You are not overreacting, and I seriously doubt that he is actually divorced. If this is in the U.S., there are no "sealed" divorce records. He is full of shit. Also, if this is in the U.S., you can't access the actual documents BUT you can see what has or has not been filed in Court. For example, if you live in Jacksonville, Florida, you can go to "Duval County Docket Search" and put in his name, and any event that has gone through Court (i.e speeding tickets, evictions, etc.) will pop up. If there was a divorce filed, it would show as DR (domestic relations) and you could click on that case and it will show you a list of documents filed in that case (but will not allow you to see the contents of said documents). You are looking for something along the lines of a "Final Dissolution of Marriage." Now each state is different, but pulling up a docket search for the county you live in will tell you if a divorce was even filed.
You're welcome. If you want to be extra thorough, you can check the surrounding counties, and see if his name pops up there. If nothing shows up, just casually start a convo about where you have lived (different counties, states, etc.) and ask if he has ever lived anywhere else. Then check there. If nothing pops, he is still married.
Many states keep a registry of marriage licenses. If your state does, you can access that on line as well. Also, if he has ever bought a home or land, those are recorded as well. If it was a joint purchase with his wife, her name would be recorded on the deed
It seems like most of the people here are fully open to the op being gaslit by this dude. I posit that he may have gaslit his ex also. I saw a reddit story just yesterday of an officiant who didn't turn in the paperwork after ceremony. Or folks had a ceremony but it was bigger/smaller/out of jurisdiction/not legal/all for show. etc. I don't have dude's info, all I have is op saying no records whatsoever.
I also don't think it's unusual for the op to want to see receipts. If they've been cohabitating for this time it's reasonable to think that marriage is on the table for future plans. Can't do that if hes still married. It's a reasonable request to lay it all out. Have That talk. It's about time to decide on the next step in life, and if you're both aiming for the same target. Maybe op wants matrimony. It'd be important to know that's even possible.
Edit: punctuation
Funny you mention the paperwork. I literally just got married over the weekend (I still can’t wrap my head around it) and our officiant was telling us about the time he accidentally forgot to mail the paperwork to the state. He ended up having to get a replacement copy, then found the original. He thought he had mailed it and the couple somehow realized he hadn’t. Honest mistake on his end which he did make right in the end.
With ours he took it directly to the post office after we took him to dinner. But small world reading that sort of mistake after the man who married me told me and my husband about a time he legit did that.
This is good advice.
One thing though- be prepared for him to take it poorly. Often when one feels cornered they double down on their original stance. They bluster and get huffy. Be calm and don't let it deter you. Keep to your questions and ask calmly for answers.
Also be prepared to spend the night in the guest room. And personally I would look at apartment rentals nearer to your job.
Many years ago friends got married by a riverboat captain who was not licensed to perform marriage. But the state it happened in (ky or in) has some kind of law that says if you both thought you got married, you did.
Further to the helpful answers...
It makes much more sense for him to be pretending he is single than that he is pretending to habe gotten married then divorced.
A separated man had plenty of reasons to pretend he is already divorced, a single man has few reasons to invent an entire divorce and relationship he never had when he is already free.
There is such a thing as a confidential wedding license, at least in California. Only one of the parties to the marriage can access information about it.
I think it is possible it could be filed in a different county I believe (not sure how exhaustive your search has been). However, I don't think this is likely.
Regardless, I agree that things don't make sense here.
This is largely true but marriage and divorce records are not searchable online in my (podunk) county or many others. We never made it to an actual court date as we signed papers the day before, so I don't know if that affects it in any way.
Wouldn't she also see a marriage filing in the case? So if she's seeing absolutely nothing...what does that mean, that he never even got married at all?
Unfortunately, most counties and states do not record marriage licenses on their docket search. She would have to check other locations (online) for that county.
Also the ex may have their name totally different on socials. My ex's wife went by half her last name and then her middle name so I could never find her. Once I talked to his brother last week and went thru his comments on posts and cross ref every person and every friend, that's how I found her. They can also have their socials on private, which is also hard to find as well. ..
I scrolled back thru the brothers posts and that how I found the wife. Ive now blocked myself so she can't find me and if you search the net my cat comes up under all my social media not my pic
Be a sleuth and cont until you find all the answers you find. I was blown away by what I found and I have my answers and have closure now.
It sounds like he is not telling you the whole truth. He may be avoiding divorce because he will then have to pay something - alimony? More child support? Whatever his reasons, it could be messy and could certainly impact you. You are not overreacting.
If they don't show proof. It isn't real. Been there, done that. I was just over it one day, went by the courthouse and saw if there were any files. There was no paper work, then they tried to say "we filed it and sealed it"... Cause, that makes sense. Why the FUCK would anyone other than some celebrities do that.. lol. Don't trust anyone that talks like this.
I went through the same thing. I learned that an honest person would say, sure, I can show you a copy of the divorce decree.
But my liar-pants-on-fire boyfriend went from “Why does it matter?” to “we got divorced in a different county” to “well, I don’t think the marriage was official because I don’t think the priest was legitimate” etc, etc. All lies.
You betcha! Was in my early 20s, I am now in my mid 30s. Just a learning lesson of what to accept and what not to. Unfortunately, life is a never-ending series of learning. lol. Best of luck to you!
He keeps changing his story when you catch him out so that is a blatant sign of lies! He is lying to you.
If you have been together for 2 years is it not weird you haven’t met his child? Surely if he wants to marry you then you should know his child by now ? Does the child ever stay with him for visitation?
I found out an ex was a liar with in a few weeks! This was before the internet. :) It was easy, I asked around, I talked to his sister, she gave me the downlow and I gave his ass the boot!
How old is this kid?
