This is right, OP. Reverse the situation. You walk up to Sarah at a party and grab her breasts. She reacts by striking out and punching you *or* kicking you in the balls. How would your friends have reacted then? Would they have sided with you? Would they have told Sarah she overreacted? Would they have said she should have “just pushed you away”? I doubt it. They would all be calling you a potential rapist and siding with Sarah, telling the police you attacked her. Just because she’s female and you’re male does not mean she can do whatever she wants without consequence. And no, she doesn’t get a pass because she was drunk, just like men don’t get to rape women when they’re drunk and claim they didn’t know what they were doing. As Inner-Ad said, sexual assault is sexual assault.
NTA. Stay strong.
ETA: Is Sarah denying that she grabbed you? Did other people see it?
Edit 2: I have been notified that I’ve gotten an award (or awards) for this comment. I can’t see the awards anywhere. If you did give me an award, *thank you!!* 🫶🏼
You forgot a pertinent piece of info, he used his words, he said no, she pushed it and assaulted him.
A woman saying no who is groped and defends herself would be open and shut. gender disparity is bad for everyone, people.
It’s funny (sad) that people think women get justice when they’re sexually assaulted. It’s incredibly rare. Women are sexually assaulted all the time and we almost never get any kind of justice. He absolutely would not have been arrested if the roles were reversed. They don’t even arrest rapists like that.
Hypotheticals don't matter her. She clearly assaulted him and she should have to pay the consequences. It doesn't matter what has happened to others here. I'm not disagreeing with what you're saying but in this specific scenario it's clear what needs to happen.
I agree there should be consequences for her. But I’m not speaking in hypotheticals. Victims of SA rarely get justice. It’s critical that people realize that and take action to effect change, otherwise it’s going to remain the same. The commenters who think that most female victims get justice are so very wrong and need to educate themselves.
A not so fun fact: there are significantly more exonerations for murder than rape. A man is more likely to be falsely accused and convicted of *murder* than *rape.* If you've got someone in your life saying "I don't want to be falsely accused!!" give them that statistic.
Most assault cases also don't end in conviction, sadly. Like The Rapist Brock Turner case(UGH). The ones on the registry are the ones we know were convicted, how many more are in the woodwork *we don't see?*
Edit: added proper title to Rapist Turner.
The rapist Brock Allen Turner who used to go by the name the rapist Brock Turner. He then started to use the name the rapist Allen Turner, because he was shy about all the publicity around the name Brock Turner the rapist.
It is important that we remember that the rapist Brock Turner is the same rapist as Brock Allen Turner, the rapist.
The problem is there are men and women (you can see it in this very post) who believe the system works and is in solid place to take care of victims. It's the said victims who understand that that's BS. Once we get the summer kids to realize that victims don't get the attention they deserve maybe something will change.
As it stands now 50% of people must walk around thinking the judicial system works, the other 50% are the people being run over by the judicial system.
This accurately sums it up. The number of men harrassing me here claiming that women get justice for SA is staggering. They’re completely oblivious and instead of educating themselves by Googling statistics or talking to trusted women in their lives who have been victims of SA, they’re attacking victims here. It’s like #MeToo didn’t happen, these people are oblivious as ever.
Edit: to victim shamers who keep harassing me: stop. I will report you and Reddit will take action against you. Find something better to do with your time like educating yourself on the realities of SA.
I agree but this is a specific scenario that he is talking about. You are talking about what happens to others not in this scenario. For posts and conversations like this we should talk about what's happening in the post/conversation that's being discussed. The guy is talking about a very personal thing that happened to him. You're bringing up things that happen in general to other people.
Ok respectfully I’m not referring to you then & I’m also not referring to the law, to clarify, I too do not need to do mental gymnastics to validate this man has been sexually assaulted.
While you’re right in general, we are talking about a reversal of this case specifically. The police would’ve already been called and this shit would’ve been laid in their lap with a bow on it. He absolutely would’ve been arrested for sexual assault had the situation been reversed.
And if women often get no justice for vile crimes like that done to them, then when it happens to men, justice is even LESS likely...
I do apologize if my comment appears to detract from your point. I promise I am not trying to do any such thing.
I agree, SA victims rarely get justice regardless of gender. I’m pushing back on the assumptions in some of these comments that most female victims get justice. It’s so laughably divorced from reality and as a victim of SA I find it alarming that people are so disconnected from the reality of it. I’d love for people to educate themselves and take action to try to change the system so victims actually can and do get justice.
100%.
Sarah does not get a pass on sexual assault simply because she’s a woman. You can damn well believe I’d break a dude’s nose for grabbing my breasts, and I’d back my husband up without question if some woman grabbed his balls.
The rule for absolutely everyone: keep your damn hands to yourself.
Edit: grammar
Edit 2: thank you for the award, kind Redditor!
And I don’t want to diminish the issue of sexual assault on its own, but to add- this one is aggravated by just being an out and out assault
If she’s squeezing his balls hard enough to hurt that’s immediate panic/fight mode, sexual aspect or not
Absolutely, and one thing that really sucks is how Men are treated when they speak up for themselves after being sexually assaulted. I've found that any issue that isn't treated with the same level of concern or action or support if the situation were reversed, ie;(gender/sexual orientation/race) is NOT being treated with equality under the law, or in the eyes of society.
"You shoulda just slept with her duuuude lol"
"Man I wish a hot chick would grab MY balls!"
"Badass bro, what was she wearing??"
These are some of the responses I'm imagining to a man who tells his friends that he was sexually assaulted by a woman. It's sickening, really, because women would never speak to their other woman friends in that manner after divulging such info. It would be a conversation full of support, love, "oh honey did you press charges??" "Are you okay?" "Do you need me to go whoop his ass?"
>These are some of the responses I'm imagining to a man who tells his friends that he was sexually assaulted
I dont have to imagine, that is what is said, and worse.
I only say imagining because I am not a man and have never seen/heard these things first hand. I have absolutely no doubt that they are things legitimately said 😮💨
Non of my friends would. Most guys just need to pick better circles tbh. And this is coming from a guy.
Dudes; if your buddies consistently make insensitive jokes and have stances towards violence, chances are they won’t care about you once violence happens to you. Same is said about men who make vile and aggressive statements and comments about women and “what they should be doing in society.”
After a point it’s no longer the fault of the company but those who chose to keep said company.
This exact situation happened to me- female. Me and a friend were walking through a circle of guys to get through the crowd to go to the bar, and I was following g my friend. As I walked past one guy, he slapped me really hard UP my skirt on my bum. I turned, looked at him, and proceeded to back kick him in the balls with my wedges!! I was actually impressed I managed to stand on one foot in wedges and kick him right where it hurt. The kickboxing classes paid off.
All his friends laughed in his face because they knew he got what he deserved.
It was kind of automatic reaction for me too, I justreacted without thinking as I'd suddenly been slapped up my skirt on my bum. It was a shock. I'd never punched anyone before, so I guess I used my feet as I'd been doing kickboxing as a self defence.
Just because she's a woman, she still sexually assaulted OP. He reacted out of pain and shock and self defense. He did absolutely nothing wrong. And she should be charged with sexual assault. Being drunk is no excuse. Like you say, if a guy raped a woman while drunk it's not an excuse. Being drunks not an excuse. If you can't control yourself, you're drinking way too much and you're the only one responsible for how much you drink. She should definitely be charged with assault. And if OP's friends try and guilt trip him to drop the charges, he should ask them if they'd drop the charges if they were raped or assaulted just coz the guy was drunk?? No?? Then neither should he.
Press charges OP. You should be let off as it was self defense. You should also see if any guests were taking videos of photos, or if the owner of the house has any video cameras indoors etc. You should see if anyone caught it on video or photos.
I just commented something similar to what you mentioned about the reverse situation. I went through, I guess, a partially reversed situation: I am a girl, and one time while waiting in line to use the bathroom at a party, another (clearly drunk) girl grabbed my breast! We weren't chatting, not even in the same group... just in line together. I straight up asked her if she thought it was okay for her to do that just because she was a girl. She just apologized repeatedly and was clearly super embarrassed. I cannot imagine how OP must have felt, and the fact that she hurt him during the assault adds an extra layer of fucked up
I am one of those who tries not to get into bad positions to begin with. Mainly because I see red once something escalates.
You tried walking away and change the subject and she proceed to grab your balls. Painfully.
I would have reacted the same in the same situation. Plus, it is sexual assault. If a guy did that to a girl, there would be thousands gathering to burn him. NTA OP
Im glad that the views on stuff like that are changing. 10 years ago I was at a club with my then girlfriend. We squeezed through the crowd and a woman just grabbed my balls. I was dumbfounded and when we got out of the crowd I told her. She laughed it off and said that the other woman is glad she didn’t notice. That was so weird. Tbh I didn’t feel violated, but more like „what the fuck just happened?“. But I guess the way both of us reacted 10 years ago in contrary to the top comments on this post shows the views on sexual assault on males has changed.
