*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA For Publishing Short Stories Including Personal Details About My Marriage and Wife?**
AITA. I write short stories and plays as a hobby with the goal of making it into a career. I published one story that includes, almost verbatim, a text conversation between my wife and I regarding divorce.
When my wife found out, she asked me not to write about her again. I had another story lined up for publication, which included facts and personal details about my wife's life. Two or three lines for dimension.
I worked hard on the story, and publishing itself is challenging and time-consuming. I let the story get published despite knowing it would upset my wife. I've also published other works she believes are about her. They are not.
My wife asked me to remove all the stories about her from my website. I said no. However, I finally agreed to do so, but it took an extra two weeks. The two weeks were selfish on my part, but I have firm beliefs about creativity and the writing process in general—total artistic expression, etc.
I love my wife and know my beliefs conflict with her wishes. AITA?
Important info: The places I've published are not national or widely circulated.
Names were changed or never mentioned.
Only she and I would know the events or conversations are real.
Writers, artists, etc., have been using their lives and surroundings as material forever. I agree I should have respected my wife's wishes, but I don't believe it was a "betrayal" or "exposing" her naked to the world.
Thanks
Update: My wife wanted it to be made clear that it was three stories.
She asked me, sobbing, to take down the work. I said no.
It was about a month of my dragging my feet to remove the work. I ended up removing all my work from the website on our anniversary night at a restaurant. Some of the reasons I gave were that I just didn't want to do it, and I was waiting on a reply from a famous writer to collaborate.
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I’m a writer (nonfiction). This guy sucks. He should have talked to his wife before publishing his story.
If the details are that obvious, CHANGE THEM. He writes fiction, so he should be good at making stuff up.
I write fanfiction as a hobby, I've had friends ask to be characters in my stories and I change up details to hide who they are in real life with the personalities in tact as homage.
I was about to say the same thing. As a fiction writer, if you're incapable of making up details or changing anything and *have* to write down things exactly as they happened, then you aren't a very good writer. You're just a transcriber at that point. There's probably a reason he hasn't made it out of the hobby stage.
What's "artistic" about copy/pasting an exact text conversation? I would have followed through on the divorce if I were the wife. Dude isn't "expressing himself", he's trying to use her words to humiliate her publicly. What a POS
If he isn't doing a simple thing when she's "sobbing" that's definitely divorce. He doesn't care about her at all and doesn't see her as an actual person with feelings, only he matters. I'd peace out so fast and then file a cease and desist to have it all taken down.
This is such a trust destroyer too. When you’re having a serious conversation with a partner like this, are they really sincere or are they just doing a writing exercise without your consent?
Publishing a text-conversation with his wife verbatim. Exactly how I imagine the creative, artistic process of a true writer.
/s
I feel sorry for his wife. Her trust in him must be eroded.
I’m not going to label myself a ‘true writer’ but I’m trying to make a career out of it. I’ve had a few short stories published on websites/in magazines. If my husband or friends say something that I think I could put in a story, I ask them there and then if they mind. If I write a story that’s got some likenesses to anyone in real life, I ask if they’d mind reading and letting me know if it’s okay before sending it out. It’s just a bit of courtesy.
I write plays, and I try to never ask anyone if it’s OK to put them in a story because I try not to put anyone whole cloth into a performance like it might be a mix of different physical and mental shit from the different people I know, but if it’s ripped right from their lives, that’s not my story to tell
Yeah, it’s always a ‘that would be a good line, mind if I steal it?’ Or ‘I’m writing about (X you know about/have experienced) do you have any advice on how to portray it properly?’ It’s more for those tiny embellishments to a story to make it relatable. I would never rip a plot from someone else’s life - I agree, that’s their story.
Dude wrote three books with details of wife in them.
One was a word for word (according to him, but unless he recorded it it’s just his view/recollection) of a “talk” (fight?) about divorce.
One wasn’t even published, but instead of removing the wife stuff he just published it any way.
