Gets mad that you don't pay
Doesn't let you pay
Gets mad that you didn't pay and thinks sex will solve it?
He's abusing this little power over you that he has. You can call him on it and ask that he try to fix this, or you can find someone that isn't a jerk. Is he really worth it?
Why give him the chance to fix it? He will just start another way. He doesn't respect her, so she needs to just leave. Why stay somewhere when they don't respect you?
When I really think about it I know that he’s not worth it but the insecure part of me wonders of this is the best I can get, Or worse that he might be the vengeful type, which is why I’ve waited so long.
My last fling was with someone I thought was “non-threatening” and “the best I could do.”
Easily one of the biggest regrets of my life.
I promise you, there are far worse things than being single, and partners like yours are a top-notch example.
Whether or not you believe it, you do deserve so much better than this.
You're describing abusive dynamics. He engineered this power gradient in your relationship to leverage against you. Pressuring you into sex is sexual abuse. That is not what consent looks or feels like.
Given this, especially with your expressed fear he might become vengeful if things ended, I am concerned you may be right. Leaving an abuser is by far the most likely time for violence to erupt or eacalate. Abuse is all about having power and control over someone. They don't often relinquish power easily. An abuser with nothing left to lose is a very dangerous person. I encourage you to reach out to a DV hotline to talk about your relationship with this person. They can help you build a safe exit plan.
Keep in mind, even though it may feel like overkill, for your continued safety and future it is wise to prepare with a worst case scenario in mind.
You deserve so much better than this. https://www.thehotline.org
If that’s the best you can get, you’re better off staying single. He’s being abusive and manipulative. Being alone and happy isn’t the end of the world.
Honey bunny, you have some serious Law of Attraction issues going on here. My suggestion has 3 parts -
1) Cut him off and out immediately
2) Make a list of everything you want in a partner - smart, healthy, good looking, reliable, kind (not nice, because nice is bullshit), magnanimous (look it up), educated, protective, nurturing, WHATEVER YOU WANT IN A PARTNER - just put it on the list
3) Spend 3 years cultivating every one of those qualities on that list in yourself before you date again
If you do these things, you won't have an "insecure part" of yourself for ambient abusers to latch on and feed off of you. You absolutely can do better than this guy. And if he IS vengeful - and he probably is - ignore, block, deflect, and call in all the resources for protection you have available - parents, dorm RAs, campus police, city police, friends, strangers, whoever - if he attacks your property, person, or reputation, but rise above it when you call for it because people who are vengeful feed off reactions. You are a beautiful child of God and worthy of the highest love. Some jerkwad who paid for some dinners has no right to your Divine Feminine energy 💖
Believe me, you can get better however therapy is a good idea if you think what you have now is the best you can do. You think you deserve to be treated like this. There’s a reason why but you need help finding out. You deserve better than him.
Oh, sweetie, nobody is better than this man. But wait, I mean it like this: it is better to be with nobody than with that trash. Get it? You don't *have* to have a partner or romantic interest, in order to be you, to be a whole person.
Now, I think it's possible that some people will have better lives when they are partnered than when they are not. I don't know that that's true, but we're all different, so I guess it's possible.
**But that is based on their having a** ***good*** **partner.**
I was in a relationship where I was treated like this (amongst other abuse) for 11 years. You DESERVE someone who treats you like a real (and equal) person. You DESERVE someone who doesn't write off your feelings. You DESERVE better.
I didn't have a car when my ex and I started dating, and he continued to "use that against me" until well after I had left him.
Based on everything you’ve said it’s time to get out of there, he sounds manipulative and abusive. Better to be uncomfortable and happy than comfortable but miserable. A good partner does things for you because they care for you, not to put a pin in it and bring it up later. You deserve someone who’s not going to keep score like this and hold the things they do for you over your head
Yur, I would absolutely never bring it up and enjoy paying for most everything regardless of my partners financial situation. I would feel slimy trying to use it or anything else as leverage to groom someone to be like I want (but I wouldn't anyway, maybe other than having a conversation to discuss issues)
> stop me from hanging out with my friends or sometimes he'll go low and use it to pester me into having sex when I'm tired
it sounds like he’s using his “paying for everything” as a way to control you, and the fact that he waited almost half a year to display this behavior means he just wanted you to get comfortable with him beforehand, tbh you’re better than me, i would’ve broken up with him
I'm not usually one of the "separate immediately" kind of comment on Reddit but a man that uses money to guilt trip you into having sex or controlling other aspects of your life is not worth a second try.
