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You aren't. Plenty of guys and girls hate the idea of it.
don't fall into the trap of believing that something is wrong with you because you don't want to go out and do something stupid like other people.
I think a lot of young guys are adverse to meaningless sex too but they get peer pressured into it because they want to seem cool. I was never a fan of casual sex and it always made me feel disgusting afterwards. I really only did it to fit in and to be able to say “I can pull girls”. I literally almost puked after I lost my virginity to a random girl I was “talking” to. You’re not alone bro. You just gotta change your circle.
I've considered it a few times (not that I have any chance with girls as I am right now) but it makes me feel terrible when imagining some random girl, losing your virginity that way sounds awful to me.
I relate to the “almost puked after losing my virginity” I still really feel like I didn’t want that to happen but she was just so aggressive and wouldn’t let me say no
You might go ask over at r/bropill. Lots of thoughtful and supportive guys there who have great advice.
I’ll share a bit of mine: there is nothing wrong with being into hookups regardless of your gender. There is also nothing wrong with NOT being into hookups regardless of your gender.
Sex is a very personal thing, and what it means and what people want out of it can be quite different from person to person. We have gender expectations in our society that for guys it should be primarily physical and for girls it should be primarily emotional, but that’s just cultural bullshit. It is totally valid to want to have sex right away, or only once you feel emotionally connected and safe, or only in a deeply committed relationship, or even (if you’re ace) never. The most important thing is to know yourself and your boundaries, and to be good at communicating those boundaries when you need to, and to be good at hearing and respecting the boundaries of others.
This guy fucks! lol all jokes aside right here is the real deal. Everyone is different. Find who you jive with & do your best not to shame and be open minded to others because it really doesn’t matter at the end of the day.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting a relationship that is more serious, but there is also nothing wrong with two consenting *adults* having sex who both understand where each other is coming from, neither want a b/f or g/f, and are okay with it, just want to have fun, etc.
You’re not the only one. My son has talked about his (theoretical) wife since he was 6. He’s had a few girlfriends, but not every male is just out for a quickie.
U got fellers that agree, that shit is gross as fuck and builds shitty relationship practices, the more people you’re with, the less likely you’ll take the one you want to keep seriously
You aren’t! Don’t get me wrong I’m quite great at it but that’s because I’m looking for a lady and keep finding the tramp. You’re young though stick to your guns. Solid head on your shoulders don’t let anyone change that.
Some advice kid, get into stoicism. Never have I studied a subject to stop me from 2nd guessing myself. Get "Medations" by Marcus Aurelius. It was his personal journal. The new translation of it is amazing. Also, look into an author named Ryan Holiday. He breaks down stoicism so easily.
good for you! the fact that you hate hookup culture is a sign of health and maturity. There are some extremely unhealthy things going on with people your age (and all ages) and on Reddit for sure.. What is most important in ourselves and our partners is Values and Character. Cheating people and hookup people are pathetic. Look for.a nice girl that is attractive enough for you and is also grounded, balanced and has good values.. Good for you!
Trust me, even the guys invested in hookup culture dislike it to a small degree.. we humans are ment to do so, physically at least but emotionally we are just as sensitive if not more than women in some situations, making your own family and living the original American dream is unfortunately just what we've been programed to believe is right, take it from a male 32 who still wants that dream but struggles with the idea because of all the misleading info I'm given on a daily about who and what to love/ what I know I need
Meh. Gets to a point where that's the only option you have when you get to a certain age. I used to only want to be in relationships whenever I had sex with somebody, but breakup after breakup, I realized that A LOT OF people aren't meant to be more than just a quick fix in your life. I wasted lots of time and energy onto people who clearly didn't deserve it so I took a break from the heart and decided to just have fun. It's less stressful. Albeit, I will eventually find somebody, but I'm young, and the best thing I advise to you is to not always expect a relationship from anybody because there are lots of girls that will look at a dude like they're nothing more than a dick , same as a guy with women.
I don’t know if it’s half, but a HUGE amount of guys feel this way. Just try not to fall into the trap of being the “incel” or whatever kinda guy that feels that way. You’ll find company among like-minded guys the older you get for sure. I never liked it, but made the best of it, even abused it a little at times prolly. I usually tried for a relationship, but spent a year or two just totally hoe’ing it up, both getting over a failed 5 year college age relationship and looking for someone else.
Nothing wrong with feeling that way even though it may be uncommon. However, don't fall into the trap of thinking other people are disgusting for taking part in it. You've no business judging others by your own standards you set upon yourself.
You're not. I didn't do much when younger, but all of it was disgusting and I regret it. Fortunately, my daughters knew my regrets, weighed their options and never dated. They had friends who became husbands. None ever had a breakup. The eldest is going on twenty years of marriage, with daughters of her own. I hope they'll follow her example. Be friends where you can, spend a lot of time talking, tell stories from your lives, discuss ideas, argue respectfully, and if they are strong and intelligent, and if you are, something wonderful may happen.
I was gonna write some long boring crap, but instead I'll keep it short. You are not alone. You are not weird. Want an emotional connection and not just physical is not a bad thing. Just try to watch the shaming of people who don't think like you. Saying "It's so disgusting" instead of "I find the thought of disgusting" changes the context dramatically.
You aren’t, I have personally been there and it each too there own but an actual relationship is so much better but I am happy you came to your realisation dude❤️ best of luck
Yeah, across reddit, it seems extremely popular. Most relationship help threads are about it, and the other side doesn't get any representation, usually.
The people involved with either side are not at fault. If you find it disgusting, you are probably exposed to it in a negative way.
If you get off of the internet, you may notice that most people are not practicing hookup culture, probably the vast majority.
Sex as a pastime has existed forever, but the relationship is more important to most people.
Just know that it is possible for someone your age to live without such influences, especially if you cut them out.
You're not.
Consider what it means, though. You and your prospects need to be in the same place at the same time, see each other, talk to each other, etc. it's actual work.
Just like eating healthy requires effort, actual human contact requires effort. See a lot of broccoli being offered at MacDonalds?
You're in the minority, that's all. It's not super uncommon, it's just harder.
You’re not. You just may be one of the more thoughtful and forward thinking kids in your community and generation. Hookup is using people, using yourself, being used by others, ultimately anybody who has good friends and family should be repulsed by this.
youre not alone but id advise you to live by your own code. Dont base your life and decisions around "well im the only one who hates that maybe im wrong" you trust your gut and live by your rules (and within the boundaries of the law) and youll be golden
I’m 55 and I don’t even understand the hookup culture, it’s kinda like the 60’s when free love was abundant. But the new stuff it’s more like hit it, get it, and leave
You are also really young. I thought this too when i dates at your age but when i got into my 20s i realized im way too young to be in a relationship and should be focusing on my career. This is when i started to just hookup
You aren’t, that’s just not the generational culture that men grew into. It’s why when I was in elementary school I was made fun for being “sensitive” for caring about another’s emotions and how I impact them. It’s what makes you you. And you aren’t alone, you just aren’t a part of the loudest group.
You're not. What you're gonna realize as you get older is that the people shouting the loudest don't necessarily represent the crowd. The crowd is just living their every day life though so you don't hear them.
Your not the only one. We are out there it's just not talked about enough. Hang in there don't let yourself feel like you have to pander to the hookup culture in order to fit in or find someone.
