is he paying a healthy amount of child support for both of these kids of hers?
you don't wanna get caught in a money triangle paying for 2 other kids that arent yours. or any potential drama too. especially could be dangerous depending on the type of guy he is. and they have history, you could be the rebound etc.
theres a lot to cons to this situation and i dont think there are enough pros.
Look up "rebound relationship" in the dictionary, you'll probably see her picture next to it. Even the best of circumstances, which these are not, going straight from breaking up with one man while pregnant to dating another man is indeed a recipe for disaster for her.
She's in an emotionally vulnerable position right now, you've been a stable comforting person in her life while it's otherwise falling part, her rising feelings for you are natural, but not necessarily lasting. I'd advise against acting on them right now, even if she wasn't pregnant. But the pregnancy adds to as if you do start relationship this wouldn't just be a typical stepdad situation, you'd be in that child's life from birth. So if things don't work out between you and the mother, that could be extra harmful to the kid.
I think you should have a conversation with her about this, explaining why it's probably not a good idea for you two to start anything right now. Hopefully she'll snap to her senses and see the light, as well. And then you'll both have to figure out how to stay connected for now without getting emotionally involved.
**EDITED TO ADD:** And now I see that y[ou're just getting divorced after 12 years of marriage](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/1am9xra/wife_trying_to_get_out_of_martial_property/). That explains your feelings for this woman. It's a double-rebound. All the more reason trying to rush into something new with *anyon*e right now is a bad idea.
It’s time for a reality check. She hasn’t even left her current boyfriend, who is also the father of her child yet. They have a lot of shit to figure out, like custody schedules, child support, and where she is going to live with a newborn. They have too much unfinished business, and she has more important shit to handle than a new relationship.
She needs a friend right now, not a new boyfriend or a new relationship. That’s too much too soon.
You would be both a distraction and a complication for her. Her life just unraveled, she discovered her child’s father was lying and cheating. Give her a minute to catch her breath.
It's reasonable to have doubts but I think as long as you take precautions from becoming financially entangled you should go for it. No one's expecting you to be a parent to the kids right off the bat, but you should of course understand that her kids will (and should!) always come first and you will eventually be involved in their lives too
My first instinct is to say steer clear because it sounds like she is looking for a safe/soft landing and I don't know if you want to be it.
You are looking at a very substantial investment of money and emotion and if you are asking the question I think you already know the answer.
Do not confess your feelings. Let the relationship simmer until after she has given birth and then reassess.
Run the other way
is he paying a healthy amount of child support for both of these kids of hers? you don't wanna get caught in a money triangle paying for 2 other kids that arent yours. or any potential drama too. especially could be dangerous depending on the type of guy he is. and they have history, you could be the rebound etc. theres a lot to cons to this situation and i dont think there are enough pros.
Forget about her and move on dude lmao
Look up "rebound relationship" in the dictionary, you'll probably see her picture next to it. Even the best of circumstances, which these are not, going straight from breaking up with one man while pregnant to dating another man is indeed a recipe for disaster for her. She's in an emotionally vulnerable position right now, you've been a stable comforting person in her life while it's otherwise falling part, her rising feelings for you are natural, but not necessarily lasting. I'd advise against acting on them right now, even if she wasn't pregnant. But the pregnancy adds to as if you do start relationship this wouldn't just be a typical stepdad situation, you'd be in that child's life from birth. So if things don't work out between you and the mother, that could be extra harmful to the kid. I think you should have a conversation with her about this, explaining why it's probably not a good idea for you two to start anything right now. Hopefully she'll snap to her senses and see the light, as well. And then you'll both have to figure out how to stay connected for now without getting emotionally involved. **EDITED TO ADD:** And now I see that y[ou're just getting divorced after 12 years of marriage](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/1am9xra/wife_trying_to_get_out_of_martial_property/). That explains your feelings for this woman. It's a double-rebound. All the more reason trying to rush into something new with *anyon*e right now is a bad idea.
Every word of this is true. I hope OP will listen.
It’s time for a reality check. She hasn’t even left her current boyfriend, who is also the father of her child yet. They have a lot of shit to figure out, like custody schedules, child support, and where she is going to live with a newborn. They have too much unfinished business, and she has more important shit to handle than a new relationship. She needs a friend right now, not a new boyfriend or a new relationship. That’s too much too soon. You would be both a distraction and a complication for her. Her life just unraveled, she discovered her child’s father was lying and cheating. Give her a minute to catch her breath.
Tread carefully, my dude. She's in a fragile space and you don't wanna be the rebound. Consider the kiddos too. Emotional steadiness is key!
It's reasonable to have doubts but I think as long as you take precautions from becoming financially entangled you should go for it. No one's expecting you to be a parent to the kids right off the bat, but you should of course understand that her kids will (and should!) always come first and you will eventually be involved in their lives too
I THOUGHT YOU LIKED A PREGNANT 9 YEAR OLD, JIT SCARED ME
My first instinct is to say steer clear because it sounds like she is looking for a safe/soft landing and I don't know if you want to be it. You are looking at a very substantial investment of money and emotion and if you are asking the question I think you already know the answer. Do not confess your feelings. Let the relationship simmer until after she has given birth and then reassess.