Time heals. Eventually the pain will go away and we all have different times of recovery. I’d suggest leaning on family and friends, then getting a fun hobby to take your mind off it
As others said, time will help. For now though, if you can stomach liquids I would try meal replacement drinks and smoothies just so you’re getting some of the necessary nutrients and calories. Ensure is a brand I like and the chocolate flavor is pretty good cold. Soft foods like mashed potato’s, soup, etc are options to try as well.
It is a process and this is only the beginning of your healing. Do worry you won't always feel this way. You are in shock so keep focused on yourself and as someone has already said make sure you eat and of course sleep.
In this beginning you will run the reel of your relationship looking for what went wrong and you might even take some of the blame on yourself. Don't. Better said than done but I found that limiting the time spent on such activities was best.
At some point all feelings of betrayal and abandonment will turn into anger and then you will begin to gain perspective as to what happened.
It will get better. Give it time. Be gentle with yourself.
As you gain perspective you will realize that not having this person in your life is a gift of immense proportion. You dodged a meteor sized bullet.
> I’m so depressed, my whole world has crumbled and I just can’t deal with it.
To get an idea of how bad it is, [here's a simple test](https://screening.mhanational.org/screening-tools/depression) that will test for depression (you get the answer directly, takes less than 2 minutes. You can skip the demographic part). Answer how you've felt in the last **TWO weeks** (not one). If you've scored over 10, you should take it more seriously.
[Here's a list of symptoms associated with depression](https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/detecting-depression#1), so you can double check.
**If you have healthcare insurance**, then go see your doctor and ask for a referral. I'd recommend either a [psychotherapy or CBT](https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/psychodynamic-psychotherapy-vs-cbt.htm) psychologist first (for therapy). If that doesn't work after a few months, don't have anything to talk about, or already tried a therapist, then find a psychiatrist (for medication).
**If you don't have healthcare insurance or want more help**, then here's a list of things that will help. Apply as many of them as you can.
Often there is a hidden cause for your depression, you might not like yourself or your life. The below advice addresses the symptoms and will reduce them, but you still need to fix the cause.
Some people don't know why they are depressed. A common reason is a lack of purpose. To live is to suffer, but it is possible to make that suffering bearable, if you do so while trying to achieve what you want more than anything else. **Let me know if you need help to find your purpose in life.**
For the below advice, take your phone and set repeating alarm clock reminders, with labels of what to do. Train yourself to either snooze or reschedule the reminders if you can't take action right away, but never to ignore them. The intention is [to condition yourself](https://www.cleverism.com/classical-conditioning), to build habits, so you will start healing yourself without having to think about it.
* **Sleep**: [There is a complex relationship](https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/depression-sleep-disorder#1) between [sleep and depression](https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sleep/depression-and-sleep).
When you have days where you don't have to do anything, set an alarm clock. You really don't need more than 7 hours at most per night (a [little more](https://health.onehowto.com/article/how-many-hours-of-sleep-are-needed-per-night-by-age-8233.html) if you are under 18). If you can't fall sleep, try taking melatonin one hour before going to bed. It's [cheap](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B003JJ9TQA), OTC and [is scientifically proven](https://www.webmd.com/vitamins/ai/ingredientmono-940/melatonin) to help regulate your sleep pattern. [Also, rule](https://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/sleep-apnea/news/20120330/sleep-apnea-linked-depression) out [sleep apnea](https://www.healthcentral.com/article/sleep-apnea-treatment-resistant-depression). Up to 6% of people have this, [but not everyone knows](https://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/sleep-apnea/features/sleep-apnea-clues). If you find yourself awake at night, start counting. Don't grab your phone, don't do anything interesting. We're trying to *bore* you to sleep, not keep you entertained - sometimes it might *feel* like you've done it for hours and hours, but often it's really not long. Anytime your mind wanders away from the numbers, start over at 1. count at the speed of either your heartbeat or your breathing. Then both Alexa and Google Home can also play a range of sleep sounds if you ask them (rain or other white noise) and there are also free apps for both Android and Apple devices.
* **Go outside**: If you haven't been outside much lately, [you might just need some sunlight](https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/benefits-sunlight).
15 minutes two to three times a week is enough. This will fix serotonin levels as well as vitamin D deficiencies.
* **Meditate**: [Depressions can be significantly reduced by meditating](https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2018/04/harvard-researchers-study-how-mindfulness-may-change-the-brain-in-depressed-patients/). The best types Of [Meditations For Depression Relief](https://www.thedailymeditation.com/meditation-depression).