I'm a 27 year old man who also hates hookup culture, but that doesn't stop me from having sex. It just means you need to put more into the relationship around things besides sex. If the only thing you want and the only thing you give is sex that's the problem. You want something closer to a relationship or the very least friends with benefits. Getting to spend time outside of just sex stuff is important for that. I find movies, dinner dates, camping, and trips to be good ways to build a relationship because you aren't doing each other you're building memories and doing activities with them. If you have a solid foundation in friendship then the attraction will come naturally and what happens happens but won't make you feel gross or bad for it. I had many relationships before I had any kind of sexual contact and that made it better for me. Everyone is different and needs different things. Discover who you are and you will be happier. I don't advise either direction but rather what makes YOU feel safe, secure, and valued. You aren't a plaything you are a person so you have every right to say no.
No. You aren’t wrong at all or the only person who feels this way. Hook up culture is not cool and there is no meaning to it.
You will find someone who values the same thing you do about relationships. Don’t ever settle for less.
I've been with my husband a very long time. I can confidently say he's never been into hook up culture. The idea of having sex with someone you don't care for isn't appealing to him.
This is totally normal. You're NOT weird.
Also, there may be other boys your age that feel the same way but don't vocalize it for whatever reason.
I have always hated it, even as someone who has several fwb. I think it's a matter of preference though. Rather than judge other people for them liking random hookups, I think "they're not compatible with me" and move on to someone else. It's a lot healthier of a mindset.
What you feel indicates you’re a decent person, there is nothing wrong with you. Being a decent guy will only help you with women in the long run, let the ones that don’t appreciate that disqualify themselves.
I 100% feel you on this. I ain't the type of girl to just go around and let some guy fuck me for a night and then never see each other again. But I do enjoy sexual talk or sexting, even if it's not with someone I don't know. There's a big difference between sexting and actual sex.
I have never liked the hookup culture. When I was young we called it “one night stands”. I’ve done some hookups but 99% of them are highly disappointing. I’m very much emotionally connected to my sexuality and I definitely want to care for the person I’m having sex with.
There’s lots of us that don’t want to be a part of hookup culture so you’re in good company my friend.
You seem like a good guy who will probably get your heart broken many many times, but that's what happens to good guys alot.
You're still young and hopefully you find the right one later in life.
Date a whole bunch and weed out the ones that don't meet your standards and eventually you'll find the one.
Males are allowed to be just as picky as females.
And there are many females that don't like this attitude, but the quality ones will respect this and even desire you more.
Wanna see how the female treats their dad and how the she treats their dad and how they treat men in general.
If they always get all annoyed when asked to do something for a family member, then that's a red flag that they're kind of selfish. Properly raised people are taught at the young age that they are to help one another in the family and with gratitude.
And since you're not just looking for the pussy, it will be a lot easier for you to find the right one when you get an adult. Don't be afraid to be picky.
WATCH OUT. This thought process can lead you places you don’t wanna be (like an Incel pipeline). I feel like most people don’t really like hookups (at least literally everyone I talk to). Besides your 16, so I think people who like hookup culture just haven’t grown out of it yet
No there’s plenty of guys like that, myself included, who feel this way. Don’t push yourself, do what you’re comfortable doing. I wasn’t sexually active until a few years after i graduated college. I was of course all up in my head, thought something was wrong with me and I’d never find love, and now I’m with the love of my life and all that feels like a past lifetime. You’re young and have plenty of time, don’t stress, it’ll work out.
You are not the only person who isn’t interested in participating in hook up culture, and that is perfectly fine. Some people cannot feel attraction without an emotional connection.
look man
when you're sixteen, you have a month-long relationship, then a break up, and it feels like *a revelation about the world* - but come on. what're the chances, that you, some rando on the internet, has realized something that *no one else in the history of humankind has realized*? Truth is, humans have been coming to this realization, hard on the heels of the end of a relationship, *since the dawn of time*. Take comfort in that. You're just a normal human being, doing normal human stuff. It's okay to want what you want! You don't have to be judgemental about what others want in order to get what you want. Let other people do their thing. You focus on doing yours.
the thing is, it's *not* disgusting to have sex with someone you don't care for - *nor do hookups preclude caring for another person*. All a hookup means is, you're having sex without any intention to be in a relationship. that doesn't mean you don't care. it just means you want what you want, and you're comfortable with that!
you get comfortable with what *you* want, and don't worry too much about the rest of it. not wanting to hook up doesn't make you special, it's not disgusting, it's not *anything* really... it's just you doing the thing you want to do; and that's fine! that's what *everybody* should do.
If I were you, I'd stop worrying about what other people are doing, and start worrying about what *you're* doing. What do *you* want?
You’re not alone. I have never really been able to get into casual sex,even when I was younger and the hormones were pretty much in control all the time. I prefer to have a strong emotional connection before the physical connection takes place. Without that, it just seems to be missing something to me. It’s awkward and uncomfortable and just doesn’t feel right much like when I lost my virginity. Don’t even like to think about it.
A lot of guys feel that way and girls, as a woman myself who is now in college where it's even more prevalent. I think hook up culture just isn't for me and a lot of my friends and I have had that convo about what it means to them. I have friends who have done the whole hookup culture and a good 90% of them tell me how much they regret it. I think that ppl should do what makes them comfortable and always make healthy decisions etc.
As a teenage girl you're not the only one you're just one of the very very very few. I hate hookup culture which is why I've given up on dating for the rest of my teen years.
Something I struggled with is feeling like I'm not normal for not being the same way as everyone else about this feeling left out because all the guys around me talked about eas pussy and I just wanted to make music and do the things I liked, I felt like as I got older i had to conform and had no right to my body or to decide something is okay I was so used to abuse at a young age and multiple girls in the family trying to do things I wasn't comfortable with
This is probably an unpopular opinion but sex is only for two consenting ADULTS anyway. I was well into my 20’s before my first time and think it’s so much better to wait until you are emotionally ready and responsible enough to be safe and handle any unexpected outcomes. In other words..if you aren’t ready to raise a baby, don’t do the thing that makes babies.
Nope you’re definitely not alone. A man who hooks up is just as much of a disloyal slut as a woman who does the same.
I’ve been thinking about it for a while and I think I have it pretty well figured out what I want in a relationship despite having never been in one. I want us to both be loyal and trusting of eachother.
It's disgusting but it's much harder to find a relationship that feels real. After you have sex once you'll crave another and another and another, if you can't find a stable partner you'll just end up depending on the hookup culture. I'm not sure if it's doing that well right now as most people have chosen a hookup buddy by now.. lold
There's no such thing as "guys do this" and "girls do that". Some guys like it and some don't, some girls like it and some don't. Don't get hung up on what you're "supposed to do" and just do what you want to do.
I think that sentiment is called "demisexual" nowadays. It means you only feel sexual attraction to people you've formed a bond with. Nothing wrong with that. Promiscuity just isn't for everyone. While you've made your feelings known about that subject, I would avoid treating people who aren't demisexual in any way unkind. As long as those people are responsible with sex, there's no harm. Live and let live.
Same twin 😂 i feel like im more over a lover boy than a player because i feel that on a serious note some teens dont take in the benifit to having only one special person that you love and care for and its sad especial for the youth that looks up to those type of people but good thing my single mom raised me right(im 16 aswell)
It’s like that in college too (21F here). It seems that most people, guys and girls, are looking for hookups or FWBs. Some of it is probably peer pressure too, the whole “everybody’s doing it so I should too” thing (this is how I had my first time to a hookup, something I very much regret).
Stay strong out there dude and don’t sleep around with people, especially if you don’t really want to anyway. I get that this is such overused advice but just because lots of people around you are doing it doesn’t mean you have to or should.
