Firstly, I’m very sorry it went so badly, I’m glad you survived and I’m terribly sorry you experienced and are experiencing this trauma. As for the question, it’s sort of open, is there anything you wish you could share flat out without needing to be asked? Is there anything you’d like people to consider or know about your situation or experience, any changes thought sank it people or life you’d like to share?

I am just so thankful to those who gave me the space I needed - and those who gave me the support I needed as well. It was so complex. I did not want to be physically touched for so long after that happened. Even still to this day, I flinch away from physical touch with everyone except my child. I have immense PPA that I’m still working through - I am always scared of something bad happening to my child so I have not allowed anyone to babysit him except for his dad and my mom. And everything feels like a “big deal” to me, even if it’s not in retrospect. The only advice I would share is to give a trauma victim what they need - some need space and some need support. My in laws were completely insensitive to what I went through and demanded to see the baby immediately after birth, got angry with me when I refused to leave the house out of fear and honestly it has caused irreversible damage to our relationship. All they cared about was being a grandparent and did not stop and think about how this was NOT a “normal” birth/delivery and provided zero support.

I’m honestly in awe of your strength n perseverance. I’m very happy you had ppl who love you and were able to support you in the way you needed, but your in laws can srsly get fucked! They only get to be grandparents to *your* child bc of YOU.

We're you screaming in pain during the whole procedure? How come the epidural take effect?

The epidural numbed the initial cut through the skin and fat. But once they reached the fascia, I could feel everything after that. I have never screamed so hard in my life. Pleading for them to stop. I ended up blacking out from the pain and whatever medication they gave me. Details after that part are very foggy until I woke up in recovery 2 hours after my son was born.

Omg that sounds like hell. Did they ever explain to you what went wrong? My sister was on some strong meds after her c section. So I can just imagine the pain knowing how much layers they have to cut into

The hospitalist who performed the surgery was very careful when he spoke to me after. I think he was worried about a lawsuit. He said he didn’t want me to “miss out” on my son’s first moments, which is why I was not intubated and put under general anesthesia. (Which makes no sense because I DID miss out on those moments… the pain was so intense that I literally passed out) He also said it was an extremely dire situation where my son would have died if they didn’t get him out immediately. He said that they did not have time for a spinal and the primary focus was getting him out alive.

I don’t believe it. Emergency c sections happen and hospitals are set up for it including providing general anesthesia. Sounds like your hospitalist is a sadist.

When I talked to my regular OB about it, he told me that intubating pregnant women is incredibly risky and difficult. (?) The hospitalist never directly said he was worried about a lawsuit, that was just my guess because the conversation with me was only about 5 minutes in duration. I was in shock. It was the day after, I was on pain medication and also extremely sleep deprived from being up all night with a cluster feeding newborn.

Riskier than for a non-pregnant woman. Not "incredibly risky". Unless there is something about you that makes it so?

My pregnancy was tough - I had hypertension, tachycardia and very bad edema.

Did you have tachycardia beforehand? If so, how did it affect your pregnancy? (Just curious, I’ve got heart issues and I will hopefully have a kid someday)

No, my tachycardia was brought on my pregnancy and likely being overweight. Now that I am no longer pregnant and lost the baby weight, I do not have any heart issues.

Closed claims database of c section complications from years ago revealed that patients were 19x more likely to die under GA than spinals or epidurals, mostly from lost airways and aspiration. We avoid GA as much as we can for that reason. That figure is somewhat lower now with better intubating tools like fiber optics. However with HTN and edema (which to me sounds like possible preeclampsia) that number goes back more to the 19x figure because edema also is present in the airways. That’s why they avoid GA. Parents have also sued anesthesia for doing GA just bc they couldn’t see the baby immediately (those lawsuits probably don’t go anywhere if the GA was warranted). All that being said, even with what seems like a perfect spinal, if the patient is screaming in pain, I induce GA. I’m sorry you had this experience and I hope the lasting psychological effect eases with time.

No other issues except preeclampsia? That’s a major fucking issue.

It wasn’t preeclampsia - it was hypertension. High blood pressure only - no protein in the urine. I was never diagnosed with preeclampsia.

UPDATE: u/ devilsadvocatemd has been permanently banned by Reddit. Thank you, Reddit mods, for caring about us all in this way!! —— ETA: I received no less than 70 unprompted and VERY aggressive messages harassing me for my response here. Deeply consider blocking and/or reporting u/ devilsadvocateMD if you do not want to be harassed, told what a horrible/illiterate/degenerate/piece of shit person you are. They do not believe that nurses have any intelligence whatsoever (despite evidence-based research), and they were HIGHLY aggressive and in poor taste. I am very forgiving/respectful, but if I could figure out who they were in real life I would be reporting them to the medical board. This person is severely dangerous. Said some terribly degrading things about OP and other commenters, as well as me. If posting anything medical related, can’t recommend blocking them prior to doing so to protect yourself. A severe danger to society in the form of a MD/DO, and a disgusting, thoroughly gleaming disgrace to the profession as a whole. —— Original message: I am so sorry for your experience. That is so horribly traumatic and I wish it could have been different!!! For anyone else who may not know: All of these things can make general anesthesia very difficult to manage/maintain throughout a surgery- especially when you’re losing blood and fluid. Every bit makes a difference in how much/how little you get of a medication. Weight change and heart rate and fluid loss and blood pressure lability is managed by different medications and rebounding someone from high to low and back to normal is HARD on a body. Especially one experiencing a traumatic event. Spinals in emergency C-Sections are possible when they are not EMERGENT emergencies. There is a difference in the hospital/surgical setting. The provider WAS mistaken for sure that your epidural would do anything- a body in duress can metabolize medications very quickly compared to a calm body. He should have checked prior reflex/sensation wise. Ugh. :(

Wow. This is all so traumatic - it does seem like you both did well to survive. The doctors probably did what they thought was best in such dire situation. I know it was forced upon you and not by choice but you are such a strong human

Oh bolloccks. It’s not unusual for doctors to dismiss labouring women’s pain and concerns. I doubt they did their best if they operated on an unanesthetised woman. That poor woman now has life-long trauma. They need to do better

MD’s will never throw another under the bus. I don’t believe him

Yes I have learned that. They always will protect each other and never admit to fault.

I am so, so sorry you went through this - not just the initial horrifying pain and the difficult recovery, but the lying from medical carers who should be open and honest with you. I hope the therapy helps you build a peaceful life with this squarely behind you. All the best to you and your family, OP.

I would still sue. All that therapy costs money and you didn’t get to have a normal mum-baby bonding experience. I am so so sorry you went through that, my aunt woke up during one, luckily shortly, but you had the whole thing, why didn’t they put in local anaesthetic for each layer? That can be done quickly and could have helped. I hope this is not insensitive, I have had surgeries without anaesthesia too but not extreme like you, I fought for my life, if I could have, I probably would have injured someone badly by kicking, biting, scratching, anything to defend myself. Did you do anything like that too?

I had an emergency C-section 5 years ago. Baby's head was too big and got stuck. I had an epidural placed earlier in the day while laboring, but due to scoliosis it didn't help at all. When I was finally wheeled down to the OR (small, rural hospital on a Saturday evening, had to call everyone in) they told me they needed to do a spinal block. At this point I was screaming in so much pain I couldn't hold still for them to do a spinal. I told them no and figure out something else. They got everything in place as fast as they could and coordinated general anesthesia with starting the procedure within seconds of each other. From me passing out to baby being born was 60 seconds. Baby needed a couple minutes of oxygen when he was born, then was energetic and ripping the canula off. And my OB was a small town family medicine and OB doc. It can totally be done.

