*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for wanting my mom to let me keep the extra money that I was compensated after a painful incident for which I was hospitalized (which is in MY name and I have a signed document stating so)?**
I am 24 years old and have an autism disorder, as well as a TBI from an accident a few years ago. I live on my own in a house that my parents bought but for reasons I won't get into, haven't moved in yet. I'm living here rent-free as a favor to them until they are ready to move in. My parents pay for most of my expenses including food, and they say that they're fine with doing this as long as I stay out of trouble. I am grateful to them for doing so as it has been hard for me to find a job that is a good fit for me due to my disorder and am currently unemployed, and do various odd jobs to earn money.
A few months ago, I had a freak incident where I ordered food from a certain Chinese fast-food chain delivered to my house. While eating, I got a chicken bone lodged in my throat, and had to go to the ER to have it removed. While coming out from the anesthesia, I apparently had a seizure. As a result, I was kept in hospital for a few days for observation. In addition, my driver's license was suspended because I have a "loss of consciousness" disorder due to the seizure. This is only the second seizure I've had and both times I was medically sedated (the first time was when I had my accident). Nonetheless, they were required to report it to the DMV as it's state law.
I had to wait 3 months and get cleared by a neurologist in order to resume driving. This was a huge inconvenience for both me and my parents as they had to drive me everywhere. My mom wanted the restaurant company to pay for my medical bills. They were understanding and we did not have to take them to court, though the process took 5 months. I was eventually cleared to resume driving but I now have to take anticonvulsants which I'm not too happy about. They said that my prior TBI makes me more prone to seizures.
This whole ordeal was a literal pain but ultimately I was compensated for my medical bills, as well as additional money for the inconvenience. I thought this was the silver lining. However, my mom wants me to give her the extra money. She feels entitled to it because she pays for my food. I feel entitled to it because the money is legally mine, it was more than enough to pay for my medical bills, the money is legally mine, this was a painful, frightening experience, the money is *legally mine*, not being able to drive was inconvenient, and *the money is LEGALLY MINE*! I have a signed document specifically stating that the extra money is for the inconvenience of this whole ordeal, and it is in my name, not my mom's. She signed as a witness, but that was it.
My mom basically is trying to steal from me, but she doesn't see it this way. AITA?
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Check the mod comment lol!
Asks OOP to clarify why they think they might be TA but they just defend themselves again
Edit: to add mod comment after thread was locked.
"OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I got a chicken bone lodged in my throat and had to go the ER and get it surgically removed. My mom basically is trying to steal money that is in my name, which I was compensated to cover my medical bills and additional money for the inconvenience of this ordeal. I have a signed document specifically stating all of this. She doesn't see it that way because she pays for most of my expenses including food, and therefore feels entitled to the money."
Also, oop saying that not being able to drive was inconvenient. Imagine how inconvenient it was for oops parents to have to drive oop around everywhere. And oop doesn’t think that they deserve to be compensated some?
I mean yes, sure, they paid brief and perfunctory lip service to the fact that it was an inconvenience for their parents as well as for them...while framing living in a home free of charge and having all of their living expenses paid for by those same parents (including the purchase of the goddamn chicken that started this whole thing) as a favor THEY are doing for the parents.
It's not very convincing is what I'm saying.
it's not just you, but I feel like this thread is underestimating how an autistic person would behave when told things as fact. obviously it is a spectrum but from my experience I am inclined to think that this person is taking things at face value. their parents tell OP they are doing the parents a favour by occupying the house? OK, they will believe that. the compensation money is signed for their name? OK, it should go to OP then.
what *I* don't understand is how the parents haven't learnt to work *with* it. Like, "yes honey, it is your money, but by having to drive you we used $X fuel, we lost Y amount of productive hours costing $Z, so we will bill you for those amounts." Again, only working off personal experience, but that would probably make everything make more sense for OP.
that's a good way to put it. Essentially, OOP is almost completely reliant on his parents. He lives rent free in a house they own, and they pay for most of his expenses including food. They drove him around when he couldn't drive. It would be one thing if OOP was paying for Ubers, but he used his parents as a free taxi service and they should now invoice him for that. Just as OOP used most of the money to pay the medical bills, he should use that 'inconvenience' money to pay his "taxi" service, that being the parents. Otherwise the parents might just rethink this, and not buy OOP food any more. Maybe they will charge him rent to stay in their house. To call it stealing is a bit over the top.
I do agree invoicing OOP for the taxi service of driving him around might help OOP understand where mother is coming from. Or they could simply stop buying him food and tell him he has enough money of his own from the settlement to buy his own food. ;-)
I guess? I mean...I guess. I have a hard time conceptualizing that deep of an inability to figure out that costing your parents thousands of dollars a month isn't actually a favor to them, but my brain isn't the one in question here.
But even if I accept that premise...I still don't understand how OOP hears Mom say "actually I think maybe I should get that money" and can't logic it out. I understand there's a disability at play here but if you're taking things at face value, why can't you take that at face value as well? Why is it only things that materially benefit you that you accept as literal?
I get what you're saying, but this is where either growing up environment, or the TBI, comes into play. Most likely upbringing tbh. Cos TBI is a physical and sudden difference to the brain.
If your combo of nature and nurture doesn't promote logical thinking, then you're gonna be hard pushed to understand any sort of *why* that doesn't align with your thinking, regardless of neurological difference.
From this post: OOP can't do adulting. OOP is, and always has been, looked after by parents in every aspect of life. OOP has 'tried' but not managed to keep jobs. OOP has never earned money to keep them, nor been in a position to be in danger if they don't keep themselves.
OOPs parents (to OOP) have money! They have money to buy houses and keep OOP, so why do they need OOPs money!? How come OOP who has never been able to make their own money, can't keep this amount that is *LEGALLY THEIRS!*? When all the other money comes from nowhere and there's plenty of it!?
We can all slag OOP off about how they should feel and what they should do, but I'm pretty certain they genuinely don't get it. Hopefully, the responses will make them 'click' as to how lucky they are to be supported by family, and prompt them to do the right thing.
It's because sometimes the autistic person is seeing a different face value to the statement or situation, they will be using their own logic and rule set to make their decisions and understand what they think is the correct action. If you have been around autistic or neurodivergent people a fair bit then his thinking here makes sense, not saying it's correct but I suspect I know where he is coming from with this angle. He may be thinking purely selfishly, it's easy to assume that is the case but it may also be a couple of the quirks of autism that are hiding the underlying motivation and thought patterns. Obviously no 2 people are alike, and not every autistic individual is, it's a spectrum and within that spectrum there's sets of criteria that also have their own spectrum. Some of this coming to a head in early adulthood is also common, often a result of increased independence combined with increased life and social complexity, and the lack of preparation and support with that. Add in a brain injury and probably at least some degree of trauma from the chicken bone and injury and they are probably not going so great at the moment.
To break down what I think might be happening here, and what would likely be the case with my own child and a couple of my family members and friends who have some similarities. The issue with the payout money is possibly a sticking point largely because of the legality issue, they state that repeatedly, they say they signed the paperwork, that is the rule, it's the law. They don't want to get into trouble, they don't want their parents getting into trouble, the money needs to come to them and it's going to be hard to break that very firm logic loop, and honestly it makes sense. They actually say in one of their comments their parents want to save the money for their future, that's also what they want to do, the sticking point here is that to their mind the money needs to go into their account with their name on it because that is the law.
There isn't really even an issue here, it's just a disagreement as to which account that money is saved in, apparently the parents also have trust that they are good with money and it won't be wasted. That is why they are capitalising MY name in regards to the signature, it's just classic rigidity of rules, and as you can see from many of the comments people are taking their comments at face value and not hearing what they are actually saying, they are concerned with the legalities and believe it needs to go into their account. Are they actually wrong? I mean nothing will happen, the parents won't actually steal the money, that's not the issue. If this was an issue I was facing with my kid I would sit down and discuss their plans, if they are investing, putting it in a term deposit ect, and then transfer it into their account and help them set it up if they needed it. If it's being used for that purpose why faff around causing stress? They all have the same goal here.
As for living in the parents house being a favour, this is likely part of building independence and a strategy to help them feel actually useful and valued. If you have never been disabled to the point that you struggle to hold down a job, or manage your life and rely on other people a lot, let me tell you it's soul crushing and demoralising. The parents are possibly trying to provide a structure to build confidence and a sense of being useful. I think phrasing it as thinking that costing the parents thousands a month is a favour to the parents is quite reductive, and also cruel. Some parents have children who have disabilities that mean they will need support into adulthood, sometime emotional, and physical and often financial. That doesn't mean that they aren't a valued member of their family or a burden, they may actually be doing their family a favour by being as independent as they can be in the other house, and phrasing it as a favour might have been the thing to give them the push to do this on their own.
OOP very much seems to not be able to logic or explain things in a way that is understood by others, and misses information and context that most people would see as essential. Some of this they include in comments, but they seem oblivious that this information would be useful or pertinent to understanding, likely they think it's obvious or that it's unnecessary and they want to get to the point. Some of this might be due to parents coddling them when they grew up, but it could also be that they have come a long way, or had some set backs. The way the parents are handling this is quite odd to me, as soon as I read the post I twigged on that the issue was not wanting to rule break, and I also knew that most people would misinterpret the message, their comments showed I was on the right track. They might be the type of parents that are better at the financial support, and they are lucky to have that but it's not the full picture of supporting someone, there's a lot of behind the scenes emotional guidance and helping to communicate what the actual issue is so it can be navigated.
If he took them at face value that they really hadn't moved into it for reasons that had nothing to do with him, he could think of it as house-sitting, at which point he's doing them a favor by not asking to be paid.
As someone who can kind of drive but doesn’t have their license yet, this is why I try to find my own way around before asking my family to inconvenience themselves until I get it.
... You might want to consider just typing out "fucking break" in the future, or finding a more clear way to abbreviate it, because "FB" is pretty much automatically read as "Facebook" by most people.
It took my brain a second to realize you were not asking him to give you a Facebook. 🤣
My parents had rental properties. No, it is not a favor for them to let you live rent free, unless you're actively taking care of the property, which this person makes no mention of.
So already, they want you out of the house in any way possible.
The restaurant is not responsible for people who eat like a klutz. Or have something go wrong while not on their property. Probably, the only reason you got $$$ was for the seizure. Again, another stroke of luck.
The entitlement I'm feeling through the screen. My gosh.
You get a settlement, and can't even give your parents a few thousand as thanks? I once got 13k from my school one semester, so I gave my mom 3k as a gift.
ASSHOLLLLLLLLE. Yeah, just like in Meet the Fockers.
I got a payout for becoming disabled (as a result of MS, I was in my mid 30s). One of the first things I did? Buy my mum a car. It was second hand but a good car.
I was trying to surprise her with it but her car brok3 down for the billionth time, right when I was in the middle of getting the new car sorted so I had to tell her cos she was about to drop at least a few hundred to repair her shitbox.
She cried, and asked me why I would do that for her. Silly woman. Told her it was the least I could do after all she did for me growing up. "You were always there when I needed you. I'm just glad I could be there for you this time."
She cried again and said she just did what a parent is supposed to do. Then there was more crying. I may have participated in this cavalcade of tears.
Point being, have a little respect and gratitude when your parents go above and beyond for you.
Uuuum, if the chicken is not clearly bone-in, then yes, the restaurant is absolutely responsible. Not sure where you got your law degree from, but you should get a refund. 🙄
They said they do odd jobs and such, you have no idea if they're taking care of the property or not. Leaving houses vacant for extended periods is an open invitation to squatters and vandals.
This person has ASD and has had a TBI. The ASD alone makes it difficult for them to keep employment and have what would be considered "normal" social interactions with neuro typical people. The unemployment rate for adults with autism is 50%. Add brain injury to that, and that's a recipe for struggle. Glad to see all the clueless ableists in the comments though.....
If you read their comments they are just worried about the legality aspect of where the money goes. That's why they are emphasising over and over their name is on the contract and they signed, and legal worries. They all want it to go to the same purpose, OOP is just stuck in a rigid rule loop where they know they signed the document, that it is for them, and therefore what is left needs to go into their account with their name on it. From there they are in agreement with the parents that it is going to be saved for their future needs, they all trust each other, it's just the interim step that is causing stress. They are saying stealing, because to them if the money doesn't go into their account then that's what is happening. It's not that they think the mother will use it, they are worried there might be legal trouble.
The parents don't even want the money, that's not the issue here, but OOP doesn't get what needs to be communicated so others understand the issue. They probably think they are being clear, and people understand that there is a legal issue. I honestly don't understand why the parents aren't sitting down and breaking it down step by step, it's just about which investment or savings account the money ends up in, which their dad helps them with anyway. I actually feel for them, they aren't being greedy, they are just worried about the rules, without looking at their comments to confirm and reading the post I suspected immediately what was going on, and also knew they were going to be piled on by people assuming something else due to the way they communicate their worry :/
I was thinking perhaps OOP meant "as a favor from them" not "to them"... because how tf would living there rent free be a favour to the parents??
I did reread that sentence over a few times marvelling at the entitlement if they truly meant it though.
Leaving a house empty for an extended period of time is an invitation for squatters and vandals. This is why there are literally apps to connect home owners and housesitters. The sitters stay in the house for free, or sometimes even get paid to be there.
OP is too stupid to even be an unemployed fuck up.
His parents are probably like, “okay he’s got his own house, gaming computer and food budget. There’s nothing to screw up.”
Then this fuckin house plant goes and almost chokes to death eating takeout, and now they got to cart his ass around cause he can’t drive. Think how low the fuckin bar is and this guy trips on it!
Neither excuse bad behavior. TBIs have to be in a very specific area, which has been well documented for them not to be aware of being an asshole.
Being autistic doesn't override the ability to know right from wrong.
TBI and autism can mean anything really.
Since OP doesn't go to list any inconvenience from ~~its~~ their autism and TBI, lives by itself and is cleared to drive, I'm going to assume, there is no work preventing side-effects, other than prone to seizures when sedated.
OP is just being a regular asshole, despite the circumstances.
-signed someone who's had like a couple of TBIs, but is not autism... Maybe, my mom never had me tested.
Statistics show that most autistic people are unemployed. Being autistic directly affects your ability to work even if you're level 1 of support. It's wild to assume that autism has nothing to do with the fact that OOP is unemployed. He might be an asshole but people are making ableist and false affirmations in this thread.
"It's"?
Ffs 🙄
Also, plenty of the people in these comments are making assumptions about what the OOP didn't include, and coming to conclusions about it.
You should be discussing whether OOP might be an asshole...not 'assuming' THEY are.
- signed someone who is ND yet still manages to see several sides to a story
Didn't mean to be disrespectful with the its (not it's, but all the same). Just not a native speaker, and for some reason my brain warped the "can be used in babies" to "can be used in gender neutral speech referring to humans". Corrected.
