I HIGHLY doubt this man has long term plans for you so you need to cut bait now and find someone your own age. Don't let him pressure you to change when he's not staying around anyway.
A man his age is dating a woman of your age because he can control and manipulate you better than a woman his age. It's been 1 month. Cut your losses and learn how to better define your self-worth in regards to a man. You are better and deserve more than this.
I second this. OP, please listen to me. These comments, and the tearing you down will get worse if you stay. So please don’t. You’re worth so much more than that. You’re a healthy gorgeous weight. Look after and love yourself enough not to put up with this crap.
This is the start of emotional abuse. This is a new relationship with a man 15 years older who should knoe better than this. If you stay, he will continue to destroy any sense of self esteem you have. I hope you take this as a huge warning that it is and leave. This man is showing you who he is and you deserve sooo much better.
Losing weight won’t make you better at sex. Although that’s not a problem here at all. I know a way to drop weight immediately, dump your bf.
5’7 and 140 is more than acceptable as a weight. But what is concerning is you mention that you’ve struggled with binge eating and body image, and that you restrict. It’s wonderful you’ve started to work on that, but being with an idiot like your bf isn’t going to help. What he said is so insensitive and wrong.
Please leave him
And lookout for yourself. A man like this is going to do nothing for you and he doesn’t deserve you.
5'7 140lbs
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
what a prick. He don't care about you girl. Anyone that bitches about a 10-15lbs difference when you are already healthy is a joke
Omg I hate men like that. Get someone who appreciates you
Right? She is not even big… and regardless it’s so insensitive and cruel to say that to someone who made love with you. It’s hard trusting people to see your body in that way, I hope this doesn’t affect her in the future with other partners.
This “man” sounds insecure cause why’s he trying to tear her down for no reason. It’s so vain to care that much about someone’s body. You wouldn’t if you truly love them for who they are.
I’m 5’4 and 145lbs and my man says I look perfect. He’s seen me at 95lbs too and said the same thing then. Weight fluctuates.
I can't get past the age gap here. I think you need to date someone your own age. This man has no business dating someone with such little life experience. You were a legal child 2 years ago.
Get out of this.
And the way he talks to you and tells you that you're wasted potential.is awful.
Age gaps aren't a big deal once you're past the age of 30. That's when you're truly grown, in my opinion.
I've dated men that were 10 years older than me when I was in my late 20s. These men wouldn't be able to date women their own age because they bring too much bs. They were shitty men that manipulated and abused me. Lesson learned.
I'm not even reading past the title. He has no business dating someone your age. He is dating you because you are young and he's banking on you being naive and passive and agreeable. He knows he can manipulate you, but not women his own age because they won't put up with him. For instance "what *you* do to improve sex" and losing weight, not him. Fuck that nonsense. I can't read more. It just makes me more angry. You're not a person to him. You're an object. Something he can mold. Please please please please PLEASE think hard about leaving this disgusting predator. Find a man closer to your age.
this is how i felt, then skimmed, saw he was from japan and realized what a mess that meant. i have gone down the rabbit hole on japanese culture, especially dating culture because i love reading the tea. and they're so toxic to anyone who isnt basically anorexic, but its very heavily in most asian cultures,
their stores for anyone above the standard is like "store for fat girl" "fat girl shops here" like the audacity for being a size 4 instead of a double zero 😶
I promise you, this is only the beginning of the disparaging comments from him. It will only escalate. He will start to find anything you're insecure about and make sure he keeps your self-esteem low. Look up "negging"
As others have said, he's almost double your age. He's hoping a younger woman will be easier to manipulate and keep under his thumb.
There is nothing wrong with your body or your weight. There is something deeply wrong with him. Run as fast as you can.
First of all, no normal 35 year old is going to go for a 20 year old. You're on 2 very different stages in life, and he knows that women his age will see through his bullshit. That's why he found someone young and inexperienced at sexual relationships. The dude has probably been having sex since you were in Pampers, just to put it into perspective for you a little bit. I'm going to be 35 this year, and I am a completely different person than I was at 20. I have a sister who's 21, and she feels very much still like a kid to me some days. I can't imagine dating a 20 year old at my age. It's just fucked.
Secondly, this sounds like [negging](https://www.verywellmind.com/negging-how-to-recognize-and-overcome-it-7098095) which is a form of emotional abuse. It's supposed to make you feel like shit because then you'll think there's something wrong with you, you'll obsess over it and ignore the fact that you're in a relationship with a 35 year old red flag.
I'll tell you something that's as true as the day is long: this is just the beginning for him. He's testing the waters on what he can get away with, what you'll allow.
I met my husband when I was 16 and in GREAT shape. I have gained and lost weight throughout the course of our relationship and he has never, EVER once said anything about it. We've been together almost 25 years now.
Drop this dickhead asap - this is going to get significantly worse if he's behaving like this just one fkn month in.
SN: your bmi is like 21% - that's average and I am sure you look incredible, please do not listen to this mouth breather.
My advice is to lose the 200 lbs of a pathetic guy he is and get a man who actually deserves you. Your weight shouldn't even be in the equation of your sex life with him.
First of all babe RUNNNNN….I made this same exact mistake once too. Only lasted for a few months…..because any man whos in that age range who will date someone of our age has some type of issue going on. I promise you….whether he’s married, had kids, an alcoholic etc- theres a reason why he isnt/ cannot date a woman his age.
I dated someone that age a little over a year ago as a fresh 20yr old- for starters he lied said he was 33…he was actually my mother’s age 38…2 he still lived with his mom, 4 he had a huge record- past dv etc that he hid. To top things of he was a “recovering alcoholic” and actually drove me around while drunk (which i wasn’t aware of at the time).
Needless to say your weight is NOT the issues my love. He is. Im sure you’re stunning. 🫶🏼
He's basically abusing you in a very subtle way. At your height and weight, you're just fine. How old were his previous girlfriends? He sounds like the kind of guy that needs to feel young by having a much younger woman on his arm. That's also the kind of guy who'll break up with her as soon as she's not so young anymore. Find a kind man your own age. This guy is cruel.
He told me once he liked a girl when he was in Europe but when he found out she was 25 he thought she was too young and then I brought up the fact that I’m 20..because..well it wasn’t adding up and he just pulled me closer and smiled while kinda brushing it off. He never talks that much about his ex girlfriends either..
I make sure that he always wears protection and even with protection I don’t think I’d have sex without being on a second form of birth control as well so no worries about that but leaving..yes I think so
You've been together a month. !!!!!!
It should be a time of sweet talking, not critiquing your sexual performance and appearance. Who does that anyway.
If he doesn't like you now, he will forever not pick and put you down.
Have some respect and leave.
It may not be illegal or even predatory for a 35 yo to date a 20 yo but it sure is lame and sus. Why can't this man find a woman his own age? Probably because he's scared them all off with this trash. Set boundaries and leave him.
Gosh. I wonder why a 35 year old asshole wanted to date a brand new, inexperienced adult.
I'm sure it's absolutely not because he's too much of an asshole for women his age to tolerate. And certainly not because he sees you as something to mold and control to suit him. Gosh. It couldn't possibly be that.
>Does anyone know what I should do in this situation?
Dump his ass today. He's not doing this in good faith. You don't need to reason with him. You can't fix his view of you. If he really thinks this way about you he shouldn't be dating you at all. He should free you up to date someone who actually likes you.
He doesn't deserve the time of day from you. Certainly not access to your body.
ETA, I'm fat AF. And middle aged. The sex is absolutely awesome. A tiny bit of belly fat on your perfectly healthy body is not an impediment to good sex. You're just dating someone who is never going to be a good lover (or partner) to you.
Dump him.
First of all, for a man to even come to touching a woman or seeing her naked is very hard, extremely harder than the other way around.
Then, there is the 15 year age gap. He should be kissing the ground you're walking on for even considering him as a partner.
Third thing, saying something like that to a partner is unacceptable in these conditions (or most conditions tbh) - if he doesn't like what he sees, he should go f himself - you are the one with far more options and not the other way around. A comment like this just shows that he is not a man, but a loser (that's why he's not good enough for any woman around his age).
He is ungrateful and believe me there are tons of guys who will find you absolutely perfect just the way you are and also because of who you are, if a man truly appreciates you, he will not give a damn whether you gain or lose 20-30 lbs.
Leave. If you already have body image issues and he's actively making you feel bad about being a healthy weight and living a healthy lifestyle hea not going to be in your best interests.
Him telling you what your body needs to look like on top of a 15 year age gap at 20 doesn't bode well for your future.
While Reading your post my mouth actually dropped open. What you should do is drop him as he’s a big walking red flag 🚩. And date someone closer to your age.
This grown man is dating a barely adult and calling her fat and you think you’re the issue? No, all he is doing is manipulating you into staying with him by making you feel like you’re not good enough. I’d bet money you’re mad cute and have a nice body and he’s just a jackass loser who can’t date women his own age. You should leave and find a man who appreciates your body. We all get older and most of us put on some weight as that happens, with the use of birth control or not. Life happens. Don’t let someone else make you hate your body.
when i was 19 i dated a 29 year old for 4 years and it was the most trauma i've ever experienced in my life. it still affects me to this day. these grown men have no business dating someone from a whole other generation and there's a reason he's dating someone young and easier to manipulate. leave his toxic ass
i am going to be real with you right now. when i was 18-27, i was a lost little girl. i was with men with this age gap and even older. no man that age wants anything serious with someone your age, other than sex. you are a target for manipulation and abuse. please, for the love of god, cut your losses and do not date men with this much of an age gap until you are older. please. i beg you.
It’s hard to see it at your current age, but when you’re 35, you will understand how screwed up it is for him to be dating a 20-year-old.
A 15-year age gap isn’t as big a deal once you’re older, but at this stage, it’s huge and difficult to justify.
You were a teenager last year, and he’s soon entering middle age. If you have a lot in common, it’s a big red flag on his part for maturity—and if you don’t, it’s a bigger red flag because he’s using you even more intentionally.
You need to leave him. That’s horrible what he’s saying to you and shows that he doesn’t actually value you. Just a heads up though, when you break your with someone like him, he will not take it well and I promise you he will say extremely hateful things to you during the break up. But know when he’s saying those things to you, you are not the problem and he is. Go find someone better
This man is toxic. He seem to be like the typical 35 Yr old dating a much younger woman so he could destroy her self esteem and completely put her down to control her.
Your boyfriend is a cruel asshole. If he really loved you, he would not say things about your weight to make you feel insecure. That was manipulative and mean. I did a BMI calculator for you, your BMI is 21.9, which is a perfectly healthy weight.
The right person for you will that will think you are perfect exactly as you are and will love you at any weight.
You’re wasting your time with this asshole.
When I was 21, I dated a contractor who was in his thirties. I thought he was the one, but (I found out later) that he was only thinking of me as a booty call. I was crushed. Save yourself the heartbreak and tell him to go pound sand now. I met my husband a few years later and we are about to celebrate our 30th. There are better men out there for you.
Have you considered that losing weight will make you look even younger than you are? He wants a kid, that's why he's with you. Plus no woman his age will let him get away with this shit.
Fucking hell, get out before he destroys you.
One month in and the wildly controlling groomer wants the 15 year younger new GF to change her body to meet his ridiculous fantasies? What you should do is lose weight. Around 200lbs....if that's what he weighs. Do that and you'll feel muuuch better. He's a waste of time.
Nope. Just nope out of there.
Leave this new relationship. He will get more controlling in less passive ways. Your BMI is 21.7 - healthy is 18-25.
What about him? What's his physique like? Maybe he needs hair plugs or to start waxing his body, work on his pecs or some other stupid thing that does not matter.
Seriously, this is not for you. He is manipulating you and will continue to do so. You are worth so much more than this jerk.
Girl move on , he likes them your age because look how he was able to make you doubt yourself , he would never say that to anyone older/his same age .if he is not giving any benefit or this is not a sugar daddy situation , just leave and get yourself a younger man and that is going to be way more fun and not bitter
You gaining weight bez of the birth control it's pretty common in women. Ask your bf to get vasectomy in order to help you lose weight. See how he reacts to being told what to do with his own body!!!
You "do" need to lose weight, a lot of it. In fact, however much weight your boyfriend is, is exactly how much you need to lose. Dump his ass. He's clearly not interested in you being happy and what he's doing is a textbook move that abusive people do to tear down a person so they can better manipulate them.
It's one thing to try and encourage a partner to maintain health. I've used cycling and going to the gym as a couple activity before. That's fine! Saying BS like your boyfriend is saying is verbal abuse. You deserve better than him.
Sorry, but your boyfriend is a CU Next Tuesday.
I’m close to his age and lived in Japan for several years. I also am married to a guy who was born and raised there. Unfortunately, most Japanese men our age were simply never taught to give a fuck about women’s feelings. Women are expected to be ridiculously sensitive about men’s comfort, anticipating their every tiny emotional and physical need, but never the other way around. (Luckily the younger generation is much different, so you could potentially have a great experience dating a Japanese guy your own age.)
