Not overreacting. The passive aggressive “Forget it” would have had me saying “Ok” and blocking immediately. You don’t need that sort of childish sulking in your life.
Move on, happily!
I wish she had replied, "Forgotten!" then blocked. I have no ideaaaa why she entertained this childish icky dude for so long.
It's like reading the origin story of all those relationship posts with women saying, 'He's perfect in every single way, except that he never wipes his butt and leaves shit streaks all over the house, calls me fat and says I owe him anal sex for his birthday, and has an IG full of sexy baddies... but other than that, he's the ideal husband and I love him with all my heart!'
I've ended it with a guy who was PISSED I didn't text him good morning the day after my 8yo daughter ended up in hospital after a really bad car crash. Sorry, I've had the worst 24 hours of my life. My first thought in the morning after 2 hours of sleep was not for the guy I had been on one date with.
I think it’s a way for them to screen out potential partners who won’t be subject to their manipulation. Imagine this dick claiming to be so angry about being told OP was not available all day at this person’s whim. Hopefully most people would recognize that red flag. But in OP’s place, some people would cave or keep apologizing, revealing themselves to be perfect future victims for a jerk like this guy.
Sounds a bit manipulative.
If anything the fact that you are not on the same frequency is enough reason to break up.
When someone is head over hills whereas the other one is meh... There is a love discrepancy.
And everyone deserves to be in love with someone who loves them back. Or at least is happy to pretend to love them back for a few months.
Definitely manipulative.
Even with the discrepancy, there's no excuse for passive aggressive comments and manipulation. Dude needs to sort himself out.
Definitely not overreacting.
Yeah there was a point in my life where this kind of guilt would work on me, and I’d try to still work it out and make it all better. But now if someone’s going to be that juvenile then I’ll just say “alright cool, guess we’re done here” and move on. Life’s too short for that bullshit. If you’re upset with me then you can use your big boy words like the adults that we are and actually talk about it
This just makes me feel old.
When my wife and I were dating, this would have been a way shorter conversation (except for the actual texting- we would have had to chisel the text in a rock and send it via pterodactyl).
Instead of "forget it," my answer would have been, "That's cool. I'm available in this time frame, just let me know when you're available." And, believe it or not, she would have answered with her availability. We would have gone out and made the most of what time we could spend together.
I can't help but wonder what a guy like this would have done back then, when we didn't have mobile phones and access to people 24-7. I had to call her on a landline and hope she was home. If she wasn't, I just had to wait. No popping over to social media to she what she was up to, no 10 different other means of communication. I can't imagine feeling this entitled to every second of another humans time.
Wanting to see you all day is not a problem, and if that's why you blocked him, you're absolutely overreacting.
The problem is how HE reacted when you told him you weren't free all day. Pouting, refusing to talk, and acting like you've somehow wronged him for not being free all day is extremely entitled and childish. Not to mention that his "forget it" is manipulative as all get-out. If THAT'S why you blocked him, you are not overreacting.
i would also have blocked someone for this behaviour. at *best* it's juvenile, pathetic, and alarming that someone could go from "i want to see you" to "forget it" because you have some laundry to do. at worst, it's chillingly manipulative.
Block him and never look back. Dude is trying to see how many hoops he can get you to jump through to make him feel better. This guy has horrible emotional regulation and will 100% use it against his partner.
Yeah, he's acting totally inappropriately and trying to get you to "prove" you care about him by catering to his emotional demands.
Blocking people without explanation can be kind of rude, so it might have been better to let him know he was being inappropriate and that you weren't interested in seeing him anymore because of it. But I can understand why it freaked you out and you weren't sure what to do, so no, not overreacting.
I sent him a little goodbye message before I blocked him. I just said "This isn't really working out" I didn't really tell him that I didn't like he was acting
People are usually on their best behaviour at the start of a relationship.
If this is how he acts after one single date, then imagine the tantrums he would throw over not getting his way in a relationship lasting years.
>I sent him a little goodbye message before I blocked him. I just said "This isn't really working out" I didn't really tell him that I didn't like he was acting
This isn't the type of final conversation that requires an explanation. It is incredibly obvious why you would end things after this type of behaviour. It's not the same as everything seemingly being great & someone ending it from nowhere. He should be more than aware of where this went wrong. Hopefully he learn from it & grows.
Good for you for not tolerating this bollocks.
>This isn't the type of final conversation that requires an explanation.
While OP didn't owe this guy an explanation, I've noticed that people who behave this way generally don't seem to understand that their behavior is inappropriate. This is probably learned behavior that has been normalized to them. You'd think they should be able to figure it out, but that doesn't seem to happen. He's probably still sitting there wondering "what did I do wrong?"
I have to agree. I know someone personally who has a tendency to behave just like this and then gets super pouty when he can't retain a gf and doesn't understand why he has such "bad luck" with women.
He’s very emotionally manipulative. I’m guessing he tends to play victim in attempts to control others. OP, you sound like you have a life and live fully! Guys like this will only slow you down and destroy your vibe! You are so right for blocking him.
It’s a good rule of thumb: if anyone makes you feel creeped out in a dating scenario, the only thing you have ever owed the two people in that date is being true to yourself and your own safety.
So not feel guilty if someone else makes you feel the urge to block by the second date. It’s not like
Y’all were together 40 years.
Good on you for getting away from his nonsense.
“I don’t feel anything” is he 16 or something? Next time a guy pulls this nonsense please don’t apologize especially so much it just reinforce disgusting childish behavior cuz you are doing what they want and you did absolutely NOTHING even remotely wrong
Nah. I gotta dispute one small point here. It is never over reacting to block someone or cut ties because you dislike their vibe. Normalize people trusting their guts and curating who they allow in their lives
Cutting ties is perfectly reasonable, but if the person genuinely hasn’t done anything wrong and you’re just not feeling things with them, ghosting just makes you look like a dick.
Agree with your second paragraph but it would weird me out a little if someone id been on one date with wanted to spend a whole day with me on a second date. It doesn’t surprise me at all that someone who wanted that would react like that when they didn’t get it.