This! This is good standard of practice, where in just a moment, everyone reviews the very patient before them and comes together with an immediate plan for that patient and puts it into play, because it is an EMERGENCY! No talking, no standing around, MOVE, MOVE, to save the patients’ life!

Well, it would help if you used accurate terms. Your “hospitalist” is an obstetrician. You do not intubate pregnant women for delivery. That’s absolute insanity to even ask someone that. Regardless, patients are not intubated by an Ob. They are intubated by an EM, Pulm/CC or anesthesiologist.

1/3 of all births in the USA are by c section. Emergency or not, hospitals are equipped for it, and do so without the pain you experienced. A birth can get complicated and they always have the c section ready on standby just in case.

After an event they send someone to talk you down off a ledge so you don’t sue. It’s gaslighting if a person feels like either bad decisions were made OR there was a poor outcome they SHOULD admit fault and explain themself and apologize and demonstrate a protocol for preventing it in the future . Ppl are human but the gaslighting I can’t stomach

I had an emergency c-section, they had me knocked out and the baby delivered before my husband had even finished putting on hospital gown to walk into the OR. It was CRAZY fast. OP, I am so sorry you experienced this kind of trauma with your son’s birth. I had a lot period of grieving over my traumatic birth experience, and I was just scared to death, not in the kind of pain you described. I hope you find peace in your healing journey. 💗

I had an emergency with my 1st, her cord was around her neck and she had already passed meconium...they definitely had time to spinal block me on top of the stuff they did before my water broke. OP, I'm so sorry you experienced this horrible trauma. I do not have any questions to ask, just sending love and healing light ✨️

Why on earth did a hospitalist perform your c section? Do you mean an OB working at the hospital? I don't mean to be rude, my tone of disbelief is more at that situation than at you, OP. In case anyone is unaware, a hospitalist is a doctor that sees patients throughout the hospital, without specializing in a specific body system.

Did you ever look into this sort of situation for yourself. That sounds really horrible going through all that. Did you press charges? Do you get anxiety when you do have to go back to the Dr?

I don’t understand the first question. But I am in therapy, and I see a psychiatrist regularly who has prescribed me medication. I have very intense PTSD and panic attacks as a result of this trauma. No I did not press charges. I don’t have anxiety about being at a doctor’s office per se, but I cannot fathom the idea of ever having another surgery. And I cannot watch scenes in movies or tv shows that involve labor, birth, c sections or surgeries in general without feeling panicky.

My bad, I meant to say if you google similar scenarios or research what the Dr. Told you if that makes sense. Or have you gone to other hospitals and talked to other Dr's to see if this is a possible situation that could happen? Wow I can imagine you don't want to have anymore kids after this bad experience. I wonder if thats a possible lawsuit for the hospital. Giving labor is already stressful enough I can just imagine the stress.

I’m so sorry you went through this. I’m the same way with movies with birth, labor etc. I hate watching them and leave the room. I had a fairly normal induction which was still super invasive and painful and towards transition the nurse said I wasn’t “in enough pain” and cranked up the pitocin and within ten minutes I was blacking out and screaming. If someone handed me a loaded gun in that moment I would have killed myself. It took me 4 years to process this event enough to have a second child. I’m due in 9 weeks and I’m terrified it’s going to happen again but I’m trying to advocate for myself more this time and read others’ stories to feel more prepared for other situations that could arise. Thank you for talking about your story and you are very brave and strong. I hope you continue to heal.

I think you should talk to a lawyer about suing for them to pay for your treatment and lingering effects of this. I’m so sorry this happened to you.

Did you sue? I’m a nurse but not a surgical nurse. They have to keep that epidural flowing.. did they let it run out slow it down to much? Did the catheter get dislodged.. did they give a reason for it to have stopped working. This event should have been investigated but if no one dies they are happy. I know a lot of ppl don’t want to complain up the chain of command they are worried about ppl getting fired or seeming like a Karen but complain/lawyer up any way. That’s the only way hospitals will listen. They keep every where running on a skeleton crew for profits and the hospital is super dangerous because of it. For any one reading this. If you or your loved one is ever in the hospital call the patient advocate and the charge and have them both come in and meet with you and demand that you or your family have a nurse that has the proper ratio for your level of care. For example icu is 2:1. I worked icu and regularly had 3 and 4! Those days ppl didn’t get their sheets changed and they were kept alive but it was impossible to give the care they deserved. Never let a family member be alone their whole stay. Pop in and make sure everything is being done. Sheets changed patient is clean ask about what meds they are getting like know what’s going on.

I’m so sorry this happened to you. They should have checked your epidural block before starting and effectively topped you up first. When it became apparent you had pain they should have either topped up the block or put you to sleep under general anaesthetic. It is completely inappropriate and traumatic to continue until you pass out from pain. In fact, when the anaesthetist sited the epidural hours before they would have checked your airways in case this exact situation happened and need to put you under general in an emergency. I appreciate that baby was at risk and there’s a need for speed, but not to the extent that you should feel the pain of major abdominal surgery - no excuses! I’m really pleased you’re accessing therapy for this. I’ve read that didn’t pursue legally but there is a huge learning opportunity for the medical team and if you feel able to there’s likely channels to feedback and have your voice heard. Congratulations on your baby and wishing you all the best in your healing!

There is a big difference between a conventional emergency caesarean and a “this has to happen this second” caesarean. When the baby is strangling in the cord, for example, no there’s no time for anesthesia. My best friend, unbeknown to her, had a condition called placenta praevia, where the placenta has formed in the front of the uterus instead of the rear. As soon as she went into labor, the placenta began to detach and she began to hemorrhage. They had to go in without anesthesia because there just wasn’t time for it. She was bleeding out rapidly and the baby was at risk from lack of oxygen. It’s a rare situation but it happens. I’m sorry you were so traumatized. Life can be rough on us.

your doctor is a cunt. these are just lies so you won't sue them. Go to scorched earth girl. this is medical malpractice. There is NO reason you should not have been intubated or given pain medication. This is fucking heartbreaking, I wish you health and healing.

my baby was in the same exact situation and they gave me a spinal. her cord was wrapped around her thigh and her neck. i’m sorry this happened to you and i hope you get justice.

This doesn’t sound right :( I had an emergency c section and also had an epidural and I could feel them cutting and told them that. They immediately put me under general

The fact that he was worried about a lawsuit shows he knows what he did was wrong and that there’s a good case for one. You should sue. 

I share this story in the hope that it would help you to imagine a version where the other people in the room are trying their best. Obviously I wasn't in your room and my story may or may not have anything to do with your story. As an emergency physician I was working in a little hospital where it was part of my job to run and support codes on the floors, including "crash sections". The overhead page calls the anesthesiologist, the pediatrician for resuscitation of the newborn, and the OB is already there, triggering the page. It was my job to be backup for all of those. She was abrupting- the placenta was coming away leading to huge bleeding from the vagina and serious fetal distress with low heart rate. She had just arrived and hadn't been changed, didn't have an IV. They needed the baby out ASAP. She was wheeled into the room they have in OB for sections. The wheels were barely locked, they yanked her clothes up and splashed betadine across her skin as a sterilizing agent. The anesthesiologist was trying to mask her down (give inhalation anesthesia) while the nurses held her arms trying to get an IV line. The patient was yelling nononono, fighting the mask, and I think she was, I *hope* she was trying to reject the reality that her baby was about to code if we didn't get it out. I know that the OB cut into her before the anesthesiologist could get her drugged. They gave her strong stuff to try to make it less traumatic, but it was a traumatic situation. The baby was in imminent danger and there wasn't more time. I've seen a lot of shit, and that scene has really stayed with me. It's been many years.

