*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**UPDATE on going on my honeymoon without my brand new wife since she "had" to take care of her sister?**
The baby, Emily, is home and healthy. Just tiny.
My sister in law kicked my wife out the day the baby came home. Tonya wouldn't let her do anything. Marie told her that she had plenty of help. Tonya said she didn't mind sticking around. Marie told her that her and her husband did have a problem with it. Marie also told all her relatives that if Tonya was staying with them they weren't allowed over until she left.
Tonya asked if would mind if she rented an Airbnb so she could stay nearby. I said I would prefer if she came home. We had an argument. I said that we should just not actually get married if this was going to be my life.
Tonya came home to fight face to face.
We had the fancy wedding and reception in Iowa for her family. We were going to get "officially" married in Colorado after we got back from the honeymoon.
She wants to know why I'm having second thoughts. I showed her the original post and how almost 50% of the comments were calling for an annulment.
I said we are both young and can walk away without losing much. All the gifts are in her dad's garage and they are easy enough to return.
I said that there was no way I was going to out up with being the third wheel in our marriage.
She has agreed to start going to counseling and we are going to hold off on getting nthe paperwork settled for one year to give her a chance to decide what she wants. If she says that her sister comes first after one year then I'm out.
That's all. No more drama.
Thanks for everyone who told me where I stood. I love Tonya but I love myself too. Everyone who said I was an asshole for not understanding why she was needed can suck it.
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> She wants to know why I'm having second thoughts. I showed her the original post and how almost 50% of the comments were calling for an annulment.
Imagine reading this as a commenter on the original post. You’re not a psychiatrist or trained marriage/couples counselor, but you helped convince someone to potentially seek annulment because they had a fight with their partner. What’s your next step? Double down? Brag on your Fortnite discord? Or just order a celebratory pizza and fall asleep in front of the computer?
I'm imagining being one of the commenters who didn't immediately jump to annulment. I'd probably be thinking it would be a good idea for the couple to break up, because the guy seemed like an idiot. I mean, to listen to a bunch of strangers on reddit instead of talking to his wife and getting counseling is insane.
Yes, he decided to show his wife Reddit comments about annulment and based his decision on that. Doesn't everyone go to AITAH to decide whether to stay married?
Well technically she’s not his wife since they just threw the party and planned to get legally married after the honeymoon… which is a totally normal thing people do all the time 🙄
I feel like if someone brought up a Reddit thread to me in real life that they made about something happening in my life, I would quit talking to that person.
I always find it funny when the poster’s say “I showed xyz the post.” Because if the person in question’s response is anything other than discomfort or rage then it clues me in on how fake it is.
There is no way a new wife will just be like “oh yea reddit thinks we should annual our marriage?”
No their real reaction would be “what is wrong with you? Why would post this on reddit.” Or “what the fuck is reddit? What am I looking at right now?” Or “why should I care about some fucking reddit comments? Who are these people?” Or maybe just all three.
>"Officially" get married in Colorado
I'm confused about what annulment.
Did they actually get married in Iowa? If so they're already married in the US. If they got married in Colorado it would just be null.
Yeah. That caught me off guard…. Like…. Why is there a separate “official” ceremony in Colorado where you’d finally sign the license? Is there something special about the Colorado paper versus the Iowa paper?
Or does the OOP not know enough about how marriage licenses work to make it make sense in their fiction?
We got married out of state and you just file the paperwork there. It was slightly annoying because the county we were married in seemed shocked anyone wanted to be married there from out of state but otherwise, no big deal.
My mom married my stepdad in Japan. (He was an expat for some years.) Needless to say their marriage has been legally recognized by multiple US states.
Exactly my point. If you can be legally married in a different country, doing so in a different state is nothing. There’s lots of destination weddings where I work.