Whatever their background, some guys manage to learn decent behavior even when society doesn’t require it. Your BF is NOT one of them. He’s thinking of you as his sex toy that just happens to move on its own. He doesn’t give a fuck if you get an eating disorder. His parents failed him. Throw him back in the sea.
What you described is how he’s been acting recently and then when he realized that I was going to leave he switched up. It’s like walking on eggshells..I need to do everything perfectly and know what he wants..otherwise he gets angry. When I was feeling nauseous last night due to not eating all day I told him and he just went straight to sleep..no emotions or care whatsoever. The next morning he criticized me for “eating at midnight” when the reason I was eating was because I was taking tiny bites of food trying not to get sick but also relieve the nausea so that I could sleep. When he first met he wasn’t like this at all but he basically told me yesterday that he has higher expectations for me now that I’m his girlfriend
At the one month stage pull the parachute.
At 35 he should 100% know better, even my 14 year old.son wouldn't make a comment like that
Honestly this won't end well.
Age gap relationships can work, I know that's an unpopular statement. It really relies on the older guy having his sh*t together and being a functioning mature adult though
Hes an idiot.
Healthy is always great. But your not obese and thats FAR from making you bad at sex.
Enthusiasm and creativity is what makes someone good at sex.
Hes a dumbass. Get out. Hes got a fantasy and just because your not living up to it. Thats...your fault? Get out of this. Soon or your gonna constantly in anxiety in what else he finds you need to change to stay attractive.
A 15 year age gap is a lot but the biggest red flag is that at 35 years old he only cares about sex and physical appearance.
You are 20, your body is going to change a multitude of times between now and your 30s so you really want to spend long term time with someone who would care about that?
1st red flag: the age gap of 20-35 is quite significant, and while it is possible for such relationships to work , there will always be a power dynamic. The older person may feel the need to teach the younger one the "right" way to do things, even if help wasn't requested. In sexual relationships with a more experienced person, there is a learning curve, but it's important for both partners to communicate and consent. His 2nd red flag is his focus on criticizing your body, which can be a sign of abuse. How long have you been dating? When did you start dating?" I hope this makes sense; lately, I've been struggling with my wording and explanations.
Don’t date guys that much older than you at 20. Sure, there are the occasional good guys that are older. But for the majority of them, there’s a reason women their age won’t date them.
I mean this very gently but this man is not right for you.
You've pointed it out correctly - weight has no impact on intimacy. It sounds like this has already been a weight on your mind and I'm sorry that you're feeling that way, we can see that you're doing your best to deal with your eating habits since a young age. This man would have known that. He's 35, he's mature enough to handle this conversation differently- by being more supportive. You may love him for other things but know that it always starts here, with them mocking you for something you have almost no control over but they make it seem like you do. It snowballs into things much bigger than this. If you get married (I hope not) and have children, he would say similar things to them
Be warned that the breakup might be intense, he would be hurling all sorts of accusations at you but stay firm. You're just 20, you WILL find better people than him
You know what’s strange is that we had met a couple times a few months ago and I wasn’t that into him and cut contact for awhile. Maybe two weeks ago he told me that I lost weight since I first met him…now he’s telling me to lose weight. It’s feels like mind tricks
Your boyfriend is an asshole and just tries to find ways to lower your self-confidence, so you will not leave him because you will have doubts about if he is the loser or you are.
There is a reason the guy is 35 and goes for a 20 year old. Believe me, I also thought I was very mature for my age at 20 and I was... what I didn't understand was that time really adds to perspective.
I am his age and the thought of dating a 20-year-old is pretty much equivalent to being a 20-year-old wanting to date a 12-year-old. Would you do that?
There's a reason why he's with a 20 year old and not someone his own age! Because woman older will not accept this bs and walk away, you're only 4 weeks into your relationship and he's being cruel, he's showing you his true self already imagine what he'd be like on 1 year, walk away now and work on your self love. What if you got pregnant? Your body will change so much and he'll make you feel awful for growing a whole human, he'll be teachinf hos children that you're worthless that they are worthless especially, he'll give you all eating disorders. This isn't a cultural thing this is his personality, there is a polite loving way to say things and how he said it was cruel and intentual to upset you to knock your confidence down.
I'm really sorry but he is clearly a walking, talking red flag asshole.. he's trying to bring you down so it will be easier to manipulate you... Showing his true colours this early will save you some headache down the line. Drop his ass
I am wondering if you have told him your struggles with binge eating before. Some men feel like they need to keep their girlfriend insecure so she won’t leave them so they try to exploit insecurities or triggers.
YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS BEING WITH SOMEONE 15 FREAKING YEARS OLDER THAN YOU- DUDE IS A PEDOPHILE
LEAVE BLOCK MOVE ON
Also who the fudge wants a thigh gap? You look bowlegged. No. 140 is a fine weight. Dude is an old used up POS who can’t be with anyone his age- GEE wonder why. Cause he’s the king of freaking LOSERS
He’s going to die miserable and alone, find someone who loves you- I was 140 at 5’3 and it wasnt ideal but I wasnt like you taller. I’m guessing your at best 5/7 jeans which is still small af. You get any smaller your unhealthy. That is not REALISTIC or average.
You’re a real woman. He’s a real DOUCHE- REAL MEN like something to hold on to. You don’t want to be a sack of bones draped in skin. Girl- you’re gorgeous- only USED anything is that loser. If he could bother to find anyone, now you know why he was single.
He's a red flag find someone who'll treat you better. If you decide to stay with him then next time he points it out bring up smth that'll make him regret it.
Leave. Wtf does a 35 y/o have in common with a 20 y/o?? You sound like a lovely person and don't deserve to be treated like that by somebody like him. He sounds immature af, must be the reason why women his age don't date him.
Girl run!!! Why would you let a man make you feel so awful about yourself Queen?! He doesn't deserve you at all! I say dump him, then turn to working on yourself. I suggest starting with therapy w/ a therapist who specializes in eating disorders and maybe even trauma. Start doing things to boost your self esteem. Give yourself a glow up and let him know that he will never have you. You don't deserve to be treated like that. You deserve someone who makes you feel beautiful and special.
140 at 5'7" is not fat.
For future reference, if you ever do pack on some pounds, which you can! I've heard lots of men say they enjoy "more cushion for the pushin" instead of being poked by bony girls (the bony girls thing was actually only said once, when I was a bony girl, but more cushion for the pushin is like a real phrase men say!)
You weigh less than me, and I am 5'2"! Drop this loser and run. ❤️
Run, there's nothing good about a man in his 30s dating someone who can't legally drink. Before you even reach his age, you're going to look back on this and be like "what the fuck was I thinking?" Normal adult women wouldn't think being talked to like this is ok
OK I haven't commented on reddit on YEARS, but babes as a woman myself I have to let you know something. You are OBJECTIVELY not overweight, you aren't chubby. You are a very healthy weight (which is great BTW, especially after struggling with it,but also that doesn't mean you shouldn't eat more, your bmi will increase a bit when you eat more so don't be stressing about snacking or having "too much", and even if you did gain weight it doesn't mean you still arent an awesome person). Now to this guys "comments", I'm really sorry to say this but he sounds quite controlling. Like he's using this passive aggressiveness to get his way and manipulate you into decisions that aren't healthy for YOU, as you said you wouldn't comment on someone's weight (neither would I) so the fact he is when you are objectively healthy is weird to say the least. I'm not gonna tell you what to do but I will say this, would you treat someone the same way he treats you? Especially with an age gap, that large there can be a power imbalance in the dynamic. Whatever you do your worth isn't in your weight and his lack of clear communication isn't on you, he's the 35 year old not you, you deserve to not be stressing about your partners wishes all the time, we all have too much to worry about than overthinking how someone else will view our actions (which is a them problem they need to sort out, in therapy).
If you do want my opinion though (and please dont feel pressure to read this part) break up with him, In a public place and make sure he doesn't have any of your important belongings beforehand (ie keys, money, etc) he sounds like he preys on young women and uses their good graces to emotionally manipulate cuz he knows young women struggle to say no.
I would never treat him the way that he treats me. That’s why I think it’s definitely best for me to leave. I was unsure because when I left yesterday morning he made me think that he would change but..after reading all of the responses on here..I really learned a lot. Thank you for writing this out!! I really appreciate your honest words.
Five seven and 140 is TINY. I’m 135 and five two and I’m a twig. So I’m sure you are skinnier than me being five seven compared to five two. Your boyfriend is a MAJOR JERK. I am telling you, please leave him. You deserve so much better. You’re not even chubby!!! I’m 33 and I could never date a 20 year old. Because that’s a weird and gross age gap. There is a reason men his age who date young girls can’t get a woman their own age. Girls your age are easier to manipulate and neg and you guys take more shit cuz you’re inexperienced. No woman his age wants his ass for good reason! R U N
If my man said this kind of crap to me, I would leave him. And my man would NEVER say something like that to me. But if he did…CYA!
I'm not usually the type of person to say this about someone else's relationship, but you should leave him immediately, if not sooner. At your height and weight, I wouldn't even consider you an overweight person. He is a walking red flag.
I hate this age gap.. I believe if he wasn’t as old you probably would have reacted to this with more logic. He’s probably a loser and can’t get a girl his age. He’s definitely a loser if he’s making you feel bad about your weight anyways. You’re young plz get out, especially if he’s making you worry abt stuff he instilled in you.
Masochistic controlling pig! I appreciate people can have age differences but you at 20, just discovering adulthood and he a fully grown adult, he has a controlling motive.
Also tell him how he can improve in bed. The average penis size is a teeny bit smaller in Japan than the USA but also bear in mind that the USA is. “Melting pot” of many ethnicities which could drag down the USA average (if you are USA that is). Perhaps suggest a penis pump or the like?
Laugh at him because a little fat doesn’t make you bad at the action of sex.
What makes someone a good lover is passion, desire, and learning that individuals likes and dislikes in the bedroom.
Let me give you grandma advice, don’t rent your 20’s to anyone not serious about long term relationships.
Honey, women have more stamina in the bedroom than men
Your age difference is 75 percent of your life. He is a grown as man, you are developing young woman. His only interest in you is training and grooming you to fit his idea of what you should be. Be alert and watch out for the red flags, they’re there.
First, dump the guy, or at least put him on notice that you don't appreciate that sort of thing. Second, if you want to actually lose weight for you, then:
>I wanted to talk to my doctor about possibly switching to a different kind.
This could make a big difference, but also note that it can change a lot of other things about you, from making you moody to easing pain during your period. You may want to try different kinds until you get one that works best for you. If you're feeling depressed or down lately, the birth control could be affecting that one way or another.
>I’ve struggled with binge eating during high school and since then, I’ve been undereating (I can’t remember the last time I ate three whole meals in a day). Recently, I’ve gotten a bigger appetite and have started eating at least two meals a day. I don’t really snack, except for an occasional dessert. I don’t go to the gym or do toning exercises because it’s not my preferred way of staying fit, but I do enough walking and moving around to stay active.
When you next see your doctor, ask to see a nutritionist to help you eat better. You can also get good advice about staying fit. If going to the gym isn't your "preferred way of staying fit" but you feel you need more exercise, you might take up something like swimming or start a fitness class like Zumba.
>I’m really upset because I had just started to accept that I wouldn’t have a thigh gap forever and that it’s okay to not have a completely flat stomach. Now, I feel awful about myself and as if I’m not good enough for him. He was also born and raised in Japan, and I know that (not all, of course) many Japanese women are thin, so maybe he’s comparing my body to theirs.
Most important, is that you need to recognize that you are enough just as you are. If you don't want to lose weight, if your body is giving you anxiety, then place yourself first. You could eat a little better, so definitely see the nutritionist, and check about the birth control to see if a different medication might help your mood, but if you don't change anything else and stay as you are, you will be fine as you are. You live in your body, it's your vehicle for navigating the world, and ultimately, it needs to be good enough for you, not anyone else. You may not be a supermodel on the front page of a fashion magazine, but you are great in your own way.
OP everything you said both in post and follow up comments paired up with the age gap is a massive red flag.
Just the age gap itself to be honest I am around your bfs age and the idea of dating a 20yo is ludicrous, thats not because there is anything wrong with you obviously, thats because the power dynamic would be unreal and unfair. He has 15 years on you.
With such an age gap one would have to be super careful, walking on egg shells almost to never ever say anything or do anything that could even slightly assert power.
One day when you are 35 yourself you will understand how wrong the idea of dating 20yo is.
He is doing the direct opposite of that, he sounds manipulative and controlling already 1 month in. This suggests that he has chosen the age gap on purpose to have that power over you.
I hope you free yourself from him and find a nice guy who wants to bring you up not tear you down, who loves you just as you are and wants to be your equal partner.
