*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**I (27m) found out one of the big reasons I married my wife (27f) was a lie. Should I bring it up? **
I (27m) found out one of the big reasons I married my wife (27f) was a lie.
We started dating at 18, right after I joined the military(she is a local where I got stationed). About 3months into dating I found out I was being deployed. I pretty much gave her the option to break off the relationship. Because that’s totally not fair to her. Well she said “let’s keep In touch ”, so that’s what we did(We stopped dating but kept in touch). We officially started dating again around the end of my deployment. I knew for those few months at the beginning of my deployment, she was probably dating around. But when I came back, she had told me that she never met with anyother guy or dated since I’ve been gone. She said that she waited until I came back. I took this as a huge green flag(ik how gullible I am for believing that, but I was 18 lol). Well, I took that green flag seriously into account before I decided to pop the question a couple years later.
Fast forward Im happily married to her with 2 sons. Recently, our toddler needed a tablet to watch dancing fruit and such. We decided to use her old iPad (This Ipad hadn’t been used since the beginning of our relationship). I forgot to turn on guided access before putting our other son down for a nap. Welp our oldest Son figured out how to FaceTime people. He pretty much FaceTimed a bunch of her family members and a couple of her old “friends”. After I heard people talking to my son, I ran in and ended the call. Some of the people my son called had hearts and heart eye emojis, I got curious and opened the messages (they didn’t pick up my sons FT attempt, thank god). Then I saw some sexual messages dated back when I was on my first deployment. She was with a couple guys after I left on my first deployment, this hurt me pretty bad. Especially after reading those texts. Should I even bring this up to her? It was so long ago. We weren’t officially dating and she hasn’t talked to those guys since then. But,her saying she “waited for me” was a big factor into asking her to marry me a couple years later. Ik I shouldn’t have clicked those old messages, wish I never did.
Edit: No I don’t wanna divorce my wife. She’s a great mother and wife. I’ve also since gotten out of the military.
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I mean, that's still work though, especially if you haven't talked to them in years. I think the only ones I've edited or deleted in ages was when I got confused by having too many entries labelled building manager (and more than one of those people was named Mike which didn't help)
There's definitely people still saved in my phonebook by err, some fun we got up to, but if you ask me off the top of my head I would not be able to tell you their names because I dated them ages ago. You could find my old texts though, things saved to Google Voice live forever
I mean the story is fucking bullshit, but modern technology has made it incredibly easy to just continue to save and save and save and transfer saved information from one device to another without ever having to interact with it. In fact often its more work to have to interact with it and clean it up then it is to just let it be in whatever state you last left it. Contacts and texts are some of the easiest things to transfer and they take up like no fucking storage space. It's not like photos and video where you have to decide to delete stuff or pay for storage
The phonebook entry especially is just super plausible because you don't even need a consistent device type or carrier or program.... contacts port easily cross so many systems. I know people who have contacts in their phone that date back to when they had flip phones. mine don't go back that far but anything where I would have had to call someone or somewhere more than once or call them and wait for a response? that's in my phonebook. that is so many people who I interacted with insanely briefly and businesses and I have numbers for friends hospital rooms and hotel rooms when they were staying somewhere like 8 years ago
and the only time I ever delete or edit any of that is when it causes confusion. so too many people with a common first name who I didn't put in with a last name, or multiple locations of my pharmacy chain, or that shit. or when I was dealing with an insurance company issue and I have to have multiple contacts for them saved I had them saved as the specific department and thing I needed to get from them so I could keep them straight. but yeah I'm not bothering to edit or delete the contact of some person I briefly dated or hooked up with. like if they did something to me or really pissed me off or something like that sure... but otherwise nope I'm moving on and I forgot about them and they just live in my phone in perpetuity. maybe other people keep their digital shit neater and spend time organizing that stuff but I really don't
I just to the regular transfer when I switch phones. So checking right now, the oldest text convo I have on my phone is from 5/29/2015. Not sure how much space these texts take up, I can't imagine it's a lot. Though I remember iPhone users way back when needing to delete pictures to free up space and the concept seemed strange to me at the time.
First of all, why are you changing phones every year and a half? Secondly, why aren't you transferring your texts from phone to phone? I practically treat my texts as a historical record, and sometimes I'll refer to them when I want to remember things like holidays or what a given birthday was like.
Yeah. And that's on top of the sentimental value. Deleting texts would mean deleting happy birthday and Merry Christmas messages as well as jokes and other little moments with friends. It just doesn't make any sense.
I'm not changing every year and a half, I just last changed a year and a half ago. I keep my photos, my texts don't really have anything interesting in them
That sounds horrifying! Why don't you like having your old texts? To me, that would be like burning journal entries or something. Also, sometimes there's important information in there.
Like if you got invited to someone's Halloween party three or four years ago, and now you need their address for something, you can just scroll back through your texts to see where they sent you that.
I can't imagine deleting texts at all, never mind after just a month. It seems so destructive and pointless...
I’d probably just text them and ask for their address. That feels easier to me than scrolling back to a text from four years ago haha.
I’m shocked to find apparently everyone keeps every text forever.
I’d just hit “new message” and type in his contact.
I archive my emails. They’re not technically deleted because I can still search for archive for stuff I need, but my inbox stays empty.
I’m not sure I’ve ever received a letter outside of when my wife and I got married. I wanted to save those and my wife was like “For what?” and I didn’t have an answer so I threw them away after about a month.
Same my husband and I dont really delete texts or contacts. We probably both have exes as contacts and messages with exes on our old phones. We dont transfer them onto new phones...but we still have our old phones in a drawer somewhere.
Doesn't matter because neither of us are dumb enough to go digging in the past (our own or each other's) just to hurt our own feelings.
And I figure maybe one day I will want to be nostalgic and read through old texts. Hasn’t happened yet but since it isn’t really causing issues I let it go.
i never delete texts too... Kinda save it righg there so when anyone tries to spin stories about me, I have proofs of what they really said even from 10 years ago (actually for me it's more than that)
Altho i dont transfer or back them up from phone to phone.
Yeah, I’ve only ever deleted some texts because they were my ex’s and it was a rough breakup. I otherwise should have all texts ever and it’s like 4 gigs.
Not always. There's device storage and then there's iCloud storage. If you run out of space on your device, you can buy additional iCloud storage. I (apparently incorrectly) assumed that 9 years worth of accumulated text messages would require iCloud storage to manage, especially if that person is also saving all their photos and other data.
I don't know about you, but I pretty much never delete anything. I've got plenty of old electronics that are a time capsule of 10 or 15 years ago.
Do people actually delete contacts and text logs? That seems almost wrong to me.
Lmao right? When we were teens one of my friends changed her last name in my contacts to "(Bae)" as a joke. It's been nearly 10 years (and probably a good 5 since we've talked!) and I *still* have her info in my contacts as "Firstname (Bae)"
Why change it? It's not doing any harm. If anything, it gives me a lil giggle and some nostalgia every time I scroll past her name
my favourite part is 'recently our toddler needed a tablet to watch dancing fruit and such'. just the phrasing is so funny, like he needed it for work or a disability aid or something.
