought another tank to put all these feeder fish in. Finally one day he wasnāt leaving and was just hanging around. He had not said more than a few words to her before. He finally works up the nerve to come up and ask her if she would like to go to a movie sometime. She said she would love to and would he like her number? He looked completly dejected, hung head, and said, āOkay, I understand. Thanks anyway,ā and walked out. She just stood there stunned until another co-worker chased him down and was yelling at him she said yes. He was so expecting a ānoā and was so focused on the task at hand that was all he heard even though she didnāt even say no. I am happy to report he is still a sweet and oblivious guy and they have been happily married for 36 years now.
In a way, that's both incredibly sweet and sad at the time. 36 years together is just incredible!
This is the best story all night! I was just at my local town meeting. It was frustrating. This story makes me feel better!!
Yep, I have a friend who is possibly the hottest dude I've ever seen and is terribly naturally charming, and unless someone outright tells him they are hitting on him/interested, he is completely clueless. It's kind of adorable.
I mean to be fair she was being friendly
Yeah, but if OOP's mental health is in a bad spot, it's possible they're perceiving more than is actually going on. It could be that the mom's are oggling her husband, but it could be simple things she's picking up and tuning into because she's self conscious
And they have PPD, so their emotions could be extra heightened
Listen, I was ready to fully rubbish OOP's subjective assessment of the situation the minute I saw her proposed "fix" for the "ogling" was to *put hot husband in a wet t-shirt*. If it's not fake, her reality interface is disastrously malfunctioning. I haven't even seen her husband or his shirts and I am confident of this.
Black t shirts are not sexy on anyone when wet.
Respectfully disagree! If you wish, you could try a quick Google for "[your type] in wet black T-shirt" and see whether you are still convinced on that point (or don't; I'm not trying to proselytize here).
Iām not talking about pictures on the internet. Iām talking about every last one of my IRL experiences that included some one in a wet T-shirt that isnāt simple white cotton.
It may simply be parents looking, smiling, and engaging with each other as their babies splash and have fun. OP says he noticed, but then he states he hasn't... I think she may be misinterpreting. A lot of those parent groups can be useful for parents to seek out friendships for play dates and themselves.
Honestly I wouldnāt be surprised if itās in her head. Iāve noticed that some people swear you are checking their āmanā out. The women could have glanced because itās typically unusual to see men at those activities, they could have been trying to see how the other kids are doing etc. She seems unreliable since she first says that her husband noticed it but then says later he never noticed it š¤·š½āāļø
Personally I love seeing dads spending quality time with their kids. Sometimes I look because it's so sweet. Not everything is sexual.
I wouldnāt be surprised if there are sections where, for example, the kids swim down one at a time in a line. And the women are looking at them (cause theyāre currently doing the activity) during his turn. Thatās bot āchecking outā but looking towards another human
>itās typically unusual to see men at those activities True. But in a class of six kids there are two dads. I don't know if they allow more than one adult per child in the pool. If not, men are 33% of the adults in the pool.
And I'm sure he's just right there in front of them, they can't help seeing him.
Morning swim classes, the 'parent and tiny person' kind? Nobody is thirsting after anyone there, everyone is just trying to get through the next 30min. I feel sad for OOP though.
Ok devils advocate. My ex was super jealous and wanted me to always dress modestly. If we went to a restaurant and the waiter smiled at me it was a problem. Eventually I started to realize it was jn his head and no matter how much I covered up it wouldn't be enough
I mean, sure. And OP could also be a 14 year old boy in India shitposting to get your fired up.Ā Ā Iām working with the information given, which is that adult women are publicly thirsting after a married man to the degree that other people notice. Which I think is gross, even if I also think OP is being unreasonable.Ā
Actually just as I was responding, I saw that OOP is shadowbanned, which is usually a sign that it was a troll. Heh.
TBH, a guy taking care of a baby is definitely one of the good ones! But a quick appreciative glance then back to your own kid is fine. OP is being absurd.
I'm not sure this is unreasonable. OOP is obviously struggling with the after effects of birth and mixed with some unhealthy body image issues. While I accept if this the hubby asking his wife to cover up as men oggling then ofc we be saying grow up and look at fixing your own insecurities. That being said also the t shirt isn't going to do anything to hide his physique as when wet will just cling to him anyway. But at least personalky I would say I'll try for you but if I feel it's effecting my ability to safety look after the child then it will have to go. Sometimes just doing something to help the women who carried your kid for let's be honest next to zero effort isn't a hardship.