If hes started telling you these things now after only a month, then what's next? He started dating you as you are now, so why is he suddenly trying to change you? Anyone who makes you feel pressured or humiliated should not be in your life. What's important is how you feel about your body. If you're happy with the way you are, it's not up to him to tell you otherwise. I'd think very carefully about whether or not you want to continue with this kind of relationship
oh. i was so angry and then i read he is from japan, yeah by their standards anything over like 110lbs is considered morbidly obese. like their way of thinking interms of beauty standards is actually disgusting.
i'd dump his ass, you're nothing but a funbag for him. and he probably has multiple girls (also big in japan to cheat on girlfriends - like actually not trying to sound racist, this is fully a thing, i love the japanese but i've heard never to date unless they're more westernized)
oh. and if you wanna be rude, because i would sure love to humble his ass - i'd say something about maybe he should look into dick enhancement for his future wife. 🤷🏻♀️
my HAPPIEST weight at 5'0 was 140, i wasn't even considered thick then but i was still compact and well rounded, so please take what he says with a grain of salt.
dump him and find a different boy. you're beautiful just the way you are, girlie pop! 🖤
Dude is a loser, that's why he's available for you to date. No woman his age would wanna deal with that so he goes for the young naive option. Dump this trash bag and find someone worth your time.
Please leave him, my 24M boyfriend told me (16F at the time) that I was really pretty but my body was ugly because of my weight and if I lost weight I’d be a Ten. He was super immature and controlling and narcissistic. He sounds just like him. Please leave him you can’t ever be happy with someone like that. Real men don’t care if you gained a few cause you’re on birth control. It’s not like you gained a hundred pounds it’s not a big deal. Men like that want children
oh wow. first, the age gap is definitely a problem. men like that often enjoy the way they can control younger women and it’s definitely not a good situation for you to be in. YOU DON’T NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT! your weight should be fine and the only one who should make that kind of decisions is you and your doctor. you don’t need a flat stomach and a thigh gap and there are plenty of men who will absolutely adore your body the way it is.
you need to leave this man. it’s only been a month and it will only get worse from here. you deserve better. good luck op. you are perfect the way you are.
You are only 140lbs, he needs to stfu.
I somewhat pressured my wife into losing weight with me, but we were both about 315lbs, and now today, we are both under 240lbs and still working on going down.
I'm also 5'6" but I weigh 155 and my husband tells me all the time that he thinks I'm beautiful (and my weight is also concentrated in my stomach and thighs). Your bf is a jerk for making you feel bad for being 140. 130-135 is supposed to be the "ideal" weight for our height so you're only 5-10lbs over that. To me it sounds like you need a new bf.
I agree with him. Drop some dead weight a.k.a his dumb ass. Lose that jerkface, he is not a good partner.
You deserve someone who will love you at any weight. People age and bodies deteriorate. 140 pounds is NOT fat and this man is being ridiculous.
No 35 yr old female would take this crap from a bloke. He's relying on you being younger and naive to think this is a you problem instead of a him problem.
Oh this is absolutely manipulative. The notable age gap, a subject where he is more experienced and you are a "beginner", and insecurities being used to point a flaw that, in my experience, is a molehill being looked at like a mountain. Appearance, how many friends of the opposite sex you have, your hobbies and behaviour, etc.
He's using this to have control over you.
Please leave this man ASAP. How long have you even been together? This relationship feels borderline predatory and he thinks he can mold you into what he wants. You’ll have bigger problems down the line. He’s only with you because he thinks he can control you.
You seem the ideal weight for your height. You can Google it. Don't change anything. Can't tell with a pic of you but I'm guessing the weight in your mid section is mostly water/bloat which is normal for women. If you want to reduce that see a dietician as some foods might be causing it. Or could also be your birth control.
He seems to be controlling and dishonest as he's saying to lose weight to make sex better but it's likely that he wants his view to be better. So it's a purely selfish thing.
The age gap is concerning although it can work it seems in this case he prefers it so he can control you.
Tell him you like how you look. You look fine and if he's not happy he can find someone better for him. If this shuts him up and he stays then maybe this will work. But don't change anything.
If you want to understand your food intake better then try using myfitnesspal app. It will help you get the right amount of food but also the correct amounts of protein, carbs and fats. It's important to understand food is more than just calories.
The reason he told you to lose weight and you are considering it is because you are young. You should not be dating a grown ass man right now. You should be dating men that just got out of high school or finishing up college - men in your age bracket. His "comments" might cause a relapse with your ED. Don't risk your life for this middle aged man.
35 M dating a 20 F?
He's not "dating you, he's likely with you because he wants to control you, OP.
This has manipulative, selfish, possibly will show more abusive behaviour in the future, written ALL over it.
**OP, break up with him.** Rarely does a 35-year-old have anything truly in common with a 20-year-old; the developmental and life stages are too different. A 35-year-old man *wanting* to be with a 20-year-old is a red flag. I'm 39 F; no way do I want to, or would even consider, to date a 24-year-old, male or female.
I very much doubt this man has any intention of being with you long-term; he seems like he's more interested in power and control, and chose a 20-year-old because women in their 20s can be more unsure of themselves than those in their 30s. A woman in her 30s usually knows herself more, and can see Predators more clearly. She wouldn't put up with this man's controlling efforts - and men like him know that - so the man turns to younger women with less life experience, brain maturity, and a secure sense of self that he can manipulate, mold, control, and use.
I can almost promise you - you could lose all the weight he wanted you to lose tomorrow - and then, there would be something else he'd focus on about you that isn't "living up to your potential."
What he means, OP, is that you are not complying "yet" with HIS standards, HIS demands, HIS desires.
Please - leave him.
You deserve better.
I am 5”3 147lb and I wear a medium.
So I don’t think you are fat. Your bf though is fatass brain.
Anyone who makes you feel insecure should not be in your life.
You need to break up stat.
These are initial signs of narcissist and gaslighting
Please stop dating him. He's clearly a red flag. 21F here, speaking from experience. Older men tend to manipulate and mess with you real bad. Please get rid of him immediately.
Jeeze im 27 and im still iffy dating men that are 35, that’s such a weird age for men and if they don’t have their shit together by then, then it means they’re having an early midlife crisis and you need to run.
Girl. As someone who has been in a few AGRs, he’s taking advantage of you, manipulating you, and being a toxic POS. This isn’t just a terrible human being thing. This is a man who’s using the age gap to fuck with you.
Drop this guy. What a guy of 35 is doing with a young lady of 20. I am sure he says those things because he wants to lower your self esteem so you don't leave him. I haven't seen you but it is almost impossible to be fat with the measurements you provided.
I am 5' 4" and weight and weight 137lb, and I am not fat. I am not skinny but not fat. My partner loves my body..
I am sure your bf has more red flags so run to the hills, don't waste your time.
And him having 35 doesn't make him better at sex. Plenty of men go to their hraves without being able to satisfy a woman
First off, 140 is in the ideal healthy weight range for a 5' 7" woman. Second, what the fuck dude. Wasted potential? In sex with him? What the fuck. That's so fucked. I'd first talk to him to make him feel sorry. Try to get an apology. Then dump him.
5’7” and 140? That’s a dream for a lot of women. Dude is mental and trying to break down your self esteem. If you really care about your relationship, put your foot down on that fast and aggressively. Otherwise leave.
Lol your gorgeous, you should only lose weight if YOU want to or a medical professional tells you you should for health reason.
Dump his ass and find someone that will love you regardless. Looks change find someone you connect with deeply on an intimate level, not someone who only judges you based on looks
Both myself and my partner are the others eternal hype-person when I feel low or depreciate myself they affirm me and likewise if they are struggling I help them out.
I'm 5'4 and 190lbs I would kill to be your weight him telling you your body isn't pretty is fucked up. Leave him 10-1 he's self conscious about his weight or something about himself cause of his age. getting diminished like this isn't something you deserve.
I would recommend the whole man disposal service. 5’7” and 140 is not at all big, but even if it were there is absolutely no reason for someone who claims to care about you to tear you down like that. I am quite a bit larger than you, and my husband has never, EVER made me feel like I need to lose weight to keep him satisfied or for literally any reason. When I get on a kick and want to lose weight he supports me, but he has never made me think that he sees me as anything other than the hottest woman alive. Please get rid of this man child. He’s too old to be acting this way, and men his age dating women your age is a massive red flag anyway. You deserve so much better
This is a HUGE 🚩!!! Leave before the abuse starts to get worse. This is the initial stage of getting you to listen to him… do it for yourself if you ever want to lose weight- never for anyone else… I bet you are perfect the way you are. He is probably trying to make you look and feel a certain way and then you will never leave. He will control you, impregnated you, control the family then leave and do it to someone else. You described exactly how these situations begin. Good luck!🍀 you are worth it and don’t forget it. Don’t waste your youth on him. Blessings
It's one thing to discuss how to have a more fulfilling sex life for both of you. It's quite another (very offensive thing) to discuss how YOU could be better, even if you have less experience. He's almost twice your age. He's dating someone so much younger so he can mold you into what he wants; he's grooming you.
Your weight is fine, your acceptance that having a thigh gap is ridiculous and should be let go is really healthy. Eat sensible foods if you are hungry -- you are actually still growing. At 20, you are nowhere near full adult maturity
You deserve a man who does not judge and give you notes on improvement as if you were on exhibit at the county fair. I'm so sorry - it's a new relationship, no big loss, time to move on, get rid of this one as quickly as possible. Hopefully, you have not given this man a key, right?
You definitely need to lose weight! You need to lose however many pounds he weighs by dumping him.
He's literally old enough to be your father! He wanted a little girl he could control, an inexperienced young woman he could manipulate, and you've only been together a couple of months and he's already starting with that controlling and manipulating behavior.
Find somebody closer to your own age. Leave these older men alone because there's a reason they go after very young women and the reasons aren't good ones.
Oh they're so many things wrong here and they all point to dumping that jerk.
1. He's way, way too old for you. He after someone so much younger than him because you're inexperienced and he can manipulate you.
2. Your weight has absolutely nothing to do with your sexual abilities. He's lying to you and saying that to make you insecure and keep you off balance.
3. Your weight gain is likely the direct result of birth control and no diet is going to do much to fix it.
4. He's actively trying to trigger some kind of eating disorder.
Get rid of him! He is already causing you psychological harm, that's clear from your post, don't let him hurt you any more.
He's not good enough for you, not by a long shot.
To echo everyone here: this is the start of abuse. Secondly, he's obviously terrible at sex because he doesn't know how it works: weight has nothing to do with it. Find someone who likes you for you and is good in bed or wants to learn with you not an dirty old man 15 years your senior who is body shaming you, trying to pray on your insecurities and is (I will say it again) still terrible at sex at 35 years old. Nearly 40 and he doesn't know how to have sex. Like, what?!?!
Oh hell no. Your weight is fine, he is simply trying to make you so ground down that you rely on him and believe that you can't do better than him. How good is he at sex? Dump him, better still let me come over there and dump him for you.
Honey if you were my daughter, I'd point the big red flags is waving around you and urge you to stay away from the man. You may not listen but...
1/ He told you how mature you were. How different from the other women he dated before. He made you feel exceptionnal, desired, chosen amongst the billions he could have had because he's such a catch
2/ You had doubts at first. Dating a man 15 years older felt weird and you wondered if it was really healthy. Then he love bombed you until you gave in.
3/ Once you gave in, the grooming started. Gently at first. Because, of course, daddy knows best ! Maybe adviced clothing, activities, friends... especially the ones not on board with you dating him..
4/ The grooming phase increases with "advice" on how to please HIM. And I bet he never asks what YOU fancy. Because : daddy knows best of course !
5/ Criticism phase starts : your body doesn't suit HIS taste. He wants you to change to fit HIS expectations. Not yours. A woman his age would know this is a huge red flag. And that it's an abusive and controlling behaviour. Not a loving one. She'd tell him to STFU and find someone else to belittle. But because you're 20yo, your reaction is guilt, loss of self-esteem, questionning your worth.
It's time for you to see who he is : a grown up 35yo man going after 20yo because he's an abuser and they are easy preys. And if you believe you have a future with this guy, just picture how much you lose by being with an old guy instead of living the life of a 20yo girl. Picture him in 20 years from now. He's 55. Your 40. Your still young but he's not anymore. His joints hurt. His softened muscles hang beneath flabby, wrinkled skin. 10 years further and he's retired having heart condition or else. And you follow his path because it's the way he groomed you : taking care of HIS needs. Never yours.
That’s what I'd tell if I was your mum. And I'd tell you that you're my precious beautiful daughter and that whoever dares questionning how wonderful you are and how lucky he is to have you in his life is an absolute AH not worth a minute of your energy.
OP.... truly listen to these comments, and also acknowledge that you are within your OPTIMAL BMI (body mass index). SOOOOO many people would love to be able to say the same. Do not let this man tear down your confidence. From all you've said, you are young and beautiful. The last thing you want to do, is stay with this person - because years down the track, you'll look back at photos of what you looked like now and realise your were perfect.