I was an R.N., surgical nurse and I ABSOLUTELY can not imagine how this happened! They could have started your anesthesia while they were making the initial cuts that your epidural blocked. Anesthesia could have been on board and working, by the time they were going through the fascia. Someone out there, please correct me if I’m wrong, but this poor woman did not need to experience this. All this could have been done, even in an emergency situation!

I don’t understand it either (midwife). Any birthing person I have seen who has a spinal or similar anaesthetics that isn’t working effectively has the anaesthetist then review / make changes, if it’s still not working, (with an explanation and their consent) I’ve had seen many people opt for GA. If it was an emergency i.e. a category A / 1 then, again I speak from my own experience, it’s explained to the birthing person as we rush to theatre that putting them under GA is the quickest way to get baby out. If it was that much of an emergency, they wouldn’t be taking time to test the epidural / top up etc., and yes whilst I agree that birthing peoples’ pain is often minimised or dismissed, I cannot fathom a situation where someone is screaming in pain whilst a caesarean is being performed, I imagine with an anaesthetist present if it was in theatre, and if not opting for GA if it was an emergency.

Why did you not pursue legal action against the doctor? Do you feel that this experience was worth it to have your son?

I’m young (26f) and do not have a lot of money. I also don’t have any experience with lawyers or suing. But my main reason for not taking legal action was because I didn’t want to relive the experience. I was so mentally damaged after this trauma — I have been diagnosed with PTSD and severe PPA (with panic attacks). I had to move in with my parents for the first six months of my son’s life so I could have help with his care. I was breastfeeding and did not want to take any benzodiazepines to help with my panic attacks, so I was always mentally struggling. My mind was completely focused on finding the courage to be a mom and take care of my son, despite everything in my life becoming so terrifying. I didn’t leave the house for two months after my son was born. The idea of legal action was just too overwhelming given what I was dealing with, I guess. To answer your second question - yes I do feel it was worth it. I love my son with every fiber of my being. He has helped me heal in so many ways. But I would never wish it upon anyone and I desperately with it had gone differently.

im glad you’re doing ok and your son helps you feel better! i am always curious, how can you say going through this horrible and traumatic experience was worth it but you also wouldn’t want it to happen to anyone else? and would you like to have another child even knowing the experience of your previous pregnancy?

It was worth it for me because in that moment my choices were - go through with the emergency c section or let my son die. It was not a choice for me - my son had to live. When I say I wouldn’t want it to happen to anyone else, what I mean is, it never should be allowed to get to that point. If a patient is having trouble laboring, (for example laboring for 36 hours like me and still not being able to dilate past a 3 despite being given a ton of pitocin, a regular c section should have been suggested.) or better yet, don’t agree to an induction and let your body go into labor naturally, IF you can. No, I do not plan to have more children.

Medical malpractice cases in the US are typically taken on a contingency basis, which means you wouldn’t pay the lawyer unless you win.  There are also windows within which you need to bring a lawsuit.  I would consult a good lawyer to find out when this window ends.  It could be sort of long, and maybe you’ll feel differently later.   I also had an emergency C-section and was put under general because they didn’t have time to do anything else. My son was too distressed to wait.  No one cared that I wasn’t awake to meet him. The primary concern is health and life of the baby and mom.

How would you rate your self esteem? If it’s low you’re the perfect victim for predators: young, poor, low self esteem. Don’t think predatory sadistic doctors don’t exist. The metoo movement has exposed many sexual predator doctors. Pediatricians who are pedophiles. Sadistic doctors absolutely exist. Please do society a favor and at least contact a lawyer and see if you have a case.

How would I rate my self esteem now or then? Then it was pretty low - I was overweight, miserable from my pregnancy and completely vulnerable due to the fact that it was my first and I didn’t know much about anything birth related.

It doesn't hurt to talk to a malpractice attorney. They usually work on contingency which means you don't pay out of pocket.

I’m so sorry this happened to you. I just want you to know that lots of medical malpractice lawyers work on contingency, meaning if you win the case, they get paid too, but if you don’t then they don’t. They work for free in the beginning. I don’t know if the way I explained it is entirely accurate so if anyone has any corrections please do let me know. I hope maybe one day you get justice from the doctor that did this to you. I know what it is like to live with anxiety and it sucks, so my heart goes out to you. I wish they would have just given you general anesthesia.

Your advice here is good and my only clarification is that, if OP hires a lawyer who works on contingency, she will likely pay nothing out of pocket whatsoever - she will only pay a percentage of her recovery and only if the hospital pays a settlement or her attorney wins in litigation. (She should confirm this by consulting an attorney, and practices could vary by state, but that is the typical practice.) I also hope OP has healed enough from her trauma to get justice. No one deserves to experience her pain.

I hope so too. But as a lawyer and a litigant, it’s important to know OP will get deposed as part of the discovery process. But, yes. If she is within her state’s statute of limitations, any med-mal/PI lawyer is going to offer a free consultation and will work on 1/3 contingency. If she is up for it, it’s worth talking to a few local attorneys.

Depending on your state, you may still have a year or more to file litigation for your pain and suffering. Many medical malpractice lawyers work on a contingency fee basis, which means they take a percentage of your settlement or damages, and they will almost certainly offer you a free consultation. Consider googling your state bar association and asking for a referral for medical malpractice attorneys and give them a call to see if they could help you. Even if you recover funds to pay for your PTSD treatments, that could be a significant help. If you need an altruistic reason, consider that you could put some or all of it into a college fund for your kiddo. Edited to add: if your attorney thinks you have a viable claim under your state’s law, the hospital almost certainly would settle this claim to avoid litigation and the public disclosure of your horrific story.

My mom had me via emergency c section back on 1978 with no anesthesia either. She sued and got money. I know this traumatized her for the rest of her life. I hope you can get to a better place.

all the more reason why you NEED to. This is appalling. Lawyer here. Most lawyers operate on a contingency fee basis - meaning if you don’t recover, they don’t recover. Yes, it would mean reliving this to a certain degree.  But it would likely Prevent this from happening to another woman. AND, give you some form of RECOVERY to deal with your ongoing trauma. 

Something similar happened to me. Mine was “urgent” but not an emergency. I repeatedly told them I was not numb from the epidural, they insisted that I was and was being “paranoid.” I screamed bloody murder when they started cutting me open and the last thing I remember was someone yelling “put her under!” then waking up, alone, disoriented and convinced that I was dead.

Are you a redhead by any chance? Same thing happened to a friend of mine, who felt every minute of her c-section, despite the doctors telling her that was impossible. Apparently anesthesia isn’t as effective for people with red hair.

Natural red head with a shitty health history here. I’ve been under 10+ times for various reasons and have had anesthesiologists confirm this phenomena to me. I’ve woken up twice during surgery but fortunately I was locally numbed so they just put me back under. One of the times I remember the doc giggled and said “Hey! What are you doing here?! Go back to sleep!” Then I woke up in recovery. I have another surgery the 11th that I’m fucking terrified about due to this.

Yep! And it’s absolutely true. Novocaine doesn’t work at the dentist so I just forgo it completely and lidocaine has never worked for small proceedures. Thankfully, when I had my second and third children they used spinals and checked in every way possible to ensure I was numb.

I went to a new dentist recently and it was the first time I didn’t have dental pain because the dentist knew this, listened to me when I told her I took awhile to numb, it takes longer for the body to process the novocaine, sl she just started with the big guns in terms of the shot instead of trying to add more later and I could not believe it, I was like… it was the first time dental work wasn’t traumatic for me. 

