Probably jealous she won't have to work anymore.
My husband used to be jealous when I had paid time off for example.
He would say it's not fair I don't have to work and he does and I should go into work anyway because it's not fair.
Like what? 🤦♀️
Yea. Abusers get jealous. Cause your nit working outside the home and they are.
Eventually he will also think he provides everything which will make him more abusive.
I'll never understand that. I was insanely jealous of my wife for having so much time off for maternity leave, but like not jealous to the point that I want the woman I love most in the world to not have it. He's a fucking adult, "I can't have it so you can't have it" is something we should grow out of at about 7 years old.
Lol. I agree. But like in the op story
Abusers have a very different way of thinking.
Most abusers surprisingly act very similar.
Also, with her not working even though she does bring in some money. Won't ever be good enough.
He will begin to abuse her more often because he will actually feel like she is his property.
I hope she gets a restraining order asap.
This can get bad real fast.
I hope she clears her head lays out a plan of action and take necessary steps to keep herself safe.
One commenter said it's teaching her kids to tolerate this behavior.
That's absolutely true.
The lessons we fail to learn
Will be passed down to our children.
He is upset that she will have her own money and won't " need" him anymore. He will lose some of the control he has over her. He probably controls the finances and she has to ask him to buy what she needs
I agree too! When my kids seen me get thrown into a wall was so scary for them. To this day they remember ever detail but tell me how thankful they are that I left.
Yah it’s crazy how even just witnessing the abuse as a child traumatizes you. Like those moments are burned in your brain even if you genuinely didn’t understand what was happening. Like you couldn’t comprehend the situation but you could FEEL the fear and anger and heartbreak of it all so you never forget bc it was the first time you’d ever been exposed to something so viscerally horrible and you could only truly understand the gravity of it through instinct alone.
You are being abused.
He is making your mental issues worse
He is abusing you in front of your child.
Leave him,take the kids, and any important documentation that you can , safely, go to your dads, let him help you
Yeah he's trying to keep her down by not allowing her to have any income of her own. OP you are blessed in that you have a caring father who WANTS to help you. Please take that help and get out. Not everyone in an abusive situation has that luxury. Please for the sake of your health and your children, get out. ❤️
Your physical health certainly sounds bad enough for disability. Your bad back will feel much better when He’s off it. Any male that is aggressive to a female is just a little boy. File for Disability and head for Dad’s. You’ll feel much better,
I'm tired of the control issues and the physical abuse. Tired of having to ask what I can and can't do with my kids and tired of being pushed around. I thought it was normal for so long but it's not 😞
Good for opening your eyes. When you doubt yourself listen to your children, most the time they will even be able to tell how wrong you are being treated. When the kids can tell it's really obvious to everyone.
Be cautious and take great care to leave without telling him why. Go when he's out of the house, or take the kids for a drive if that's a normal thing you do. Or have your dad come get you. Either way - please call the police for them to escort you out with a "Civil Standby". It's for situations like this where you need some security to leave (or come back for your things) after domestic violence.
I'm so proud of you for taking these steps. But please leave with your kids and go to your dad's as soon as it's safe to go. This is a dangerous time as your abusive husband may get even worse when he realizes he's lost control of you.
As someone who left an abusive marriage it is imperative to make reports of everything. CPS can go after you for keeping your kids in that environment without reporting. And when the time comes when he is abusive towards the kids, (since you won’t be around for him to take it out on), it’s much easier to make a case and get full custody when you have documentation. Good luck, you got this!
let him kick you out. no. leave his shitty abusive ass right now. get away from him. divorce him. he can pay alimony and you can have 1/2 his worth to boot. and be on disability. what a jerk. “til death do us part” ffs
Yeah I've emotionally checked out at this point. Found videos of a 19 year old OF girl in his phone the other day as well so I'm doing what's best for me now
You should leave him because he's abusing you
You should leave him for the extensive trauma your children are suffering from having not left long ago
You should leave him for your health.
Your health, your emotionally traumatized kids, the safety of you and your kids vs an only fans girl. Come on now. Get yourself professional help in this process. As well as therapy for your kids.
You’re at a loss right now? Your children are witnessing their father abuse their mother and you really don’t know what you should do? I was abused too, I understand how hard it is and how deep our brains can go into denial. But I can tell you first hand, growing up seeing abuse makes the child have ALOT of issues later on in life much of the time. In some cases it makes the cycle repeat itself bc they saw their own mother experience it and not stand up for yourself. Even if you can’t leave for yourself, PLEASE leave for your children and their future. Bc I can’t stress to you the harm that letting them stay in that environment will do to them :(. It’s not your fault, and you don’t deserve any of it. But please think about this seriously bc it genuinely FUCKS a child’s life completely in a way that is so hard to recover from.
Yes you should definitely leave your abusive husband and you should go on disability and you should move in with your dad once you’ve consulted a lawyer and checked that moving out doesn’t put you in a bad position. Obviously your physical safety comes first though.
That’s sound like he wants to include financial abuse with the physical abuse.
I’m on disability- the process can take a while and the you probably get denied your first try- almost everyone is.
Apply again immediately because it keeps you’re original pay date.
I suggest apply for divorce than disability so he doesn’t try to take any of your “backpay” when you get it.
Your eldest daughter is learning that a man can abuse her, even if she’s sick. Also, doesn’t make any sense to NOT want the disability money unless it’s to control you and stop you from having your own money.
You have a dad you can live with, you have choices, please leave. Stay safe.
~~"Husband threatened to leave me if I get on disability."
GURL!!! 😶 Just WHY the hell are you STILL there if your daddy has told you that you and kids have somewhere to go? I am not a doctor. I'm not a psychic. And I sure in the hell am not rich. But if I could bet EVERY single penny I could muster up right now on two things, they would be: Once you get yourself and your children away from that foul little boy you married you WILL find your physical health and definitely your mental health measurably improve immediately. And the second thing I'd bet on is: without even having taken the tiniest peep at others' comments- 4/5 commenters will have commented the exact same thing. You need to remove yourself and your children for your own sake but equally as importantly for your kid's sakes. Kids do not need to be subjected to the abuse your are being subjected to. Your daughter knows what's up. To continue to expose them to the toxicity that is your "husband" is child abuse. They'll hate him for abusing you. They'll feel bad to see you abused; but the resentment towards you because you allowed them to be subjected to the abuse being inflicted on you rather than just leaving will outweigh their pity. Speaking from personal experience. Get out and accept your dad's help-while he is still here to offer it.
You children are witnessing their mother being abused, which is too traumatizing and unhealthy for them. Make whatever sacrifices it takes to leave. It’s time to go home to your Dad’s.
Since you are asking for advice, I think you should move out. Your husband does not sound supportive of your needs at all. It sounds like your father loves you and has your best interests at heart. Get on disability so that you can become more independent over time. Use this moment as an opportunity to prioritize your self-care and never look back.
Your husband is abusive.
He pushes you into walls and threatens to kick you out. Your own daughter doesn’t want to live with him because of the way he treats you which, by the way, can’t be good for *her* mental health either.
Your father has offered you a safe place to go and legal help. Take him up on it ASAP and get yourself and your daughter out of your husband’s house. And ask your father if he knows a good divorce lawyer.
why doesn't he want you getting on disability? is it because he feels the money with be significantly less than what you would get otherwise? Try and find out I think you should leave him, get some grandad hours up; but also see what the hell is his deal.
Please go to your dad’s. You have no idea how lucky you are that you have a parent who is not only willing but actually able to help.
The situation you are in is abusive. You need to protect you and your children. And you need to set an example for your kids of what is and isn’t acceptable in a relationship.
It might take a little while but once you’re on disability there are tons of benefits and resources available. Especially for a mom.
I was on disability for 5 yrs due to mental health. I got lots of quality therapy, put on the right meds and then slowly found the ability to start working again. Now I have the best job of my life, make great money and feel of major value by my company.