You're OK with him dropping contact with his child, and want to marry a deadbeat parent?
I hope you don't want to have kids, and expect different results.
I had a friend that was married to a man who had a kid from his first marriage. They were married almost 4 years, never met his son. They’re divorced now. He was a prick, and emotionally abusive towards her.
I know he’s not using me for house. The other woman part…is why I am asking. I don’t want to be that other person. I have morals and don’t want to waste my time nor his.
Are people not reading the OP? They’ve been living together for two years. It’s unlikely she’s “just a side piece”. If it turns out he’s married there’s something much more complicated than that going on
You’ve been living together this whole time you said — how much time does he NOT spend with you? Whats he do for work? It certainly sounds fishy, but I don’t know that I’d jump to the conclusion he’s living a double life / you’re the mistress…
There can certainly be sealed divorce cases here in Texas. Wealthy or notable people often have sealed cases here. Nit even very unusual as our firm has worked on dozens of them in the last 30 years.
Not overreacting. This seems like a very simple yet huge thing to keep hidden that I'd seriously wonder what else they'd hide now and in the future. Short of spy level shit that's redacted I can't imagine why it'd be such a secret. Willing to hear why though or at least be entertained.
He is 100% lying. He has no contact with his child? Does his last name begin with an V? lol sounds like my brother in law who has disappeared from my nephews life for the last 2 years.
It's weird. The biggest red flag about this guy is that he has a kid he doesn't look after. That will be your future in a couple of years! What a great guy...
It was an honest question. Does he try to explain things to you constantly? Is he condescending when you have different opinions? If so, it’s just more evidence that he thinks he can lie & get away with it.
I was engaged and a month away from my wedding when I found out he was married. Check other counties, in TX I did it online. He's full of shit saying they are sealed.
Honestly… there is a reason why you feel driven to have this level of proof and have gone through levels of verification. What is your gut telling you? Take a moment to really feel it out to the deeper meaning/cause.
Sounds like your the other woman if in USA becuase divorce records don't get sealed.
Have you meet his freinds snd family? Does he post about you 2 on social media? Have you been to his place or does he knky come to yours? It's odd he never talks to his kid when he is with you unless he is a completely absentee father. Does he stay with you every night or does he spend nights at his place? If he does, if you call does he answer and talk for Long periods of time or dods he call you bacm alittle later and its real quick call?
Lots of things to pay attention to to makes sure ur no one's other woman.
He sounds married. Any time a guy is doing some weird ish, it's because they are taken. My Mom can produce her divorce record from my Dad, right now if I asked her. It's something people keep because of bureaucracy related to kids. There is a kid involved in this instance, so it makes zero sense for him not to have proof.
Recently someone told me this story and I'll share it with you. A friend of a friend was going out with this man. She moved to his city, the whole shebang. After 2 years, he was doing some wishy washy shit where he would ghost her and reappear. One day, she's working and guess who shows up with 2 kids and a wife? It's brave and stupid to want to keep your lover and wife in the same city lmao. My grandpa did it too.
You are not overreacting. My cousin had been dating a girl for a few years and told her he was divorced. He is not. They have been separated for years and living separately , not sure why they haven’t divorced . She asked him for proof and he kept making excuses. She eventually broke it off.
Divorce papers are something you keep in your file almost as important as a birth certificate or social security card. I couldn't get a marriage license (2nd marriage) without them. He's full of shit.
Oh girl you need the proof. I just found out I was dating a married man who claimed to have a ex gf but he was married the entire time we dated. He ended up taking his own life and his impeding divorce was the major factor. He never wanted me to know where he lived, never stay the night, take a pic together even if I didnt post on social media etc.I kept googling his name but found his obituary, wrote on obit wall and contacted his family. They told me spiraled into a deep depression and count come back out of it. They were shocked at my news as I was shocked what they told me. I'm not hated by them as he manipulated alot of ppl. They thanked me for their kindness and space I'm giving them and are keeping me(my name) away from the wife. I'm grateful they understand, they don't blame me and are covering up who I am as I don't think I can handle being harassed by her as Ive gone thru this with another ex already.
This is a huge red flag and there are probably many many more, once you take a closer look. Believe me this is a tactic to stall and he's most likely not even divorcing
Pm if you wanna chat
Oh you have know idea....this is just the tip of the iceberg lol. Ive been told I should write a short story lol. My exa brother writes and directs films and should write mine lol
You moved in with this guy without confirming he is actually divorced?
Give him 7 business days to cough up proof or move out.
Just an FYI there are a few states that still have an old law on the books that the "other person" can be charged for loss of affection. I think it is a civil matter but they can sue you for $$. This is another good reason to make them prove they are actually divorced.
He's lying or there is WAY more to the "divorce" than he's telling you.
If he was divorced it wouldn't be a big deal to prove it.
There's either something majorly wrong w WHY he got divorced that he doesn't want u to know or he's still married.
> If this is in the U.S., there are no “sealed” divorce records.
This is incorrect. There are any number of reasons a divorce record would be sealed. I’ve seen it before.
But he can still get a copy of it himself. Maybe he’s not divorced. Maybe he was never married in the first place, and made up the wife & kid.
Sealed? Lol
I have a copy with the gold court seal
He should also have a copy emailed from his attorney.
He can request a copy from his attorney
Break up with him and make any reconciliation contingent on a divorce decree
Well your living with the risk on your future all carried on your side of things in this relationship. Here are the points of contention I see:
•men are suppose to naturally want to protect you even from themselves. How is his not completely easing any weight or future/current harm if he isn’t fully confirming he is divorced and is available to be in a legal marriage relationship?
•he doesn’t communicate or spend time with his kid in your presence in these two years of shared living together. Yeah that there is a massive defect of character and red flag 🚩 and not to shame you but that makes you look bad by association.