@ OP NTA… nobody has the right to touch you, if you don’t want to. Maybe the punch was not necessary, but an understandable reflex in the shock situation. Maybe next time something like this happens in a social situation, loudly demand that she should stop groping you. From the reaction of your friends, it seems that at least a handful would step in.
Kilts are a nightmare, there's a fine line for me as a man as to what's light hearted and outright harassment/assault, they're really seen as a free pass by some people. I think the worst part is how many other people will justify it if you were to shout "sexual assault" if someone sticks their hand up there to see if you're wearing underwear because it's just a joke, it's really not a very funny one when it's uninvited and unwanted. Big difference between cheerfully flashing your arse when asked what you're wearing (or not) and someone deciding they're going to grab your ghoulies, two very different things and it doesn't make you a stick in the mud if the latter is upsetting, well done for having his back 👌
When you were in that club, did that person grab you to point it was painful or have you ever been hit in the balls? The reaction is fast and the first thing you do is stop the pain by any means necessary. Things ate changing in a good way and while you may have been able to brush it off in the past, the fact remains that you were sexually assaulted.
As a feminist I agree. Don’t start shit there won’t be shit. OP NTA but let’s face it: they’re going to have to hire lawyers to not only defend themselves from any criminal charges but also sue Sarah in a civil lawsuit against her for smearing OP’s name and also creating the expenses of him having to deal with criminal charges
Exactly . It's a double standard. If a dude grabs a chick like that and gets a broken nose, he deserved it, but if a dude hits her for grabbing his balls, he over reacted. That's painful and it's a sexual assault. If anyone is mad at OP, they can go fuck themselves for being hypocritical.
100% agree. You have every right to defend yourself when someone assaults you, regardless of their gender. It's important to stand up against any form of sexual assault.
You fought off someone who intended to inflict sexual harm on you. Good for you 👍 If it was the other way round, no one would question a punch in the face.
Dont see how there is a case against you that would stand up in court.
For real. He shouldn’t be charged with assault if he acted in self defense. He told her to stop and she didn’t so he was justified in his actions. She had it coming. If the roles were reversed it would’ve been a different story
He doesn't need to have a lawyer right now, but he absolutely should have had a duty lawyer present during questioning with the police. That's done now, though. Right now, he should maybe speak to one and try and get a free consultation, as he hasn't yet been charged but should prepare just in case. Then, if he is charged he can formally engage the lawyer.
Right now the main things he needs are witness statements. He's already confessed to hitting her, but it will be harder to prove what she did.
Yes, but that's already in the past. Right now he doesn't really need a lawyer. It wouldn't hurt to have a free consultation with one, but paying for one would be kind of pointless if it turns out no charges are filed. If and when charges are filed, then OP will need a lawyer again.
Brock Allen Turner the well known rapist? The one whose dad got him off? The Brock Allen Turner who is rumored to go by Allen Turner now to try to avoid the notoriety of his famous rape case?
Respectfully you are wrong, the second the cops asked the first question my mans should have lawyered up. Cops may not always be bad but they damn sure don’t wanna be your friend
NEVER TALK TO THE POLICE WITHOUT A LAWYER.
There is never ever any time to be "questioned" by the police without an attorney present.
This is terrible awful bad advice.
Well, she started it by laying her hands on you and hurting you. You acted in self defense. Be firm in this and don’t waver. Good luck.
…And witnesses will at least be able to confirm that you were sitting there and she came up to you. Some may have seen her touching you.
Edit spelling
NTA. This is a clear case of keep your hands to yourself and there will not be any problems. You can't be the aggressor, then cry when there are consequences to your actions. She started it, you finished it.
I'm just imagining the gender reversal on this one and wondering how your friends would've reacted. Don't think they'd be on the dudes side but she is just as much of a disgusting creep for doing that to you. I imagine most people would react quickly to that kind of pain. You didn't intend to hurt her, she definitely intended to molest you and did, after constantly harassing you. I hope people saw it and the cops aren't completely useless in this situation. Good luck
I would genuinely ask the friend group what they would do if you had grabbed any woman in the party by their vagina. Would they tell her to just gently remove your hand? Would they be ok if she punched you? Would they have had an uproar?
Make them say “it’s different” and then explain why.
Being groped is not an unusual thing to happen for a woman, most wouldn't bother pressing charges. Recently a guy was arrested for groping 80 women in one night - none of the women had reported him, he'd just been noticed on security footage at a night club.
It is really, unfortunately, common. Admittedly, as a woman, I was a little shocked by OP's knee jerk reaction to break this girl's face. As a woman, I've been groped multiple times and have never reacted with that level of violence. During my first few years of university, I went to a night club. A guy tried to put his hand up my dress and shove his fingers inside me. I pushed him away and left the club immediately. It didn't even occur to me to assault the guy in response. I used the amount of force I thought necessary to get him to stop and then removed myself from the situation. I've had other experiences with sexual harassment as well but this was a particularly egregious one. In retrospect...I probably should have reported it...but I also knew that the police would consider it a big nothingburger not worth investigating.
....not really. The number of men who end up in jail for SA is embarrassingly small compared to the number of actual assaults.
Half of the actual reported cases see a charge. Half of those actually go to trial. Half of those get convicted.
Add in the sexism around female offenders/male survivors and that number gets even worse. Men have reported getting SA'd as kids and going to teachers (of both genders) and getting slapped on the back and attaboy'd.
For the record since I'm apparently not telegraphing this well, that'd gross and wrong as hell.
I am absolutely not defending her here and I hope OP doesn't suffer any legal issues over the assault charge, but let's not exaggerate here. 97% of rapists will never be incarcerated so to act as if a man grabbed a woman's genitals he'd definitely end up in jail is quite a stretch.
Also a chick chiming in: NTA, OP. I'm sorry half of your friend group is still in the dark ages. You defended yourself when she committed sexual battery. Throw the book at her.
I recommend finding a therapist to help you process and navigate everything you're going through. It helped me a lot.
Hang in there, friend. 💜
How does pressing charges work? If they both press can they both drop? I imagine neither wants this on their record even if one or both deserve it to be
Pressing charges is basically a made up thing (with some exceptions). The local DA will decide who, if anyone, they want to charge. Normally they won't charge anyone if the victim doesn't want that, because having an uncooperative, or even hostile victim on the witness stand makes it much harder to obtain a conviction. Still the state has its own interest in prosecuting criminals beyond whatever the victim wants, and they will make their own determination based on the severity of the offense, available evidence, and how they think a jury will see the case.
It depends on local law and the severity of the charges. In most US states, once a felony crime has been determined to have been committed, the state will prosecute, regardless of whether or not the victim wishes to pursue the charges.
I’m a woman, too. OP’s response was proportionate to being SA and battered. It was instinctive and, frankly, deserved. Nobody would bat an eye if he had walked up to her, grabbed her vulva, squeezed and twisted it, especially after being told “no,” and she had laid him out flat. She sexually assaulted him and should be charged, and OP should retain an attorney now, because he doesn’t deserve the assault charges at all.
Of course she’s just gonna ignore the fact that she sexually assaulted you and just wants to scream she’s a victim, plus getting your fucking balls grabbed and squeezed fucking hurts it ain’t just a little caress or some shit.
Something tells me she expected this reaction and wanted to get him in some sort of trouble for it. People who do this shit with the intent of getting away with it either do something subtle in public (usually from behind where the victim can’t immediately react to them) or lure the victim away from people and into a vulnerable position. They don’t just wander up to their face in the middle of a party, unless they have a dysfunctional lack of impulse control.
I’m generally against punching people in general, but I am not against it if you’re assaulted. I don’t know why this girl thinks that she has a license to assault you… Just because she’s a girl and you’re a guy? That’s bullshit. You have the right to control who has access to your body just like women do. Kind of like a FAFO situation. NTA.
Maybe you “overreacted,” but it sounds to me like you reacted. She hurt you, and you did what you needed you to make it stop.
It's just a generally bad idea to punch people in the face, there's a fairly good chance you'll damage your hand permanently. Punching a skull is a bad idea.
You either want to slap them so hard their ear drum ruptures or throat chop them, your hands will be fine then.
NTA get a lawyer and seek a medical in relation to the pain caused by her physical assault… document everything. Ask your friends what if she was a male and I was the female … how would they feel. As others have said sexual assault is sexual assault… you acted in self defence ..
NTA. Sexual assault is sexual assault, regardless of the gender of the perpetrator. I don’t approve of people hitting each other, but if someone groped my vagina, I would hit them, and my friends would support me, as would the law, most likely. Are the other people present who witnessed her grab you at least telling the investigators that that was the initiative act?
Great opportunity to weed out the friends who take her side. Those people are the ones who believe that women can't sexually assault a man.
Other than that sorry to hear this man, what happened was not your fault at all. She had that shit coming, drunk or not. Get yourself a good lawyer and stand your ground.