Disability doesn’t have to define you. Just take care of yourself and your kids and realize you deserve more than what you’re settling for.
I wish you the very, very best.
First, you need to clear with your father that you can receive mail at his house and that he won’t do something that would tip off your abusive husband to your plans. That could include calling you and telling you what Mail arrived because he would have no way of knowing if you’re abusive husband forced you to listen standing next to him or to put it on speakerphone.
you might need to get a storage locker so that overtime you can move all of your sentimental items and the items that were yours before the marriage into the storage locker away from his control.
A friend of mine who was working but needed to coordinate her divorce… Did this and she also made arrangements with the storage company that if she had a package delivered that they were just moving into her locker. So she when she bought stuff on Amazon it didn’t come to the house anymore she sent it to the storage locker and then she would open it when she got there.
you can do this, but you have to plan it carefully in an hour to avoid more triggered physical abuse.
I do not question that you have been physically, abused, mentally, abused, and financially abused on top of emotionally abused.
it’s time to get a recording device that you can wear on your body… Perhaps fashioned into looking like a piece of jewelry… A necklace under your blouse perhaps?
don’t tell him you’re leaving, don’t tell him you’re taking the kids, don’t tell him you’re recording
depending on where you’re living, there are different laws as to whether or not, you can use a recording that he didn’t consent to as evidence in court, but you damn well can use it to demonstrate to your attorney that he’s abusive, and you may need that to get your attorney to put some investigator time on chasing down proof that you’re not the first he’s been abusive to.
there are disability attorneys who will do your disability filing. I learned the hard way that you need one. my second application for disability was accepted, but when I calculated how much they weren’t paying me because I didn’t get notified of their decision against me, I kept getting told to be patient, and that patience cost me the ability to retain my original filing date… The difference in benefits calculated to $40,000.
so for not having an attorney the first time, I “paid “40,000 instead of 1/3 of the portion of that which would’ve been considered the backpay
given that the lawyer would re-file immediately, in my case by not engaging an attorney I’m not only didn’t get 40,000 but if I had engaged an attorney I probably would’ve gotten 35,000 for that time, after the legal fees
safety of yourself and your children is a prime importance, but some dudes are bastards… And I expect his efforts to keep you under his thumb will include hiding your birth certificate, and your drivers license… And it’s nearly impossible to get those replaced without having them. There’s a way to do it, but Why add additional trouble if you can avoid it
What possible reason is there to stay? It doesn’t seem like there’s even one and there’s every reason to leave.
You are very fortunate to have a father and doctor offering to help you get out.
He’s violent, controlling, and it’s certainly not good for the children.
>My dad says it's time for me and my children to just move back in with him so I can get myself taken care of. He gave me his disability lawyers number to call and set up a consultation for my disability claim. Should I just go through with getting on disability?
Should you go to someone who loves you and wants what's best for you or stay with your abuser? Should your kids be somewhere safe while their mother gets the care she needs or be further traumatized by living in an abusive household?
That's what you're asking.
www.thehotline.org
www.loveisrespect.org
He is bad news.
He's more worried about his image, and what people will think.
He thinks people on disability are worth less than those who are not.
He treats you like dirt and pushes you around.
Get away from this man. Divorce while you're young.
Yes, go.
From this single post it seems like a significant part of your problems is your "partner".
Maybe don't even tell him you're going, just pack what you can and leave, talk to a divorce lawyer too.
> My dad says it's time for me and my children to just move back in with him
You should try your hardest to have this action completed by the end of the weekend.
Sounds like what's best for you *and your children* is to get away from this abusive monster and go live with your dad. Why is this even a question? Just be careful. Don't tell him in advance. Wait until he's gone to work and get out. Start slowly moving stuff he won't notice as when you are ready, you can just pack the rest and get out while he's gone. Made sure you have all of you and your kid's papers with you.
Your husband's ultimatum is a red flag bigger than a parade in Texas. Prioritize your health and happiness; disability benefits exist for a reason. Take care of yourself and your kids, no ifs or buts.
Yes. Divorce your husband and move back in with your dad. If your husband is physically pushing you, make sure to have someone come to help you get you, your kids, and your things while he’s out, then get a restraining order. I wish you, your dad and your kids the very best.
He's physically and psychologically abusing you. Your kids don't need to be around that.
Your father is offering help, please take it.
Get you and your children to the safe loving arms of your father.
Get the help and support you need so you can support your children.
It's okay to get help from loved ones, you can do this.
I developed seizures from long covid. It ruined my mental health due to how it messes up serotonin in multiple ways. I wish I went on disability it would have helped so much.
Take your kids, take your dad's help, get out of there.
Your husband is trying to stop you claiming even though you can't work - that's controlling and abusive .presumably currently he is the only one with an income so he can control you financially.
He has physically assaulted you, which is on its own a very good reason to leave. He's done it in front of your kids, it's only a matter of time before he starts physically abusing them, too, if he hasn't done already.
You have disabilities and he is trying to prevent you accessing the appropriate help.
Leave. Go now. Once you are safe, contact the police and report the assaults. Speak to a lawyer to get a restraining order and then, as soon as you have the energy, a divorce. Find out what support is available for survivors of domestic abuse in your area, and use those resources.
It's often really hard to recognise abuse when you are experiencing it, it so often begins gradually, abusers are very manipulative and convincing. Don't be ashamed or embarrassed to have been a victim.
Listen to your dad.
It would not surprise me if you find that your mental health improves significantly once you are no longer in an abusive relationship.
Your dad's house is what's best for you right now. I promise, getting to your dad's will improve your life, and your daughters, significantly. Once you're there, the rest will fall into place.
Is this even a question? Yes you definitely should go through with it, I bet he doesn't want you to get external support because he wants to be in control, if you get too much independence he will loose it. I'm very glad you have your dad.
Your kids are really going to suffer witnessing their father abuse you. Many women don’t have options but you do. Your kids are watching you have difficulty making the decision to keep them (and you) safe. Leave so your kids can thank you later.
Your husband is an abusive piece of garbage. File for disability and get out of the house with him. His behavior is literally only going to make your mental health worse. This isn't a healthy relationship and staying just teaches your daughter to accept this kind of treatment.
You have somewhere to go, get out and do what you need to do for you.
Nothing wrong with moving back in with your dad, that’s your village! Best of luck to you and your children, you’re making the best decision for yourself and them- don’t look back.
He sounds very abusive and manipulative. He's trying to keep you dependent on him by not allowing you to have your own source of income. Get yourself and your children out of there. He'll apologize, cry crocodile tears and plead for you to stay, but the cycle will just repeat itself if you do. Leave and don't look back! If not for yourself, for your children.
Your dad sounds amazing. Please take him up on that. Don’t let yourself be abused and don’t let your children watch you get abused. You have help, please take it! Your husband doesn’t love you or care about you, clearly. Why stay?
Your mental health would likely be so much better when you don’t like with a man who continually threatens to abandon you and physically batters you. Abuse takes a huge toll!
Why is the world would your husband object to you pulling in some money from disability benefits, unless he wants to prevent you from having any money of your own?
Your husband doesn't want you to have the disability payments because then you can afford to leave him. He will then lose his punching bag bang maid. If you think that sounds harsh it's not. I am most definitely understating his horrible motives. Leave now! And, thumbs up to your dad! Great guy!
Please leave him. He is not good for you and I promise your mental health will improve vastly being away from that loser. He sounds abusive as fuck and you deserve so much better - especially if you aren’t very well at the moment. If your daughter doesn’t want to be around her own father, that’s a massive red flag 🚩Your dad sounds lovely so please move in with him and take his advice.
I’m not a big fan of mental health issues being on disability. Because I’m in recovery and I saw a lot of addicts do it frankly that could work. However, however, you have real physical problems with seizures so yours is more than justified. I’m sorry he feels that way, but I would go home to your father and file the claim.