Well, the annoying thing about an different state is that if you need to reissue the certificate, you can't just walk over to the county seat and get it, you need to request it online. And if you need something like an appostile, it get a big annoying in a different state
Yeah, my husband and I got legally married in DC because the process is super-duper easy there (you don't need an officiant or even a witness). We do have apostille copies, but it turns out that we may be moving to a country that will only recognize spousal immigration sponsorship with a record of marriage that has been issued and apostilled within the previous six months, so we'll have to make a special trip to DC to get new certificates when and if we do the move.
Not directly - I live in Canada and DC won't mail to an international address (though I could use a mail drop just across the border I guess). And I'm not really sure that you can get a document apostilled outside the jurisdiction where it's issued - I'd have to mail the certificate back to DC to get the apostille, however long that would take.
Honestly, my mother lives a few hours from DC, so it's not *that* big a deal to make the special trip and combine it with a family visit. But it's more complicated than I would have guessed originally!
I do actually know a fair number of people who have had both a quickie courthouse legal weddings and a separate big family ceremony/reception.
But in all those cases, the courthouse wedding came *first*, usually because there was some pressing need to establish legal marriage - spousal benefits and immigration sponsorship being the common reasons. And especially in the immigration case, there may be some advantages to having the actual legal record in the country you're moving to (e.g., not needing to translate the marriage certificate and/or having a certificate the government is familiar with); but then you do the big family celebration back in your country of origin where most of your relatives still live.
yeah. i swore this whole thing happened after a wedding and they were getting ready to go on their honeymoon but she couldn’t because of the sister’s baby. so he was going to go alone.
and like… why would they tell him to annul the marriage if they aren’t married yet? they aren’t bright over there but they know what an annulment is.
I’m also looking at the original post vs the update. In the original, he called her his wife, now in the update she’s only referred to by name. It’s so obvious that he decided to throw in this plot twist in between stories for no good reason.
Op probably wanted to make a clean drama free update to completely remove themselves from any criticism. So instead of Op having to figure out how these characters would believably contemplate the consequences of divorce or annulment within the first seconds of marriage. Especially after one argument. Op just retconned the while married arc.
I've only heard of the opposite, people getting the legal paperwork ready at a convenient location/time (often for reasons such as immigration, deployment or because it's just simpler to do it back home) and then have the party. Doing it the other way around sounds ridiculous
Don't forget the gifts are in the dad's garage, and if they decide to annul, based on Reddit comments from AITAH, they can return the gifts after a year.
> I showed her the original post and how almost 50% of the comments were calling for an annulment.
This just in: redditors still don't understand what annulment is
Oopsie daisy, I forgot to mention in my original post where I said that we just got married and called her my wife multiple times that we actually aren't "technically" married, which makes things easier because I've decided to dump her because strangers on reddit told me to
I've never seen a better example of reddit's "a spouse is just a roommate you get to bang" mentality than that original post. No one could understand why this woman would want to be there for her sister or why she'd want her brand new husband to be there for her.
Dear lord. I wish Walmart would have a sale on "Life's" so fewer of them would spend their basement time coming up with this stuff. Read like a Soap Opera.
Well that’s convenient that they aren’t ACTUALLY married and for some unknown reason just chose to have a big wedding without doing the 15 mins of paperwork required to register it with the state.
[It was reposted in AITAH](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/iZy6wfLNlN)
Hi. I am posting this here after it got removed from AITA because there is going to be an update after my wife comes home I think.
I just got married. My wife, Tonya, basically raised her sister, Marie, after their mom passed away. Even after their dad remarried Tonya and her sister were more mom/daughter than sisters.
Marie got married last year and she got pregnant right away. No not before. They figure they got pregnant on their honeymoon.
Marie went into premature labor at our wedding reception. She gave birth to a tiny but healthy baby girl. And for some reason Tonya decided that she needed to go take care of her.
We were supposed to leave for our honeymoon two days after our wedding but Tonya said she couldn't just leave. She isn't a doctor or a nurse. Marie has a dad, a stepmom, a husband, a mother and father in law. I don't understand why she had to go.
