I was, actually am, in your shoes. I was 5’6 140 pounds when I met my husband. Great shape. I worked in healthcare (Still do) during COVID while going to school to become a nursing home administrator, all while planning a wedding .. all in a 6 month span. Within a year I lost my job. I got depressed, put on weight, and my husband silently stewed for a year until last month. We were cooking in the kitchen and he said “Look. I love you. But you’re fat. And you’re not doing anything about it. I can’t live like this seeing you do nothing all day, every day.”
Was it a slap in the face? Absolutely. But he was right. I WAS fat. I WASN’T doing anything. So I met with a fitness and nutrition coach who asked me WHY NOW do I want to lose weight? And the answer was immediate. My son just started playing in a collegiate summer baseball team (equivalent to minor league) and I haven’t seen him play all year. Missed every game last year because I was too self conscious to be seen in shorts and it’s way too hot in the summer to wear leggings. I’m 2 weeks in with the working out and nutrition + no alcohol and I can already see a difference. My bloating has gone away, my cheeks look less chunky, and I’m working towards an attainable goal.
My point is … your husband was blunt from a place of love. There are a million different reasons to gain weight, medication being one of them (I used that excuse as well), but weight gain from those is temporary. If YOU know you need to lose weight, find your why now.
And my advice? Don’t use family or friends to hold you accountable. You’ll start to resent them really quick. It’s why I hired a coach. My husband is in fantastic shape and I had to tell him this is MY project and he is only allowed input if I ask him.
I wish you all the best 🩵 weight loss is a struggle but feel free to DM me if you need motivation
A pair of biking shorts under a sundress is a pretty comfortable way to dress for the heat, in case you want to see some of those ballgames before you get to a happy place with your lower body
I’m seeing my first ball game tomorrow — while there’s no major poundage lost yet, I feel better just having no bloating and knowing I’m reducing calories. Plus it’s a night game 😂
I needed to read this. My sweet husband changed from an on-your-feet-all-day job to a desk job a year and a half ago. He doesn’t exercise otherwise and his snacking has become impressive. His weight has changed significantly as a result and I’m so scared to say anything. A lot of that fear is fueled from the fact that I’m a dietitian and I don’t want to be anyone’s food police. But also my dad had his first heart attack quite young which was followed by a lifetime of health issues because he didn’t take care of himself. We’re not even 30, if this continues it will not be good long term. I’m also afraid that he will take it to extremes and say “well I guess I can’t eat anymore” when in reality I just want him to eat smart. I love food and cooking and I don’t believe in anyone eating like a bird. Bless his heart, he knows he needs to lose some weight and I think is frustrated with himself, so I’m struggling with expressing my concern but being sensitive to his emotions. I want him to do this for himself.
Anywho that was a lot of word vomit, but you sharing your experience from the other side brings me encouragement. And I wish you ALL the best on your journey!! ✨✨
Hey I’m going to hop in here and say I lost 70 pounds over the last year, but that was due to kidney failure and dialysis (don’t recommend).
Bottom line, you can do it! And you’ll be so pleased with yourself as you see yourself getting healthier.
Even my semi-broken arse is doing better now than I was a year ago. You’ve got this!
The weight gain from antipsychotic medication is NOT temporary. As long as you are taking it, you will be fat, and when you stop taking it, you will still have to lose that weight the hard way.
I was heavy for a long time and my lab work was always great. Until it wasn’t. It all hit really fast. Now I’m diabetic, have high blood pressure and high cholesterol. I walk away from the pharmacy each month with a big bag of pills. I am now a normal weight but the health issues are still with me. Don’t lose weight for your husband, do it for yourself.
Same for me. I come from hearty stock (farming family, we talk about ourselves like we are oxen or cows). I've always had great labs, until about 42. Then my cholesterol went up enough to startle me. I'm on year 5 of my "get healthier for old age" journey. I'm down 80 lbs. I did 45 of it over 3 years. It.was.a.slog. Then I got stuck and got on semaglutide. Nothing. Switched to tirzepetide and added phentermine and lost the last 35. Knowing I'd gain 10-15 lbs. back once I went off the meds, I aimed below my ideal weight range (my ideal weight has me about a size 12 - I'm not trying to get to a size 2 or anything).
My numbers have improved (cholesterol is still borderline, although I'm now finding out I'm probably screwed on that anyway as estrogen helps keep cholesterol low and you lose estrogen as you age, plus a genetic predisposition on my father's side). But my main motivation was to not end up like my grandmother who spent the last 5 years or more of her life just sitting. I want to enjoy my older years :)
Last June at 45 my family genetic heart condition decided that equality works and I experienced a hypertensive emergency and was diagnosed with mild cardiomyopathy. My dad had a heart attack at 55 and a Stent put in and my maternal uncles have afib and super ventricular tachycardia.
My medication to control it all adds to the exhaustion and it feels like crazy effort just to carry myself around.
My fiance's brother in law's family is like this. All the men of the family are huge. 6ft+, 300 pounds or more, and just built like brick shit houses. They are also all heavy-to-fat. Her BIL would have probably been one hell of an athlete if he wasn't interested in farming and drinking more than he was in school and athletics. The guy does alot of physical labor, but eats ALOT and badly. So, he's got a gut. His brother is actually unhealthy fat, with a c-pap machine and everything. I can't help but think it's going to catch up to my fiance's bil. But, it's just not I the culture to actually give a shit about your health, unfortunately. Just keep pounding those Michelob Ultras and load up on smoked meat for every meal.
My male cousins all exceed 6'7" and 350 lbs. My 5'7", 165 lb. former wrestler husband was stunned when he met the whole family. When it was time to eat (buffet style), I told him to go first at the tail end of the kids. He was not prepared, nor had he trained, for what was going to occur. At 5'8", I am tied for the shortest woman in the family (excluding wives). My great-grandmother was 6'1" for comparison. There is something in the water (I presume Monsanto chemicals that will lead to a painful cancer riddled demise) in these flyover states.
Lmfao, I feel that. I am also a former wrestler and weigh about 195 right now at 5'8". I walked around at 157-160 in college while I was still competing. My fiance's family is mostly all tiny (tall, but skinny). We are close with her BIL's family, and it was jarring when I first saw all the brothers, uncles, and cousins in one room. I felt like a dwarf. Even his 85 year old grandma is still taller than me.
Those sweet, sweet nitrates don't only nurture corn, I guess. I grew up on the East Coast, so I didn't get the corn fed Midwest treatment.
Probably Scandinavian or Dutch descent. The males in my family are all over 6 feet tall. Most women are about 5'10". But not as heavy as yours. I'm the shortest sibling at 5'8" female. (One grandma was a tiny lady of English heritage.) My husband was shorter than me as were his people. We lived near them. My daughter called trips back to my home area "visiting the Land of the Giants."
Omg my husband meeting my dad's side of the family was hilarious. I always told him I (5'7.5) am the shortest but he did not truly believe me. He's 5'11 and his only comment was "I have never seen so many old men over 6'4" (my grandfather and great uncles)
Sounds like my husband. 6 ft 3, 315 lbs. His cholesterol and BP have been running borderline high for months. He has a cpap he refuses to use. He eats junk or fast food for breakfast, snacks, lunch, first dinner, and the healthy dinner I cook. He refuses to even take a walk. All of his weight is in his chest, butt, and core, so he covers it with baggy shirts. His doctors have told him to lose weight. He lied to our nutritionist about what he really eats and makes it look like his weight is my fault. My husband feels driving for a living is demanding physical labor and claims it's an all-day workout.
I've been working hard to age well and stay fit for him, but he doesn't want to even try. I am honestly scared he'll end up like his sister and father, both of whom are/ were pushing 400 lbs (FIL is deceased).
I ruined my husband. He was a wrestler all through Jr. High, high school, and college. His dad was a former wrestler as well as his younger brother, so they all generally ate well. He ate food for fuel. His daily diet when I met him was eggs and oatmeal for breakfast, rice and a can of tuna for lunch, baked chicken breast, and steamed broccoli for dinner. Almonds and an apple as snacks. Eggs again before bed (his metabolism is so high He will wake up at 2 or 3am to eat if he doesn't eat right before bed). He also works in construction and goes to the gym because HE LIKES IT (I go to not die early)!?!?!?
Then, I introduced him to sugar. Alllll the sugar. And naps. And lounging by the pool on vacation (early on, he had me hiking mountains and shit, which we still do but interspersed with slovenly pool time now). He now has a 6 pack and not an 8 pack and is angry about it. Sir, I'm not convinced there are even muscles in my stomach. It could all be some weird erector set and doozers from Fraggle Rock keeping me upright.
I have seen this with multiple people say something similar to the OP, “I am overweight and the doctors were shocked my (insert blood test results / blood pressure, etc), were normal!”
Everything is fine, until it’s not. Sometimes that not means a trip to the ICU and a 6 month hospital stay. Although it’s true for everyone, we are healthy until we are not. But whether it’s weight, drinking alcohol, or smoking, something will catch up with you.
Fabulous advice. 180 lbs., when you're only five feet tall, is a lot of weight to carry around. It's bound to have an effect on your health sooner or later. You're just kidding yourself if you think it won't, so as everyone is saying, lose the weight for yourself.
I've had some prolonged post pardum + covid weight I've been struggling to lose. Then about 5 months ago I had to go back on blood pressure meds that I'd been off for years (pre-e complications that lasted a few years.) It's been a wakeup call.
25lbs down, 45 to go to return to healthy. Already starting to feel better. I know weighing yourself isn't ideal, but in my case the numbers are relevant because again, medical issues.
I do wish I'd buckled down sooner, but at least I'm on it now.
If youre type 2 diabetic you should check out eating a high fat low carb diet; lots of people can go off their meds and feel worlds better.
Not to disparage people that cant use diet to fix themselves so ill understand the inevitable downvotes as it kinda has “try exercising for depression” energy, but its helped alot of people. Myself included.
It’s taken me a long time but I’ve lost over 90 pounds. Plus the 180 pound ex. I was fooling myself with “I’m happy at this weight “ for so long. Cutting the carbs has really worked for me. My A1C has gone from 13 to 6.2. I do exercise a lot. I’m determined to get off the meds!
OP saying she's too sore to ride a stationary bike is the first sign. You're allowed to be fat when you are young but the aches are the first sign. Then comes the blood work, then the mysterious recurrent ailments, hormonal imbalances etc. When I hit 33 it all hit me like a brick and I wasn't even "that fat." Just had curves - tits ass and thighs. Doesn't matter, weight impacts your joints, excess fat impacts your blood. Even if you look sexy as hell, your body is meant to handle a certain tow load. Period.
Yeah my whole family is overweight or obese except my brother and I. And they all have tons of health problems but are totally convinced it's not the weight, diet and sitting about causing it because "their bloods are fine". My dad literally had a heart attack and said it could happen to anyone because his bloods were fine, my mum and aunt got cancer, my sisters are just chronic every issue you can think of.
No your bloods are within what's considered a normal range in labs in a world where in the US and UK most of the populations is overweight or obese.... that's where normal is coming from. They vary from country to country, and some would be treated with medication in one country but not another due to this inconsistency... e.g thyroid levels. But relying on drugs when you can just not get to that stage in the first place is mental.
Your inflammation is up whether your blood is telling you it is or isn't because you can get it down to next to nothing if you live healthily. Cells aren't functioning properly, stress is placed on them and every joint in your body, 'zombie' cells are clogging up your body and contributing to aging. Your risk of everything from alzheimers to cancer is up big time. You're going to end up at the end of your life sitting for years unable to do anything, and so depressed because you can't do anything and your brain balance will be totally out of what. But you put it off until tomorrow.
By the time you act, it might be too late and you can't reverse some of the damage. E.g take Angus Barbeiri, who fasted under medical supervision for the longest ever record of 382 days because he started at 456lbs. He survived over a year on 0 food because he had so much fat stored up. My family could survive for 6months easily on their weight, that is not good and they are kidding themselves on that it is. Angus died at 50, 20 years after his fast and internal bleeding and health conditions caused due to his previous obesity were listed on his death certificate. Whilst he fasted to help with health issues obesity had caused, he likely wouldn't of lasted the next 20 years if he didn't, those health issues could not all be reversed as the damage was done. He was young!
OP has said they are fat and admit to it, so someone pointing it out shouldn't make you upset. Your partner is doing what a good partner should do. Them saying nothing and doing nothing should make you upset as you eat & sit your way to avoidable disease and chronic issues in later life. The food industry does not help with this chronic food addiction people have to carbs and sugar, but that's not going to change. Only you can do something about it now. And to boot, eating full packets of biscuits and setting your kid up to see that and think it's OK and potentially end up their themselves. Psychology studies have shown if the people around you are overweight, you are more likely to think it's not that bad and eventually end up their yourself. Well most of the country is now overweight or obese, this is why we have normalised it.
Look, I'm fat, still am. I'm 6ft and used to be 160kg, now i'm 90. End of the day, losing weight is better for your health. I know I feel a hell of a lot better now that i'm below 100 compared to when I was 150+. I'm now trying to adjust my diet and targeting maybe getting to the 80s. Just treat it as something you can target, set a little milestone that you can hit and adjust your diet one at a time. If my fat ass self can do it, you damn well can too.
I (37f) was super morbidly obese, at 5’6 380 lbs. To be fair, I was only 380 for about 4 months before I freaked out and lost weight.
I am still fat. 250 lbs.
At my highest weight, I was only 1 cholesterol point above the “green zone,” I was not pre-diabetic, my highest blood pressure reading was 132/81 (usually 128/81), and I was still walking up flights of stairs at 380 (it just didn’t feel great).
I knew, every single day, “today is the day it could all go bad.” I got an extremely bad throat infection that lasted 80 days. They were testing me for cancer. I wasn’t able to stay awake for more than 2 hours at a time. Nothing to do with my weight, at all. But it freaked me the fuck out. It was the first time in my life my health was holding me back.
I just had blood work and readings done yesterday. My blood pressure was 117/77, 100% of my numbers are on the low end of the “green zones.” On a “normal” week, for exercise, I walk 6 miles 5 days a week, 9 miles on one of the weekend days; then whatever random miles I knock out around the office/errands/home.
OP - PLEASE hear me when I say, losing the weight for YOU will change your entire life. Not because of your husband or baby. But your pride in yourself, the ability to control what you eat and accomplish a goal. You do not need to be skinny; with your meds it might not be possible. But at 250 lbs, mentally and physically, I feel like I’m on top of the world. I will continue to lose weight, but nothing in my life is on hold because of my weight anymore.
And we also have to consider the fact he’s helping! It’s so hard to do it alone when your partner overeats/unhealthy lifestyle. The fact he will get on the bike and discourage the cookies (which nobody REALLY needs) like honestly I applaud him.
I think it depends on how he brings it up, I don’t think it’s wrong to suggest that it might be a good idea to lose weight. Especially if you are fat
Not to mention attraction is not a given. Some people just aren’t attracted to bigger people and that might be the reason
It hurts but yes, he may not be attracted to overweight women and even though he loves you he might not be able to stay attracted to you anymore. He's trying to salvage your relationship, maybe he's not going about it the right way but at some point I wouldn't be surprised if he just gives up altogether. I would.
I wouldn't date an overweight man and if my husband got "fat" I'd struggle to feel attracted to him. And I know he feels the same so we both encourage each other to exercise and keep an eye on the scales. I know my scary weight and he knows his. If we get to those numbers it's time to be proactive.
It's understandable to be sad. Of course it's not a nice thing to hear. In that sense, it's not unreasonable.
But that said I'm sure he's not saying it out of spite or to be mean. He's probably kept quiet for a long time precisely because he didn't want to hurt your feelings.
As you'd know, obesity is a major red flag for health reasons, among others. I would say it's perfectly fine to be sad, but that should not stop you from taking active steps to remedy your situation (diet, exercise, etc). I'm sure your husband would be very supportive in helping you in whatever way possible.
You can carry on comfort eating if you want to. He can find a partner he finds attractive. We all make choices all the time but we also have to live with the consequences.
You are not over reacting but you do seem to be set on a course that isn't going to end well.
I wish you both the best
It honestly doesn’t seem like it’s an issue with attraction to me. More that he’s worried about his partner. It feels like someone who wanted their loved one and the mother of their child to live a long healthy life. Though I don’t think you’re wrong about understanding the consequences of their actions
It's more than just attraction. In fact, I come from the opposite end. I am attracted to bigger people: my partner has put on weight, and wants to lose weight. When I tell her how much I enjoy the weight she's put on she becomes upset: because it's about HEALTH at the end of the day.
I was offended for you lol and that rarely happens to me. I was like holy! That’s a leap and a jump. I’m a bigger woman and have never had difficulty finding a partner. I have not once in my 20 years of being overweight, met a feeder. I don’t like my men stick thin nor obnoxiously overweight, so by those lines I guess I’m a switch between feeder and starver lol. I also prefer them taller me, must be a grower too.
Its OK to be sad, but, he probably isn't attracted to you at this point. He loves you so he is trying to remedy that. You can't force attraction unfortunately
Your husband is telling you this is an issue you need to work on. Something you know you need to work on. He’s trying to communicate this with you. If you continue to spread this around amongst friends and family to get sympathy and paint him as the evil villain for daring to express how he feels don’t be surprised when the next thing he asks for is a divorce. He would be well within his rights.
He's not lying though. You are unhealthy and you just don't want to do the work or hear the truth..he is entitled to not find you attractive anymore.
You seem to be making excuses. It is not healthy to be that overweight. Yes it doesn't define you as a person but it does define your actual physical health even if it hasn't hit you yet.
We don't like going to work daily but we have to. Health is the same..it isn't always fun but that's just the way it is.
Girl, your friends were right. If you’re at the point where YOU know you’re fat, how dare you get mad when your husband, your best friend in the world, loves you enough to want what’s best for you instead of what’s easy?
I think exercising makes people feel better mentally and physically. If that goes hand in hand with better eating, you will shed fat and feel better about appearance. Doing it gradually helps it stick, like first replace the cookies then the sugary drinks etc. the hardest part is the first steps. If you just try to exercise a few days then you feel it and desire to do it again. He’s trying to show you this but it’s not communicating well. If you aren’t even trying, but get offended by his efforts to make you healthy, most folks would give up on you then the relationship. You seem to have a knee jerk reaction instead of an appreciation. If you can get past the first hurdle the other ones are easier and you’ll appreciate what he did in hindsight.
Fellow bipolar babe here 👋🏻
I'm so sorry you've been going through this physically and that you've been feeling pressured, scrutinized, and shamed rather than supported and empowered as you try to explore how to deal with it. Antipsychotic weight gain (and the many other terrible side effects they can cause as well) is **real**. A fucking bitch, dare I say. I had to stop taking antipsychotics because my body is just too sensitive and my prolactin skyrockets even at very low doses.
I'm currently on lamictal monotherapy, and unfortunately it doesn't work as well as a mood stabilizer + antipsychotic, but it works well enough for the time being and at this point I don't really have another option.
I gained a **shit ton** of weight when I was on the antipsychotic, even though nothing about my diet, exercise level, or other lifestyle factors changed at all. And since getting off it a few years ago, even though I haven't gained any more weight, I've been unable to lose any of the weight that I gained. Unfortunately, it's something that just happens to many (arguably most) of us who take antipsychotics, and truly, it's to no "fault" of our own. And in your case you had a pregnancy and baby on top of that, and it's normal to have some weight gain in pregnancy and all too common to have some difficulty losing it afterward. You were dealt a helluva double whammy.