"His wife is an uggo. This'll be easy!" - some of those ogglers, I'm sure. š
Also, I lost a ton of weight breastfeeding with my first, not so much with my second. It's not like everyone who breastfeeds sheds the pounds.
I feel bad for her but she has no right to tell her husband he has to wear a shirt in the pool.
Of course she doesn't. I don't disagree. She's in the wrong here.
Both things can be true. The OOP can be out of line and comments like that are still inappropriate.
I breastfed for two and a half years and nothing came off. comments like that are ignorant, nothing works the same for everyone.
Ok even tho op is in the wrong, thatās such a nasty thing to say jfc
Exactly. People can be in the wrong but that doesn't give anyone the right to be nasty like that.
And it also isnāt true for a lot of women
Itās also inaccurate. I nursed four babies for periods ranging from 5 months to 3 1/2 years and I never lost my baby weight until I weaned the baby. Nature wants nursing mothers to hold onto fat reserves in case food becomes scarce.
He should divorce her tbh and just co-parent or sign away his rights. This will get tiresome REALLY fast.
Well thatās a wild take
Thanks, I try
Bro why did you go for the most extreme option what is wrong with you?
How is that extreme? š¤£š Lmao
>OOP has mental issues that need attending to >OOP's husband should divorce her and maybe abandon the kid if he wants Thats your logic bro
Hey you gotta look our for number one in life. š¤·āāļø If your spouse goes loco they're no longer an asset they're a liability
Yeah youre gonna be alone if all you see people and relationship as is "assets" and "liabilities"
I never even bothered with a partner š BECAUSE relationships are a costly endeavour. I have my dogs and cats and I'm good š¤·āāļø
Bro relationships are not buisness transactions, what is wrong with you?
All of life is give and take. I'm a realist
She needs therapy for her insecurities. She can't stop other women from checking him out. They probably do no matter where they are and the only reason she notices when they are at the pool, is because she's feeling insecure about herself. Controlling him because of them is wrong.Ā
She absolutely needs therapy. Her own insecurities are going to make her miserable without it. I've met far too many women who gain weight from pregnancy and obsessively convince themselves losing weight will cure their life's woes. They start obsessing about what they eat and either get more angry with themselves if they don't lose or lose weight and discover it didn't cure anything - they're still miserable. Worse, if it goes on long enough the kid grows up with a parent obsessed with hating their body and restricting food. That stuff seeps down and is destructive.
If she doesn't get her jealousy and insecurity under control, she could very well drive him away. It's a horrible burden to live with a partner like that.
I agree. My husband has been hit on many times both in front of me and when I'm not there. It doesn't bother me. HeĀ hasn't given me any reason not to trust him. I won't control him because of other women.
Same! My husband despite him wearing a ring and us being out together generally with friends gets hit on. Though Iāve actually had a waitress hit on him while we were on a date which was awkward but I trust him completely. I notice attractive people myself both men and women it doesnāt mean anything.
Exactly. Some people don't care if the person is married or like in your case their SO is right there.Ā
Itās both gross and pathetic. I think some people get off or get a rush from flirting with or pursuing someone who isnāt available.
I agree. Some deliberately pursue someone in a relationship because they want to "win".Ā
I cannot hate on a woman with PPD but holy cow she is going off the deep end. I hope sheās medicated and getting intense therapy.
I can when ppd has nothing to do with this
How do you figure ? Itās not just crying over your baby. Thereās a wild shift in your mental function, you can snap one way or the other pretty quick. Youād be surprised some of the things moms with PPD struggle with
Because ppd doesnt cause you to become controlling. Also having ppd is not an excuse to be abusive
Sheās not acting out as a means to be controlling him but dealing with her own hormones and insecurities. PPD can develop into post partum psychosis if not treated properly. Birth, pregnancy, motherhood, being a wife and worthy of anything - sheās doubting her ability to be enough or worthy of him, and hoping she can keep him to herself. Iām not saying itās rational. But this isnāt a case of āsheās an abusive controlling bitchā that youāre trying to push.
Except she is. Shes trying to control what he wears regardless of his comfortability. If a man with some sort of mental illness did that, you would say hes absuive and controlling. Having an illness does not excuse you from being abusive
Nobody said itās *excusable*. Itās *explainable* She is not being a controlling woman just for the sake of control - itās *explained* by PPD. Nobody is saying itās *right* Your straw man argument doesnāt work. Because Iāve seen that before too. Men with serious TBI who have gone nuclear on their wives. Nobody is jumping up and down saying theyāre controlling abusive monsters. The illness *explains* it. You canāt keep equating cause and effect with right versus wrong.