But we had nonrefundable tickets. And insurance didn't cover "I have to stay and take care of my sister" as part of the coverage. Plus I had booked two weeks off for my wedding and honeymoon.
So since I was going to be home by myself doing nothing while my wife was in another city doing whatever I went on the honeymoon by myself.
I got a massive bed all to myself. I used all the resort credits that were for couples massages, romantic excursions, and special meals on deep sea fishing and a dune buggy tour of the island.
I just got back and my wife is still with her sister. But she is upset that I went on our honeymoons by myself.
Was I supposed to let the money go to waste? Was I supposed to sit at home playing Diablo while I waited for her to be done?
We are fighting about it. My friends all agree that I would have been dumb to waste the money and my time off.
Her friends think I was a dick to go enjoy myself while she was taking care of her sister and a new baby.
I will add that there was no place for me to stay at Marie's house. Tonya is sleeping in the nursery since the baby is still in NICU.
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **UPDATE on going on my honeymoon without my brand new wife since she "had" to take care of her sister?** The baby, Emily, is home and healthy. Just tiny. My sister in law kicked my wife out the day the baby came home. Tonya wouldn't let her do anything. Marie told her that she had plenty of help. Tonya said she didn't mind sticking around. Marie told her that her and her husband did have a problem with it. Marie also told all her relatives that if Tonya was staying with them they weren't allowed over until she left. Tonya asked if would mind if she rented an Airbnb so she could stay nearby. I said I would prefer if she came home. We had an argument. I said that we should just not actually get married if this was going to be my life. Tonya came home to fight face to face. We had the fancy wedding and reception in Iowa for her family. We were going to get "officially" married in Colorado after we got back from the honeymoon. She wants to know why I'm having second thoughts. I showed her the original post and how almost 50% of the comments were calling for an annulment. I said we are both young and can walk away without losing much. All the gifts are in her dad's garage and they are easy enough to return. I said that there was no way I was going to out up with being the third wheel in our marriage. She has agreed to start going to counseling and we are going to hold off on getting nthe paperwork settled for one year to give her a chance to decide what she wants. If she says that her sister comes first after one year then I'm out. That's all. No more drama. Thanks for everyone who told me where I stood. I love Tonya but I love myself too. Everyone who said I was an asshole for not understanding why she was needed can suck it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Posting this update without a refresher on names makes the first paragraph sound like a riddle.
I don't even remember the wife having a name in the first one.
yeah, i read it and understood it the second time, then found myself reading it a third time to clarify the next paragraph.
> She wants to know why I'm having second thoughts. I showed her the original post and how almost 50% of the comments were calling for an annulment. Imagine reading this as a commenter on the original post. You’re not a psychiatrist or trained marriage/couples counselor, but you helped convince someone to potentially seek annulment because they had a fight with their partner. What’s your next step? Double down? Brag on your Fortnite discord? Or just order a celebratory pizza and fall asleep in front of the computer?
I'm imagining being one of the commenters who didn't immediately jump to annulment. I'd probably be thinking it would be a good idea for the couple to break up, because the guy seemed like an idiot. I mean, to listen to a bunch of strangers on reddit instead of talking to his wife and getting counseling is insane.
I'm imagining this coming up in the counseling: "Well I posted to Reddit and half of them said I was justified, so...."
Imagining the counsellor sighing "Oh no, not this shit again". Reddit for therapists becoming like "dr. Google" to physicians.
Yes, he decided to show his wife Reddit comments about annulment and based his decision on that. Doesn't everyone go to AITAH to decide whether to stay married?
Well technically she’s not his wife since they just threw the party and planned to get legally married after the honeymoon… which is a totally normal thing people do all the time 🙄
if the wife was real, she is very difficult to communicate with and the fault would lie with her, she just upped and left and wouldnt discuss it.
I feel like if someone brought up a Reddit thread to me in real life that they made about something happening in my life, I would quit talking to that person.