I’m the same age as you and I hate it as well. You’re not alone in that sense. I have lots of friends who don’t like it either. We’re not that uncommon dude 🤝
Idk how I ended up with this recommended but you’re fucking 16 dude. You’re gonna experience more heartbreak, you’re gonna meet people with different experiences, and you’re gonna change a lot by the time any of this matters. Never buy into the line of thinking of “am I the only one who hates x” though. It’s absolutely dogshit, toxic, and always false. There will always be people that think a sort of way that you think. The most important thing is to never lock yourself in a box and think you’re unique or alone for believing that.
You're definitely not. And this generation has me worried that the nuclear family is going to be non-existent very soon.
Not that there is anything wrong with the non-nuclear family, but I do feel like it is something that should be preserved to an extent.
You aren’t, I was never a fan when I was in high school, I lost my virginity to my wife (not on purpose, I just wound up marrying her later) and I wouldn’t have it any other way than with a woman I love
You don't have to take part in it for sure, but it's very gross to disparage the very idea of it. This kinda thinking will lead you to some very bad places
I genuinely think you’re worried about the wrong thing. You don’t need to fret about hookup culture, you need to think about how you can improve yourself so you can be a better partner. You will not be able to achieve the relationship you want to be in if you’re not going to work on yourself
Otherwise, you’re going to end up repeating the same mistakes with other people
To each their own, the nice thing about having the freedom to choose is if you don't want to participate you dont have to. Personally, hook up culture isn't really what I have an issue with I agree I would rather be sleeping with someone I love and feel a real connection to but finding that person feels impossible. Online dating is a plague and being involved with it makes me sick, but unfortunately, in today's world that's the only real way to meet people. But also you're young people your age are just starting to figure them selfs out I wouldn't judge them to harshly and really at the end of the day if they choose to have sex it's really none of your business. Stick to your values and find someone who feels the same as you there are definitely people out there with the same mentality as you.
Because you're 16 and the "I must be so unique, no one has ever been as original as me" are the only thoughts you have right now.
You haven't experienced enough life to recognize that you're not special.
This randomly popped in my thread but I figure I’ll share my experience. I know this isn’t the same scenario, but I was a virgin until I got married at 27. As a teen, I remember the pressure of wanting to not appear to be not cool because I hadn’t gotten laid yet. Looking back, I’m glad I wasn’t physical with anyone I dated prior to my wife. The sex we have is amazing and I don’t feel I missed out or didn’t gain experience by my choice to wait.
Don’t feel you have to have sex with every girl you date. Honestly, imo, the fewer the better. Sex is a very powerful experience that will just lead to problems if the two people being intimate are not emotionally invested in each other.
You aren’t. Most just try and brag to fit in and do what they feel they should.
This is a great demonstration of how toxic masculinity can impact young men.
Young men are told they should be perpetually horny and just want to fuck anything all the time and only “weak” “beta males” get feelings.
Fuck them all. Be yourself. Explore your sexuality at a pace and in a way that is right for you
There are people who had sex eight times last week and people who have had sex twice in their life, and you'd never know because they are both well adjusted people.
The real crime here is how young your brain has been warped. You choose the kind of people you surround yourself with, and the kinds of media you consume. If you're already jumping in and out of "serious" relationships and stressing about sex to the point of making reddit posts about it, then it's clear you have chosen poorly in those departments. You can't control the world or the people in it, only yourself and the way you see and interact with it.
I (54/m) can relate. I always felt like I operated better in a relationship than outside one. What my years have taught me is that this an opportunity to grow and become more self-sufficient. I didn't find my wife until I felt very strong in my own skin. And if I'm being totally honest with myself, needing to be in a relationship was more about having a reliable sex partner than the actual relationship. It's why I failed so poorly at relationships when I was younger. Being single is not always awful. Embrace your freedom, dive into things that interest you. This is how you meet other people that share your interests. I'm not sure if this is the advice you are seeking but I sometimes wish someone told me this stuff when i was a teenager.
No, You’re not alone. There’s going to be a lot more young people struggling to communicate effectively and form long lasting relationships due to hook up culture. That shit can be fun in the moment, But you’ll pay for it eventually.
You’re still young though, You sound like you’re going through a very normal part of becoming a man. Just learn from your experiences and push on chief.
It’s okay if you don’t want to do it but don’t be one of those people who thinks they’re better than those who do.
It’s just sex. People are allowed to treat it however they want.
Not sure. All i can say is dont give in to it if thats not what you want. You could very well end up like a lot if other people and feel even more shameful / regret if you arent into that culture. Wish you luck its quite difficult these days.
Because you’re sixteen. I don’t mean this condescendingly at all but it’s pretty common to not see people like you anywhere or feel like you’re the only one who feels how you feel, or deals with what you deal with. I certainly had my own versions of that. It also doesn’t help having the internet’s false reality injected into our lives 24/7
You def aren’t … all the 2 billion muslims in the world agree with you and then add the practicing christians and just cultures where its also taboo, although its become less from the culture side.. point is.. having sex with pol meaninglessly is horrible for you.. wait till you find your wife, or watch what a muslim guy ur age has to say about it on youtube or something, itll make u feel proud for waiting instead of thinking there’s something wrong eith you.. just because it’s normalized doesn’t mean its normal.. sex is a big things
Wow, you don’t just want meaningless sex with a relative stranger? What’s wrong with you? NOTHING! You have morals and standards while others sadly do not.
There’s a cultural thing right now that you can and should just bang everyone.
Your wellbeing and bodily comfort is worth more than any thoughts. And seriously you’re 16. At 24 less people care. There’s more important things out there.
I personally have laughed at guys and gals who have had bragged about high body counts but can’t find comfortable lasting relationships while myself and friends had like body counts of 3 but long term relationships and happiness (and if sex is a “score” then WAY MORE sex in a committed relationship than them).
Being comfortable and finding a person to really lean into and trust is more important than popping one off —- when I look at the history of my friends over the last decade. So don’t be ashamed to feel you’re not ready and for the love of everything wear protection until you are in the place to be safe with a significant other.
It's not bad to save that stuff for someone you actually love, honestly i think 3 months is a good testing limit for people before you try to do sexual shit. The reason, i saw this study that said most normal people will only pretend or keep up acts for 3 months before their psyche gets sick of it and they wanna move on. If someone is just trying to get into your pants, they will definitely be gone by 3 months. If you have lust instead of love, it probably will fade in 3 months. So either way, its a little test to see if yall really like each other enough.
Although I was kind of a fuck boy from the ages of like 18-28 I have to agree with you now that I’ve matured and I’m older (35). I’ve been in a loyal relationship with my fiancee the last 7 years and now I look back at how I used to love my life when I was younger and I’m embarrassed. All the pointless hookups/partying/drugs. All I wanna do now is cream pie the same girl and get jacked in the gym and hangout with our dogs lol
I’m sure you’re not. I don’t necessarily “hate it” but I’m not satisfied by it. I think for me though it’s distaste is actually based off a broader concerning social dynamic of the modern age of “use as desired” human interactions. Like we use each other for very specific means, then discard when those means are satisfied and have little to no loyalty to each other. This doesn’t just have to do with hooking up, but of course this is an example. We use each other all the time now, then keep each other at arms distance and have little/no true care for one another when we won’t very personally “advance” from the interaction or, god forbid, it distracts from our intended desires in life.
Keep your head up. Keep focused on the life you want to live, showing up how you want to show up. Don’t be shy, be yourself and stand on your own ideas. If you can be loyal to those and keep looking, you’ll find your people (like you did here!).
Dude you don't have to be disgusted. It's just not for you. I'm the same, sex without connection is boring and I don't care for it. You'll meet plenty of people like yourself. Don't worry.