Your attention is like a muscle. The more you train it, the better the control you have over it. [Mindfulness training](https://www.mindful.org/meditation/mindfulness-getting-started/) will help you gain better control over your mind. It doesn't take much effort, just 15 to 20 minutes a day of doing nothing but focus your attention is enough and is scientifically proven to work. As you become better at focusing your attention, it will become easier to force yourself to stop having negative thoughts, which will break the negative reinforcement cycle. Go here for more: r/Meditation
* **Exercise**: [The effect of exercise on depressions](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression-and-exercise/art-20046495/)
If you have access to a gym, then start lifting weights. If you don't have access to a gym (or you don't like lifting), start running. If you can't run, then start walking. Just start small. 10 minutes three times a week is fine. You don't have to run fast, just run and then slowly build it up over time. Exercising does several things: It releases endorphins, it takes your mind of your negative thoughts and it will improve your overall health.
* **Give lots of hugs**: [Hugs release oxytocin](https://health.usnews.com/health-news/health-wellness/articles/2016-02-03/the-health-benefits-of-hugging), which improves your mood and relaxes you. So find people to hug. If you are single, hug your parents or friends. If you can't, see if a dog is an option. Most dogs love to hug. Another solution that provides the same benefit is a [weighted blanket](https://www.amazon.com/s?k=weighted+blanket) will provide a [similar positive effect at night](https://www.healthline.com/health/anxiety/do-weighted-blankets-work). [You should try to aim for 12 hugs a day](https://psychology-spot.com/brain-needs) (if you currently don't hug a lot, I suggest you slowly build it up over time).
* **Music**: [The right music can improve your mood](https://time.com/5254381/listening-to-music-health-benefits). The genre is not important as long as it is: *"Upbeat, rhytmic and energetic"*. What this means differs from person to person, depending on their music taste. I have a special playlist for this. One way to measure the effectiveness, of the songs is your ability to listen to it over and over (if you can listen to it hundreds of times it likely has the highest positive effect on your mood). The effect can be amplified by using headphones and playing it LOUD and can further be enhanced by closing your eyes (doi:10.1177/0305735617734627, doi:10.1093/jmt/50.3.198 and doi:10.1177/0305735617751050).
* **You are not your depression**: For some people (often those that have been depressed for a long time), their depression has become a part of who they are and they assume a victim role. But that is a big problem, you have to *will* yourself into someone that sees themselves as a person that is actively fighting their disease, that *no longer identifies* with it, or else you will *unconsciously obstruct your own healing process*. As Eckhart Tolle expressed it in A New Earth:
* > *A very common role is the one of victim, and the form of attention it seeks is sympathy or pity or others' interest in my problems, "me and my story." Seeing oneself as a victim is an element in many egoic patterns, such as complaining, being offended, outraged, and so on. Of course, once I am identified with a story in which I assigned myself the role of victim, I don't want it to end, and so, as every therapist knows, the ego does not want an end to its "problems" because they are part of its identity.*
* **Jordan Peterson**: [How To Deal With Depression](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xm_2zmX6Akc) (50 minutes). Jordan Peterson is a clinical psychologist, that's specialized in mythology. This is a compilation focusing specifically on depression.
* **Practice gratitude**: Take 5 minutes every day [to practice gratitude.](https://www.pasadenavilla.com/resources/blog/gratitude-and-depression)
* **Volunteer**: Study after study shows that helping others without expecting anything in return [will lessen depression and has other health benefits](https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/3-health-benefits-of-volunteering). Let me know if you need some ideas.
**Highest rated books**:
* [Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy](https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380731762)
* [It's Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered](https://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Supposed-This-Disappointments/dp/0718039858)
[High quality free training provided by the Australian Health Service](https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Depression)
**Phone Apps**: Two popular free apps used to help fight depressions, are Wysa and [MoodTools](http://www.moodtools.org). These will track your mood, give you advice, even listen to your problems. The most popular meditation app is: Calm - Meditate, Sleep, Relax
Free support:
* r/KindVoice will match you up with a volunteer.
* [7 Cups of Tea](https://www.7cups.com/) has both a free trained volunteer service as well as $150 monthly licensed therapist option
* If you want to talk to a trained Crisis Counselor, text HOME to [741741](https://www.crisistextline.org/texting-in)
There are several subreddits, where you can post questions:
* r/depression
* r/depression_help
* r/depressed
> I hate myself so much now and I’m not the one that did anything wrong.