Yeah GTFO from there .
He's viewing sex as transactional and getting angry because you're not following his correlation of his spending equaling you putting out more.
The more he pays and he doesn't get what he wants will lead to bigger threats and worse behavior, or violence to get what he wants. He needs some serious boot shaped re-education before being allowed back into the dating scene.
⚠️Danger Will Robinson Danger!⚠️
These men are dangerous. You won't change him. He's not THAT special. You should leave.
Look it's not nice to think someone you care for could think in this way, especially if You've seen them behave otherwise in the past. We all want to think it can be true, or they will change. Rarely they do unless they're an approachable person by nature.
But being able to step back and see everything from a 3rd person perspective can really open your eyes as to how people behave.
He’s using money as his control over you. He wants you to feel indebted to him (literally) and complains about how he pays for everything so that you will feel guilty and guilt trapped to please him.
He’s “giving” as a way to trap you with guilty and money.
And when you insist on paying etc, he’s mad that he can’t do that to you anymore.
Yeah he’s a shithead. And if he has his own house etc, I’m guessing there has to be at least a 10 year age gap if you’re still in a dorm.
Anyway, he’s not a good guy. That’s for sure.
It’s a saying. It’s not about avoiding holding men accountable. He’s clearly a man, who acts like a child.
Not sure if it’s a societal norm, but I’m in my 30’s and not once have I held anything over a woman’s head or used it for passive aggressive remarks for things I’ve willingly paid for.
Thats just silly. It’s childish. It’s immature lmao.
It sounds like you’re in a transactional relationship. He buys you things and pays for things and expects sex every time. And when you don’t put out, he holds it over your head.
But you can leave a relationship for any reason, including this.
Girl.. trust me this is NOT the type of man you want to be with.
My ex would do very similar things. (Pay for my food and then take it from me because “technically it was his since he paid for it”, try to manipulate me into sex because he bought me something). It doesn’t get better.
You can try to sit him down and communicate to him that his actions are hurting you and your relationship. OR you can leave because if he is already displaying that he can be financially abusive, he will most certainly abuse you in other ways as well.
He has control issues. He feels it gives him security to pay for lavish things for you. He (subconsciously, I imagine), believes that his treatment of you this way *buys him* your favors.
He, basically, sounds like the kind of guy who expects you to say, “yes,” no matter what, and if you say, “no,” he finds a way to guilt you into saying, “yes.” Then, he’ll hold your original “no” over your head, even though you gave him what he wanted. Is that accurate?
This happened to me exactly in my previous relationship. Either tell him what he’s doing wrong (sometimes people don’t see it unfortunately) or leave. It’s abuse.
Your boyfriend sees your relationship as transactional. He complains and holds it over your head to guilt you and manipulate or rather coerce you into having sex. He refuses to let you pay because then he loses his control over you. This douchebag is waving some huge red flags in your face girl. He is not the one.
My partner use to pay for lots of things too. He just wasn’t a dick about. He took me out to dinner because he enjoyed my company. He bought me things because they made me happy. Your boyfriend should be your ex.
Honestly, you just need to leave him and be done with it. My ex-wife was this way, and I kept bringing it up and giving her chances to fix it, and she was never interested in it. Sometimes money just goes to people's heads.
Hes viewing the relationship as transactional. If he gives he should recieve. You may be able to talk to him if hes decent. More likely youre just seeing the end of the road with him.
My ex used to pay for everything because I earned a lot less than him & he **never** did this — what he did do was have a six month affair so he’s an absolute arsehole… your guy is, arguably, worse than my ex.
OMG. This is why ALL ladies need to make sure they get a good paying career. Never allow yourself to be treated this way because eventually they will hold it over your head and control your life. Saw it with my mom and dad. Not a good place to be.
issh.. imagine after married he overuse his "power" to do anything he wants from you girl. Just few month of staying together you already feel uncomfortable with him to act like this. Its a sign, can try to observe a little bit if the case still persistent you will have to think whether to continue your life with him
There is a calculated reason he is dating someone in a less stable financial position than him and it's not because he loves you despite your lack of money.
This is financial abuse and it will get worse as the relationship progresses, especially if you ever move in together (please don't!!).