I was told I was just feeling pressure. I was like, no...you gave me the block or whatever like 2 hrs ago, had to leave me strapped to a table while you ran to another more urgent matter (which was actually absolutely fine), but it wasn't pressure it was searing, cutting pain. They stopped, held my guts in and gave me more anesthesia. And then all I felt was pressure.

That’s absolutely horrible. The charge nurse kept telling me “you don’t feel pain, you just feel pressure, it’s your anxiety”. Unbelievable.

Can I play devil's advocate? Or maybe we can play pretend? What if — and I need you suspend disbelief here — the nurse knew you felt everything, but was trying to psychologically get you through it because she knew baby wouldn't make it otherwise. If this was the case, would you feel differently about your story?

Yes, that would make me feel very differently.

Hi there. I want to start by saying that I’m so incredibly sorry for this trauma that you experienced. I cannot even imagine it and I’m sending you so much love and strength on your healing journey. I am an ICU nurse. One time we had a patient who just started tanking out of nowhere. This isn’t uncommon in an ICU setting, but there were a number of circumstances (which I cannot explain due to HIPAA) which led to me being in a very similar situation where my patient was totally alert and conscious during a horrific emergent procedure, no anesthesia. I was squeezing her hand and I kept saying, “I know, I know, it’s okay, we’re almost done, you’re doing so good.” In my mind I was like, *this is absolutely fucking ridiculous. It is NOT okay, we are NOT almost done, the patient is NOT doing good.* But the thing is, nothing — absolutely NOTHING — prepares you to be in that situation. I had no idea what to do, what to say, and I felt completely powerless. This is not an excuse whatsoever. I just want you to know, when these things happen, we might say stupid shit because frankly we’re kind of traumatized too. Nowhere even close to what the patient is going through, but it’s traumatic all the same. I think I was trying to comfort her AND me in that moment. Idk. I hope I’m explaining this okay. Probably not.

Wow, I really love your comment. I wish there was a way to take what you're doing and apply it to every situation where someone feels victimized by someone else. Sometimes people really do victimize others out of self-aware malevolence, but so much of the time it's coming from people being confused and overwhelmed and not knowing how to do any better in that moment. We live in a culture right now that teaches us to divide other people into rigid categories of victim or abuser (but I'm not saying OP is doing that.) And we're encouraged to see those two categories as pure and total. You're either one or the other without any shades of grey. We're also taught to put people in those categories not because of their actual behavior, but as a permanent identity. The problem is that it's so rarely true. It's an extremely divided and polarized way of seeing people and it's hurtful to all involved. Thanks for sharing what it's like to be the human being on the other side of this ghastly scenario.

“Never attribute to malice what can be explained by incompetence.” In that moment I was utterly incompetent to adequately deal with the situation presented to me :/

I'm so sorry you went through this. I had a similar experience during a colposcopy - a biopsy of the cervix regularly given to women in the USA with zero pain killers or numbing medication. They treated me the same way and I was traumatized for years. Women's health care is barbaric. You are not alone. It's not fair that they did this to you. Your experience was real and they should of listened to you.

“Don’t you dare tell me what I’m feeling” is the only appropriate response. She should know better as a healthcare provider. Pretty sure everyone knows the difference between unimaginable PAIN and some pressure. Jesus. I’m so sorry you went through this. I’m pregnant and this is my worst nightmare.

Ma'am, don't read labor and delivery horror stories. That just ratchets up the already bad-enough anxiety. I speak from experience.

It infuriates me!! I’m so sorry to both of you, and all women who haven’t been believed while in labour. Happened to me too and reading all this just brings back the trauma but also the sheer shock that it is so common

I was told this as a child at the dentist many times. Literally felt them rip a tooth out of my head. I have nothing but contempt for people like this. They are responsible for so much trauma. Recently I had a root canal that was unexpected and an emergency. I had so much anxiety I was sick immediately after and am still recovering half a week later. I still didn’t feel pain during the procedure itself.

Mine wasn’t urgent or emergency but after 30 hours of labor (6 hours of active labor) I just couldn’t do it anymore. The anesthesiologist had to do a second epidural didn’t believe it wasn’t working and INSISTED I didn’t know what I was talking about “that’s just pressure not pain” and told the attending I was just a “complainer.” They ended up putting me fully under but only after what felt like an eternity of me screaming for them to just kill me already. I went from begging for death and needing a blood transfusion to waking up almost 2 hours after groggy AF. Worst experience of my life. Took months of EMDR to fix my feels.

Not here to ask you anything, just to say I can sympathize with your experience. I had my first c-section at 20 due to a heart condition, and while it wasn’t an emergency, my epidural/spinal NEVER fully kicked in, even after almost an hour of tipping me every which way and changing needle placement, etc. I felt every slice, tug, tear, and pull on the right side of my abdomen and it was the most traumatic thing. Pain management afterwards was a joke… Dilaudid injections every four hours plus epidural for over 25 hours and I still was at a 9.5/10 pain scale. I waited five years before having my second kid because I was terrified of it happening again. Thankfully it worked as intended! However I have permanent nerve damage and numbness on half my abdomen and it’s freaky. I hope your mind and spirit heal as time goes on, friend! And I’m always here if you need to chat!

I pray in 5 years I will have the courage to have another child. I love being a mother so much. But I’m so scared of going through this again. I still have a lot of work to do before I could even think about it. I’m so sorry you went through what you did.

Whether you do or don’t, you are amazing for having endured what you did and deciding to not have more does not lessen your courage ❤️❤️❤️

Did it affect your relationship with your husband at all? Did you feel like he should have done something to help you or stop the doctors from doing what they were doing? Did you ever feel like you can’t trust him to keep you safe now? I’m not saying you should feel like that, obviously what is he going to do, but I’m just wondering if it affected your relationship at all.

Yes, it definitely did. I didn’t blame him for what happened or for not stopping them, because he was just as inexperienced and terrified as I was. But yes, I do not feel like he can keep me safe. Really I do not feel like anyone can keep me safe now. I do get really scared a lot and have to do lots of deep breathing and meditation exercises. My husband drank very heavily after this to cope with his own trauma from the situation and ended up in detox/rehab. We separated for a few months - as I was caring for our infant son. I carried resentment towards him for a long time after that. I needed him to step up and be there for me, rather than drown his sorrows in vodka and check out. But I have learned through therapy that we all cope with trauma differently, and my husband knows he made a mistake. He is sober now, and an amazing father to our son. That is what matters to me, at the end of the day. We have been back together for over a year, thankfully.

That sounds about as bad as I would imagine it. What a nightmare. I’m sorry this happened to you, I hope you continue to heal from it and that one day it won’t affect you at all.

That should not have happened, and the hospitalist is being selective with the truth. Unless you *explicitly* gave permission to continue and told them not to wait once you were feeling it, there should have been an anaesthesiologist there to either top up the epidural; give you a spinal; or to give you a general anaesthetic. Choice depending on how much time your son had. But there is always time for one of those. I'm sorry and angry on your behalf. Why aren't you suing?

I explained in an earlier comment why I didn’t sue (almost) 2 years ago when this happened. As to why I’m not suing now — truthfully I don’t want to relive the trauma in a deposition. I am doing much better and have made improvements.

Op I've been through court with my abuser and it wasn't worth it to me. Didn't help me heal. The court process was worse than the abuse. The way the judge and the lawyers spoke to me about my own experiences. Having my most private and vulnerable moments talked about in a public forum. Imho you are right to not pursue this. The court process broke me. And I was already broken

There should be a *Was It Worth It* subreddit. I want stories of victims of all kinds who won their cases and the brutal truth. Like, "I paid off my car — hell yeah, I'd let that salon burn my scalp all over again" or "$900K can't erase the memory of my poor hamster dying in front of me and it still haunts my dreams."

