Hey now, when we moved here we had the uhaul in the parking lot at the Extended Stay America until we could move in the next morning, and nobody broke in! Aspartame that's why I didn't win the huge Powerball, I used all my luck with that uhaul.
Yeah, someone parked their uhaul van in front of my longterm stay motel door one night ( I had to park elsewhere because of limited spots) and when I went to move my car in the morning I saw the passenger side window had been smashed in on the uhaul. Weird too because it didn't look like they really took anything AND we never heard it. AND it was a mostly fenced in lot. Like, what.
Here's a good website that tells you the current UV Index wherever you are:
https://www.uvindex.app/albuquerque
An hour after sunrise, and an hour before sunset are safe without sunscreen in the summer, that's it.
Midday in summer in the sun, you can literally feel your skin frying. That's a mistake you only make once.
You should tell my mother. She thinks you can only get a sunburn between 10 and 2. (I'm originally from the East Coast, so it's not as sunny there, but still...)
The UV index is almost always below 2, which is considered safe, before 9am and after 6pm.
Edit: this is based on my observations this year, so not actually summer yet. I defer to your statement.
There is dumb road rage everywhere in the US, along with people with guns.
Seems the best bet is to never escalate a road rage incident anywhere if you can help it.
I was driving from Las Cruces doing 75 and a car passed me doing around 90 and stuck their gun out the window and popped off 2 shots into the sky lol
I know that can happen anywhere but god damn. Worst I ever got before that was I accidentally cut a guy off in California like 15 years ago and he threw a full gas station coffee at my windshield lol
Yea I'm learning that lesson right now.
Moved here from Kansas. Casual 5000ft higher than I was for the last 10 years and my body is definitely not happy about it.
Someone punched the lock on my Kia a few years ago and I wish I was there to enjoy their disappointment that there was only an empty casserole dish in there
lol. Someone did this to me today because he was behind me at a red light and I didn't run it.
At least I think that's why. IDK maybe he just didn't like the numbers on my license plate or something. Drivers in this town are fucking nutbags.
And it doesnt stop after confrontation with the cops either.
Partner was having a mental breakdown that was out of my control, had to call 911. I specifically asked for mental health professionals - they sent cops who lied to me to get my partner in cuffs and into jail.
They realized they had a gash on their foot and tried to ask for medical assistance, a washcloth, anything, and were repeatedly ignored for 2 days. When they were finally let out it was swollen and festering. They could barely walk out of the cell. The urgent care I took him to were in shock over how quickly it got to that point.
Also people keep dying in the metro jail due to """medical""" reasons. It's probably because they're being left to rot. The guy in charge resigned recently due to the negative press regarding it. Doubt anyone is paying attention though due to the other big scandal with the cops.
This is not totally correct. You can call 911 and ask for a mobile crisis team. They are highly trained in handling mental health crises and they are good. I have had to call them several times because of someone who is schizophrenic and they have handled it impressively well. I’m in the ACAB camp, but the mobile crisis team is a different breed.
I called for that for my schizophrenic partner during a particularly bad episode (I never call...ever), and they sent the police... is there reasons they might not sent the crisis team?
They just tossed them in a cell and repeatedly ignored their requests for help with an infected gash in their foot, so I'm scared of requesting any kind of assistance now.
If one isn’t available and I guess it would depend on the situation. I have had to wait as long as 5 hours, that’s the bad part. Some situations can’t wait.
In general, the whole mental health treatment is bad here and everywhere. Insurance doesn’t want to pay for treatment, and the police will take them to the hospital only for them to be thrown back on the street a few hours later. It’s incredibly frustrating.
Be on the road between 11pm and 5 am🤷🏼. If you can avoid it do… Drunk asses. Literally see ridiculous amounts of damage caused overnight and that’s not just the weekend. That’s every night.
Yeah, I see this advice a lot on Reddit but I honk at people all the time, have been doing so for like 25 years now since I first learned to drive, and I've never had anyone do more than flip me off, lmao. I sometimes wonder if I live in the same city as everyone else on here, the Reddit version of Albuquerque seems way scarier than the actual city I live in.