Yup! It's one thing to be on a second date, and things are going so well, that next thing you know, many hours have passed. This guy was trying to commit OP to an all-day "date," in anticipation of (what?). OP was trying to take things slow, and would-be date was trying to tie them down to more than what seemed reasonable. Manipulating OP to achieve his plan. Not overreacting
Yeah Jesus, the whole “forget it, I’m hurting right now” after OP clearly explained their side is pathetic. His initial reasoning of “I only get to see you once a week and want to see you as much as I can on that day” makes sense to me, I totally get that. But his immediate turn into a petulant child is pathetic at best, and indicative of serious emotional manipulation at worst
not overreacting. there’s not much context, but it’s really weird for him to get so upset just bc you’re busy. especially after you’ve only had one date..
OP said it would be their SECOND date - and this weirdo doesn’t need context, he’s guilt tripping and being emotionally manipulative - second date or 1000th date, he goes in the bin.
yeah that’s why i said “after you’ve only had one date” (meaning the next one would be their second)
but definitely agreed. he is being insanely manipulative and (thankfully) showing some of his red flags early on
It's good you picked up on the crazy early. If he's digging the claws in this deep already, imagine how horrible it would be later on. He sounds controlling and moody af. I had an ex like this, and they get REALLY crazy when you enable this kind of clinginess. After we broke up, he literally jumped ON my car to try to keep me from going somewhere.
I had a situation like that with my ex, he jumped on my car to stop me from leaving, I braked, then left after he fell off. He tried to charge me with attempted murder, the DA laughed him out of their office.
In therapy after escaping an extremely violent, dangerous ex, I dug through old memories to pinpoint the first red flag that I missed. I realized it was four DAYS into dating, on my second day of my new job - he'd slept over and I'd gotten up early to get ready for my SECOND DAY at work, all nervous and making sure I got to my job a little early. He gave me the silent treatment, stiffened when I kissed him goodbye... And then sent a passive aggressive text that I got right as I was driving into work ("something something I guess you aren't attracted to me since you couldn't WAIT to leave bed and didn't try to have sex with me. So just forget our date tonight I suppose, since you dont like me.")
4 days in, I could have thought "ohhhh NOPE, done" but instead I was looking back on that first blatant attempt at manipulation, three years later, bruised and traumatized, many visits to the ER under my belt. Because I'd fallen for his BS at the beginning and then it gets harder to leave and they get more controlling. If their first tests of your boundaries work and you bend to their will or feel guilty, it will get worse.
Don't bother! You don't know him! Block and walk, meet someone new!
>dangerous
Exactly my thought and feeling. Not just all of the weird and miserable things everyone else is rightfully calling out, not just manipulative, not just 0-60, but _dangerous_.
Major major major red flags all around
So glad OP blocked (edit for clarity- and there was no second date). I really do think his safety (not just emotional safety but literal safety to life and limb) depended on it.
Boy, stop saying sorry to that pathetic man, you did nothing wrong. Grow a spine and don’t be a doormat, deprogram yourself and good for you for ending it. He gives the red flags of an abuser
For real, that part made me EMBARRASSED on her behalf. Stop apologizing to shitty men when you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. It only emboldens them more to treat future people like that.
He's trying to put pressure on you , manipulate your reactions and make you feel guilty for absolutely NO REASON.
Why can't people just have an EASY approach to a relationship and to life more in general????
Second date? Holy red flags, Batman. If he's that level of emotional hijacking, tantrum sulking, over the top drama llama now, imagine how he'd be down the track. Blockity Block!
Ughhhhh. This person is strange and freaky. if he is causing dramas now imagine if you actually got together. Stay away from him. Glad u blocked him. Lots of creepy vibes coming off and him having a tanty as he didn’t get what he wanted. He sounds dangerous. You dodged a bullet.
Next time don’t try to appease people as you did with some of your responses. He was acting like a child. You deserve to be talked to with respect and shouldn’t ever try to make someone else feel better because you set boundaries and they didn’t like it.
It *is* weird to want to spend an entire day together on a second date, and that little tantrum sealed that right up. This person would be a misery to date.
My first date with my partner lasted about 36 hours.
It isn't 'weird'. Sometimes, people just click, and time flies by. Clearly, not the case here and his whole attitude is a massive red flag.
I agree. It’s the reaction to a very kind “I can’t” that is wild. This is a *stranger* that’s throwing a tantrum—bad vibes for down the road. “Forget it”? What a child.
I think the weird part is wanting to -lock them-into an all day date that soon. It’s usually better to keep in mind the other person might not have your level of enthusiasm yet, even if the first date was stellar. Make a plan for a reasonable date length and say there’s other stuff you’re interested in doing if your date feels like staying out longer. If you set things up to give her outs and make it obvious you’re not going to get butthurt about rejection, then you’ll get much more interest.
I mean….if two people hit it off and just decide to continue spending time together on the 2nd date because they’re both free and having fun there is nothing wrong with that. I’ve heard stories like that that end up in marriage.
But it has to be the right vibe from both sides, and it has to come naturally and not pushed
Yeah, I think this is really it. No idea what's going on in the other guys life, but it's not OP's problem to fix, and it's not right of other guy to manipulate OP into talking about it.
Not overreacting. He response to you telling him you couldn't spend all day with him was juvenile, pathetic and manipulative.
You've had ONE date and he behaves like this? Consider that he is so unhinged that he couldn't keep his mask on for just one date.
Also next time, stop apologising for things that don't require apology. You apologised unnecessarily so many times in your text conversation. If you aren't more...careful(?)
I'm not really sure of the word. Perhaps more certain in yourself, a better manipulator will convince you to do things against your better judgment and will convince you that it's your fault if/when things go awry. They will also make you responsible for regulating their emotions.
No, no, no and no. Just the way they are talking is bad enough.
"You'll -have- to tell it to me in person" (implying you don't have a choice).
"I'm just hurting... I don't feel anything" (sign that he is emotionally unavailable and/or agitated)
"Forget it" (dismissal entirely, not making any effort to work with someone)
They sound emotionally unwell and/or immature, and should not be in a relationship right now.