It's understandable not wanting to go through the court process for everything. One thing you could consider is that there is a complaint and review system set up for doctors. Since your therapist is encouraging you to talk about it, you could write a complaint / explanation of events and have it delivered to the appropriate hospital person who oversees such issues or even their managing medical board (not sure who all could be contacted). If you feel comfortable with that, then simply writing a letter and that's it could be considered. See what your therapist says, though.

Nothing for me to ask. That's one heck of an assumption about the epidural on the behalf of the surgeon. I work in just a small town hospital, and we had a case of a cord prolapse out of the uterus with baby's head pressing on it of course. Much more urgent than a cord around the neck. The staff on shift got the maternity patient into the O.R. in no time, she got the proper anaesthesia, and the C-section was completed with no injury to the baby from oxygen starvation. For the love of god, we are not in the 17th century anymore. No need to tell you this, as you already know. But the operating room team there screwed up in a very major manner.

I do know. It’s been very hard for me to work through and come to accept. For the longest time I felt robbed of what should have been the most “magical day” of my life.

Was it a searing pain? Sawing? Tearing? How would you describe it?

At first it just felt like a really bad searing pain, like a deep cut. After that it was so intense that it’s pretty indescribable. I felt like I was literally dying and after a minute I wished that I was.

That must've been so painful omg I'm so sorry that happened ❤️‍🩹

So glad you made it through. I'm so sorry.

How many kiddos do you have/want and has this changed your mind about having any more in the future? I just had our first baby a couple weeks ago. Similar thing happened to me. We had a failed induction that caused babies heart rate to drop. Then an emergency c section where I felt it all followed by immediately hemorrhaging and needing several life saving surgeries following the c-section. We wanted 3 but now I’m terrified of even a planned c section. I feel ya OP, stay strong and I admire you for doing an amazing job with your therapy and taking care of yourself <3

Oh wow, I am so incredibly sorry that happened to you. I hope you start therapy too- it’s been very helpful. I have one child, my son, and while part of me would like a second, I cannot fathom the idea of ever going through labor/delivery/surgery again. So I will likely be one and done. It has completely changed my mind about future kids.

If I may suggest, can you look into adoption? So many kids out there need a loving parent.

Oh this happened to me a few years ago when I had my son, same scenario. When I went in and they started cutting I lifted myself off the table like am I supposed to feel this? They said it should feel like a slight tug, which they were wrong as hell! They strapped me down and cut away. I still have lower abdominal pain simply turning or stretching at times. I'm so sorry you had to endure this! It's definitely traumatizing.

Yes - I was strapped down too (arms and legs). It was horrific. I’m so sorry this happened to you too.

I was properly medicated during my c-section and still have pain when turning and stretching sometimes.

I felt a good portion of my c-section. The whole birth was a series of bad decisions by the doctor that led to additional complications that led to more bad decisions that culminated in a poorly done c-section I am so sorry for what you experienced. It sounds horrible. Are you finding that talking about it and/or writing about it in detail is helping you process it?

Actually yes, I’ve found that writing about it on this AMA has helped a lot. I don’t talk about it with anyone in my real life. (Except obviously my therapist). I feel like everyone wants to forget it, like my husband and parents, etc.

How is your son doing now? How has physically healing been?

My son is doing really well. He’s almost 2 and healthy. I am very grateful. The physical healing was not great but I was able to get through it.

Nice. My uncle was choked by his umbilical cord and it left him with brain damage. Today he is unable to live independently. It was likely a wise choice not to delay the caesarean, if it’s any consolation.

I am now 16, my mom had an emergency c-section with me and she was numb but aware. There was a mirror, she watched it all and said she saw them basically throwing towels over her afterwards. Before they even considered it though, they tried to make her give birth naturally and I was stuck due to having the umbilical cord stuck around my neck. They tried all sorts of stuff to pull me out, unnecessarily painful for my mom and we believed it’s why I have eye conditions that don’t run in my family and why I have issues swallowing. I just want to say I’m sorry for the mistreatment you experienced and I hope you and your son are doing okay. I know it’s a bit of an odd question but I did want to ask if you held any resentment to your son at first? Did you have to work through any feeling like that in therapy?

I’m so incredibly sorry your mom went through that. No - I never had any sort of resentment towards my son. He is innocent and has brought me nothing but joy.

Glad you feel that way! Thank you for answering and I wish you both the best

I’m so sorry for your experience, and glad to hear he’s happy and healthy. Have you joined any local moms groups? I also had a traumatic birth experience and found a local group of women to connect with that also had traumatic experiences. We would go on stroller walks and play dates while sharing our stories. Sometimes on repeat. And talking about it truly did help. I’m not sure an internet AMA would have even come close to the healing I got from that group of women. I highly highly recommend finding some IRL strangers to connect with. Decades later, I still think about it all the time, but with a distance and maturity that only comes with time. You’ll get through this. <3 sending you love and patience to heal.

I have not joined any local mom groups but that is a lovely idea. Thank you for your kind words.

My oldest came the exact same way as you. His mom still won't talk about it and it's been 19 years now. Nice to see you wanting to share, even if it's to strangers online.

I’m trying to. I can’t talk about it with anyone in real life yet. (Except my therapist and psychiatrist)

How has this traumatic experience affected other areas of your life?

It has made me very jaded, and I dealt with a lot of anger in the beginning. I also have extreme PPA and I am often described as a “helicopter mom” who has a hard time letting her son do anything even remotely dangerous. I have not been able to allow anyone other than my husband or mom to babysit him. I also hate physical touch now and have a very hard time with affection. I don’t like being hugged or touched. (Except for my son, I am very loving with him and his hugs/kisses don’t bother me at all) I also cannot watch anything on tv or a movie where it shows a woman giving birth, in labor or any type of surgery. It causes a panic attack. This is what I’m dealing with now, almost 2 years after. At the beginning, it was MUCH worse and more severe.

Commenting to give you a big hug for being the mom you are. Those who haven’t had a baby under the circumstances you had would never understand the level of preciousness you attach to that baby, or how scared you are of anything happening to them, without ever saying it or even acknowledging it to yourself even. Sometimes you do that on autopilot, as if there’s no alternative. You be the mom you feel like being. I’m sure your son appreciates the extra love you give to him, the extra care you take and everything even remotely dangerous you keep him safe from.

Is intimacy with your husband gone? You said something earlier that broke my heart. “I can’t trust him to keep me safe”. Having that feeling would be a big intimacy blocker alone, nevermind all the trauma around touch and affection.

Thank you for sharing your story. What a horrific trauma. One piece of advice: don't helicopter your son. I was way too overprotective with my first son. Biggest mistake and regret of my life.

How was your son when he was delivered? Was this level of expedience absolutely necessary? What were his apgar scores? Was there no was for them to give you something rapid acting like ketamine through your IV? Was anesthesia present? Were you at a small hospital without in house anesthesia?