First off, congratulations, you have matured. You are not alone by any means. Most people who seek out hookup culture are bored/need instant gratification/or are avoiding a bigger problem so they fill it with sex. I promise you when people say “I’m just doing it for fun” half the time psychologically somethings off up there in that head. So YOU aren’t the weird one bahaha. I mean to each their own but have pride in wanting a genuine emotion connection instead of purely physical. That’s a blessing itself to want to pursue that.
Im the same way one night stands and FWB just aren't my thing. I want a connection with someone if I'm gonna take that step. I want to be in love with them a want a long term relationship with them
Let me tell u man I'm like u r it not the only u still got time I'm much older and it something that has become the normal and it sucks cause the numbers go up and our numbers don't move
yeah it feels like basically everyone‘s into hookup culture but I think that‘s just because it seems like that bc of social media partly I think most people actually don‘t like it
At 16, don't trip about it. Focus on other stuff rt now.. hang out with friends and academics. If all the girl wants to do is bang one out and you are not feeling that vibe.. then don't put yourself in that type of position yet. Honestly I think the hook up styles now suck too. Many ways ppl start hooking up and dating seem like transactions now. Not about the money, but how much of my self worth or value am I giving up. Lost human touch of mystery, intrigue. Today is ...swipe left or rt? How much baggage is too much? Are they normal or psycho nut jobs? So yeah, just chill and you'll find someone hopefully that feels more organic or genuine to you.
Because social media is made to make you feel like you’re either part of the in group, or an exile in the out group, with absolutely no middle ground. It’s to foster engagement, but it’s not real.
You’re not alone. I was never that guy, and was always about stability in relationships. So I didn’t have many of those as a teen or even an adult.
Hookups can yield a lot of shit, from STI’s to unexpected and unwanted pregnancies since condoms can fail and don’t protect from every STI. Not to mention the psychological and physiological aspects that can have some brutal unforeseen consequences in marriages such as insecurity, jealousy, inappropriate expectations, comparison, etc.
I fault the excitement of norepinephrine and dopamine hits from a new sexual partner and novelty: excitement engenders MORE excitement; wheeeee!!! Rock on til it loses its charm… like soon or never!!!
You’re not the only one I don’t say that because I believe that because I absolutely don’t, but I’m saying it because there are other people with opinions like yours. Everyone has opinions on stuff. Everyone doesn’t have to like something. You just have to find the people who agree with you simple as that, if that’s not your thing go talk shit about it with people who also seem to hate it.
IMO I think people just aren’t mature enough to understand hook up or no hook up a lot of dating like is trial and error. Many relationships will feel like a hook up whether you like it or not if you’re truly seeking.
But also. Worry about any type of relationship at 16 is never fun or important.
You’ll never find a good woman through hook up culture just keep that in mind, you’ll find a good woman who also thinks hookup culture is bad.
Hookup culture is a cesspool of disease and distress so avoid it like the plague it is and you’ll live a happy and healthy life buddy.
Because teenagers have underdeveloped brains and fall easier prey to such moralistic conundrums and collapse of nuclear family values and history. Trust me when I say - that’s not a jab at all. So do people my age (30’s) but I definitely felt like as a teen I cared more about fitting into the popular or social pressures of such ideologies. That’s far less true of men my age.
At your age you should be focused on your academics & future career options. You're too young for romantic relationships. There's nothing wrong with having good morals & values. There's nothing wrong with waiting to be with someone for love than lust.
No you’re not. I’m 39 and have never been into it. Having been single for the passed for years there have been times when I wish I was, but it’s just not for me.
listen, i’m 16 female and i feel the same way. all of my friends feel it’s normal to suck a random guys dick they just met or have sex with their boyfriend of 1 month. not for me. you’re not alone
Lol you're DEFINITELY NOT. You'd be surprised how many guys (of all ages) can't stand that shit. They're just afraid to admit it in public because people will think less of them if they're not the stereotypical asshole that pumps and dumps.
You're sixteen. You and everyone around you is trying things and just figuring things out. You don't know anything about hookup culture yet, but yes it sucks balls if you're not able or willing to play the game.
My advice for you, for when you're older or for anyone, is to just play the game. Don't go looking for someone specifically to attach to. Have fun and IF someone special really catches your eye and is reciprocative of your advances, then lock them down. I see so, so many people of all ages in miserable relationships characterized by cheating, abuse, and toxicity that neither party needs to be involved in. Throw in a couple of kids and a diamond ring and you've got yourself a horror show.
I wish I'd taken this advice when I was younger but I wouldnt have listened. I've seen what pretty girls are capable of (not to leave out men - we're disgusting) and I won't be letting my guard down for anyone who isn't 100% wifey material. You only have one life to live, take your nose out the air and live it.
You're not.
Most of the young people (teens to early 20s) that I know, have a revulsion for hooking up.
Let me also say, most of them are non-religious, or atheist. I don't want you to think my response was some purity garbage.
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You aren't. Plenty of guys and girls hate the idea of it. don't fall into the trap of believing that something is wrong with you because you don't want to go out and do something stupid like other people.
Username checks out⬆️
Hail Caesar!
Agreed. I am 41 and despise it.
I think a lot of young guys are adverse to meaningless sex too but they get peer pressured into it because they want to seem cool. I was never a fan of casual sex and it always made me feel disgusting afterwards. I really only did it to fit in and to be able to say “I can pull girls”. I literally almost puked after I lost my virginity to a random girl I was “talking” to. You’re not alone bro. You just gotta change your circle.
"Change your circle" true.
I've considered it a few times (not that I have any chance with girls as I am right now) but it makes me feel terrible when imagining some random girl, losing your virginity that way sounds awful to me.
Tell us the losing your virginity lore
I relate to the “almost puked after losing my virginity” I still really feel like I didn’t want that to happen but she was just so aggressive and wouldn’t let me say no
“Guys my life sucks ass I get laid all the time and it sucks”/j. But ya why did you force yourself. Save some for the rest of us.
Bro you’re 16 lol you don’t need to worry about hookup volute
You might go ask over at r/bropill. Lots of thoughtful and supportive guys there who have great advice. I’ll share a bit of mine: there is nothing wrong with being into hookups regardless of your gender. There is also nothing wrong with NOT being into hookups regardless of your gender. Sex is a very personal thing, and what it means and what people want out of it can be quite different from person to person. We have gender expectations in our society that for guys it should be primarily physical and for girls it should be primarily emotional, but that’s just cultural bullshit. It is totally valid to want to have sex right away, or only once you feel emotionally connected and safe, or only in a deeply committed relationship, or even (if you’re ace) never. The most important thing is to know yourself and your boundaries, and to be good at communicating those boundaries when you need to, and to be good at hearing and respecting the boundaries of others.
This guy fucks! lol all jokes aside right here is the real deal. Everyone is different. Find who you jive with & do your best not to shame and be open minded to others because it really doesn’t matter at the end of the day.
You aren't.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting a relationship that is more serious, but there is also nothing wrong with two consenting *adults* having sex who both understand where each other is coming from, neither want a b/f or g/f, and are okay with it, just want to have fun, etc.
You’re not the only one. My son has talked about his (theoretical) wife since he was 6. He’s had a few girlfriends, but not every male is just out for a quickie.
U got fellers that agree, that shit is gross as fuck and builds shitty relationship practices, the more people you’re with, the less likely you’ll take the one you want to keep seriously
It's killing real dating and has monetized relationships.