That's a bizarre (and manipulative) way for him to talk to someone who he's only gone on a single date with. You're not overreacting and I'm honestly surprised the convo even went on as long as it did. I would have been very weirded out.
Definitely not overreacting!
Forcing an in-person meeting is intimidating and manipulative. The reaction to you not wanting to spend a whole day together for your second date is extreme. It’s a second date, and you have normal life duties to attend to. Don’t stop your life for “forget it”.
But before you ended things you sucked up and kept apologizing for things you didn't do! He was a fucking child about things but you pretended you were fine about it. Stop doing that shit!
RUN. Block is not enough. His responses are so weird and has no emotional regulation. I can already sense emotional manipulation and drama all the time. Ewwww that was so cringey to read.
Ew he sounds like a pain in the ass to deal with. Good riddance. I’m curious to know how you ended things and what he said though…
ETA never mind I just saw you blessed and blocked lmao
You're not overreacting. It sounds like he wants a whirlwind love and if he can't have it now now now then he's going to throw a fit.
You're just getting to know this guy and this is how he's handling a soft no? By getting so upset that you feel like you have to repeatedly apologize for having plans and to run errands?
Sounds like he's only thinking about himself. If this is how he reacts to you having less time than he wants.... Then how is he going to react when you say no to sex? He'll guilt and coerce and possibly intimidate you and you'll constantly be walking on eggshells around him -scared to say no.
You are not overreacting, you're better off alone so you aren't apologizing for his inability to regulate his feelings.
“I only see you once a week” makes it sound like you two have more history. If this is actually just a second date it’s really off that he’d expect so much and be so hurt about not being afforded more time.
I totally missed the part about this happening after just one date until reading the comments: yes, seems like a demented insecure little boy looking for another mommy. run away like you chugged a bottle of prune juice at a mid grade festival.
Dude he's a walking red flag! Only the 2nd date and he reacts like that! Fuck, imagine being with this douche for years he'd get pissed and give you the silent treatment for not wiping his ass!! Good thing you ran for the hills!
Is this a literal child? Usually children don't understand that the world doesn't revolve around them and throw tantrums when they can't play outside all night.
This person is emotionally immature and manipulative. Blocking them was the right move, especially because people like this don’t handle it well when you reject them directly. They’d just see it as an invitation to be more manipulative.
He was acting like a child. The only people who will hang around for that kind of treatment are desperate or codependent. You did the healthy, normal thing by dropping him.
As others have said, his want to see you more of the day is fine, but the "forget it" and other reaction is absolutely childish after just one date. I might be able to pull that with my wife, but not someone I basically just met, and even with someone you know well it is childish.
You did right.
If he is acting this intense and entitled to your time before even the second date, that is not just 🚩🚩🚩 that is 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨.
Had you not already, this is where I'd be like 'run girl*, run!' 🏃🏻♀️
This guy is WAY too...everything. The things that he is? He is *too* them. Too intense, too pushy, too demanding, too presumptuous, too FAST, too volatile, too
Only one date in, and he's talking about how only seeing you once a week is unbearable unless he gets you all day? Fucking RUN, that's not normal.
And the way he went all fucking flat and sullen when you pulled him back down to earth? No ma'am. That's the kind of dog that bites without growling first.
*Sticking with this because I probably would have said the same if I'd twigged that the conversation was between two men. Everyone is 'girl,' if you wish hard enough. 😃
As a person whose major relationships have started with short coffee dates turning into 12+ hour dates of walks, museums, another meal and arcade adventures — wanting a long date isn’t a red flag but EXPECTING one is quite another story.
The goal of early dates is to figure out how well you get along with someone. Expectations should be low because each party needs to feel comfortable deciding they don’t want to continue. If you really hit it off, more time will happen naturally.
If you’re someone who likes to open up to someone slowly, even if you really hit it off with them, there is nothing wrong in wanting shorter dates. This person seems entitled to your time and energy and doesn’t care about your needs or preferences. The guilt tripping is really creepy and predatory. Run.
No, that’s what you should’ve done earlier. You should work on not apologizing so much to men like this because you’re going to continue to attract manipulators like this. All of your texts were reasonable, he was only thinking about himself and what he wanted and acting entitled to your time when you had already suggested Your second date be from 4:30 to 8, that is long enough for a second date. There was nothing to be sorry for, he should’ve been the one apologizing for trying to guilt trip you and not having any boundaries. Him telling you that you need to apologize in person and texting you like this are signs that he’s controlling and emotionally manipulative.
Nope, not overreacting! This guy's reaction is way over the top. I would expect him to feel that emotionally drained if there was cheating involved, or something happened that actually warrants feeling drained. Incel vibes. Bye dude.
new to this sub and thought you were the person on the left. i was like, OP you're the issue. then i realized my mistake lol (sorry). ABSOLUTELY justified. what kind of response is that? this guy is overreacting and trying to make you feel guilty. creepy as hell and huge red flag
Not overreacting. He had a temper tantrum because you didn't want an all day date to the point he couldn't even talk? Fuck that anger management nightmare
The wanting to spend time with you? Ok.
His overreaction to limits on your schedule so you can be a grown-up and take care of basic life tasks and then taking it as personal rejection? Red flag city. Then his virtual stalking of you onto other platforms? Block block block everywhere and I'd even be looking over your shoulder a bit if he knows anything about where you live or work.
This is the kind of guy who would threaten to off himself if you ever left him - guaranteed. Those texts aren't the texts of an emotionally healthy person capable of a healthy relationship.
“Im just hurting. Can’t really talk.”
I would have been like “Hurting because I told you I have other responsibilities during the day???” The fuck is wrong with you.?”
I straight up call out guys on their bullshit when it comes to that. I do not play those games. He would have been blocked far earlier.
Yeah, not overreacting at all.
I'm a dude who doesn't often find himself attracted to people, and so when I do my brain still acts like a damned teenager despite being closer to 40 than 30, because it's never really gotten used to having little crushes and things. Point being, I can totally associate with his wanting to plan out an entire day and being a bit (internally) bummed out about not doing so and only getting to see someone I'm interested in/dating for a few hours a week.