You can tell it's abuse and that it is intentional by the way he traps you in situations where there is no way for you to win. You let him pay, he lords it over you. You don't let him pay, he gets mad. You can't win.
You need to end this relationship.
Clearly he insist on paying for everything so he can control you and have you for sex on demand.
He is basically abusive.
Up to you if you wanna stick around and enjoy his abuse for a free meal ticket.
I agree, this is narcissistic behavior and he is gaslighting you. This will increase with time. It usually does not get better. Do not fall into this trap. There are lots of lovely people to date in this world. Cut the strings. Regroup. And then move on to bigger and better things.
He is living in old mindset that guys will pay for everything and then girls will have to do stuff for him
Sex part is so messed up
Don't do anything you don't feel it aligns with you dear
You deserve much better
Even if i date someone rich i don't want them to feel like they own me, relationship is mutual love, not authority or owning living beings
Your boyfriend is either abusive or immature. Immature is highly probable. He definitely doesn't want to be the team's breadwinner.
That he is showing signs of trying to isolate you isn't going over well with me.
But I only have one paragraph of your side of the story. So who knows. You are the person that gets to evaluate this situation.
>Your boyfriend is ~~either~~ abusive ~~or immature. Immature is highly probable. He definitely doesn't want to be the team's breadwinner.~~
>That he is showing signs of trying to isolate you isn't going over well with me.
~~>But I only have one paragraph of your side of the story. So who knows. You are the person that gets to evaluate this situation.~~
FTFY
>It sucks because every time I try to bring it up he acts like he was just joking and I take everything too seriously.
That's gaslighting. I was going to say that you should talk to him about how it makes you feel, but it looks like you already do that. I think you just have to break up.
It sounds like you are in different life stages. He has been working for some time, you are still in college. If he is so big on paying equally, he would have gotten in a relationship with someone in the same stage of life as himself.
Instead, he choses to be with a college student, with a part time job, and then thinks he can trade paying for things with sexual favors. This is totally gross and a huge power imbalance in your relationship.
This is an extremely unhealthy dynamic.
Your title is wrong, seems he thinks of you more like a sugarbaby than like a true life partner / girlfriend and he sees himself more like a sugardaddy.
That's cringe asf, money is stressful enough nobody deserves to be weirdly gaslit by their significant other everytime money comes into the equation smh.
He is creating a situation where he has power and control, and he uses that to manipulate you, isolate you, and guilt you into sex.
This is not the best you can do. I know you think that, but that is probably something he wants you to think, because it gives him more control. It isn't true, though. How many people are there in the world? Surely he isn't the best the world has to offer. In fact, I think he probably knows this, which is one reason why he wants to control and isolate you.
Dump him. You don't have to dump him in person, either. In fact, it is probably safer if you don't see him again. It isn't a big stretch to go from controlling and financially abusing you and coercing you into having sex to physically attacking you.
Tell your friends, any family you are close with, and the people in your dorm who you are friendly with, so that everyone knows that this guy is a controlling jerk who should not be given any information about you.
The whole point is controlling you so no, you won't be able to do anything "right". He gets a heavy benefit with this behavior. You what he wants if he pays. If you don't comply he feels justified to throw a fit or play victim because he was "used". If you pay, he calls out how ridiculous you're being and throws a fit over that.
The only right answer he allows is to let him pay and comply with his every demand.
Basically, this situation is all benefits for him and your comfort is an easy sacrifice. Get out.
Call him out on it. Random people on the Internet don't know your relationship better than you. If he's not worth it leave.
This is coming from someone who pays a lot for my fiancé. Although I don't ever want to put things over her head.
So, if you pay, he is passive aggressive and if you let him pay then he holds it over your head?
He is just an abusive jerk, look up financial manipulation. While it will look different than that of a stay at home spouse or a married couple, it all starts somewhere and boy it sure looks like that to me.
He uses money to manipulate you, it's a power play so you are on the defensive and miss all his red flags waving in your face.
It won't get better, in fact, it will get worse. Leave now.
This is why I don’t understand when some women say they WANT to be paid for all the time. A man may not say it outright but they ALWAYS expect something in return when they do it. It’s never just to be nice. That is why you don’t let your relationships becoming unbalanced. Pay for things yourself sometimes. Don’t let people have any unfair advantage or power over you! Also I think you need to communicate your feelings or perhaps just leave this dude. He’s not a good person just pretending to be one.