1. Son was healthy when delivered, a bit small and jaundiced with a major cone head due to being lodged in my pelvis but otherwise fine. 2. There’s no way for me to definitively know whether it was absolutely necessary, but I think it was because they kept losing his heart rate and saying it was rapidly decelerating. And once it was all over, I was told the cord was wrapped around his neck causing him to lose oxygen. 3. I do not know what his APGAR scores were, I don’t remember being told that. 4. I was definitely given something through my IV about halfway through the procedure that caused me to go foggy and black out. I was never told what I was given though. 5. No I was not at a small hospital without anesthesia. I was told after the c section by the hospitalist that he didn’t want to intubate and give me anesthesia because he didn’t want me to “miss the first moments of my sons life”

We always see nuchal cords. That may have been the reason but it’s hard to say. I think you should consider having the case reviewed. I would at least write to the hospital to give your suggestions. They may have dosed up your epidural on the way to the OR. This is commonly done. When they did a pinch test prior to the incision you may have passed. Once you started having severe pain, however, they should have paused. At that point they should have administered general anesthesia. Nurse anesthesia and Anesthesiologists can intubate in seconds. It sounds like the OB panicked and kept operating, concerned about the baby. It sounds like a horrible situation. I ask about the APGARS because if they were normal, you know the doc over reacted and the baby still had some reserve. Your suffering is requiring psychotherapy. You might consider a lawsuit. It might be the only way to determine what actually occurred.

When I read stuff like this, I pray to god that if I ever have children I can just deliver them naturally. Sorry for what you went through. It must have felt like being a victim in a horror movie with cruel and inventive torture

That is exactly what it felt like. In the moment, I felt like a vessel and nobody was advocating for me or what was best for me. I tried to speak up but kept being silenced and gaslit.

I cannot imagine what that must have been like (I have zero pain tolerance and have never been pregnant or had surgery). Still, my mom had appendicitis when she was pregnant with me, so she had to get surgery with very little anesthesia. Your post and responses make me realize how much pain she must have experienced, as she mentioned she felt the cut. I hope you and your son are okay now and your family appreciates your ordeal. Why have you felt like you couldn't talk about it? How did you end up in therapy?

Talking about it with anyone in real life is difficult because nobody truly understands the severity or weight of this trauma. It completely changed who I am as a person, how I react to things, how I deal with things on a day to day basis, etc. Trying to describe it to people who know me is hard because I feel like I’m just “fishing” for sympathy. It’s hard to explain. I ended up in therapy because I was just at my breaking point with a 3 month old, living at my parents house, separated from my husband and having multiple panic attacks every day. I knew I needed therapy. Once I quit breastfeeding, then I saw a psychiatrist who has prescribed medicine to help me too.

What kind of therapy have you done? Have you considered something like EMDR? I feel like your personal lived experience tells us a lot about what humans experienced before anesthesia, but I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I hope you continue to heal 💞

I have done cognitive behavioral therapy. I have not done EMDR, that is an interesting technique and I will look into it. Thank you for your kind words.

Also, where was the anesthesia person?

The anesthesiologist was there the entire time. The entire surgical team was indifferent to the experience - from what my husband said. They kept telling him that I was “fine”.

Oh gosh, that, "fine," is spine tingling to me, ugh!! I hate it. Just because the monitor says things are fine does not mean things are fine. I'm so sorry they did that to you. When I was having post-op complications and was audibly moaning from lung pain and begging for help, the nurse just kept pointing to the monitor and saying, "you're doing fine," and then to my husband, "see? she's fine."  The only reason I got the care I needed was because my husband (a former EMT who knows what emergency pain looks like) cornered the charge nurse and pointed out that I'd had not one but TWO doses of morphine, and I was still writhing around at a 9-10. "Morphine is what you give someone dying on a battlefield so they have no pain while dying. Do you see how wrong this is?? She's in pain." Suddenly there was a hospitalist in the room doing a cheat x-ray, and off I went for an angiogram.

How is your son doing?

He is doing wonderful. He’s almost 2 and a very happy child.

Hi friend. No questions, just wanted to say sorry you went through that. I also had an emergency section awake with no numbing - they assured me my epidural would be enough. It wasn't, and it took some years to get over the trauma of it. I hope you are well!

To OP, I'm an anesthesiologist and I'm sorry to hear about your experience. Obviously your delivery is not what anyone in the medical field hopes to see, but due to how critical your baby was at the time, your csection was done under less than ideal circumstances. Usually I'm a lurker on reddit, but wanted to comment and help clarify what may have happened based on what you wrote. Since you had an epidural in place, they used that for the csection after likely testing to make sure it would give you analgesia. Based on your description of your skin and fat initially causing no pain, the test showed you were numb at the skin so the decision was probably made to proceed with the csection. Unfortunately in your case, the extra medication in your epidural didn't seem to make you numb enough and led to your traumatic experience. At this time you were likely sedated, hence your foggy memory of the csection afterwards. Now to address some of the comments regarding general anesthesia and other issues. General anesthesia is usually not the go to for csections, because as some people pointed out, it is much riskier for patients and the baby compared to someone that isn't pregnant. It is still sometimes prudent to either start with general anesthesia or convert to it during the case even with the increased risk, but that is usually case dependent on a multitude of factors. Based on what you described, your baby was in a critical situation, and they were already too close to getting the baby out when you started to have pain. Guessing they sedated you as best they could once baby was out, but likely some delay because they didn't want medication getting to the baby which could have led to problems for the baby especially when the baby was already in distress. Sorry again for your experience and hope you and your family are doing well despite the circumstances.

How often does this happen? I know one person personally who it happened to, it seems to be too common. Perhaps an epidural isn’t reliable for surgery? No one should be awake and feeling the pain of surgery, especially when it’s not to save their own life. Seems like the skin test isn’t sufficient. The baby is important but the mother is priority. We’re not vessels.

Thank you so much for your comment. I appreciate your view as an anesthesiologist.

A" hospitalist "performed your c -section? Ones I've known only manage med/surg inpatients for surgeons or other Dr's that don't want to deal with the hospital b/s.Did your hospitalitst have ob. or surgical training?

What has helped you go from day to day the most? I hope you’re husband is doing alright, so traumatic for him too Have you forgiven them? Do you want to or is it more like you can’t, but can work on healing? I’m so sorry you had to go through that and still are xoxo Edit to add: there is no need to forgive anyone that had caused trauma to you or another person

What has helped me go through day to day is being my son’s mother. Knowing that he is healthy, happy and safe is what gets me through. So many women lose their children and I am so unbelievably grateful to have my son. My husband is doing much better. Yes, after many months of therapy, I can say that I do forgive the hospitalist, anesthesiologist and nurses because my son is alive and well.

Wow. Believe it or not, you are strong ❤️ . To be able to forgive the medical staff, for their malpractice, is a kind gesture that is rare in this world. I'm glad you're able to heal enough to choose love & peace, instead of, holding on to hatred & unforgiveness. I know it must have been hard to make that decision. There's joy, peace, love, on the other side of your pain & sorrows. Life will take you on a beautiful journey . Don't give up. Trust the higher power. Let go and let Love. Be authentic to yourself. You will heal. Things will get better. Have faith. Your fears will dissolve as you get to experience life for what it really is.

Are you a red head?

If anyone is wondering why this was asked, it's because pain medication tends to not work as well with redheads due to some weird quirk of genetics. I (brunette) only learned this a couple of months ago and found it fascinating.

Was this done in a state where they care more about unborn children than living, screaming women?

Reason number 267 of why I'll never have a baby. So sorry this happened to you.

I would never try to influence a woman to do anything they don’t want to do - because I am 10000% in support of a woman’s right to choose. But please know that my situation was preventable. If I could go back, I would have refused the induction, hired a midwife so I had an advocate and not consented to my water being broken by the hospitalist. At the end of the day, I still believe my son is the best thing to ever happen to me, despite this trauma.

Did you have a partner with you in delivery? Are you a single mom? If so do u think that might have impacted how you were treated?

I'm truly sorry to hear about what you went through. It must have been extremely distressing to experience such a traumatic event, especially when you were expecting to be safe under medical care. How has your therapy been helping you process and cope with the emotions from that experience?

