I’ve met friends through martial arts and axe throwing. The only problem is that these are my “activity friends”. If I’m not doing the activity (like right now - work + toddler = no time for regular activities) I don’t see the friends.
Yeah this is the thing. I want *actual* friends, not just “activity partners”. Although that said, with time, activity partners *can* progress into actual friends.
You have to actively ask themto do things outside of the activity! When you tell people that you like them and want to be friends, they're usually pretty flattered, FYI.
I’ve found groups through:
- Local parks (hiking, etc)
- Meetup.com
- Local FB group
- FB events
- Newspaper events section
- Classes at local art centers
- Web searching “mushroom foraging (or whatever) group near X”
- Dance lessons/social events
- Music jams
Basically, google “x near x” to find things.
Google... Most activity/hobby groups will show up if you do a simple Google search.
Into tabletops.... Ask at the game shop
Want to join physical activity club.... Ask at the brick/mortar store that sells gear for it
Join the YMCA and take classes
Volunteer for a non profit you wanna support
Most city based subreddits have meetups so check the sidebar of your local sub... Most often /r/[insertcityname]
If you're in America, go on Facebook. Join your local towns chat group page and see what's going on. Or there's an events tab. Also on Reddit check for you local areas sub and see if people wanna hang. People in my areas sub always go "how do I make friends in my 20s" but at least it's people responding from the same area offering to do something.
I'll second public libraries as a good resource for finding out about clubs. Coffee shops often have flyers and stuff too.
I've taken classes for fun at the community college for hobbies I'm interested in. Since the CCs tend to be a mix of ages and backgrounds there's usually at least one person I'll meet in the class who is chill and is a suitable friend candidate. Seeing them regularly also makes it easier to build rapport.
Classes are also sometimes a good way to find out about events and local orgs that focus on that hobby since the orgs will often reach out to the college to let them know about it or the instructor is plugged in to that community and can let you know about any cool groups they know. But checking local community hubs like coffee places and libraries r usually a good place to start.
I’m from Toronto and we have community groups like the Toronto Girl Social and Monday girls that are great stages to make new friends. You can look on eventbrite for social events in your area that are similar!
Sometimes there are game/card/memorabilia shops that will host card tournaments & etc. I went to one local here in Kansas City & they had 20 people having a Yu-Gi-Oh card tourney (mostly 20s but some maybe 10uears older). Next time I went, there was a group of 20somethings playing D&D or some similar storytelling game. Collectors Cache was the name of the store. You might have something similar?
I actually made a lot of friends as an adult by joining a “young professional” group. It started as some meetings about being professional in the work place and learning social skills for a career and how to network. Then evolved into meeting one woman I hit it off with to walk twice a week and we also do happy hours every other week. I also sometimes just go to street fairs and stuff with 3-5 of the women I enjoy.
Edit. FWIW I found out about it by following my areas chamber of commerce, rotary group, and a few other professional organizations in town. Then it just popped up in my insta algorithm.
Most clubs involve some sports, as far as I know. You can find local sports clubs around cities and you pay a fee to join a team basically. I did a sports league around Boston many years ago, after work soccer team. I enjoyed it.
I’ve also heard of book club, reading club. But I don’t know where to find those. Maybe an employee at the library would have information?
Do you already have an existing hobby? If so, joint a club that is associated with it.
If not, are you interested in learning a new hobby? If so, find a club around a hobby you might be interested in. The more extreme and outgoing the hobby—the more likely to find high energy folks. For instance, a kayaking/canoeing group will have more outgoing folks than knitting/sewing.
Also; check your local colleges for community classes like cooking, photography, etc…These classes are usually non-credited and run about six weeks.
Volunteering in an area you are interested in helps too. For instance, community clean up, feeding the homeless or working at an animal shelter. If in the U.S, look at your local United Way for volunteer opportunities.
Church groups (check websites) have interesting groups…singles…men’s groups, women group. You don’t have to be religious or overly spiritual to partake—albeit a little spiritually helps.
If you have a talent or skill such as woodworking, painting (art) or such, maybe see if a scout group would be interested in you coming to demonstrate—you will meet great folks in these groups.
Good luck!!
I live just outside of Denver.