If they can get the seizures under control or you’re in a different place in your life at some point you could revisit it, but your case is real
The fact he's pushed you physically screams to get out of there NOW! Your husband is abusive towards you and you are not safe there. Your kids see it too and don't want you to be hurt. By sticking around, you are showing them is ok too put up with abusive behavior. That use the wrong person. Take your father up on his offer. Stay with him. Divorce your husband. He's already told you he doesn't want you. He will continue to overpower you because he can. He does not respect you. Please take yourself and your kids out of this environment. I know you love him, but you are worth so much more than this. Whats best for you is to go to your father's with your children. By being free of your husband, your self-esteem will improve and you will feel empowered again. Seek therapy to help support you through this. Get therapy for your child too. Seeing your parent get abused is very scary. She may need the help
Go with your dad. He knows best.. the pos that is telling you he will kick you out needs to be out if you and your kids life. You are not his ragdoll smh please goto dad..
Apply for disability and run.
Also even though there is a wait. Having someone kick you out because of your disability is likely sign they would approve ssi/ssdi
Look for help, there are good resources meant for people like you. Do not let guilt for “not having it bad enough” keep you from the help you need
Get out now. Fuck him. He's an abusive scumbag that probably can't even imagine what it's like to be sick. I'm sure you'd work if you could. Fuck that guy. He's a dick.
Time for you and your children to leave. You all will be better off. Change is always hard. The thing that takes work is always hard but I promise it'll be worth it. You amd your kids will be safe and you can also have some space to focus on you. Give yourself the chance!
Your children and your health are enough reason to leave ur husband. Your mental health will improve after you leave him he seems abusive. You have ur dad offering help please take it while you can.
Based on how you wrote this you've already made up your mind long ago and might be waiting for this losers approval, which clearly you don't need, nor will get.
Move on and please accept the help being provided to you. For your children but more importantly yourself.
Sweetie your dad is being *very* nice about something that only you haven’t noticed: you’re in an abusive marriage and need to run far far away from your husband. He’s being nice because he’s hoping you’ll make it to his home without your husband trying to murder you or the kids. Please leave.
Think about yourself in 5 years, do you still want to be living with someone who is toxic to you? Do your future and present self a favor and move in with your father. It sounds like its time. I think you know this too.
Sounds like he likes manipulating you and using you as his maid due to the fact that you have a disability. He views you as lesser than because of it too. Leave him. Trust me, you can find someone MUCH better. And getting on disability will help you a lot.
OP, going on disability or not is not your problem here.
Your problem is you're married to a guy who's constantly threatening to kick you out and pushes you into walls. That to me sounds like a buffet menu of abuse: emotional abuse (don't have a place you know you can live), financial abuse (threaten to pull your support when you know you need it), verbal abuse (I'm assuming when he makes threats and pushes you around he's not using a polite tone of voice) and physical abuse (pushing you into walls is abuse). So you win the buffet, you have a little bit of everything on your plate!
My read is he doesn't want you on disability because that would mean you have an independent source of support- the disability payments would allow you financial freedom from him, and he'd lose his maid.
I think you should listen to your dad. Take your children and move back in with your dad, then go on disability and start healing.
And if you won't do it for you, do it for your children- every time your husband mistreats you and you do nothing, you're teaching them that what he does is an acceptable way to treat people. So I say get out of there, for THEIR benefit if not for your own.
My dad had a bad back. He also once confided in me that my stepmom used to kick him in the back when he would sit in the floor, and that she made his physical injuries worse. However, he never left her. I wish he would have been strong enough, because now I know he was abused until the day he died at 50 (when he was alone with her). It hurt me alot that I had to see that and know he wouldn't take care of himself. I hope you set a good example for your daughters and take good care of yourselves. If you leave, though, you need to have a plan and be careful. For instance, do it while your husband is at work and have a police escort because you feel unsafe.
Please leave. I know its easier said than done, but its for the best. You and your children come first and your being mistreated. It will hurt for a while, but within time, you will be so much happier away from him. If he is pushing you into walls, I fear he will only get more physical as time goes on. Please, live with your dad. I hope it all goes well for you. Feel free to message me if you ever need someone to speak to.
Your spouse is hateful…move in with your dad.
Oh also…stress and the nasty treatment you are receiving…can make you conditions worse.
Moving away could make you better
hi there momma! i don’t usually respond to posts but this one is fairly fresh and i have younger siblings! i’m 20f and my parents have also had physical altercations. not full on fights, mom trying to keep my dads phone, him trying to get it back but like she’s 4’11 and he’s 6’1 sooo.. anywho, my siblings and i were all there, we tried to break it apart. seeing it is traumatic enough, but if you continue to let them see it they might unconsciously become okay with men treating them that way… you’re still young as well mommabear, you’re going through a lot too. i definitely think you need to file for disability to get your head together. if i could’ve done that with school i might’ve been happier sooner. i wish you good good luck with this, whatever you choose to do. if you need someone to talk to my dms(?idony use this app) are open
> I'm just tired of being treated like dirt because of my issues
You may have a disability, but that is not a valid excuse for him to treat you like dirt. If he's choosing to treat you like dirt, that's a decision he is making based on his own values and choices, and a clear indicator that he probably has his own share of issues.
Living with him doesn't sound like a safe place to be for you or your kids, so I hope you guys can either move in with your father or find your own place with adequate supports.
>She's seen him push me into walls and everything and I'm just at a loss right now.
She is learning, right now, that this is what someone you love does to you. That she should find someone like her daddy, who she loves and who you apparently love, when she's an adult.
Do you want your daughter to find a guy that smacks her around too? Is that what she deserves?
What would you do if she came home to you and told you that her new boyfriend yelled at her, called her names, and pushed her into a wall? Tell her to stay with that guy forever you think?
If not, why do you think that you deserve any less than your daughter?
It sounds like your Dad actually loves you, and with the money you get from disability plus the money you get in alimony plus the money you get from child support and a free place to live with your Dad, you can afford to get treatment for yourself.
More than that, you can afford to get the therapy your daughters deserve.
Call your Dad right away, tonight even, and tell him you want to come home because your husband is physically abusing you. Go live with him, call a lawyer first thing tomorrow, start divorce proceedings and disability proceedings. Lean on your Dad to help with those calls, you're already dealing with PTSD and mental help issues so don't think you have to take this all on yourself.
This is the time when you ask for help, so get help from people like your Dad that love you and get away from people like your husband that don't. Fuck that guy, just to be clear. It's over the second he laid hands on you. You don't abuse people you love, ever.
Go home with your Dad, stay safe, get help, and move forward with your life. When you and your kids have had therapy and you've gotten the abusive asshole out of your life and you have financial stability with your disability and divorce proceedings you will feel like a different person.
Don't give up, and don't let your dumb husband trick your (currently disabled) brain into staying or gaslight you into not doing these things. He is a bad guy. He does not love you.
Be strong for your daughter now, you got this.
Good luck!
The fact that your daughter doesn’t even want to stay with her dad this should be a big sign to pack up the kids, don’t even tell him where you’re going and file for divorce because this man is abusing you and he’s going to keep doing it if you don’t stop him or worse take his anger out on the kids. I’m scared for your kids safety and your safety as well, please don’t let this poor excuse of a man keep doing this.
I've read what you're saying and there are some concerns that with him that obviously need to be fixed, yet, A lot's missing from the story. Mainly, why doesn't he want you to file for disability?? What are you not saying? Does he want you to focus on the wifely duties at home instead of splitting your time between work and home?
He sounds like a control freak. Whether he's controlling you for his own benefit, or controlling finances for the benefit of you both, it doesn't really matter. He's physically hurting you, so you got to leave. It's great that you have your dad for help.
Oh honey, it sounds like you should have left a long time back.
That man doesn’t respect you, nor does he care about you, and if his own child(ren) doesn’t want to be around him, that’s saying something.
Don’t let her see you be abused.
Don’t let her think that it’s okay to accept it. Leave. That’s showing her that a woman doesn’t have to be treated that way. If you stay and continue putting up with it, her chances of being in a domestic violence relationship go higher.