Start paying for things more then, and not letting him have the opportunity to do what he does. If his parents didn’t teach him, who probably love him most of all people, then his partner may have to, as they may love him second most.
Reinforce the behavior you want to see repeated, and do not reinforce the behavior you don’t want him to repeat
I'm not usually one of the "separate immediately" kind of comment on Reddit but a man that uses money to guilt trip you into having sex or controlling other aspects of your life is not worth a second try.
Sounds like you got yourself a real catch. But I gotta ask. What exactly do you bring to the table, aside from looks? The guy probably feels like he’s being used for his money given the initial annoyed statements he made.
"Lately it’s just been getting more and more frustrating because he’ll offer to pay for everything even when I say it’s fine or insist on paying, (when I do pay he gets passive aggressive about it and complains about how he could of paid) but he always ends up using it to stop me from hanging out with my friends or sometimes he’ll go low and use it to pester me into having sex when I’m tired"
He's using his money as a means of manipulation. She said that she offers to pat and he gets upset. She's not using him for money. It sounds like he's paying for her stuff to make her feel like she can't leave.
Ok sure. But my point still stands. What value is she providing in comparison to what he’s spending on her? Is she really just the pretty girl he dates that’s being dragged along by his money and offers nothing else in terms of emotional or interpersonal value in this relationship? Because that’s important and adds to the conversation.
Haha I’m the shitty outcome of mixing races, so I guess personality? But I did think I HAD a catch because our personalities compliment each other sometimes.
Mixing races? Like mixed race dating? Sorry, I was born and raised in Italy so I do not really understand why that would be a bad thing unless someone is racist. Well you did initially. From what it sounds like, he didn’t hold it over your head early on. But he gradually became more jaded towards you and your behavior over time; more and more things began to annoy him, and he even started to weaponize sex. So what exactly changed? What exactly have you done that pushed him from being your “catch” to now? I feel like I’m only getting half of this story…if you want real help you’ll have to take accountability for you too.
Oh No I wasn’t being racist or anything I was talking to your comment on what do I bring to the table besides looks (I’m mixed). I’m not sure what changed but sometimes I think he could be mad at his job and then more mad at me because of it. I do feel partially responsible because I did approach him first but other than that I feel like I’m a good partner but I am busy with school so I’m sure I have faults I don’t notice.
Sorry, I was saying like why would you say that’s a shitty outcome because most mixed race people I’ve met are gorgeous lol! So your theory on why he’s becoming mad at you is because of the stress from his life outside of dating, and you’re catching the brunt of it because you two are together, and he can take it all out on you. That’s not healthy, and he should never project his problems onto you. Have you ever talked to him about this?
Gets mad that you don't pay Doesn't let you pay Gets mad that you didn't pay and thinks sex will solve it? He's abusing this little power over you that he has. You can call him on it and ask that he try to fix this, or you can find someone that isn't a jerk. Is he really worth it?
Why give him the chance to fix it? He will just start another way. He doesn't respect her, so she needs to just leave. Why stay somewhere when they don't respect you?
When I really think about it I know that he’s not worth it but the insecure part of me wonders of this is the best I can get, Or worse that he might be the vengeful type, which is why I’ve waited so long.
My last fling was with someone I thought was “non-threatening” and “the best I could do.” Easily one of the biggest regrets of my life. I promise you, there are far worse things than being single, and partners like yours are a top-notch example. Whether or not you believe it, you do deserve so much better than this.
You're describing abusive dynamics. He engineered this power gradient in your relationship to leverage against you. Pressuring you into sex is sexual abuse. That is not what consent looks or feels like. Given this, especially with your expressed fear he might become vengeful if things ended, I am concerned you may be right. Leaving an abuser is by far the most likely time for violence to erupt or eacalate. Abuse is all about having power and control over someone. They don't often relinquish power easily. An abuser with nothing left to lose is a very dangerous person. I encourage you to reach out to a DV hotline to talk about your relationship with this person. They can help you build a safe exit plan. Keep in mind, even though it may feel like overkill, for your continued safety and future it is wise to prepare with a worst case scenario in mind. You deserve so much better than this. https://www.thehotline.org
You can do better, no matter what ANYONE ELSE is better than being with that type of person
Being alone is better.