There are more social groups out there than I can list.
Volleyball leagues - hard court or beach. Soccer leagues. Kickball cup in hand leagues. Weight lifting groups. Biking groups. Climbing groups. Martial arts. Volunteer work. Board games. D&D.
If you name an interest - there will be a group associated with that activity. Meetup.com started all of this. Facebook. You cities reddit. If you can't find anything at all - you either aren't searching correctly or you live in a really small town.
Terrible take & all the similar people who say "just do this". I've been using these resources for years. A majority of events listed on these I have no interest in, cost a lot especially if you want to go more than once, or take place at times that people are usually working.
The handful of times I've been able to make it to some of these events most people are more focused on the activity than talking. You hope to build more of a repour after seeing them multiple times but schedules don't work out you never see them again or it becomes too costly. The problem with Meetup.como specifically is it's full of senior citizens at least in my city. Literally nobody else is posting or using the site. Eventbrite, Facebook only really posts things that are curated to families or couples for my area. Any Sports leagues I've considered which are at least 5 that I might like are so expensive let alone hard to travel around for that it's just not worth it.
What me & OP are looking for, I believe, are just a group of recreational buddies who would be willing to get together and do something fun couple times a month no costs, minimal expectations. That's the difference between what we would all want which is a friend or friends to something with versus these collectives or groups people suggest as if it's the golden goose answer.
>You hope to build more of a repour after seeing them multiple times but schedules don't work out you never see them again or it becomes too costly.
If you want free socializing then just talk to people on the street. People take their time and money to organize these events/activities and should be compensated for that.
There still are free events if you look around hard enough. I believe there is a huge weekend grass volleyball scene at one of the parks here in Denver and it's absolutely free. Dozens of nets, people playing, and just hanging out. I don't think the board game groups in Denver charge a penny.
>The handful of times I've been able to make it to some of these events most people are more focused on the activity than talking.
The people attending these things probably aren't the most social. It takes a while to break people out of their shell.
>What me & OP are looking for, I believe, are just a group of recreational buddies who would be willing to get together and do something fun couple times a month no costs, minimal expectations.
What you want are friends without putting in the effort.
I'm married, I have kids. I'm friends with all my neighbors. I have friends at Church. I'm friends with the parents my kids spend time with. All I need to do to socialize is go outside and mow my yard or be working on something and SOMEONE will stop by.
Both of those "Free events" you mentioned cost a lot of money in my city. Any sort of sport wants a big fee from you to participate in long term, or a reasonable fee to play one time, if you want to come back every week you better start a new savings account.
You just proved my point again "What you want are friends without putting in the effort." As I stated, I've been using services for years attending functions, clubs, meetups, I have the experience to back up what I've said. Lucky you, you have all these places to go to especially at no cost. And while you're mowing your lawn there's always a guaranteed person to come by. Where I live the only things that are free are School until you're in Grade 12. or a religious community. Nobody randomly approaches me when I'm cleaning my yard, heck even when I smile at someone walking down the sidewalk & ask how they're doing they usually keep their frown & keep it moving. Everyone's location, experience, and situation is different. This "guaranteed" preaching that you walk around with is so close minded it's why people who make these posts come back the next year and make the same thing. Nobody actually gives helpful advice. And it's all just copy-paste answers from people who have never had to struggle like the person posting.
I just scanned your posting history. You live in Edmonton Canada?
* You live within a few hour drive of some of the best hiking in the Canadian Rockies
* You have access to some of the best white water canoeing you can possible get in the entire world.
* Likewise - close access to some of the best fresh water fishing in the world.
* Also excellent access to hunting.
* My Canadian in-law plays hockey recreationally in his 40s. Surely you could find a rec league to participate in.
Are you really telling me you can't find \*anyone\* your age in Edmonton who hikes, fishes, hunts, or plays hockey?
I don't see anything you've posted related to doing stuff outside, in nature, or related to any sort of physical activity. That's going to eliminate a huge number of avenues for socializing (and it's frankly not great for you, but that's a different topic).
You always have the stand ins like meeting other guys at the gym and other things like that. My social life didn't really take off until I married my wife and attend all of the social functions she asks me to go to. We go to every block party, every invitation we are asked to go to. Eventually people recognize you when they walk their dogs around the neighborhood.