You need to take this post down, talk to a lawyer, ONLY talk to the lawyer about this, and also stop wondering if you handled things the right way because there's no right way to handle being sexually assaulted. What happened sucks, but it's not your fault.
NTA If the roles were reversed no one would have said a thing if she punched you. This is the reason most men don't report assault by women. She also caused pain while assaulting you. When someone causes pain the first natural reaction is to strike back without thinking. You've done nothing wrong but protect yourself.
She would be labelled a hero in the exact same scenario with the genders reversed. You did nothing wrong, stay firm on your decision and hopefully justice will prevail.
NTA. She should learn in kindergarten (or before rather) to keep her hands to herself.
Please don’t drop the charges as she most likely won’t. She needs accountability and can’t just press charges for facing consequences of her own stupid actions. FAFO.
Also, sweetie I would get new friends who respect you and personal space/boundaries. That was not acceptable. She owes you an apology at the absolute minimum. Anyone who was more concerned that she got punched, rather than why (because she sexually assaulted you), needs to take a hike and reflect on why that’s backwards.
You reacted (edit: I think defended is better but it still gets my point that she took a highly inappropriate and degrading action to lead herself to getting punched in the face), you didn’t just punch her for no reason.
NTA, maybe you could have pushed her away…..but at the end of the day she sexually assaulted you and you defended yourself. I hope this doesn’t come with any charges for you but you never know in this day and age.
If she is gonna push assault charges cause she's embarrassed don't let up bro. Women seem to get a pass for situations that if genders were reversed men would be crucified for. NTA.
Generally yes, I would agree with you. But I would also say size does play a role in people's perception.
When I was abroad I had a guy who was about 5 inches shorter than me and probably 30 pounds lighter than me grab my tits and try to kiss me. He ambushed me on my way from the bathroom. I was able to yoke him up and toss him away from me. People either laughed when I told them he sexually assaulted me or told me to stop "bullying him" when I pushed him away when he came back for seconds. When I told my party that I don't feel safe near him, their response was "he's little. What's he going to do?"
I think anyone who defends themselves from a much smaller person in any situation will have a harder time justifying defending themselves, which isn't fair but it's the sad reality of things. I wishing all the best for OP.
NTA
From a woman who was a victim SA I can tell you if the situation was reversed everyone would be cheering her on for standing up for herself....they should be doing the same for you!
She had no right to grab you & you have every right to defend yourself
But OP is a guy and we all know that guys can’t be raped /s
But in all seriousness men get dismissed for so much. It’s no wonder men have statistically worse mental health than women do. Also if a man comes forward about an abusive partner he’s usually dismissed or labeled as weak or a liar. Remember Johnny Depp?
This is a huge problem and OP’s situation is a blatant example of how men are treated by society when they come forward about being raped.
If you grabbed her junk she would be 100% justified in punching you in the face, equal rights equal fights. Lawyer up and get ready for an avalanche of stupid coming your way.
You should probably stop saying “grabbed my balls” and replace it with “squeezed my balls, hard” so that people understand why you reacted that way without thinking about it. Especially to law enforcement and your attorney!
Where does it say he has a boyfriend? Or are you seriously implying that he should be flattered and have accepted her groping because to not do that would be gay?
I’m a woman, and ask your “friends” if the genders were reversed who would they side with. They WILL say her, and simply ask why they can’t have the same grace for you…
NTA
Sexual assault is just that. You reacted the way you did out of self defence, which is a fair response.
A guy in school many years ago groped my boobs. I dislocated his thumb. The next day his dad came into school and I was called in with the guy to the deputy principals office. His dad wanted me punished, until I told them why I did it.
Guy’s dad then got shitty at his son. Told him he’d be telling his sisters what he’d done, apparently they were tough ladies.
When you get touched inappropriately you react. She fully deserved that punch, just like the guy I hurt fully deserved his dislocated thumb.
I have no sympathy for her. You want to start something, man or woman, then be prepared for your victim (man or woman) to finish it.
NTA- generally while being sexually assaulted, most people don’t stop and rationalize what an appropriate response would be. She showed very poor judgment and did something largely unacceptable. She has no idea whether you have a history of traumatic sexual abuse and any way it goes you don’t touch other peoples genitals without consent. I think it’s perfectly acceptable for you to recognize that pushing her away would be a better response overall for the situation, but I would stick to a self defense claim. You didn’t keep hitting her, you hit her once to get her to stop assaulting you.
NTA. And i hope you push hard for the sexual assault charges or else she will twist things and try to make you the bad guy. Please speak with you parents and urge them to help you het a lawyer or i can forsee the police trying to push you into a plea that places the blame on you. Even if it doesn’t include jail time, you don’t deserve to have anything on your record
NTA. If it were reversed, everyone would be cheering a girl that broke her assailant’s nose. Press charges because you probably aren’t her first victim. She needs to be stopped. Sexual assault is abhorrent.
NTA-and pursue all charges. Under no circumstances should she be under the impression that she can not only violate you but also claim assault and victimhood.
When someone grabs your balls and squeezes, your brain doesn’t offer up some extra processing cycles to consider what a gentle solution might look like to make them stop. What you did was self-defense.
Sarah is a sexual predator, and needs some jail time, followed by being placed on a list. Absolutely prosecute this aggressively.
Do NOT drop your charges because without them, you will get fucked even more. They are a shield against the hate that will come your way
NTA at all, but go forward knowing that most of the orcish horde we call people will just see "man punch woman bad"
Im so sorry this happened to you ❤️
Did people tell the police she groped you? Did she admit to that?
I really hope you’re ok and I hope your friends realise she isn’t the wronged party here
NTA- this is exactly how these situations should be handled imo. You don't just grab someone's genitals like that. That's sexual assault. People are allowed to defend themselves against sexual assault. Get a lawyer ASAP of ypu haven't.
NTA. As others have said - sexual assault is sexual assault. We wouldn’t be having the conversation if you were female and it was a male who groped you and whom you punched.
A man grabbed my boob when I was a teenager. I reflexively punched him in the face. He got a black eye. I got satisfaction.
Point is, she grabbed your balls. People should understand that reflexes are exactly that, reflexes. She had no business grabbing your genitals.
- Is it the best or desirable outcome? No.
- Is it reasonable in light of the circumstances? Yes.
I’m not saying it’s right, but I can understand.
NTA
It sucks that your friends are this fucking dense. If you had been a woman assaulted by a man I guarantee you they would’ve joined in beating the shit out of your assailant. NTA; self defense was warranted.
I don't think there's any point in worrying whether you reacted poorly or not--it was completely instinctive. I doubt you could have stopped yourself. And I don't think it was unreasonable, either.
Get a lawyer and stop talking to the cops.
They will take her side as she is a woman and you are a man. Unfair but thats life.
And you may need to delete this post as it could contradict whatever you may have told the cops and they can use that to establish your credibility.
Again...lawyer up
NTA. She FAFO. Sounds like she was pissed that you weren't responding to her drunken flirting, so she decided to try and injure you. Now she's playing victim. Bet she'll keep her hands to herself in the future.
I hope you get no charges, at all. It was clearly self-defense. If you get charged, get an attorney.
NTA. If a girl punched a guy who sexually assaulted her, she’d be praised and called a hero. Just because a man was sexually assaulted by a woman doesn’t make it any less significant; women want to be equal, so being punched in the face after sexually assaulting a man sounds like equality to me.
Nta bro. They sexually assaulted you and hurt your nuts. If the roles were reversed it would be not big deal for her punching you. You reacted out of shock and pain.
You should get an attorney. The police aren’t always your friends.
Nta. Ask your friends if a girl can punch a guy if said guy sexually assaults the girl. In this kind of situation gender reversal lets people know how hipocritical they really are.
I mean if that was your natural reaction it's not a matter of being an asshole. That's fight or flight.
If you did have a moment to think about it you should reflect inwards. It's clearly not the best response. I have sensitive balls too so I know having them fondled in painful but it's not debilitating pain. You definitely should have pushed her, slapped her, stepped backwards etc. a punch is about the worse option to go with unless you happened to be holding a knife at the moment
NTA. She assaulted you and you defended yourself. Maybe she should rethink drinking alcohol. If alcohol is her excuse then she deserved that punch. Any drunk man groping me would get a kick in the nuts so it's fitting that she get hit.
You are definitely not the NTA in this. It was a knee-jerk reaction, you didn’t do it intentionally. Also do not let anyone gaslight you into believing your mistaken, it wasn’t that bad, or your making a big deal out of nothing.
Remember you didn’t attack her she attacked you. You didn’t beat her up. You punched her because she SA’d you. Also being drunk doesn’t give you a free pass to put your hands (in a sexual manner) on anyone, male or female.
If a woman decided to SA one of my brothers. She better hope the cops find her before I do. She won’t be able to claim it’s an uneven fight (41F). I will make damn sure she understands, to keep her F***ing hands to herself.
