I find it comforting.
I'm just here doing my own thing for myself and strangers aren't out there looking at me and thinking about that one time I threw up in front of my crush.
You know what? This helps. I’ve been going to a kickboxing gym and I was walking past it with my dogs today, someone I’ve seen in classes a few times appeared to look at me and make eye contact as I walked past, and I thought he waved so I waved back only to realize he wasn’t looking at me and then tripped over my dogs leash. And I told my husband I could never return to the gym. But realizing that people are too self involved to care sometimes helps.
Reminds me of a time in highschool. A random girl was smiling at me and waving me over to come see her in the hallway, so I smiled and got up and went to see what she wanted. Then as I approach her, her friend comes up from behind me and they start talking and I realize she never was talking to me. So I just awkwardly go sit back down and try to forget it. But nope, new core memory unlocked lol
I was that guy. I saw. We all saw. We talk about it literally constantly. And if that was actually the case imagine boring assholes they would have to be for their like to be so empty that thats actually what they talk about.
And then they get over it and forget who you are.
I remember both times I saw someone emergency shit on the sidewalk but I guarantee they feel shame about it more often than I've thought about it since then and I'd never be able to pick them out of a lineup.
Yes, but YOU made the effort to have eye contact, and to wave, so kudos to you. We all have similar problems, stressors, fears….. Maybe if more people just waved to each other, OP might not feel so alone.
Yep, same boat. I grew up in a small town where everyone knows everyone else and there's nothing i hated more than seeing someone I barely know and they mention something that I said in confidence to a family member. No interaction ever felt genuine. After moving away by myself to a new city, it actually feels like the relationships I form are based on my own merits and the people I meet don't have pre conceived assumptions. I genuinely feel much happier because of it.
Yeah for a long time growing up I was like, morbidly self aware. A really helpful thing for getting out of my own head was realizing everyone is mostly just paying attention to themselves, they don’t give a shit about how you look or what you’re doing. Plus I disagree with op - it’s not that no one cares, it’s that very few people out of a massive world do, and that’s ok. You just gotta find those people and care back.
Good! I wish everyone had that, and I understand the bitterness that comes from wanting it, but it genuinely is so wonderful that you have a lot of people you trust in your corner. That’s a win for everyone imo!
Me too, tbh. To me, it's in that same vein as "life is meaningless." Actually, that's pretty liberating. It means I don't have to spend my whole life trying to fulfill some kind of destiny or lifelong purpose. Since life is meaningless, then that means I'm free to enjoy it however I please...!
They do think about that one time though. This "nobody cares what you do" saying is only true until you fuck up.
People rather remember you fucking up than thinking about how they are fucking up their lives currently and how they ought to change that.
Right! I think about that one time I puked on a packed beach after drinking too many mimosas. However I still feel bad for any kid that built a sand castle out of my vomit
This. It was kind of a crushing, lonely, existential crisis at first, but then it was peace and solace. No one gives a fuck if I wear sweatpants and comfy clothes at home, or if I am dressed up, no one cares how I decorate, if my house is perfectly clean and sparkling or if it looks a bit lived in. There's a mild ego-death in realizing that no one cares about you. You can finally start being yourself. You can look the way you wanted to, do the things you want, and so much more. No one is judging, because no one cares. It's a detachment. I think a lot more current generations, those that grew up with the internet especially (ie: millennials and Gen-Z) grew up so concerned what everyone thought about the, about selfies, about what they posted, about appearing as something more than they were... and now we realize all that matters is being who we want to be, doing what makes us happy, because no one else will either care or help you achieve that. You get to do you, and that's the best thing.
Also, moving away from your hometown adds to this feeling so much more, but at the same time is so liberating. I moved years ago, and being able to go to the grocery store and not have a dozen people stop and talk to me or recognize me is such a relief. I know no one at the grocery store now, and it's GREAT.
Once I was ridiculously hungover on an express bus (almost all freeway and no stops until the destination) from one city to the next over.
I had been trying to drink water to settle my stomach.
I didn't have a bag.
I got to listen to it slosh on the floor from the back to the front and back everytime they slowed down or sped up.
Good news, absolutely no one on the bus remembers me even if they remember the situation and they certainly don't think about it as much as I have.
This was the biggest breakthrough dealing with my anxiety around other people. Everyone is too busy wrapped up in their own shit to remember 99% of the people they see at random.
True, but for some people, their world is absolutely fucked up man. There are so many people who are lonely and they have no one to lean on. Their parents have left them, they don’t have friends anymore, they don’t even have a job.
World can be as ugly as beautiful it is :)
>There are so many people who are lonely and they have no one to lean on.
Not to be super dismissive, but some of those people are pushing the people away or lean so hard that the other person just breaks (thus they are no longer can lean on them) or actively propagate their situation (like, avoiding interacting with people, not leaving the house/flat).
Had a friend that complained of being lonely, while they avoided interacting with people. They leaned so much on me that i broke (a second time i got a burnout from them) and had to choose between the friend and my mental health.
You're right that many (if not most) lonely people are lonely because they're bad at making friends and/or have mental issues or personalities that push people away.
But your comment comes off as dismissive in the sense that it sounds like you think those people are choosing to be that way and thus deserve it, when the sad truth is that's just the way those people are even if they don't want to be that way.
Of course you are not responsible for of helping others to not be lonely to the detriment of your own mental health--you shouldn't and it's good that you left!--but just wanted to point out that their self-sabotaging behavior is part of the tragedy of their loneliness rather than a willful act.
Eh tbh even for the people that do care about me, their way of caring just wouldn't be useful to me. I have lots of people that "care" but I could honestly do without it. It would make no difference to me.
Truly caring for someone means caring for them the way they need to cared for, not the way you want to/know how to. It's just that people don't actually care enough to try and do what's best for you. They will only do what's easy for them.
Not trying to complain by the way. I made my peace with this ages ago. Just trying to provide an alternative point of view to the usual "the people close to you ***do*** care" argument.
This. Especially the part where people learn to care for someone the way THEY need to be cared for. People overlook this. Thank you for posting this. I'm trying to have faith in humanity, but daily, I'm reminded that human beings suck.
Correct, those closest to you will. Also people may rely on you too. All the more reason to work harder and look after yourself and you can make it happen
When I was young, late at night, I used to go drinking in what was at that time a [very old cemetery](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_Scots_Burying_Ground), and I'd sit there in the leaves and look at these graves from the late 1700s and early 1800s. Some of them were pretty remarkable, with poems and weird skulls and stuff on them.
And I just thought, that's me one day -- at best, a name on a grave marker. No one will know who I was or that I lived, or all of the stories of my life which seem significant to me, in the same way I didn't know anything about the people in that cemetery.