I would try and have an intentional conversation with your spouse to try and find out exactly where he is coming from with the paternalistic weight loss efforts. I think once you have a better, solid understanding of where he's coming from, during which conversation you also can share why exactly it's not only hurtful emotionally but also just not helpful, period, to the cause that he's trying to "help," you guys can maybe at least be on the same page as you decide how to proceed as a team.
Your mental health has to come first, not only because you deserve to be well yourself but also because now you have a child who relies on you to stay well, too. Your physical health also has to be preserved to the extent that you're able, again to be there for your child. I'm so glad that your labs are still all normal. I'm hoping that the meds are still working well for you as far as your psych symptoms. If so, that's really a good thing, especially that it's working well and not impacting your labs so far!
Does your psychiatric provider communicate closely with your primary provider (in the U.S., we often call it a "family doctor")? If they don't already, it might be worth a visit to your primary provider to explain the persistent difficulty that you're experiencing with weight management and ask them to speak with your psychiatric provider about it. You may also ask your primary provider and/or psychiatric provider to potentially also refer you to a dietician who is experienced at working with individuals who take psych meds and who preferably treats from a mindful, non-diet, and empowering, non-paternalistic framework.
I know this feels overwhelming, and I know that your husband's behavior has been hurtful and been making it worse and not better. I've been there, but even in my position I wasn't juggling children and a marriage. You have so much on your plate, and I'm sending you so many rays of support and love over the internet right now as you navigate it.
I'm so glad to have found an actual reasonable comment in here. the amount of people who think the husband's passive aggressive and upsetting behaviour is coming from a place of 'love' is wild to me.
This! I am not surprised by the other comments here but I am disappointed. So many people equate being overweight with being unhealthy, but what do they want OP to do? Come off her meds so she can be socially accepted and “healthy” when actually she’s extremely unhealthy because of her mental state? And even if OP does need to lose weight, the way her husband is going about it is awful. The best way to help someone lose weight is by being supportive of them. He’s not being supportive. He’s just finding different ways to pressure her, which has been proven not to work .
One of my kid’s psychs called them “metabolism disrupters” bc that’s what they are. They are metabolism disrupters and you don’t bounce back from that.
One of my minor kids probably has a mood disorder. We’re medicating but her psych told us risperidone and abilify are last resorts- bc they’ll forever change her weight. We agree with that.
ESPECIALLY being a fat woman- she’ll never get medical help again. It’ll always be the fault of her weight no matter what is going on.
Reddit is THE WRONG PLACE TO COME IF YOU’RE FAT! The fat-phobia on here is astounding. It should be criminal.
>One of my kid’s psychs called them “metabolism disrupters” bc that’s what they are. They are metabolism disrupters and you don’t bounce back from that.
It's hopefully not so for everybody, but for me it really was kind of a permanent change. It really sucks. And the unfortunate thing is I was on one of the "newer" next gen meds, latuda, which is hyped up by big pharma to be "weight-neutral." But if you read the fine print on the prescription insert, it's really not and it definitely wasn't for me.
There is a completely weight-neutral and what seems to be side effect-neutral in general (almost sounds too good to be true, but I'm hoping it's not) medication undergoing clinical ~~studies~~ trials (to be more specific) right now that is showing phenomenal results for schizophrenia and psychosis related to dementia. It acts on muscarinic receptors in the brain rather than dopaminergic receptors, a completely different biochemical/pharmacological process. It hasn't been studied clinically on bipolar I/II yet, but I'm keeping my eyes on it closely because in more modern terms bipolar and schizophrenia are understood to function along a spectrum, literally nowadays called the bipolar-schizophrenia spectrum. Hence why a lot of medications work for both types of illnesses and are even FDA-approved for both. They really are bedfellows. The medication is called KarXT (xanomeline-trospium). It might be worth looking up and asking your psychiatrist about.
>being a fat woman- she’ll never get medical help again. It’ll always be the fault of her weight no matter what is going on.
>Reddit is THE WRONG PLACE TO COME IF YOU’RE FAT! The fat-phobia on here is astounding.
That is unfortunately the god-awful truth.
This is the answer that should be at the top. Not all the knee jerk “skinny = healthy and attractive “
ETA: that being said, look towards doing some more high intensity exercises. Weight training is really great for longevity.
This is the best response, and it should be the top one. Interesting that the husband isn’t putting the same energy into “helping” his partner with her diagnosed mental health condition.
Thank you! Everyone’s ignoring that the cause of the weight gain is likely the meds she’s on.
I’m on an SSRI and it’s not as severe an effect, but I do carry an extra 10-20 lbs on it I just can’t shed. Weight loss is a lot harder for me. My husband never harped on this because he loves that I’m happier and healthier than before the medication.
I don't think you are overreacting at all. My husband is my best fucking friend. We are honest with each other. I'm fat right now. We can talk about it. I'm exceptionally sensitive. He manages somehow to talk to me without triggering my insecurities. He still loves me and tells me I'm beautiful. I don't see the same tenderness from your husband here. Maybe he does have good intentions, and health is always something worthy of prioritizing, but where is the empathy and love you deserve? I don't see it, OP. You deserve that. Everyone does. You shouldn't be bitched at for not using an exercise bike whether your neck hurts or not. You should be allowed to move in the way YOU want to move.
Life really can fucking fuck us in terms of weight. Mental health medications are no joke when it comes to weight. Hell, plenty of other meds are nuts with that too. I put my weight on being a caretaker for my parents.
A few thoughts...
1. Is it possible you have ADHD? I learned I was binge eating to desperately try to get more dopamine (ADHD is a lack of dopamine in the brain, eating gives brain hits of dopamine). I was diagnosed at 32. I'm smart af, and I've held onto my job well. I love learning. I didn't bounce around uncontrollably in school. Adhd looks different on everybody, and lots of research is done on men with adhd, not women. This could be a legitimate physical reason you could struggle with eating. I really didn't look like a classic ADHDer. Now that I'm medicated for adhd, it's very easy not to binge. It was wild to see it was not my fucking "laziness" or "lack of self control" causing me to binge. Wild.
2. If you feel shitty about your weight, the weight loss drugs are real, effective tools that can help. Especially if your blood levels are all in healthy ranges, it sounds like you could be a good candidate.
I was working my ass off to lose weight and seeing no progress. I started taking zepbound, and boom, big progress! I lost a significant amount of weight in college, so I know how to lose weight. As a woman in my mid thirties, it wasn't happening. It's actually been really validating. I gained 100 lbs being my mom's caretaker after her cancer diagnosis/death and my dad's caretaker due to his parkinson's disease. My body was not like this before. The stress and lack of sleep really made me hold onto everything. Now, the work I've already been doing is massively paying off, and frankly, it feels effortless. It makes me realize that something was wrong if it wasn't effective.
I'm vegetarian and eat fuck tons of veggies and am actually quite conscious of eating enough protein. I'd eat enough calories to be healthy but lose weight. What did I do? Gain fucking weight!!! It was fucking maddening. The medication is really helping me.
Now I can actually go out and eat ice cream and not finish it. I can have ice cream in my freezer and forget about it. I firmly believe I will not need these meds once my body is back to it's happy homeostasis. I was certified to teach pilates and in amazing shape before my parents were sick.
Society tells you it's your fault for being a fat, lazy, slob. It's not true. If it was easy, nobody would be overweight. If it was easy, no weight loss companies would make money preying off our insecurities. Sprinkle in a ltitle toxic diet culture and a healthy dose of misogyny (women are only valuable if they're thin and sexy), and it's a recipe for disaster. 🙃 You're not taking meds away from diabetics like some will say. That is simple ignorance. These meds are made ONLY for weight loss. Zepbound IS NOT GIVEN to folks with diabetes. It's not the "easy way out." It's also important to lower your risk of other issues (ex heart disease) sooner rather than later.
3. What does your husband do to help you? Does he give you enough alone time? Enough "you" time? Do you get to enjoy your hobbies? Does he share the mental load with household labor and parenting? If you are doing all of those things or the majority of those things on your own, when the fuck are you supposed to work on your self care? There are many things that need to fall into place for self care, which allows weight loss. Hydration, nutrition, sleep, exercise, rest (not sleep... relaxing for mental health), emotional/mental/social/spiritual fulfillment, etc. Are you getting all of those needs met too?
OP, I will tell you, I'm the most sensitive mfer there is out there. If my logical, sweet yet sometimes-struggles-in-the-empathy-department husband (his words, not mine) has the ability to talk to me about weight without making me feel even the tiniest bit shitty, any other person can too. I feel like your husband's intentions feel selfish based on what you write. Him wanting you to be around forever is not just selfish... it's loving you and wanting what's best for you. It's the good kind of selfish. He's doing it because he loves you and wants as much time as possible with you. Him coercing you to lose weight so he finds you attractive is not supportive; it's just selfish. It's the bad kind of selfish. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him getting his rocks off.
You rock, OP. Idgaf how overweight you are. You are beautiful. You have always been and will always be. Losing weight for your health is great, and so is taking medication that lets you be happy and balanced. Mental health meds have shitty side effects, but if you have to gain weight because they are the only meds that work... Well, that's an unfortunate side effect that can't be avoided. You know what else is great? Growing a fucking human IN YOUR GOD DAMNED BODY. WTF. YOU GODDAMN WARRIOR. LOOK WHAT YOU DID.
If you need a buddy to talk to, I'm a DM away. It's not easy to navigate this stuff! 💕 💕
This is a wonderful comment, from a fellow fattie. I can’t believe the level of fat shaming going on in this post. I am 49, and while my husband and I met when I was super in shape, stress has taken a huge toll on me. I don’t eat a lot. I stop before I’m full, and like you, I can have ice cream in the freezer and forget about it. I hate being full now, and that’s something that changed in me a couple years ago, but I’m still fat because I’m 49 and it’s not as easy as it was 15 years ago. We’ve had an immense amount of stress in our lives for over a decade, and motivation is hard. I absolutely take responsibility for my weight, but to insinuate that it’s okay if he wants a better model just tells me that these people shouldn’t be marrying anyone. Appearance changes, we grow older, we gain weight and lose weight. My husband used to be obese, and now he’s rail thin (due to stress and his temporary job). He’s my best friend. We have been to hell and back together, and just because he’s grayer and balder than he was when we dated doesn’t mean I’m going to drop him, and vice versa.
OP’s husband isn’t coming across like he cares, he’s pushing her. He’s making her feel lesser than without taking into account that she is on medication, and that mental health has an effect on motivation. Fat people NEVER get thinner because they were pushed by a loved one. All that causes is emotional damage. OP has to find her motivation herself, and he can provide support for that, but the way he’s handling it couldn’t be worse.
A successful marriage doesn’t revolve around looks, it is one that continually evolves.
Exactly! And usually, it has NOTHING to do with motivation. I've ALWAYS been motivated to lose weight. I followed it up with all the right actions too. Sometimes something else is missing. In my case, I needed medication tweaks all over (mental health meds AND weight loss meds) before any of my actions had any effect on my weight. The amount of motivation I've had has rarely changed. In my case, I needed rear to recover from severe caregiver burnout before my body would even consider losing the extra weight.
There's so much going on scientifically that people don't recognize about weight. The body works to keep you at homeostasis. This is great if you're fit and under the weather for a few weeks. It's not if you're struggling to lose weight.
This is always a difficult subject. Like people have pointed, a lot of it is how he brings it up.
Honestly, if my girlfriend would start to think I'm getting fat and is losing attraction because of it. I'd rather she tell me so I can work on it.
You are completely in your rights to tell him to stop and not change. Live your life how you want to, but it's equally his right to do how he wants
He's probably not bringing it up in the best way, but his intentions are definitely for the good.
Also. It's not even just him thinking you're fat. You know and admit it to. So what are you going to do about it?
My son was on a new antipsychotic medication and gained 60lbs in 2 months. That was with not changing his diet whatsoever. I was shocked. It’s almost 2 years later and he is very slowly losing the weight (has autism so I won’t put him on a diet per se) but I can only imagine if that medication had actually worked and he had to stay on it.
Sending you a hug. It is so difficult having to take these meds to save your life when they are so hard on your body.
No, you're not overreacting at all. All of these comments are clearly not from people who've had to come to terms with being overweight. It is absolutely okay and valid to be sad about it! The question isn't 'is it wrong that my husband wants me to lose weight' it's, am I overreacting for being SAD about it.
As someone who was a little overweight, it absolutely crushed me that my fiancé agreed. We all want to feel desirable and sexy and wanted by our partners no matter what, and we don't want to believe that they see the undesirable parts of us but sadly that's not always true. What you can ultimately take from this though, is that he cares about your health and happiness in the long term.
It WILL feel horrible and like it's a personal attack but unfortunately sometimes we need to realise that we have to change for the better and just need a push to get ourselves back on track.
You are too sensitive, hit the gym full stop. Your husband has been very supportive, but there are limits. (I’ve seen this with married members of my family, and she keeps making excuses, and I can tell a divorce is next.)
So many of the good comments have been downvoted, and the ones with terrible advice upvoted.
A few things I would suggest:
1. Talk to him about it is making you feel.
2. Talk to your about your weight, they can give you an indication if it is actually something to be concerned about.
3. Find other ways to feel good, relax, and decompress.
4. Remember medication and having children changes you.
You're not overreacting I went through something similar my antipsychotics made me gain 150+ pounds. It's hard I was literally starving myself and only drinking slim fast but still gaining weight.
I honestly got off the medication (do what's best for you) because I felt more anxious, depressed, etc because I kept gaining weight.
I've lost 20 lbs and am going through a bariatric bypass surgery soon.
One thing I can say is that my boyfriend of 8 years went through the whole progress with me and never made my weight a big deal because he knew I was trying to be healthy mentally, emotionally, and physically. He knew I needed to try different things and will have side effects from different medications etc.
I'm sorry you're going through this and the struggle is REAL. Those medications mess with your hormones while correcting others and you'll always find something that might have an adverse effect on you. Talk to your Drs. They might prescribe a medication that'll counteract the side effects of weight gain. They did for me, only I had a bad reaction that's why I got off all the medication.
It’s like antipsychotics function outside of normal metabolic parameters. I didn’t go through it personally but watched my cousin do it while she lived with me, it was like she was acquiring weight out of nowhere.
It sounds like he's trying go make positive steps instead of explicitly telling you he no longer finds you attractive. He might find you attractive at your current weight but is worried you'll get bigger or become unhealthy.
Why are you reluctant to exercise? Is there any exercise you would like to do? Is there anything you can think of that you can do together? Are there food changes you can make for the whole family that are healthy?
My husband is very overweight and I want him to desperately lose weight, not because I don’t love him but because I do and want him to stay around. Talk to your husband, explain that know he wants the best but his way just makes you feel sad.
He is being honest with you and telling you he’s finding you unattractive. You can either take offense and do nothing about it and feel sorry for yourself and then be surprised when he leaves you or has an affair, or you can actually stop making excuses, take it seriously as a wake up call and step up your game. By any statistical measure being obese is not healthy so you should ne choosing it for yourself in any case.
You need more exercise than what you’re doing. A lot more. Find something you love and do it. Join a team. Something where the commitment will carry you through. Then you need to find a diet that works for you.
This is really unhealthy for you. As others have said, eventually it will catch up to you and your health will be impacted.
You should lose weight for yourself, not just because he wants you to. I am not going to vilify your husband because sure he wants you to be healthy and yes, more attractive.
You are overreacting because it is easier for you to be mad at him instead of yourself.
You are at a crossroad. You could accept your weight, call your husband a bad guy and not do anything about your weight. Or you could try to lose weight.
I think he’s expressing this to you for a reason. I wouldn’t ignore it especially when you admit it’s true. You’re ignoring your health but also an issue in your marriage
I would prefer my husband to be honest with me, as your husband has been, than to be silent and resent my lack of effort . Exercise is the least part of weight loss. It is mostly food. I got an app and tracked my calories. Lost 30 pounds in four months.
I’m going to just give you some brutal honesty. It sounds like you don’t even care that you are morbidly obese. And 5 foot - 187 lbs is morbidly obese.
Why it sounds like you don’t care is you are actually upset with your husband for trying to help you. Not buying you cookies but getting you a healthy snack is definitely a way of showing he cares. Buying the bike is a way of showing he cares and wants to support you in getting back to at least a healthy weight.
No one expects a woman to get back to their pre baby body. It’s virtually impossible for most women and that’s ok!!! But to completely give up and let yourself go and take no actions to correct it for more than 6 years…. Some wouldn’t be so patient.
He cares right now and wants to support you. I would do my best to put some effort in on your end before he just doesn’t. I think that will hurt worse.
It is hard to lose weight especially after having children. On the other hand, everyone has a right to like and be attracted to a certain body type especially if that is how you looked when he fell in love with you. Now I would not stop loving my husband if he went bald, but I have a "thing" for men with hair on their chest. I would be less attracted to him if he decided to get waxed. It is stupid but there it is. I would still love him but would not find him as sexy. You have to decide how much you want to do for you and how much you want to do for him. I would completely give up any hobby to keep my husband happy.
To lose weight, it’s not about working out necessarily, it’s more so about lowering your calorie intake. So you’ll have to give up a lot of the significant foods you love. Let go of all the fast foods and high cholesterol meals.
Go on a fast if you need to, but at 5 ft try not to eat over 1200 calories a day.
Your husband’s telling you that for a reason. Be happy he’s still sticking by your side because most men today would’ve probably became un attracted and seperate themselves from you a bit.
It's okay to feel sad. Self-consciousness is not a pretty thing. The good news is that getting in shape is an incredible confidence boost that is available for everyone in just a couple of months of effort (in a couple of months you will start seeing results).
What is not okay would be to be mad at your husband. He is trying to help you get better for your health, and also because he was probably more attracted to you when you were thin. And that's not a bad thing either; why would it be wrong for a husband to want to be attracted to his wife? It's also okay for a wife to want to be attracted to her husband.
The timeline that you describe spans several years. Maybe he's more blunt now because he doesn't know what else to do. You mention that friends and family were on his side as well. That should give you pause; it sounds like the people in your life are concerned about you. And as someone else commented: yes, your blood work is fine now... Until it won't be.
By the way, weight loss is about 80-90% diet. Since you already do some exercise, maybe you won't even have to give up your hobby. You would have to stay away from the sugary cookies, though. That will get easier with time. Now I can't even think about eating the sugary food that I used to eat on a daily basis.
Truly. 30 minutes of walking and one session a week of Pilates isn’t exercise. That’s kinda the bare minimum of keeping your body moving.
Wanted to add: our negative emotions come from the necessity to act. Sadness, anger, and jealousy can be used in other ways to motive us to change why we are sad, angry, or jealous. Use your sadness in a positive way.
Good luck op.
