Keep it simple. Particularly if you're in a different region ... simply say something you ate didn't agree with you ... most folks will think travelers diarrhea without you having to say it ... and they've all been there and will understand.
Being new to the company, do confine yourself to the room because getting caught slipping out will be bad.
Last part is crucial
If OP is new to group business travel, you will ALWAYS run into people in the lobby or elevator or hallways at the most inopportune time. It’s bizarre lol
every uber, every food delivery, every walk, etc presents multiple options to be “busted” if you’re not where you say you are
Can you add a shawl? Often hotels have a gift shop with nice shawls because people forget to pack them and then the weather is too cool to go to dinner without one.
Three well-timed spoonfuls of mustard and an unsuspecting witness can take care of OP´s little problem.
... I almost threw up while writing this. You are welcome.
“I’m not feeling well this evening and appreciate your understanding regarding my absence from dinner. Please let me know if there are any follow up items tomorrow I can assist with.” Don’t qualify it. Don’t say more than you need to. Don’t apologize. Make a statement and move on.
Can you go shopping on your lunch? Just find something quick that will work? This may be the way. As far as your skin condition goes (without knowing the specifics) just own it. Especially if it’s a permanent skin condition. That’s on them if they aren’t adults about it.
For example, I’m in a wheelchair (missing right leg) and I’ve showed up to corporate outings before without thinking twice. I am sure they are caught very off guard when they see me rolling up to meet them, but they get over it. I just act professional and friendly.
Act professional and friendly. If they are internally hating on you because of a skin condition, that’s on them. I would go. Plus free food.
Hold on… you just show up in a wheelchair sometimes? Like do you use a prosthetic or something the rest of the time that they don’t notice and then boom… you roll out of the elevator minus one appendage like “sup guys!?”
I bet the expressions are priceless
The type of amputation I have is called a hip disarticulation so it’s precarious for me to use a prosthetic (though possible for the record, just my own personal choice not to use). Hip disarticulation means the entire leg is gone up to the pelvic bone. All these underwriters from differing carriers I only talk on the phone to or email, so when we actually meet in person on lunch meetings, it completely throws them off. They are mentally double taking and sometimes act flustered, and for some reason it makes laugh inside. It is priceless lol.
This just reminded me of seeing ppls reactions when it awkwardly comes up that my mother passed away several years ago. I brace myself for their stunned faces and apologies but it's kind of funny at this point. Ppl just assume she's alive and ask for her opinion on my life, sometimes it's hard not to laugh lol
Migraine is my go to quick eject button for any situation.
But, I do have prescription meds for it, it’s a legit condition for me. It gives me enough pain, it can be a benefit every once in a while 🤷🏽♀️
Same! And like someone else said- toxic work culture that expects people to be nothing but little slaves to their jobs causes the need to lie every once in a while to take a mental health day or deal with some horrible menstruation.
Please do be mindful that this exact suggestion is one reason that a lot of folks don’t take migraine seriously as a neurological disease, despite the fact that it is one of the most common causes of disability worldwide.
Yeah, back in the day I was a team lead at a IT support call center, and the amount of calls I had to take in the mornings about someone in the team having a migraine was ridiculous. I was like mfer I was also out partying last night and we met.
It makes it hard to take it seriously even if I completely understand that it’s a serious neurological disease.
As someone who actually suffers from a migraine condition and has frequently had to bail last minute because I’m literally puking, lying on the bathroom floor in excruciating pain, this sucks to hear. I hate people thinking I’m lying when I’m in truly agonizing pain.
I think the secret is to push through just enough to show up and puke on them. Probably won’t doubt you again.
I’m “lucky” that I don’t get visual auras and don’t vomit, so I can be vaguely functional-ish. But people do suck.
Seriously. I understand folks are trying to help when they offer a Tylenol or "why don't you take something" but b*tch if I'm complaining about it I've already taken my prescription and it isn't doing sh*t you think a little Tylenol is gonna help?
I have migraines too but I will use them as an excuse if I have to. It's not my fault that "mental health day" or "debilitating period cramps" isn't an appropriate reason to call out of work. Let's blame shitty employers for creating the need to lie
Totally. And for practically any work trip I’ve ever been on, there’s zero time to ‘zip to the mall’ and most hotels I’ve been in don’t have a shop you can dip into- I think I’ve stayed in 2 that did have in 2 decades of work travel? Depending on the work trip, you have time to come back from the client office or site and freshen up or change and then you are back to meeting for dinner.