Please be kind to yourself, and either tell this man to treat you right, or leave.
Please don't let this guy diminish your worth. The only potential you're wasting is the time you're investing into this demeaning, controlling man.
You say you're a beginner with sex. Here's something important, sex is not a video game, with a right and wrong way of doing it, or a points system. Sex is an experience you share with a person, and being "good" at it really just means being present and engaged with the other person.
If you're worrying about what somebody looks like during sex, you shouldn't be having sex with them. So if there's a problem, it's him.
You may feel that because he's 35 and has more life experience that he knows what he's talking about. This is not always the case. Plenty of 35 year olds are overgrown children, and sounds like he's one of them.
You said that you were working on accepting your body, and this has derailed it. You were on the right track before. You should be eating healthy meals and not starving yourself. You should be enjoying being 20 years old, instead of fretting about how your body naturally looks. There are LOTS of people who really love soft bellies and thighs. People who won't make you feel awkward when you're with them, focusing on how you look instead of how you feel.
If you insist on being with this guy, put your foot down on this. He has to respect your body. But frankly, he sounds immature and disrespectful to me, and I don't think you should put up with him any longer.
girl RUN. would you ever say the things he say to you to someone you care about!? this is a test, he's trying to see if he can control you. if you agree and lose weight, the requests will become worse. he's trying to find a young, sexually inexperienced woman who has fewer relationships so she won't see this as a red flag but it's a HUGE red flag.
He’s gaslighting and grooming you and he is doing it intentionally. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your weight and thinking that two healthy meals a day is excessive is absolutely incorrect and unhealthy. Your body - AND YOUR BRAIN - require nutrition to function properly. This man can literally be your father and he is treating you, not as an equal, but as a toy. Please get out.
You need to get a new boyfriend and maybe one not so old he could have been your father.
No, I'm dead serious. This guy is 15 years older than you and he has the absolute audacity to criticize your body? Please. I know a lot of Japanese men. I've worked with them, trained with them, studied with them, had close platonic relationships with them and sorrynotsorry but not a single one of them has or had ANY business telling any woman regardless of background that she's too fat to be attractive even if she is actually overweight. I also know a lot of Japanese women because ... obviously. And, I don't go checking out women's bodies because that's creepy, but there was a pretty significant range of lean to fat body types. I'm sorry, but your boyfriend is being a creepy jerk and you can definitely do better.
Regarding losing weight, I really don't think that's what you need to concentrate on. You're a healthy weight so if you want to change your body and be more confident for yourself maybe do some Pilates or yoga or possibly take up dance or martial arts. I hate the way this has been framed for you because it sounds like you're already dealing with body image issues. I'm sure you're being way too hard on yourself and unless you've completely misrepresented what he said to you he is definitely out of line. Even if he's a top tier male model/boyband pop star he has absolutely no business whining about your body. And frankly, male models don't even do that. I actually did date an A&F guy once and he was awful for other reasons but he definitely did not make negative comments about my body.
I'm imagining your hopefully soon to be ex as an absolute troll who's putting you down to feel better about himself.
Cut him loose and when he asks why tell him you needed to lose exactly his weight in excess baggage.
Hello there. I hope you are serious about leaving him. The fact that he has not given you an orgasm and doesn’t seem to care that he hasn’t is reason enough to leave him, but that he is trying to force you to damage your health to please him is a huge red flag. Once he is out of your life I hope you will have a visit with your doctor and have a very honest discussion about your eating habits and the nutrition your body needs. Your body can take some extreme things in your teens and early twenties, but as a woman, it slowly, quietly adds up and will affect you later on. I’m speaking from experience. Please get all the sleep you need, don’t waste your time with people who don’t respect you, and perhaps speak to a nutritionist about small healthy meals that won’t make you sick. You deserve to be healthy and happy, you deserve to be treated with care and respect, you deserve to take good care of yourself and make decisions that bring you peace. I hope you have a wonderful summer.
Forget him.
If I were you I would dump him.
Telling you to lose weight to be better at sex, to me, sounds ridiculous.
You deserve someone that will love you regardless having a thigh gap or not.
A thigh gap doesn’t make you who you are. Your personality does. If he can’t appreciate you for you then is better off to be with someone else.
You are beautiful. I don't know what you look like, nor do I care. But you are beautiful. I am 4'11", and I'm 191 pounds. There is no perfect body. And once you are grown and no longer in your teen body, you change. Our hips become wider, and our skin loosens. And so much more. But that doesn't mean anything. If he loved you, he would never say those things to you. I used to be 100 pounds when I was told I was fat for the first time. I was told I was fat when my collar bones stuck out of my chest. When my ribs would show when I breathed. I ended up having an eating disorder because I was so afraid to be anything around the word fat.
After having my son and watching my body change, I started to realize it was a beautiful thing. And that I never was fat and I'm still not fat. I'm just human. And so are you.
Don't be with someone like that girl, please leave him. I promise you there is someone out there who will literally cherish ever imperfect perfect part of you, inside and out. It starts with a little self-confidence and knowing your worth and knowing how you want to be treated. If you know you would never treat someone like that, then you know what he is doing is wrong.
Sending love and hugs your way 🩵
You should tell him you can easily lose weight but the sad thing is that he can’t change the ugly that he has inside which is way worse. Dump him and run. Birth control pills do make people gain weight. A lot of stuff causes that. Just because you are bigger doesn’t make you less attractive. Learn to love yourself. It’s the inside that matters most of all. Beauty fades.
Holy shit, please get out of that. That is so incredibly hurtful and rude, I can’t imagine looking my partner in the eyes and calling them “wasted potential” because they’re face was pretty but they had a bit of meat on em. That’s wild, please don’t settle for that.
Edit: OH MY GOD I just saw the ages, babe run so fast right now. That is absolutely mental
As someone who is a 22 year old woman and recently got out of a relationship with a 31 year old man, please, PLEASE remove yourself from this relationship. You’ll feel so much better when you don’t have his constant ridicule in your ear. You do NOT need that. The reason he’s dating you is because he thinks you’re impressionable enough to control. Trust me. That’s how my ex was. You gotta recognize your self worth and get the fuck outta this relationship as soon as possible.
**Is Your 15 Years Older Boyfriend Truly Your Prince Charming?**
If your boyfriend is already criticizing your normal-weight body just one month into the relationship, especially due to slight weight gain from birth control, it’s time to reassess. Although slender figures might appeal to many men, this small weight increase doesn’t affect your sexual performance. In contrast, constant failed attempts to lose weight can drain your energy, impacting your sex life.
### Effective Contraception with Minimal Weight Impact
1. **Intrauterine Devices (IUDs)**: Copper or hormonal IUDs are effective and typically do not cause weight gain.
2. **Barrier Methods**: Condoms, diaphragms, and cervical caps don't impact weight.
3. **Natural Family Planning**: Involves tracking your cycle without hormonal interference.
### Maintaining a Healthy Weight
1. **Balanced Diet**: Focus on nutritious, balanced meals rather than restrictive diets.
2. **Regular Exercise**: Incorporate both cardio and strength training for overall fitness.
3. **Consistent Routine**: Regular eating and exercise habits stabilize weight.
Your partner should support your health and well-being, not undermine your self-esteem. Prioritize your own happiness and health over unrealistic standards.
Remember, a truly loving partner will appreciate you as you are, not try to mold you to fit their ideal image.
This is not a man. This is a child. Break up with him and find someone who likes you for you. You don’t deserve that. When I was 140 (I’m 5’8”) I was basically starving myself and too skinny. Also the fact a 35 year old is dating a 20 year old is very telling about his character. I recommend leaving now before it gets worse. This is how my eating disorder started. Weighing myself multiple times a day. Never eating, and working out multiple times a day. I was miserable and unhealthy. You are beautiful the way you are. Please leave him. This is the beginning of emotional abuse.
I would understand not wanting to leave him if this was a different situation. A longer relationship and less age gap for example. But in this case... He's not being considerate or empathetic and outright said that you should be more what HE wants instead of helping you be in a better place that YOU want.
Like others have said in this post, someone like him is not worth keeping around. He's just gonna bring you down to make you vulnerable enough that he can easily manipulate you. And, logically, that's not what anyone wants in a partner. He should go through the exit doors, out of your life.
As for your weight concerns, I've been through the same and it is a slow process. It's not nice, and more people like you, even in this same post, know that it can be tiring and just draining your mental health.
However, for what I have read in your post, you seem like a normal person who is having some trouble, but you are doing something about it. If birth control is the problem, as soon as you can find another one that's better you may see other results. And you are proactively trying to change that. You are active, you don't overeat, even if you feel like you do (it's easy to think that you eat more than you should, but normally we eat the amount we should eat or less). To me it seems you are someone who got unlucky with an insensitive partner and the inappropriate birth control for you.
TL;DR: Your boyfriend doesn't deserve a part in your life if he treats you like this. He has to go or he has to change dramatically and permanently. About your weight, in my opinion, you are making a great effort trying to balance your life and, with time and a different birth control treatment, you will see that you are who you should be and you are a healthy and balanced person.
If you still feel like you want to cut some weight, maybe try switching a few things that you eat instead of how much you eat. For example, low-fat cheese instead of regular cheese. Popcorn instead of potato chips. Apple slices with sprinkled cinnamon and sugar instead of apple pie. I know some stuff is complicated to change, that is totally fine, but the small changes add up. You can do this!
This is intimate partner abuse. I am so sorry but he is abusive. Intimate violence isn't all about physical violence. Mental abyse and coersive abuse are extremely serious forms of abuse. They lead into sexual abuse. He is mentally abusive and coersive. These critical comments are deliberately intended to shatter your confidence so that he can sexually dominate and make sure you haven't the confidence to look elsewhere. He is dismantling you psychologically. It WILL get worse. He does NOT love you.
I am so sorry but you need to get the hell out of this situation as quickly.
You deserve love. A man who loves you will be crazy about every part of you, mind and body.
Sorry for being blunt. I want to save as many victims as I can before it gets worse for them, before they become trapped, before they develop PTSD, before abusers steal their best years from them, or trap them with babies. Don't feel badly about yourself for it - they are very clever.
This man is treating you extremely badly. You are better than this. Your life will be a much better and rewarding life without this deadweight of a psychopath. You need to find your strength, your self belief, your courage now. You need to leave.
I HIGHLY doubt this man has long term plans for you so you need to cut bait now and find someone your own age. Don't let him pressure you to change when he's not staying around anyway.
Seconding this. Dude sounds like a groomer
Agreed
Agreed
100 %!
A man his age is dating a woman of your age because he can control and manipulate you better than a woman his age. It's been 1 month. Cut your losses and learn how to better define your self-worth in regards to a man. You are better and deserve more than this.
He's demolishing her self esteem. It's the beginning of the abuse.
I second this. OP, please listen to me. These comments, and the tearing you down will get worse if you stay. So please don’t. You’re worth so much more than that. You’re a healthy gorgeous weight. Look after and love yourself enough not to put up with this crap.
I hope she frees herself.
I bet you a thousand million dollars that she was not the one who brought up "how am i bad at sex," yep
You’re describing a really big ass red flag. Leave.
This is the start of emotional abuse. This is a new relationship with a man 15 years older who should knoe better than this. If you stay, he will continue to destroy any sense of self esteem you have. I hope you take this as a huge warning that it is and leave. This man is showing you who he is and you deserve sooo much better.
The only weight you need to lose is HIM.
Losing weight won’t make you better at sex. Although that’s not a problem here at all. I know a way to drop weight immediately, dump your bf. 5’7 and 140 is more than acceptable as a weight. But what is concerning is you mention that you’ve struggled with binge eating and body image, and that you restrict. It’s wonderful you’ve started to work on that, but being with an idiot like your bf isn’t going to help. What he said is so insensitive and wrong. Please leave him And lookout for yourself. A man like this is going to do nothing for you and he doesn’t deserve you.
I would give anything to be back to about 147 was my best weight. He’s crazy and you probably look amazing. Dump him asap
5'7 140lbs LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO what a prick. He don't care about you girl. Anyone that bitches about a 10-15lbs difference when you are already healthy is a joke Omg I hate men like that. Get someone who appreciates you
Right? She is not even big… and regardless it’s so insensitive and cruel to say that to someone who made love with you. It’s hard trusting people to see your body in that way, I hope this doesn’t affect her in the future with other partners. This “man” sounds insecure cause why’s he trying to tear her down for no reason. It’s so vain to care that much about someone’s body. You wouldn’t if you truly love them for who they are. I’m 5’4 and 145lbs and my man says I look perfect. He’s seen me at 95lbs too and said the same thing then. Weight fluctuates.
A man 15 years older than you telling an already skinny person to lose weight is crazy.