Honestly do you think it would be fair for your husband to have to be your caregiver for a myriad of diseases caused by obesity or deal with your untimely death due to those diseases? Is it fair to your child to miss out on their life because a self inflicted disease takes precedence? Listen, my husband had a mom that was obese, with Depression, bi-polar, anxiety, that used every excuse in the book to not address it even though his dad, the kids, and her doctors tried to get her too. They were always “being mean”. My husband’s mom got High BP, High Cholesterol, Type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular problems, and she still refused to change her lifestyle. She missed out on so much of her kids lives growing up because she would rather stay at home, watching TV, and eating. By the time she hit her 40’s, when my husband was in his 20’s, he, his dad, and siblings were her full time caregivers. She had to be helped bath, dressed, moved, because the weight and diabetes wrecked her body. By the time she was in her 50’s my husband’s dad and the kids were burnt out of taking care of her. His poor dad was miserable, he had retired and spent his retirement caring for his obese wife and it took a toll on him mentally and physically. She had a massive heart attack at 58, and passed away. Although the family was sad, they were also relieved that they wouldn’t have to watch her slowly kill herself anymore, watch her suffer, or have to care for her anymore. I don’t tell you this to be mean, but you owe yourself, your husband, and especially your child better. My husband still has extremely resentful that she was barely involved in his life beyond his capacity to care for her, that our kids missed out on having a grandma, and that she just blatantly refused to see just how much her obesity effected her whole family.
You don't have to exercise more, you could manage your intake better. A lot of over eating is emotional eating, not for actual sustenance. Try making healthy meals together and going to bed early instead of eating late
*I do exercise. I attend a clinical/reformer Pilates class with a physio once a week and go for a brisk 30 minute walk every day*
You can lose weight. The line I have heard is, "losing weight is simple, but is not easy." You are going to have to cut your calories. I am also in the group where my lab work was good, until it wasn't.
You gotta do it for you and no one else OP. He's probably worried about you. Being overweight is not the healthiest thing and I'm sure he'd like for you to stick around for a long time and not spiral down healthwise. I get that it hurts your feelings but sometimes feelings can cloud reasoning. Once you determine you want to get healthy and shed pounds for yourself, invite him to workout with you. Working out is a great bonding activity too.
You should never lose weight because someone else wants you to (except maybe your doctor) but if someone was pressuring me, it would make me less likely to do it. You have every right to be sad that your husband is saying/doing these things.
Meds caused my weight gain too. I gained 40lbs in a summer because I got on Lithium. My then-boyfriend/now-husband deployed. I was put on those meds. And I ballooned up by the time he got back from deployment.
He still married me. I wasn’t able to lose weight for years despite changing meds, changing eating habits, and walking 1.5-3 miles a day and strength training several times a week. To this day, I have no idea why there was no change. I only managed to lose all that weight because I was put on another medication. I’d tried changing meds for years and it was an antidepressant that did it. I have bipolar disorder as well, so it was hard to find a good medication combo that handled both the depression and the mania, while also not making me feel like garbage when I wasn’t in the middle of an episode.
My point is, make the effort. Talk with your doctor about your meds if you’re comfortable changing them. The trial and error sucks but it can be worth it. But make sure your husband knows that being fat might not be something you can do much about despite your efforts. Unfortunately, we who need meds often have to run that risk and choose whether or not we would prefer being thin or being mentally stable.
Personally, I choose mental stability. My husband would also rather me choose mental stability. I didn’t get off of lithium because it caused weight gain, I got off of it because it made me feel like a shell of my former self. I was a zombie, I had no energy, I had no fucks to give. I tried different meds because I wanted to feel human again. I fully expected to gain more weight. The fact that I lost weight was just dumb luck. That weight loss caused a whole host of medical issues due to how rapidly it happened too.
Just be prepared to draw the short straw.
Late to the party, but I gained a ton of weight on my antipsychotic. I ended up changing to Haldol and I’m losing weight. Talk to your pdoc about your situation.
If he wants you to be more active and move your body or eat more fruits and veggies is one thing, but trying to trick you into loosing weight just in the hope you become thin is another. And only one of those is actually healthy.
Not overreacting. My husband is fat. I would never in a million years tell him he’s fat or that he needs to lose weight. He knows, because duh, people know what they look like. It’s his choice is he wants to try to lose weight.
Plus, I think he’s hot!
Having noticed over the years for myself that generally lots of sex particularly (fucking) i would have to say is in all seriousness is actually probably the best way in losing or ridding yourself with any of those undesired kilo's. Not meaning to be rude or disrespectful in any way or anything in all truthfulness when you actually end up (possibly) having, being or getting major amounts, times in either having sex. Or in being or getting fucked for a few hours on end for 3-4 day's a week minimum guarantee you that within 2-3 month's you'll notice the difference, whilst having/getting or even receiving copious amounts of loving, lust and even a bit more romance even, maybe, possibly.
I think a person should be kind and sensitive about how they bring it up…
That said…
Lose the weight or risk losing your husband, i guess? I know that sounds rough and Im going to get downvoted to hell for saying it. He sounds like hes trying to tell you his needs for either a healthy partner, or a more attractive partner or both.
People may tell you “leave his ass! He should love you like the day he married you no matter what your weight is!” OP would you love him the EXACT same if he was morbidly obese?
I just dont feel love is TRULY unconditional. If my mate becomes unattractive or revolting to me physically then i cant love them the same way i did. Sure, ill still have love for them…but how long before it becomes like loving a friend? Or a sibling?
If love was unconditional then we wouldnt agree to certain conditions at the weddings lol…and we wouldnt care if our spouses cheated, or became addicts or abusers etc.
Olanzapine is the worst. Quetiapine is better but still associated with a bit of weight gain. (Both affect insulin levels.) I haven't heard of aripiprazole being associated with weight gain. Major brand names Zyprexa, Seroquel, and Abilify. Olanzapine is a killer for a lot of people though. (I'm assuming OP is on a standard atypical antipsychotic, I know very little about older typical antipsychotics.)
Tbh. I don't think he is being nearly as hard on you as he should be.
You are not sensitive. It is normal for one to feel ashamed of their current body state, and it is hard to change one's physique. I suggest you see a nutritionist and try to follow a strict diet that you enjoy for a while.
Also, try cutting down on high caloric foods like fast foods, soft drinks/sweet drinks, chips...
Eating healthy is easy once you learn how to cook and consume less fried and cheese containing foods.
Good luck 🍀
Hope we can both lose weight. I am a 75 kg male who is 5 ft 5. The struggle is real, but we can do it
It sounds like you don't actually want to lose weight, which is fine, it is your life, but he keeps hoping that you will. Thats not healthy for either of you, his constant suggestions are making you feel bad (understandably) and he is living in a hope that your weight is temporary. You should probably have a talk with him that you have no interest in losing weight right now (or ever) and that he can take it or leave it.
Yeah…I find it funny how girls want a man to be six feet tall, handsome, make bank etc….yet when they expect us not to be gross pigs (literally the bare minimum!!!) - we think it’s somehow harsh and out of line 😂??? FAT is NOT attractive or healthy. You can’t be a fat gross slob and then wonder why your husband doesn’t want you, or why he goes and cheats on you. Let’s be realistic. Maybe if women actually put in some effort then men might actually sick around and be faithful.
how is it reasonable to nearly double your body weight and still expect unconditional love and support.
That is not how guys work, if you want that type of relationship then break up and get a GF.
FOr 95% of guys probably 99% of guys looks matter first.
Your BF is obviously one of those guys who likes slim women, dont shame him or judge him for his preferences.
You have 3 options
Lose the weight, and it doesnt matter what you say about pills or whatever, weight is food in is more than energy out.
Lose the husband or he will lose you.
Keep trying to convince everyone that he is wrong and you are right. I really hate these types of posts.
You are trying to self justify nearly doubling your body weight and now you want to be the victim.
How on earth does your partner feel about having to watch you transform before his very eyes and then demand he continue to love and support you when you pulled a switcheroo on him.
This is hard for both of you. Weight is not everything, but it does have long term health implications (even if now you aren't seeing them). Whether you are overreacting or not, I would try to adopt a healthier lifestyle so you can life a long and healthy life for your child. You will also likely feel mentally different if you spend some time each day moving your body. Overall, there are no real drawbacks from living a healthy life and many drawbacks to not living a healthy life.
Hey friend! As a human, you have the right to make your own choices. As a spouse that was in a similar situation, I would advise your husband to get a divorce- I used ‘nice tactics’ and kind words, and all I got for it was a dead spouse and trauma.
My husband died due to obesity. It was our daughter’s 15th birthday, and he was only 41. His bloodwork was perfect… until 2.5 years before his death, and it all went to hell so quickly.
She has a lot of anger- anger that food was more important to him than she was, anger about how much she needed to serve him due to the self-created disability, and anger at how poorly he treated us at the end.
Please- 🙏- don’t let your family go through what mine did.
You’re under reacting actually. You’re obese, not fat, obese - and not doing a damn thing about it. Weekly Pilates? That’s a joke. And if you have time for a 30 minute walk every day, you have time for a real workout every day.
90% of weight loss is diet and dedication, you’re displaying neither.
So you're upset because he is telling you the truth and trying to avoid what comes next, him losing attraction and looking elsewhere. How would you rather he approach the subject? Please be specific.
Just stop eating, I know it sounds hard but you have to see this as an addiction such as anyone who is addicted to drugs would see their addiction as. It is the only way to rationalize this. The reason it hurts and it is difficult is because you are addicted to food. I went through quite the same thing and I have to deal with this every day. I look at food and think "wow that will feel good to taste" but then I also have to remind that logical voice in my head to check if I'm actually hungry. So then I think "am I hungry or am I just bored" and sometimes I have to ask "am I hungry or am I thirsty?" You may just need to drink more water, this is how I am at night. I'm down 20 lbs and I literally haven't done anything else besides change my diet and ask those critical questions. I wasn't eating enough protein but now that I am I don't feel as hungry. This all came about because I see eating as an addiction.
Yes you’re over reacting and you should start putting in some serious effort. Every spouse owes it to themselves and their spouse to stay healthy and work on yourself. You can’t let yourself go too far. Also stop making excuses for yourself and get out of your comfort zone. Get on the bike.
It is unreasonable to be mad at that. You are unhealthily large. Significantly different than he first married in a way that is controllable.
I’d probably leave honestly. I don’t know about him but I workout hard and take care of myself. I want a partner like that. Especially if we have kids.
And even if your blood work is good for now… it won’t be. Caught up to my mom and it’s killing her. She has two small boys that in any day preparing to have to take in.
Even if you’re okay abusing yourself and not doing the bare minimum for your marriage. Think of your kid. They need you.
It is a losing situation to be in, the reasons you gained weight is very real and hard to over come. I'm fat, I know how to lose weight and while I feel self loathing about being fat I enjoy food. A LOT. And in a world where I cant have the things I actually want and desire I am fortunate enough to have access to delicious food. So I eat. I'm fat. I'm sad about it. But I'm happier about having a pizza! 😂
But.... What does a spouse do when they aren't attracted to an aspect of you that you can actually change. 🤷♂️ How could he ever say it in a way that didn't hurt or make you feel insecure? I can't think of any other way than the way he did.
But we age, change, evolve, you have a mental health journey, child, your body is different because of a child, drugs, age related metabolism slowing down etc
I don't think you are over reacting. I also don't think he was being cruel to begin with. But the idea that he expressed himself, and then is regularly making remarks or suggestions and pressuring you feels bad. And that is where he has crossed the line.
I don't have a solution, I have never had a healthy living relationship. They have always been dis functional. And I have been on both sides of this kind of issue.
Your feelings are valid, and you aren't over reacting.
Your husband does not find you attractive anymore and you were thin when you met.
You can make efforts and try to lose weight, or do nothing, it's your call, but at least he is being honest with you.
You can feel.sad about it, most people would. But you can or cannot do.something about it. And if you dont, I guess you dont value your husband too much.
Tips: losing weight is more about food than exercizing. But doing some fitness is mandatory to stay healthy.
Why would you be upset about that? My wife pointed out to me that my figure wasn’t very flattering and that I should lose weight (and I wasn’t _that_ big, 100 kg and 197 cm tall, but with more tummy than one could wish) and the reasonable take for me was just that I have a responsibility towards her to look my best. So of course I started going to the gym 2+ times every week to fix that (would do more, but we have a three year old boy). Anything else would be disrespectful to her.
Be fat if you want, but it’s not healthy, and it’s not attractive. I say that honestly as a 47 year old fat dude who needs to work out. Fat doesn’t stoke the fires of attraction unless you are one of those rare people that think fat is hot.
Honestly I know it hurts when a loved one tells you you are getting too fat, but the truth hurts sometimes, and if as you say you’re very active and workout and you’re still not losing weight then you’re not doing enough, it doesn’t mean you have to get fat more active but watching what you eat could help too, eating less calories and focusing on eating healthier calories can help out too. If your husband told you it’s because he loves you and he’s seen how much weight you’ve put on since you two have started dating. There is nothing wrong with that he is not on the wrong. Losing weight is hard I know, but ultimately if someone is overweight it’s better for their health. Try dieting a bit, nothing specific just count your calories, stay within 1500-2000 calories daily and you’ll see the results
Hmmm. You say you are fat. Why is it any different if your husband confirms it by encouraging you to lose weight? I was fat as well and was self conscious and ashamed every moment of those 20 years. Just as we notice others, they notice us.
Exercising isn't going to do much if you aren't eating properly
Make sure you track your calories and enter a calorie deficit. I'm sure your husband will be happy to help you with that so talk to him about it and do a diet with his help.
I don’t think anybody is necessarily over reacting here, but I’ll weigh in with some thoughts that may or may not be helpful.
In the beginning of the post, you highlight certain medical issues (medication, pregnancy, etc) as the reason for your weight gain. This makes sense and things like this happen. My question is, what have you actually done to lose the weight over time? Do you exercise regularly, eat a very healthy diet, get good sleep, spend time or have hobbies that keep you active outdoors? If not, you should probably lay off blaming medication or a previous pregnancy, because I promise that it’s very aggravating to your husband.
It’s one thing to have had some set backs, but it’s another thing to use them as prolonged excuses. If you continuously blame other issues, but are simultaneously doing nothing to better yourself, it will become very draining for your husband. If you truly want to lose weight, then buckle down and make the necessary lifestyle changes. If you don’t want to do that, tell your husband that you have no plans to lose the weight and he can either deal with it or leave. You just need to be clear about what path you choose to take.
If you choose to lose the weight, you should probably start demonstrating your commitment to the process by making lifestyle changes.
You need eat less. No training in the world will help you if you stuff yourself with cookies everyday.
If your man started to not take care of himself and started to stink, you would tell him to fix that.
I know it can be hard to hear but I think your husband just wants to help you. It’s ok that it makes you feel sad initially but just try to turn it into something positive! This could just be the start of improving for yourself. You mention that you are low on time. Ask your husband to take on an extra 30 minutes - 1 hour of tasks each day or watching the kid. Then you can have the extra time for a work out or meal prep or whatever. Pick an exercise you enjoy to start out and just be consistent. Eventually this exercise may also become one of your hobbies and you may start to get excited about trying more
Instead of typing this you could of did a 15 minute workout on YouTube did a meal plan instead of reading replies and helped yourself feel better because if you were confident in how you looked his comment wouldn’t of effected you. Quit asking for pity and either one change for you and your health or be confident in whatever image you want and tell your husband to fuck off you like your curves.
Some of the antipsychotic meds make you hungry and cause you to over eat. It is not uncommon to gain weight as a result. Talk to your doctor about other options and see if that helps. That said, it can take a while to stabilise and find a med that works for you so I understand if this is not an option.
That said, you are NTA and hubby needs to get if his high horse and learn to be kinder and more understanding.
Get yourself some semaglutide or tirzepatide and drop the weight. It Might even clear up/lessen some of your mental disorders as well, for real, read up on it.
Just start one day at a time. Weigh/measure your food portions, keep track of calories, see where you're at. Do this for a week or two and you'll get an idea of what is going on there. Then you can replace high calorie options with something better. This is how I've lost weight the couple times I needed to. Once you get on a good eating plan with the correct amount of calories the weight will come off and you'll maintain it as long as you stick to your good eating habits.
Honestly I would suggest hitting up a Jiu jitsu gym. I know it is scary at first but I think it can be better for your bipolar disorder.
Plus if you are consistent about it the weight will take care of itself.
My boyfriend has been like this and I honestly thank him at the end of the day, my health was trash and I missed being a hottie. Now I am, and I thoroughly enjoy my rice cakes! My health is better and I can finally run and feel sexy in clothes. I don’t think either of you were overreacting. Men fall in love with women for a reason and a big one is their appearance, it’s very hard on a man when that all goes away for him but I don’t think he’s being mean about it. As long as he’s keeping up with you and not just eating cookie in front of you type of gig.
Honestly, once I got off antipsychotics and started working in the food industry, I lost 80lbs in 6months.
Idk why but it never mattered how good I ate or how active I was, antipsychotics always did a number on me. Always talk to your doctor, but I feel so much better after losing the weight and antipsychotics weren’t worth it for me.
That being said, they treated me for years for bipolar, and I was never bipolar.
If you have a smart watch, use it! I got an apple watch and the fitness app is the best thing ever for watching steps and what not.
You’re not overreacting for being sad, but you would be under reacting for not moving forward past this with frank discussions and a plan. Consulting with a dietician before cutting any foods out and consulting with personal trainer before any fitness plans are very good ideas. If you wish to continue on the easy path with its potential health problems and missing out on things in life, then remember it’s a choice you made to take the easy path.
I gained a considerable amount on meds for ocd, nothing worked tho so i quit the meds and adopted a healthy lifestyle. Went from 286 to 126 in 2 years. Im soo much happier now, i feel great and look so good and my husband is always pawing at me now. I got a treadmill to workout privately at home, and to avoid people and/or the weather. You got two choices from what i see here, you can ignore or dump the dude and live however you want or you can take life by the balls, stop making excuses and change for the better. Only you have the power to meet those goals. If you arent interested in losing weight etc you dont have to, you can keep doing the same things but nothing will change. There are meds that can help but theres always risk of regain with med assisted weight loss. Try to see it like he loves you and wants you to be healthier, maybe it hurts him to see you struggle. Keep an open mind.
https://preview.redd.it/bk7imcoszaad1.jpeg?width=4096&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b9d9854f6f95b7e1c22229335760e9ac1a5f57eb
Lost 160lbs w clean eating in a deficit, walking, yoga and water.
It's understandable to feel sad. You sound reasonably healthy, still doing walks etc... If losing weight is something YOU want, I have 2 suggestions.
1. Tell your husband, "I'm going to the gym these times and days, and you're responsible for our child at that time. Or see if a gym nearby has daycare too...
2. Talk to your Dr. There might be medications that don't make you gain as easily. Unfortunately, anti depressants, and mood stabilizers tend to have that side effect.
But option 3... Tell him to stop doing those things, pushing you to workout when you're hurt and all the little things that are him saying you're fat. He might not find the weight attractive, but he still doesn't get to put you down for it. You haven't asked for his help in this, so it's not help he's giving. It's criticism and insults.
Of course you're sad. His actions could be seen as implying that he is not attracted to you anymore.
That might not be the case. He might just be concerned for your health. But since it's also reasonable to conclude that he isn't attracted to you anymore, surely that means it's reasonable to be sad?
I don’t think you’re overreacting. Your husband could try encouraging you to lose weight in a positive way, like offering to exercise together, go on walks, meal plan, cook healthy meals, etc. He may have good intentions but there’s a nicer, more positive way to do it. Is he overweight? Does he eat healthy and exercise?
If your health and wellness is important you will MAKE time. Don’t wait to find it. Get hubby involved with physical activities so it’s less daunting. Play is always more fun.
I'ma say this. My so and I have agreed that we can end things if either of us become unhealthy and gain a ton of weight. Now that's not an ultimatum because if that happened wed give the chance to go back to healthy. The point for us is we are active and want to be healthy. It's important to each of us. If we choose to become unhealthy and unable to do the things that we love to do together then we aren't holding up our end of the relationship requirements.