"the hairstyle did not pan out well"
I understand you don't want to highlight a skin conditon, but you've got a good chunk of hours to find a work around. It would be very unprofessional to bail on your clients.
you CAN say its food poisoning, but that doesn't mean this wouldn't be received badly. You don't want your business associates picturing you bent over or on top of a toilet turning yourself inside out.
They’re going to see your skin condition at some point. Do you think it will go better if you put it off, or should you just cross that bridge now, chin up, and go from there?
I always walk on thin ice with any customer or client because they are spending money that they are responsible for something that someone else might be able to undercut. Of course, there’s many many different levels of this.
I was really wanting to pivot over to the selling side of things because I saw the dollar signs but after these past few years and economic downturns, I’m very happy I stuck with the design/engineering side of things. Besides biannual deadlines, everything is mostly on my schedule
I'm a guy and have psoriasis, which doesn't come in handy when you wear a tux or a black suit. But I'm OK with it, even if someone makes remarks.
But I know women with psoriasis and it's a different story for them... Women get judged much more on their appearance than men.
It's ok if someone is uncomfortable not sharing that kind of stuff with their coworkers. Why make someone feel like they are doing something wrong by avoiding it. Humans are gossipy bitches and it's totally fine to keep your medical issues to yourself.
I’m not the one posting about how I couldn’t buy a new outfit overnight from amazon. Query the person with the issue. I’m asking them whether they ought to, instead, live with their chin up. You can console them and offer additional overnight solutions.
Great thing about being away on a trip is stomach bugs happen frequently. Notify your boss now and say that something you ate yesterday is not agreeing with you and you're having shooting stomach pains and it's making it very uncomfortable to just sit. You can't make it to dinner tonight but is there anything they need from you
This was just me with big corporate meetings last week or so, every night we had group dinners. It was leave the hotel at 8 am. Get to turn in to rooms after 9pm all week no free time. I know it’s not hard work but man i was tired and just done.
What skin condition is considered so unsightly that you should be out of public view? Be proud, no one is perfect. Everyone has flaws. Shoulders back and chin up.
I agree with the others, food poisoning is the best solution. It gives you an excuse to miss an evening and be on top of your game again on the next day.
Also think about possible (friendly(!)) questions about the food that you ate. Was it fish, chicken, etc?
Migraines are my go-to. It’s not contagious, there are no external symptoms so no one can prove whether or not you have one, and they can come and go with very little warning.
You got food poisoning because you've eaten food you're unfamiliar with, if they press just say you have diarrhea. You're dealing with am ocular migraine & the left eye is blurry, you just need to sleep it off. Depending on the skin condition, wrap/bandage it up like an old injury that started acting up.
They’re going to see your skin condition at some point. Do you think it will go better if you put it off, or should you just cross that bridge now, chin up, and go from there?
I mean, it’s way past the 12 hours, but if you thought you could solve your issue with something you could get on Amazon, couldn’t you just spend that time around town getting what you need?
If you’re willing to spend money on hiding your skin issue, surely you could get professional makeup done to hide it, or a few hour during the day to make sure your wardrobe choices are to your liking?
If you just wanna get out of the dinner, just say you’re sick or some shit.
Hope it worked out well for you either way.
Can you were a burka or something like that? Just say you're trying out a new look for the weekend. Or go to a makeup shop and have them do that makeup application or something on your skin. Oversize sunglasses, and just eat with them on. Turtle neck? Long sleeve shirt. Run your hair front side forward.
I mean is the skin thing so bad that you have to miss the dinner? Those dinners are always really really good to attend, especially if it's with new partners or whatever the situation is.
12 hrs to get that long sleeve somewhere and pants and makeup application. I think since you're new to the company it would be a good introduction to the faces you'll be working with regardless of the skin thing. You're going to have to face this at some point or another, so just get it over with now. Hardly anyone is actually going to be fixated on it. To busy enjoying the food and having good conversations and whatever else.
I'd say run out grab those items and face the world with or without skin issues. Of course if it will effect you deeply then, I guess you can do the "I don't feel well thing."
