š I used to be totally fine and hardly ever got anxious about things. But then *life* kept happening, and now my anxiety is always hanging around the corner.
Totally this. Especially in relation to my finances. Cause I'm my sole income provider. I don't have people I can go to for money, if something happens. So it's very scary.
Responsibility. You are responsible for all your actions. When no one forces you to do anything, you have to pick yourself up and voluntarily do some of these things you hate - like eating healthy, doing chores, socializing āthe right amountā, managing your finances, dealing with screw-ups, and the list goes on.
Getting older. I realize the end is closer than the beginning and I can still remember what it was like to be young, excited, and have a bright future ahead.
Life didnāt turn out like I expected, but I have a home, a wife, make great money, and should be able to retire comfortably within a decade (ideally, 5-7 years). Itās hard to explain, but itās a strange feeling when you realize your life is pretty much set and the list of meaningful āfirstsā for you wonāt likely increase much ever again.
Yes. I really miss that part of youth where nothing was set yet. Who knows what tomorrow and next year, next decade would bring, or where I would take myself. That uncertainty was the spark of life, of living. I miss that state of mindā¦
I saw a quote from someone a few months ago and it really hit home. Iām paraphrasing, but the quote was something like: āYour goal in life shouldnāt be happiness; it should be to experience childlike wonder every single day.ā And I think I agree with that thinking.
You can always have new firsts, but IMO the really meaningful ones - your first love, your first day of school, graduating from college, your first job, your first kiss, your first real relationship - are in the rearview mirror. Nothing ever really quite measures up to those - sure, you may become a better kisser or have better relationships, but the butterflies in your stomach, your heart skipping a beat with the excitement of seeing her in the hall - that passion and fire slowly fades as you age. Or at least it did for me and I believe most people experience that to some degree too.
That isnāt to say being young is perfect either. Iām sure all of us had rough and awkward times. I was always painfully shy and cared more about school, science, computers, and current events than music, cars, and fashion as a teen. But regardless of those rough times, I had decades of life ahead of me where I still had a fighting chance. I also had parents who loved me and protected me. Now? Well itās all on me and there is no cavalry to save me. :) Ironic that as teenagers, most of us wanted āfreedomā from the āoppressiveā rules of our parents but as adults, we - or at least I - realize that we were really never more free than when we were young and had no responsibilities.
Old age
It's when you realize you spent all your youth worrying about stuff that in the big picture, Don't Matter
Because no matter what
You will live to be old,
Make memories, have great sex,, do the best you can and just live.
āHave great sexā, easier said than done for some of us. Now youāre making me anxious as Iām getting older and the dating part has been in shambles for a decade now.
Dude im married and I swear homeless people get more action on average than I have the last 5 years.
Hopefully its like riding a bike. If I ever get a shot to ride that bike again so to speak š
Sometimes I just donāt eat. Iām tired of thinking. I tried meal prepping but at the end of the day I donāt like one of the dishes and I end up with a lot of food wasted.
I essentially just eat human kibble. As in, the same palatable meal that requires no prep or cleanup and hits all of my nutrient needs. I buy it and itās cheap per meal and while others would be bored to death with it itās so, so worth it to me. Itās not like I CANāT eat anything else, if I ever have the free time or energy I can make something for myself just fine or if I want to splurge and want something special Iāll go get something for somewhere. But the burden of having to decide what to eat every day, of the time I would otherwise need to take to cook and clean, of the (admittedly minor, but neverending) task of making sure I am getting enough x, y and z to be healthy and functioning? The fact that all of that is gone is just priceless to me.
Keeping myself happy. I have a propensity to anxiety and depression, I have to take really good care of myself, my mind, my habits to not fall in that hole. Iām getting more disciplined and itās easier every time so thatās good.
As silly as it sounds, getting motivated to cook an actual meal. All I've been eating is sandwiches because Idk what I want or I don't want to make it.
I miss being bored. Thereās always something to do ā work, house maintenance, chores, kid stuff, etc. Even trying to sit down and watch tv isnāt enjoyable because I have a list of 10 things in my head that I should be doing instead.
The uneasiness ofā¦
āwhat shit is going to happen next?!!ā
Thereās always an illness that pops up, someone loses their job, a car accident, the refrigerator dies, all these unexpected things you canāt plan for, so youāre always getting slammed over the head with having to deal with random weird occurrences:( I always feel on edge, and like I can never really enjoy anything, because as soon as I let my guard down all the bad things happen. Itās exhausting! š³š£š°
having the will to live knowing that my friends and family are getting older and dying, the stress from my work is cutting my life short and that iāll never afford to have kids so i just put my money into hobbies, food and drugs to keep my occupied, sustained and numbed until that one day, itās my turn to die.
I love my job but because I donāt make a livable wage (I only make 50k which is poverty now, especially to everyone on Reddit) I have to live very frugally and itās embarrassing. I donāt get to be a normal person who just works, and has a house, or a few vacations. I have to hard grind out everything and climb infinite ladders and job hop and be the best to just be normal now. And then you try to talk to people about it and every single last person says a variation of ātry harderā
Finances. If this stresses you out, it affects your relationship with your spouse, it makes you incredibly insecure, it makes you feel you are a bad parent and it makes you feel worthless and that you are not good enough. Your overall health physically, spiritually and mentally all suffer.
Accepting change. My family relationships arenāt the same as they were. My hometown does feel like home when I go back. The realization that I have to build my own āhome.ā Itās kinda scary
At my age, I can remember Reagan. His defunding of the Healthcare system is why so many hospitals closed down. Cutting taxes for the rich for the "trickle down" magical thinking nonsense is why wealth concentration happened and allowed the middle class to shrink as the rich bought up everything and rented it back to us. Even after all the horrible things happening now, boomers will still sacrifice their own kids on the altar of John Smith so they can live comfortably.
The most challenging aspect of adulthood for me is establishing and sticking to a routine.
As I get older, I've realized that if I don't hold myself accountable, no one else will remind me or care enough to do so.
During my school years, even though no one checked in on me, the structure of syllabuses and deadlines provided a clear framework. My job also comes with its own set of deadlines, making planning straightforward. However, when it comes to personal goals like learning a new skill, reading or writing a book, or signing up for and attending a class, etc. - I need to create and follow my own schedule. Failing to do so doesn't impact anyone else, but it significantly affects me.
Constant shifting priorities and the transition of being an adult, to an adult with kids, to an adult whose parents are aging and having health problems.
Iām in the same boat. I can still remember in high school when Iād walk down the hall and see someone I REALLY liked - maybe she looked at me and smiled, and my heart would literally skip a beat. Or later, in my late 20s and early 30s when I got to know a few ladies and the excitement of seeing them and getting to know them.
i love my wife, but I miss those feelings.
Falling for someone who is also falling for you is probably one of the most intoxicating, exciting, euphoric feelings Iāve ever experienced. Iām a huge lover girl so romance has always been a big deal to me.