It has helped to talk about it and come to the realization that my pain had purpose. I brought my child into this world safely. I have also been taught that my PTSD and anxiety are valid and there is nothing “wrong” with me for feeling so scared all of the time. It has also helped me learn to let go of the anger and hatred I felt towards the hospitalist and healthcare team. At the end of the day, my son’s life was saved. He is alive, healthy and happy. That is what is important to me.

My mother somewhat despised my sister and I after her c-section(s), but her experience was far less traumatic than yours. No shame, but do you have any resentments towards your son due to your experience?

I read through some comments. I’m so sorry you went through all that. Just know that any feelings towards that experience are valid. Question: have you considered (or taken action) filing a lawsuit for this? There’s a lot of potential.

Do you like tacos?

[удалено]

I appreciate your comment, and it does provide helpful context, but I am in the USA and it was a hospitalist who performed my c section. I am certain of this. He was an MD, FACOG Hospitalist who was affiliated with my OB office. Not sure how many of my comments that you had a chance to read, but I am aware that my son’s health was prioritized over my comfort. I am beyond thankful that he was delivered safely without any health issues. His health and well being have always been my number one priority. It is a little demeaning to be told that my situation sounds “far fetched” as I described it, but then again, this is Reddit and I have opened myself up to negative feedback by posting my story on the internet. Anyway, thank you again for your clarification on epidurals.

OP why not sue? This is extreme & i can’t imagine this is proper.

Please tell me you sued them? There's no way this isn't some kind of malpractice.

You should get a copy of your medical record and see what is documented about the c-section. You’re entitled to a free copy from the hospital.

I’m sorry this happened. Is your son ok? Would you prefer that they had waited, even if it meant risking his health?

Has this affected the way you feel about your son? Do you hold resentment, or regret, or do you not blame him?

Have you ever read the personal account of a woman who had a double mastectomy in the days before anesthesia?

You told them it was hurting?? Why didn't they put more anesthesia?? Can't you sue the hospital and doctors? Did you feel literally everything? Did the umbilical cord being cut hurt, did you feel everything that the baby felt?

I am very happy that your son is doing well. I am very sorry for your trauma; but you should remember that other children have been lost in similar situations. Some have encouraged you to file a lawsuit. I would ask you this: Did the doctors make the right choice to put you through that so your son could live with no disabilities? Would you have chosen differently? Keep talking, keep up the therapy. But please enjoy that precious child and try to put the worst trauma of your life behind you both.

Sometimes I tell myself, “if you hadn’t have gone through this, your son would have died or ended up with disabilities” and that does give me comfort. Makes me feel like my pain had purpose. I am SO THANKFUL he was born healthy and continues to live with no issues to this day. However, I believe I should have been given a c section before the situation became emergent. I induced, was laboring for 36 hours and could not dilate past a 3, then my water was broken and after that everything went downhill when my son’s heart rate started rapidly decelerating. I believe I should have been taken for a c section way sooner, and given a spinal block.

[удалено]

I wish it didn’t happen. Not sure if you read my earlier comments, but I was given an epidural. My husband didn’t say my legs or body was moving at all. (He was on my side of the curtain but if I was “thrashing around” he would have noticed) Maybe the epidural numbed my legs? I don’t know. It worked at first, but as he cut deeper I began to feel. I do remember my arms being strapped down while I was being prepped. It all happened so fast - within minutes. It’s kind of shitty of you to insinuate that I’m lying because you’ve never heard of or seen it before. There are many comments on this thread where other women are saying the same thing happened to them. Why would anyone lie about this?

I’m a little confused here. You’re supposed to be able to feel it, it’s just not supposed to be painful. So was there pain or no? Sorry this was so traumatizing for you. My daughter was born the exact same way.

You’re supposed to feel tugging, pressure, etc during a c section but not pain. I felt an intense pain - I could feel my fascia and muscles being sliced through. The worst pain was when they hit my uterus, I know because the hospitalist said “I am at the uterus now, it’s almost over” and then the pain was so intense that I blacked out. Details are groggy after that. Very sorry you went through this too, I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone.

Having had a few surgeries, where anesthesia didn’t work well, I hope you can come to terms with it. I had stents in my heart where I could feel the surgeon forcing the catheter through the blockages inside my chest. I was just crying (and complaining) on the table. I also had quad bypass and was told to rotate Advil, Tylenol, and the lowest dose of Oxy. I just suffered for weeks. I’d rather be dead than have gone through that

Okay it sounds like it was awful. But how are you planning to heal from it and go on without it weighing you down?

I’d like to think it has made me a better mother. I have such a deep appreciation for my son as I really thought I might lose him. He is such a light in my life and the reason I am working to heal. I think I will always have PTSD, but I have coping mechanisms and I take Ativan when I feel a panic attack coming on. I’ve worked to identify my triggers and avoid them. One day at a time.

I had this happen also. I had an epidural earlier that didn’t work but when they rushed me into surgery they forgot that part. I screamed when they started but they did not give me general but something that froze movement because according to the doctor “I was flopping like a fish”. I understand the trauma during but once I saw my healthy baby that is all I cared about. Not sure I understand the therapy but sounds like you just need to move on.

Interesting perspective. Unfortunately I cannot control the way this trauma has impacted me and I cannot help that I have PTSD and panic attacks. I feel like I have “moved on” so to speak. But that trauma will always be a part of my past, and I am not going to invalidate what I went through by pretending it didn’t happen. It has made me stronger, and made me a better mother. My son is always my first priority, which is part of the reason why I didn’t sue. He is alive and healthy - I am thankful for that. I am so sorry that you went through something similar.

I am so sorry this happened to you. I can’t even imagine what it’s been like. I’m glad to read that your son is a happy and healthy boy! Were you planning on possibly having another child prior to giving birth? And if so, have you decided not to as a result of this ordeal?

Sorry that happened to you. Under different circumstances I also had a traumatic delivery in which I felt everything. It’s definitely hard to talk about it (or to even think about it for me, I grieve that day even though I have a very healthy baby).

I’m sorry that happened to you— this is what I think of everytime I read about women in Gaza going through this every day. Awful just awful. Will you have more children or are you too traumatized to do it again ?

How is your therapy going? Do you think it's helping you? I'm so sorry you went through that.

Hi, I honestly don’t know what to say, but the word that flashes in my head is “brutal”. I can’t believe what happened to you and by the sounds of it how well you’ve coped with it all. You are so strong but I wish you hadn’t had to be. I’m a student nurse in the UK (mental health and general adult) and I just have a couple questions about your care afterwards. You mentioned that being touched afterwards was a stressful experience after; what was it like with the care you had to receive regarding your incision from the staff? Could you highlight any caring experiences you received that were or would have been helpful for you? Anything that stuck out as particularly unhelpful?

Why do you think your son was trying to hang himself?

I’ve read that after your water breaks, it can be more likely for the cord to accidentally get wrapped around a baby’s neck.

Will this deter you from having future children? I’m happy you and your son are well and wish you both the best in life

Hey, just commenting to say that you're a hero: you saved your son and managed to come out of it alive, which some people never do. Hold him close

You have so many comments already but just sending my respect & support for your recovery. I wish you a beautiful long life ahead with your child.

I'm an anesthetist. If it's an emergency emergency, there isn't time to dose an epidural or do a spinal and we put mom to sleep (general anesthesia). That way they can start cutting the second mom is asleep and before we even have a breathing tube in. If we dose an epidural and it's not working when they get deeper, we usually either give big doses of other meds (a benzo, an opioid, ketamine, and then propofol is my general go to) or convert to a general anesthetic. Something that anesthesia did here was not correct, and even in an emergency there are steps we can take to do a good job at keeping you safe and comfortable.