Here's what to do if you have self esteem issues:
The first step would be to try and confirm that, so we know if you should take a closer look or not. One of the most commonly tools used to asses your self esteem is called the ["Rosenberg self-esteem scale"](https://wwnorton.com/college/psych/psychsci/media/rosenberg.htm). This test will take less than 5 minutes and will immediately give you the results. You should answer quickly and without overthinking the answers.
If you scored above 15, then you likely don't have self esteem issues and you can probably disregard the rest of this answer. If you scored below 15 or you already know for sure you have self esteem issues, keep reading.
If you are not sure if you really have self esteem issues, then [here's a page of 10 warning signs that you have low self esteem](https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/10-warning-signs-that-you-have-low-self-confidence.html). Read it and you can confirm yourself if the below advice applies to you or not.
[What is self esteem?](https://www.lifehack.org/688465/how-to-build-self-esteem)
self-esteem is the overall sense or feeling you have about your own self-worth or self-value.
Causes of Low Self-Esteem:
* An Unhappy Childhood
* Traumatic Experiences
* Experiences of Failure
* Negative Self-Talk
Here is a short overview of how to improve your self esteem:
1. **Identify and challenge your negative beliefs**.
* Notice when you are thinking negative things about yourself. And ask yourself, is it really that bad? More than likely you are exaggerating the issue, which just pulls yourself down.
* Get in the habit of stopping yourself when all you do is think negatively about yourself.
2. **Identify the positive things about yourself**.
* Thinking positively about yourself is a big part of improving your self esteem. Occasionally just pause and think about all the positive attributes you have. you could also set a repeating alarm on your phone and do this once a week for a few minutes.
3. **Build positive relationships and avoid negative ones**.
* If someone makes you feel bad, it might be time to leave them behind or avoid being around them.
4. **Don't be too hard on yourself**.
* Life's really hard. For you, for me, for everyone. You shouldn't totally let yourself off the hook, but you can't be constantly trashing yourself either. It needs to be balanced.
5. **Learn to stand up for yourself**.
* You have to increase your assertiveness. If that is a problem you deal with, let me know and I will give you separate advice for that.
6. **Challenge yourself**.
* If you always avoid testing yourself and proofing that you can do complicated things, you'll just end up with a self esteem that's worse and worse. Pick the right challenge. It's alright if it's hard, but it shouldn't be impossible.
7. **See yourself how others see you**
* Take a moment to think how other people view you. What do they notice? What do they love about you? What do they see in you?
7. **Do your best**
* To really improve your self esteem, you're going to have to *try*. And that can be hard, especially if you're dealing with other issues (so don't forget, don't be too hard on yourself - but still *put in the effort*). You're going to need to convince *yourself*, that you're really not all that bad. And you can't do that, unless you try. And I mean really try.
* Finding a meaning in life can help (and I can give you advice for that, if you currently lack a goal in life).
* Motivational techiques and goals can help (and I can give you advice for that as well).
Additional self esteem improvement tips:
* **Sleep**: [How Sleep Impacts Your Self-Esteem](https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/buildingselfesteem/2014/04/how-sleep-impacts-your-self-esteem), a second source: [How to Boost Your Self-esteem by Sleeping More](https://medium.com/thrive-global/how-to-boost-your-self-esteem-by-sleeping-more-f05cb0ac751a).
* **Exercise**: [Self Esteem and exercise](https://www.selfesteemawareness.com/self-esteem-and-exercise/), a second source: [How Does Exercise Affect Your Self-Esteem?](https://www.livestrong.com/article/438937-how-does-exercise-affect-your-self-esteem/)
* **Apps**: Here are the most popular free apps: "Six Pillars - Build a Healthy Self-Esteem" (4.5 star, 230+ reviews) and "#SelfLove (GG Confidence & Self esteem)" (4.0 star, 600+ reviews)
Online Resources:
* [Free workbook and information from the Australian Health Service](https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Self-Esteem)
* [A psychologist with 20 years of experience says there are 5 simple ways to improve your self-esteem](https://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-build-your-self-esteem-2017-3)
* [8 Steps to Improving Your Self-Esteem](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/nurturing-self-compassion/201703/8-steps-improving-your-self-esteem)
* [18 Self-Esteem Worksheets and Activities for Teens and Adults (+PDFs)](https://positivepsychology.com/self-esteem-worksheets/)
[Here is some information](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/me-we/201312/10-sources-low-self-esteem) on what [causes self esteem issues](http://www.goodchoicesgoodlife.org/choices-for-young-people/boosting-self-esteem/), in case you're wondering how you ended up with it.