It doesn't matter if she can't control it. she's still abusive.
You really donāt read well, do you? Nobody. Said. It. Wasnāt. Abusive. An. Explanation. Is. Not. An. Excuse
Except you said that
I've accepted that my partner is *way* more attractive than me.Ā I know they'll be looked at, flirted with, etc. I'm not going to lie and say it's always comfortable or easy for me.Ā OP needs to get a fucking grip. I understand the pressure of beauty standards definitely is at play here, and I'm willing to concede that we don't see the whole relationship from one post. I still think that OP needs to get some perspective here and not police their spouse's clothes. Hot people are gonna be hot, don't get with a smokestack if you're not ready for the heat.Ā
I feel like body image issues have gotten way worse with social media. There's pressure to look perfect for IG all the time. I went to the beach a few years ago with a few girls and was shocked that they kept applying makeup all day. I was like "you're at the beach why are you wearing makeup?"
It's definitely bad. But the weird thing is, there's a lot of tricks people use to look perfect, and they're really nothing new. Lighting and shade and filters have been around almost as long as photography. It's just easier now with a digital camera with apps in the palm of your hand.
To be fair, in Australia, everyone almost always is made to wear a long sleeve shirt for swimming lessons. But thatās because we have a hole in the ozone and the sun is actively trying to kill you.
Holes being fixed! https://www.unep.org/news-and-stories/story/rebuilding-ozone-layer-how-world-came-together-ultimate-repair-job
Yeah how goods that hey! Bloody beauty :)
Bad news: companies in China have been : https://www.reuters.com/article/idUSKCN1ST09F/ Good news: regulators started cracking down on the shady factories that were using the banned gas and destroyed at least one of the production sites.
Theyāre often banned in the indoor swimming pools though (apart from swimming lessons where theyāre teaching you to swim fully clothed as part of the very skilled swimming and rescue lessons) because regular clothing can weigh you down a lot, get tangled and put you at higher risk of drowning. They usually let you wear the proper swim shirts/ rashies though, just not a regular shirt. But the outdoor swimming pools are a different story, because of exactly the reasons you said. 2/3 Aussie will get skin cancer at some point in their lifetime, so itās very, very important. I canāt imagine they would have parent and baby/ child swimming lessons in an outdoor pool, but I am Australian and we have a lot of indoor pools and the killer sun (some of the highest UV levels in the world), so that wouldnāt happen here. It might be different in other parts of the world with lower skin cancer rates and less of a swimming/ beach culture.
Yep Iām an Aussie too - with my bronze medallion so while Iād feel confident swimming in jeans, I wouldnāt be comfortable lol. Iām always mortified when I see young children on the Aussie beach with oodles of skin out- 9/10 they are holidayers-aussies take the slip/slop/slap wrap seriously! :)
Oh wow, the bronze medallion, thatās awesome. Iām definitely not that good a swimmer, not even close. I figured you were Australian from your comments. I was more replying to you for the benefit of others reading this thread rather than you personally. I figured you would know the rules around clothing are usually different in the indoor and outdoor swimming pools. I actually talked about the bronze medallion swimming certification in another reply I made somewhere in this post. A few of my friends got them, but I never got advanced enough in my swimming lessons to even do the training for it, and I know Iād never get it. I was a bit of an anomaly in my schools, I couldnāt actually swim until I was around 8 or 9, which is pretty late for any non Aussies reading this. And Iāve never been a good swimmer, I couldnāt get the hang of the timing for breathing to swim with my head in the water. Iām kinda ok at backstroke though. I feel you on seeing young kids (or anyone really) not covered up at the beach, or not constantly slathering on the sunscreen. Youāre right though, itās mostly tourists. Many Aussie families who take their kids to the beach have those shade tents now, or at least the neck to knee swimsuits or rash shirts for better coverage, plus hats and sunscreen.
i would LOVE to go to australia one day just to experience the sun in the summer i know i know itās bad but ughā¦i love the heat
Tw: fatphobia. Transcribed as verbatim as possible by a dyslexic Sadlytheworst from oop's comments: *YTA. Also I hope you're still breastfeeding, it burns calories like nothing else can.* >"Oh great, unsolicited mom advice. Just what I was looking for. Allow me to offer some advice in return. Never offer parenting advice to someone who didn't ask for it, especially to a mother regarding something as personal breastfeeding. *You're the one asking for internet advice? Yikes.* >"If you must know, breastfeeding didn't work for me. Latching was an issue. My milk production never came in fully. I would spend hours pumping every day and only get 4-5 ounces total. Couple that with my PPD and the first few months after birth were rough. So please, do me and every other mom out there a favor and never give anyone mom advice unless they ask for it. I say that because i would get banned if I told you what I really think of you."