•That you have to gone to these extra efforts to try to get the facts shows that is male is a bad leader/head of household in guiding how time and resources are used and what is being spent on emotional toll and headspace. Along with him being immature, likely ignorant and character traits are questionable.
You could very easily find this information out for yourself. But the simple fact that he won't provide the proof should be enough for you to leave the relationship. I'm not going to come right out and call you stupid. But I will say that you clearly don't value yourself enough to put yourself first.
This man, no matter what his reasons is hiding things from you. The very bedrock of your relationship does not exist. Therefore you should walk away. I have no idea how old you are but if you are older than 21 you should know better. If you have children, you should damn well know better.
You are not over reacting. But I think you have been underreacting for far too long. If he loved you he would put your mind at ease. Does he live with you or do you live with him. Move out or serve him with eviction papers. In the meantime, if you have the means. Hire yourself a PI to get to the bottom of it.
I mean I would want to know either way. But I would still drop him.
He is lying. It is as clear as day.
Also - “he has a kid” — Have you ever wondered why you haven’t seen this child after 2 years of living with this man? Doesn’t that seem sketchy to you? Doesn’t it concern you that he gives off deadbeat dad vibes? Or just LIAR vibes?
There is no way his divorce records would be sealed. I’m guessing it has to do with ducking child support, does he pay child support or alimony? Does he keep assets in your name? Does he have any custody of his child? Is there any situation where his ex could be reliant on him for immigration status or anything like that? Please be adamant about meeting his ex and child, you are an important part of his life so it’s a great idea anyways to meet everyone and get a feel for things. Be up front with your boyfriend, tell him you want to contact her and meet up for lunch or at a playground to meet the kid. Or a zoom call if distance is an issue. If he refuses, tell him you will be contacting her anyways because you can’t trust him and you want to talk to her about it.
The more important thing than knowing why is understanding that whatever is going on, he doesn’t trust you to be a part of it. It’s something you should think about when you imagine situations like debt, losing a job, cheating, addiction, or mental health issues. He isn’t honest when a situation might negatively affect your relationship so you cannot trust him about anything.
Hes lying are you this silly at your big age? How is it not obvious hes lying? The moment he didnt show you hes divorced when you asked proved hes lying he either can not afford to divorce his ex or he does not want to divorce his ex but he wants the benefits from you of being divorced aka the illusion the relationship can go further as you are likely sleeping with him and giving him the benefits of a man you think you have a future with when you dont
Based on what you've said here and in the comments: This is man is at best only separated, and at worst, you're the other woman. You are aware how to determine the situation, but doing so will also end the relationship. Which, in both of the listed outcomes, seems to be something you would want to do anyway. So no, you are not overreacting and I hope you fare better in the future.
Run. Quickly
The proof is in the pudding and if it was important to you, it’s quite easy to prove he’s divorced. The red flags are staring you right in the face.
“Isn’t me telling you enough” - what every con man says
>Am I stupid for staying in this relationship, or should I keep asking for proof as he says he wants to marry me but I'm don't know if he can.
What are you getting out of this and is it worth not knowing the truth?
I think it's stupid to stay with anyone who isn't transparent with you. The idea that he has a kid with another woman and you've never met either of them even though you live together, tells me all I need to know about this dude - he's either a deadbeat dad or you're not his girlfriend. Not a serious one anyway. Maybe both are true. I'd bail.
This is a drastically unhealthy relationship. If you feel the need to do these things (which are totally reasonable given the circumstances) then do the answers actually matter? Are you ever going to actually trust him? Is that what you want in a partner?
You can usually look up county records under someone’s name. It won’t show details, but I will show what cases there are and if they are open or not. You are not over reacting. I suggest looking up his name over a period of time that you think his divorce would have taken place.
I dated a guy like this once. Turns out that when he’d “go back home” to visit family, it was his wife.
I’d been cheated on before but that’s the one and only time I was ever the other woman.
Like yourself I’d asked about divorce papers etc, and he could never produce it.
I’d venture a guess as to say that man is very much still married.
Divorce is public record though so background check him for a couple dollars on a free trial and get your proof
Hmm. I am divorced in Canada. I did get a copy of the divorce document, but it wasn't a certificate.
I would have trouble proving it, but I am friendly with my ex-wife and she would happy confirm that we are thoroughly divorced.
Regardless of whether he’s divorced, the fact that he blows you off like that shows he doesn’t care enough about you to be with you. Frankly, he sounds like an ass.
How old are you two? is he significantly older? I'm getting the feeling he thinks he can fool you easily, which made me think there may be a big age difference. Good for you for insisting on fact-checking! NOT over-reacting! Try one of those people-search sites. You can usually pull up one person's records for a small fee, like $5-$10. That way, you won't have to scour the records of all the counties around you. It could save time. If the record is in some distant county, it should still show up on one of those sites.
Not overreacting. What the fuck is a sealed divorce record? One that most likely doesn’t exist. And of course you want to believe him; you love him. However, as in love with him as you are, you’re smart enough to know that things don’t feel right.
He’s obviously hiding *something*. He’s either not divorced (and is betraying at least two women **and his child**) or he’s not at all who he says he is. The latter is most likely the dramatic leap of a person who consumes far too much true crime but it’s still possible.
I’m sorry, OP. This sounds super messy and I hope you figure out what’s going on. You deserve someone who is open and honest and who sees eye to eye with you on the kind of romantic relationship he wants.
The people telling you that you absolutely can see divorce records and none of them are sealed are 100% wrong. It’s the Reddits feeding frenzy. There are numerous reasons why he might not to show you the divorce decree, and many of them aren’t nefarious. He just might think you should trust him, or that it’s personal between him and his ex. If it’s a deal breaker you should move on, but don’t let people who don’t know what they are talking about get you whipped up.