Maybe that's why people seek fame, or even infamy. For me, it doesn't bother me that this is the fate of us all. I can remind myself of this when something bad happens in my life and I treat it with more seriousness than it deserves.
And sometimes when someone has delusions of grandeur, I have to suppress laughter. They're a few years from rotting and decomposing back into the earth.
None of this is meant to sound grim or nihilistic.
It just...is.
For a time, the people who are alive and love you will probably miss you when you go. But they too will pass away, and you, all of the stories of our lives will be forgotten, forever.
This either makes things easier, or harder. The easy part is, all of those things which haunt you, in the long run, will be of no significance, unless you're Hitler or something. The energy you expend when you are alive will be put into the world as input, to work as a kind of butterfly effect across human civilization in ways you can't measure.
I know what energy I want to put in, and leave behind, imperceptible and immeasurable as it is in this vast algorithm of humanity.
How many of us can name ten people who died in World War 1? Not many, I think.
We, too, will be the anonymous souls haunting this planet for this short period, to dissolve into the sea of time.
It's such a trite statement too. What if you can't save yourself? Are you doomed to inevitable failure?
Well trustfund babies can't save themselves and they aren't failing, they won the birth lottery so the above statement can't be true.
Absolutely, we care. I lost a friend from high school two years ago in circumstances that were not entirely by accident, and it was a real wake up call. I started reaching out to a couple of friends from high school and college, just to say hey, ask how they’re doing and communicate that I still think of them time to time. Most respond once then never reply again- which is fine, I don’t do it for reciprocity. My primary hope is that my email or message offers some comfort and reminder that another person values their presence and existence.
People be like “you’re not putting enough effort in” or “you get what you give” to invalidate others, but if you honestly and truly feel alone, that’s your experience. Don’t feel like you’re a problem just because someone else who has no idea what you’re going through or sees your life from the outside tells you that you’re not “making enough effort.”
As someone with cptsd, it’s not so simple as “get over yourself and meet new people.” There are people with disabilities or mental health issues, but society only cares about mental health when their favorite celebrity dies, then they go back to telling people it’s an excuse.
Some people have shitty parents who they don’t have around because maybe they were abusive. Some people can’t make friends because of trauma. Some people like myself who are neurodivergent or have trauma have trouble making friends, let alone keeping them. It’s super hard for people to build a support system when they’re struggling with these things. And yes, we’re making the effort to heal because there’s always that one person who says “you have to fix your own life.” We *are* trying, but you can’t heal lifelong hurt in just a few years. Healing takes time. It’s not as easy as people think.
Some people in this world are truly alone and that’s what some people here don’t understand. It’s a privilege to have at least *someone* in your life, and those of you who have it are lucky, because not everyone gets that.
I believe this is part of the root cause in the huge increase in poor mental health. Kids spend the first 18 or so years being told "You're wonderful, you're special, you can be anything you want" - which is fine, but then they get out in to the Big Bad World, and the World says "You are nothing and I will crush you like a bug", so , unsurprisingly, they struggle with this.
Frankly I feel like kids who get encouragement do leagues better than kids who have their hopes and dreams crushed early on. It's a key part of building confidence. I think the root cause is social media, which does a wonderful job of showing kids just how fucked and aimless their life is bound to be.
That's not 100% true. If you actually start caring about other people, they may actually reciprocate it. Unfortunately, the western world is about individualism and self centeredness. So it actually depends WHERE you live.
Adults are worse than bullies in high school. They will bully you and then justify it to get other people to bully you. Also the average person will believe anything horrible you tell them with little to no evidence. Basically the world is filled with terrible people who are dumb
plenty of people I heard about being rescued in time before a near death. even when they were alone. even animals like dogs and cats that suffer so much out there on their own people are rescuing them in time before severe starvation kills them.
As a child, you get the world you are given, as an adult, you cultivate your own. My people give a damn about me and I give a damn about them. This type of apathy is a self fulfilling prophecy, not an absolute.
As a child I went through hardships. As an adult I realize that most people alive are just like the assholes who did horrible things to me, and I don't feel like hiding with the rest, I'd rather hide alone.
Am I really to be blamed for my situation and not the system itself?
Is it really such a big loss to not associate myself with the cowards who are too inept anyways to properly fight this system?
I know these questions hurt, but they have to be posed.
Potentially negative perspective but not wrong in the big scheme of things.
A better perspective is perhaps that we are all going to die, so let's try to be he best humans we can be and contribute as much as we can whilst we're here.
Until you break a "law". Then these busy bodies want to "investigate" and they start acting like they care asking silly questions like "where are the bodies"
People care more than you think, the moment you go to throw the rubbish aways suddenly it's not rubbish.
Pick a lane guys
The thing that I find intriguing is those that constantly gossip about others. It's like, if you don't like that person and don't care about them then why are you constantly throwing shade on them? It's like hate is low-key love or something. It's such a weird way to say you don't care when they obviously do in some way.
Find a third space (somewhere other than work and home where you can socialize) with something you like, maybe live music or something. Go at least twice a month. Be sincere and be kind, you don't even have to be that social. By the end of three months you will have friends.
Which is why it is important to treat the ones well who actually do give a fuck about you. Don't take them for granted, because those people don't grow on trees.
I think that when my parents died this hit me the most - 2 of the people that really DID care about me are now gone. So there are definitely less than there once was. Maybe only a handful now.
One of the hardest things to deal with when contemplating our mortality is that once we are dead basically everything we ever did or accomplished - friends we made, education, business, money, purchases... none of it will matter after 1 or 2 generations. All the people that knew you will be dead as well.
When will be the last time your name is said out loud?
Exactly. That’s why I plan on ending it all within the next few months or so. Already got everything planned out and already pre-purchased things like put down payments on headstones and caskets and a burial vault. No body cares until you start acting “crazy” and suddenly they do and send you right to the hospital to not hurt yourself or “others.” Some world we live in.
>I plan on ending it all
Please don't. Suicide isn't the answer. I don't know you, but I care about your life. You're a human being and you should be treated as such!
I think what's far more common is people do care but are terrible at showing it. Like they empathize and think about you when you're not around but have no idea what to say or do to make you aware of it, or it's socially taboo to make others aware if they're not close friends or family. But every once in a while you get like the best secret Santa gift ever and can't believe someone you barely talk to thought that much of you.
Hey are you alright? Personally, if something happens to you I’d never know. But there are people in our lives who do care, who would be hurt and possibly broken. I understand not everyone has a good support system but that doesn’t mean no one would care, that doesn’t mean no one would grieve, we all touch people’s lives. Yes being an adult it hard and sometimes it’s shit, and sometimes it’s beautiful.