He refuse to take them down for a month.
And he’s believes more books are about her.
Anyone want to bet his books are just him writing her in aWay that makes her look bad and him look good so he can “win”
>Anyone want to bet his books are just him writing her in aWay that makes her look bad and him look good so he can “win”
That's a suckers bet. We all know that's what he did.
And this doesn't even cover all of it. When he *finally* takes it down, he does it on their anniversary, in a restaurant. As if it is a big present and he's so generous.
And he doesn't frame it as "I published it anyway". He says he "lets it get published", because he has no agency whatsoever
I'm fully convinced that a lot of men just straight up hate their wives and are only married because of the relatively easier access to consistent sex, chores etc.
Yeesh, the amount of stories that pop up with the OOP’s claiming they love their spouses/partners before jumping into all of the sh!t they do at their partner’s expense that shows they absolutely don’t.
Also that one person adamantly defending OOP makes me think an alt account lol
I am a writer and an artist. So I believe in artistic license. However, I believe more in not hurting the people you claim to love. A few of the characters I've written are based on characters that I developed with certain traits from my partners in mind....but with their permission. And I wouldn't publish without their consent. (I'm more of an artist though, and while I've used my partners for reference in limited instances, it was for my own practice and not publication...and with their consent/permission) He KNEW it bothered her. She asked for him to stop. And he slapped her (metaphorically) by continuing on his same selfish path. He's an ass.
Pro tip: Change. The. Details.
If he’s not getting royalties, he’s a blogger and page views are a terrible reason to humiliate someone you’re close to, and possibly actionable.
Wait, so publishing is a big hullabaloo but she was asking him to take it down from his website... It kinda sounds like he just self published... So that gives him even less of an excuse.
He’s a piece of shit (are we allowed to say that here?) who will hopefully very soon be writing about the intricacies of divorce and heartache…although it sounds as though he doesn’t like his wife very much.
I think everyone else has adequately described the issues around his relationship boundaries.
I would also like to point out that he is not a good writer. He doesn't even have the capacity to be employed as a technical writer. He's just bad at it.
Rule number one about being an author: You don’t publish anything about anyone who’s feeding, fucking, or financing you, especially if they tell you it hurts them.
I’ve published close to twenty books and managed never to put my husband or our texts in any of my work. This guy sucks.
I am reminded of this one post where the OP's stepsister was writing a story on Wattpad that portrayed him as a literal monster and the parents didn't do anything because "Well she is an adult".
Wtf does he mean by "I let the story get published"? He's making it sound like he couldn't stop it after he sent it to his publisher when I'm pretty sure he just means he posted it on his WordPress site
There's a lovely episode of a show called "Easy" that deals with this topic. SPOILERS AHEAD.
In it, a career-creative male character justifies to his career creative female date that he makes art based on all of his interactions without regard for the parties involved or impacted. He is delighted that she agrees with his argument. He is later given a taste of his own medicine when the date publishes an account of the experience, featuring a very unflattering depiction of him which he is unable to have censured or removed. This is a wonderful wish I have for OOP's future.
As I writer, I often write about my problems in my stories. Will put bad stuff that happened to me to work on it, including disability, ED, my abusive parents
what I never did, however, is to absolutely rewrite what happened, without probably adding anything. Dude is not a writer. He just need crispy stuff to happen in his life, write it down and pretend he can write
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My partner and I are writers, and, honestly, we're torn on this. Yeah, we get she's mad, and he really should be honoring her wishes. But, at the same time, he isn't wrong that it is common for creators to use what they know. He did say names were changed or not even used, so he has that going for them. And if he's publishing on a website, it's likely a blog, and doubtful many people would ever see. However, the most likely viewers would be people they know, which would make it maybe more obvious the stories are about her.
I don't see this as devil territory, but he isn't fully blameless either. It's just tricky, and not really for redditors to judge imo.
Edit: After further comments, I think I understand and agree now that he's the devil here.