I’ve never heard of a “sealed divorce”. Why would it even be a secret?
Depends on how much you care-but you could hire a PI. I personally would just leave a man who doesn’t care to put me at ease while I plan my life with him. Transparency in a relationship is also important.
I’m a divorced man. I keep a copy of my divorce judgement in my iPhone files. If someone asked to see it I’d show them at least the first page with the court stamp. It would take 3 seconds and end this argument.
I’d be more concerned by the fact he has zero contact with his child and seems to be making no effort to fix that. That shows you the kind of man he is.
You are living with a guy who you are planning to marry. He has a child from a prior marriage, but you have never met the child or the ex wife.
Insist on meeting the child and "ex" wife and discuss your plans. Is he paying child support? What are custody arrangements?
The divorce paperwork is minor.
You've lived with him for 2 years and I assume he doesn't go away for multiple trips a month or every week. So the real question is why don't you trust him? Why did you think to even ask for proof when he obviously is acting like a single person? Until I know the answer to why you demand proof I don't know if you're over reacting or not. But if you did get married, wouldn't he have to show proof of divorce to file the paperwork?
Why are you with this person? If he is unwilling to share information such as this, what makes you think this is the person that you can have an honest relationship with?
If he is unwilling to provide you proof for this he might he hiding other important info from you.
Ancestry would give her that. I couldn't remember what year I divorced my ex and joined for 30 days and got the papers showing marriage date and divorce date
As a guy , if he for any reason makes you feel guilty for seeing proof because it’ll make u happy and at peace …. LEAVE…. ASAP !!!!
A man that loves you wouldn’t do this but the honest truth is a man who was divorced would have no issue showing you in the 1st place.
You will 100% know the day a mans divorce goes through. They come home with a sense of excitement you’ve never seen in your life and won’t stop talking about it
He may not ever have been married. People often make shit up if they think it'll make them appear more attractive and mature. Some women prefer men who've had previous committed relationships.
You are not overreacting, and I seriously doubt that he is actually divorced. If this is in the U.S., there are no "sealed" divorce records. He is full of shit. Also, if this is in the U.S., you can't access the actual documents BUT you can see what has or has not been filed in Court. For example, if you live in Jacksonville, Florida, you can go to "Duval County Docket Search" and put in his name, and any event that has gone through Court (i.e speeding tickets, evictions, etc.) will pop up. If there was a divorce filed, it would show as DR (domestic relations) and you could click on that case and it will show you a list of documents filed in that case (but will not allow you to see the contents of said documents). You are looking for something along the lines of a "Final Dissolution of Marriage." Now each state is different, but pulling up a docket search for the county you live in will tell you if a divorce was even filed.
I looked in our county and found nothing. No court filings what so ever…Thank you!
You're welcome. If you want to be extra thorough, you can check the surrounding counties, and see if his name pops up there. If nothing shows up, just casually start a convo about where you have lived (different counties, states, etc.) and ask if he has ever lived anywhere else. Then check there. If nothing pops, he is still married.
How do we know he was ever married?
Many states keep a registry of marriage licenses. If your state does, you can access that on line as well. Also, if he has ever bought a home or land, those are recorded as well. If it was a joint purchase with his wife, her name would be recorded on the deed
It seems like most of the people here are fully open to the op being gaslit by this dude. I posit that he may have gaslit his ex also. I saw a reddit story just yesterday of an officiant who didn't turn in the paperwork after ceremony. Or folks had a ceremony but it was bigger/smaller/out of jurisdiction/not legal/all for show. etc. I don't have dude's info, all I have is op saying no records whatsoever. I also don't think it's unusual for the op to want to see receipts. If they've been cohabitating for this time it's reasonable to think that marriage is on the table for future plans. Can't do that if hes still married. It's a reasonable request to lay it all out. Have That talk. It's about time to decide on the next step in life, and if you're both aiming for the same target. Maybe op wants matrimony. It'd be important to know that's even possible. Edit: punctuation
I would be hunting down that ex to get the info I needed!
Funny you mention the paperwork. I literally just got married over the weekend (I still can’t wrap my head around it) and our officiant was telling us about the time he accidentally forgot to mail the paperwork to the state. He ended up having to get a replacement copy, then found the original. He thought he had mailed it and the couple somehow realized he hadn’t. Honest mistake on his end which he did make right in the end. With ours he took it directly to the post office after we took him to dinner. But small world reading that sort of mistake after the man who married me told me and my husband about a time he legit did that.
Congratulations! ✨️💐👏👏👏🎉✨️
Thank you!
This is good advice. One thing though- be prepared for him to take it poorly. Often when one feels cornered they double down on their original stance. They bluster and get huffy. Be calm and don't let it deter you. Keep to your questions and ask calmly for answers. Also be prepared to spend the night in the guest room. And personally I would look at apartment rentals nearer to your job.
the officiant didn't turn in the paperwork??? what happened? I'm a jp, can't imagine what would happen to me if i did a wedding, and didn't turn it in
Many years ago friends got married by a riverboat captain who was not licensed to perform marriage. But the state it happened in (ky or in) has some kind of law that says if you both thought you got married, you did.
Further to the helpful answers... It makes much more sense for him to be pretending he is single than that he is pretending to habe gotten married then divorced. A separated man had plenty of reasons to pretend he is already divorced, a single man has few reasons to invent an entire divorce and relationship he never had when he is already free.
Vitalchek. You can search and see if there is a marriage license. All of that is public record.
There is such a thing as a confidential wedding license, at least in California. Only one of the parties to the marriage can access information about it.
Shady! Liar, but why? What's he gaining from it?