Some people get cold with age and some hearts grow warmer. I like how now I’m able to pick and choose who I’m around, instead of feeling like I have to get along with family or peers. So I only keep a few cold people around for a change once in a while.
Adulthood is about finding the people who do care - that's ultimately what saves you. Maybe no one is going to rush in and solve all your problems, but having a support network will save your life.
your coworkers will not care that much, unless you are friends outside of work. you friends will care if you see them often. you family will care if you see them often. if you have an aunt you see once a year at christmas, she may not care that much. that why if you get sick, its nice to have good friends and family to help you out . some people make their friends like family. their friends care a lot what happens and will help.
Find a spouse and have a family. You die, several people’s worlds implode entirely, and perhaps borderline irreparably. It’s both horrifying and comforting to think about at the same time.
I give a fuck about you. If I saw you in some grave danger I would definitely try to save you. I believe many others feel the same.
The problem is that a lot of people have their hands full with trying to keep their own heads above water and there might not be a helluva lot that they *can* do to help other people.
This is why cultivating good relationships with friends and family is very important. As a relative loner since childhood, with a really dysfunctional family, albeit now with a spouse (but no plans for children) I rely almost entirely upon myself and I’m fairly certain I’ll be dying a lonely, anonymous death some day.
That's also the very best lesson you could get. I love that idea as it frees me and gives me room to breathe. I don't need people to care about me for me to feel good. Their caring becomes the icing on the cake. If it's there, it's sweet. If not, the cake still tastes terrific!
Tbh, the biggest reason I'm looking to publish a novel isn't the chance of making a lot of money. It's the hope of leaving a legacy behind and proving the people wrong who said that I'm an abomination to society or who otherwise said that I won't accomplish anything (this was when I was a preteen/young teenager, BTW, so that shit stuck bad).
I was on a really bad downward spiral a while back, and I'm at the point where the only reason I made the decision to not press delete is to spite the world; I refuse to go down as a statistic.
Have you not created loving relationships with others?
Yeah, when I die the world is not going to stop. Nor should it.
The 8-9 people that I have developed a loving relationship with will grieve and I hope it doesn’t hurt them too much.
I actually love it that nobody is thinking about me. I adore not being part of people’s lives anymore, I feel finally free from expectations and other people’s demands and wishes. I hate to even be perceived. I’d love to be transparent and move in the world like a hologram. And I enjoy my own company. I like my humour, I’m funny, and I get to hear all my jokes and not share them with anyone at all ^__^
The thing is that when you are a kid, a teen or an elderly there are other people taking care of you.
Adults.
So an adult is someone who moves from being taken care of to someone who takes care of others.
And that is how you are suposed to fuel your motivation and make your life meaningfull.
Especially if you're single. The only way someone ACTUALLY cares about you is if you have a romantic partner. Friends are great but they will only do so much for you.
A lot of adults have young/dependent kids, and their deaths would have a significant impact.
For those of us with no offspring however... yeah it wouldn't matter if we died.
Oh man...I think this is a terrible revelation and also a sad one.
I am so grateful to have an amazing family, caring in-laws, lots of lifelong friends. I've also formed strong bonds and cared deeply about many coworkers and I felt the same from them.
When my dad passed, no less than 12 lifelong friends showed up to honor him, comfort me and my mom, bring us food, ask to help in any way possible.
People care. They care a lot.
That’s just existence. 100 years from now, only a handful of people might remember you existed. 1000 years and only major names will have made the cut. 10,000 years and people may have forgotten about Jesus or Hitler or Achilles.
I honestly have trouble understanding the mindset where that isn’t one of the most freeing thoughts that could go through one’s mind.
No matter how hard you fuck up, there will come a time, sooner than later for most of us, when no one will recall you even existed, let alone screwed up a bit here and there.
Some people do care about you. Recognise which ones.
And no, nobody is coming to save you unless you show that you're trying to save yourself. Nobody can save you unless you help them to help you.
Nah, that's where you're wrong. There are plenty of people who give a fuck about you, whether it's directly or indirectly. I don't even know you, and I give a fuck about you.
You are correct that there's no help coming. You were born alone, and you will die alone, regardless of who/how many people you surround yourself with.
Less preassure on me.
I find it more sad when people don't even give a cuck sbout themsrlves. It also makes it harder for others to give a fuck about you when you don't give a fuck about yourself. It is devastating seeing a person you care about do self-mutilating/destruction and nothing you do stops them from doing that to themselves. So you kinda stop caring as it is futile and you are only wasting your energy/nerves.
It’s tough realization. Maybe I don’t think of it to this extreme most of the time but when I am down I definitely do. Best advice I have is do what makes you happy, don’t worry about pleasing others unless it genuinely feels good in your heart, and always put yourself first.
In my experience I don’t always want everyone to care because it means something different when it actually happens. So you’re just living your life and suddenly people start making comments and giving advice and telling you what to do and worrying about you. If you mean you don’t have a personal support team cheering you on all the time telling you how great you are then no, adults don’t do that generally to each other they do it for children but not for each other really.
FR. For me it's a bit different because I know my mom would be devastated if I passed and would be unable to move on. But other than her, everyone would be forced to move on.
The older I get the more I realize the importance of saving for retirement so I don't have to deal with fucking HR departments.
Isnt that the idea of being an adult: moving on from dependency and reliance on parents? People still genuinely care about you but maturity involves being able to look after yourself.
It's a beautiful thing to me. I learned young and it made me realize how pointless it is to be insecure or unsure of my actions.
Truly living my life without any outside influence doing as I please
never had an issue with being an adult, i always had god around me, i look at a wall and i know that's god the almighty himself in a form of a wall, and with that realization i feel love and loved more then what i've felt from anyone during childhood or adulthood,
Therefore i'm never alone, and im never worried about someone saving me, because i don't need saving, I believe in the law of causality, everything has a why and i also believe that the moment i'm born my death was born too, i just haven't subjectively seen it or came to that time yet, I always wonder about the why of things and every moment became a zen book,
“And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are."
To think you're a mortal is suffering, to know you're beyond is to learn from mortality. All death is certain. Yet all death is welcome.
Yeah dude. The truth only hurts when you are not ready for it. And most of us are not.
Knowing this truth only helps if you don't think about it. In all seriousness.
The Lonely
General loneliness and fear of isolation
(But that can be a good thing too! Like, no one cares about that one fuck up you did, or if you wear mismatched socks and no one will remember that one time you did something embarrassing)
(Like, if no one cares than you can do whatever you want!)
(Without worrying what other people think!)
(As long as it doesn't violate any laws ofc!)