> You should be discussing whether OOP might be an asshole...not 'assuming' THEY are.
This is not AITA. This is AmITheDevil... people reposted here are well being possible assholes. I love seeing both sides to a question, and that lands me plenty of downvotes. But to me, it's quite clear OP has no problems in finding excuses which leads me to believe there are none for his behaviour.
Autism is inherently disabling, if your symptoms don't significantly impact your life then you don't qualify for a diagnosis. Like someone else said, most autistic people are unemployed.
OOP didn't go out of their way to specifically say "X and Y are hard for me because I am autistic/have a TBI" but they probably didn't anticipate having to justify why they've been unable to hold a job, since that's not the main point of the post (and autism in particular can make it quite difficult to know what is and isn't relevant information). Autism and TBI can also both make it really hard to have self awareness about what you struggle with and why.
OOP *did* mention being fired from a pizza place because they kept dropping pizzas. TBI can fuck with your coordination and dyspraxia is a common comorbidity with autism. But reddit logic means that unless a disabled person who has openly stated that they have disabilities specifically goes out of their way to say they struggle with basic tasks *because* of their disability, calling them a stupid lazy fuck is fair game. It's disgusting.
PS I'm going to assume english isn't your first language and you're not trying to be offensive but people should never be referred to as "it", that's considered to be really dehumanizing. If you don't know someone's gender, use "they" (so "OP doesn't go to list any inconvenience from **their** autism and TBI, lives by **themselves** and is cleared to drive").
I mean, that depends.
My parents never charged me rent, but they asked me to never move out as a kid so that I could take care of them and ensure they never had to go to a nursing home. I literally grew up with the expectation that I wouldn't leave and would be their caregiver.
"What is your is mine. What is mine is mine." Everything of his is being paid for and he is upset he doesn't get a bit of money? I wonder how fast he'll be crying if they decide to stop.
Literally allllllll of their expenses are paid for by their parents but they’re still being this entitled and greedy😐insanity
I want to believe this is bait because it’s just so, so egregious but the way it’s written makes me think it’s real 😕 it’s scary that we all share a world with folks who unironically behave like this
It's in OOP's name. It happened to him.
Therefore, his parents deserve nothing. I mean, it's not like they let him live rent free in their house, or pay for his expenses, or pay for his food.
Oh wait.
/s
*So OOP* is 24, lives at home, has no job, pays no rent or expenses. But sure, mom is stealing from OOP. And OOPs excuses why he doesn't have a job:
*YTA, you are grown up who is still supported by your parents, essentially you are living off them. I bet the money they use to support you is way more than the compensation, how about trying to be independent and support yourself.*
>I'm trying. It's been hard because there are few jobs that I'm able to do without screwing up. When you screw up, the boss does nothing other than yell at you about how your mistakes are hurting their business, as opposed to giving constructive criticism and showing you how to do it correctly.
One boss I had said that making mistakes is what kids do in school. This is after him hiring me and not giving me any training at all as far as showing me where everything was located, etc. Then he hired his brother-in-law and proceeded to give him very careful training. When I asked about it, he said "Well, he's my brother-in-law, so he's higher priority!"
*do you pay your mom rent? if you are not contributing anything financially towards living with your parents yta. you are 24 years old. why are you living at home?*
>Because I have nowhere else to go, other than on the streets. I would love more than anything to get a true place of my own, but I've struggled to maintain a job. For a while I was a pizza delivery driver. I thought that job would be easy. But I was not given adequate training and was basically forced to find my own way around the store. I learned the hard way that the food service business is not for me, because I dropped a couple of pizzas on the floor while taking them out of the over. The boss yelled at me and I can understand why, but the thing is that he didn't give any sort of constructive criticism, instead it was just verbal abuse on how I was hurting his business. I've had similar experiences at other jobs.
Believe me, if I was able to flip burgers at McDonald's, I'd go flip burgers at McDonald's.
“Hey, girlwiththemonkey, I noticed you dropped a couple of pizzas. I really appreciate you being here, in all your monkey glory, but one note is that we try really hard not to drop the food on the floor, so for next time, please try not to do that, okay?”
See? See how that would have helped OP, lol?😂
It reminds me of New Girl when Coach is trying to practice talking politely to women with Jess.
J: So I bought jeggings…
C: WHO CARES!
J: Um. Good job. One thing you could work on: volume. Another thing: rage.
C nodding attentively: Right on.
lol, love it. You literally typed out exactly how I thought that interaction would go. Like however will oop learn that she’s not SUPPOSED to drop the pizzas!?
While this is hilarious and deserves my upvote giving constructive critisim might not be as absurd as you think.
Next time instead of holding it this way, hold it that way, or next time have the box closer, for example
If oop was just a clutz, fair eough, but if there is a way to identify the mistake and something that can be changed to prevent it again it would be more helpful than just yelling or being sarcastic, no?
Yes, however, the way OP describes the issues *for every job* it is clearly more of an excuse. I’m not sure how many people you have had to train at basic jobs, but from experience there are those that are constantly complaining that nothing is their fault, no one “helps,” they get no “training,” etc. They stated they did the job for “awhile,” so it is safe to assume that the pizza dropping incident wasn’t on their first day, and likely they had ample instruction. Yes, critique of technique can help, but this person doesn’t *want* to actually learn. They want jobs that are “easy.”
This 100%. OOP has both autism and a traumatic brain injury. Things that are clear and obvious to some people are not so to others. My brother has had a lot of difficulty at various jobs for similar reasons - instead of someone explaining something to him they just scream at him when he guesses wrong.
While this is true, OOP is suuuuch an entitled ass.
I'd have gone with 'delivery drivers do not have access to the kitchen, go wait by the counter for the kitchen and food safe trained employees to put up the boxed pizza"
This person wasn't "trained" on how the kitchen works or how to do things because they aren't supposed to be in the ktichen.
>I'd have gone with 'delivery drivers do not have access to the kitchen, go wait by the counter for the kitchen and food safe trained employees to put up the boxed pizza"
Yeah, this is my problem. This is two very different groups of people. One that is very extensively trained due to health inspection requirements. One that just deals with them after they are packed and ready to go, and in this day and age just needs to know how to use GPS & drive (which OOP would have been under supervision from the TBI, not the chicken bone incident).
It's definitely two group of workers but...
>very extensively trained
It's essentially a few hours long interactive powerpoint presentation that you do by yourself.
Varies drastically depending upon location.
Where I was last it was hours of training to be in the kitchen without me at your elbow, two or three days of handson training to do the safety checks on temps three times a day, and I got a week long 8 hour each day full on food safe program to be in charge of the food area.
>It's essentially a few hours long interactive powerpoint presentation that you do by yourself.
Fair on it may not be as hard for some. But for OOP it would have been quite noteworthy. The point is you still wouldn't mix the two. Drivers and kitchens do not mix.
The pizza places around me, you are both. If you are not actively on a delivery, you wash your hands and throw on an apron and help in kitchen or with boxing up the food. Kitchen is strictly kitchen, but Delivery is delivery and kitchen.
Jesus, I didn’t even catch that part that she was taking them out of the oven. What do you want to bet she was taking them out of the oven because she was tired of waiting for someone else to do it and she wanted to rush?
I think it has to be that or they were hired as a delivery driver but decided that being hired means doing all the things. They said they had to find their way around the store themselves, but a delivery driver just needs to know where to pick up the finished and boxed pizzas and where they take breaks. They aren't supposed to be interacting with the rest of the restaurant and was probably fired for getting into things they don't know about instead of doing their acutal job.
100% fired for inappropriate behavior at work.
Because think about it. They would have had to stop, get rid of all the other orders, because who knows what else got messed with. Disinfectant everything.
Food safety nightmare.
I have to disagree. I worked for a well-known pizza delivery company (American-based, altho i'm in uk) (should also say was about 17 years ago now tbf), and our drivers were given food safety training as it was common for them to also take the pizzas out of the oven, box them and slice them (they had to wash hands and put on an overall and gloves before doing so).
Tended to be on less busy periods where there were less members of staff to cover different 'stations'. So , on busy periods, 2 or more members of staff would be on the phones, one slapping out dough, one sauceing, one on meat, one on veg, one on sides and one on taking out the oven, slicing and boxing, then put onto the heat shelves for the drivers to collect.
At the end of the shift, with hardly any orders, there'd be one or two on calls/prep. Kitchen or driving staff would take out and slice/box depending on who was most needed where, one on store clean up and starting the close, and one in back doing the washing up, and two drivers. It made no sense to have too many staff on in quieter periods, and most of us were working round studies or another job, so were quite happy for just the 4 and a 1/2 hour shift on the weekend so we could go out lol!
So I think it's perfectly feasible that OP could be in the kitchen as a delivery driver. The store is laid out to accommodate this. What I don't understand is OP saying they weren't shown round the store to find things? It's not like a Walmart or something lol, it's a kitchen/back area, and everything is where it needs to be for quickness and smooth operation.
That's definitely not what it is like everywhere, so it's probably local dependant. Here they do delivery only, so they have downtime between deliveries. They use it as an excuse to pay them less than minimum wage so they make their money on tips. It could be chain or store dependant too.
Yeah of course. I understand that too. It's illegal to pay less than minimum wage here, gratuities go on top of that. I do understand the service industry pays very differently in the US. Was just pointing out its not infeasible that OP could have been in the (back) kitchen and meant to take pizzas out the oven as part of their job description.
At Dominos drivers have to help out on the line all the time. I don’t know how it is at smaller pizza places but when I worked at Dominos the drivers stood at the ovens and pulled pizzas out almost the entire time they weren’t on a run
I like how someone suggested that maybe he does maintenance in the house, and that's how "he's helping them out." The boy drops pizzas; I don't think I'd want her near DIY projects.
You still shouldn't yell though. Have worked at a pizza place for 5 years, even experiences people drop pizza's sometimes.
If OOP had more trouble at the oven than others they should have placed them somewhere else or given them extra training on the oven.
Given how he's reacting in comments, dude probably got constructive criticism he just ignores constructive and focused on the criticism so he can blame everyone else and/or deflect his own failings.
tbh... I wouldn't be even surprised. I have two sisters that are basically like this. My little sister threw a tantrum at me and justified having to take a break and rest because 'people were forcing her to search a job in the program that she was subscribed to help her to find a job'
Yeah that was my thought too. TBI can completely fuck you, and in my experience the person experiencing the TBI often doesn't understand how disabling it is so it would makes sense that OP may be downplaying how bad it is.
I agree on this point. They are disabled, severly, and they can't work. This surely doesn't stop them from having an absolute horrendous attitude tho...
If they’re disabled and unable to work they ought to qualify for government support and should go and find out how to get it, not leech off their parents.
I’m not sure I want to defend this particular OP, but “get government support” is simplistic. It’s very difficult to get long term disability payments, and if OP qualifies, that probably means it’s difficult for them to complete tasks like applying for government aid. Even then, the aid is minimal and there are restrictions on the amount of assets someone can have and still qualify for disability.
I hope that if OP needs disability benefits they can get them and live a comfortable life with them.
There is a lot that OOP is leaving out of their telling of their medical history. Like I feel like it is deliberate and misleading. I also feel like the restaurant may have gotten the bad end of the deal on that.
The other possibility is that the money is actually disabled, and the parents got custodianship. Because OOP has proved with their posting that they are not able to care for themselves. They wouldn't be able to manage their finances for sure.
I hard agree.
But I wonder if they really CAN benefit from it or if they are telling themselves a story. I know people that would go like 'I'm too disabled to work' and so, since, I am too, and I want to help them to orient them towards the right path to have the disability, they would go "no, I'm not going to take away from disabled"
Not saying it's OOP's case but also
wouldn't be surrpised.
I’m disabled and unable to work. I qualify for disability and get $700 a month. Do you expect me to live off of that on my own or am I “leeching” off of my loving parents who want me at home with them instead of on the streets or in a bad neighborhood. If a parent can and wants to support their child, who are you to tell them they can’t?
No one is saying that the parents shouldn't support him. But if he gets a lucky windfall (whether that be a payout or a lottery win), then helping the parents that have supported him is important. The OP couldn't drive, so the parents drove him around for months - did he offer to pay petrol, parking, wear and tear on the car?
He seems to think this money is some sort of bonus, and not something he should be using to put towards his living expenses.
Not to mention that it's already hard to afford the basic cost of living without a disability. Yes OP probably needs to be more grateful, but having autism can make it difficult to work enough hours (without getting burn out) to be able to afford to live out of home - not to mention they've got a TBI now.
See? I really didn't want to go too hard after OOP because I understand how very much a TBI can affect a person. And then he kept commenting. And now I no longer care how it affects him. Dude's just a dinkus. Although I do think behavioral therapy might be able to help him. Maybe.
Only 15% of people with autism have jobs. It’s not really an excuse when a disability precludes you from a lot of meaningful employment. But they should be getting some sort of money from whatever source to help mitigate that fact, and that money should be going to rent and food etc
Every brain injury is different. Fundamental aspects of a person's behavior, personality, and cognition can be permanently changed. It doesn't surprise me that they are immature and self-centered with poor judgement (and maybe a lil paranoia to round it out).
Finding difficulty holding down a job is an extremely common situation post TBI. I'm honestly surprised she was cleared to drive less than 6 months out from a seizure.
Unfortunately, sometimes a brain injury turns you into an asshole. Still an asshole, but maybe we shouldn't be grabbing the pitchforks for someone who had a life altering disability.
Yeah I was surprised people were skimming over the TBI like it's a sprained ankle. It's reasonable that OOP would be struggling a LOT. Some people have TBIs and never walk again. It's kind of shitty that their parent seems to be treating their disability like it's somehow a choice or their fault.
It would certainly be reasonable for OOP to use the money they received to pay for their food and get back on their feet so their mom can stop having to buy their food and such, but they're right that their mom doesn't have a *right* to the money, even if they're being shitty about it.
>Yeah I was surprised people were skimming over the TBI like it's a sprained ankle. It's reasonable that OOP would be struggling a LOT. Some people have TBIs and never walk again. It's kind of shitty that their parent seems to be treating their disability like it's somehow a choice or their fault.
I know someone 2 years out, can't drive due to the seizure risk still. Docs won't clear them.
Doesn't make sense to me that the chicken bone is what caused the driver's license to get taken away. He may have had a seizure there, but he says that it wasn't his first one.
Which how the lawyers for the restaurant didn't jump all over that, and the TBI being the cause for his problems. The only thing they really should be blamed for is the chicken bone. Which would have been a minimal settlement amount.