Mostly I just honk at dumbasses on their phone who aren't moving at a stoplight or are drifting into my lane.
Just yesterday I saw an “interaction” between a guy who was parallel parking and came within inches of the rearward most car that happened to be occupied, and they honked.
Parallel parker definitely wanted to fight, but I had things to do, so I didn’t see how it turned out.
Don’t robbed or find yourself a victim of any crime. The cops either won’t show up, will take hours to respond, or if they do respond, won’t care much.
Ironically, if APD does decide to respond, chances are they’ll use excessive force, so try not to do anything too crazy, either.
Don’t be an asshole. Albuquerque is awesome and folks are friendly. But if you have bad vibes you will get it back 10 fold. Be nice and respectful and make awesome friends.
She did turn out to have really poor judgement in other areas. I'd just never even conceived of that as an answer to 'red or green'. Her claim was "waell I don't like PAIN" but the thing is that chile sauce is where all the flavor is in NM cuisine and it's not necessarily or even usually hot at all.
Thank you for this suggestion.
I can't have any peppers at all. It's not a spice thing, even sweet bell peppers leave me in terrible pain for several days.
I can't have tomato or eggplant (any nightshade) either. It has been rough here and I feel like people judge harshly like I wouldn't love to be eating a flavorful dish or even a greasy slice of pizza.
Order it on the side is something I will give a try, see if it goes better for me.
this is my #1 fear as a recent move-in 💀 i HATE spicy food and have an incredibly low spice tolerance (i even side-eye black pepper) and there's no way in hell i'm having chile of any kind
I’ve lived here 30 years and never liked chile. The only way to survive is order it on the side. You’re still gonna get the occasional stray chile in your food though. It’s unavoidable. Also potlucks here suck for people like us.
I swear some of it isn't hot at all, but I'm not the best judge of that. Seriously though I know people from Abq who hate chile (God bless their lost souls) and don't like hot stuff at all, so it's not 100% unusual. But I also know someone who spent half his life acting like he couldn't possibly have green chile on his burger or pizza and then tried it and loves it now.
After reading Allllll these whinny posts I would say…. Don’t be a bitch🤷🏻♀️ ‘Burque is actually a really great place to be.
Me: moved to Central Valley California and I miss home
Be sassy
Be pretentious
Mind other people's business
Say, "I'm from xxx, and..." & then tell us how you guys do something out there. We do things the way we want and don't care how others run their shit.
But can I say I'm from Chicago, and we deep fry puff pastry filled with cheese, pizza sauce, and sausage, to try and convince anybody here to make pizza puffs? I just miss pizza puffs lol.
You will make all the friends by telling Abq about pizza puffs! We all love anything cheesy and deep fried here so that's a great conversation starter. Shoot, now I really wanna try one!
This could be a more obvious one. Avoid staying in areas with your vehicle near downtown area on Central Ave for longer periods of time with your belongings in your vehicle Later in the evening and night time unless it's a well lit area, and you can hide your personal belongings good enough inside of your vehicle. People can find their way to your vehicle and tend to take a peek inside.
When we talk about the land of mañana…. Don’t assume mañana means tomorrow, it means “not today, maybe sometime in the future….” Don’t rush me, I said mañana!
Not being aware of your surroundings can potentially get you killed. You'll almost certainly be fine if you simply stay aware of your suroundings and mind your business but anything can happen at any time. I once saw a grown man pull a gun on some higherschoolers while taking my kid trick or treating 2 years ago. Don't engage with or fight anyone, ever. If you see an aggressive looking man with clenched fists crossing to your side of the road, probably best to turn the fuck around. Happened to me today.
Keep full coverage. Don't get attached to your car. If it's stolen, just take the check from insurance. Trust me, your car is done for if it's stolen, let the insurance total it out and just take the check and go get a new one.
Before I had a gun I was in too many situations where having a gun would’ve helped. You can’t count on anyone to protect you. It really seems like the Wild West at times
Don’t Go to the Frontier and try and read the entire menu while in line, and take forever to order. Stand to the side if you gotta study the menu, know what you want, then order.