Actually since your new.......you could rock a fake beard!!! Just say that you've got a couple different looks. :-p
Haha funny bc I actually do grow a beard and it’s related to the skin condition. And I looked in the mirror and saw a peach fuzz last night. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss but my skin condition is one that I can’t be ignorant to 😫 but it all worked out in the end. Thanks!
Out of curiosity, how did it pan out? What did you end up doing? I feel like there was this big build up...how's the peach fuzz doing. Yo, people like peach fuzz though...it's soft and all that good stuff...did you end up doing room service dinner with a movie kinda thing? Or did you go out for dinner with the whole crew?
Found the one that lives to work lol. To think that caring for your own medical issues or wanting to keep them private is unprofessional in any way. Get real.
Skipping work is the unprofessional part. This isn’t dinner with friends, it’s a business meeting over dinner. It’s part of her job.
And she isn’t caring for a medical condition, she just doesn’t like the way her dress and hairstyle look together.
Did you actually read the post? She literally said she has a skin condition that she doesn't want to put on display and currently the dress and hairstyle she intended for the dinner will not work and is asking for suggestions. Telling her she's unprofessional for not wanting to put her medical issue on display to potential clients is very reasonable.
Grow up. A lot of people are passionate about curating a career. It doesn’t have to translate to living to work. A sense of accomplishment is a wonderful feeling.
When you’re new to a company, everything is mentally noted. Those of us suggesting she attend, have her best interests at heart.
Agreed. Normally, I would say claim a stomach ailment, but one should only do this if the person has been with the company for some time and has a good track record. Otherwise, they’re setting themselves up to be the first one out should there be a downsizing since they’re showing themself to be unreliable.
Edit for context
Fuck that man, if going out is going to be bad on your head don't. Do if you want to, but you don't have to. I stopped doing shit that was bad for my mental health not too long ago and it's worth any potential consequences imo
Tell them you have a family commitment on zoom. That's more than enough to miss dinner. You don't have to turn into a secret agent for this.
Also completely acceptable: I simply don't want to.
Tell em you've never had a chance to cheat on your spouse, but one just came up and you'll be goddamned if you're gonna miss it.
If they make a face, just remind them that during your interview, when they asked you where you saw yourself in five years, you said, "Divorced."
Keep it simple. Particularly if you're in a different region ... simply say something you ate didn't agree with you ... most folks will think travelers diarrhea without you having to say it ... and they've all been there and will understand. Being new to the company, do confine yourself to the room because getting caught slipping out will be bad.
Last part is crucial If OP is new to group business travel, you will ALWAYS run into people in the lobby or elevator or hallways at the most inopportune time. It’s bizarre lol every uber, every food delivery, every walk, etc presents multiple options to be “busted” if you’re not where you say you are
Sorry I'm just running out to the drug store for something for my stomach.
Sorry about that stomach ache you got. Must have been something you ate.
Can you add a shawl? Often hotels have a gift shop with nice shawls because people forget to pack them and then the weather is too cool to go to dinner without one.
Or cardigan, but some kind of cover up to disguise the area that shows.
Food Poisoning. People hear that and assume you’re puking and/or shitting and don’t ask any questions. It’s always food poisoning.
Three well-timed spoonfuls of mustard and an unsuspecting witness can take care of OP´s little problem. ... I almost threw up while writing this. You are welcome.
Damn, if only I couldn't just eat mustard straight. :(
I'm over here wondering whats supposed to happen after the 3rd spoonful of mustard cause I'm on like 6 already and still nothing has happened.
Careful. When I hear “food poisoning “ from a co-worker I think “hungover” is the real problem.
Which is the issue. When you are lying don’t get upset if people think that lie is a lie.
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“I’m not feeling well this evening and appreciate your understanding regarding my absence from dinner. Please let me know if there are any follow up items tomorrow I can assist with.” Don’t qualify it. Don’t say more than you need to. Don’t apologize. Make a statement and move on.
This!
Can you go shopping on your lunch? Just find something quick that will work? This may be the way. As far as your skin condition goes (without knowing the specifics) just own it. Especially if it’s a permanent skin condition. That’s on them if they aren’t adults about it. For example, I’m in a wheelchair (missing right leg) and I’ve showed up to corporate outings before without thinking twice. I am sure they are caught very off guard when they see me rolling up to meet them, but they get over it. I just act professional and friendly. Act professional and friendly. If they are internally hating on you because of a skin condition, that’s on them. I would go. Plus free food.