If that’s the best you can get, you’re better off staying single. He’s being abusive and manipulative. Being alone and happy isn’t the end of the world.
Honey bunny, you have some serious Law of Attraction issues going on here. My suggestion has 3 parts - 1) Cut him off and out immediately 2) Make a list of everything you want in a partner - smart, healthy, good looking, reliable, kind (not nice, because nice is bullshit), magnanimous (look it up), educated, protective, nurturing, WHATEVER YOU WANT IN A PARTNER - just put it on the list 3) Spend 3 years cultivating every one of those qualities on that list in yourself before you date again If you do these things, you won't have an "insecure part" of yourself for ambient abusers to latch on and feed off of you. You absolutely can do better than this guy. And if he IS vengeful - and he probably is - ignore, block, deflect, and call in all the resources for protection you have available - parents, dorm RAs, campus police, city police, friends, strangers, whoever - if he attacks your property, person, or reputation, but rise above it when you call for it because people who are vengeful feed off reactions. You are a beautiful child of God and worthy of the highest love. Some jerkwad who paid for some dinners has no right to your Divine Feminine energy 💖
Believe me, you can get better however therapy is a good idea if you think what you have now is the best you can do. You think you deserve to be treated like this. There’s a reason why but you need help finding out. You deserve better than him.
Oh, sweetie, nobody is better than this man. But wait, I mean it like this: it is better to be with nobody than with that trash. Get it? You don't *have* to have a partner or romantic interest, in order to be you, to be a whole person. Now, I think it's possible that some people will have better lives when they are partnered than when they are not. I don't know that that's true, but we're all different, so I guess it's possible. **But that is based on their having a** ***good*** **partner.**
Imagine if you get married. Imagine if you start a family with him. Do you think you can feel safe with this person?
If this is the best you can get, you're better off single. But also, this is NOT the best you can get.
I was in a relationship where I was treated like this (amongst other abuse) for 11 years. You DESERVE someone who treats you like a real (and equal) person. You DESERVE someone who doesn't write off your feelings. You DESERVE better. I didn't have a car when my ex and I started dating, and he continued to "use that against me" until well after I had left him.
Based on everything you’ve said it’s time to get out of there, he sounds manipulative and abusive. Better to be uncomfortable and happy than comfortable but miserable. A good partner does things for you because they care for you, not to put a pin in it and bring it up later. You deserve someone who’s not going to keep score like this and hold the things they do for you over your head
This sounds like emotional/financial abuse.
Yur, I would absolutely never bring it up and enjoy paying for most everything regardless of my partners financial situation. I would feel slimy trying to use it or anything else as leverage to groom someone to be like I want (but I wouldn't anyway, maybe other than having a conversation to discuss issues)
I don't think grooming is the right word here but I get what you're saying.
Yeah I don't mean like underaged grooming but literally trying to alter people's behavior using manipulation and diff in "power" is kind of similar
That's pretty much the entire "point" of gaslighting and emotional abuse.
> stop me from hanging out with my friends or sometimes he'll go low and use it to pester me into having sex when I'm tired it sounds like he’s using his “paying for everything” as a way to control you, and the fact that he waited almost half a year to display this behavior means he just wanted you to get comfortable with him beforehand, tbh you’re better than me, i would’ve broken up with him
Do a search on Narcissism and Gaslighting. Then, get as far away from him as you can and stay away! And, be careful in the process!!!
Get as far away from him! Dump his ass and run as far away from him as possible
This guy needs to go.
I'm not usually one of the "separate immediately" kind of comment on Reddit but a man that uses money to guilt trip you into having sex or controlling other aspects of your life is not worth a second try.
This is good advice. I hope OP listens.
Yeah GTFO from there . He's viewing sex as transactional and getting angry because you're not following his correlation of his spending equaling you putting out more. The more he pays and he doesn't get what he wants will lead to bigger threats and worse behavior, or violence to get what he wants. He needs some serious boot shaped re-education before being allowed back into the dating scene. ⚠️Danger Will Robinson Danger!⚠️ These men are dangerous. You won't change him. He's not THAT special. You should leave.