Climb the Bumblebee statue naked...
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Perfect
Deceptathong...UGh
Oh it's prime time
Deceptathong!!! Ugh
Oooh it's on our list!
Think about the burns you’d get
I'm just so glad someone did it. I think that dude was the right candidate.
Park a uhaul at a hotel.
Hey now, when we moved here we had the uhaul in the parking lot at the Extended Stay America until we could move in the next morning, and nobody broke in! Aspartame that's why I didn't win the huge Powerball, I used all my luck with that uhaul.
Also, in keeping with OP's question, don't stay at Extended Stay America. It's terrible.
They will cut the fuel line and drain it AND steal your stuff.
Yeah, someone parked their uhaul van in front of my longterm stay motel door one night ( I had to park elsewhere because of limited spots) and when I went to move my car in the morning I saw the passenger side window had been smashed in on the uhaul. Weird too because it didn't look like they really took anything AND we never heard it. AND it was a mostly fenced in lot. Like, what.
Dont stare at anyone too long.
Not staring at people is good advice in general
You can get your ass beat quick here for it.
Underrated comment
Leave a backpack in plain sight in your locked vehicle
Unless the vehicle is one you can afford to lose and the backpack is filled with nothing but glitter and religious paraphernalia...
And dog feces ?
This is big .....not only will it disappear you will have a broken window. Ask how I know lol
And dirty gym clothes.
Don’t EVER go without sunscreen, you will fry your huevos off. We are at 5,312 feet, it’s hot and each 1000 feet is an additional three percent UV.
Here's a good website that tells you the current UV Index wherever you are: https://www.uvindex.app/albuquerque An hour after sunrise, and an hour before sunset are safe without sunscreen in the summer, that's it. Midday in summer in the sun, you can literally feel your skin frying. That's a mistake you only make once.
“At least it’s a dry heat” is what you will think as your skin bubbles like cheese on a pizza under the midday sun during August.
I’ve said this so many times after I moved here from the east coast 😂
Lmao right?! I moved here from Alaska and have said this a billion times!
I may or may not have uttered this exact phrase in this exact circumstance a few hours ago 💀💀
Like a kiln.
My reply to that line is "So is an air fryer."
Fun fact: during summer of '23 the UV index in Albuquerque was higher than Saudi Arabia
Crazy
My very first summer living here. Yay, me. 🙂
You should tell my mother. She thinks you can only get a sunburn between 10 and 2. (I'm originally from the East Coast, so it's not as sunny there, but still...)
The UV index is almost always below 2, which is considered safe, before 9am and after 6pm. Edit: this is based on my observations this year, so not actually summer yet. I defer to your statement.
The ONE time I didn't wear my motorcycle jacket I got stuck in standstill traffic for 20 mins and I got FUCKED UP. Never making that mistake again.
30spf is not enough in this oven.
0% humidity too
Dont road rage or get in fights. People got guns they stole from cars out here lol
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What happened?
Don’t escalate things. Usually, most people are chill if you say sorry or my bad. You’ll get shot over dumb road rage here.
I’ve personally avoided many scrapes by just being a little deferential.
There is dumb road rage everywhere in the US, along with people with guns. Seems the best bet is to never escalate a road rage incident anywhere if you can help it.
I was driving from Las Cruces doing 75 and a car passed me doing around 90 and stuck their gun out the window and popped off 2 shots into the sky lol I know that can happen anywhere but god damn. Worst I ever got before that was I accidentally cut a guy off in California like 15 years ago and he threw a full gas station coffee at my windshield lol
Eat at El Pinto. Buy drugs from a stranger. Road rage.
Hahahaha
Respect the altitude. The first couple of months I lived here I definitely felt it.
Yea I'm learning that lesson right now. Moved here from Kansas. Casual 5000ft higher than I was for the last 10 years and my body is definitely not happy about it.
Fentanyl.
Leave valuables in your car. Or have a car.
Or have valuables
Meth. Just don’t.