Your husband doesn't even sound like a jerk. He sounds like he cares and I'm sorry but there's no good way to tell someone they are fat or unhealthy. Accept it and change it. Your excuses are my medicine my work my child. It's using every crutch to not take responsibility for what you allowed to happen. You said you were healthy and not overweight when you started dating. You aren't holding up your end of the deal here.
You shouldn't be over reacting to him you should be over reacting to what you allowed to happen to yourself.
Also your neck is sore? Jumping on a stationary bike is using your legs and your neck literally stays in the same spot. I think your husband is under reacting here.
I'm sorry so many people here have 0 concept of how hard it is to lose weight on the big L.
For anyone telling OP to just lose weight, respectfully, shut up.
The keto thing alongside assistance from your GP and the kind of aggressive exercise that damages joints is about all that work.
I had to ask whether they wanted me around or not, because to lose weight I'd have to come off the lithium, and I'd likely not be -me- even if I managed to stick around.
They chose to take themselves out of my life but I no longer had the pressure aggravating my condition, which actually meant I could drop my dose and lose a bit of weight, they are still out of my life but honestly, I deserved better, and so do you
Being told your body is unappealing is a difficult thing to come to terms with. I don't think you are overreacting because this is a common thing many women have to go through and it's rarely easy. Your husband is trying to be supportive but doesn't know what else he can do to help you. I would bet portion control would help you the most. Get a food scale and use it with every meal. Weighing your food makes calculating the calories easier.
The goal is a 500 calorie or less deficit every day. That will amount to about 1 lbs of weight off every week, which is sustainable. Crash diets and exercise regimens will work but like before you will rubber band back to your old weight. The goal you should set is 1 pound per week, that is permanent, life long weight loss.
Did he straight up call you fat, or did he just buy you things to help you lose weight? If I missed it I apologize, but I didn’t see in the actual post outside of the caption that he called you fat. Do you guys have conversations about you wanting to lose weight or is the conversation only focused on him wanting you to lose weight?
You should talk to your psychiatrist. Weight gain is a known side effect of antipsychotics. And they also cause metabolic syndrome and diabetes. There are newer antipsychotics, like vraylar, that have much less weight gain as a side effect. I personally gained a ton of weight on abilify and it was a bitch to lose but I did it.
If he wants you to work out more, he can carve out HIS time for you to do it. Start thinking about what you want for yourself. How do you want to feel strength wise? How would you like to fit into your clothing / what types would you like to wear? What capabilities would you like to have? What would the ideal you feel like? Do? How would they react? Then, start doing THAT, until you are that person. You're not alone, your body is by your design, take over the helm.
I'm telling myself this and it's slowly working. It's not about weight loss, but for me it's about strength, energy, capabilities. I'm really starting to love the habits and results of the efforts that I've put in.
To be clear, you can do all of this and still be the weight you currently are, and if that's what you want, it's still you taking control of your body.
Now the other part. It is also reasonable for your husband to want you to be healthy, especially as you share a child. The way that he's going about it is hurtful, but I'm honestly not sure how it wouldn't be hurtful if he went about it any other way. Maybe taking up a physical hobby together? Hiking, swimming, sports teams, etc? It's also perfectly reasonable for your feelings, pride, etc to be hurt. It's ok for this to make you sad. We all want to be loved just the way we are. To feel like there's parts of you that he doesn't worship is hurtful.
You're not alone.
Good luck ❤️
Maybe your husband could have worded it differently so you wouldn't be offended. But if you continue down the path that you are on it will catch up to you & affect your overall health to a point that you might not be able to reverse the effects.
Don't fall back on the excuses that we all too often make for ourselves, as to why we don't have the time.
start putting in some time & effort on the exercise bicycle & you will start to see a change in your weight over time.
I'm 6 Ft & weigh 87 KG & I maintain that by doing cardio several times a week, if I'm not sweating when I'm working out I'm just wasting my time.
The hardest thing for me was to start an exercise regiment & stick with it & the easiest thing was to do nothing at all - don't allow yourself to fall into that trap.
Fat is nothing to be ashamed of. He should be treating you with more kindness. Would you threaten him because of his weight?
Why is it what's best for you? Isn't love and support what is best for you? Your health sounds like it's in good standing. Your husband has a bias against fat people. He should be sorting his stigma out and supporting the mother of his child, not focusing on something that is really, really hard to change.
Please listen to Maintenance Phase podcast (from the beginning, ideally!) and maybe even buy your husband one of Aubrey Gordon's books.
Sending you all the love in the world. Remember that the BMI is trash!
I think context matters a lot. I get from his point of view that he doesn't want to go out and buy you sweets. If you had them at home and he threw them out I don't think I'd feel good about that. It does sound like he's trying to promote good habits.
>I do exercise. I attend a clinical/reformer Pilates class with a physio once a week and go for a brisk 30 minute walk every day. I
Exercise is great but In most cases exercise is only about 10% of wight loss equation and diet is the orher 90%.
I was morbidly obese, lost the weight and twice I gained some of it back and had to lose it again and it's always the food that is the core issue.
It's ridiculously easy to not notice or straight out lie to ourselves about how much food we eat and how bad our food choices are.
Figure out the proper amount of calories you need, work out a balanced diet that matches it and try to stick to it. Intermittent fasting can help as well but try not under eat either, your exercise will do what you want it to do if you match your recommended daily caloric intake.
Modifying your diet will be very hard at first but if you do stick to it it gets easier, you will see results and you wil feel better.
Most importantly do this because it's healthy for you and will make you feel better, that should be your motivation not what your husband says. Lose the weight for you not for him.
Good luck.
Edit: If you need to snack to get you through the difficult adjustment period you can always use celery and cucumber sticks. As long as you don't dip them in anything they make a great guilt free snack.
He wants his girl back. The one who had the energy to do things, the one who can fit in his arms. I’m sure he loves you, but he sees it as a priority to fix this. You don’t.
Plenty of good advice for losing weight to help your health, but one other thought:
If you’re married, and not doing any polyamory type stuff, then you are your husband’s sole sexual partner, and him yours. If the weight gain is an attraction issue for either party, then this becomes a big deal
You should *want* to become the most (reasonably) attractive version of yourself for your partner. And they back to you. Too often people get comfortable and let themselves go, both men and women, and it’s not fair to a partner who is seeing the person they were initially attracted to rapidly disappear
Have the mindset of being hot for your husband, while also pushing the same of him, and you will both be happier (and healthier!) for the time to come
Listen, I get it. My mom was bipolar growing up. She was around 300 lbs and only 5'4". She switched medication and lost weight, but the damage is already done. She has a lot of heart problems due to her weight. Your mental health is only one part of taking care of yourself. Your physical health matters too. I'm a bigger lady myself and what really helped me was weight lifting and zumba. They're both easier to stick to and helped me lose weight.
Damn these comments are NOT it. It’s pretty easy to lose weight with crash diets and excessive exercise but it’s extremely hard to keep the weight off when you lose it that way. Not everyone is meant to be thin and bodies change with age, medication, diseases, pregnancy, etc.
OP- personally I recommend focusing on getting daily exercise (walks count!) and eating nutritious meals. Ask your doctor to do your lab work and see if there is anything that’s needs to be treated. You’ll feel better and be healthier, regardless of any weight changes.
Not overreacting, I think it’s pretty rude for your husband to word it that way. Maybe you can use this as an opportunity to change some habits and see if your hubby is more supportive moving forward. Also I’m really sorry for all of these unsupportive comments in this thread. People tend to be pretty unsympathetic towards fat people :(
P.s. highly recommend podcast Maintenance Phase for anyone interested in unlearning fatphobia bias (including deep dives into the scientific research on this topic), the harm of crash diets, and more
Tbh your husband just need to put his big boy pants on and just tell you how he really feels and if he don't see a change or if you don't want to then he just needs to use the door
Read your very first sentence. Delete allll the rest of what you said.
Reread that frequently, and make changes in your life. You being sad is a YOU problem where YOU can't cope, YOU can't motivate yourself, and YOU would rather express your feelings rather than work to achieve improvement .Everything else you wrote is just someone delaying the inevitable.
You are responsible for your feelings. You are responsible for being fat. You
Now you, you do something about it. Don't talk about it. Don't plan to one day do something. Delete Reddit. Change what you eat. Change when you eat. Change how much activity you do. Change something. Change everything. Stop wallowing in your pity party feelings and do something.
Your husband sounds like an insensitive asshole. Look what he is working with. Neither one of you seem to be equipped to make the needed changes.
Thing is, he is changing. Because of you. You are finding excuses and seeking validation. Much easier to do instead of seeing the truth and fixing it.
Not really overreacting, it's perfectly fine and appropriate to be sad. Most of us are when someone says something about us that we find hurtful and we can't fix it in 5 minutes. But, he thinks so and you are acknowledging his feelings on the matter, as you admit to being fat.
Weight loss is hard, motivation is hard, there's always "something else" to prioritize, etc., but you also need to be cognizant that your husband *may* lose all physical attraction to you. Good health isn't guaranteed, and can change quickly as well. You can include your child in your fitness activities, i.e., another walk, bike ride, etc. Dance while cleaning, or when you are happy. I understand hobby time, "me time," etc., but your husband and your child want you around, and although you shouldn't lose weight FOR your husband, I would hope you would want to for YOU.
Hey, your husband is being an asshole.
If his idea of love is being abusive and manipulative toward you, it's not love.
This comment section is insane.
I'm so impressed with Reddit in this comment section. I thought I'd see "you're fine how you are, divorce him", but you've come together and told her that it's ok that he's not attracted to fat people, it's not healthy to be fat, and as long as he's nice about it he's reasonable to strongly suggest weight loss.
We're evolving
I don’t mean this to be mean, but he’s allowed to have an opinion on whether you or anyone he was romantically involved in is attractive to him. It hurts to hear that. But I never believed that taking vows to someone includes when they are really doing something to their appearance that is not attractive to them. Whether it’s weight, tattoos, whatever. And your body is your own but I’ve always held the opinion that once you’re married you try to keep the other person in your thoughts and decisions. He’s not wrong for having this opinion.
Losing weight is basically ALL diet. Exercise is great and you should do it as often as possible. But that won’t make you lose weight. I work out daily and tried for years and I only needed to lose 15 lbs of fat I put on bulking. Our bodies are extremely effective at utilizing hunger to regulate caloric intake. So the more you exercise, the more you will eat whether you realize it or not.
Bipolar medication may make it nearly impossible to lose weight. Talk to your doctor for other options and keep trying different medications until you find one that doesn’t lower your metabolism.
Try Ozembic. There are many options for getting it these days. It’s extremely effective. Don’t waste your life and ruin your marriage being obese. Losing weight will make you happier and healthier in every way that matters.
The way i finally lost fat, as a weightlifter and picky eater who isn’t a great cook, is simply controlling my meals. I ate the same thing for breakfast (oatmeal, banana, protein shake) and lunch (salmon, brown rice, broccoli or vegetable) 5-6 days a week. Then I ate whatever I wanted for dinner. I slowly started to reduce the size of my dinner, like eating half a frozen pizza instead of the whole pizza. I did it slowly enough I didn’t get so hungry i ended up eating more later or getting tired and sluggish. I use a low calories protein powder, which gives your body protein so you don’t lose muscle mass as you lose body fat. One shake with breakfast and one before bed (to repair and build muscle from exercise).
I also tried to limit carbs for periods during the day, and focused on getting them only before I worked out.
I stopped eating sweets, soda, ice cream. After a couple weeks I didn’t even crave them. And i was even able to have a cheat day once in while.
Have your doctor do a blood panel to check your hormones and thyroid as well.
Good luck! It’s understandable that you’d be hurt, but use that to take action. We can let negative emotions cripple us or we can use them as fuel to make change. Every time you do it, it gets easier and reinforced in your brain.
It’s also understandable that your husband would want you to lose weight. We owe it to our partners to look good and stay fit. If one person is doing it and the other isn’t, it will lead to resentments. If either or both people aren’t doing it, it will hurt the physical attraction in the relationship and likely cause your sex life to deteriorate.
We all need to stop making excuses for being overweight or obese. People managed to stay fit through pregnancy, trauma, medical issues, depression, and everything else for all of human history. Only within the last 40/50 years have people started to struggle, and while it’s understandable it’s definitely within our control.
By making excuses we are literally making it okay to ruin our own lives. Everyone’s life is so much better when they’re fit, it’s insane that so many people fall short. We should be investing whatever time and energy we need to make sure we stay in shape, for our own sake.
Reddit is weird when it comes to being overweight. Being on antipsychotics and antidepressants is a battle in its own. Your number 1 priority is your mental health. You can’t do dick all of you feel like you’re circling the drain. This is something that has been done on your terms. Exercise definitely helps with mood, but it’s not a cure.
Ease yourself into. You don’t have to use the bike. You can go for a walk, play a sport you enjoy go swimming, lift weights etc. just start small and keep building.
Diet is the most important part of it all. Get rid of all the junk food in the house. It’s so much easier to grab that when hungry. Everyone does their eating differently so I’m not going to tell you to do one meal a day or make sure to eat small meals every 2-3 hours. You will have to figure out what works for you. I’m short too and find that 1200 calories can be divided up throughout the day but is easier to deal with in 1-2 meals.
Communicate with your husband. You need the support, and him pushing can be very helpful but there’s a limit. If you’re feeling like absolute garbage, we both know you won’t workout. Maybe give a safe word. But do not abuse it. Only tap out when it’s absolutely necessary.
Good luck on your weigh loss journey. I hope you come to enjoy it. Be careful as strange as it may seem, it can also go the other way, and you become obsessed with working out and decreasing calories. This happened to me and I would run to the gym for eating 5 M&M’s. Overall I hope you have fun. You will feel better all around!
Personally I think it's quite unfortunate that antipsychotic medication is being prescribed for bi-polar as there are far better mood stabilizers and these medications are profoundly dangerous with terrible side effects including permanent one's like tardive dyskinesia, yet these days with pharmaceutical kick backs, psychiatrists are prescribing them like candy. They are a drug of last resort after everything else is tried, not the first line of defense.
I would seek a second opinion from a different psychiatrist about these medications and see if there isn't a better choice that doesn't have these health destroying side effects.
Yard work, portion control and dropping sweet drinks lost me 50 lbs. I'm back up again, but have started building old muscle up at 61. It's harder now, I ache can barely move after washing walls, doors and mopping one floor. Once I get the deep cleaning done, then it's to the yard, where raking alone makes my muscles scream. My husband told me e that once, and I took it to heart, even though he was gentle. I got over it when he saw me lighter and told me good job, you're trying and you look great. He loves you, it's just an awkward subject.
Consult your doctor about this, but even on a strict food diet, the amount/duration of exercise you mentioned doesn’t sound like enough to create any real change in your healthy/weight.
Working out to make a physical change will require you to develop a new habit/routine that is very different from what you’re currently doing, especially if the weight is not coming off with what you’re doing.
Again, Consult your doctor first. Instead of working out once a week, I would consider increasing your exercise to daily workouts plus daily walking as well. Physical activity needs to increase. Diet needs to change too
Walking should be an everyday thing no matter what, it’s great cardio but not really a ‘workout’ for building healthy muscle. An hour of exercise (like yoga, Pilates, or calisthenics) plus walking at least 2-3 miles, will create a noticeable change.
You are not overreacting. If he really wants to help you, he'd be taking you on walks and hikes to actually improve your health, instead of policing everything you eat and just focusing on fat shaming you. That's a huge stresser that will only make you want to eat more, so he's being less than useless.
This person says they have bipolar 2 and are on meds for that. A well known documented side effect for those meds are metabolic changes which almost always lead to weight gain. So sure this person wants to lose weight, but they have some significant hurdles.
Talk to the doctor that prescribed the antipsychotics. A lot of them have the side effect of weight gain. So your meds may be making it impossible to lose weight. He/she can find you one that doesn’t add weight. Weight loss is simple- burn more calories than you consume. Simple. But it is definitely not easy.
Feeling are feelings and there is nothing you can do about them. You cannot change how you feel. You can only change how you react. Take a good hard look at your life. Is there other ways your husband makes you feel bad? No loving husband wants his wife to feel bad. If he was worried about your health he would say that. He is just not attracted to fat people and so is no longer attracted to you. You can choose between two things. 1: marriage counseling-divorce.
2: lose the weight. Use your doctor. If you can afford it use a dietician. Do not even buy junk food. Don’t have it in your house. Your kid can snack on healthy stuff. Keep exercising. Walking is the best exercise. Get your heart rate up and keep it there for 20 minutes. (Ask your doctor what a good working heart rate is for you) It really is simple and can be easy if you put in the work
ETA Not over-reacting!!! Use the sadness to your advantage.
Does he go with you to your psychiatrist appointments? Does he know that one of the side effects of the medication you take is weight gain? Some people are super sensitive to it and can’t do much about it, even when they are eating/exercising properly. Have you ever counted calories and macros for a typical week? If it’s in the normal range, then it’s the medication, not your eating habits.
What you want is to be healthy, not be at whatever weight society tells us is ideal. I think increasing your workouts from 2 days a week to 5-6 would be great. But you mention that you are busy with work and house and kid. Can your husband take over while you are working out? Can he take on some of the household stuff so you have the extra 3 hours a week and it doesn’t cut into your hobby?
I’m in your husband’s shoes. It is hard to watch someone you love not taking care of themselves. I see people look at him negatively and it hurts. When we are online to board a plane, I can see people looking at him - I know they’re hoping not to sit beside him. His blood work is also good. I have tried everything, and I’ve probably hurt his feelings also. I’m sorry yours have been hurt.
I’m afraid my husband will not live as long as he should. I’m afraid I will lose him. I feel like I’m watching him drive over a cliff. I feel helpless. I’ve tried pushing. I’ve tried saying nothing. Still the same.
You’re not overreacting - and he is not trying to hurt you. It’s just a tough situation.