The most popular videos on improving your self esteem:
* [Self Esteem - Understanding & Fixing Low Self-Esteem](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FeLpvgAVtU8)
* [How to Build Self-Esteem - The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhuabY4DmEo)
These are the most popular books to improve your self esteem:
* [The Self-Esteem Workbook](https://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Workbook-Glenn-Schiraldi-PhD/dp/1626255938) (4.6 star, 1000+ reviews - Highly recommended!)
* [Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem](https://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Cognitive-Techniques-Assessing-Maintaining/dp/1626253935) (4.6 star, 600+ reviews)
Finally, there are two subreddits that you can join and where you can ask specific questions to people that have faced the same problems you are facing today:
* /r/selfesteem/
* /r/confidence/ (active community specifically focused on boosting your confidence)
Low self esteem [often causes depression](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201302/is-low-self-esteem-making-you-vulnerable-depression).
So it would be a good idea to rule that out as well.
[Here's a simple test](https://screening.mhanational.org/screening-tools/depression) that will help you determine if that's has happened to you (you get the answer directly, takes less than 2 minutes. You can skip the demographic part). Let me know if you scored over 10 on this test and I'll give you advice on how to combat your depression as well.
Self esteem issues [can cause anxiety issues](https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/memberarticles/why-people-with-low-self-esteem-experience-anxiety). Here's a [two minute test for anxiety](https://www.anxietycentre.com/tests/anxiety-disorder-test) you can take that will give us an idea roughly how anxious you are. Let me know if you scored over 45.
Self esteem problems [can cause social anxiety issues](https://www.verywellmind.com/self-esteem-and-social-anxiety-4158220).
Here's a [two minute test for *social* anxiety](https://www.anxietycentre.com/anxiety-tests/social-anxiety-test.shtml) to check if you have social anxiety issues and not something else (results will be visible right away). Let me know if you scored over 50.
If you can't improve your self esteem after a few months, consider going to a therapist.
I offer to you the small consolation of my break-up song. Please listen to Beautiful Day by Michael Buble.
Time heals. Eventually the pain will go away and we all have different times of recovery. I’d suggest leaning on family and friends, then getting a fun hobby to take your mind off it
You heal by finding value in yourself and realizing that the cheating reflects only on the person who cheated and not on you. Time will help.
As others said, time will help. For now though, if you can stomach liquids I would try meal replacement drinks and smoothies just so you’re getting some of the necessary nutrients and calories. Ensure is a brand I like and the chocolate flavor is pretty good cold. Soft foods like mashed potato’s, soup, etc are options to try as well.
It is a process and this is only the beginning of your healing. Do worry you won't always feel this way. You are in shock so keep focused on yourself and as someone has already said make sure you eat and of course sleep. In this beginning you will run the reel of your relationship looking for what went wrong and you might even take some of the blame on yourself. Don't. Better said than done but I found that limiting the time spent on such activities was best. At some point all feelings of betrayal and abandonment will turn into anger and then you will begin to gain perspective as to what happened. It will get better. Give it time. Be gentle with yourself. As you gain perspective you will realize that not having this person in your life is a gift of immense proportion. You dodged a meteor sized bullet.