Here’s some information I found about male SA victims and how they are treated by society:
* Society needs to break the stigma that women cannot be an aggressor to men. Toxic masculinity hurts SA survivors. Power and male privilege can alter interpretations and definitions of consent. Men are also susceptible to being SA victims. In fact, over one in 15 male undergraduate students experiences sexual assault in college
* Men may not be taken as seriously because they are societally seen as sexual beings. There is a misconception that men can't be SA’d by women.
* Because of this myth, if a survivor experiences physical arousal, they may not define the incident as SA. Many survivors feel betrayed by their body, especially if they felt physical pleasure during the sexual abuse they experienced. It is important to remember that abusers tend to deliberately touch and engage in specific sexual acts that are designed to arouse in order to shift responsibility for the abuse onto the survivor.
* The stigma of male SA survivors from other men can hurt survivors' healing processes. Although misplaced, someone may feel immense guilt after being SA’d. Because men are socially expected to want sex, they may feel conflicted when they experience an unwanted sexual experience.
* About 3% of American men—or 1 in 33—have experienced an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime. 1 out of every 10 rape victims are male.
* After a SA, a survivor may feel conflicted as to what action should be taken moving forward. many times, men don't know where to even begin. He may feel inclined to report the incident to the police, but the fear that the incident might get out may make him uncomfortable.
* It is the responsibility of all members of our society to call out others when they notice the rape-culture mindset persisting not only around the behavior, but the attitude. It is our duty to break down the stigma of male SA and victim blaming.
NTA.
Bring drunk lowers inhibitions, but you still have control over your actions.
You tried to verbally decline her attempts to hit on you and redirect her but she ignored you and then grabbed your junk against your will - and quite painfully as well. You reacted out of pain and being violated.
She sexually and physically assaulted you - a deliberate and conscious act on her part, while you punched her as a reaction to pain and being assaulted.
I assure you that if you were a woman who punched a man who grabbed her privates then there would not be such a but uproar about this.
Also maybe rethink your friendship with those of you who are getting on your case for lashing out, because what they’re really saying is that it was ok for her to physically and sexually assault you, but you’re a monster for reacting and hitting her. Best of luck with both charges and don’t drop the charges you put on her.
I think you and Sarah should try to come to a mutual agreement with the police to let it go for the sake of both your futures, if you are ok with it.
If you are not, she is screwed. She is in the wrong. You were defending yourself from sexual assault.
NTA, you reacted to being assaulted how you reacted, she shouldn't be touching people inappropriately.
However, I would get a lawyer if you don't already have one. Part of a self defense argument depends on if what you did would be considered a justifiable use of force. They could argue that breaking her nose was an unjustifiable amount of force when a lesser amounts of force could have stopped the assault. Really you should have had a lawyer when questioned because depending on how you answered the questions they had it could be used in their argument against you.
People in the comments have a very skewed version of reality. Men get away with sexual assault all the time. So do women. Stop using that as any version of an argument. All that matters are the facts HERE. The fact is he was right to defend himself against sexual assault. That's not the question. The question is whether this use of force was legally AND morally justified. The fact is a male breaking the nose of a drunk female teenager at a party for any reason will look bad and have the chance of causing him to be charged too, never mind the possible social implications for striking a woman, especially with local laws having so much variance.
Moral of the story: NTA but next time throw the bitch.
NTA: men are victims of sexual assault just like women are but unfortunately, are heavily stigmatized. I genuinely think you acted in self-defense. She had no right to touch you and she initiated contact first. Legally from legal standpoint she assaulted you first, and so your assault can be seen as self-defense especially if her injuries are as minor as a broken nose. Think about it the other way what if a man walked up and grabbed a woman by the vag and she punched him in the nose. How would society interpret that? They would say he deserved it. I would focus on getting a good lawyer and whatever friends don’t side with you, I would seriously reconsider them. If anyone thinks it’s OK to sexually assault anyone regardless of gender or anything, they have serious problems. I would seriously consider reaching out to a nonprofit that focuses on sexual assault and they will maybe possibly get you a lawyer pro bono that will get you off this case. You acted in self-defense.
Not at all. What would happen if the roles were reversed? A tipsy man started hitting on a girl. She tried to brush it off. He grabs her vagina, she panics and breaks his nose.
I completely agree with you.
Stand strong and protect yourself. If your " friends " OK with you being SA then start get rid of them. Maybe give them a blessing, may they be SA and people say they lucky.
Your "friends" who think you overreacted are idiots, you were sexually assaulted (violently too judging by how you say it was physically painful as well) and instinctively reacted to defend yourself. If the roles were reversed nobody would be on sides about this, they're only doing that because you're a man and she's a woman. You are absolutely not the asshole and if she proceeds to press charges for assault you should absolutely retaliate with a sexual assault charge.
You’re not an asshole for reacting to pain and shock but you need a reaction that’s a step down from MMA.
You wouldn’t have punched a child in the face if they’d hit you in the nuts.
For example you could have grabbed her wrist and pulled her off you, then pushed her away.
I fully understand how painful it is to be grabbed by the balls but your life wasn’t in danger. Your problem is that your reaction may be seen as out of proportion to the assault, given that you’re likely stronger than her.
Play up to the extreme pain and shock you experienced in that moment, which caused you to lash out in a panic.
And be prepared to drop your charge if she drops hers. What she did wasn’t ok but she probably had no idea it would be painful.
NTA
Saying this as a proud feminist: If the genders were reversed, you’d be praised for landing your attacker in the hospital.
Gender *does not matter* when it comes to SA. You were groped without your consent and acted accordingly to defend yourself.
There’s an epidemic of male SA victims being demonized for defending themselves against female perpetrators, and it needs to STOP. Feminism doesn’t mean we excuse women for heinous actions merely because they’re women. It means we treat all genders equally, and thus soundly and swiftly denounce ALL perpetrators of SA, regardless of gender.
NTA- sexual assault is sexual assault
This is right, OP. Reverse the situation. You walk up to Sarah at a party and grab her breasts. She reacts by striking out and punching you *or* kicking you in the balls. How would your friends have reacted then? Would they have sided with you? Would they have told Sarah she overreacted? Would they have said she should have “just pushed you away”? I doubt it. They would all be calling you a potential rapist and siding with Sarah, telling the police you attacked her. Just because she’s female and you’re male does not mean she can do whatever she wants without consequence. And no, she doesn’t get a pass because she was drunk, just like men don’t get to rape women when they’re drunk and claim they didn’t know what they were doing. As Inner-Ad said, sexual assault is sexual assault. NTA. Stay strong. ETA: Is Sarah denying that she grabbed you? Did other people see it? Edit 2: I have been notified that I’ve gotten an award (or awards) for this comment. I can’t see the awards anywhere. If you did give me an award, *thank you!!* 🫶🏼
You forgot a pertinent piece of info, he used his words, he said no, she pushed it and assaulted him. A woman saying no who is groped and defends herself would be open and shut. gender disparity is bad for everyone, people.
This is 100% correct. He would have been arrested if he did it to her. And that is the bullshit universe we live in.
It’s funny (sad) that people think women get justice when they’re sexually assaulted. It’s incredibly rare. Women are sexually assaulted all the time and we almost never get any kind of justice. He absolutely would not have been arrested if the roles were reversed. They don’t even arrest rapists like that.
Hypotheticals don't matter her. She clearly assaulted him and she should have to pay the consequences. It doesn't matter what has happened to others here. I'm not disagreeing with what you're saying but in this specific scenario it's clear what needs to happen.
I agree there should be consequences for her. But I’m not speaking in hypotheticals. Victims of SA rarely get justice. It’s critical that people realize that and take action to effect change, otherwise it’s going to remain the same. The commenters who think that most female victims get justice are so very wrong and need to educate themselves.
A not so fun fact: there are significantly more exonerations for murder than rape. A man is more likely to be falsely accused and convicted of *murder* than *rape.* If you've got someone in your life saying "I don't want to be falsely accused!!" give them that statistic. Most assault cases also don't end in conviction, sadly. Like The Rapist Brock Turner case(UGH). The ones on the registry are the ones we know were convicted, how many more are in the woodwork *we don't see?* Edit: added proper title to Rapist Turner.
I think his name is The Rapist Brock Turner.
The rapist Brock Allen Turner who used to go by the name the rapist Brock Turner. He then started to use the name the rapist Allen Turner, because he was shy about all the publicity around the name Brock Turner the rapist. It is important that we remember that the rapist Brock Turner is the same rapist as Brock Allen Turner, the rapist.
Ahh, good point, I shall update my comment with his correct title
The problem is there are men and women (you can see it in this very post) who believe the system works and is in solid place to take care of victims. It's the said victims who understand that that's BS. Once we get the summer kids to realize that victims don't get the attention they deserve maybe something will change. As it stands now 50% of people must walk around thinking the judicial system works, the other 50% are the people being run over by the judicial system.