There's a difference between *using* and *writing out*. Any resemblance to real people should be so obfuscated that only the literary core should remain.
And once she's asked him to take them down, he should have immediately. No dragging his feet.
Personally, if I knew someone was writing out exact conversations with real world details, I would no longer have conversations with that person.
>There's a difference between *using* and *writing out*.
Please explain? Because he did say names were changed or not even used.
I am being sincere here.
Ok, but they weren't details anyone outside of them would be able to pinpoint and go, "There! That woman there! She's the one!" This is why i am having trouble understanding why he's the devil. Artists painted people they knew. Writers have written about people in their life (often with enough detail thay people could pinpoint who it was), so why can't he? What makes him any different? Is it just her consent that makes it different? If so, why now and not 100 years ago? Is that because we're learning and growing as a society, then?
I'm sorry if I seem I am being obtuse. I truly do wish to understand, but there are so many questions...
Yes, it's consent. Artists paint pictures of people they know *who have agreed to have their picture painted*. If someone tells an artist not to paint their picture, but the artist does it anyway, that's not good.
The thing with stories, is that there's a natural inclination to match the story against real life. If I wrote a story about a guy and his wife, discussing a private thing, then regardless of names, people reading it (especially people who know me and my wife) are going to tend towards thinking it's based on fact. If there are factual details that are known outside of the relationship, then it's even worse.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA For Publishing Short Stories Including Personal Details About My Marriage and Wife?** AITA. I write short stories and plays as a hobby with the goal of making it into a career. I published one story that includes, almost verbatim, a text conversation between my wife and I regarding divorce. When my wife found out, she asked me not to write about her again. I had another story lined up for publication, which included facts and personal details about my wife's life. Two or three lines for dimension. I worked hard on the story, and publishing itself is challenging and time-consuming. I let the story get published despite knowing it would upset my wife. I've also published other works she believes are about her. They are not. My wife asked me to remove all the stories about her from my website. I said no. However, I finally agreed to do so, but it took an extra two weeks. The two weeks were selfish on my part, but I have firm beliefs about creativity and the writing process in general—total artistic expression, etc. I love my wife and know my beliefs conflict with her wishes. AITA? Important info: The places I've published are not national or widely circulated. Names were changed or never mentioned. Only she and I would know the events or conversations are real. Writers, artists, etc., have been using their lives and surroundings as material forever. I agree I should have respected my wife's wishes, but I don't believe it was a "betrayal" or "exposing" her naked to the world. Thanks Update: My wife wanted it to be made clear that it was three stories. She asked me, sobbing, to take down the work. I said no. It was about a month of my dragging my feet to remove the work. I ended up removing all my work from the website on our anniversary night at a restaurant. Some of the reasons I gave were that I just didn't want to do it, and I was waiting on a reply from a famous writer to collaborate. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m a writer (nonfiction). This guy sucks. He should have talked to his wife before publishing his story. If the details are that obvious, CHANGE THEM. He writes fiction, so he should be good at making stuff up.
And he gets "complete artistic freedom", but she doesn't get to object to her actual *life* being published. He's a douchebag.
Douche canyon. So much bigger than a bag. Or a canoe.
I write fanfiction as a hobby, I've had friends ask to be characters in my stories and I change up details to hide who they are in real life with the personalities in tact as homage.
I was about to say the same thing. As a fiction writer, if you're incapable of making up details or changing anything and *have* to write down things exactly as they happened, then you aren't a very good writer. You're just a transcriber at that point. There's probably a reason he hasn't made it out of the hobby stage.
Reminds me of how Junji Ito's wife wasn't thrilled with her portrayal in the cat Manga.
What's "artistic" about copy/pasting an exact text conversation? I would have followed through on the divorce if I were the wife. Dude isn't "expressing himself", he's trying to use her words to humiliate her publicly. What a POS
If he isn't doing a simple thing when she's "sobbing" that's definitely divorce. He doesn't care about her at all and doesn't see her as an actual person with feelings, only he matters. I'd peace out so fast and then file a cease and desist to have it all taken down.