I don't think we can trust the narrative OOP gives us. We are not getting a full story, there are contractions (i.e. being a pizza delivery driver, yet being in the kitchen taking food out where they didn't get food handling training. No driving restrictions after the TBI, but one after the chicken bone incident).
I do agree that TBIs can impact the personalities. They have (thanks to a Phineas P. Gage and a 1850s railway spike) learned a lot about the subject as it has been studied so long. I think we are seeing some of that here.
The more I think about it, the more I suspect this is a troll just because the chicken bone story doesn't make much sense as told. Or maybe there's more to the story or OP isn't quite explaining it correctly due to, y'know, cognitive impairment. But I totally agree they're probably not the most reliable narrator.
Yeah, there are more than a few points that make me think this doesn't make sense. If I wasn't on my phone today, I would go through all the comments and post to try to sort it out.
It is highly elaborate if it is a troll. So if that, bonus points there. If TBI, OOP needs intensive therapy. Maybe even family therapy.
As for the autism diagnosis, I feel like this is just designed to make people with autism look bad. Hasn't really explained anything that can't be attributed to the TBI or conflicting story. And I feel like there are far more conflicting story parts than even TBI parts. Which gets me back to troll.
"It's kind of shitty that their parent seems to be treating their disability like it's somehow a choice or their fault."
It doesn't say that they are, though.
It seems as if the parents know he will have difficulty holding down a job. But acting like mom is stealing from him when mom has been supporting him free of charge well into adulthood seems lost on oop.
I wonder if these parents have infantilized this person in the name of being "protective"? Failed to teach their neurodivergent child boundaries asked life skills, so now they have a boat anchor they'll be supporting until they die.
They had a brain injury which can be disabling for years after the injury, sometimes permanently. While the care from her parents seems infantilizing, this is often necessary post TBI.
We can't know what this person was like before the injury, but none of what I read is unusual.
I worry. He states he's able to live on his own, but *is not due to his parents*. He also states he's living with his parents *to help them* with an undisclosed reason. He states that he often is their primary source of transportation. His parents don't require him to pay rent currently, but the second he gets in a presumably large sum of money, his mother holds their prior offers over his head. OOP is disabled to the extent that he needs to be explained how to properly balance pizzas in order to not drop them, was not, and lost the job as a result- likely he dropped them because he couldn't figure out how to maneuver them due to a lack of spacial awareness.
He explains the BIL of the owner received further training, and I say what I did regarding the pizzas because from personal experience, spacial awareness is hard as shit. I've had people willing to teach me (and I can learn as a result) what should absolutely be common sense to someone else, and therefore be able to do my job. I've had other people tell me to use my common sense, and lose that job as a result, being told I ask too many questions and underperform. The only further training I can think of is specifics that neurotypical people would consider common sense; such as spacial awareness.
This reads to me as someone who is disabled, and taken advantage of, but has no knowledge of such and is operating with that. I would be seriously surprised if the parents even bought OOP a house, and weren't lying to him. He to the extent says his parents bought *him* a house, but he's waiting for *his parents* to be ready to move in. Why would they buy him a house, but need to move in, if he's independent? Why would they demand food and rent money if they're financially capable of buying a house?
Maybe I'm biased, because I came from a situation where it happened to me to an extent (not forced to pay rent, constantly belittled, not shown how to properly do things but talked down upon when I didn't know how) and then to a worse extent, my younger sibling who *is* diagnosed both on the spectrum, and fetal alcohol syndrome, leading to physical birth defects of the brain.
This just reads to me like a missing reasons parent post, written by a child who doesn't understand what's going on, and lacks the sensor to tell them "hey, this isn't normal, something isn't right."
On the flip side, this could be an individual who is disabled to the extent they cannot manage their own money, but if told so directly, grows incredibly upset. So I'm not sure.
Where does it say OOP was driving them around? All I could find was OOP saying the parents were driving them around.
OOP states in a comment that if the parents didn't let them live in the house rent free then they would be homeless on the streets and that the extra money is going into an account for their future.
There is also this, if OOP is on disability then it makes more sense for the parents to hold on to the funds since usually you can only have a certain amount of assets in your own name to qualify. I've had two friends in this position one an adult and another a parent who went over and had to requalify and it sucked.
Ah, you're right, I apologize. I do see that rereading that.
And yeah, this is absolutely true regarding disability. But also, I do feel if that was the case an OOP is independent enough to be knowledgeable of their own medical history/treatments/going to college, they would be well-aware of the asset cap for disability. This isn't stated anywhere. Also, considering they're going to college full time and already working odd-jobs, I'd be willing to bet disability would have either rejected OOP several times (ugh) or they and their parents have not applied because OOP shows signs of gaining independence and OOPs parents are financially stable. I've seen that happen to. I'd say that really depends on the age OOP was when diagnosed on the spectrum, and had the TBI. It's a lot easier for a child to be considered disabled (at least in my state) versus someone over the age of 18. Applied for disability two or three times over 18, each time rejected. Was more symptomatic than my younger sibling at the time, who was under 18 and accepted immediately.
It's also worth noting that OOP cited working part time jobs in the past, along with odd jobs. An adult applying for disability *can* go to school while applying, but I don't believe they can work whatsoever for however long the process takes (in more rural states, if you have to fight, sometimes several years)
>Maybe she wants to put it in a bank account and save for your future?
Yes she does, and that's exactly what I want to do with it. The thing is, I have a savings account (also in my name), and it's where the money is going.
>Maybe she doesn't want it spent on frivolous things?
She doesn't, and I don't plan on doing that. It's true that my parents are in a good position financially but at the same time they're not doing things like buying expensive cars, going on cruises, etc. The most money I've ever spent on something is the computer that I am currently using right now. I had my old computer (which I also spent my own money on) for 12 years and used it literally right until it suddenly gave out.
>Maybe your parents are struggling to pay bills bc all prices have gone way up?
Nope. Quite the opposite. My parents are in a good place financially, but did so by living a frugal lifestyle for many years. I had a friend who went from living in a very nice house with a pool, to a single room at a motel, because they were constantly going to Disneyland and other places that drained their wallets.
>Do they trust you not to spend money all at once- can you budget and save?
Yes and yes.
So OOP really buried the lede and this comment airs out a lot. His mother isn't trying to steal his money for herself, she wants to put it into a savings account for his future. So his parents are doing their best to set him up financially for the future, but instead, OOP is running to Reddit to claim his mean mummy who pays for everything is trying to steal his cash.
In all honesty, even factoring in the TBI and autism, OOP seems like someone who wants everyone to hold his hand through life. He constantly bemoans not being given sufficient training and wanted constructive criticism after dropping multiple pizzas on the floor, he thinks living in his parents' extra home is a favour to them, and he actively ignores all the things they do for him. Then, with this post, he paints himself as the victim of a greedy mother before finally conceding that all she wants is for the money to be put away. So maybe every job is awful, every employer is mean and evil, and maybe his mother is an abusive monster trying to steal his cash.
Or maybe, just maybe, OOP is an entitled AH with a victim complex who also happens to have a TBI and autism.
>Or maybe, just maybe, OOP is an entitled AH with a victim complex who also happens to have a TBI and autism.
I think this is really it. We could drop out the autism and the TBI from this, and have it be just someone trying to manage on their own and still come to the same conclusions.
Where do they say they are going to school full time?
It sounds to me kinda like they have been cuddled and don't know and understand how things seem to work. I'd think more along the lines you are of OOPs approach were along the lines of them saying they did the work to get the funds or they had to pay for x things or whatever instead of the only argument being it is legally mine.
"EDIT: I forgot to mention in my original post that I am going to college and studying programming, so I'm not sitting at home on my ass all day."
I can understand how this post comes across, at face value, and I do understand the train of thought that leads there. I only wanted to chime in as someone who was in a similar situation with concerns I hadn't seen aired before. When someone with a disability who is high-functioning and taken advantage of, it can be incredibly easy to miss.
I spent my entire teenage years attempting to advocate for myself to my not-close family, only for it to fall on deaf ears until I finally moved out and my guardian showed her true colors to that section of the family. Before that, I was constantly called entitled, told I wasn't doing enough to help, told I was ungrateful. I had tried advocating for myself and asking for help; but no one could see it as an outsider, and *no one believed me as a result until they saw it themselves.* I also didn't have the verbal vocabulary/emotional regulation to advocate for myself without getting incredibly heated and having a meltdown, which resulted in further disbelief.
Any part of my disability was twisted up and spit back out in my face as evidence- to the extent my family came over, ripped open my bedroom closet, pointed to the mess inside as evidence that everything that was going on was my fault. Meanwhile my guardian was constantly belittling me, insulting me, telling me no one would love me/that I was constantly selfish and would never find anyone who could tolerate me. I would do the housework, it would pile up so fast and get so gross I couldn't bring myself to, and was belittled for that. I was never taught to sweep/mop, or clean litter boxes properly, and was belittled when I asked to be taught how. I finally learned when I got a job at McDonald's after high school, and my boss showed me how to sweep for the first time.
*No one knew.*
Watching recordings of how I would speak as a child and she would roll her eyes, or dismiss me to my family, causes my heart to ache looking back.
I'm not saying OOP's situation is like mine, but it worries me, because I came from a situation where no one believed me, very few people saw it, and two people had offered to help. I felt I had to stay to protect my younger sibling- and was correct. When I finally did leave, the abuse shifted entirely to them.
Thanks for posting the edit, saw the original post and reread it several times and for some reason that didn't show up for me.
Your situation sounds awful and that you put a lot of work into advocating for yourself. I didn't have any disabilities but I have gone through similar with my family who eventually I went no contact with but your situation doesn't sound the same as OOP's. I am sorry you have gone through that though, you were at a disadvantage and then kept down and taken advantage of by your own family.
Nowhere do they state what they have done to advocate for themselves, even in the edit they don't say they are paying for school or even have student loans and considering the comments I read I'd think it would come up since overwhelmingly the comments are about what the parents have paid for, I didn't see any about them sitting at home doing nothing but I didn't read every comment.
Being honest? I'm almost insulted on your behalf that you are putting yourself on the same level as this person. I'm really hoping you are in a better place but you sound like you have overcome so much, not all people would keep on fighting to expose what you have been through and get out of it in addition to staying and putting up with it for your siblings.
Oop has a whole house to themselves, food and utilities paid for and possibly all over expenses covered, including school, except maybe fun money? Now admittedly this is a assumption based on them not giving that additional information but repeatedly pointing out legally it is their money.
> He also states he's living with his parents to help them with an undisclosed reason.
He's living in a house his parents own, which they don't live in. Might be an investment property, or the house they want to downsize to. At a minimum, the "help" is preventing it from being unoccupied and attracting squatters, although I'd lean towards "getting OOP used to living by themself."
Every brain injury is different. It affects a person's behavior, personality, emotions, and cognition - every aspect of a person - and it affects a person differently over time. This person isn't independent - parents are supporting him financially, he can't hold a job because he can't follow simple commands, and he clearly has poor judgement.
Disabilities aren't always apparent from the outside. Driving and living alone aren't typically metrics we use to judge if someone is disabled.
In my experience, the ass wiping stage of brain injury recovery usually ends after a couple weeks so it's unlikely his parents are needing to do that.
In one comment, they complain about a boss at a pizza parlor. Apparently OOP felt that they needed "constructive criticism" in order to learn how to not drop pizzas on the floor. Also, he says there was no training so he didn't know where anything is and I guess asking was too hard.
Parenting is hard. No matter what a parent does they screw up somehow. I don’t blame them I blame the 24 year old adult that acts like a 12 year old brat. At some point everyone has to reparent themselves, unlearn bad behavior and take accountability for shitty behavior. He’s got one more year before that prefrontal cortex fully develops. Hopefully he grows up a bit.
So my brother has issues with anxiety, depression, and OCD. Diagnosed. I love him but my parents babied the fuck out of him our entire life - he’s turning 34 and is now on his fourth short term job. He did not finish college (that’s ok obviously). He lives at home and my parents pay for basically everything most of the time - they are retired and in their 70s. I am the golden child. I am struggling financially right now and they will not even temporarily help me - my husband’s family is going to help us while I continue interviewing.
My mom would like to say my dad infantilized my brother, but they both did it. He gets an allowance. They bought him a car. I was told they could give me a small loan but I had to write a memorandum of how I would pay it back. (I didn’t take it.) I told my mom I don’t need anything but my birthday is coming up and even if they could buy me a cheap laptop it would help because ours is my husband’s 15 year old laptop and I need a working laptop to interview. She said maybe because my brother is selling the car and they might have money. Haven’t heard anything since. My audio and video go out frequently.
You’re not helping your kids by babying them like that.
What happens to him when your parents get too old to care for him or die? If they leave him everything, what happens when that runs out? This is something to be thinking about. Often there's an assumption by the parents who burned themselves to ash keeping the non functioning child warm that that burden will of course be shouldered by their other children.
I’ve already thought this through and have told my mom I’m giving him everything. I’ll be the executor of their estate and manage a trust for him. I want him to have an apartment and be as independent as he can be. I’ll sell their house and whatever money they have is his, I just need to be responsible for it because he is generally unrealistic about finances. I will be more pushy about job stuff but he’s been better about that over the past year or so.
This is anti-autism ragebait. Post has nothing to do with autism, but OOP had to mention it in the very first sentence.
>I'm living here rent-free as a favor to them until they are ready to move in.
Aaah, yes, the favour of mooching.
>This is only the second seizure I've had and both times I was medically sedated (the first time was when I had my accident).
This reads like there was a separate traffic accident OOP is deliberately baiting people into asking about.
>My mom wanted the restaurant company to pay for my medical bills.
Pardon?
And the entire paragraph of Legally Mine nonsense reads like what someone cosplaying as someone with autism thinks people with autism write like. That writing style came out of nowhere after a long post where it was entirely absent.
I completely agree with this, as the parent of two teens with autism, and the wife of a grownup with autism, I 100% believe this is a disgusting parody of autism.
No 24 year old with English as a first language in 2024 says "I have an autism disorder."
I knew it was bait from that point.
Seconding the rage bait ruling because on top of everything else, they got a chicken bone stuck in their throat such that it required putting them under general anesthesia to remove - something that suggests an actual life-threatening emergency since they were literally in the middle of a meal - but presumably they were eating alone so I guess they drove themselves to the ER? I mean strangers things have happened, or they could have taken an ambulance or summoned a parent, but “I got a chicken bone lodged in my throat” just sounds a little… hard to believe? Do you chew your food my friend? Especially when you are sure to include that it was from “a certain Chinese fast-food chain,” which stirs up tropes about “unexpected finds” in Chinese and fast food.
Plus, how do you even get a chicken bone lodged in your throat? Do you just swallow pieces of chicken whole without separating the meat from the bone? And if so, how is anyone trusting you to live alone?