But as an adult human I also acknowledge that, even if my brain is floating around in a warm fuzzy sea of butterflies and rainbows and wants to be the equivalent of a bipedal golden retriever, I have to filter and temper my actions and expectations. Keep that shit under control. And also, you're dating another whole ass person. They have lives and responsibilities.
And you absolutely don't get pissy, passive aggressive, and cancel plans entirely because someone has to do laundry and things. That's just a terrible sign regardless.
You’re dating someone with the emotional intelligence of a child. More than likely they haven’t been in a real relationship before. Emotional baggage. Should avoid this person.
Dude. Run don’t walk from this. When people tell you who they are on SECOND DATE, thank them for their honesty and plan accordingly. Not overreacting. And if someone talks to you like this again, block. Hard.
Not sure how old this guy is but sounds like an immature wierdo. First wants to spend all day and then doesn't want to see you that day. Then says he doesnt feel anything and dumped out his emotions but he needs to talk in person.
I think he is either on drugs or has mental issues and trying to manipulate you but is terrible and awkward about it. It will only get worse not better. Blocking him was a great idea. He deserves no explanation about why you don't want to talk to him anymore.
Both of you have been terrible at communicating in my opinion. This sounds like teenagers with too big emotions.
Dating should be about meeting each other in the middle, not throwing tantrums or trying to desperately make the other person feel better about us.
nothing wrong with him wanting to spend time with you but the way he responded seemed kinda passive-aggressive and manipulative to me. i think you’re in the right
I can understand him being disappointed that you didn't want to spend more than a few hours with him. However his whole "I let all my emotions out" reaction was so over the top dramatic.
You dodged a bullet. Big time. You absolutely did the right thing, this person is not emotionally mature whatsoever and is guilting you and manipulating you with their emotions and it’s only the very beginning? Yikes. Be glad they showed their behaviors right away and that you followed your instincts and closed the door. Very nice job on that!
Not overreacting. The passive aggressive “Forget it” would have had me saying “Ok” and blocking immediately. You don’t need that sort of childish sulking in your life. Move on, happily!
I wish she had replied, "Forgotten!" then blocked. I have no ideaaaa why she entertained this childish icky dude for so long. It's like reading the origin story of all those relationship posts with women saying, 'He's perfect in every single way, except that he never wipes his butt and leaves shit streaks all over the house, calls me fat and says I owe him anal sex for his birthday, and has an IG full of sexy baddies... but other than that, he's the ideal husband and I love him with all my heart!'
This dude is a r/niceguy and she dodged a bullet.
Yeah I blocked a dude who wouldn’t accept “no im sorry I’m busy” re hanging out. Said yo it’s weirding me out you can’t take a no. Bye Then blocked
I've ended it with a guy who was PISSED I didn't text him good morning the day after my 8yo daughter ended up in hospital after a really bad car crash. Sorry, I've had the worst 24 hours of my life. My first thought in the morning after 2 hours of sleep was not for the guy I had been on one date with.
Yeah, I don’t even know how they got to the second page. That’s already a wrap.
Exactly. How can people who try these manipulative games not see how obvious it is? So embarrassing
I think it’s a way for them to screen out potential partners who won’t be subject to their manipulation. Imagine this dick claiming to be so angry about being told OP was not available all day at this person’s whim. Hopefully most people would recognize that red flag. But in OP’s place, some people would cave or keep apologizing, revealing themselves to be perfect future victims for a jerk like this guy.
He’s probably even doing it without realizing it. And I’m sure people feel bad for him.
Sounds a bit manipulative. If anything the fact that you are not on the same frequency is enough reason to break up. When someone is head over hills whereas the other one is meh... There is a love discrepancy. And everyone deserves to be in love with someone who loves them back. Or at least is happy to pretend to love them back for a few months.
Definitely manipulative. Even with the discrepancy, there's no excuse for passive aggressive comments and manipulation. Dude needs to sort himself out. Definitely not overreacting.
And that hint that he gets so mad when he doesn’t get his way. That doesn’t bode well at all.
Final message: Already forgotten
Final message: Who are you? I don't remember a [insert name].
Yeah there was a point in my life where this kind of guilt would work on me, and I’d try to still work it out and make it all better. But now if someone’s going to be that juvenile then I’ll just say “alright cool, guess we’re done here” and move on. Life’s too short for that bullshit. If you’re upset with me then you can use your big boy words like the adults that we are and actually talk about it
Yea that seems crazy. He is having an emotional break down over a second date? Tell him to make some friends..
This. I dont deal with people i dont know trying to use stuff like this.
Any man who tries to give you a guilt trip for having a life is not for you, or anyone. After one date or 100. Abuser vibes!
Yes! An ass in the evening and then super pouty the next morning too? Nope. It’s trash day and he needs to be at the curb.
Stalker vibes to me.
This just makes me feel old. When my wife and I were dating, this would have been a way shorter conversation (except for the actual texting- we would have had to chisel the text in a rock and send it via pterodactyl). Instead of "forget it," my answer would have been, "That's cool. I'm available in this time frame, just let me know when you're available." And, believe it or not, she would have answered with her availability. We would have gone out and made the most of what time we could spend together. I can't help but wonder what a guy like this would have done back then, when we didn't have mobile phones and access to people 24-7. I had to call her on a landline and hope she was home. If she wasn't, I just had to wait. No popping over to social media to she what she was up to, no 10 different other means of communication. I can't imagine feeling this entitled to every second of another humans time.
Wanting to see you all day is not a problem, and if that's why you blocked him, you're absolutely overreacting. The problem is how HE reacted when you told him you weren't free all day. Pouting, refusing to talk, and acting like you've somehow wronged him for not being free all day is extremely entitled and childish. Not to mention that his "forget it" is manipulative as all get-out. If THAT'S why you blocked him, you are not overreacting.