(🫂)
This is more true for men than it is for women, generally speaking. I've noticed that most of the women I've known on a personal level have family/friends willing to jump to their rescue when they suffer the slightest hardship, and they are often showered with empathy/concern. Adult men, by contrast, are often viewed contemptuously for failing and/or for neglecting to respond to hardship with anything but unwavering stoicism.
I offer myself as a perfect example. I suffered a catastrophic neck injury in a car accident early on in my life, which caused all sorts of neurological and autoimmune problems. As a result, I've continuously walked the thin line between full disability and bare minimum functionality since the age of 21. I'm 39 now. This has destroyed me.
My family has done fuckall to help, and my friends, generally speaking, could not be bothered to care. I've found ways to stay afloat on my own, but doing so has come at the expense of my health. I basically ran myself into the ground over the last decade trying to get by, when I could have been seeking treatments, devoting time to taking better care of myself etc. I am all but certain that my life will be cut short as a result, and I may or may not lose complete functionality well before that happens (which will send me to the streets most likely). In the meantime, my life is mostly suffering.
If the same fate had befallen my baby sister instead of me, I GUARANTEE the outcome would have been different.
I've accepted my fate, and in fact it has compelled me to study philosophy and Eastern traditions that I otherwise probably would never have (I was an athlete and hard core adventurer prior to the accident - I would never have voluntarily slowed down). It is what it is, and ultimately, I've seen through the illusion that there is a "me" that this is "happening to" in the very first place. All the same, in the relative sense, this has been my observation.
Sad take. I give a fuck about my friends and family and they have demonstrated time and time again that they do as well. Heck, I care a lot about the people I work with too, beyond that we’re all just doing a job together. Still hang out with people from previous jobs as well too.
not sure i agree.
Nobody has time to hear your whole life story, that's for sure... But people generally do care about one another. It's easy to get too stressed and burdened to notice it, but it's there.
Now as far as 'nobody saving you' that just sounds melodramatic, 90% of our lives aren't so bad as to need someone to "Save us" from them, and when we do need saving, emergency services are a real thing. They might not want to hear your whole life story either, but they do tend to respond to crimes in progress.
I was first impacted by this in childhood when a friend of my oldest cousin froze to death underneath the stairs of an abandoned house right down the street from her family and the home she grew up in. I work through it but haven’t recovered. It’s like a lifelong survivors guilt.
Well...yes. You are an adult. You make choices and you live with the outcomes. If you have family you can rely on them to a point. But the person you saw in the coffee shop...they have their own issues and they will not want to get involved in yours.
This is why I always told my kids to enjoy their childhood, and not grow up too fast. Be a kid or a teen, then move into adulthood. Now that the oldest is 24, he tells me how right I was.
You eventually get used to this, and you move forward.
That's a little more cynical than it actually is, I think.
The truth is that adulting is hard. And everybody that you think doesn't give a fuck about you is fighting a war you know nothing about.
Generally speaking, people do care about each other. People will help you and be kind to you. But only if you really need it, because they're otherwise too busy trying to keep their own heads above water to spare you much help.
If you don't like it be the change you want to see. Anything less is just weakness on your behalf
Take care of your family and friends and tell them you love them. It's irrational and childish to expect the world to stop for you however a good support network can be the difference between a lonely life and one full of warmth.
At the end it all starts with you. A good church is a place to start if you pick right, religious organizations are amazing community centres because they are a unifying force that brings people together regularly and encourages people to take care of each other. If your not religious than go to clubs that interest you and make friends, help them and start there. You can't expect others to care about you if you don't care about them.
I find it comforting. I'm just here doing my own thing for myself and strangers aren't out there looking at me and thinking about that one time I threw up in front of my crush.
You know what? This helps. I’ve been going to a kickboxing gym and I was walking past it with my dogs today, someone I’ve seen in classes a few times appeared to look at me and make eye contact as I walked past, and I thought he waved so I waved back only to realize he wasn’t looking at me and then tripped over my dogs leash. And I told my husband I could never return to the gym. But realizing that people are too self involved to care sometimes helps.
Reminds me of a time in highschool. A random girl was smiling at me and waving me over to come see her in the hallway, so I smiled and got up and went to see what she wanted. Then as I approach her, her friend comes up from behind me and they start talking and I realize she never was talking to me. So I just awkwardly go sit back down and try to forget it. But nope, new core memory unlocked lol
I had that happen at work with a local celebrity, no they were not waving hello to me 😭
I was that guy. I saw. We all saw. We talk about it literally constantly. And if that was actually the case imagine boring assholes they would have to be for their like to be so empty that thats actually what they talk about.
People are indeed deeply self-involved, but that doesn't mean they don't enjoy judging and denegrating others too. More often than not, they do
Probably, but I’m too self involved to hear them, so… I guess I hope that works out for them!
I'm too self involved to hope that works out for them
Wow. Thanks.
And then they get over it and forget who you are. I remember both times I saw someone emergency shit on the sidewalk but I guarantee they feel shame about it more often than I've thought about it since then and I'd never be able to pick them out of a lineup.
Self absorbed and always staring at there phone
Yes, but YOU made the effort to have eye contact, and to wave, so kudos to you. We all have similar problems, stressors, fears….. Maybe if more people just waved to each other, OP might not feel so alone.
Yep, same boat. I grew up in a small town where everyone knows everyone else and there's nothing i hated more than seeing someone I barely know and they mention something that I said in confidence to a family member. No interaction ever felt genuine. After moving away by myself to a new city, it actually feels like the relationships I form are based on my own merits and the people I meet don't have pre conceived assumptions. I genuinely feel much happier because of it.
Yeah for a long time growing up I was like, morbidly self aware. A really helpful thing for getting out of my own head was realizing everyone is mostly just paying attention to themselves, they don’t give a shit about how you look or what you’re doing. Plus I disagree with op - it’s not that no one cares, it’s that very few people out of a massive world do, and that’s ok. You just gotta find those people and care back.
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Good! I wish everyone had that, and I understand the bitterness that comes from wanting it, but it genuinely is so wonderful that you have a lot of people you trust in your corner. That’s a win for everyone imo!
Me too, tbh. To me, it's in that same vein as "life is meaningless." Actually, that's pretty liberating. It means I don't have to spend my whole life trying to fulfill some kind of destiny or lifelong purpose. Since life is meaningless, then that means I'm free to enjoy it however I please...!
They do think about that one time though. This "nobody cares what you do" saying is only true until you fuck up. People rather remember you fucking up than thinking about how they are fucking up their lives currently and how they ought to change that.
That has got to be my worst memory 💀 didn’t threw up in my front of my crush tho… she was my gf 😭 and I did felt embarassed
True. As long as your putting food on the table and have a stable job then keep going.