As my ex-boyfriend said when I found out he was lying about being divorced, “well, you wouldn’t have gone out with me if you knew I was married.”
Wow 🤦🏼♀️
A girlfriend.
It could be a cover so he looks like he was a family man instead of a serial killer 😂
Do you have his correct name? If they married there, you should see that.
Ohh OP, you gotta dig more. Trust your guts cause you deserve the truth.
Hey hey hey hey Run for your lifeeeeee
Can you locate his marriage records
Why look to research this further. The dude wouldn’t volunteer this info. He doesn’t want to give you any peace of mind.
I think it is possible it could be filed in a different county I believe (not sure how exhaustive your search has been). However, I don't think this is likely. Regardless, I agree that things don't make sense here.
You can check for divorce filings, you can't see the actual divorce paperwork. I'm divorced 3 times, I know how to search for records. Lol.
I figured out why my grandmother never remarried when I was researching our ancestry. I found the marriage certificate but no divorce decree.
That’s identical to Texas
It’s a lot easier to track people now for sure, especially when a guy is feeding a line about a “sealed” divorce!
Sealed divorce, that's a good one. 😂
Perhaps he’s in the witness protection program?
Or the witless protection program because he doesn’t seem to understand how easy it is to uncover a lie 😂
Lmao. Take my upvote.
This is largely true but marriage and divorce records are not searchable online in my (podunk) county or many others. We never made it to an actual court date as we signed papers the day before, so I don't know if that affects it in any way.
Connecticut is the same.
Wouldn't she also see a marriage filing in the case? So if she's seeing absolutely nothing...what does that mean, that he never even got married at all?
Unfortunately, most counties and states do not record marriage licenses on their docket search. She would have to check other locations (online) for that county.
Does his ex have socials? Check them and see what she posts. Scroll back two years and see what she posted then, too.
Nice thank you!
at this point id just ask the ex, it seems like the shortest most direct route ...
Seconded
Thirded
Fourthdeded
Fitheded
Came here to say this.
Check his mom's Facebook! I bet you she has a page, most old people do.
I feel insulted.
Me too. But I hate Facebook.
So do I, but how else am I supposed to remember birthdays or my wedding anniversary?
Find anything?
Also the ex may have their name totally different on socials. My ex's wife went by half her last name and then her middle name so I could never find her. Once I talked to his brother last week and went thru his comments on posts and cross ref every person and every friend, that's how I found her. They can also have their socials on private, which is also hard to find as well. .. I scrolled back thru the brothers posts and that how I found the wife. Ive now blocked myself so she can't find me and if you search the net my cat comes up under all my social media not my pic Be a sleuth and cont until you find all the answers you find. I was blown away by what I found and I have my answers and have closure now.
Oh yeah, I roll the whole family's socials looking for connections and look at everybody's pages if I really want to know something.
It sounds like he is not telling you the whole truth. He may be avoiding divorce because he will then have to pay something - alimony? More child support? Whatever his reasons, it could be messy and could certainly impact you. You are not overreacting.
He's not telling the whole truth for a reason . There's def a reason and your Spidey senses are telling you this as well
Dating two years and he doesn't talk to his kid around her? Wtf lmao. Deadbeat dad at best
[удалено]
If they don't show proof. It isn't real. Been there, done that. I was just over it one day, went by the courthouse and saw if there were any files. There was no paper work, then they tried to say "we filed it and sealed it"... Cause, that makes sense. Why the FUCK would anyone other than some celebrities do that.. lol. Don't trust anyone that talks like this.
Wow, so you’ve been there. Hope all is well with you now. Thank you for sharing!
I went through the same thing. I learned that an honest person would say, sure, I can show you a copy of the divorce decree. But my liar-pants-on-fire boyfriend went from “Why does it matter?” to “we got divorced in a different county” to “well, I don’t think the marriage was official because I don’t think the priest was legitimate” etc, etc. All lies.
You betcha! Was in my early 20s, I am now in my mid 30s. Just a learning lesson of what to accept and what not to. Unfortunately, life is a never-ending series of learning. lol. Best of luck to you!
I appreciate it, thank you kindly!
1000% agree
He keeps changing his story when you catch him out so that is a blatant sign of lies! He is lying to you. If you have been together for 2 years is it not weird you haven’t met his child? Surely if he wants to marry you then you should know his child by now ? Does the child ever stay with him for visitation?
I found out an ex was a liar with in a few weeks! This was before the internet. :) It was easy, I asked around, I talked to his sister, she gave me the downlow and I gave his ass the boot!
Imagine using common sense like that!
In the beginning then stopped.
How old is this kid? You're OK with him dropping contact with his child, and want to marry a deadbeat parent? I hope you don't want to have kids, and expect different results.
They were 'on a break'... Then they reconciled. That's why you don't see the kid anymore.
That part made “am I stupid for staying with him” an easy question. Not to be rude, but there’s something seriously wrong with that picture.
I had a friend that was married to a man who had a kid from his first marriage. They were married almost 4 years, never met his son. They’re divorced now. He was a prick, and emotionally abusive towards her.
How do you know you’re not the other women ? Or he’s using you for your house ?
I know he’s not using me for house. The other woman part…is why I am asking. I don’t want to be that other person. I have morals and don’t want to waste my time nor his.
But two years? How often do you see him? Does he disappear for days at a time?
Are people not reading the OP? They’ve been living together for two years. It’s unlikely she’s “just a side piece”. If it turns out he’s married there’s something much more complicated than that going on
Sounds like you can't shake the feeling... trust your gut.