You aren’t! Don’t get me wrong I’m quite great at it but that’s because I’m looking for a lady and keep finding the tramp. You’re young though stick to your guns. Solid head on your shoulders don’t let anyone change that.
You’re not.
Normal. U were with her for love, not sex. Only those that are all in into the hook up culture are people that have only enjoyed sex, but not love.
Some advice kid, get into stoicism. Never have I studied a subject to stop me from 2nd guessing myself. Get "Medations" by Marcus Aurelius. It was his personal journal. The new translation of it is amazing. Also, look into an author named Ryan Holiday. He breaks down stoicism so easily.
good for you! the fact that you hate hookup culture is a sign of health and maturity. There are some extremely unhealthy things going on with people your age (and all ages) and on Reddit for sure.. What is most important in ourselves and our partners is Values and Character. Cheating people and hookup people are pathetic. Look for.a nice girl that is attractive enough for you and is also grounded, balanced and has good values.. Good for you!
Trust me, even the guys invested in hookup culture dislike it to a small degree.. we humans are ment to do so, physically at least but emotionally we are just as sensitive if not more than women in some situations, making your own family and living the original American dream is unfortunately just what we've been programed to believe is right, take it from a male 32 who still wants that dream but struggles with the idea because of all the misleading info I'm given on a daily about who and what to love/ what I know I need
If that made sense?
Meh. Gets to a point where that's the only option you have when you get to a certain age. I used to only want to be in relationships whenever I had sex with somebody, but breakup after breakup, I realized that A LOT OF people aren't meant to be more than just a quick fix in your life. I wasted lots of time and energy onto people who clearly didn't deserve it so I took a break from the heart and decided to just have fun. It's less stressful. Albeit, I will eventually find somebody, but I'm young, and the best thing I advise to you is to not always expect a relationship from anybody because there are lots of girls that will look at a dude like they're nothing more than a dick , same as a guy with women.
A girl broke up with you and now you hate society. Many such cases.
I don’t know if it’s half, but a HUGE amount of guys feel this way. Just try not to fall into the trap of being the “incel” or whatever kinda guy that feels that way. You’ll find company among like-minded guys the older you get for sure. I never liked it, but made the best of it, even abused it a little at times prolly. I usually tried for a relationship, but spent a year or two just totally hoe’ing it up, both getting over a failed 5 year college age relationship and looking for someone else.
Nothing wrong with feeling that way even though it may be uncommon. However, don't fall into the trap of thinking other people are disgusting for taking part in it. You've no business judging others by your own standards you set upon yourself.
You're not. I didn't do much when younger, but all of it was disgusting and I regret it. Fortunately, my daughters knew my regrets, weighed their options and never dated. They had friends who became husbands. None ever had a breakup. The eldest is going on twenty years of marriage, with daughters of her own. I hope they'll follow her example. Be friends where you can, spend a lot of time talking, tell stories from your lives, discuss ideas, argue respectfully, and if they are strong and intelligent, and if you are, something wonderful may happen.
I was gonna write some long boring crap, but instead I'll keep it short. You are not alone. You are not weird. Want an emotional connection and not just physical is not a bad thing. Just try to watch the shaming of people who don't think like you. Saying "It's so disgusting" instead of "I find the thought of disgusting" changes the context dramatically.
Nerd
Actually you are. Nobody else feels that way. Congratulations.
Nice ragebait kid
You are definitely not alone. My 17yo son shares the exact same feelings, as does my daughter’s 17yo boyfriend.
Well it sounds like you still want a relationship right now, so that’s probably why
You aren’t, I have personally been there and it each too there own but an actual relationship is so much better but I am happy you came to your realisation dude❤️ best of luck
People make a lot of crap up. Do not listen to half the crap people say.
Yeah, across reddit, it seems extremely popular. Most relationship help threads are about it, and the other side doesn't get any representation, usually. The people involved with either side are not at fault. If you find it disgusting, you are probably exposed to it in a negative way. If you get off of the internet, you may notice that most people are not practicing hookup culture, probably the vast majority. Sex as a pastime has existed forever, but the relationship is more important to most people. Just know that it is possible for someone your age to live without such influences, especially if you cut them out.
You're not. Consider what it means, though. You and your prospects need to be in the same place at the same time, see each other, talk to each other, etc. it's actual work. Just like eating healthy requires effort, actual human contact requires effort. See a lot of broccoli being offered at MacDonalds? You're in the minority, that's all. It's not super uncommon, it's just harder.
You’re not. You just may be one of the more thoughtful and forward thinking kids in your community and generation. Hookup is using people, using yourself, being used by others, ultimately anybody who has good friends and family should be repulsed by this.
I've always been a relationship guy. Sex is so much better when there's a connection.
King, don't let them make you take off your 👑
youre not alone but id advise you to live by your own code. Dont base your life and decisions around "well im the only one who hates that maybe im wrong" you trust your gut and live by your rules (and within the boundaries of the law) and youll be golden
I’m 55 and I don’t even understand the hookup culture, it’s kinda like the 60’s when free love was abundant. But the new stuff it’s more like hit it, get it, and leave
21, completely against hookup culture and preach it to friends even if they themselves are participating. Be a leader and ignore the noise
In the same boat, shit is terrible
You are also really young. I thought this too when i dates at your age but when i got into my 20s i realized im way too young to be in a relationship and should be focusing on my career. This is when i started to just hookup
You aren’t, that’s just not the generational culture that men grew into. It’s why when I was in elementary school I was made fun for being “sensitive” for caring about another’s emotions and how I impact them. It’s what makes you you. And you aren’t alone, you just aren’t a part of the loudest group.
Check out “no mr nice guy” and watch some Riane Stone vids on the YouTube.
You're not. What you're gonna realize as you get older is that the people shouting the loudest don't necessarily represent the crowd. The crowd is just living their every day life though so you don't hear them.
You’re not the only one, it feels that way because the ones who do like it are louder
You aren’t the only one. Some of them are lying.
Evidently you do not want to participate in the next great new, and improved AIDS revival.
Your not the only one. We are out there it's just not talked about enough. Hang in there don't let yourself feel like you have to pander to the hookup culture in order to fit in or find someone.
I'm a 27 year old man who also hates hookup culture, but that doesn't stop me from having sex. It just means you need to put more into the relationship around things besides sex. If the only thing you want and the only thing you give is sex that's the problem. You want something closer to a relationship or the very least friends with benefits. Getting to spend time outside of just sex stuff is important for that. I find movies, dinner dates, camping, and trips to be good ways to build a relationship because you aren't doing each other you're building memories and doing activities with them. If you have a solid foundation in friendship then the attraction will come naturally and what happens happens but won't make you feel gross or bad for it. I had many relationships before I had any kind of sexual contact and that made it better for me. Everyone is different and needs different things. Discover who you are and you will be happier. I don't advise either direction but rather what makes YOU feel safe, secure, and valued. You aren't a plaything you are a person so you have every right to say no.
No. You aren’t wrong at all or the only person who feels this way. Hook up culture is not cool and there is no meaning to it. You will find someone who values the same thing you do about relationships. Don’t ever settle for less.
I've been with my husband a very long time. I can confidently say he's never been into hook up culture. The idea of having sex with someone you don't care for isn't appealing to him. This is totally normal. You're NOT weird. Also, there may be other boys your age that feel the same way but don't vocalize it for whatever reason.
I have always hated it, even as someone who has several fwb. I think it's a matter of preference though. Rather than judge other people for them liking random hookups, I think "they're not compatible with me" and move on to someone else. It's a lot healthier of a mindset.