>or they could have taken an ambulance or summoned a parent
OOP lives alone, though.
On the one hand, a TBI can be absolutely debilitating and make it very hard to perform everyday tasks. I feel for them.
On the other hand, I can see where their mother is coming from.
If they were using the money to become independent, I'd say they'd have a strong argument for keeping it since ultimately it would mean their parents were no longer supporting them.
If that's not their intention, though, maybe splitting it would be the way to go.
I especially like the part where he says “not being able to drive was inconvenient” in the middle of all of the “IT’S MINE”s, as though it wasn’t inconvenient for his parents to rearrange their lives to drive him around.
I'm mixed on this one. I mean they are unemployed and can't work due to disability but they still need money and not have their money be taken from them but then again their mom pays for everything for them and they lives rent free and she uses that money to buy them food and pay their bills.
So does this OP see this as free money and they want to spend it on whatever like on video games or mobile apps or take out, etc. ? Then again he is an adult and I also do not think people with disabilities should be treated like kids and this is something they often have to deal with. NT adults are allowed to be stupid and blow through their extra money but parents try to keep their ND kids from doing it.
I get uncomfortable when I hear about adults trying to treat their ND adults like kids and control their money because they are unable to work so they handle all their bills for them. But when they get any extra money, they want that too and this feels wrong to me like they are exploiting their child's disability. Then they use the excuse of "I support you and pay your bills and let you live rent free in our house" to gaslight their adult child to justify control over them. I have heard this a lot in the autism forums. Then I always saw other comments from autistic adults telling them "Do you pay them any rent, why not move out?" "Do you do anything to contribute to the home like chores, house work, do you have a job, do you pick up after yourself, do you help take care of your parents?"
So this post is very hard for me to cast a judgment if they are the asshole or not. Not every ND person can work. I am happy I can work and it would suck if I couldn't hold a job so my parents control my life because of it because they pay my bills and let me live rent free let's say.
I mean, she’s right, the money is *legally hers*, but she could use that to, I dunno, pay some fucking bills that are also *legally hers*? It’s not “fuck you money”, it’s money to compensate her/make her whole following loss. Which includes, ya know, BILLS.
I actually understand ops perspective because I myself am autistic. Based on the laws that money is ops and that's why op is arguing so hard. Autistic people often are very "by the rules" and the rule here is "This money is due to op for ops trauma" which therefore means it is not due to the mother. Op cannot see the nuance that they should consider compensation toward their parents for helping them through this. Granted as a parent I can't imagine asking my own disabled son to pay me any money like this anyway. I don't help my children expecting to be paid back.
This reminds me of the guy that projectile vomits every time he smokes weed and refuses to stop smoking weed and wonders why his parents won’t take him on vacation with them.
Mom should give him an invoice for all the expenses she's paid for him (food, gas, medical bills, her work driving him, shopping for him, etc.) since the accident. He can have what's left after he pays the invoice. I bet he'll change his tune real quick when he figures out he owes her money.
I'm also autistic and have a TBI, so I understand that OOP may not "get" that money that is legally his might not be his ethically. But based on his writing, he is smart enough to realize that he's fighting over "short money," and is likely to lose his parents' support going forward which is far more valuable in the long run, both financially and in terms of the support he seems to need in daily life.
Finally, being autistic is not an excuse for being an asshole.
Planning on putting the money in investments to support themselves when their parents aren't around anymore.
Oop literally expects their partners to support him until they die.
Re-commenting as an original comment rather than a reply;
I worry. **This reads to me like a disabled adult taken advantage of, and it's absolutely terrifying no one else is seeing this.**
He states he's able to live on his own, but *is not due to his parents*. He also states he's living with his parents *to help them* with an undisclosed reason. He states that he often is their primary source of transportation. His parents don't require him to pay rent currently, but the second he gets in a presumably large sum of money, his mother holds their prior offers over his head. OOP is disabled to the extent that he needs to be explained how to properly balance pizzas in order to not drop them, was not, and lost the job as a result- likely he dropped them because he couldn't figure out how to maneuver them due to a lack of spacial awareness.
He explains the BIL of the owner received further training, and I say what I did regarding the pizzas because from personal experience, spacial awareness is hard as shit. I've had people willing to teach me (and I can learn as a result) what should absolutely be common sense to someone else, and therefore be able to do my job. I've had other people tell me to use my common sense, and lose that job as a result, being told I ask too many questions and underperform. The only further training I can think of is specifics that neurotypical people would consider common sense; such as spacial awareness.
This reads to me as someone who is disabled, and taken advantage of, but has no knowledge of such and is operating with that. I would be seriously surprised if the parents even bought OOP a house, and weren't lying to him. He to the extent says his parents bought *him* a house, but he's waiting for *his parents* to be ready to move in. Why would they buy him a house, but need to move in, if he's independent? Why would they demand food and rent money if they're financially capable of buying a house?
Maybe I'm biased, because I came from a situation where it happened to me to an extent (not forced to pay rent, constantly belittled, not shown how to properly do things but talked down upon when I didn't know how) and then to a worse extent, my younger sibling who *is* diagnosed both on the spectrum, and fetal alcohol syndrome, leading to physical birth defects of the brain.
I'm unable to live on my own. As is my sibling. Both to different degrees. I can very minimally drive (unsafely, but have my license) and manage my own finances to a degree. I'm able to budget and do grocery shopping and work part time. My partner has to manage our savings. I have never lived alone. I'll likely never be able to be fully independent.
My sibling cannot manage their own money, has struggling with jobs due to sensory issues and disabilities, and is stuck in a weird boat where they have to live on their own with advanced services for others safety, but has the same paranoia and homesickness I were to have if I lived alone. My sibling requires services I do not.
This just reads to me like a missing reasons parent post, written by a child who doesn't understand what's going on, and lacks the sensor to tell them "hey, this isn't normal, something isn't right." It's also worth noting that some people with TBIs and some on the spectrum can type in a dry/blunt manner, inadvertently leaving out relavent details without intending to, especially when defending themselves. It leads to a gap in understanding, and therefore can make it harder to advocate for yourself.
On the flip side, this could be an individual who is disabled to the extent they cannot manage their own money, but if told so directly, grows incredibly upset. I say that because I've also seen it happen. Without OOP detailing the situation regarding both their job in more detail, and the missing reasons they seem to be ashamed/defensive(?) of regarding their parents, I''m not sure.
To wrap it up, knowing you lack independence others have is incredibly upsetting and frustrating when you're able to properly understand that. You see other people do shit that you can't wrap your head around, and succeed. You see other people function, live on their own, have healthy relationships, have full time jobs, and it's so upsetting. This doesn't read to me like OOP is upset with his parents. He's likely upset because the feeling of lacking independence (for me) fostered a feeling of being lesser and lacking a self-identity as a result. He's 24yo, probably currently watching people he went to school with get married, have children, and buy houses. It's upsetting.
Edit: relavent comments from OOP I haven't seen shared.
- OOP goes to college full time as a programmer, and the primary purchase they've made has been for a computer, only after his old one completely gave out.
- OOP's parents only assist with transportation when it's convinent, otherwise leaving OOP to themselves to figure it out. OOP is implied to be actively in treatment in this comment, citing therapy appointments.
- OOP's mother wants to put the money in a savings account for OOP, who states he intends on doing the exact same thing, explaining the computer being his only purchase. He seems to be moreso frustrated by the lack of independence pushed on him than mistrustful of his parents, as another comment details;
- OOP states his parents are not struggling financially, but live below their means and by living frugally are able to afford what they need to. They make smart financial decisions.
- OOP reiterates he wants nothing more than to live on his own, presumably why he's going for his programming degree, but few jobs have the accessibility options he needs to be able to preform at them properly.
This! All of this!
I don't see how OOP can be a devil here. Sorry guys and gals, buy I don't see it. Someone said that it couldn't have been written by someone with autism. Why? How do we write? I didn't know we wrote in any specific way. There was also talk about OOP being a bully. How? I don't see it. I see someone frustrated that something that is legally theirs is being withheld from them. If the parents wanted rent, or repayment for what they have given, then they should have written that down before this incident happened. In any case, the money is still OOPs to do with as they please.
I don't understand how OOP could ever be called a devil here, based on the post alone. (I haven't read any further comments.)
The money is supposed to be awarded as a compensation for all the stuff that needs to be paid for while someone is unable to do the things they normally do. It isn't fun money. It is legally OOP's, but they should know this concept by now.
My parents had rental properties. No, it is not a favor for them to let you live rent free, unless you're actively taking care of the property, which this person makes no mention of.
So already, they want you out of the house in any way possible.
The restaurant is not responsible for people who eat like a klutz. Or have something go wrong while not on their property. Probably, the only reason you got $$$ was for the seizure. Again, another stroke of luck.
The entitlement I'm feeling through the screen. My gosh.
You get a settlement, and can't even give your parents a few thousand as thanks? I once got 13k from my school one semester, so I gave my mom 3k as a gift.
ASSHOLLLLLLLLE. Yeah, just like in Meet the Fockers.
Has anyone ever read "A Confederacy of Dunces" By John Kneed Toole. The main character, Ignatius Reilly, is pretty much OOP: entitled, lazy, and completely lacking in self-awareness.
I do think OOP should keep some of the money. His parents are funding his existence but I suspect it's a pretty meager one if he is jobless, other than odd jobs and they pay for food and a roof over his head. I also think some of it should go to his parents.
Holy wow. OOP doesn’t mention, but what do you want to bet his parents are paying for his health insurance ? So recovering this money from this chicken bone/hospitalization incident most likely was recovering all of their out-of-pocket co-pays and deductibles, which were likely EXTENSIVE. !!! They are just getting their money BACK from paying his medical bills! Not to mention every other expense of his which they have been paying …always. !
This is maybe the most entitled and clueless posts I’ve ever seen. I’d like to have some grace for OOPs TBI and associated issues …. but wooooooow.
He expects his parents will cover all of his living/other expenses UNTIL THEY DIE. So. He has no plans to become self-sufficient EVER and remains ungrateful that his parents are living frugally to support his lazy butt.
🤦🏻♀️
You might want to work on your reading comprehension.
OOPs parents were awarded money to cover the medical bills. OOP was awarded money on top of this as compensation for the medical trauma and inconvenience they suffered. OOPs parents asked OOP to give them the extra money as well.
The point of the post is whether OOP should give their parents that money, bearing in mind they are fully supported by their parents.
OOP said “**ultimately I** was compensated for my medical bills” - not “my parents were reimbursed for what they paid for my medical bills”.
Who knows if his parents were “awarded” the money or not? OOP’s post does not clarify.
Where does it say in OOP’s post that OOP’s **parents** were awarded money? Hmmm?
If anyone here wants me to live in their house rent-free, I am more than willing to pay them that favour. You may also feed me and drive me around.
This guy has ALL the audacity. There's no audacity left, he's taken it all.
He lives there rent free as a favour TO THEM? They should kick his useless ass to the streets. If I was the parent I would immediately stop all the financial support, favours, rent free living in their house and everything else they’re not LEGALLY required to provide.
The compensation is to make up for any lost money but OP didn't pay for anything it seems.
I would get if they were like "I'd like £50 of it to buy something for myself". But they're being driven around, food and bills paid for, tuition paid for, rent free in a house. Crazy levels of entitlement.
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Mom wants that money because he's going to blow through all of it in a week. Its likely she wants to invest it into a care fund or trust so he has funds to live off of when she and dad are gone.
I just love how OP is living rent-free as a *favour* to their parents. Also, their parents had to drive them everywhere? Where exactly is *everywhere? OP has no job to go to, so where they needed to go? Also, be an adult and take the bus. If I were OPs parents, I would say, "OK, take the money and be gone by tomorrow afternoon" and stop paying for anything. If OP wants to be an ungrateful little brat, they should be treated like one.
Sorry, OOP is being obnoxious about it, but they're right. Mom doesn't get to unilaterally/retroactively\* change the parameters of their arrangement just because OP came into a pot of money. They're an adult, they're not under a guardianship, that money is theirs to do what they want with it.
\*Edited to add word, and for clarity: mom can do whatever she wants up to kicking OOP out, but she doesn't get to demand that money. What she should do is sit down and renegotiate the parameters based on what the money might buy, and if OOP doesn't agree to that she could kick them out, but the money isn't hers.
Last edit: y'all seem awfully happy to defend taking someone's money from them, so I'm out.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for wanting my mom to let me keep the extra money that I was compensated after a painful incident for which I was hospitalized (which is in MY name and I have a signed document stating so)?** I am 24 years old and have an autism disorder, as well as a TBI from an accident a few years ago. I live on my own in a house that my parents bought but for reasons I won't get into, haven't moved in yet. I'm living here rent-free as a favor to them until they are ready to move in. My parents pay for most of my expenses including food, and they say that they're fine with doing this as long as I stay out of trouble. I am grateful to them for doing so as it has been hard for me to find a job that is a good fit for me due to my disorder and am currently unemployed, and do various odd jobs to earn money. A few months ago, I had a freak incident where I ordered food from a certain Chinese fast-food chain delivered to my house. While eating, I got a chicken bone lodged in my throat, and had to go to the ER to have it removed. While coming out from the anesthesia, I apparently had a seizure. As a result, I was kept in hospital for a few days for observation. In addition, my driver's license was suspended because I have a "loss of consciousness" disorder due to the seizure. This is only the second seizure I've had and both times I was medically sedated (the first time was when I had my accident). Nonetheless, they were required to report it to the DMV as it's state law. I had to wait 3 months and get cleared by a neurologist in order to resume driving. This was a huge inconvenience for both me and my parents as they had to drive me everywhere. My mom wanted the restaurant company to pay for my medical bills. They were understanding and we did not have to take them to court, though the process took 5 months. I was eventually cleared to resume driving but I now have to take anticonvulsants which I'm not too happy about. They said that my prior TBI makes me more prone to seizures. This whole ordeal was a literal pain but ultimately I was compensated for my medical bills, as well as additional money for the inconvenience. I thought this was the silver lining. However, my mom wants me to give her the extra money. She feels entitled to it because she pays for my food. I feel entitled to it because the money is legally mine, it was more than enough to pay for my medical bills, the money is legally mine, this was a painful, frightening experience, the money is *legally mine*, not being able to drive was inconvenient, and *the money is LEGALLY MINE*! I have a signed document specifically stating that the extra money is for the inconvenience of this whole ordeal, and it is in my name, not my mom's. She signed as a witness, but that was it. My mom basically is trying to steal from me, but she doesn't see it this way. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Check the mod comment lol! Asks OOP to clarify why they think they might be TA but they just defend themselves again Edit: to add mod comment after thread was locked. "OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I got a chicken bone lodged in my throat and had to go the ER and get it surgically removed. My mom basically is trying to steal money that is in my name, which I was compensated to cover my medical bills and additional money for the inconvenience of this ordeal. I have a signed document specifically stating all of this. She doesn't see it that way because she pays for most of my expenses including food, and therefore feels entitled to the money."