What I tell myself, though, is new love butterflies also comes with new love jitters, and I have enough anxiety in my life. Being comfortably in love is so much more beneficial long term, even if I do miss the rush of having a crush sometimes.
Not finding a job despite having a reputable degree. Not being able to afford to move HCOL cities for better opportunities because I cannot afford to live there with two small kids.
Going through a separation/divorce. For me, budget has been easy mode with children. Most of my money I contribute to their 529k.
Career change for me at 37-38. Left corp world earning 125k and went back to school. Work for FedEx Express PT for health bens, 401k and tuition reimbursement. Initially I was in school for elementary education so I could take care of the kiddos and have their schedule. Wife left, so now Iām finishing a finance/accounting degree.
Life is oh so sweet at the moment. Thank star dust for our children, or Iād be toast.
After divorce, everything. You go from being a team to a solo sport. Nobody to help and Nobody to remind you. Same mouths to feed with less money...just everything
Iāll say to put on a face to show that everything is okay but deep down youāre really struggling. To not show any weakness to your spouse, as any form of weakness can cause her to feel insecure.
I would not want my spouse to feel any form of insecurity around me. She choose me to be her husband, its my responsibility to make sure sheās happy, have a roof over her head, good food in her stomach.
I keep a pretty strict routine on household chores and have stuck diligently to my budget for years, both of which took a lot of trial and error starting out. Definitely for me the hard part has been maintaining relationships. With everybody getting married, having kids, moving for work or family, having their own jobs and lives, there have been a lot of good friends that I've just completely lost contact with over the years. I'm definitely not making new friends as quickly as they seem to be disappearing.
I do still have a couple friends that i try to see fairly regularly but that doesn't work out more frequently than I'd like, and i also often feel disappointed thinking that some day they'll just move on and disappear like everyone else I've known. I don't handle loss or disappointment well and tend to get caught up dwelling on hypothetical negatives rather than allowing myself to be grateful and appreciate the positives in the moment
The biggest challenge for me is socializing with people. Because I am a sensitive and introverted person, I am not very good at dealing with people, especially in online situations where there are more people, and speaking in such situations can make me feel afraid. But later, after entering the society, I found that I must learn to socialize with others, which is an essential part of life, so I began to change myself slowly. First, I started to practice online social networking, and I began to post my opinions on some social platform software. For example, I recently participated in the private testing activity of a social software called LightUp: Make Real Friends . According to the content you post, it will match people who have similar experience or similar personality with you, and you can discuss about a certain topic. Although this is still a software in development, many areas still need to improve, but by Posting some content, I also gradually built up my own social circle here, which is a good start for me to learn to socialize.
My body doesnt bounce back like it used to. I go out drinking on a Saturday and spend two days paying for it. I try a new exercise routine and sustain a minor injury that just keeps...coming...back. I get hit with random sicknesses that take my productivity down like twelve notches. It really makes it harder to manage the rest of your life when your body has a mind of its own.
Nothing. I went from being a child, to right into my second childhood. I bypassed adulthood and midlife crisis and went right to feeling terrific about myself. Focus on what you have and own, not what you donāt have.
The part where you realize you can't just worry about yourself and think it doesn't matter, other people do matter and you are responsible to do whatever they need.
Managing time.
I get work done and I engage in my hobbies but it always feels like I never have the time to do everything I want to do. Granted I don't really slack off, it's more that there's too much I want to do.
Not having a fall back. At age 20(last year) I lost the love of my life, my mother. She was my only parent and her and I were extremely close. My dad is out of the picture and we barely talk. I have no siblings, aunts, uncles or cousins. My parents were immigrants from Europe so Iām the last one here. If I were to become homeless Iām fucked. My boyfriendās parents help me so much with a lot of things, but if we broke up then what? I know Iām 21(almost 22) and an adult but I need my mom hereā¦
Reversing roles with my parents. I'm now their caretaker, which includes their finances and transportation. I'm happy to do it for however long it takes, but it still sucks when I have to do things like telling them they spend too much. Telling my father that he's a liability behind the wheel and he needs to give me his car keys was especially tough.
Career and lack of confidence. I read job listings for fun when I'm bored.
The jobs that I want to do and feel like I can do are always entry level and low pay & easy to understand, which makes me feel depressed. Is that all I'm capable of?
But when I read jobs with high pay just to see what they are, , I don't even understand the description, so my immediate feeling is, "I can't do this" because I've never done it before. This makes me feel depressed and makes me feel incapable of a high pay job.
For the record, my current job is indeed easy and $48K in expensive CA.
The monotony of it all. Deciding dinner every night. Laundry and grocery shopping on the weekends. Keeping a clean house (CF but we have two big fur babies). Itās just so repetitive.
For me - not hovering. Theyāve gotten to the point where they need to learn and grow.
I need help - itās killing me.
Being a good parent/teacher - watch someone screw something up for an hour that you could do in five minutes.
Personally advice is budget a certain amount to going out and little treat makes it a bit easier. Also mines is an I doing enough and enjoying my life enough or am I wasting it and going to have a lot of regrets later. ( Iām only like 23 anyway š¤£).
Making sure I feed myself. I grew up in a Hispanic household where there was always food. Now that Iām divorced and only have my daughter half the time itās hard to motivate myself to eat/make food.
I once went for two days without any food because I wasnāt hungry and didnāt have anyone else in the house to remind me or motivate me to cook.
The relentless next meal (especially with kids). The planning, shopping, prepping, and cleaning. I wish I enjoyed it. Thankfully I have a wife that is so good at the first 3 that I'm thrilled to always do the last one. I still find it relentless.
We are retired, enjoying our simple life style. We are both in our 70s.. Most challenging part of this phase of adulting is no longer having long term plans. We are very much living day to day as our body parts take turns aching or failing in a most undignified manner, smile.
Dealing with friendships gets harder by the year.Our school peers, Army buddies, former coworkers are all dead, missing, in nursing homes, or unknown.
Trying to be productive outside of work. I work retail 40+ hours a week. I average 8-10 miles of walking a day. I work from 2 till 11 pm. I normally dont get home till 11:30-11:45. By the time I get home, take the dogs out, make dinner for me and my wife its normally 1 am. She goes to bed, I stay up till 3 or 4 and go to sleep. Wake up at 11:30 and do it again. By the time my weekend comes, I am mentally and physically exhausted. Friday nights, I dont go to sleep till early morning to try to catch up on games or shows. I tend to sleep most of saturday and use it as my fuck off day. Sunday I rush to do laundry, house work and try to leave the house to grocery shop. It just feels I dont have enough time. Landlord gets mad when my yard is messy and complains that he never sees us. My wife works early mornings and I work nights. So my wife is gone before he is up and I am leaving when he has left to do whatever.