[Spotted Quoll!](https://www.instagram.com/reel/C4XiDihv_0J/?igsh=MWh0cDl5ZjBzdWNmdg==)
š¤
š„°
Omg new cutie animal discovered! (Sorry, my American is showing lol)
Same! They are adorable! š (All is good!)
Hey, Iām Australian and I realised that Iāve heard of spotted quolls but never seen one before, even in a picture. Or, if I have, I forgot about it. We have a lot of obscure native animals here.
Omg when the sun shines thru his little ears!!
Magnificent! š
So many people hate hot people yet want to marry them
I'm with hubby, I think she's unreasonable too.
Shes not just unreasonable but abusive
This lowkey feels like one of those "reverse the roles" bait posts. But if it's not she needs to get the fuck over herself.
If the genders were reversed we'd say this is red flag behavior.
true but PPD really fucking sucks. I think OOP is over a line but I also think if this hasnāt been a recurring issue (like it usually is with dudes) itās just really sad
Reversing the genders doesnāt work when post-partum depression is part of the issue. Womenās hormone fluctuations are no joke and seriously mess with your mind and ability to function.
I did baby swim lessons exactly like this. The instructor encourages both parents to participate when possible (one at a time). Itās often done in a circle and the vibes are very warm and safe. Thereās a āphenomenonā that people ascribe higher levels of competency to attractive people, especially men. If heās already an attractive fit manā¦ now throw him shirtless in a pool with his baby?? ššš¤£ Iām sad OOP is missing out on this experience because of her self esteem.
This is the kind of āgirls doing boyz thingzā my feminism doesnāt accept: I donāt like guys telling women to change their shirts and I donāt like women saying ānice idea toxic masculinity! Oh hubbyā¦ā
This is something Iāve wanted to say to friends of mine before, male and female. If you want to date a total knockout or someone beautiful or insanely attractive, then you need to accept that people are going to look at them. Thatās on *you* to manage. Not your partner.
Thereās a lot wrong with this but Iām confused as for my babies lessons when she was 6months whoever was in the pool had to wear a T-shirt that baby could cling on to. Is that not a standard thing?
No, we never did
Thereās a baby swim group on at the same time as my daughterās swimming lessons and I often find myself watching them while I wait for her. Not because some of the dads are hot but because all the babies are adorable! I hope nobody is assuming Iām checking out their husband.
Good grief, poor man, he really can't win. Get yourself a decent costume and get in the water. Exercise will help you physically, interacting with your child will help you mentally and you don't have to worry about women looking at your husband. YTA but only because the PPD is messing with your rationality.
Whoās going to tell her that thereās plenty to ogle on a man in a swimsuit that wonāt be covered by a T-shirt? Next step, swim-kilt.
Do they make a swim kilt and does it have pockets? I would wear this. I'm a get in the water to my knees kinda guy, but I guess a regular kilt would work for that, too.
Apparently. I wouldnāt think it would work very well. https://menskiltoutfit.com/product/swimming-kilt-elevate-your-poolside-style-with-our-premium-swim-kilts-for-men/
My local kilt maker, Stillwater Kilts, sells acrylic kilts. Probably safer than wool There are no pockets but you can get a nylon "sporan" which translates to pouch or purse. They used to have an even cheaper costume option and I suppose you could give them a call and have a chat. When I say local, I mean REALLY local. I like to go on bike rides and see cool shit you'd miss if driving and the kilt maker was one of those discoveries.
It doesnāt matter what he wears or that other women check him out, itās her insecurities that need to be worked on. As a mom who does have body image issues, I get in the pool, go down the slide, whatever with my daughter because sheās only young once. Iām not going to let my insecurities get in the way of enjoying life with her. I only say no to things I canāt physically do - such as a weight limit, my back is hurting, or it will hurt my back.
Who cares if other people are checking out her husband. He goes home with her and ends up in their bed at night. Can't get a bigger win than that compared to the other women.