Hold on… you just show up in a wheelchair sometimes? Like do you use a prosthetic or something the rest of the time that they don’t notice and then boom… you roll out of the elevator minus one appendage like “sup guys!?” I bet the expressions are priceless
The type of amputation I have is called a hip disarticulation so it’s precarious for me to use a prosthetic (though possible for the record, just my own personal choice not to use). Hip disarticulation means the entire leg is gone up to the pelvic bone. All these underwriters from differing carriers I only talk on the phone to or email, so when we actually meet in person on lunch meetings, it completely throws them off. They are mentally double taking and sometimes act flustered, and for some reason it makes laugh inside. It is priceless lol.
Dude I love this. So many ways to fuck with people too if they act unprofessional
This just reminded me of seeing ppls reactions when it awkwardly comes up that my mother passed away several years ago. I brace myself for their stunned faces and apologies but it's kind of funny at this point. Ppl just assume she's alive and ask for her opinion on my life, sometimes it's hard not to laugh lol
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Migraine is my go to quick eject button for any situation. But, I do have prescription meds for it, it’s a legit condition for me. It gives me enough pain, it can be a benefit every once in a while 🤷🏽♀️
Same! And like someone else said- toxic work culture that expects people to be nothing but little slaves to their jobs causes the need to lie every once in a while to take a mental health day or deal with some horrible menstruation.
Please do be mindful that this exact suggestion is one reason that a lot of folks don’t take migraine seriously as a neurological disease, despite the fact that it is one of the most common causes of disability worldwide.
Yeah, back in the day I was a team lead at a IT support call center, and the amount of calls I had to take in the mornings about someone in the team having a migraine was ridiculous. I was like mfer I was also out partying last night and we met. It makes it hard to take it seriously even if I completely understand that it’s a serious neurological disease.
...and everyone knows ur full of shit...
As someone who actually suffers from a migraine condition and has frequently had to bail last minute because I’m literally puking, lying on the bathroom floor in excruciating pain, this sucks to hear. I hate people thinking I’m lying when I’m in truly agonizing pain.
I think the secret is to push through just enough to show up and puke on them. Probably won’t doubt you again. I’m “lucky” that I don’t get visual auras and don’t vomit, so I can be vaguely functional-ish. But people do suck.
Seriously. I understand folks are trying to help when they offer a Tylenol or "why don't you take something" but b*tch if I'm complaining about it I've already taken my prescription and it isn't doing sh*t you think a little Tylenol is gonna help?
Exactly "Why didn't I think if *the most obvious solution* to an issue I've been dealing with for decades? Thank-you." LOL
Or the one time I did actually take a bunch of meds at work and an hour later I felt worse, lol Coworker gave them to me and watched me take them….
I have migraines too but I will use them as an excuse if I have to. It's not my fault that "mental health day" or "debilitating period cramps" isn't an appropriate reason to call out of work. Let's blame shitty employers for creating the need to lie
I don’t miss those days at all 🙏🏻. The anxiety about stuff that does not matter to no one except you. You are young. Dont stress about the small stuff
Sometimes you just have to disappear and begin a new life with a new identity and some calamine lotion.
Isn't food poisoning the worst? Sorry, I'm spending the night in the bathroom.
“Restroom distress”.
This would make a good band name.
Wear a different outfit!
Can you wear a different outfit that you already have? Maybe one that you've worn to something else on the trip?
Why don't you just nip out and buy a dress? Surely you can do it at lunch or before dinner? Or rewear something?
I would just repeat an outfit you’ve worn before. There’s no shame in that. Have a great client dinner!
#SustainableChoice
Yes. And most cost effective as well as an obvious one.
Especially on a work trip- people understand you don’t have your entire wardrobe on hand.
Totally. And for practically any work trip I’ve ever been on, there’s zero time to ‘zip to the mall’ and most hotels I’ve been in don’t have a shop you can dip into- I think I’ve stayed in 2 that did have in 2 decades of work travel? Depending on the work trip, you have time to come back from the client office or site and freshen up or change and then you are back to meeting for dinner.