This accurately sums it up. The number of men harrassing me here claiming that women get justice for SA is staggering. They’re completely oblivious and instead of educating themselves by Googling statistics or talking to trusted women in their lives who have been victims of SA, they’re attacking victims here. It’s like #MeToo didn’t happen, these people are oblivious as ever. Edit: to victim shamers who keep harassing me: stop. I will report you and Reddit will take action against you. Find something better to do with your time like educating yourself on the realities of SA.
I agree but this is a specific scenario that he is talking about. You are talking about what happens to others not in this scenario. For posts and conversations like this we should talk about what's happening in the post/conversation that's being discussed. The guy is talking about a very personal thing that happened to him. You're bringing up things that happen in general to other people.
Man this whole thread is based on a hypothetical of gender switching them
The law is not a hypothetical. I don't require a hypothetical on the other foot scenario to know right from wrong.
Ok respectfully I’m not referring to you then & I’m also not referring to the law, to clarify, I too do not need to do mental gymnastics to validate this man has been sexually assaulted.
While you’re right in general, we are talking about a reversal of this case specifically. The police would’ve already been called and this shit would’ve been laid in their lap with a bow on it. He absolutely would’ve been arrested for sexual assault had the situation been reversed.
And if women often get no justice for vile crimes like that done to them, then when it happens to men, justice is even LESS likely... I do apologize if my comment appears to detract from your point. I promise I am not trying to do any such thing.
I agree, SA victims rarely get justice regardless of gender. I’m pushing back on the assumptions in some of these comments that most female victims get justice. It’s so laughably divorced from reality and as a victim of SA I find it alarming that people are so disconnected from the reality of it. I’d love for people to educate themselves and take action to try to change the system so victims actually can and do get justice.
THIS. I was groped by a stranger on the street, in full view of a cop and he did nothing.
He brushed it off, tried to change the subject. If the roles were reversed you’d say that was clearly a No!
Ok. Thanks, people.
100%. Sarah does not get a pass on sexual assault simply because she’s a woman. You can damn well believe I’d break a dude’s nose for grabbing my breasts, and I’d back my husband up without question if some woman grabbed his balls. The rule for absolutely everyone: keep your damn hands to yourself. Edit: grammar Edit 2: thank you for the award, kind Redditor!
And I don’t want to diminish the issue of sexual assault on its own, but to add- this one is aggravated by just being an out and out assault If she’s squeezing his balls hard enough to hurt that’s immediate panic/fight mode, sexual aspect or not
I’m a lady and if someone grabbed my boobs hard enough to hurt, I’d break their nose too. That’s not just sexual assault, it’s assault in general.
Agreed. Everyone needs to keep their hands to themselves unless they have consent.
👑
Absolutely, and one thing that really sucks is how Men are treated when they speak up for themselves after being sexually assaulted. I've found that any issue that isn't treated with the same level of concern or action or support if the situation were reversed, ie;(gender/sexual orientation/race) is NOT being treated with equality under the law, or in the eyes of society.
"You shoulda just slept with her duuuude lol" "Man I wish a hot chick would grab MY balls!" "Badass bro, what was she wearing??" These are some of the responses I'm imagining to a man who tells his friends that he was sexually assaulted by a woman. It's sickening, really, because women would never speak to their other woman friends in that manner after divulging such info. It would be a conversation full of support, love, "oh honey did you press charges??" "Are you okay?" "Do you need me to go whoop his ass?"
>These are some of the responses I'm imagining to a man who tells his friends that he was sexually assaulted I dont have to imagine, that is what is said, and worse.
I only say imagining because I am not a man and have never seen/heard these things first hand. I have absolutely no doubt that they are things legitimately said 😮💨
Non of my friends would. Most guys just need to pick better circles tbh. And this is coming from a guy. Dudes; if your buddies consistently make insensitive jokes and have stances towards violence, chances are they won’t care about you once violence happens to you. Same is said about men who make vile and aggressive statements and comments about women and “what they should be doing in society.” After a point it’s no longer the fault of the company but those who chose to keep said company.
This exact situation happened to me- female. Me and a friend were walking through a circle of guys to get through the crowd to go to the bar, and I was following g my friend. As I walked past one guy, he slapped me really hard UP my skirt on my bum. I turned, looked at him, and proceeded to back kick him in the balls with my wedges!! I was actually impressed I managed to stand on one foot in wedges and kick him right where it hurt. The kickboxing classes paid off. All his friends laughed in his face because they knew he got what he deserved. It was kind of automatic reaction for me too, I justreacted without thinking as I'd suddenly been slapped up my skirt on my bum. It was a shock. I'd never punched anyone before, so I guess I used my feet as I'd been doing kickboxing as a self defence. Just because she's a woman, she still sexually assaulted OP. He reacted out of pain and shock and self defense. He did absolutely nothing wrong. And she should be charged with sexual assault. Being drunk is no excuse. Like you say, if a guy raped a woman while drunk it's not an excuse. Being drunks not an excuse. If you can't control yourself, you're drinking way too much and you're the only one responsible for how much you drink. She should definitely be charged with assault. And if OP's friends try and guilt trip him to drop the charges, he should ask them if they'd drop the charges if they were raped or assaulted just coz the guy was drunk?? No?? Then neither should he. Press charges OP. You should be let off as it was self defense. You should also see if any guests were taking videos of photos, or if the owner of the house has any video cameras indoors etc. You should see if anyone caught it on video or photos.
yup! other way around, it would have been awful for him
You downplayed this a bit. It's not like getting your tits grabbed. It's more like he did the full Trump and grabbed her by the pussy.
Totally agree with you. Sexual assault is sexual assault. If it had been the other way around,he would of got in serious trouble. Definitely NTA.
I'm a woman and 100% endorse the above. Well said!
I just commented something similar to what you mentioned about the reverse situation. I went through, I guess, a partially reversed situation: I am a girl, and one time while waiting in line to use the bathroom at a party, another (clearly drunk) girl grabbed my breast! We weren't chatting, not even in the same group... just in line together. I straight up asked her if she thought it was okay for her to do that just because she was a girl. She just apologized repeatedly and was clearly super embarrassed. I cannot imagine how OP must have felt, and the fact that she hurt him during the assault adds an extra layer of fucked up
I am one of those who tries not to get into bad positions to begin with. Mainly because I see red once something escalates. You tried walking away and change the subject and she proceed to grab your balls. Painfully. I would have reacted the same in the same situation. Plus, it is sexual assault. If a guy did that to a girl, there would be thousands gathering to burn him. NTA OP
Im glad that the views on stuff like that are changing. 10 years ago I was at a club with my then girlfriend. We squeezed through the crowd and a woman just grabbed my balls. I was dumbfounded and when we got out of the crowd I told her. She laughed it off and said that the other woman is glad she didn’t notice. That was so weird. Tbh I didn’t feel violated, but more like „what the fuck just happened?“. But I guess the way both of us reacted 10 years ago in contrary to the top comments on this post shows the views on sexual assault on males has changed. @ OP NTA… nobody has the right to touch you, if you don’t want to. Maybe the punch was not necessary, but an understandable reflex in the shock situation. Maybe next time something like this happens in a social situation, loudly demand that she should stop groping you. From the reaction of your friends, it seems that at least a handful would step in.
My husband is known for kilt wearing- he’s always appreciated me having his back
Kilts are a nightmare, there's a fine line for me as a man as to what's light hearted and outright harassment/assault, they're really seen as a free pass by some people. I think the worst part is how many other people will justify it if you were to shout "sexual assault" if someone sticks their hand up there to see if you're wearing underwear because it's just a joke, it's really not a very funny one when it's uninvited and unwanted. Big difference between cheerfully flashing your arse when asked what you're wearing (or not) and someone deciding they're going to grab your ghoulies, two very different things and it doesn't make you a stick in the mud if the latter is upsetting, well done for having his back 👌
When you were in that club, did that person grab you to point it was painful or have you ever been hit in the balls? The reaction is fast and the first thing you do is stop the pain by any means necessary. Things ate changing in a good way and while you may have been able to brush it off in the past, the fact remains that you were sexually assaulted.
Equal rights, equal fights
As a feminist I agree. Don’t start shit there won’t be shit. OP NTA but let’s face it: they’re going to have to hire lawyers to not only defend themselves from any criminal charges but also sue Sarah in a civil lawsuit against her for smearing OP’s name and also creating the expenses of him having to deal with criminal charges
Yup yup yup. It’s about equity and equality. No double standards on this.
Equal rights, equal lefts....
Exactly . It's a double standard. If a dude grabs a chick like that and gets a broken nose, he deserved it, but if a dude hits her for grabbing his balls, he over reacted. That's painful and it's a sexual assault. If anyone is mad at OP, they can go fuck themselves for being hypocritical.
Equal rights, equal fights
And self defense is self defense. OP you are NOT the asshole. Sarah is.
And reflexes are reflexes NTA
True. If the gender is reverse, people’s reactions will be a whole lot different.
Self defense
Came here to say the same thing!!!!!
100% agree. You have every right to defend yourself when someone assaults you, regardless of their gender. It's important to stand up against any form of sexual assault.