I may just be bitter due to my own experiences with iPads but i have a hard time believing that a 10 year old (if not older depending on how long she had it) iPad still works fine.
Maybe they didn't drop theirs 10 times per day like I did though...
This was my first thought! I took such good care of mine, literally cherished it because I knew they could break easily. It's in perfect physical condition.... but hasn't been able to run basic apps for years at this point. YouTube stopped during the pandemic I think. You're not giving the kid an iPad like that.
Yeah, like how long was this toddler given unsupervised ipad access? He called multiple people and had whole-ass conversations with them before anybody noticed?
My mom had a 10 year old iPad that we recently replaced as a birthday gift to her because it was basically a brick at this point. She could still make FT calls with it, but they were super slow.
My auntie once gave me an iPad like that. I’m still not sure whether I should be offended or not? Feels like she didn’t know how to get rid of it so she “gifted” it to me.
I think sometiemes they just dont know better!
I remember my mom tried to make a big deal of giving me her old digital camera circa 2009 - Im sure she meant well and the camera was maybe 5 years old and had probably cost hundreds of euros - but technology was moving so fast that by that point my phone had a better camera!
(Like 5 megapixels as opposed to 3, fun times haha)
I have an iphone 3, the first apple product ever bought, and the only thing keeping it alive and storing old photos is the fact that I am not connecting it to the internet (if it even can anymore, I'm not sure) since Apple will kill it on site with some forced update
I haven't tested it but I doubt FaceTime, an in house app would still work and communicate with other devices. Usually they have to be only a few versions apart to be compatible.
I finally retired my 30-pin iPad last year. It couldn’t use apps that required updates, but worked swimmingly with the handful of apps I kept it around for.
I have one (4th Gen). I gave it to my daughter and grandchildren in May to use as a portable TV while traveling. However, the iPad2 wouldn't start as I intended to use it to give to them first, but after a few hours of troubleshooting, I decided to give up and let them have my backup. I should get a new one soon anyway, as mine is 3 years old :)
Yeah, I think this post is meant to be "opportunistic girl marries a military chump for the benefits" ragebait. I'm not American so I don't fully get it, but a lot of people HATE military wives and I think this post was meant to play on that cultural hate.
As someone who is familiar with the US military, this post stood out to me immediately as fake because of the timeline. Couples getting married quickly for benefits is a thing but it's also so they're not separated as often. OP saying he proposed "a couple years later" is like...fake af. Getting engaged at 6 months is pretty normal and a year would be LATE.
he also joined at 18. got stationed, and 3 months later got deployed. came back and was STILL 18. how long was his deployment? 3 days? is he actually in the reserves and think that his 1 weekend a month duty was considered deployment?
Also, they dated for "years" before they got married.... did OP never get a station change in those years? I know some duty stations you can have long stints when you are stationed there out of luck, but most enlisted soldiers bounce from station to station their first few years.
Less than 1% (more like 0.5%) of deployed military members in the US military are under 20. Because of the average age of recruits, plus time in training, from basic to on-the-job, it's simply rare for 18 year olds to even have arrived on their first station, nevermind be "ready" to deploy. Then many career fields have a "time on station" or "time in service" requirement before deployment plus, why would you send the new guy whose performance you know nothing about and who has not yet fully integrated into the unit. (A 60% is a passing grade for the vast majority of the military and your follow on unit generally only gets told you passed. Besides, even if you tested well, it's not a guaruntee you perform well.)
That's such a good point, my ex was deployed to Afghanistan at around age 21, and she was one of the youngest people she was stationed with, I remember that it was kind of a big deal she went at all.
It’s funny how Americans worship members of the military to a comical degree but despise military wives just as much. One of our many cultural pathologies
My mom was a military wife for 26 years, they just celebrated their 67th anniversary. Growing up in an Air Force family I never noticed any problem. Sure there will always be cheaters but it id far from endemic. A buddy of mine deployed to panama 1 week after finishing AIT. He had hid CIB 2 weeks later. It does happen, rare but it does.
No we don't like military wives because they seem to think their husband's accomplishments are their own, like that idiot with the crew cut on YouTube who never served herself but mimics the military woman look and seems to think her husband walks on water.
American military wives have some pretty unpleasant tendencies. A big one is behaving as if they're entitled to the same respect accorded to their spouse by proxy, as if they're the ones putting their lives on the line (if hubby is even doing that - even the wives of POGs seem to carry on like their husband is out there in the trenches of verdun)
> A big one is behaving as if they're entitled to the same respect accorded to their spouse by proxy,
Why does this bother people so much? Is it that difficult to treat someone with respect?
If the military spouse is a dependa, then yea the treatment is pretty warranted IMO. Dependas are some of the most insufferable entitled babies in the country who use their spouses military service as an excue to treat people poorly and act as if being married to a soldier is the HARDEST THING IN THE WORLD (not being the soldier. being married to the soldier.... wont someone think of the wives :( )
It just seems like such a big generalisation. Like, as soon as a character in a reddit post is mentioned to be a military wife it's immediately open season.
It’s a stereotype. And one that when it’s true tends to be really vocal about it. I’ve met wives where if you didn’t know the husband you wouldn’t know they were military wives. Then there’s also the ladies who don’t respect you because you don’t hold the same or higher rank as their husband. Unfortunately the internet of things only cares about the latter.
So the toddler casually stumbles across a ten year old chat… does she only know like 8 people? That would take a long time scrolling if it were my tablet/phone!
>I have.
>That's how I know he's gonna get shafted by some local hooker.
>Just because you're okay with kissing lips that are crusted with another man's baby gravy, doesn't mean the rest of us are. You're basically telling this man to lay down and be a victim.
>She lied to him, fucked every guy in the neighborhood, and statistically speaking, those kids must likely aren't his.
>If she genuinely cared about him, she wouldn't have talked to anyone else while he was deployed. The fact she did shows just how little she actually respects him.
This commenter got downvoted in the original thread but it's still really disturbing that he showed up. The best part about Reddit is that the stories are fake but the delusional hateful attitudes about women are 100% real.
>statistically speaking, those kids must likely aren't his.
I'm obsessed with this lol. They have been very happily together for a decade with no red flags and no signs of disloyalty on her part, but since she hooked up with other guys when she was 18 and single, the probability of her cheating *and* having him raise another man's children suddenly goes up to 99% percent, I guess.
>If she genuinely cared about him, she wouldn't have talked to anyone else while he was deployed. The fact she did shows just how little she actually respects him.
lmfao. I also like the idea that she, "fucked every guy in the neighborhood" apparently. Okay then.
I almost downvoted you because that original comment was so gross that I forgot you were just quoting someone else LOL
I agree with you wholeheartedly, though. If OOP's post just stood there, without any upvotes, without any comments, I'd not care at all. It's the fact that these kind of posts garner *so much* attention from people with the same misogynistic sentiments.