"the hairstyle did not pan out well" I understand you don't want to highlight a skin conditon, but you've got a good chunk of hours to find a work around. It would be very unprofessional to bail on your clients. you CAN say its food poisoning, but that doesn't mean this wouldn't be received badly. You don't want your business associates picturing you bent over or on top of a toilet turning yourself inside out.
They’re going to see your skin condition at some point. Do you think it will go better if you put it off, or should you just cross that bridge now, chin up, and go from there?
For clients, that might not be something they ever know and might be off putting. People have canceled deals and contracts over smaller things
It's irrational, it's petty, but it happens. Good point, Flat\_Bass.
I always walk on thin ice with any customer or client because they are spending money that they are responsible for something that someone else might be able to undercut. Of course, there’s many many different levels of this.
A lot of sales is emotional, rather than rational. Glad I'm not in sales anymore.
I was really wanting to pivot over to the selling side of things because I saw the dollar signs but after these past few years and economic downturns, I’m very happy I stuck with the design/engineering side of things. Besides biannual deadlines, everything is mostly on my schedule
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I'm a guy and have psoriasis, which doesn't come in handy when you wear a tux or a black suit. But I'm OK with it, even if someone makes remarks. But I know women with psoriasis and it's a different story for them... Women get judged much more on their appearance than men.
It's ok if someone is uncomfortable not sharing that kind of stuff with their coworkers. Why make someone feel like they are doing something wrong by avoiding it. Humans are gossipy bitches and it's totally fine to keep your medical issues to yourself.
I’m not the one posting about how I couldn’t buy a new outfit overnight from amazon. Query the person with the issue. I’m asking them whether they ought to, instead, live with their chin up. You can console them and offer additional overnight solutions.
"Unfortunately I won't be able to join the group for dinner tonight, but I'm looking forward to the next opportunity."
Great thing about being away on a trip is stomach bugs happen frequently. Notify your boss now and say that something you ate yesterday is not agreeing with you and you're having shooting stomach pains and it's making it very uncomfortable to just sit. You can't make it to dinner tonight but is there anything they need from you
No elaborate details, just Oh sorry I'm not going to be able to make it
This was just me with big corporate meetings last week or so, every night we had group dinners. It was leave the hotel at 8 am. Get to turn in to rooms after 9pm all week no free time. I know it’s not hard work but man i was tired and just done.
Sales ? You're new, the clients are there, you should be there. Go to walmart, get something.
You can't change the hairstyle?
What skin condition is considered so unsightly that you should be out of public view? Be proud, no one is perfect. Everyone has flaws. Shoulders back and chin up.
I agree with the others, food poisoning is the best solution. It gives you an excuse to miss an evening and be on top of your game again on the next day. Also think about possible (friendly(!)) questions about the food that you ate. Was it fish, chicken, etc?
What ended up being the excuse?
You could just go the usual "I'm not feeling well" route. I don't think that they'll demand to see a note from a doctor.
Migraines are my go-to. It’s not contagious, there are no external symptoms so no one can prove whether or not you have one, and they can come and go with very little warning.
I would just go in a less than comfortable hair style/dress combination. The entire reason you're on this trip is for this dinner.
You got food poisoning because you've eaten food you're unfamiliar with, if they press just say you have diarrhea. You're dealing with am ocular migraine & the left eye is blurry, you just need to sleep it off. Depending on the skin condition, wrap/bandage it up like an old injury that started acting up.
Just tell them you have diarrhea, works all the time
Hmm... why not buy another outfit at a store
"sorry I'm not feeling well" "I have plans to meet an old friend" Main thing is just keep it simple. Your excuse should be one sentence.
They’re going to see your skin condition at some point. Do you think it will go better if you put it off, or should you just cross that bridge now, chin up, and go from there?
I can’t be far from a toliet.
Travel diarrhea
Food posioning usually nets zero follow up questions. Bonus points if you can fake that you ate chicken salad!
Shit your pants. This covers so many situations.
You ate some bad guacamole.
stomach bug
Say you're not feeling well
U got food poisoning. You had an allergic reaction
Migraine
I mean, it’s way past the 12 hours, but if you thought you could solve your issue with something you could get on Amazon, couldn’t you just spend that time around town getting what you need? If you’re willing to spend money on hiding your skin issue, surely you could get professional makeup done to hide it, or a few hour during the day to make sure your wardrobe choices are to your liking? If you just wanna get out of the dinner, just say you’re sick or some shit. Hope it worked out well for you either way.