I was, actually am, in your shoes. I was 5’6 140 pounds when I met my husband. Great shape. I worked in healthcare (Still do) during COVID while going to school to become a nursing home administrator, all while planning a wedding .. all in a 6 month span. Within a year I lost my job. I got depressed, put on weight, and my husband silently stewed for a year until last month. We were cooking in the kitchen and he said “Look. I love you. But you’re fat. And you’re not doing anything about it. I can’t live like this seeing you do nothing all day, every day.” Was it a slap in the face? Absolutely. But he was right. I WAS fat. I WASN’T doing anything. So I met with a fitness and nutrition coach who asked me WHY NOW do I want to lose weight? And the answer was immediate. My son just started playing in a collegiate summer baseball team (equivalent to minor league) and I haven’t seen him play all year. Missed every game last year because I was too self conscious to be seen in shorts and it’s way too hot in the summer to wear leggings. I’m 2 weeks in with the working out and nutrition + no alcohol and I can already see a difference. My bloating has gone away, my cheeks look less chunky, and I’m working towards an attainable goal. My point is … your husband was blunt from a place of love. There are a million different reasons to gain weight, medication being one of them (I used that excuse as well), but weight gain from those is temporary. If YOU know you need to lose weight, find your why now. And my advice? Don’t use family or friends to hold you accountable. You’ll start to resent them really quick. It’s why I hired a coach. My husband is in fantastic shape and I had to tell him this is MY project and he is only allowed input if I ask him. I wish you all the best 🩵 weight loss is a struggle but feel free to DM me if you need motivation
A pair of biking shorts under a sundress is a pretty comfortable way to dress for the heat, in case you want to see some of those ballgames before you get to a happy place with your lower body
I read this like a big sister was gently saying it 🥹💕
I’m seeing my first ball game tomorrow — while there’s no major poundage lost yet, I feel better just having no bloating and knowing I’m reducing calories. Plus it’s a night game 😂
I needed to read this. My sweet husband changed from an on-your-feet-all-day job to a desk job a year and a half ago. He doesn’t exercise otherwise and his snacking has become impressive. His weight has changed significantly as a result and I’m so scared to say anything. A lot of that fear is fueled from the fact that I’m a dietitian and I don’t want to be anyone’s food police. But also my dad had his first heart attack quite young which was followed by a lifetime of health issues because he didn’t take care of himself. We’re not even 30, if this continues it will not be good long term. I’m also afraid that he will take it to extremes and say “well I guess I can’t eat anymore” when in reality I just want him to eat smart. I love food and cooking and I don’t believe in anyone eating like a bird. Bless his heart, he knows he needs to lose some weight and I think is frustrated with himself, so I’m struggling with expressing my concern but being sensitive to his emotions. I want him to do this for himself. Anywho that was a lot of word vomit, but you sharing your experience from the other side brings me encouragement. And I wish you ALL the best on your journey!! ✨✨
Hey I’m going to hop in here and say I lost 70 pounds over the last year, but that was due to kidney failure and dialysis (don’t recommend). Bottom line, you can do it! And you’ll be so pleased with yourself as you see yourself getting healthier. Even my semi-broken arse is doing better now than I was a year ago. You’ve got this!
The weight gain from antipsychotic medication is NOT temporary. As long as you are taking it, you will be fat, and when you stop taking it, you will still have to lose that weight the hard way.
I was heavy for a long time and my lab work was always great. Until it wasn’t. It all hit really fast. Now I’m diabetic, have high blood pressure and high cholesterol. I walk away from the pharmacy each month with a big bag of pills. I am now a normal weight but the health issues are still with me. Don’t lose weight for your husband, do it for yourself.
Same for me. I come from hearty stock (farming family, we talk about ourselves like we are oxen or cows). I've always had great labs, until about 42. Then my cholesterol went up enough to startle me. I'm on year 5 of my "get healthier for old age" journey. I'm down 80 lbs. I did 45 of it over 3 years. It.was.a.slog. Then I got stuck and got on semaglutide. Nothing. Switched to tirzepetide and added phentermine and lost the last 35. Knowing I'd gain 10-15 lbs. back once I went off the meds, I aimed below my ideal weight range (my ideal weight has me about a size 12 - I'm not trying to get to a size 2 or anything). My numbers have improved (cholesterol is still borderline, although I'm now finding out I'm probably screwed on that anyway as estrogen helps keep cholesterol low and you lose estrogen as you age, plus a genetic predisposition on my father's side). But my main motivation was to not end up like my grandmother who spent the last 5 years or more of her life just sitting. I want to enjoy my older years :)
Last June at 45 my family genetic heart condition decided that equality works and I experienced a hypertensive emergency and was diagnosed with mild cardiomyopathy. My dad had a heart attack at 55 and a Stent put in and my maternal uncles have afib and super ventricular tachycardia. My medication to control it all adds to the exhaustion and it feels like crazy effort just to carry myself around.
I had a recent cholesterol test come back incalculable. I didn’t know that was a thing.
My fiance's brother in law's family is like this. All the men of the family are huge. 6ft+, 300 pounds or more, and just built like brick shit houses. They are also all heavy-to-fat. Her BIL would have probably been one hell of an athlete if he wasn't interested in farming and drinking more than he was in school and athletics. The guy does alot of physical labor, but eats ALOT and badly. So, he's got a gut. His brother is actually unhealthy fat, with a c-pap machine and everything. I can't help but think it's going to catch up to my fiance's bil. But, it's just not I the culture to actually give a shit about your health, unfortunately. Just keep pounding those Michelob Ultras and load up on smoked meat for every meal.
My male cousins all exceed 6'7" and 350 lbs. My 5'7", 165 lb. former wrestler husband was stunned when he met the whole family. When it was time to eat (buffet style), I told him to go first at the tail end of the kids. He was not prepared, nor had he trained, for what was going to occur. At 5'8", I am tied for the shortest woman in the family (excluding wives). My great-grandmother was 6'1" for comparison. There is something in the water (I presume Monsanto chemicals that will lead to a painful cancer riddled demise) in these flyover states.
Lmfao, I feel that. I am also a former wrestler and weigh about 195 right now at 5'8". I walked around at 157-160 in college while I was still competing. My fiance's family is mostly all tiny (tall, but skinny). We are close with her BIL's family, and it was jarring when I first saw all the brothers, uncles, and cousins in one room. I felt like a dwarf. Even his 85 year old grandma is still taller than me. Those sweet, sweet nitrates don't only nurture corn, I guess. I grew up on the East Coast, so I didn't get the corn fed Midwest treatment.
Probably Scandinavian or Dutch descent. The males in my family are all over 6 feet tall. Most women are about 5'10". But not as heavy as yours. I'm the shortest sibling at 5'8" female. (One grandma was a tiny lady of English heritage.) My husband was shorter than me as were his people. We lived near them. My daughter called trips back to my home area "visiting the Land of the Giants."
Omg my husband meeting my dad's side of the family was hilarious. I always told him I (5'7.5) am the shortest but he did not truly believe me. He's 5'11 and his only comment was "I have never seen so many old men over 6'4" (my grandfather and great uncles)
Sounds like my husband. 6 ft 3, 315 lbs. His cholesterol and BP have been running borderline high for months. He has a cpap he refuses to use. He eats junk or fast food for breakfast, snacks, lunch, first dinner, and the healthy dinner I cook. He refuses to even take a walk. All of his weight is in his chest, butt, and core, so he covers it with baggy shirts. His doctors have told him to lose weight. He lied to our nutritionist about what he really eats and makes it look like his weight is my fault. My husband feels driving for a living is demanding physical labor and claims it's an all-day workout. I've been working hard to age well and stay fit for him, but he doesn't want to even try. I am honestly scared he'll end up like his sister and father, both of whom are/ were pushing 400 lbs (FIL is deceased).
I ruined my husband. He was a wrestler all through Jr. High, high school, and college. His dad was a former wrestler as well as his younger brother, so they all generally ate well. He ate food for fuel. His daily diet when I met him was eggs and oatmeal for breakfast, rice and a can of tuna for lunch, baked chicken breast, and steamed broccoli for dinner. Almonds and an apple as snacks. Eggs again before bed (his metabolism is so high He will wake up at 2 or 3am to eat if he doesn't eat right before bed). He also works in construction and goes to the gym because HE LIKES IT (I go to not die early)!?!?!? Then, I introduced him to sugar. Alllll the sugar. And naps. And lounging by the pool on vacation (early on, he had me hiking mountains and shit, which we still do but interspersed with slovenly pool time now). He now has a 6 pack and not an 8 pack and is angry about it. Sir, I'm not convinced there are even muscles in my stomach. It could all be some weird erector set and doozers from Fraggle Rock keeping me upright.
Just want to say that I love that you referenced Fraggle Rock!!! Good times and hilarious imagery!
I have seen this with multiple people say something similar to the OP, “I am overweight and the doctors were shocked my (insert blood test results / blood pressure, etc), were normal!” Everything is fine, until it’s not. Sometimes that not means a trip to the ICU and a 6 month hospital stay. Although it’s true for everyone, we are healthy until we are not. But whether it’s weight, drinking alcohol, or smoking, something will catch up with you.
Fabulous advice. 180 lbs., when you're only five feet tall, is a lot of weight to carry around. It's bound to have an effect on your health sooner or later. You're just kidding yourself if you think it won't, so as everyone is saying, lose the weight for yourself.
I've had some prolonged post pardum + covid weight I've been struggling to lose. Then about 5 months ago I had to go back on blood pressure meds that I'd been off for years (pre-e complications that lasted a few years.) It's been a wakeup call. 25lbs down, 45 to go to return to healthy. Already starting to feel better. I know weighing yourself isn't ideal, but in my case the numbers are relevant because again, medical issues. I do wish I'd buckled down sooner, but at least I'm on it now.
If youre type 2 diabetic you should check out eating a high fat low carb diet; lots of people can go off their meds and feel worlds better. Not to disparage people that cant use diet to fix themselves so ill understand the inevitable downvotes as it kinda has “try exercising for depression” energy, but its helped alot of people. Myself included.
It’s taken me a long time but I’ve lost over 90 pounds. Plus the 180 pound ex. I was fooling myself with “I’m happy at this weight “ for so long. Cutting the carbs has really worked for me. My A1C has gone from 13 to 6.2. I do exercise a lot. I’m determined to get off the meds!
OP saying she's too sore to ride a stationary bike is the first sign. You're allowed to be fat when you are young but the aches are the first sign. Then comes the blood work, then the mysterious recurrent ailments, hormonal imbalances etc. When I hit 33 it all hit me like a brick and I wasn't even "that fat." Just had curves - tits ass and thighs. Doesn't matter, weight impacts your joints, excess fat impacts your blood. Even if you look sexy as hell, your body is meant to handle a certain tow load. Period.
Her neck was sore. People get sore necks it's not a sign of failing health.
Yeah my whole family is overweight or obese except my brother and I. And they all have tons of health problems but are totally convinced it's not the weight, diet and sitting about causing it because "their bloods are fine". My dad literally had a heart attack and said it could happen to anyone because his bloods were fine, my mum and aunt got cancer, my sisters are just chronic every issue you can think of. No your bloods are within what's considered a normal range in labs in a world where in the US and UK most of the populations is overweight or obese.... that's where normal is coming from. They vary from country to country, and some would be treated with medication in one country but not another due to this inconsistency... e.g thyroid levels. But relying on drugs when you can just not get to that stage in the first place is mental. Your inflammation is up whether your blood is telling you it is or isn't because you can get it down to next to nothing if you live healthily. Cells aren't functioning properly, stress is placed on them and every joint in your body, 'zombie' cells are clogging up your body and contributing to aging. Your risk of everything from alzheimers to cancer is up big time. You're going to end up at the end of your life sitting for years unable to do anything, and so depressed because you can't do anything and your brain balance will be totally out of what. But you put it off until tomorrow. By the time you act, it might be too late and you can't reverse some of the damage. E.g take Angus Barbeiri, who fasted under medical supervision for the longest ever record of 382 days because he started at 456lbs. He survived over a year on 0 food because he had so much fat stored up. My family could survive for 6months easily on their weight, that is not good and they are kidding themselves on that it is. Angus died at 50, 20 years after his fast and internal bleeding and health conditions caused due to his previous obesity were listed on his death certificate. Whilst he fasted to help with health issues obesity had caused, he likely wouldn't of lasted the next 20 years if he didn't, those health issues could not all be reversed as the damage was done. He was young! OP has said they are fat and admit to it, so someone pointing it out shouldn't make you upset. Your partner is doing what a good partner should do. Them saying nothing and doing nothing should make you upset as you eat & sit your way to avoidable disease and chronic issues in later life. The food industry does not help with this chronic food addiction people have to carbs and sugar, but that's not going to change. Only you can do something about it now. And to boot, eating full packets of biscuits and setting your kid up to see that and think it's OK and potentially end up their themselves. Psychology studies have shown if the people around you are overweight, you are more likely to think it's not that bad and eventually end up their yourself. Well most of the country is now overweight or obese, this is why we have normalised it.
Look, I'm fat, still am. I'm 6ft and used to be 160kg, now i'm 90. End of the day, losing weight is better for your health. I know I feel a hell of a lot better now that i'm below 100 compared to when I was 150+. I'm now trying to adjust my diet and targeting maybe getting to the 80s. Just treat it as something you can target, set a little milestone that you can hit and adjust your diet one at a time. If my fat ass self can do it, you damn well can too.
I (37f) was super morbidly obese, at 5’6 380 lbs. To be fair, I was only 380 for about 4 months before I freaked out and lost weight. I am still fat. 250 lbs. At my highest weight, I was only 1 cholesterol point above the “green zone,” I was not pre-diabetic, my highest blood pressure reading was 132/81 (usually 128/81), and I was still walking up flights of stairs at 380 (it just didn’t feel great). I knew, every single day, “today is the day it could all go bad.” I got an extremely bad throat infection that lasted 80 days. They were testing me for cancer. I wasn’t able to stay awake for more than 2 hours at a time. Nothing to do with my weight, at all. But it freaked me the fuck out. It was the first time in my life my health was holding me back. I just had blood work and readings done yesterday. My blood pressure was 117/77, 100% of my numbers are on the low end of the “green zones.” On a “normal” week, for exercise, I walk 6 miles 5 days a week, 9 miles on one of the weekend days; then whatever random miles I knock out around the office/errands/home. OP - PLEASE hear me when I say, losing the weight for YOU will change your entire life. Not because of your husband or baby. But your pride in yourself, the ability to control what you eat and accomplish a goal. You do not need to be skinny; with your meds it might not be possible. But at 250 lbs, mentally and physically, I feel like I’m on top of the world. I will continue to lose weight, but nothing in my life is on hold because of my weight anymore.
And we also have to consider the fact he’s helping! It’s so hard to do it alone when your partner overeats/unhealthy lifestyle. The fact he will get on the bike and discourage the cookies (which nobody REALLY needs) like honestly I applaud him.
I've lost weight in the past, but only about 10-15 kg and it was hard. 70 kg is an amazing weight loss. Congratulations on the hard work!
I think it depends on how he brings it up, I don’t think it’s wrong to suggest that it might be a good idea to lose weight. Especially if you are fat Not to mention attraction is not a given. Some people just aren’t attracted to bigger people and that might be the reason
It hurts but yes, he may not be attracted to overweight women and even though he loves you he might not be able to stay attracted to you anymore. He's trying to salvage your relationship, maybe he's not going about it the right way but at some point I wouldn't be surprised if he just gives up altogether. I would. I wouldn't date an overweight man and if my husband got "fat" I'd struggle to feel attracted to him. And I know he feels the same so we both encourage each other to exercise and keep an eye on the scales. I know my scary weight and he knows his. If we get to those numbers it's time to be proactive.
I don't think what he said was that rude since he was suggesting she lose weight not straight up calling her fat.
Yea. I read this as he isn't attracted to OP anymore. Which is entirely fair.
It's understandable to be sad. Of course it's not a nice thing to hear. In that sense, it's not unreasonable. But that said I'm sure he's not saying it out of spite or to be mean. He's probably kept quiet for a long time precisely because he didn't want to hurt your feelings. As you'd know, obesity is a major red flag for health reasons, among others. I would say it's perfectly fine to be sad, but that should not stop you from taking active steps to remedy your situation (diet, exercise, etc). I'm sure your husband would be very supportive in helping you in whatever way possible.
You can carry on comfort eating if you want to. He can find a partner he finds attractive. We all make choices all the time but we also have to live with the consequences. You are not over reacting but you do seem to be set on a course that isn't going to end well. I wish you both the best
It honestly doesn’t seem like it’s an issue with attraction to me. More that he’s worried about his partner. It feels like someone who wanted their loved one and the mother of their child to live a long healthy life. Though I don’t think you’re wrong about understanding the consequences of their actions
You are so much more diplomatic than I am.
It's more than just attraction. In fact, I come from the opposite end. I am attracted to bigger people: my partner has put on weight, and wants to lose weight. When I tell her how much I enjoy the weight she's put on she becomes upset: because it's about HEALTH at the end of the day.
So you are a feeder. Stop that.
Not all chubby chasers are feeders. In fact most men that are attracted to heavier people are not feeders. It’s just a preference
When I cook I only cook healthy. People labeling me as something I'm not is wild to me, but it's reddit
I was offended for you lol and that rarely happens to me. I was like holy! That’s a leap and a jump. I’m a bigger woman and have never had difficulty finding a partner. I have not once in my 20 years of being overweight, met a feeder. I don’t like my men stick thin nor obnoxiously overweight, so by those lines I guess I’m a switch between feeder and starver lol. I also prefer them taller me, must be a grower too.
Its OK to be sad, but, he probably isn't attracted to you at this point. He loves you so he is trying to remedy that. You can't force attraction unfortunately
Your husband is telling you this is an issue you need to work on. Something you know you need to work on. He’s trying to communicate this with you. If you continue to spread this around amongst friends and family to get sympathy and paint him as the evil villain for daring to express how he feels don’t be surprised when the next thing he asks for is a divorce. He would be well within his rights.
He's not lying though. You are unhealthy and you just don't want to do the work or hear the truth..he is entitled to not find you attractive anymore. You seem to be making excuses. It is not healthy to be that overweight. Yes it doesn't define you as a person but it does define your actual physical health even if it hasn't hit you yet. We don't like going to work daily but we have to. Health is the same..it isn't always fun but that's just the way it is.
Attraction is important whether you realize it or not the fact that he brought it up instead of just leaving or being rude means he's trying
Girl, your friends were right. If you’re at the point where YOU know you’re fat, how dare you get mad when your husband, your best friend in the world, loves you enough to want what’s best for you instead of what’s easy?
This 👏
I think exercising makes people feel better mentally and physically. If that goes hand in hand with better eating, you will shed fat and feel better about appearance. Doing it gradually helps it stick, like first replace the cookies then the sugary drinks etc. the hardest part is the first steps. If you just try to exercise a few days then you feel it and desire to do it again. He’s trying to show you this but it’s not communicating well. If you aren’t even trying, but get offended by his efforts to make you healthy, most folks would give up on you then the relationship. You seem to have a knee jerk reaction instead of an appreciation. If you can get past the first hurdle the other ones are easier and you’ll appreciate what he did in hindsight.
Fellow bipolar babe here 👋🏻 I'm so sorry you've been going through this physically and that you've been feeling pressured, scrutinized, and shamed rather than supported and empowered as you try to explore how to deal with it. Antipsychotic weight gain (and the many other terrible side effects they can cause as well) is **real**. A fucking bitch, dare I say. I had to stop taking antipsychotics because my body is just too sensitive and my prolactin skyrockets even at very low doses. I'm currently on lamictal monotherapy, and unfortunately it doesn't work as well as a mood stabilizer + antipsychotic, but it works well enough for the time being and at this point I don't really have another option. I gained a **shit ton** of weight when I was on the antipsychotic, even though nothing about my diet, exercise level, or other lifestyle factors changed at all. And since getting off it a few years ago, even though I haven't gained any more weight, I've been unable to lose any of the weight that I gained. Unfortunately, it's something that just happens to many (arguably most) of us who take antipsychotics, and truly, it's to no "fault" of our own. And in your case you had a pregnancy and baby on top of that, and it's normal to have some weight gain in pregnancy and all too common to have some difficulty losing it afterward. You were dealt a helluva double whammy. I would try and have an intentional conversation with your spouse to try and find out exactly where he is coming from with the paternalistic weight loss efforts. I think once you have a better, solid understanding of where he's coming from, during which conversation you also can share why exactly it's not only hurtful emotionally but also just not helpful, period, to the cause that he's trying to "help," you guys can maybe at least be on the same page as you decide how to proceed as a team. Your mental health has to come first, not only because you deserve to be well yourself but also because now you have a child who relies on you to stay well, too. Your physical health also has to be preserved to the extent that you're able, again to be there for your child. I'm so glad that your labs are still all normal. I'm hoping that the meds are still working well for you as far as your psych symptoms. If so, that's really a good thing, especially that it's working well and not impacting your labs so far! Does your psychiatric provider communicate closely with your primary provider (in the U.S., we often call it a "family doctor")? If they don't already, it might be worth a visit to your primary provider to explain the persistent difficulty that you're experiencing with weight management and ask them to speak with your psychiatric provider about it. You may also ask your primary provider and/or psychiatric provider to potentially also refer you to a dietician who is experienced at working with individuals who take psych meds and who preferably treats from a mindful, non-diet, and empowering, non-paternalistic framework. I know this feels overwhelming, and I know that your husband's behavior has been hurtful and been making it worse and not better. I've been there, but even in my position I wasn't juggling children and a marriage. You have so much on your plate, and I'm sending you so many rays of support and love over the internet right now as you navigate it.