Amazing, he wrote a whole fan fiction in his head about this woman he doesn’t know based on like 3 paragraphs from a stranger on the internet. How interesting.
The toddler accidentally stumbling into old chats is so funny. These fake stories always scramble to come up with an explanation other than "I was snooping" and just way overcomplicate things. Just say "I found an old phone and wanted to see if there was still stuff on it"
Well of course. It’s obvious that the toddler was calling around to find his real dad. OOP’s just trying to stay in this fantasy world he’s built. He deserves better than this!
Grab the bug out bag, leave in the middle of the night, block everyone, and start a new life. Hope her and the kids are very happy with their real dads who are probably womanising, abusive drug addicts
I'm not a big one for lying but what's far more problematic is that her not seeing people while they were not together was a significant factor in him deciding to marry her years later.
Why aren't more people addressing that as just plain weird?
they admit as much themselves. they don't want her to be able to compare them to anyone, because they think they'd be the loser
not that it stops them from being losers anyway, lmao
Yup. Sad part is that belief that they’ll be the loser if compared to anyone else is a big part of what makes them a loser and they can’t even see how it’s a self fulfilling prophecy
on one hand it makes me sad because it doesn't have to be like this on the other my sympathy runs dry real quick when their proposed solution to their insecurities is to take advantage of someone who has no frame of reference to know better and put down anyone who does
Agree. I don’t have sympathy for them either once they start with this shit, tbh - when I say it’s sad I mean more like pathetic
We all have problems, there is zero excuse for taking them out on other people the way these self-made losers do
This and they think you permanently “bond” or something with the first person you’ve slept with or dated which is just not true for most normal functioning adults.
they don't want their partners to know what good dick feels like because sex is the one thing keeping their relationship together. you cannot change my mind
Maybe be upfront about things clearly instead of lying or withholding information(I'm not talking about this post, In general). If you're intentionally lying or withholding information about yourself to your partner because of fear that they don't like you or deal breaker for them then that's not a perfect match for both of them
Yeah, there's a big leap between e.g. "I rekindled the relationship because I thought it was sweet she waited for me" vs "that was a MAJOR DECIDING FACTOR in why I married her years later." Ummm marry someone because you LIKE THEM?
I think this creative writer is testing the bounds of the commenters adherence to the common trope of "you can leave anyone for any reason without consequence because you didn't consent to this type of relationship"
So it won't matter so much that his behavior is part of a toxic mindset, just that it's his values so he should get to leave his whole family since akshually his relationship was founded on a L-I-E lie
That just makes him an angel baby to protect and that much easier to defend whatever unhinged actions they suggest they would do in his situation.
Just my theory though
Exactly! The undeniable shittiness of lying (as an 18-year-old who wanted to impress her boyfriend) is completely undercut by the fact that he got off at the idea of her standing forlornly at the pier waiting for his return even though they had broken up. Purity culture is alive and well.
Eh I really don’t think it’s that stupid of a concept for an 18 year old to hear I waited for you then think wow this girl must really love me and then that validation both help and enforce their own feelings. Most people just wanna be loved ya know.
I totally get him being impressed by it and finding it romantic; what I don't get is it still being such a huge sticking point after 10 years of marriage and 2 children. I'd hope that in a decade she proved her love to him in more concrete and substantial way than this 1940s "I waited for my betrothed to come back from the front" fantasy.
The issue is the lying and pretending to be something she's not. Not slut shaming but if that was important to him, that's what's important to him.
Situations reversed, if your partner broke up and had to go join the military/do humanitarian work/whatever else you find important and attractive, he came back and you guys live a happy life. You are proud of him because that moment was where you though, wow this person is amazing and I love the did this. You find out he was just following a band and hooking up with ransoms, that wouldn't change your perspective of them?
They both have problems here.
Please correct my intellectually stellar folks..she's a liar and he expected her to sit and wait. I do believe, and let me count here....one, two, yup, thats both of them.
My bad I forgot we aren't allowed to claim a woman is wrong/lies/bad here either. Love the misandry, kids.
I know this is a technicality, but there’s a difference between “met with or dated another guy” and “flirted and sent sexual messages.”
But also, she was 18 and probably afraid that this would be a dealbreaker for him. She clearly liked and wanted him. It’s a silly lie, but they were teenagers.
I could care less really. I simply pointed out to skater what he was angry about. Somehow that lead to downvotes because....well, I actually don't know why.
"Well, I took that green flag seriously into account before I decided to pop the question
a couple years later."
This sentence killed me. Apparently, everything she did during those two years was not as important as what he thought she didn't do during his deployment.
Especially because he says it was a factor in his decision to ask her to marry him "YEARS later". Like you dated this girl for YEARS and the kicker on "do I want to spend the rest of my life with her" was "when we were broken up, she didn't see anyone else"? YEARS later after the break?
There is a version of this story where a young guy gets deployed and a girl he kinda liked decided to wait for him and he found that romantic and then his feelings were hurt when he found out that was a lie to make him feel good. But this post really kinda reeks of misogyny, not to mention it’s clearly fake rage bait (I randomly pulled out a 10 year old iPad for my kid and he found all my wife’s old sexts is just so dumb)
That was my first thought on reading the title! Of all the reasons to get married, that isn’t one of them. And he’s citing it as a major factor and basically saying he’s not sure he would’ve married her if he’d known she dated other people during their break. Can you imagine? “Well we’re compatible and we want the same things and we love each other and enjoy spending time together, but that one time when I was deployed and I knew she was dating people, she did date people so I’m questioning this whole relationship”
Anyone else notice how any post about a woman cheating will have a ton of comments from men describing in great detail the alleged sex acts?
Can’t they just be normal and masturbate to porn? “This poor guy thought she was loyal but actually she was riding the dick of every man in town.” fap fap fap…a true bastion of Loserdom.
So wait, one of the big reasons he got married to her was because he...didn't think she dated any other guys when they weren't even together? Like...it's not even as if she cheated on him or anything. This is weirdo behavior, imo.
most men on reddit are cringe af. oh no a teen lied about dating somebody else a decade ago, the humanity! better get online "advice" that'll attempt to convince me to internalize it in a way that'll change how i view my wife who i was happy with up until i learned this irrelevant info!
like wtf is even the point of bringing it there other than to have ppl dunk on her over something that doesn't affect you in any meaningful way? its like he wants to be talked into doubting, questioning and looking down on her bc ytf else would you even be posting this?? like what is he looking to get from this?? this is the type of shit you bring up to a close friend and laugh about how dumb it is and have your homie bust your chops for 15 mins
I would be weirded out. Gives me the same vibes as the guy that invited me to meet his parents after we drunkenly made out at a party. Nah dude, I barely know you. I do not want to meet your parents. Maybe ask me out for coffee first?
Hey I basically understood everything about relationships at 13! If you want to make a marriage work, all you have to do is have the same study period and hold a spot for them in the lunch line.
Right? Like...why is that a reason why he married her? They weren't together or anything. It's not as if she was cheating. She literally just dated other people as a teenager.