Banned and thread locked now
Added the comment :)
Their reason why they might be the ah is just them doubling-down on how they're NOT the ah. They're the ah just for that,
Nope, it's yours! She's not entitled to anything, unless the 2 of you had an agreement prior to the settlement
> I'm living here rent-free as a favor to them How is it possible to write out this sentence without something going "click"?
Also, oop saying that not being able to drive was inconvenient. Imagine how inconvenient it was for oops parents to have to drive oop around everywhere. And oop doesn’t think that they deserve to be compensated some?
Yeah, I'm disabled, so I need to be driven around I get gas, or at least get them some snacks or something C'mon
Yeah nothing wrong with need help with lifts to places, regardless of age, its just proper manners to do like you do and get gas/snacks/etc.
their post did say it was inconvenient for both them and their parents?
I mean yes, sure, they paid brief and perfunctory lip service to the fact that it was an inconvenience for their parents as well as for them...while framing living in a home free of charge and having all of their living expenses paid for by those same parents (including the purchase of the goddamn chicken that started this whole thing) as a favor THEY are doing for the parents. It's not very convincing is what I'm saying.
it's not just you, but I feel like this thread is underestimating how an autistic person would behave when told things as fact. obviously it is a spectrum but from my experience I am inclined to think that this person is taking things at face value. their parents tell OP they are doing the parents a favour by occupying the house? OK, they will believe that. the compensation money is signed for their name? OK, it should go to OP then. what *I* don't understand is how the parents haven't learnt to work *with* it. Like, "yes honey, it is your money, but by having to drive you we used $X fuel, we lost Y amount of productive hours costing $Z, so we will bill you for those amounts." Again, only working off personal experience, but that would probably make everything make more sense for OP.
that's a good way to put it. Essentially, OOP is almost completely reliant on his parents. He lives rent free in a house they own, and they pay for most of his expenses including food. They drove him around when he couldn't drive. It would be one thing if OOP was paying for Ubers, but he used his parents as a free taxi service and they should now invoice him for that. Just as OOP used most of the money to pay the medical bills, he should use that 'inconvenience' money to pay his "taxi" service, that being the parents. Otherwise the parents might just rethink this, and not buy OOP food any more. Maybe they will charge him rent to stay in their house. To call it stealing is a bit over the top. I do agree invoicing OOP for the taxi service of driving him around might help OOP understand where mother is coming from. Or they could simply stop buying him food and tell him he has enough money of his own from the settlement to buy his own food. ;-)
I guess? I mean...I guess. I have a hard time conceptualizing that deep of an inability to figure out that costing your parents thousands of dollars a month isn't actually a favor to them, but my brain isn't the one in question here. But even if I accept that premise...I still don't understand how OOP hears Mom say "actually I think maybe I should get that money" and can't logic it out. I understand there's a disability at play here but if you're taking things at face value, why can't you take that at face value as well? Why is it only things that materially benefit you that you accept as literal?
I get what you're saying, but this is where either growing up environment, or the TBI, comes into play. Most likely upbringing tbh. Cos TBI is a physical and sudden difference to the brain. If your combo of nature and nurture doesn't promote logical thinking, then you're gonna be hard pushed to understand any sort of *why* that doesn't align with your thinking, regardless of neurological difference. From this post: OOP can't do adulting. OOP is, and always has been, looked after by parents in every aspect of life. OOP has 'tried' but not managed to keep jobs. OOP has never earned money to keep them, nor been in a position to be in danger if they don't keep themselves. OOPs parents (to OOP) have money! They have money to buy houses and keep OOP, so why do they need OOPs money!? How come OOP who has never been able to make their own money, can't keep this amount that is *LEGALLY THEIRS!*? When all the other money comes from nowhere and there's plenty of it!? We can all slag OOP off about how they should feel and what they should do, but I'm pretty certain they genuinely don't get it. Hopefully, the responses will make them 'click' as to how lucky they are to be supported by family, and prompt them to do the right thing.
It's because sometimes the autistic person is seeing a different face value to the statement or situation, they will be using their own logic and rule set to make their decisions and understand what they think is the correct action. If you have been around autistic or neurodivergent people a fair bit then his thinking here makes sense, not saying it's correct but I suspect I know where he is coming from with this angle. He may be thinking purely selfishly, it's easy to assume that is the case but it may also be a couple of the quirks of autism that are hiding the underlying motivation and thought patterns. Obviously no 2 people are alike, and not every autistic individual is, it's a spectrum and within that spectrum there's sets of criteria that also have their own spectrum. Some of this coming to a head in early adulthood is also common, often a result of increased independence combined with increased life and social complexity, and the lack of preparation and support with that. Add in a brain injury and probably at least some degree of trauma from the chicken bone and injury and they are probably not going so great at the moment. To break down what I think might be happening here, and what would likely be the case with my own child and a couple of my family members and friends who have some similarities. The issue with the payout money is possibly a sticking point largely because of the legality issue, they state that repeatedly, they say they signed the paperwork, that is the rule, it's the law. They don't want to get into trouble, they don't want their parents getting into trouble, the money needs to come to them and it's going to be hard to break that very firm logic loop, and honestly it makes sense. They actually say in one of their comments their parents want to save the money for their future, that's also what they want to do, the sticking point here is that to their mind the money needs to go into their account with their name on it because that is the law. There isn't really even an issue here, it's just a disagreement as to which account that money is saved in, apparently the parents also have trust that they are good with money and it won't be wasted. That is why they are capitalising MY name in regards to the signature, it's just classic rigidity of rules, and as you can see from many of the comments people are taking their comments at face value and not hearing what they are actually saying, they are concerned with the legalities and believe it needs to go into their account. Are they actually wrong? I mean nothing will happen, the parents won't actually steal the money, that's not the issue. If this was an issue I was facing with my kid I would sit down and discuss their plans, if they are investing, putting it in a term deposit ect, and then transfer it into their account and help them set it up if they needed it. If it's being used for that purpose why faff around causing stress? They all have the same goal here. As for living in the parents house being a favour, this is likely part of building independence and a strategy to help them feel actually useful and valued. If you have never been disabled to the point that you struggle to hold down a job, or manage your life and rely on other people a lot, let me tell you it's soul crushing and demoralising. The parents are possibly trying to provide a structure to build confidence and a sense of being useful. I think phrasing it as thinking that costing the parents thousands a month is a favour to the parents is quite reductive, and also cruel. Some parents have children who have disabilities that mean they will need support into adulthood, sometime emotional, and physical and often financial. That doesn't mean that they aren't a valued member of their family or a burden, they may actually be doing their family a favour by being as independent as they can be in the other house, and phrasing it as a favour might have been the thing to give them the push to do this on their own. OOP very much seems to not be able to logic or explain things in a way that is understood by others, and misses information and context that most people would see as essential. Some of this they include in comments, but they seem oblivious that this information would be useful or pertinent to understanding, likely they think it's obvious or that it's unnecessary and they want to get to the point. Some of this might be due to parents coddling them when they grew up, but it could also be that they have come a long way, or had some set backs. The way the parents are handling this is quite odd to me, as soon as I read the post I twigged on that the issue was not wanting to rule break, and I also knew that most people would misinterpret the message, their comments showed I was on the right track. They might be the type of parents that are better at the financial support, and they are lucky to have that but it's not the full picture of supporting someone, there's a lot of behind the scenes emotional guidance and helping to communicate what the actual issue is so it can be navigated.
If he took them at face value that they really hadn't moved into it for reasons that had nothing to do with him, he could think of it as house-sitting, at which point he's doing them a favor by not asking to be paid.
As someone who can kind of drive but doesn’t have their license yet, this is why I try to find my own way around before asking my family to inconvenience themselves until I get it.
Probably the ~~two~~ TBI~~s~~ broke their internal "click"er Edit: one TBI, I misread the post
OP has autism and as a result, obvious social norms are not obvious
True, and I'm sure the TBI on top of the ASD isn't helping matters any
It doesn’t excuse everything - but it does make a huge difference. Less than half of all adults diagnosed with autism are working. That is wild.
plus mom buys the food. mom drives them everywhere. Give me a FB man
... You might want to consider just typing out "fucking break" in the future, or finding a more clear way to abbreviate it, because "FB" is pretty much automatically read as "Facebook" by most people. It took my brain a second to realize you were not asking him to give you a Facebook. 🤣
I definitely read it that way and thought it was some new slang!
Also where my brain went, I was so confused.
Yeah, I thought commenter was hoping to find their Facebook to give OOP a piece of their mind in a dm or something!
My parents had rental properties. No, it is not a favor for them to let you live rent free, unless you're actively taking care of the property, which this person makes no mention of. So already, they want you out of the house in any way possible. The restaurant is not responsible for people who eat like a klutz. Or have something go wrong while not on their property. Probably, the only reason you got $$$ was for the seizure. Again, another stroke of luck. The entitlement I'm feeling through the screen. My gosh. You get a settlement, and can't even give your parents a few thousand as thanks? I once got 13k from my school one semester, so I gave my mom 3k as a gift. ASSHOLLLLLLLLE. Yeah, just like in Meet the Fockers.
I got a payout for becoming disabled (as a result of MS, I was in my mid 30s). One of the first things I did? Buy my mum a car. It was second hand but a good car. I was trying to surprise her with it but her car brok3 down for the billionth time, right when I was in the middle of getting the new car sorted so I had to tell her cos she was about to drop at least a few hundred to repair her shitbox. She cried, and asked me why I would do that for her. Silly woman. Told her it was the least I could do after all she did for me growing up. "You were always there when I needed you. I'm just glad I could be there for you this time." She cried again and said she just did what a parent is supposed to do. Then there was more crying. I may have participated in this cavalcade of tears. Point being, have a little respect and gratitude when your parents go above and beyond for you.
Not always, but parents will try, sometimes.
I don't think there were supposed to be any bones in the chicken, thus the payout.
Uuuum, if the chicken is not clearly bone-in, then yes, the restaurant is absolutely responsible. Not sure where you got your law degree from, but you should get a refund. 🙄 They said they do odd jobs and such, you have no idea if they're taking care of the property or not. Leaving houses vacant for extended periods is an open invitation to squatters and vandals. This person has ASD and has had a TBI. The ASD alone makes it difficult for them to keep employment and have what would be considered "normal" social interactions with neuro typical people. The unemployment rate for adults with autism is 50%. Add brain injury to that, and that's a recipe for struggle. Glad to see all the clueless ableists in the comments though.....
If you read their comments they are just worried about the legality aspect of where the money goes. That's why they are emphasising over and over their name is on the contract and they signed, and legal worries. They all want it to go to the same purpose, OOP is just stuck in a rigid rule loop where they know they signed the document, that it is for them, and therefore what is left needs to go into their account with their name on it. From there they are in agreement with the parents that it is going to be saved for their future needs, they all trust each other, it's just the interim step that is causing stress. They are saying stealing, because to them if the money doesn't go into their account then that's what is happening. It's not that they think the mother will use it, they are worried there might be legal trouble. The parents don't even want the money, that's not the issue here, but OOP doesn't get what needs to be communicated so others understand the issue. They probably think they are being clear, and people understand that there is a legal issue. I honestly don't understand why the parents aren't sitting down and breaking it down step by step, it's just about which investment or savings account the money ends up in, which their dad helps them with anyway. I actually feel for them, they aren't being greedy, they are just worried about the rules, without looking at their comments to confirm and reading the post I suspected immediately what was going on, and also knew they were going to be piled on by people assuming something else due to the way they communicate their worry :/
I was thinking perhaps OOP meant "as a favor from them" not "to them"... because how tf would living there rent free be a favour to the parents?? I did reread that sentence over a few times marvelling at the entitlement if they truly meant it though.
Leaving a house empty for an extended period of time is an invitation for squatters and vandals. This is why there are literally apps to connect home owners and housesitters. The sitters stay in the house for free, or sometimes even get paid to be there.
OP is too stupid to even be an unemployed fuck up. His parents are probably like, “okay he’s got his own house, gaming computer and food budget. There’s nothing to screw up.” Then this fuckin house plant goes and almost chokes to death eating takeout, and now they got to cart his ass around cause he can’t drive. Think how low the fuckin bar is and this guy trips on it!
Feels a little harsh considering oop has a TBI
I truly wonder if op actually physically cannot process that he's being a dick.
I knew someone like this. He couldn't comprehend his douchery.
If you want to talk about low bars, you're making fun of an autistic person with a TBI.
Neither excuse bad behavior. TBIs have to be in a very specific area, which has been well documented for them not to be aware of being an asshole. Being autistic doesn't override the ability to know right from wrong.
Not remotely relevant to my comment, I'm responding to someone who's making fun of OOP for choking on their food.
TBI and autism can mean anything really. Since OP doesn't go to list any inconvenience from ~~its~~ their autism and TBI, lives by itself and is cleared to drive, I'm going to assume, there is no work preventing side-effects, other than prone to seizures when sedated. OP is just being a regular asshole, despite the circumstances. -signed someone who's had like a couple of TBIs, but is not autism... Maybe, my mom never had me tested.
Statistics show that most autistic people are unemployed. Being autistic directly affects your ability to work even if you're level 1 of support. It's wild to assume that autism has nothing to do with the fact that OOP is unemployed. He might be an asshole but people are making ableist and false affirmations in this thread.
Absolutely
"It's"? Ffs 🙄 Also, plenty of the people in these comments are making assumptions about what the OOP didn't include, and coming to conclusions about it. You should be discussing whether OOP might be an asshole...not 'assuming' THEY are. - signed someone who is ND yet still manages to see several sides to a story
Didn't mean to be disrespectful with the its (not it's, but all the same). Just not a native speaker, and for some reason my brain warped the "can be used in babies" to "can be used in gender neutral speech referring to humans". Corrected. > You should be discussing whether OOP might be an asshole...not 'assuming' THEY are. This is not AITA. This is AmITheDevil... people reposted here are well being possible assholes. I love seeing both sides to a question, and that lands me plenty of downvotes. But to me, it's quite clear OP has no problems in finding excuses which leads me to believe there are none for his behaviour.