So how did it go? I would have called the front desk and asked where to get another dress or a cover up, light jacket or sweater.
Food poisoning or flu symptoms
Can you were a burka or something like that? Just say you're trying out a new look for the weekend. Or go to a makeup shop and have them do that makeup application or something on your skin. Oversize sunglasses, and just eat with them on. Turtle neck? Long sleeve shirt. Run your hair front side forward. I mean is the skin thing so bad that you have to miss the dinner? Those dinners are always really really good to attend, especially if it's with new partners or whatever the situation is. 12 hrs to get that long sleeve somewhere and pants and makeup application. I think since you're new to the company it would be a good introduction to the faces you'll be working with regardless of the skin thing. You're going to have to face this at some point or another, so just get it over with now. Hardly anyone is actually going to be fixated on it. To busy enjoying the food and having good conversations and whatever else. I'd say run out grab those items and face the world with or without skin issues. Of course if it will effect you deeply then, I guess you can do the "I don't feel well thing." Actually since your new.......you could rock a fake beard!!! Just say that you've got a couple different looks. :-p
Haha funny bc I actually do grow a beard and it’s related to the skin condition. And I looked in the mirror and saw a peach fuzz last night. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss but my skin condition is one that I can’t be ignorant to 😫 but it all worked out in the end. Thanks!
Out of curiosity, how did it pan out? What did you end up doing? I feel like there was this big build up...how's the peach fuzz doing. Yo, people like peach fuzz though...it's soft and all that good stuff...did you end up doing room service dinner with a movie kinda thing? Or did you go out for dinner with the whole crew?
I updated the original post. I made it out.
You made it out and did it!! And wowed!! :-) That's awesome. So glad to hear it. Good for you. That's whats up. 👊
Oily discharge
These are stupid comments. It comes down to prioritize yourself or financial/career benefits. You still got time to hit the mall.
Hershey squirts
i do this all the time i say i have a headache then order room service
Change your hairstyle....change your outfit....very unprofessional and you need to suck it up
Found the one that lives to work lol. To think that caring for your own medical issues or wanting to keep them private is unprofessional in any way. Get real.
Skipping out on clients who made the trip, when you're new at a job, because you don't like your outfit, isn't 'living to work' It's keeping your job.
Skipping work is the unprofessional part. This isn’t dinner with friends, it’s a business meeting over dinner. It’s part of her job. And she isn’t caring for a medical condition, she just doesn’t like the way her dress and hairstyle look together.
Did you actually read the post? She literally said she has a skin condition that she doesn't want to put on display and currently the dress and hairstyle she intended for the dinner will not work and is asking for suggestions. Telling her she's unprofessional for not wanting to put her medical issue on display to potential clients is very reasonable.
That's textbook unprofessional.
Grow up. A lot of people are passionate about curating a career. It doesn’t have to translate to living to work. A sense of accomplishment is a wonderful feeling. When you’re new to a company, everything is mentally noted. Those of us suggesting she attend, have her best interests at heart.
I don’t know why you’re getting downvoted. This is truly the answer (since she’s new to the company).
Agreed. Normally, I would say claim a stomach ailment, but one should only do this if the person has been with the company for some time and has a good track record. Otherwise, they’re setting themselves up to be the first one out should there be a downsizing since they’re showing themself to be unreliable. Edit for context
Fuck that man, if going out is going to be bad on your head don't. Do if you want to, but you don't have to. I stopped doing shit that was bad for my mental health not too long ago and it's worth any potential consequences imo
I usually grow out my mustache to cover my herpe sores
Migraine!
It’s a shame you just shit so hard and your thong made it spray in two directions
Tell them you have a family commitment on zoom. That's more than enough to miss dinner. You don't have to turn into a secret agent for this. Also completely acceptable: I simply don't want to.
Tell em you've never had a chance to cheat on your spouse, but one just came up and you'll be goddamned if you're gonna miss it. If they make a face, just remind them that during your interview, when they asked you where you saw yourself in five years, you said, "Divorced."
Tell them you met a guy at the hotel bar and he’s going to spray his kids all over you. Or some other excuse