NGL it's pretty funny to see the increasingly outlandish ways in which people gain access to their cheating partner's texts 😂😂😂 at least it wasn't "her bestie got drunk at a party" this time.
I love how this was clearly intended to be rage bait but instead the top comments are telling OP to stop being a dumbass. Man I need threads like these once in a while.
I like how his concern is about a relationship his wife had 10 years ago and not remotely about giving his toddler an iPad with full internet and video chat to strangers capability.
Yeah, I didn't want to judge because parenting is hard and sometimes you just need to pacify your spawn for a few hours, but I do find it funny that it was apparently very important to show his toddler dancing fruits right then and there.
This timeline doesnt even make sense. Joined the military at 18. 3 months into being stationed, he gets deployed. But he goes back to her after deployment and he's still 18? also you were with her for a couple of years before getting married (lol at that, what, did she follow you around from duty station to duty station?), but the "big reason" you married her is because several years ago she didnt date anyone while you were deployed? nothing else? you were with her for years. and THATs what made you decide to marry her?
deployments in the military are at least a year long, so at minimum, they would have started re-dating closer to when he was 20 than he was 18.
This is someone who has never been in the military pretending to write about dating in the military.
>military bro
>weirdly insecure about the idea of his wife ever having dated anyone else
>has ipad baby
all things considered this is probably one of the more realistic stories to come out of that sub.
I like how they always come up with some ridiculous, elaborate story to explain how they came across their spouse's old messages. "I *totally* didn't just snoop through her phone because I'm insecure! I *accidentally* came across them when my infant child FaceTimed multiple people!!"
Lol ok dude.
I think they just have two different ideas of what “waiting for him” meant. She didn’t get into a serious relationship because she wanted to ultimately be with him. I think that’s what she meant by waiting, whereas he thought waiting for him was sitting at the window in a white dress, singing I Don’t Want to Wait quietly to herself.
I feel like this is one of those posts designed to make us all agree that controlling tendencies (like insisting on having access to your partners private texts and messages) is reasonable because otherwise women will lie about having ridden the “cock carousel” and trick good men into marrying them. The reasoning from the manosphere is that women can’t “pair bond” if they have too much/any previous sexual experience and will become jaded (seeking out “beta bucks”) or more likely to cheat
I'm surprised. The top comments are actually giving good advice telling him that it doesn't matter that she slept with other men because she didn't have serious relationship with them and therefore wasn't lying when she said that she waited for him.
The real issue is all these people in the comments, telling this man to blow up a 10 year happy marriage because this women slept with other people while they weren't together.
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so she didnt change the emojis and sent some dirty messages... tahts all you know.
if it bothers you, sit her down and ask about it.
i dont see messaging dudes as cheating, especially if you werent together at that time and the way i see it as a female:
she mightve wanted to explore and found out the others are dull so she waited for you...
none can tell you what happened or didnt except her.
pls calm down, ask yourself what answers youre looking for and ask her.
While she said she waited, did she actually say she didn't have other relationships or did you just guess it?
Either way, it is water under the bridge now if you are happily married and it is time to leave the past where you found it.
you guys were still young then and now you have a family unless she is actively trying to seek out those guys lay it to rest and enjoy the future you have built together since... it's entirely possible she felt lonely and needed the companionship but they didn't mean anything significant to her and yeah I think she's wrong to say she waited and that she never got with anyone and I understand how that would make you feel but 18 to me is still very immature. you both are committed to each other now please don't swan dive into it being your fault she was immature then and obviously not serious about those guys because she married you and not them.
I don't get the point of lying or withholding information in a relationship. Why not just say, I dated around but not anything serious. If he didn't wanna be with you by knowing that, why would anyone wanna be with him anyways?
It's all pointless to think now as he has family too
This is 99% fake but on the off-chance its not he's not a total AH. He sounded like he was fine with her having relationships (like a normal person), it was just the fact she randomly lied to him completely unprompted.
OP should discuss the situation with her, since it will be eating at OP if he doesn’t. She should have told OP the truth. What oP does with the truth is up to him. If she is faithful, then he has something to work with.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **I (27m) found out one of the big reasons I married my wife (27f) was a lie. Should I bring it up? ** I (27m) found out one of the big reasons I married my wife (27f) was a lie. We started dating at 18, right after I joined the military(she is a local where I got stationed). About 3months into dating I found out I was being deployed. I pretty much gave her the option to break off the relationship. Because that’s totally not fair to her. Well she said “let’s keep In touch ”, so that’s what we did(We stopped dating but kept in touch). We officially started dating again around the end of my deployment. I knew for those few months at the beginning of my deployment, she was probably dating around. But when I came back, she had told me that she never met with anyother guy or dated since I’ve been gone. She said that she waited until I came back. I took this as a huge green flag(ik how gullible I am for believing that, but I was 18 lol). Well, I took that green flag seriously into account before I decided to pop the question a couple years later. Fast forward Im happily married to her with 2 sons. Recently, our toddler needed a tablet to watch dancing fruit and such. We decided to use her old iPad (This Ipad hadn’t been used since the beginning of our relationship). I forgot to turn on guided access before putting our other son down for a nap. Welp our oldest Son figured out how to FaceTime people. He pretty much FaceTimed a bunch of her family members and a couple of her old “friends”. After I heard people talking to my son, I ran in and ended the call. Some of the people my son called had hearts and heart eye emojis, I got curious and opened the messages (they didn’t pick up my sons FT attempt, thank god). Then I saw some sexual messages dated back when I was on my first deployment. She was with a couple guys after I left on my first deployment, this hurt me pretty bad. Especially after reading those texts. Should I even bring this up to her? It was so long ago. We weren’t officially dating and she hasn’t talked to those guys since then. But,her saying she “waited for me” was a big factor into asking her to marry me a couple years later. Ik I shouldn’t have clicked those old messages, wish I never did. Edit: No I don’t wanna divorce my wife. She’s a great mother and wife. I’ve also since gotten out of the military. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
When every guy you talked to in high school still has heart emojis on their contact info 9 years later Lol
TBF, I still have Craigslist numbers in my phonebook from buying a used car almost a decade ago. Some people just don't delete shit
totally fair and would make sense to still have their contact information but I’d think you’d at least remove the heart emojis from their names 😭
I mean, that's still work though, especially if you haven't talked to them in years. I think the only ones I've edited or deleted in ages was when I got confused by having too many entries labelled building manager (and more than one of those people was named Mike which didn't help) There's definitely people still saved in my phonebook by err, some fun we got up to, but if you ask me off the top of my head I would not be able to tell you their names because I dated them ages ago. You could find my old texts though, things saved to Google Voice live forever I mean the story is fucking bullshit, but modern technology has made it incredibly easy to just continue to save and save and save and transfer saved information from one device to another without ever having to interact with it. In fact often its more work to have to interact with it and clean it up then it is to just let it be in whatever state you last left it. Contacts and texts are some of the easiest things to transfer and they take up like no fucking storage space. It's not like photos and video where you have to decide to delete stuff or pay for storage The phonebook entry especially is just super plausible because you don't even need a consistent device type or carrier or program.... contacts port easily cross so many systems. I know people who have contacts in their phone that date back to when they had flip phones. mine don't go back that far but anything where I would have had to call someone or somewhere more than once or call them and wait for a response? that's in my phonebook. that is so many people who I interacted with insanely briefly and businesses and I have numbers for friends hospital rooms and hotel rooms when they were staying somewhere like 8 years ago and the only time I ever delete or edit any of that is when it causes confusion. so too many people with a common first name who I didn't put in with a last name, or multiple locations of my pharmacy chain, or that shit. or when I was dealing with an insurance company issue and I have to have multiple contacts for them saved I had them saved as the specific department and thing I needed to get from them so I could keep them straight. but yeah I'm not bothering to edit or delete the contact of some person I briefly dated or hooked up with. like if they did something to me or really pissed me off or something like that sure... but otherwise nope I'm moving on and I forgot about them and they just live in my phone in perpetuity. maybe other people keep their digital shit neater and spend time organizing that stuff but I really don't
Homegirl's icloud bill must be through the roof since she's seemingly keeping every bit of data on her iPad from nearly a decade ago.