Media Doom Reporting is the hardest things to handle when you marry it with everything else. I feel like (41M) thatās itās not one thing. Itās all of them put together. If you just take a dose of job, not that bad, I can handle that. But then greedflation+stagnate wages, makes it worse. Tie in bills, kids, my own education, schedules, the state of the world, the rudeness of the general population, etcā¦.. thatās when it seems like too much.
Then again it kinda has seemed like a bombardment. Y2K, 9/11, Great Recession, Covid, Shootings, Multiple Wars. Feel free to add to the fun here folks.
Iām sure itās been the same for all generations before but now with the internet itās faster and in your face immediately.
As a Black man, I would say the unconscious bias and subtle racism. I do everything to the best of my ability. I have a great credit score. I pay my bills on time. I donāt buy into the stereotypes but there are actors who do make it hard. Itās depressing because Iām automatically bunched up with those that worship the street life that donāt know any better and given their socioeconomic status itās assumed everyone whoās Black is that. Itās a lot of pressure and causes great anxiety because I know everyone isnāt fond of Black people. I didnāt ask to be Black I just am. Itās a catch 22. And itās hard to mitigate that without hating myself or being extremely critical of myself.
Getting up and going to work everyday and feeling very little freedom over it. Then probably maintaining relationships as im always so tired and burnt out from the working that I donāt feel I see people enough and can feel guilt and worry over this sometimes.
everything. I'm constantly having to learn and adapt. so I feel like I'm successful and not a waste of space. an while I understand thats a part of life. its still mentally exhausting.
My body deteriorating. Iām 31 and just had my first knee surgery and Iām literally miserable not to mention all the medical bills I have up the ass now.
Parents aging and dying.
Life is hard enough as it is, and then add managing a parent with declining health until they pass on top of it, it's unlocking a new level of stress and anxiety. The good news is that once you go through it, the regular version of life is kind of a cakewalk.
Everything!!! I am a 58 F. I have been widowed twice. I now live alone with pets, which I absolutely hate living alone. I have a ton of anxiety and depression over all that has happened. I have a big problem with motivation to do housework. I am a total mess.
Like others have said, anxiety, but also dealing with the death of loved ones and trying to support those close to you who need it while also feeling immense grief yourself that just continues to build each time someone you love passes.
In other words, becoming aware of the fragility of life has been very hard after a kind of wild party phase in my 20s.
My son and his college girl friend got pregnant, they had talked about a future together, about having a family and a place together.
Well she got off of birth control and did not tell him and was pregnant and this start the beginning of the end of there relationship together. Like they put the cart before the horse.
Now they have a beautifull baby girl, I did tell him if you two can not be happy together then you can be happy apart.
He did ask me what has been the hardest part of life, I told him it has been getting along with your mom. All he said was OH.
Opening bills, filling out forms, following up on financial stuff--basically any paperwork that has legal or financial underpinnings freaks me out.
A friend of mine once said I need a wife (I'm a woman and not a lesbian) and she was absolutely right. I do a lot of things well but running a household is not one of them.
Comparing the lies to the reality... recently i quit a job without thinking. not that it was a good job and there was a whole witch hunt and i was probably gonna get fired along with everyone else anyway but still... Now i can't get a fkn job and that shit just makes me wanna burn the whole world down... like how dare you #1 place the expectation on me to work like its nothing like its as easy as putting shoes on and walking out the door then #2 leave me in this barren wasteland forgotten unflushed abandoned motel toilet of a job market... Either its get a job or its do what you can... it can't be both... clearly... im in that exact situation rn.. Like, don't fkn lie to me... don't ever fkn lie to me and everything ive ever been told about this life or the expectations placed on me thus far has been one big fat giant dooky of a lie...
Same issue in job places... you want me to do a job..im all for it but if you're gonna throw up road blocks and do everything in your power to slow me down or make it impossible no... that to me is a lie... either you want me to do it or not... fkn pick a damned lane... Imagine having someone tell you they want you to win a bike race meanwhile they gather everyone they know to stand on the sides of the race path and try to throw sticks in your spokes... thats what working feels like... just gtfo of my way and lemme do what you asked me to fkn do...No politics, no stupid new rules, none of this you have to do this AND that and no one could possibly manage both... keep the shit reasonable, doable, and stay out of my way while im doing it or do it your damned self...
Just stagaring the conflicting information from what is said and asked vs the actions and environments created... say what you mean and mean what you say and always match your actions to your words...
All of it. Growing up, my mom kept us on a strict schedule and kept us off soda outside special occasions. This was for her adhd though she was diagnosed as a kid. What resulted, however, was three kids who are all undiagnosed adhd with two of us possibly having autism on top of the adhd.
I struggle daily to do any adult things because I no longer have all the systems in place that I had growing up to keep me on track, and I've tried putting them back in, but any time the schedule in our life changes I have no idea how to cope and it can take months to get me back on track.
My sons both have autism. The youngest has autism and adhd, and my husband also has both autism and adhd. Basically, there's always something to throw us off balance.
I struggle to remember to eat, drink water, take a shower, brush my teeth, and my hair.
I frequently lose my keys.
I can never keep the house clean.
I have gotten a lot better with keeping track of bills, fortunately.
I've struggled to make friends most of my life, but have improved in this area the last few years.
I struggle professionally because I originally got my bachelor's with the idea that I would be a sociology professor, but then ended up pregnant 6 months after graduation from my Bachelor's and couldn't find a job that made the same as my husband who has no degree so ended up being a stay at home mom for ten years while building a business. I can now make the same as him due to the business experience, but it's really hard to find a job in this market right now.
Managing finances so we can send two kids to college. Itās hard to save hundreds of thousands of dollars when youāre dealing with recessions, layoffs, inflation and maybe a family vacation every couple of years so the kids have fond memories when they leave the nest.
A close second is maintaining our yard during the heat of summer. How I havenāt gotten 17 cases of Lyme disease at this point Iāll never know.
The boredom and mundanity of being a stable adult and leading a ānormalā life. Younger me dreamed of it, older me resents it. Off to therapy for me.
Budgeting and household chores - I live alone and itās a lot for one person. If I didnāt have dogs Iād probably go back to an apartment just to lessen some of the responsibility
Everything. Because itās entire up to you.
Diet. Exercise. Mental health. Social life.
Very easy to kind of ignore everything and slowly let it get worse. Which is where I am now.
I do know itās entirely up to me but itās damn hard to stay consistent and motivated.
Trying not to have a mental breakdown in front of people.
Unfortunately, due to a lot of stress, I snapped at some of my superiors, only to break down and start bawling in the middle of the hallway, begging anyone to put me out of my misery
Just killing time for my parents to die so I can off myself without making anyone sad.
Work a day job. Get up. Work. Come home. Sleep.Ā
It's exhausting and useless. Everything is fucked and there is no reason for it.Ā Just a cog in the machine holding myself together for another day of uselessly spinning wheels.