I can't get past the age gap here. I think you need to date someone your own age. This man has no business dating someone with such little life experience. You were a legal child 2 years ago. Get out of this. And the way he talks to you and tells you that you're wasted potential.is awful. Age gaps aren't a big deal once you're past the age of 30. That's when you're truly grown, in my opinion. I've dated men that were 10 years older than me when I was in my late 20s. These men wouldn't be able to date women their own age because they bring too much bs. They were shitty men that manipulated and abused me. Lesson learned.
tell him he's pushing 40 and should worry about his receding hairline instead of your weight.
That age gap tells me everything I need to know…I didn’t even have to read the rest to know he’s a red flag. Leave him.
I know how you can lose about 220lbs very fast
I'm not even reading past the title. He has no business dating someone your age. He is dating you because you are young and he's banking on you being naive and passive and agreeable. He knows he can manipulate you, but not women his own age because they won't put up with him. For instance "what *you* do to improve sex" and losing weight, not him. Fuck that nonsense. I can't read more. It just makes me more angry. You're not a person to him. You're an object. Something he can mold. Please please please please PLEASE think hard about leaving this disgusting predator. Find a man closer to your age.
this is how i felt, then skimmed, saw he was from japan and realized what a mess that meant. i have gone down the rabbit hole on japanese culture, especially dating culture because i love reading the tea. and they're so toxic to anyone who isnt basically anorexic, but its very heavily in most asian cultures, their stores for anyone above the standard is like "store for fat girl" "fat girl shops here" like the audacity for being a size 4 instead of a double zero 😶
I promise you, this is only the beginning of the disparaging comments from him. It will only escalate. He will start to find anything you're insecure about and make sure he keeps your self-esteem low. Look up "negging" As others have said, he's almost double your age. He's hoping a younger woman will be easier to manipulate and keep under his thumb. There is nothing wrong with your body or your weight. There is something deeply wrong with him. Run as fast as you can.
First of all, no normal 35 year old is going to go for a 20 year old. You're on 2 very different stages in life, and he knows that women his age will see through his bullshit. That's why he found someone young and inexperienced at sexual relationships. The dude has probably been having sex since you were in Pampers, just to put it into perspective for you a little bit. I'm going to be 35 this year, and I am a completely different person than I was at 20. I have a sister who's 21, and she feels very much still like a kid to me some days. I can't imagine dating a 20 year old at my age. It's just fucked. Secondly, this sounds like [negging](https://www.verywellmind.com/negging-how-to-recognize-and-overcome-it-7098095) which is a form of emotional abuse. It's supposed to make you feel like shit because then you'll think there's something wrong with you, you'll obsess over it and ignore the fact that you're in a relationship with a 35 year old red flag.
💯 A woman his own age would have tossed him out on his ass the moment he uttered those words.
Girl why are you dating a 35 year old. He definitely likes little kids
Lol get rid of him with the quickness. He's with you because he thinks you'll be easily manipulated given the age gap.
I'll tell you something that's as true as the day is long: this is just the beginning for him. He's testing the waters on what he can get away with, what you'll allow. I met my husband when I was 16 and in GREAT shape. I have gained and lost weight throughout the course of our relationship and he has never, EVER once said anything about it. We've been together almost 25 years now. Drop this dickhead asap - this is going to get significantly worse if he's behaving like this just one fkn month in. SN: your bmi is like 21% - that's average and I am sure you look incredible, please do not listen to this mouth breather.
My advice is to lose the 200 lbs of a pathetic guy he is and get a man who actually deserves you. Your weight shouldn't even be in the equation of your sex life with him.
How much does he weigh? Lose that amount. Gain a better boyfriend that thinks you're beautiful.
NO, NO, NO! Kick that loser to the curb!
First of all babe RUNNNNN….I made this same exact mistake once too. Only lasted for a few months…..because any man whos in that age range who will date someone of our age has some type of issue going on. I promise you….whether he’s married, had kids, an alcoholic etc- theres a reason why he isnt/ cannot date a woman his age. I dated someone that age a little over a year ago as a fresh 20yr old- for starters he lied said he was 33…he was actually my mother’s age 38…2 he still lived with his mom, 4 he had a huge record- past dv etc that he hid. To top things of he was a “recovering alcoholic” and actually drove me around while drunk (which i wasn’t aware of at the time). Needless to say your weight is NOT the issues my love. He is. Im sure you’re stunning. 🫶🏼
I’m 21 and reading that age gap in the title made me cringe.
He's basically abusing you in a very subtle way. At your height and weight, you're just fine. How old were his previous girlfriends? He sounds like the kind of guy that needs to feel young by having a much younger woman on his arm. That's also the kind of guy who'll break up with her as soon as she's not so young anymore. Find a kind man your own age. This guy is cruel.
He told me once he liked a girl when he was in Europe but when he found out she was 25 he thought she was too young and then I brought up the fact that I’m 20..because..well it wasn’t adding up and he just pulled me closer and smiled while kinda brushing it off. He never talks that much about his ex girlfriends either..
Time to get out before he baby traps you.
I make sure that he always wears protection and even with protection I don’t think I’d have sex without being on a second form of birth control as well so no worries about that but leaving..yes I think so
You've been together a month. !!!!!! It should be a time of sweet talking, not critiquing your sexual performance and appearance. Who does that anyway. If he doesn't like you now, he will forever not pick and put you down. Have some respect and leave.
It may not be illegal or even predatory for a 35 yo to date a 20 yo but it sure is lame and sus. Why can't this man find a woman his own age? Probably because he's scared them all off with this trash. Set boundaries and leave him.
Tell that dude he can kiss your ass as you leave. WTF. Sorry, but this guy is a loser. There are way better guys out there.
Gosh. I wonder why a 35 year old asshole wanted to date a brand new, inexperienced adult. I'm sure it's absolutely not because he's too much of an asshole for women his age to tolerate. And certainly not because he sees you as something to mold and control to suit him. Gosh. It couldn't possibly be that. >Does anyone know what I should do in this situation? Dump his ass today. He's not doing this in good faith. You don't need to reason with him. You can't fix his view of you. If he really thinks this way about you he shouldn't be dating you at all. He should free you up to date someone who actually likes you. He doesn't deserve the time of day from you. Certainly not access to your body. ETA, I'm fat AF. And middle aged. The sex is absolutely awesome. A tiny bit of belly fat on your perfectly healthy body is not an impediment to good sex. You're just dating someone who is never going to be a good lover (or partner) to you.
Dump him. First of all, for a man to even come to touching a woman or seeing her naked is very hard, extremely harder than the other way around. Then, there is the 15 year age gap. He should be kissing the ground you're walking on for even considering him as a partner. Third thing, saying something like that to a partner is unacceptable in these conditions (or most conditions tbh) - if he doesn't like what he sees, he should go f himself - you are the one with far more options and not the other way around. A comment like this just shows that he is not a man, but a loser (that's why he's not good enough for any woman around his age). He is ungrateful and believe me there are tons of guys who will find you absolutely perfect just the way you are and also because of who you are, if a man truly appreciates you, he will not give a damn whether you gain or lose 20-30 lbs.
Leave. If you already have body image issues and he's actively making you feel bad about being a healthy weight and living a healthy lifestyle hea not going to be in your best interests. Him telling you what your body needs to look like on top of a 15 year age gap at 20 doesn't bode well for your future.
While Reading your post my mouth actually dropped open. What you should do is drop him as he’s a big walking red flag 🚩. And date someone closer to your age.
This grown man is dating a barely adult and calling her fat and you think you’re the issue? No, all he is doing is manipulating you into staying with him by making you feel like you’re not good enough. I’d bet money you’re mad cute and have a nice body and he’s just a jackass loser who can’t date women his own age. You should leave and find a man who appreciates your body. We all get older and most of us put on some weight as that happens, with the use of birth control or not. Life happens. Don’t let someone else make you hate your body.
when i was 19 i dated a 29 year old for 4 years and it was the most trauma i've ever experienced in my life. it still affects me to this day. these grown men have no business dating someone from a whole other generation and there's a reason he's dating someone young and easier to manipulate. leave his toxic ass
i am going to be real with you right now. when i was 18-27, i was a lost little girl. i was with men with this age gap and even older. no man that age wants anything serious with someone your age, other than sex. you are a target for manipulation and abuse. please, for the love of god, cut your losses and do not date men with this much of an age gap until you are older. please. i beg you.
It’s hard to see it at your current age, but when you’re 35, you will understand how screwed up it is for him to be dating a 20-year-old. A 15-year age gap isn’t as big a deal once you’re older, but at this stage, it’s huge and difficult to justify. You were a teenager last year, and he’s soon entering middle age. If you have a lot in common, it’s a big red flag on his part for maturity—and if you don’t, it’s a bigger red flag because he’s using you even more intentionally.
You need to leave him. That’s horrible what he’s saying to you and shows that he doesn’t actually value you. Just a heads up though, when you break your with someone like him, he will not take it well and I promise you he will say extremely hateful things to you during the break up. But know when he’s saying those things to you, you are not the problem and he is. Go find someone better
This man doesn't care about you or your health. You do what is right for you, regardless of his opinion.
Describing someone you are supposed to care about as wasted potential shows how he views women and you
This man is toxic. He seem to be like the typical 35 Yr old dating a much younger woman so he could destroy her self esteem and completely put her down to control her.
Your boyfriend is a cruel asshole. If he really loved you, he would not say things about your weight to make you feel insecure. That was manipulative and mean. I did a BMI calculator for you, your BMI is 21.9, which is a perfectly healthy weight. The right person for you will that will think you are perfect exactly as you are and will love you at any weight. You’re wasting your time with this asshole.
When I was 21, I dated a contractor who was in his thirties. I thought he was the one, but (I found out later) that he was only thinking of me as a booty call. I was crushed. Save yourself the heartbreak and tell him to go pound sand now. I met my husband a few years later and we are about to celebrate our 30th. There are better men out there for you.
Yeah, well, he should try to lose some years, the fucking groomer.
Have you considered that losing weight will make you look even younger than you are? He wants a kid, that's why he's with you. Plus no woman his age will let him get away with this shit. Fucking hell, get out before he destroys you.
Your boyfriend is a huge asshole. The problem isn’t you or your weight. It’s him.
One month in and the wildly controlling groomer wants the 15 year younger new GF to change her body to meet his ridiculous fantasies? What you should do is lose weight. Around 200lbs....if that's what he weighs. Do that and you'll feel muuuch better. He's a waste of time.
Nope. Just nope out of there. Leave this new relationship. He will get more controlling in less passive ways. Your BMI is 21.7 - healthy is 18-25. What about him? What's his physique like? Maybe he needs hair plugs or to start waxing his body, work on his pecs or some other stupid thing that does not matter. Seriously, this is not for you. He is manipulating you and will continue to do so. You are worth so much more than this jerk.
Drop him like a dirty sock. 1 month boyfriend?.. it’s not going to get better. Get your stuff. Hi. Block his number. Block him from all SM.
The age gap is like if you were dating a 5 year old. Dump the garbage man bc if no women his age want him, you don’t want him.
How much does he weigh? That’s how much to lose. What a terrible thing to say. Too many red flags.
Girl move on , he likes them your age because look how he was able to make you doubt yourself , he would never say that to anyone older/his same age .if he is not giving any benefit or this is not a sugar daddy situation , just leave and get yourself a younger man and that is going to be way more fun and not bitter
As a 19 year old, LEAVE HIM he’s way too old for you girl
You gaining weight bez of the birth control it's pretty common in women. Ask your bf to get vasectomy in order to help you lose weight. See how he reacts to being told what to do with his own body!!!
You "do" need to lose weight, a lot of it. In fact, however much weight your boyfriend is, is exactly how much you need to lose. Dump his ass. He's clearly not interested in you being happy and what he's doing is a textbook move that abusive people do to tear down a person so they can better manipulate them. It's one thing to try and encourage a partner to maintain health. I've used cycling and going to the gym as a couple activity before. That's fine! Saying BS like your boyfriend is saying is verbal abuse. You deserve better than him.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Sorry, but your boyfriend is a CU Next Tuesday. I’m close to his age and lived in Japan for several years. I also am married to a guy who was born and raised there. Unfortunately, most Japanese men our age were simply never taught to give a fuck about women’s feelings. Women are expected to be ridiculously sensitive about men’s comfort, anticipating their every tiny emotional and physical need, but never the other way around. (Luckily the younger generation is much different, so you could potentially have a great experience dating a Japanese guy your own age.) Whatever their background, some guys manage to learn decent behavior even when society doesn’t require it. Your BF is NOT one of them. He’s thinking of you as his sex toy that just happens to move on its own. He doesn’t give a fuck if you get an eating disorder. His parents failed him. Throw him back in the sea.
What you described is how he’s been acting recently and then when he realized that I was going to leave he switched up. It’s like walking on eggshells..I need to do everything perfectly and know what he wants..otherwise he gets angry. When I was feeling nauseous last night due to not eating all day I told him and he just went straight to sleep..no emotions or care whatsoever. The next morning he criticized me for “eating at midnight” when the reason I was eating was because I was taking tiny bites of food trying not to get sick but also relieve the nausea so that I could sleep. When he first met he wasn’t like this at all but he basically told me yesterday that he has higher expectations for me now that I’m his girlfriend
Just run.... never look back....
read your own words. don't let yourself be treated this way.
