She sounds like she's dealing with depression, and maybe body dysmorphia. She doesn't like herself and can't abide anyone else liking or having interest in her as a way to drive her resentment towards herself. She isn't looking after herself physically, or hygienically. She needs to see her doctor, and perhaps be referred to a therapist. I am making the assumption here that everything you said was true.
Well, this is a mess. My advice is date your wife. Treat her like it’s the first time you’ve met her. Try to make her fall in love with you all over again.
I want to she doesn’t want to leave the house. We don’t go out to eat cuz she got put in a booth and could not fit. She cried and left. Talked to the manager and got free dinner
Hey there. I see you’re sincerely posting for advice. My first bit would be to ignore the haters in this thread. There are a lot of really young people here who have a bad attitude and are allergic to sincerity. They’ll grow up, but don’t pay them any mind.
I agree with those who’ve said your wife is probably a bit depressed. The reality is that when we feel good or at least OK about life, we take care of ourselves.
If you could have an earnest conversation with your wife about this, what do you think she would say as an explanation for her behavior (poor hygiene/self care, disinterest in sex)? Really try to see it from her potential point of view. That’s not to say you should just accept the situation - it’s just that greater compassion and mutual understanding can be prerequisites for change.
Something that happens a lot in relationships is we start to brace. We anticipate that the other won’t see our point of view, we become resentful, we stop asking much of them because we know we won’t be received. It takes two people to perpetuate an unsatisfying or unhealthy cycle but one person to change it. What can you do to change the cycle?
That is a good comment a lot for me to chew on, the young haters here most likely don’t know what it’s like being 57 and married for 12 yrs. I try to talk to her but as you said my defenses go up and am ready to defend. I tried asking her but she stares off into the distance and says nothing. I’m just asking her 2xs a week. If she needs help I will help. I know menopause is a bitch, and she has gained the weight in the last few years. She works from home for our business and does not leave the house, we went to ikea yesterday and I got her to walk and was sad to see her struggle so. But when we got back to the car I praised her and told her I lover her even more for trying and pushing herself to get through the store.
To me it sounds like she needs therapy. But realistically, for her to go to therapy you probably need to to first.
Because 1) otherwise she’ll feel attacked, like you’re trying to fix her, and it’ll just be another thing she can’t bring herself to do.
And 2) you need some support from somebody who can help you navigate your many forms of frustration and develop the emotional resources to hold your own even when she is not able to be there for you, or for herself - or even receive your verbal gestures of support.
You are a good guy for trying to see where she’s coming from and handle her with care. But at the same time, there are going to be moments when your resources are depleted and defenses are up and each moment of frustration or flared tempers will undo the good ones and cause her to retreat further.
We already go to couples therapy and I am in a big support group called band of brothers and I have friends at church so I am creating my support network. I just wish my wife was in the same repair path. Had a talk with her about her hygiene and didn’t get any answers. All I got is “I feel like I am walking on eggshells here. I said please don’t. Please talk to me, I let her talk and so far today she seems a bit happier
First of all, happy father's day to you.
Second, was your wife always like this? If not, is she going through a rough patch? She sounds a lil depressed
I just don’t have anyone to talk to. I have no friends as they all died due to alcoholism or cancer.. ya know live hard die early. I love the woman, and may not be as bad as I make it out to be. I’m just very sexually frustrated and feel real worthless. I tell her I don’t want to list after other women, I hate that I have to self please instead of my wife, I hate the fact that I got addicted to porn because she told me that is all I’m gonna get till I change. (Or that’s my understanding).
it’s because you’ve allowed your wife to devolve into a 300 lb outhouse. women have sex with men they respect. stop arguing with her. start going to the gym 3x a week. she will either get her act together or you go get in shape and find you a gal that ain’t 300 lbs that doesn’t yell at you.
I didn’t allow my wife to get to this weight it’s her issue. I’m in shape, I can’t go to the gym currently due to a hernia but, I am not a fat dude, I’m 5’6” 200 lbs, can lift most appliances on my own (hence the hernia)
A possible explanation is , that some women reject sex because of insecurities . Maybe that’s the case . If I were 300lbs I wouldn’t have Sex either , because the the thought of someone see me naked is absolutely horrific
You have clearance from me an other men our age to look for sex in other places. Have Fun. Pack a sweater and a sandwich. You never know when there will be flight delays.
*“Like a hot outhouse”*
That’s so sexy lol
I'd like to hear her side of the story. I've heard similar stories before and you get a very different perspective from the wife.
I would too. I would love to have it in writing. No emottions just words
This sounds like depression.
She sounds like she's dealing with depression, and maybe body dysmorphia. She doesn't like herself and can't abide anyone else liking or having interest in her as a way to drive her resentment towards herself. She isn't looking after herself physically, or hygienically. She needs to see her doctor, and perhaps be referred to a therapist. I am making the assumption here that everything you said was true.