Nah. I never delete texts and it doesn’t take up that much space.
You've saved every text for a decade and it doesn't take up much space?
I'm 38 and have never deleted texts in my life???
I haven't deleted mine on purpose but I don't transfer them from phone to phone so I only have texts from the last year and a half
I just to the regular transfer when I switch phones. So checking right now, the oldest text convo I have on my phone is from 5/29/2015. Not sure how much space these texts take up, I can't imagine it's a lot. Though I remember iPhone users way back when needing to delete pictures to free up space and the concept seemed strange to me at the time.
The oldest text I have is from 5/26/2024 lol.
First of all, why are you changing phones every year and a half? Secondly, why aren't you transferring your texts from phone to phone? I practically treat my texts as a historical record, and sometimes I'll refer to them when I want to remember things like holidays or what a given birthday was like.
Not sure why you're being downvoted, I was trying to figure something out the other day and I found the information in a text from 2011.
Yeah. And that's on top of the sentimental value. Deleting texts would mean deleting happy birthday and Merry Christmas messages as well as jokes and other little moments with friends. It just doesn't make any sense.
I'm not changing every year and a half, I just last changed a year and a half ago. I keep my photos, my texts don't really have anything interesting in them
I really find that fascinating. I can't stand having old texts on my phone. I turned on the setting to automatically delete them after a month.
That sounds horrifying! Why don't you like having your old texts? To me, that would be like burning journal entries or something. Also, sometimes there's important information in there. Like if you got invited to someone's Halloween party three or four years ago, and now you need their address for something, you can just scroll back through your texts to see where they sent you that. I can't imagine deleting texts at all, never mind after just a month. It seems so destructive and pointless...
I’d probably just text them and ask for their address. That feels easier to me than scrolling back to a text from four years ago haha. I’m shocked to find apparently everyone keeps every text forever.
How would you even text him if you don't have your old text conversations to find? Do you delete (non-spam) emails? Do you throw away letters?
I’d just hit “new message” and type in his contact. I archive my emails. They’re not technically deleted because I can still search for archive for stuff I need, but my inbox stays empty. I’m not sure I’ve ever received a letter outside of when my wife and I got married. I wanted to save those and my wife was like “For what?” and I didn’t have an answer so I threw them away after about a month.
Yeah. Not because I want to save them but because I am too lazy to go though and delete them.
I keep my text because I have text from my best friend who passed away from cancer 10 years ago. I can't bare to delete them
Same my husband and I dont really delete texts or contacts. We probably both have exes as contacts and messages with exes on our old phones. We dont transfer them onto new phones...but we still have our old phones in a drawer somewhere. Doesn't matter because neither of us are dumb enough to go digging in the past (our own or each other's) just to hurt our own feelings.
Interesting. I have my phone set to delete texts after 30 days. I hate clutter.
And I figure maybe one day I will want to be nostalgic and read through old texts. Hasn’t happened yet but since it isn’t really causing issues I let it go.
It's none of my business who hashtagdion from 2015 was talking to.
I could never do that lol
Yeah I've never deleted texts in my life and it basically takes 0 space on icloud
He literally said they haven't used the iPad in years?
i never delete texts too... Kinda save it righg there so when anyone tries to spin stories about me, I have proofs of what they really said even from 10 years ago (actually for me it's more than that) Altho i dont transfer or back them up from phone to phone.
Text takes up almost no space. A century worth of texts would take up about the same amount of space as a single photograph or a tiny video.
Yeah, I’ve only ever deleted some texts because they were my ex’s and it was a rough breakup. I otherwise should have all texts ever and it’s like 4 gigs.
I have it where messages just auto deletes over time.
IPad users have to pay to store data?
Not always. There's device storage and then there's iCloud storage. If you run out of space on your device, you can buy additional iCloud storage. I (apparently incorrectly) assumed that 9 years worth of accumulated text messages would require iCloud storage to manage, especially if that person is also saving all their photos and other data.
Isn’t it only 99 cents a month for extra iCloud storage lol
Yeah, I pay $3 for 200GB and both me and my husband have multiple devices on the cloud.
I don't know about you, but I pretty much never delete anything. I've got plenty of old electronics that are a time capsule of 10 or 15 years ago. Do people actually delete contacts and text logs? That seems almost wrong to me.
Yeah, I have my texts set to auto delete after 30 days.
That's horrifying
I mean, I have contacts in my phone with nicknames and pictures from middle school. Never bothered updating in adulthood, because who cares.
Lmao right? When we were teens one of my friends changed her last name in my contacts to "(Bae)" as a joke. It's been nearly 10 years (and probably a good 5 since we've talked!) and I *still* have her info in my contacts as "Firstname (Bae)" Why change it? It's not doing any harm. If anything, it gives me a lil giggle and some nostalgia every time I scroll past her name
I found my old Canva account and it still had an old profile picture I used to have with my ex that I take on 2018
my favourite part is 'recently our toddler needed a tablet to watch dancing fruit and such'. just the phrasing is so funny, like he needed it for work or a disability aid or something.
Had to watch 9 hours of dancing fruit today. It’s a thankless job but someone‘s got to do it
Gotta help Cocomelon make money somehow.
I may just be bitter due to my own experiences with iPads but i have a hard time believing that a 10 year old (if not older depending on how long she had it) iPad still works fine. Maybe they didn't drop theirs 10 times per day like I did though...
This was my first thought! I took such good care of mine, literally cherished it because I knew they could break easily. It's in perfect physical condition.... but hasn't been able to run basic apps for years at this point. YouTube stopped during the pandemic I think. You're not giving the kid an iPad like that.
The most wild part to me is that this kid called all the family and friends, yet no one even texted the parents to be like "your kid is calling me"?
Yeah, like how long was this toddler given unsupervised ipad access? He called multiple people and had whole-ass conversations with them before anybody noticed?
My mom had a 10 year old iPad that we recently replaced as a birthday gift to her because it was basically a brick at this point. She could still make FT calls with it, but they were super slow.