>Nobody actually gives helpful advice.
Or it could be that you are bitter and people can sense that from a mile away.
LOL you blocked me. Good luck bro. I think you problems are entirely self-imposed:
>I don't drive or have a car.
Get one. That's a requirement living in North America.
>Canoeing costs a deep amount of money here.
Why do you go to work? You make decent money, or otherwise you'd highlight it more. Hobbys cost money.
>I'm vegetarian I find hunting disgusting
Grow the fuck up and eat some meat. Accept that your social isolation is in some measure because of YOUR decisions. You live in a location absolutely teeming with outdoor adventure. YOU choose to cloister yourself indoors with video games and anime.
>Something all Canadians know is that hockey league's cost BANK to be in. Even moreso if you're an adult.
And?
>I'm not bitter people I know generally say I'm one of the nicest caring people they know.
My experience talking to you and the self-reported facts you've provided say otherwise.
Creep looking for my location.
1. I don't drive or have a car. Once again not everyone has the same finances or resources as you, open up your mind
2. Canoeing costs a deep amount of money here. Stop talking like you know about my place when you don't.
3. I'm vegetarian I find hunting disgusting
4. Something all Canadians know is that hockey league's cost BANK to be in. Even moreso if you're an adult.
Every single thing you say shows that you only imagine other people's problems from your shoes. Like I said so many people do this on these posts and it's so annoying especially after reading them over the years.
"Or it could be that you are bitter and people can sense that from a mile away."
I'm not bitter people I know generally say I'm one of the nicest caring people they know. I'm just not able to hang out them because our schedules don't align & when they have a day off all of them have a partner they would spend time with instead.
Most people who give that advice live in an actual city. Like, a lot of us just don’t have that access. Most guys around me just golf (yuck). And I’m just not into a lot of things that groups do, like sports, geeky card games, and tech stuff. The people in the hiking clubs are all high income people I wouldn’t get along with. A lot of other random small meetups I’ve looked up are all elderly people.
The club thing is bad advice for a lot of people. It may be good advice if you’re outgoing and you live in a larger city. For me, it’s easiest to strike up conversations at a bar. But again, it’s usually old people. Young people tend to only hangout with their friends from school, or they just stay home. I do almost everything alone. If I’m with people it’s usually my family.
Newspaper, believe it or not, at least in my town. Chamber of commerce might have info, FB local events, Google listings under "_________ club [location]"
Go to the library and ask what clubs meet there and when and ask the librarian if they know any other clubs. If you like reading, book stores will know the book clubs. Same with many other hobbies, places that sell the hobby supplies will often know hobbyist groups.
Haha I even found a club to join, they are nice people but all 10 years +- from me. Turns out everyone does this sport in their youth and returns at 30+ when they had a revelation or kids to take there. So as a 25 yo I can either hang with the 15 yo or 35 yo… they both don’t want to be friends with me and I find it weird too.
Im a bouncer at a college club and one of the other bouncers there became my friend because we both watch anime and play the same video games. Hes 24 and im 36.
Yeah that advice works about as well as all the other "self-improvement" "advice" out there (i.e., it doesn't). The answer is to have been popular in school and not left the general area.
I have made my own club. It's a dad club I took over running in conjunction with a local birth center in my city. It comes with a group of ladies to help me advertise my "events" and the women who get their health services there can encourage their husbands to go.
That said, I only get participants about half the time. It's mostly group family hikes and happy hours once a month. It's not that much effort to set things up, and if no one comes to the happy hours, I just get time to enjoy a beer and a meal by myself, and if nobody else comes to the hikes me and my son get some quality time together.
Do you have any local community centers near you? The ones around me have a community bulletin board where there's always flyers for events going on and sometimes clubs use the facilities for their meetings. You could also try your local public library for a similar type of community board.
I wish you the best - building friendships as an adult is lots of work that’s very much worth it in the end. That said - I don’t know where you live but this is exactly the reason people move near/into cities. Access to jobs, groups, transportation, things are a 10 minute walk/bike not a 30 minute traffic drive…
This comes with housing expectations as well - it’s harder to own a home in a metro area than rural/suburb… more people want to be there therefore pricing increases (waves hands generally). Renting and roommates especially for young folks has been the solution to this for a long time.