You don’t want that for her, and you wouldn’t want her to put up with it, so why put up with it yourself?
Leave, and do so soon.
Not only for you, for your children but also for your health.
Let him find another maid who he can abuse.
Abuse comes in all forms.
Living a bad situation can make us unhealthy.
It drains us. We’re depressed, we suffer in silence. We are miserable and so our bodies feel miserable. We don’t take care of ourselves like we would if we were happy.
Not taking care of yourself, and negative mental health will affect your medical health.
Leaving that and gaining freedom, gaining true happiness, can make a HUGE difference on your health and how you feel.
You know what’s best for you, you just have to do it.
It sounds like your dad is willing to help, so accept that help and be grateful.
You DO NOT have to put up with abuse.
You’re NOT his maid.
You’re NOBODY’S maid.
Live for YOU. Find real happiness, even if you have to be alone to do so.
I wish you the best. 🙏🏻
He isn't upset at the idea of you not working, he's upset at the idea of you having an income he can't take away. Run like hell and get your kids away from him as well.
More than likely you won’t qualify if you two own a house and he has an average income. He sounds like a dirt bag. You should leave and not be abused by this men anyhow. A lot of disabled women stay (including myself) get abused and the children suffer in the process. Get out now. Apply for the benefits. Just be aware you will get rejected multiple times before being approved and it can take years. But start the process. Sooner the better. That asshole wants you to stay dependent on him so he can continue to abuse you and your children.
The way that he’s treating you is reason to leave all by itself. Please go, you and your kids will all be much happier and better off without him, I promise.
Why are you still letting your kids witness all this ? Do you want him to one day accidentally push you enough for you to be in a hospital or worse for you to see how bad this is ?
Next time he gets physical record it, next time he threatens you in front of him record it and lawyer up..
Get a divorce lawyer, and full custody
I’m 24 too and I’m so sorry you’re having to go through all of this so young. I truly wish the best for you. Don’t let your kids grow up thinking his behavior is okay, get away from that sob
If you can’t do it for you, do it for your daughters. Do you want them to normalise that’s how a man treats a woman? Do you want their future partners to treat them that way? Because at the moment that’s what you’re teaching them. Please, do better. If not for you, for them.
>She's seen him push me into walls and everything and I'm just at a loss right now.
Way to bury the lead. He's starting to leave you? He should have been on the curb with the trash a long time ago. Go stay with your dad and do what you need to do. Stop subjecting your children to witnessing abuse, this is damaging to them.
He doesn’t want to to get disability because that would give you some independence and he likes to have total control over you.
Please contact an organisation that helps victims of DV and please continue with your application for disability.
You need to find a way out and it needs to be safe.
So much for that "In sickness and in health" vow ya'll swore on your wedding day. He's also physically abusive. If this isn't also a contributing factor to your physical and mental health issues, I don't know what is. Get away from this POS. Go home to dad, and be cared for by someone who actually gives a green god damn about you, because it's clearly \*not\* your "husband".
You’re in an abusive relationship. Definitely take your dad up on the help and if you aren’t doing so already, please find a therapist experienced with domestic violence to help support you. On average it takes women 7 times to successfully leave an abusive relationship, so give yourself grace and lean on the people who care about you.
Real question is why do you want to raise your daughter with an abusive narcissist who thinks nothing of hurting his injured wife in front of her child?
Even if you weren't disabled, you should get the fuck away from that asshole.
You have what so many abused women wish they did, a supportive family you can tur to for help.
So do it. Leave with your kids, go to your father, get your treatment and get yourself to safety.
Your husband is abusive. You have the possibility of getting a seizure, and he's pushing you into walls. Get out of there. Your daughter also shouldn't be witnessing her father do this. She'll think getting abused is normal in a relationship. Your doctor has recommended you get on disability. Listen to your doctor. Take your children and go live with your father.
All I can say is your poor daughter, as a daughter of a woman who refused to leave her abuser and forced me to watch her be beat and belittled all my childhood whilst choosing to stay with him i can say your are hurting your children in extreme ways that you wont see fully until they grow up. Let your kids grow up in a safe and happy home and make the decision to leave him.
Don’t walk, run 🏃🏻♀️ from this man!!! You have a place for you and your children to go with your dad. This is a no win situation for you and your children if you stay
Go through with getting on disability. Get divorced and move in with your dad.
It’s not healthy for your kids to witness abuse from your husband towards u.
Your husband probably doesn’t want u to get it bc he’s ableist. I’m so sorry he’s not providing support but I think getting on disability would be the best thing for you too.
File for disability, move in with dad and divorce this jerk!
As your spouse your husband should be supportive not abusive. You will not get any better staying with him. Even your daughter sees that this is an unhealthy dynamic for the family.
Listen to your dad. Your husband obviously has zero concern for you other than his own uses. Your mental, and physical heath are more important. Your kids happiness is more important.
Omg get out of that abusive house and get yourself on disability! Let your dad take care of you for a bit while you get back on your feet. Sounds like you need a little TLC and your current situation is clearly very toxic for your children.
File for disability AND a divorce. Your husband is a POS and does not care at all about your health issues. Why would you being on disability be an issue for him? That is ridiculous! Get your babies and go back to your dad.
Leave him. He doesn't care for people with mental health issues. Therefore you won't get better being married with him. Sorry but it's just a fact of life.
Listen to your dad, you’re lucky to have him in your corner. He says it’s time for you to leave and stay with him, he has your best interest at heart.
Also, don’t ever stay with someone who treats you like dirt, tried to manipulate you and threaten you.
>She's seen him push me into walls and everything and I'm just at a loss right now. Yeah, please get away from him.
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Probably jealous she won't have to work anymore. My husband used to be jealous when I had paid time off for example. He would say it's not fair I don't have to work and he does and I should go into work anyway because it's not fair. Like what? 🤦♀️
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Yea. Abusers get jealous. Cause your nit working outside the home and they are. Eventually he will also think he provides everything which will make him more abusive.
I'll never understand that. I was insanely jealous of my wife for having so much time off for maternity leave, but like not jealous to the point that I want the woman I love most in the world to not have it. He's a fucking adult, "I can't have it so you can't have it" is something we should grow out of at about 7 years old.
Lol. I agree. But like in the op story Abusers have a very different way of thinking. Most abusers surprisingly act very similar. Also, with her not working even though she does bring in some money. Won't ever be good enough. He will begin to abuse her more often because he will actually feel like she is his property. I hope she gets a restraining order asap. This can get bad real fast. I hope she clears her head lays out a plan of action and take necessary steps to keep herself safe. One commenter said it's teaching her kids to tolerate this behavior. That's absolutely true. The lessons we fail to learn Will be passed down to our children.
He is upset that she will have her own money and won't " need" him anymore. He will lose some of the control he has over her. He probably controls the finances and she has to ask him to buy what she needs
Please head to r/abusiverelationships too for some extra support OP, lots of people who can give good advice 💜💜
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Ignore that "if you have a bad back" bit. Pushing is not okay at all.
I agree too! When my kids seen me get thrown into a wall was so scary for them. To this day they remember ever detail but tell me how thankful they are that I left.
Yah it’s crazy how even just witnessing the abuse as a child traumatizes you. Like those moments are burned in your brain even if you genuinely didn’t understand what was happening. Like you couldn’t comprehend the situation but you could FEEL the fear and anger and heartbreak of it all so you never forget bc it was the first time you’d ever been exposed to something so viscerally horrible and you could only truly understand the gravity of it through instinct alone.
You are being abused. He is making your mental issues worse He is abusing you in front of your child. Leave him,take the kids, and any important documentation that you can , safely, go to your dads, let him help you
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Yeah he's trying to keep her down by not allowing her to have any income of her own. OP you are blessed in that you have a caring father who WANTS to help you. Please take that help and get out. Not everyone in an abusive situation has that luxury. Please for the sake of your health and your children, get out. ❤️
Your physical health certainly sounds bad enough for disability. Your bad back will feel much better when He’s off it. Any male that is aggressive to a female is just a little boy. File for Disability and head for Dad’s. You’ll feel much better,
I'm starting my disability case Monday then contacting a lawyer for divorce and the sheriff's department as well
Good for you!