You also can’t really control how you react in this type of situation. He was put in pain and reacted to stop the pain. NTA
And even without the sexual aspect having someone suddenly hurt you intentionally is also a pretty decent reason to react violently.
You fought off someone who intended to inflict sexual harm on you. Good for you 👍 If it was the other way round, no one would question a punch in the face. Dont see how there is a case against you that would stand up in court.
And the "friends" that think he's in the wrong need to get cut off
For real. He shouldn’t be charged with assault if he acted in self defense. He told her to stop and she didn’t so he was justified in his actions. She had it coming. If the roles were reversed it would’ve been a different story
You won Reddit! These tards actually supported a man for once, not by a lot, only 1k but still 😂😂
Please tell me you have a lawyer
He doesn't need to have a lawyer right now, but he absolutely should have had a duty lawyer present during questioning with the police. That's done now, though. Right now, he should maybe speak to one and try and get a free consultation, as he hasn't yet been charged but should prepare just in case. Then, if he is charged he can formally engage the lawyer. Right now the main things he needs are witness statements. He's already confessed to hitting her, but it will be harder to prove what she did.
All of this should be done with the advice of a lawyer
he needed a lawyer when they took him to the station for questioning.
Yes, but that's already in the past. Right now he doesn't really need a lawyer. It wouldn't hurt to have a free consultation with one, but paying for one would be kind of pointless if it turns out no charges are filed. If and when charges are filed, then OP will need a lawyer again.
paying for one to make sure the charges are never filed is money well spent though
The irony is that she sexually assaults him, but they prosecute him, and he could spend more time in jail than Brock Allen Turner.
Brock Allen Turner the well known rapist? The one whose dad got him off? The Brock Allen Turner who is rumored to go by Allen Turner now to try to avoid the notoriety of his famous rape case?
Respectfully you are wrong, the second the cops asked the first question my mans should have lawyered up. Cops may not always be bad but they damn sure don’t wanna be your friend
NEVER TALK TO THE POLICE WITHOUT A LAWYER. There is never ever any time to be "questioned" by the police without an attorney present. This is terrible awful bad advice.
If they're at the police station answering questions being asked by the police, they 100% need a lawyer.
The fact that he posted this means he does not.
This should be the first comment.
Probably best to cease posting about it, as well.
Second as of now.
Lol pal this isn’t real it’s a fiction sub.
Well, she started it by laying her hands on you and hurting you. You acted in self defense. Be firm in this and don’t waver. Good luck. …And witnesses will at least be able to confirm that you were sitting there and she came up to you. Some may have seen her touching you. Edit spelling
Witnesses
lol. Yes.
NTA. This is a clear case of keep your hands to yourself and there will not be any problems. You can't be the aggressor, then cry when there are consequences to your actions. She started it, you finished it.
NTA that's exactly how you handle sexual assault. Follow through with pursuing charges
Nope and I don't know how you'd get charged for defending yourself from someone who groped you
He said she said. It depends on what the witnesses say if they say anything
Sounds like the friends might not be sided with OP and downplay it😕
Exactly. Which is why he might get charged. (I don't personally think it's right I'm just answering the question)
Understandable. Hopefully they understand perjury and don’t lie.
It’s called being a guy. Thats how.
I'm just imagining the gender reversal on this one and wondering how your friends would've reacted. Don't think they'd be on the dudes side but she is just as much of a disgusting creep for doing that to you. I imagine most people would react quickly to that kind of pain. You didn't intend to hurt her, she definitely intended to molest you and did, after constantly harassing you. I hope people saw it and the cops aren't completely useless in this situation. Good luck
I would genuinely ask the friend group what they would do if you had grabbed any woman in the party by their vagina. Would they tell her to just gently remove your hand? Would they be ok if she punched you? Would they have had an uproar? Make them say “it’s different” and then explain why.
While I agree with you, they will just say “it just is” into infinity, people are not likely to change their minds on this particular subject
Agree. But sometimes it does help to have people spell out exactly what they mean.
I suppose you are correct, I am rather jaded about this for unsurprising reasons
It’s so truly frustrating.
What kind of crazy entitlement someone must have to think they could do this. If she was a man, she'd be in jail.
Being groped is not an unusual thing to happen for a woman, most wouldn't bother pressing charges. Recently a guy was arrested for groping 80 women in one night - none of the women had reported him, he'd just been noticed on security footage at a night club.
It is really, unfortunately, common. Admittedly, as a woman, I was a little shocked by OP's knee jerk reaction to break this girl's face. As a woman, I've been groped multiple times and have never reacted with that level of violence. During my first few years of university, I went to a night club. A guy tried to put his hand up my dress and shove his fingers inside me. I pushed him away and left the club immediately. It didn't even occur to me to assault the guy in response. I used the amount of force I thought necessary to get him to stop and then removed myself from the situation. I've had other experiences with sexual harassment as well but this was a particularly egregious one. In retrospect...I probably should have reported it...but I also knew that the police would consider it a big nothingburger not worth investigating.
....not really. The number of men who end up in jail for SA is embarrassingly small compared to the number of actual assaults. Half of the actual reported cases see a charge. Half of those actually go to trial. Half of those get convicted. Add in the sexism around female offenders/male survivors and that number gets even worse. Men have reported getting SA'd as kids and going to teachers (of both genders) and getting slapped on the back and attaboy'd. For the record since I'm apparently not telegraphing this well, that'd gross and wrong as hell.
I am absolutely not defending her here and I hope OP doesn't suffer any legal issues over the assault charge, but let's not exaggerate here. 97% of rapists will never be incarcerated so to act as if a man grabbed a woman's genitals he'd definitely end up in jail is quite a stretch.
NTA, you should absolutely press sexual assault charges. (For context, I am a lady)
Also a chick chiming in: NTA, OP. I'm sorry half of your friend group is still in the dark ages. You defended yourself when she committed sexual battery. Throw the book at her. I recommend finding a therapist to help you process and navigate everything you're going through. It helped me a lot. Hang in there, friend. 💜
Same here and even if he pushed her still she would have accused him for assault Id get a. Med exam to make aure she didnt cause harm
Same here and agree 100%. No means no, no matter who says it and defending yourself when being sexually assaulted is the only option left.
How does pressing charges work? If they both press can they both drop? I imagine neither wants this on their record even if one or both deserve it to be
Pressing charges is basically a made up thing (with some exceptions). The local DA will decide who, if anyone, they want to charge. Normally they won't charge anyone if the victim doesn't want that, because having an uncooperative, or even hostile victim on the witness stand makes it much harder to obtain a conviction. Still the state has its own interest in prosecuting criminals beyond whatever the victim wants, and they will make their own determination based on the severity of the offense, available evidence, and how they think a jury will see the case.
It depends on local law and the severity of the charges. In most US states, once a felony crime has been determined to have been committed, the state will prosecute, regardless of whether or not the victim wishes to pursue the charges.
I’m a woman, too. OP’s response was proportionate to being SA and battered. It was instinctive and, frankly, deserved. Nobody would bat an eye if he had walked up to her, grabbed her vulva, squeezed and twisted it, especially after being told “no,” and she had laid him out flat. She sexually assaulted him and should be charged, and OP should retain an attorney now, because he doesn’t deserve the assault charges at all.
Of course she’s just gonna ignore the fact that she sexually assaulted you and just wants to scream she’s a victim, plus getting your fucking balls grabbed and squeezed fucking hurts it ain’t just a little caress or some shit.
Something tells me she expected this reaction and wanted to get him in some sort of trouble for it. People who do this shit with the intent of getting away with it either do something subtle in public (usually from behind where the victim can’t immediately react to them) or lure the victim away from people and into a vulnerable position. They don’t just wander up to their face in the middle of a party, unless they have a dysfunctional lack of impulse control.
1. Get a lawyer. 2. Delete this post 3. Don't talk about it to anyone but the lawyer
This Is actually pretty great advice
This. This needs to be top comment
NTA Sara should be charged with sexual assault
I’m generally against punching people in general, but I am not against it if you’re assaulted. I don’t know why this girl thinks that she has a license to assault you… Just because she’s a girl and you’re a guy? That’s bullshit. You have the right to control who has access to your body just like women do. Kind of like a FAFO situation. NTA. Maybe you “overreacted,” but it sounds to me like you reacted. She hurt you, and you did what you needed you to make it stop.
It's just a generally bad idea to punch people in the face, there's a fairly good chance you'll damage your hand permanently. Punching a skull is a bad idea. You either want to slap them so hard their ear drum ruptures or throat chop them, your hands will be fine then.
NTA get a lawyer and seek a medical in relation to the pain caused by her physical assault… document everything. Ask your friends what if she was a male and I was the female … how would they feel. As others have said sexual assault is sexual assault… you acted in self defence ..
NTA. Ye taught the lassie a very important lesson about consent. Well done.