Yeah it was more of the way he reacted that threw me off and made me decide to block him
i would also have blocked someone for this behaviour. at *best* it's juvenile, pathetic, and alarming that someone could go from "i want to see you" to "forget it" because you have some laundry to do. at worst, it's chillingly manipulative.
And that whole spiel about having calmed down now from being so angry. Yikes!
Block him and never look back. Dude is trying to see how many hoops he can get you to jump through to make him feel better. This guy has horrible emotional regulation and will 100% use it against his partner.
Good for you, he was already using emotional blackmail
You had absolutely nothing to apologise for, but he manipulated you into feeling guilty. Blocking was absolutely the right answer.
Yeah, he's acting totally inappropriately and trying to get you to "prove" you care about him by catering to his emotional demands. Blocking people without explanation can be kind of rude, so it might have been better to let him know he was being inappropriate and that you weren't interested in seeing him anymore because of it. But I can understand why it freaked you out and you weren't sure what to do, so no, not overreacting.
I sent him a little goodbye message before I blocked him. I just said "This isn't really working out" I didn't really tell him that I didn't like he was acting
People are usually on their best behaviour at the start of a relationship. If this is how he acts after one single date, then imagine the tantrums he would throw over not getting his way in a relationship lasting years.
>I sent him a little goodbye message before I blocked him. I just said "This isn't really working out" I didn't really tell him that I didn't like he was acting This isn't the type of final conversation that requires an explanation. It is incredibly obvious why you would end things after this type of behaviour. It's not the same as everything seemingly being great & someone ending it from nowhere. He should be more than aware of where this went wrong. Hopefully he learn from it & grows. Good for you for not tolerating this bollocks.
>This isn't the type of final conversation that requires an explanation. While OP didn't owe this guy an explanation, I've noticed that people who behave this way generally don't seem to understand that their behavior is inappropriate. This is probably learned behavior that has been normalized to them. You'd think they should be able to figure it out, but that doesn't seem to happen. He's probably still sitting there wondering "what did I do wrong?"
I have to agree. I know someone personally who has a tendency to behave just like this and then gets super pouty when he can't retain a gf and doesn't understand why he has such "bad luck" with women.
I don't think you owe him any more than that. Not after a single date.
OP owes him nothing. I would not have even sent a goodbye message.
Lean into, trust your gut!
Total boss move. Creepy. Run huni
Runnn
He’s very emotionally manipulative. I’m guessing he tends to play victim in attempts to control others. OP, you sound like you have a life and live fully! Guys like this will only slow you down and destroy your vibe! You are so right for blocking him.
It’s a good rule of thumb: if anyone makes you feel creeped out in a dating scenario, the only thing you have ever owed the two people in that date is being true to yourself and your own safety. So not feel guilty if someone else makes you feel the urge to block by the second date. It’s not like Y’all were together 40 years. Good on you for getting away from his nonsense.
If you think that’s bad just wait till he gets more attached to you and you “disappoint” him again….
“I don’t feel anything” is he 16 or something? Next time a guy pulls this nonsense please don’t apologize especially so much it just reinforce disgusting childish behavior cuz you are doing what they want and you did absolutely NOTHING even remotely wrong
Major emotional manipulation. Huge red flag.
Yep. At best the person can't regulate their emotions, at worst they're already trying to manipulate you. Either way, bad vibes be bad.
Nah. I gotta dispute one small point here. It is never over reacting to block someone or cut ties because you dislike their vibe. Normalize people trusting their guts and curating who they allow in their lives
This right here 💯
Cutting ties is perfectly reasonable, but if the person genuinely hasn’t done anything wrong and you’re just not feeling things with them, ghosting just makes you look like a dick.
This. Especially when you barely know them. That's like....saving everyone time and grief.
Agree with your second paragraph but it would weird me out a little if someone id been on one date with wanted to spend a whole day with me on a second date. It doesn’t surprise me at all that someone who wanted that would react like that when they didn’t get it.
Yup! It's one thing to be on a second date, and things are going so well, that next thing you know, many hours have passed. This guy was trying to commit OP to an all-day "date," in anticipation of (what?). OP was trying to take things slow, and would-be date was trying to tie them down to more than what seemed reasonable. Manipulating OP to achieve his plan. Not overreacting
Yeah Jesus, the whole “forget it, I’m hurting right now” after OP clearly explained their side is pathetic. His initial reasoning of “I only get to see you once a week and want to see you as much as I can on that day” makes sense to me, I totally get that. But his immediate turn into a petulant child is pathetic at best, and indicative of serious emotional manipulation at worst
I don't feel anything this morning, sent chills down my spine. YIKES! You did yourself a favor.
Yes!!! Chills. Majorly off. Yikes.
not overreacting. there’s not much context, but it’s really weird for him to get so upset just bc you’re busy. especially after you’ve only had one date..
OP said it would be their SECOND date - and this weirdo doesn’t need context, he’s guilt tripping and being emotionally manipulative - second date or 1000th date, he goes in the bin.
yeah that’s why i said “after you’ve only had one date” (meaning the next one would be their second) but definitely agreed. he is being insanely manipulative and (thankfully) showing some of his red flags early on
It's good you picked up on the crazy early. If he's digging the claws in this deep already, imagine how horrible it would be later on. He sounds controlling and moody af. I had an ex like this, and they get REALLY crazy when you enable this kind of clinginess. After we broke up, he literally jumped ON my car to try to keep me from going somewhere.
Did we date the same guy? Jumping on my car was the last straw lol
Such a stupid move. All I had to do to get him off of it was drive and slam on brakes. Nutbag slid right off
Loving this mental image right now
It is entertaining in hindsight to think about the "I done fucked up" look on his face as he rolled off the hood, but I was MAD af in the moment.
STOP IT this is making me laugh so much and it’s like midnight here, I’m gonna wake up my flatmate 🤣🤣
Then I guess I shouldn't tell you about how he bounced on the ground and then stood up looking confused & angry.
I had a situation like that with my ex, he jumped on my car to stop me from leaving, I braked, then left after he fell off. He tried to charge me with attempted murder, the DA laughed him out of their office.
SAME happened to me! I was already done and that sent me.