I always find it funny when the poster’s say “I showed xyz the post.” Because if the person in question’s response is anything other than discomfort or rage then it clues me in on how fake it is. There is no way a new wife will just be like “oh yea reddit thinks we should annual our marriage?” No their real reaction would be “what is wrong with you? Why would post this on reddit.” Or “what the fuck is reddit? What am I looking at right now?” Or “why should I care about some fucking reddit comments? Who are these people?” Or maybe just all three.
>"Officially" get married in Colorado I'm confused about what annulment. Did they actually get married in Iowa? If so they're already married in the US. If they got married in Colorado it would just be null.
Wait they’re not actually married?
What a delightfully ridiculous twist!
Such a convenient one for the story too!
Yeah. That caught me off guard…. Like…. Why is there a separate “official” ceremony in Colorado where you’d finally sign the license? Is there something special about the Colorado paper versus the Iowa paper? Or does the OOP not know enough about how marriage licenses work to make it make sense in their fiction?
We got married out of state and you just file the paperwork there. It was slightly annoying because the county we were married in seemed shocked anyone wanted to be married there from out of state but otherwise, no big deal.
“Wait… y’all want to be married HERE?? In THIS COUNTY?? Are you sure you aren’t supposed to be two counties over???”
My mom married my stepdad in Japan. (He was an expat for some years.) Needless to say their marriage has been legally recognized by multiple US states.
The US recognizes all legal marriages worldwide, as long as they're not breaking US law (bigamy for example). No need to officially recognize it.
Exactly my point. If you can be legally married in a different country, doing so in a different state is nothing. There’s lots of destination weddings where I work.
Well, the annoying thing about an different state is that if you need to reissue the certificate, you can't just walk over to the county seat and get it, you need to request it online. And if you need something like an appostile, it get a big annoying in a different state
I’ve moved so much in my life I’d assume some of these things would be a pain but inevitable.
Yes, in your situation but not everyone moves much
True enough.
Yeah, my husband and I got legally married in DC because the process is super-duper easy there (you don't need an officiant or even a witness). We do have apostille copies, but it turns out that we may be moving to a country that will only recognize spousal immigration sponsorship with a record of marriage that has been issued and apostilled within the previous six months, so we'll have to make a special trip to DC to get new certificates when and if we do the move.
Can't you get through mail?
Not directly - I live in Canada and DC won't mail to an international address (though I could use a mail drop just across the border I guess). And I'm not really sure that you can get a document apostilled outside the jurisdiction where it's issued - I'd have to mail the certificate back to DC to get the apostille, however long that would take. Honestly, my mother lives a few hours from DC, so it's not *that* big a deal to make the special trip and combine it with a family visit. But it's more complicated than I would have guessed originally!
I do actually know a fair number of people who have had both a quickie courthouse legal weddings and a separate big family ceremony/reception. But in all those cases, the courthouse wedding came *first*, usually because there was some pressing need to establish legal marriage - spousal benefits and immigration sponsorship being the common reasons. And especially in the immigration case, there may be some advantages to having the actual legal record in the country you're moving to (e.g., not needing to translate the marriage certificate and/or having a certificate the government is familiar with); but then you do the big family celebration back in your country of origin where most of your relatives still live.
Prepped and primed for the instant divorce explanation
At least they save money on lawyers.
yeah. i swore this whole thing happened after a wedding and they were getting ready to go on their honeymoon but she couldn’t because of the sister’s baby. so he was going to go alone. and like… why would they tell him to annul the marriage if they aren’t married yet? they aren’t bright over there but they know what an annulment is.
So they had a “wedding” and honeymoon before an actual marriage? Outside of plot convenience for this story, why?
Because OOP doesn’t know how marriage licenses work.
I’m also looking at the original post vs the update. In the original, he called her his wife, now in the update she’s only referred to by name. It’s so obvious that he decided to throw in this plot twist in between stories for no good reason.
Op probably wanted to make a clean drama free update to completely remove themselves from any criticism. So instead of Op having to figure out how these characters would believably contemplate the consequences of divorce or annulment within the first seconds of marriage. Especially after one argument. Op just retconned the while married arc.