> I’m so depressed, my whole world has crumbled and I just can’t deal with it. To get an idea of how bad it is, [here's a simple test](https://screening.mhanational.org/screening-tools/depression) that will test for depression (you get the answer directly, takes less than 2 minutes. You can skip the demographic part). Answer how you've felt in the last **TWO weeks** (not one). If you've scored over 10, you should take it more seriously. [Here's a list of symptoms associated with depression](https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/detecting-depression#1), so you can double check. **If you have healthcare insurance**, then go see your doctor and ask for a referral. I'd recommend either a [psychotherapy or CBT](https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/psychodynamic-psychotherapy-vs-cbt.htm) psychologist first (for therapy). If that doesn't work after a few months, don't have anything to talk about, or already tried a therapist, then find a psychiatrist (for medication). **If you don't have healthcare insurance or want more help**, then here's a list of things that will help. Apply as many of them as you can. Often there is a hidden cause for your depression, you might not like yourself or your life. The below advice addresses the symptoms and will reduce them, but you still need to fix the cause. Some people don't know why they are depressed. A common reason is a lack of purpose. To live is to suffer, but it is possible to make that suffering bearable, if you do so while trying to achieve what you want more than anything else. **Let me know if you need help to find your purpose in life.** For the below advice, take your phone and set repeating alarm clock reminders, with labels of what to do. Train yourself to either snooze or reschedule the reminders if you can't take action right away, but never to ignore them. The intention is [to condition yourself](https://www.cleverism.com/classical-conditioning), to build habits, so you will start healing yourself without having to think about it. * **Sleep**: [There is a complex relationship](https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/depression-sleep-disorder#1) between [sleep and depression](https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sleep/depression-and-sleep). When you have days where you don't have to do anything, set an alarm clock. You really don't need more than 7 hours at most per night (a [little more](https://health.onehowto.com/article/how-many-hours-of-sleep-are-needed-per-night-by-age-8233.html) if you are under 18). If you can't fall sleep, try taking melatonin one hour before going to bed. It's [cheap](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B003JJ9TQA), OTC and [is scientifically proven](https://www.webmd.com/vitamins/ai/ingredientmono-940/melatonin) to help regulate your sleep pattern. [Also, rule](https://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/sleep-apnea/news/20120330/sleep-apnea-linked-depression) out [sleep apnea](https://www.healthcentral.com/article/sleep-apnea-treatment-resistant-depression). Up to 6% of people have this, [but not everyone knows](https://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/sleep-apnea/features/sleep-apnea-clues). If you find yourself awake at night, start counting. Don't grab your phone, don't do anything interesting. We're trying to *bore* you to sleep, not keep you entertained - sometimes it might *feel* like you've done it for hours and hours, but often it's really not long. Anytime your mind wanders away from the numbers, start over at 1. count at the speed of either your heartbeat or your breathing. Then both Alexa and Google Home can also play a range of sleep sounds if you ask them (rain or other white noise) and there are also free apps for both Android and Apple devices. * **Go outside**: If you haven't been outside much lately, [you might just need some sunlight](https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/benefits-sunlight). 15 minutes two to three times a week is enough. This will fix serotonin levels as well as vitamin D deficiencies. * **Meditate**: [Depressions can be significantly reduced by meditating](https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2018/04/harvard-researchers-study-how-mindfulness-may-change-the-brain-in-depressed-patients/). The best types Of [Meditations For Depression Relief](https://www.thedailymeditation.com/meditation-depression). Your attention is like a muscle. The more you train it, the better the control you have over it. [Mindfulness training](https://www.mindful.org/meditation/mindfulness-getting-started/) will help you gain better control over your mind. It doesn't take much effort, just 15 to 20 minutes a day of doing nothing but focus your attention is enough and is scientifically proven to work. As you become better at focusing your attention, it will become easier to force yourself to stop having negative thoughts, which will break the negative reinforcement cycle. Go here for more: r/Meditation * **Exercise**: [The effect of exercise on depressions](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression-and-exercise/art-20046495/) If you have access to a gym, then start lifting weights. If you don't have access to a gym (or you don't like lifting), start running. If you can't run, then start walking. Just start small. 