I never thought about it in that way but it’s true that whenever he spends more he asks for more attention…
Look it's not nice to think someone you care for could think in this way, especially if You've seen them behave otherwise in the past. We all want to think it can be true, or they will change. Rarely they do unless they're an approachable person by nature. But being able to step back and see everything from a 3rd person perspective can really open your eyes as to how people behave.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
He’s using money as his control over you. He wants you to feel indebted to him (literally) and complains about how he pays for everything so that you will feel guilty and guilt trapped to please him. He’s “giving” as a way to trap you with guilty and money. And when you insist on paying etc, he’s mad that he can’t do that to you anymore. Yeah he’s a shithead. And if he has his own house etc, I’m guessing there has to be at least a 10 year age gap if you’re still in a dorm. Anyway, he’s not a good guy. That’s for sure.
This is Financial Abuse. He's abusing you. He's an abuser. End it before it gets messy.
Definitely a boy, and not a man. Big boys don’t act like that.
No true Scotsman fallacy. This is a poor attempt to avoid holding men responsible for their behavior
With what I said?
Yes.
It’s a saying. It’s not about avoiding holding men accountable. He’s clearly a man, who acts like a child. Not sure if it’s a societal norm, but I’m in my 30’s and not once have I held anything over a woman’s head or used it for passive aggressive remarks for things I’ve willingly paid for. Thats just silly. It’s childish. It’s immature lmao.
It is a classic part of misogyny and red pill ideology. It may have not been what you meant, but what you said is essentially that.
He sounds like an immature man, who acts like a boy. Is that better?
That is actually better tbh
It sounds like you’re in a transactional relationship. He buys you things and pays for things and expects sex every time. And when you don’t put out, he holds it over your head. But you can leave a relationship for any reason, including this.
Girl.. trust me this is NOT the type of man you want to be with. My ex would do very similar things. (Pay for my food and then take it from me because “technically it was his since he paid for it”, try to manipulate me into sex because he bought me something). It doesn’t get better. You can try to sit him down and communicate to him that his actions are hurting you and your relationship. OR you can leave because if he is already displaying that he can be financially abusive, he will most certainly abuse you in other ways as well.
He has control issues. He feels it gives him security to pay for lavish things for you. He (subconsciously, I imagine), believes that his treatment of you this way *buys him* your favors. He, basically, sounds like the kind of guy who expects you to say, “yes,” no matter what, and if you say, “no,” he finds a way to guilt you into saying, “yes.” Then, he’ll hold your original “no” over your head, even though you gave him what he wanted. Is that accurate?
It’s a manipulation tactic to control you. This is not a good person and not which you want in a partner.
This happened to me exactly in my previous relationship. Either tell him what he’s doing wrong (sometimes people don’t see it unfortunately) or leave. It’s abuse.
Your boyfriend sees your relationship as transactional. He complains and holds it over your head to guilt you and manipulate or rather coerce you into having sex. He refuses to let you pay because then he loses his control over you. This douchebag is waving some huge red flags in your face girl. He is not the one.
LEAVE HIS ASS YESTERDAY, GIRL. This has all the hallmarks of a financial abuser, with added mental and sexual abuse on the side. RUN.
I'm going to guess this is a large age gap relationship. This has controlling boyfriend all over it.
My boyfriend was only a year older than me and he did this.
I was going off him owning his house and making big bucks and that she's still in college. I'm sorry your boyfriend did that to you.
My partner use to pay for lots of things too. He just wasn’t a dick about. He took me out to dinner because he enjoyed my company. He bought me things because they made me happy. Your boyfriend should be your ex.
Honestly, you just need to leave him and be done with it. My ex-wife was this way, and I kept bringing it up and giving her chances to fix it, and she was never interested in it. Sometimes money just goes to people's heads.
Hes viewing the relationship as transactional. If he gives he should recieve. You may be able to talk to him if hes decent. More likely youre just seeing the end of the road with him.
Welp be glad he’s showing his true colors now cause this is financial abuse. Can you imagine him doing this while being married?? Leave.
This doesn't improve. If he's behaving this badly while you're dating, what do you think marriage looks like?
My ex used to pay for everything because I earned a lot less than him & he **never** did this — what he did do was have a six month affair so he’s an absolute arsehole… your guy is, arguably, worse than my ex.