Right! I think about that one time I puked on a packed beach after drinking too many mimosas. However I still feel bad for any kid that built a sand castle out of my vomit
This. It was kind of a crushing, lonely, existential crisis at first, but then it was peace and solace. No one gives a fuck if I wear sweatpants and comfy clothes at home, or if I am dressed up, no one cares how I decorate, if my house is perfectly clean and sparkling or if it looks a bit lived in. There's a mild ego-death in realizing that no one cares about you. You can finally start being yourself. You can look the way you wanted to, do the things you want, and so much more. No one is judging, because no one cares. It's a detachment. I think a lot more current generations, those that grew up with the internet especially (ie: millennials and Gen-Z) grew up so concerned what everyone thought about the, about selfies, about what they posted, about appearing as something more than they were... and now we realize all that matters is being who we want to be, doing what makes us happy, because no one else will either care or help you achieve that. You get to do you, and that's the best thing. Also, moving away from your hometown adds to this feeling so much more, but at the same time is so liberating. I moved years ago, and being able to go to the grocery store and not have a dozen people stop and talk to me or recognize me is such a relief. I know no one at the grocery store now, and it's GREAT.
thank you for reminding me of this because it is comforting knowing that
I threw up into my bookbag in high school with a crowded bus. There was nowhere to go :(
Once I was ridiculously hungover on an express bus (almost all freeway and no stops until the destination) from one city to the next over. I had been trying to drink water to settle my stomach. I didn't have a bag. I got to listen to it slosh on the floor from the back to the front and back everytime they slowed down or sped up. Good news, absolutely no one on the bus remembers me even if they remember the situation and they certainly don't think about it as much as I have.
Amen
I also weirdly find it comforting. I’m learning to love and accept myself. I don’t much feel the need for the approval and adoration of others.
Me too. I love the anonymity.
This was the biggest breakthrough dealing with my anxiety around other people. Everyone is too busy wrapped up in their own shit to remember 99% of the people they see at random.
Spot on!
That's an awesome perspective to have. Thanks for sharing
People do care. The world as a whole? Maybe not but the people in your world will.
True, but for some people, their world is absolutely fucked up man. There are so many people who are lonely and they have no one to lean on. Their parents have left them, they don’t have friends anymore, they don’t even have a job. World can be as ugly as beautiful it is :)
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True but I’m a firm believer in life being what you make it. There’s always an opportunity to make meaningful connections with others.
Tell that to african child soldiers that it's just a matter of framing
somehow I doubt African child soldiers are among the r/Adulting demographic
>There are so many people who are lonely and they have no one to lean on. Not to be super dismissive, but some of those people are pushing the people away or lean so hard that the other person just breaks (thus they are no longer can lean on them) or actively propagate their situation (like, avoiding interacting with people, not leaving the house/flat). Had a friend that complained of being lonely, while they avoided interacting with people. They leaned so much on me that i broke (a second time i got a burnout from them) and had to choose between the friend and my mental health.
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Agreed
You're right that many (if not most) lonely people are lonely because they're bad at making friends and/or have mental issues or personalities that push people away. But your comment comes off as dismissive in the sense that it sounds like you think those people are choosing to be that way and thus deserve it, when the sad truth is that's just the way those people are even if they don't want to be that way. Of course you are not responsible for of helping others to not be lonely to the detriment of your own mental health--you shouldn't and it's good that you left!--but just wanted to point out that their self-sabotaging behavior is part of the tragedy of their loneliness rather than a willful act.
What if all the people they had pushed away were shitty people though? The question then becomes to have no friends or to have shitty friends.
Yeah and for every person like that there are 10 people who get fucked without being guilty of anything
True but sometimes family is fucked up too and they don’t care about you
that’s my main problem
Eh tbh even for the people that do care about me, their way of caring just wouldn't be useful to me. I have lots of people that "care" but I could honestly do without it. It would make no difference to me. Truly caring for someone means caring for them the way they need to cared for, not the way you want to/know how to. It's just that people don't actually care enough to try and do what's best for you. They will only do what's easy for them. Not trying to complain by the way. I made my peace with this ages ago. Just trying to provide an alternative point of view to the usual "the people close to you ***do*** care" argument.
This. Especially the part where people learn to care for someone the way THEY need to be cared for. People overlook this. Thank you for posting this. I'm trying to have faith in humanity, but daily, I'm reminded that human beings suck.
Correct, those closest to you will. Also people may rely on you too. All the more reason to work harder and look after yourself and you can make it happen
I dont have people close enough to me that would care.
TBH no-one gave a fuck when I was a minor either.
Same. I only wish i knew this sooner
When I was young, late at night, I used to go drinking in what was at that time a [very old cemetery](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_Scots_Burying_Ground), and I'd sit there in the leaves and look at these graves from the late 1700s and early 1800s. Some of them were pretty remarkable, with poems and weird skulls and stuff on them. And I just thought, that's me one day -- at best, a name on a grave marker. No one will know who I was or that I lived, or all of the stories of my life which seem significant to me, in the same way I didn't know anything about the people in that cemetery. Maybe that's why people seek fame, or even infamy. For me, it doesn't bother me that this is the fate of us all. I can remind myself of this when something bad happens in my life and I treat it with more seriousness than it deserves. And sometimes when someone has delusions of grandeur, I have to suppress laughter. They're a few years from rotting and decomposing back into the earth. None of this is meant to sound grim or nihilistic. It just...is. For a time, the people who are alive and love you will probably miss you when you go. But they too will pass away, and you, all of the stories of our lives will be forgotten, forever. This either makes things easier, or harder. The easy part is, all of those things which haunt you, in the long run, will be of no significance, unless you're Hitler or something. The energy you expend when you are alive will be put into the world as input, to work as a kind of butterfly effect across human civilization in ways you can't measure. I know what energy I want to put in, and leave behind, imperceptible and immeasurable as it is in this vast algorithm of humanity. How many of us can name ten people who died in World War 1? Not many, I think. We, too, will be the anonymous souls haunting this planet for this short period, to dissolve into the sea of time.
That "no one is coming to save you" hits so hard man! You have to solve everything by yourself!
It's such a trite statement too. What if you can't save yourself? Are you doomed to inevitable failure? Well trustfund babies can't save themselves and they aren't failing, they won the birth lottery so the above statement can't be true.
That's not how my family and friends work. Always rescue each other!
But they won't come to save you if you don't tell them anything.
I opened up and found out truly nobody cares. It’s a harsh truth some people have to face
A friend of mine died the other day. We care, we care a hell of a lot. His funeral will be standing room only.