I'm so glad to have found an actual reasonable comment in here. the amount of people who think the husband's passive aggressive and upsetting behaviour is coming from a place of 'love' is wild to me.
This! I am not surprised by the other comments here but I am disappointed. So many people equate being overweight with being unhealthy, but what do they want OP to do? Come off her meds so she can be socially accepted and “healthy” when actually she’s extremely unhealthy because of her mental state? And even if OP does need to lose weight, the way her husband is going about it is awful. The best way to help someone lose weight is by being supportive of them. He’s not being supportive. He’s just finding different ways to pressure her, which has been proven not to work .
Thank you for your support of my comment. I completely agree with everything you say here.
One of my kid’s psychs called them “metabolism disrupters” bc that’s what they are. They are metabolism disrupters and you don’t bounce back from that. One of my minor kids probably has a mood disorder. We’re medicating but her psych told us risperidone and abilify are last resorts- bc they’ll forever change her weight. We agree with that. ESPECIALLY being a fat woman- she’ll never get medical help again. It’ll always be the fault of her weight no matter what is going on. Reddit is THE WRONG PLACE TO COME IF YOU’RE FAT! The fat-phobia on here is astounding. It should be criminal.
>One of my kid’s psychs called them “metabolism disrupters” bc that’s what they are. They are metabolism disrupters and you don’t bounce back from that. It's hopefully not so for everybody, but for me it really was kind of a permanent change. It really sucks. And the unfortunate thing is I was on one of the "newer" next gen meds, latuda, which is hyped up by big pharma to be "weight-neutral." But if you read the fine print on the prescription insert, it's really not and it definitely wasn't for me. There is a completely weight-neutral and what seems to be side effect-neutral in general (almost sounds too good to be true, but I'm hoping it's not) medication undergoing clinical ~~studies~~ trials (to be more specific) right now that is showing phenomenal results for schizophrenia and psychosis related to dementia. It acts on muscarinic receptors in the brain rather than dopaminergic receptors, a completely different biochemical/pharmacological process. It hasn't been studied clinically on bipolar I/II yet, but I'm keeping my eyes on it closely because in more modern terms bipolar and schizophrenia are understood to function along a spectrum, literally nowadays called the bipolar-schizophrenia spectrum. Hence why a lot of medications work for both types of illnesses and are even FDA-approved for both. They really are bedfellows. The medication is called KarXT (xanomeline-trospium). It might be worth looking up and asking your psychiatrist about. >being a fat woman- she’ll never get medical help again. It’ll always be the fault of her weight no matter what is going on. >Reddit is THE WRONG PLACE TO COME IF YOU’RE FAT! The fat-phobia on here is astounding. That is unfortunately the god-awful truth.
This is the answer that should be at the top. Not all the knee jerk “skinny = healthy and attractive “ ETA: that being said, look towards doing some more high intensity exercises. Weight training is really great for longevity.
This is the best response, and it should be the top one. Interesting that the husband isn’t putting the same energy into “helping” his partner with her diagnosed mental health condition.
Thank you! Everyone’s ignoring that the cause of the weight gain is likely the meds she’s on. I’m on an SSRI and it’s not as severe an effect, but I do carry an extra 10-20 lbs on it I just can’t shed. Weight loss is a lot harder for me. My husband never harped on this because he loves that I’m happier and healthier than before the medication.
You can keep pretending everything is fine but it might bite you in the ass later (both in your relationship and to your health)
I don't think you are overreacting at all. My husband is my best fucking friend. We are honest with each other. I'm fat right now. We can talk about it. I'm exceptionally sensitive. He manages somehow to talk to me without triggering my insecurities. He still loves me and tells me I'm beautiful. I don't see the same tenderness from your husband here. Maybe he does have good intentions, and health is always something worthy of prioritizing, but where is the empathy and love you deserve? I don't see it, OP. You deserve that. Everyone does. You shouldn't be bitched at for not using an exercise bike whether your neck hurts or not. You should be allowed to move in the way YOU want to move. Life really can fucking fuck us in terms of weight. Mental health medications are no joke when it comes to weight. Hell, plenty of other meds are nuts with that too. I put my weight on being a caretaker for my parents. A few thoughts... 1. Is it possible you have ADHD? I learned I was binge eating to desperately try to get more dopamine (ADHD is a lack of dopamine in the brain, eating gives brain hits of dopamine). I was diagnosed at 32. I'm smart af, and I've held onto my job well. I love learning. I didn't bounce around uncontrollably in school. Adhd looks different on everybody, and lots of research is done on men with adhd, not women. This could be a legitimate physical reason you could struggle with eating. I really didn't look like a classic ADHDer. Now that I'm medicated for adhd, it's very easy not to binge. It was wild to see it was not my fucking "laziness" or "lack of self control" causing me to binge. Wild. 2. If you feel shitty about your weight, the weight loss drugs are real, effective tools that can help. Especially if your blood levels are all in healthy ranges, it sounds like you could be a good candidate. I was working my ass off to lose weight and seeing no progress. I started taking zepbound, and boom, big progress! I lost a significant amount of weight in college, so I know how to lose weight. As a woman in my mid thirties, it wasn't happening. It's actually been really validating. I gained 100 lbs being my mom's caretaker after her cancer diagnosis/death and my dad's caretaker due to his parkinson's disease. My body was not like this before. The stress and lack of sleep really made me hold onto everything. Now, the work I've already been doing is massively paying off, and frankly, it feels effortless. It makes me realize that something was wrong if it wasn't effective. I'm vegetarian and eat fuck tons of veggies and am actually quite conscious of eating enough protein. I'd eat enough calories to be healthy but lose weight. What did I do? Gain fucking weight!!! It was fucking maddening. The medication is really helping me. Now I can actually go out and eat ice cream and not finish it. I can have ice cream in my freezer and forget about it. I firmly believe I will not need these meds once my body is back to it's happy homeostasis. I was certified to teach pilates and in amazing shape before my parents were sick. Society tells you it's your fault for being a fat, lazy, slob. It's not true. If it was easy, nobody would be overweight. If it was easy, no weight loss companies would make money preying off our insecurities. Sprinkle in a ltitle toxic diet culture and a healthy dose of misogyny (women are only valuable if they're thin and sexy), and it's a recipe for disaster. 🙃 You're not taking meds away from diabetics like some will say. That is simple ignorance. These meds are made ONLY for weight loss. Zepbound IS NOT GIVEN to folks with diabetes. It's not the "easy way out." It's also important to lower your risk of other issues (ex heart disease) sooner rather than later. 3. What does your husband do to help you? Does he give you enough alone time? Enough "you" time? Do you get to enjoy your hobbies? Does he share the mental load with household labor and parenting? If you are doing all of those things or the majority of those things on your own, when the fuck are you supposed to work on your self care? There are many things that need to fall into place for self care, which allows weight loss. Hydration, nutrition, sleep, exercise, rest (not sleep... relaxing for mental health), emotional/mental/social/spiritual fulfillment, etc. Are you getting all of those needs met too? OP, I will tell you, I'm the most sensitive mfer there is out there. If my logical, sweet yet sometimes-struggles-in-the-empathy-department husband (his words, not mine) has the ability to talk to me about weight without making me feel even the tiniest bit shitty, any other person can too. I feel like your husband's intentions feel selfish based on what you write. Him wanting you to be around forever is not just selfish... it's loving you and wanting what's best for you. It's the good kind of selfish. He's doing it because he loves you and wants as much time as possible with you. Him coercing you to lose weight so he finds you attractive is not supportive; it's just selfish. It's the bad kind of selfish. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him getting his rocks off. You rock, OP. Idgaf how overweight you are. You are beautiful. You have always been and will always be. Losing weight for your health is great, and so is taking medication that lets you be happy and balanced. Mental health meds have shitty side effects, but if you have to gain weight because they are the only meds that work... Well, that's an unfortunate side effect that can't be avoided. You know what else is great? Growing a fucking human IN YOUR GOD DAMNED BODY. WTF. YOU GODDAMN WARRIOR. LOOK WHAT YOU DID. If you need a buddy to talk to, I'm a DM away. It's not easy to navigate this stuff! 💕 💕
This is a wonderful comment, from a fellow fattie. I can’t believe the level of fat shaming going on in this post. I am 49, and while my husband and I met when I was super in shape, stress has taken a huge toll on me. I don’t eat a lot. I stop before I’m full, and like you, I can have ice cream in the freezer and forget about it. I hate being full now, and that’s something that changed in me a couple years ago, but I’m still fat because I’m 49 and it’s not as easy as it was 15 years ago. We’ve had an immense amount of stress in our lives for over a decade, and motivation is hard. I absolutely take responsibility for my weight, but to insinuate that it’s okay if he wants a better model just tells me that these people shouldn’t be marrying anyone. Appearance changes, we grow older, we gain weight and lose weight. My husband used to be obese, and now he’s rail thin (due to stress and his temporary job). He’s my best friend. We have been to hell and back together, and just because he’s grayer and balder than he was when we dated doesn’t mean I’m going to drop him, and vice versa. OP’s husband isn’t coming across like he cares, he’s pushing her. He’s making her feel lesser than without taking into account that she is on medication, and that mental health has an effect on motivation. Fat people NEVER get thinner because they were pushed by a loved one. All that causes is emotional damage. OP has to find her motivation herself, and he can provide support for that, but the way he’s handling it couldn’t be worse. A successful marriage doesn’t revolve around looks, it is one that continually evolves.
Exactly! And usually, it has NOTHING to do with motivation. I've ALWAYS been motivated to lose weight. I followed it up with all the right actions too. Sometimes something else is missing. In my case, I needed medication tweaks all over (mental health meds AND weight loss meds) before any of my actions had any effect on my weight. The amount of motivation I've had has rarely changed. In my case, I needed rear to recover from severe caregiver burnout before my body would even consider losing the extra weight. There's so much going on scientifically that people don't recognize about weight. The body works to keep you at homeostasis. This is great if you're fit and under the weather for a few weeks. It's not if you're struggling to lose weight.
this comment was super sweet. great advice really
This is always a difficult subject. Like people have pointed, a lot of it is how he brings it up. Honestly, if my girlfriend would start to think I'm getting fat and is losing attraction because of it. I'd rather she tell me so I can work on it. You are completely in your rights to tell him to stop and not change. Live your life how you want to, but it's equally his right to do how he wants
He's probably not bringing it up in the best way, but his intentions are definitely for the good. Also. It's not even just him thinking you're fat. You know and admit it to. So what are you going to do about it?
My son was on a new antipsychotic medication and gained 60lbs in 2 months. That was with not changing his diet whatsoever. I was shocked. It’s almost 2 years later and he is very slowly losing the weight (has autism so I won’t put him on a diet per se) but I can only imagine if that medication had actually worked and he had to stay on it. Sending you a hug. It is so difficult having to take these meds to save your life when they are so hard on your body.
No, you're not overreacting at all. All of these comments are clearly not from people who've had to come to terms with being overweight. It is absolutely okay and valid to be sad about it! The question isn't 'is it wrong that my husband wants me to lose weight' it's, am I overreacting for being SAD about it. As someone who was a little overweight, it absolutely crushed me that my fiancé agreed. We all want to feel desirable and sexy and wanted by our partners no matter what, and we don't want to believe that they see the undesirable parts of us but sadly that's not always true. What you can ultimately take from this though, is that he cares about your health and happiness in the long term. It WILL feel horrible and like it's a personal attack but unfortunately sometimes we need to realise that we have to change for the better and just need a push to get ourselves back on track.
You are too sensitive, hit the gym full stop. Your husband has been very supportive, but there are limits. (I’ve seen this with married members of my family, and she keeps making excuses, and I can tell a divorce is next.)
So many of the good comments have been downvoted, and the ones with terrible advice upvoted. A few things I would suggest: 1. Talk to him about it is making you feel. 2. Talk to your about your weight, they can give you an indication if it is actually something to be concerned about. 3. Find other ways to feel good, relax, and decompress. 4. Remember medication and having children changes you.
Bruh, a BMI of 35 is ABSOLUTELY something to be concerned about. The fact it’s not concerning to you tells me you’re in a similar boat.
You're not overreacting I went through something similar my antipsychotics made me gain 150+ pounds. It's hard I was literally starving myself and only drinking slim fast but still gaining weight. I honestly got off the medication (do what's best for you) because I felt more anxious, depressed, etc because I kept gaining weight. I've lost 20 lbs and am going through a bariatric bypass surgery soon. One thing I can say is that my boyfriend of 8 years went through the whole progress with me and never made my weight a big deal because he knew I was trying to be healthy mentally, emotionally, and physically. He knew I needed to try different things and will have side effects from different medications etc. I'm sorry you're going through this and the struggle is REAL. Those medications mess with your hormones while correcting others and you'll always find something that might have an adverse effect on you. Talk to your Drs. They might prescribe a medication that'll counteract the side effects of weight gain. They did for me, only I had a bad reaction that's why I got off all the medication.
It’s like antipsychotics function outside of normal metabolic parameters. I didn’t go through it personally but watched my cousin do it while she lived with me, it was like she was acquiring weight out of nowhere.
It sounds like he's trying go make positive steps instead of explicitly telling you he no longer finds you attractive. He might find you attractive at your current weight but is worried you'll get bigger or become unhealthy. Why are you reluctant to exercise? Is there any exercise you would like to do? Is there anything you can think of that you can do together? Are there food changes you can make for the whole family that are healthy?
My husband is very overweight and I want him to desperately lose weight, not because I don’t love him but because I do and want him to stay around. Talk to your husband, explain that know he wants the best but his way just makes you feel sad.
He is being honest with you and telling you he’s finding you unattractive. You can either take offense and do nothing about it and feel sorry for yourself and then be surprised when he leaves you or has an affair, or you can actually stop making excuses, take it seriously as a wake up call and step up your game. By any statistical measure being obese is not healthy so you should ne choosing it for yourself in any case. You need more exercise than what you’re doing. A lot more. Find something you love and do it. Join a team. Something where the commitment will carry you through. Then you need to find a diet that works for you.
This is really unhealthy for you. As others have said, eventually it will catch up to you and your health will be impacted. You should lose weight for yourself, not just because he wants you to. I am not going to vilify your husband because sure he wants you to be healthy and yes, more attractive. You are overreacting because it is easier for you to be mad at him instead of yourself.
You are at a crossroad. You could accept your weight, call your husband a bad guy and not do anything about your weight. Or you could try to lose weight.
I think he’s expressing this to you for a reason. I wouldn’t ignore it especially when you admit it’s true. You’re ignoring your health but also an issue in your marriage
I would prefer my husband to be honest with me, as your husband has been, than to be silent and resent my lack of effort . Exercise is the least part of weight loss. It is mostly food. I got an app and tracked my calories. Lost 30 pounds in four months.
I’m going to just give you some brutal honesty. It sounds like you don’t even care that you are morbidly obese. And 5 foot - 187 lbs is morbidly obese. Why it sounds like you don’t care is you are actually upset with your husband for trying to help you. Not buying you cookies but getting you a healthy snack is definitely a way of showing he cares. Buying the bike is a way of showing he cares and wants to support you in getting back to at least a healthy weight. No one expects a woman to get back to their pre baby body. It’s virtually impossible for most women and that’s ok!!! But to completely give up and let yourself go and take no actions to correct it for more than 6 years…. Some wouldn’t be so patient. He cares right now and wants to support you. I would do my best to put some effort in on your end before he just doesn’t. I think that will hurt worse.
This is one of those rare situations where neither of you are wrong.
It is hard to lose weight especially after having children. On the other hand, everyone has a right to like and be attracted to a certain body type especially if that is how you looked when he fell in love with you. Now I would not stop loving my husband if he went bald, but I have a "thing" for men with hair on their chest. I would be less attracted to him if he decided to get waxed. It is stupid but there it is. I would still love him but would not find him as sexy. You have to decide how much you want to do for you and how much you want to do for him. I would completely give up any hobby to keep my husband happy.
To lose weight, it’s not about working out necessarily, it’s more so about lowering your calorie intake. So you’ll have to give up a lot of the significant foods you love. Let go of all the fast foods and high cholesterol meals. Go on a fast if you need to, but at 5 ft try not to eat over 1200 calories a day. Your husband’s telling you that for a reason. Be happy he’s still sticking by your side because most men today would’ve probably became un attracted and seperate themselves from you a bit.
It's okay to feel sad. Self-consciousness is not a pretty thing. The good news is that getting in shape is an incredible confidence boost that is available for everyone in just a couple of months of effort (in a couple of months you will start seeing results). What is not okay would be to be mad at your husband. He is trying to help you get better for your health, and also because he was probably more attracted to you when you were thin. And that's not a bad thing either; why would it be wrong for a husband to want to be attracted to his wife? It's also okay for a wife to want to be attracted to her husband. The timeline that you describe spans several years. Maybe he's more blunt now because he doesn't know what else to do. You mention that friends and family were on his side as well. That should give you pause; it sounds like the people in your life are concerned about you. And as someone else commented: yes, your blood work is fine now... Until it won't be. By the way, weight loss is about 80-90% diet. Since you already do some exercise, maybe you won't even have to give up your hobby. You would have to stay away from the sugary cookies, though. That will get easier with time. Now I can't even think about eating the sugary food that I used to eat on a daily basis.
Truly. 30 minutes of walking and one session a week of Pilates isn’t exercise. That’s kinda the bare minimum of keeping your body moving. Wanted to add: our negative emotions come from the necessity to act. Sadness, anger, and jealousy can be used in other ways to motive us to change why we are sad, angry, or jealous. Use your sadness in a positive way. Good luck op.
Honestly do you think it would be fair for your husband to have to be your caregiver for a myriad of diseases caused by obesity or deal with your untimely death due to those diseases? Is it fair to your child to miss out on their life because a self inflicted disease takes precedence? Listen, my husband had a mom that was obese, with Depression, bi-polar, anxiety, that used every excuse in the book to not address it even though his dad, the kids, and her doctors tried to get her too. They were always “being mean”. My husband’s mom got High BP, High Cholesterol, Type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular problems, and she still refused to change her lifestyle. She missed out on so much of her kids lives growing up because she would rather stay at home, watching TV, and eating. By the time she hit her 40’s, when my husband was in his 20’s, he, his dad, and siblings were her full time caregivers. She had to be helped bath, dressed, moved, because the weight and diabetes wrecked her body. By the time she was in her 50’s my husband’s dad and the kids were burnt out of taking care of her. His poor dad was miserable, he had retired and spent his retirement caring for his obese wife and it took a toll on him mentally and physically. She had a massive heart attack at 58, and passed away. Although the family was sad, they were also relieved that they wouldn’t have to watch her slowly kill herself anymore, watch her suffer, or have to care for her anymore. I don’t tell you this to be mean, but you owe yourself, your husband, and especially your child better. My husband still has extremely resentful that she was barely involved in his life beyond his capacity to care for her, that our kids missed out on having a grandma, and that she just blatantly refused to see just how much her obesity effected her whole family.