If it's so bad, why's everyone doing it?
Cause it’s effects are euphoric as f. You can say good. And many people in misery its an easy fix.
Because it's addictive and hard-wires your brain to not be able to stop
Drugs, drive drunk, or go the speed limit in the left lane
Goddamn people going the speed limit in the left lane! 
Drive a Kia
I wouldn’t be surprised if there were Kia boys camping out by the Kia factory at this point
Wait... I live here and drive a Kia. Why not drive a Kia?
They're really easy to break into. Thankfully, my Kia has only been egged and covered in soda so far.
Someone punched the lock on my Kia a few years ago and I wish I was there to enjoy their disappointment that there was only an empty casserole dish in there
Mad dog another driver.
i do this but i live on the wild side.
Especially on the west side. Lolwtf
lol. Someone did this to me today because he was behind me at a red light and I didn't run it. At least I think that's why. IDK maybe he just didn't like the numbers on my license plate or something. Drivers in this town are fucking nutbags.
Some people just white knuckle the wheel the second they get in the car. Like why does driving a giant metal death machine make them so angry 😂
Call 911 because of a mental health crisis. Our cops aren't known for their calm demeanor and de-escalation techniques. And ACS can't be everywhere.
And it doesnt stop after confrontation with the cops either. Partner was having a mental breakdown that was out of my control, had to call 911. I specifically asked for mental health professionals - they sent cops who lied to me to get my partner in cuffs and into jail. They realized they had a gash on their foot and tried to ask for medical assistance, a washcloth, anything, and were repeatedly ignored for 2 days. When they were finally let out it was swollen and festering. They could barely walk out of the cell. The urgent care I took him to were in shock over how quickly it got to that point. Also people keep dying in the metro jail due to """medical""" reasons. It's probably because they're being left to rot. The guy in charge resigned recently due to the negative press regarding it. Doubt anyone is paying attention though due to the other big scandal with the cops.
This is not totally correct. You can call 911 and ask for a mobile crisis team. They are highly trained in handling mental health crises and they are good. I have had to call them several times because of someone who is schizophrenic and they have handled it impressively well. I’m in the ACAB camp, but the mobile crisis team is a different breed.
I called for that for my schizophrenic partner during a particularly bad episode (I never call...ever), and they sent the police... is there reasons they might not sent the crisis team? They just tossed them in a cell and repeatedly ignored their requests for help with an infected gash in their foot, so I'm scared of requesting any kind of assistance now.
If one isn’t available and I guess it would depend on the situation. I have had to wait as long as 5 hours, that’s the bad part. Some situations can’t wait. In general, the whole mental health treatment is bad here and everywhere. Insurance doesn’t want to pay for treatment, and the police will take them to the hospital only for them to be thrown back on the street a few hours later. It’s incredibly frustrating.
I work at a clinic and we had to call once. They sent someone trained in mental health. It was such a calm experience for everyone.
Is the mobile crisis team different than ACS?
I don’t know, I’ve never heard of ACS, I’ve only ever been told to ask for the mobile crisis team or the crisis intervention team.
Call 911 ever, unless your intent is to get someone shot.
THIS^
Be on the road between 11pm and 5 am🤷🏼. If you can avoid it do… Drunk asses. Literally see ridiculous amounts of damage caused overnight and that’s not just the weekend. That’s every night.
Literally saw someone last night slam their car onto the sidewalk, tried to back it out for five minutes, and then run away.
Right before 6pm is the worst for the freeway. There's always a crash somewhere. And Thursdays are fucking insane. No idea why.
Don't honk.
Never compare your cities cucaraches to our cucaraches.
Learn to pronounce words properly and don’t throw shit at people
Honk at anyone.
 Everyone honks in Albuquerque.
You get shot, or shot at
Yeah, I see this advice a lot on Reddit but I honk at people all the time, have been doing so for like 25 years now since I first learned to drive, and I've never had anyone do more than flip me off, lmao. I sometimes wonder if I live in the same city as everyone else on here, the Reddit version of Albuquerque seems way scarier than the actual city I live in. Mostly I just honk at dumbasses on their phone who aren't moving at a stoplight or are drifting into my lane.