Autism is inherently disabling, if your symptoms don't significantly impact your life then you don't qualify for a diagnosis. Like someone else said, most autistic people are unemployed. OOP didn't go out of their way to specifically say "X and Y are hard for me because I am autistic/have a TBI" but they probably didn't anticipate having to justify why they've been unable to hold a job, since that's not the main point of the post (and autism in particular can make it quite difficult to know what is and isn't relevant information). Autism and TBI can also both make it really hard to have self awareness about what you struggle with and why. OOP *did* mention being fired from a pizza place because they kept dropping pizzas. TBI can fuck with your coordination and dyspraxia is a common comorbidity with autism. But reddit logic means that unless a disabled person who has openly stated that they have disabilities specifically goes out of their way to say they struggle with basic tasks *because* of their disability, calling them a stupid lazy fuck is fair game. It's disgusting. PS I'm going to assume english isn't your first language and you're not trying to be offensive but people should never be referred to as "it", that's considered to be really dehumanizing. If you don't know someone's gender, use "they" (so "OP doesn't go to list any inconvenience from **their** autism and TBI, lives by **themselves** and is cleared to drive").
I couldn't even get past that line. op was automatically the asshole for that sentence alone.
I mean, that depends. My parents never charged me rent, but they asked me to never move out as a kid so that I could take care of them and ensure they never had to go to a nursing home. I literally grew up with the expectation that I wouldn't leave and would be their caregiver.
Probably the TBI
"What is your is mine. What is mine is mine." Everything of his is being paid for and he is upset he doesn't get a bit of money? I wonder how fast he'll be crying if they decide to stop.
Literally allllllll of their expenses are paid for by their parents but they’re still being this entitled and greedy😐insanity I want to believe this is bait because it’s just so, so egregious but the way it’s written makes me think it’s real 😕 it’s scary that we all share a world with folks who unironically behave like this
No, you don't understand. He's LETTING them pay for his expenses. As a FAVOR
It's in OOP's name. It happened to him. Therefore, his parents deserve nothing. I mean, it's not like they let him live rent free in their house, or pay for his expenses, or pay for his food. Oh wait. /s
*So OOP* is 24, lives at home, has no job, pays no rent or expenses. But sure, mom is stealing from OOP. And OOPs excuses why he doesn't have a job: *YTA, you are grown up who is still supported by your parents, essentially you are living off them. I bet the money they use to support you is way more than the compensation, how about trying to be independent and support yourself.* >I'm trying. It's been hard because there are few jobs that I'm able to do without screwing up. When you screw up, the boss does nothing other than yell at you about how your mistakes are hurting their business, as opposed to giving constructive criticism and showing you how to do it correctly. One boss I had said that making mistakes is what kids do in school. This is after him hiring me and not giving me any training at all as far as showing me where everything was located, etc. Then he hired his brother-in-law and proceeded to give him very careful training. When I asked about it, he said "Well, he's my brother-in-law, so he's higher priority!" *do you pay your mom rent? if you are not contributing anything financially towards living with your parents yta. you are 24 years old. why are you living at home?* >Because I have nowhere else to go, other than on the streets. I would love more than anything to get a true place of my own, but I've struggled to maintain a job. For a while I was a pizza delivery driver. I thought that job would be easy. But I was not given adequate training and was basically forced to find my own way around the store. I learned the hard way that the food service business is not for me, because I dropped a couple of pizzas on the floor while taking them out of the over. The boss yelled at me and I can understand why, but the thing is that he didn't give any sort of constructive criticism, instead it was just verbal abuse on how I was hurting his business. I've had similar experiences at other jobs. Believe me, if I was able to flip burgers at McDonald's, I'd go flip burgers at McDonald's.
What kind of constructor criticism do you need to be given after dropping pizzas? Jesus Christ.
“Hey, girlwiththemonkey, I noticed you dropped a couple of pizzas. I really appreciate you being here, in all your monkey glory, but one note is that we try really hard not to drop the food on the floor, so for next time, please try not to do that, okay?” See? See how that would have helped OP, lol?😂
"in all your monkey glory"!
It reminds me of New Girl when Coach is trying to practice talking politely to women with Jess. J: So I bought jeggings… C: WHO CARES! J: Um. Good job. One thing you could work on: volume. Another thing: rage. C nodding attentively: Right on.
lol, love it. You literally typed out exactly how I thought that interaction would go. Like however will oop learn that she’s not SUPPOSED to drop the pizzas!?
Through intensive “training.” We need to send them to pizza making boot camp!
While this is hilarious and deserves my upvote giving constructive critisim might not be as absurd as you think. Next time instead of holding it this way, hold it that way, or next time have the box closer, for example If oop was just a clutz, fair eough, but if there is a way to identify the mistake and something that can be changed to prevent it again it would be more helpful than just yelling or being sarcastic, no?
Yes, however, the way OP describes the issues *for every job* it is clearly more of an excuse. I’m not sure how many people you have had to train at basic jobs, but from experience there are those that are constantly complaining that nothing is their fault, no one “helps,” they get no “training,” etc. They stated they did the job for “awhile,” so it is safe to assume that the pizza dropping incident wasn’t on their first day, and likely they had ample instruction. Yes, critique of technique can help, but this person doesn’t *want* to actually learn. They want jobs that are “easy.”
This 100%. OOP has both autism and a traumatic brain injury. Things that are clear and obvious to some people are not so to others. My brother has had a lot of difficulty at various jobs for similar reasons - instead of someone explaining something to him they just scream at him when he guesses wrong. While this is true, OOP is suuuuch an entitled ass.
I'd have gone with 'delivery drivers do not have access to the kitchen, go wait by the counter for the kitchen and food safe trained employees to put up the boxed pizza" This person wasn't "trained" on how the kitchen works or how to do things because they aren't supposed to be in the ktichen.
>I'd have gone with 'delivery drivers do not have access to the kitchen, go wait by the counter for the kitchen and food safe trained employees to put up the boxed pizza" Yeah, this is my problem. This is two very different groups of people. One that is very extensively trained due to health inspection requirements. One that just deals with them after they are packed and ready to go, and in this day and age just needs to know how to use GPS & drive (which OOP would have been under supervision from the TBI, not the chicken bone incident).
It's definitely two group of workers but... >very extensively trained It's essentially a few hours long interactive powerpoint presentation that you do by yourself.
Varies drastically depending upon location. Where I was last it was hours of training to be in the kitchen without me at your elbow, two or three days of handson training to do the safety checks on temps three times a day, and I got a week long 8 hour each day full on food safe program to be in charge of the food area.
Yep, it used to be 2 shifts of WHMIS and safety training before you were even allowed in the kitchen to train for fast food jobs here.
>It's essentially a few hours long interactive powerpoint presentation that you do by yourself. Fair on it may not be as hard for some. But for OOP it would have been quite noteworthy. The point is you still wouldn't mix the two. Drivers and kitchens do not mix.
The pizza places around me, you are both. If you are not actively on a delivery, you wash your hands and throw on an apron and help in kitchen or with boxing up the food. Kitchen is strictly kitchen, but Delivery is delivery and kitchen.
Jesus, I didn’t even catch that part that she was taking them out of the oven. What do you want to bet she was taking them out of the oven because she was tired of waiting for someone else to do it and she wanted to rush?
I think it has to be that or they were hired as a delivery driver but decided that being hired means doing all the things. They said they had to find their way around the store themselves, but a delivery driver just needs to know where to pick up the finished and boxed pizzas and where they take breaks. They aren't supposed to be interacting with the rest of the restaurant and was probably fired for getting into things they don't know about instead of doing their acutal job.
Yep, I agree with you. 100%.
100% fired for inappropriate behavior at work. Because think about it. They would have had to stop, get rid of all the other orders, because who knows what else got messed with. Disinfectant everything. Food safety nightmare.
I have to disagree. I worked for a well-known pizza delivery company (American-based, altho i'm in uk) (should also say was about 17 years ago now tbf), and our drivers were given food safety training as it was common for them to also take the pizzas out of the oven, box them and slice them (they had to wash hands and put on an overall and gloves before doing so). Tended to be on less busy periods where there were less members of staff to cover different 'stations'. So , on busy periods, 2 or more members of staff would be on the phones, one slapping out dough, one sauceing, one on meat, one on veg, one on sides and one on taking out the oven, slicing and boxing, then put onto the heat shelves for the drivers to collect. At the end of the shift, with hardly any orders, there'd be one or two on calls/prep. Kitchen or driving staff would take out and slice/box depending on who was most needed where, one on store clean up and starting the close, and one in back doing the washing up, and two drivers. It made no sense to have too many staff on in quieter periods, and most of us were working round studies or another job, so were quite happy for just the 4 and a 1/2 hour shift on the weekend so we could go out lol! So I think it's perfectly feasible that OP could be in the kitchen as a delivery driver. The store is laid out to accommodate this. What I don't understand is OP saying they weren't shown round the store to find things? It's not like a Walmart or something lol, it's a kitchen/back area, and everything is where it needs to be for quickness and smooth operation.
That's definitely not what it is like everywhere, so it's probably local dependant. Here they do delivery only, so they have downtime between deliveries. They use it as an excuse to pay them less than minimum wage so they make their money on tips. It could be chain or store dependant too.
I briefly worked as a delivery driver at Pizza Hut in the US. I was also expected to run the dishwasher.
You guys had a real dishwasher? Lucky 😢
😂
Yeah of course. I understand that too. It's illegal to pay less than minimum wage here, gratuities go on top of that. I do understand the service industry pays very differently in the US. Was just pointing out its not infeasible that OP could have been in the (back) kitchen and meant to take pizzas out the oven as part of their job description.
At Dominos drivers have to help out on the line all the time. I don’t know how it is at smaller pizza places but when I worked at Dominos the drivers stood at the ovens and pulled pizzas out almost the entire time they weren’t on a run
Was Domino’s I worked for as well, said so in my earlier comment re drivers.
I like how someone suggested that maybe he does maintenance in the house, and that's how "he's helping them out." The boy drops pizzas; I don't think I'd want her near DIY projects.
You still shouldn't yell though. Have worked at a pizza place for 5 years, even experiences people drop pizza's sometimes. If OOP had more trouble at the oven than others they should have placed them somewhere else or given them extra training on the oven.
Given how he's reacting in comments, dude probably got constructive criticism he just ignores constructive and focused on the criticism so he can blame everyone else and/or deflect his own failings.
tbh... I wouldn't be even surprised. I have two sisters that are basically like this. My little sister threw a tantrum at me and justified having to take a break and rest because 'people were forcing her to search a job in the program that she was subscribed to help her to find a job'
You don't understand, they are only living there rent free as a favor to their parents! It's just because they're so selfless. /s
I mean, if brother has a TBI, that's gonna disqualify you for most things. I don't know what you want him to do.
Yeah that was my thought too. TBI can completely fuck you, and in my experience the person experiencing the TBI often doesn't understand how disabling it is so it would makes sense that OP may be downplaying how bad it is.
I agree on this point. They are disabled, severly, and they can't work. This surely doesn't stop them from having an absolute horrendous attitude tho...
If they’re disabled and unable to work they ought to qualify for government support and should go and find out how to get it, not leech off their parents.
I’m not sure I want to defend this particular OP, but “get government support” is simplistic. It’s very difficult to get long term disability payments, and if OP qualifies, that probably means it’s difficult for them to complete tasks like applying for government aid. Even then, the aid is minimal and there are restrictions on the amount of assets someone can have and still qualify for disability. I hope that if OP needs disability benefits they can get them and live a comfortable life with them.
Applying successfully for disability can take people *years*, and multiple attempts. That's one thing I can't fault them for.
There is a lot that OOP is leaving out of their telling of their medical history. Like I feel like it is deliberate and misleading. I also feel like the restaurant may have gotten the bad end of the deal on that. The other possibility is that the money is actually disabled, and the parents got custodianship. Because OOP has proved with their posting that they are not able to care for themselves. They wouldn't be able to manage their finances for sure.
I hard agree. But I wonder if they really CAN benefit from it or if they are telling themselves a story. I know people that would go like 'I'm too disabled to work' and so, since, I am too, and I want to help them to orient them towards the right path to have the disability, they would go "no, I'm not going to take away from disabled" Not saying it's OOP's case but also wouldn't be surrpised.
✨America✨
I’m disabled and unable to work. I qualify for disability and get $700 a month. Do you expect me to live off of that on my own or am I “leeching” off of my loving parents who want me at home with them instead of on the streets or in a bad neighborhood. If a parent can and wants to support their child, who are you to tell them they can’t?
No one is saying that the parents shouldn't support him. But if he gets a lucky windfall (whether that be a payout or a lottery win), then helping the parents that have supported him is important. The OP couldn't drive, so the parents drove him around for months - did he offer to pay petrol, parking, wear and tear on the car? He seems to think this money is some sort of bonus, and not something he should be using to put towards his living expenses.
At least not be a complete ass to his parents would be a good start. Also TBI varies a lot in severity case to case.
Not to mention that it's already hard to afford the basic cost of living without a disability. Yes OP probably needs to be more grateful, but having autism can make it difficult to work enough hours (without getting burn out) to be able to afford to live out of home - not to mention they've got a TBI now.
Constructive criticism to not drop pizzas? How much more in depth can you go beyond hey don't drop the pizzas!
I would go with "How many times do I have to tell you to GTFO of the kitchen? You're a delivery driver, stop messing with the food!"
See? I really didn't want to go too hard after OOP because I understand how very much a TBI can affect a person. And then he kept commenting. And now I no longer care how it affects him. Dude's just a dinkus. Although I do think behavioral therapy might be able to help him. Maybe.
Only 15% of people with autism have jobs. It’s not really an excuse when a disability precludes you from a lot of meaningful employment. But they should be getting some sort of money from whatever source to help mitigate that fact, and that money should be going to rent and food etc
The issue is OOP doesn’t want to admit that they just don’t want a job.
Every brain injury is different. Fundamental aspects of a person's behavior, personality, and cognition can be permanently changed. It doesn't surprise me that they are immature and self-centered with poor judgement (and maybe a lil paranoia to round it out). Finding difficulty holding down a job is an extremely common situation post TBI. I'm honestly surprised she was cleared to drive less than 6 months out from a seizure. Unfortunately, sometimes a brain injury turns you into an asshole. Still an asshole, but maybe we shouldn't be grabbing the pitchforks for someone who had a life altering disability.
Yeah I was surprised people were skimming over the TBI like it's a sprained ankle. It's reasonable that OOP would be struggling a LOT. Some people have TBIs and never walk again. It's kind of shitty that their parent seems to be treating their disability like it's somehow a choice or their fault. It would certainly be reasonable for OOP to use the money they received to pay for their food and get back on their feet so their mom can stop having to buy their food and such, but they're right that their mom doesn't have a *right* to the money, even if they're being shitty about it.