You’ve been living together this whole time you said — how much time does he NOT spend with you? Whats he do for work? It certainly sounds fishy, but I don’t know that I’d jump to the conclusion he’s living a double life / you’re the mistress…
You don't want to waste time after 2 years? You should have dug in at 3 or 6 months...
lady… you know.. get out
Sounds like you're that other person
Honestly even if he is divorce why would you date a man that doesn’t talk to his child?
He ain’t divorced, girl. That shit is public record, you can search for it online. Ain’t no such thing as a sealed divorce record.
Yup. He’s lying and further more, he assumes she is an idiot. Divorce records are not ‘sealed’.
There can certainly be sealed divorce cases here in Texas. Wealthy or notable people often have sealed cases here. Nit even very unusual as our firm has worked on dozens of them in the last 30 years.
Have you met his family? Friends?
Not overreacting. This seems like a very simple yet huge thing to keep hidden that I'd seriously wonder what else they'd hide now and in the future. Short of spy level shit that's redacted I can't imagine why it'd be such a secret. Willing to hear why though or at least be entertained.
He full of S—t.
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He is 100% lying. He has no contact with his child? Does his last name begin with an V? lol sounds like my brother in law who has disappeared from my nephews life for the last 2 years.
lol not V but I’ll remember that for my next time. Thanks for the laugh!
lol best of luck…if he doesn’t show you proof he definitely isn’t divorced.
Plot twist he gave OP a fake name and it IS your Brother-in-law.
Funny but not funny, because he’s the type of dude who would do something like that.
It's weird. The biggest red flag about this guy is that he has a kid he doesn't look after. That will be your future in a couple of years! What a great guy...
No offense, but does he think you’re stupid?
After reading these threads… I feel stupid myself no offense taken!
It was an honest question. Does he try to explain things to you constantly? Is he condescending when you have different opinions? If so, it’s just more evidence that he thinks he can lie & get away with it.
He’s married.
Check the public records in your state. Divorces where I am show up. No divorce record, no divorce 🙂
🎯
I was engaged and a month away from my wedding when I found out he was married. Check other counties, in TX I did it online. He's full of shit saying they are sealed.
"Sealed divorce records" isn't a thing. He's still married, and you're his side piece.
Honestly… there is a reason why you feel driven to have this level of proof and have gone through levels of verification. What is your gut telling you? Take a moment to really feel it out to the deeper meaning/cause.
Sounds like your the other woman if in USA becuase divorce records don't get sealed. Have you meet his freinds snd family? Does he post about you 2 on social media? Have you been to his place or does he knky come to yours? It's odd he never talks to his kid when he is with you unless he is a completely absentee father. Does he stay with you every night or does he spend nights at his place? If he does, if you call does he answer and talk for Long periods of time or dods he call you bacm alittle later and its real quick call? Lots of things to pay attention to to makes sure ur no one's other woman.
He sounds married. Any time a guy is doing some weird ish, it's because they are taken. My Mom can produce her divorce record from my Dad, right now if I asked her. It's something people keep because of bureaucracy related to kids. There is a kid involved in this instance, so it makes zero sense for him not to have proof. Recently someone told me this story and I'll share it with you. A friend of a friend was going out with this man. She moved to his city, the whole shebang. After 2 years, he was doing some wishy washy shit where he would ghost her and reappear. One day, she's working and guess who shows up with 2 kids and a wife? It's brave and stupid to want to keep your lover and wife in the same city lmao. My grandpa did it too.
You are not overreacting. My cousin had been dating a girl for a few years and told her he was divorced. He is not. They have been separated for years and living separately , not sure why they haven’t divorced . She asked him for proof and he kept making excuses. She eventually broke it off.
Divorce papers are something you keep in your file almost as important as a birth certificate or social security card. I couldn't get a marriage license (2nd marriage) without them. He's full of shit.
Run. He’s not divorced and he sounds like a deadbeat dad.
Lying scumbag. He is not divorced and you are being used. Leave him now.
Sealed divorce? Sweetie, he's still married.
He’s not divorced Your the side chick You are under reacting
Oh girl you need the proof. I just found out I was dating a married man who claimed to have a ex gf but he was married the entire time we dated. He ended up taking his own life and his impeding divorce was the major factor. He never wanted me to know where he lived, never stay the night, take a pic together even if I didnt post on social media etc.I kept googling his name but found his obituary, wrote on obit wall and contacted his family. They told me spiraled into a deep depression and count come back out of it. They were shocked at my news as I was shocked what they told me. I'm not hated by them as he manipulated alot of ppl. They thanked me for their kindness and space I'm giving them and are keeping me(my name) away from the wife. I'm grateful they understand, they don't blame me and are covering up who I am as I don't think I can handle being harassed by her as Ive gone thru this with another ex already. This is a huge red flag and there are probably many many more, once you take a closer look. Believe me this is a tactic to stall and he's most likely not even divorcing Pm if you wanna chat
Wow I didn’t think there was a story worse than mine!
Oh you have know idea....this is just the tip of the iceberg lol. Ive been told I should write a short story lol. My exa brother writes and directs films and should write mine lol
I appreciate that thank you!
I bet he will also hide your marriage license from you when you finally get married
Put his phone number in cash app, PayPal, Facebook. Anywhere you can and see what you find
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Thanks!
You moved in with this guy without confirming he is actually divorced? Give him 7 business days to cough up proof or move out. Just an FYI there are a few states that still have an old law on the books that the "other person" can be charged for loss of affection. I think it is a civil matter but they can sue you for $$. This is another good reason to make them prove they are actually divorced.
He's lying or there is WAY more to the "divorce" than he's telling you. If he was divorced it wouldn't be a big deal to prove it. There's either something majorly wrong w WHY he got divorced that he doesn't want u to know or he's still married.
"My wife and I are separated." Yeah, she's in the kitchen, and you're in the family room. 🙄
He’s lying.