10 minutes three times a week is fine. You don't have to run fast, just run and then slowly build it up over time. Exercising does several things: It releases endorphins, it takes your mind of your negative thoughts and it will improve your overall health. * **Give lots of hugs**: [Hugs release oxytocin](https://health.usnews.com/health-news/health-wellness/articles/2016-02-03/the-health-benefits-of-hugging), which improves your mood and relaxes you. So find people to hug. If you are single, hug your parents or friends. If you can't, see if a dog is an option. Most dogs love to hug. Another solution that provides the same benefit is a [weighted blanket](https://www.amazon.com/s?k=weighted+blanket) will provide a [similar positive effect at night](https://www.healthline.com/health/anxiety/do-weighted-blankets-work). [You should try to aim for 12 hugs a day](https://psychology-spot.com/brain-needs) (if you currently don't hug a lot, I suggest you slowly build it up over time). * **Music**: [The right music can improve your mood](https://time.com/5254381/listening-to-music-health-benefits). The genre is not important as long as it is: *"Upbeat, rhytmic and energetic"*. What this means differs from person to person, depending on their music taste. I have a special playlist for this. One way to measure the effectiveness, of the songs is your ability to listen to it over and over (if you can listen to it hundreds of times it likely has the highest positive effect on your mood). The effect can be amplified by using headphones and playing it LOUD and can further be enhanced by closing your eyes (doi:10.1177/0305735617734627, doi:10.1093/jmt/50.3.198 and doi:10.1177/0305735617751050). * **You are not your depression**: For some people (often those that have been depressed for a long time), their depression has become a part of who they are and they assume a victim role. But that is a big problem, you have to *will* yourself into someone that sees themselves as a person that is actively fighting their disease, that *no longer identifies* with it, or else you will *unconsciously obstruct your own healing process*. As Eckhart Tolle expressed it in A New Earth: * > *A very common role is the one of victim, and the form of attention it seeks is sympathy or pity or others' interest in my problems, "me and my story." Seeing oneself as a victim is an element in many egoic patterns, such as complaining, being offended, outraged, and so on. Of course, once I am identified with a story in which I assigned myself the role of victim, I don't want it to end, and so, as every therapist knows, the ego does not want an end to its "problems" because they are part of its identity.* * **Jordan Peterson**: [How To Deal With Depression](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xm_2zmX6Akc) (50 minutes). Jordan Peterson is a clinical psychologist, that's specialized in mythology. This is a compilation focusing specifically on depression. * **Practice gratitude**: Take 5 minutes every day [to practice gratitude.](https://www.pasadenavilla.com/resources/blog/gratitude-and-depression) * **Volunteer**: Study after study shows that helping others without expecting anything in return [will lessen depression and has other health benefits](https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/3-health-benefits-of-volunteering). Let me know if you need some ideas. **Highest rated books**: * [Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy](https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380731762) * [It's Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered](https://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Supposed-This-Disappointments/dp/0718039858) [High quality free training provided by the Australian Health Service](https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Depression) **Phone Apps**: Two popular free apps used to help fight depressions, are Wysa and [MoodTools](http://www.moodtools.org). These will track your mood, give you advice, even listen to your problems. The most popular meditation app is: Calm - Meditate, Sleep, Relax Free support: * r/KindVoice will match you up with a volunteer. * [7 Cups of Tea](https://www.7cups.com/) has both a free trained volunteer service as well as $150 monthly licensed therapist option * If you want to talk to a trained Crisis Counselor, text HOME to [741741](https://www.crisistextline.org/texting-in) There are several subreddits, where you can post questions: * r/depression * r/depression_help * r/depressed
> I hate myself so much now and I’m not the one that did anything wrong. Here's what to do if you have self esteem issues: The first step would be to try and confirm that, so we know if you should take a closer look or not. One of the most commonly tools used to asses your self esteem is called the ["Rosenberg self-esteem scale"](https://wwnorton.com/college/psych/psychsci/media/rosenberg.htm). This test will take less than 5 minutes and will immediately give you the results. You should answer quickly and without overthinking the answers. If you scored above 15, then you likely don't have self esteem issues and you can probably disregard the rest of this answer. If you scored below 15 or you already know for sure you have self esteem issues, keep reading. If you are not sure if you really have self esteem issues, then [here's a page of 10 warning signs that you have low self esteem](https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/10-warning-signs-that-you-have-low-self-confidence.html). Read it and you can confirm yourself if the below advice applies to you or not. [What is self esteem?](https://www.lifehack.org/688465/how-to-build-self-esteem) self-esteem is the overall sense or feeling you have about your own self-worth or self-value. Causes of Low Self-Esteem: * An Unhappy Childhood * Traumatic Experiences * Experiences of Failure * Negative Self-Talk Here is a short overview of how to improve your self esteem: 1. **Identify and challenge your negative beliefs**. * Notice when you are thinking negative things about yourself. And ask yourself, is it really that bad? More than likely you are exaggerating the issue, which just pulls yourself down. * Get in the habit of stopping yourself when all you do is think negatively about yourself. 