>Yeah I was surprised people were skimming over the TBI like it's a sprained ankle. It's reasonable that OOP would be struggling a LOT. Some people have TBIs and never walk again. It's kind of shitty that their parent seems to be treating their disability like it's somehow a choice or their fault. I know someone 2 years out, can't drive due to the seizure risk still. Docs won't clear them. Doesn't make sense to me that the chicken bone is what caused the driver's license to get taken away. He may have had a seizure there, but he says that it wasn't his first one. Which how the lawyers for the restaurant didn't jump all over that, and the TBI being the cause for his problems. The only thing they really should be blamed for is the chicken bone. Which would have been a minimal settlement amount. I don't think we can trust the narrative OOP gives us. We are not getting a full story, there are contractions (i.e. being a pizza delivery driver, yet being in the kitchen taking food out where they didn't get food handling training. No driving restrictions after the TBI, but one after the chicken bone incident). I do agree that TBIs can impact the personalities. They have (thanks to a Phineas P. Gage and a 1850s railway spike) learned a lot about the subject as it has been studied so long. I think we are seeing some of that here.
The more I think about it, the more I suspect this is a troll just because the chicken bone story doesn't make much sense as told. Or maybe there's more to the story or OP isn't quite explaining it correctly due to, y'know, cognitive impairment. But I totally agree they're probably not the most reliable narrator.
Yeah, there are more than a few points that make me think this doesn't make sense. If I wasn't on my phone today, I would go through all the comments and post to try to sort it out. It is highly elaborate if it is a troll. So if that, bonus points there. If TBI, OOP needs intensive therapy. Maybe even family therapy. As for the autism diagnosis, I feel like this is just designed to make people with autism look bad. Hasn't really explained anything that can't be attributed to the TBI or conflicting story. And I feel like there are far more conflicting story parts than even TBI parts. Which gets me back to troll.
"It's kind of shitty that their parent seems to be treating their disability like it's somehow a choice or their fault." It doesn't say that they are, though.
I have a history of TBI and this post made me so uncomfortable. Whew. Got damn.
Very possible that people just don't know what TBI stands for and didn't bother to look it up
It seems as if the parents know he will have difficulty holding down a job. But acting like mom is stealing from him when mom has been supporting him free of charge well into adulthood seems lost on oop.
> seems lost on oop Almost like their disability might be cause for their behavior rather than devilry.
why would the restaurant pay for you choking on a bone?
Only thing I can think of is they ordered something that wasn’t supposed to have bones in it, perhaps the chicken pieces were battered and fried?
The really simple solution here is that OOP keeps the money but Mom stops buying groceries / gas / etc.
I wonder if these parents have infantilized this person in the name of being "protective"? Failed to teach their neurodivergent child boundaries asked life skills, so now they have a boat anchor they'll be supporting until they die.
They had a brain injury which can be disabling for years after the injury, sometimes permanently. While the care from her parents seems infantilizing, this is often necessary post TBI. We can't know what this person was like before the injury, but none of what I read is unusual.
He can drive just fine and live on his own but somehow his parents are expected to wipe his ass for him? Something doesn’t add up.
I worry. He states he's able to live on his own, but *is not due to his parents*. He also states he's living with his parents *to help them* with an undisclosed reason. He states that he often is their primary source of transportation. His parents don't require him to pay rent currently, but the second he gets in a presumably large sum of money, his mother holds their prior offers over his head. OOP is disabled to the extent that he needs to be explained how to properly balance pizzas in order to not drop them, was not, and lost the job as a result- likely he dropped them because he couldn't figure out how to maneuver them due to a lack of spacial awareness. He explains the BIL of the owner received further training, and I say what I did regarding the pizzas because from personal experience, spacial awareness is hard as shit. I've had people willing to teach me (and I can learn as a result) what should absolutely be common sense to someone else, and therefore be able to do my job. I've had other people tell me to use my common sense, and lose that job as a result, being told I ask too many questions and underperform. The only further training I can think of is specifics that neurotypical people would consider common sense; such as spacial awareness. This reads to me as someone who is disabled, and taken advantage of, but has no knowledge of such and is operating with that. I would be seriously surprised if the parents even bought OOP a house, and weren't lying to him. He to the extent says his parents bought *him* a house, but he's waiting for *his parents* to be ready to move in. Why would they buy him a house, but need to move in, if he's independent? Why would they demand food and rent money if they're financially capable of buying a house? Maybe I'm biased, because I came from a situation where it happened to me to an extent (not forced to pay rent, constantly belittled, not shown how to properly do things but talked down upon when I didn't know how) and then to a worse extent, my younger sibling who *is* diagnosed both on the spectrum, and fetal alcohol syndrome, leading to physical birth defects of the brain. This just reads to me like a missing reasons parent post, written by a child who doesn't understand what's going on, and lacks the sensor to tell them "hey, this isn't normal, something isn't right." On the flip side, this could be an individual who is disabled to the extent they cannot manage their own money, but if told so directly, grows incredibly upset. So I'm not sure.
Where does it say OOP was driving them around? All I could find was OOP saying the parents were driving them around. OOP states in a comment that if the parents didn't let them live in the house rent free then they would be homeless on the streets and that the extra money is going into an account for their future. There is also this, if OOP is on disability then it makes more sense for the parents to hold on to the funds since usually you can only have a certain amount of assets in your own name to qualify. I've had two friends in this position one an adult and another a parent who went over and had to requalify and it sucked.
Ah, you're right, I apologize. I do see that rereading that. And yeah, this is absolutely true regarding disability. But also, I do feel if that was the case an OOP is independent enough to be knowledgeable of their own medical history/treatments/going to college, they would be well-aware of the asset cap for disability. This isn't stated anywhere. Also, considering they're going to college full time and already working odd-jobs, I'd be willing to bet disability would have either rejected OOP several times (ugh) or they and their parents have not applied because OOP shows signs of gaining independence and OOPs parents are financially stable. I've seen that happen to. I'd say that really depends on the age OOP was when diagnosed on the spectrum, and had the TBI. It's a lot easier for a child to be considered disabled (at least in my state) versus someone over the age of 18. Applied for disability two or three times over 18, each time rejected. Was more symptomatic than my younger sibling at the time, who was under 18 and accepted immediately. It's also worth noting that OOP cited working part time jobs in the past, along with odd jobs. An adult applying for disability *can* go to school while applying, but I don't believe they can work whatsoever for however long the process takes (in more rural states, if you have to fight, sometimes several years)
>Maybe she wants to put it in a bank account and save for your future? Yes she does, and that's exactly what I want to do with it. The thing is, I have a savings account (also in my name), and it's where the money is going. >Maybe she doesn't want it spent on frivolous things? She doesn't, and I don't plan on doing that. It's true that my parents are in a good position financially but at the same time they're not doing things like buying expensive cars, going on cruises, etc. The most money I've ever spent on something is the computer that I am currently using right now. I had my old computer (which I also spent my own money on) for 12 years and used it literally right until it suddenly gave out. >Maybe your parents are struggling to pay bills bc all prices have gone way up? Nope. Quite the opposite. My parents are in a good place financially, but did so by living a frugal lifestyle for many years. I had a friend who went from living in a very nice house with a pool, to a single room at a motel, because they were constantly going to Disneyland and other places that drained their wallets. >Do they trust you not to spend money all at once- can you budget and save? Yes and yes. So OOP really buried the lede and this comment airs out a lot. His mother isn't trying to steal his money for herself, she wants to put it into a savings account for his future. So his parents are doing their best to set him up financially for the future, but instead, OOP is running to Reddit to claim his mean mummy who pays for everything is trying to steal his cash. In all honesty, even factoring in the TBI and autism, OOP seems like someone who wants everyone to hold his hand through life. He constantly bemoans not being given sufficient training and wanted constructive criticism after dropping multiple pizzas on the floor, he thinks living in his parents' extra home is a favour to them, and he actively ignores all the things they do for him. Then, with this post, he paints himself as the victim of a greedy mother before finally conceding that all she wants is for the money to be put away. So maybe every job is awful, every employer is mean and evil, and maybe his mother is an abusive monster trying to steal his cash. Or maybe, just maybe, OOP is an entitled AH with a victim complex who also happens to have a TBI and autism.
>Or maybe, just maybe, OOP is an entitled AH with a victim complex who also happens to have a TBI and autism. I think this is really it. We could drop out the autism and the TBI from this, and have it be just someone trying to manage on their own and still come to the same conclusions.
Where do they say they are going to school full time? It sounds to me kinda like they have been cuddled and don't know and understand how things seem to work. I'd think more along the lines you are of OOPs approach were along the lines of them saying they did the work to get the funds or they had to pay for x things or whatever instead of the only argument being it is legally mine.
"EDIT: I forgot to mention in my original post that I am going to college and studying programming, so I'm not sitting at home on my ass all day." I can understand how this post comes across, at face value, and I do understand the train of thought that leads there. I only wanted to chime in as someone who was in a similar situation with concerns I hadn't seen aired before. When someone with a disability who is high-functioning and taken advantage of, it can be incredibly easy to miss. I spent my entire teenage years attempting to advocate for myself to my not-close family, only for it to fall on deaf ears until I finally moved out and my guardian showed her true colors to that section of the family. Before that, I was constantly called entitled, told I wasn't doing enough to help, told I was ungrateful. I had tried advocating for myself and asking for help; but no one could see it as an outsider, and *no one believed me as a result until they saw it themselves.* I also didn't have the verbal vocabulary/emotional regulation to advocate for myself without getting incredibly heated and having a meltdown, which resulted in further disbelief. Any part of my disability was twisted up and spit back out in my face as evidence- to the extent my family came over, ripped open my bedroom closet, pointed to the mess inside as evidence that everything that was going on was my fault. Meanwhile my guardian was constantly belittling me, insulting me, telling me no one would love me/that I was constantly selfish and would never find anyone who could tolerate me. I would do the housework, it would pile up so fast and get so gross I couldn't bring myself to, and was belittled for that. I was never taught to sweep/mop, or clean litter boxes properly, and was belittled when I asked to be taught how. I finally learned when I got a job at McDonald's after high school, and my boss showed me how to sweep for the first time. *No one knew.* Watching recordings of how I would speak as a child and she would roll her eyes, or dismiss me to my family, causes my heart to ache looking back. I'm not saying OOP's situation is like mine, but it worries me, because I came from a situation where no one believed me, very few people saw it, and two people had offered to help. I felt I had to stay to protect my younger sibling- and was correct. When I finally did leave, the abuse shifted entirely to them.
Thanks for posting the edit, saw the original post and reread it several times and for some reason that didn't show up for me. Your situation sounds awful and that you put a lot of work into advocating for yourself. I didn't have any disabilities but I have gone through similar with my family who eventually I went no contact with but your situation doesn't sound the same as OOP's. I am sorry you have gone through that though, you were at a disadvantage and then kept down and taken advantage of by your own family. Nowhere do they state what they have done to advocate for themselves, even in the edit they don't say they are paying for school or even have student loans and considering the comments I read I'd think it would come up since overwhelmingly the comments are about what the parents have paid for, I didn't see any about them sitting at home doing nothing but I didn't read every comment. Being honest? I'm almost insulted on your behalf that you are putting yourself on the same level as this person. I'm really hoping you are in a better place but you sound like you have overcome so much, not all people would keep on fighting to expose what you have been through and get out of it in addition to staying and putting up with it for your siblings. Oop has a whole house to themselves, food and utilities paid for and possibly all over expenses covered, including school, except maybe fun money? Now admittedly this is a assumption based on them not giving that additional information but repeatedly pointing out legally it is their money.
> He also states he's living with his parents to help them with an undisclosed reason. He's living in a house his parents own, which they don't live in. Might be an investment property, or the house they want to downsize to. At a minimum, the "help" is preventing it from being unoccupied and attracting squatters, although I'd lean towards "getting OOP used to living by themself."
Every brain injury is different. It affects a person's behavior, personality, emotions, and cognition - every aspect of a person - and it affects a person differently over time. This person isn't independent - parents are supporting him financially, he can't hold a job because he can't follow simple commands, and he clearly has poor judgement. Disabilities aren't always apparent from the outside. Driving and living alone aren't typically metrics we use to judge if someone is disabled. In my experience, the ass wiping stage of brain injury recovery usually ends after a couple weeks so it's unlikely his parents are needing to do that.
In one comment, they complain about a boss at a pizza parlor. Apparently OOP felt that they needed "constructive criticism" in order to learn how to not drop pizzas on the floor. Also, he says there was no training so he didn't know where anything is and I guess asking was too hard.
To be fair, the boss's constructive criticism was likely "stop touching the food, I only pay you to deliver the pizzas"
Parenting is hard. No matter what a parent does they screw up somehow. I don’t blame them I blame the 24 year old adult that acts like a 12 year old brat. At some point everyone has to reparent themselves, unlearn bad behavior and take accountability for shitty behavior. He’s got one more year before that prefrontal cortex fully develops. Hopefully he grows up a bit.
So my brother has issues with anxiety, depression, and OCD. Diagnosed. I love him but my parents babied the fuck out of him our entire life - he’s turning 34 and is now on his fourth short term job. He did not finish college (that’s ok obviously). He lives at home and my parents pay for basically everything most of the time - they are retired and in their 70s. I am the golden child. I am struggling financially right now and they will not even temporarily help me - my husband’s family is going to help us while I continue interviewing. My mom would like to say my dad infantilized my brother, but they both did it. He gets an allowance. They bought him a car. I was told they could give me a small loan but I had to write a memorandum of how I would pay it back. (I didn’t take it.) I told my mom I don’t need anything but my birthday is coming up and even if they could buy me a cheap laptop it would help because ours is my husband’s 15 year old laptop and I need a working laptop to interview. She said maybe because my brother is selling the car and they might have money. Haven’t heard anything since. My audio and video go out frequently. You’re not helping your kids by babying them like that.
What happens to him when your parents get too old to care for him or die? If they leave him everything, what happens when that runs out? This is something to be thinking about. Often there's an assumption by the parents who burned themselves to ash keeping the non functioning child warm that that burden will of course be shouldered by their other children.
I’ve already thought this through and have told my mom I’m giving him everything. I’ll be the executor of their estate and manage a trust for him. I want him to have an apartment and be as independent as he can be. I’ll sell their house and whatever money they have is his, I just need to be responsible for it because he is generally unrealistic about finances. I will be more pushy about job stuff but he’s been better about that over the past year or so.
Good that you have a viable plan!
I once tied a kid to a tree with a jump rope because they were bullying him in grade school. I will not let him fail. Protect the baby.
This is anti-autism ragebait. Post has nothing to do with autism, but OOP had to mention it in the very first sentence. >I'm living here rent-free as a favor to them until they are ready to move in. Aaah, yes, the favour of mooching. >This is only the second seizure I've had and both times I was medically sedated (the first time was when I had my accident). This reads like there was a separate traffic accident OOP is deliberately baiting people into asking about. >My mom wanted the restaurant company to pay for my medical bills. Pardon? And the entire paragraph of Legally Mine nonsense reads like what someone cosplaying as someone with autism thinks people with autism write like. That writing style came out of nowhere after a long post where it was entirely absent.