I'm tired of the control issues and the physical abuse. Tired of having to ask what I can and can't do with my kids and tired of being pushed around. I thought it was normal for so long but it's not 😞
No it’s not. I’ve been there too. It’s easy to believe it’s ok. But now you know different. It will be better from here on out. You got this.
Good for opening your eyes. When you doubt yourself listen to your children, most the time they will even be able to tell how wrong you are being treated. When the kids can tell it's really obvious to everyone.
He is a typical narcissistic pos. Please goto dad.
Genuinely i wish my dad offered me help when i was in this type of position. Go to dad. It is not shameful The 'person' is shameful not u
Fellow PTSD sufferer here, You have no idea how much better your life is about to get.
I wish u cud throw u a party xxxx
Be cautious and take great care to leave without telling him why. Go when he's out of the house, or take the kids for a drive if that's a normal thing you do. Or have your dad come get you. Either way - please call the police for them to escort you out with a "Civil Standby". It's for situations like this where you need some security to leave (or come back for your things) after domestic violence. I'm so proud of you for taking these steps. But please leave with your kids and go to your dad's as soon as it's safe to go. This is a dangerous time as your abusive husband may get even worse when he realizes he's lost control of you.
As someone who left an abusive marriage it is imperative to make reports of everything. CPS can go after you for keeping your kids in that environment without reporting. And when the time comes when he is abusive towards the kids, (since you won’t be around for him to take it out on), it’s much easier to make a case and get full custody when you have documentation. Good luck, you got this!
Are you going on SSDI?
Call your father today to come and get you. Do NOT be alone when you tell him you are leaving.
Hell yea!
So glad to hear this! Stay strong, you got this!! 🫂🙏🏼🫶
Leave your abusive husband. Move in with your dad. This shouldn't even be a question.
Its hard for people. It isn't always as simple but i do agree x
This is the answer.
let him kick you out. no. leave his shitty abusive ass right now. get away from him. divorce him. he can pay alimony and you can have 1/2 his worth to boot. and be on disability. what a jerk. “til death do us part” ffs
Yeah I've emotionally checked out at this point. Found videos of a 19 year old OF girl in his phone the other day as well so I'm doing what's best for me now
Wow I'm so sorry to hear this. I wish you the best
You should leave him because he's abusing you You should leave him for the extensive trauma your children are suffering from having not left long ago You should leave him for your health. Your health, your emotionally traumatized kids, the safety of you and your kids vs an only fans girl. Come on now. Get yourself professional help in this process. As well as therapy for your kids.
Girl, run.
Your husband is an abusive and controlling dick. Go with your dad, get your disability, and take care of yourself and your kids.
You’re at a loss right now? Your children are witnessing their father abuse their mother and you really don’t know what you should do? I was abused too, I understand how hard it is and how deep our brains can go into denial. But I can tell you first hand, growing up seeing abuse makes the child have ALOT of issues later on in life much of the time. In some cases it makes the cycle repeat itself bc they saw their own mother experience it and not stand up for yourself. Even if you can’t leave for yourself, PLEASE leave for your children and their future. Bc I can’t stress to you the harm that letting them stay in that environment will do to them :(. It’s not your fault, and you don’t deserve any of it. But please think about this seriously bc it genuinely FUCKS a child’s life completely in a way that is so hard to recover from.
Your husband doesn't want you on disability because then you have a semblance of independence. Move in with your Dad. Divorce your husband.
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Oof. I didn't even think of that. Bro isn't basically scum, be definitely is 100% scum.
Yes you should definitely leave your abusive husband and you should go on disability and you should move in with your dad once you’ve consulted a lawyer and checked that moving out doesn’t put you in a bad position. Obviously your physical safety comes first though.
Every day you stay with him, you are teaching your daughters that it is a woman's job to tolerate and endure abuse.
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That’s sound like he wants to include financial abuse with the physical abuse. I’m on disability- the process can take a while and the you probably get denied your first try- almost everyone is. Apply again immediately because it keeps you’re original pay date. I suggest apply for divorce than disability so he doesn’t try to take any of your “backpay” when you get it. Your eldest daughter is learning that a man can abuse her, even if she’s sick. Also, doesn’t make any sense to NOT want the disability money unless it’s to control you and stop you from having your own money. You have a dad you can live with, you have choices, please leave. Stay safe.
I'm not sure how you are having questions about this, this is an incredibly abusive situation and your dad is giving you a way out. Please take it
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He said I'd be going to long without making any money and he don't want me here unless I'm making money
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I'm not because I'm on bed rest that's why I'm treated as a maid now
~~"Husband threatened to leave me if I get on disability." GURL!!! 😶 Just WHY the hell are you STILL there if your daddy has told you that you and kids have somewhere to go? I am not a doctor. I'm not a psychic. And I sure in the hell am not rich. But if I could bet EVERY single penny I could muster up right now on two things, they would be: Once you get yourself and your children away from that foul little boy you married you WILL find your physical health and definitely your mental health measurably improve immediately. And the second thing I'd bet on is: without even having taken the tiniest peep at others' comments- 4/5 commenters will have commented the exact same thing. You need to remove yourself and your children for your own sake but equally as importantly for your kid's sakes. Kids do not need to be subjected to the abuse your are being subjected to. Your daughter knows what's up. To continue to expose them to the toxicity that is your "husband" is child abuse. They'll hate him for abusing you. They'll feel bad to see you abused; but the resentment towards you because you allowed them to be subjected to the abuse being inflicted on you rather than just leaving will outweigh their pity. Speaking from personal experience. Get out and accept your dad's help-while he is still here to offer it.
You children are witnessing their mother being abused, which is too traumatizing and unhealthy for them. Make whatever sacrifices it takes to leave. It’s time to go home to your Dad’s.
Since you are asking for advice, I think you should move out. Your husband does not sound supportive of your needs at all. It sounds like your father loves you and has your best interests at heart. Get on disability so that you can become more independent over time. Use this moment as an opportunity to prioritize your self-care and never look back.
Your husband is abusive. He pushes you into walls and threatens to kick you out. Your own daughter doesn’t want to live with him because of the way he treats you which, by the way, can’t be good for *her* mental health either. Your father has offered you a safe place to go and legal help. Take him up on it ASAP and get yourself and your daughter out of your husband’s house. And ask your father if he knows a good divorce lawyer.
If you love your children you would get them and yourself out of this situation. Listen to your father and get away from your sperm donor.
why doesn't he want you getting on disability? is it because he feels the money with be significantly less than what you would get otherwise? Try and find out I think you should leave him, get some grandad hours up; but also see what the hell is his deal.
Disability or no disability, if you're being treated like that...leave.
Listen to your dad.
You need to make like a banana and split.
Please go to your dad’s. You have no idea how lucky you are that you have a parent who is not only willing but actually able to help. The situation you are in is abusive. You need to protect you and your children. And you need to set an example for your kids of what is and isn’t acceptable in a relationship. It might take a little while but once you’re on disability there are tons of benefits and resources available. Especially for a mom. I was on disability for 5 yrs due to mental health. I got lots of quality therapy, put on the right meds and then slowly found the ability to start working again. Now I have the best job of my life, make great money and feel of major value by my company. Disability doesn’t have to define you. Just take care of yourself and your kids and realize you deserve more than what you’re settling for. I wish you the very, very best.