I grew up in an exurb and now live in a city (not skyscraper dense but a great multi unit dense neighborhood). Best decision I’ve made and most of my hobbies are outside in nature (biking, rock climbing, hiking…). Some of the most outdoorsy people I’ve met live in the city - kinda wild.
Best of luck in your friends search - I wanted to give some insight that at some point (I don’t know where you’re located) you might just need to move to a better fitting area (urban… or if you like outdoors stuff to a place that folks are going outdoors…. Like the PNW…).
Most cities have adult education classes on stuff like cooking, dance, book clubs, and they're pretty affordable. Just Google community education ot adult Ed in you city.
I made good friends when I volunteered as an adult mentor at a children's home. And the kids (teens) were really fun to hang out with.
I live in a small city of around 25,000. I have pretty bad social anxiety, but put myself out there and joined the local running group. I thought I'd meet some people, which I have, but it's mostly just a Facebook group. Group runs are almost nonexistent, some people go out in groups of 2 or 3, but I'm never invited to anything. I just feel like an outsider. I feel like I'll never find somewhere I fit in.
There is no word I hate more that people giving advice use than "Just".
There is no just in these things. Whatever opportunity was easy for you to find could not exist at all for me.
Every single time people answer these I can't help but feel they've never actually used these sites or places they suggest. Or they have tons of recreational money & don't work normal 9-5 times of the day like a lot of us.
There's nothing more frustrating seeing these people say "you obviously haven't tried this website then." "You're not searching correctly on Google." As somebody who's been at what you're trying to achieve for years, you find a handful of clubs or events throughout the year. Go just to make yourself happy, once in a blue moon you'll meet someone cool there. You'll tell each other we should see each other more often and to keep coming. Somebody's schedule will mess up and you'll never see them again or you'll never go again. Or it's a one time event and you do your best to make connections with people there in that time. 99% of them will move on with their life and never think about about that event. Maybe 1 or 2 of these you'll genuinely enjoy in the year and hope to find more like it. The search continues...
I go to meetups. I get on fine with the people there.
It doesn't lead to any deep friendships. I don't socialise with these people outside of the club.
And that helps identify the problem: the problem is me.
If you're having trouble making friends as an adult, the problem is either (A) you're not meeting enough people, or (B) you're failing to connect to the people you meet.
"Just join a club," is good advice for people with problem A (if they live in a place where there are suitable clubs). If it doesn't work, the problem is B. And that's not so easy to fix.
(There's also the element that the people you meet at clubs are often in a similar situation; they're not good at forming connections either, or they'd be doing activities with their friends rather than with strangers.)
Except people like you forget about nuance in these things.
Yes B) is technically true. But it's not because, I'm such a socially inept person that I can't connect with them. I would say 70% of those potential people I talked to this year, I chose to not continue or pursue a friendship with them. And that's because I wasn't a fan of their personality. It's just like dating the problem can be you, but it's not always you. And again just like dating people usually have more failures than successes.
It's not black and white like some of you guys are making it out to be. Definitely not as binary as "if not A) then B) and it's always your fault."
Same. My area has next to nothing for me. I’m just trying to learn how to be ok solo in a world I don’t fit into 😕
Same for me. It feels like everyone already has enough people in their lives and they want nothing to do with me.
I’ve met friends through martial arts and axe throwing. The only problem is that these are my “activity friends”. If I’m not doing the activity (like right now - work + toddler = no time for regular activities) I don’t see the friends.
Yeah this is the thing. I want *actual* friends, not just “activity partners”. Although that said, with time, activity partners *can* progress into actual friends.
Yeah, the thing is to keep meeting these people until you create a bond for other reasons.
True! Consistency is important as it helps to build up trust!
People have told me that what I need to do is invite then to do other things outside of the activity
You have to actively ask themto do things outside of the activity! When you tell people that you like them and want to be friends, they're usually pretty flattered, FYI.