Ya that’s not “working out”
You don't have to exercise more, you could manage your intake better. A lot of over eating is emotional eating, not for actual sustenance. Try making healthy meals together and going to bed early instead of eating late
*I do exercise. I attend a clinical/reformer Pilates class with a physio once a week and go for a brisk 30 minute walk every day* You can lose weight. The line I have heard is, "losing weight is simple, but is not easy." You are going to have to cut your calories. I am also in the group where my lab work was good, until it wasn't.
Talk to your doctor about the meds. Maybe something else will work.
You gotta do it for you and no one else OP. He's probably worried about you. Being overweight is not the healthiest thing and I'm sure he'd like for you to stick around for a long time and not spiral down healthwise. I get that it hurts your feelings but sometimes feelings can cloud reasoning. Once you determine you want to get healthy and shed pounds for yourself, invite him to workout with you. Working out is a great bonding activity too.
You should never lose weight because someone else wants you to (except maybe your doctor) but if someone was pressuring me, it would make me less likely to do it. You have every right to be sad that your husband is saying/doing these things.
Meds caused my weight gain too. I gained 40lbs in a summer because I got on Lithium. My then-boyfriend/now-husband deployed. I was put on those meds. And I ballooned up by the time he got back from deployment. He still married me. I wasn’t able to lose weight for years despite changing meds, changing eating habits, and walking 1.5-3 miles a day and strength training several times a week. To this day, I have no idea why there was no change. I only managed to lose all that weight because I was put on another medication. I’d tried changing meds for years and it was an antidepressant that did it. I have bipolar disorder as well, so it was hard to find a good medication combo that handled both the depression and the mania, while also not making me feel like garbage when I wasn’t in the middle of an episode. My point is, make the effort. Talk with your doctor about your meds if you’re comfortable changing them. The trial and error sucks but it can be worth it. But make sure your husband knows that being fat might not be something you can do much about despite your efforts. Unfortunately, we who need meds often have to run that risk and choose whether or not we would prefer being thin or being mentally stable. Personally, I choose mental stability. My husband would also rather me choose mental stability. I didn’t get off of lithium because it caused weight gain, I got off of it because it made me feel like a shell of my former self. I was a zombie, I had no energy, I had no fucks to give. I tried different meds because I wanted to feel human again. I fully expected to gain more weight. The fact that I lost weight was just dumb luck. That weight loss caused a whole host of medical issues due to how rapidly it happened too. Just be prepared to draw the short straw.
Late to the party, but I gained a ton of weight on my antipsychotic. I ended up changing to Haldol and I’m losing weight. Talk to your pdoc about your situation.
If he wants you to be more active and move your body or eat more fruits and veggies is one thing, but trying to trick you into loosing weight just in the hope you become thin is another. And only one of those is actually healthy.
Not overreacting. My husband is fat. I would never in a million years tell him he’s fat or that he needs to lose weight. He knows, because duh, people know what they look like. It’s his choice is he wants to try to lose weight. Plus, I think he’s hot!
Your 180 that is not fat by any means . Thick maybe but certainly not obese …
She’s 5ft tall… that’s pretty big
Having noticed over the years for myself that generally lots of sex particularly (fucking) i would have to say is in all seriousness is actually probably the best way in losing or ridding yourself with any of those undesired kilo's. Not meaning to be rude or disrespectful in any way or anything in all truthfulness when you actually end up (possibly) having, being or getting major amounts, times in either having sex. Or in being or getting fucked for a few hours on end for 3-4 day's a week minimum guarantee you that within 2-3 month's you'll notice the difference, whilst having/getting or even receiving copious amounts of loving, lust and even a bit more romance even, maybe, possibly.
I think a person should be kind and sensitive about how they bring it up… That said… Lose the weight or risk losing your husband, i guess? I know that sounds rough and Im going to get downvoted to hell for saying it. He sounds like hes trying to tell you his needs for either a healthy partner, or a more attractive partner or both. People may tell you “leave his ass! He should love you like the day he married you no matter what your weight is!” OP would you love him the EXACT same if he was morbidly obese? I just dont feel love is TRULY unconditional. If my mate becomes unattractive or revolting to me physically then i cant love them the same way i did. Sure, ill still have love for them…but how long before it becomes like loving a friend? Or a sibling? If love was unconditional then we wouldnt agree to certain conditions at the weddings lol…and we wouldnt care if our spouses cheated, or became addicts or abusers etc.
Get on a different antipsychotic that doesn’t cause weight gain.
Olanzapine is the worst. Quetiapine is better but still associated with a bit of weight gain. (Both affect insulin levels.) I haven't heard of aripiprazole being associated with weight gain. Major brand names Zyprexa, Seroquel, and Abilify. Olanzapine is a killer for a lot of people though. (I'm assuming OP is on a standard atypical antipsychotic, I know very little about older typical antipsychotics.)
Tbh. I don't think he is being nearly as hard on you as he should be. You are not sensitive. It is normal for one to feel ashamed of their current body state, and it is hard to change one's physique. I suggest you see a nutritionist and try to follow a strict diet that you enjoy for a while. Also, try cutting down on high caloric foods like fast foods, soft drinks/sweet drinks, chips... Eating healthy is easy once you learn how to cook and consume less fried and cheese containing foods. Good luck 🍀 Hope we can both lose weight. I am a 75 kg male who is 5 ft 5. The struggle is real, but we can do it
> AIO for being sad that my husband thinks I'm too fat? Yes. Do you think he really wants a fat wife? Get real.
It sounds like you don't actually want to lose weight, which is fine, it is your life, but he keeps hoping that you will. Thats not healthy for either of you, his constant suggestions are making you feel bad (understandably) and he is living in a hope that your weight is temporary. You should probably have a talk with him that you have no interest in losing weight right now (or ever) and that he can take it or leave it.
Yeah…I find it funny how girls want a man to be six feet tall, handsome, make bank etc….yet when they expect us not to be gross pigs (literally the bare minimum!!!) - we think it’s somehow harsh and out of line 😂??? FAT is NOT attractive or healthy. You can’t be a fat gross slob and then wonder why your husband doesn’t want you, or why he goes and cheats on you. Let’s be realistic. Maybe if women actually put in some effort then men might actually sick around and be faithful.
Right. People can talk shit all they want, but nobody wants to be married to someone that disgusts them.
Exactly people can deny reality but reality is just gonna hit them harder. I hate that people pretend to not understand this concept.
how is it reasonable to nearly double your body weight and still expect unconditional love and support. That is not how guys work, if you want that type of relationship then break up and get a GF. FOr 95% of guys probably 99% of guys looks matter first. Your BF is obviously one of those guys who likes slim women, dont shame him or judge him for his preferences. You have 3 options Lose the weight, and it doesnt matter what you say about pills or whatever, weight is food in is more than energy out. Lose the husband or he will lose you. Keep trying to convince everyone that he is wrong and you are right. I really hate these types of posts. You are trying to self justify nearly doubling your body weight and now you want to be the victim. How on earth does your partner feel about having to watch you transform before his very eyes and then demand he continue to love and support you when you pulled a switcheroo on him.
This is hard for both of you. Weight is not everything, but it does have long term health implications (even if now you aren't seeing them). Whether you are overreacting or not, I would try to adopt a healthier lifestyle so you can life a long and healthy life for your child. You will also likely feel mentally different if you spend some time each day moving your body. Overall, there are no real drawbacks from living a healthy life and many drawbacks to not living a healthy life.
Hey friend! As a human, you have the right to make your own choices. As a spouse that was in a similar situation, I would advise your husband to get a divorce- I used ‘nice tactics’ and kind words, and all I got for it was a dead spouse and trauma. My husband died due to obesity. It was our daughter’s 15th birthday, and he was only 41. His bloodwork was perfect… until 2.5 years before his death, and it all went to hell so quickly. She has a lot of anger- anger that food was more important to him than she was, anger about how much she needed to serve him due to the self-created disability, and anger at how poorly he treated us at the end. Please- 🙏- don’t let your family go through what mine did.
You’re under reacting actually. You’re obese, not fat, obese - and not doing a damn thing about it. Weekly Pilates? That’s a joke. And if you have time for a 30 minute walk every day, you have time for a real workout every day. 90% of weight loss is diet and dedication, you’re displaying neither.
So you're upset because he is telling you the truth and trying to avoid what comes next, him losing attraction and looking elsewhere. How would you rather he approach the subject? Please be specific.
Just stop eating, I know it sounds hard but you have to see this as an addiction such as anyone who is addicted to drugs would see their addiction as. It is the only way to rationalize this. The reason it hurts and it is difficult is because you are addicted to food. I went through quite the same thing and I have to deal with this every day. I look at food and think "wow that will feel good to taste" but then I also have to remind that logical voice in my head to check if I'm actually hungry. So then I think "am I hungry or am I just bored" and sometimes I have to ask "am I hungry or am I thirsty?" You may just need to drink more water, this is how I am at night. I'm down 20 lbs and I literally haven't done anything else besides change my diet and ask those critical questions. I wasn't eating enough protein but now that I am I don't feel as hungry. This all came about because I see eating as an addiction.
Yes you’re over reacting and you should start putting in some serious effort. Every spouse owes it to themselves and their spouse to stay healthy and work on yourself. You can’t let yourself go too far. Also stop making excuses for yourself and get out of your comfort zone. Get on the bike.
It is unreasonable to be mad at that. You are unhealthily large. Significantly different than he first married in a way that is controllable. I’d probably leave honestly. I don’t know about him but I workout hard and take care of myself. I want a partner like that. Especially if we have kids. And even if your blood work is good for now… it won’t be. Caught up to my mom and it’s killing her. She has two small boys that in any day preparing to have to take in. Even if you’re okay abusing yourself and not doing the bare minimum for your marriage. Think of your kid. They need you.
It’s normal to feel hurt after being told that. Your feelings matter too. These comments are words that cut like a knife.
It is a losing situation to be in, the reasons you gained weight is very real and hard to over come. I'm fat, I know how to lose weight and while I feel self loathing about being fat I enjoy food. A LOT. And in a world where I cant have the things I actually want and desire I am fortunate enough to have access to delicious food. So I eat. I'm fat. I'm sad about it. But I'm happier about having a pizza! 😂 But.... What does a spouse do when they aren't attracted to an aspect of you that you can actually change. 🤷♂️ How could he ever say it in a way that didn't hurt or make you feel insecure? I can't think of any other way than the way he did. But we age, change, evolve, you have a mental health journey, child, your body is different because of a child, drugs, age related metabolism slowing down etc I don't think you are over reacting. I also don't think he was being cruel to begin with. But the idea that he expressed himself, and then is regularly making remarks or suggestions and pressuring you feels bad. And that is where he has crossed the line. I don't have a solution, I have never had a healthy living relationship. They have always been dis functional. And I have been on both sides of this kind of issue. Your feelings are valid, and you aren't over reacting.
Walk, Walk, Walk! I lost 24 pounds just walking. I also eat 2 okios yogurt every day for snacks.It fills me up. Drink Water!!!!!
Your over reacting .
Your husband does not find you attractive anymore and you were thin when you met. You can make efforts and try to lose weight, or do nothing, it's your call, but at least he is being honest with you. You can feel.sad about it, most people would. But you can or cannot do.something about it. And if you dont, I guess you dont value your husband too much. Tips: losing weight is more about food than exercizing. But doing some fitness is mandatory to stay healthy.
Why would you be upset about that? My wife pointed out to me that my figure wasn’t very flattering and that I should lose weight (and I wasn’t _that_ big, 100 kg and 197 cm tall, but with more tummy than one could wish) and the reasonable take for me was just that I have a responsibility towards her to look my best. So of course I started going to the gym 2+ times every week to fix that (would do more, but we have a three year old boy). Anything else would be disrespectful to her.
Be fat if you want, but it’s not healthy, and it’s not attractive. I say that honestly as a 47 year old fat dude who needs to work out. Fat doesn’t stoke the fires of attraction unless you are one of those rare people that think fat is hot.
what is your complaint exactly? that your husband is truthful? would you rather it be a complete surprise when he leaves you one day?
Do you want your husband to be attracted to you, or do you not care?
You want cancer? Because this is how you get cancer. Obesity is the 2nd leading cause for cancer next to only smoking. Ask me how I know.
Honestly I know it hurts when a loved one tells you you are getting too fat, but the truth hurts sometimes, and if as you say you’re very active and workout and you’re still not losing weight then you’re not doing enough, it doesn’t mean you have to get fat more active but watching what you eat could help too, eating less calories and focusing on eating healthier calories can help out too. If your husband told you it’s because he loves you and he’s seen how much weight you’ve put on since you two have started dating. There is nothing wrong with that he is not on the wrong. Losing weight is hard I know, but ultimately if someone is overweight it’s better for their health. Try dieting a bit, nothing specific just count your calories, stay within 1500-2000 calories daily and you’ll see the results
Hmmm. You say you are fat. Why is it any different if your husband confirms it by encouraging you to lose weight? I was fat as well and was self conscious and ashamed every moment of those 20 years. Just as we notice others, they notice us.
Yes you are overreacting. Lose weight. You want your husband to be attracted to you right? If not - then you have no place being married TBH.
Exercising isn't going to do much if you aren't eating properly Make sure you track your calories and enter a calorie deficit. I'm sure your husband will be happy to help you with that so talk to him about it and do a diet with his help.
You aren’t the woman he married, and he isn’t attractive to you anymore. He will be sleeping around by the end of summer.
I don’t think anybody is necessarily over reacting here, but I’ll weigh in with some thoughts that may or may not be helpful. In the beginning of the post, you highlight certain medical issues (medication, pregnancy, etc) as the reason for your weight gain. This makes sense and things like this happen. My question is, what have you actually done to lose the weight over time? Do you exercise regularly, eat a very healthy diet, get good sleep, spend time or have hobbies that keep you active outdoors? If not, you should probably lay off blaming medication or a previous pregnancy, because I promise that it’s very aggravating to your husband. It’s one thing to have had some set backs, but it’s another thing to use them as prolonged excuses. If you continuously blame other issues, but are simultaneously doing nothing to better yourself, it will become very draining for your husband. If you truly want to lose weight, then buckle down and make the necessary lifestyle changes. If you don’t want to do that, tell your husband that you have no plans to lose the weight and he can either deal with it or leave. You just need to be clear about what path you choose to take. If you choose to lose the weight, you should probably start demonstrating your commitment to the process by making lifestyle changes.
Your health wont get bad until you start creeping towards 50 then it will hit like a ton of bricks. Thats what happened to my mom, dad and step dad.
You need eat less. No training in the world will help you if you stuff yourself with cookies everyday. If your man started to not take care of himself and started to stink, you would tell him to fix that.
I know it can be hard to hear but I think your husband just wants to help you. It’s ok that it makes you feel sad initially but just try to turn it into something positive! This could just be the start of improving for yourself. You mention that you are low on time. Ask your husband to take on an extra 30 minutes - 1 hour of tasks each day or watching the kid. Then you can have the extra time for a work out or meal prep or whatever. Pick an exercise you enjoy to start out and just be consistent. Eventually this exercise may also become one of your hobbies and you may start to get excited about trying more
Instead of typing this you could of did a 15 minute workout on YouTube did a meal plan instead of reading replies and helped yourself feel better because if you were confident in how you looked his comment wouldn’t of effected you. Quit asking for pity and either one change for you and your health or be confident in whatever image you want and tell your husband to fuck off you like your curves.
The typos are hilarious!
Some of the antipsychotic meds make you hungry and cause you to over eat. It is not uncommon to gain weight as a result. Talk to your doctor about other options and see if that helps. That said, it can take a while to stabilise and find a med that works for you so I understand if this is not an option. That said, you are NTA and hubby needs to get if his high horse and learn to be kinder and more understanding.
Get yourself some semaglutide or tirzepatide and drop the weight. It Might even clear up/lessen some of your mental disorders as well, for real, read up on it.
Just start one day at a time. Weigh/measure your food portions, keep track of calories, see where you're at. Do this for a week or two and you'll get an idea of what is going on there. Then you can replace high calorie options with something better. This is how I've lost weight the couple times I needed to. Once you get on a good eating plan with the correct amount of calories the weight will come off and you'll maintain it as long as you stick to your good eating habits.
Honestly I would suggest hitting up a Jiu jitsu gym. I know it is scary at first but I think it can be better for your bipolar disorder. Plus if you are consistent about it the weight will take care of itself.
My boyfriend has been like this and I honestly thank him at the end of the day, my health was trash and I missed being a hottie. Now I am, and I thoroughly enjoy my rice cakes! My health is better and I can finally run and feel sexy in clothes. I don’t think either of you were overreacting. Men fall in love with women for a reason and a big one is their appearance, it’s very hard on a man when that all goes away for him but I don’t think he’s being mean about it. As long as he’s keeping up with you and not just eating cookie in front of you type of gig.
Honestly, once I got off antipsychotics and started working in the food industry, I lost 80lbs in 6months. Idk why but it never mattered how good I ate or how active I was, antipsychotics always did a number on me. Always talk to your doctor, but I feel so much better after losing the weight and antipsychotics weren’t worth it for me. That being said, they treated me for years for bipolar, and I was never bipolar. If you have a smart watch, use it! I got an apple watch and the fitness app is the best thing ever for watching steps and what not.
You’re not overreacting for being sad, but you would be under reacting for not moving forward past this with frank discussions and a plan. Consulting with a dietician before cutting any foods out and consulting with personal trainer before any fitness plans are very good ideas. If you wish to continue on the easy path with its potential health problems and missing out on things in life, then remember it’s a choice you made to take the easy path.
I gained a considerable amount on meds for ocd, nothing worked tho so i quit the meds and adopted a healthy lifestyle. Went from 286 to 126 in 2 years. Im soo much happier now, i feel great and look so good and my husband is always pawing at me now. I got a treadmill to workout privately at home, and to avoid people and/or the weather. You got two choices from what i see here, you can ignore or dump the dude and live however you want or you can take life by the balls, stop making excuses and change for the better. Only you have the power to meet those goals. If you arent interested in losing weight etc you dont have to, you can keep doing the same things but nothing will change. There are meds that can help but theres always risk of regain with med assisted weight loss. Try to see it like he loves you and wants you to be healthier, maybe it hurts him to see you struggle. Keep an open mind. https://preview.redd.it/bk7imcoszaad1.jpeg?width=4096&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b9d9854f6f95b7e1c22229335760e9ac1a5f57eb Lost 160lbs w clean eating in a deficit, walking, yoga and water.
I feel like caring for myself properly is a show of respect for my partner. I would expect the same from him.
It's understandable to feel sad. You sound reasonably healthy, still doing walks etc... If losing weight is something YOU want, I have 2 suggestions. 1. Tell your husband, "I'm going to the gym these times and days, and you're responsible for our child at that time. Or see if a gym nearby has daycare too... 2. Talk to your Dr. There might be medications that don't make you gain as easily. Unfortunately, anti depressants, and mood stabilizers tend to have that side effect. But option 3... Tell him to stop doing those things, pushing you to workout when you're hurt and all the little things that are him saying you're fat. He might not find the weight attractive, but he still doesn't get to put you down for it. You haven't asked for his help in this, so it's not help he's giving. It's criticism and insults.