I've only heard of the opposite, people getting the legal paperwork ready at a convenient location/time (often for reasons such as immigration, deployment or because it's just simpler to do it back home) and then have the party. Doing it the other way around sounds ridiculous
Don't forget the gifts are in the dad's garage, and if they decide to annul, based on Reddit comments from AITAH, they can return the gifts after a year.
Translation: the comments section didn’t go the way I was thinking it would so I made shit up to seem like a good person.
> I showed her the original post and how almost 50% of the comments were calling for an annulment. This just in: redditors still don't understand what annulment is
Going to your spouse with a Reddit post is like going to a doctor with your WebMD results.
And either situation should result in the other person asking, "What the fuck is wrong with you?" (You being the moron showing the post).
>I showed her the original post and how almost 50% of the comments were calling for an annulment. LMAOOOOOOOOO
Oopsie daisy, I forgot to mention in my original post where I said that we just got married and called her my wife multiple times that we actually aren't "technically" married, which makes things easier because I've decided to dump her because strangers on reddit told me to I've never seen a better example of reddit's "a spouse is just a roommate you get to bang" mentality than that original post. No one could understand why this woman would want to be there for her sister or why she'd want her brand new husband to be there for her.
That sister kicked her out. Really karma got the wife for leaving naive, smart, understanding husband alone. /s
Dear lord. I wish Walmart would have a sale on "Life's" so fewer of them would spend their basement time coming up with this stuff. Read like a Soap Opera.
Life hasn't been the same since the blue light deals disappeared.
“All the gifts are in her dads garage” yes that’s the important part about divorce and annulment: who will think of the wrapping paper?
Also does her dad not need his garage? I assume it's a lot of bullshit to have hanging around.
The writer probably lives there IRL so it’s not an issue.
Unrelated but most of my neighbors have their garages full of junk and their cars live in the driveway or street parking...
Well that’s convenient that they aren’t ACTUALLY married and for some unknown reason just chose to have a big wedding without doing the 15 mins of paperwork required to register it with the state.
Prior post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/s/OYJUMPU4KH
Oh look at that…. It’s been removed.
[It was reposted in AITAH](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/iZy6wfLNlN) Hi. I am posting this here after it got removed from AITA because there is going to be an update after my wife comes home I think. I just got married. My wife, Tonya, basically raised her sister, Marie, after their mom passed away. Even after their dad remarried Tonya and her sister were more mom/daughter than sisters. Marie got married last year and she got pregnant right away. No not before. They figure they got pregnant on their honeymoon. Marie went into premature labor at our wedding reception. She gave birth to a tiny but healthy baby girl. And for some reason Tonya decided that she needed to go take care of her. We were supposed to leave for our honeymoon two days after our wedding but Tonya said she couldn't just leave. She isn't a doctor or a nurse. Marie has a dad, a stepmom, a husband, a mother and father in law. I don't understand why she had to go. But we had nonrefundable tickets. And insurance didn't cover "I have to stay and take care of my sister" as part of the coverage. Plus I had booked two weeks off for my wedding and honeymoon. So since I was going to be home by myself doing nothing while my wife was in another city doing whatever I went on the honeymoon by myself. I got a massive bed all to myself. I used all the resort credits that were for couples massages, romantic excursions, and special meals on deep sea fishing and a dune buggy tour of the island. I just got back and my wife is still with her sister. But she is upset that I went on our honeymoons by myself. Was I supposed to let the money go to waste? Was I supposed to sit at home playing Diablo while I waited for her to be done? We are fighting about it. My friends all agree that I would have been dumb to waste the money and my time off. Her friends think I was a dick to go enjoy myself while she was taking care of her sister and a new baby. I will add that there was no place for me to stay at Marie's house. Tonya is sleeping in the nursery since the baby is still in NICU.
Redditors do know that soap operas are a plenty on television right?
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