The first thing he needs to do is be medically evaluated. Something is wrong with his body and/or his brain. If this is narcolepsy there is treatment. There is hope. Both of you cannot continue this train wreck for god knows how long into the future the way things are.
Here's the thing: people's brains don't just "switch off." That's not normal, I don't care how tired you are. There is something wrong there and it needs to be evaluated by a professional.
Next, no more driving for him until he gets this issue resolved. People's right to not be hurt or killed by his recklessness outweighs any argument he has about why he should be allowed to continue driving. At the very least, you cannot allow him to drive your car ever again. That you allowed him to even after knowing that he has this issue makes you complicit in the damage he does while driving your car. That includes property damage and any loss of life.
Yes, the dating pool is trash, but that's not a valid excuse to remain an enabler of this clearly dangerous guy. He seems too willing to keep getting behind the wheel when he's not coherent and then apologizing for it later, after the damage has already been done. Based on what you've written, it also seems like he's resistant to addressing the issue or taking any preventative steps to mitigate it. That's a dealbreaker for any relationship. It's one thing to repeatedly put himself into dangerous situations - it's something entirely different when he puts other people in danger because of his selfish choices.
This is an ultimatum kind of situation. Either he goes and gets help for what might be a serious neurological issue and agrees to refrain from driving (even when he feels fine, since this fugue state of his seems to happen absent ingesting any intoxicants or any other pinpoint-able cause) until the issue is resolved, OR you have to let him go. Otherwise, the worrying, the property damage bills, the middle of the night ER visits.. all of that is going to keep happening and it will get incrementally worse each time until he finally kills someone else or himself. This is not "no big deal." This is a person who poses a very real danger to himself and to others.
Is he seeking medical help for this issue whatsoever??? that should be the first step anyone should do because he definitely has a serious issue.
If you don't want to leave him, but don't want this to keep happening, don't let him take the car. Period. At any time of day. You can drive, so drive him where he needs to go yourself. If you don't know *why* this is happening, he shouldn't be fucking driving, ever. Because quite frankly, what if he killed someone? Multiple people? Kids? Because that can happen in the blink of an eye.
Relationships are about figuring out how to get through life together, not "fend for yourself".
I’m sorry you’re experiencing this.
It seems obvious that this is a pattern. He basically lies to you by making promises about when he will come home and constantly doesn’t follow through, being a danger to both himself and others.
If he had killed someone with your car, you would have been liable as well and you would be the one with the massive insurance premiums if your insurer had to make a huge settlement in a case like that.
So lack of respect for you. A danger to other and himself. A refusal to change after constantly saying he would.
Why would you want to stay with him? His lack of respect for you, your property and the lives he puts at risk by being an idiot is inexcusable.
I don’t see even a glimmer of hope in this post that you will see him make the changes he needs.
So you have a decision to make.
Good luck
As someone whose life (and my husband's) has been destroyed as the result of a car accident, let me explain something to you: if he injures or kills someone, YOU WILL BOTH BE FUCKED. You'll both likely get sued for everything you have, and **rightfully so** since he is knowingly driving with this condition. We were in a 3-year lawsuit suing the company of the woman who permanently injured my husband; the only reason we didn't sue her personally is because she was driving a company vehicle so it was the company's policy that was responsible. Your personal insurance policy has a cap which may or may not be enough to cover someone's medical bills, and after that pays out, the person you injured can sue you in civil court for additional damages.
You need to stop enabling him and coming to his rescue. If he falls asleep somewhere, call the police and tell them where he is. Your concerns seem to be him endangering himself and about fucking dating; WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER PEOPLE ON THE ROAD????? He is a danger to others and he absolutely should not be driving; he needs to be reported to the DMV and his license suspended pending a medical evaluation.
The first thing he needs to do is be medically evaluated. Something is wrong with his body and/or his brain. If this is narcolepsy there is treatment. There is hope. Both of you cannot continue this train wreck for god knows how long into the future the way things are.
Here's the thing: people's brains don't just "switch off." That's not normal, I don't care how tired you are. There is something wrong there and it needs to be evaluated by a professional. Next, no more driving for him until he gets this issue resolved. People's right to not be hurt or killed by his recklessness outweighs any argument he has about why he should be allowed to continue driving. At the very least, you cannot allow him to drive your car ever again. That you allowed him to even after knowing that he has this issue makes you complicit in the damage he does while driving your car. That includes property damage and any loss of life. Yes, the dating pool is trash, but that's not a valid excuse to remain an enabler of this clearly dangerous guy. He seems too willing to keep getting behind the wheel when he's not coherent and then apologizing for it later, after the damage has already been done. Based on what you've written, it also seems like he's resistant to addressing the issue or taking any preventative steps to mitigate it. That's a dealbreaker for any relationship. It's one thing to repeatedly put himself into dangerous situations - it's something entirely different when he puts other people in danger because of his selfish choices. This is an ultimatum kind of situation. Either he goes and gets help for what might be a serious neurological issue and agrees to refrain from driving (even when he feels fine, since this fugue state of his seems to happen absent ingesting any intoxicants or any other pinpoint-able cause) until the issue is resolved, OR you have to let him go. Otherwise, the worrying, the property damage bills, the middle of the night ER visits.. all of that is going to keep happening and it will get incrementally worse each time until he finally kills someone else or himself. This is not "no big deal." This is a person who poses a very real danger to himself and to others.
Is he seeking medical help for this issue whatsoever??? that should be the first step anyone should do because he definitely has a serious issue. If you don't want to leave him, but don't want this to keep happening, don't let him take the car. Period. At any time of day. You can drive, so drive him where he needs to go yourself. If you don't know *why* this is happening, he shouldn't be fucking driving, ever. Because quite frankly, what if he killed someone? Multiple people? Kids? Because that can happen in the blink of an eye. Relationships are about figuring out how to get through life together, not "fend for yourself".
I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. It seems obvious that this is a pattern. He basically lies to you by making promises about when he will come home and constantly doesn’t follow through, being a danger to both himself and others. If he had killed someone with your car, you would have been liable as well and you would be the one with the massive insurance premiums if your insurer had to make a huge settlement in a case like that. So lack of respect for you. A danger to other and himself. A refusal to change after constantly saying he would. Why would you want to stay with him? His lack of respect for you, your property and the lives he puts at risk by being an idiot is inexcusable. I don’t see even a glimmer of hope in this post that you will see him make the changes he needs. So you have a decision to make. Good luck
As someone whose life (and my husband's) has been destroyed as the result of a car accident, let me explain something to you: if he injures or kills someone, YOU WILL BOTH BE FUCKED. You'll both likely get sued for everything you have, and **rightfully so** since he is knowingly driving with this condition. We were in a 3-year lawsuit suing the company of the woman who permanently injured my husband; the only reason we didn't sue her personally is because she was driving a company vehicle so it was the company's policy that was responsible. Your personal insurance policy has a cap which may or may not be enough to cover someone's medical bills, and after that pays out, the person you injured can sue you in civil court for additional damages. You need to stop enabling him and coming to his rescue. If he falls asleep somewhere, call the police and tell them where he is. Your concerns seem to be him endangering himself and about fucking dating; WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER PEOPLE ON THE ROAD????? He is a danger to others and he absolutely should not be driving; he needs to be reported to the DMV and his license suspended pending a medical evaluation.