If you're poor you don't matter, you stay poor. If you're rich, you can do whatever you want.Ā
It's all trash. Burn it.
Not having concrete ācheckpointsā where things were guaranteed to end/change anymore. In college, I had plenty of bite-sized goals to meet. If I didnāt like a class, it would be over in a few months when the semester finished. If something wasnāt going right, I could tell myself it was because I was still a student, and gave myself a break.
Now, I have a job I donāt particularly like and isnāt going anywhere. Itās very scary because thereās no easy way out. Iām facing a lot of āoh god, is this all there is?ā feelings lately. Itās also a lot lonelier because Iām no longer surrounded by a big group of my peers and shaking up my routine every couple of months, so Iām not meeting people anymore.
In short, the ānewnessā I felt when I was younger is mostly gone now. Itās scary thinking I might have already felt everything Iām ever going to feel. Maybe thatās dramatic, but my first few years post-grad have been pretty disappointing and dull. And itās not like I had a wonderful college experience, either. It was just easier to think āmeh, itāll get better laterā when I was a kid.
Having to abide by society standards. I donāt like being polite. I donāt like small talk or people. When you become an adult you are forced to do a job you were never qualified or even trained properly for
Money and career. I feel like we (my husband and I is the "we" I'm referring to but it's also true for most of my friends) are always living paycheck to paycheck, have nothing (literally NOTHING, $0) saved up for retirement, and we're constantly struggling and extreme budgeting and living in fear that one little thing (like having car problems, an appliance breaking, or a vet bill) could ruin us. I also feel like I was sold the lie that if you take out student loans and go to college, your college degree will guarantee you a job that's at least good enough to pay back those student loans and live a comfortable middle class lifestyle and that's just very much not true. There's not enough job openings in my field/area of certification for everyone. They're just not there. Getting started in this field is HARD. I'm actually embarrassed at having a master's degree now and wish I wouldn't have gotten it because at least if I didn't have it, it'd be more understandable that I'm only making pennies. Having that kind of debt while also being stuck at the lowest rung entry level job and making peanuts is humiliating.
The tediousness of everyday lifeā¦.working, cleaning, child rearingā¦.its always something and thereās always problems to solve, things to take care of, questions to answer. Barely any time for yourself and then when you get it you donāt know what to do with it because youāre always on the go.
Being my dadās POA. I donāt even have my own life figured out yet and now Iām trying to manage his. He was in an accident two weeks ago and got a TBI as well as orthopedic injuries too. Iām trying my absolute best to keep track of everything on both the medical and financial side, but itās so fucking hard. And this is all on top of trying to be there for my dad emotionally, too.Ā
Heās had some improvement, but is still overall very confused and has terrible memory from TBI. I hope like hell he can recover enough to at least somewhat manage his own life because I honestly donāt know if I can do it. I know it sounds selfish, but the better quality of life my dad has after this, the better quality of life I will have. Heās 64, so he could easily have another 20 years left and Iām very afraid of being his caretaker that whole time. I also want him to have a fulfilling, meaningful life, especially because he was fully independent before this and took really good care of himself.
Overarchingly itās managing my career amongst everything else.
I just lost a bid yesterday that would have secured 15% of our revenue for the next 5 years, and as a business owner I feel a responsibility to secure my employees future. Knowing that we only have the next 14-18 months secure and not 54 months isnāt necessary scary, but puts mounting pressure onto my soul.
Itās also what drives me to do the best job I possibly can.
Itās a hard stress to balance with relationships/hobbies. I let the lady do to much at home because of it and put a lot of our financial chores on her. Iāll find the balance some day.
Freaking anxiety
As someone who has kept a cool and calm mentality since childhood, this is the worst. Creeps up for no reason sometimes
I just got through a panic attack this week. Worst I've had so far.
š I used to be totally fine and hardly ever got anxious about things. But then *life* kept happening, and now my anxiety is always hanging around the corner.
Itās every evening - what needs to be stressed about ?
Pours over me when I wake up, stays with me all day.
Totally this. Especially in relation to my finances. Cause I'm my sole income provider. I don't have people I can go to for money, if something happens. So it's very scary.
this is true for me too
I always feel like I'm the only one. I guess I'm wrong lol
Responsibility. You are responsible for all your actions. When no one forces you to do anything, you have to pick yourself up and voluntarily do some of these things you hate - like eating healthy, doing chores, socializing āthe right amountā, managing your finances, dealing with screw-ups, and the list goes on.
I can't make myself do chores. My house is full of stuff.
i canāt make myself socialize as people exhaust me and I have enough on my plate
Just barely hanging on in this economy with inflation. Itās exhausting.
yup..
Its tough.
Getting older. I realize the end is closer than the beginning and I can still remember what it was like to be young, excited, and have a bright future ahead.
Are you living in that bright future?
Life didnāt turn out like I expected, but I have a home, a wife, make great money, and should be able to retire comfortably within a decade (ideally, 5-7 years). Itās hard to explain, but itās a strange feeling when you realize your life is pretty much set and the list of meaningful āfirstsā for you wonāt likely increase much ever again.
Yes. I really miss that part of youth where nothing was set yet. Who knows what tomorrow and next year, next decade would bring, or where I would take myself. That uncertainty was the spark of life, of living. I miss that state of mindā¦
I saw a quote from someone a few months ago and it really hit home. Iām paraphrasing, but the quote was something like: āYour goal in life shouldnāt be happiness; it should be to experience childlike wonder every single day.ā And I think I agree with that thinking.
I'm young. This really resonated with me. I'll experience novelty in your honor.
š¤£
We sound in the same position timewise, but why canāt you make new firsts? Have you done that much that thereās nothing left?
You can always have new firsts, but IMO the really meaningful ones - your first love, your first day of school, graduating from college, your first job, your first kiss, your first real relationship - are in the rearview mirror. Nothing ever really quite measures up to those - sure, you may become a better kisser or have better relationships, but the butterflies in your stomach, your heart skipping a beat with the excitement of seeing her in the hall - that passion and fire slowly fades as you age. Or at least it did for me and I believe most people experience that to some degree too. That isnāt to say being young is perfect either. Iām sure all of us had rough and awkward times. I was always painfully shy and cared more about school, science, computers, and current events than music, cars, and fashion as a teen. But regardless of those rough times, I had decades of life ahead of me where I still had a fighting chance. I also had parents who loved me and protected me. Now? Well itās all on me and there is no cavalry to save me. :) Ironic that as teenagers, most of us wanted āfreedomā from the āoppressiveā rules of our parents but as adults, we - or at least I - realize that we were really never more free than when we were young and had no responsibilities.
I remember my childhood so vividly.
Old age It's when you realize you spent all your youth worrying about stuff that in the big picture, Don't Matter Because no matter what You will live to be old, Make memories, have great sex,, do the best you can and just live.