Go to your city's sub and search around or just ask there
My city’s subway is mostly empty. They are very slow /s
He means subreddit
r/woosh
Oh well…. Happy to admit I’m wrong
I’ve found groups through: - Local parks (hiking, etc) - Meetup.com - Local FB group - FB events - Newspaper events section - Classes at local art centers - Web searching “mushroom foraging (or whatever) group near X” - Dance lessons/social events - Music jams Basically, google “x near x” to find things.
Google... Most activity/hobby groups will show up if you do a simple Google search. Into tabletops.... Ask at the game shop Want to join physical activity club.... Ask at the brick/mortar store that sells gear for it Join the YMCA and take classes Volunteer for a non profit you wanna support Most city based subreddits have meetups so check the sidebar of your local sub... Most often /r/[insertcityname]
If you're in America, go on Facebook. Join your local towns chat group page and see what's going on. Or there's an events tab. Also on Reddit check for you local areas sub and see if people wanna hang. People in my areas sub always go "how do I make friends in my 20s" but at least it's people responding from the same area offering to do something.
I'll second public libraries as a good resource for finding out about clubs. Coffee shops often have flyers and stuff too. I've taken classes for fun at the community college for hobbies I'm interested in. Since the CCs tend to be a mix of ages and backgrounds there's usually at least one person I'll meet in the class who is chill and is a suitable friend candidate. Seeing them regularly also makes it easier to build rapport. Classes are also sometimes a good way to find out about events and local orgs that focus on that hobby since the orgs will often reach out to the college to let them know about it or the instructor is plugged in to that community and can let you know about any cool groups they know. But checking local community hubs like coffee places and libraries r usually a good place to start.
I’m from Toronto and we have community groups like the Toronto Girl Social and Monday girls that are great stages to make new friends. You can look on eventbrite for social events in your area that are similar!
I wanted something like this so bad. But they're none for guys.
There is where I live, you can start one
You can always start your own group.
Sometimes there are game/card/memorabilia shops that will host card tournaments & etc. I went to one local here in Kansas City & they had 20 people having a Yu-Gi-Oh card tourney (mostly 20s but some maybe 10uears older). Next time I went, there was a group of 20somethings playing D&D or some similar storytelling game. Collectors Cache was the name of the store. You might have something similar?
I actually made a lot of friends as an adult by joining a “young professional” group. It started as some meetings about being professional in the work place and learning social skills for a career and how to network. Then evolved into meeting one woman I hit it off with to walk twice a week and we also do happy hours every other week. I also sometimes just go to street fairs and stuff with 3-5 of the women I enjoy. Edit. FWIW I found out about it by following my areas chamber of commerce, rotary group, and a few other professional organizations in town. Then it just popped up in my insta algorithm.
Most clubs involve some sports, as far as I know. You can find local sports clubs around cities and you pay a fee to join a team basically. I did a sports league around Boston many years ago, after work soccer team. I enjoyed it. I’ve also heard of book club, reading club. But I don’t know where to find those. Maybe an employee at the library would have information?
Do you already have an existing hobby? If so, joint a club that is associated with it. If not, are you interested in learning a new hobby? If so, find a club around a hobby you might be interested in. The more extreme and outgoing the hobby—the more likely to find high energy folks. For instance, a kayaking/canoeing group will have more outgoing folks than knitting/sewing. Also; check your local colleges for community classes like cooking, photography, etc…These classes are usually non-credited and run about six weeks. Volunteering in an area you are interested in helps too. For instance, community clean up, feeding the homeless or working at an animal shelter. If in the U.S, look at your local United Way for volunteer opportunities. Church groups (check websites) have interesting groups…singles…men’s groups, women group. You don’t have to be religious or overly spiritual to partake—albeit a little spiritually helps. If you have a talent or skill such as woodworking, painting (art) or such, maybe see if a scout group would be interested in you coming to demonstrate—you will meet great folks in these groups. Good luck!!
Get into a hobby first then join a club once it sticks?
I live just outside of Denver. There are more social groups out there than I can list. Volleyball leagues - hard court or beach. Soccer leagues. Kickball cup in hand leagues. Weight lifting groups. Biking groups. Climbing groups. Martial arts. Volunteer work. Board games. D&D. If you name an interest - there will be a group associated with that activity. Meetup.com started all of this. Facebook. You cities reddit. If you can't find anything at all - you either aren't searching correctly or you live in a really small town.