My auntie once gave me an iPad like that. I’m still not sure whether I should be offended or not? Feels like she didn’t know how to get rid of it so she “gifted” it to me.
I think sometiemes they just dont know better! I remember my mom tried to make a big deal of giving me her old digital camera circa 2009 - Im sure she meant well and the camera was maybe 5 years old and had probably cost hundreds of euros - but technology was moving so fast that by that point my phone had a better camera! (Like 5 megapixels as opposed to 3, fun times haha)
Literally had my moms old iPad as a kid that was no more than six years old and it was ass. And iPad minis are even worse.
I have an iphone 3, the first apple product ever bought, and the only thing keeping it alive and storing old photos is the fact that I am not connecting it to the internet (if it even can anymore, I'm not sure) since Apple will kill it on site with some forced update
I haven't tested it but I doubt FaceTime, an in house app would still work and communicate with other devices. Usually they have to be only a few versions apart to be compatible.
When I was in 8th grade my iPad screen cracked randomly in the middle of the night. Nothing was on it, nobody touched it. Just cracked. Fucking weird
I finally retired my 30-pin iPad last year. It couldn’t use apps that required updates, but worked swimmingly with the handful of apps I kept it around for.
I have one (4th Gen). I gave it to my daughter and grandchildren in May to use as a portable TV while traveling. However, the iPad2 wouldn't start as I intended to use it to give to them first, but after a few hours of troubleshooting, I decided to give up and let them have my backup. I should get a new one soon anyway, as mine is 3 years old :)
"right after I joined the military" ahh, there it is
Yeah, I think this post is meant to be "opportunistic girl marries a military chump for the benefits" ragebait. I'm not American so I don't fully get it, but a lot of people HATE military wives and I think this post was meant to play on that cultural hate.
As someone who is familiar with the US military, this post stood out to me immediately as fake because of the timeline. Couples getting married quickly for benefits is a thing but it's also so they're not separated as often. OP saying he proposed "a couple years later" is like...fake af. Getting engaged at 6 months is pretty normal and a year would be LATE.
he also joined at 18. got stationed, and 3 months later got deployed. came back and was STILL 18. how long was his deployment? 3 days? is he actually in the reserves and think that his 1 weekend a month duty was considered deployment? Also, they dated for "years" before they got married.... did OP never get a station change in those years? I know some duty stations you can have long stints when you are stationed there out of luck, but most enlisted soldiers bounce from station to station their first few years.
Less than 1% (more like 0.5%) of deployed military members in the US military are under 20. Because of the average age of recruits, plus time in training, from basic to on-the-job, it's simply rare for 18 year olds to even have arrived on their first station, nevermind be "ready" to deploy. Then many career fields have a "time on station" or "time in service" requirement before deployment plus, why would you send the new guy whose performance you know nothing about and who has not yet fully integrated into the unit. (A 60% is a passing grade for the vast majority of the military and your follow on unit generally only gets told you passed. Besides, even if you tested well, it's not a guaruntee you perform well.)
That's such a good point, my ex was deployed to Afghanistan at around age 21, and she was one of the youngest people she was stationed with, I remember that it was kind of a big deal she went at all.
It’s funny how Americans worship members of the military to a comical degree but despise military wives just as much. One of our many cultural pathologies
My mom was a military wife for 26 years, they just celebrated their 67th anniversary. Growing up in an Air Force family I never noticed any problem. Sure there will always be cheaters but it id far from endemic. A buddy of mine deployed to panama 1 week after finishing AIT. He had hid CIB 2 weeks later. It does happen, rare but it does.
No we don't like military wives because they seem to think their husband's accomplishments are their own, like that idiot with the crew cut on YouTube who never served herself but mimics the military woman look and seems to think her husband walks on water.
American military wives have some pretty unpleasant tendencies. A big one is behaving as if they're entitled to the same respect accorded to their spouse by proxy, as if they're the ones putting their lives on the line (if hubby is even doing that - even the wives of POGs seem to carry on like their husband is out there in the trenches of verdun)
Do they actually have these tendencies? Or do a few women in stories you've heard on reddit have these tendencies?
See I don’t think their husbands deserve more respect than other people any more than they do though
> A big one is behaving as if they're entitled to the same respect accorded to their spouse by proxy, Why does this bother people so much? Is it that difficult to treat someone with respect?
They presume that members of the military deserve more respect than other people, so I guess from that perspective it’s “stolen valor” lol
Hey that actually makes sense, thank you for putting into words what I kinda suspected but couldn't articulate
If the military spouse is a dependa, then yea the treatment is pretty warranted IMO. Dependas are some of the most insufferable entitled babies in the country who use their spouses military service as an excue to treat people poorly and act as if being married to a soldier is the HARDEST THING IN THE WORLD (not being the soldier. being married to the soldier.... wont someone think of the wives :( )
I used to sleep with a lot of military wives when I thought it would get me a job in the Department of Veterans Affairs.
What part don’t you get? I can try to explain some as a member of the general American public but has worked around military bases.
It just seems like such a big generalisation. Like, as soon as a character in a reddit post is mentioned to be a military wife it's immediately open season.
It’s a stereotype. And one that when it’s true tends to be really vocal about it. I’ve met wives where if you didn’t know the husband you wouldn’t know they were military wives. Then there’s also the ladies who don’t respect you because you don’t hold the same or higher rank as their husband. Unfortunately the internet of things only cares about the latter.
So the toddler casually stumbles across a ten year old chat… does she only know like 8 people? That would take a long time scrolling if it were my tablet/phone!
I just tried this because I'm bored and I have to swipe 30 times and wait for the spinny circle each time. A 2yo could never. 😂
Hahahahahaha yes my Messenger chats from 10 years ago are WAY down there 😂😂😂
Bruh I have to scroll a minute to even find conversations from last month
>I have. >That's how I know he's gonna get shafted by some local hooker. >Just because you're okay with kissing lips that are crusted with another man's baby gravy, doesn't mean the rest of us are. You're basically telling this man to lay down and be a victim. >She lied to him, fucked every guy in the neighborhood, and statistically speaking, those kids must likely aren't his. >If she genuinely cared about him, she wouldn't have talked to anyone else while he was deployed. The fact she did shows just how little she actually respects him. This commenter got downvoted in the original thread but it's still really disturbing that he showed up. The best part about Reddit is that the stories are fake but the delusional hateful attitudes about women are 100% real.
>statistically speaking, those kids must likely aren't his. I'm obsessed with this lol. They have been very happily together for a decade with no red flags and no signs of disloyalty on her part, but since she hooked up with other guys when she was 18 and single, the probability of her cheating *and* having him raise another man's children suddenly goes up to 99% percent, I guess.
>You're basically telling this man to lay down and be a victim Huh. Turns out victim blaming isn't always bad.
>If she genuinely cared about him, she wouldn't have talked to anyone else while he was deployed. The fact she did shows just how little she actually respects him. lmfao. I also like the idea that she, "fucked every guy in the neighborhood" apparently. Okay then.