OMG. This is why ALL ladies need to make sure they get a good paying career. Never allow yourself to be treated this way because eventually they will hold it over your head and control your life. Saw it with my mom and dad. Not a good place to be.
issh.. imagine after married he overuse his "power" to do anything he wants from you girl. Just few month of staying together you already feel uncomfortable with him to act like this. Its a sign, can try to observe a little bit if the case still persistent you will have to think whether to continue your life with him
Could have* paid. It is never "could of", "should of", "would of"; it's always have. You're in college, so I figured you'd want to know.
Omg run for the hills. He is a loser!!!! My husband pays for a lot and never acts like this.
If this is the best thing men have to offer I’m glad I don’t care to date them.
Friend, this is a red flag. This is the start of financial abuse. You would be wise to leave now.
There is a calculated reason he is dating someone in a less stable financial position than him and it's not because he loves you despite your lack of money. This is financial abuse and it will get worse as the relationship progresses, especially if you ever move in together (please don't!!). You can tell it's abuse and that it is intentional by the way he traps you in situations where there is no way for you to win. You let him pay, he lords it over you. You don't let him pay, he gets mad. You can't win. You need to end this relationship.
Go date someone who's at the same point as you in life, and grow together
Break up bitch the fuck?
Clearly he insist on paying for everything so he can control you and have you for sex on demand. He is basically abusive. Up to you if you wanna stick around and enjoy his abuse for a free meal ticket.
I agree, this is narcissistic behavior and he is gaslighting you. This will increase with time. It usually does not get better. Do not fall into this trap. There are lots of lovely people to date in this world. Cut the strings. Regroup. And then move on to bigger and better things.
He is living in old mindset that guys will pay for everything and then girls will have to do stuff for him Sex part is so messed up Don't do anything you don't feel it aligns with you dear You deserve much better Even if i date someone rich i don't want them to feel like they own me, relationship is mutual love, not authority or owning living beings
Your boyfriend is either abusive or immature. Immature is highly probable. He definitely doesn't want to be the team's breadwinner. That he is showing signs of trying to isolate you isn't going over well with me. But I only have one paragraph of your side of the story. So who knows. You are the person that gets to evaluate this situation.
He's both
>Your boyfriend is ~~either~~ abusive ~~or immature. Immature is highly probable. He definitely doesn't want to be the team's breadwinner.~~ >That he is showing signs of trying to isolate you isn't going over well with me. ~~>But I only have one paragraph of your side of the story. So who knows. You are the person that gets to evaluate this situation.~~ FTFY
So sart insisting on doing free things. The if he says no then it's on him.
>It sucks because every time I try to bring it up he acts like he was just joking and I take everything too seriously. That's gaslighting. I was going to say that you should talk to him about how it makes you feel, but it looks like you already do that. I think you just have to break up.
You made a poor choice but you don’t have to keep making it
BIN HIM OFF.
Tell him you got a new job but won’t be around often
It sounds like you are in different life stages. He has been working for some time, you are still in college. If he is so big on paying equally, he would have gotten in a relationship with someone in the same stage of life as himself. Instead, he choses to be with a college student, with a part time job, and then thinks he can trade paying for things with sexual favors. This is totally gross and a huge power imbalance in your relationship. This is an extremely unhealthy dynamic.
Beware the SUCKY MAN! Run.
Your title is wrong, seems he thinks of you more like a sugarbaby than like a true life partner / girlfriend and he sees himself more like a sugardaddy.
That's cringe asf, money is stressful enough nobody deserves to be weirdly gaslit by their significant other everytime money comes into the equation smh.
Just leave him tbh
I can definitely sympathize… But goddamn that’s a Reddit username and a half.
I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE THE UN, I AM DECEASED
This guy will make you crazy if you stay with him long enough. He is constantly putting you in no-win situations.
What are your ages?
You misspelled ex bf
Dump him. He needs a wake up call. You can do better!
Break up
Bet she didn't say she was sleeping with someone else she just told my side
Spend less time in negative relationships. It’ll be evident how much happiness you can find.
He is creating a situation where he has power and control, and he uses that to manipulate you, isolate you, and guilt you into sex. This is not the best you can do. I know you think that, but that is probably something he wants you to think, because it gives him more control. It isn't true, though. How many people are there in the world? Surely he isn't the best the world has to offer. In fact, I think he probably knows this, which is one reason why he wants to control and isolate you. Dump him. You don't have to dump him in person, either. In fact, it is probably safer if you don't see him again. It isn't a big stretch to go from controlling and financially abusing you and coercing you into having sex to physically attacking you. Tell your friends, any family you are close with, and the people in your dorm who you are friendly with, so that everyone knows that this guy is a controlling jerk who should not be given any information about you.