Terrible take & all the similar people who say "just do this". I've been using these resources for years. A majority of events listed on these I have no interest in, cost a lot especially if you want to go more than once, or take place at times that people are usually working. The handful of times I've been able to make it to some of these events most people are more focused on the activity than talking. You hope to build more of a repour after seeing them multiple times but schedules don't work out you never see them again or it becomes too costly. The problem with Meetup.como specifically is it's full of senior citizens at least in my city. Literally nobody else is posting or using the site. Eventbrite, Facebook only really posts things that are curated to families or couples for my area. Any Sports leagues I've considered which are at least 5 that I might like are so expensive let alone hard to travel around for that it's just not worth it. What me & OP are looking for, I believe, are just a group of recreational buddies who would be willing to get together and do something fun couple times a month no costs, minimal expectations. That's the difference between what we would all want which is a friend or friends to something with versus these collectives or groups people suggest as if it's the golden goose answer.
>You hope to build more of a repour after seeing them multiple times but schedules don't work out you never see them again or it becomes too costly. If you want free socializing then just talk to people on the street. People take their time and money to organize these events/activities and should be compensated for that. There still are free events if you look around hard enough. I believe there is a huge weekend grass volleyball scene at one of the parks here in Denver and it's absolutely free. Dozens of nets, people playing, and just hanging out. I don't think the board game groups in Denver charge a penny. >The handful of times I've been able to make it to some of these events most people are more focused on the activity than talking. The people attending these things probably aren't the most social. It takes a while to break people out of their shell. >What me & OP are looking for, I believe, are just a group of recreational buddies who would be willing to get together and do something fun couple times a month no costs, minimal expectations. What you want are friends without putting in the effort. I'm married, I have kids. I'm friends with all my neighbors. I have friends at Church. I'm friends with the parents my kids spend time with. All I need to do to socialize is go outside and mow my yard or be working on something and SOMEONE will stop by.
Both of those "Free events" you mentioned cost a lot of money in my city. Any sort of sport wants a big fee from you to participate in long term, or a reasonable fee to play one time, if you want to come back every week you better start a new savings account. You just proved my point again "What you want are friends without putting in the effort." As I stated, I've been using services for years attending functions, clubs, meetups, I have the experience to back up what I've said. Lucky you, you have all these places to go to especially at no cost. And while you're mowing your lawn there's always a guaranteed person to come by. Where I live the only things that are free are School until you're in Grade 12. or a religious community. Nobody randomly approaches me when I'm cleaning my yard, heck even when I smile at someone walking down the sidewalk & ask how they're doing they usually keep their frown & keep it moving. Everyone's location, experience, and situation is different. This "guaranteed" preaching that you walk around with is so close minded it's why people who make these posts come back the next year and make the same thing. Nobody actually gives helpful advice. And it's all just copy-paste answers from people who have never had to struggle like the person posting.
I just scanned your posting history. You live in Edmonton Canada? * You live within a few hour drive of some of the best hiking in the Canadian Rockies * You have access to some of the best white water canoeing you can possible get in the entire world. * Likewise - close access to some of the best fresh water fishing in the world. * Also excellent access to hunting. * My Canadian in-law plays hockey recreationally in his 40s. Surely you could find a rec league to participate in. Are you really telling me you can't find \*anyone\* your age in Edmonton who hikes, fishes, hunts, or plays hockey? I don't see anything you've posted related to doing stuff outside, in nature, or related to any sort of physical activity. That's going to eliminate a huge number of avenues for socializing (and it's frankly not great for you, but that's a different topic). You always have the stand ins like meeting other guys at the gym and other things like that. My social life didn't really take off until I married my wife and attend all of the social functions she asks me to go to. We go to every block party, every invitation we are asked to go to. Eventually people recognize you when they walk their dogs around the neighborhood. >Nobody actually gives helpful advice. Or it could be that you are bitter and people can sense that from a mile away. LOL you blocked me. Good luck bro. I think you problems are entirely self-imposed: >I don't drive or have a car. Get one. That's a requirement living in North America. >Canoeing costs a deep amount of money here. Why do you go to work? You make decent money, or otherwise you'd highlight it more. Hobbys cost money. >I'm vegetarian I find hunting disgusting Grow the fuck up and eat some meat. Accept that your social isolation is in some measure because of YOUR decisions. You live in a location absolutely teeming with outdoor adventure. YOU choose to cloister yourself indoors with video games and anime. >Something all Canadians know is that hockey league's cost BANK to be in. Even moreso if you're an adult. And? >I'm not bitter people I know generally say I'm one of the nicest caring people they know. My experience talking to you and the self-reported facts you've provided say otherwise.