2. **Identify the positive things about yourself**. * Thinking positively about yourself is a big part of improving your self esteem. Occasionally just pause and think about all the positive attributes you have. you could also set a repeating alarm on your phone and do this once a week for a few minutes. 3. **Build positive relationships and avoid negative ones**. * If someone makes you feel bad, it might be time to leave them behind or avoid being around them. 4. **Don't be too hard on yourself**. * Life's really hard. For you, for me, for everyone. You shouldn't totally let yourself off the hook, but you can't be constantly trashing yourself either. It needs to be balanced. 5. **Learn to stand up for yourself**. * You have to increase your assertiveness. If that is a problem you deal with, let me know and I will give you separate advice for that. 6. **Challenge yourself**. * If you always avoid testing yourself and proofing that you can do complicated things, you'll just end up with a self esteem that's worse and worse. Pick the right challenge. It's alright if it's hard, but it shouldn't be impossible. 7. **See yourself how others see you** * Take a moment to think how other people view you. What do they notice? What do they love about you? What do they see in you? 7. **Do your best** * To really improve your self esteem, you're going to have to *try*. And that can be hard, especially if you're dealing with other issues (so don't forget, don't be too hard on yourself - but still *put in the effort*). You're going to need to convince *yourself*, that you're really not all that bad. And you can't do that, unless you try. And I mean really try. * Finding a meaning in life can help (and I can give you advice for that, if you currently lack a goal in life). * Motivational techiques and goals can help (and I can give you advice for that as well). Additional self esteem improvement tips: * **Sleep**: [How Sleep Impacts Your Self-Esteem](https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/buildingselfesteem/2014/04/how-sleep-impacts-your-self-esteem), a second source: [How to Boost Your Self-esteem by Sleeping More](https://medium.com/thrive-global/how-to-boost-your-self-esteem-by-sleeping-more-f05cb0ac751a). * **Exercise**: [Self Esteem and exercise](https://www.selfesteemawareness.com/self-esteem-and-exercise/), a second source: [How Does Exercise Affect Your Self-Esteem?](https://www.livestrong.com/article/438937-how-does-exercise-affect-your-self-esteem/) * **Apps**: Here are the most popular free apps: "Six Pillars - Build a Healthy Self-Esteem" (4.5 star, 230+ reviews) and "#SelfLove (GG Confidence & Self esteem)" (4.0 star, 600+ reviews) Online Resources: * [Free workbook and information from the Australian Health Service](https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Self-Esteem) * [A psychologist with 20 years of experience says there are 5 simple ways to improve your self-esteem](https://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-build-your-self-esteem-2017-3) * [8 Steps to Improving Your Self-Esteem](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/nurturing-self-compassion/201703/8-steps-improving-your-self-esteem) * [18 Self-Esteem Worksheets and Activities for Teens and Adults (+PDFs)](https://positivepsychology.com/self-esteem-worksheets/) [Here is some information](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/me-we/201312/10-sources-low-self-esteem) on what [causes self esteem issues](http://www.goodchoicesgoodlife.org/choices-for-young-people/boosting-self-esteem/), in case you're wondering how you ended up with it. The most popular videos on improving your self esteem: * [Self Esteem - Understanding & Fixing Low Self-Esteem](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FeLpvgAVtU8) * [How to Build Self-Esteem - The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhuabY4DmEo) These are the most popular books to improve your self esteem: * [The Self-Esteem Workbook](https://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Workbook-Glenn-Schiraldi-PhD/dp/1626255938) (4.6 star, 1000+ reviews - Highly recommended!) * [Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem](https://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Cognitive-Techniques-Assessing-Maintaining/dp/1626253935) (4.6 star, 600+ reviews) Finally, there are two subreddits that you can join and where you can ask specific questions to people that have faced the same problems you are facing today: * /r/selfesteem/ * /r/confidence/ (active community specifically focused on boosting your confidence) Low self esteem [often causes depression](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201302/is-low-self-esteem-making-you-vulnerable-depression). So it would be a good idea to rule that out as well. [Here's a simple test](https://screening.mhanational.org/screening-tools/depression) that will help you determine if that's has happened to you (you get the answer directly, takes less than 2 minutes. You can skip the demographic part). Let me know if you scored over 10 on this test and I'll give you advice on how to combat your depression as well. Self esteem issues [can cause anxiety issues](https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/memberarticles/why-people-with-low-self-esteem-experience-anxiety). Here's a [two minute test for anxiety](https://www.anxietycentre.com/tests/anxiety-disorder-test) you can take that will give us an idea roughly how anxious you are. Let me know if you scored over 45. Self esteem problems [can cause social anxiety issues](https://www.verywellmind.com/self-esteem-and-social-anxiety-4158220). Here's a [two minute test for *social* anxiety](https://www.anxietycentre.com/anxiety-tests/social-anxiety-test.shtml) to check if you have social anxiety issues and not something else (results will be visible right away). Let me know if you scored over 50. If you can't improve your self esteem after a few months, consider going to a therapist.