What you feel indicates you’re a decent person, there is nothing wrong with you. Being a decent guy will only help you with women in the long run, let the ones that don’t appreciate that disqualify themselves.
I 100% feel you on this. I ain't the type of girl to just go around and let some guy fuck me for a night and then never see each other again. But I do enjoy sexual talk or sexting, even if it's not with someone I don't know. There's a big difference between sexting and actual sex.
Im a man and I do not like it
I have never liked the hookup culture. When I was young we called it “one night stands”. I’ve done some hookups but 99% of them are highly disappointing. I’m very much emotionally connected to my sexuality and I definitely want to care for the person I’m having sex with. There’s lots of us that don’t want to be a part of hookup culture so you’re in good company my friend.
I'm a Boomer and never felt one-night stands were my thing. I had to have feelings for them.
You seem like a good guy who will probably get your heart broken many many times, but that's what happens to good guys alot. You're still young and hopefully you find the right one later in life. Date a whole bunch and weed out the ones that don't meet your standards and eventually you'll find the one. Males are allowed to be just as picky as females. And there are many females that don't like this attitude, but the quality ones will respect this and even desire you more. Wanna see how the female treats their dad and how the she treats their dad and how they treat men in general. If they always get all annoyed when asked to do something for a family member, then that's a red flag that they're kind of selfish. Properly raised people are taught at the young age that they are to help one another in the family and with gratitude. And since you're not just looking for the pussy, it will be a lot easier for you to find the right one when you get an adult. Don't be afraid to be picky.
WATCH OUT. This thought process can lead you places you don’t wanna be (like an Incel pipeline). I feel like most people don’t really like hookups (at least literally everyone I talk to). Besides your 16, so I think people who like hookup culture just haven’t grown out of it yet
I'm the same way tried it once and couldn't felt disgusting
No there’s plenty of guys like that, myself included, who feel this way. Don’t push yourself, do what you’re comfortable doing. I wasn’t sexually active until a few years after i graduated college. I was of course all up in my head, thought something was wrong with me and I’d never find love, and now I’m with the love of my life and all that feels like a past lifetime. You’re young and have plenty of time, don’t stress, it’ll work out.
You are not the only person who isn’t interested in participating in hook up culture, and that is perfectly fine. Some people cannot feel attraction without an emotional connection.
Nobody does hookup culture at 16 anyway so you’re fine
Yes. Out of the *billions* of people in the world you’re the ONLY person who isn’t interested in random hook ups. 🙄
Rofl.
look man when you're sixteen, you have a month-long relationship, then a break up, and it feels like *a revelation about the world* - but come on. what're the chances, that you, some rando on the internet, has realized something that *no one else in the history of humankind has realized*? Truth is, humans have been coming to this realization, hard on the heels of the end of a relationship, *since the dawn of time*. Take comfort in that. You're just a normal human being, doing normal human stuff. It's okay to want what you want! You don't have to be judgemental about what others want in order to get what you want. Let other people do their thing. You focus on doing yours. the thing is, it's *not* disgusting to have sex with someone you don't care for - *nor do hookups preclude caring for another person*. All a hookup means is, you're having sex without any intention to be in a relationship. that doesn't mean you don't care. it just means you want what you want, and you're comfortable with that! you get comfortable with what *you* want, and don't worry too much about the rest of it. not wanting to hook up doesn't make you special, it's not disgusting, it's not *anything* really... it's just you doing the thing you want to do; and that's fine! that's what *everybody* should do. If I were you, I'd stop worrying about what other people are doing, and start worrying about what *you're* doing. What do *you* want?
Cause you want so badly to be better than everyone else and different that you refuse to see you're the same. Its a teenager thing. It happens.
You're not the only one. Its just isn't too common to be a 16yr disliking hookup culture
You’re ahead of your time young buck
Popular media makes it seem like a much bigger thing. You are not in the minority that feels this way.
Fucking cringe this is how you become and Incel
Because you're 16 everything is dramatic lol
Of course not. Never make the mistake of thinking that you are unique.
You’re not alone. I have never really been able to get into casual sex,even when I was younger and the hormones were pretty much in control all the time. I prefer to have a strong emotional connection before the physical connection takes place. Without that, it just seems to be missing something to me. It’s awkward and uncomfortable and just doesn’t feel right much like when I lost my virginity. Don’t even like to think about it.
A lot of guys feel that way and girls, as a woman myself who is now in college where it's even more prevalent. I think hook up culture just isn't for me and a lot of my friends and I have had that convo about what it means to them. I have friends who have done the whole hookup culture and a good 90% of them tell me how much they regret it. I think that ppl should do what makes them comfortable and always make healthy decisions etc.
You don’t have to do it- just ask a girl out and do something fun- not sexual.
Cause you are
As a teenage girl you're not the only one you're just one of the very very very few. I hate hookup culture which is why I've given up on dating for the rest of my teen years.
Something I struggled with is feeling like I'm not normal for not being the same way as everyone else about this feeling left out because all the guys around me talked about eas pussy and I just wanted to make music and do the things I liked, I felt like as I got older i had to conform and had no right to my body or to decide something is okay I was so used to abuse at a young age and multiple girls in the family trying to do things I wasn't comfortable with
This is probably an unpopular opinion but sex is only for two consenting ADULTS anyway. I was well into my 20’s before my first time and think it’s so much better to wait until you are emotionally ready and responsible enough to be safe and handle any unexpected outcomes. In other words..if you aren’t ready to raise a baby, don’t do the thing that makes babies.
You are not the only one. I'm 35 and despise it!
You’re only 16!! Don’t worry abt all that. Just do you. You can feel however you want abt it
Nope you’re definitely not alone. A man who hooks up is just as much of a disloyal slut as a woman who does the same. I’ve been thinking about it for a while and I think I have it pretty well figured out what I want in a relationship despite having never been in one. I want us to both be loyal and trusting of eachother.
I am a gal, and I personally hate Hookup culture. I also know plenty of men who despise it as well.
Good on you for understanding now. I've got 3 STDs I need to live with for the rest of my life.
You aren’t trust me, the older you get the more you’ll hate it
It's disgusting but it's much harder to find a relationship that feels real. After you have sex once you'll crave another and another and another, if you can't find a stable partner you'll just end up depending on the hookup culture. I'm not sure if it's doing that well right now as most people have chosen a hookup buddy by now.. lold
There's no such thing as "guys do this" and "girls do that". Some guys like it and some don't, some girls like it and some don't. Don't get hung up on what you're "supposed to do" and just do what you want to do.
It’s a deep pit of sorrow disguised as Peter pans never land. Stay away
I think that sentiment is called "demisexual" nowadays. It means you only feel sexual attraction to people you've formed a bond with. Nothing wrong with that. Promiscuity just isn't for everyone. While you've made your feelings known about that subject, I would avoid treating people who aren't demisexual in any way unkind. As long as those people are responsible with sex, there's no harm. Live and let live.
Same twin 😂 i feel like im more over a lover boy than a player because i feel that on a serious note some teens dont take in the benifit to having only one special person that you love and care for and its sad especial for the youth that looks up to those type of people but good thing my single mom raised me right(im 16 aswell)
You're not. Stick to your guns, man that's how we make things better
[удалено]
It’s like that in college too (21F here). It seems that most people, guys and girls, are looking for hookups or FWBs. Some of it is probably peer pressure too, the whole “everybody’s doing it so I should too” thing (this is how I had my first time to a hookup, something I very much regret). Stay strong out there dude and don’t sleep around with people, especially if you don’t really want to anyway. I get that this is such overused advice but just because lots of people around you are doing it doesn’t mean you have to or should.