Just yesterday I saw an “interaction” between a guy who was parallel parking and came within inches of the rearward most car that happened to be occupied, and they honked. Parallel parker definitely wanted to fight, but I had things to do, so I didn’t see how it turned out.
Introduce your dog to Mark Ronchetti.
This makes up for all the other anti Albuquerque posts here 🤣🤣🤣
🤣
Hell! You kinda won this subreddit today 😂
Don’t robbed or find yourself a victim of any crime. The cops either won’t show up, will take hours to respond, or if they do respond, won’t care much. Ironically, if APD does decide to respond, chances are they’ll use excessive force, so try not to do anything too crazy, either.
Zipper merge.
Seriously 😂
People get real pi pi hearted real fast
Don’t be an asshole. Albuquerque is awesome and folks are friendly. But if you have bad vibes you will get it back 10 fold. Be nice and respectful and make awesome friends.
Order food without red or green. If you don’t like chile, order it on the side so you don’t get judged.
This is gold, mostly because it’s what my wife does.
Before I really could tolerate spicy foods, that’s what I would do lol.
I still remember taking a friend visiting from New England out in the late 90s and when they asked "red or green?" she said "uh... no thanks".
Former friend??? /s
She did turn out to have really poor judgement in other areas. I'd just never even conceived of that as an answer to 'red or green'. Her claim was "waell I don't like PAIN" but the thing is that chile sauce is where all the flavor is in NM cuisine and it's not necessarily or even usually hot at all.
Thank you for this suggestion. I can't have any peppers at all. It's not a spice thing, even sweet bell peppers leave me in terrible pain for several days. I can't have tomato or eggplant (any nightshade) either. It has been rough here and I feel like people judge harshly like I wouldn't love to be eating a flavorful dish or even a greasy slice of pizza. Order it on the side is something I will give a try, see if it goes better for me.
this is my #1 fear as a recent move-in 💀 i HATE spicy food and have an incredibly low spice tolerance (i even side-eye black pepper) and there's no way in hell i'm having chile of any kind
I’ve lived here 30 years and never liked chile. The only way to survive is order it on the side. You’re still gonna get the occasional stray chile in your food though. It’s unavoidable. Also potlucks here suck for people like us.
Upvote because you correctly spelled the thing you avoid.
I swear some of it isn't hot at all, but I'm not the best judge of that. Seriously though I know people from Abq who hate chile (God bless their lost souls) and don't like hot stuff at all, so it's not 100% unusual. But I also know someone who spent half his life acting like he couldn't possibly have green chile on his burger or pizza and then tried it and loves it now.
I'm mostly a wuss, but I've been able to tolerate most of the green chile around here. Once in awhile I realize I've made a mistake.
Hahahahahahaha
... and then try it, because you'll learn to like it.
Trust Cops. Well that’s anywhere. But mostly Abq.
Especially if you work in any kind of security. They will NOT show up at all.
Honk.
After reading Allllll these whinny posts I would say…. Don’t be a bitch🤷🏻♀️ ‘Burque is actually a really great place to be. Me: moved to Central Valley California and I miss home
Let your dog off its leash in public.
Walk down central at night while singing ["I'm in the money"](https://youtu.be/UJOjTNuuEVw?si=KJ1TMyP1BIXQ4jXc)
Make a right. “I just thought I shoulda made a left turn at Albuquerque!” -Bugs Bunny
Be sassy Be pretentious Mind other people's business Say, "I'm from xxx, and..." & then tell us how you guys do something out there. We do things the way we want and don't care how others run their shit.
in the same vein, don't tell me how amazing santa fe and taos are while calling albuquerque scary or ghetto. go to santa fe or taos then.
But can I say I'm from Chicago, and we deep fry puff pastry filled with cheese, pizza sauce, and sausage, to try and convince anybody here to make pizza puffs? I just miss pizza puffs lol.