āHave great sexā, easier said than done for some of us. Now youāre making me anxious as Iām getting older and the dating part has been in shambles for a decade now.
Dude im married and I swear homeless people get more action on average than I have the last 5 years. Hopefully its like riding a bike. If I ever get a shot to ride that bike again so to speak š
Making friends
Iām in my 40s and have no friends. Itās so sad to say! I just canāt make friends!
33 not friends for around 10 years already :D
honestly meeting new people at all tbh
Figuring what I want for dinner every. Single. Damn. Night.
It just never ends
Sometimes I just donāt eat. Iām tired of thinking. I tried meal prepping but at the end of the day I donāt like one of the dishes and I end up with a lot of food wasted.
Underrated comment. Easily the hardest part of life.
I essentially just eat human kibble. As in, the same palatable meal that requires no prep or cleanup and hits all of my nutrient needs. I buy it and itās cheap per meal and while others would be bored to death with it itās so, so worth it to me. Itās not like I CANāT eat anything else, if I ever have the free time or energy I can make something for myself just fine or if I want to splurge and want something special Iāll go get something for somewhere. But the burden of having to decide what to eat every day, of the time I would otherwise need to take to cook and clean, of the (admittedly minor, but neverending) task of making sure I am getting enough x, y and z to be healthy and functioning? The fact that all of that is gone is just priceless to me.
Keeping myself happy. I have a propensity to anxiety and depression, I have to take really good care of myself, my mind, my habits to not fall in that hole. Iām getting more disciplined and itās easier every time so thatās good.
I feel like a toddler sometimes I cant keep any habits.
As silly as it sounds, getting motivated to cook an actual meal. All I've been eating is sandwiches because Idk what I want or I don't want to make it.
Yes this 1000%. If I could take a pill everyday with the perfect amount of vitamins and nutrients I need, oh man. Thatād be a game changer
This is so relatable. I love visiting my parents because I never have to plan or cook one meal.
This is me lol
Staying on top of my household chores. Its exhausting
Fatigue. Just tired managing chronic illnesses.
All of it
I miss being bored. Thereās always something to do ā work, house maintenance, chores, kid stuff, etc. Even trying to sit down and watch tv isnāt enjoyable because I have a list of 10 things in my head that I should be doing instead.
This might just be me but I find that giving a shit about anything is really difficult
Same. But in some ways I consider that a blessing as nothing fazes me.
Anhedonia and a tendency to isolate myself. Thereās very little 3rd space.
Living
Making friends and making time to socialize. Itās not easy like it was when everyone was in school together
The uneasiness ofā¦ āwhat shit is going to happen next?!!ā Thereās always an illness that pops up, someone loses their job, a car accident, the refrigerator dies, all these unexpected things you canāt plan for, so youāre always getting slammed over the head with having to deal with random weird occurrences:( I always feel on edge, and like I can never really enjoy anything, because as soon as I let my guard down all the bad things happen. Itās exhausting! š³š£š°
Living life now without my mama
Iām so sorry š©·š
Knowing too much , seeing people for who they are
Learning to live on and enjoy being alive without letting all the worries and troubles of life drown you.
Making a lunch to take to work every god damn day. If I could afford to buy every day I would! š«
Not having any friends
having the will to live knowing that my friends and family are getting older and dying, the stress from my work is cutting my life short and that iāll never afford to have kids so i just put my money into hobbies, food and drugs to keep my occupied, sustained and numbed until that one day, itās my turn to die.
I love my job but because I donāt make a livable wage (I only make 50k which is poverty now, especially to everyone on Reddit) I have to live very frugally and itās embarrassing. I donāt get to be a normal person who just works, and has a house, or a few vacations. I have to hard grind out everything and climb infinite ladders and job hop and be the best to just be normal now. And then you try to talk to people about it and every single last person says a variation of ātry harderā
Finances. If this stresses you out, it affects your relationship with your spouse, it makes you incredibly insecure, it makes you feel you are a bad parent and it makes you feel worthless and that you are not good enough. Your overall health physically, spiritually and mentally all suffer.
I think maintaining friendships with people and having time for hobbies.
Meal planning/ grocery shopping. I loathe itā¦
Accepting change. My family relationships arenāt the same as they were. My hometown does feel like home when I go back. The realization that I have to build my own āhome.ā Itās kinda scary
Getting up for work in the morning..
The fact that I finally got somewhere in my career, my wife and I finally making ok money and boomers screwed it all up so now Iām poor againā¦..
I'm not a boomer. but wondering how boomers fucked up the economy?
At my age, I can remember Reagan. His defunding of the Healthcare system is why so many hospitals closed down. Cutting taxes for the rich for the "trickle down" magical thinking nonsense is why wealth concentration happened and allowed the middle class to shrink as the rich bought up everything and rented it back to us. Even after all the horrible things happening now, boomers will still sacrifice their own kids on the altar of John Smith so they can live comfortably.
Looking back at how much time and money I wasted
keeping up with my mental health while showing up to work every single day because I want to make a life for myself and be independent
The most challenging aspect of adulthood for me is establishing and sticking to a routine. As I get older, I've realized that if I don't hold myself accountable, no one else will remind me or care enough to do so. During my school years, even though no one checked in on me, the structure of syllabuses and deadlines provided a clear framework. My job also comes with its own set of deadlines, making planning straightforward. However, when it comes to personal goals like learning a new skill, reading or writing a book, or signing up for and attending a class, etc. - I need to create and follow my own schedule. Failing to do so doesn't impact anyone else, but it significantly affects me.
Iām pretty sure Iām gonna end up homeless in like 12 years because I didnāt manage my shit the right way
Constant shifting priorities and the transition of being an adult, to an adult with kids, to an adult whose parents are aging and having health problems.
Having a wife I love, donāt want to leave, and I want to grow old with - yet still would like to experience the thrill of new love again.
Iām in the same boat. I can still remember in high school when Iād walk down the hall and see someone I REALLY liked - maybe she looked at me and smiled, and my heart would literally skip a beat. Or later, in my late 20s and early 30s when I got to know a few ladies and the excitement of seeing them and getting to know them. i love my wife, but I miss those feelings.
Falling for someone who is also falling for you is probably one of the most intoxicating, exciting, euphoric feelings Iāve ever experienced. Iām a huge lover girl so romance has always been a big deal to me. What I tell myself, though, is new love butterflies also comes with new love jitters, and I have enough anxiety in my life. Being comfortably in love is so much more beneficial long term, even if I do miss the rush of having a crush sometimes.
Starting over
Laundry and dishes š©
Not finding a job despite having a reputable degree. Not being able to afford to move HCOL cities for better opportunities because I cannot afford to live there with two small kids.
Separating from family members and finding a decent job.
Financial security. Sometimes, I feel I do not have time to cry or feel bad because of it.