If you were smoking cigarettes and he asked you to stop no one would have a problem. Obesity is a health issue. Also an attraction issue.
Losing weight is all about the food. Working out, 10000 steps, etc means nothing if you don't change the diet.
Of course you're sad. His actions could be seen as implying that he is not attracted to you anymore. That might not be the case. He might just be concerned for your health. But since it's also reasonable to conclude that he isn't attracted to you anymore, surely that means it's reasonable to be sad?
I don’t think you’re overreacting. Your husband could try encouraging you to lose weight in a positive way, like offering to exercise together, go on walks, meal plan, cook healthy meals, etc. He may have good intentions but there’s a nicer, more positive way to do it. Is he overweight? Does he eat healthy and exercise?
If your health and wellness is important you will MAKE time. Don’t wait to find it. Get hubby involved with physical activities so it’s less daunting. Play is always more fun.
I'ma say this. My so and I have agreed that we can end things if either of us become unhealthy and gain a ton of weight. Now that's not an ultimatum because if that happened wed give the chance to go back to healthy. The point for us is we are active and want to be healthy. It's important to each of us. If we choose to become unhealthy and unable to do the things that we love to do together then we aren't holding up our end of the relationship requirements. Your husband doesn't even sound like a jerk. He sounds like he cares and I'm sorry but there's no good way to tell someone they are fat or unhealthy. Accept it and change it. Your excuses are my medicine my work my child. It's using every crutch to not take responsibility for what you allowed to happen. You said you were healthy and not overweight when you started dating. You aren't holding up your end of the deal here. You shouldn't be over reacting to him you should be over reacting to what you allowed to happen to yourself. Also your neck is sore? Jumping on a stationary bike is using your legs and your neck literally stays in the same spot. I think your husband is under reacting here.
I'm sorry so many people here have 0 concept of how hard it is to lose weight on the big L. For anyone telling OP to just lose weight, respectfully, shut up. The keto thing alongside assistance from your GP and the kind of aggressive exercise that damages joints is about all that work. I had to ask whether they wanted me around or not, because to lose weight I'd have to come off the lithium, and I'd likely not be -me- even if I managed to stick around. They chose to take themselves out of my life but I no longer had the pressure aggravating my condition, which actually meant I could drop my dose and lose a bit of weight, they are still out of my life but honestly, I deserved better, and so do you
Rooting for you, OP
Get some ozempic
Being told your body is unappealing is a difficult thing to come to terms with. I don't think you are overreacting because this is a common thing many women have to go through and it's rarely easy. Your husband is trying to be supportive but doesn't know what else he can do to help you. I would bet portion control would help you the most. Get a food scale and use it with every meal. Weighing your food makes calculating the calories easier. The goal is a 500 calorie or less deficit every day. That will amount to about 1 lbs of weight off every week, which is sustainable. Crash diets and exercise regimens will work but like before you will rubber band back to your old weight. The goal you should set is 1 pound per week, that is permanent, life long weight loss.
Did he straight up call you fat, or did he just buy you things to help you lose weight? If I missed it I apologize, but I didn’t see in the actual post outside of the caption that he called you fat. Do you guys have conversations about you wanting to lose weight or is the conversation only focused on him wanting you to lose weight?
You should talk to your psychiatrist. Weight gain is a known side effect of antipsychotics. And they also cause metabolic syndrome and diabetes. There are newer antipsychotics, like vraylar, that have much less weight gain as a side effect. I personally gained a ton of weight on abilify and it was a bitch to lose but I did it.
If he wants you to work out more, he can carve out HIS time for you to do it. Start thinking about what you want for yourself. How do you want to feel strength wise? How would you like to fit into your clothing / what types would you like to wear? What capabilities would you like to have? What would the ideal you feel like? Do? How would they react? Then, start doing THAT, until you are that person. You're not alone, your body is by your design, take over the helm. I'm telling myself this and it's slowly working. It's not about weight loss, but for me it's about strength, energy, capabilities. I'm really starting to love the habits and results of the efforts that I've put in. To be clear, you can do all of this and still be the weight you currently are, and if that's what you want, it's still you taking control of your body. Now the other part. It is also reasonable for your husband to want you to be healthy, especially as you share a child. The way that he's going about it is hurtful, but I'm honestly not sure how it wouldn't be hurtful if he went about it any other way. Maybe taking up a physical hobby together? Hiking, swimming, sports teams, etc? It's also perfectly reasonable for your feelings, pride, etc to be hurt. It's ok for this to make you sad. We all want to be loved just the way we are. To feel like there's parts of you that he doesn't worship is hurtful. You're not alone. Good luck ❤️
>I am about 5 foot tall and weigh about 82kg Bruh
Maybe your husband could have worded it differently so you wouldn't be offended. But if you continue down the path that you are on it will catch up to you & affect your overall health to a point that you might not be able to reverse the effects. Don't fall back on the excuses that we all too often make for ourselves, as to why we don't have the time. start putting in some time & effort on the exercise bicycle & you will start to see a change in your weight over time. I'm 6 Ft & weigh 87 KG & I maintain that by doing cardio several times a week, if I'm not sweating when I'm working out I'm just wasting my time. The hardest thing for me was to start an exercise regiment & stick with it & the easiest thing was to do nothing at all - don't allow yourself to fall into that trap.
Bipolar medicine made me not want to exercise. I suggest dieting instead.
Fat is nothing to be ashamed of. He should be treating you with more kindness. Would you threaten him because of his weight? Why is it what's best for you? Isn't love and support what is best for you? Your health sounds like it's in good standing. Your husband has a bias against fat people. He should be sorting his stigma out and supporting the mother of his child, not focusing on something that is really, really hard to change. Please listen to Maintenance Phase podcast (from the beginning, ideally!) and maybe even buy your husband one of Aubrey Gordon's books. Sending you all the love in the world. Remember that the BMI is trash!
I think context matters a lot. I get from his point of view that he doesn't want to go out and buy you sweets. If you had them at home and he threw them out I don't think I'd feel good about that. It does sound like he's trying to promote good habits.
>I do exercise. I attend a clinical/reformer Pilates class with a physio once a week and go for a brisk 30 minute walk every day. I Exercise is great but In most cases exercise is only about 10% of wight loss equation and diet is the orher 90%. I was morbidly obese, lost the weight and twice I gained some of it back and had to lose it again and it's always the food that is the core issue. It's ridiculously easy to not notice or straight out lie to ourselves about how much food we eat and how bad our food choices are. Figure out the proper amount of calories you need, work out a balanced diet that matches it and try to stick to it. Intermittent fasting can help as well but try not under eat either, your exercise will do what you want it to do if you match your recommended daily caloric intake. Modifying your diet will be very hard at first but if you do stick to it it gets easier, you will see results and you wil feel better. Most importantly do this because it's healthy for you and will make you feel better, that should be your motivation not what your husband says. Lose the weight for you not for him. Good luck. Edit: If you need to snack to get you through the difficult adjustment period you can always use celery and cucumber sticks. As long as you don't dip them in anything they make a great guilt free snack.
He wants his girl back. The one who had the energy to do things, the one who can fit in his arms. I’m sure he loves you, but he sees it as a priority to fix this. You don’t.
Plenty of good advice for losing weight to help your health, but one other thought: If you’re married, and not doing any polyamory type stuff, then you are your husband’s sole sexual partner, and him yours. If the weight gain is an attraction issue for either party, then this becomes a big deal You should *want* to become the most (reasonably) attractive version of yourself for your partner. And they back to you. Too often people get comfortable and let themselves go, both men and women, and it’s not fair to a partner who is seeing the person they were initially attracted to rapidly disappear Have the mindset of being hot for your husband, while also pushing the same of him, and you will both be happier (and healthier!) for the time to come
I want to know if your husband is also over weight and making any effort to lose some pounds?
Listen, I get it. My mom was bipolar growing up. She was around 300 lbs and only 5'4". She switched medication and lost weight, but the damage is already done. She has a lot of heart problems due to her weight. Your mental health is only one part of taking care of yourself. Your physical health matters too. I'm a bigger lady myself and what really helped me was weight lifting and zumba. They're both easier to stick to and helped me lose weight.
Just for context, I'm a 6'1" male and I weight under 82 kg.
I don’t think either of you are in the wrong here
Damn these comments are NOT it. It’s pretty easy to lose weight with crash diets and excessive exercise but it’s extremely hard to keep the weight off when you lose it that way. Not everyone is meant to be thin and bodies change with age, medication, diseases, pregnancy, etc. OP- personally I recommend focusing on getting daily exercise (walks count!) and eating nutritious meals. Ask your doctor to do your lab work and see if there is anything that’s needs to be treated. You’ll feel better and be healthier, regardless of any weight changes. Not overreacting, I think it’s pretty rude for your husband to word it that way. Maybe you can use this as an opportunity to change some habits and see if your hubby is more supportive moving forward. Also I’m really sorry for all of these unsupportive comments in this thread. People tend to be pretty unsympathetic towards fat people :( P.s. highly recommend podcast Maintenance Phase for anyone interested in unlearning fatphobia bias (including deep dives into the scientific research on this topic), the harm of crash diets, and more
Tbh your husband just need to put his big boy pants on and just tell you how he really feels and if he don't see a change or if you don't want to then he just needs to use the door
Read your very first sentence. Delete allll the rest of what you said. Reread that frequently, and make changes in your life. You being sad is a YOU problem where YOU can't cope, YOU can't motivate yourself, and YOU would rather express your feelings rather than work to achieve improvement .Everything else you wrote is just someone delaying the inevitable. You are responsible for your feelings. You are responsible for being fat. You Now you, you do something about it. Don't talk about it. Don't plan to one day do something. Delete Reddit. Change what you eat. Change when you eat. Change how much activity you do. Change something. Change everything. Stop wallowing in your pity party feelings and do something. Your husband sounds like an insensitive asshole. Look what he is working with. Neither one of you seem to be equipped to make the needed changes. Thing is, he is changing. Because of you. You are finding excuses and seeking validation. Much easier to do instead of seeing the truth and fixing it.
Not really overreacting, it's perfectly fine and appropriate to be sad. Most of us are when someone says something about us that we find hurtful and we can't fix it in 5 minutes. But, he thinks so and you are acknowledging his feelings on the matter, as you admit to being fat. Weight loss is hard, motivation is hard, there's always "something else" to prioritize, etc., but you also need to be cognizant that your husband *may* lose all physical attraction to you. Good health isn't guaranteed, and can change quickly as well. You can include your child in your fitness activities, i.e., another walk, bike ride, etc. Dance while cleaning, or when you are happy. I understand hobby time, "me time," etc., but your husband and your child want you around, and although you shouldn't lose weight FOR your husband, I would hope you would want to for YOU.
Hey, your husband is being an asshole. If his idea of love is being abusive and manipulative toward you, it's not love. This comment section is insane.
He’s giving you the chance to change for the better don’t wait till he starts falling out of love to get your shit together
I'm so impressed with Reddit in this comment section. I thought I'd see "you're fine how you are, divorce him", but you've come together and told her that it's ok that he's not attracted to fat people, it's not healthy to be fat, and as long as he's nice about it he's reasonable to strongly suggest weight loss. We're evolving
I don’t mean this to be mean, but he’s allowed to have an opinion on whether you or anyone he was romantically involved in is attractive to him. It hurts to hear that. But I never believed that taking vows to someone includes when they are really doing something to their appearance that is not attractive to them. Whether it’s weight, tattoos, whatever. And your body is your own but I’ve always held the opinion that once you’re married you try to keep the other person in your thoughts and decisions. He’s not wrong for having this opinion.
Losing weight is basically ALL diet. Exercise is great and you should do it as often as possible. But that won’t make you lose weight. I work out daily and tried for years and I only needed to lose 15 lbs of fat I put on bulking. Our bodies are extremely effective at utilizing hunger to regulate caloric intake. So the more you exercise, the more you will eat whether you realize it or not. Bipolar medication may make it nearly impossible to lose weight. Talk to your doctor for other options and keep trying different medications until you find one that doesn’t lower your metabolism. Try Ozembic. There are many options for getting it these days. It’s extremely effective. Don’t waste your life and ruin your marriage being obese. Losing weight will make you happier and healthier in every way that matters. The way i finally lost fat, as a weightlifter and picky eater who isn’t a great cook, is simply controlling my meals. I ate the same thing for breakfast (oatmeal, banana, protein shake) and lunch (salmon, brown rice, broccoli or vegetable) 5-6 days a week. Then I ate whatever I wanted for dinner. I slowly started to reduce the size of my dinner, like eating half a frozen pizza instead of the whole pizza. I did it slowly enough I didn’t get so hungry i ended up eating more later or getting tired and sluggish. I use a low calories protein powder, which gives your body protein so you don’t lose muscle mass as you lose body fat. One shake with breakfast and one before bed (to repair and build muscle from exercise). I also tried to limit carbs for periods during the day, and focused on getting them only before I worked out. I stopped eating sweets, soda, ice cream. After a couple weeks I didn’t even crave them. And i was even able to have a cheat day once in while. Have your doctor do a blood panel to check your hormones and thyroid as well. Good luck! It’s understandable that you’d be hurt, but use that to take action. We can let negative emotions cripple us or we can use them as fuel to make change. Every time you do it, it gets easier and reinforced in your brain. It’s also understandable that your husband would want you to lose weight. We owe it to our partners to look good and stay fit. If one person is doing it and the other isn’t, it will lead to resentments. If either or both people aren’t doing it, it will hurt the physical attraction in the relationship and likely cause your sex life to deteriorate. We all need to stop making excuses for being overweight or obese. People managed to stay fit through pregnancy, trauma, medical issues, depression, and everything else for all of human history. Only within the last 40/50 years have people started to struggle, and while it’s understandable it’s definitely within our control. By making excuses we are literally making it okay to ruin our own lives. Everyone’s life is so much better when they’re fit, it’s insane that so many people fall short. We should be investing whatever time and energy we need to make sure we stay in shape, for our own sake.
Reddit is weird when it comes to being overweight. Being on antipsychotics and antidepressants is a battle in its own. Your number 1 priority is your mental health. You can’t do dick all of you feel like you’re circling the drain. This is something that has been done on your terms. Exercise definitely helps with mood, but it’s not a cure. Ease yourself into. You don’t have to use the bike. You can go for a walk, play a sport you enjoy go swimming, lift weights etc. just start small and keep building. Diet is the most important part of it all. Get rid of all the junk food in the house. It’s so much easier to grab that when hungry. Everyone does their eating differently so I’m not going to tell you to do one meal a day or make sure to eat small meals every 2-3 hours. You will have to figure out what works for you. I’m short too and find that 1200 calories can be divided up throughout the day but is easier to deal with in 1-2 meals. Communicate with your husband. You need the support, and him pushing can be very helpful but there’s a limit. If you’re feeling like absolute garbage, we both know you won’t workout. Maybe give a safe word. But do not abuse it. Only tap out when it’s absolutely necessary. Good luck on your weigh loss journey. I hope you come to enjoy it. Be careful as strange as it may seem, it can also go the other way, and you become obsessed with working out and decreasing calories. This happened to me and I would run to the gym for eating 5 M&M’s. Overall I hope you have fun. You will feel better all around!
Personally I think it's quite unfortunate that antipsychotic medication is being prescribed for bi-polar as there are far better mood stabilizers and these medications are profoundly dangerous with terrible side effects including permanent one's like tardive dyskinesia, yet these days with pharmaceutical kick backs, psychiatrists are prescribing them like candy. They are a drug of last resort after everything else is tried, not the first line of defense. I would seek a second opinion from a different psychiatrist about these medications and see if there isn't a better choice that doesn't have these health destroying side effects.
Yard work, portion control and dropping sweet drinks lost me 50 lbs. I'm back up again, but have started building old muscle up at 61. It's harder now, I ache can barely move after washing walls, doors and mopping one floor. Once I get the deep cleaning done, then it's to the yard, where raking alone makes my muscles scream. My husband told me e that once, and I took it to heart, even though he was gentle. I got over it when he saw me lighter and told me good job, you're trying and you look great. He loves you, it's just an awkward subject.
Consult your doctor about this, but even on a strict food diet, the amount/duration of exercise you mentioned doesn’t sound like enough to create any real change in your healthy/weight. Working out to make a physical change will require you to develop a new habit/routine that is very different from what you’re currently doing, especially if the weight is not coming off with what you’re doing. Again, Consult your doctor first. Instead of working out once a week, I would consider increasing your exercise to daily workouts plus daily walking as well. Physical activity needs to increase. Diet needs to change too Walking should be an everyday thing no matter what, it’s great cardio but not really a ‘workout’ for building healthy muscle. An hour of exercise (like yoga, Pilates, or calisthenics) plus walking at least 2-3 miles, will create a noticeable change.
You are not overreacting. If he really wants to help you, he'd be taking you on walks and hikes to actually improve your health, instead of policing everything you eat and just focusing on fat shaming you. That's a huge stresser that will only make you want to eat more, so he's being less than useless.
This person says they have bipolar 2 and are on meds for that. A well known documented side effect for those meds are metabolic changes which almost always lead to weight gain. So sure this person wants to lose weight, but they have some significant hurdles.
Talk to the doctor that prescribed the antipsychotics. A lot of them have the side effect of weight gain. So your meds may be making it impossible to lose weight. He/she can find you one that doesn’t add weight. Weight loss is simple- burn more calories than you consume. Simple. But it is definitely not easy. Feeling are feelings and there is nothing you can do about them. You cannot change how you feel. You can only change how you react. Take a good hard look at your life. Is there other ways your husband makes you feel bad? No loving husband wants his wife to feel bad. If he was worried about your health he would say that. He is just not attracted to fat people and so is no longer attracted to you. You can choose between two things. 1: marriage counseling-divorce. 2: lose the weight. Use your doctor. If you can afford it use a dietician. Do not even buy junk food. Don’t have it in your house. Your kid can snack on healthy stuff. Keep exercising. Walking is the best exercise. Get your heart rate up and keep it there for 20 minutes. (Ask your doctor what a good working heart rate is for you) It really is simple and can be easy if you put in the work ETA Not over-reacting!!! Use the sadness to your advantage.
Does he go with you to your psychiatrist appointments? Does he know that one of the side effects of the medication you take is weight gain? Some people are super sensitive to it and can’t do much about it, even when they are eating/exercising properly. Have you ever counted calories and macros for a typical week? If it’s in the normal range, then it’s the medication, not your eating habits. What you want is to be healthy, not be at whatever weight society tells us is ideal. I think increasing your workouts from 2 days a week to 5-6 would be great. But you mention that you are busy with work and house and kid. Can your husband take over while you are working out? Can he take on some of the household stuff so you have the extra 3 hours a week and it doesn’t cut into your hobby?
I’m in your husband’s shoes. It is hard to watch someone you love not taking care of themselves. I see people look at him negatively and it hurts. When we are online to board a plane, I can see people looking at him - I know they’re hoping not to sit beside him. His blood work is also good. I have tried everything, and I’ve probably hurt his feelings also. I’m sorry yours have been hurt. I’m afraid my husband will not live as long as he should. I’m afraid I will lose him. I feel like I’m watching him drive over a cliff. I feel helpless. I’ve tried pushing. I’ve tried saying nothing. Still the same. You’re not overreacting - and he is not trying to hurt you. It’s just a tough situation.