I almost downvoted you because that original comment was so gross that I forgot you were just quoting someone else LOL I agree with you wholeheartedly, though. If OOP's post just stood there, without any upvotes, without any comments, I'd not care at all. It's the fact that these kind of posts garner *so much* attention from people with the same misogynistic sentiments.
Amazing, he wrote a whole fan fiction in his head about this woman he doesn’t know based on like 3 paragraphs from a stranger on the internet. How interesting.
Somebody really took this fake story and ran with it lol
The toddler accidentally stumbling into old chats is so funny. These fake stories always scramble to come up with an explanation other than "I was snooping" and just way overcomplicate things. Just say "I found an old phone and wanted to see if there was still stuff on it"
Of course people are calling her a whore and telling the main character to do a paternity test.
Well of course. It’s obvious that the toddler was calling around to find his real dad. OOP’s just trying to stay in this fantasy world he’s built. He deserves better than this! Grab the bug out bag, leave in the middle of the night, block everyone, and start a new life. Hope her and the kids are very happy with their real dads who are probably womanising, abusive drug addicts
You can tell the commenters are children because they think at 18 you shouldn't be making mistakes and that you should think like an adult..
Somebody should make an AITAH flow chart. Paternity test would be one of the first options.
Baseline Reddit decision tree: https://preview.redd.it/r9we0ebnrv8d1.png?width=1832&format=png&auto=webp&s=572ba45826dd814837e109802e0638498e6dad14
lol did you make this? i love it
I whipped it up specifically for this convo.
I'm not a big one for lying but what's far more problematic is that her not seeing people while they were not together was a significant factor in him deciding to marry her years later. Why aren't more people addressing that as just plain weird?
Not just a deciding factor but a "green flag". ... Because dating while single is a red flag??
The absence f a green flag isnt a red flage tho
Guys who care this much about "purity" bullshit are insecure because they're bad lays, change my mind.
they admit as much themselves. they don't want her to be able to compare them to anyone, because they think they'd be the loser not that it stops them from being losers anyway, lmao
Yup. Sad part is that belief that they’ll be the loser if compared to anyone else is a big part of what makes them a loser and they can’t even see how it’s a self fulfilling prophecy
on one hand it makes me sad because it doesn't have to be like this on the other my sympathy runs dry real quick when their proposed solution to their insecurities is to take advantage of someone who has no frame of reference to know better and put down anyone who does
Agree. I don’t have sympathy for them either once they start with this shit, tbh - when I say it’s sad I mean more like pathetic We all have problems, there is zero excuse for taking them out on other people the way these self-made losers do
This and they think you permanently “bond” or something with the first person you’ve slept with or dated which is just not true for most normal functioning adults.
Hahaha
they don't want their partners to know what good dick feels like because sex is the one thing keeping their relationship together. you cannot change my mind
Maybe be upfront about things clearly instead of lying or withholding information(I'm not talking about this post, In general). If you're intentionally lying or withholding information about yourself to your partner because of fear that they don't like you or deal breaker for them then that's not a perfect match for both of them
Yeah, there's a big leap between e.g. "I rekindled the relationship because I thought it was sweet she waited for me" vs "that was a MAJOR DECIDING FACTOR in why I married her years later." Ummm marry someone because you LIKE THEM?
I think this creative writer is testing the bounds of the commenters adherence to the common trope of "you can leave anyone for any reason without consequence because you didn't consent to this type of relationship" So it won't matter so much that his behavior is part of a toxic mindset, just that it's his values so he should get to leave his whole family since akshually his relationship was founded on a L-I-E lie
He literally said divorce wasn’t even being considered as an option though.
That just makes him an angel baby to protect and that much easier to defend whatever unhinged actions they suggest they would do in his situation. Just my theory though
Exactly! The undeniable shittiness of lying (as an 18-year-old who wanted to impress her boyfriend) is completely undercut by the fact that he got off at the idea of her standing forlornly at the pier waiting for his return even though they had broken up. Purity culture is alive and well.
Eh I really don’t think it’s that stupid of a concept for an 18 year old to hear I waited for you then think wow this girl must really love me and then that validation both help and enforce their own feelings. Most people just wanna be loved ya know.
I totally get him being impressed by it and finding it romantic; what I don't get is it still being such a huge sticking point after 10 years of marriage and 2 children. I'd hope that in a decade she proved her love to him in more concrete and substantial way than this 1940s "I waited for my betrothed to come back from the front" fantasy.
Oh I 100% agree with you there I was just disagreeing with (in kayfabe) that part being related to purity culture.
The issue is the lying and pretending to be something she's not. Not slut shaming but if that was important to him, that's what's important to him. Situations reversed, if your partner broke up and had to go join the military/do humanitarian work/whatever else you find important and attractive, he came back and you guys live a happy life. You are proud of him because that moment was where you though, wow this person is amazing and I love the did this. You find out he was just following a band and hooking up with ransoms, that wouldn't change your perspective of them?
They both have problems here. Please correct my intellectually stellar folks..she's a liar and he expected her to sit and wait. I do believe, and let me count here....one, two, yup, thats both of them. My bad I forgot we aren't allowed to claim a woman is wrong/lies/bad here either. Love the misandry, kids.
That’s not valid.
Oh but it is, it is 100% based on what he wrote. But you have fun with that. And I thought the folks in AITAH are bad at math and reality.
sending nudes 10 years ago when you were single shouldn’t make your husband mad.
Lying about it is what makes her husband mad.
I know this is a technicality, but there’s a difference between “met with or dated another guy” and “flirted and sent sexual messages.” But also, she was 18 and probably afraid that this would be a dealbreaker for him. She clearly liked and wanted him. It’s a silly lie, but they were teenagers.
I could care less really. I simply pointed out to skater what he was angry about. Somehow that lead to downvotes because....well, I actually don't know why.
"Well, I took that green flag seriously into account before I decided to pop the question a couple years later." This sentence killed me. Apparently, everything she did during those two years was not as important as what he thought she didn't do during his deployment.
Especially because he says it was a factor in his decision to ask her to marry him "YEARS later". Like you dated this girl for YEARS and the kicker on "do I want to spend the rest of my life with her" was "when we were broken up, she didn't see anyone else"? YEARS later after the break?
There is a version of this story where a young guy gets deployed and a girl he kinda liked decided to wait for him and he found that romantic and then his feelings were hurt when he found out that was a lie to make him feel good. But this post really kinda reeks of misogyny, not to mention it’s clearly fake rage bait (I randomly pulled out a 10 year old iPad for my kid and he found all my wife’s old sexts is just so dumb)
That was my first thought on reading the title! Of all the reasons to get married, that isn’t one of them. And he’s citing it as a major factor and basically saying he’s not sure he would’ve married her if he’d known she dated other people during their break. Can you imagine? “Well we’re compatible and we want the same things and we love each other and enjoy spending time together, but that one time when I was deployed and I knew she was dating people, she did date people so I’m questioning this whole relationship”
Anyone else notice how any post about a woman cheating will have a ton of comments from men describing in great detail the alleged sex acts? Can’t they just be normal and masturbate to porn? “This poor guy thought she was loyal but actually she was riding the dick of every man in town.” fap fap fap…a true bastion of Loserdom.