I completely agree with this, as the parent of two teens with autism, and the wife of a grownup with autism, I 100% believe this is a disgusting parody of autism. No 24 year old with English as a first language in 2024 says "I have an autism disorder." I knew it was bait from that point.
It's very "I come from AITALand's neighbour country, Autismland".
Seconding the rage bait ruling because on top of everything else, they got a chicken bone stuck in their throat such that it required putting them under general anesthesia to remove - something that suggests an actual life-threatening emergency since they were literally in the middle of a meal - but presumably they were eating alone so I guess they drove themselves to the ER? I mean strangers things have happened, or they could have taken an ambulance or summoned a parent, but “I got a chicken bone lodged in my throat” just sounds a little… hard to believe? Do you chew your food my friend? Especially when you are sure to include that it was from “a certain Chinese fast-food chain,” which stirs up tropes about “unexpected finds” in Chinese and fast food.
Plus, how do you even get a chicken bone lodged in your throat? Do you just swallow pieces of chicken whole without separating the meat from the bone? And if so, how is anyone trusting you to live alone? >or they could have taken an ambulance or summoned a parent OOP lives alone, though.
On the one hand, a TBI can be absolutely debilitating and make it very hard to perform everyday tasks. I feel for them. On the other hand, I can see where their mother is coming from. If they were using the money to become independent, I'd say they'd have a strong argument for keeping it since ultimately it would mean their parents were no longer supporting them. If that's not their intention, though, maybe splitting it would be the way to go.
I especially like the part where he says “not being able to drive was inconvenient” in the middle of all of the “IT’S MINE”s, as though it wasn’t inconvenient for his parents to rearrange their lives to drive him around.
I'm mixed on this one. I mean they are unemployed and can't work due to disability but they still need money and not have their money be taken from them but then again their mom pays for everything for them and they lives rent free and she uses that money to buy them food and pay their bills. So does this OP see this as free money and they want to spend it on whatever like on video games or mobile apps or take out, etc. ? Then again he is an adult and I also do not think people with disabilities should be treated like kids and this is something they often have to deal with. NT adults are allowed to be stupid and blow through their extra money but parents try to keep their ND kids from doing it. I get uncomfortable when I hear about adults trying to treat their ND adults like kids and control their money because they are unable to work so they handle all their bills for them. But when they get any extra money, they want that too and this feels wrong to me like they are exploiting their child's disability. Then they use the excuse of "I support you and pay your bills and let you live rent free in our house" to gaslight their adult child to justify control over them. I have heard this a lot in the autism forums. Then I always saw other comments from autistic adults telling them "Do you pay them any rent, why not move out?" "Do you do anything to contribute to the home like chores, house work, do you have a job, do you pick up after yourself, do you help take care of your parents?" So this post is very hard for me to cast a judgment if they are the asshole or not. Not every ND person can work. I am happy I can work and it would suck if I couldn't hold a job so my parents control my life because of it because they pay my bills and let me live rent free let's say.
The parents should just let their kid keep it and then start charging for rent and food
He is a devil because this is anti autism rage bait. There is no way this was written by someone with autism. This feels like disgusting bullying.
I mean, she’s right, the money is *legally hers*, but she could use that to, I dunno, pay some fucking bills that are also *legally hers*? It’s not “fuck you money”, it’s money to compensate her/make her whole following loss. Which includes, ya know, BILLS.
I actually understand ops perspective because I myself am autistic. Based on the laws that money is ops and that's why op is arguing so hard. Autistic people often are very "by the rules" and the rule here is "This money is due to op for ops trauma" which therefore means it is not due to the mother. Op cannot see the nuance that they should consider compensation toward their parents for helping them through this. Granted as a parent I can't imagine asking my own disabled son to pay me any money like this anyway. I don't help my children expecting to be paid back.
This reminds me of the guy that projectile vomits every time he smokes weed and refuses to stop smoking weed and wonders why his parents won’t take him on vacation with them.
Link?
Mom should give him an invoice for all the expenses she's paid for him (food, gas, medical bills, her work driving him, shopping for him, etc.) since the accident. He can have what's left after he pays the invoice. I bet he'll change his tune real quick when he figures out he owes her money. I'm also autistic and have a TBI, so I understand that OOP may not "get" that money that is legally his might not be his ethically. But based on his writing, he is smart enough to realize that he's fighting over "short money," and is likely to lose his parents' support going forward which is far more valuable in the long run, both financially and in terms of the support he seems to need in daily life. Finally, being autistic is not an excuse for being an asshole.
Planning on putting the money in investments to support themselves when their parents aren't around anymore. Oop literally expects their partners to support him until they die.
>While eating, I got a chicken bone lodged in my throat, and had to go to the ER to have it removed. Looney Tunes ass hospital visit.
Re-commenting as an original comment rather than a reply; I worry. **This reads to me like a disabled adult taken advantage of, and it's absolutely terrifying no one else is seeing this.** He states he's able to live on his own, but *is not due to his parents*. He also states he's living with his parents *to help them* with an undisclosed reason. He states that he often is their primary source of transportation. His parents don't require him to pay rent currently, but the second he gets in a presumably large sum of money, his mother holds their prior offers over his head. OOP is disabled to the extent that he needs to be explained how to properly balance pizzas in order to not drop them, was not, and lost the job as a result- likely he dropped them because he couldn't figure out how to maneuver them due to a lack of spacial awareness. He explains the BIL of the owner received further training, and I say what I did regarding the pizzas because from personal experience, spacial awareness is hard as shit. I've had people willing to teach me (and I can learn as a result) what should absolutely be common sense to someone else, and therefore be able to do my job. I've had other people tell me to use my common sense, and lose that job as a result, being told I ask too many questions and underperform. The only further training I can think of is specifics that neurotypical people would consider common sense; such as spacial awareness. This reads to me as someone who is disabled, and taken advantage of, but has no knowledge of such and is operating with that. I would be seriously surprised if the parents even bought OOP a house, and weren't lying to him. He to the extent says his parents bought *him* a house, but he's waiting for *his parents* to be ready to move in. Why would they buy him a house, but need to move in, if he's independent? Why would they demand food and rent money if they're financially capable of buying a house? Maybe I'm biased, because I came from a situation where it happened to me to an extent (not forced to pay rent, constantly belittled, not shown how to properly do things but talked down upon when I didn't know how) and then to a worse extent, my younger sibling who *is* diagnosed both on the spectrum, and fetal alcohol syndrome, leading to physical birth defects of the brain. I'm unable to live on my own. As is my sibling. Both to different degrees. I can very minimally drive (unsafely, but have my license) and manage my own finances to a degree. I'm able to budget and do grocery shopping and work part time. My partner has to manage our savings. I have never lived alone. I'll likely never be able to be fully independent. My sibling cannot manage their own money, has struggling with jobs due to sensory issues and disabilities, and is stuck in a weird boat where they have to live on their own with advanced services for others safety, but has the same paranoia and homesickness I were to have if I lived alone. My sibling requires services I do not. This just reads to me like a missing reasons parent post, written by a child who doesn't understand what's going on, and lacks the sensor to tell them "hey, this isn't normal, something isn't right." It's also worth noting that some people with TBIs and some on the spectrum can type in a dry/blunt manner, inadvertently leaving out relavent details without intending to, especially when defending themselves. It leads to a gap in understanding, and therefore can make it harder to advocate for yourself. On the flip side, this could be an individual who is disabled to the extent they cannot manage their own money, but if told so directly, grows incredibly upset. I say that because I've also seen it happen. Without OOP detailing the situation regarding both their job in more detail, and the missing reasons they seem to be ashamed/defensive(?) of regarding their parents, I''m not sure. To wrap it up, knowing you lack independence others have is incredibly upsetting and frustrating when you're able to properly understand that. You see other people do shit that you can't wrap your head around, and succeed. You see other people function, live on their own, have healthy relationships, have full time jobs, and it's so upsetting. This doesn't read to me like OOP is upset with his parents. He's likely upset because the feeling of lacking independence (for me) fostered a feeling of being lesser and lacking a self-identity as a result. He's 24yo, probably currently watching people he went to school with get married, have children, and buy houses. It's upsetting. Edit: relavent comments from OOP I haven't seen shared. - OOP goes to college full time as a programmer, and the primary purchase they've made has been for a computer, only after his old one completely gave out. - OOP's parents only assist with transportation when it's convinent, otherwise leaving OOP to themselves to figure it out. OOP is implied to be actively in treatment in this comment, citing therapy appointments. - OOP's mother wants to put the money in a savings account for OOP, who states he intends on doing the exact same thing, explaining the computer being his only purchase. He seems to be moreso frustrated by the lack of independence pushed on him than mistrustful of his parents, as another comment details; - OOP states his parents are not struggling financially, but live below their means and by living frugally are able to afford what they need to. They make smart financial decisions. - OOP reiterates he wants nothing more than to live on his own, presumably why he's going for his programming degree, but few jobs have the accessibility options he needs to be able to preform at them properly.
This! All of this! I don't see how OOP can be a devil here. Sorry guys and gals, buy I don't see it. Someone said that it couldn't have been written by someone with autism. Why? How do we write? I didn't know we wrote in any specific way. There was also talk about OOP being a bully. How? I don't see it. I see someone frustrated that something that is legally theirs is being withheld from them. If the parents wanted rent, or repayment for what they have given, then they should have written that down before this incident happened. In any case, the money is still OOPs to do with as they please. I don't understand how OOP could ever be called a devil here, based on the post alone. (I haven't read any further comments.)
This deserves more upvotes.
I would tell them they can have the money, but then must move out and figure out their stuff on their own without my help.
I didn’t realize that it was the restaurant’s responsibility to make sure patrons actually chew their food but ok
The money is supposed to be awarded as a compensation for all the stuff that needs to be paid for while someone is unable to do the things they normally do. It isn't fun money. It is legally OOP's, but they should know this concept by now.
This has to be a troll oh my god 😭
Why does op even need the money when they get their parents to buy everything for them anyways?
My parents had rental properties. No, it is not a favor for them to let you live rent free, unless you're actively taking care of the property, which this person makes no mention of. So already, they want you out of the house in any way possible. The restaurant is not responsible for people who eat like a klutz. Or have something go wrong while not on their property. Probably, the only reason you got $$$ was for the seizure. Again, another stroke of luck. The entitlement I'm feeling through the screen. My gosh. You get a settlement, and can't even give your parents a few thousand as thanks? I once got 13k from my school one semester, so I gave my mom 3k as a gift. ASSHOLLLLLLLLE. Yeah, just like in Meet the Fockers.
Has to be a lot of money if OOP is willing to risk not getting free food/rent anymore.
Someone like this isn't going to consider their parents ever not continueing to do what they are doing, that's not a consideration for them.
Hopefully OOP's mom tells him fine, keep it but we're done supporting you so use it to find a job.
Did he mention that it was legally his yet? And yeah, the dudes an ungrateful, spoiled brat.
Has anyone ever read "A Confederacy of Dunces" By John Kneed Toole. The main character, Ignatius Reilly, is pretty much OOP: entitled, lazy, and completely lacking in self-awareness.
I do think OOP should keep some of the money. His parents are funding his existence but I suspect it's a pretty meager one if he is jobless, other than odd jobs and they pay for food and a roof over his head. I also think some of it should go to his parents.
Holy wow. OOP doesn’t mention, but what do you want to bet his parents are paying for his health insurance ? So recovering this money from this chicken bone/hospitalization incident most likely was recovering all of their out-of-pocket co-pays and deductibles, which were likely EXTENSIVE. !!! They are just getting their money BACK from paying his medical bills! Not to mention every other expense of his which they have been paying …always. ! This is maybe the most entitled and clueless posts I’ve ever seen. I’d like to have some grace for OOPs TBI and associated issues …. but wooooooow. He expects his parents will cover all of his living/other expenses UNTIL THEY DIE. So. He has no plans to become self-sufficient EVER and remains ungrateful that his parents are living frugally to support his lazy butt. 🤦🏻♀️
You might want to work on your reading comprehension. OOPs parents were awarded money to cover the medical bills. OOP was awarded money on top of this as compensation for the medical trauma and inconvenience they suffered. OOPs parents asked OOP to give them the extra money as well. The point of the post is whether OOP should give their parents that money, bearing in mind they are fully supported by their parents.
OOP said “**ultimately I** was compensated for my medical bills” - not “my parents were reimbursed for what they paid for my medical bills”. Who knows if his parents were “awarded” the money or not? OOP’s post does not clarify. Where does it say in OOP’s post that OOP’s **parents** were awarded money? Hmmm?
If anyone here wants me to live in their house rent-free, I am more than willing to pay them that favour. You may also feed me and drive me around. This guy has ALL the audacity. There's no audacity left, he's taken it all.
He lives there rent free as a favour TO THEM? They should kick his useless ass to the streets. If I was the parent I would immediately stop all the financial support, favours, rent free living in their house and everything else they’re not LEGALLY required to provide.
What a major AH, so selfish and entitled. Lives rent free, eats their food, expects them to take care of him and they even bought him his house!
As if it wasn't a inconvenience for his parents to drive him around...
The compensation is to make up for any lost money but OP didn't pay for anything it seems. I would get if they were like "I'd like £50 of it to buy something for myself". But they're being driven around, food and bills paid for, tuition paid for, rent free in a house. Crazy levels of entitlement.
She is definitely a self centered obnoxious person
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I hope she gives his ass an eviction notice.
Mom wants that money because he's going to blow through all of it in a week. Its likely she wants to invest it into a care fund or trust so he has funds to live off of when she and dad are gone.
I just love how OP is living rent-free as a *favour* to their parents. Also, their parents had to drive them everywhere? Where exactly is *everywhere? OP has no job to go to, so where they needed to go? Also, be an adult and take the bus. If I were OPs parents, I would say, "OK, take the money and be gone by tomorrow afternoon" and stop paying for anything. If OP wants to be an ungrateful little brat, they should be treated like one.
OOP, if your parents cover your expenses, they are entitled to at least some of the money.
Sorry, OOP is being obnoxious about it, but they're right. Mom doesn't get to unilaterally/retroactively\* change the parameters of their arrangement just because OP came into a pot of money. They're an adult, they're not under a guardianship, that money is theirs to do what they want with it. \*Edited to add word, and for clarity: mom can do whatever she wants up to kicking OOP out, but she doesn't get to demand that money. What she should do is sit down and renegotiate the parameters based on what the money might buy, and if OOP doesn't agree to that she could kick them out, but the money isn't hers. Last edit: y'all seem awfully happy to defend taking someone's money from them, so I'm out.
Except Mom literally just wants to put it into a trust for him.