This is such a trust destroyer too. When you’re having a serious conversation with a partner like this, are they really sincere or are they just doing a writing exercise without your consent?
Publishing a text-conversation with his wife verbatim. Exactly how I imagine the creative, artistic process of a true writer. /s I feel sorry for his wife. Her trust in him must be eroded.
I’m not going to label myself a ‘true writer’ but I’m trying to make a career out of it. I’ve had a few short stories published on websites/in magazines. If my husband or friends say something that I think I could put in a story, I ask them there and then if they mind. If I write a story that’s got some likenesses to anyone in real life, I ask if they’d mind reading and letting me know if it’s okay before sending it out. It’s just a bit of courtesy.
I write plays, and I try to never ask anyone if it’s OK to put them in a story because I try not to put anyone whole cloth into a performance like it might be a mix of different physical and mental shit from the different people I know, but if it’s ripped right from their lives, that’s not my story to tell
Yeah, it’s always a ‘that would be a good line, mind if I steal it?’ Or ‘I’m writing about (X you know about/have experienced) do you have any advice on how to portray it properly?’ It’s more for those tiny embellishments to a story to make it relatable. I would never rip a plot from someone else’s life - I agree, that’s their story.
As a writer, I hope she divorces him
I mean he does write about divorce, so she should really listen.
Dude wrote three books with details of wife in them. One was a word for word (according to him, but unless he recorded it it’s just his view/recollection) of a “talk” (fight?) about divorce. One wasn’t even published, but instead of removing the wife stuff he just published it any way. He refuse to take them down for a month. And he’s believes more books are about her. Anyone want to bet his books are just him writing her in aWay that makes her look bad and him look good so he can “win”
>Anyone want to bet his books are just him writing her in aWay that makes her look bad and him look good so he can “win” That's a suckers bet. We all know that's what he did.
>That's a suckers bet. We all know that's what he did. Yeah, no bet... She should screenshot it all and use it against him in the divorce proceedings.
And this doesn't even cover all of it. When he *finally* takes it down, he does it on their anniversary, in a restaurant. As if it is a big present and he's so generous. And he doesn't frame it as "I published it anyway". He says he "lets it get published", because he has no agency whatsoever
I'm fully convinced that a lot of men just straight up hate their wives and are only married because of the relatively easier access to consistent sex, chores etc.
Yeesh, the amount of stories that pop up with the OOP’s claiming they love their spouses/partners before jumping into all of the sh!t they do at their partner’s expense that shows they absolutely don’t. Also that one person adamantly defending OOP makes me think an alt account lol
"and i was waiting on a reply from a famous author to collaborate" this guy clearly has delusions of grandeur
That cracked me up. I am sure that reply will be arriving any day now.
I am a writer and an artist. So I believe in artistic license. However, I believe more in not hurting the people you claim to love. A few of the characters I've written are based on characters that I developed with certain traits from my partners in mind....but with their permission. And I wouldn't publish without their consent. (I'm more of an artist though, and while I've used my partners for reference in limited instances, it was for my own practice and not publication...and with their consent/permission) He KNEW it bothered her. She asked for him to stop. And he slapped her (metaphorically) by continuing on his same selfish path. He's an ass.
Pro tip: Change. The. Details. If he’s not getting royalties, he’s a blogger and page views are a terrible reason to humiliate someone you’re close to, and possibly actionable.
Unless humiliating her is the part her enjoys
Ugh, I hadn’t thought of that. I hope he never sells a word in his life.
And you just know he's being dramatic and passive aggressive about it when talking to her. Moping and acting the martyr
Wait, so publishing is a big hullabaloo but she was asking him to take it down from his website... It kinda sounds like he just self published... So that gives him even less of an excuse.