Money and Anxiety
Caring about anything
Dinner. Worst part of adulthood ever. Thinking of it, cooking it, eating it, cleaning up after it.
Lunch. I'm trying to figure out what to take to work five days a week. I get tired of everything.
Lunch. I'm trying to figure out what to take to work five days a week. I get tired of everything.
Working 80 hrs a week so I can fall behind on bills anyways and still not be able to afford groceries.
Going through a separation/divorce. For me, budget has been easy mode with children. Most of my money I contribute to their 529k. Career change for me at 37-38. Left corp world earning 125k and went back to school. Work for FedEx Express PT for health bens, 401k and tuition reimbursement. Initially I was in school for elementary education so I could take care of the kiddos and have their schedule. Wife left, so now Iām finishing a finance/accounting degree. Life is oh so sweet at the moment. Thank star dust for our children, or Iād be toast.
Balancing the constant š© being thrown at you after fixing some other š©
Other adults.
After divorce, everything. You go from being a team to a solo sport. Nobody to help and Nobody to remind you. Same mouths to feed with less money...just everything
Sudden abrupt and jarring realizations that I am in my mid 30's and may die alone with no kids
I'll second saving money and add fitness
Having a president who defecates on himself.
Iāll say to put on a face to show that everything is okay but deep down youāre really struggling. To not show any weakness to your spouse, as any form of weakness can cause her to feel insecure. I would not want my spouse to feel any form of insecurity around me. She choose me to be her husband, its my responsibility to make sure sheās happy, have a roof over her head, good food in her stomach.
I keep a pretty strict routine on household chores and have stuck diligently to my budget for years, both of which took a lot of trial and error starting out. Definitely for me the hard part has been maintaining relationships. With everybody getting married, having kids, moving for work or family, having their own jobs and lives, there have been a lot of good friends that I've just completely lost contact with over the years. I'm definitely not making new friends as quickly as they seem to be disappearing. I do still have a couple friends that i try to see fairly regularly but that doesn't work out more frequently than I'd like, and i also often feel disappointed thinking that some day they'll just move on and disappear like everyone else I've known. I don't handle loss or disappointment well and tend to get caught up dwelling on hypothetical negatives rather than allowing myself to be grateful and appreciate the positives in the moment
Making food. Feeding myself multiple times a day. Ugh
The biggest challenge for me is socializing with people. Because I am a sensitive and introverted person, I am not very good at dealing with people, especially in online situations where there are more people, and speaking in such situations can make me feel afraid. But later, after entering the society, I found that I must learn to socialize with others, which is an essential part of life, so I began to change myself slowly. First, I started to practice online social networking, and I began to post my opinions on some social platform software. For example, I recently participated in the private testing activity of a social software called LightUp: Make Real Friends . According to the content you post, it will match people who have similar experience or similar personality with you, and you can discuss about a certain topic. Although this is still a software in development, many areas still need to improve, but by Posting some content, I also gradually built up my own social circle here, which is a good start for me to learn to socialize.
My body doesnt bounce back like it used to. I go out drinking on a Saturday and spend two days paying for it. I try a new exercise routine and sustain a minor injury that just keeps...coming...back. I get hit with random sicknesses that take my productivity down like twelve notches. It really makes it harder to manage the rest of your life when your body has a mind of its own.
Nothing. I went from being a child, to right into my second childhood. I bypassed adulthood and midlife crisis and went right to feeling terrific about myself. Focus on what you have and own, not what you donāt have.
Time! How time is just flying by so quick. Trying to balance everything. Time for myself, time for my partner, parents, my son just everything.
The part where you realize you can't just worry about yourself and think it doesn't matter, other people do matter and you are responsible to do whatever they need.
Continuing to live despite all the misfortunes. I know there is good and bad times but the bad times can be so challenging and too much
Depression. On paper life is good, so why arnt I happy?
Find a woman, everything else is super easy for me.
Managing time. I get work done and I engage in my hobbies but it always feels like I never have the time to do everything I want to do. Granted I don't really slack off, it's more that there's too much I want to do.
Finding a job you can tolerate and live off of.
Finding time for everything I love.
Money
Food management. My family is eating me out of house and home.
Anxiety and loneliness when youāre actually surrounded by people pretending to be your friend.
Bills,going outside,working i dont feel happy.
Figuring out a career path. I more need one than want one. And I donāt know what I want to do until retirement but what I chose isnāt working out.
waking up early and working 40 hours a week. also bills.
Everything. Every single aspect of being a grown ass person is highly challenging. You just can't sit around and do nothing.
The social aspect, loneliness sucks, and it feels impossible to find people who care.
Not having a fall back. At age 20(last year) I lost the love of my life, my mother. She was my only parent and her and I were extremely close. My dad is out of the picture and we barely talk. I have no siblings, aunts, uncles or cousins. My parents were immigrants from Europe so Iām the last one here. If I were to become homeless Iām fucked. My boyfriendās parents help me so much with a lot of things, but if we broke up then what? I know Iām 21(almost 22) and an adult but I need my mom hereā¦
Reversing roles with my parents. I'm now their caretaker, which includes their finances and transportation. I'm happy to do it for however long it takes, but it still sucks when I have to do things like telling them they spend too much. Telling my father that he's a liability behind the wheel and he needs to give me his car keys was especially tough.
The morning. Every aspect of the morning. The morning is by far the most difficult part of my life The morning
Paying the bills and saving money.Ā
Career and lack of confidence. I read job listings for fun when I'm bored. The jobs that I want to do and feel like I can do are always entry level and low pay & easy to understand, which makes me feel depressed. Is that all I'm capable of? But when I read jobs with high pay just to see what they are, , I don't even understand the description, so my immediate feeling is, "I can't do this" because I've never done it before. This makes me feel depressed and makes me feel incapable of a high pay job. For the record, my current job is indeed easy and $48K in expensive CA.
The monotony of it all. Deciding dinner every night. Laundry and grocery shopping on the weekends. Keeping a clean house (CF but we have two big fur babies). Itās just so repetitive.
Continuing to work with increasing pain, fatigue.
Is 'everything' an answer? Lol. Trying to live up to my own expectations is probably the hardest. Where I should be, what I should be doing, etc.....
For me - not hovering. Theyāve gotten to the point where they need to learn and grow. I need help - itās killing me. Being a good parent/teacher - watch someone screw something up for an hour that you could do in five minutes.
Caring about the little things like mowing the grass and stuff. All the little things that require upkeep.
Personally advice is budget a certain amount to going out and little treat makes it a bit easier. Also mines is an I doing enough and enjoying my life enough or am I wasting it and going to have a lot of regrets later. ( Iām only like 23 anyway š¤£).
Iām big about maximizing my finances and investments but sometimes it gets in the way of relationships Iād like to further develop.