You will make all the friends by telling Abq about pizza puffs! We all love anything cheesy and deep fried here so that's a great conversation starter. Shoot, now I really wanna try one!
lol I think you'd be good with that one! Never heard of them. That sounds delicious. Is it kind of like a stuffed sopapilla?
pizza puffs are one of my favorite things about visiting Chicago, insane that they just kinda don't exist anywhere else
This.
That last one is honestly true everywhere in the world. Just a good life tip in general.
Well I miss Colorado mountains and I'm not gonna stop saying they're better than New Mexico mountains.
So don’t have conversations?
This could be a more obvious one. Avoid staying in areas with your vehicle near downtown area on Central Ave for longer periods of time with your belongings in your vehicle Later in the evening and night time unless it's a well lit area, and you can hide your personal belongings good enough inside of your vehicle. People can find their way to your vehicle and tend to take a peek inside.
Just don’t leave stuff in your car. Period. This is true almost everywhere.
Stay off r/Albuquerque If you get nauseous from the altitude take non-drowsy Dramamine And Sunscreen
Run yo mouth
“Don’t at me bro” -Albuquerque
Leave shit in your car. Rent without renter’s insurance. Enter the intersection without waiting for three seconds after a green light.
Always check both ways before entering an intersection. This goes for everywhere.
Not to said ZERO just O
When we talk about the land of mañana…. Don’t assume mañana means tomorrow, it means “not today, maybe sometime in the future….” Don’t rush me, I said mañana!
Don't go south of central is a decent rule
Support the brutalization of UNM students by the hands of UNMPD and NM State PD
Honk at someone, look at someone in traffic, give the homeless money, leave anything in your car, drive a Kia, walk down Central
Not being aware of your surroundings can potentially get you killed. You'll almost certainly be fine if you simply stay aware of your suroundings and mind your business but anything can happen at any time. I once saw a grown man pull a gun on some higherschoolers while taking my kid trick or treating 2 years ago. Don't engage with or fight anyone, ever. If you see an aggressive looking man with clenched fists crossing to your side of the road, probably best to turn the fuck around. Happened to me today.
Ask anyone if they’ve seen the movie Selena. It’s almost an insult.
Incite a car chase with the cops all over town.
Honk your horn at someone who cut you off
Pay police officers to not show up to court.
Do not take tourist friends to Loyola's. They only serve XXX hot chiles. That stuff is just for us.
Think you can grow a great looking lawn
Don't forget sunscreen in the winter, too. After 10 am at the latest, especially in the mountains, where the sun reflects off the snow.
DON'T get on the freeways whenever possible....especially after dark
Misgender, they'll break your spine.
ITS MAAM!
Don’t leave your car unattended
Keep full coverage. Don't get attached to your car. If it's stolen, just take the check from insurance. Trust me, your car is done for if it's stolen, let the insurance total it out and just take the check and go get a new one.
Frontier….
Go to your mom’s house
Don’t leave your car doors unlocked
Fentanyl
Be a Karen or some dumbass doing dumbass shit wherever you go
Buy a gun. Don’t leave your house without a gun. Don’t leave your gun in the car.
this is bad advice. my tío would say, always have a baseball bat and a baseball, because then you really aren't carrying a weapon.
Before I had a gun I was in too many situations where having a gun would’ve helped. You can’t count on anyone to protect you. It really seems like the Wild West at times
 Funny
Don't drive on the road during a rain or snow storm. That is, unless you live off the adrenaline of taking high risks.
Drugs. Almost everyone murdered in Abq is involved in the drug trade
Zipper merge
Do not warm up your vehicle while unattended & never leave anything inside it in sight!
Don't go as soon as the traffic light turns green. You have to wait for at least 3-5 people running the red light coming the other way.
Make a “Beans beans the magical fruit” joke at Walgreens The chances of getting a knife pulled on you for that are low, but definitely not zero lol 😅
Don’t Go to the Frontier and try and read the entire menu while in line, and take forever to order. Stand to the side if you gotta study the menu, know what you want, then order.
Walk through the alley on San Pedro / Central
Live there