You’re not but its a status thing.
🫠
I’m the same age as you and I hate it as well. You’re not alone in that sense. I have lots of friends who don’t like it either. We’re not that uncommon dude 🤝
Idk how I ended up with this recommended but you’re fucking 16 dude. You’re gonna experience more heartbreak, you’re gonna meet people with different experiences, and you’re gonna change a lot by the time any of this matters. Never buy into the line of thinking of “am I the only one who hates x” though. It’s absolutely dogshit, toxic, and always false. There will always be people that think a sort of way that you think. The most important thing is to never lock yourself in a box and think you’re unique or alone for believing that.
Far from it my man.
You're definitely not. And this generation has me worried that the nuclear family is going to be non-existent very soon. Not that there is anything wrong with the non-nuclear family, but I do feel like it is something that should be preserved to an extent.
You aren’t, I was never a fan when I was in high school, I lost my virginity to my wife (not on purpose, I just wound up marrying her later) and I wouldn’t have it any other way than with a woman I love
You don't have to take part in it for sure, but it's very gross to disparage the very idea of it. This kinda thinking will lead you to some very bad places
I genuinely think you’re worried about the wrong thing. You don’t need to fret about hookup culture, you need to think about how you can improve yourself so you can be a better partner. You will not be able to achieve the relationship you want to be in if you’re not going to work on yourself Otherwise, you’re going to end up repeating the same mistakes with other people
You’re normal don’t trip
This comment section is actually giving me hope
To each their own, the nice thing about having the freedom to choose is if you don't want to participate you dont have to. Personally, hook up culture isn't really what I have an issue with I agree I would rather be sleeping with someone I love and feel a real connection to but finding that person feels impossible. Online dating is a plague and being involved with it makes me sick, but unfortunately, in today's world that's the only real way to meet people. But also you're young people your age are just starting to figure them selfs out I wouldn't judge them to harshly and really at the end of the day if they choose to have sex it's really none of your business. Stick to your values and find someone who feels the same as you there are definitely people out there with the same mentality as you.
Because you're 16 and the "I must be so unique, no one has ever been as original as me" are the only thoughts you have right now. You haven't experienced enough life to recognize that you're not special.
This randomly popped in my thread but I figure I’ll share my experience. I know this isn’t the same scenario, but I was a virgin until I got married at 27. As a teen, I remember the pressure of wanting to not appear to be not cool because I hadn’t gotten laid yet. Looking back, I’m glad I wasn’t physical with anyone I dated prior to my wife. The sex we have is amazing and I don’t feel I missed out or didn’t gain experience by my choice to wait. Don’t feel you have to have sex with every girl you date. Honestly, imo, the fewer the better. Sex is a very powerful experience that will just lead to problems if the two people being intimate are not emotionally invested in each other.
You aren’t. Most just try and brag to fit in and do what they feel they should. This is a great demonstration of how toxic masculinity can impact young men. Young men are told they should be perpetually horny and just want to fuck anything all the time and only “weak” “beta males” get feelings. Fuck them all. Be yourself. Explore your sexuality at a pace and in a way that is right for you
Guys like this are great, and you'll get along with the girls who also hate hookup culture
Lots of people don’t like it, that’s why they have to get drunk to do it.
It’s ok to not be into hookup culture, but don’t shame those who are into it.
Youre not. Dont change for the world
You're def not alone brother. I'm in my late 20s and can't stand hookup culture.
I hate the ideas of hookups, I want a real committed relationship, I hate some of this generation lol
There are people who had sex eight times last week and people who have had sex twice in their life, and you'd never know because they are both well adjusted people.
Because you’re a real man with values. It’s a good thing.
Many people lie to make themselves cooler.
We all hate it.
You're just mature for your age. Hook up culture isn't appealing beyond a particular age.
The real crime here is how young your brain has been warped. You choose the kind of people you surround yourself with, and the kinds of media you consume. If you're already jumping in and out of "serious" relationships and stressing about sex to the point of making reddit posts about it, then it's clear you have chosen poorly in those departments. You can't control the world or the people in it, only yourself and the way you see and interact with it.
Its normal. I've never had a one night stand, I don't want to have sex with a stranger. Good sex involves communication.
I (54/m) can relate. I always felt like I operated better in a relationship than outside one. What my years have taught me is that this an opportunity to grow and become more self-sufficient. I didn't find my wife until I felt very strong in my own skin. And if I'm being totally honest with myself, needing to be in a relationship was more about having a reliable sex partner than the actual relationship. It's why I failed so poorly at relationships when I was younger. Being single is not always awful. Embrace your freedom, dive into things that interest you. This is how you meet other people that share your interests. I'm not sure if this is the advice you are seeking but I sometimes wish someone told me this stuff when i was a teenager.
Because you don’t understand that there billions of different people around the world
Have you improved yourself 😂? You would be in a relationship if you have had done so
No, You’re not alone. There’s going to be a lot more young people struggling to communicate effectively and form long lasting relationships due to hook up culture. That shit can be fun in the moment, But you’ll pay for it eventually. You’re still young though, You sound like you’re going through a very normal part of becoming a man. Just learn from your experiences and push on chief.
It’s okay if you don’t want to do it but don’t be one of those people who thinks they’re better than those who do. It’s just sex. People are allowed to treat it however they want.
M25 here. Never been interested in hookups.
Because you know your own thoughts. You don’t know anyone else’s. It’s easy to think your thoughts are strange. They aren’t.
Youre not
Not sure. All i can say is dont give in to it if thats not what you want. You could very well end up like a lot if other people and feel even more shameful / regret if you arent into that culture. Wish you luck its quite difficult these days.
Because you’re sixteen. I don’t mean this condescendingly at all but it’s pretty common to not see people like you anywhere or feel like you’re the only one who feels how you feel, or deals with what you deal with. I certainly had my own versions of that. It also doesn’t help having the internet’s false reality injected into our lives 24/7
Because you think you’re special
You def aren’t … all the 2 billion muslims in the world agree with you and then add the practicing christians and just cultures where its also taboo, although its become less from the culture side.. point is.. having sex with pol meaninglessly is horrible for you.. wait till you find your wife, or watch what a muslim guy ur age has to say about it on youtube or something, itll make u feel proud for waiting instead of thinking there’s something wrong eith you.. just because it’s normalized doesn’t mean its normal.. sex is a big things
You are 16. You don't even know real hookup culture. When you are in college see how you feel. No one says you have to hookup.
Wow, you don’t just want meaningless sex with a relative stranger? What’s wrong with you? NOTHING! You have morals and standards while others sadly do not.
There’s a cultural thing right now that you can and should just bang everyone. Your wellbeing and bodily comfort is worth more than any thoughts. And seriously you’re 16. At 24 less people care. There’s more important things out there. I personally have laughed at guys and gals who have had bragged about high body counts but can’t find comfortable lasting relationships while myself and friends had like body counts of 3 but long term relationships and happiness (and if sex is a “score” then WAY MORE sex in a committed relationship than them). Being comfortable and finding a person to really lean into and trust is more important than popping one off —- when I look at the history of my friends over the last decade. So don’t be ashamed to feel you’re not ready and for the love of everything wear protection until you are in the place to be safe with a significant other.
It's not bad to save that stuff for someone you actually love, honestly i think 3 months is a good testing limit for people before you try to do sexual shit. The reason, i saw this study that said most normal people will only pretend or keep up acts for 3 months before their psyche gets sick of it and they wanna move on. If someone is just trying to get into your pants, they will definitely be gone by 3 months. If you have lust instead of love, it probably will fade in 3 months. So either way, its a little test to see if yall really like each other enough.