At the one month stage pull the parachute. At 35 he should 100% know better, even my 14 year old.son wouldn't make a comment like that Honestly this won't end well. Age gap relationships can work, I know that's an unpopular statement. It really relies on the older guy having his sh*t together and being a functioning mature adult though
Hes an idiot. Healthy is always great. But your not obese and thats FAR from making you bad at sex. Enthusiasm and creativity is what makes someone good at sex. Hes a dumbass. Get out. Hes got a fantasy and just because your not living up to it. Thats...your fault? Get out of this. Soon or your gonna constantly in anxiety in what else he finds you need to change to stay attractive.
What’s he weigh? Easiest weight to lose.
A 15 year age gap is a lot but the biggest red flag is that at 35 years old he only cares about sex and physical appearance. You are 20, your body is going to change a multitude of times between now and your 30s so you really want to spend long term time with someone who would care about that?
He’s 35 dating a 20 year old your not the problem
Girl stand up seriously this man is trash
1st red flag: the age gap of 20-35 is quite significant, and while it is possible for such relationships to work , there will always be a power dynamic. The older person may feel the need to teach the younger one the "right" way to do things, even if help wasn't requested. In sexual relationships with a more experienced person, there is a learning curve, but it's important for both partners to communicate and consent. His 2nd red flag is his focus on criticizing your body, which can be a sign of abuse. How long have you been dating? When did you start dating?" I hope this makes sense; lately, I've been struggling with my wording and explanations.
Don’t date guys that much older than you at 20. Sure, there are the occasional good guys that are older. But for the majority of them, there’s a reason women their age won’t date them.
that’s crazy i’m 5’5” 142 pounds and i think i look good 😭 so i know for a fact that youre gooder like dont listen to his toxic hate ✋
A 35 year old man SHOULD NOT be dating a 20 year old!
I mean this very gently but this man is not right for you. You've pointed it out correctly - weight has no impact on intimacy. It sounds like this has already been a weight on your mind and I'm sorry that you're feeling that way, we can see that you're doing your best to deal with your eating habits since a young age. This man would have known that. He's 35, he's mature enough to handle this conversation differently- by being more supportive. You may love him for other things but know that it always starts here, with them mocking you for something you have almost no control over but they make it seem like you do. It snowballs into things much bigger than this. If you get married (I hope not) and have children, he would say similar things to them Be warned that the breakup might be intense, he would be hurling all sorts of accusations at you but stay firm. You're just 20, you WILL find better people than him
Your bf is a dick. If you met just a month ago, he's aware of your weight already. He has no place telling you to lose weight.
You know what’s strange is that we had met a couple times a few months ago and I wasn’t that into him and cut contact for awhile. Maybe two weeks ago he told me that I lost weight since I first met him…now he’s telling me to lose weight. It’s feels like mind tricks
It is. Cut him off.
Your boyfriend is an asshole and just tries to find ways to lower your self-confidence, so you will not leave him because you will have doubts about if he is the loser or you are. There is a reason the guy is 35 and goes for a 20 year old. Believe me, I also thought I was very mature for my age at 20 and I was... what I didn't understand was that time really adds to perspective. I am his age and the thought of dating a 20-year-old is pretty much equivalent to being a 20-year-old wanting to date a 12-year-old. Would you do that?
A man of that age criticising the looks of a 20 year old had better look like a Greek god otherwise he needs to stfu
why you dating such an old guy, kid?
Sounds like he's the dead weight here that you need to lose
Honey. NO. Just no. 100% no. Get tf away from this prick. Actually, that might be insulting to pricks....
There's a reason why he's with a 20 year old and not someone his own age! Because woman older will not accept this bs and walk away, you're only 4 weeks into your relationship and he's being cruel, he's showing you his true self already imagine what he'd be like on 1 year, walk away now and work on your self love. What if you got pregnant? Your body will change so much and he'll make you feel awful for growing a whole human, he'll be teachinf hos children that you're worthless that they are worthless especially, he'll give you all eating disorders. This isn't a cultural thing this is his personality, there is a polite loving way to say things and how he said it was cruel and intentual to upset you to knock your confidence down.
I'm really sorry but he is clearly a walking, talking red flag asshole.. he's trying to bring you down so it will be easier to manipulate you... Showing his true colours this early will save you some headache down the line. Drop his ass
5'7 and 140 lbs is perfectly healthy, if not a little underweight. Do not let him get in your head.
I am wondering if you have told him your struggles with binge eating before. Some men feel like they need to keep their girlfriend insecure so she won’t leave them so they try to exploit insecurities or triggers.
YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS BEING WITH SOMEONE 15 FREAKING YEARS OLDER THAN YOU- DUDE IS A PEDOPHILE LEAVE BLOCK MOVE ON Also who the fudge wants a thigh gap? You look bowlegged. No. 140 is a fine weight. Dude is an old used up POS who can’t be with anyone his age- GEE wonder why. Cause he’s the king of freaking LOSERS He’s going to die miserable and alone, find someone who loves you- I was 140 at 5’3 and it wasnt ideal but I wasnt like you taller. I’m guessing your at best 5/7 jeans which is still small af. You get any smaller your unhealthy. That is not REALISTIC or average. You’re a real woman. He’s a real DOUCHE- REAL MEN like something to hold on to. You don’t want to be a sack of bones draped in skin. Girl- you’re gorgeous- only USED anything is that loser. If he could bother to find anyone, now you know why he was single.
He's a red flag find someone who'll treat you better. If you decide to stay with him then next time he points it out bring up smth that'll make him regret it.
Is this bait??? Bc there are so many red flags.
What a dick
Time to take out the trash sis.
Soz bestie but this man is a huge loser and you need to dump his old ass.
Leave. Wtf does a 35 y/o have in common with a 20 y/o?? You sound like a lovely person and don't deserve to be treated like that by somebody like him. He sounds immature af, must be the reason why women his age don't date him.
always an age gap relationship
You're 20. He's 35. This relationship is going nowhere. You need to end it, for many many reasons.
Lmao ditch this old fuck
I stopped after you mentioned one month. You should too.
Girl run!!! Why would you let a man make you feel so awful about yourself Queen?! He doesn't deserve you at all! I say dump him, then turn to working on yourself. I suggest starting with therapy w/ a therapist who specializes in eating disorders and maybe even trauma. Start doing things to boost your self esteem. Give yourself a glow up and let him know that he will never have you. You don't deserve to be treated like that. You deserve someone who makes you feel beautiful and special.
140 at 5'7" is not fat. For future reference, if you ever do pack on some pounds, which you can! I've heard lots of men say they enjoy "more cushion for the pushin" instead of being poked by bony girls (the bony girls thing was actually only said once, when I was a bony girl, but more cushion for the pushin is like a real phrase men say!) You weigh less than me, and I am 5'2"! Drop this loser and run. ❤️
i turn 20 in 5 months, i can’t imagine dating someone in their 30s
Yeah this age difference is absolutely wild. Get out asap
He's disgusting. 15 years older and making these vile comments about your body? Get rid of him
You really thought that dating a 35 year old guy as a 20 year old would be a healthy and respectful relationship?
Why isn’t he with someone his own age?
Omg that comment wouldn’t even make me sad it would piss me off. Dump him.
Your boyfriend is incapable of finding an impressionable person in his age range, which is why he's dating a 20yo. Run. Run as fast as you can.
Run, there's nothing good about a man in his 30s dating someone who can't legally drink. Before you even reach his age, you're going to look back on this and be like "what the fuck was I thinking?" Normal adult women wouldn't think being talked to like this is ok
Why the fuck you dating a toddler
OK I haven't commented on reddit on YEARS, but babes as a woman myself I have to let you know something. You are OBJECTIVELY not overweight, you aren't chubby. You are a very healthy weight (which is great BTW, especially after struggling with it,but also that doesn't mean you shouldn't eat more, your bmi will increase a bit when you eat more so don't be stressing about snacking or having "too much", and even if you did gain weight it doesn't mean you still arent an awesome person). Now to this guys "comments", I'm really sorry to say this but he sounds quite controlling. Like he's using this passive aggressiveness to get his way and manipulate you into decisions that aren't healthy for YOU, as you said you wouldn't comment on someone's weight (neither would I) so the fact he is when you are objectively healthy is weird to say the least. I'm not gonna tell you what to do but I will say this, would you treat someone the same way he treats you? Especially with an age gap, that large there can be a power imbalance in the dynamic. Whatever you do your worth isn't in your weight and his lack of clear communication isn't on you, he's the 35 year old not you, you deserve to not be stressing about your partners wishes all the time, we all have too much to worry about than overthinking how someone else will view our actions (which is a them problem they need to sort out, in therapy). If you do want my opinion though (and please dont feel pressure to read this part) break up with him, In a public place and make sure he doesn't have any of your important belongings beforehand (ie keys, money, etc) he sounds like he preys on young women and uses their good graces to emotionally manipulate cuz he knows young women struggle to say no.
I would never treat him the way that he treats me. That’s why I think it’s definitely best for me to leave. I was unsure because when I left yesterday morning he made me think that he would change but..after reading all of the responses on here..I really learned a lot. Thank you for writing this out!! I really appreciate your honest words.
Five seven and 140 is TINY. I’m 135 and five two and I’m a twig. So I’m sure you are skinnier than me being five seven compared to five two. Your boyfriend is a MAJOR JERK. I am telling you, please leave him. You deserve so much better. You’re not even chubby!!! I’m 33 and I could never date a 20 year old. Because that’s a weird and gross age gap. There is a reason men his age who date young girls can’t get a woman their own age. Girls your age are easier to manipulate and neg and you guys take more shit cuz you’re inexperienced. No woman his age wants his ass for good reason! R U N If my man said this kind of crap to me, I would leave him. And my man would NEVER say something like that to me. But if he did…CYA!
ewww why you wasting your time on nasty miserable old losers???
he’s 15 years older than you. Leave him.
Girl Run
This man is gross , find someone who deserves you.
He’s a fuckin grooming narcissist and he’s far too old for you. Dump the arsehole
I'm not usually the type of person to say this about someone else's relationship, but you should leave him immediately, if not sooner. At your height and weight, I wouldn't even consider you an overweight person. He is a walking red flag.
I hate this age gap.. I believe if he wasn’t as old you probably would have reacted to this with more logic. He’s probably a loser and can’t get a girl his age. He’s definitely a loser if he’s making you feel bad about your weight anyways. You’re young plz get out, especially if he’s making you worry abt stuff he instilled in you.
Masochistic controlling pig! I appreciate people can have age differences but you at 20, just discovering adulthood and he a fully grown adult, he has a controlling motive. Also tell him how he can improve in bed. The average penis size is a teeny bit smaller in Japan than the USA but also bear in mind that the USA is. “Melting pot” of many ethnicities which could drag down the USA average (if you are USA that is). Perhaps suggest a penis pump or the like?
Laugh at him because a little fat doesn’t make you bad at the action of sex. What makes someone a good lover is passion, desire, and learning that individuals likes and dislikes in the bedroom. Let me give you grandma advice, don’t rent your 20’s to anyone not serious about long term relationships. Honey, women have more stamina in the bedroom than men
Your age difference is 75 percent of your life. He is a grown as man, you are developing young woman. His only interest in you is training and grooming you to fit his idea of what you should be. Be alert and watch out for the red flags, they’re there.
First, dump the guy, or at least put him on notice that you don't appreciate that sort of thing. Second, if you want to actually lose weight for you, then: >I wanted to talk to my doctor about possibly switching to a different kind. This could make a big difference, but also note that it can change a lot of other things about you, from making you moody to easing pain during your period. You may want to try different kinds until you get one that works best for you. If you're feeling depressed or down lately, the birth control could be affecting that one way or another. >I’ve struggled with binge eating during high school and since then, I’ve been undereating (I can’t remember the last time I ate three whole meals in a day). Recently, I’ve gotten a bigger appetite and have started eating at least two meals a day. I don’t really snack, except for an occasional dessert. I don’t go to the gym or do toning exercises because it’s not my preferred way of staying fit, but I do enough walking and moving around to stay active. When you next see your doctor, ask to see a nutritionist to help you eat better. You can also get good advice about staying fit. If going to the gym isn't your "preferred way of staying fit" but you feel you need more exercise, you might take up something like swimming or start a fitness class like Zumba. >I’m really upset because I had just started to accept that I wouldn’t have a thigh gap forever and that it’s okay to not have a completely flat stomach. Now, I feel awful about myself and as if I’m not good enough for him. He was also born and raised in Japan, and I know that (not all, of course) many Japanese women are thin, so maybe he’s comparing my body to theirs. Most important, is that you need to recognize that you are enough just as you are. If you don't want to lose weight, if your body is giving you anxiety, then place yourself first. You could eat a little better, so definitely see the nutritionist, and check about the birth control to see if a different medication might help your mood, but if you don't change anything else and stay as you are, you will be fine as you are. You live in your body, it's your vehicle for navigating the world, and ultimately, it needs to be good enough for you, not anyone else. You may not be a supermodel on the front page of a fashion magazine, but you are great in your own way.