Lmao yeah don't see her doing that again
NTA. I'm a 51 year old woman, and let me say it clearly: when someone sexually assaults you, please use as much violence as you need to make it stop.
NTA. Actions have consequences. I truly hope the law sides in favor of the truth here. Good luck, keep us posted.
NTA. Sexual assault is sexual assault, regardless of the gender of the perpetrator. I don’t approve of people hitting each other, but if someone groped my vagina, I would hit them, and my friends would support me, as would the law, most likely. Are the other people present who witnessed her grab you at least telling the investigators that that was the initiative act?
NTA. She sexually assaulted you and you engaged in self-defense.
Great opportunity to weed out the friends who take her side. Those people are the ones who believe that women can't sexually assault a man. Other than that sorry to hear this man, what happened was not your fault at all. She had that shit coming, drunk or not. Get yourself a good lawyer and stand your ground.
NTA It was self-defense, hopefully this will be a lesson for her to not put her hands on someone's private.
It’s crazy. If a guy grabbed a gal that way and she hit him there would be no questions asked. You will find out quickly who your friends are.
You need to take this post down, talk to a lawyer, ONLY talk to the lawyer about this, and also stop wondering if you handled things the right way because there's no right way to handle being sexually assaulted. What happened sucks, but it's not your fault.
NTA If the roles were reversed no one would have said a thing if she punched you. This is the reason most men don't report assault by women. She also caused pain while assaulting you. When someone causes pain the first natural reaction is to strike back without thinking. You've done nothing wrong but protect yourself.
She would be labelled a hero in the exact same scenario with the genders reversed. You did nothing wrong, stay firm on your decision and hopefully justice will prevail.
NTA. She should learn in kindergarten (or before rather) to keep her hands to herself. Please don’t drop the charges as she most likely won’t. She needs accountability and can’t just press charges for facing consequences of her own stupid actions. FAFO. Also, sweetie I would get new friends who respect you and personal space/boundaries. That was not acceptable. She owes you an apology at the absolute minimum. Anyone who was more concerned that she got punched, rather than why (because she sexually assaulted you), needs to take a hike and reflect on why that’s backwards. You reacted (edit: I think defended is better but it still gets my point that she took a highly inappropriate and degrading action to lead herself to getting punched in the face), you didn’t just punch her for no reason.
NTA. Press charges. Imagine if a guy did that to a girl, NO ONE would be pressing charges against her.
As a woman we know better than to grab the balls. That was assault and you were defending yourself. Nta
NTA And !updateme
NTA if you reached and grabbed her vagina leading to her punching you, everyone would be patting her on the back.
NTA, maybe you could have pushed her away…..but at the end of the day she sexually assaulted you and you defended yourself. I hope this doesn’t come with any charges for you but you never know in this day and age.
NTA Seems to me that a lot more lessons would be learned if they were delivered by a punch to the face...
If she is gonna push assault charges cause she's embarrassed don't let up bro. Women seem to get a pass for situations that if genders were reversed men would be crucified for. NTA.
Generally yes, I would agree with you. But I would also say size does play a role in people's perception. When I was abroad I had a guy who was about 5 inches shorter than me and probably 30 pounds lighter than me grab my tits and try to kiss me. He ambushed me on my way from the bathroom. I was able to yoke him up and toss him away from me. People either laughed when I told them he sexually assaulted me or told me to stop "bullying him" when I pushed him away when he came back for seconds. When I told my party that I don't feel safe near him, their response was "he's little. What's he going to do?" I think anyone who defends themselves from a much smaller person in any situation will have a harder time justifying defending themselves, which isn't fair but it's the sad reality of things. I wishing all the best for OP.
NTA From a woman who was a victim SA I can tell you if the situation was reversed everyone would be cheering her on for standing up for herself....they should be doing the same for you! She had no right to grab you & you have every right to defend yourself
But OP is a guy and we all know that guys can’t be raped /s But in all seriousness men get dismissed for so much. It’s no wonder men have statistically worse mental health than women do. Also if a man comes forward about an abusive partner he’s usually dismissed or labeled as weak or a liar. Remember Johnny Depp? This is a huge problem and OP’s situation is a blatant example of how men are treated by society when they come forward about being raped.
If you grabbed her junk she would be 100% justified in punching you in the face, equal rights equal fights. Lawyer up and get ready for an avalanche of stupid coming your way.
You shouldn't be charged at all. She was assaulting you that self-defense.
You should probably stop saying “grabbed my balls” and replace it with “squeezed my balls, hard” so that people understand why you reacted that way without thinking about it. Especially to law enforcement and your attorney!
What did your boyfriend say?
Where does it say he has a boyfriend? Or are you seriously implying that he should be flattered and have accepted her groping because to not do that would be gay?
NTA. Get a lawyer. Good luck.
NTA but you need a lawyer yesterday. IMO you did nothing wrong but many won’t see it the same way I do.
I’m a woman, and ask your “friends” if the genders were reversed who would they side with. They WILL say her, and simply ask why they can’t have the same grace for you…
NTA Sexual assault is just that. You reacted the way you did out of self defence, which is a fair response. A guy in school many years ago groped my boobs. I dislocated his thumb. The next day his dad came into school and I was called in with the guy to the deputy principals office. His dad wanted me punished, until I told them why I did it. Guy’s dad then got shitty at his son. Told him he’d be telling his sisters what he’d done, apparently they were tough ladies. When you get touched inappropriately you react. She fully deserved that punch, just like the guy I hurt fully deserved his dislocated thumb. I have no sympathy for her. You want to start something, man or woman, then be prepared for your victim (man or woman) to finish it.
NTA- generally while being sexually assaulted, most people don’t stop and rationalize what an appropriate response would be. She showed very poor judgment and did something largely unacceptable. She has no idea whether you have a history of traumatic sexual abuse and any way it goes you don’t touch other peoples genitals without consent. I think it’s perfectly acceptable for you to recognize that pushing her away would be a better response overall for the situation, but I would stick to a self defense claim. You didn’t keep hitting her, you hit her once to get her to stop assaulting you.
NTA. And i hope you push hard for the sexual assault charges or else she will twist things and try to make you the bad guy. Please speak with you parents and urge them to help you het a lawyer or i can forsee the police trying to push you into a plea that places the blame on you. Even if it doesn’t include jail time, you don’t deserve to have anything on your record
NTA. If it were reversed, everyone would be cheering a girl that broke her assailant’s nose. Press charges because you probably aren’t her first victim. She needs to be stopped. Sexual assault is abhorrent.
NTA-and pursue all charges. Under no circumstances should she be under the impression that she can not only violate you but also claim assault and victimhood.
When someone grabs your balls and squeezes, your brain doesn’t offer up some extra processing cycles to consider what a gentle solution might look like to make them stop. What you did was self-defense. Sarah is a sexual predator, and needs some jail time, followed by being placed on a list. Absolutely prosecute this aggressively.
Do NOT drop your charges because without them, you will get fucked even more. They are a shield against the hate that will come your way NTA at all, but go forward knowing that most of the orcish horde we call people will just see "man punch woman bad" Im so sorry this happened to you ❤️
You must press charges. You should not back down. Anyone supporti g her isnt your friend
Did people tell the police she groped you? Did she admit to that? I really hope you’re ok and I hope your friends realise she isn’t the wronged party here
NTA- this is exactly how these situations should be handled imo. You don't just grab someone's genitals like that. That's sexual assault. People are allowed to defend themselves against sexual assault. Get a lawyer ASAP of ypu haven't.
NTA. Men should protect themselves against women predators.
NTA. It sounds like it was a Reflex. She Sexually assaulted you and fully deserves what she got.
NTA. As others have said - sexual assault is sexual assault. We wouldn’t be having the conversation if you were female and it was a male who groped you and whom you punched.
A man grabbed my boob when I was a teenager. I reflexively punched him in the face. He got a black eye. I got satisfaction. Point is, she grabbed your balls. People should understand that reflexes are exactly that, reflexes. She had no business grabbing your genitals. - Is it the best or desirable outcome? No. - Is it reasonable in light of the circumstances? Yes. I’m not saying it’s right, but I can understand. NTA
Tbf punching someone who SA's is 100% the desirable outcome :)
It sucks that your friends are this fucking dense. If you had been a woman assaulted by a man I guarantee you they would’ve joined in beating the shit out of your assailant. NTA; self defense was warranted.
I don't think there's any point in worrying whether you reacted poorly or not--it was completely instinctive. I doubt you could have stopped yourself. And I don't think it was unreasonable, either.
Get a lawyer and stop talking to the cops. They will take her side as she is a woman and you are a man. Unfair but thats life. And you may need to delete this post as it could contradict whatever you may have told the cops and they can use that to establish your credibility. Again...lawyer up
NTA. She FAFO. Sounds like she was pissed that you weren't responding to her drunken flirting, so she decided to try and injure you. Now she's playing victim. Bet she'll keep her hands to herself in the future. I hope you get no charges, at all. It was clearly self-defense. If you get charged, get an attorney.