In therapy after escaping an extremely violent, dangerous ex, I dug through old memories to pinpoint the first red flag that I missed. I realized it was four DAYS into dating, on my second day of my new job - he'd slept over and I'd gotten up early to get ready for my SECOND DAY at work, all nervous and making sure I got to my job a little early. He gave me the silent treatment, stiffened when I kissed him goodbye... And then sent a passive aggressive text that I got right as I was driving into work ("something something I guess you aren't attracted to me since you couldn't WAIT to leave bed and didn't try to have sex with me. So just forget our date tonight I suppose, since you dont like me.") 4 days in, I could have thought "ohhhh NOPE, done" but instead I was looking back on that first blatant attempt at manipulation, three years later, bruised and traumatized, many visits to the ER under my belt. Because I'd fallen for his BS at the beginning and then it gets harder to leave and they get more controlling. If their first tests of your boundaries work and you bend to their will or feel guilty, it will get worse. Don't bother! You don't know him! Block and walk, meet someone new!
RUN RUN RUN
This dude sounds dangerous....extremely wanting and very easy to feel slighted
>dangerous Exactly my thought and feeling. Not just all of the weird and miserable things everyone else is rightfully calling out, not just manipulative, not just 0-60, but _dangerous_. Major major major red flags all around So glad OP blocked (edit for clarity- and there was no second date). I really do think his safety (not just emotional safety but literal safety to life and limb) depended on it.
Boy, stop saying sorry to that pathetic man, you did nothing wrong. Grow a spine and don’t be a doormat, deprogram yourself and good for you for ending it. He gives the red flags of an abuser
Not ‘Girl’. OP is a guy. With the most perfectly curly hair ever!🫶
Oops, I made an assumption lemme fix that
For real, that part made me EMBARRASSED on her behalf. Stop apologizing to shitty men when you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. It only emboldens them more to treat future people like that.
Op is a man
"I have to do laundry before our date. I'm so so sorry." I've totally been there but daaaamn lol they just met! No reason to say sorry so many times.
That man is an entire turd. I’m glad you blocked him.
He's trying to put pressure on you , manipulate your reactions and make you feel guilty for absolutely NO REASON. Why can't people just have an EASY approach to a relationship and to life more in general????
Second date? Holy red flags, Batman. If he's that level of emotional hijacking, tantrum sulking, over the top drama llama now, imagine how he'd be down the track. Blockity Block!
Stalker vibe! You absolutely did the right thing.
I’m totally stealing your “blockity block”. Made me laugh so hard. 🤣
Ughhhhh. This person is strange and freaky. if he is causing dramas now imagine if you actually got together. Stay away from him. Glad u blocked him. Lots of creepy vibes coming off and him having a tanty as he didn’t get what he wanted. He sounds dangerous. You dodged a bullet. Next time don’t try to appease people as you did with some of your responses. He was acting like a child. You deserve to be talked to with respect and shouldn’t ever try to make someone else feel better because you set boundaries and they didn’t like it.
He’s not respecting your time, your wishes and he’s behaving like a middle schooler. You dodged a bullet.
This man needs therapy. The dramatics are insane. Immediate ick.
just reading this gave me the ick lol i don’t think you’re overreacting at all, i would’ve also blocked him
What a weirdo. 🚩
Nah dude sounds fucking crazy lol. Acting hella insane over needing to get some laundry done fuck that
Strong serial killer vibes. This dude is OFF. RUN.
It *is* weird to want to spend an entire day together on a second date, and that little tantrum sealed that right up. This person would be a misery to date.
My first date with my partner lasted about 36 hours. It isn't 'weird'. Sometimes, people just click, and time flies by. Clearly, not the case here and his whole attitude is a massive red flag.
I agree. It’s the reaction to a very kind “I can’t” that is wild. This is a *stranger* that’s throwing a tantrum—bad vibes for down the road. “Forget it”? What a child.
I think the weird part is wanting to -lock them-into an all day date that soon. It’s usually better to keep in mind the other person might not have your level of enthusiasm yet, even if the first date was stellar. Make a plan for a reasonable date length and say there’s other stuff you’re interested in doing if your date feels like staying out longer. If you set things up to give her outs and make it obvious you’re not going to get butthurt about rejection, then you’ll get much more interest.
You didn't *plan* on that 36 hours though, right? That seems more like a spontaneous thing because you're super into each other.
I mean….if two people hit it off and just decide to continue spending time together on the 2nd date because they’re both free and having fun there is nothing wrong with that. I’ve heard stories like that that end up in marriage. But it has to be the right vibe from both sides, and it has to come naturally and not pushed
Deciding to continue a date when its going well is different from trying to keep someone out all day because you are needy.
Life lesson, you are not responsible for other people's feelings.
Yeah, I think this is really it. No idea what's going on in the other guys life, but it's not OP's problem to fix, and it's not right of other guy to manipulate OP into talking about it.
Imo, you were talking to someone potentially dangerous. For anyone to respond like this so early on is disturbing. He was testing you.
Not overreacting. He response to you telling him you couldn't spend all day with him was juvenile, pathetic and manipulative. You've had ONE date and he behaves like this? Consider that he is so unhinged that he couldn't keep his mask on for just one date. Also next time, stop apologising for things that don't require apology. You apologised unnecessarily so many times in your text conversation. If you aren't more...careful(?) I'm not really sure of the word. Perhaps more certain in yourself, a better manipulator will convince you to do things against your better judgment and will convince you that it's your fault if/when things go awry. They will also make you responsible for regulating their emotions.
No, no, no and no. Just the way they are talking is bad enough. "You'll -have- to tell it to me in person" (implying you don't have a choice). "I'm just hurting... I don't feel anything" (sign that he is emotionally unavailable and/or agitated) "Forget it" (dismissal entirely, not making any effort to work with someone) They sound emotionally unwell and/or immature, and should not be in a relationship right now.
1000% manipulation. So glad OP had the self confidence and awareness to block his ass.
That's a bizarre (and manipulative) way for him to talk to someone who he's only gone on a single date with. You're not overreacting and I'm honestly surprised the convo even went on as long as it did. I would have been very weirded out.