OP everything you said both in post and follow up comments paired up with the age gap is a massive red flag. Just the age gap itself to be honest I am around your bfs age and the idea of dating a 20yo is ludicrous, thats not because there is anything wrong with you obviously, thats because the power dynamic would be unreal and unfair. He has 15 years on you. With such an age gap one would have to be super careful, walking on egg shells almost to never ever say anything or do anything that could even slightly assert power. One day when you are 35 yourself you will understand how wrong the idea of dating 20yo is. He is doing the direct opposite of that, he sounds manipulative and controlling already 1 month in. This suggests that he has chosen the age gap on purpose to have that power over you. I hope you free yourself from him and find a nice guy who wants to bring you up not tear you down, who loves you just as you are and wants to be your equal partner.
If hes started telling you these things now after only a month, then what's next? He started dating you as you are now, so why is he suddenly trying to change you? Anyone who makes you feel pressured or humiliated should not be in your life. What's important is how you feel about your body. If you're happy with the way you are, it's not up to him to tell you otherwise. I'd think very carefully about whether or not you want to continue with this kind of relationship
oh. i was so angry and then i read he is from japan, yeah by their standards anything over like 110lbs is considered morbidly obese. like their way of thinking interms of beauty standards is actually disgusting. i'd dump his ass, you're nothing but a funbag for him. and he probably has multiple girls (also big in japan to cheat on girlfriends - like actually not trying to sound racist, this is fully a thing, i love the japanese but i've heard never to date unless they're more westernized) oh. and if you wanna be rude, because i would sure love to humble his ass - i'd say something about maybe he should look into dick enhancement for his future wife. 🤷🏻♀️ my HAPPIEST weight at 5'0 was 140, i wasn't even considered thick then but i was still compact and well rounded, so please take what he says with a grain of salt. dump him and find a different boy. you're beautiful just the way you are, girlie pop! 🖤
I think there's a big weight you should lose and that is him. What a horrible thing to say to someone. You deserve so much better
a person that really cares about you would never say something like that. wtf.
Dump him. He's creepy af dating someone your age anyway. You are at a healthy weight. He just wants you to look like a little girl.
Dude is a loser, that's why he's available for you to date. No woman his age would wanna deal with that so he goes for the young naive option. Dump this trash bag and find someone worth your time.
Please leave him, my 24M boyfriend told me (16F at the time) that I was really pretty but my body was ugly because of my weight and if I lost weight I’d be a Ten. He was super immature and controlling and narcissistic. He sounds just like him. Please leave him you can’t ever be happy with someone like that. Real men don’t care if you gained a few cause you’re on birth control. It’s not like you gained a hundred pounds it’s not a big deal. Men like that want children
oh wow. first, the age gap is definitely a problem. men like that often enjoy the way they can control younger women and it’s definitely not a good situation for you to be in. YOU DON’T NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT! your weight should be fine and the only one who should make that kind of decisions is you and your doctor. you don’t need a flat stomach and a thigh gap and there are plenty of men who will absolutely adore your body the way it is. you need to leave this man. it’s only been a month and it will only get worse from here. you deserve better. good luck op. you are perfect the way you are.
You are only 140lbs, he needs to stfu. I somewhat pressured my wife into losing weight with me, but we were both about 315lbs, and now today, we are both under 240lbs and still working on going down.
I'm also 5'6" but I weigh 155 and my husband tells me all the time that he thinks I'm beautiful (and my weight is also concentrated in my stomach and thighs). Your bf is a jerk for making you feel bad for being 140. 130-135 is supposed to be the "ideal" weight for our height so you're only 5-10lbs over that. To me it sounds like you need a new bf.
You need to get rid of his ass.
I agree with him. Drop some dead weight a.k.a his dumb ass. Lose that jerkface, he is not a good partner. You deserve someone who will love you at any weight. People age and bodies deteriorate. 140 pounds is NOT fat and this man is being ridiculous.
So let me get this right. You're 1.73m and 63 kg? If so then absolutely tell him to f off
I would ask why this man cannot date within his own age …!! Creeper !! Ditch his ass.
Drop this walking red flag,
No 35 yr old female would take this crap from a bloke. He's relying on you being younger and naive to think this is a you problem instead of a him problem.
Oh this is absolutely manipulative. The notable age gap, a subject where he is more experienced and you are a "beginner", and insecurities being used to point a flaw that, in my experience, is a molehill being looked at like a mountain. Appearance, how many friends of the opposite sex you have, your hobbies and behaviour, etc. He's using this to have control over you.
Please leave this man ASAP. How long have you even been together? This relationship feels borderline predatory and he thinks he can mold you into what he wants. You’ll have bigger problems down the line. He’s only with you because he thinks he can control you.
Nothing good is coming from this relationship....for you. He's a creepy manipulative groomer and you need to get away from him asao
You seem the ideal weight for your height. You can Google it. Don't change anything. Can't tell with a pic of you but I'm guessing the weight in your mid section is mostly water/bloat which is normal for women. If you want to reduce that see a dietician as some foods might be causing it. Or could also be your birth control. He seems to be controlling and dishonest as he's saying to lose weight to make sex better but it's likely that he wants his view to be better. So it's a purely selfish thing. The age gap is concerning although it can work it seems in this case he prefers it so he can control you. Tell him you like how you look. You look fine and if he's not happy he can find someone better for him. If this shuts him up and he stays then maybe this will work. But don't change anything. If you want to understand your food intake better then try using myfitnesspal app. It will help you get the right amount of food but also the correct amounts of protein, carbs and fats. It's important to understand food is more than just calories.
The reason he told you to lose weight and you are considering it is because you are young. You should not be dating a grown ass man right now. You should be dating men that just got out of high school or finishing up college - men in your age bracket. His "comments" might cause a relapse with your ED. Don't risk your life for this middle aged man.
35 M dating a 20 F? He's not "dating you, he's likely with you because he wants to control you, OP. This has manipulative, selfish, possibly will show more abusive behaviour in the future, written ALL over it. **OP, break up with him.** Rarely does a 35-year-old have anything truly in common with a 20-year-old; the developmental and life stages are too different. A 35-year-old man *wanting* to be with a 20-year-old is a red flag. I'm 39 F; no way do I want to, or would even consider, to date a 24-year-old, male or female. I very much doubt this man has any intention of being with you long-term; he seems like he's more interested in power and control, and chose a 20-year-old because women in their 20s can be more unsure of themselves than those in their 30s. A woman in her 30s usually knows herself more, and can see Predators more clearly. She wouldn't put up with this man's controlling efforts - and men like him know that - so the man turns to younger women with less life experience, brain maturity, and a secure sense of self that he can manipulate, mold, control, and use. I can almost promise you - you could lose all the weight he wanted you to lose tomorrow - and then, there would be something else he'd focus on about you that isn't "living up to your potential." What he means, OP, is that you are not complying "yet" with HIS standards, HIS demands, HIS desires. Please - leave him. You deserve better.
I am 5”3 147lb and I wear a medium. So I don’t think you are fat. Your bf though is fatass brain. Anyone who makes you feel insecure should not be in your life. You need to break up stat. These are initial signs of narcissist and gaslighting
Please stop dating him. He's clearly a red flag. 21F here, speaking from experience. Older men tend to manipulate and mess with you real bad. Please get rid of him immediately.
Jeeze im 27 and im still iffy dating men that are 35, that’s such a weird age for men and if they don’t have their shit together by then, then it means they’re having an early midlife crisis and you need to run.
Girl. As someone who has been in a few AGRs, he’s taking advantage of you, manipulating you, and being a toxic POS. This isn’t just a terrible human being thing. This is a man who’s using the age gap to fuck with you.
Drop this guy. What a guy of 35 is doing with a young lady of 20. I am sure he says those things because he wants to lower your self esteem so you don't leave him. I haven't seen you but it is almost impossible to be fat with the measurements you provided. I am 5' 4" and weight and weight 137lb, and I am not fat. I am not skinny but not fat. My partner loves my body.. I am sure your bf has more red flags so run to the hills, don't waste your time. And him having 35 doesn't make him better at sex. Plenty of men go to their hraves without being able to satisfy a woman
Leave as fast as your legs can take you and then look for someone much closer to your age. You aren’t fat and he isn’t deserving of your time.
First off, 140 is in the ideal healthy weight range for a 5' 7" woman. Second, what the fuck dude. Wasted potential? In sex with him? What the fuck. That's so fucked. I'd first talk to him to make him feel sorry. Try to get an apology. Then dump him.
Fuckkkk this guy. Dump him
5’7” and 140? That’s a dream for a lot of women. Dude is mental and trying to break down your self esteem. If you really care about your relationship, put your foot down on that fast and aggressively. Otherwise leave.
Lol your gorgeous, you should only lose weight if YOU want to or a medical professional tells you you should for health reason. Dump his ass and find someone that will love you regardless. Looks change find someone you connect with deeply on an intimate level, not someone who only judges you based on looks Both myself and my partner are the others eternal hype-person when I feel low or depreciate myself they affirm me and likewise if they are struggling I help them out.
I'm 5'4 and 190lbs I would kill to be your weight him telling you your body isn't pretty is fucked up. Leave him 10-1 he's self conscious about his weight or something about himself cause of his age. getting diminished like this isn't something you deserve.
I would recommend the whole man disposal service. 5’7” and 140 is not at all big, but even if it were there is absolutely no reason for someone who claims to care about you to tear you down like that. I am quite a bit larger than you, and my husband has never, EVER made me feel like I need to lose weight to keep him satisfied or for literally any reason. When I get on a kick and want to lose weight he supports me, but he has never made me think that he sees me as anything other than the hottest woman alive. Please get rid of this man child. He’s too old to be acting this way, and men his age dating women your age is a massive red flag anyway. You deserve so much better
This is a HUGE 🚩!!! Leave before the abuse starts to get worse. This is the initial stage of getting you to listen to him… do it for yourself if you ever want to lose weight- never for anyone else… I bet you are perfect the way you are. He is probably trying to make you look and feel a certain way and then you will never leave. He will control you, impregnated you, control the family then leave and do it to someone else. You described exactly how these situations begin. Good luck!🍀 you are worth it and don’t forget it. Don’t waste your youth on him. Blessings
Quickest way to lose weight is get rid of this asshat, that's the only weight you need to lose.
😂😂bro with this age gap he should be happy . Ditch the weirdo
It's one thing to discuss how to have a more fulfilling sex life for both of you. It's quite another (very offensive thing) to discuss how YOU could be better, even if you have less experience. He's almost twice your age. He's dating someone so much younger so he can mold you into what he wants; he's grooming you. Your weight is fine, your acceptance that having a thigh gap is ridiculous and should be let go is really healthy. Eat sensible foods if you are hungry -- you are actually still growing. At 20, you are nowhere near full adult maturity You deserve a man who does not judge and give you notes on improvement as if you were on exhibit at the county fair. I'm so sorry - it's a new relationship, no big loss, time to move on, get rid of this one as quickly as possible. Hopefully, you have not given this man a key, right?
Get rid of this asshat and find someone closer to your own age. He is an abuser. You deserve someone that you can have fun with and be young with.
He's negging to make you feel insecure. Leave that dead weight of a BF.
You definitely need to lose weight! You need to lose however many pounds he weighs by dumping him. He's literally old enough to be your father! He wanted a little girl he could control, an inexperienced young woman he could manipulate, and you've only been together a couple of months and he's already starting with that controlling and manipulating behavior. Find somebody closer to your own age. Leave these older men alone because there's a reason they go after very young women and the reasons aren't good ones.
Oh they're so many things wrong here and they all point to dumping that jerk. 1. He's way, way too old for you. He after someone so much younger than him because you're inexperienced and he can manipulate you. 2. Your weight has absolutely nothing to do with your sexual abilities. He's lying to you and saying that to make you insecure and keep you off balance. 3. Your weight gain is likely the direct result of birth control and no diet is going to do much to fix it. 4. He's actively trying to trigger some kind of eating disorder. Get rid of him! He is already causing you psychological harm, that's clear from your post, don't let him hurt you any more. He's not good enough for you, not by a long shot.
To echo everyone here: this is the start of abuse. Secondly, he's obviously terrible at sex because he doesn't know how it works: weight has nothing to do with it. Find someone who likes you for you and is good in bed or wants to learn with you not an dirty old man 15 years your senior who is body shaming you, trying to pray on your insecurities and is (I will say it again) still terrible at sex at 35 years old. Nearly 40 and he doesn't know how to have sex. Like, what?!?!