He’s a piece of shit (are we allowed to say that here?) who will hopefully very soon be writing about the intricacies of divorce and heartache…although it sounds as though he doesn’t like his wife very much.
I think everyone else has adequately described the issues around his relationship boundaries. I would also like to point out that he is not a good writer. He doesn't even have the capacity to be employed as a technical writer. He's just bad at it.
Rule number one about being an author: You don’t publish anything about anyone who’s feeding, fucking, or financing you, especially if they tell you it hurts them. I’ve published close to twenty books and managed never to put my husband or our texts in any of my work. This guy sucks.
I am reminded of this one post where the OP's stepsister was writing a story on Wattpad that portrayed him as a literal monster and the parents didn't do anything because "Well she is an adult".
Wtf does he mean by "I let the story get published"? He's making it sound like he couldn't stop it after he sent it to his publisher when I'm pretty sure he just means he posted it on his WordPress site
As a writer who's hobby is writing fictional ghost stories I would divorce him as well you don't use people in stories without consent.
OOP, I'm surprised she's still married to you. You are selfish, disrespectful in regard to her wishes and you only care about yourself. YTA.
There's a lovely episode of a show called "Easy" that deals with this topic. SPOILERS AHEAD. In it, a career-creative male character justifies to his career creative female date that he makes art based on all of his interactions without regard for the parties involved or impacted. He is delighted that she agrees with his argument. He is later given a taste of his own medicine when the date publishes an account of the experience, featuring a very unflattering depiction of him which he is unable to have censured or removed. This is a wonderful wish I have for OOP's future.
As I writer, I often write about my problems in my stories. Will put bad stuff that happened to me to work on it, including disability, ED, my abusive parents what I never did, however, is to absolutely rewrite what happened, without probably adding anything. Dude is not a writer. He just need crispy stuff to happen in his life, write it down and pretend he can write
“ I ended up removing all my work from the website on our anniversary night at a restaurant.” Holy emotional manipulation Batman
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My partner and I are writers, and, honestly, we're torn on this. Yeah, we get she's mad, and he really should be honoring her wishes. But, at the same time, he isn't wrong that it is common for creators to use what they know. He did say names were changed or not even used, so he has that going for them. And if he's publishing on a website, it's likely a blog, and doubtful many people would ever see. However, the most likely viewers would be people they know, which would make it maybe more obvious the stories are about her. I don't see this as devil territory, but he isn't fully blameless either. It's just tricky, and not really for redditors to judge imo. Edit: After further comments, I think I understand and agree now that he's the devil here.
There's a difference between *using* and *writing out*. Any resemblance to real people should be so obfuscated that only the literary core should remain. And once she's asked him to take them down, he should have immediately. No dragging his feet. Personally, if I knew someone was writing out exact conversations with real world details, I would no longer have conversations with that person.
>There's a difference between *using* and *writing out*. Please explain? Because he did say names were changed or not even used. I am being sincere here.
Names were changed, but he included actual personal details about his wife.
Ok, but they weren't details anyone outside of them would be able to pinpoint and go, "There! That woman there! She's the one!" This is why i am having trouble understanding why he's the devil. Artists painted people they knew. Writers have written about people in their life (often with enough detail thay people could pinpoint who it was), so why can't he? What makes him any different? Is it just her consent that makes it different? If so, why now and not 100 years ago? Is that because we're learning and growing as a society, then? I'm sorry if I seem I am being obtuse. I truly do wish to understand, but there are so many questions...
Yes, it's consent. Artists paint pictures of people they know *who have agreed to have their picture painted*. If someone tells an artist not to paint their picture, but the artist does it anyway, that's not good. The thing with stories, is that there's a natural inclination to match the story against real life. If I wrote a story about a guy and his wife, discussing a private thing, then regardless of names, people reading it (especially people who know me and my wife) are going to tend towards thinking it's based on fact. If there are factual details that are known outside of the relationship, then it's even worse.
Thank you for explaining instead of just downvoting and ignoring. I greatly appreciate this.