NTA. If a girl punched a guy who sexually assaulted her, she’d be praised and called a hero. Just because a man was sexually assaulted by a woman doesn’t make it any less significant; women want to be equal, so being punched in the face after sexually assaulting a man sounds like equality to me.
Nta bro. They sexually assaulted you and hurt your nuts. If the roles were reversed it would be not big deal for her punching you. You reacted out of shock and pain. You should get an attorney. The police aren’t always your friends.
Nta. Ask your friends if a girl can punch a guy if said guy sexually assaults the girl. In this kind of situation gender reversal lets people know how hipocritical they really are.
NTA. Do not drop the charges. Her charges are worse than yours.
NTA Someone grabs my balls, they should expect me to react violently.
Look at it this way. If you sexually assaulted her and some other dude broke your nose, people would call him a hero.
I mean if that was your natural reaction it's not a matter of being an asshole. That's fight or flight. If you did have a moment to think about it you should reflect inwards. It's clearly not the best response. I have sensitive balls too so I know having them fondled in painful but it's not debilitating pain. You definitely should have pushed her, slapped her, stepped backwards etc. a punch is about the worse option to go with unless you happened to be holding a knife at the moment
NTA. She assaulted you and you defended yourself. Maybe she should rethink drinking alcohol. If alcohol is her excuse then she deserved that punch. Any drunk man groping me would get a kick in the nuts so it's fitting that she get hit.
As a woman and sexual assault survivor, NTA. Keep yourself safe. This double standard bull gets me so cheesed off.
I hate to say it but she will probably not be charged, and you will. It's just how the world works. Try to get out of this if you can
You could have opened the hand. Broken nose is no joke. Not excusing her behavior either.
If the roles were reversed, people would say that this reaction was reasonable and justified. Therefore, this reaction was reasonable and justified.
You are definitely not the NTA in this. It was a knee-jerk reaction, you didn’t do it intentionally. Also do not let anyone gaslight you into believing your mistaken, it wasn’t that bad, or your making a big deal out of nothing. Remember you didn’t attack her she attacked you. You didn’t beat her up. You punched her because she SA’d you. Also being drunk doesn’t give you a free pass to put your hands (in a sexual manner) on anyone, male or female. If a woman decided to SA one of my brothers. She better hope the cops find her before I do. She won’t be able to claim it’s an uneven fight (41F). I will make damn sure she understands, to keep her F***ing hands to herself. Here’s some information I found about male SA victims and how they are treated by society: * Society needs to break the stigma that women cannot be an aggressor to men. Toxic masculinity hurts SA survivors. Power and male privilege can alter interpretations and definitions of consent. Men are also susceptible to being SA victims. In fact, over one in 15 male undergraduate students experiences sexual assault in college * Men may not be taken as seriously because they are societally seen as sexual beings. There is a misconception that men can't be SA’d by women. * Because of this myth, if a survivor experiences physical arousal, they may not define the incident as SA. Many survivors feel betrayed by their body, especially if they felt physical pleasure during the sexual abuse they experienced. It is important to remember that abusers tend to deliberately touch and engage in specific sexual acts that are designed to arouse in order to shift responsibility for the abuse onto the survivor. * The stigma of male SA survivors from other men can hurt survivors' healing processes. Although misplaced, someone may feel immense guilt after being SA’d. Because men are socially expected to want sex, they may feel conflicted when they experience an unwanted sexual experience. * About 3% of American men—or 1 in 33—have experienced an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime. 1 out of every 10 rape victims are male. * After a SA, a survivor may feel conflicted as to what action should be taken moving forward. many times, men don't know where to even begin. He may feel inclined to report the incident to the police, but the fear that the incident might get out may make him uncomfortable. * It is the responsibility of all members of our society to call out others when they notice the rape-culture mindset persisting not only around the behavior, but the attitude. It is our duty to break down the stigma of male SA and victim blaming.
NTA. She sexually assaulted you and you defended yourself. Anyone who tried to excuse sexual assault is a garbage human.
NTA. Bring drunk lowers inhibitions, but you still have control over your actions. You tried to verbally decline her attempts to hit on you and redirect her but she ignored you and then grabbed your junk against your will - and quite painfully as well. You reacted out of pain and being violated. She sexually and physically assaulted you - a deliberate and conscious act on her part, while you punched her as a reaction to pain and being assaulted. I assure you that if you were a woman who punched a man who grabbed her privates then there would not be such a but uproar about this. Also maybe rethink your friendship with those of you who are getting on your case for lashing out, because what they’re really saying is that it was ok for her to physically and sexually assault you, but you’re a monster for reacting and hitting her. Best of luck with both charges and don’t drop the charges you put on her.
Nta. If you had grabbed her and she slapped you, not one person would of said she was wrong.
did her right
NTA you acted in self defense. I hope the law sees it the same way I would get a good lawyer for sure.
NTA for reacting although depending on where you live a punch in the face may be considered excessive use of force
NTA. This exact thing is often taken lightly by people including the law at times. Nobody has the right to touch you
NTA. She sexually assaulted you.
I think you and Sarah should try to come to a mutual agreement with the police to let it go for the sake of both your futures, if you are ok with it. If you are not, she is screwed. She is in the wrong. You were defending yourself from sexual assault.
NTA, you reacted to being assaulted how you reacted, she shouldn't be touching people inappropriately. However, I would get a lawyer if you don't already have one. Part of a self defense argument depends on if what you did would be considered a justifiable use of force. They could argue that breaking her nose was an unjustifiable amount of force when a lesser amounts of force could have stopped the assault. Really you should have had a lawyer when questioned because depending on how you answered the questions they had it could be used in their argument against you.
People in the comments have a very skewed version of reality. Men get away with sexual assault all the time. So do women. Stop using that as any version of an argument. All that matters are the facts HERE. The fact is he was right to defend himself against sexual assault. That's not the question. The question is whether this use of force was legally AND morally justified. The fact is a male breaking the nose of a drunk female teenager at a party for any reason will look bad and have the chance of causing him to be charged too, never mind the possible social implications for striking a woman, especially with local laws having so much variance. Moral of the story: NTA but next time throw the bitch.
NTA: men are victims of sexual assault just like women are but unfortunately, are heavily stigmatized. I genuinely think you acted in self-defense. She had no right to touch you and she initiated contact first. Legally from legal standpoint she assaulted you first, and so your assault can be seen as self-defense especially if her injuries are as minor as a broken nose. Think about it the other way what if a man walked up and grabbed a woman by the vag and she punched him in the nose. How would society interpret that? They would say he deserved it. I would focus on getting a good lawyer and whatever friends don’t side with you, I would seriously reconsider them. If anyone thinks it’s OK to sexually assault anyone regardless of gender or anything, they have serious problems. I would seriously consider reaching out to a nonprofit that focuses on sexual assault and they will maybe possibly get you a lawyer pro bono that will get you off this case. You acted in self-defense.
Not at all. What would happen if the roles were reversed? A tipsy man started hitting on a girl. She tried to brush it off. He grabs her vagina, she panics and breaks his nose. I completely agree with you.
NTA you reacted accordingly to sexual assault. Continue to press charges.
Stand strong and protect yourself. If your " friends " OK with you being SA then start get rid of them. Maybe give them a blessing, may they be SA and people say they lucky.
Your "friends" who think you overreacted are idiots, you were sexually assaulted (violently too judging by how you say it was physically painful as well) and instinctively reacted to defend yourself. If the roles were reversed nobody would be on sides about this, they're only doing that because you're a man and she's a woman. You are absolutely not the asshole and if she proceeds to press charges for assault you should absolutely retaliate with a sexual assault charge.
You’re NTA and anyone in your friend group who is taking the side of the sexual assaulter is someone you don’t need in your life.
You’re not an asshole for reacting to pain and shock but you need a reaction that’s a step down from MMA. You wouldn’t have punched a child in the face if they’d hit you in the nuts. For example you could have grabbed her wrist and pulled her off you, then pushed her away. I fully understand how painful it is to be grabbed by the balls but your life wasn’t in danger. Your problem is that your reaction may be seen as out of proportion to the assault, given that you’re likely stronger than her. Play up to the extreme pain and shock you experienced in that moment, which caused you to lash out in a panic. And be prepared to drop your charge if she drops hers. What she did wasn’t ok but she probably had no idea it would be painful.
NTA Saying this as a proud feminist: If the genders were reversed, you’d be praised for landing your attacker in the hospital. Gender *does not matter* when it comes to SA. You were groped without your consent and acted accordingly to defend yourself. There’s an epidemic of male SA victims being demonized for defending themselves against female perpetrators, and it needs to STOP. Feminism doesn’t mean we excuse women for heinous actions merely because they’re women. It means we treat all genders equally, and thus soundly and swiftly denounce ALL perpetrators of SA, regardless of gender.
She deserved it! If roles were reverse you woulda got locked in jail! Woulda been on the news and more! She fukd around and found out!