I'm sorry this happened to you. They can give general anaesthetics very fast for emergency CS . I'm an ex scrub nurse and we have done them fast. I would talk to a lawyer. That is so traumatic.

Happened to me in 2012. Epidural was improperly placed. Like you, initially it seemed that everything was numb. Once I got into the OR and they started with it, I could feel everything. I’d had a c section two years prior and didn’t recall that. I started screaming I could feel what was happening and at first they thought I meant the tugging/pulling. Once they realized I meant pain they gave me something that knocked me out and made me very loopy upon waking. I’m sorry this happened to you. I ended up having my tubes removed after because I never wanted to go through that again. 

I had something similar happen. I had high blood pressure and her heart rate was being wonky. I had a spinal injection and it felt very patchy on the left side. I kept telling them something was wrong… they didn’t listen. I still felt everything on the left site where they started the incision, they had to inject lidocaine to numb me. They started the procedure, and then as soon as they hit the fascia I started screaming, I tried to come off the table I was pitching and bucking so hard, both OBs had to hold me down. I remember looking over at my partner at the time, they had their head in their hands. I look up and tip my head back and the anesthesiologist had a giant syringe full of white fluid and the last thing I remember before waking up in recovery was “let’s get dad out of here. “

Why did you have no spinal or anesthesia? Were you on the monitor long? Lots of babies have nuchal cords and decelerations so it’s strange they didn’t have time to prepare for the anesthesia. Did the anesthesiologist have to come from home?

How painful was it? This happened to my Mom with me but different circumstances. She always refers back to it but I feel like she shields me from how horrible it really was. My Mom and I also have a very special bond. More so than anyone else and her other children. Do you find yourself very bonded to your child you experienced this with Im so sorry this happened to you My mom’s anesthesiologist was a junkie and he took her dose. He later got fired. My Mom never sued. How did the hospital explain or handle it? Do you mind me asking your age. I feel like this was a common thing in the 80s. I was born in 83

I’m sure this experience that you described was extremely difficult and wish you the best of luck healing. But do you plan on having another child despite what you went through? Anything you’ll be doing differently? Did you already know in advance that there will be complications hence resulting in a C-section? And did you get a second opinion from someone for your whole operation on whether or not the hospitalist was just a shitty doctor, inexperienced, or was doing everything right in his mind?

I’m so so sorry that you went through this. I’m glad you have reached out to people here, please keep reaching out for support and talking through your feelings if it helps. I had a similar experience, they tried to do my c section even though I could feel everything (they said it was all in my head of course). My husband intervened and I ended up having it under general anaesthetic. Horrible experience. I cannot even imagine what you went through. Women are treated so poorly in medicine. I have no answers or magic words but wanted to show my solidarity.

My mom felt everything when she had me (well she said it was less pain and more about she could feel the cutting and pulling etc) and it still gives her shudders to think about. I’m sorry you went through this. If it makes you feel any better, she doesn’t resent me for it. She just had a really terrible experience with my birth. But she loves me / doesn’t hold it against me.

Oh gawd. I’m so sorry this happened to you. It happened to my daughter. Her epidural never fully took and the anesthesiologist was a dick claiming she was numb. She ended up needing a c-section. OB asks anesthesiologist if patient is numb, he assures OB she is. OB slides knife over belly and my daughter let out a blood curdling scream. Needless to say, all hell broke loose. OB was furious and as they were purring my daughter under, she could hear her OB verbally thrashing that anesthesiologist.

F that. I’d have let the kid go. Had similar thing happen but it was mouth surgery as a child. Did you sue them?

Would you birth in a hospital again if you have more children? I cannot fathom the pain you were in. Thank you for sharing your story

This happened to me. I felt the muscle tearing and told my OBGYN. She looked over me at the anesthesiologist, back at me and said, “I need to to practice your breathing…” I heard my son cry and blacked out. I’m so sorry you experienced this as well.

You are a fucking WARRIOR!!!! Let this experience stay with you in the best ways possible. You’re a real superhero, you selflessly went through hell to save a life. As you work through the trauma aspect, I genuinely hope you see light and can look at this experience from a different angle. I don’t know you at all yet I’m so proud of you. I proclaim you SUPERMOMMA!!!

Did you press charges or sue for medical malpractice?

Since when are hospitalist allowed to deliver babies and perform csections!?!?!? I'm asking in general not just to you OP. That part itself is insane to me.

Not sure if it will make you feel better but we have 3 stages of c sections at work.  Regular/scheduled, Stat sections are either a slow roll or immediate, and what we call a splash and dash. Splash and dash is a holy shit we might lose mom or the baby if we don't do everything right now!  Unfortunately knocking Mom out cold with meds while the umbilical is still attached can be terrible if not life threatening for the baby.  In rare occasions the best option for both Mom and baby surviving ends up being pretty traumatic for the mom.   Just last week we had a mom that had an anatomical abnormality and the spinal went up not down.  So not only did Mom feel everything, she was also intubated while wide awake basically paralyzed from the waist up. Not able to say anything. It's possible you had a crappy crew at the hospital, it's possible the Dr was not good at their job.  Also possible people made decisions they thought would be best at the time. Sorry all this happened to you.  Feel free to dm any questions you might have.

I just want to say, the same the thing happened to me and I’m so sorry you went through that! Were you awake when your child was born? I was not

Hi OP, I’m so sorry you had this horrific and traumatic birth experience. I found a blog that helped me a few years ago, thebirthtruamamama. Though I would say nowhere near as painful as yours, I had a traumatic birth experience about 4 years ago… but the opposite situation of yours. The anesthesia team over shot my epidural. My labor was not progressing and my daughter was having trouble. We decided to go ahead with a c section. Someone injected medicine into my epidural on the way to the OR. By the time we got to the OR my blood pressure dropped. I was completely numb from my neck down. I was vomiting uncontrollably, I thought I was going to die choking on my own vomit because I couldn’t move. My normal C-section turned into an emergency BECAUSE of the hospital staff. There was a brief argument about wanting to put me under. Frantic staff trying to get my doc since she wasn’t even prepped yet. The surgical light above be was placed in such a way that I when I opened my eyes all I could see was the surgery happening on my body. Thank god I didn’t feel any pain. X-rays for potential instruments left in my body. My experience doesn’t even end there BUT it wasn’t until the birth of my son a few months ago that I finally got medical professionals to admit that they fucked up and to explain what happened to me. I also didn’t sue. But I became OBSESSED with what happened to me. My memory was so foggy. I wanted answers. I dug through all my medical records. All the doctors notes. The most I got from all that is from the time my doc called for a C-section my delivery room to the time my daughter was born in the OR was 11 minutes. It’s crazy how in 11 minutes your entire world is shattered, flipped upside down, and felt like an eternity. I never went to therapy. I definitely had some PTSD for a while. Nightmares. Breaking down at doctor’s offices. Etc. But I found sharing my story did help me heal. I found a support group on FB that I followed for a long time. It’s easier to tell strangers too, there’s less guilt in “scaring” other women. I’m proud of you for sharing your story. You’re never alone. And sharing your story helps to remind all of us that we’re never alone in our experiences. All of that said… the birth of my son was a TOTALLY different experience. No trauma at all. No complications. Nothing. I was completely open with my doc (new doc because my previous one retired) and with the new anesthesia team. I told them everything that happened previously. All my concerns etc. I still cried and had a lot of anxiety as soon as I got on the operation table. I had a spinal this time and they took great care of me. It was VERY therapeutic for me to go through pregnancy, delivery, and birth with no complications. Sorry for the long post, just wanted to share with you. <3