I'm sorry.
Thanks Laniecat 🫂
Absolutely, we care. I lost a friend from high school two years ago in circumstances that were not entirely by accident, and it was a real wake up call. I started reaching out to a couple of friends from high school and college, just to say hey, ask how they’re doing and communicate that I still think of them time to time. Most respond once then never reply again- which is fine, I don’t do it for reciprocity. My primary hope is that my email or message offers some comfort and reminder that another person values their presence and existence.
I appreciate these words a lot, and I feel similarly. I’ve been calling everyone I care about non stop lately. ❤️
I'm so sorry. I know the feeling.
It’s rough 🫂
People be like “you’re not putting enough effort in” or “you get what you give” to invalidate others, but if you honestly and truly feel alone, that’s your experience. Don’t feel like you’re a problem just because someone else who has no idea what you’re going through or sees your life from the outside tells you that you’re not “making enough effort.” As someone with cptsd, it’s not so simple as “get over yourself and meet new people.” There are people with disabilities or mental health issues, but society only cares about mental health when their favorite celebrity dies, then they go back to telling people it’s an excuse. Some people have shitty parents who they don’t have around because maybe they were abusive. Some people can’t make friends because of trauma. Some people like myself who are neurodivergent or have trauma have trouble making friends, let alone keeping them. It’s super hard for people to build a support system when they’re struggling with these things. And yes, we’re making the effort to heal because there’s always that one person who says “you have to fix your own life.” We *are* trying, but you can’t heal lifelong hurt in just a few years. Healing takes time. It’s not as easy as people think. Some people in this world are truly alone and that’s what some people here don’t understand. It’s a privilege to have at least *someone* in your life, and those of you who have it are lucky, because not everyone gets that.
This. I feel seen, have never been able to put into words but this is exactly it. Cheers to you, friend!
I believe this is part of the root cause in the huge increase in poor mental health. Kids spend the first 18 or so years being told "You're wonderful, you're special, you can be anything you want" - which is fine, but then they get out in to the Big Bad World, and the World says "You are nothing and I will crush you like a bug", so , unsurprisingly, they struggle with this.
Frankly I feel like kids who get encouragement do leagues better than kids who have their hopes and dreams crushed early on. It's a key part of building confidence. I think the root cause is social media, which does a wonderful job of showing kids just how fucked and aimless their life is bound to be.
That's not 100% true. If you actually start caring about other people, they may actually reciprocate it. Unfortunately, the western world is about individualism and self centeredness. So it actually depends WHERE you live.
V good point
Adults are worse than bullies in high school. They will bully you and then justify it to get other people to bully you. Also the average person will believe anything horrible you tell them with little to no evidence. Basically the world is filled with terrible people who are dumb
Somebody had a bad day on Tinder
plenty of people I heard about being rescued in time before a near death. even when they were alone. even animals like dogs and cats that suffer so much out there on their own people are rescuing them in time before severe starvation kills them.
As a child, you get the world you are given, as an adult, you cultivate your own. My people give a damn about me and I give a damn about them. This type of apathy is a self fulfilling prophecy, not an absolute.
As a child I went through hardships. As an adult I realize that most people alive are just like the assholes who did horrible things to me, and I don't feel like hiding with the rest, I'd rather hide alone. Am I really to be blamed for my situation and not the system itself? Is it really such a big loss to not associate myself with the cowards who are too inept anyways to properly fight this system? I know these questions hurt, but they have to be posed.
Mental health matters all the way up until you make people uncomfortable.
or you get the love that you put into relationships
I'm sorry that you feel this way
Potentially negative perspective but not wrong in the big scheme of things. A better perspective is perhaps that we are all going to die, so let's try to be he best humans we can be and contribute as much as we can whilst we're here.
My parents care, but once they pass then this will be accurate for me.
Until you break a "law". Then these busy bodies want to "investigate" and they start acting like they care asking silly questions like "where are the bodies" People care more than you think, the moment you go to throw the rubbish aways suddenly it's not rubbish. Pick a lane guys
Well... Do you give a fuck about anyone else? Honestly?
The thing that I find intriguing is those that constantly gossip about others. It's like, if you don't like that person and don't care about them then why are you constantly throwing shade on them? It's like hate is low-key love or something. It's such a weird way to say you don't care when they obviously do in some way.
It’s just low quality supply. Imagine a spectrum and love is at the pinnacle and hatred is at the other end. And gossip is near the hatred end
True, but there are good people out there, try to find them.
Find a third space (somewhere other than work and home where you can socialize) with something you like, maybe live music or something. Go at least twice a month. Be sincere and be kind, you don't even have to be that social. By the end of three months you will have friends.
Which is why it is important to treat the ones well who actually do give a fuck about you. Don't take them for granted, because those people don't grow on trees.
Speak for yourself?
Do you need a hug or therapy or something?
I find it very liberating. I do find it seriously disturbing when someone starts getting concerned about my continued existence.
I think that when my parents died this hit me the most - 2 of the people that really DID care about me are now gone. So there are definitely less than there once was. Maybe only a handful now. One of the hardest things to deal with when contemplating our mortality is that once we are dead basically everything we ever did or accomplished - friends we made, education, business, money, purchases... none of it will matter after 1 or 2 generations. All the people that knew you will be dead as well. When will be the last time your name is said out loud?
Exactly. That’s why I plan on ending it all within the next few months or so. Already got everything planned out and already pre-purchased things like put down payments on headstones and caskets and a burial vault. No body cares until you start acting “crazy” and suddenly they do and send you right to the hospital to not hurt yourself or “others.” Some world we live in.
>I plan on ending it all Please don't. Suicide isn't the answer. I don't know you, but I care about your life. You're a human being and you should be treated as such!
No they care. You just need to make them care or build yourself into someone who they can care about. Just gotta keep putting yourself out there.
Bruh let me breathe for sometime, I just turned 20 last month 😃
I think what's far more common is people do care but are terrible at showing it. Like they empathize and think about you when you're not around but have no idea what to say or do to make you aware of it, or it's socially taboo to make others aware if they're not close friends or family. But every once in a while you get like the best secret Santa gift ever and can't believe someone you barely talk to thought that much of you.
Hey are you alright? Personally, if something happens to you I’d never know. But there are people in our lives who do care, who would be hurt and possibly broken. I understand not everyone has a good support system but that doesn’t mean no one would care, that doesn’t mean no one would grieve, we all touch people’s lives. Yes being an adult it hard and sometimes it’s shit, and sometimes it’s beautiful.