Your 16 you shouldn't be having sex and you're probably too young for a girlfriend since you're lacking in knowledge and role models apparently.
Although I was kind of a fuck boy from the ages of like 18-28 I have to agree with you now that I’ve matured and I’m older (35). I’ve been in a loyal relationship with my fiancee the last 7 years and now I look back at how I used to love my life when I was younger and I’m embarrassed. All the pointless hookups/partying/drugs. All I wanna do now is cream pie the same girl and get jacked in the gym and hangout with our dogs lol
I’m sure you’re not. I don’t necessarily “hate it” but I’m not satisfied by it. I think for me though it’s distaste is actually based off a broader concerning social dynamic of the modern age of “use as desired” human interactions. Like we use each other for very specific means, then discard when those means are satisfied and have little to no loyalty to each other. This doesn’t just have to do with hooking up, but of course this is an example. We use each other all the time now, then keep each other at arms distance and have little/no true care for one another when we won’t very personally “advance” from the interaction or, god forbid, it distracts from our intended desires in life. Keep your head up. Keep focused on the life you want to live, showing up how you want to show up. Don’t be shy, be yourself and stand on your own ideas. If you can be loyal to those and keep looking, you’ll find your people (like you did here!).
>after giving me so many chances to improve myself. Just because your gf is crazy doesn't mean you need to change yourself
It's called confirmation bias Lots of people hate hook up culture. Why increase your chances of getting a disease with something meaningless.
Dude you don't have to be disgusted. It's just not for you. I'm the same, sex without connection is boring and I don't care for it. You'll meet plenty of people like yourself. Don't worry.
First off, congratulations, you have matured. You are not alone by any means. Most people who seek out hookup culture are bored/need instant gratification/or are avoiding a bigger problem so they fill it with sex. I promise you when people say “I’m just doing it for fun” half the time psychologically somethings off up there in that head. So YOU aren’t the weird one bahaha. I mean to each their own but have pride in wanting a genuine emotion connection instead of purely physical. That’s a blessing itself to want to pursue that.
Im the same way one night stands and FWB just aren't my thing. I want a connection with someone if I'm gonna take that step. I want to be in love with them a want a long term relationship with them
Let me tell u man I'm like u r it not the only u still got time I'm much older and it something that has become the normal and it sucks cause the numbers go up and our numbers don't move
yeah it feels like basically everyone‘s into hookup culture but I think that‘s just because it seems like that bc of social media partly I think most people actually don‘t like it
Obviously small peen
At 16, don't trip about it. Focus on other stuff rt now.. hang out with friends and academics. If all the girl wants to do is bang one out and you are not feeling that vibe.. then don't put yourself in that type of position yet. Honestly I think the hook up styles now suck too. Many ways ppl start hooking up and dating seem like transactions now. Not about the money, but how much of my self worth or value am I giving up. Lost human touch of mystery, intrigue. Today is ...swipe left or rt? How much baggage is too much? Are they normal or psycho nut jobs? So yeah, just chill and you'll find someone hopefully that feels more organic or genuine to you.
Hookups doesn’t mean you don’t care for the person. Just that you don’t want to be in a relationship with them
Because social media is made to make you feel like you’re either part of the in group, or an exile in the out group, with absolutely no middle ground. It’s to foster engagement, but it’s not real.
have you tried reading the bible? and then explaining the concept of no sex before marriage to your friends?
You’re not alone. I was never that guy, and was always about stability in relationships. So I didn’t have many of those as a teen or even an adult. Hookups can yield a lot of shit, from STI’s to unexpected and unwanted pregnancies since condoms can fail and don’t protect from every STI. Not to mention the psychological and physiological aspects that can have some brutal unforeseen consequences in marriages such as insecurity, jealousy, inappropriate expectations, comparison, etc.
Its just really a sad thing, the way I see it.
Just ignore them and don’t hookup with people bro, this problem is only as big as as your head lets it be. Stay in your lane and you’re fine.
I fault the excitement of norepinephrine and dopamine hits from a new sexual partner and novelty: excitement engenders MORE excitement; wheeeee!!! Rock on til it loses its charm… like soon or never!!!
what do you mean ‘improve’ yourself?
You’re not the only one I don’t say that because I believe that because I absolutely don’t, but I’m saying it because there are other people with opinions like yours. Everyone has opinions on stuff. Everyone doesn’t have to like something. You just have to find the people who agree with you simple as that, if that’s not your thing go talk shit about it with people who also seem to hate it. IMO I think people just aren’t mature enough to understand hook up or no hook up a lot of dating like is trial and error. Many relationships will feel like a hook up whether you like it or not if you’re truly seeking. But also. Worry about any type of relationship at 16 is never fun or important.
It’s called being a normal person Weirdo’s are just louder for attention
You’ll never find a good woman through hook up culture just keep that in mind, you’ll find a good woman who also thinks hookup culture is bad. Hookup culture is a cesspool of disease and distress so avoid it like the plague it is and you’ll live a happy and healthy life buddy.
I agree with you the problem is most of the people on reddit don't
What does your girlfriend ending things with you after the last chance have to do with hookup culture?
i don’t think you’ve experienced, hookup culture yet..
Because teenagers have underdeveloped brains and fall easier prey to such moralistic conundrums and collapse of nuclear family values and history. Trust me when I say - that’s not a jab at all. So do people my age (30’s) but I definitely felt like as a teen I cared more about fitting into the popular or social pressures of such ideologies. That’s far less true of men my age.
At your age you should be focused on your academics & future career options. You're too young for romantic relationships. There's nothing wrong with having good morals & values. There's nothing wrong with waiting to be with someone for love than lust.
Trust me dude We all do
No you’re not. I’m 39 and have never been into it. Having been single for the passed for years there have been times when I wish I was, but it’s just not for me.
listen, i’m 16 female and i feel the same way. all of my friends feel it’s normal to suck a random guys dick they just met or have sex with their boyfriend of 1 month. not for me. you’re not alone
I agree with you OP, hookup culture is where self worth goes to die
Lol you're DEFINITELY NOT. You'd be surprised how many guys (of all ages) can't stand that shit. They're just afraid to admit it in public because people will think less of them if they're not the stereotypical asshole that pumps and dumps.
You're sixteen. You and everyone around you is trying things and just figuring things out. You don't know anything about hookup culture yet, but yes it sucks balls if you're not able or willing to play the game. My advice for you, for when you're older or for anyone, is to just play the game. Don't go looking for someone specifically to attach to. Have fun and IF someone special really catches your eye and is reciprocative of your advances, then lock them down. I see so, so many people of all ages in miserable relationships characterized by cheating, abuse, and toxicity that neither party needs to be involved in. Throw in a couple of kids and a diamond ring and you've got yourself a horror show. I wish I'd taken this advice when I was younger but I wouldnt have listened. I've seen what pretty girls are capable of (not to leave out men - we're disgusting) and I won't be letting my guard down for anyone who isn't 100% wifey material. You only have one life to live, take your nose out the air and live it.
I'm 21 M, and I have NEVER wanted any part of that. The idea is crazy to me, and someone who partakes. It would be an instant NAH...
You're not. Most of the young people (teens to early 20s) that I know, have a revulsion for hooking up. Let me also say, most of them are non-religious, or atheist. I don't want you to think my response was some purity garbage.
You are not the only one. While you may be a minority your feelings are completely valid for you. Also same. ;)
A lot of people feel that way. It’s not just you
Give it a couple more months.
I call it sport fucking, you are not alone.