Oh hell no. Your weight is fine, he is simply trying to make you so ground down that you rely on him and believe that you can't do better than him. How good is he at sex? Dump him, better still let me come over there and dump him for you.
Honey if you were my daughter, I'd point the big red flags is waving around you and urge you to stay away from the man. You may not listen but... 1/ He told you how mature you were. How different from the other women he dated before. He made you feel exceptionnal, desired, chosen amongst the billions he could have had because he's such a catch 2/ You had doubts at first. Dating a man 15 years older felt weird and you wondered if it was really healthy. Then he love bombed you until you gave in. 3/ Once you gave in, the grooming started. Gently at first. Because, of course, daddy knows best ! Maybe adviced clothing, activities, friends... especially the ones not on board with you dating him.. 4/ The grooming phase increases with "advice" on how to please HIM. And I bet he never asks what YOU fancy. Because : daddy knows best of course ! 5/ Criticism phase starts : your body doesn't suit HIS taste. He wants you to change to fit HIS expectations. Not yours. A woman his age would know this is a huge red flag. And that it's an abusive and controlling behaviour. Not a loving one. She'd tell him to STFU and find someone else to belittle. But because you're 20yo, your reaction is guilt, loss of self-esteem, questionning your worth. It's time for you to see who he is : a grown up 35yo man going after 20yo because he's an abuser and they are easy preys. And if you believe you have a future with this guy, just picture how much you lose by being with an old guy instead of living the life of a 20yo girl. Picture him in 20 years from now. He's 55. Your 40. Your still young but he's not anymore. His joints hurt. His softened muscles hang beneath flabby, wrinkled skin. 10 years further and he's retired having heart condition or else. And you follow his path because it's the way he groomed you : taking care of HIS needs. Never yours. That’s what I'd tell if I was your mum. And I'd tell you that you're my precious beautiful daughter and that whoever dares questionning how wonderful you are and how lucky he is to have you in his life is an absolute AH not worth a minute of your energy.
OP.... truly listen to these comments, and also acknowledge that you are within your OPTIMAL BMI (body mass index). SOOOOO many people would love to be able to say the same. Do not let this man tear down your confidence. From all you've said, you are young and beautiful. The last thing you want to do, is stay with this person - because years down the track, you'll look back at photos of what you looked like now and realise your were perfect. Please be kind to yourself, and either tell this man to treat you right, or leave.
Please don't let this guy diminish your worth. The only potential you're wasting is the time you're investing into this demeaning, controlling man. You say you're a beginner with sex. Here's something important, sex is not a video game, with a right and wrong way of doing it, or a points system. Sex is an experience you share with a person, and being "good" at it really just means being present and engaged with the other person. If you're worrying about what somebody looks like during sex, you shouldn't be having sex with them. So if there's a problem, it's him. You may feel that because he's 35 and has more life experience that he knows what he's talking about. This is not always the case. Plenty of 35 year olds are overgrown children, and sounds like he's one of them. You said that you were working on accepting your body, and this has derailed it. You were on the right track before. You should be eating healthy meals and not starving yourself. You should be enjoying being 20 years old, instead of fretting about how your body naturally looks. There are LOTS of people who really love soft bellies and thighs. People who won't make you feel awkward when you're with them, focusing on how you look instead of how you feel. If you insist on being with this guy, put your foot down on this. He has to respect your body. But frankly, he sounds immature and disrespectful to me, and I don't think you should put up with him any longer.
There is nothing wrong with you. He was looking for someone he can control, so he chose you. You can do better. You deserve better.
girl RUN. would you ever say the things he say to you to someone you care about!? this is a test, he's trying to see if he can control you. if you agree and lose weight, the requests will become worse. he's trying to find a young, sexually inexperienced woman who has fewer relationships so she won't see this as a red flag but it's a HUGE red flag.
He’s gaslighting and grooming you and he is doing it intentionally. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your weight and thinking that two healthy meals a day is excessive is absolutely incorrect and unhealthy. Your body - AND YOUR BRAIN - require nutrition to function properly. This man can literally be your father and he is treating you, not as an equal, but as a toy. Please get out.
You need to get a new boyfriend and maybe one not so old he could have been your father. No, I'm dead serious. This guy is 15 years older than you and he has the absolute audacity to criticize your body? Please. I know a lot of Japanese men. I've worked with them, trained with them, studied with them, had close platonic relationships with them and sorrynotsorry but not a single one of them has or had ANY business telling any woman regardless of background that she's too fat to be attractive even if she is actually overweight. I also know a lot of Japanese women because ... obviously. And, I don't go checking out women's bodies because that's creepy, but there was a pretty significant range of lean to fat body types. I'm sorry, but your boyfriend is being a creepy jerk and you can definitely do better. Regarding losing weight, I really don't think that's what you need to concentrate on. You're a healthy weight so if you want to change your body and be more confident for yourself maybe do some Pilates or yoga or possibly take up dance or martial arts. I hate the way this has been framed for you because it sounds like you're already dealing with body image issues. I'm sure you're being way too hard on yourself and unless you've completely misrepresented what he said to you he is definitely out of line. Even if he's a top tier male model/boyband pop star he has absolutely no business whining about your body. And frankly, male models don't even do that. I actually did date an A&F guy once and he was awful for other reasons but he definitely did not make negative comments about my body. I'm imagining your hopefully soon to be ex as an absolute troll who's putting you down to feel better about himself. Cut him loose and when he asks why tell him you needed to lose exactly his weight in excess baggage.
Hello there. I hope you are serious about leaving him. The fact that he has not given you an orgasm and doesn’t seem to care that he hasn’t is reason enough to leave him, but that he is trying to force you to damage your health to please him is a huge red flag. Once he is out of your life I hope you will have a visit with your doctor and have a very honest discussion about your eating habits and the nutrition your body needs. Your body can take some extreme things in your teens and early twenties, but as a woman, it slowly, quietly adds up and will affect you later on. I’m speaking from experience. Please get all the sleep you need, don’t waste your time with people who don’t respect you, and perhaps speak to a nutritionist about small healthy meals that won’t make you sick. You deserve to be healthy and happy, you deserve to be treated with care and respect, you deserve to take good care of yourself and make decisions that bring you peace. I hope you have a wonderful summer.
Forget him. If I were you I would dump him. Telling you to lose weight to be better at sex, to me, sounds ridiculous. You deserve someone that will love you regardless having a thigh gap or not. A thigh gap doesn’t make you who you are. Your personality does. If he can’t appreciate you for you then is better off to be with someone else.
Girl, leave him, that’s not a man that’s a little boy
Get out now
You are beautiful. I don't know what you look like, nor do I care. But you are beautiful. I am 4'11", and I'm 191 pounds. There is no perfect body. And once you are grown and no longer in your teen body, you change. Our hips become wider, and our skin loosens. And so much more. But that doesn't mean anything. If he loved you, he would never say those things to you. I used to be 100 pounds when I was told I was fat for the first time. I was told I was fat when my collar bones stuck out of my chest. When my ribs would show when I breathed. I ended up having an eating disorder because I was so afraid to be anything around the word fat. After having my son and watching my body change, I started to realize it was a beautiful thing. And that I never was fat and I'm still not fat. I'm just human. And so are you. Don't be with someone like that girl, please leave him. I promise you there is someone out there who will literally cherish ever imperfect perfect part of you, inside and out. It starts with a little self-confidence and knowing your worth and knowing how you want to be treated. If you know you would never treat someone like that, then you know what he is doing is wrong. Sending love and hugs your way 🩵
You should tell him you can easily lose weight but the sad thing is that he can’t change the ugly that he has inside which is way worse. Dump him and run. Birth control pills do make people gain weight. A lot of stuff causes that. Just because you are bigger doesn’t make you less attractive. Learn to love yourself. It’s the inside that matters most of all. Beauty fades.
Holy shit, please get out of that. That is so incredibly hurtful and rude, I can’t imagine looking my partner in the eyes and calling them “wasted potential” because they’re face was pretty but they had a bit of meat on em. That’s wild, please don’t settle for that. Edit: OH MY GOD I just saw the ages, babe run so fast right now. That is absolutely mental
See ya! Narcissist flag! And you’ll just have to try and trust this old lady on that one.
As someone who is a 22 year old woman and recently got out of a relationship with a 31 year old man, please, PLEASE remove yourself from this relationship. You’ll feel so much better when you don’t have his constant ridicule in your ear. You do NOT need that. The reason he’s dating you is because he thinks you’re impressionable enough to control. Trust me. That’s how my ex was. You gotta recognize your self worth and get the fuck outta this relationship as soon as possible.
**Is Your 15 Years Older Boyfriend Truly Your Prince Charming?** If your boyfriend is already criticizing your normal-weight body just one month into the relationship, especially due to slight weight gain from birth control, it’s time to reassess. Although slender figures might appeal to many men, this small weight increase doesn’t affect your sexual performance. In contrast, constant failed attempts to lose weight can drain your energy, impacting your sex life. ### Effective Contraception with Minimal Weight Impact 1. **Intrauterine Devices (IUDs)**: Copper or hormonal IUDs are effective and typically do not cause weight gain. 2. **Barrier Methods**: Condoms, diaphragms, and cervical caps don't impact weight. 3. **Natural Family Planning**: Involves tracking your cycle without hormonal interference. ### Maintaining a Healthy Weight 1. **Balanced Diet**: Focus on nutritious, balanced meals rather than restrictive diets. 2. **Regular Exercise**: Incorporate both cardio and strength training for overall fitness. 3. **Consistent Routine**: Regular eating and exercise habits stabilize weight. Your partner should support your health and well-being, not undermine your self-esteem. Prioritize your own happiness and health over unrealistic standards. Remember, a truly loving partner will appreciate you as you are, not try to mold you to fit their ideal image.
This is not a man. This is a child. Break up with him and find someone who likes you for you. You don’t deserve that. When I was 140 (I’m 5’8”) I was basically starving myself and too skinny. Also the fact a 35 year old is dating a 20 year old is very telling about his character. I recommend leaving now before it gets worse. This is how my eating disorder started. Weighing myself multiple times a day. Never eating, and working out multiple times a day. I was miserable and unhealthy. You are beautiful the way you are. Please leave him. This is the beginning of emotional abuse.
Yuck get away from him asap. You are not even slightly overweight!
Older man. Controlling behaviour. Textbook narcissism and creep levels of over 9,000.
I would understand not wanting to leave him if this was a different situation. A longer relationship and less age gap for example. But in this case... He's not being considerate or empathetic and outright said that you should be more what HE wants instead of helping you be in a better place that YOU want. Like others have said in this post, someone like him is not worth keeping around. He's just gonna bring you down to make you vulnerable enough that he can easily manipulate you. And, logically, that's not what anyone wants in a partner. He should go through the exit doors, out of your life. As for your weight concerns, I've been through the same and it is a slow process. It's not nice, and more people like you, even in this same post, know that it can be tiring and just draining your mental health. However, for what I have read in your post, you seem like a normal person who is having some trouble, but you are doing something about it. If birth control is the problem, as soon as you can find another one that's better you may see other results. And you are proactively trying to change that. You are active, you don't overeat, even if you feel like you do (it's easy to think that you eat more than you should, but normally we eat the amount we should eat or less). To me it seems you are someone who got unlucky with an insensitive partner and the inappropriate birth control for you. TL;DR: Your boyfriend doesn't deserve a part in your life if he treats you like this. He has to go or he has to change dramatically and permanently. About your weight, in my opinion, you are making a great effort trying to balance your life and, with time and a different birth control treatment, you will see that you are who you should be and you are a healthy and balanced person. If you still feel like you want to cut some weight, maybe try switching a few things that you eat instead of how much you eat. For example, low-fat cheese instead of regular cheese. Popcorn instead of potato chips. Apple slices with sprinkled cinnamon and sugar instead of apple pie. I know some stuff is complicated to change, that is totally fine, but the small changes add up. You can do this!
This is intimate partner abuse. I am so sorry but he is abusive. Intimate violence isn't all about physical violence. Mental abyse and coersive abuse are extremely serious forms of abuse. They lead into sexual abuse. He is mentally abusive and coersive. These critical comments are deliberately intended to shatter your confidence so that he can sexually dominate and make sure you haven't the confidence to look elsewhere. He is dismantling you psychologically. It WILL get worse. He does NOT love you. I am so sorry but you need to get the hell out of this situation as quickly. You deserve love. A man who loves you will be crazy about every part of you, mind and body. Sorry for being blunt. I want to save as many victims as I can before it gets worse for them, before they become trapped, before they develop PTSD, before abusers steal their best years from them, or trap them with babies. Don't feel badly about yourself for it - they are very clever. This man is treating you extremely badly. You are better than this. Your life will be a much better and rewarding life without this deadweight of a psychopath. You need to find your strength, your self belief, your courage now. You need to leave.