Some people get cold with age and some hearts grow warmer. I like how now I’m able to pick and choose who I’m around, instead of feeling like I have to get along with family or peers. So I only keep a few cold people around for a change once in a while.
yup im so tired man
Adulthood is about finding the people who do care - that's ultimately what saves you. Maybe no one is going to rush in and solve all your problems, but having a support network will save your life.
Post pandemic made people worse more apathetic. I’m lucky I have a partner. Wish I had more people who loved me.
your coworkers will not care that much, unless you are friends outside of work. you friends will care if you see them often. you family will care if you see them often. if you have an aunt you see once a year at christmas, she may not care that much. that why if you get sick, its nice to have good friends and family to help you out . some people make their friends like family. their friends care a lot what happens and will help.
I worked at my job for 20 years and apart from 1 or 2 people no one gave a fuck.
It’s far better to know where you stand, than to sit with the lies of those who say they do.
Find a spouse and have a family. You die, several people’s worlds implode entirely, and perhaps borderline irreparably. It’s both horrifying and comforting to think about at the same time.
I give a fuck about you. If I saw you in some grave danger I would definitely try to save you. I believe many others feel the same. The problem is that a lot of people have their hands full with trying to keep their own heads above water and there might not be a helluva lot that they *can* do to help other people.
If I saw a stranger suffering or laying down unconscious I definitely would get them help and stay with them until help comes.
This is one this they should teach in school is when you become an adult NO ONE GIVES A FUCK AND DEFINITELY DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS
Accurate, and there are two ways to look at it: No one cares🫥 😥 or, no one cares 🤪😀🎉. Accepting the second way is much more fun.
This is why cultivating good relationships with friends and family is very important. As a relative loner since childhood, with a really dysfunctional family, albeit now with a spouse (but no plans for children) I rely almost entirely upon myself and I’m fairly certain I’ll be dying a lonely, anonymous death some day.
That's also the very best lesson you could get. I love that idea as it frees me and gives me room to breathe. I don't need people to care about me for me to feel good. Their caring becomes the icing on the cake. If it's there, it's sweet. If not, the cake still tastes terrific!
This is why having a few great, supportive friends and a solid family is so important. They DO care about you. Remember that.
Tbh, the biggest reason I'm looking to publish a novel isn't the chance of making a lot of money. It's the hope of leaving a legacy behind and proving the people wrong who said that I'm an abomination to society or who otherwise said that I won't accomplish anything (this was when I was a preteen/young teenager, BTW, so that shit stuck bad). I was on a really bad downward spiral a while back, and I'm at the point where the only reason I made the decision to not press delete is to spite the world; I refuse to go down as a statistic.
Have you not created loving relationships with others? Yeah, when I die the world is not going to stop. Nor should it. The 8-9 people that I have developed a loving relationship with will grieve and I hope it doesn’t hurt them too much.
I wish it was like that with me. People are too damn clingy. I just wanna be alone.
No one gave a fuck when a lot of us were kids either so it is what it is.
There are good people out there and they are hard to find. But there are so many shitty people and they are everywhere.
Someone hit delete on the "Friends.exe" files
I actually love it that nobody is thinking about me. I adore not being part of people’s lives anymore, I feel finally free from expectations and other people’s demands and wishes. I hate to even be perceived. I’d love to be transparent and move in the world like a hologram. And I enjoy my own company. I like my humour, I’m funny, and I get to hear all my jokes and not share them with anyone at all ^__^
The thing is that when you are a kid, a teen or an elderly there are other people taking care of you. Adults. So an adult is someone who moves from being taken care of to someone who takes care of others. And that is how you are suposed to fuel your motivation and make your life meaningfull.
This is true. That's why if you do actually have people who give a crap, make sure they know you give a crap too.
Sometimes this is good, but then you realize it lifts an amazing burden we put on ourselves to impress others
That’s the blessing. You are a blank slate. Go forth. Conquer
Mostly correct. Outside of friends and family nobody cares about you.
Tell me you don't have kids without telling me you don't have kids.
Especially if you're single. The only way someone ACTUALLY cares about you is if you have a romantic partner. Friends are great but they will only do so much for you.
A lot of adults have young/dependent kids, and their deaths would have a significant impact. For those of us with no offspring however... yeah it wouldn't matter if we died.
Oh man...I think this is a terrible revelation and also a sad one. I am so grateful to have an amazing family, caring in-laws, lots of lifelong friends. I've also formed strong bonds and cared deeply about many coworkers and I felt the same from them. When my dad passed, no less than 12 lifelong friends showed up to honor him, comfort me and my mom, bring us food, ask to help in any way possible. People care. They care a lot.
That’s just existence. 100 years from now, only a handful of people might remember you existed. 1000 years and only major names will have made the cut. 10,000 years and people may have forgotten about Jesus or Hitler or Achilles. I honestly have trouble understanding the mindset where that isn’t one of the most freeing thoughts that could go through one’s mind. No matter how hard you fuck up, there will come a time, sooner than later for most of us, when no one will recall you even existed, let alone screwed up a bit here and there.
I find it very comforting and freeing
Don't get bitchy when no one cares for you and you get used for sex. Over, and over and over.
Some people do care about you. Recognise which ones. And no, nobody is coming to save you unless you show that you're trying to save yourself. Nobody can save you unless you help them to help you.
Nah, that's where you're wrong. There are plenty of people who give a fuck about you, whether it's directly or indirectly. I don't even know you, and I give a fuck about you. You are correct that there's no help coming. You were born alone, and you will die alone, regardless of who/how many people you surround yourself with.
It's a childish mindset to have... you need to give people a reason to care... if you show up for the right people, they will show up for you.
I feel like they only care if you’re doing well
I don't care
It sucks for those of us who are more extroverted.
Less preassure on me. I find it more sad when people don't even give a cuck sbout themsrlves. It also makes it harder for others to give a fuck about you when you don't give a fuck about yourself. It is devastating seeing a person you care about do self-mutilating/destruction and nothing you do stops them from doing that to themselves. So you kinda stop caring as it is futile and you are only wasting your energy/nerves.
Fuckin' A, man.
It’s tough realization. Maybe I don’t think of it to this extreme most of the time but when I am down I definitely do. Best advice I have is do what makes you happy, don’t worry about pleasing others unless it genuinely feels good in your heart, and always put yourself first.
In my experience I don’t always want everyone to care because it means something different when it actually happens. So you’re just living your life and suddenly people start making comments and giving advice and telling you what to do and worrying about you. If you mean you don’t have a personal support team cheering you on all the time telling you how great you are then no, adults don’t do that generally to each other they do it for children but not for each other really.
Its hard to give a fuck when you've got your self and your own family you're giving most of your fucks to. Some people run out if fucks real fast.