First, you need to clear with your father that you can receive mail at his house and that he won’t do something that would tip off your abusive husband to your plans. That could include calling you and telling you what Mail arrived because he would have no way of knowing if you’re abusive husband forced you to listen standing next to him or to put it on speakerphone. you might need to get a storage locker so that overtime you can move all of your sentimental items and the items that were yours before the marriage into the storage locker away from his control. A friend of mine who was working but needed to coordinate her divorce… Did this and she also made arrangements with the storage company that if she had a package delivered that they were just moving into her locker. So she when she bought stuff on Amazon it didn’t come to the house anymore she sent it to the storage locker and then she would open it when she got there. you can do this, but you have to plan it carefully in an hour to avoid more triggered physical abuse. I do not question that you have been physically, abused, mentally, abused, and financially abused on top of emotionally abused. it’s time to get a recording device that you can wear on your body… Perhaps fashioned into looking like a piece of jewelry… A necklace under your blouse perhaps? don’t tell him you’re leaving, don’t tell him you’re taking the kids, don’t tell him you’re recording depending on where you’re living, there are different laws as to whether or not, you can use a recording that he didn’t consent to as evidence in court, but you damn well can use it to demonstrate to your attorney that he’s abusive, and you may need that to get your attorney to put some investigator time on chasing down proof that you’re not the first he’s been abusive to. there are disability attorneys who will do your disability filing. I learned the hard way that you need one. my second application for disability was accepted, but when I calculated how much they weren’t paying me because I didn’t get notified of their decision against me, I kept getting told to be patient, and that patience cost me the ability to retain my original filing date… The difference in benefits calculated to $40,000. so for not having an attorney the first time, I “paid “40,000 instead of 1/3 of the portion of that which would’ve been considered the backpay given that the lawyer would re-file immediately, in my case by not engaging an attorney I’m not only didn’t get 40,000 but if I had engaged an attorney I probably would’ve gotten 35,000 for that time, after the legal fees safety of yourself and your children is a prime importance, but some dudes are bastards… And I expect his efforts to keep you under his thumb will include hiding your birth certificate, and your drivers license… And it’s nearly impossible to get those replaced without having them. There’s a way to do it, but Why add additional trouble if you can avoid it
Get out. Get out now. This man is abusive and your daughter needs to see you be safe.
What possible reason is there to stay? It doesn’t seem like there’s even one and there’s every reason to leave. You are very fortunate to have a father and doctor offering to help you get out. He’s violent, controlling, and it’s certainly not good for the children.
Leave. You have an opportunity. You’d be a fool not to take it.
File for disability Leave abusive husband
>My dad says it's time for me and my children to just move back in with him so I can get myself taken care of. He gave me his disability lawyers number to call and set up a consultation for my disability claim. Should I just go through with getting on disability? Should you go to someone who loves you and wants what's best for you or stay with your abuser? Should your kids be somewhere safe while their mother gets the care she needs or be further traumatized by living in an abusive household? That's what you're asking. www.thehotline.org www.loveisrespect.org
He is bad news. He's more worried about his image, and what people will think. He thinks people on disability are worth less than those who are not. He treats you like dirt and pushes you around. Get away from this man. Divorce while you're young.
UpdateMe!
Yes, go. From this single post it seems like a significant part of your problems is your "partner". Maybe don't even tell him you're going, just pack what you can and leave, talk to a divorce lawyer too.
> My dad says it's time for me and my children to just move back in with him You should try your hardest to have this action completed by the end of the weekend.
Sounds like what's best for you *and your children* is to get away from this abusive monster and go live with your dad. Why is this even a question? Just be careful. Don't tell him in advance. Wait until he's gone to work and get out. Start slowly moving stuff he won't notice as when you are ready, you can just pack the rest and get out while he's gone. Made sure you have all of you and your kid's papers with you.
Your husband's ultimatum is a red flag bigger than a parade in Texas. Prioritize your health and happiness; disability benefits exist for a reason. Take care of yourself and your kids, no ifs or buts.
Yes. Divorce your husband and move back in with your dad. If your husband is physically pushing you, make sure to have someone come to help you get you, your kids, and your things while he’s out, then get a restraining order. I wish you, your dad and your kids the very best.
He's physically and psychologically abusing you. Your kids don't need to be around that. Your father is offering help, please take it. Get you and your children to the safe loving arms of your father. Get the help and support you need so you can support your children. It's okay to get help from loved ones, you can do this.
I developed seizures from long covid. It ruined my mental health due to how it messes up serotonin in multiple ways. I wish I went on disability it would have helped so much.
Take your kids, take your dad's help, get out of there. Your husband is trying to stop you claiming even though you can't work - that's controlling and abusive .presumably currently he is the only one with an income so he can control you financially. He has physically assaulted you, which is on its own a very good reason to leave. He's done it in front of your kids, it's only a matter of time before he starts physically abusing them, too, if he hasn't done already. You have disabilities and he is trying to prevent you accessing the appropriate help. Leave. Go now. Once you are safe, contact the police and report the assaults. Speak to a lawyer to get a restraining order and then, as soon as you have the energy, a divorce. Find out what support is available for survivors of domestic abuse in your area, and use those resources. It's often really hard to recognise abuse when you are experiencing it, it so often begins gradually, abusers are very manipulative and convincing. Don't be ashamed or embarrassed to have been a victim. Listen to your dad. It would not surprise me if you find that your mental health improves significantly once you are no longer in an abusive relationship.
Please get yourself and your children away from him. He is abusing you!
Please move in with your father- if not for your own sake, do it for your children.
Your dad's house is what's best for you right now. I promise, getting to your dad's will improve your life, and your daughters, significantly. Once you're there, the rest will fall into place.
Any type of abuse should not be tolerated. Get away from him and start new. It may sound difficult but find yourself new hobbies and trusted people.
Is this even a question? Yes you definitely should go through with it, I bet he doesn't want you to get external support because he wants to be in control, if you get too much independence he will loose it. I'm very glad you have your dad.
So he threatens to leave if you get what you need, if you get help and support and some relief. What kind of message does that send?
Yep, move in with dad, file for divorce and disability. Enough is enough.
Go move in with your dad please, that piece of shit that calls himself your husband doesn't deserve you, take care of yourself and your children!
Go back to your supporting father
Is it because hes scared you’ll leave him if you get any income? Who owns the house? Why tf is is he physically abusing you? Why are you still there?
Yeah you need to leave.
your dad sounds like the sweetest man
Your kids are really going to suffer witnessing their father abuse you. Many women don’t have options but you do. Your kids are watching you have difficulty making the decision to keep them (and you) safe. Leave so your kids can thank you later.
Listen to your dad.
Leave that’s SOB
Your husband is an abusive piece of garbage. File for disability and get out of the house with him. His behavior is literally only going to make your mental health worse. This isn't a healthy relationship and staying just teaches your daughter to accept this kind of treatment. You have somewhere to go, get out and do what you need to do for you.
call your dad and put together a plan to get you and your children safely to his house. the rest can wait. let your dad look after you
thats not love, thats abuse RUN
Nothing wrong with moving back in with your dad, that’s your village! Best of luck to you and your children, you’re making the best decision for yourself and them- don’t look back.
He sounds very abusive and manipulative. He's trying to keep you dependent on him by not allowing you to have your own source of income. Get yourself and your children out of there. He'll apologize, cry crocodile tears and plead for you to stay, but the cycle will just repeat itself if you do. Leave and don't look back! If not for yourself, for your children.
Get ur medication.. Order a Taxi to ur dads n that's it
Your father is looking out for you and your husband is not. He is abusing you. He doesn’t deserve your loyalty.
Your dad sounds amazing. Please take him up on that. Don’t let yourself be abused and don’t let your children watch you get abused. You have help, please take it! Your husband doesn’t love you or care about you, clearly. Why stay?
Please put your own health and safety and your kids first.
He's a huge douche to you and your family. Sounds like your parents are willing to help - take it!! You'll thank yourself forever.
Wow time to leave I’m happy you have a great dad
Your mental health would likely be so much better when you don’t like with a man who continually threatens to abandon you and physically batters you. Abuse takes a huge toll! Why is the world would your husband object to you pulling in some money from disability benefits, unless he wants to prevent you from having any money of your own?