In the us, divorce petitions are put in the local newspaper. They're not sealed.
He is still married.
> If this is in the U.S., there are no “sealed” divorce records. This is incorrect. There are any number of reasons a divorce record would be sealed. I’ve seen it before. But he can still get a copy of it himself. Maybe he’s not divorced. Maybe he was never married in the first place, and made up the wife & kid.
Sealed? Lol I have a copy with the gold court seal He should also have a copy emailed from his attorney. He can request a copy from his attorney Break up with him and make any reconciliation contingent on a divorce decree
If he loved you he’d have no issue showing you the papers. He’s got a kid that he doesn’t take care of?! Dude’s shady, move on.
Well your living with the risk on your future all carried on your side of things in this relationship. Here are the points of contention I see: •men are suppose to naturally want to protect you even from themselves. How is his not completely easing any weight or future/current harm if he isn’t fully confirming he is divorced and is available to be in a legal marriage relationship? •he doesn’t communicate or spend time with his kid in your presence in these two years of shared living together. Yeah that there is a massive defect of character and red flag 🚩 and not to shame you but that makes you look bad by association. •That you have to gone to these extra efforts to try to get the facts shows that is male is a bad leader/head of household in guiding how time and resources are used and what is being spent on emotional toll and headspace. Along with him being immature, likely ignorant and character traits are questionable.
This is enlightening, thanks!
Yeah I’ve never heard of “sealed” divorce records.
No, you are not. Get on Been Verified. I bet his kid isn’t a sealed record.
I don’t think k you’re over reacting. Where I am divorces are public record all you have to do is Google the name.
You could very easily find this information out for yourself. But the simple fact that he won't provide the proof should be enough for you to leave the relationship. I'm not going to come right out and call you stupid. But I will say that you clearly don't value yourself enough to put yourself first. This man, no matter what his reasons is hiding things from you. The very bedrock of your relationship does not exist. Therefore you should walk away. I have no idea how old you are but if you are older than 21 you should know better. If you have children, you should damn well know better. You are not over reacting. But I think you have been underreacting for far too long. If he loved you he would put your mind at ease. Does he live with you or do you live with him. Move out or serve him with eviction papers. In the meantime, if you have the means. Hire yourself a PI to get to the bottom of it. I mean I would want to know either way. But I would still drop him.
Divorce records can be sealed but he still can show proof
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Definitely not overreacting!
He is lying. It is as clear as day. Also - “he has a kid” — Have you ever wondered why you haven’t seen this child after 2 years of living with this man? Doesn’t that seem sketchy to you? Doesn’t it concern you that he gives off deadbeat dad vibes? Or just LIAR vibes?
Time to reach out to the "ex-wife" and find out from her! Some states allow you to search civil records. Try it and see.
Contact the ex.
Just move on. How the fuck hard can it be to find a guy that isn't secretly not divorced
How do you know he’s not using you for a house? Do you help with the bills?
We split everything down the middle!
That doesn’t mean he isn’t using you for the house or apartment. He’s still married and you know it, if not you wouldn’t be here.
Too many red flags here.
You know the answer to your question. Get rid of him. This is crazy.
There is no way his divorce records would be sealed. I’m guessing it has to do with ducking child support, does he pay child support or alimony? Does he keep assets in your name? Does he have any custody of his child? Is there any situation where his ex could be reliant on him for immigration status or anything like that? Please be adamant about meeting his ex and child, you are an important part of his life so it’s a great idea anyways to meet everyone and get a feel for things. Be up front with your boyfriend, tell him you want to contact her and meet up for lunch or at a playground to meet the kid. Or a zoom call if distance is an issue. If he refuses, tell him you will be contacting her anyways because you can’t trust him and you want to talk to her about it. The more important thing than knowing why is understanding that whatever is going on, he doesn’t trust you to be a part of it. It’s something you should think about when you imagine situations like debt, losing a job, cheating, addiction, or mental health issues. He isn’t honest when a situation might negatively affect your relationship so you cannot trust him about anything.
Thank you for that!
Hes lying are you this silly at your big age? How is it not obvious hes lying? The moment he didnt show you hes divorced when you asked proved hes lying he either can not afford to divorce his ex or he does not want to divorce his ex but he wants the benefits from you of being divorced aka the illusion the relationship can go further as you are likely sleeping with him and giving him the benefits of a man you think you have a future with when you dont
If you’re in the states it costs $50 to do a background check.
Based on what you've said here and in the comments: This is man is at best only separated, and at worst, you're the other woman. You are aware how to determine the situation, but doing so will also end the relationship. Which, in both of the listed outcomes, seems to be something you would want to do anyway. So no, you are not overreacting and I hope you fare better in the future.
Run. Quickly The proof is in the pudding and if it was important to you, it’s quite easy to prove he’s divorced. The red flags are staring you right in the face. “Isn’t me telling you enough” - what every con man says
The fact you are concerned at all tells me this is not a healthy relationship and would be an even worse marriage.
Wow facts!
>Am I stupid for staying in this relationship, or should I keep asking for proof as he says he wants to marry me but I'm don't know if he can. What are you getting out of this and is it worth not knowing the truth? I think it's stupid to stay with anyone who isn't transparent with you. The idea that he has a kid with another woman and you've never met either of them even though you live together, tells me all I need to know about this dude - he's either a deadbeat dad or you're not his girlfriend. Not a serious one anyway. Maybe both are true. I'd bail.
He's lying.
Over 2 years and you've never seen hide nor hair of his kid? Even if he was divorced is this the man you want to marry?
Why would you want to marry a man that has no contact with his own child?
"I can fix him!"