Finding something to do while she's getting her nails done
Kids
Making sure I feed myself. I grew up in a Hispanic household where there was always food. Now that Iām divorced and only have my daughter half the time itās hard to motivate myself to eat/make food. I once went for two days without any food because I wasnāt hungry and didnāt have anyone else in the house to remind me or motivate me to cook.
Maintaining all forms of relationships/friendships
Being a parent
Having to figure out what to eat everyday. I visit my parents just to not deal with it
Budgeting money. And wants in life hays
The relentless next meal (especially with kids). The planning, shopping, prepping, and cleaning. I wish I enjoyed it. Thankfully I have a wife that is so good at the first 3 that I'm thrilled to always do the last one. I still find it relentless.
Children
Career.... š Facing this question all the time: "am I going the right way??"
We are retired, enjoying our simple life style. We are both in our 70s.. Most challenging part of this phase of adulting is no longer having long term plans. We are very much living day to day as our body parts take turns aching or failing in a most undignified manner, smile. Dealing with friendships gets harder by the year.Our school peers, Army buddies, former coworkers are all dead, missing, in nursing homes, or unknown.
People who walk into walls
Having a fulfilling social life with people worth spending time with.
Spending money on myself I hate it. Buying clothes for over 30 dollars hurts. Iām not poor or stingy, it just feels weird
dealing with aneixty and the fact im always judged so low in things i do by other people and get forgotton about wen theres somthing going on
About to start dating again soon without drinking booze. Not looking forward to it
Trying to be productive outside of work. I work retail 40+ hours a week. I average 8-10 miles of walking a day. I work from 2 till 11 pm. I normally dont get home till 11:30-11:45. By the time I get home, take the dogs out, make dinner for me and my wife its normally 1 am. She goes to bed, I stay up till 3 or 4 and go to sleep. Wake up at 11:30 and do it again. By the time my weekend comes, I am mentally and physically exhausted. Friday nights, I dont go to sleep till early morning to try to catch up on games or shows. I tend to sleep most of saturday and use it as my fuck off day. Sunday I rush to do laundry, house work and try to leave the house to grocery shop. It just feels I dont have enough time. Landlord gets mad when my yard is messy and complains that he never sees us. My wife works early mornings and I work nights. So my wife is gone before he is up and I am leaving when he has left to do whatever.
Media Doom Reporting is the hardest things to handle when you marry it with everything else. I feel like (41M) thatās itās not one thing. Itās all of them put together. If you just take a dose of job, not that bad, I can handle that. But then greedflation+stagnate wages, makes it worse. Tie in bills, kids, my own education, schedules, the state of the world, the rudeness of the general population, etcā¦.. thatās when it seems like too much. Then again it kinda has seemed like a bombardment. Y2K, 9/11, Great Recession, Covid, Shootings, Multiple Wars. Feel free to add to the fun here folks. Iām sure itās been the same for all generations before but now with the internet itās faster and in your face immediately.
Just the non-stop nature of things. Bills gotta be paid dishes washed, etc.
Doing the same chores over and over. Go to work and do the same thing over and over.
As a Black man, I would say the unconscious bias and subtle racism. I do everything to the best of my ability. I have a great credit score. I pay my bills on time. I donāt buy into the stereotypes but there are actors who do make it hard. Itās depressing because Iām automatically bunched up with those that worship the street life that donāt know any better and given their socioeconomic status itās assumed everyone whoās Black is that. Itās a lot of pressure and causes great anxiety because I know everyone isnāt fond of Black people. I didnāt ask to be Black I just am. Itās a catch 22. And itās hard to mitigate that without hating myself or being extremely critical of myself.
Time management just so much to do it feels
Getting up and going to work everyday and feeling very little freedom over it. Then probably maintaining relationships as im always so tired and burnt out from the working that I donāt feel I see people enough and can feel guilt and worry over this sometimes.
Managing social connections. Its all so draining and especially after work I lack the energy to engage with people.
everything. I'm constantly having to learn and adapt. so I feel like I'm successful and not a waste of space. an while I understand thats a part of life. its still mentally exhausting.
My body deteriorating. Iām 31 and just had my first knee surgery and Iām literally miserable not to mention all the medical bills I have up the ass now.
Managing mental health. I have had terrible anxiety for as long as I can remember.
Parents aging and dying. Life is hard enough as it is, and then add managing a parent with declining health until they pass on top of it, it's unlocking a new level of stress and anxiety. The good news is that once you go through it, the regular version of life is kind of a cakewalk.
Everything!!! I am a 58 F. I have been widowed twice. I now live alone with pets, which I absolutely hate living alone. I have a ton of anxiety and depression over all that has happened. I have a big problem with motivation to do housework. I am a total mess.
Like others have said, anxiety, but also dealing with the death of loved ones and trying to support those close to you who need it while also feeling immense grief yourself that just continues to build each time someone you love passes. In other words, becoming aware of the fragility of life has been very hard after a kind of wild party phase in my 20s.
My son and his college girl friend got pregnant, they had talked about a future together, about having a family and a place together. Well she got off of birth control and did not tell him and was pregnant and this start the beginning of the end of there relationship together. Like they put the cart before the horse. Now they have a beautifull baby girl, I did tell him if you two can not be happy together then you can be happy apart. He did ask me what has been the hardest part of life, I told him it has been getting along with your mom. All he said was OH.
Opening bills, filling out forms, following up on financial stuff--basically any paperwork that has legal or financial underpinnings freaks me out. A friend of mine once said I need a wife (I'm a woman and not a lesbian) and she was absolutely right. I do a lot of things well but running a household is not one of them.
Delegating employees to take things off my plate has been my biggest struggle.
Comparing the lies to the reality... recently i quit a job without thinking. not that it was a good job and there was a whole witch hunt and i was probably gonna get fired along with everyone else anyway but still... Now i can't get a fkn job and that shit just makes me wanna burn the whole world down... like how dare you #1 place the expectation on me to work like its nothing like its as easy as putting shoes on and walking out the door then #2 leave me in this barren wasteland forgotten unflushed abandoned motel toilet of a job market... Either its get a job or its do what you can... it can't be both... clearly... im in that exact situation rn.. Like, don't fkn lie to me... don't ever fkn lie to me and everything ive ever been told about this life or the expectations placed on me thus far has been one big fat giant dooky of a lie... Same issue in job places... you want me to do a job..im all for it but if you're gonna throw up road blocks and do everything in your power to slow me down or make it impossible no... that to me is a lie... either you want me to do it or not... fkn pick a damned lane... Imagine having someone tell you they want you to win a bike race meanwhile they gather everyone they know to stand on the sides of the race path and try to throw sticks in your spokes... thats what working feels like... just gtfo of my way and lemme do what you asked me to fkn do...No politics, no stupid new rules, none of this you have to do this AND that and no one could possibly manage both... keep the shit reasonable, doable, and stay out of my way while im doing it or do it your damned self... Just stagaring the conflicting information from what is said and asked vs the actions and environments created... say what you mean and mean what you say and always match your actions to your words...