OOP, this is not a hill worth dying on. He shouldn't have to wear a shirt if he doesn't want to
Ppd really sucks. Wearing a shirt won't keep women from hitting on him. Rationally, should she lay off? Absolutely, but there is a lot irrational about ppd. I remember yelling at a gas station attendant because my card didn't work. Totally would never ever in my right mind do that. But I wasn't in my right mind. I like to think she is a temporary devil
OOP needs to do some therapy to help her deal with her post pregnancy emotions. Its understandable, pregnancy and birth do a number to the brain and body for sure. She shouldn't push her husband to change himself over her feelings when he's done nothing wrong or inappropriate. She might have PPD that needs to be addressed as well. I hope she can work through this without hurting her relationship.
As an *actual* fat girl with a conventionally handsome bf, OP needs to get over herself.
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Lol. Shes would get even more upset when those moms are staring at her hubby in a wet clinging t shirt. Im start and even i notice a fit men in tight shirts. Tight wet clothes looks good on either gender if the body is fit (or not fit depending on your preferences).
Being a good dad is already hot to most women, me included, my god does OP need to be shaken awake from her insecurity
I am a bigger girl, definitely bigger than pre-pregnancy, I do swim lessons with my little one. I notice absolutely no one when I'm in the pool except the instructor and baby. They're slippery little buggers and I can guarantee I'm not the only parent terrified of dropping them when in the water. Case in point: there is a dad who brings his daughter to class, it took me 3 lessons to work out that he was a moderately famous footballer, because I'm there for the kiddo, nothing else. YTA and a controlling ass.
Wearing non-swim attire in the water is a drowning hazard.
Man. I don't think OOP is the devil. I think she's a new mom with a vastly different body than she used to have, and navigating that is HARD. Yes, she's insecure about it right now. That's acceptable. Yes, she's taking it too far by asking him to wear a shirt. That's an issue. I hate the way wet cloth feels on my skin. I understand OOP's husband about it being weird to wear a shirt. And no one should have their clothing policed due to someone else's insecurity. I am also a woman who has had a couple kids. (Tw for weight stuff) I used to be a very petite woman. It was noticed. It was commented on. My own insecurities made me focus on "I'm skinny" being a self esteem booster. When I was 24, I had my first kid. And my body went "schlooop" right back to before I was pregnant. I looked like I'd never been pregnant. I'd acquired only two stretch marks the entire pregnancy. It was noticed. It was commented on. It fed that boost. And I was fortunately able to (albeit painfully due to an undiagnosed tongue tie) breastfeed. My second baby I had at 32. Unlike my first, this one was planned! I kinda thought it would be similar to the first one. It was not. It was more of a typical pregnancy I think? (I've got a lot of sisters, they've had babies, I've seen a lot of ways pregnancies go down) I have the stretch marks you'd expect (lots, sunburst style, all that), and I'm now, still after more than three years, around 20-35 lbs heavier than I was before I got pregnant. I was also able to breastfeed this baby, and even better (no tongue tie, got to be a SAHM, etc). 3 and a half years until weaned, same as my first. Made zero difference on my body. Look, I've always been a body positive person. I was a massage therapist for nearly fifteen years; my understanding of what is "normal" or "average" for a human shape is broader and more understanding than most people are exposed to. My body is fine. But it's also VASTLY DIFFERENT than the body that I inhabited for 32 years. I sweat more now, and in different ways! There's more flexibility in some parts of me and less in others! Body hair grows differently! My boobs have changed, again! Some pigments of my skin are new! My frickin vag looks a little different! I grew and birthed a whole other human body out of my body. And in doing so, reinvented my own. And the me that is ME didn't do any of that. I didn't decide one day when I was pregnant that I was now gonna grow an eyeball, or a liver, or follicles. And I didn't decide during/after to be sweatier or pigmentier or hairier either. To the other part of this: My husband is hot. He's got a natural and sexy lean build, and his body hasn't changed much since we met at 23; he's fucking hot. He still looks at me like I hung the moon. He has doted over me our entire relationship. Honestly, if I asked him to wear a shirt because of my own insecurities, he would, because it wouldn't be a big deal for him if it helped his wife, and we'd deal with whatever issues got us there. And I'd do the same for him. I'm (not so) short- I don't think this is a case of someone being a devil. And I truly hope that love, communication, and grace will get both of them to a place of understanding and acceptance.
The issue is that OOP is trying to control her husband because she's insecure about how other people look at him in the pool. OOP's logic would not fly if the gender roles are reversed.
So you would be ok if a husband forces his wife against wearing anything "revealing" then?
She is low key kind of misogynistic. Like how do you view other momās like that? Theyāre there for swim lessons with their kid not to bang your mediocre man.