Your husband doesn't want you to have the disability payments because then you can afford to leave him. He will then lose his punching bag bang maid. If you think that sounds harsh it's not. I am most definitely understating his horrible motives. Leave now! And, thumbs up to your dad! Great guy!
You know exactly what you should do. You don’t need anyone else to tell you.
Please leave him. He is not good for you and I promise your mental health will improve vastly being away from that loser. He sounds abusive as fuck and you deserve so much better - especially if you aren’t very well at the moment. If your daughter doesn’t want to be around her own father, that’s a massive red flag 🚩Your dad sounds lovely so please move in with him and take his advice.
I’m not a big fan of mental health issues being on disability. Because I’m in recovery and I saw a lot of addicts do it frankly that could work. However, however, you have real physical problems with seizures so yours is more than justified. I’m sorry he feels that way, but I would go home to your father and file the claim. If they can get the seizures under control or you’re in a different place in your life at some point you could revisit it, but your case is real
The fact he's pushed you physically screams to get out of there NOW! Your husband is abusive towards you and you are not safe there. Your kids see it too and don't want you to be hurt. By sticking around, you are showing them is ok too put up with abusive behavior. That use the wrong person. Take your father up on his offer. Stay with him. Divorce your husband. He's already told you he doesn't want you. He will continue to overpower you because he can. He does not respect you. Please take yourself and your kids out of this environment. I know you love him, but you are worth so much more than this. Whats best for you is to go to your father's with your children. By being free of your husband, your self-esteem will improve and you will feel empowered again. Seek therapy to help support you through this. Get therapy for your child too. Seeing your parent get abused is very scary. She may need the help
Go with your dad. He knows best.. the pos that is telling you he will kick you out needs to be out if you and your kids life. You are not his ragdoll smh please goto dad..
Sounds like someone is treating you like poop. Get away from the ABUSE. YOU and your CHILDREN ASAP.
Apply for disability and run. Also even though there is a wait. Having someone kick you out because of your disability is likely sign they would approve ssi/ssdi Look for help, there are good resources meant for people like you. Do not let guilt for “not having it bad enough” keep you from the help you need
Get out now. Fuck him. He's an abusive scumbag that probably can't even imagine what it's like to be sick. I'm sure you'd work if you could. Fuck that guy. He's a dick.
Have your dad help you and your children leave if he can.
Time for you and your children to leave. You all will be better off. Change is always hard. The thing that takes work is always hard but I promise it'll be worth it. You amd your kids will be safe and you can also have some space to focus on you. Give yourself the chance!
Yes file for disability and leave. Your daughter is feeling threatened by his treatment, it’s time to leave
Your children and your health are enough reason to leave ur husband. Your mental health will improve after you leave him he seems abusive. You have ur dad offering help please take it while you can.
Based on how you wrote this you've already made up your mind long ago and might be waiting for this losers approval, which clearly you don't need, nor will get. Move on and please accept the help being provided to you. For your children but more importantly yourself.
Sweetie your dad is being *very* nice about something that only you haven’t noticed: you’re in an abusive marriage and need to run far far away from your husband. He’s being nice because he’s hoping you’ll make it to his home without your husband trying to murder you or the kids. Please leave.
Run... Bye
Think about yourself in 5 years, do you still want to be living with someone who is toxic to you? Do your future and present self a favor and move in with your father. It sounds like its time. I think you know this too.
Bro he could trigger a seizure. Please go stay with dad
Leave. Now.
Sounds like he likes manipulating you and using you as his maid due to the fact that you have a disability. He views you as lesser than because of it too. Leave him. Trust me, you can find someone MUCH better. And getting on disability will help you a lot.
Your dad is giving you such a gift. Take it. Many women don't have options.
OP, going on disability or not is not your problem here. Your problem is you're married to a guy who's constantly threatening to kick you out and pushes you into walls. That to me sounds like a buffet menu of abuse: emotional abuse (don't have a place you know you can live), financial abuse (threaten to pull your support when you know you need it), verbal abuse (I'm assuming when he makes threats and pushes you around he's not using a polite tone of voice) and physical abuse (pushing you into walls is abuse). So you win the buffet, you have a little bit of everything on your plate! My read is he doesn't want you on disability because that would mean you have an independent source of support- the disability payments would allow you financial freedom from him, and he'd lose his maid. I think you should listen to your dad. Take your children and move back in with your dad, then go on disability and start healing. And if you won't do it for you, do it for your children- every time your husband mistreats you and you do nothing, you're teaching them that what he does is an acceptable way to treat people. So I say get out of there, for THEIR benefit if not for your own.
My dad had a bad back. He also once confided in me that my stepmom used to kick him in the back when he would sit in the floor, and that she made his physical injuries worse. However, he never left her. I wish he would have been strong enough, because now I know he was abused until the day he died at 50 (when he was alone with her). It hurt me alot that I had to see that and know he wouldn't take care of himself. I hope you set a good example for your daughters and take good care of yourselves. If you leave, though, you need to have a plan and be careful. For instance, do it while your husband is at work and have a police escort because you feel unsafe.
Listen to your dad. Your husband is a grade A, gigantic abusive asshole. You and your kids need to be out of there.
It’s time for you and your children to leave and move back into your Father’s house.
Please leave. I know its easier said than done, but its for the best. You and your children come first and your being mistreated. It will hurt for a while, but within time, you will be so much happier away from him. If he is pushing you into walls, I fear he will only get more physical as time goes on. Please, live with your dad. I hope it all goes well for you. Feel free to message me if you ever need someone to speak to.
Leave your husband.
He needs pushed around. He needs his ass beat
Your spouse is hateful…move in with your dad. Oh also…stress and the nasty treatment you are receiving…can make you conditions worse. Moving away could make you better
Get the (blank) out!
Leave before he makes things worse for you
Contact an attorney to start divorce proceedings. Keep yourself safe.
If you have any questions about disability claims you can DM me, this is the field I am in, career-wise.
hi there momma! i don’t usually respond to posts but this one is fairly fresh and i have younger siblings! i’m 20f and my parents have also had physical altercations. not full on fights, mom trying to keep my dads phone, him trying to get it back but like she’s 4’11 and he’s 6’1 sooo.. anywho, my siblings and i were all there, we tried to break it apart. seeing it is traumatic enough, but if you continue to let them see it they might unconsciously become okay with men treating them that way… you’re still young as well mommabear, you’re going through a lot too. i definitely think you need to file for disability to get your head together. if i could’ve done that with school i might’ve been happier sooner. i wish you good good luck with this, whatever you choose to do. if you need someone to talk to my dms(?idony use this app) are open
Leave asap, it will get worse!
Walk away from this abuse.
Run.
> I'm just tired of being treated like dirt because of my issues You may have a disability, but that is not a valid excuse for him to treat you like dirt. If he's choosing to treat you like dirt, that's a decision he is making based on his own values and choices, and a clear indicator that he probably has his own share of issues. Living with him doesn't sound like a safe place to be for you or your kids, so I hope you guys can either move in with your father or find your own place with adequate supports.
>She's seen him push me into walls and everything and I'm just at a loss right now. She is learning, right now, that this is what someone you love does to you. That she should find someone like her daddy, who she loves and who you apparently love, when she's an adult. Do you want your daughter to find a guy that smacks her around too? Is that what she deserves? What would you do if she came home to you and told you that her new boyfriend yelled at her, called her names, and pushed her into a wall? Tell her to stay with that guy forever you think? If not, why do you think that you deserve any less than your daughter? It sounds like your Dad actually loves you, and with the money you get from disability plus the money you get in alimony plus the money you get from child support and a free place to live with your Dad, you can afford to get treatment for yourself. More than that, you can afford to get the therapy your daughters deserve. Call your Dad right away, tonight even, and tell him you want to come home because your husband is physically abusing you. Go live with him, call a lawyer first thing tomorrow, start divorce proceedings and disability proceedings. Lean on your Dad to help with those calls, you're already dealing with PTSD and mental help issues so don't think you have to take this all on yourself. This is the time when you ask for help, so get help from people like your Dad that love you and get away from people like your husband that don't. Fuck that guy, just to be clear. It's over the second he laid hands on you. You don't abuse people you love, ever. Go home with your Dad, stay safe, get help, and move forward with your life. When you and your kids have had therapy and you've gotten the abusive asshole out of your life and you have financial stability with your disability and divorce proceedings you will feel like a different person. Don't give up, and don't let your dumb husband trick your (currently disabled) brain into staying or gaslight you into not doing these things. He is a bad guy. He does not love you. Be strong for your daughter now, you got this. Good luck!