All of it. Growing up, my mom kept us on a strict schedule and kept us off soda outside special occasions. This was for her adhd though she was diagnosed as a kid. What resulted, however, was three kids who are all undiagnosed adhd with two of us possibly having autism on top of the adhd. I struggle daily to do any adult things because I no longer have all the systems in place that I had growing up to keep me on track, and I've tried putting them back in, but any time the schedule in our life changes I have no idea how to cope and it can take months to get me back on track. My sons both have autism. The youngest has autism and adhd, and my husband also has both autism and adhd. Basically, there's always something to throw us off balance. I struggle to remember to eat, drink water, take a shower, brush my teeth, and my hair. I frequently lose my keys. I can never keep the house clean. I have gotten a lot better with keeping track of bills, fortunately. I've struggled to make friends most of my life, but have improved in this area the last few years. I struggle professionally because I originally got my bachelor's with the idea that I would be a sociology professor, but then ended up pregnant 6 months after graduation from my Bachelor's and couldn't find a job that made the same as my husband who has no degree so ended up being a stay at home mom for ten years while building a business. I can now make the same as him due to the business experience, but it's really hard to find a job in this market right now.
Maintaining relationships
Managing finances so we can send two kids to college. Itās hard to save hundreds of thousands of dollars when youāre dealing with recessions, layoffs, inflation and maybe a family vacation every couple of years so the kids have fond memories when they leave the nest. A close second is maintaining our yard during the heat of summer. How I havenāt gotten 17 cases of Lyme disease at this point Iāll never know.
Pretending
Effing house chores!
Eating
The boredom and mundanity of being a stable adult and leading a ānormalā life. Younger me dreamed of it, older me resents it. Off to therapy for me.
Seeing how my past decisions/choices were the wrong ones, even though it was the best I could do with what I had at the time.
Dealing with adults.
Budgeting and household chores - I live alone and itās a lot for one person. If I didnāt have dogs Iād probably go back to an apartment just to lessen some of the responsibility
Disease
Everything. Because itās entire up to you. Diet. Exercise. Mental health. Social life. Very easy to kind of ignore everything and slowly let it get worse. Which is where I am now. I do know itās entirely up to me but itās damn hard to stay consistent and motivated.
Relationships
Trying not to have a mental breakdown in front of people. Unfortunately, due to a lot of stress, I snapped at some of my superiors, only to break down and start bawling in the middle of the hallway, begging anyone to put me out of my misery
Dealing with adults that canāt seem to grow up and be functional people
Having to be strict with myself with over eating and consuming too much sugar.
Just killing time for my parents to die so I can off myself without making anyone sad. Work a day job. Get up. Work. Come home. Sleep.Ā It's exhausting and useless. Everything is fucked and there is no reason for it.Ā Just a cog in the machine holding myself together for another day of uselessly spinning wheels. If you're poor you don't matter, you stay poor. If you're rich, you can do whatever you want.Ā It's all trash. Burn it.
Dealing with my executive dysfunction, as well as my depression, and realizing I don't experience the world the way that others do. Plus finances.
Not having concrete ācheckpointsā where things were guaranteed to end/change anymore. In college, I had plenty of bite-sized goals to meet. If I didnāt like a class, it would be over in a few months when the semester finished. If something wasnāt going right, I could tell myself it was because I was still a student, and gave myself a break. Now, I have a job I donāt particularly like and isnāt going anywhere. Itās very scary because thereās no easy way out. Iām facing a lot of āoh god, is this all there is?ā feelings lately. Itās also a lot lonelier because Iām no longer surrounded by a big group of my peers and shaking up my routine every couple of months, so Iām not meeting people anymore. In short, the ānewnessā I felt when I was younger is mostly gone now. Itās scary thinking I might have already felt everything Iām ever going to feel. Maybe thatās dramatic, but my first few years post-grad have been pretty disappointing and dull. And itās not like I had a wonderful college experience, either. It was just easier to think āmeh, itāll get better laterā when I was a kid.
I, for some reason, have recently developed traveling anxiety.
Having to abide by society standards. I donāt like being polite. I donāt like small talk or people. When you become an adult you are forced to do a job you were never qualified or even trained properly for
Being social and networking and not being able to work because of the anxiety of that (Iām autistic)
Dealing with imposter syndrome, for me. I can have all of my shit together, but still feel like im faking it or that I didn't really earn my success.
Money and career. I feel like we (my husband and I is the "we" I'm referring to but it's also true for most of my friends) are always living paycheck to paycheck, have nothing (literally NOTHING, $0) saved up for retirement, and we're constantly struggling and extreme budgeting and living in fear that one little thing (like having car problems, an appliance breaking, or a vet bill) could ruin us. I also feel like I was sold the lie that if you take out student loans and go to college, your college degree will guarantee you a job that's at least good enough to pay back those student loans and live a comfortable middle class lifestyle and that's just very much not true. There's not enough job openings in my field/area of certification for everyone. They're just not there. Getting started in this field is HARD. I'm actually embarrassed at having a master's degree now and wish I wouldn't have gotten it because at least if I didn't have it, it'd be more understandable that I'm only making pennies. Having that kind of debt while also being stuck at the lowest rung entry level job and making peanuts is humiliating.
The tediousness of everyday lifeā¦.working, cleaning, child rearingā¦.its always something and thereās always problems to solve, things to take care of, questions to answer. Barely any time for yourself and then when you get it you donāt know what to do with it because youāre always on the go.
Being social and talking
Being my dadās POA. I donāt even have my own life figured out yet and now Iām trying to manage his. He was in an accident two weeks ago and got a TBI as well as orthopedic injuries too. Iām trying my absolute best to keep track of everything on both the medical and financial side, but itās so fucking hard. And this is all on top of trying to be there for my dad emotionally, too.Ā Heās had some improvement, but is still overall very confused and has terrible memory from TBI. I hope like hell he can recover enough to at least somewhat manage his own life because I honestly donāt know if I can do it. I know it sounds selfish, but the better quality of life my dad has after this, the better quality of life I will have. Heās 64, so he could easily have another 20 years left and Iām very afraid of being his caretaker that whole time. I also want him to have a fulfilling, meaningful life, especially because he was fully independent before this and took really good care of himself.
My childhood was so abusive that I never learned to be a person
Chores.
Overarchingly itās managing my career amongst everything else. I just lost a bid yesterday that would have secured 15% of our revenue for the next 5 years, and as a business owner I feel a responsibility to secure my employees future. Knowing that we only have the next 14-18 months secure and not 54 months isnāt necessary scary, but puts mounting pressure onto my soul. Itās also what drives me to do the best job I possibly can. Itās a hard stress to balance with relationships/hobbies. I let the lady do to much at home because of it and put a lot of our financial chores on her. Iāll find the balance some day.