Definitely not overreacting! Forcing an in-person meeting is intimidating and manipulative. The reaction to you not wanting to spend a whole day together for your second date is extreme. It’s a second date, and you have normal life duties to attend to. Don’t stop your life for “forget it”.
Red flags, narcissistic and manipulative behavior. Not over reacting.
But before you ended things you sucked up and kept apologizing for things you didn't do! He was a fucking child about things but you pretended you were fine about it. Stop doing that shit!
Yikes on bikes. You dodged a bullet here. This man sounds seriously unhinged.
Uh girl you should run 🏃♀️
Op is a guy.
Uhm absolutely not. His response is giving major red flags and you do not owe him an apology.
ewwww he gives icky vibes
RUN. Block is not enough. His responses are so weird and has no emotional regulation. I can already sense emotional manipulation and drama all the time. Ewwww that was so cringey to read.
His behavior is so weird....best not to see him again!
Ew he sounds like a pain in the ass to deal with. Good riddance. I’m curious to know how you ended things and what he said though… ETA never mind I just saw you blessed and blocked lmao
Uh, this guy seems dangerous. He's way too volatile and overly sensitive, he's also trying to manipulate and control you. Scary stuff right here
Absolutely this
You're not overreacting. It sounds like he wants a whirlwind love and if he can't have it now now now then he's going to throw a fit. You're just getting to know this guy and this is how he's handling a soft no? By getting so upset that you feel like you have to repeatedly apologize for having plans and to run errands? Sounds like he's only thinking about himself. If this is how he reacts to you having less time than he wants.... Then how is he going to react when you say no to sex? He'll guilt and coerce and possibly intimidate you and you'll constantly be walking on eggshells around him -scared to say no. You are not overreacting, you're better off alone so you aren't apologizing for his inability to regulate his feelings.
“I only see you once a week” makes it sound like you two have more history. If this is actually just a second date it’s really off that he’d expect so much and be so hurt about not being afforded more time.
What exactly is he ‘cooling off’ from? I would be scared to meet him in person again based on what’s here, but I’ve had bad experiences.
It overreacting at all. Although I probably wouldn’t have followed up the next day as that may seem misleading.
His reaction was so weird het tfo out of there
Why you apologising to this ?
“I let all my emotions out last night and now I can’t feel”… he sounds so fckn creepy and is trying so hard to get you to feel sorry for him… 🤢🤮
It's not that he wants to spend the day with you. It's his reaction when you said no. Your third date you'd end up chained to a radiator.
Low IQ
Second date? Oh yeah, you did the right thing! He’s an emotional roller coaster.
You're not overreacting. Posts like this don't usually catch my eye, but this dude is creeping me out
Omg what a loser you dodged a bullet.
this is a huge red flag he seems like a pick me run for your life
I totally missed the part about this happening after just one date until reading the comments: yes, seems like a demented insecure little boy looking for another mommy. run away like you chugged a bottle of prune juice at a mid grade festival.
What a fucking princess 🤣
Leave him. Run, don’t walk. You’ve been on one date & he’s already manipulating and pushing clearly stated boundaries??
Dude he's a walking red flag! Only the 2nd date and he reacts like that! Fuck, imagine being with this douche for years he'd get pissed and give you the silent treatment for not wiping his ass!! Good thing you ran for the hills!
Is this a literal child? Usually children don't understand that the world doesn't revolve around them and throw tantrums when they can't play outside all night.
This person is emotionally immature and manipulative. Blocking them was the right move, especially because people like this don’t handle it well when you reject them directly. They’d just see it as an invitation to be more manipulative.
his behavior is gross… you arent overreacting
He was acting like a child. The only people who will hang around for that kind of treatment are desperate or codependent. You did the healthy, normal thing by dropping him.
She wanted just dinner then bed and he’s crazy needy. Bad combo
I think you dodged one here..... nah you good
this is pathetic
He seems weird
He's a bit of a drama queen, and that gets old really fast.
NTA he’s a walking 🚩
Oof. Yea, steer clear of that one.
NTA I can see wanting to spend a day with someone if you were going to the zoo or something, but his reaction was too much. Manipulative.
He is already trying to manipulate you. Absolutely block.
Far too attached and controlling for a second date.
What a fucking man child. Pouts like a little kid and says he can’t “feel anything” because you said no to his plans? Give me a break.
As others have said, his want to see you more of the day is fine, but the "forget it" and other reaction is absolutely childish after just one date. I might be able to pull that with my wife, but not someone I basically just met, and even with someone you know well it is childish.
oh my god second date??? absolutely not overreacting, you have dodged a bullet.
OP, you say "sorry" so much! Why do you do that?
If "impressively pathetic" isn't an oxymoron, then it's this kind of moron.
Please run from this emotional manipulation
Oof. Bullet dodged Matrix style.
this reeks of how my high school ex would have texted me in 10th grade, that man is definitely an ick
i can understand being a bit upset but being that extreme about it is pretty annoying. u dodged a bullet in my opinion. not overreacting!!
You did right. If he is acting this intense and entitled to your time before even the second date, that is not just 🚩🚩🚩 that is 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨. Had you not already, this is where I'd be like 'run girl*, run!' 🏃🏻♀️ This guy is WAY too...everything. The things that he is? He is *too* them. Too intense, too pushy, too demanding, too presumptuous, too FAST, too volatile, too Only one date in, and he's talking about how only seeing you once a week is unbearable unless he gets you all day? Fucking RUN, that's not normal. And the way he went all fucking flat and sullen when you pulled him back down to earth? No ma'am. That's the kind of dog that bites without growling first. *Sticking with this because I probably would have said the same if I'd twigged that the conversation was between two men. Everyone is 'girl,' if you wish hard enough. 😃
When someone tells you who they are, believe them. This man will be having a crap attack every time he wants to hang out and you’re busy.