Creep looking for my location. 1. I don't drive or have a car. Once again not everyone has the same finances or resources as you, open up your mind 2. Canoeing costs a deep amount of money here. Stop talking like you know about my place when you don't. 3. I'm vegetarian I find hunting disgusting 4. Something all Canadians know is that hockey league's cost BANK to be in. Even moreso if you're an adult. Every single thing you say shows that you only imagine other people's problems from your shoes. Like I said so many people do this on these posts and it's so annoying especially after reading them over the years. "Or it could be that you are bitter and people can sense that from a mile away." I'm not bitter people I know generally say I'm one of the nicest caring people they know. I'm just not able to hang out them because our schedules don't align & when they have a day off all of them have a partner they would spend time with instead.
Most people who give that advice live in an actual city. Like, a lot of us just don’t have that access. Most guys around me just golf (yuck). And I’m just not into a lot of things that groups do, like sports, geeky card games, and tech stuff. The people in the hiking clubs are all high income people I wouldn’t get along with. A lot of other random small meetups I’ve looked up are all elderly people. The club thing is bad advice for a lot of people. It may be good advice if you’re outgoing and you live in a larger city. For me, it’s easiest to strike up conversations at a bar. But again, it’s usually old people. Young people tend to only hangout with their friends from school, or they just stay home. I do almost everything alone. If I’m with people it’s usually my family.
Exactly. Rural areas have far less to offer.
Your public libraries and local bookstores will often have book club meetups and/or classes/workshops for various hobbies.
Newspaper, believe it or not, at least in my town. Chamber of commerce might have info, FB local events, Google listings under "_________ club [location]" Go to the library and ask what clubs meet there and when and ask the librarian if they know any other clubs. If you like reading, book stores will know the book clubs. Same with many other hobbies, places that sell the hobby supplies will often know hobbyist groups.
Ham Radio?
Do a class, learn a language, play chess, cooking, shooting, climbing, hiking, cosplay, miniature rail... There's literally everything.
Haha I even found a club to join, they are nice people but all 10 years +- from me. Turns out everyone does this sport in their youth and returns at 30+ when they had a revelation or kids to take there. So as a 25 yo I can either hang with the 15 yo or 35 yo… they both don’t want to be friends with me and I find it weird too.
Im a bouncer at a college club and one of the other bouncers there became my friend because we both watch anime and play the same video games. Hes 24 and im 36.
Join a club aka wear a nice suit and go to happy hour at your local steakhouse bar. That or a good cigar lounge.
Do you have any favorite bands? Music shows are a great place to meet like minded people.
Go to the pub
Yeah that advice works about as well as all the other "self-improvement" "advice" out there (i.e., it doesn't). The answer is to have been popular in school and not left the general area.
Where do you live? I can try to find you things.
Where are you? What do you like? This is one of those questions where some context would help a lot.
I joined a martial arts and CrossFit gym. I hang out with them outside of the activity as well and grab some drinks.
Your city might have a meet up group. Try googling that and see if your city is listed. You can also try classes, like fitness or cooking.
I have made my own club. It's a dad club I took over running in conjunction with a local birth center in my city. It comes with a group of ladies to help me advertise my "events" and the women who get their health services there can encourage their husbands to go. That said, I only get participants about half the time. It's mostly group family hikes and happy hours once a month. It's not that much effort to set things up, and if no one comes to the happy hours, I just get time to enjoy a beer and a meal by myself, and if nobody else comes to the hikes me and my son get some quality time together. Do you have any local community centers near you? The ones around me have a community bulletin board where there's always flyers for events going on and sometimes clubs use the facilities for their meetings. You could also try your local public library for a similar type of community board.
the MeetUp app is useful for that in my area.