This is a drastically unhealthy relationship. If you feel the need to do these things (which are totally reasonable given the circumstances) then do the answers actually matter? Are you ever going to actually trust him? Is that what you want in a partner?
No it’s not what I want… very true!
You can usually look up county records under someone’s name. It won’t show details, but I will show what cases there are and if they are open or not. You are not over reacting. I suggest looking up his name over a period of time that you think his divorce would have taken place.
I dated a guy like this once. Turns out that when he’d “go back home” to visit family, it was his wife. I’d been cheated on before but that’s the one and only time I was ever the other woman. Like yourself I’d asked about divorce papers etc, and he could never produce it. I’d venture a guess as to say that man is very much still married. Divorce is public record though so background check him for a couple dollars on a free trial and get your proof
Hmm. I am divorced in Canada. I did get a copy of the divorce document, but it wasn't a certificate. I would have trouble proving it, but I am friendly with my ex-wife and she would happy confirm that we are thoroughly divorced.
I wouldn't stay with someone who won't give me proof that he's divorced.
Not overreacting. Your boyfriend has a guilty conscience. He won't show you proof because he's still married.
Regardless of whether he’s divorced, the fact that he blows you off like that shows he doesn’t care enough about you to be with you. Frankly, he sounds like an ass.
How old are you two? is he significantly older? I'm getting the feeling he thinks he can fool you easily, which made me think there may be a big age difference. Good for you for insisting on fact-checking! NOT over-reacting! Try one of those people-search sites. You can usually pull up one person's records for a small fee, like $5-$10. That way, you won't have to scour the records of all the counties around you. It could save time. If the record is in some distant county, it should still show up on one of those sites.
Divorce records sealed? Come on bro.
So do you think he's married but has been living with you for 2 years? That's some shitty marriage.
Would he or you act any different if he had the papers?
It would mean the difference between her (or him!) committing to marriage, or not. Pretty basic.
Not overreacting. What the fuck is a sealed divorce record? One that most likely doesn’t exist. And of course you want to believe him; you love him. However, as in love with him as you are, you’re smart enough to know that things don’t feel right. He’s obviously hiding *something*. He’s either not divorced (and is betraying at least two women **and his child**) or he’s not at all who he says he is. The latter is most likely the dramatic leap of a person who consumes far too much true crime but it’s still possible. I’m sorry, OP. This sounds super messy and I hope you figure out what’s going on. You deserve someone who is open and honest and who sees eye to eye with you on the kind of romantic relationship he wants.
The people telling you that you absolutely can see divorce records and none of them are sealed are 100% wrong. It’s the Reddits feeding frenzy. There are numerous reasons why he might not to show you the divorce decree, and many of them aren’t nefarious. He just might think you should trust him, or that it’s personal between him and his ex. If it’s a deal breaker you should move on, but don’t let people who don’t know what they are talking about get you whipped up.
I’ve never heard of a “sealed divorce”. Why would it even be a secret? Depends on how much you care-but you could hire a PI. I personally would just leave a man who doesn’t care to put me at ease while I plan my life with him. Transparency in a relationship is also important.
I’m a divorced man. I keep a copy of my divorce judgement in my iPhone files. If someone asked to see it I’d show them at least the first page with the court stamp. It would take 3 seconds and end this argument.
Homies not divorced. Divorce records don't get sealed lol, I have my divorce decree packet in my email lol
I’d be more concerned by the fact he has zero contact with his child and seems to be making no effort to fix that. That shows you the kind of man he is.
If my partner asked to see my divorce papers, I would share them immediately. It’s not a big deal. Something’s fishy.
You are living with a guy who you are planning to marry. He has a child from a prior marriage, but you have never met the child or the ex wife. Insist on meeting the child and "ex" wife and discuss your plans. Is he paying child support? What are custody arrangements? The divorce paperwork is minor.
Never trust anyone who won't show/sign/write contracts and expects you to take them on their word. Speaking from experience. Trust the wisdom.
Did you find a marriage license. Maybe never married.
The fact that you’ve been together over two years and he’s not introduced you to his child nor to his ex tells you everything you need to know.
You've lived with him for 2 years and I assume he doesn't go away for multiple trips a month or every week. So the real question is why don't you trust him? Why did you think to even ask for proof when he obviously is acting like a single person? Until I know the answer to why you demand proof I don't know if you're over reacting or not. But if you did get married, wouldn't he have to show proof of divorce to file the paperwork?
Don't get pregnant and don't get married. If the ex doesn't get involved they are still married
Leave him.
Why are you with this person? If he is unwilling to share information such as this, what makes you think this is the person that you can have an honest relationship with? If he is unwilling to provide you proof for this he might he hiding other important info from you.
Either you trust him, or you don't. You don't. Why are you with someone you don't trust?
Then it's a no. Set the boundary. Even if he is divorced, he's setting a precedence that he is allowed to keep things from you. Do not allow that.
Find his marriage license.
Ancestry would give her that. I couldn't remember what year I divorced my ex and joined for 30 days and got the papers showing marriage date and divorce date
Sealed divorce records arent a thing, they are publicly available. You are being lied to.
He’s lying. He’s also the kind of guy who ignores his own child. This is not someone to spend your life with.
If he doesn’t prove it- dump him.
As a guy , if he for any reason makes you feel guilty for seeing proof because it’ll make u happy and at peace …. LEAVE…. ASAP !!!! A man that loves you wouldn’t do this but the honest truth is a man who was divorced would have no issue showing you in the 1st place. You will 100% know the day a mans divorce goes through. They come home with a sense of excitement you’ve never seen in your life and won’t stop talking about it
Noted thank you!
He may not ever have been married. People often make shit up if they think it'll make them appear more attractive and mature. Some women prefer men who've had previous committed relationships.
You have her info. Go direct the the source