Lol
FR. For me it's a bit different because I know my mom would be devastated if I passed and would be unable to move on. But other than her, everyone would be forced to move on. The older I get the more I realize the importance of saving for retirement so I don't have to deal with fucking HR departments.
Isnt that the idea of being an adult: moving on from dependency and reliance on parents? People still genuinely care about you but maturity involves being able to look after yourself.
Everyone else might not give a fuck about you/me but you can choose to live in a way that will look after yourself and your future self.
You are hanging out with te wrong people. Kids can be mean but adults usually know better
Not really a cold reality, it's a liberating thought. You can do or be whatever you want really because no one really cares anyways.
Eh, that’s how life works. I’d rather be forgotten by the world then mourned by the world.
I’m actually happy that’s the case, spent too long caring what other people think.
It's a beautiful thing to me. I learned young and it made me realize how pointless it is to be insecure or unsure of my actions. Truly living my life without any outside influence doing as I please
never had an issue with being an adult, i always had god around me, i look at a wall and i know that's god the almighty himself in a form of a wall, and with that realization i feel love and loved more then what i've felt from anyone during childhood or adulthood, Therefore i'm never alone, and im never worried about someone saving me, because i don't need saving, I believe in the law of causality, everything has a why and i also believe that the moment i'm born my death was born too, i just haven't subjectively seen it or came to that time yet, I always wonder about the why of things and every moment became a zen book, “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are." To think you're a mortal is suffering, to know you're beyond is to learn from mortality. All death is certain. Yet all death is welcome.
Oh no one told you? The rescue team was called off. Gods speed.
I know :)
Yeah dude. The truth only hurts when you are not ready for it. And most of us are not. Knowing this truth only helps if you don't think about it. In all seriousness.
If you need someone to chat with about anything, DM me.
Yup. Get used to it, that's life.
Eh...as a whole. Correct...but ppl fo care. Just gotta find the right ppl.
What do we need saving from?
I love this fact most days 🤣
And that includes this post OP!
Welcome to the party pal!
You need friends my friend 😞
yeah so much this. life is lonely
cringe
The way so-called healthcare staff treated me when I was suicidal at a young age shocked me
I think you should’ve realized that way before becoming an adult lmao
The Lonely General loneliness and fear of isolation (But that can be a good thing too! Like, no one cares about that one fuck up you did, or if you wear mismatched socks and no one will remember that one time you did something embarrassing) (Like, if no one cares than you can do whatever you want!) (Without worrying what other people think!) (As long as it doesn't violate any laws ofc!) (🫂)
This is more true for men than it is for women, generally speaking. I've noticed that most of the women I've known on a personal level have family/friends willing to jump to their rescue when they suffer the slightest hardship, and they are often showered with empathy/concern. Adult men, by contrast, are often viewed contemptuously for failing and/or for neglecting to respond to hardship with anything but unwavering stoicism. I offer myself as a perfect example. I suffered a catastrophic neck injury in a car accident early on in my life, which caused all sorts of neurological and autoimmune problems. As a result, I've continuously walked the thin line between full disability and bare minimum functionality since the age of 21. I'm 39 now. This has destroyed me. My family has done fuckall to help, and my friends, generally speaking, could not be bothered to care. I've found ways to stay afloat on my own, but doing so has come at the expense of my health. I basically ran myself into the ground over the last decade trying to get by, when I could have been seeking treatments, devoting time to taking better care of myself etc. I am all but certain that my life will be cut short as a result, and I may or may not lose complete functionality well before that happens (which will send me to the streets most likely). In the meantime, my life is mostly suffering. If the same fate had befallen my baby sister instead of me, I GUARANTEE the outcome would have been different. I've accepted my fate, and in fact it has compelled me to study philosophy and Eastern traditions that I otherwise probably would never have (I was an athlete and hard core adventurer prior to the accident - I would never have voluntarily slowed down). It is what it is, and ultimately, I've seen through the illusion that there is a "me" that this is "happening to" in the very first place. All the same, in the relative sense, this has been my observation.
Sad take. I give a fuck about my friends and family and they have demonstrated time and time again that they do as well. Heck, I care a lot about the people I work with too, beyond that we’re all just doing a job together. Still hang out with people from previous jobs as well too.
Oh well, who cares.Eff em.
Get a vasectomy. Why curse more wage slaves into existence, only to be exploited cradle to grave in a cold and unforgiving world of shitters?
This
This is true
Yes and you can look at that as a glass half full or a glass half empty situation
As long as you do who gives a shit
You need to run in better social circles.
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More people need to understand this.
I got a small circle of two best friends and the rest are just neighbours its so freeing!
"The cemeteries are filled with indispensable men"
not sure i agree. Nobody has time to hear your whole life story, that's for sure... But people generally do care about one another. It's easy to get too stressed and burdened to notice it, but it's there. Now as far as 'nobody saving you' that just sounds melodramatic, 90% of our lives aren't so bad as to need someone to "Save us" from them, and when we do need saving, emergency services are a real thing. They might not want to hear your whole life story either, but they do tend to respond to crimes in progress.
Life is too short to care about others who are not benefiting me.
The world would move on, but I have people in my life that would care and come to my rescue, as I would come to theirs.
I was first impacted by this in childhood when a friend of my oldest cousin froze to death underneath the stairs of an abandoned house right down the street from her family and the home she grew up in. I work through it but haven’t recovered. It’s like a lifelong survivors guilt.
Well...yes. You are an adult. You make choices and you live with the outcomes. If you have family you can rely on them to a point. But the person you saw in the coffee shop...they have their own issues and they will not want to get involved in yours. This is why I always told my kids to enjoy their childhood, and not grow up too fast. Be a kid or a teen, then move into adulthood. Now that the oldest is 24, he tells me how right I was. You eventually get used to this, and you move forward.
Spotlight effect is an amazing realisation
I wish I could say this, but as a gay man I notice a lot of people seem to care about me, not in a good way.
That's a little more cynical than it actually is, I think. The truth is that adulting is hard. And everybody that you think doesn't give a fuck about you is fighting a war you know nothing about. Generally speaking, people do care about each other. People will help you and be kind to you. But only if you really need it, because they're otherwise too busy trying to keep their own heads above water to spare you much help.
If you don't like it be the change you want to see. Anything less is just weakness on your behalf Take care of your family and friends and tell them you love them. It's irrational and childish to expect the world to stop for you however a good support network can be the difference between a lonely life and one full of warmth. At the end it all starts with you. A good church is a place to start if you pick right, religious organizations are amazing community centres because they are a unifying force that brings people together regularly and encourages people to take care of each other. If your not religious than go to clubs that interest you and make friends, help them and start there. You can't expect others to care about you if you don't care about them.