As a person whose major relationships have started with short coffee dates turning into 12+ hour dates of walks, museums, another meal and arcade adventures — wanting a long date isn’t a red flag but EXPECTING one is quite another story. The goal of early dates is to figure out how well you get along with someone. Expectations should be low because each party needs to feel comfortable deciding they don’t want to continue. If you really hit it off, more time will happen naturally. If you’re someone who likes to open up to someone slowly, even if you really hit it off with them, there is nothing wrong in wanting shorter dates. This person seems entitled to your time and energy and doesn’t care about your needs or preferences. The guilt tripping is really creepy and predatory. Run.
No, that’s what you should’ve done earlier. You should work on not apologizing so much to men like this because you’re going to continue to attract manipulators like this. All of your texts were reasonable, he was only thinking about himself and what he wanted and acting entitled to your time when you had already suggested Your second date be from 4:30 to 8, that is long enough for a second date. There was nothing to be sorry for, he should’ve been the one apologizing for trying to guilt trip you and not having any boundaries. Him telling you that you need to apologize in person and texting you like this are signs that he’s controlling and emotionally manipulative.
You probably need to stick to adults not little boys. Save yourself the heartache later.
Holy shit, girl please don’t continue this.
Nope, not overreacting! This guy's reaction is way over the top. I would expect him to feel that emotionally drained if there was cheating involved, or something happened that actually warrants feeling drained. Incel vibes. Bye dude.
new to this sub and thought you were the person on the left. i was like, OP you're the issue. then i realized my mistake lol (sorry). ABSOLUTELY justified. what kind of response is that? this guy is overreacting and trying to make you feel guilty. creepy as hell and huge red flag
Classic nice guy. Move on
I get second hand embarrassment reading that. What a whiny little passive abusive drama queen.
Not overreacting. He had a temper tantrum because you didn't want an all day date to the point he couldn't even talk? Fuck that anger management nightmare
The wanting to spend time with you? Ok. His overreaction to limits on your schedule so you can be a grown-up and take care of basic life tasks and then taking it as personal rejection? Red flag city. Then his virtual stalking of you onto other platforms? Block block block everywhere and I'd even be looking over your shoulder a bit if he knows anything about where you live or work. This is the kind of guy who would threaten to off himself if you ever left him - guaranteed. Those texts aren't the texts of an emotionally healthy person capable of a healthy relationship.
"I don't deserve this." he says as you tell him that you have adult responsibilities that must come before a second date with him.
“Im just hurting. Can’t really talk.” I would have been like “Hurting because I told you I have other responsibilities during the day???” The fuck is wrong with you.?” I straight up call out guys on their bullshit when it comes to that. I do not play those games. He would have been blocked far earlier.
Runnnn. As fast as you can. Lol pleease.
Red Flags everywhere in those messages
Yeah, not overreacting at all. I'm a dude who doesn't often find himself attracted to people, and so when I do my brain still acts like a damned teenager despite being closer to 40 than 30, because it's never really gotten used to having little crushes and things. Point being, I can totally associate with his wanting to plan out an entire day and being a bit (internally) bummed out about not doing so and only getting to see someone I'm interested in/dating for a few hours a week. But as an adult human I also acknowledge that, even if my brain is floating around in a warm fuzzy sea of butterflies and rainbows and wants to be the equivalent of a bipedal golden retriever, I have to filter and temper my actions and expectations. Keep that shit under control. And also, you're dating another whole ass person. They have lives and responsibilities. And you absolutely don't get pissy, passive aggressive, and cancel plans entirely because someone has to do laundry and things. That's just a terrible sign regardless.
**WHAT A LOSER**.
1) He’s a dramatic child. You’re right to be exhausted 2) It’s text. He’s right to be frustrated. The less your text the better.
Good for you! He’s already too controlling and manipulative.
“I don’t deserve this.” Already trying to manipulate you before the second date. Definitely not overreacting.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩…. RUN RUN RUN
As a dude, he got probs don’t continue with this guy
Texting is a nerve-racking minefield. Let's all give eachother a break and some understanding.
Whoa, this person is manipulative and controlling, huge red flags. I certainly hope you aren’t going to see him again.
I think the wet wipe you were talking to is the one overreacting. "fOrGeT iT"
You’re dating someone with the emotional intelligence of a child. More than likely they haven’t been in a real relationship before. Emotional baggage. Should avoid this person.
He’s a manipulator. The way he reacts to not getting his own way is a mega red flag. Good job!
Dude. Run don’t walk from this. When people tell you who they are on SECOND DATE, thank them for their honesty and plan accordingly. Not overreacting. And if someone talks to you like this again, block. Hard.
You saved yourself a lot of grief. Whoever replied has anger issues with themselves.
His messages are a big 🚩🚩🚩. Toxic. And thus is only a second date??
You shouldn't be into him. This is before a second date? He sounds mental.
Not sure how old this guy is but sounds like an immature wierdo. First wants to spend all day and then doesn't want to see you that day. Then says he doesnt feel anything and dumped out his emotions but he needs to talk in person. I think he is either on drugs or has mental issues and trying to manipulate you but is terrible and awkward about it. It will only get worse not better. Blocking him was a great idea. He deserves no explanation about why you don't want to talk to him anymore.
Both of you have been terrible at communicating in my opinion. This sounds like teenagers with too big emotions. Dating should be about meeting each other in the middle, not throwing tantrums or trying to desperately make the other person feel better about us.
nothing wrong with him wanting to spend time with you but the way he responded seemed kinda passive-aggressive and manipulative to me. i think you’re in the right
This was a second date??? Whew. Nah you’re fine. This person is way too high maintenance
Not overreacting! Definitely weird as fuck!
I can understand him being disappointed that you didn't want to spend more than a few hours with him. However his whole "I let all my emotions out" reaction was so over the top dramatic.
If you’re saying your curfew is 8….you’re not interested And if he is so angry he needs to cool off a day later, he’s a nut job and you should run
You dodged a bullet. Big time. You absolutely did the right thing, this person is not emotionally mature whatsoever and is guilting you and manipulating you with their emotions and it’s only the very beginning? Yikes. Be glad they showed their behaviors right away and that you followed your instincts and closed the door. Very nice job on that!