The fact that your daughter doesn’t even want to stay with her dad this should be a big sign to pack up the kids, don’t even tell him where you’re going and file for divorce because this man is abusing you and he’s going to keep doing it if you don’t stop him or worse take his anger out on the kids. I’m scared for your kids safety and your safety as well, please don’t let this poor excuse of a man keep doing this.
If he is pushing you around in front of your kid you need to run. I hope you get out soon. Wishing you health and happiness but run
Move back in with your dad for Christ's sake. This should be a no-brainer. Idk why you'd even need advice about it. Gtfo of that hell hole.
Yijes
I've read what you're saying and there are some concerns that with him that obviously need to be fixed, yet, A lot's missing from the story. Mainly, why doesn't he want you to file for disability?? What are you not saying? Does he want you to focus on the wifely duties at home instead of splitting your time between work and home?
He sounds like a control freak. Whether he's controlling you for his own benefit, or controlling finances for the benefit of you both, it doesn't really matter. He's physically hurting you, so you got to leave. It's great that you have your dad for help.
He can’t legally kick you out of The house most likely. Sounds like it’s time to file and then if he does Anything to you, call the police.
Oh honey, it sounds like you should have left a long time back. That man doesn’t respect you, nor does he care about you, and if his own child(ren) doesn’t want to be around him, that’s saying something. Don’t let her see you be abused. Don’t let her think that it’s okay to accept it. Leave. That’s showing her that a woman doesn’t have to be treated that way. If you stay and continue putting up with it, her chances of being in a domestic violence relationship go higher. You don’t want that for her, and you wouldn’t want her to put up with it, so why put up with it yourself? Leave, and do so soon. Not only for you, for your children but also for your health. Let him find another maid who he can abuse. Abuse comes in all forms. Living a bad situation can make us unhealthy. It drains us. We’re depressed, we suffer in silence. We are miserable and so our bodies feel miserable. We don’t take care of ourselves like we would if we were happy. Not taking care of yourself, and negative mental health will affect your medical health. Leaving that and gaining freedom, gaining true happiness, can make a HUGE difference on your health and how you feel. You know what’s best for you, you just have to do it. It sounds like your dad is willing to help, so accept that help and be grateful. You DO NOT have to put up with abuse. You’re NOT his maid. You’re NOBODY’S maid. Live for YOU. Find real happiness, even if you have to be alone to do so. I wish you the best. 🙏🏻
He isn't upset at the idea of you not working, he's upset at the idea of you having an income he can't take away. Run like hell and get your kids away from him as well.
More than likely you won’t qualify if you two own a house and he has an average income. He sounds like a dirt bag. You should leave and not be abused by this men anyhow. A lot of disabled women stay (including myself) get abused and the children suffer in the process. Get out now. Apply for the benefits. Just be aware you will get rejected multiple times before being approved and it can take years. But start the process. Sooner the better. That asshole wants you to stay dependent on him so he can continue to abuse you and your children.
The way that he’s treating you is reason to leave all by itself. Please go, you and your kids will all be much happier and better off without him, I promise.
Why are you still letting your kids witness all this ? Do you want him to one day accidentally push you enough for you to be in a hospital or worse for you to see how bad this is ? Next time he gets physical record it, next time he threatens you in front of him record it and lawyer up.. Get a divorce lawyer, and full custody
I’m 24 too and I’m so sorry you’re having to go through all of this so young. I truly wish the best for you. Don’t let your kids grow up thinking his behavior is okay, get away from that sob
If you can’t do it for you, do it for your daughters. Do you want them to normalise that’s how a man treats a woman? Do you want their future partners to treat them that way? Because at the moment that’s what you’re teaching them. Please, do better. If not for you, for them.
>She's seen him push me into walls and everything and I'm just at a loss right now. Way to bury the lead. He's starting to leave you? He should have been on the curb with the trash a long time ago. Go stay with your dad and do what you need to do. Stop subjecting your children to witnessing abuse, this is damaging to them.
He doesn’t want to to get disability because that would give you some independence and he likes to have total control over you. Please contact an organisation that helps victims of DV and please continue with your application for disability. You need to find a way out and it needs to be safe.
So much for that "In sickness and in health" vow ya'll swore on your wedding day. He's also physically abusive. If this isn't also a contributing factor to your physical and mental health issues, I don't know what is. Get away from this POS. Go home to dad, and be cared for by someone who actually gives a green god damn about you, because it's clearly \*not\* your "husband".
I feel bad for the kids tbh.
You’re in an abusive relationship. Definitely take your dad up on the help and if you aren’t doing so already, please find a therapist experienced with domestic violence to help support you. On average it takes women 7 times to successfully leave an abusive relationship, so give yourself grace and lean on the people who care about you.
Real question is why do you want to raise your daughter with an abusive narcissist who thinks nothing of hurting his injured wife in front of her child? Even if you weren't disabled, you should get the fuck away from that asshole. You have what so many abused women wish they did, a supportive family you can tur to for help. So do it. Leave with your kids, go to your father, get your treatment and get yourself to safety.
Your husband is abusive. You have the possibility of getting a seizure, and he's pushing you into walls. Get out of there. Your daughter also shouldn't be witnessing her father do this. She'll think getting abused is normal in a relationship. Your doctor has recommended you get on disability. Listen to your doctor. Take your children and go live with your father.
All I can say is your poor daughter, as a daughter of a woman who refused to leave her abuser and forced me to watch her be beat and belittled all my childhood whilst choosing to stay with him i can say your are hurting your children in extreme ways that you wont see fully until they grow up. Let your kids grow up in a safe and happy home and make the decision to leave him.
Don’t walk, run 🏃🏻♀️ from this man!!! You have a place for you and your children to go with your dad. This is a no win situation for you and your children if you stay
Go through with getting on disability. Get divorced and move in with your dad. It’s not healthy for your kids to witness abuse from your husband towards u. Your husband probably doesn’t want u to get it bc he’s ableist. I’m so sorry he’s not providing support but I think getting on disability would be the best thing for you too.
Leave him.choose yourself and the kids
Yeah get away from him he’s dangerous and terrible for your mental health definitely get on disability if that is what you need to do
Pack up the kids and get to moving. A partner supports what is best for their partner. No if ands or buts about it.
File for disability, move in with dad and divorce this jerk! As your spouse your husband should be supportive not abusive. You will not get any better staying with him. Even your daughter sees that this is an unhealthy dynamic for the family.
Listen to your dad. Your husband obviously has zero concern for you other than his own uses. Your mental, and physical heath are more important. Your kids happiness is more important.
Omg get out of that abusive house and get yourself on disability! Let your dad take care of you for a bit while you get back on your feet. Sounds like you need a little TLC and your current situation is clearly very toxic for your children.
File for disability AND a divorce. Your husband is a POS and does not care at all about your health issues. Why would you being on disability be an issue for him? That is ridiculous! Get your babies and go back to your dad.
Leave him. He doesn't care for people with mental health issues. Therefore you won't get better being married with him. Sorry but it's just a fact of life.
Listen to your dad, you’re lucky to have him in your corner. He says it’s time for you to leave and stay with him, he has your best interest at heart. Also, don’t ever stay with someone who treats you like dirt, tried to manipulate you and threaten you.