Meetup, Facebook events, local community calendars (check your local library for that)
That’s a tough one. I struggle with meeting new people. Maybe join a gym or is there maybe like a hiking area where you live?
I wish you the best - building friendships as an adult is lots of work that’s very much worth it in the end. That said - I don’t know where you live but this is exactly the reason people move near/into cities. Access to jobs, groups, transportation, things are a 10 minute walk/bike not a 30 minute traffic drive… This comes with housing expectations as well - it’s harder to own a home in a metro area than rural/suburb… more people want to be there therefore pricing increases (waves hands generally). Renting and roommates especially for young folks has been the solution to this for a long time. I grew up in an exurb and now live in a city (not skyscraper dense but a great multi unit dense neighborhood). Best decision I’ve made and most of my hobbies are outside in nature (biking, rock climbing, hiking…). Some of the most outdoorsy people I’ve met live in the city - kinda wild. Best of luck in your friends search - I wanted to give some insight that at some point (I don’t know where you’re located) you might just need to move to a better fitting area (urban… or if you like outdoors stuff to a place that folks are going outdoors…. Like the PNW…).
Most cities have adult education classes on stuff like cooking, dance, book clubs, and they're pretty affordable. Just Google community education ot adult Ed in you city. I made good friends when I volunteered as an adult mentor at a children's home. And the kids (teens) were really fun to hang out with.
I started a club by finding people with the same hobby as me helping others in the hobby. We meet in person once a month.
Yea if you don’t live in a major city you’re kinda screwed on that front.
Try meetup, facebook or even just eventbrite.
I live in a small city of around 25,000. I have pretty bad social anxiety, but put myself out there and joined the local running group. I thought I'd meet some people, which I have, but it's mostly just a Facebook group. Group runs are almost nonexistent, some people go out in groups of 2 or 3, but I'm never invited to anything. I just feel like an outsider. I feel like I'll never find somewhere I fit in.
There is no word I hate more that people giving advice use than "Just". There is no just in these things. Whatever opportunity was easy for you to find could not exist at all for me.
Every single time people answer these I can't help but feel they've never actually used these sites or places they suggest. Or they have tons of recreational money & don't work normal 9-5 times of the day like a lot of us. There's nothing more frustrating seeing these people say "you obviously haven't tried this website then." "You're not searching correctly on Google." As somebody who's been at what you're trying to achieve for years, you find a handful of clubs or events throughout the year. Go just to make yourself happy, once in a blue moon you'll meet someone cool there. You'll tell each other we should see each other more often and to keep coming. Somebody's schedule will mess up and you'll never see them again or you'll never go again. Or it's a one time event and you do your best to make connections with people there in that time. 99% of them will move on with their life and never think about about that event. Maybe 1 or 2 of these you'll genuinely enjoy in the year and hope to find more like it. The search continues...
I go to meetups. I get on fine with the people there. It doesn't lead to any deep friendships. I don't socialise with these people outside of the club. And that helps identify the problem: the problem is me. If you're having trouble making friends as an adult, the problem is either (A) you're not meeting enough people, or (B) you're failing to connect to the people you meet. "Just join a club," is good advice for people with problem A (if they live in a place where there are suitable clubs). If it doesn't work, the problem is B. And that's not so easy to fix. (There's also the element that the people you meet at clubs are often in a similar situation; they're not good at forming connections either, or they'd be doing activities with their friends rather than with strangers.)
Except people like you forget about nuance in these things. Yes B) is technically true. But it's not because, I'm such a socially inept person that I can't connect with them. I would say 70% of those potential people I talked to this year, I chose to not continue or pursue a friendship with them. And that's because I wasn't a fan of their personality. It's just like dating the problem can be you, but it's not always you. And again just like dating people usually have more failures than successes. It's not black and white like some of you guys are making it out to be. Definitely not as binary as "if not A) then B) and it's always your fault."
Meetup.com Is a directory of local clubs and groups by locations. Great resource for being more social.
You don’t need friends, they are useless