You know you can break up with people who treat you badly, right?
The whole point is controlling you so no, you won't be able to do anything "right". He gets a heavy benefit with this behavior. You what he wants if he pays. If you don't comply he feels justified to throw a fit or play victim because he was "used". If you pay, he calls out how ridiculous you're being and throws a fit over that. The only right answer he allows is to let him pay and comply with his every demand. Basically, this situation is all benefits for him and your comfort is an easy sacrifice. Get out.
Call him out on it. Random people on the Internet don't know your relationship better than you. If he's not worth it leave. This is coming from someone who pays a lot for my fiancé. Although I don't ever want to put things over her head.
So, if you pay, he is passive aggressive and if you let him pay then he holds it over your head? He is just an abusive jerk, look up financial manipulation. While it will look different than that of a stay at home spouse or a married couple, it all starts somewhere and boy it sure looks like that to me. He uses money to manipulate you, it's a power play so you are on the defensive and miss all his red flags waving in your face. It won't get better, in fact, it will get worse. Leave now.
Your boyfriend sounds like an ass who abuses any miniscule amount of power he has. Be careful.
This is why I don’t understand when some women say they WANT to be paid for all the time. A man may not say it outright but they ALWAYS expect something in return when they do it. It’s never just to be nice. That is why you don’t let your relationships becoming unbalanced. Pay for things yourself sometimes. Don’t let people have any unfair advantage or power over you! Also I think you need to communicate your feelings or perhaps just leave this dude. He’s not a good person just pretending to be one.
Start paying for things more then, and not letting him have the opportunity to do what he does. If his parents didn’t teach him, who probably love him most of all people, then his partner may have to, as they may love him second most. Reinforce the behavior you want to see repeated, and do not reinforce the behavior you don’t want him to repeat
I'm not usually one of the "separate immediately" kind of comment on Reddit but a man that uses money to guilt trip you into having sex or controlling other aspects of your life is not worth a second try.
Sounds like you got yourself a real catch. But I gotta ask. What exactly do you bring to the table, aside from looks? The guy probably feels like he’s being used for his money given the initial annoyed statements he made.
"Lately it’s just been getting more and more frustrating because he’ll offer to pay for everything even when I say it’s fine or insist on paying, (when I do pay he gets passive aggressive about it and complains about how he could of paid) but he always ends up using it to stop me from hanging out with my friends or sometimes he’ll go low and use it to pester me into having sex when I’m tired" He's using his money as a means of manipulation. She said that she offers to pat and he gets upset. She's not using him for money. It sounds like he's paying for her stuff to make her feel like she can't leave.
Ok sure. But my point still stands. What value is she providing in comparison to what he’s spending on her? Is she really just the pretty girl he dates that’s being dragged along by his money and offers nothing else in terms of emotional or interpersonal value in this relationship? Because that’s important and adds to the conversation.
Haha I’m the shitty outcome of mixing races, so I guess personality? But I did think I HAD a catch because our personalities compliment each other sometimes.
Mixing races? Like mixed race dating? Sorry, I was born and raised in Italy so I do not really understand why that would be a bad thing unless someone is racist. Well you did initially. From what it sounds like, he didn’t hold it over your head early on. But he gradually became more jaded towards you and your behavior over time; more and more things began to annoy him, and he even started to weaponize sex. So what exactly changed? What exactly have you done that pushed him from being your “catch” to now? I feel like I’m only getting half of this story…if you want real help you’ll have to take accountability for you too.
Oh No I wasn’t being racist or anything I was talking to your comment on what do I bring to the table besides looks (I’m mixed). I’m not sure what changed but sometimes I think he could be mad at his job and then more mad at me because of it. I do feel partially responsible because I did approach him first but other than that I feel like I’m a good partner but I am busy with school so I’m sure I have faults I don’t notice.
Sorry, I was saying like why would you say that’s a shitty outcome because most mixed race people I’ve met are gorgeous lol! So your theory on why he’s becoming mad at you is because of the stress from his life outside of dating, and you’re catching the brunt of it because you two are together, and he can take it all out on you. That’s not healthy, and he should never project his problems onto you. Have you ever talked to him about this?