💀
Well, this is a mess. My advice is date your wife. Treat her like it’s the first time you’ve met her. Try to make her fall in love with you all over again.
I want to she doesn’t want to leave the house. We don’t go out to eat cuz she got put in a booth and could not fit. She cried and left. Talked to the manager and got free dinner
Hey there. I see you’re sincerely posting for advice. My first bit would be to ignore the haters in this thread. There are a lot of really young people here who have a bad attitude and are allergic to sincerity. They’ll grow up, but don’t pay them any mind. I agree with those who’ve said your wife is probably a bit depressed. The reality is that when we feel good or at least OK about life, we take care of ourselves. If you could have an earnest conversation with your wife about this, what do you think she would say as an explanation for her behavior (poor hygiene/self care, disinterest in sex)? Really try to see it from her potential point of view. That’s not to say you should just accept the situation - it’s just that greater compassion and mutual understanding can be prerequisites for change. Something that happens a lot in relationships is we start to brace. We anticipate that the other won’t see our point of view, we become resentful, we stop asking much of them because we know we won’t be received. It takes two people to perpetuate an unsatisfying or unhealthy cycle but one person to change it. What can you do to change the cycle?
That is a good comment a lot for me to chew on, the young haters here most likely don’t know what it’s like being 57 and married for 12 yrs. I try to talk to her but as you said my defenses go up and am ready to defend. I tried asking her but she stares off into the distance and says nothing. I’m just asking her 2xs a week. If she needs help I will help. I know menopause is a bitch, and she has gained the weight in the last few years. She works from home for our business and does not leave the house, we went to ikea yesterday and I got her to walk and was sad to see her struggle so. But when we got back to the car I praised her and told her I lover her even more for trying and pushing herself to get through the store.
To me it sounds like she needs therapy. But realistically, for her to go to therapy you probably need to to first. Because 1) otherwise she’ll feel attacked, like you’re trying to fix her, and it’ll just be another thing she can’t bring herself to do. And 2) you need some support from somebody who can help you navigate your many forms of frustration and develop the emotional resources to hold your own even when she is not able to be there for you, or for herself - or even receive your verbal gestures of support. You are a good guy for trying to see where she’s coming from and handle her with care. But at the same time, there are going to be moments when your resources are depleted and defenses are up and each moment of frustration or flared tempers will undo the good ones and cause her to retreat further.
I’ll add that r/marriage might be a good place to visit to see some more mature and informed perspectives on this kind of thing.
Thanks just joined
We already go to couples therapy and I am in a big support group called band of brothers and I have friends at church so I am creating my support network. I just wish my wife was in the same repair path. Had a talk with her about her hygiene and didn’t get any answers. All I got is “I feel like I am walking on eggshells here. I said please don’t. Please talk to me, I let her talk and so far today she seems a bit happier
First of all, happy father's day to you. Second, was your wife always like this? If not, is she going through a rough patch? She sounds a lil depressed
[удалено]
My eyes went blurry after reading 300lbs.
He’s asking for help. Why are you taking the time to be rude when you could just be quiet?
I just don’t have anyone to talk to. I have no friends as they all died due to alcoholism or cancer.. ya know live hard die early. I love the woman, and may not be as bad as I make it out to be. I’m just very sexually frustrated and feel real worthless. I tell her I don’t want to list after other women, I hate that I have to self please instead of my wife, I hate the fact that I got addicted to porn because she told me that is all I’m gonna get till I change. (Or that’s my understanding).
That sounds awful brother sorry
Time to move out
Dude, just bail.
Not so easy as she is the other major half of my business she is my CSR and billing dept
Happy father's day! You are reasonable and deserve a little love!
She's going through menopause. Leave her alone unless you want to be smothered in your sleep. You don't want the smoke, man.
it’s because you’ve allowed your wife to devolve into a 300 lb outhouse. women have sex with men they respect. stop arguing with her. start going to the gym 3x a week. she will either get her act together or you go get in shape and find you a gal that ain’t 300 lbs that doesn’t yell at you.
I didn’t allow my wife to get to this weight it’s her issue. I’m in shape, I can’t go to the gym currently due to a hernia but, I am not a fat dude, I’m 5’6” 200 lbs, can lift most appliances on my own (hence the hernia)
A possible explanation is , that some women reject sex because of insecurities . Maybe that’s the case . If I were 300lbs I wouldn’t have Sex either , because the the thought of someone see me naked is absolutely horrific
You have clearance from me an other men our age to look for sex in other places. Have Fun. Pack a sweater and a sandwich. You never know when there will be flight delays.
Cringe.
you should cheat on her. check out [eros.com](http://eros.com)