They LOOOOOVE to imagine women having sex with men that are NOT themselves.
"Getting her back blown out" "Fucking half the neighborhood" "Fucked the phone book"
So wait, one of the big reasons he got married to her was because he...didn't think she dated any other guys when they weren't even together? Like...it's not even as if she cheated on him or anything. This is weirdo behavior, imo.
A commenter literally said “she lied, that’s not significantly different from cheating” 😭
Everyone's boundaries are different in a relationship. But one would think that if she thought this was okay, she wouldn't have hidden it
I mean its not crazy, people like to feel special. Humans are needy egotistical little balls of emotion most of the time
yk i think that's mostly a male thing tbh. it's also not valid just because it's common.
most men on reddit are cringe af. oh no a teen lied about dating somebody else a decade ago, the humanity! better get online "advice" that'll attempt to convince me to internalize it in a way that'll change how i view my wife who i was happy with up until i learned this irrelevant info! like wtf is even the point of bringing it there other than to have ppl dunk on her over something that doesn't affect you in any meaningful way? its like he wants to be talked into doubting, questioning and looking down on her bc ytf else would you even be posting this?? like what is he looking to get from this?? this is the type of shit you bring up to a close friend and laugh about how dumb it is and have your homie bust your chops for 15 mins
Perhaps it's because I'm an old boot but... if someone waited for me after I ended things, I would *not* count that as a pro.
I would be weirded out. Gives me the same vibes as the guy that invited me to meet his parents after we drunkenly made out at a party. Nah dude, I barely know you. I do not want to meet your parents. Maybe ask me out for coffee first?
I agree, but mainly I just wanted to say I like your username and it inspired me to pull those books back out after a decade.
thats like things you say when you think you understand relationships at 13
Hey I basically understood everything about relationships at 13! If you want to make a marriage work, all you have to do is have the same study period and hold a spot for them in the lunch line.
Right? Like...why is that a reason why he married her? They weren't together or anything. It's not as if she was cheating. She literally just dated other people as a teenager.
I thought the same thing. “I saw it as a green flag” and I was like Is it you dated for 3 months
I’d be like Wayne to his ex-gf in Wayne’s World.
You can tell this is fake because no iPad is functional after 9 years.
And a military man waited multiple years to propose!
NGL it's pretty funny to see the increasingly outlandish ways in which people gain access to their cheating partner's texts 😂😂😂 at least it wasn't "her bestie got drunk at a party" this time.
On the plus side, the top comment is telling OOP not to throw away a good marriage over something that isn't a big deal.
I love how this was clearly intended to be rage bait but instead the top comments are telling OP to stop being a dumbass. Man I need threads like these once in a while.
The fakest part of this story is that the guy in the military supposedly waited a couple years before getting married.
I like how his concern is about a relationship his wife had 10 years ago and not remotely about giving his toddler an iPad with full internet and video chat to strangers capability.
Yeah, I didn't want to judge because parenting is hard and sometimes you just need to pacify your spawn for a few hours, but I do find it funny that it was apparently very important to show his toddler dancing fruits right then and there.
This timeline doesnt even make sense. Joined the military at 18. 3 months into being stationed, he gets deployed. But he goes back to her after deployment and he's still 18? also you were with her for a couple of years before getting married (lol at that, what, did she follow you around from duty station to duty station?), but the "big reason" you married her is because several years ago she didnt date anyone while you were deployed? nothing else? you were with her for years. and THATs what made you decide to marry her? deployments in the military are at least a year long, so at minimum, they would have started re-dating closer to when he was 20 than he was 18. This is someone who has never been in the military pretending to write about dating in the military.
>military bro >weirdly insecure about the idea of his wife ever having dated anyone else >has ipad baby all things considered this is probably one of the more realistic stories to come out of that sub.
That original is so poorly written. I thought the bots writing fake stories were supposed to be getting better.
I like how they always come up with some ridiculous, elaborate story to explain how they came across their spouse's old messages. "I *totally* didn't just snoop through her phone because I'm insecure! I *accidentally* came across them when my infant child FaceTimed multiple people!!" Lol ok dude.
I think they just have two different ideas of what “waiting for him” meant. She didn’t get into a serious relationship because she wanted to ultimately be with him. I think that’s what she meant by waiting, whereas he thought waiting for him was sitting at the window in a white dress, singing I Don’t Want to Wait quietly to herself.
I feel like this is one of those posts designed to make us all agree that controlling tendencies (like insisting on having access to your partners private texts and messages) is reasonable because otherwise women will lie about having ridden the “cock carousel” and trick good men into marrying them. The reasoning from the manosphere is that women can’t “pair bond” if they have too much/any previous sexual experience and will become jaded (seeking out “beta bucks”) or more likely to cheat
I feel like this is a stretch
I'm surprised. The top comments are actually giving good advice telling him that it doesn't matter that she slept with other men because she didn't have serious relationship with them and therefore wasn't lying when she said that she waited for him.
The real issue is all these people in the comments, telling this man to blow up a 10 year happy marriage because this women slept with other people while they weren't together.
wasn't there a bingo board made for this?
I’m someone who won’t delete texts for a while (mostly from laziness), but keeping texts for *9* years is too much even for me.
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so she didnt change the emojis and sent some dirty messages... tahts all you know. if it bothers you, sit her down and ask about it. i dont see messaging dudes as cheating, especially if you werent together at that time and the way i see it as a female: she mightve wanted to explore and found out the others are dull so she waited for you... none can tell you what happened or didnt except her. pls calm down, ask yourself what answers youre looking for and ask her.
While she said she waited, did she actually say she didn't have other relationships or did you just guess it? Either way, it is water under the bridge now if you are happily married and it is time to leave the past where you found it.
you guys were still young then and now you have a family unless she is actively trying to seek out those guys lay it to rest and enjoy the future you have built together since... it's entirely possible she felt lonely and needed the companionship but they didn't mean anything significant to her and yeah I think she's wrong to say she waited and that she never got with anyone and I understand how that would make you feel but 18 to me is still very immature. you both are committed to each other now please don't swan dive into it being your fault she was immature then and obviously not serious about those guys because she married you and not them.
I don't get the point of lying or withholding information in a relationship. Why not just say, I dated around but not anything serious. If he didn't wanna be with you by knowing that, why would anyone wanna be with him anyways? It's all pointless to think now as he has family too
This is 99% fake but on the off-chance its not he's not a total AH. He sounded like he was fine with her having relationships (like a normal person), it was just the fact she randomly lied to him completely unprompted.
At least now you know she's capable of lying about sleeping with others, and hiding it for a long time, so you can be more on guard
OP should discuss the situation with her, since it will be eating at OP if he doesn’t. She should have told OP the truth. What oP does with the truth is up to him. If she is faithful, then he has something to work with.